1 00:00:01,827 --> 00:00:03,438 ♪ Men ♪♪ 2 00:00:04,700 --> 00:00:06,919 - 'Morning. - 'Morning. 3 00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:09,879 You, by chance, have the number of a good chiropractor? 4 00:00:09,966 --> 00:00:10,923 What about Alan? 5 00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:12,925 [laughing] 6 00:00:15,928 --> 00:00:18,583 Sorry. I couldn't resist. 7 00:00:18,670 --> 00:00:20,237 What, is your back out? 8 00:00:20,324 --> 00:00:23,458 Not yet, but I got a big date for Valentine's Day. 9 00:00:23,545 --> 00:00:26,156 And if everything goes well, I'll need a chiropractor 10 00:00:26,243 --> 00:00:29,681 a psychiatrist and a priest. 11 00:00:29,768 --> 00:00:31,335 I can't wait for this stupid holiday to be over 12 00:00:31,422 --> 00:00:33,903 so we can celebrate something cool, like.. 13 00:00:33,990 --> 00:00:37,602 ...Free Bobblehead at Dodger Stadium Day. 14 00:00:37,689 --> 00:00:40,214 - What are you talking about? - Valentine's Day. 15 00:00:40,301 --> 00:00:41,563 Or what it should really be called 16 00:00:41,650 --> 00:00:43,478 Dumb Greeting Card, Chocolate Covered 17 00:00:43,565 --> 00:00:46,524 Overpriced Flowers, Can't Get a Dinner Reservation 18 00:00:46,611 --> 00:00:48,918 I'm Probably Going To Die Alone Anyway Day. 19 00:00:50,224 --> 00:00:51,834 Sounds like Cupid's arrow hit somebody 20 00:00:51,921 --> 00:00:53,488 right in the the bile sack. 21 00:00:53,575 --> 00:00:56,404 Don't get my started on that fat, flying baby. 22 00:00:56,491 --> 00:00:58,101 What could you possibly have against Cupid? 23 00:00:58,188 --> 00:01:00,712 First of all, he's wearing a diaper. 24 00:01:00,799 --> 00:01:02,932 Yeah, that's sexy. 25 00:01:03,019 --> 00:01:05,369 And then he's got wings, which make you think of angels 26 00:01:05,456 --> 00:01:07,458 which makes you think of God, which makes you feel guilty 27 00:01:07,545 --> 00:01:09,330 about having sex in the first place. 28 00:01:09,417 --> 00:01:11,114 And in the second place. 29 00:01:12,855 --> 00:01:15,858 Well, I for one, am going all out for Lyndsey this year. 30 00:01:15,945 --> 00:01:17,512 Really? What's that mean? 31 00:01:17,599 --> 00:01:19,427 Cemetery flowers and a coupon 32 00:01:19,514 --> 00:01:23,561 for one free go-around on Mr. Alan's Wild Ride? 33 00:01:23,648 --> 00:01:25,868 I am sparing no expense. Lyndsey deserves the best 34 00:01:25,955 --> 00:01:27,652 and I am finally going to give it to her. 35 00:01:27,739 --> 00:01:31,526 If you're giving it to her, it's not gonna be the best. 36 00:01:33,441 --> 00:01:35,138 [phone beeping] 37 00:01:36,270 --> 00:01:37,967 - Wow. - What? 38 00:01:38,054 --> 00:01:40,404 I just got an e-mail from Kate. 39 00:01:40,491 --> 00:01:42,058 She's in town. She wants to see me. 40 00:01:42,145 --> 00:01:44,930 - Did she say why? - No. 41 00:01:45,017 --> 00:01:46,845 Could be anything. 42 00:01:46,932 --> 00:01:48,543 It could be nothing. 43 00:01:48,630 --> 00:01:50,588 Could be something. 44 00:01:50,675 --> 00:01:53,330 Could be something serious. What if she's dying? 45 00:01:53,417 --> 00:01:55,245 What if she's pregnant? 46 00:01:55,332 --> 00:01:58,030 Wait, what if she's dying to be pregnant? 47 00:01:58,118 --> 00:02:00,903 The woman I love wants to have my child. 48 00:02:00,990 --> 00:02:02,948 Oh, my God, I'm gonna be a father. 49 00:02:04,776 --> 00:02:06,648 Advantage fat, flying baby. 50 00:02:08,215 --> 00:02:10,782 You have the number of a good chiropractor? 51 00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:17,572 ♪ Men men men men manly men men men ♪ 52 00:02:17,659 --> 00:02:20,357 ♪ Ha ha ♪♪ Men ♪♪ 53 00:02:24,318 --> 00:02:25,754 ♪ Men ♪♪ 54 00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:28,931 - Kate. - Sam. 55 00:02:29,018 --> 00:02:31,325 - Oh. It's.. - I'm kidding. 56 00:02:31,412 --> 00:02:33,414 - Oh. - Hi, Walden. 57 00:02:33,501 --> 00:02:34,632 Hi. 58 00:02:36,678 --> 00:02:38,027 - Hi. - Hi. 59 00:02:38,114 --> 00:02:39,681 I, uh, I got you your favorite coffee. 60 00:02:39,768 --> 00:02:40,986 Hey, how'd you remember? 61 00:02:41,073 --> 00:02:42,727 Please, how hard is it to remember 62 00:02:42,814 --> 00:02:45,687 a Grande, extra hot, decaf, triple shot, five pump 63 00:02:45,774 --> 00:02:49,908 vanilla, nonfat, no foam, whip cream, caramel macchiato? 64 00:02:49,995 --> 00:02:51,693 Actually, I switched to tea. 65 00:02:51,780 --> 00:02:53,651 - Oh. - It's a joke. 66 00:02:55,827 --> 00:02:59,266 Well, you look great. 67 00:02:59,353 --> 00:03:01,311 Success is really working for you. 68 00:03:01,398 --> 00:03:04,227 Then again, you'd look great with a bag over your head. 69 00:03:04,314 --> 00:03:07,317 That didn't come off as charming as I wanted it to. 70 00:03:08,144 --> 00:03:09,537 Thank you. 71 00:03:09,624 --> 00:03:11,321 I can't believe how lucky I've been. 72 00:03:11,408 --> 00:03:14,585 Lucky? Come on, you have real talent. 73 00:03:14,672 --> 00:03:17,501 I-I actually bought one of your dresses off your website. 74 00:03:17,588 --> 00:03:18,850 Seriously? 75 00:03:18,937 --> 00:03:21,201 Yeah, I haven't had a chance to wear it yet. 76 00:03:21,288 --> 00:03:23,507 I've been waiting for the perfect occasion. 77 00:03:26,031 --> 00:03:29,513 I was really surprised that you called me. 78 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:31,907 Yeah, I'm actually in town for a couple of days 79 00:03:31,994 --> 00:03:34,736 on business, and I wanted to see you. 80 00:03:34,823 --> 00:03:36,564 You did? 81 00:03:36,651 --> 00:03:39,784 Me too. I mean other than stalking you on Facebook. 82 00:03:41,308 --> 00:03:45,094 Well, I wanted to give you this. 83 00:03:45,181 --> 00:03:46,791 It's the money you invested in me. 84 00:03:48,402 --> 00:03:50,012 Oh, Kate. 85 00:03:50,099 --> 00:03:51,318 I gave this to my girlfriend 86 00:03:51,405 --> 00:03:52,971 so she could follow her dreams. 87 00:03:53,058 --> 00:03:57,193 And I'm paying back my investor, so I don't owe him anything. 88 00:03:57,280 --> 00:03:59,500 S-so this is why you wanted to see me. 89 00:03:59,587 --> 00:04:01,545 Walden, we broke up. 90 00:04:01,632 --> 00:04:04,113 When you break up, you give the other person their stuff back. 91 00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:06,811 Yes, but it's usually a cellphone charger 92 00:04:06,898 --> 00:04:08,422 and a bite guard. 93 00:04:08,509 --> 00:04:10,815 Well, in this case, it's $100,000. 94 00:04:10,902 --> 00:04:13,818 Well, I don't want it, but I do want my bite guard back. 95 00:04:13,905 --> 00:04:17,126 Buy another one. Or thousand of them. 96 00:04:17,213 --> 00:04:19,998 Kate, just put the money into your business. 97 00:04:20,085 --> 00:04:22,044 It'll help you get to the next level. 98 00:04:22,131 --> 00:04:24,264 I don't need it. 99 00:04:24,351 --> 00:04:25,743 I've actually found a new investor. 100 00:04:25,830 --> 00:04:28,180 That's how I'm able to pay you back. 101 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:31,619 So, we're no longer business partners. 102 00:04:31,706 --> 00:04:36,232 - We are not. - Well, that's great. 103 00:04:36,319 --> 00:04:38,365 That frees us up to be two young 104 00:04:38,452 --> 00:04:39,583 crazy dreamers in love. 105 00:04:39,670 --> 00:04:41,237 No. 106 00:04:41,324 --> 00:04:44,022 Okay, how about two cautiously 107 00:04:44,109 --> 00:04:45,981 optimistic adults sharing dinner? 108 00:04:46,068 --> 00:04:47,330 I don't think that's a good idea. 109 00:04:47,417 --> 00:04:50,638 Give me one more run at this. 110 00:04:50,725 --> 00:04:54,468 Two old friends, chance encounter, bus stop 111 00:04:54,555 --> 00:04:55,991 sharing a bag of tacos. 112 00:04:56,078 --> 00:04:57,645 Not gonna happen. 113 00:04:57,732 --> 00:04:59,516 Too bad. 114 00:04:59,603 --> 00:05:02,302 I was really looking for an excuse to wear my new dress. 115 00:05:05,087 --> 00:05:06,784 ♪ Men ♪♪ 116 00:05:06,871 --> 00:05:10,135 Hi. Um, I am interested in doing something special 117 00:05:10,222 --> 00:05:12,747 for my best gal on Valentine's Day. 118 00:05:12,834 --> 00:05:16,446 Uh, how much is your Presidential Suite? 119 00:05:18,230 --> 00:05:19,667 Uh-huh, I-I see. 120 00:05:19,754 --> 00:05:21,408 Um, do you, by any chance 121 00:05:21,495 --> 00:05:24,324 have a Secretary of Agriculture Suite? 122 00:05:27,544 --> 00:05:29,285 Alright, alright, you know what, let me just book 123 00:05:29,372 --> 00:05:32,201 your best regular-people room, and, uh.. 124 00:05:32,288 --> 00:05:35,030 ...would it be possible to, uh, split the deposit 125 00:05:35,117 --> 00:05:37,467 over three credit cards? 126 00:05:38,599 --> 00:05:40,470 Oh, oh, sure, I'll hold. 127 00:05:42,429 --> 00:05:44,735 Oh, oh, hey, how'd it go with Kate? 128 00:05:44,822 --> 00:05:47,216 Let's just say she doesn't want me in her business. 129 00:05:47,303 --> 00:05:49,087 Financial or lady. 130 00:05:49,174 --> 00:05:51,307 Oh, oh, I'm sorry. 131 00:05:51,394 --> 00:05:52,743 Yeah, the only reason she wanted to see me 132 00:05:52,830 --> 00:05:55,920 was to give me this stupid check for $100,000. 133 00:06:00,969 --> 00:06:02,840 You're not stupid to me. 134 00:06:05,060 --> 00:06:06,409 So, uh, what's the next step? 135 00:06:06,496 --> 00:06:08,280 There is no next step. 136 00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:10,413 - It's over. - What are you talking about? 137 00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:12,894 She doesn't want anything to do with me. 138 00:06:12,981 --> 00:06:14,417 Well, there's a good attitude. 139 00:06:14,504 --> 00:06:16,376 Uh, let me ask you something. 140 00:06:16,463 --> 00:06:18,290 Was it over for Lyndsey and me 141 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:20,292 when I burned her house to the ground? 142 00:06:22,077 --> 00:06:23,513 No. Was it over for us 143 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:25,297 when I introduced her mom to my mom 144 00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:29,345 who subsequently turned her into a rapacious lesbian? No. 145 00:06:29,432 --> 00:06:31,129 And-and-and what about me living in this house? 146 00:06:31,216 --> 00:06:33,436 Was it over when my brother died and you bought the place? 147 00:06:33,523 --> 00:06:35,351 Sadly, no. 148 00:06:35,438 --> 00:06:37,875 Right, because I am not a quitter. 149 00:06:37,962 --> 00:06:39,355 And you aren't, either. 150 00:06:39,442 --> 00:06:42,445 You're Walden Schmidt, captain of industry. 151 00:06:42,532 --> 00:06:46,188 Titan of technology. Head honcho of.. 152 00:06:48,146 --> 00:06:50,235 ...handsomeness. 153 00:06:50,322 --> 00:06:51,889 - Ran out of steam? - Yes. 154 00:06:51,976 --> 00:06:53,891 But you'll notice, I did not quit. 155 00:06:55,719 --> 00:06:57,547 - Maybe you're right. - Of course I'm right. 156 00:06:57,634 --> 00:07:00,158 Nothing is over until you say it's over. 157 00:07:00,245 --> 00:07:02,073 With the possible exception of me moving out 158 00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:03,466 which will only happen when you wheel me 159 00:07:03,553 --> 00:07:05,425 into the assisted living facility. 160 00:07:05,512 --> 00:07:06,730 You're right. 161 00:07:06,817 --> 00:07:09,037 I'm gonna go talk to her. Thank you, Alan. 162 00:07:09,124 --> 00:07:12,344 No problem, buddy. I will always be here for you. 163 00:07:14,042 --> 00:07:16,827 Literally. 164 00:07:16,914 --> 00:07:20,004 Oh, uh, hello. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 165 00:07:20,091 --> 00:07:22,790 Um, I have a MasterCard 166 00:07:22,877 --> 00:07:25,749 a Discover card and my mom's Visa. 167 00:07:27,272 --> 00:07:29,536 ♪ Men ♪♪ 168 00:07:32,756 --> 00:07:34,454 - Walden. - Great. 169 00:07:34,541 --> 00:07:36,456 You've already showered, now get dressed. We're going to dinner. 170 00:07:36,543 --> 00:07:38,153 What? No. 171 00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:40,068 Brrr. Sorry, wrong answer. 172 00:07:41,417 --> 00:07:42,984 The head honcho of handsomeness 173 00:07:43,071 --> 00:07:44,768 rejects your rejection. 174 00:07:44,855 --> 00:07:46,291 Is that a title you gave yourself? 175 00:07:46,378 --> 00:07:50,644 No, it was given to me by the man I live with. 176 00:07:50,731 --> 00:07:52,384 How did you find my room? 177 00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,735 - Told me at the front desk. - They're not supposed to. 178 00:07:54,822 --> 00:07:58,390 They're also not supposed to accept bribes, but here I am. 179 00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:00,828 I am not going to dinner with you. 180 00:08:00,915 --> 00:08:02,569 Fine. 181 00:08:02,656 --> 00:08:05,833 You don't want to go to dinner with me, then.. 182 00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:08,705 ...then we will have dinner right here. 183 00:08:10,098 --> 00:08:12,143 Look, your favorite, a half-eaten lobster 184 00:08:12,230 --> 00:08:14,058 with a cigarette butt in it. 185 00:08:14,145 --> 00:08:16,104 Oh, I was really hoping for coleslaw 186 00:08:16,191 --> 00:08:17,932 with a Band-Aid in it. 187 00:08:20,761 --> 00:08:22,676 Come on, Kate, go to dinner with him. 188 00:08:22,763 --> 00:08:24,895 Don't be so shellfish. 189 00:08:27,158 --> 00:08:28,508 You know you're an idiot, right? 190 00:08:28,595 --> 00:08:30,379 I'm a persistent idiot. 191 00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:33,425 Let me get dressed. 192 00:08:35,166 --> 00:08:36,516 Yay. 193 00:08:42,609 --> 00:08:45,220 Why would I do that? 194 00:08:45,307 --> 00:08:47,962 ♪ Men ♪♪ 195 00:08:48,049 --> 00:08:50,617 Oh, hey, there's my valentine. 196 00:08:50,704 --> 00:08:52,706 Will you be mine? 197 00:08:52,793 --> 00:08:54,272 'Hi, Alan. Yes, I will.' 198 00:08:54,359 --> 00:08:55,796 Great, 'cause I got something special planned. 199 00:08:55,883 --> 00:08:57,058 'Is this gonna be another scavenger hunt' 200 00:08:57,145 --> 00:08:58,973 'that ends in your pants?' 201 00:08:59,060 --> 00:09:02,019 No, no, this year, I booked us a room at the Bel-Air Hotel 202 00:09:02,106 --> 00:09:03,717 with the full romance package. 203 00:09:03,804 --> 00:09:05,806 'Oh, my God, are you serious?' 204 00:09:05,893 --> 00:09:08,156 Oh, yeah, uh, candlelight dinner, dancing 205 00:09:08,243 --> 00:09:10,419 couples massage, followed by savage sex 206 00:09:10,506 --> 00:09:11,986 with the man of your dreams. 207 00:09:12,073 --> 00:09:15,293 'Steve Buscemi's gonna be there?' 208 00:09:15,380 --> 00:09:16,817 'That sounds amazing.' 209 00:09:16,904 --> 00:09:18,470 'But how can you afford it?' 210 00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:21,343 Ah, bup, bup, bup. Nothing is too good for milady. 211 00:09:21,430 --> 00:09:23,127 Besides, a month without antidepressants 212 00:09:23,214 --> 00:09:24,476 isn't gonna kill me. 213 00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:25,913 'I don't know what to say.' 214 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:27,262 Oh, you don't have to say anything. 215 00:09:27,349 --> 00:09:28,655 Just pack your bag 216 00:09:28,742 --> 00:09:30,700 and your chariot will arrive at 6:00. 217 00:09:30,787 --> 00:09:33,007 'Yeah, would it be okay if we took my chariot?' 218 00:09:33,094 --> 00:09:34,748 - Why? - 'Really.' 219 00:09:34,835 --> 00:09:36,532 'I have to say it out loud?' 220 00:09:36,619 --> 00:09:38,621 'I don't want to pull up to the Bel-Air Hotel' 221 00:09:38,708 --> 00:09:40,492 'in your piece-of-crap car.' 222 00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:43,060 Oh, oh, uh, we can use your car. 223 00:09:43,147 --> 00:09:45,976 Oh, and if the front desk refers to you as Evelyn Harper 224 00:09:46,063 --> 00:09:47,804 just roll with it. 225 00:09:47,891 --> 00:09:49,893 - 'Okay.' - Well, I love you. 226 00:09:49,980 --> 00:09:52,330 'I love you too.' 227 00:09:52,417 --> 00:09:54,463 Well. That went well. 228 00:09:54,550 --> 00:09:57,640 I won't be needing these clues for the scavenger hunt. 229 00:09:59,381 --> 00:10:01,165 ♪ Men ♪♪ 230 00:10:01,252 --> 00:10:02,950 Wasn't that better than sitting in your room 231 00:10:03,037 --> 00:10:04,908 all alone watching porn? 232 00:10:06,693 --> 00:10:10,000 - Is that what you do? - What, me? No. 233 00:10:10,087 --> 00:10:11,611 I'm a Bible guy. 234 00:10:15,092 --> 00:10:16,528 Well, thanks. 235 00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,052 I had a really nice time. 236 00:10:18,139 --> 00:10:19,488 Me too. 237 00:10:23,927 --> 00:10:25,494 Well, goodnight. 238 00:10:27,148 --> 00:10:28,366 Uh, but.. 239 00:10:28,453 --> 00:10:30,194 - Goodnight? - Yeah. 240 00:10:30,281 --> 00:10:33,284 Oh, I was hoping that maybe we could.. 241 00:10:33,371 --> 00:10:36,331 ...you know, have hotel fun. 242 00:10:36,418 --> 00:10:38,638 I don't sleep with guys on the first date. 243 00:10:38,725 --> 00:10:40,465 First date? We lived together. 244 00:10:40,552 --> 00:10:43,730 No, I lived with Sam Wilson. 245 00:10:43,817 --> 00:10:47,951 Who you bare an uncanny resemblance to, but.. 246 00:10:48,038 --> 00:10:51,085 ...still, I think we should take it slow. 247 00:10:51,172 --> 00:10:53,043 Okay, I get it. 248 00:10:55,045 --> 00:10:56,438 Goodnight. 249 00:11:05,490 --> 00:11:07,231 - Kate? - 'What do you want, Walden?' 250 00:11:07,318 --> 00:11:10,017 Oh, uh, it's not Walden, it's Sam Wilson. 251 00:11:11,627 --> 00:11:13,194 'Go away.' 252 00:11:13,281 --> 00:11:14,412 Eh, it was worth a shot. 253 00:11:14,499 --> 00:11:16,066 ♪ Men ♪♪ 254 00:11:21,028 --> 00:11:23,291 ♪ Men ♪♪ 255 00:11:23,378 --> 00:11:24,553 'Morning. 256 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:26,076 Oh, there he is. 257 00:11:26,163 --> 00:11:27,904 Come here. 258 00:11:27,991 --> 00:11:29,906 - 'What?' - Just come here. 259 00:11:33,518 --> 00:11:34,737 - Ah. - Oh! 260 00:11:34,824 --> 00:11:38,610 Oh, what a lovely way to start the day. 261 00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:41,396 Don't kiss me, I have morning breath. 262 00:11:41,483 --> 00:11:42,963 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 263 00:11:43,050 --> 00:11:45,182 - What did I do? - You were right. 264 00:11:45,269 --> 00:11:48,055 Kate and I wound up having a great time last night. 265 00:11:48,142 --> 00:11:50,971 - Congratulations. - Yeah. It was perfect. 266 00:11:51,058 --> 00:11:52,842 I mean it was the same chemistry 267 00:11:52,929 --> 00:11:54,583 the same connection. 268 00:11:54,670 --> 00:11:57,760 Hmm, when you say connection, are we talking love connection? 269 00:11:57,847 --> 00:12:01,546 And by love connection, I mean brown chicken, brown cow. 270 00:12:03,026 --> 00:12:04,724 - No. - No? 271 00:12:04,811 --> 00:12:07,596 Nah, I didn't want to. 272 00:12:07,683 --> 00:12:09,859 You know, I just wanted to take it slow 273 00:12:09,946 --> 00:12:12,775 so we could connect on a more emotional, spiritual level. 274 00:12:12,862 --> 00:12:16,387 Huh. Sounds pretty gay to me, but alright. 275 00:12:16,474 --> 00:12:17,649 So when are you gonna see her again? 276 00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,347 - Tonight. - On Valentine's Day? 277 00:12:19,434 --> 00:12:20,609 - Yep. - Ooh. 278 00:12:20,696 --> 00:12:21,871 That's a terrific day not to get laid. 279 00:12:21,958 --> 00:12:23,307 - I know, right? - Oh. 280 00:12:23,394 --> 00:12:24,787 Oh, hey, can I ask your opinion about something? 281 00:12:24,874 --> 00:12:26,049 - Yeah, of course. - Great. 282 00:12:26,136 --> 00:12:27,311 What-what do you think of this? 283 00:12:27,398 --> 00:12:30,010 Whoa! Dude! What the hell? 284 00:12:30,097 --> 00:12:31,881 Oh, uh, I-I did a little manscaping 285 00:12:31,968 --> 00:12:34,579 for my, uh, my big night with Lyndsey tonight. 286 00:12:34,666 --> 00:12:36,016 I wanted to surprise her. 287 00:12:36,103 --> 00:12:37,887 Uh, does this look like a heart? 288 00:12:37,974 --> 00:12:40,324 Uh.. Yeah, it looks great. I love it. 289 00:12:40,411 --> 00:12:42,413 Uh, you're not even looking. Come on, I had your back. 290 00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:45,242 Yeah, well, I don't want to have your front. 291 00:12:47,201 --> 00:12:48,942 Please? 292 00:12:49,029 --> 00:12:51,335 Fine. But I'm going to restrict my response 293 00:12:51,422 --> 00:12:52,859 to only the nest. 294 00:12:52,946 --> 00:12:54,774 I'm not going to comment on the baby bird 295 00:12:54,861 --> 00:12:56,645 sitting on top of the eggs. 296 00:12:56,732 --> 00:12:58,516 That's all I ask. 297 00:13:05,567 --> 00:13:06,742 No. 298 00:13:06,829 --> 00:13:08,352 Doesn't look like a heart. 299 00:13:08,439 --> 00:13:10,398 What? It-it doesn't? 300 00:13:10,485 --> 00:13:13,662 No. There's no cleavage, there's no dip. 301 00:13:13,749 --> 00:13:16,360 It's just, there. 302 00:13:16,447 --> 00:13:17,622 Wait, what are you talking about? 303 00:13:17,709 --> 00:13:18,885 There's a...there's a curve right there. 304 00:13:18,972 --> 00:13:21,365 The whole thing is lopsided. 305 00:13:21,452 --> 00:13:24,325 Oh, no. It just looks that way 'cause I haven't fluffed. See? 306 00:13:27,067 --> 00:13:29,243 No, it still doesn't look like a heart. 307 00:13:29,330 --> 00:13:30,766 Fine, I'll keep working on it. 308 00:13:30,853 --> 00:13:33,116 But it is very difficult to manscape from this angle. 309 00:13:33,203 --> 00:13:35,031 - No, it's not. - Uh, yeah, it is. 310 00:13:35,118 --> 00:13:37,729 Okay, just for a frame of reference.. 311 00:13:38,992 --> 00:13:40,167 ...check out my manscaping. 312 00:13:40,254 --> 00:13:41,733 Oh, my God. 313 00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:44,388 - It's beautiful. - Mm-hmm. 314 00:13:44,475 --> 00:13:45,781 [Berta] 'I knew it.' 315 00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:49,654 So that's how you pay the rent. 316 00:13:53,615 --> 00:13:55,791 ♪ Men ♪♪ 317 00:13:55,878 --> 00:13:58,359 Alan, come on, let's go. 318 00:13:58,446 --> 00:14:01,144 I want to spend every possible minute in that hotel room. 319 00:14:01,231 --> 00:14:03,538 'One second! Just finishing off' 320 00:14:03,625 --> 00:14:04,931 'one last Valentine's surp..' 321 00:14:05,018 --> 00:14:06,454 [Alan screaming] 322 00:14:06,541 --> 00:14:08,760 Alan? 323 00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:12,112 [gasping] Oh, my God! What happened? 324 00:14:12,199 --> 00:14:13,809 Manscaping.. 325 00:14:13,896 --> 00:14:15,593 ...balls.. 326 00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:16,986 ...hospital! 327 00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:20,598 ♪ Men ♪♪ 328 00:14:22,731 --> 00:14:24,689 Well, I believe we just combined Valentine's Day 329 00:14:24,776 --> 00:14:27,257 with the Fourth of July. 330 00:14:27,344 --> 00:14:30,347 What do you say we throw in Groundhog Day and do it again? 331 00:14:32,523 --> 00:14:34,090 You know.. 332 00:14:34,177 --> 00:14:36,484 ...I had no intention of sleeping with you. 333 00:14:36,571 --> 00:14:38,660 I even wore my granny panties. 334 00:14:38,747 --> 00:14:40,096 Well, the joke's on you 335 00:14:40,183 --> 00:14:42,272 'cause I like a sensible, full-coverage brief. 336 00:14:44,753 --> 00:14:46,494 I really missed you. 337 00:14:46,581 --> 00:14:48,235 Me too. 338 00:14:48,322 --> 00:14:49,627 Can I tell you a secret though? 339 00:14:49,714 --> 00:14:51,151 Sure. 340 00:14:51,238 --> 00:14:53,675 Sam Wilson is a much better lover than you. 341 00:14:56,112 --> 00:14:57,461 I'm sorry. 342 00:14:57,548 --> 00:15:00,247 I couldn't get my mind off of Alan's penis. 343 00:15:04,425 --> 00:15:06,383 ♪ Men ♪♪ 344 00:15:06,470 --> 00:15:09,778 Oh, please drive faster. I'm bleeding out of my scrotum. 345 00:15:11,301 --> 00:15:12,999 Where in the world did you get the idea 346 00:15:13,086 --> 00:15:15,305 to shave your pubic hair into a heart? 347 00:15:15,392 --> 00:15:16,916 I read about it in a magazine. 348 00:15:17,003 --> 00:15:20,441 - What magazine? - Marie Claire. 349 00:15:20,528 --> 00:15:21,703 Doesn't look much like a heart. 350 00:15:21,790 --> 00:15:23,661 Well, it's bleeding like one. 351 00:15:26,142 --> 00:15:29,145 Oh. Oh. Oh, my God. This is the end. 352 00:15:29,232 --> 00:15:31,539 - I'm seeing lights. - You're not dying. 353 00:15:31,626 --> 00:15:34,324 - We're getting pulled over. - Oh, nice job, lead foot. 354 00:15:36,413 --> 00:15:39,155 Do you want to keep your other ball? 355 00:15:39,242 --> 00:15:41,418 'Evening, ma'am. Do you know why I pulled you over? 356 00:15:41,505 --> 00:15:43,899 I know I was speeding, but I have a very good excuse. 357 00:15:43,986 --> 00:15:46,032 - Is that so? - Show him, Alan. 358 00:15:46,119 --> 00:15:48,034 - What? No! - Show him. 359 00:15:48,121 --> 00:15:49,861 Oh! 360 00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:52,255 Oh, sweet mother of God! 361 00:15:54,083 --> 00:15:55,824 Is that a heart? 362 00:15:58,174 --> 00:15:59,480 Thank you. 363 00:16:01,090 --> 00:16:02,744 ♪ Men ♪♪ 364 00:16:02,831 --> 00:16:04,354 Oh, my God! 365 00:16:04,441 --> 00:16:05,965 Wha.. Alan, no. 366 00:16:09,707 --> 00:16:11,100 Sorry. What's.. What's going on? 367 00:16:11,187 --> 00:16:13,102 You're not going to believe this. 368 00:16:13,189 --> 00:16:15,322 My business partner just found a factory. 369 00:16:15,409 --> 00:16:17,933 We can start production on my line immediately. 370 00:16:18,020 --> 00:16:20,675 That's great. Congratulations. 371 00:16:20,762 --> 00:16:22,894 Oh, my God, this is so exciting. 372 00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:25,071 We leave for China tomorrow. 373 00:16:26,246 --> 00:16:28,117 Tomorrow? 374 00:16:28,204 --> 00:16:30,859 Oh, you know what? Wait.. 375 00:16:30,946 --> 00:16:35,559 I'm gonna be in Japan in two weeks on business. 376 00:16:35,646 --> 00:16:36,865 I could hop over to China. 377 00:16:36,952 --> 00:16:38,345 We could get some kung pao chicken 378 00:16:38,432 --> 00:16:40,695 maybe adopt a baby. 379 00:16:40,782 --> 00:16:43,393 Oh! Kung pao chicken is such a commitment. 380 00:16:45,178 --> 00:16:46,483 Ah, wait. 381 00:16:46,570 --> 00:16:49,051 In two weeks, I have to be back here. 382 00:16:49,138 --> 00:16:50,748 Okay. 383 00:16:50,835 --> 00:16:52,272 Oh, how about the week of the tenth? 384 00:16:52,359 --> 00:16:54,448 I've a conference in Austin. You could come with me. 385 00:16:54,535 --> 00:16:56,015 Oh. Let me check. 386 00:16:56,102 --> 00:16:57,712 I don't know if you've ever been to a tech conference 387 00:16:57,799 --> 00:17:01,063 but picture a comic book convention with nerdier guys. 388 00:17:01,150 --> 00:17:03,283 You would be their queen. 389 00:17:04,719 --> 00:17:06,416 Ah, no, that won't work. 390 00:17:06,503 --> 00:17:08,157 Um.. 391 00:17:08,244 --> 00:17:11,247 - How about first week in May? - I can do the second. 392 00:17:11,334 --> 00:17:12,640 And I can't. 393 00:17:15,295 --> 00:17:17,384 This was a lot easier when we were both broke. 394 00:17:17,471 --> 00:17:19,038 It was. 395 00:17:20,474 --> 00:17:21,649 How about this? 396 00:17:21,736 --> 00:17:25,044 Are you free for sex in 30 seconds? 397 00:17:25,131 --> 00:17:27,046 I have an opening. 398 00:17:29,396 --> 00:17:31,398 Let me check. 399 00:17:31,485 --> 00:17:33,052 Well, I'll have to move 400 00:17:33,139 --> 00:17:34,836 a few things around, but yes, I am. 401 00:17:37,273 --> 00:17:39,014 ♪ Men ♪♪ 402 00:17:40,363 --> 00:17:42,670 - Hi. - Hi. 403 00:17:42,757 --> 00:17:44,150 How you doing? 404 00:17:44,237 --> 00:17:46,891 I'm high, humiliated and hairless. 405 00:17:49,242 --> 00:17:50,808 I'm sorry I ruined Valentine's Day. 406 00:17:50,895 --> 00:17:52,462 What are you talking about? 407 00:17:52,549 --> 00:17:54,986 Well, I wanted it to be special because, you know 408 00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:57,989 I haven't always been the best boyfriend 409 00:17:58,077 --> 00:17:59,991 or even a good boyfriend. 410 00:18:01,167 --> 00:18:03,038 Or even an adequate boyfr.. 411 00:18:03,125 --> 00:18:05,475 Feel free to stop me at any time. 412 00:18:05,562 --> 00:18:07,695 I'm just teasing you. 413 00:18:07,782 --> 00:18:10,350 The fact that you even tried means everything to me. 414 00:18:10,437 --> 00:18:12,395 - Really? - Really. 415 00:18:12,482 --> 00:18:15,006 And driving 95 miles an hour behind a police escort? 416 00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:17,400 Best Valentine's Day ever. 417 00:18:19,881 --> 00:18:21,404 Oh, hey, you know, uh.. 418 00:18:21,491 --> 00:18:23,798 ...we could pull this curtain. 419 00:18:23,885 --> 00:18:25,234 Seriously? 420 00:18:25,321 --> 00:18:27,671 They just put 10 stitches in your junk. 421 00:18:27,758 --> 00:18:30,065 I thought we could take advantage of the swelling. 422 00:18:32,807 --> 00:18:34,113 Okay. 423 00:18:37,942 --> 00:18:40,119 - 'You ready?' - 'Ow.' 424 00:18:41,163 --> 00:18:42,904 [Alan] 'Ow, ow.' 425 00:18:42,991 --> 00:18:45,211 'Ow! Don't-don't stop.' 426 00:18:45,298 --> 00:18:46,734 'Ow!' 427 00:18:46,821 --> 00:18:48,039 [Alan grunting] 428 00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:49,519 ♪ Men ♪♪ 429 00:18:54,045 --> 00:18:56,047 ♪ Men ♪♪ 430 00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:58,833 I know I'm going to regret asking this, but.. 431 00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:00,661 ...how's your ball? 432 00:19:02,097 --> 00:19:04,578 Throbbing and green. 433 00:19:04,665 --> 00:19:06,536 So what's going on with you and Kate? 434 00:19:06,623 --> 00:19:08,364 I don't know. 435 00:19:08,451 --> 00:19:09,887 It's going to be hard to make a relationship work 436 00:19:09,974 --> 00:19:11,411 with her traveling all around the world. 437 00:19:11,498 --> 00:19:13,587 Mmm, that's rough. 438 00:19:13,674 --> 00:19:16,807 Not tetanus shot in your sack rough, but.. 439 00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:20,071 Hey, how's she affording all this? 440 00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:21,856 She's got some new investor with a lot of money. 441 00:19:21,943 --> 00:19:23,553 Oh, that's nice. 442 00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:26,600 Yeah, except I don't know if I'm ever gonna see her again. 443 00:19:26,687 --> 00:19:29,168 If you don't leave it alone, it'll never heal. 444 00:19:31,126 --> 00:19:32,475 If you don't stop doing that 445 00:19:32,562 --> 00:19:35,261 I'm gonna make you wear a cone around it. 446 00:19:35,348 --> 00:19:37,698 ♪ Men ♪♪ 447 00:19:37,785 --> 00:19:41,049 What a stroke of luck, you finding that factory in China. 448 00:19:41,136 --> 00:19:42,877 I know. 449 00:19:45,401 --> 00:19:49,536 Sometimes fate steps in and makes things happen. 450 00:19:49,623 --> 00:19:52,321 I'm not gonna lie, I wish the timing were better. 451 00:19:52,408 --> 00:19:56,412 Well, if he really loves you, he'll wait for you. 452 00:19:56,499 --> 00:19:58,458 How did you know I have a boyfriend? 453 00:19:58,545 --> 00:20:01,765 Oh, a pretty girl like you, you'd have to have a boyfriend. 454 00:20:01,852 --> 00:20:03,289 He's amazing. 455 00:20:03,376 --> 00:20:05,247 I'm crazy about him. 456 00:20:05,334 --> 00:20:06,466 Been there. 457 00:20:09,295 --> 00:20:10,644 ♪ Men ♪♪ 458 00:20:13,299 --> 00:20:14,604 ♪ Men men men men ♪ 459 00:20:14,691 --> 00:20:16,302 ♪ Manly men men men ♪ 460 00:20:16,389 --> 00:20:18,042 ♪ Men men men men ♪♪ Oo ♪ 461 00:20:18,129 --> 00:20:19,914 ♪ Manly men men men ♪♪ Oo hoo hoo hoo oo ♪ 462 00:20:20,001 --> 00:20:22,786 ♪ Men men men men manly men ♪♪ Oo ♪ 463 00:20:22,873 --> 00:20:24,832 ♪ Oo hoo hoo hoo oo ♪♪ Oo ♪ 464 00:20:24,919 --> 00:20:26,399 ♪ Men men men men ♪ 465 00:20:26,486 --> 00:20:28,227 ♪ Manly men men men ♪♪ Hoo hoo ♪ 466 00:20:28,314 --> 00:20:29,445 ♪ Men men men men ♪ 467 00:20:29,532 --> 00:20:30,751 ♪ Manly men men men ♪ 468 00:20:30,838 --> 00:20:33,536 ♪ Ha ha ♪♪ Men ♪♪