1 00:00:02,915 --> 00:00:05,179 You seem awfully quiet tonight. Is everything okay? 2 00:00:05,266 --> 00:00:07,181 I-I've just got a lot on my mind. 3 00:00:07,268 --> 00:00:09,879 Well, a problem shared is a problem halved. 4 00:00:09,966 --> 00:00:11,707 I think we should break up. 5 00:00:11,794 --> 00:00:14,101 Lyndsey's downstairs breaking up with Alan. 6 00:00:14,188 --> 00:00:16,799 - Really? - He's gonna be devastated. 7 00:00:16,886 --> 00:00:19,062 He was madly in love with her. They've been dating for years. 8 00:00:19,149 --> 00:00:20,455 They were planning on getting married. 9 00:00:20,542 --> 00:00:21,760 I-I still love you, Alan. 10 00:00:23,588 --> 00:00:26,330 I'm just not in love with you anymore. 11 00:00:26,417 --> 00:00:28,898 - Hey, Zip. - Just wanna be left alone. 12 00:00:28,985 --> 00:00:31,074 Lyndsey's crazy for breaking up with you. 13 00:00:31,161 --> 00:00:33,294 - You are a great guy. - Thank you. 14 00:00:33,381 --> 00:00:34,947 You'll find somebody else. 15 00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,297 As good as Lyndsey? 16 00:00:36,384 --> 00:00:39,039 Look at you, already making jokes. 17 00:00:43,086 --> 00:00:44,696 ♪ Men ♪♪ 18 00:00:46,568 --> 00:00:49,223 Hey. What you doing? 19 00:00:49,310 --> 00:00:52,052 Oh, just taking a stroll down memory lane. 20 00:00:52,139 --> 00:00:54,663 It's a photo book that Lyndsey gave me. 21 00:00:54,750 --> 00:00:57,970 Oh. Here we are at the Santa Monica Pier. 22 00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:01,104 [imitating Lyndsey] "Oh, Alan, I'm having such a great time. 23 00:01:01,191 --> 00:01:02,932 "I know it looks like I'm eating cotton candy 24 00:01:03,019 --> 00:01:04,977 "but really I'm just waiting for someone better to come along 25 00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:07,893 so I can dump your sorry ass." 26 00:01:07,980 --> 00:01:11,288 That dude in the Speedo totally photo-bombed you. 27 00:01:11,375 --> 00:01:13,812 Bet she was sleepin' with him, too. 28 00:01:13,899 --> 00:01:15,336 And look at the guy with the churros. 29 00:01:15,423 --> 00:01:17,599 What's he smilin' about? 30 00:01:17,686 --> 00:01:20,341 Okay, you know what? You can't live in the past. 31 00:01:20,428 --> 00:01:21,907 You also can't live in this robe. 32 00:01:21,994 --> 00:01:24,040 It's like the sacred shroud of urine. 33 00:01:25,868 --> 00:01:27,261 What happened? 34 00:01:27,348 --> 00:01:28,653 Lyndsey and I were supposed to take care 35 00:01:28,740 --> 00:01:30,655 of each other for the rest of our lives. 36 00:01:30,742 --> 00:01:35,704 She'd blend my steak so I didn't have to gum it. 37 00:01:35,791 --> 00:01:39,229 I'd change the tennis balls on the bottom of her walker. 38 00:01:39,316 --> 00:01:41,188 We'd keep track of each other's moles. 39 00:01:42,754 --> 00:01:44,495 It's a romantic picture. 40 00:01:44,582 --> 00:01:45,975 Glad you think so. 41 00:01:46,062 --> 00:01:47,411 'Cause now that's just gonna be you and me. 42 00:01:49,065 --> 00:01:50,893 It's not gonna be you and me 43 00:01:50,980 --> 00:01:55,027 because A, no. 44 00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:58,379 And B, you're gonna find somebody new. 45 00:01:58,466 --> 00:01:59,989 You just have to have a positive attitude. 46 00:02:00,076 --> 00:02:01,556 If you say you can't, you're right. 47 00:02:01,643 --> 00:02:03,035 If you say you can, you might. 48 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,254 [blows raspberry] 49 00:02:06,038 --> 00:02:07,127 Do that again. 50 00:02:07,214 --> 00:02:08,998 [blows raspberry] Ow! 51 00:02:09,085 --> 00:02:10,391 - Ow! - Now, suck it up! 52 00:02:10,478 --> 00:02:12,915 You're gonna find somebody new! 53 00:02:13,002 --> 00:02:14,308 - I can't. - Why not? 54 00:02:14,395 --> 00:02:15,352 Look at me! 55 00:02:15,439 --> 00:02:17,267 [mumbles] 56 00:02:17,354 --> 00:02:18,660 - What? - Look at me. 57 00:02:18,747 --> 00:02:20,836 When I met Lyndsey, I was a solid six. 58 00:02:20,923 --> 00:02:23,752 Now I'm a soft four at best. 59 00:02:23,839 --> 00:02:27,190 Really? You thought you were a six? 60 00:02:27,277 --> 00:02:30,889 Well, maybe not a Malibu six, but a Wal-Mart six. 61 00:02:33,457 --> 00:02:34,937 And it didn't matter. I was in love. 62 00:02:35,024 --> 00:02:37,200 No one takes care of themselves when they're in love. 63 00:02:37,287 --> 00:02:38,636 When you know you can have sex in a sweatshirt 64 00:02:38,723 --> 00:02:40,116 you stop doing sit-ups. 65 00:02:40,203 --> 00:02:41,770 Do something about it. 66 00:02:41,857 --> 00:02:44,164 Get yourself back in shape, get some new clothes 67 00:02:44,251 --> 00:02:46,514 get a haircut, get your own place. 68 00:02:46,601 --> 00:02:48,907 Anything to get your confidence back. 69 00:02:48,994 --> 00:02:51,693 Look, I appreciate the pep talk, but I've lost all hope. 70 00:02:51,780 --> 00:02:53,216 Well, I can't give you hope 71 00:02:53,303 --> 00:02:56,872 but I-I can give you my American Express Black Card. 72 00:02:56,959 --> 00:02:59,091 Hope's for losers. 73 00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:00,963 ♪ Men men men men ♪ 74 00:03:01,050 --> 00:03:02,747 ♪ Manly men men men ♪ 75 00:03:02,834 --> 00:03:04,096 ♪ Men men men men ♪♪ Oo-o-o-o-h ♪ 76 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,055 ♪ Manly men men men ♪ 77 00:03:06,142 --> 00:03:08,927 ♪ Men men men men manly men ♪ 78 00:03:09,014 --> 00:03:10,886 ♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪ 79 00:03:10,973 --> 00:03:12,409 ♪ Men men men men ♪ 80 00:03:12,496 --> 00:03:14,237 ♪ Manly men men men ♪ 81 00:03:14,324 --> 00:03:15,804 ♪ Men men men men ♪ 82 00:03:15,891 --> 00:03:18,023 ♪ Manly men men men ♪ 83 00:03:18,110 --> 00:03:19,460 ♪ Men ♪♪ 84 00:03:28,033 --> 00:03:30,297 ♪ Men ♪♪ 85 00:03:30,384 --> 00:03:31,515 [beeping] 86 00:03:33,387 --> 00:03:34,779 Oh, hey, Walden. 87 00:03:34,866 --> 00:03:37,086 Hey, Jake, what's going on? 88 00:03:37,173 --> 00:03:38,435 I was just calling my dad back. 89 00:03:38,522 --> 00:03:39,915 He left me a voice mail. 90 00:03:40,002 --> 00:03:41,743 At least, I think it was him. 91 00:03:41,830 --> 00:03:43,701 It was just, like, two minutes of someone sobbing 92 00:03:43,788 --> 00:03:44,702 and then throwing up. 93 00:03:46,704 --> 00:03:48,619 Yeah, that was him. 94 00:03:48,706 --> 00:03:50,404 How often does he cry? 95 00:03:50,491 --> 00:03:52,319 It'd be quicker to tell you how often he doesn't. 96 00:03:53,494 --> 00:03:55,191 He's gonna be okay, right? 97 00:03:55,278 --> 00:03:58,455 Yeah, he actually got dressed today and left the house. 98 00:03:58,542 --> 00:04:00,675 And-and-and he even put on deodorant. 99 00:04:00,762 --> 00:04:03,373 Well, I-I actually put it on him, but he let me 100 00:04:03,460 --> 00:04:06,071 so...that's progress. 101 00:04:06,158 --> 00:04:09,118 I'm so glad that you're there for my dad. 102 00:04:09,205 --> 00:04:10,728 You're like the son he never had. 103 00:04:13,644 --> 00:04:14,776 Right. 104 00:04:16,691 --> 00:04:18,606 Okay, so I'm gonna get goin'. 105 00:04:18,693 --> 00:04:21,043 Yeah, yeah, me, too. I got to go run some black ops 106 00:04:21,130 --> 00:04:22,827 and test some ballistic weapons. 107 00:04:22,914 --> 00:04:25,003 Really? That-that sounds awesome. 108 00:04:25,090 --> 00:04:26,570 No, I'm just messing with you. 109 00:04:26,657 --> 00:04:28,703 I'm gonna go get high and make, like, 800 cupcakes. 110 00:04:32,315 --> 00:04:33,447 Sleep well, America. 111 00:04:35,536 --> 00:04:36,667 Ta-da! 112 00:04:37,494 --> 00:04:39,191 Wow! 113 00:04:44,893 --> 00:04:46,938 Wow! 114 00:04:47,025 --> 00:04:48,897 You look.. 115 00:04:48,984 --> 00:04:51,203 Look at you. 116 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,727 This is your vision, my friend. 117 00:04:52,814 --> 00:04:57,384 Oh, no, I could not envision this. 118 00:04:57,471 --> 00:04:59,864 You were right. It's time for me to get back to living life. 119 00:04:59,951 --> 00:05:01,344 Uh, check out my sweet onion. 120 00:05:03,041 --> 00:05:04,434 My bodacious Vidalia. 121 00:05:06,088 --> 00:05:09,613 Wow. How did you pack all of you in there? 122 00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:12,094 Ah, well, uh, I guess I would have to say 123 00:05:12,181 --> 00:05:14,662 it's...Spanx to these. 124 00:05:16,968 --> 00:05:18,405 Is that a girdle? 125 00:05:18,492 --> 00:05:20,929 Oh, no. Uh, it's a-a male sport control top. 126 00:05:21,016 --> 00:05:22,583 It's for athletes. 127 00:05:22,670 --> 00:05:25,020 Athletes with man boobs. 128 00:05:25,107 --> 00:05:26,891 Not anymore. 129 00:05:26,978 --> 00:05:30,765 Uh, Heather, the salesgirl, said I look like a DILD. 130 00:05:30,852 --> 00:05:33,420 Oh? 131 00:05:33,507 --> 00:05:36,248 It stands for "Dad I'd Like to Do." 132 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:39,295 Okay. Let's-let's talk about that hair. 133 00:05:39,382 --> 00:05:40,731 Walk me through that. 134 00:05:40,818 --> 00:05:43,604 Oh, uh, a-a young man named Juan did this to me. 135 00:05:43,691 --> 00:05:46,607 Um, uh, he does Justin Bieber's hair. 136 00:05:46,694 --> 00:05:48,522 - Oh, wow, that's lucky. - I-I know. 137 00:05:48,609 --> 00:05:50,393 Can't believe Justin Bieber goes to Supercuts. 138 00:05:53,309 --> 00:05:54,876 Driving home, you can't imagine 139 00:05:54,963 --> 00:05:56,486 how many people were checking me out. 140 00:05:56,573 --> 00:05:58,880 Oh, I can imagine. 141 00:05:58,967 --> 00:06:01,883 What do you say we go someplace and try out my new look? 142 00:06:01,970 --> 00:06:04,799 I wanna get my groove on with the hip, funky people. 143 00:06:04,886 --> 00:06:07,367 Okay, yeah, I'll see if I can fire up the time machine 144 00:06:07,454 --> 00:06:09,717 and we'll head back to 1974. 145 00:06:09,804 --> 00:06:11,980 I'll, uh, I'll put my stuff away. 146 00:06:12,067 --> 00:06:14,722 - Uh, Alan? - Yeah? 147 00:06:14,809 --> 00:06:16,724 - My credit card? - Oh, uh, right. 148 00:06:23,992 --> 00:06:25,820 Release. 149 00:06:25,907 --> 00:06:27,082 I'm tryin'. 150 00:06:32,087 --> 00:06:33,610 ♪ Men ♪♪ 151 00:06:35,438 --> 00:06:37,527 [instrumental music] 152 00:06:37,614 --> 00:06:38,963 Wow. 153 00:06:39,050 --> 00:06:42,967 I'm seein' your hairdo everywhere I look. 154 00:06:43,054 --> 00:06:44,534 Best ten bucks I ever spent. 155 00:06:47,842 --> 00:06:49,887 I wish I had my deck of cards. 156 00:06:49,974 --> 00:06:51,323 Deck of cards? 157 00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:53,761 Oh, yeah. Close-up magic is a great icebreaker 158 00:06:53,848 --> 00:06:54,979 with the ladies. 159 00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:59,201 What is wrong with you? 160 00:06:59,288 --> 00:07:00,463 What is wrong with you 161 00:07:00,550 --> 00:07:02,944 that you have a quarter in your ear? 162 00:07:03,031 --> 00:07:04,554 Give me that. 163 00:07:04,641 --> 00:07:05,860 Come on. You're a charming guy. 164 00:07:05,947 --> 00:07:08,602 Just be yourself, stick to your strengths. 165 00:07:08,689 --> 00:07:10,299 I-I'm sorry. I-I can't hear you. 166 00:07:10,386 --> 00:07:11,561 I have a quarter in my ear-- 167 00:07:11,648 --> 00:07:12,780 Will you stop that? 168 00:07:14,825 --> 00:07:17,654 What about her? Go buy her a drink. 169 00:07:17,741 --> 00:07:19,874 She's a little out of my league, isn't she? 170 00:07:19,961 --> 00:07:22,050 You're not even playing the same sport. 171 00:07:23,878 --> 00:07:25,880 Just go say hi. 172 00:07:25,967 --> 00:07:27,838 Okay, here goes. 173 00:07:29,492 --> 00:07:32,669 Uh, hi. Can I buy you a drink? 174 00:07:32,756 --> 00:07:35,063 Uh, no, thanks. I already have one. 175 00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:39,284 Uh, can I reimburse you for that one? 176 00:07:40,329 --> 00:07:41,939 Excuse me? 177 00:07:42,026 --> 00:07:43,680 Well, I would have happily bought you a drink 178 00:07:43,767 --> 00:07:46,335 if I had arrived a few moments earlier. 179 00:07:46,422 --> 00:07:48,206 Tell you what. Let me just give you some cash. 180 00:07:49,947 --> 00:07:51,383 You're kidding, right? 181 00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:54,212 Uh, here's a ten. Do you have change? 182 00:07:54,299 --> 00:07:55,779 What is wrong with you? 183 00:07:58,565 --> 00:08:00,088 Well, I'm not gonna tip you. 184 00:08:01,524 --> 00:08:03,178 That was weird. 185 00:08:03,265 --> 00:08:05,006 Yeah, she's the weird one. 186 00:08:06,442 --> 00:08:08,313 Maybe we should just go home. 187 00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:09,358 You're just a little rusty. 188 00:08:09,445 --> 00:08:10,402 Let me help you out. 189 00:08:14,450 --> 00:08:15,669 Hi. 190 00:08:15,756 --> 00:08:18,280 Well, hello. 191 00:08:18,367 --> 00:08:20,761 Yeah, before we go any further, I should warn you 192 00:08:20,848 --> 00:08:24,895 that I suffered from a horrific industrial accident 193 00:08:24,982 --> 00:08:26,549 down there. 194 00:08:26,636 --> 00:08:27,768 Oh, no. 195 00:08:27,855 --> 00:08:29,552 Oh, yes. 196 00:08:29,639 --> 00:08:31,772 Here. Say hi to my friend Alan. 197 00:08:34,296 --> 00:08:35,906 How bad was the accident? 198 00:08:38,822 --> 00:08:40,258 Say hi. 199 00:08:40,345 --> 00:08:42,434 Uh, hi. Uh, I'm Alan. 200 00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,175 I'm a back doctor 201 00:08:44,262 --> 00:08:46,047 but that doesn't mean I can't check out your front. 202 00:08:46,134 --> 00:08:47,265 Oh, my God. 203 00:08:48,789 --> 00:08:50,399 That is hilarious! 204 00:08:50,486 --> 00:08:52,096 You're so funny. 205 00:08:52,183 --> 00:08:53,141 [laughing] 206 00:08:53,228 --> 00:08:54,359 Oh, my God. 207 00:08:56,144 --> 00:08:59,408 - Um, I have a question for you. - Yeah? 208 00:08:59,495 --> 00:09:02,367 How did you get this quarter in your ear? 209 00:09:03,238 --> 00:09:05,022 How did you do that? 210 00:09:05,109 --> 00:09:06,676 Pull something else out of me! 211 00:09:09,070 --> 00:09:10,375 I like her. 212 00:09:10,462 --> 00:09:12,029 Oh, my God! 213 00:09:15,163 --> 00:09:19,559 Excuse me. How did you get this quarter in your ear? 214 00:09:26,870 --> 00:09:28,393 ♪ Men ♪♪ 215 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:32,789 Wow. 216 00:09:32,876 --> 00:09:34,530 This is quite a place. 217 00:09:34,617 --> 00:09:35,923 Thank you. 218 00:09:36,010 --> 00:09:38,055 Looks like Elton John went on safari. 219 00:09:42,277 --> 00:09:44,540 Oh, uh, nice eagle. 220 00:09:44,627 --> 00:09:46,455 It's, uh, very realistic. 221 00:09:46,542 --> 00:09:50,241 I wanna feed it a bronze mouse. 222 00:09:50,328 --> 00:09:52,330 I can't believe you live here all by yours.. 223 00:09:52,417 --> 00:09:53,897 "Sabado Gigante." 224 00:09:55,856 --> 00:09:58,554 - You like? - Oh, yeah. 225 00:09:58,641 --> 00:10:00,730 The hair on my head isn't the only thing standing up. 226 00:10:03,254 --> 00:10:04,734 Well, now it's your turn. 227 00:10:04,821 --> 00:10:07,911 Can't wait to get my hands on that tight, little body. 228 00:10:07,998 --> 00:10:10,827 Oh, uh, can I just freshen up a little? 229 00:10:10,914 --> 00:10:12,524 Down the hall to the left. 230 00:10:14,222 --> 00:10:15,527 I'll be waiting. 231 00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:16,659 [growls] 232 00:10:19,706 --> 00:10:21,359 [imitating dolphin's squeak] 233 00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:00,834 [grunts] 234 00:11:03,575 --> 00:11:04,533 [groaning] 235 00:11:06,491 --> 00:11:07,754 You've got to be kidding me. 236 00:11:07,841 --> 00:11:09,320 [grunts] 237 00:11:20,114 --> 00:11:22,551 [panting] 238 00:11:49,970 --> 00:11:50,884 No. 239 00:11:52,973 --> 00:11:53,887 [panting] 240 00:11:56,150 --> 00:11:57,064 Really? 241 00:11:59,022 --> 00:12:00,981 Hurry up or she's gonna think you're pooping. 242 00:12:03,548 --> 00:12:06,595 ♪ Men ♪♪ 243 00:12:06,682 --> 00:12:07,727 Hello? 244 00:12:10,991 --> 00:12:14,559 - Hello? - In here. 245 00:12:14,646 --> 00:12:15,735 Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy! 246 00:12:17,693 --> 00:12:18,781 Oh, boy! 247 00:12:22,567 --> 00:12:24,047 Um, hi. 248 00:12:24,134 --> 00:12:27,442 Oh, sorry. I just gotta take care of something here. 249 00:12:27,529 --> 00:12:29,661 Did you gain weight? 250 00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,881 Oh. No, uh, this is water weight. 251 00:12:31,968 --> 00:12:33,535 Uh, too much salt. 252 00:12:33,622 --> 00:12:35,189 So, uh, who-who is this? Your grandpa? 253 00:12:35,276 --> 00:12:38,801 - No, he's my husband. - Your-your husband? 254 00:12:38,888 --> 00:12:41,108 Oh, don't worry. He doesn't even know we're here. 255 00:12:41,195 --> 00:12:44,154 Well, maybe not, but I am not the kind of man who.. 256 00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:48,506 ...can pass up an opportunity like this. 257 00:12:50,204 --> 00:12:51,118 Hold on. 258 00:12:54,251 --> 00:12:55,644 You have a lovely home. 259 00:12:58,125 --> 00:12:59,996 ♪ Men ♪♪ 260 00:13:03,391 --> 00:13:06,002 ♪ Men ♪♪ 261 00:13:06,089 --> 00:13:07,003 [Alan] 'Morning.' 262 00:13:09,223 --> 00:13:12,182 Oh, Zippy, like it wasn't easy enough before. 263 00:13:14,097 --> 00:13:16,970 I wouldn't expect you to understand European chic. 264 00:13:17,057 --> 00:13:19,233 Looks more like you're a-peein' on a power line. 265 00:13:21,975 --> 00:13:23,585 Nice. 266 00:13:23,672 --> 00:13:25,543 Hey, tell me about that girl last night. 267 00:13:25,630 --> 00:13:28,416 - Uh, well, she's a vegetarian. - Yeah. 268 00:13:28,503 --> 00:13:29,678 And her husband's a vegetable. 269 00:13:32,507 --> 00:13:33,464 What? 270 00:13:33,551 --> 00:13:34,726 She's married 271 00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:37,207 and-and the guy's, like, 900 years old. 272 00:13:37,294 --> 00:13:39,209 - You're kidding. - She hot? 273 00:13:39,296 --> 00:13:40,384 Yeah. 274 00:13:40,471 --> 00:13:42,169 - He rich? - Mm-hmm. 275 00:13:42,256 --> 00:13:43,170 Checks out. 276 00:13:44,911 --> 00:13:46,608 So, how old is this guy? 277 00:13:46,695 --> 00:13:48,349 Uh, well, let me put it this way. 278 00:13:48,436 --> 00:13:50,525 He was one of the original investors in apple. 279 00:13:50,612 --> 00:13:51,613 The fruit. 280 00:13:55,051 --> 00:13:57,358 Well, I'm sorry it didn't work out, man. 281 00:13:57,445 --> 00:13:58,359 No, it worked out. 282 00:14:00,796 --> 00:14:03,103 - You didn't. - What do you want from me? 283 00:14:03,190 --> 00:14:05,453 He was in a coma and she was in a teddy. 284 00:14:05,540 --> 00:14:07,020 Alan, you surprise me. 285 00:14:07,107 --> 00:14:09,283 I thought you had more integrity than that. 286 00:14:09,370 --> 00:14:10,632 Where in the hell have you been? 287 00:14:13,243 --> 00:14:14,984 ♪ Men ♪♪ 288 00:14:18,422 --> 00:14:20,860 You know what? You know what? Can we just stop for a second? 289 00:14:20,947 --> 00:14:22,644 What's wrong? 290 00:14:22,731 --> 00:14:24,341 You don't know me well 291 00:14:24,428 --> 00:14:26,953 but I happen to be a man of great integrity. 292 00:14:29,346 --> 00:14:31,174 And it's hard for me to do this 293 00:14:31,261 --> 00:14:33,176 knowing your husband is right next door. 294 00:14:33,263 --> 00:14:35,613 You want me to put him in a cab for a couple hours? 295 00:14:37,006 --> 00:14:39,879 I-I don't think that's gonna help. 296 00:14:39,966 --> 00:14:42,011 Look, I know I'm technically taken. 297 00:14:42,098 --> 00:14:43,317 But you have to understand 298 00:14:43,404 --> 00:14:45,754 Victor was 80 when I married him. 299 00:14:45,841 --> 00:14:48,365 And now, 12 years later, he's still alive 300 00:14:48,452 --> 00:14:51,586 and we're both using machines to get us through the night. 301 00:14:53,588 --> 00:14:55,764 Well, how did you two even meet? 302 00:14:55,851 --> 00:14:59,159 I was on a pole, he was in a wheelchair. 303 00:14:59,246 --> 00:15:01,552 Our eyes met, and when I turned right side up 304 00:15:01,639 --> 00:15:03,032 I knew he was the one. 305 00:15:06,166 --> 00:15:09,386 That's-that's very...romantic. 306 00:15:09,473 --> 00:15:11,345 I can't expect you to understand what it's like 307 00:15:11,432 --> 00:15:13,869 to rely on someone to put a roof over your head 308 00:15:13,956 --> 00:15:16,916 and provide you with the luxurious life you deserve. 309 00:15:19,005 --> 00:15:20,571 Oh, my God, we're soul mates. 310 00:15:23,835 --> 00:15:25,925 ♪ Men ♪♪ 311 00:15:26,012 --> 00:15:27,839 [doorbell rings] 312 00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:29,711 I got it. It's for me. 313 00:15:32,409 --> 00:15:33,671 Surprise! 314 00:15:34,977 --> 00:15:36,761 Y-you brought your husband. 315 00:15:36,848 --> 00:15:38,111 It's our anniversary. 316 00:15:40,417 --> 00:15:42,680 It didn't seem right to leave him alone. 317 00:15:42,767 --> 00:15:45,031 Uh, well, this doesn't seem better. 318 00:15:46,771 --> 00:15:48,164 Uh, but come on in. 319 00:15:49,861 --> 00:15:51,951 Um, uh, Meghan, you remember Walden. 320 00:15:52,038 --> 00:15:54,736 Walden, this is Meghan's husband, Victor. 321 00:15:54,823 --> 00:15:57,043 It's their anniversary. 322 00:15:57,130 --> 00:15:59,480 Hi, Victor. It's nice to meet you. 323 00:16:01,134 --> 00:16:03,832 Yeah, this is normal. 324 00:16:03,919 --> 00:16:05,268 Can you give me a hand? 325 00:16:05,355 --> 00:16:07,227 I'm just gonna wheel him on to the deck. 326 00:16:07,314 --> 00:16:09,620 Oh, uh, sure. No problem. 327 00:16:09,707 --> 00:16:12,058 Oh, look, Victor! The ocean! 328 00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,887 You remember it from when you discovered America. 329 00:16:17,715 --> 00:16:19,065 That's-that's a good one 330 00:16:19,152 --> 00:16:20,109 but technically Columbus didn't actually-- 331 00:16:20,196 --> 00:16:22,720 - Shut up. - Right. 332 00:16:22,807 --> 00:16:24,548 Do you-do you think we should get them a cake? 333 00:16:24,635 --> 00:16:28,074 Look at him. He is a cake. 334 00:16:28,161 --> 00:16:32,121 Right. Pl-Plus, we don't want to get him all hopped up on sugar. 335 00:16:32,208 --> 00:16:34,036 Come here. 336 00:16:34,123 --> 00:16:37,039 There are a billion women in this world. Why this one? 337 00:16:37,126 --> 00:16:39,999 I don't know. She's like a-a powerful sex magnet. 338 00:16:40,086 --> 00:16:44,177 And I'm like a...sex refrigerator. 339 00:16:44,264 --> 00:16:45,395 What does that even mean? 340 00:16:45,482 --> 00:16:47,006 I have no idea what it means. 341 00:16:47,093 --> 00:16:49,356 I-I need you to babysit her decomposing husband 342 00:16:49,443 --> 00:16:53,142 while I plow his wife. 343 00:16:53,229 --> 00:16:55,623 It's their anniversary. 344 00:16:58,365 --> 00:16:59,496 ♪ Men ♪♪ 345 00:17:04,762 --> 00:17:07,156 Oh, come on. 346 00:17:15,251 --> 00:17:19,168 Looks like you...found a new friend, Vic. 347 00:17:19,255 --> 00:17:21,736 Can I call you Vic? 348 00:17:21,823 --> 00:17:22,780 I'm gonna call you Vic. 349 00:17:24,347 --> 00:17:25,740 [sighs] 350 00:17:30,527 --> 00:17:33,356 Is this what I have to look forward to, Vic? 351 00:17:33,443 --> 00:17:36,098 You live your life, you try to be a good person 352 00:17:36,185 --> 00:17:38,579 you work hard to achieve your goals 353 00:17:38,666 --> 00:17:40,363 only to end up a prisoner to your own body 354 00:17:40,450 --> 00:17:41,799 while the love of your life is in the next room 355 00:17:41,886 --> 00:17:46,674 doing the splits for some idiot she met in a bar. 356 00:17:46,761 --> 00:17:48,545 If this is it, just kill me now. 357 00:17:48,632 --> 00:17:49,764 [beeping] 358 00:17:53,898 --> 00:17:55,204 Vic? 359 00:17:55,291 --> 00:17:56,553 Vic! 360 00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:59,078 Aw, come on! 361 00:18:01,863 --> 00:18:04,170 Alan! 362 00:18:04,257 --> 00:18:05,997 [Alan] 'Bad time, Walden!' 363 00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:10,045 It's even worse out here! Open the door. 364 00:18:10,132 --> 00:18:11,829 What could be so important? 365 00:18:11,916 --> 00:18:15,181 I'm pretty sure that your girlfriend's husband is dead. 366 00:18:15,268 --> 00:18:16,617 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down. 367 00:18:16,704 --> 00:18:19,098 She's not my girlfriend. 368 00:18:21,012 --> 00:18:24,059 No, no, no. He can't die here. 369 00:18:24,146 --> 00:18:25,756 Think he already did. 370 00:18:25,843 --> 00:18:28,803 No, you don't understand. He can't die here. 371 00:18:28,890 --> 00:18:31,458 I have an infidelity clause in my prenup. 372 00:18:31,545 --> 00:18:33,851 If his greedy 70-year-old kids find out that I was here 373 00:18:33,938 --> 00:18:36,376 they'll take all my money. 374 00:18:36,463 --> 00:18:38,508 Are you kidding? Your money? 375 00:18:38,595 --> 00:18:42,164 Well, in all fairness, she did earn it the old-fashioned way. 376 00:18:42,251 --> 00:18:45,124 Well, thank you, Alan. Show a little respect. 377 00:18:45,211 --> 00:18:47,561 Now stuff him in the car while I go find my panties. 378 00:18:49,519 --> 00:18:52,000 Look what you did. You got my girlfriend upset. 379 00:18:52,087 --> 00:18:53,654 I thought she wasn't your girlfriend. 380 00:18:53,741 --> 00:18:55,699 She's gonna inherit millions of dollars. 381 00:18:55,786 --> 00:18:58,137 She's my girlfriend. 382 00:18:59,964 --> 00:19:01,836 ♪ Men ♪♪ 383 00:19:01,923 --> 00:19:03,968 Okay, when we get there, we'll put him in his bed 384 00:19:04,055 --> 00:19:06,188 you guys leave and I'll call 911. 385 00:19:06,275 --> 00:19:07,929 Don't worry, sweetheart, after the funeral 386 00:19:08,016 --> 00:19:10,497 we'll go someplace warm and beautiful where we can heal. 387 00:19:10,584 --> 00:19:12,107 And tan. 388 00:19:12,194 --> 00:19:16,198 And swim with the dolphins. Ee-ee, ee-ee! 389 00:19:16,285 --> 00:19:18,026 You two dreamers do realize 390 00:19:18,113 --> 00:19:19,636 that what we're doing right now is a felony. 391 00:19:19,723 --> 00:19:21,595 I-I realize and I owe you one. 392 00:19:21,682 --> 00:19:23,684 One? Seriously? One? 393 00:19:25,468 --> 00:19:26,904 I want ice cream! 394 00:19:26,991 --> 00:19:29,603 [all screaming] 395 00:19:30,995 --> 00:19:32,171 ♪ Men ♪♪ 396 00:19:37,654 --> 00:19:39,743 ♪ Men ♪♪ 397 00:19:39,830 --> 00:19:43,443 I can't believe you found a quarter down there. 398 00:19:46,054 --> 00:19:48,404 And if you look closely, George is smiling. 399 00:19:50,450 --> 00:19:51,973 Why don't I get us some champagne? 400 00:19:52,060 --> 00:19:54,410 Oh, yes. 401 00:19:54,497 --> 00:19:57,108 Champagne makes me do crazy things. 402 00:19:57,196 --> 00:19:58,501 Well, that's good 'cause.. 403 00:19:58,588 --> 00:20:00,547 Crazy. Thing. 404 00:20:05,987 --> 00:20:08,076 Nice job in there. 405 00:20:10,383 --> 00:20:11,993 You saw? 406 00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:14,474 I like to watch. Shh. 407 00:20:22,525 --> 00:20:24,092 ♪ Men ♪♪ 408 00:20:29,140 --> 00:20:30,098 ♪ Men men men men ♪ 409 00:20:30,185 --> 00:20:31,665 ♪ Manly men men men ♪ 410 00:20:31,752 --> 00:20:33,057 ♪ Men men men men ♪♪ Oo-o-o-o-h ♪ 411 00:20:33,144 --> 00:20:34,929 ♪ Manly men men men ♪ 412 00:20:35,016 --> 00:20:37,845 ♪ Men men men men manly men ♪ 413 00:20:37,932 --> 00:20:39,803 ♪ Ooh hoo hoo ooh hoo hoo oo ♪ 414 00:20:39,890 --> 00:20:41,414 ♪ Men men men men ♪ 415 00:20:41,501 --> 00:20:43,285 ♪ Manly men men men ♪ 416 00:20:43,372 --> 00:20:44,808 ♪ Men men men men ♪ 417 00:20:44,895 --> 00:20:46,810 ♪ Manly men men men ♪ 418 00:20:46,897 --> 00:20:48,029 ♪ Men ♪♪