1 00:00:02,306 --> 00:00:03,960 ♪ Men ♪♪ 2 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:11,663 - You are so pretty. - Thank you. 3 00:00:11,750 --> 00:00:14,449 - Pretty, pretty, pretty. - Okay, okay. 4 00:00:14,536 --> 00:00:16,625 Pretty man trying to drive a car here. 5 00:00:19,976 --> 00:00:22,892 How did you get more drunk since we left the party? 6 00:00:22,979 --> 00:00:25,155 Oh, well.. 7 00:00:25,242 --> 00:00:27,592 ...I brought a roadie. 8 00:00:27,679 --> 00:00:29,420 Where did you get that? 9 00:00:29,507 --> 00:00:30,639 My purse. 10 00:00:32,206 --> 00:00:34,164 Your purse. 11 00:00:34,251 --> 00:00:36,210 Oh, no, it spilled! 12 00:00:40,388 --> 00:00:41,998 Do you want some? 13 00:00:42,085 --> 00:00:44,870 No. You-you need to get rid of that drink. 14 00:00:44,957 --> 00:00:47,177 Fine, Mr. Man. 15 00:00:50,006 --> 00:00:51,007 Oops! 16 00:00:52,269 --> 00:00:54,010 Okay. 17 00:00:54,097 --> 00:00:56,708 I think it's time to get Stacey home and under the covers. 18 00:00:56,795 --> 00:00:59,059 I think it's time to get Walden home 19 00:00:59,146 --> 00:01:00,843 and under Stacey. 20 00:01:02,236 --> 00:01:04,238 That's not gonna happen. 21 00:01:04,325 --> 00:01:06,805 - Boo! - Maybe another time. 22 00:01:06,892 --> 00:01:08,372 Yay! 23 00:01:10,157 --> 00:01:12,811 I think I'm gonna take a little nap before we get there. 24 00:01:14,509 --> 00:01:15,553 Okay. 25 00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:18,382 [Stacey] 'I'm so hungry.' 26 00:01:18,469 --> 00:01:22,256 You'll be home soon, and then... whoa, that-that is not food. 27 00:01:22,343 --> 00:01:23,909 ♪ Men ♪♪ 28 00:01:23,996 --> 00:01:25,955 Are you sure you don't want to stay 29 00:01:26,042 --> 00:01:28,827 'cause we could have sex? 30 00:01:28,914 --> 00:01:30,481 You've made that abundantly clear. 31 00:01:30,568 --> 00:01:32,309 Uh, but no, thank you. 32 00:01:32,396 --> 00:01:34,181 And to have sex with me, you need to be able 33 00:01:34,268 --> 00:01:36,226 to stand on one leg and touch your nose. 34 00:01:38,533 --> 00:01:40,622 Ooh. Nope. 35 00:01:43,625 --> 00:01:46,584 Ooh! Mojito. 36 00:01:46,671 --> 00:01:49,805 Okay, let's-let's get you inside safe and sound. 37 00:01:53,330 --> 00:01:55,202 - Hello. - Hi, Nana. 38 00:01:55,289 --> 00:01:57,769 Look, this is my new friend Wal.. 39 00:02:01,730 --> 00:02:03,993 It's actually pronounced "Walden." 40 00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:06,735 ♪ Men men men men manly men men men ♪ 41 00:02:06,822 --> 00:02:08,998 ♪ Ha aa aa men ♪♪ 42 00:02:12,697 --> 00:02:13,872 ♪ Men ♪♪ 43 00:02:13,959 --> 00:02:15,439 She's asleep. 44 00:02:15,526 --> 00:02:18,747 Her head's in the toilet, but she's asleep. 45 00:02:18,834 --> 00:02:21,053 I just, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. 46 00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:23,230 I'm not the kind of guy who brings home a drunk girl. 47 00:02:23,317 --> 00:02:24,535 I mean, I did bring her home 48 00:02:24,622 --> 00:02:28,148 but not to, you know, bring her home. 49 00:02:28,235 --> 00:02:30,367 We met at this video game release party 50 00:02:30,454 --> 00:02:32,064 and we started drinking and talking. 51 00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:33,718 As it turns out, she was doing more of the drinking and I was 52 00:02:33,805 --> 00:02:35,764 doing more of the talking. And here I am, still talkin'. 53 00:02:35,851 --> 00:02:38,158 Hi. I'm Walden Schmidt. 54 00:02:38,245 --> 00:02:40,638 Nice to meet you, Walden. Linda Pearson. 55 00:02:40,725 --> 00:02:43,032 Thank you for helping my granddaughter. 56 00:02:43,119 --> 00:02:44,947 You-you do not look like you're old enough 57 00:02:45,034 --> 00:02:47,036 to have a granddaughter. 58 00:02:47,123 --> 00:02:49,908 The unexpected benefit of being a slut at 18. 59 00:02:51,823 --> 00:02:53,390 And having a daughter who followed suit. 60 00:02:53,477 --> 00:02:55,914 And you know, from the looks of it, Stacey is, uh 61 00:02:56,001 --> 00:02:59,179 going to carry on the proud family tradition. 62 00:02:59,266 --> 00:03:02,399 Some families hand down recipes. 63 00:03:02,486 --> 00:03:04,445 I appreciate you being a gentleman. 64 00:03:04,532 --> 00:03:06,664 Sure, you know, I was-I was 65 00:03:06,751 --> 00:03:07,883 looking at these photos. 66 00:03:07,970 --> 00:03:09,537 They're amazing. Who took these? 67 00:03:09,624 --> 00:03:11,321 Oh, I did. 68 00:03:11,408 --> 00:03:14,150 - You took all of these? - Yeah, I'm a photographer. 69 00:03:14,237 --> 00:03:15,456 In fact, this is pretty much a record 70 00:03:15,543 --> 00:03:17,545 of the last 40 years of my life. 71 00:03:17,632 --> 00:03:20,939 Well, hold on, in this one, these guys are aiming 72 00:03:21,026 --> 00:03:22,854 their machine guns at the camera 73 00:03:22,941 --> 00:03:25,248 which means, they're aiming their machine guns at you. 74 00:03:25,335 --> 00:03:27,294 Yeah, I was on assignment 75 00:03:27,381 --> 00:03:29,252 and uh, I needed a photo 76 00:03:29,339 --> 00:03:31,646 of Nicaraguan Contras and I guess nobody told their 77 00:03:31,733 --> 00:03:33,735 elite death squad it was picture day. 78 00:03:36,085 --> 00:03:39,001 That's what I said when they came over the hill. 79 00:03:39,088 --> 00:03:41,046 But it had a lot more F's in it. 80 00:03:42,874 --> 00:03:44,833 This is, thi-this is a picture 81 00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:46,704 of Warren Beatty and Jack Nicholson. 82 00:03:46,791 --> 00:03:49,359 Yeah, I-I took some more photos in the Jacuzzi later 83 00:03:49,446 --> 00:03:51,666 but, uh, I can't display those. 84 00:03:53,581 --> 00:03:55,887 Yeah, and that's, um, the Berlin Wall coming down 85 00:03:55,974 --> 00:03:58,368 and-and that's Tiananmen Square 86 00:03:58,455 --> 00:04:01,980 and...this is a dachshund in a hot dog bun. 87 00:04:03,721 --> 00:04:06,507 - You're really talented. - You're really sweet. 88 00:04:06,594 --> 00:04:08,639 Okay, yeah, I've taken up enough of your time. 89 00:04:08,726 --> 00:04:10,075 I'm gonna get out of your way now. 90 00:04:10,162 --> 00:04:11,860 Oh, you're not in my way. 91 00:04:11,947 --> 00:04:15,820 I was just going to make a cup of tea and smoke a joint. 92 00:04:15,907 --> 00:04:17,300 - Really? - Yeah. 93 00:04:17,387 --> 00:04:19,215 Uh, you want to join me? 94 00:04:19,302 --> 00:04:21,173 That's my idea of baking with Grandma. 95 00:04:24,133 --> 00:04:25,656 ♪ Men ♪♪ 96 00:04:25,743 --> 00:04:28,224 [Jake] 'Dad? Walden?' 97 00:04:28,311 --> 00:04:29,356 Jake? 98 00:04:31,488 --> 00:04:32,837 This is a surprise. 99 00:04:32,924 --> 00:04:34,709 So is this. 100 00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:37,320 What's on your face? 101 00:04:37,407 --> 00:04:39,104 Oh, uh, now that I'm back in the dating pool 102 00:04:39,191 --> 00:04:40,541 I want to look my best. 103 00:04:40,628 --> 00:04:42,760 Oh. It's not working. 104 00:04:42,847 --> 00:04:44,719 So, what-what are you doing home? 105 00:04:44,806 --> 00:04:47,287 I got a few days pass, you know, thought I'd come surprise you 106 00:04:47,374 --> 00:04:48,505 spend some time together. 107 00:04:48,592 --> 00:04:50,290 That's great. Wait a second. 108 00:04:50,377 --> 00:04:52,509 Are you in trouble? Is somebody pregnant? Do you need money? 109 00:04:52,596 --> 00:04:55,120 No, no, and always. 110 00:04:55,207 --> 00:04:57,732 Thing is, I'm gonna be going away for a while. 111 00:04:57,819 --> 00:05:00,038 Damn it, I forgot jail. 112 00:05:00,125 --> 00:05:01,997 Not jail. Japan. 113 00:05:02,084 --> 00:05:03,520 - Japan? - Yeah. 114 00:05:03,607 --> 00:05:05,000 They needed an extra cook at the base 115 00:05:05,087 --> 00:05:06,741 over there, so I volunteered. 116 00:05:06,828 --> 00:05:10,614 - Really? Why? - Why not? I love Benihana. 117 00:05:10,701 --> 00:05:12,660 Oh-oh, my God. W-when do you leave? 118 00:05:12,747 --> 00:05:14,357 - Two weeks. - Wait. Two weeks? 119 00:05:14,444 --> 00:05:15,967 So-so this is probably the last time 120 00:05:16,054 --> 00:05:17,795 I'm gonna see you for a while. 121 00:05:17,882 --> 00:05:19,971 Yeah, I guess, unless you're willing to make the drive. 122 00:05:21,886 --> 00:05:23,497 ♪ Men ♪♪ 123 00:05:23,584 --> 00:05:25,760 So, Nixon stands on the helicopter steps, right 124 00:05:25,847 --> 00:05:29,198 and he does this, and I take the picture 125 00:05:29,285 --> 00:05:31,809 and I am so excited that I don't even notice 126 00:05:31,896 --> 00:05:35,247 Strom Thurmond's hand is on my ass. 127 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:36,901 So, what did you do? 128 00:05:36,988 --> 00:05:39,948 I became a lifelong Democrat. 129 00:05:40,035 --> 00:05:42,603 Wow. You've seen some incredible things. 130 00:05:42,690 --> 00:05:45,388 Oh, well, you can get into some pretty amazing places 131 00:05:45,475 --> 00:05:48,783 with a camera, a press pass and no bra. 132 00:05:48,870 --> 00:05:51,655 Okay, I'm gonna stop wearing a bra. 133 00:05:51,742 --> 00:05:54,136 It's-it's nice to have someone to talk to. 134 00:05:54,223 --> 00:05:58,793 Stacey thinks Nicaragua is a gum you chew to stop smoking. 135 00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:02,187 She also thinks Mount Rushmore is a natural phenomenon. 136 00:06:03,275 --> 00:06:04,842 It's not? 137 00:06:06,627 --> 00:06:08,759 Oh, man. I should really get going. 138 00:06:08,846 --> 00:06:12,197 Oh, but before you go, you have to do something for me. 139 00:06:12,284 --> 00:06:15,200 Every person I meet poses for the same picture. 140 00:06:15,287 --> 00:06:17,072 Oh, I would be honored. 141 00:06:17,159 --> 00:06:19,204 Great. Okay, now, stand by that wall. 142 00:06:19,291 --> 00:06:20,902 - Okay. - Yeah. 143 00:06:20,989 --> 00:06:24,427 And uh, give me a great big smile. 144 00:06:24,514 --> 00:06:26,211 Now drop your pants and moon me. 145 00:06:26,298 --> 00:06:29,214 What? 146 00:06:29,301 --> 00:06:32,392 That's the picture I take of everyone. 147 00:06:32,479 --> 00:06:34,306 Okay, I'm still gonna moon you. 148 00:06:35,917 --> 00:06:37,962 ♪ Men ♪♪ 149 00:06:38,049 --> 00:06:39,703 So how long is your tour of duty? 150 00:06:39,790 --> 00:06:41,488 And yes, I know I said "Duty." 151 00:06:43,315 --> 00:06:45,970 Uh, a year, but if I do really well, it could be longer. 152 00:06:46,057 --> 00:06:47,407 Okay, so a year. 153 00:06:49,191 --> 00:06:51,672 - Hey. - Hey, Walden. 154 00:06:51,759 --> 00:06:53,978 - What are you doing home? - Oh, just visiting. 155 00:06:54,065 --> 00:06:55,502 He's being transferred to Japan. 156 00:06:55,589 --> 00:06:57,939 Oh, what? That's amazing! 157 00:06:58,026 --> 00:07:00,724 I mean, I'll miss you, but what a great opportunity. 158 00:07:00,811 --> 00:07:03,248 It's a beautiful country, gorgeous women, one step closer 159 00:07:03,335 --> 00:07:05,337 to having this house to myself. 160 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,035 Yeah, the only thing I'm worried about 161 00:07:07,122 --> 00:07:08,906 is, they still haven't found Godzilla. 162 00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:17,654 - How-how was the party? - Oh, it was great. 163 00:07:17,741 --> 00:07:19,787 I-I met this really hot 22-year-old girl 164 00:07:19,874 --> 00:07:22,050 and spent the whole night talking to her grandma. 165 00:07:22,137 --> 00:07:25,227 Oh, yeah, "Talking to her grandma." 166 00:07:25,314 --> 00:07:26,794 I know what that means. 167 00:07:33,627 --> 00:07:35,716 - Do you? - Are you kidding? 168 00:07:35,803 --> 00:07:37,195 Whenever I wear my uniform out 169 00:07:37,282 --> 00:07:39,720 all the ladies let me talk to their grandma. 170 00:07:46,509 --> 00:07:49,947 - I'm just gonna talk to you. - Wait, wait. 171 00:07:50,034 --> 00:07:52,515 So, uh, you-you met this hot 22-year-old 172 00:07:52,602 --> 00:07:54,212 but you spent the night talking to her grandmother? 173 00:07:54,299 --> 00:07:56,301 That's like going to the International House of Pancakes 174 00:07:56,388 --> 00:07:58,782 and ordering a bowl of dust. 175 00:07:58,869 --> 00:08:00,697 Clearly, I can't talk to either of you. 176 00:08:00,784 --> 00:08:02,873 No. No, seriously. Why? 177 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:06,747 Well, I'm sick of dating these goofy, shallow girls 178 00:08:06,834 --> 00:08:09,532 that all have a tiny dog in their purse. 179 00:08:09,619 --> 00:08:12,100 Alright, tiny dog in their purse. 180 00:08:13,710 --> 00:08:16,321 I'm missing you less and less. 181 00:08:18,846 --> 00:08:20,282 She's really interesting. 182 00:08:20,369 --> 00:08:22,589 Is she like a rapping granny or something? 183 00:08:23,807 --> 00:08:26,767 Stop talking! 184 00:08:26,854 --> 00:08:28,856 Well, she's smart and funny 185 00:08:28,943 --> 00:08:30,858 and she's had all these incredible experiences. 186 00:08:30,945 --> 00:08:32,294 There's just one problem. 187 00:08:32,381 --> 00:08:34,122 What? She can't drive at night? 188 00:08:37,386 --> 00:08:38,518 No. 189 00:08:38,605 --> 00:08:39,954 If I want to see Linda again 190 00:08:40,041 --> 00:08:41,738 and I got to see Stacey again 191 00:08:41,825 --> 00:08:45,263 and if, if I see her, she's gonna want to have sex with me. 192 00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,837 Could you ask Walden why that's a problem? 193 00:08:55,622 --> 00:08:57,406 ♪ Men ♪♪ 194 00:08:59,016 --> 00:09:00,278 This is nice, huh? 195 00:09:01,062 --> 00:09:02,237 Yes, it is. 196 00:09:03,804 --> 00:09:05,457 In a truly weird way. 197 00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:06,850 There's nothing weird about 198 00:09:06,937 --> 00:09:08,417 three people having dinner together. 199 00:09:08,504 --> 00:09:11,202 It is when two of them are on a date. 200 00:09:11,289 --> 00:09:13,901 Oh, come on. We want you here. Isn't that right, Stacey? 201 00:09:13,988 --> 00:09:17,469 Huh? Yeah. Totes. 202 00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:20,124 Well, in that case, I'm totes glad to be here. 203 00:09:21,822 --> 00:09:24,085 So, are-are you into photography, too? 204 00:09:24,172 --> 00:09:27,001 Oh, yeah, I take tons of selfies! 205 00:09:30,047 --> 00:09:33,790 Instagram! Hmm. 206 00:09:33,877 --> 00:09:36,663 So, how did you two wind up living together? 207 00:09:36,750 --> 00:09:38,839 Ugh. She's my grandma. 208 00:09:38,926 --> 00:09:41,276 Duh! 209 00:09:41,363 --> 00:09:43,452 Stacey's looking for a job out here. 210 00:09:43,539 --> 00:09:45,367 She just graduated from Arizona State. 211 00:09:45,454 --> 00:09:46,847 Oh, wow! 212 00:09:46,934 --> 00:09:49,197 - What was your major? - Communications. 213 00:09:49,284 --> 00:09:52,069 You know, I've always wondered what is that exactly? 214 00:09:52,156 --> 00:09:53,941 Well.. 215 00:09:54,028 --> 00:09:56,813 ...it's kind of hard to put into words. 216 00:09:56,900 --> 00:10:00,817 I mean, you know, it's, like, talking and stuff. 217 00:10:00,904 --> 00:10:03,341 - Uh-huh. - Hundred and twenty grand. 218 00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:09,043 Ooh, hey, are we gonna have sex tonight? 219 00:10:09,130 --> 00:10:11,611 There's that communications degree at work. 220 00:10:11,698 --> 00:10:12,742 I hadn't really thought--. 221 00:10:12,829 --> 00:10:14,526 'Cause, if not. 222 00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,616 I just got invited to a killer party. 223 00:10:19,053 --> 00:10:20,620 Well, I-I wouldn't want to keep you-- 224 00:10:20,707 --> 00:10:23,666 Great, my friends are gonna swing by and pick me up. 225 00:10:23,753 --> 00:10:25,189 Do-do you want to eat something first? 226 00:10:25,276 --> 00:10:29,063 Oh, God, no. I hate drinking on a full stomach. 227 00:10:29,150 --> 00:10:31,979 In fact, I'm gonna go throw up and make a little room. 228 00:10:33,937 --> 00:10:36,723 Pretty sure she's going to live with me forever. 229 00:10:36,810 --> 00:10:37,985 I got one of those. 230 00:10:39,334 --> 00:10:41,684 ♪ Men ♪♪ 231 00:10:41,771 --> 00:10:43,077 I think pizza's the thing 232 00:10:43,164 --> 00:10:45,166 I'm gonna miss the most when I go to Japan. 233 00:10:47,037 --> 00:10:49,518 - Really? Pizza? - Yeah. 234 00:10:49,605 --> 00:10:51,651 Well, that and sushi. 235 00:10:55,306 --> 00:10:56,612 Okay. 236 00:10:56,699 --> 00:10:58,048 You know what? This is ridiculous. 237 00:10:58,135 --> 00:10:59,441 I mean, you're-you're gonna be gone for a year 238 00:10:59,528 --> 00:11:00,703 and we're sitting here watching 239 00:11:00,790 --> 00:11:02,705 Dancing with the Freakin' Stars. 240 00:11:02,792 --> 00:11:05,577 Well, do you want to watch "Hillbilly Gynecologist?" 241 00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:07,536 No. No, I don't want to watch anything. 242 00:11:07,623 --> 00:11:09,364 I want to do something. 243 00:11:09,451 --> 00:11:12,933 Hey, hey, what do you say we go on a father-son road trip? 244 00:11:13,020 --> 00:11:15,979 - Okay. Can we go to Vegas? - Uh, well, that would be great. 245 00:11:16,066 --> 00:11:19,113 Except you're not old enough to drink or gamble. 246 00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:21,898 Right. I don't drink. 247 00:11:21,985 --> 00:11:23,813 Oh, uh, you know what we could do? 248 00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:27,338 We could see beloved Canadian songbird Celine Dion. 249 00:11:27,425 --> 00:11:28,992 She is to die for. 250 00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:33,431 - Dad. - Mm-hmm. 251 00:11:33,518 --> 00:11:35,346 I'm gonna be going away for a while. 252 00:11:35,433 --> 00:11:38,741 If there's anything you need to tell me, now's the time. 253 00:11:38,828 --> 00:11:40,874 ♪ Men ♪♪ 254 00:11:40,961 --> 00:11:43,441 Well, thank you very much for dinner. 255 00:11:43,528 --> 00:11:46,662 You know, I was really impressed that you ordered in Italian. 256 00:11:46,749 --> 00:11:48,533 Grazie, signora. Molto bene. 257 00:11:48,620 --> 00:11:50,753 It would've been more impressive if we'd been 258 00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:52,537 in an Italian restaurant. 259 00:11:54,496 --> 00:11:57,586 - I had a great time tonight. - Oh, I did, too. Yeah. 260 00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:01,242 Whoa! 261 00:12:01,329 --> 00:12:06,856 Look. You are a wonderful young man, but I have a rule. 262 00:12:06,943 --> 00:12:09,076 I never kiss anyone who started the night 263 00:12:09,163 --> 00:12:10,904 on a date with my granddaughter. 264 00:12:14,429 --> 00:12:17,998 Rule? This has happened before? 265 00:12:18,085 --> 00:12:19,739 ♪ Men ♪♪ 266 00:12:23,655 --> 00:12:24,831 ♪ Men ♪♪ 267 00:12:24,918 --> 00:12:25,875 So, what do you think? 268 00:12:25,962 --> 00:12:27,355 If we take this route 269 00:12:27,442 --> 00:12:29,879 we can be at the Grand Canyon by sunrise tomorrow. 270 00:12:29,966 --> 00:12:32,055 - Pretty awesome, huh? - Yeah. 271 00:12:32,142 --> 00:12:35,929 You know what else is awesome? The Bunny Ranch. 272 00:12:36,016 --> 00:12:38,932 We're not going to a whorehouse, we're going to the Grand Canyon. 273 00:12:39,019 --> 00:12:40,281 There's a girl at the Bunny Ranch 274 00:12:40,368 --> 00:12:41,761 they call the Grand Canyon. 275 00:12:44,807 --> 00:12:46,113 Mornin'. 276 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:48,158 Hey, Walden, we're going on a father-son trip. 277 00:12:48,245 --> 00:12:49,638 - Do you want to come? - Jake? 278 00:12:49,725 --> 00:12:51,553 What I want it to be fun. 279 00:12:53,511 --> 00:12:55,252 I can't, I'm still sorting things out 280 00:12:55,339 --> 00:12:56,819 with Linda and Stacey. 281 00:12:56,906 --> 00:12:59,387 Oh, right. The grandma- granddaughter thing. 282 00:12:59,474 --> 00:13:00,649 You know, if you get the mom in there 283 00:13:00,736 --> 00:13:01,911 they'll bronze your Johnson. 284 00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:06,524 I am so glad you're a cook, not a sniper. 285 00:13:08,265 --> 00:13:12,487 - So, Japan, huh? - Yeah, the Big Apple. 286 00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,665 Have a fun road trip. 287 00:13:16,752 --> 00:13:19,320 I'm gonna miss this. Give me a hug. 288 00:13:19,407 --> 00:13:21,191 Oh, thanks for everything, Berta. 289 00:13:21,278 --> 00:13:24,412 You take care of yourself, Taterhead. 290 00:13:24,499 --> 00:13:26,675 - Are you crying? - Nah! 291 00:13:26,762 --> 00:13:28,764 Oh, don't worry, you'll still have my dad. 292 00:13:28,851 --> 00:13:30,374 Now, I'm crying. 293 00:13:32,333 --> 00:13:33,682 ♪ Men ♪♪ 294 00:13:33,769 --> 00:13:34,857 [doorbell rings] 295 00:13:37,077 --> 00:13:40,297 - Hi. - Hi. Um, hm. 296 00:13:40,384 --> 00:13:41,995 Well, this is a little awkward. 297 00:13:42,082 --> 00:13:44,824 Um, Stacey's actually out on a date. 298 00:13:44,911 --> 00:13:47,348 Oh, no. I'm devastated. 299 00:13:47,435 --> 00:13:49,480 I don't think I should be alone. 300 00:13:49,567 --> 00:13:50,917 Look, I'm very flattered 301 00:13:51,004 --> 00:13:53,180 but I think we covered this last night. 302 00:13:53,267 --> 00:13:54,616 I brought weed. 303 00:13:56,270 --> 00:13:58,925 Oh, honey, that's not weed. 304 00:13:59,012 --> 00:14:00,274 Come on in. 305 00:14:02,406 --> 00:14:04,931 And stop looking at my ass. 306 00:14:05,018 --> 00:14:05,975 Got it. 307 00:14:06,062 --> 00:14:08,151 ♪ Men ♪♪ 308 00:14:08,238 --> 00:14:12,590 Isn't this great? The Harper boys, on the road. 309 00:14:12,677 --> 00:14:14,854 Mothers, lock up your daughters. 310 00:14:14,941 --> 00:14:16,856 Cows, prepare to be tipped. 311 00:14:18,335 --> 00:14:19,728 Since when do you tip? 312 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:24,080 That's witty banter. Best thing about a road trip. 313 00:14:24,167 --> 00:14:26,648 Yeah, yeah. That and joking around. 314 00:14:32,567 --> 00:14:34,395 - Can I tell you something? - Of course. 315 00:14:36,353 --> 00:14:39,704 Back when you and mom broke up, I thought it was your fault 316 00:14:39,791 --> 00:14:42,577 and I was kind of mad at you for a long time. 317 00:14:42,664 --> 00:14:45,797 Oh, Jake, well, it was very complicated. 318 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:46,886 You know, a lot of things got said-- 319 00:14:46,973 --> 00:14:49,453 Yeah, well, let me finish. 320 00:14:49,540 --> 00:14:53,457 Then mom married Herb and then broke up with him 321 00:14:53,544 --> 00:14:56,896 so now I'm thinking maybe it wasn't all you. 322 00:14:58,245 --> 00:15:00,812 Well, I appreciate that. 323 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:03,337 But I'm not gonna say anything bad about your mother. 324 00:15:05,078 --> 00:15:07,819 - But you're hoping I will. - Oh, absolutely. 325 00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:09,909 ♪ Men ♪♪ 326 00:15:09,996 --> 00:15:12,607 So, after I dropped out of college, me and my buddy 327 00:15:12,694 --> 00:15:14,174 developed this software, and we sold it for 328 00:15:14,261 --> 00:15:15,479 like, a stupid amount of money. 329 00:15:15,566 --> 00:15:17,220 And I lost half of it in my divorce 330 00:15:17,307 --> 00:15:19,179 so then I developed some more software and made it all back 331 00:15:19,266 --> 00:15:21,181 and I am really freaking high. 332 00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:25,925 I feel like I've been talking for over a year. 333 00:15:26,012 --> 00:15:27,927 [sighs] You kind of have. 334 00:15:29,667 --> 00:15:31,887 So, what do you do now? 335 00:15:33,410 --> 00:15:35,325 A lot of this. 336 00:15:35,412 --> 00:15:39,112 Oh, Walden. You did your life backwards. 337 00:15:39,199 --> 00:15:44,204 Yeah. You're supposed to spend your youth ad-adventurizing. 338 00:15:44,291 --> 00:15:46,249 A-and then you go into business. 339 00:15:46,336 --> 00:15:50,036 Wait. You said "adventurizing." 340 00:15:50,123 --> 00:15:51,951 That's not even a word. 341 00:15:52,038 --> 00:15:55,780 It is now. I just inventorized it. 342 00:15:57,869 --> 00:15:59,306 No, I mean it. I mean it. 343 00:15:59,393 --> 00:16:04,702 You-you need to find something exciting in your life. 344 00:16:04,789 --> 00:16:06,487 Like what? 345 00:16:06,574 --> 00:16:09,446 Have you ever been chased by a lion in the Serengeti? 346 00:16:09,533 --> 00:16:12,710 No, but one time I got in a slap fight 347 00:16:12,797 --> 00:16:16,410 with the guy who plays Simba at Disneyland. 348 00:16:16,497 --> 00:16:19,195 That counts. 349 00:16:19,282 --> 00:16:22,590 H-have you ever been at a voodoo ritual in Haiti? 350 00:16:22,677 --> 00:16:25,767 Or-or-or panned for gold in the Yukon? 351 00:16:25,854 --> 00:16:28,813 Or made out with Buzz Aldrin? 352 00:16:28,900 --> 00:16:31,338 Ooh, do I want to make out with Buzz Aldrin? 353 00:16:31,425 --> 00:16:33,862 Oh, yeah. 354 00:16:33,949 --> 00:16:35,951 You need to find that thing in your life 355 00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:41,304 that you're afraid to do and then you just do it. 356 00:16:41,391 --> 00:16:43,350 - Yeah, maybe you're right. - Um. 357 00:16:46,701 --> 00:16:49,399 Oh, wow. 358 00:16:49,486 --> 00:16:50,835 I'm sorry. 359 00:16:50,922 --> 00:16:52,750 No, no, no. This is this one's on me. 360 00:16:52,837 --> 00:16:56,624 I'm...I haven't been with anybody 361 00:16:56,711 --> 00:17:00,149 since my divorce, and that was three years ago. 362 00:17:00,236 --> 00:17:02,630 Well, how is that possible? You're a beautiful woman. 363 00:17:02,717 --> 00:17:06,721 No, I was a mess, I-I was faithful to one man 364 00:17:06,808 --> 00:17:09,680 for over 30 years and unfortunately 365 00:17:09,767 --> 00:17:14,642 he was only faithful for six months and not in a row. 366 00:17:17,906 --> 00:17:23,042 Well, he is an idiot for philanderizing. 367 00:17:26,001 --> 00:17:28,830 What are you doing here, Walden? 368 00:17:28,917 --> 00:17:31,789 You're-you're handsome and young and rich 369 00:17:31,876 --> 00:17:35,924 and you know, you can have any woman you want. 370 00:17:36,011 --> 00:17:38,187 That is what I'm doing here. 371 00:17:41,495 --> 00:17:44,454 Oh, you're good. 372 00:17:44,541 --> 00:17:49,111 Like I said, I-I haven't been with anyone for a long time. 373 00:17:50,591 --> 00:17:52,375 I'll go slow. 374 00:17:52,462 --> 00:17:53,855 You misunderstand. 375 00:17:55,857 --> 00:17:57,380 I don't want to go slow. 376 00:17:59,252 --> 00:18:01,080 I want to hurt you. 377 00:18:03,908 --> 00:18:06,215 ♪ Men ♪♪ 378 00:18:06,302 --> 00:18:07,912 These are awesome. 379 00:18:07,999 --> 00:18:11,046 They're the last of the Charlie Harper Estate. 380 00:18:11,133 --> 00:18:13,527 We were supposed to smoke them when you graduated college. 381 00:18:16,617 --> 00:18:17,792 [laughing] 382 00:18:21,187 --> 00:18:22,536 I'm really glad we took this trip. 383 00:18:22,623 --> 00:18:24,451 Me, too. 384 00:18:24,538 --> 00:18:27,018 I can't believe my baby boy is all grown up 385 00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:29,151 and headed off to Japan. 386 00:18:29,238 --> 00:18:32,154 Well, tell him to look me up, 'cause I'll be there, too. 387 00:18:33,242 --> 00:18:34,896 I'm kidding, I'm kidding. 388 00:18:34,983 --> 00:18:36,854 I'm gonna worry about you every day you're over there. 389 00:18:36,941 --> 00:18:40,075 Don't worry about me. Worry about the Japanese. 390 00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:44,688 - Kidding? - Huh? What? 391 00:18:46,995 --> 00:18:49,606 Hey, I, uh I got you a little something. 392 00:18:55,482 --> 00:18:59,703 Whoa. This is a lot of cash. 393 00:18:59,790 --> 00:19:02,619 Did you rob the 7-11 we stopped at? 394 00:19:02,706 --> 00:19:04,273 More like they robbed me. 395 00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:08,451 Six dollars for a Slim Jim and a Yoo-hoo? Come on. 396 00:19:08,538 --> 00:19:10,932 No, I've been putting a little something away here and there. 397 00:19:11,019 --> 00:19:12,281 Wow. Thanks. 398 00:19:12,368 --> 00:19:13,978 Wish there was more. 399 00:19:14,065 --> 00:19:16,546 I'm just surprised that there's any. 400 00:19:16,633 --> 00:19:19,723 Okay, I-I deserve that. I-I know I wasn't the best dad. 401 00:19:19,810 --> 00:19:20,811 Are you kidding? 402 00:19:20,898 --> 00:19:21,899 We lived at a beach house 403 00:19:21,986 --> 00:19:23,466 my whole life, rent-free. 404 00:19:23,553 --> 00:19:24,902 And then, even after Uncle Charlie died 405 00:19:24,989 --> 00:19:26,295 we managed to stay there. 406 00:19:26,382 --> 00:19:28,906 I mean, who else could have done that? 407 00:19:28,993 --> 00:19:31,518 I did always make sure you had a roof over your head. 408 00:19:31,605 --> 00:19:33,302 Even if it was someone else's. 409 00:19:33,389 --> 00:19:34,956 Yeah, you did. 410 00:19:35,043 --> 00:19:37,088 And there were a lot of hot chicks under that roof. 411 00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:40,048 You don't even want to know how many times I lost my virginity. 412 00:19:41,354 --> 00:19:43,921 No, I.. Yeah, no, I don't. 413 00:19:47,316 --> 00:19:49,710 I guess what I'm trying to say is 414 00:19:49,797 --> 00:19:52,539 I wouldn't want anyone else to be my dad. 415 00:19:52,626 --> 00:19:54,149 Aw. 416 00:19:54,236 --> 00:19:56,369 - I wish you hadn't said that. - Why? 417 00:19:58,066 --> 00:20:00,329 Now I got to give you the rest of the money. 418 00:20:03,506 --> 00:20:05,334 ♪ Men ♪♪ 419 00:20:05,421 --> 00:20:06,814 - Oh. - Okay. 420 00:20:06,901 --> 00:20:08,381 So this was a good idea. 421 00:20:10,948 --> 00:20:14,865 No. This was a great idea. 422 00:20:14,952 --> 00:20:19,522 And that move you did at the end there. That's Yowza. 423 00:20:19,609 --> 00:20:23,222 You can thank Buzz Aldrin for that one. 424 00:20:23,309 --> 00:20:26,181 It's even better in zero gravity. 425 00:20:26,268 --> 00:20:28,139 Hello? Nana? 426 00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:29,793 - 'Whoa!' - Whoa! 427 00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:32,013 Let me explain. 428 00:20:32,100 --> 00:20:36,060 I'm happy for you. You should be with an old guy. 429 00:20:36,147 --> 00:20:37,671 ♪ Men ♪♪ 430 00:20:41,196 --> 00:20:42,415 ♪ Men ♪♪ 431 00:20:42,502 --> 00:20:44,504 So, what do you think? 432 00:20:44,591 --> 00:20:48,116 I think, if we can find a way around this big hole 433 00:20:48,203 --> 00:20:50,466 we can make it to the Grand Canyon. 434 00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:55,993 - I love you, Jake. - I love you too, dad. 435 00:20:57,560 --> 00:20:59,214 This is majestic. 436 00:20:59,301 --> 00:21:02,217 Yeah. Hey, you know what else is majestic? 437 00:21:02,304 --> 00:21:03,479 [farts] 438 00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:11,574 ♪ Men ♪♪ 439 00:21:16,057 --> 00:21:18,059 ♪ Men men men men manly men men men ♪ 440 00:21:18,146 --> 00:21:21,149 ♪ Men men men men manly men men men ♪ 441 00:21:21,236 --> 00:21:24,065 ♪ Men men men men manly men ♪ 442 00:21:24,152 --> 00:21:26,154 ♪ Oo hoo hoo hoo ♪ 443 00:21:26,241 --> 00:21:29,592 ♪ Men men men men manly men men men ♪ 444 00:21:29,679 --> 00:21:33,292 ♪ Men men men men manly men men men ♪ 445 00:21:33,379 --> 00:21:34,989 ♪ Men ♪♪