1 00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:04,917 Hey. 2 00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:06,006 Hey. 3 00:00:06,093 --> 00:00:07,529 What you working on? 4 00:00:07,616 --> 00:00:09,226 Anything interesting? 5 00:00:09,313 --> 00:00:10,358 Yeah, actually. 6 00:00:10,445 --> 00:00:12,186 I'm-I'm building a new algorithm 7 00:00:12,273 --> 00:00:13,187 that weights search results... 8 00:00:13,274 --> 00:00:15,232 I'm gonna get laid. 9 00:00:15,319 --> 00:00:18,453 Congratulations. Which hand are you going to use? 10 00:00:18,540 --> 00:00:21,456 That's, uh... that's funny. 11 00:00:21,543 --> 00:00:23,458 Because, um, you know, if someone were to look 12 00:00:23,545 --> 00:00:25,242 at the two of us, 13 00:00:25,329 --> 00:00:27,027 they'd probably think I'd be the one sitting home 14 00:00:27,114 --> 00:00:29,246 on a Friday night babbling on about some geek nonsense, 15 00:00:29,333 --> 00:00:30,856 and you'd be the one going out to, 16 00:00:30,943 --> 00:00:33,729 you know, get laid. 17 00:00:33,816 --> 00:00:36,732 Who's the "lucky lady"? 18 00:00:36,819 --> 00:00:37,559 Lyndsey is the lucky... 19 00:00:37,646 --> 00:00:39,256 getting "laid-y." 20 00:00:39,343 --> 00:00:42,042 Doesn't it bother you that after she's with you, 21 00:00:42,129 --> 00:00:43,869 she goes home to her more handsome, 22 00:00:43,956 --> 00:00:45,262 successful boyfriend? 23 00:00:45,349 --> 00:00:46,133 Why? I do the same thing. 24 00:00:51,007 --> 00:00:53,314 How did Lyndsey end up with him? 25 00:00:53,401 --> 00:00:54,924 Well, how did Iend up with him? 26 00:00:55,011 --> 00:00:56,969 Hey, Walden. 27 00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,971 Hey. 28 00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,973 Michaela, Heidi, Sarah, this is Walden. 29 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:03,106 He's super hot, super rich and super single. 30 00:01:03,193 --> 00:01:06,979 These are my friends, and we are all super high. 31 00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:08,068 Nice to meet you. 32 00:01:08,155 --> 00:01:10,331 Hi. Nice house. 33 00:01:10,418 --> 00:01:13,160 [laughing]: I am so wasted. 34 00:01:14,378 --> 00:01:15,814 What are you guys doing tonight? 35 00:01:15,901 --> 00:01:17,338 Oh, we're gonna play poker. 36 00:01:17,425 --> 00:01:18,556 You want to join? 37 00:01:18,643 --> 00:01:20,080 Yeah, come play with us! 38 00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:23,387 It'll be fun.I am so wasted. 39 00:01:23,474 --> 00:01:26,608 You know what, I-I actually have a lot of work to do, 40 00:01:26,695 --> 00:01:28,262 and need to get to bed early, but... 41 00:01:28,349 --> 00:01:29,741 you guys have fun. 42 00:01:29,828 --> 00:01:32,048 [gasps] We should play strip poker. 43 00:01:32,135 --> 00:01:33,919 Yes. 44 00:01:34,006 --> 00:01:36,008 All right, ante up. 45 00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:40,143 ♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men ♪ 46 00:01:40,230 --> 00:01:42,014 ♪ Ah. ♪ ♪ Men. ♪ ♪ Men. ♪ 47 00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,458 Hey. 48 00:01:50,545 --> 00:01:52,373 All right, let's get it over with. 49 00:01:52,460 --> 00:01:56,072 Tell me all the disturbing details of how you "got laid." 50 00:01:56,159 --> 00:01:57,943 She never showed. 51 00:01:58,030 --> 00:02:00,511 She couldn't get away from Larry, so I spent half the night 52 00:02:00,598 --> 00:02:04,472 waiting for her in the parking lot of an ampm. 53 00:02:04,559 --> 00:02:07,649 Wow, I'm actually enjoying one of your stories. 54 00:02:07,736 --> 00:02:09,346 Please, continue. 55 00:02:09,433 --> 00:02:11,435 But on the plus side, 56 00:02:11,522 --> 00:02:14,090 at 12:01, all the donuts became half price. 57 00:02:14,177 --> 00:02:16,745 By 12:19, I-I had made friends with the guy 58 00:02:16,832 --> 00:02:18,660 who lives in the men's room, Raul. 59 00:02:18,747 --> 00:02:22,359 Is he looking for a roommate? 60 00:02:22,446 --> 00:02:23,534 You laugh, but he actually turned the changing table 61 00:02:23,621 --> 00:02:26,407 into a Murphy bed. 62 00:02:26,494 --> 00:02:28,844 I'm sorry, but if I remember correctly, 63 00:02:28,931 --> 00:02:30,280 last night, you were pretty sure 64 00:02:30,367 --> 00:02:32,587 that you were going to "get laid." 65 00:02:34,284 --> 00:02:35,590 But, in fact, you didn't "get laid." 66 00:02:35,677 --> 00:02:37,635 Are you done? 67 00:02:37,722 --> 00:02:40,029 Are you done not "getting laid"? 68 00:02:40,116 --> 00:02:41,422 [sighs] 69 00:02:41,509 --> 00:02:42,901 Seriously, why are you doing this? 70 00:02:42,988 --> 00:02:44,381 Because I get to have sex with Lyndsey. 71 00:02:44,468 --> 00:02:46,122 But you didn't have sex. 72 00:02:46,209 --> 00:02:47,863 You ended up shame-eating stale donuts 73 00:02:47,950 --> 00:02:50,996 and talking to a homeless guy in a men's room. 74 00:02:51,083 --> 00:02:53,869 They were not stale, and Raul has a name. 75 00:02:53,956 --> 00:02:55,653 You can't let Lyndsey treat you like this. 76 00:02:55,740 --> 00:02:57,002 You deserve better. 77 00:02:57,089 --> 00:02:59,527 I know. Raul said the same thing. 78 00:02:59,614 --> 00:03:02,530 Well, I had a great night last night. 79 00:03:02,617 --> 00:03:04,314 I ended up playing strip poker 80 00:03:04,401 --> 00:03:06,098 with four incredibly beautiful women. 81 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,970 Oh, yeah, I've been on that site. 82 00:03:08,057 --> 00:03:10,407 No, it was Jenny and her friends. 83 00:03:10,494 --> 00:03:11,495 What a sec, is that the charge on my card 84 00:03:11,582 --> 00:03:14,759 for TexasSqueezeEm.com? 85 00:03:17,675 --> 00:03:19,895 Wait, you played strip poker with my niece? 86 00:03:19,982 --> 00:03:21,940 She was the dealer. 87 00:03:22,027 --> 00:03:23,986 But she did flop a great pair. 88 00:03:24,073 --> 00:03:26,249 Walden, Jenny is family. 89 00:03:26,336 --> 00:03:27,685 If you cross that line, 90 00:03:27,772 --> 00:03:29,296 I am not gonna be your friend anymore. 91 00:03:29,383 --> 00:03:30,862 I mean, I'm still gonna live here, 92 00:03:30,949 --> 00:03:32,386 but I'm not gonna be your friend anymore. 93 00:03:32,473 --> 00:03:34,170 Relax, it was harmless fun. 94 00:03:34,257 --> 00:03:35,650 JENNY: Hey! 95 00:03:35,737 --> 00:03:37,913 Look who's got his clothes on.Uh... 96 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:39,523 I had clothes on last night. 97 00:03:39,610 --> 00:03:41,133 Yeah, you were wearing a sock. 98 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,658 And not on your foot. 99 00:03:43,745 --> 00:03:45,355 It looked like Santa filled 100 00:03:45,442 --> 00:03:48,184 a stocking at Elton John's house. 101 00:03:48,271 --> 00:03:49,751 "Harmless fun"? 102 00:03:49,838 --> 00:03:52,232 No, she did not see Bennie or the Jets. 103 00:03:54,059 --> 00:03:55,800 Hey, we're gonna hang out again tonight 104 00:03:55,887 --> 00:03:57,802 if you want to join us.Yeah, sure. 105 00:03:57,889 --> 00:03:59,413 Cool. I'll see you at 11:00. 106 00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:00,544 What, 11:00? 107 00:04:00,631 --> 00:04:01,632 What is it, New Year's Eve? 108 00:04:01,719 --> 00:04:03,025 [laughs] 109 00:04:03,112 --> 00:04:03,808 Bring your sock. 110 00:04:06,028 --> 00:04:08,378 You're not really going out with them, are you? 111 00:04:08,465 --> 00:04:10,337 Is this about Jenny? Will you stop it? 112 00:04:10,424 --> 00:04:12,687 I'm not the creepy guy who wants to sleep with your niece. 113 00:04:12,774 --> 00:04:15,298 I'm the creepy guy who wants to sleep 114 00:04:15,385 --> 00:04:16,908 with your niece's friends. 115 00:04:16,995 --> 00:04:18,606 And don't you think that's a little sad? 116 00:04:18,693 --> 00:04:20,695 I mean, a 35-year-old man hanging out with a bunch 117 00:04:20,782 --> 00:04:23,437 of hot young girls who just want to drink, party, get naked... 118 00:04:23,524 --> 00:04:25,003 and anything I say after this point 119 00:04:25,090 --> 00:04:26,744 doesn't really matter, does it? 120 00:04:26,831 --> 00:04:27,963 It doesn't. 121 00:04:28,050 --> 00:04:29,878 I've never had this in my life. 122 00:04:29,965 --> 00:04:32,097 Wh-When I was her age, I'd already dropped out of M.I.T., 123 00:04:32,184 --> 00:04:34,143 gotten married and started my own business. 124 00:04:34,230 --> 00:04:35,753 I was delivering pizza, going to junior college 125 00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:38,103 and dating a melon. 126 00:04:38,190 --> 00:04:41,106 Oh, God! 127 00:04:41,193 --> 00:04:43,413 I called her my little honeydew. 128 00:04:47,809 --> 00:04:48,810 Walden? 129 00:04:48,897 --> 00:04:49,941 I'm up. Let's party. 130 00:04:50,028 --> 00:04:53,684 Jagerbombs, bottle service. 131 00:04:53,771 --> 00:04:56,078 What's going on? I thought you were going out with the girls. 132 00:04:56,165 --> 00:04:57,819 I am, but not until 11:00. 133 00:04:57,906 --> 00:05:01,605 What is it... 9:00? 134 00:05:01,692 --> 00:05:03,215 How can I be so sleepy? 135 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:06,262 I've already had two naps and three Red Bulls. 136 00:05:06,349 --> 00:05:08,656 Uh, my brother Charlie had a great trick for staying awake. 137 00:05:08,743 --> 00:05:10,788 Two hookers and an eight ball. 138 00:05:10,875 --> 00:05:12,616 I'll pass. 139 00:05:12,703 --> 00:05:14,183 What's with the bag? 140 00:05:14,270 --> 00:05:15,880 Oh, my God, are you moving in with Raul? 141 00:05:18,230 --> 00:05:20,581 No, Lyndsey felt guilty about last night 142 00:05:20,668 --> 00:05:22,191 and Larry is on a business trip, 143 00:05:22,278 --> 00:05:24,193 so she is treating me to a romantic rendezvous 144 00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:25,847 at a four-star hotel at the beach. 145 00:05:25,934 --> 00:05:27,849 Oh, come on, man. 146 00:05:27,936 --> 00:05:28,806 She's treating you like a piece of meat. 147 00:05:28,893 --> 00:05:31,809 I know, it's great. 148 00:05:31,896 --> 00:05:34,986 Plus, I have already masturbated so I can hit the sweet spot 149 00:05:35,073 --> 00:05:38,250 between "you're done already?" and "enough already." 150 00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:40,514 Enough already. 151 00:05:40,601 --> 00:05:41,776 Don't worry, I'll talk to her. 152 00:05:41,863 --> 00:05:43,081 Okay, well, good luck. 153 00:05:43,168 --> 00:05:44,692 And give Lyndsey my best. 154 00:05:44,779 --> 00:05:46,650 Sure, right after I give her my best. 155 00:05:46,737 --> 00:05:47,782 Boo-ya! 156 00:05:52,308 --> 00:05:53,831 Hi. 157 00:05:53,918 --> 00:05:55,833 Oh, so you did decide to show up tonight. 158 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:59,054 I know. Sorry I'm late. 159 00:05:59,141 --> 00:06:00,577 It's fine. 160 00:06:00,664 --> 00:06:03,406 You just turned happy hour into miffed hour. 161 00:06:03,493 --> 00:06:06,409 And four-dollar pot stickers into eight-dollar pot stickers. 162 00:06:06,496 --> 00:06:09,020 Well, the important thing is I'm here now, 163 00:06:09,107 --> 00:06:10,718 and you look really nice tonight. 164 00:06:10,805 --> 00:06:12,328 Did you do something different with your hair? 165 00:06:12,415 --> 00:06:13,416 You don't have to flatter me. 166 00:06:13,503 --> 00:06:15,810 You know I'm gonna give it up. 167 00:06:15,897 --> 00:06:17,899 But we do need to talk. 168 00:06:17,986 --> 00:06:20,031 I said I was sorry. 169 00:06:20,118 --> 00:06:21,468 It's not just that; it's everything. 170 00:06:21,555 --> 00:06:22,991 It's the... it's the sneaking around, 171 00:06:23,078 --> 00:06:25,907 it's the curt texts, it's the going Dutch. 172 00:06:25,994 --> 00:06:28,388 Alan, you know this is complicated. 173 00:06:28,475 --> 00:06:29,389 I have a boyfriend. 174 00:06:29,476 --> 00:06:30,738 Yes, and I have feelings. 175 00:06:30,825 --> 00:06:32,087 And I am feeling disrespected. 176 00:06:32,174 --> 00:06:34,872 I hear you, and I will work harder 177 00:06:34,959 --> 00:06:37,745 to make sure that you don't feel taken for granted. 178 00:06:37,832 --> 00:06:39,355 Thank you. 179 00:06:39,442 --> 00:06:42,010 Now, why don't we go up to our room 180 00:06:42,097 --> 00:06:44,404 and respectfully disrespect each other? 181 00:06:44,491 --> 00:06:46,362 Ooh, someone wants a spanking. 182 00:06:46,449 --> 00:06:47,711 I know. 183 00:06:47,798 --> 00:06:49,409 Can it be me this time? 184 00:06:49,496 --> 00:06:51,628 Oh, yeah, we can play naughty school girl 185 00:06:51,715 --> 00:06:53,456 and no-nonsense math teacher. 186 00:06:53,543 --> 00:06:54,718 Oh, no. 187 00:06:54,805 --> 00:06:57,939 Oh, yes, 138 divided by two is 69. 188 00:06:58,026 --> 00:06:58,896 No. 189 00:06:58,983 --> 00:07:00,724 It's Stephanie Chapman. 190 00:07:00,811 --> 00:07:01,986 Shh. Maybe she won't see us. 191 00:07:02,073 --> 00:07:03,901 Lyndsey, Alan! 192 00:07:03,988 --> 00:07:06,034 Stephanie, hi. 193 00:07:06,121 --> 00:07:08,297 Oh, wow, uh, l-look at you, you look great. 194 00:07:08,384 --> 00:07:11,866 I should. I got the Lap-Band, and I dropped 172 pounds. 195 00:07:11,953 --> 00:07:13,041 Oh.Good for you. 196 00:07:13,128 --> 00:07:14,695 Hold your applause till the end. 197 00:07:14,782 --> 00:07:14,869 This is the end. 198 00:07:17,132 --> 00:07:18,350 So, what are you two doing here? 199 00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:19,482 Oh, well...There... 200 00:07:19,569 --> 00:07:21,092 Are you guys back together? 201 00:07:21,179 --> 00:07:22,616 No, no, we're just...Did you split up with Larry? 202 00:07:22,703 --> 00:07:23,355 No, Alan and I are just friends and... 203 00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:24,922 Wine, hotel? 204 00:07:25,009 --> 00:07:26,968 [singsongy]: I smell a hookup. 205 00:07:27,055 --> 00:07:29,797 Oh, we are... we are definitely not together. 206 00:07:29,884 --> 00:07:33,061 Wh-What you smell are eight-dollar pot stickers. 207 00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,194 So, wh-what brings you here? 208 00:07:36,281 --> 00:07:38,980 Uh, there is a singles' mixer, and this former fatty 209 00:07:39,067 --> 00:07:41,548 is looking for a sugar daddy. 210 00:07:41,635 --> 00:07:43,593 Make sure he's a-a sugar-free daddy. 211 00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:45,029 [giggles] 212 00:07:45,116 --> 00:07:47,641 You are adorable. I could just eat you up. 213 00:07:47,728 --> 00:07:50,295 I don't know, I'd probably just taste like chicken. 214 00:07:50,382 --> 00:07:54,125 Mmm, I'll bring the biscuits and you bring the gravy. 215 00:07:56,737 --> 00:07:58,782 Okay, I'm gonna leave you two "friends" alone. 216 00:07:58,869 --> 00:08:02,612 Hashtag "suspicious." 217 00:08:02,699 --> 00:08:03,961 Great seeing you. 218 00:08:04,048 --> 00:08:04,962 You, too.Oh, take care. 219 00:08:05,049 --> 00:08:06,268 I know you're gonna hate 220 00:08:06,355 --> 00:08:07,835 to see me go, but you're gonna love 221 00:08:07,922 --> 00:08:10,359 watching me walk away. 222 00:08:10,446 --> 00:08:12,404 Oh, God. 223 00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:14,232 She is the most annoying woman on the planet. 224 00:08:14,319 --> 00:08:15,799 Yeah, she is horrible. 225 00:08:15,886 --> 00:08:17,192 You have to go out with her. 226 00:08:17,279 --> 00:08:18,280 Hmm? What? 227 00:08:18,367 --> 00:08:19,281 She totally suspects 228 00:08:19,368 --> 00:08:20,978 we're having an affair. 229 00:08:21,065 --> 00:08:22,110 The only way to convince her we're not a couple 230 00:08:22,197 --> 00:08:23,241 is for you to ask her out. 231 00:08:23,328 --> 00:08:24,547 No. 232 00:08:24,634 --> 00:08:25,896 Forget her stomach. 233 00:08:25,983 --> 00:08:26,941 They should've stapled her mouth shut. 234 00:08:27,028 --> 00:08:28,812 That's exactly the problem. 235 00:08:28,899 --> 00:08:30,422 She'll tell Larry. 236 00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,468 Oh-oh, no, no, there-there has to be an easier way. 237 00:08:32,555 --> 00:08:33,861 Can't I just kill her? 238 00:08:33,948 --> 00:08:36,298 It'd be a much smaller grave to dig now. 239 00:08:36,385 --> 00:08:38,822 I'm serious, if you ever want to have sex with me again, 240 00:08:38,909 --> 00:08:40,128 you will ask her out. 241 00:08:40,215 --> 00:08:41,042 Oh, fine, fine, I'll-I'll ask her out. 242 00:08:41,129 --> 00:08:42,913 Now let's go upstairs. 243 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,436 Oh, it's not gonna happen. 244 00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:45,437 She's right over there. 245 00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:46,700 I'm going home. 246 00:08:46,787 --> 00:08:47,352 But-but I thought we were gonna... 247 00:08:47,439 --> 00:08:49,529 Good-bye. 248 00:08:50,617 --> 00:08:52,532 [huffs] 249 00:09:05,370 --> 00:09:08,156 [laughter, clamoring] 250 00:09:08,243 --> 00:09:11,551 Wow, this is a beautiful house! 251 00:09:11,638 --> 00:09:12,247 Who lives here? 252 00:09:12,334 --> 00:09:14,379 You do. 253 00:09:14,466 --> 00:09:16,643 Whoa, I must be rich! 254 00:09:16,730 --> 00:09:18,079 You are. 255 00:09:18,166 --> 00:09:19,384 Oh, yeah! 256 00:09:19,471 --> 00:09:21,691 Whoa, my fingers are glowing! 257 00:09:21,778 --> 00:09:25,260 I'm so rich I have rainbow fingers! 258 00:09:25,347 --> 00:09:27,305 Hey, let's get some music going. 259 00:09:27,392 --> 00:09:28,742 Yeah!Yeah! 260 00:09:28,829 --> 00:09:30,787 Oh! 261 00:09:30,874 --> 00:09:34,008 This is the greatest song I've ever heard! 262 00:09:34,095 --> 00:09:36,401 Walden? Jenny? 263 00:09:36,488 --> 00:09:37,489 It-it's 3:00 in the morning. 264 00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:39,970 I know, and I'm still awake! 265 00:09:40,057 --> 00:09:42,582 And I'm still wasted! 266 00:09:42,669 --> 00:09:44,801 Oh, no, your fingers aren't glowing! 267 00:09:44,888 --> 00:09:45,976 Oh, that's because he's poor. 268 00:09:48,239 --> 00:09:51,242 Oh, I am sorry, Alan. 269 00:09:51,329 --> 00:09:53,462 Whoa! 270 00:09:53,549 --> 00:09:55,377 Your skin is so soft. 271 00:09:55,464 --> 00:09:56,944 Guys, feel Alan's skin. It's so soft. 272 00:09:57,031 --> 00:09:59,163 Whoa!It's so soft. 273 00:09:59,250 --> 00:10:00,556 It's so soft.Okay, okay, okay! 274 00:10:00,643 --> 00:10:01,949 Everybody stop touching me. 275 00:10:02,036 --> 00:10:03,428 Except you. 276 00:10:04,647 --> 00:10:05,430 Hi. I'm Alan. 277 00:10:05,517 --> 00:10:08,999 Alan, I'm high. 278 00:10:09,086 --> 00:10:10,174 What-what is going on? 279 00:10:10,261 --> 00:10:12,699 Oh, Alan, we were at a party, 280 00:10:12,786 --> 00:10:14,439 and we were drinking and smoking, 281 00:10:14,526 --> 00:10:17,529 and then I ate a tiny pill off of someone's nipple. 282 00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,444 It was like a nipple Pez dispenser. 283 00:10:19,531 --> 00:10:21,882 Okay, okay, it's time for the party to end, 284 00:10:21,969 --> 00:10:23,231 and everybody to just sleep this off. 285 00:10:23,318 --> 00:10:25,233 Yeah, Alan's right. 286 00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:28,018 We should get naked and go skinny-dipping in the ocean! 287 00:10:28,105 --> 00:10:29,585 Yeah, Sarah's right. Come on. 288 00:10:29,672 --> 00:10:32,153 [women whooping] 289 00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:35,722 Ha-ha! Yes! 290 00:10:39,116 --> 00:10:41,771 He's going skinny-dipping with the hot chicks, 291 00:10:41,858 --> 00:10:44,644 and my girlfriend's banging another dude. 292 00:10:44,731 --> 00:10:46,820 Can you throw me a bone, God? 293 00:10:46,907 --> 00:10:48,212 [thumping nearby] 294 00:10:48,299 --> 00:10:50,345 Oh, I didn't forget about you, Alan. 295 00:10:50,432 --> 00:10:52,913 There's a new melon in the fridge. 296 00:11:03,097 --> 00:11:05,969 [chuckles] 297 00:11:06,056 --> 00:11:07,536 Oh, crap. 298 00:11:07,623 --> 00:11:10,495 ♪ Men.♪ 299 00:11:16,197 --> 00:11:19,069 Don't be naked, don't be naked. 300 00:11:19,156 --> 00:11:21,463 Damn. 301 00:11:21,550 --> 00:11:24,771 Don't be naked, don't be naked. 302 00:11:24,858 --> 00:11:25,336 Damn. 303 00:11:26,511 --> 00:11:29,340 Damn! 304 00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:33,257 Whoa! 305 00:11:34,519 --> 00:11:35,564 Whoa. 306 00:11:37,392 --> 00:11:40,743 Whoa! 307 00:11:40,830 --> 00:11:41,526 Morning. 308 00:11:41,613 --> 00:11:43,877 We're naked. 309 00:11:43,964 --> 00:11:44,878 Yes, we are. 310 00:11:44,965 --> 00:11:46,357 How did we get here? 311 00:11:46,444 --> 00:11:47,881 The last thing I remember 312 00:11:47,968 --> 00:11:49,665 was asking some chick, 313 00:11:49,752 --> 00:11:52,059 "Can you mix these with alcohol?" 314 00:11:52,146 --> 00:11:54,539 Apparently the answer is no. 315 00:11:54,626 --> 00:11:57,325 Okay, 'cause the... 'cause the last thing I remember 316 00:11:57,412 --> 00:11:59,457 is you looking in a mirror saying, 317 00:11:59,544 --> 00:12:01,721 "Can we mix these with alcohol?" 318 00:12:01,808 --> 00:12:03,113 [laughs] Don't worry. 319 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:04,114 Nothing could've happened. 320 00:12:04,201 --> 00:12:05,246 I'm gay. 321 00:12:06,334 --> 00:12:07,639 Ah, that's right. 322 00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:10,164 You're gay. [laughs] 323 00:12:10,251 --> 00:12:11,165 Wait. 324 00:12:11,252 --> 00:12:12,601 How gay? 325 00:12:12,688 --> 00:12:14,385 Like, one being, "Yay, it's college!" 326 00:12:14,472 --> 00:12:17,606 Or ten being, "I'm going Subaru shopping 327 00:12:17,693 --> 00:12:19,695 with Ellen and Rosie." 328 00:12:21,610 --> 00:12:22,829 I'm closer to a nine. 329 00:12:22,916 --> 00:12:24,395 I mean, I make my own soap, 330 00:12:24,482 --> 00:12:25,875 but I don't sell it at the Lilith Fair. 331 00:12:25,962 --> 00:12:28,225 Oh, great, great. 332 00:12:28,312 --> 00:12:29,705 I mean, granted you're prettier 333 00:12:29,792 --> 00:12:31,228 than a lot of the women I've dated, 334 00:12:31,315 --> 00:12:33,840 ut you have an outie and I'm into innies. 335 00:12:33,927 --> 00:12:35,450 Okay, okay, so we didn't have sex. 336 00:12:35,537 --> 00:12:37,147 That is a load off. 337 00:12:37,234 --> 00:12:38,627 Uh, that's a poor choice of words. 338 00:12:38,714 --> 00:12:41,543 Although sometimes I date an innie 339 00:12:41,630 --> 00:12:44,415 who has an outtie in her purse. 340 00:12:44,502 --> 00:12:47,244 What is that supposed to mean? 341 00:12:47,331 --> 00:12:50,944 I don't know, I'm just saying it's possible. 342 00:12:51,031 --> 00:12:53,076 Oh, God, if Alan finds out, he's gonna freak out. 343 00:12:53,163 --> 00:12:54,774 He won't move out, but he will freak out. 344 00:12:54,861 --> 00:12:56,732 Okay, settle down. 345 00:12:56,819 --> 00:12:58,865 We don't even know if there's anything to freak out about. 346 00:12:58,952 --> 00:13:00,040 [stammers] Hello. 347 00:13:00,127 --> 00:13:01,737 Hello. Stop that! 348 00:13:02,869 --> 00:13:04,131 We got to figure out what to do. 349 00:13:04,218 --> 00:13:05,349 Okay, what we're gonna do 350 00:13:05,436 --> 00:13:07,699 is never talk about this again. 351 00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,266 So, you're just saying deny 352 00:13:09,353 --> 00:13:11,181 that we ever woke up in bed naked together? 353 00:13:11,268 --> 00:13:12,574 I have a motto for situations like this. 354 00:13:12,661 --> 00:13:14,576 What happens in Jenny, 355 00:13:14,663 --> 00:13:16,665 stays in Jenny. 356 00:13:21,191 --> 00:13:23,759 So, I was really surprised you called me. 357 00:13:23,846 --> 00:13:27,545 Well, I-I couldn't get your voice out of my head. 358 00:13:27,632 --> 00:13:30,026 You're not the first one to say that. 359 00:13:30,113 --> 00:13:33,247 There it goes again. 360 00:13:33,334 --> 00:13:36,293 No, I was surprised because I was vibing there was 361 00:13:36,380 --> 00:13:38,339 definitely something going on between you and Lyndsey. 362 00:13:38,426 --> 00:13:39,819 No, we're-we're just friends. 363 00:13:39,906 --> 00:13:40,471 And-and barely that. 364 00:13:42,604 --> 00:13:44,432 She's a drunk, you know? 365 00:13:44,519 --> 00:13:46,216 Oh, believe me, I know. 366 00:13:46,303 --> 00:13:47,652 You should hear wine bottles in her trash bins 367 00:13:47,739 --> 00:13:49,089 on Friday morning.Mm-hmm. 368 00:13:49,176 --> 00:13:51,439 I mean, clank, clank, drunken skank! 369 00:13:51,526 --> 00:13:53,963 Yeah, she's a whore, too. 370 00:13:54,050 --> 00:13:56,879 I don't know why she ever let you go. 371 00:13:56,966 --> 00:13:58,925 You are quite the catch. 372 00:13:59,012 --> 00:14:00,970 Uh, I know I present that way, 373 00:14:01,057 --> 00:14:03,016 but I'm more catch and release. 374 00:14:03,103 --> 00:14:05,192 Well, I am not releasing. 375 00:14:05,279 --> 00:14:06,062 [high-pitched whoosh] 376 00:14:06,149 --> 00:14:07,934 [clicks tongue] 377 00:14:10,632 --> 00:14:12,852 [laughs] 378 00:14:14,418 --> 00:14:16,116 You are so cute. 379 00:14:16,203 --> 00:14:18,205 Thank you. Uh, you're not eating your food. 380 00:14:18,292 --> 00:14:19,684 Do you not like Souplantation? 381 00:14:19,771 --> 00:14:21,469 No, I love it, but since the surgery, 382 00:14:21,556 --> 00:14:25,560 I can't eat a portion larger than my fist. 383 00:14:25,647 --> 00:14:27,692 But don't worry. 384 00:14:27,779 --> 00:14:29,738 That only applies to food. 385 00:14:34,656 --> 00:14:39,139 How are you still single? 386 00:14:43,621 --> 00:14:45,841 Hey. 387 00:14:45,928 --> 00:14:47,669 Hey. 388 00:14:47,756 --> 00:14:49,845 So, listen. 389 00:14:49,932 --> 00:14:53,370 Uh, about that thing that didn't happen... 390 00:14:55,111 --> 00:14:57,635 I have a way to figure out if it happened. 391 00:14:57,722 --> 00:15:00,551 I'm not peeing on any sticks. 392 00:15:00,638 --> 00:15:03,163 No. 393 00:15:03,250 --> 00:15:06,079 There is a camera in my room. 394 00:15:06,166 --> 00:15:07,515 [sighs] 395 00:15:07,602 --> 00:15:10,257 And that's why I don't sleep with guys. 396 00:15:10,344 --> 00:15:11,649 It was your dad's. 397 00:15:11,736 --> 00:15:12,650 And that's why I drink. 398 00:15:14,739 --> 00:15:18,569 So we could watch the video back 399 00:15:18,656 --> 00:15:20,354 and know for sure. 400 00:15:20,441 --> 00:15:22,095 Or... 401 00:15:22,182 --> 00:15:23,835 we could erase it 402 00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:27,491 and continue to deny that anything ever happened. 403 00:15:27,578 --> 00:15:29,798 Play it. 404 00:15:29,885 --> 00:15:31,452 Ah, damn it. 405 00:15:31,539 --> 00:15:33,193 I was sure you were gonna say erase it. 406 00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:34,934 No, I want to watch it. 407 00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:36,718 It'll be like a quarterback watching game film. 408 00:15:36,805 --> 00:15:39,416 Only the quarterback's a lesbian. 409 00:15:39,503 --> 00:15:41,897 And the game's boning a dude. 410 00:15:41,984 --> 00:15:42,637 Exactly. 411 00:15:42,724 --> 00:15:44,726 Okay. 412 00:15:45,727 --> 00:15:48,512 Here we go. 413 00:15:48,599 --> 00:15:49,644 [sighs] 414 00:15:49,731 --> 00:15:50,732 Wait! Erase it? 415 00:15:50,819 --> 00:15:52,864 No, I want to make popcorn. 416 00:15:55,432 --> 00:15:58,566 So both of my ex-husbands turned out to be gay. 417 00:15:58,653 --> 00:16:01,699 But the weird thing is... is after I divorced them, 418 00:16:01,786 --> 00:16:03,788 they both turned straight again. 419 00:16:03,875 --> 00:16:05,573 What are the odds? 420 00:16:05,660 --> 00:16:07,749 Uh, well, this has been great. 421 00:16:07,836 --> 00:16:09,881 Whoa, somebody's fresh. 422 00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,318 [laughs] 423 00:16:13,537 --> 00:16:14,843 Come on in. 424 00:16:14,930 --> 00:16:16,976 I would love to take you up on that, 425 00:16:17,063 --> 00:16:18,412 but, you know, it's, uh.... 426 00:16:18,499 --> 00:16:21,110 6:45... 427 00:16:21,197 --> 00:16:23,895 and, uh, I have got to go home 428 00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:25,201 and, uh, hit the hay. 429 00:16:25,288 --> 00:16:26,637 Oh, I have hay here. 430 00:16:26,724 --> 00:16:29,727 And I will definitely let you "hit it." 431 00:16:29,814 --> 00:16:31,425 That is tempting. 432 00:16:31,512 --> 00:16:33,818 Uh, and I am definitely gonna have to come 433 00:16:33,905 --> 00:16:36,734 to terms with that while I'm in the monastery. 434 00:16:36,821 --> 00:16:38,867 All right, I get it. 435 00:16:38,954 --> 00:16:40,303 You're making excuses 436 00:16:40,390 --> 00:16:42,218 because you're still in love with Lyndsey. 437 00:16:42,305 --> 00:16:44,003 God, no, we're-we're just friends. 438 00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:45,787 Yeah, and I didn't just fart in your car. 439 00:16:47,528 --> 00:16:48,833 It's fine, okay? I get it. 440 00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:52,402 I just feel bad for her boyfriend. 441 00:16:52,489 --> 00:16:54,056 [groans] Wait! 442 00:16:54,143 --> 00:16:55,971 Uh, if-if I was still in love with Lyndsey, 443 00:16:56,058 --> 00:16:57,451 would I do this? 444 00:16:59,757 --> 00:17:01,455 Wow. 445 00:17:01,542 --> 00:17:03,718 Do that again, but keep your eyes open and say my name. 446 00:17:04,936 --> 00:17:06,634 [muffled]: Stephanie? 447 00:17:06,721 --> 00:17:07,722 [both grunt] 448 00:17:12,553 --> 00:17:13,945 Are you sure about this? 449 00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:16,383 Because once we see it, we can't un-see it. 450 00:17:16,470 --> 00:17:18,428 Yeah, worst-case scenario, it's a video 451 00:17:18,515 --> 00:17:20,561 of two hot people having sex. 452 00:17:20,648 --> 00:17:23,259 Well, I'm just gonna say... 453 00:17:23,346 --> 00:17:25,479 if I had sex with one Harper in this house, 454 00:17:25,566 --> 00:17:26,915 thank God it was you. 455 00:17:29,265 --> 00:17:32,007 [groans] Okay. 456 00:17:32,094 --> 00:17:34,879 Oh, this is not a good start. 457 00:17:34,966 --> 00:17:36,925 ♪ Bow chicka bow wow. ♪ 458 00:17:37,012 --> 00:17:38,796 Will you stop that? 459 00:17:38,883 --> 00:17:42,365 Oh, having sex with a guy in my dad's bed. 460 00:17:42,452 --> 00:17:44,759 Paging Dr. Freud, huh? 461 00:17:44,846 --> 00:17:46,630 You know what? Let's just go back to denial. 462 00:17:46,717 --> 00:17:47,762 No, wait, wait! 463 00:17:47,849 --> 00:17:49,633 Wait, that is not me. 464 00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:51,766 I don't have a Fred Flintstone tattoo. 465 00:17:51,853 --> 00:17:54,856 Well, if that's not you, then who is she? 466 00:17:54,943 --> 00:17:59,730 You're the one yabba-dabba-doin' her. 467 00:17:59,817 --> 00:18:02,429 I don't know who that is. 468 00:18:02,516 --> 00:18:04,170 God, I love living at the beach. 469 00:18:04,257 --> 00:18:05,606 Mmm. 470 00:18:05,693 --> 00:18:06,607 Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh! 471 00:18:06,694 --> 00:18:07,825 That's Heidi! 472 00:18:07,912 --> 00:18:09,523 You banged Heidi.Really? 473 00:18:09,610 --> 00:18:10,828 Yes! Good going. 474 00:18:10,915 --> 00:18:12,265 [grunts] 475 00:18:12,352 --> 00:18:13,614 [laughs] 476 00:18:13,701 --> 00:18:15,268 So, how did I end up in your bed? 477 00:18:15,355 --> 00:18:16,530 I don't... Uh, wait. 478 00:18:16,617 --> 00:18:17,792 Is that you? 479 00:18:17,879 --> 00:18:19,750 Yeah.Well, who are you with? 480 00:18:19,837 --> 00:18:22,492 Oops, I turned Sarah. 481 00:18:22,579 --> 00:18:23,450 [laughs] 482 00:18:23,537 --> 00:18:26,583 Nice! [laughs] 483 00:18:26,670 --> 00:18:28,846 Wh-Whoa, who are those people? 484 00:18:28,933 --> 00:18:30,370 [grunts] 485 00:18:30,457 --> 00:18:32,241 Do you remember the bonfire on the beach? 486 00:18:32,328 --> 00:18:34,635 Yeah, the Italian exchange students! 487 00:18:34,722 --> 00:18:36,332 "I no have-ah the bus fare-ah." 488 00:18:36,419 --> 00:18:38,073 They no have-ah no pants-ah! 489 00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:40,467 Oh, wow!Did we invite them back to the house? 490 00:18:40,554 --> 00:18:42,730 I guess so-- I mean, that is a big pile of naked. 491 00:18:42,817 --> 00:18:45,994 Oh... oh, man. 492 00:18:46,081 --> 00:18:48,779 Now Heidi's with the guy that looks like James Franco. 493 00:18:48,866 --> 00:18:49,824 [laughs] 494 00:18:49,911 --> 00:18:54,002 Wait, that is James Franco! 495 00:18:54,089 --> 00:18:58,049 That guy is in everything! 496 00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,182 Wait a second, who am I with now? 497 00:19:00,269 --> 00:19:02,053 Oh, now you're with Sarah. 498 00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:03,054 [laughs] 499 00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:05,970 Turned her back-- wah! 500 00:19:06,057 --> 00:19:07,537 Oh... 501 00:19:07,624 --> 00:19:09,191 that is some Game of Thronesstuff there. 502 00:19:09,278 --> 00:19:11,193 Yeah, but we didn't, uh...? 503 00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:13,195 No, I guess not. 504 00:19:13,282 --> 00:19:16,677 Oh, well, maybe. 505 00:19:16,764 --> 00:19:18,548 That is my ass. 506 00:19:18,635 --> 00:19:22,248 No, that's my ass. 507 00:19:22,335 --> 00:19:24,206 Oh. 508 00:19:24,293 --> 00:19:25,903 Is that your arm? 509 00:19:25,990 --> 00:19:27,383 Uh, no, that is my... 510 00:19:27,470 --> 00:19:28,602 BERTA: What are you doing? 511 00:19:29,690 --> 00:19:30,995 Nothing. 512 00:19:31,082 --> 00:19:32,040 Hanging out. 513 00:19:32,127 --> 00:19:33,955 Okay. So, listen. 514 00:19:34,042 --> 00:19:38,177 Are we all gonna talk about the orgy we had last night? 515 00:19:42,006 --> 00:19:43,965 What? 516 00:19:44,052 --> 00:19:46,620 Y-You were there? 517 00:19:46,707 --> 00:19:47,751 Hell, yeah. 518 00:19:47,838 --> 00:19:49,971 I banged James Franco. 519 00:19:50,058 --> 00:19:52,016 ♪ Men.♪ 520 00:19:56,369 --> 00:19:57,805 ♪ Men.♪ 521 00:19:57,892 --> 00:19:59,285 I'm so glad you were able to get away. 522 00:19:59,372 --> 00:20:00,808 I owe you one for going out with Stephanie. 523 00:20:00,895 --> 00:20:02,940 The only way I got through it... 524 00:20:03,027 --> 00:20:04,638 Mm-hmm.was by thinking of you. 525 00:20:04,725 --> 00:20:05,639 Through what? 526 00:20:05,726 --> 00:20:06,596 You know, Stephanie. 527 00:20:06,683 --> 00:20:08,816 I took one for the team. 528 00:20:08,903 --> 00:20:10,513 Rather I, uh, gave one for the team. 529 00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:12,428 Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. 530 00:20:12,515 --> 00:20:13,908 You had sex with her? 531 00:20:13,995 --> 00:20:15,257 Yeah, the second time was not easy. 532 00:20:15,344 --> 00:20:17,955 Oh, my God! 533 00:20:18,042 --> 00:20:19,392 What? Wasn't I supposed to? 534 00:20:19,479 --> 00:20:20,480 No, you were supposed to take her out, 535 00:20:20,567 --> 00:20:21,829 go to a movie or something. 536 00:20:21,916 --> 00:20:22,960 Oh, I don't think I could've sat 537 00:20:23,047 --> 00:20:24,397 through a movie with her. 538 00:20:24,484 --> 00:20:25,528 You are unbelievable. I'm out of here. 539 00:20:25,615 --> 00:20:27,661 B-But I thought we were gonna... 540 00:20:27,748 --> 00:20:29,140 Oh, no. God, no. 541 00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:30,533 But... but... 542 00:20:30,620 --> 00:20:32,622 but you have a boyfriend! 543 00:20:32,709 --> 00:20:34,668 [sighs] 544 00:20:40,717 --> 00:20:41,588 Hello, uh, Stephanie? 545 00:20:41,675 --> 00:20:44,112 Yeah, it-it's Alan. 546 00:20:44,199 --> 00:20:47,028 Uh, turns out, uh, the doctor read my MRI wrong. 547 00:20:47,115 --> 00:20:49,335 I will be free tonight.♪ Men.♪ 548 00:20:49,422 --> 00:20:50,814 Captioning sponsored by CBS and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION 549 00:20:50,901 --> 00:20:52,947 and TOYOTA. 550 00:20:53,034 --> 00:20:54,165 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org