1 00:00:02,567 --> 00:00:04,352 ♪ Men ♪♪ 2 00:00:04,439 --> 00:00:07,920 Hey Lyndsey, just calling to say goodnight. 3 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:10,532 Oh, oh, you're in bed already? 4 00:00:10,619 --> 00:00:13,404 So, uh, what are you wearing? 5 00:00:15,145 --> 00:00:17,060 Really? What kind of sweat pants? 6 00:00:19,193 --> 00:00:21,891 Ooh, big, old gray ones. 7 00:00:23,414 --> 00:00:26,635 Is it just me or are you getting turned on, too? 8 00:00:26,722 --> 00:00:29,116 It's...j-j-just me? 9 00:00:29,203 --> 00:00:30,247 Well, that's fine. 10 00:00:30,334 --> 00:00:33,468 I do some of my best work alone. 11 00:00:33,555 --> 00:00:35,644 Alright, alright, go to sleep. 12 00:00:35,731 --> 00:00:37,298 I love you. Do you love.. 13 00:00:39,430 --> 00:00:40,431 I know she does. 14 00:00:44,957 --> 00:00:46,176 Oh, great. 15 00:00:49,919 --> 00:00:50,876 [groaning] 16 00:00:54,097 --> 00:00:55,751 Uh-oh, uh.. 17 00:01:00,321 --> 00:01:03,106 Oh! Oh, no, no, no. 18 00:01:03,193 --> 00:01:05,326 No, I can't burn down another house. 19 00:01:10,157 --> 00:01:11,549 [screams] 20 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:23,039 [Walden] 'Alan?' 21 00:01:26,042 --> 00:01:27,826 Oh, hi. 22 00:01:27,913 --> 00:01:29,698 Um, just making some toast. 23 00:01:35,138 --> 00:01:36,879 Huh. 24 00:01:36,966 --> 00:01:38,054 Wonder what happened. 25 00:01:42,189 --> 00:01:45,148 ♪ Men men men men manly men men men ♪ 26 00:01:45,235 --> 00:01:48,847 ♪ Men men men manly men men men ♪ 27 00:01:48,934 --> 00:01:51,894 ♪ Men men men men manly men ♪ 28 00:01:51,981 --> 00:01:53,896 ♪ Ooo hoo hoo hoo ♪ 29 00:01:53,983 --> 00:01:57,247 ♪ Men men men men manly men men men ♪ 30 00:01:57,334 --> 00:02:00,076 ♪ Men men men men men manly men ♪ 31 00:02:00,163 --> 00:02:02,426 ♪ Ha aa aa ♪♪ Men ♪♪ 32 00:02:09,955 --> 00:02:11,348 [instrumental music] 33 00:02:11,435 --> 00:02:13,350 ♪ Men ♪♪ 34 00:02:15,526 --> 00:02:16,440 Morning. 35 00:02:16,527 --> 00:02:17,528 Hey. 36 00:02:17,615 --> 00:02:19,922 Sorry again about last night. 37 00:02:20,009 --> 00:02:21,358 Sorry about what? 38 00:02:21,445 --> 00:02:23,012 The fact that my date and I came home 39 00:02:23,099 --> 00:02:24,709 last night to find a middle-aged man 40 00:02:24,796 --> 00:02:27,059 spraying water all over my kitchen 41 00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:29,410 in his tighty not-so-whities? 42 00:02:30,498 --> 00:02:32,978 I was putting out a fire. 43 00:02:33,065 --> 00:02:35,633 - I'm a hero. - Really? 44 00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:37,461 'Cause it looked like you were posing 45 00:02:37,548 --> 00:02:40,072 for the World's Most Disturbing Firemen calendar. 46 00:02:41,726 --> 00:02:44,251 Okay, okay, I get it. You're a little upset. 47 00:02:44,338 --> 00:02:47,906 But I have something that will make you feel better. 48 00:02:47,993 --> 00:02:49,952 Ta-da. 49 00:02:50,039 --> 00:02:51,910 I went out to the drugstore and bought you 50 00:02:51,997 --> 00:02:53,782 a new toaster to replace the old one. 51 00:02:56,828 --> 00:02:58,395 The other one was better. 52 00:02:59,048 --> 00:03:00,441 Better? 53 00:03:00,528 --> 00:03:02,791 This is the Toast blaster Deluxe. 54 00:03:02,878 --> 00:03:05,620 This is the best thing to happen to sliced bread since.. 55 00:03:05,707 --> 00:03:06,925 ...sliced bread. 56 00:03:08,144 --> 00:03:09,711 But mine had glass walls 57 00:03:09,798 --> 00:03:12,235 so you could watch the toast turn tropical brown. 58 00:03:12,322 --> 00:03:15,064 It was like a...little.. 59 00:03:15,151 --> 00:03:17,197 ...bread tanning booth. 60 00:03:19,024 --> 00:03:20,504 Well, check this out, you know. 61 00:03:20,591 --> 00:03:22,593 Light, dark. 62 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:23,942 Dark. 63 00:03:24,029 --> 00:03:25,335 Light. 64 00:03:26,902 --> 00:03:28,164 Okay, that's, uh.. 65 00:03:29,383 --> 00:03:30,732 That's supposed to happen. 66 00:03:30,819 --> 00:03:32,777 That's-that's actually a safety feature. 67 00:03:32,864 --> 00:03:34,823 You know, common courtesy dictates 68 00:03:34,910 --> 00:03:36,694 that if you're gonna use my stuff 69 00:03:36,781 --> 00:03:39,044 and break my stuff that you replace my stuff 70 00:03:39,131 --> 00:03:41,873 with equally awesome stuff. 71 00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:43,745 This-this-this is what would happen 72 00:03:43,832 --> 00:03:45,877 if my toaster took a crap. 73 00:03:48,663 --> 00:03:49,881 What are you talking about? 74 00:03:49,968 --> 00:03:51,970 This is a perfectly good toaster. 75 00:03:52,057 --> 00:03:54,190 Look, okay, you know what? I'll prove it to you. 76 00:03:58,194 --> 00:03:59,239 Hope you're hungry. 77 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,198 [machine whirring] 78 00:04:04,069 --> 00:04:05,767 Listen to that baby purr! 79 00:04:08,291 --> 00:04:09,466 I hate you. 80 00:04:13,818 --> 00:04:16,473 ♪ Men ♪♪ 81 00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:18,127 By the way in case I forget. 82 00:04:18,214 --> 00:04:20,085 I might be a little late on Monday. 83 00:04:20,172 --> 00:04:21,696 Oh, no problem. 84 00:04:21,783 --> 00:04:22,697 When should I expect you? 85 00:04:22,784 --> 00:04:23,741 Wednesday. 86 00:04:25,656 --> 00:04:28,093 Should I dock you for the time you miss? 87 00:04:28,180 --> 00:04:29,573 'I wouldn't.' 88 00:04:41,585 --> 00:04:44,066 - Here you go. - What's this? 89 00:04:44,153 --> 00:04:45,763 I went to the store and I asked them 90 00:04:45,850 --> 00:04:47,635 "What is the stupidest thing I can buy?" 91 00:04:47,722 --> 00:04:50,855 And they gave me this toaster. Enjoy. 92 00:04:50,942 --> 00:04:52,335 You know, you didn't have to do that. 93 00:04:52,422 --> 00:04:54,076 Ah, you made it pretty clear that I did. 94 00:04:54,163 --> 00:04:58,428 In fact, I forwent replacing my cell phone to buy this. 95 00:04:58,515 --> 00:05:00,474 "Forwent?" 96 00:05:00,561 --> 00:05:02,214 It's a word. 97 00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:04,826 Well, I appreciate it. Thank you. 98 00:05:04,913 --> 00:05:07,307 Uh, and you don't have to worry about me ruining that one 99 00:05:07,394 --> 00:05:08,743 because I will never use it. 100 00:05:08,830 --> 00:05:10,353 Okay, stop being ridiculous. 101 00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:12,703 Ah! You want to know what's ridiculous? 102 00:05:12,790 --> 00:05:15,010 A glass toaster. What's next? 103 00:05:15,097 --> 00:05:17,752 A glass toilet so you can wave goodbye to the toast? 104 00:05:22,670 --> 00:05:24,759 How about a glass front door 105 00:05:24,846 --> 00:05:26,674 so I can wave goodbye to you? 106 00:05:26,761 --> 00:05:30,112 Oh, please! You would be lost without me. 107 00:05:30,199 --> 00:05:33,202 - I would be lost without you? - Yeah. 108 00:05:33,289 --> 00:05:36,988 Okay, the only thing that you've brought into my life 109 00:05:37,075 --> 00:05:39,251 is an oil-leaking Volvo 110 00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:41,819 a musty smell in my guest room 111 00:05:41,906 --> 00:05:44,082 and the word "forwent." 112 00:05:44,169 --> 00:05:45,867 It is the past tense of "forgo." 113 00:05:45,954 --> 00:05:47,390 Edify yourself, sir. 114 00:05:48,609 --> 00:05:50,306 And have you noticed 115 00:05:50,393 --> 00:05:52,743 that all the people in your life come and go 116 00:05:52,830 --> 00:05:55,355 but I am the one constant, I am always here. 117 00:05:55,442 --> 00:05:56,834 Maybe the reason they come and go 118 00:05:56,921 --> 00:05:59,228 is because you are always here. 119 00:05:59,315 --> 00:06:01,622 When a woman dumps you, who picks up the pieces? 120 00:06:01,709 --> 00:06:03,711 - Alan Harper. - And who picks up the check? 121 00:06:03,798 --> 00:06:05,103 Walden Schmidt. 122 00:06:05,190 --> 00:06:07,410 Of course, of course. Pull out the money card. 123 00:06:07,497 --> 00:06:11,414 They're called credit cards. Edify yourself, sir. 124 00:06:11,501 --> 00:06:12,937 Okay, if-if-if this is how you think 125 00:06:13,024 --> 00:06:14,374 then I don't even know why I'm living here. 126 00:06:14,461 --> 00:06:16,680 Oh, I do, because it's free! 127 00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:19,074 - Okay, okay, maybe I should go. - Maybe you should. 128 00:06:19,161 --> 00:06:20,162 - Fine. - Fine. 129 00:06:20,249 --> 00:06:21,946 - Okay. - Okay. 130 00:06:22,033 --> 00:06:23,426 I am not bluffing. 131 00:06:23,513 --> 00:06:24,688 Me neither. 132 00:06:24,775 --> 00:06:26,473 This is me opening the door. 133 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:28,344 This is me watching. 134 00:06:28,431 --> 00:06:30,128 This is me leaving forever. 135 00:06:30,215 --> 00:06:32,479 This is me waving goodbye. 136 00:06:35,482 --> 00:06:38,267 And this is me homeless. 137 00:06:38,354 --> 00:06:39,877 ♪ Men ♪♪ 138 00:06:39,964 --> 00:06:41,575 You know what the problem is? 139 00:06:41,662 --> 00:06:43,925 Walden doesn't appreciate what I bring to the party. 140 00:06:44,012 --> 00:06:46,231 I've never seen you bring anything to a party. 141 00:06:46,318 --> 00:06:49,278 Except a Ziplocziploc bag to steal the shrimp. 142 00:06:49,365 --> 00:06:51,628 - Whose side are you on? - Yours, of course. 143 00:06:51,715 --> 00:06:53,978 Listen, I know you're upset 144 00:06:54,065 --> 00:06:55,893 but I'm sure you two lovebirds will kiss and make up. 145 00:06:55,980 --> 00:06:57,939 No, not happening, he does not want me back 146 00:06:58,026 --> 00:06:59,331 and I'm not going back. 147 00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:00,463 - You're not? - No. 148 00:07:00,550 --> 00:07:01,899 I have my self-respect. 149 00:07:02,770 --> 00:07:04,902 I do. 150 00:07:04,989 --> 00:07:06,687 So where are you gonna live? 151 00:07:06,774 --> 00:07:08,645 Where am I going to live? You're cute. 152 00:07:08,732 --> 00:07:10,908 Thanks. So where are you gonna live? 153 00:07:10,995 --> 00:07:12,170 Seriously? 154 00:07:12,257 --> 00:07:14,085 Alan, I wanna live with you. 155 00:07:14,172 --> 00:07:15,783 But when you move in I want it to be 156 00:07:15,870 --> 00:07:18,220 because I'm your first choice, not your last resort. 157 00:07:18,307 --> 00:07:20,570 - You are my first choice. - I'm your only choice. 158 00:07:20,657 --> 00:07:23,268 My one and only choice. 159 00:07:23,355 --> 00:07:25,183 Until Walden asks you to move back. 160 00:07:25,270 --> 00:07:26,271 Oh, please! 161 00:07:26,358 --> 00:07:28,012 I am offended that you could 162 00:07:28,099 --> 00:07:30,667 even suggest such a thing. You are the woman I love. 163 00:07:30,754 --> 00:07:33,365 The woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. 164 00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,455 Aw.. You're right, sweetie. 165 00:07:35,542 --> 00:07:38,109 - I'm sorry. You can move in. - Oh, thank you. 166 00:07:38,196 --> 00:07:39,284 It'll be nice sharing the place with you. 167 00:07:39,371 --> 00:07:40,851 Yeah, it's gonna be great. 168 00:07:40,938 --> 00:07:42,679 And we can split all the bills right down the middle. 169 00:07:42,766 --> 00:07:44,768 Ah.. 170 00:07:44,855 --> 00:07:46,770 Oh, come on, you don't want my money. 171 00:07:47,902 --> 00:07:49,469 You're an independent woman. 172 00:07:49,556 --> 00:07:51,209 Walk proud. 173 00:07:51,296 --> 00:07:54,691 Walk over to this door and let me back in. 174 00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:57,868 [Herb] 'Hey, Alan.' 175 00:07:57,955 --> 00:08:00,871 Oh, God! Herb! 176 00:08:00,958 --> 00:08:03,091 - What-what are you doing? - Neighborhood watch. 177 00:08:03,178 --> 00:08:05,267 Oh, that's nice. I-I didn't even know there was one. 178 00:08:05,354 --> 00:08:06,834 There isn't. 179 00:08:06,921 --> 00:08:09,184 So, uh, you and Lyndsey have a little tiff? 180 00:08:09,271 --> 00:08:11,708 Oh, uh, not really a tiff, as much as, uh.. 181 00:08:13,144 --> 00:08:15,146 Hey, are you still rattling around 182 00:08:15,233 --> 00:08:17,105 in that big old house all by yourself? 183 00:08:17,192 --> 00:08:19,020 Yeah, I don't think Judith's ever coming back. 184 00:08:19,107 --> 00:08:23,459 That's terrific...ly sad. 185 00:08:23,546 --> 00:08:27,028 You know what? At a time like this, you should not be alone. 186 00:08:27,115 --> 00:08:29,509 Let's go over to your place and have a few beers. 187 00:08:29,596 --> 00:08:31,162 You're a good friend, Alan. 188 00:08:31,249 --> 00:08:33,208 What can I say? I'm a giver. 189 00:08:33,295 --> 00:08:35,732 Say, do you still have the hide-a-bed in the den? 190 00:08:35,819 --> 00:08:37,691 ♪ Men ♪♪ 191 00:08:37,778 --> 00:08:40,955 Alright, I packed up all Zippy's stuff. 192 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,828 It's sad. 193 00:08:44,915 --> 00:08:47,396 His entire life fits into one duffel bag. 194 00:08:49,050 --> 00:08:51,966 What's even sadder is it's my duffel bag. 195 00:08:52,053 --> 00:08:54,359 He's coming back you know that, right? 196 00:08:54,446 --> 00:08:55,535 No, he's not. 197 00:08:55,622 --> 00:08:57,885 He is a human boomerang. 198 00:08:57,972 --> 00:09:00,670 He's going to circle around, break a window 199 00:09:00,757 --> 00:09:02,716 and land right on your couch. 200 00:09:03,804 --> 00:09:04,892 [doorbell ringing] 201 00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:13,857 Open a window in the kitchen 202 00:09:13,944 --> 00:09:15,816 maybe he'll just go straight through. 203 00:09:19,733 --> 00:09:21,952 - Alan. - Walden. 204 00:09:22,039 --> 00:09:23,998 Don't worry, I'm just here to pick up my things 205 00:09:24,085 --> 00:09:25,303 and then I'll be on my way. 206 00:09:25,390 --> 00:09:28,393 Where you heading, Zippy, back to Mommy's? 207 00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:30,787 Living with my mother that's pretty pathetic, isn't it? 208 00:09:30,874 --> 00:09:32,267 No, for your information 209 00:09:32,354 --> 00:09:34,399 I am living with my ex-wife's, ex-husband 210 00:09:34,486 --> 00:09:36,271 at my ex-house. 211 00:09:37,925 --> 00:09:40,580 Yeah, that's not pathetic. 212 00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:43,191 I packed your things for you. 213 00:09:43,278 --> 00:09:45,802 Oh. I presume this is everything? 214 00:09:45,889 --> 00:09:47,412 - You presume correct. - Hmm. 215 00:09:47,499 --> 00:09:48,849 Your clothes, your toaster 216 00:09:48,936 --> 00:09:51,373 and your expired Mexican boner pills. 217 00:09:56,944 --> 00:09:58,815 Is it lonely up there, Walden? 218 00:10:00,469 --> 00:10:04,255 Is it lonely on your cloud of judgment? 219 00:10:04,342 --> 00:10:08,042 I don't know, maybe you could leave, so I could find out. 220 00:10:08,129 --> 00:10:09,347 Alright, then, goodbye. 221 00:10:11,436 --> 00:10:13,743 Berta, are you crying? 222 00:10:13,830 --> 00:10:15,571 I can't help it. 223 00:10:15,658 --> 00:10:17,442 I'm just so damn happy. 224 00:10:19,270 --> 00:10:21,011 ♪ Men ♪♪ 225 00:10:26,103 --> 00:10:27,191 ♪ Men ♪♪ 226 00:10:27,278 --> 00:10:29,367 Here you go. 227 00:10:29,454 --> 00:10:32,501 Two eggs over easy, silver dollar pancakes 228 00:10:32,588 --> 00:10:35,722 apple wood smoked bacon and whole grain toast. 229 00:10:36,897 --> 00:10:38,725 This is delightful, Alan. 230 00:10:38,812 --> 00:10:40,814 You really know how to spoil your man. 231 00:10:42,511 --> 00:10:45,166 And you know how to flatter yours. 232 00:10:45,253 --> 00:10:46,950 Wow, it seems like just yesterday 233 00:10:47,037 --> 00:10:48,343 I was living here with Judith. 234 00:10:48,430 --> 00:10:49,823 Only difference now is 235 00:10:49,910 --> 00:10:51,651 I actually have a chance at getting laid. 236 00:10:53,130 --> 00:10:54,654 Well, if dinner's as good as breakfast 237 00:10:54,741 --> 00:10:56,090 you've got more than a chance. 238 00:10:57,961 --> 00:11:00,572 Seriously, I-I really appreciate you letting me stay here. 239 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,139 Ah, well, it's nice to have someone around again. 240 00:11:02,226 --> 00:11:04,054 It's been a little lonely since Judith left. 241 00:11:04,141 --> 00:11:07,318 I found it lonely even when Judith was here. 242 00:11:07,405 --> 00:11:10,626 Yeah, I've been watching TV alone and drinking alone. 243 00:11:10,713 --> 00:11:12,367 I even painted a moustache on the bathroom mirror 244 00:11:12,454 --> 00:11:13,934 so I'd have someone to talk to. 245 00:11:15,587 --> 00:11:16,676 R-really? 246 00:11:16,763 --> 00:11:18,503 Yeah. I call him Javier. 247 00:11:19,983 --> 00:11:21,855 Don't worry, Herb, you're better off. 248 00:11:21,942 --> 00:11:24,118 "Judith, she's a beetch." 249 00:11:26,207 --> 00:11:27,817 Can't argue with Javier. 250 00:11:27,904 --> 00:11:30,864 No, no, I wouldn't, he's got a fiery Latin temper. 251 00:11:30,951 --> 00:11:31,908 And a machete. 252 00:11:37,653 --> 00:11:39,437 Um, l-let me ask you something. 253 00:11:40,525 --> 00:11:42,310 Does Herb have a machete? 254 00:11:46,314 --> 00:11:47,968 ♪ Men ♪♪ 255 00:11:49,926 --> 00:11:50,971 Morning. 256 00:11:51,058 --> 00:11:52,450 Morning. 257 00:11:52,537 --> 00:11:54,931 Hey, Berta. Knock, knock. 258 00:11:55,018 --> 00:11:56,846 - Who's there? - Not Alan. 259 00:11:58,979 --> 00:12:00,589 Free at last, Walden. 260 00:12:00,676 --> 00:12:03,244 Thank God Almighty, we're free at last. 261 00:12:03,331 --> 00:12:06,029 Yeah. Although it is a little quieter around here. 262 00:12:06,116 --> 00:12:08,162 Get a dog, then it won't seem so weird 263 00:12:08,249 --> 00:12:09,990 when you catch him trying to lick himself. 264 00:12:11,426 --> 00:12:13,341 - Hey, Berta? - Yeah? 265 00:12:13,428 --> 00:12:16,431 What do you think about turning Alan's room, into a home gym? 266 00:12:16,518 --> 00:12:19,477 I was thinking about trying to grow pot in there, but okay. 267 00:12:20,348 --> 00:12:21,479 Hey, Berta? 268 00:12:21,566 --> 00:12:22,654 Yeah? 269 00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,395 What's going on with you? 270 00:12:24,482 --> 00:12:26,093 What do you mean? 271 00:12:26,180 --> 00:12:28,182 I don't know. Like.. 272 00:12:28,269 --> 00:12:30,837 - How's your family? - Incarcerated. 273 00:12:32,882 --> 00:12:35,755 - That's funny. - Okay. Good talk. 274 00:12:35,842 --> 00:12:37,713 Hey...Berta? 275 00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:40,063 - Yeah? - Knock, knock. 276 00:12:40,150 --> 00:12:41,238 Who's there? 277 00:12:41,325 --> 00:12:42,849 It's Walden. Let me in. 278 00:12:45,547 --> 00:12:47,679 What are your hopes? What are your dreams? 279 00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:50,160 I'm just hoping to get out of this conversation. 280 00:12:51,466 --> 00:12:53,076 You're...you're on fire today. 281 00:12:53,163 --> 00:12:54,817 Yeah. 282 00:12:54,904 --> 00:12:55,949 Hey, Berta? 283 00:12:56,036 --> 00:12:58,865 Oh, for the love of God, what? 284 00:12:58,952 --> 00:13:03,130 - I like your vest. - Thanks. 285 00:13:03,217 --> 00:13:05,741 Where'd you get it, like, the vest store or something? 286 00:13:07,482 --> 00:13:09,049 Thank God I'm high. 287 00:13:11,878 --> 00:13:13,880 ♪ Men ♪♪ 288 00:13:19,233 --> 00:13:21,626 Easy, easy. Sound the horn. 289 00:13:21,713 --> 00:13:23,541 Let the town folk know you're coming. 290 00:13:26,109 --> 00:13:29,765 The 9:04 from Pemberton, now arriving on track one. 291 00:13:29,852 --> 00:13:31,811 Right on time. 292 00:13:31,898 --> 00:13:33,595 I-I had no idea this was so much fun. 293 00:13:33,682 --> 00:13:36,206 I know. Look, Alan.. 294 00:13:36,293 --> 00:13:38,730 The McDougal boy's coming home from college. 295 00:13:40,254 --> 00:13:41,733 What a reunion this will be. 296 00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,910 Welcome home, Jimmy! 297 00:13:43,997 --> 00:13:46,608 Wow, you've, uh, created your own little world here. 298 00:13:46,695 --> 00:13:48,784 Oh, yeah, and this world's perfect. 299 00:13:48,871 --> 00:13:50,525 Well...almost perfect. 300 00:13:51,526 --> 00:13:52,832 Jimmy's brother Bobby 301 00:13:52,919 --> 00:13:55,747 got a little too close to the tracks one night. 302 00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:59,534 Him and his friends were playing chicken with a freight train. 303 00:13:59,621 --> 00:14:01,841 They found his letterman jacket three towns away. 304 00:14:03,538 --> 00:14:05,148 - Oh, no. - Yeah. 305 00:14:05,235 --> 00:14:07,324 Engineer Stan never got over it. 306 00:14:07,411 --> 00:14:09,109 He stopped talking to Helen. 307 00:14:09,196 --> 00:14:11,024 He just sits in his room and paints. 308 00:14:13,896 --> 00:14:16,856 Huh. That's, uh...that's disturbing. 309 00:14:16,943 --> 00:14:18,422 On a couple of levels. 310 00:14:20,294 --> 00:14:21,643 You know it's so nice having you here. 311 00:14:21,730 --> 00:14:23,427 I don't know why, but train enthusiasts 312 00:14:23,514 --> 00:14:25,081 tend to be loners. 313 00:14:25,168 --> 00:14:26,822 Yeah. It's a mystery. 314 00:14:29,651 --> 00:14:31,000 Hello? 315 00:14:31,087 --> 00:14:32,828 Hey, Herb. It's Walden. 316 00:14:32,915 --> 00:14:34,525 Oh. Hey, hold on a sec. 317 00:14:34,612 --> 00:14:36,353 Uh, I got to take this, it's the office. 318 00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:38,268 No problem, I was thinking of heading over to the bar car 319 00:14:38,355 --> 00:14:40,705 to pick us up a couple of frosty brews. You want one? 320 00:14:40,792 --> 00:14:41,968 Oh, make mine a root beer. 321 00:14:42,055 --> 00:14:44,274 This town's seen enough tragedy. 322 00:14:48,322 --> 00:14:50,411 - Hey, what's up? - Is Alan there? 323 00:14:50,498 --> 00:14:52,674 Uh, actually, no, I haven't seen him all day. 324 00:14:52,761 --> 00:14:54,676 I was really hoping to talk to him. 325 00:14:54,763 --> 00:14:56,939 You can't talk to a person that's not here. 326 00:14:57,026 --> 00:14:59,463 Unless you draw a mustache on the mirror. 327 00:14:59,550 --> 00:15:00,812 What? 328 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,553 Is there a message I can give him? 329 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:04,642 Yeah, just tell him I think I overreacted 330 00:15:04,729 --> 00:15:06,470 and have him give me a call. 331 00:15:06,557 --> 00:15:09,082 Done and done. Bye-bye. 332 00:15:09,169 --> 00:15:10,561 Everything okay at the office? 333 00:15:10,648 --> 00:15:12,520 Uh, actually, it, uh, it wasn't work. 334 00:15:12,607 --> 00:15:14,087 No? 335 00:15:14,174 --> 00:15:16,480 It was the, uh...president of the railroad. 336 00:15:16,567 --> 00:15:17,917 He asked me to give you this. 337 00:15:19,353 --> 00:15:20,876 Congratulations, Conductor Alan! 338 00:15:20,963 --> 00:15:22,312 Oh, my God! Thank you! 339 00:15:22,399 --> 00:15:24,140 Now, let's get that coal car unloaded 340 00:15:24,227 --> 00:15:25,533 and head over to the diner. 341 00:15:25,620 --> 00:15:27,578 Take a look at the new waitress. 342 00:15:27,665 --> 00:15:30,146 Word around town is she goes all the way. 343 00:15:33,062 --> 00:15:34,890 ♪ Men ♪♪ 344 00:15:37,327 --> 00:15:38,241 [call on computer] 345 00:15:40,765 --> 00:15:42,071 Hey, Jake! 346 00:15:42,158 --> 00:15:43,420 Hey, Walden. 347 00:15:43,507 --> 00:15:46,728 How are you? What's going on, buddy? 348 00:15:46,815 --> 00:15:48,425 Not much. Is my dad there? 349 00:15:48,512 --> 00:15:51,124 No. He actually moved out. 350 00:15:51,211 --> 00:15:54,257 [laughing] Good one! 351 00:15:54,344 --> 00:15:55,780 No, I'm-I'm serious. 352 00:15:55,867 --> 00:15:57,957 We got in a fight, and he left. 353 00:15:58,044 --> 00:16:00,220 My dad left that house? 354 00:16:00,307 --> 00:16:04,137 Yeah. We got in a fight, 'cause he bought a cheap toaster. 355 00:16:04,224 --> 00:16:06,922 W-wait, wait. And he bought something? 356 00:16:08,663 --> 00:16:12,058 Yeah. And I didn't show any appreciation for it. 357 00:16:12,145 --> 00:16:14,190 He bought something with his own money? 358 00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:17,889 I know. I shouldn't have screamed at him. 359 00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,891 I-I should have thrown him a parade. 360 00:16:22,111 --> 00:16:24,070 Wait a second, am I being punk'd? 361 00:16:25,810 --> 00:16:27,595 Hey, you know, I got an idea. 362 00:16:27,682 --> 00:16:30,206 Um, you know, just 'cause your dad doesn't live here anymore 363 00:16:30,293 --> 00:16:32,643 doesn't mean that you couldn't come stay for a couple of days. 364 00:16:32,730 --> 00:16:34,297 And do what? 365 00:16:34,384 --> 00:16:37,126 I don't know, like hang out, do guy stuff. 366 00:16:37,213 --> 00:16:39,781 We could go to a bar and get drunk. 367 00:16:39,868 --> 00:16:41,783 Mm, I'm only 19, I can't drink. 368 00:16:41,870 --> 00:16:44,612 Well, fine, we could just get high. 369 00:16:44,699 --> 00:16:48,703 Dude, just call my dad and tell him you want him to come back. 370 00:16:48,790 --> 00:16:50,052 What if he says no? 371 00:16:53,751 --> 00:16:56,276 Oh, you're serious. 372 00:16:56,363 --> 00:16:58,974 He's not gonna say no. Where has he even been living? 373 00:16:59,061 --> 00:17:01,846 He moved into you guy's old house with Herb. 374 00:17:01,933 --> 00:17:04,501 Wow. If there was a Freeloaders Hall of Fame 375 00:17:04,588 --> 00:17:06,112 my dad would be living in it. 376 00:17:07,635 --> 00:17:08,810 For free. 377 00:17:10,812 --> 00:17:12,335 ♪ Men ♪♪ 378 00:17:12,422 --> 00:17:13,641 [doorbell dings] 379 00:17:20,604 --> 00:17:22,693 - Hi, Herb. - Walden. 380 00:17:22,780 --> 00:17:25,087 - What are you doing here? - I came to talk to Alan. 381 00:17:25,174 --> 00:17:26,741 - Oh. - Sorry, he's not home. 382 00:17:26,828 --> 00:17:28,264 - I'll tell him you stopped by. - Who's at the door? 383 00:17:28,351 --> 00:17:30,049 Nobody! Go back in the train room! 384 00:17:31,528 --> 00:17:32,834 Alan? 385 00:17:32,921 --> 00:17:34,401 Walden? 386 00:17:34,488 --> 00:17:35,880 What's, uh, what's going on? 387 00:17:35,967 --> 00:17:37,752 I wanted to say that I'm sorry. 388 00:17:37,839 --> 00:17:39,101 - Really? - Yes. 389 00:17:39,188 --> 00:17:40,494 Super. Hatchet buried. 390 00:17:40,581 --> 00:17:41,625 We'll have you over for Thanksgiving. 391 00:17:41,712 --> 00:17:43,192 Hold on. 392 00:17:45,020 --> 00:17:48,719 I never meant to make you feel unwelcome in my home. 393 00:17:48,806 --> 00:17:50,939 Well, Alan has a new place now. 394 00:17:51,026 --> 00:17:52,897 A place where he's appreciated. 395 00:17:52,984 --> 00:17:55,770 A place where he feels safe. 396 00:17:55,857 --> 00:17:57,902 A place where he can cry himself to sleep at night 397 00:17:57,989 --> 00:17:59,382 without the fear of being mocked. 398 00:18:01,863 --> 00:18:03,038 Y-you heard that? 399 00:18:03,125 --> 00:18:05,562 There's still a baby monitor in there. 400 00:18:05,649 --> 00:18:07,390 So you also heard.. 401 00:18:07,477 --> 00:18:08,652 Let it go, Alan. 402 00:18:11,786 --> 00:18:13,440 I appreciate you, too. 403 00:18:13,527 --> 00:18:16,095 Th-that's why I've been leaving messages with Herb for days. 404 00:18:16,182 --> 00:18:18,184 - What? - You haven't gotten them? 405 00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:23,363 - Herb.. - I'm sorry. 406 00:18:23,450 --> 00:18:25,016 I just wanted a friend. 407 00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:27,149 You know, one who wasn't trapped in a mirror. 408 00:18:29,630 --> 00:18:31,371 Oh, Herb. 409 00:18:31,458 --> 00:18:33,416 - I brought you something. - You did? 410 00:18:35,679 --> 00:18:37,899 You don't happen to have a toaster, do you? 411 00:18:37,986 --> 00:18:40,249 I have a toaster. I also have a.. 412 00:18:40,336 --> 00:18:42,077 A guest room with a king-size bed 413 00:18:42,164 --> 00:18:44,210 and a new 42-inch flat-screen TV. 414 00:18:44,297 --> 00:18:46,212 - There's no TV in there. - There could be. 415 00:18:47,735 --> 00:18:48,823 Really? 416 00:18:49,606 --> 00:18:50,825 Your turn. 417 00:18:52,435 --> 00:18:54,220 I'm not gonna try to buy you. 418 00:18:54,307 --> 00:18:55,960 I mean, you're either my friend or you're not. 419 00:18:56,047 --> 00:18:59,181 I have no such qualms, I'll throw in a Blu-ray player. 420 00:18:59,268 --> 00:19:01,052 Wow. Okay, alright, I'm out of here. 421 00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:04,012 No, no, wait, wait, wait. 422 00:19:04,099 --> 00:19:05,883 Herb.. 423 00:19:05,970 --> 00:19:10,540 I-I can't thank you enough for taking me in, but.. 424 00:19:10,627 --> 00:19:14,370 ..as you can see... Walden needs me. 425 00:19:14,457 --> 00:19:16,329 - I wouldn't go that far. - Shh.. 426 00:19:18,505 --> 00:19:20,507 Let me, uh, let me get my things. 427 00:19:24,859 --> 00:19:27,601 What is it about that little guy? 428 00:19:27,688 --> 00:19:30,169 What is it about us that we're fighting over him? 429 00:19:31,257 --> 00:19:33,128 ♪ Men ♪♪ 430 00:19:36,044 --> 00:19:37,959 ♪ Men ♪♪ 431 00:19:38,046 --> 00:19:40,222 [instrumental music] 432 00:19:42,398 --> 00:19:45,096 Ooh. What do we have here? 433 00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:49,057 Uh-oh, she's being called into the boss's office. 434 00:19:49,144 --> 00:19:52,278 Looks like somebody blew the Johnson account. 435 00:20:07,858 --> 00:20:09,033 [Walden] 'Really, Alan?' 436 00:20:11,601 --> 00:20:13,995 I, uh, I thought you were still sleeping. 437 00:20:14,082 --> 00:20:16,606 It's 8 o'clock in the morning! 438 00:20:18,608 --> 00:20:19,696 So? 439 00:20:30,881 --> 00:20:32,840 Hey, Herb. It's Walden. 440 00:20:32,927 --> 00:20:35,059 How would you feel about shared custody? 441 00:20:36,844 --> 00:20:38,802 ♪ Men ♪♪ 442 00:20:43,198 --> 00:20:45,113 ♪ Men men men men men manly men men men ♪ 443 00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:48,377 ♪ Men men men men men manly men men men ♪ 444 00:20:48,464 --> 00:20:51,293 ♪ Men men men men manly men ♪ 445 00:20:51,380 --> 00:20:53,382 ♪ Hoo hoo hoo ♪ 446 00:20:53,469 --> 00:20:56,777 ♪ Men men men men men manly men men men ♪ 447 00:20:56,864 --> 00:20:59,997 ♪ Men men men men men manly men men men ♪ 448 00:21:00,084 --> 00:21:02,086 ♪ Men ♪♪