1 00:00:03,394 --> 00:00:04,787 - What are you doin' here? - I got a weekend pass. 2 00:00:04,874 --> 00:00:07,007 So I took a train in to surprise you guys. 3 00:00:07,094 --> 00:00:08,573 - Hi, soldier. - Hello. 4 00:00:08,660 --> 00:00:11,011 You must be Jake. I'm sleeping in your room. 5 00:00:11,098 --> 00:00:12,751 Well, God bless America. 6 00:00:12,838 --> 00:00:14,362 You are just so sweet. 7 00:00:14,449 --> 00:00:16,016 I swear, I could just eat you up 8 00:00:16,103 --> 00:00:18,931 but you know, then I'd probably get a sugar rush. 9 00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:22,022 - Missi still sleepin'? - Nah, she's in the shower. 10 00:00:25,329 --> 00:00:27,418 Oops. 11 00:00:27,505 --> 00:00:28,680 I get another pass in, like, a month 12 00:00:28,767 --> 00:00:30,204 so maybe we can see each other then. 13 00:00:30,291 --> 00:00:32,858 - I sort of have a boyfriend. - A boyfriend? 14 00:00:32,945 --> 00:00:34,860 But I thought you.. 15 00:00:36,471 --> 00:00:37,776 Goodbye, Jake. 16 00:00:38,777 --> 00:00:40,692 Don't be a hero. 17 00:00:43,304 --> 00:00:46,307 What the hell just happened? 18 00:00:46,394 --> 00:00:48,744 ♪ Men ♪♪ 19 00:00:48,831 --> 00:00:50,441 - Hey. - Hey. 20 00:00:52,313 --> 00:00:54,184 Wait. I thought you had a date with Lyndsey tonight. 21 00:00:54,271 --> 00:00:55,707 Oh, yeah, I was supposed to 22 00:00:55,794 --> 00:00:57,492 but, uh, we decided to take a little break. 23 00:00:57,579 --> 00:00:59,059 How come? 24 00:00:59,146 --> 00:01:01,061 Oh, I'm not privy to that information. 25 00:01:02,584 --> 00:01:06,153 Uh, all I was told is, we need to take a break. 26 00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:08,198 So, what, you're supposed to just wait around 27 00:01:08,285 --> 00:01:09,373 until she decides that you're worthy 28 00:01:09,460 --> 00:01:10,983 of being in her presence again? 29 00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:13,812 Or until she needs her rain gutters cleaned out. 30 00:01:13,899 --> 00:01:15,814 And-and that's not a euphemism. 31 00:01:17,381 --> 00:01:19,166 See, this is the kind of crap 32 00:01:19,253 --> 00:01:21,385 you gotta put up with when you're in a relationship. 33 00:01:21,472 --> 00:01:24,388 Oh, but-but it's a small price to pay for love 34 00:01:24,475 --> 00:01:26,782 companionship and a parking spot 35 00:01:26,869 --> 00:01:30,438 for the pink Prius. 36 00:01:30,525 --> 00:01:33,484 It's hard to believe that Lyndsey needed a break from you. 37 00:01:37,314 --> 00:01:39,577 [doorbell rings] 38 00:01:39,664 --> 00:01:41,188 If you will excuse me 39 00:01:41,275 --> 00:01:44,147 I have a date with an extra large meat lover. 40 00:01:45,235 --> 00:01:47,107 That did not sound right. 41 00:01:48,412 --> 00:01:50,284 I ordered a pizza. 42 00:01:53,156 --> 00:01:54,984 - Walden! - Missi. 43 00:01:57,465 --> 00:01:59,728 I am so sorry to show up unannounced 44 00:01:59,815 --> 00:02:01,643 but me and my mom got in this huge fight 45 00:02:01,730 --> 00:02:03,732 over whether or not I should pay rent to stay at her house. 46 00:02:03,819 --> 00:02:05,299 And I said, "Fine, but if I pay rent 47 00:02:05,386 --> 00:02:06,561 then your stupid boyfriend should too." 48 00:02:06,648 --> 00:02:07,910 He said, "Don't sass your mother." 49 00:02:07,997 --> 00:02:09,085 I said, "Do not tell me what to do. 50 00:02:09,172 --> 00:02:11,392 I am six months older than you." 51 00:02:11,479 --> 00:02:13,785 Anyway, you said I was welcome here any time I want 52 00:02:13,872 --> 00:02:16,092 so, ding-dong, here I am. 53 00:02:16,179 --> 00:02:17,224 Alan! 54 00:02:17,311 --> 00:02:18,703 - How are you? - I'm good. 55 00:02:18,790 --> 00:02:19,965 What brings you here? 56 00:02:20,052 --> 00:02:21,924 - No! No! - Me and my.. 57 00:02:23,534 --> 00:02:25,406 Hey! 58 00:02:25,493 --> 00:02:26,798 Jake, what are you doing here? 59 00:02:26,885 --> 00:02:28,452 I got a weekend pass. 60 00:02:28,539 --> 00:02:29,888 Missi? 61 00:02:29,975 --> 00:02:31,586 What are you doing here? 62 00:02:31,673 --> 00:02:32,978 Jake? 63 00:02:33,065 --> 00:02:35,938 What a surprise! 64 00:02:39,463 --> 00:02:42,031 - I'm suspicious. - You think? 65 00:02:42,118 --> 00:02:44,642 ♪ Men men men men manly men men men ♪ 66 00:02:44,729 --> 00:02:47,341 ♪ Huh huh-h-h men ♪♪ 67 00:02:52,215 --> 00:02:53,956 ♪ Men ♪♪ 68 00:02:54,043 --> 00:02:56,219 I still just can't get over this coincidence. 69 00:02:56,306 --> 00:02:57,829 I mean, what are the odds? 70 00:02:57,916 --> 00:02:59,788 The same weekend I come home, Missi just happ-- 71 00:02:59,875 --> 00:03:02,921 Jake, let it go. 72 00:03:03,008 --> 00:03:06,273 Missi, help me out here. I thought you guys broke up. 73 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:09,667 We did, but then Jake sent me this giant cookie he baked 74 00:03:09,754 --> 00:03:12,192 that was shaped like a heart, and it said, "I Missi you" 75 00:03:12,279 --> 00:03:14,324 and I just melted. 76 00:03:14,411 --> 00:03:16,283 Well, you know, I can't take all the credit. 77 00:03:16,370 --> 00:03:18,850 The cookie was loaded with pot. 78 00:03:18,937 --> 00:03:20,330 So, uh.. 79 00:03:20,417 --> 00:03:23,290 ...Jake, you wanna go to your bedroom and unpack? 80 00:03:23,377 --> 00:03:25,335 Uh, that's okay. I don't really have much. 81 00:03:26,423 --> 00:03:27,946 Well, then maybe 82 00:03:28,033 --> 00:03:31,254 you could help me unpack. 83 00:03:32,342 --> 00:03:33,865 Why? 84 00:03:33,952 --> 00:03:35,954 Dude, she's not really talking 85 00:03:36,041 --> 00:03:38,305 about unpacking. 86 00:03:38,392 --> 00:03:40,698 Oh, oh, okay, yeah 87 00:03:40,785 --> 00:03:42,526 I could definitely go for a good unpacking. 88 00:03:42,613 --> 00:03:44,180 Well, then, come on. 89 00:03:44,267 --> 00:03:47,401 Hey, um, maybe later we could go for a walk on the beach. 90 00:03:47,488 --> 00:03:48,924 Oh, yeah! 91 00:03:50,534 --> 00:03:53,668 She means an actual walk on the beach! 92 00:03:55,496 --> 00:03:57,585 - That's it. I'm out of here. - Where are you going? 93 00:03:57,672 --> 00:03:58,934 Someplace quiet. 94 00:03:59,021 --> 00:04:00,370 What are you talking about? It's quiet here. 95 00:04:00,457 --> 00:04:01,763 Wait for it. 96 00:04:01,850 --> 00:04:03,243 [Missi] 'Jake, slow down.' 97 00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:06,507 'There's a zipper on this thing.' 98 00:04:06,594 --> 00:04:10,032 Oh, God, I can't hear my son having sex. 99 00:04:12,077 --> 00:04:13,905 ♪ Oh yeah ♪ 100 00:04:13,992 --> 00:04:15,907 ♪ Push it good ♪ 101 00:04:15,994 --> 00:04:17,126 ♪ Ah push it.. ♪♪ 102 00:04:17,213 --> 00:04:20,085 Much better. 103 00:04:20,172 --> 00:04:22,262 ♪ Men ♪♪ 104 00:04:29,704 --> 00:04:30,835 Wow! 105 00:04:35,405 --> 00:04:37,625 - Excuse me? - I'm sorry. 106 00:04:37,712 --> 00:04:39,583 That-that was involuntary. 107 00:04:41,193 --> 00:04:43,718 I just think you're very beautiful. 108 00:04:43,805 --> 00:04:45,937 Thank you. 109 00:04:46,024 --> 00:04:49,114 If we weren't in a library, I would have applauded. 110 00:04:49,201 --> 00:04:50,551 Got it. 111 00:04:50,638 --> 00:04:51,595 Thanks. 112 00:04:55,643 --> 00:04:59,342 I'm sorry. What are you doing here? 113 00:04:59,429 --> 00:05:01,997 Nobody goes to the library anymore. 114 00:05:02,084 --> 00:05:04,521 Oh, it's one of the few places that I can go to 115 00:05:04,608 --> 00:05:06,610 where strange men don't hit on me. 116 00:05:08,177 --> 00:05:10,266 Oh. 117 00:05:10,353 --> 00:05:11,702 Sorry. I just.. 118 00:05:11,789 --> 00:05:13,661 I'll leave you alone. 119 00:05:16,359 --> 00:05:18,143 I come here 'cause they have a great collection 120 00:05:18,230 --> 00:05:20,363 of Thomas Edison diaries. 121 00:05:20,450 --> 00:05:22,626 They're very illuminating. 122 00:05:24,454 --> 00:05:27,196 Get it? Thomas Edison's? 123 00:05:27,283 --> 00:05:29,067 The light bulb? 124 00:05:30,678 --> 00:05:31,983 Never mind. 125 00:05:35,204 --> 00:05:38,555 Just for the record, I wasn't hitting on you. 126 00:05:38,642 --> 00:05:41,166 I was just making small talk. 127 00:05:41,253 --> 00:05:43,212 Duly noted. 128 00:05:43,299 --> 00:05:45,345 The last thing I would want to do is hit on anyone. 129 00:05:45,432 --> 00:05:47,825 I'm-I'm kind of taking a timeout from the whole 130 00:05:47,912 --> 00:05:50,088 boy meets girl, girl dumps boy 131 00:05:50,175 --> 00:05:52,830 boy doubts his worth as a human being thing. 132 00:05:53,875 --> 00:05:55,616 - Okay. - Okay. 133 00:06:17,899 --> 00:06:19,857 Oh, for God's sake. Would you like to join me? 134 00:06:19,944 --> 00:06:21,642 Oh, no, no, no. I don't wanna impose. 135 00:06:21,729 --> 00:06:23,600 Just get over here. 136 00:06:27,865 --> 00:06:29,606 - Walden. - Whitney. 137 00:06:29,693 --> 00:06:32,522 Hi. So, Whitney, tell me about yourself. 138 00:06:32,609 --> 00:06:34,089 What do you do? 139 00:06:34,176 --> 00:06:35,438 Um, I'm an actress. 140 00:06:35,525 --> 00:06:36,961 Oh, yeah. How's that goin'? 141 00:06:37,048 --> 00:06:38,659 Not so good. 142 00:06:38,746 --> 00:06:40,704 I haven't worked in almost two years. 143 00:06:40,791 --> 00:06:42,184 Ooh. 144 00:06:42,271 --> 00:06:44,404 Tough business or are you just not talented? 145 00:06:49,278 --> 00:06:52,760 What do you mean, am I just not talented? 146 00:06:52,847 --> 00:06:55,110 You don't know me, you don't know what I can do. 147 00:06:55,197 --> 00:06:57,373 You're lucky that I don't reach under this table right now 148 00:06:57,460 --> 00:07:00,245 rip off your balls and feed them to you for dinner. 149 00:07:01,986 --> 00:07:04,859 I'm sorry. My bad. 150 00:07:04,946 --> 00:07:06,338 And scene. 151 00:07:11,779 --> 00:07:14,346 ♪ Men ♪♪ 152 00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:16,610 - Hey. - Hey. 153 00:07:16,697 --> 00:07:19,264 - Where's Missi? - She's unpacking. 154 00:07:19,351 --> 00:07:21,571 - You know, for real. - Right. 155 00:07:21,658 --> 00:07:23,138 I'm-I'm glad you're having fun. 156 00:07:23,225 --> 00:07:26,097 Oh, I am. I can't imagine ever being with anyone else. 157 00:07:26,184 --> 00:07:28,665 Yeah, yeah, I remember that feelin'. 158 00:07:28,752 --> 00:07:31,625 You, uh, kiss a girl, see fireworks 159 00:07:31,712 --> 00:07:33,670 and fall head over heels in love 160 00:07:33,757 --> 00:07:36,673 and then, one day you wake up in a cold, loveless marriage 161 00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:38,327 with a soul sucking shrew 162 00:07:38,414 --> 00:07:41,156 who makes you wish for an early death. 163 00:07:41,243 --> 00:07:43,811 Oh, you realize you're talking about my mother? 164 00:07:44,681 --> 00:07:46,553 Yeah. So you get it. 165 00:07:48,946 --> 00:07:50,252 ♪ Men ♪♪ 166 00:07:50,339 --> 00:07:52,733 So, anyway, after I moved out to Los Angeles 167 00:07:52,820 --> 00:07:54,474 I promised myself I'd give it two years 168 00:07:54,561 --> 00:07:56,563 and if I wasn't a star by then 169 00:07:56,650 --> 00:07:59,000 I'd move home and get a real job. 170 00:07:59,087 --> 00:08:00,697 So how much time do you have left? 171 00:08:00,784 --> 00:08:02,743 Eleven days. 172 00:08:02,830 --> 00:08:04,919 Well, that's four more than God took. 173 00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:09,140 God didn't have my agent. 174 00:08:09,227 --> 00:08:12,274 Listen, if I could hire you to act, I would. 175 00:08:12,361 --> 00:08:14,363 Thank you. I appreciate that. 176 00:08:17,192 --> 00:08:19,455 You know, what if I could hire you? 177 00:08:19,542 --> 00:08:21,326 For what? 178 00:08:21,413 --> 00:08:24,547 Well, stick with me 'cause I'm just thinking out loud here. 179 00:08:24,634 --> 00:08:27,071 You see, here's the thing. 180 00:08:27,158 --> 00:08:29,334 I'm a serial monogamist 181 00:08:29,421 --> 00:08:30,945 but I'm not very good at relationships 182 00:08:31,032 --> 00:08:32,424 'cause they're emotional 183 00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:35,036 and they get messy, people fall in and out of love 184 00:08:35,123 --> 00:08:36,428 and somebody always ends up crying. 185 00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,779 And that's usually me. 186 00:08:38,866 --> 00:08:41,129 Walden, I'm not gonna date you. 187 00:08:41,216 --> 00:08:44,698 Oh, no, I-I don't want you to date me. 188 00:08:44,785 --> 00:08:47,962 What if I hired you to play 189 00:08:48,049 --> 00:08:49,877 the role of my girlfriend? 190 00:08:49,964 --> 00:08:51,705 You think I'm a hooker? 191 00:08:51,792 --> 00:08:53,968 No. No. No. No sex. 192 00:08:54,055 --> 00:08:55,839 Uh, you know, take sex off the table. 193 00:08:55,926 --> 00:08:57,449 In fact, take it off the table 194 00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,582 the car, the floor, the bed 195 00:08:59,669 --> 00:09:01,889 the windmill at the putt-putt golf course. 196 00:09:01,976 --> 00:09:04,108 Okay, so 197 00:09:04,195 --> 00:09:06,633 I'm supposed to just believe that some random guy 198 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:09,331 that I meet in the public library is going to pay me 199 00:09:09,418 --> 00:09:12,813 to be his sex-free companion? 200 00:09:12,900 --> 00:09:15,206 How does this not end with my head in a freezer? 201 00:09:17,818 --> 00:09:19,689 - Google me. - What? 202 00:09:19,776 --> 00:09:21,996 Walden Schmidt. Google me. 203 00:09:25,956 --> 00:09:27,828 Wow, that's a lot of zeros. 204 00:09:29,743 --> 00:09:34,269 Are you really a-a genius entrepreneur, philanthropist? 205 00:09:34,356 --> 00:09:36,358 I also fight crime. 206 00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:39,622 What do you say? 207 00:09:39,709 --> 00:09:41,755 You know how weird this is, right? 208 00:09:41,842 --> 00:09:44,148 What is weird about wanting to control every aspect 209 00:09:44,235 --> 00:09:47,935 of a relationship by using money as a weapon? 210 00:09:48,022 --> 00:09:49,893 Okay, let me rephrase that. 211 00:09:49,980 --> 00:09:51,373 How does five grand a week sound? 212 00:09:51,460 --> 00:09:53,331 Sounds like you've got a girlfriend. 213 00:09:55,072 --> 00:09:57,684 ♪ Men ♪♪ 214 00:09:57,771 --> 00:10:00,295 - Mornin'. - Mornin'. 215 00:10:00,382 --> 00:10:02,123 - Where's Jake? - Oh, he's still sleeping. 216 00:10:02,210 --> 00:10:04,255 'Cause in the army he has to get up at four in the mornin'. 217 00:10:04,342 --> 00:10:06,214 In the military, that's 0400. 218 00:10:06,301 --> 00:10:08,608 I don't understand why they need the O or the hundred. 219 00:10:08,695 --> 00:10:11,393 What time is it? Four. Boom! Done! Next! 220 00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:14,178 And I really don't understand 221 00:10:14,265 --> 00:10:15,615 them watches without the numbers on it. 222 00:10:15,702 --> 00:10:17,399 - I mean, I never know what-- - 'Missi?' 223 00:10:17,486 --> 00:10:20,968 I love you dearly, but you got to shut up. 224 00:10:21,055 --> 00:10:23,579 Well, all I heard was you love me dearly. 225 00:10:26,190 --> 00:10:28,236 Oh, you're here. 226 00:10:28,323 --> 00:10:31,935 And action. 227 00:10:32,022 --> 00:10:33,415 You're adorable. 228 00:10:33,502 --> 00:10:36,766 I brought you an iced coffee, no sugar, soy milk. 229 00:10:36,853 --> 00:10:39,116 That's exactly the way that I like it. 230 00:10:39,203 --> 00:10:41,249 - How did you know? - You're my boyfriend. 231 00:10:41,336 --> 00:10:43,294 It's my business to know. 232 00:10:43,381 --> 00:10:44,731 Okay, so, here's what I'm thinking. 233 00:10:44,818 --> 00:10:48,386 Three words. Beer, wings, football. 234 00:10:48,473 --> 00:10:52,390 Okay, three more words best girlfriend ever. 235 00:10:52,477 --> 00:10:54,392 - I'll just go get changed. - Why? 236 00:10:54,479 --> 00:10:56,568 Oh, this is a smelly old shirt and I haven't showered. 237 00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:59,746 Stinky, just the way I like it. 238 00:10:59,833 --> 00:11:01,704 Oh, this is good. 239 00:11:03,227 --> 00:11:05,099 Can I fart in the car? 240 00:11:07,318 --> 00:11:09,103 ♪ Men ♪♪ 241 00:11:10,844 --> 00:11:12,672 - Hello? - Sorry to disturb you, sir. 242 00:11:12,759 --> 00:11:15,196 Is this the residence of Private Jake Harper? 243 00:11:15,283 --> 00:11:16,719 Yes, it is. Is everything okay? 244 00:11:16,806 --> 00:11:19,548 No, sir. He's absent without leave. 245 00:11:19,635 --> 00:11:21,202 H-he's AWOL? 246 00:11:21,289 --> 00:11:23,770 Now we both have said it. 247 00:11:23,857 --> 00:11:25,815 If he doesn't return to the base within 24 hours 248 00:11:25,902 --> 00:11:27,991 he will be brought up on charges. 249 00:11:28,078 --> 00:11:29,558 Oh. That's not good. 250 00:11:29,645 --> 00:11:33,127 No, sir. It's bad. 251 00:11:33,214 --> 00:11:35,912 Uh, well, I-I-I, I haven't, I haven't seen him. 252 00:11:35,999 --> 00:11:38,001 Uh, but, you know, if I, if I do, I will, uh 253 00:11:38,088 --> 00:11:39,350 I will get in touch right away. 254 00:11:39,437 --> 00:11:40,700 Uh, immediately. 255 00:11:40,787 --> 00:11:41,744 - Thank you, sir. - Okay. 256 00:11:41,831 --> 00:11:43,354 Here's our contact information. 257 00:11:43,441 --> 00:11:45,400 Good day, sir. 258 00:11:48,925 --> 00:11:50,013 [laughter] 259 00:11:50,100 --> 00:11:52,363 [Missi] 'Jake!' 260 00:11:52,450 --> 00:11:54,061 Jake! 261 00:11:54,148 --> 00:11:56,498 [Jake] 'Not now, dad.' 262 00:11:56,585 --> 00:11:58,761 The military police were at the door 263 00:11:58,848 --> 00:12:01,546 looking for you. 264 00:12:01,633 --> 00:12:03,505 - What did you tell them? - I told them you weren't here. 265 00:12:03,592 --> 00:12:05,550 Oh, thanks. See you at dinner. 266 00:12:07,378 --> 00:12:09,163 ♪ Men ♪♪ 267 00:12:12,775 --> 00:12:13,950 ♪ Men ♪♪ 268 00:12:14,037 --> 00:12:16,823 Are you kidding me, Jake? AWOL? 269 00:12:16,910 --> 00:12:18,999 Come on, it's not that big a deal. 270 00:12:19,086 --> 00:12:21,349 You could go to jail! 271 00:12:21,436 --> 00:12:25,353 Really? That seems a little extreme. 272 00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:27,355 Alright, alright, enough. Just-just go get your things. 273 00:12:27,442 --> 00:12:28,660 and I'll drive you back to the base. 274 00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,445 No. I'm staying here with Missi. 275 00:12:30,532 --> 00:12:32,229 This is not a discussion. Let's go! 276 00:12:32,316 --> 00:12:37,147 Dad, I'm not a kid anymore. I'm 18 and I'm in the army. 277 00:12:37,234 --> 00:12:39,846 You're using the excuse that you're in the army 278 00:12:39,933 --> 00:12:42,283 to not go back to the army? 279 00:12:42,370 --> 00:12:44,633 Hey, why don't you let me go try to talk to him? 280 00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:46,156 You think you can bring him back to his senses? 281 00:12:46,243 --> 00:12:47,331 Oh, yeah, I'm real good at getting people 282 00:12:47,418 --> 00:12:48,855 to do what I want 'em to do. 283 00:12:48,942 --> 00:12:50,204 Back home they call me the people whisperer. 284 00:12:50,291 --> 00:12:52,032 It's kind of like the horse whisperer 285 00:12:52,119 --> 00:12:53,468 except I do it with people and I don't really whisper. 286 00:12:53,555 --> 00:12:54,991 Ooh, I tried it with a horse one time. 287 00:12:55,078 --> 00:12:56,427 He was just looking at me like I was crazy. 288 00:12:56,514 --> 00:12:57,733 Kind of like you're doing right now. 289 00:12:57,820 --> 00:12:59,735 I'll go talk to Jake. 290 00:13:01,606 --> 00:13:04,000 She cannot become my daughter-in-law. 291 00:13:08,091 --> 00:13:09,789 Oh, good, you're going back. 292 00:13:09,876 --> 00:13:12,139 Nope. You and me are getting out of here. 293 00:13:12,226 --> 00:13:13,836 - Where are we going? - Doesn't matter. 294 00:13:13,923 --> 00:13:15,359 I just wanna be with you. 295 00:13:15,446 --> 00:13:17,971 Jake, I got to go back home. I have a job. 296 00:13:18,058 --> 00:13:20,669 Hey, if I can leave the army, you can leave your job. 297 00:13:20,756 --> 00:13:22,279 Whoa, slow down. 298 00:13:22,366 --> 00:13:24,716 Why? I love you and you love me, right? 299 00:13:27,023 --> 00:13:29,678 Right? 300 00:13:29,765 --> 00:13:33,508 Jake...you have to know how much I really like you. 301 00:13:34,204 --> 00:13:36,206 Oh, man. 302 00:13:36,293 --> 00:13:38,948 But...you're in good company 303 00:13:39,035 --> 00:13:41,255 'cause I only really like great things. 304 00:13:41,342 --> 00:13:43,735 You know, like, ice cream sundaes 305 00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,389 and jumping up and down on bubble wrap 306 00:13:45,476 --> 00:13:47,043 and that cute little bear in the toilet paper commercial 307 00:13:47,130 --> 00:13:49,611 that wipes his butt on the tree. 308 00:13:49,698 --> 00:13:52,570 Okay, I heard it that time. I do got to shut up. 309 00:13:52,657 --> 00:13:53,789 ♪ Men ♪♪ 310 00:13:53,876 --> 00:13:55,660 [crowd cheering] 311 00:13:56,966 --> 00:13:58,098 I brought you another beer. 312 00:13:58,185 --> 00:13:59,142 [grunts] 313 00:13:59,229 --> 00:14:00,404 I don't know if I should. 314 00:14:00,491 --> 00:14:02,885 Oh, come on, drunk guys are hot. 315 00:14:02,972 --> 00:14:04,669 You know, I got to tell you, Whitney 316 00:14:04,756 --> 00:14:07,237 I am having the best time with you. 317 00:14:07,324 --> 00:14:09,283 Good 'cause.. 318 00:14:09,370 --> 00:14:11,328 ...I think you're wonderful. 319 00:14:11,415 --> 00:14:12,590 Thanks. 320 00:14:15,202 --> 00:14:18,031 - Do you really mean that? - Of course, I do. 321 00:14:18,118 --> 00:14:20,250 You're smart, you're funny 322 00:14:20,337 --> 00:14:22,818 not to mention very handsome. 323 00:14:22,905 --> 00:14:25,690 Ah. Too late, you mentioned it. 324 00:14:25,777 --> 00:14:28,041 You know, but seriously.. 325 00:14:28,128 --> 00:14:30,521 ...I am so glad I met you. 326 00:14:30,608 --> 00:14:32,872 Thanks. Me too. 327 00:14:36,571 --> 00:14:39,966 See, here's the thing. 328 00:14:40,053 --> 00:14:42,969 - I really mean it. - So do I. 329 00:14:43,056 --> 00:14:44,884 Okay, see, I don't know if you're just saying that 330 00:14:44,971 --> 00:14:48,583 because I'm paying you or if you really believe it. 331 00:14:48,670 --> 00:14:51,934 How does it feel to you? 332 00:14:52,021 --> 00:14:54,067 It feels like you mean it. 333 00:14:54,154 --> 00:14:56,286 Then that's all that matters. 334 00:14:56,373 --> 00:14:57,897 Wh...no, it's not. 335 00:14:57,984 --> 00:15:00,508 See...I wanna know 336 00:15:00,595 --> 00:15:02,597 if it's for real real 337 00:15:02,684 --> 00:15:05,121 or if it's best performance by a girlfriend 338 00:15:05,208 --> 00:15:07,602 hired in a library real. 339 00:15:07,689 --> 00:15:10,648 Because on my end, it is real. 340 00:15:10,735 --> 00:15:12,824 Me too. 341 00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:15,262 Okay, if I wasn't paying you 342 00:15:15,349 --> 00:15:17,046 would you still feel that? 343 00:15:17,133 --> 00:15:20,267 It wouldn't matter if you were paying me or not. 344 00:15:20,354 --> 00:15:21,572 But I am paying you. 345 00:15:21,659 --> 00:15:23,748 Which doesn't change the way I feel. 346 00:15:25,837 --> 00:15:29,406 Okay, let's try this another way. 347 00:15:29,493 --> 00:15:32,235 I want you to feel 348 00:15:32,322 --> 00:15:34,672 that it's really real 349 00:15:34,759 --> 00:15:37,284 for real real. 350 00:15:37,371 --> 00:15:40,461 And that is exactly how I feel. 351 00:15:41,418 --> 00:15:43,420 Son of a bitch! 352 00:15:45,161 --> 00:15:46,641 ♪ Men ♪♪ 353 00:15:49,557 --> 00:15:52,429 - Hey. - Hey. 354 00:15:52,516 --> 00:15:54,692 - You okay? - What do you care? 355 00:15:54,779 --> 00:15:57,565 Come on, Jake, you know I care. 356 00:15:57,652 --> 00:15:59,436 I feel so stupid. 357 00:15:59,523 --> 00:16:01,830 No. 358 00:16:01,917 --> 00:16:03,832 You're not stupid. 359 00:16:05,834 --> 00:16:07,401 You wanna hear stupid? 360 00:16:07,488 --> 00:16:09,751 One time I drank an entire blueberry Slurpee in one slurp 361 00:16:09,838 --> 00:16:13,320 had a three-hour brain freeze and my pee looked like Windex. 362 00:16:13,407 --> 00:16:14,886 What the hell are you talking about? 363 00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:18,064 I don't know, I'm not real good with silence. 364 00:16:18,151 --> 00:16:22,111 Just...promise me you'll go back to the army. 365 00:16:22,198 --> 00:16:24,287 Yeah, I'm going back. 366 00:16:24,374 --> 00:16:25,549 Good. 367 00:16:27,203 --> 00:16:28,422 Hey.. 368 00:16:28,509 --> 00:16:30,380 ...we did have some fun, though, right? 369 00:16:30,467 --> 00:16:32,687 Yeah, we did. 370 00:16:32,774 --> 00:16:35,385 Well, just remember that part. 371 00:16:39,824 --> 00:16:41,130 Goodbye, Jake. 372 00:16:53,838 --> 00:16:56,406 Where am I gonna find another girl named Missi? 373 00:16:58,626 --> 00:17:00,715 ♪ Men ♪♪ 374 00:17:00,802 --> 00:17:02,543 Hey. 375 00:17:02,630 --> 00:17:03,805 Hey. 376 00:17:04,980 --> 00:17:05,937 Where's your new girlfriend? 377 00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:09,289 Ah, she's off for the day. 378 00:17:09,376 --> 00:17:11,117 Where's your boyfriend? 379 00:17:11,204 --> 00:17:13,989 We...kind of broke up. 380 00:17:14,076 --> 00:17:15,860 How come? 381 00:17:15,947 --> 00:17:18,428 You know, I just thought I was coming here for a fun weekend 382 00:17:18,515 --> 00:17:20,691 no strings attached, but.. 383 00:17:20,778 --> 00:17:22,041 ...then Jake told me that he loved me 384 00:17:22,128 --> 00:17:24,043 and I just couldn't say it back. 385 00:17:24,130 --> 00:17:26,045 - Ouch. - I wasn't trying to hurt him. 386 00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:28,699 It's just.. 387 00:17:28,786 --> 00:17:30,832 ...he's not my soul mate. 388 00:17:30,919 --> 00:17:33,487 Well, I hate to break it to you.. 389 00:17:33,574 --> 00:17:36,185 ...but...there is no such thing. 390 00:17:36,272 --> 00:17:39,493 That's not true. Everybody has a soul mate. 391 00:17:39,580 --> 00:17:41,625 And when you find yours, it's like that feeling you get 392 00:17:41,712 --> 00:17:43,801 after the first big snowfall of the year. 393 00:17:43,888 --> 00:17:45,368 'You race outside to go sledding' 394 00:17:45,455 --> 00:17:47,805 and you go to the top of the steepest hill you can find 395 00:17:47,892 --> 00:17:50,286 and you know, your heart starts racing and you get all sweaty 396 00:17:50,373 --> 00:17:52,723 even though all your boogers are frozen over and.. 397 00:17:52,810 --> 00:17:54,421 ...the next thing you know, you are zipping down 398 00:17:54,508 --> 00:17:57,685 Montague Street laughing and crying all at the same time 399 00:17:57,772 --> 00:17:59,948 and you never want it to end. 400 00:18:00,035 --> 00:18:03,125 And that's what real love should feel like. 401 00:18:03,212 --> 00:18:05,606 Nobody should settle for anything less. 402 00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:09,000 Remember when I told you to shut up earlier? 403 00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:12,134 - I'm sorry. I know. - No. 404 00:18:12,221 --> 00:18:15,790 Don't ever listen to me again. 405 00:18:15,877 --> 00:18:17,792 'Cause that was awesome. 406 00:18:21,404 --> 00:18:22,492 Where you going? 407 00:18:22,579 --> 00:18:24,059 I'm gonna go see if my girlfriend 408 00:18:24,146 --> 00:18:26,061 wants to really be my girlfriend. 409 00:18:28,759 --> 00:18:31,110 And the people whisperer strikes again. 410 00:18:32,894 --> 00:18:34,591 ♪ Men ♪♪ 411 00:18:34,678 --> 00:18:36,376 And we're flying down the hill 412 00:18:36,463 --> 00:18:37,942 and you're all sweaty 413 00:18:38,029 --> 00:18:40,380 and there are, like, boogers frozen everywhere 414 00:18:40,467 --> 00:18:42,469 and...the point is-is 415 00:18:42,556 --> 00:18:44,906 I wanna share that feeling with you. 416 00:18:46,429 --> 00:18:48,475 For real. 417 00:18:48,562 --> 00:18:50,085 I'm gay. 418 00:18:53,262 --> 00:18:54,481 What? 419 00:18:54,568 --> 00:18:55,917 I like women. 420 00:18:57,397 --> 00:18:58,702 For real? 421 00:18:59,486 --> 00:19:01,052 For real. 422 00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:03,054 Wow. 423 00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:06,275 You're a really good actor. 424 00:19:06,362 --> 00:19:07,885 Thank you. 425 00:19:07,972 --> 00:19:09,626 Hey, do you wanna go to a movie tomorrow? 426 00:19:09,713 --> 00:19:12,760 Sure, yeah. That sounds great. 427 00:19:12,847 --> 00:19:13,804 I love you. 428 00:19:13,891 --> 00:19:15,241 Love you too, honey. 429 00:19:15,328 --> 00:19:16,981 ♪ Men ♪♪ 430 00:19:20,333 --> 00:19:22,378 ♪ Men ♪♪ 431 00:19:22,465 --> 00:19:23,771 You alright, buddy? 432 00:19:23,858 --> 00:19:25,381 I'm fine. 433 00:19:26,556 --> 00:19:28,645 It's okay to be upset. 434 00:19:28,732 --> 00:19:30,169 I'm not upset. 435 00:19:32,388 --> 00:19:35,217 If you were, I-I would understand. 436 00:19:35,304 --> 00:19:37,915 I mean, you give yourself to somebody 437 00:19:38,002 --> 00:19:41,310 you finally let down all your walls and.. 438 00:19:41,397 --> 00:19:43,660 ...then they break your heart. 439 00:19:43,747 --> 00:19:46,097 Yeah. 440 00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:48,709 I'm really sorry you have to go through this. 441 00:19:48,796 --> 00:19:53,453 I mean....it just, it kills me to see you in pain. 442 00:19:53,540 --> 00:19:56,499 I mean, I-I know you're a soldier now 443 00:19:56,586 --> 00:20:00,460 but...you're still my little baby boy. 444 00:20:00,547 --> 00:20:02,418 You know, I-I remember bringing you home from the hospital 445 00:20:02,505 --> 00:20:05,160 wrapped in your fuzzy blue blanket. 446 00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:10,600 I love you so much. 447 00:20:10,687 --> 00:20:14,648 I just, I-I just wish I hurt instead of you. 448 00:20:14,735 --> 00:20:16,345 Dad...it's okay. 449 00:20:16,432 --> 00:20:19,392 No, no, it's not okay! 450 00:20:19,479 --> 00:20:20,654 Maybe I should drive. 451 00:20:20,741 --> 00:20:23,309 Yeah, yeah, that's a good idea. 452 00:20:23,396 --> 00:20:24,484 Thank you. 453 00:20:24,571 --> 00:20:25,833 ♪ Men ♪♪ 454 00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:27,748 All I'm saying is, you can't give up. 455 00:20:27,835 --> 00:20:29,140 Your soul mate's out there. 456 00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:30,707 Yeah, I don't know, Missi. 457 00:20:30,794 --> 00:20:32,883 You just got to keep your eyes and your heart open. 458 00:20:32,970 --> 00:20:34,320 You know, you never know where you're gonna find her. 459 00:20:34,407 --> 00:20:35,843 She could be anywhere right now. 460 00:20:35,930 --> 00:20:37,714 Hey, she might even be at a Costco, wearing an apron 461 00:20:37,801 --> 00:20:40,108 passing out egg rolls, so you can sample the dipping sauce. 462 00:20:40,195 --> 00:20:42,328 Little tip, avoid the Chinese mustard. 463 00:20:42,415 --> 00:20:45,766 Feels good going in, not so good coming out. 464 00:20:45,853 --> 00:20:48,072 Well, let's just hope I find her before I get old. 465 00:20:48,159 --> 00:20:51,728 Ooh, then you better hurry up, grandpa. 466 00:20:51,815 --> 00:20:53,643 Hey, let's make a deal. 467 00:20:53,730 --> 00:20:56,037 Next time you're in town, assuming you haven't 468 00:20:56,124 --> 00:20:58,431 found anyone and I haven't found anyone 469 00:20:58,518 --> 00:21:00,171 what do you say that you and I-- 470 00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:01,390 Ew! 471 00:21:03,349 --> 00:21:06,177 I was gonna say help each other find someone! 472 00:21:07,614 --> 00:21:09,224 ♪ Men ♪♪ 473 00:21:15,883 --> 00:21:19,190 ♪ Ooo-oo men men men men manly men men men ♪ 474 00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:24,239 ♪ Men men men men manly men Oo hoo hoo hoo hoo oo ♪ 475 00:21:24,326 --> 00:21:26,589 ♪ Men men men men manly men men men ♪ 476 00:21:26,676 --> 00:21:30,289 ♪ Oo-oo men men men men manly men men men ♪ 477 00:21:30,376 --> 00:21:32,465 ♪ Huh huh-h-h men ♪♪