1 00:00:02,089 --> 00:00:04,047 ♪ Men.♪ 2 00:00:05,092 --> 00:00:07,703 [exhales] 3 00:00:07,790 --> 00:00:08,791 [sighs] 4 00:00:11,446 --> 00:00:13,665 [whirring] 5 00:00:13,752 --> 00:00:15,232 Really? 6 00:00:15,319 --> 00:00:17,060 Do you have to do this right now? 7 00:00:17,147 --> 00:00:20,194 Wow, that's the first time anyone ever complained 8 00:00:20,281 --> 00:00:22,196 about me doing too much work around here. 9 00:00:24,111 --> 00:00:25,286 Why don't you go do that on the deck? 10 00:00:25,373 --> 00:00:27,027 Because... this is my house. 11 00:00:27,114 --> 00:00:29,246 I can work out wherever I want. 12 00:00:29,333 --> 00:00:31,118 Besides, when I do yoga on the deck, 13 00:00:31,205 --> 00:00:33,337 the kids on the beach call me gay. 14 00:00:33,424 --> 00:00:36,036 You sure that's not because you live with a middle-aged man? 15 00:00:39,909 --> 00:00:41,128 Morning. 16 00:00:41,215 --> 00:00:42,651 Morning. 17 00:00:42,738 --> 00:00:44,218 Ooh, a little yoga? 18 00:00:44,305 --> 00:00:45,523 Yeah, I'm just trying to clear my head. 19 00:00:49,397 --> 00:00:50,963 Um, speaking of heads, 20 00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:53,792 Buddha's poking his out of the temple. 21 00:00:53,879 --> 00:00:55,707 You know what? If I lived here alone, it wouldn't matter. 22 00:00:55,794 --> 00:00:56,752 Right. 23 00:00:56,839 --> 00:00:58,319 Sorry. Namaste. 24 00:01:00,930 --> 00:01:02,323 What does "Namaste" actually mean? 25 00:01:02,410 --> 00:01:03,324 Get out! 26 00:01:03,411 --> 00:01:04,847 Okay. 27 00:01:04,934 --> 00:01:07,197 I'm gonna "nama-not-stay" right here. 28 00:01:07,284 --> 00:01:09,547 Okay, focus. 29 00:01:09,634 --> 00:01:11,810 I want peace... 30 00:01:11,897 --> 00:01:14,117 I want serenity... 31 00:01:14,204 --> 00:01:15,118 [blender whirring] 32 00:01:15,205 --> 00:01:16,424 I want a murder weapon. 33 00:01:21,342 --> 00:01:22,256 Dude! 34 00:01:22,343 --> 00:01:24,432 You need to relax. 35 00:01:24,519 --> 00:01:25,868 Do some yoga or something. 36 00:01:25,955 --> 00:01:27,478 What is that? 37 00:01:27,565 --> 00:01:29,132 It's a holistic hangover cure. 38 00:01:29,219 --> 00:01:31,526 Kale, wheatgrass, three shots of tequila. 39 00:01:31,613 --> 00:01:32,614 Cheers. 40 00:01:34,442 --> 00:01:35,747 You know what? Screw it. 41 00:01:35,834 --> 00:01:36,052 I'm gonna stay drunk. 42 00:01:39,403 --> 00:01:41,013 [belches] 43 00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:43,451 Oh, yikes. Think I ate a little 44 00:01:43,538 --> 00:01:45,017 too much ginger last night. 45 00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:46,236 Oh, you had sushi for dinner? 46 00:01:48,369 --> 00:01:50,806 Yeah, let's go with that. 47 00:01:50,893 --> 00:01:52,199 It's crazy, isn't it? 48 00:01:52,286 --> 00:01:53,678 We finally get rid of Jake, 49 00:01:53,765 --> 00:01:54,897 and now we got another one on our hands. 50 00:01:54,984 --> 00:01:56,290 Yeah, about that... 51 00:01:56,377 --> 00:01:58,509 What is the long-range plan here? 52 00:01:58,596 --> 00:01:59,554 I don't know. 53 00:01:59,641 --> 00:02:01,164 I always thought we'd spend 54 00:02:01,251 --> 00:02:02,861 our golden years together. 55 00:02:02,948 --> 00:02:04,820 Eventually, maybe sell the beach house, 56 00:02:04,907 --> 00:02:06,517 move to the desert, 57 00:02:06,604 --> 00:02:08,171 spend our days toiling in our cactus garden. 58 00:02:10,260 --> 00:02:12,132 Yeah, that sounds swell, but... 59 00:02:12,219 --> 00:02:13,568 Go out to early bird dinners 60 00:02:13,655 --> 00:02:15,135 wearing matching jumpsuits... Okay. 61 00:02:15,222 --> 00:02:16,179 Look, I'm not gonna wear a jump... 62 00:02:16,266 --> 00:02:18,268 All right. You know what? 63 00:02:18,355 --> 00:02:20,183 Let's try this another way. 64 00:02:20,270 --> 00:02:23,621 Uh, in your romantic fantasy of our future, 65 00:02:23,708 --> 00:02:25,275 where is Jenny? 66 00:02:25,362 --> 00:02:26,755 She'll spend Christmas with us, 67 00:02:26,842 --> 00:02:28,974 but we're gonna want our alone time. 68 00:02:29,061 --> 00:02:31,063 Okay, let's focus on that word "alone." 69 00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,282 Mm-hmm. 70 00:02:32,369 --> 00:02:34,502 Having house guests is the best. 71 00:02:34,589 --> 00:02:36,286 You know, you get excited to see them, 72 00:02:36,373 --> 00:02:37,679 you put out the fluffy towels, 73 00:02:37,766 --> 00:02:40,899 you hold your farts, everything's nice... 74 00:02:40,986 --> 00:02:44,120 but, eventually, you have to fart. 75 00:02:44,207 --> 00:02:45,252 Here's what you do. 76 00:02:45,339 --> 00:02:47,515 Uh, you go out on the deck, 77 00:02:47,602 --> 00:02:48,907 and pretend to look at the ocean, 78 00:02:48,994 --> 00:02:50,257 wait for a big wave 79 00:02:50,344 --> 00:02:52,737 and when it breaks, so do you. 80 00:02:56,611 --> 00:02:58,047 Alan, I'm putting in a home gym. 81 00:02:58,134 --> 00:02:59,788 And it's either going in Jenny's room 82 00:02:59,875 --> 00:03:00,789 or Alan's room. 83 00:03:00,876 --> 00:03:01,877 It's your call. 84 00:03:01,964 --> 00:03:03,966 Bitch be gone. 85 00:03:04,053 --> 00:03:06,142 ♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men ♪ 86 00:03:06,229 --> 00:03:09,928 ♪ Ah. ♪ ♪ Men. ♪ ♪ Men. ♪ 87 00:03:13,105 --> 00:03:14,803 ♪ Men.♪ 88 00:03:14,890 --> 00:03:16,848 Here we go. 89 00:03:16,935 --> 00:03:19,199 An appletini a day keeps the doctor away. 90 00:03:20,243 --> 00:03:21,157 Cute. 91 00:03:21,244 --> 00:03:22,071 And what keeps Alan away? 92 00:03:22,158 --> 00:03:24,639 You. 93 00:03:24,726 --> 00:03:25,988 Touché. 94 00:03:26,075 --> 00:03:27,555 Why am I here? 95 00:03:27,642 --> 00:03:29,644 Oh, I just thought we could get together. 96 00:03:29,731 --> 00:03:31,820 Maybe find out what's going on in each other's lives. 97 00:03:31,907 --> 00:03:34,692 There's never anything going on in your life, Alan. 98 00:03:34,779 --> 00:03:36,216 Okay, you start. 99 00:03:38,305 --> 00:03:39,654 All right, let's see... 100 00:03:39,741 --> 00:03:41,133 Well, my boyfriend Marty has just moved in. 101 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,134 Moved in? 102 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:43,135 That's a little fast. 103 00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:45,486 He's 91 and a half. 104 00:03:45,573 --> 00:03:47,531 He doesn't do anything fast. 105 00:03:47,618 --> 00:03:49,272 So you two sleep in the same room? 106 00:03:49,359 --> 00:03:51,622 If you're trying to find out if we have sex, yes, we do. 107 00:03:51,709 --> 00:03:53,885 Frequently and nastily. 108 00:03:53,972 --> 00:03:55,235 Good God! 109 00:03:55,322 --> 00:03:56,366 The man is in a wheelchair. 110 00:03:56,453 --> 00:03:58,194 How do you think he got there? 111 00:03:58,281 --> 00:04:00,240 No, I was asking 112 00:04:00,327 --> 00:04:01,719 if your guest room is available. 113 00:04:01,806 --> 00:04:03,112 Darling, I-I would love 114 00:04:03,199 --> 00:04:05,419 for you to come stay with me, 115 00:04:05,506 --> 00:04:07,812 but with Marty there now, it's-it's impossible. 116 00:04:07,899 --> 00:04:08,813 Oh, not me. Jenny. 117 00:04:08,900 --> 00:04:10,380 Oh, Jennifer can move in. 118 00:04:10,467 --> 00:04:11,773 Wait. 119 00:04:11,860 --> 00:04:13,601 Why can she move in and not me? 120 00:04:13,688 --> 00:04:16,256 Darling, if you were a child, 121 00:04:16,343 --> 00:04:17,822 this would be one of those situations 122 00:04:17,909 --> 00:04:19,259 where I would give you five dollars to shut up. 123 00:04:19,346 --> 00:04:22,131 Well, I'm not a kid anymore, Mom. 124 00:04:22,218 --> 00:04:23,828 How's $20 sound? 125 00:04:23,915 --> 00:04:26,048 No, I want to have this conversation. Forty. 126 00:04:26,135 --> 00:04:26,918 We're done. Well... 127 00:04:27,005 --> 00:04:28,616 Mm-hmm. 128 00:04:28,703 --> 00:04:30,922 ♪ Men.♪ 129 00:04:31,009 --> 00:04:33,403 All right, I'm out of here. 130 00:04:33,490 --> 00:04:35,666 Don't be a stranger, Jenny. 131 00:04:35,753 --> 00:04:37,973 I mean, I know that you are one 132 00:04:38,060 --> 00:04:40,236 but that didn't stop me 133 00:04:40,323 --> 00:04:41,455 from letting you stay here. 134 00:04:41,542 --> 00:04:43,544 And that didn't stop me 135 00:04:43,631 --> 00:04:45,023 from throwing up in your... 136 00:04:45,110 --> 00:04:47,548 Ah, you know, you'll figure it out. 137 00:04:47,635 --> 00:04:48,853 Um, h-have you got everything? 138 00:04:48,940 --> 00:04:50,159 Yeah, I think so. 139 00:04:50,246 --> 00:04:51,247 Oh, uh... 140 00:04:51,334 --> 00:04:52,248 There's a girl in my room, 141 00:04:52,335 --> 00:04:53,380 uh, Tara, 142 00:04:53,467 --> 00:04:55,077 Tanya... 143 00:04:55,164 --> 00:04:56,905 I don't really know what the hell her name is. 144 00:04:56,992 --> 00:04:57,906 It's tattooed right above her ass. 145 00:04:57,993 --> 00:05:00,430 Anyway, when she wakes up, 146 00:05:00,517 --> 00:05:01,823 will you give her this for cab fare? 147 00:05:01,910 --> 00:05:03,259 And uh, uh... 148 00:05:03,346 --> 00:05:05,087 tell her I, "Mackenzie," 149 00:05:05,174 --> 00:05:08,003 will call her 150 00:05:08,090 --> 00:05:10,353 if I get back from the Congo. 151 00:05:11,746 --> 00:05:12,790 See you. 152 00:05:12,877 --> 00:05:13,617 Bye. Take care. 153 00:05:13,704 --> 00:05:15,532 [door closes] 154 00:05:15,619 --> 00:05:16,664 Can you believe that? 155 00:05:16,751 --> 00:05:17,969 I know. 156 00:05:18,056 --> 00:05:20,711 A Harper left this house voluntarily. 157 00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:24,324 And gave me money. 158 00:05:26,064 --> 00:05:27,979 ♪ Men.♪ 159 00:05:28,066 --> 00:05:30,286 [doorbell rings] 160 00:05:31,374 --> 00:05:32,680 Hi, Alan. 161 00:05:32,767 --> 00:05:33,811 Lyndsey. 162 00:05:33,898 --> 00:05:34,943 This is a surprise. 163 00:05:35,030 --> 00:05:36,336 I know; I-I'm sorry. 164 00:05:36,423 --> 00:05:37,424 I just need to talk to you in person. 165 00:05:37,511 --> 00:05:38,294 Oh, yeah, yeah. Come on in. 166 00:05:38,381 --> 00:05:40,470 Are we alone? 167 00:05:40,557 --> 00:05:42,907 WALDEN: Never! 168 00:05:44,474 --> 00:05:46,258 Hi, Walden. 169 00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:47,695 Can we talk in private? 170 00:05:47,782 --> 00:05:48,696 Oh, sure, let's go in my room. 171 00:05:48,783 --> 00:05:50,741 Oh, uh, hold on a second. 172 00:06:04,407 --> 00:06:07,105 Okay, we're all set. 173 00:06:07,192 --> 00:06:09,194 Aw, dude, come on! 174 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:13,024 So what's up? 175 00:06:13,111 --> 00:06:14,722 Ow! Nipple! 176 00:06:14,809 --> 00:06:15,853 [sighs] 177 00:06:15,940 --> 00:06:17,768 I am so mad at you. 178 00:06:17,855 --> 00:06:18,987 Why? 179 00:06:19,074 --> 00:06:20,467 Because I-I'm with Larry now. 180 00:06:20,554 --> 00:06:21,424 He's smart, handsome, successful... 181 00:06:21,511 --> 00:06:24,035 God, you have a type. 182 00:06:24,122 --> 00:06:25,950 No. 183 00:06:26,037 --> 00:06:27,256 When I'm with him, I can't stop fantasizing about you. 184 00:06:29,345 --> 00:06:31,869 Okay, I-I-I'm confused. 185 00:06:31,956 --> 00:06:34,785 I'm getting a chubby, but I'm confused. 186 00:06:34,872 --> 00:06:35,482 So you want to get back together? 187 00:06:35,569 --> 00:06:38,180 Oh, God, no. 188 00:06:38,267 --> 00:06:39,616 I just want to have sex with you. 189 00:06:39,703 --> 00:06:41,226 Why? 190 00:06:41,313 --> 00:06:43,228 And why am I asking? 191 00:06:43,315 --> 00:06:44,404 I don't know. 192 00:06:44,491 --> 00:06:46,493 I just know that I do. 193 00:06:46,580 --> 00:06:47,798 Of course. 194 00:06:47,885 --> 00:06:50,148 Forbidden fruit is so much sweeter. 195 00:06:50,235 --> 00:06:53,978 Go on, pluck my forbidden fruit. 196 00:06:54,065 --> 00:06:56,938 Pop my cherry. 197 00:06:57,025 --> 00:06:59,462 Peel my banana. 198 00:06:59,549 --> 00:07:01,290 Squeeze my fuzzy peaches. 199 00:07:02,509 --> 00:07:05,425 In my fantasy... Yeah? 200 00:07:05,512 --> 00:07:06,817 ...you don't talk. 201 00:07:06,904 --> 00:07:08,863 ♪ Men.♪ 202 00:07:11,909 --> 00:07:13,433 Bye, Walden. 203 00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:14,564 Bye, Lyndsey. 204 00:07:14,651 --> 00:07:15,347 [door closes] 205 00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:16,348 [whoops] 206 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:19,047 [chuckling] 207 00:07:19,134 --> 00:07:21,310 Um, is it hot in here or did I just have sex? 208 00:07:21,397 --> 00:07:24,313 Did you guys get back together? 209 00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:25,662 Better. 210 00:07:25,749 --> 00:07:27,316 She wants nothing from me 211 00:07:27,403 --> 00:07:28,360 except the old Harper harpoon. 212 00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:31,407 Wha-bam! 213 00:07:33,322 --> 00:07:35,585 Know what I'm sayin'? 214 00:07:35,672 --> 00:07:37,674 How is it possible 215 00:07:37,761 --> 00:07:40,111 that you're having sex and I'm not? 216 00:07:40,198 --> 00:07:43,114 Well, apparently, her perfect boyfriend Larry 217 00:07:43,201 --> 00:07:44,551 has an Achilles heel... 218 00:07:44,638 --> 00:07:45,421 and it's on his penis. 219 00:07:45,508 --> 00:07:48,685 Wha-bam! 220 00:07:51,427 --> 00:07:52,515 Um... 221 00:07:52,602 --> 00:07:54,299 have you guys seen Mackenzie? 222 00:07:54,386 --> 00:07:57,999 She went to Cabo.Congo. 223 00:07:58,086 --> 00:08:00,175 She's not here.She's dead. 224 00:08:00,262 --> 00:08:01,524 In the Congo. 225 00:08:03,961 --> 00:08:05,441 Sorry, Tanya. 226 00:08:05,528 --> 00:08:06,355 Tara. 227 00:08:08,096 --> 00:08:10,098 Alyssa. 228 00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:12,579 ♪ Men.♪ 229 00:08:12,666 --> 00:08:14,102 So... 230 00:08:14,189 --> 00:08:16,017 Evy tells me you want to be an actress. 231 00:08:16,104 --> 00:08:18,149 I figured with my daddy issues, 232 00:08:18,236 --> 00:08:19,847 it was either that or stripping. 233 00:08:19,934 --> 00:08:21,979 You've certainly got the rack for either one. 234 00:08:22,066 --> 00:08:23,546 Bless your heart. 235 00:08:23,633 --> 00:08:25,679 My heart is in a landfill. 236 00:08:26,767 --> 00:08:28,159 This baby belonged to 237 00:08:28,246 --> 00:08:30,988 a drunken quarterback from Alabama. 238 00:08:31,075 --> 00:08:32,773 Roll Tide! 239 00:08:32,860 --> 00:08:34,818 You know, Marty is a television legend. 240 00:08:34,905 --> 00:08:36,341 He created Here Comes Pleshkin. 241 00:08:36,428 --> 00:08:38,953 I love that show. 242 00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:39,736 Th-That was a drinking game 243 00:08:39,823 --> 00:08:41,564 in college. 244 00:08:41,651 --> 00:08:42,478 Every time someone would yell "Pleshkin!" 245 00:08:42,565 --> 00:08:45,525 I would take a shot. 246 00:08:45,612 --> 00:08:48,571 I had so much drunken sex because of your show. 247 00:08:48,658 --> 00:08:50,399 It was a piece of crap, 248 00:08:50,486 --> 00:08:53,402 but it paid for my first six... sevenwives. 249 00:08:55,099 --> 00:08:56,100 And Pleshkin? 250 00:08:56,187 --> 00:08:57,537 Hermaphrodite. 251 00:08:57,624 --> 00:08:59,582 Once, he comes in three hours late. 252 00:08:59,669 --> 00:09:02,759 I tell him to go screw himself. 253 00:09:02,846 --> 00:09:05,632 He says, "Why do you think I'm three hours late?" 254 00:09:06,894 --> 00:09:08,548 That's a joke, sweetheart. 255 00:09:08,635 --> 00:09:09,810 Feel free to laugh. 256 00:09:11,115 --> 00:09:12,682 Is this thing on? 257 00:09:12,769 --> 00:09:14,684 Roll Tide! 258 00:09:14,771 --> 00:09:16,686 Pleshkin! 259 00:09:16,773 --> 00:09:17,731 [laughs] 260 00:09:19,471 --> 00:09:21,299 I need another one. Marty? 261 00:09:21,386 --> 00:09:22,692 Why not? 262 00:09:22,779 --> 00:09:23,911 I got my liver from a narcoleptic 263 00:09:23,998 --> 00:09:25,521 Vietnamese rickshaw driver. 264 00:09:27,871 --> 00:09:30,134 Evy, that's the best gift you have ever given me. 265 00:09:30,221 --> 00:09:31,092 What do you mean? 266 00:09:31,179 --> 00:09:32,484 You, me, Jenny, 267 00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,748 a handful of little blue pills... 268 00:09:34,835 --> 00:09:38,186 It's like the Spring Break of '43 all over again! 269 00:09:38,273 --> 00:09:40,971 Marty, she's my granddaughter. 270 00:09:41,058 --> 00:09:42,364 I know. 271 00:09:42,451 --> 00:09:45,497 I have had some of the most decadent 272 00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:47,456 sexual encounters imaginable: 273 00:09:47,543 --> 00:09:49,501 mother/daughter, twins, 274 00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:52,983 triplets, Pleshkin. 275 00:09:53,070 --> 00:09:57,553 But never the elusive grandmother/granddaughter combo. 276 00:09:57,640 --> 00:10:00,338 She's gay. 277 00:10:00,425 --> 00:10:01,905 It just keeps getting better. 278 00:10:01,992 --> 00:10:04,865 Sweetheart, while-while I normally love 279 00:10:04,952 --> 00:10:06,127 your unique brand of depravity, 280 00:10:06,214 --> 00:10:07,911 this is where I draw the line. 281 00:10:07,998 --> 00:10:10,871 So when it's me and the plumber, it's fine. 282 00:10:10,958 --> 00:10:12,873 You wanted that as much as I did. 283 00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:15,397 I had my eye on his kidney. 284 00:10:15,484 --> 00:10:16,920 ♪ Men.♪ 285 00:10:17,007 --> 00:10:19,140 [giggling] [chuckling]: This is so exciting. 286 00:10:19,227 --> 00:10:20,097 Another man's bed, 287 00:10:20,184 --> 00:10:21,795 another man's woman, 288 00:10:21,882 --> 00:10:23,448 another man's... Home! 289 00:10:23,535 --> 00:10:25,363 I know, it's so dirty. 290 00:10:25,450 --> 00:10:27,496 No, no, no, the garage door just opened! 291 00:10:27,583 --> 00:10:28,628 And here comes the car. 292 00:10:28,715 --> 00:10:29,977 Beep! Beep! 293 00:10:30,064 --> 00:10:31,935 No, Larry's home! Get out! 294 00:10:32,022 --> 00:10:34,155 What do I do? What do I do? Uh... 295 00:10:34,242 --> 00:10:35,156 Hide in the closet? 296 00:10:35,243 --> 00:10:36,592 Uh... under the bed? 297 00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:37,941 Ooh, I could put on a wig and a dress 298 00:10:38,028 --> 00:10:38,638 and pretend I'm one of your friends. 299 00:10:39,682 --> 00:10:41,336 Out the window! 300 00:10:41,423 --> 00:10:42,380 Right, good call. 301 00:10:42,467 --> 00:10:44,426 Whoa, we are up there. 302 00:10:44,513 --> 00:10:45,949 Oh, beautiful view. Oh! 303 00:10:46,036 --> 00:10:47,734 Hey, is that the Hollywood sign...! 304 00:10:47,821 --> 00:10:49,257 [thudding] 305 00:10:49,344 --> 00:10:50,867 ♪ Men.♪ 306 00:10:54,741 --> 00:10:57,134 ♪ Men.♪ 307 00:10:57,221 --> 00:10:58,788 What happened to you? 308 00:10:58,875 --> 00:11:00,616 Oh, these? [chuckles] 309 00:11:00,703 --> 00:11:03,488 I was with Lyndsey last night, at her boyfriend's house, 310 00:11:03,575 --> 00:11:05,099 and he came home early, 311 00:11:05,186 --> 00:11:06,491 and I had to jump out the window. 312 00:11:06,578 --> 00:11:09,973 Alan Harper: Love Burglar. 313 00:11:10,060 --> 00:11:13,542 I like it better than Alan Harper: Roommate. 314 00:11:13,629 --> 00:11:17,024 It's just so much fun to be thought of as a piece of meat. 315 00:11:17,111 --> 00:11:19,330 She doesn't care about what I think or what I say. 316 00:11:19,417 --> 00:11:21,028 I know how she feels. 317 00:11:21,115 --> 00:11:22,769 Let me ask you something. 318 00:11:22,856 --> 00:11:25,206 How would you like it if you were the poor schmuck 319 00:11:25,293 --> 00:11:26,468 being cheated on? 320 00:11:26,555 --> 00:11:28,296 I've always been the poor schmuck. 321 00:11:28,383 --> 00:11:28,949 And how did it feel? 322 00:11:29,036 --> 00:11:30,994 Horrible. 323 00:11:31,081 --> 00:11:32,561 Ha-ha, suck it, Larry! 324 00:11:34,737 --> 00:11:36,913 I know you're having fun, Alan, 325 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:39,046 but sooner or later, somebody's gonna get hurt. 326 00:11:39,133 --> 00:11:41,091 Oh, believe me, someone got hurt last night. 327 00:11:41,178 --> 00:11:43,441 Boom, boom, boom! 328 00:11:43,528 --> 00:11:45,182 Know what I'm saying? 329 00:11:45,269 --> 00:11:47,619 Okay, from now on, let's just assume that I know 330 00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:50,057 what you're saying and I don't like it. 331 00:11:52,407 --> 00:11:54,496 ♪ Men.♪ 332 00:11:54,583 --> 00:11:56,498 All right, you are hair-free. 333 00:11:56,585 --> 00:11:59,893 You missed a spot. 334 00:11:59,980 --> 00:12:02,199 You are a dirty old man. 335 00:12:02,286 --> 00:12:04,419 If I'm such a dirty old man, 336 00:12:04,506 --> 00:12:06,813 maybe it's time for my sponge bath. 337 00:12:06,900 --> 00:12:07,944 [chuckles] 338 00:12:08,031 --> 00:12:09,903 Paging Nurse Evelyn! 339 00:12:09,990 --> 00:12:12,732 Report to Marty's crotch with a loofah! 340 00:12:12,819 --> 00:12:15,082 [laughing] 341 00:12:15,169 --> 00:12:16,213 You ready to go? 342 00:12:16,300 --> 00:12:17,649 I'll be right with you, dear. 343 00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,129 Where are you going? What about 344 00:12:19,216 --> 00:12:21,610 rubba-dub-dub, Marty's in the tub? 345 00:12:21,697 --> 00:12:22,829 I'll be right back. 346 00:12:22,916 --> 00:12:24,569 We're just going to the spa. 347 00:12:24,656 --> 00:12:26,789 Yeah, Marty, you'll be happy. When I she comes back, 348 00:12:26,876 --> 00:12:28,486 she'll have less hair than your ears. 349 00:12:28,573 --> 00:12:29,487 But this is date night. 350 00:12:29,574 --> 00:12:31,272 I'll be back by 8:00. 351 00:12:31,359 --> 00:12:34,188 That's after Wheel. I'll be asleep. 352 00:12:34,275 --> 00:12:36,320 I'll make it up to you in the morning. 353 00:12:38,932 --> 00:12:39,976 I'm 91-and-a-half! 354 00:12:40,063 --> 00:12:42,544 I can't plan that far ahead! 355 00:12:42,631 --> 00:12:44,894 ♪ Men.♪ 356 00:12:44,981 --> 00:12:46,287 That was amazing. 357 00:12:46,374 --> 00:12:47,767 It was. 358 00:12:47,854 --> 00:12:49,203 You seen my underwear? 359 00:12:49,290 --> 00:12:50,421 Do you mean... 360 00:12:50,508 --> 00:12:52,510 these? 361 00:12:54,469 --> 00:12:56,471 You know what? Keep 'em. 362 00:12:56,558 --> 00:12:57,602 Ooh, thank you. 363 00:12:57,689 --> 00:12:59,691 Where you going? 364 00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:01,998 What do you mean? Home. We're done. 365 00:13:02,085 --> 00:13:04,305 So it's just wham, bam, thank you... 366 00:13:04,392 --> 00:13:06,568 incredibly powerful, yet sensitive lover man? 367 00:13:06,655 --> 00:13:09,571 Aw, don't get my panties in a bunch. 368 00:13:09,658 --> 00:13:11,703 I'm serious. We never talk. 369 00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,140 Because we're not dating. 370 00:13:13,227 --> 00:13:15,316 I thought you were okay with this. 371 00:13:15,403 --> 00:13:17,535 I am. That doesn't mean we can't take an interest 372 00:13:17,622 --> 00:13:19,233 in each others' lives. 373 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:21,626 For example, did you know Charlie had a daughter? 374 00:13:21,713 --> 00:13:22,845 Really? Yeah! 375 00:13:22,932 --> 00:13:24,151 That's great! 376 00:13:24,238 --> 00:13:25,543 You can talk to her. 377 00:13:27,154 --> 00:13:28,720 Fine. Whatever. 378 00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:31,027 Oh, for the love of God! 379 00:13:31,114 --> 00:13:32,420 What do you want from me? 380 00:13:32,507 --> 00:13:34,204 Well, if you must know, 381 00:13:34,291 --> 00:13:36,032 she's coming over for dinner tomorrow night, 382 00:13:36,119 --> 00:13:38,208 and I just thought that maybe you'd like to join us. 383 00:13:38,295 --> 00:13:39,775 Dinner? Seriously? 384 00:13:39,862 --> 00:13:41,385 Forget I mentioned it. 385 00:13:41,472 --> 00:13:43,648 Okay, look, I'll see what I can do. 386 00:13:43,735 --> 00:13:44,388 Really? 387 00:13:44,475 --> 00:13:45,259 I'll try. 388 00:13:45,346 --> 00:13:46,782 Oh, thank you. 389 00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:48,784 You've made me so happy. 390 00:13:48,871 --> 00:13:50,351 Great. See ya. 391 00:13:51,874 --> 00:13:53,267 [sighs] 392 00:13:53,354 --> 00:13:55,835 I should've just bought a damn vibrator. 393 00:13:55,922 --> 00:13:57,706 ♪ Men.♪ 394 00:13:57,793 --> 00:13:59,751 Here ya go, Marty. 395 00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:01,928 Just the way you like it-- 396 00:14:02,015 --> 00:14:03,973 scotch and Metamucil. 397 00:14:06,062 --> 00:14:08,195 Why aren't we eating? 398 00:14:08,282 --> 00:14:09,631 It's almost 6:00. 399 00:14:09,718 --> 00:14:11,546 Where are we, France? 400 00:14:11,633 --> 00:14:12,808 We're waiting for Alan's girlfriend. 401 00:14:14,766 --> 00:14:17,204 I thought hewas Alan's girlfriend? 402 00:14:21,991 --> 00:14:23,819 No. I own the house. 403 00:14:23,906 --> 00:14:26,517 It's actually a funny story. I was on the beach and I went... 404 00:14:26,604 --> 00:14:28,171 Don't care. 405 00:14:30,043 --> 00:14:31,871 Marty, don't be rude. 406 00:14:31,958 --> 00:14:34,047 I'm sorry. Low blood sugar. 407 00:14:34,134 --> 00:14:35,962 Plus, I really don't care. 408 00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:39,313 Unbelievable. 409 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,315 Lyndsey's not answering any of my calls 410 00:14:41,402 --> 00:14:42,925 and she hasn't returned any of my texts. 411 00:14:43,012 --> 00:14:44,753 I told you you were gonna get hurt. 412 00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:45,797 [mocking]: I told you you were gonna get hurt. 413 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:48,235 You know what? 414 00:14:48,322 --> 00:14:49,236 I'm gonna go get her. 415 00:14:49,323 --> 00:14:51,412 And don't try to stop me. 416 00:14:51,499 --> 00:14:52,630 Okay. Okay. Okay. 417 00:14:52,717 --> 00:14:54,328 No problem. 418 00:14:54,415 --> 00:14:57,809 Now that buzzkill is gone... 419 00:14:57,897 --> 00:15:01,422 anyone want to get high? 420 00:15:01,509 --> 00:15:03,772 Roll joint! 421 00:15:03,859 --> 00:15:05,556 ♪ Men.♪ 422 00:15:07,950 --> 00:15:09,212 You think Alan's gonna mind 423 00:15:09,299 --> 00:15:10,387 that we started without him? 424 00:15:10,474 --> 00:15:11,388 Who's Alan? 425 00:15:11,475 --> 00:15:12,389 [Berta laughs] 426 00:15:12,476 --> 00:15:14,043 You know... 427 00:15:14,130 --> 00:15:18,613 I think I banged Lucille Ball in this house. 428 00:15:18,700 --> 00:15:21,964 She was my second-favorite redhead. 429 00:15:22,051 --> 00:15:23,792 Thank you. [chuckles] 430 00:15:23,879 --> 00:15:26,534 Wait a second. 431 00:15:26,621 --> 00:15:27,839 It's night. 432 00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:30,494 Why am I still here? 433 00:15:30,581 --> 00:15:33,106 I'll see you tomorrow. 434 00:15:33,193 --> 00:15:33,802 Are you okay to drive? 435 00:15:33,889 --> 00:15:35,935 I'm fine. 436 00:15:36,022 --> 00:15:37,675 Well, let me know when you get home. 437 00:15:37,762 --> 00:15:40,765 I'm home. 438 00:15:40,852 --> 00:15:42,289 [chuckles] 439 00:15:42,376 --> 00:15:44,334 Your father would've loved this night. 440 00:15:44,421 --> 00:15:45,857 We're all drunk, we're all high, and Alan's not here. 441 00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,859 Wait-- who's Alan? 442 00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:50,906 You know what we should do tomorrow? 443 00:15:50,993 --> 00:15:52,429 Go to the Malibu Police Station. 444 00:15:52,516 --> 00:15:54,997 They took more pictures of your dad than I did. 445 00:15:56,303 --> 00:15:57,869 Again? 446 00:15:57,957 --> 00:16:00,394 I want to stay home and play naked Jeopardy. 447 00:16:00,481 --> 00:16:02,613 I want to spend time with my daughter. 448 00:16:02,700 --> 00:16:03,919 Granddaughter. 449 00:16:04,006 --> 00:16:04,964 Oh, please, nobody's buying that. 450 00:16:07,314 --> 00:16:09,794 I am going into the living room, Evelyn. 451 00:16:09,881 --> 00:16:12,232 I suggest you push me there. 452 00:16:12,319 --> 00:16:14,451 We need to talk. 453 00:16:14,538 --> 00:16:15,452 Be back in a minute. 454 00:16:15,539 --> 00:16:17,106 There's a 50-50 chance 455 00:16:17,193 --> 00:16:18,890 he won't remember what he wants. 456 00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:20,327 If you're gonna talk about me, 457 00:16:20,414 --> 00:16:23,373 you shouldn't shave my ears first. 458 00:16:25,723 --> 00:16:26,942 He's great. 459 00:16:27,029 --> 00:16:30,163 Wonder what it's like to be 91. 460 00:16:30,250 --> 00:16:33,209 I imagine that you're wet in the places you used to be dry 461 00:16:33,296 --> 00:16:35,603 and dry in the places you used to be wet. 462 00:16:36,908 --> 00:16:38,954 What's wrong? 463 00:16:39,041 --> 00:16:42,262 Your granddaughter is coming between us... 464 00:16:42,349 --> 00:16:44,699 and not in the good way. 465 00:16:44,786 --> 00:16:48,137 Look, Marty, she just came into my life. 466 00:16:48,224 --> 00:16:49,965 And believe it or not, 467 00:16:50,052 --> 00:16:53,925 I wasn't always the best mom to Charlie or-or the other one. 468 00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:56,363 Jennifer is my second chance. 469 00:16:56,450 --> 00:16:58,104 You got to make a choice. 470 00:16:58,191 --> 00:17:00,671 It's me or the kid. 471 00:17:00,758 --> 00:17:04,327 I love you, Marty, but I have to pick my granddaughter. 472 00:17:04,414 --> 00:17:08,723 You know, I have $400 million. 473 00:17:08,810 --> 00:17:10,768 I'm not saying it isn't close. 474 00:17:10,855 --> 00:17:13,815 It's over. 475 00:17:13,902 --> 00:17:19,560 [chuckles] Okay, I'm bluffing. 476 00:17:19,647 --> 00:17:20,909 I really miss you. 477 00:17:20,996 --> 00:17:24,608 I miss you too, money... honey. 478 00:17:24,695 --> 00:17:27,916 Maybe I can make it up to you. 479 00:17:28,003 --> 00:17:32,703 If you can make it down to me, you can make it up to me. 480 00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:39,754 Something tells me that Marty doesn't want me around. 481 00:17:39,841 --> 00:17:42,931 What?! I can't imagine anyone not wanting you around. 482 00:17:43,018 --> 00:17:44,889 Really? Because I'm pretty sure 483 00:17:44,976 --> 00:17:47,066 I'm staying at my grandmother's 484 00:17:47,153 --> 00:17:47,936 because you don't want me around. 485 00:17:48,023 --> 00:17:51,679 No...! 486 00:17:51,766 --> 00:17:52,375 Maybe... 487 00:17:52,462 --> 00:17:54,029 Yes... 488 00:17:57,293 --> 00:17:58,599 I get it. 489 00:17:58,686 --> 00:18:00,209 You already have Alan. 490 00:18:00,296 --> 00:18:01,819 I do. 491 00:18:01,906 --> 00:18:03,865 Hey, do you think I'd look good in a jumpsuit? 492 00:18:03,952 --> 00:18:06,041 You'd look good in anything. 493 00:18:06,128 --> 00:18:07,956 That's 'cause I'm good-looking. 494 00:18:08,043 --> 00:18:09,610 I pretend like I don't know. 495 00:18:09,697 --> 00:18:11,655 Shh. 496 00:18:11,742 --> 00:18:15,659 Seriously, if you want privacy, then why do you have a roommate? 497 00:18:15,746 --> 00:18:17,966 Oh, you know, Alan's way more than a roommate. 498 00:18:18,053 --> 00:18:20,534 He's my best friend. 499 00:18:20,621 --> 00:18:25,974 He was there for me when I was all alone. 500 00:18:26,061 --> 00:18:28,411 He even took me into my own house. 501 00:18:28,498 --> 00:18:32,111 You know, him and-and his stoner son 502 00:18:32,198 --> 00:18:36,071 and his horny mom and your dead dad. 503 00:18:36,158 --> 00:18:37,986 I mean, they've really become my family. 504 00:18:38,073 --> 00:18:40,249 Mine, too. 505 00:18:40,336 --> 00:18:44,601 I guess that means you're becoming part of my family. 506 00:18:44,688 --> 00:18:47,952 Aw...! 507 00:18:48,039 --> 00:18:51,695 I'm the most masculine person in this house. 508 00:18:51,782 --> 00:18:53,654 [both laughing] 509 00:18:53,741 --> 00:18:54,524 I like you, Jenny. 510 00:18:54,611 --> 00:18:57,440 I like you, Walden. 511 00:18:57,527 --> 00:19:00,008 If you were a chick, I would totally do you. 512 00:19:00,095 --> 00:19:02,967 Aw! You, too! 513 00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:08,712 Hey, you're welcome to crash here any time 514 00:19:08,799 --> 00:19:12,063 you need a break from Evelyn and... 515 00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:15,371 91-and-a-half shades of gray. 516 00:19:15,458 --> 00:19:15,980 Seriously? 517 00:19:16,067 --> 00:19:18,200 Yeah. 518 00:19:18,287 --> 00:19:19,941 You know, I was thinking about putting in a home gym, 519 00:19:20,028 --> 00:19:21,943 but big deal. 520 00:19:22,030 --> 00:19:24,075 I'd rather have a Jenny than a gym. 521 00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:27,340 You and me both. 522 00:19:27,427 --> 00:19:28,079 [both laugh] 523 00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:30,169 I get it. 524 00:19:30,256 --> 00:19:33,737 'Cause Jim and gym are homonyms 525 00:19:33,824 --> 00:19:35,913 and you're a "hamma-sexual." 526 00:19:39,395 --> 00:19:41,005 It's awfully quiet in there. Did they leave? 527 00:19:41,092 --> 00:19:44,357 I don't know. Let me go look. 528 00:19:47,142 --> 00:19:49,144 I shouldn't have looked. 529 00:19:51,929 --> 00:19:54,018 ♪ Men.♪[doorbell rings] 530 00:19:54,105 --> 00:19:57,500 No matter what she says, do not cry. 531 00:19:57,587 --> 00:19:58,022 You're the prize here. 532 00:20:00,373 --> 00:20:02,549 [hushed]: Alan, what are you doing here? 533 00:20:02,636 --> 00:20:03,767 What are youdoing here? You're supposed 534 00:20:03,854 --> 00:20:04,855 to be at my house for dinner. 535 00:20:04,942 --> 00:20:06,030 I said I would try. 536 00:20:06,117 --> 00:20:07,336 And I said I wouldn't cry. 537 00:20:07,423 --> 00:20:10,426 And I guess we're both liars now. 538 00:20:10,513 --> 00:20:13,037 Would you keep it down? Larry's here. 539 00:20:13,124 --> 00:20:16,824 What? You don't want him to hear your whore? 540 00:20:16,911 --> 00:20:21,089 'Cause that's all I am to you-- your whore! 541 00:20:21,176 --> 00:20:23,918 We agreed this was just about sex. 542 00:20:24,005 --> 00:20:25,267 Well, forgive me for falling in love. 543 00:20:25,354 --> 00:20:27,748 Alan, if you don't leave right now, 544 00:20:27,835 --> 00:20:30,054 you're never gonna see this again. 545 00:20:31,317 --> 00:20:32,622 Call at your convenience. 546 00:20:32,709 --> 00:20:34,798 ♪ Men.♪ 547 00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:41,457 ♪ Men.♪[doorbell rings] 548 00:20:41,544 --> 00:20:43,372 I'll get that. It's probably Lyndsey looking 549 00:20:43,459 --> 00:20:45,592 for a little morning wood to start her fire. 550 00:20:45,679 --> 00:20:46,680 Know what I'm saying? 551 00:20:46,767 --> 00:20:48,899 I know what you're saying, 552 00:20:48,986 --> 00:20:51,815 I just don't know why you're saying it. 553 00:20:53,382 --> 00:20:54,688 Uh, hello? 554 00:20:54,775 --> 00:20:56,298 Mackenzie, you lying bitch! 555 00:20:56,385 --> 00:20:57,734 Uh-oh. Congo, my ass! 556 00:20:57,821 --> 00:20:59,997 Don't run! You don't want to run! 557 00:21:04,045 --> 00:21:05,873 Yeah, it feels like home again. 558 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:08,049 Captioning sponsored by CBS and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION 559 00:21:08,136 --> 00:21:08,876 and TOYOTA.