1 00:00:03,471 --> 00:00:06,107 I miss you, too, but what are you doing up? 2 00:00:06,174 --> 00:00:07,975 Isn't it, like, 3:00 in the morning in London? 3 00:00:08,042 --> 00:00:10,311 Yeah, I've been having trouble sleeping, too. 4 00:00:10,378 --> 00:00:15,183 Alan suggested warm milk and masturbation, 5 00:00:15,249 --> 00:00:18,752 but that's his answer for pretty much everything. 6 00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:20,188 No, don't worry. 7 00:00:20,254 --> 00:00:22,156 He's not gonna live here forever. 8 00:00:22,223 --> 00:00:25,059 More importantly, uh, when are you coming back? 9 00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:29,363 Ugh! Really, another week? 10 00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:30,831 All right, that settles it. 11 00:00:30,898 --> 00:00:33,301 I'm gonna heat up some milk. 12 00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:35,769 Okay, all right. 13 00:00:35,836 --> 00:00:37,605 Try to get some sleep. 14 00:00:37,671 --> 00:00:39,340 I love you. 15 00:00:39,407 --> 00:00:42,776 No, I love you more. 16 00:00:42,843 --> 00:00:44,878 No, uh-uh, I love you more. 17 00:00:44,945 --> 00:00:46,214 (makes kissing sounds) 18 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:47,448 (Jake laughs) 19 00:00:47,515 --> 00:00:49,917 (making kissing sounds) 20 00:00:49,983 --> 00:00:51,785 You got a problem with love? 21 00:00:51,852 --> 00:00:54,021 Uh-uh. No, no. 22 00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:57,158 Sorry. 23 00:00:57,225 --> 00:00:58,792 Oh, it's Jake and his friend. 24 00:00:58,859 --> 00:01:02,296 No, he's not gonna stay here forever, either. 25 00:01:04,132 --> 00:01:06,066 All right, bye-bye. Sweet dreams. 26 00:01:06,134 --> 00:01:09,403 Sorry, we'll get out of your way. 27 00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:10,571 Nah, that's okay. 28 00:01:10,638 --> 00:01:12,273 What are you guys doing? 29 00:01:12,340 --> 00:01:14,275 Well, we were gonna play a video game 30 00:01:14,342 --> 00:01:16,544 on the big screen, but if you're busy... 31 00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:17,511 No, no, come on. 32 00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:19,680 Nice. Awesome. 33 00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:20,914 Where's your dad? 34 00:01:20,981 --> 00:01:22,350 Oh, he's out with this guy's mom. 35 00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:23,951 Yeah, they're picking my grandma up 36 00:01:24,017 --> 00:01:25,986 at the International House of Old People. 37 00:01:27,755 --> 00:01:30,424 I-Hoop. 38 00:01:30,491 --> 00:01:32,426 She's in a rest home? 39 00:01:32,493 --> 00:01:34,562 I guess they're resting. 40 00:01:34,628 --> 00:01:36,830 They don't move very much. 41 00:01:36,897 --> 00:01:38,166 Oh, except on pudding day. 42 00:01:38,232 --> 00:01:40,334 Uh, then you could get trampled. 43 00:01:40,401 --> 00:01:43,704 Wow. Your dad's meeting his girlfriend's mother. 44 00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:45,306 That's a big step. 45 00:01:45,373 --> 00:01:47,175 What's bigger than boning each other? 46 00:01:47,241 --> 00:01:50,077 Shut up! Come on. We both know they're doing it. 47 00:01:50,144 --> 00:01:51,945 We've heard them. Dude! 48 00:01:52,012 --> 00:01:54,782 Oh, Alan! Oh, Lyndsey! 49 00:01:54,848 --> 00:01:57,251 Okay, quit it, or I'm leaving. 50 00:01:57,318 --> 00:01:58,386 Okay, fine. 51 00:01:58,452 --> 00:01:59,553 And I'm taking my game. 52 00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:01,189 I apologize. Accepted. 53 00:02:01,255 --> 00:02:04,091 It's nice you guys have a sense of humor about that stuff. 54 00:02:04,158 --> 00:02:07,127 So many kids of divorce are, like, so angry all the time. 55 00:02:07,195 --> 00:02:09,163 Yeah, well, it's kind of hard to stay angry 56 00:02:09,230 --> 00:02:11,332 when you smoke as much pot as we do. 57 00:02:11,399 --> 00:02:13,334 Truth. 58 00:02:13,401 --> 00:02:17,871 When my dad left, I was, like, really angry. 59 00:02:17,938 --> 00:02:19,006 What did you do? 60 00:02:19,072 --> 00:02:20,341 Just channeled my energy 61 00:02:20,408 --> 00:02:21,942 into learning how to program computers. 62 00:02:22,009 --> 00:02:24,378 Made my first million by the time I was 20. 63 00:02:24,445 --> 00:02:26,614 Oh, that's our plan, too. Totally. 64 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:28,982 Really? What language do you guys code in? 65 00:02:29,049 --> 00:02:30,884 Java? Perl? C-Plus-Plus? 66 00:02:30,951 --> 00:02:33,020 Um... 67 00:02:33,086 --> 00:02:36,156 Okay, maybe not a million. 68 00:02:36,224 --> 00:02:38,559 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 69 00:02:38,626 --> 00:02:42,162 * Ah. * Men. * Men. 70 00:02:44,932 --> 00:02:46,867 (humming) 71 00:02:46,934 --> 00:02:48,436 You're in a good mood. 72 00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:49,737 I am. 73 00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:51,339 Looking forward to seeing your mother? 74 00:02:51,405 --> 00:02:52,773 Not at all. 75 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:55,643 I'm high as a kite. 76 00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:57,110 If I'm looking forward to anything, 77 00:02:57,177 --> 00:03:00,180 it's for that second muscle relaxer to kick in. 78 00:03:00,248 --> 00:03:03,317 I hear you. Unfortunately, I can't do that with my mom. 79 00:03:03,384 --> 00:03:04,718 I have to stay alert. 80 00:03:04,785 --> 00:03:08,155 Dinner with her is like being trapped in a box with a snake. 81 00:03:08,222 --> 00:03:10,324 (laughs) My mom's more like a hamster. 82 00:03:10,391 --> 00:03:12,593 They seem cuddly, but they eat their young. 83 00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:14,395 Can't wait to meet her. 84 00:03:14,462 --> 00:03:15,563 Oh, you'll love her. 85 00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:17,531 Everybody loves her. 86 00:03:17,598 --> 00:03:19,867 She's sweet, shy and charming. 87 00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:22,403 Unless you happened to come out of her uterus, 88 00:03:22,470 --> 00:03:24,738 then you're part of a balanced breakfast. 89 00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:26,173 That bad, huh? 90 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:28,909 Yeah, and it's gotten worse since my dad died. 91 00:03:28,976 --> 00:03:30,678 Oh, she must have loved him very much. 92 00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:32,012 Nah, hated his guts. 93 00:03:32,079 --> 00:03:33,814 She tried to kill him once. 94 00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:34,915 You're kidding. 95 00:03:34,982 --> 00:03:36,049 Yeah, they were playing golf. 96 00:03:36,116 --> 00:03:37,351 He gave her a swing tip. 97 00:03:37,418 --> 00:03:39,353 She hit him on the head with a pitching wedge. 98 00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:40,854 A-a pitching wedge? 99 00:03:40,921 --> 00:03:42,256 It was the right club. 100 00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:44,191 They were about 90 yards out. 101 00:03:45,393 --> 00:03:47,528 Anyway, when he finally died years later, 102 00:03:47,595 --> 00:03:49,897 she decided he was the love of her life, 103 00:03:49,963 --> 00:03:51,231 moved into a retirement community, 104 00:03:51,299 --> 00:03:54,268 and put a "gone fishing sign" on her hoo-ha. 105 00:03:54,335 --> 00:03:57,605 Okay, guess I shouldn't mention golf during dinner. 106 00:03:57,671 --> 00:03:59,172 Mm. 107 00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:02,109 Or fishing. 108 00:04:02,175 --> 00:04:05,012 Yeah. You might also want to stay away from politics, 109 00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:05,813 religion or The Price Is Right. 110 00:04:05,879 --> 00:04:06,780 The Price Is Right? 111 00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:07,781 She misses Bob Barker. 112 00:04:07,848 --> 00:04:08,949 Hates Drew Carey. 113 00:04:09,016 --> 00:04:10,318 Oh, really? 114 00:04:10,384 --> 00:04:12,052 I think he's a wonderful breath of fresh air. 115 00:04:12,119 --> 00:04:13,687 Do not say that. 116 00:04:15,723 --> 00:04:17,991 * Men. 117 00:04:18,058 --> 00:04:19,226 See, he's right behind you! 118 00:04:19,293 --> 00:04:20,794 Ah! He's right behind you! 119 00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:21,929 Move! Move! Duck! 120 00:04:21,995 --> 00:04:25,265 Ah, ah, don't worry, Junior. I got this! 121 00:04:25,333 --> 00:04:27,267 Aah, crap. 122 00:04:27,335 --> 00:04:29,136 Watch and learn. 123 00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:31,639 Man, I used to be a lot better at this. 124 00:04:31,705 --> 00:04:33,674 I guess I'm just out of practice. 125 00:04:33,741 --> 00:04:35,476 That's 'cause you got a girlfriend now. 126 00:04:35,543 --> 00:04:37,511 Yeah. Your thumbs have gotten weak. 127 00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:40,881 That's why I choose to be a bachelor. 128 00:04:40,948 --> 00:04:42,350 Yeah, that's why. 129 00:04:45,353 --> 00:04:46,987 So, what's the deal with you and Zoey? 130 00:04:47,054 --> 00:04:48,356 Are you gonna marry her? 131 00:04:48,422 --> 00:04:50,458 I don't know. I mean, I love her and all, 132 00:04:50,524 --> 00:04:52,393 but I just got out of a marriage. 133 00:04:52,460 --> 00:04:54,495 Do I really want to be back in one? 134 00:04:54,562 --> 00:04:56,029 Hell, yeah. She's hot. 135 00:04:56,096 --> 00:04:57,498 It's not about how hot she is. 136 00:04:57,565 --> 00:04:59,700 Oh, thank you, Jake. 137 00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:02,235 It's about whether she stays hot. 138 00:05:06,006 --> 00:05:08,542 I mean, plus, there's some serious stuff to consider. 139 00:05:08,609 --> 00:05:11,445 She has a daughter, so I'd be a stepdad. 140 00:05:11,512 --> 00:05:13,581 My stepdad's a pretty cool guy. 141 00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:15,683 I mean, he's always slipping me money. 142 00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:18,118 I think he feels bad about replacing my dad. 143 00:05:18,185 --> 00:05:20,721 Or about banging your mom. 144 00:05:20,788 --> 00:05:21,722 Shut up! 145 00:05:21,789 --> 00:05:24,458 Mm, doesn't feel so good, does it? 146 00:05:24,525 --> 00:05:26,727 That's what your mom said. 147 00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:31,465 All right, can we please talk about something other than sex? 148 00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:33,834 Yes. Okay. 149 00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:36,269 But for the record, I'm not a virgin. 150 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:38,205 Good to know. 151 00:05:38,271 --> 00:05:40,408 Neither am I. 152 00:05:40,474 --> 00:05:43,210 At least I think I'm not. 153 00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:44,945 It was dark. 154 00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:46,480 Could have been just leg. 155 00:05:48,482 --> 00:05:49,950 But that still counts. 156 00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:51,351 No, it doesn't. 157 00:05:51,419 --> 00:05:52,553 Right? 158 00:05:52,620 --> 00:05:54,087 Listen, if he thinks he got laid, 159 00:05:54,154 --> 00:05:55,222 what difference does it make? 160 00:05:55,288 --> 00:05:58,191 Thank you. 161 00:05:58,258 --> 00:05:59,760 * Men. 162 00:05:59,827 --> 00:06:01,028 Mom, this is Alan. 163 00:06:01,094 --> 00:06:02,463 Alan, this is my mom Jean. 164 00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:03,831 Hi. Nice to meet you. 165 00:06:03,897 --> 00:06:04,965 How are you? 166 00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:06,500 Uh, good, good. 167 00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:08,402 Although I-I got to admit, I'm-I'm a little nervous. 168 00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:10,638 You know, I hope Mom likes me, you know? 169 00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:11,972 Relax, Alan. 170 00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:13,206 When it comes to men, 171 00:06:13,273 --> 00:06:15,776 Lyndsey has never set the bar very high. 172 00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:17,911 What's that supposed to mean? 173 00:06:17,978 --> 00:06:20,247 I'm just saying that you've always gone 174 00:06:20,313 --> 00:06:22,249 for quantity over quality. 175 00:06:22,315 --> 00:06:23,917 It's a choice. I'm not judging. 176 00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:25,052 (sighs) Oh. 177 00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:27,488 Come on, muscle relaxers. 178 00:06:27,555 --> 00:06:30,824 So, Alan, do you have children? 179 00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:33,060 Uh, I do. I have a son. Mm. 180 00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:34,462 That's good, 181 00:06:34,528 --> 00:06:36,864 'cause even if Lyndsey could bear another child, 182 00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:40,233 I'm not sure that would be the smartest move. 183 00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:42,102 Mom! 184 00:06:42,169 --> 00:06:43,403 Tell the truth. 185 00:06:43,471 --> 00:06:45,272 Do you want another one like Eldridge? 186 00:06:45,338 --> 00:06:47,741 Let's just change the subject. 187 00:06:47,808 --> 00:06:50,711 Does anybody want another Eldridge? 188 00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:54,347 How are things at Sunset Village? 189 00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:56,550 Same old, same old. 190 00:06:56,617 --> 00:06:58,719 Well, actually, some of the same old died, 191 00:06:58,786 --> 00:07:00,387 so we got some new old. 192 00:07:00,454 --> 00:07:02,355 Oh. Oh, that's awful. 193 00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:03,791 Not really. 194 00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:06,393 If you get to their condo before the relatives, 195 00:07:06,460 --> 00:07:08,562 you can score some great stuff. 196 00:07:08,629 --> 00:07:10,831 Oh, Mom, you're not saying... 197 00:07:10,898 --> 00:07:13,166 How do you think I got this lovely sweater? 198 00:07:13,233 --> 00:07:16,670 It certainly wasn't a Mother's Day gift. (scoffs) 199 00:07:16,737 --> 00:07:18,405 (laughs) Well, uh, 200 00:07:18,472 --> 00:07:21,709 if it comes up, I'm a 40 regular. 201 00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:22,976 (laughs) 202 00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:29,517 So, Mom, do you want to do anything special this weekend? 203 00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:31,819 I'll be happy doing whatever you want. 204 00:07:31,885 --> 00:07:34,387 Oh, well, I-I thought maybe tomorrow we could have lunch 205 00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:37,791 at the Santa Monica Pier, then go for a walk on the beach. 206 00:07:37,858 --> 00:07:40,060 Oh, okay. 207 00:07:40,861 --> 00:07:42,763 We don't have to. 208 00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:44,264 No, that's fine. 209 00:07:44,331 --> 00:07:46,834 I'm not afraid of homeless people. 210 00:07:48,335 --> 00:07:50,738 You know, your daughter's a good lady. 211 00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:53,006 You did a great job with her, Jean. 212 00:07:53,073 --> 00:07:54,508 Thanks. 213 00:07:54,575 --> 00:07:56,710 But it was touch and go for a while. 214 00:07:58,011 --> 00:08:00,781 She told you about her show business career, right? 215 00:08:00,848 --> 00:08:02,616 Seriously, Mom? Really? 216 00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:05,085 What? It was a very nice movie-- 217 00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:07,354 if you like pornography. 218 00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:11,158 Okay, I-I saw it, and-and it wasn't pornography. 219 00:08:11,224 --> 00:08:13,694 Well, it wasn't Mary Poppins. 220 00:08:17,965 --> 00:08:19,567 So, 221 00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:21,368 you guys graduate this year, right? 222 00:08:21,434 --> 00:08:22,502 I do. 223 00:08:22,570 --> 00:08:23,604 I do, too. 224 00:08:23,671 --> 00:08:25,238 Well, that's what you said last year. 225 00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:28,776 Yeah, but now, they're one more year sicker of me. 226 00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:32,179 So what are you gonna do now? 227 00:08:32,245 --> 00:08:35,315 Well, we were hoping we could work for you. 228 00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:39,653 Doing what? 229 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:43,724 We'd be, like, consultants. 230 00:08:43,791 --> 00:08:47,494 And what would you be consulting about? 231 00:08:47,561 --> 00:08:49,730 Well, that would be our first consultation. 232 00:08:53,166 --> 00:08:54,568 How about this? 233 00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:56,737 We could tell you what kids these days are into 234 00:08:56,804 --> 00:08:59,306 and then develop killer apps to target that geographic. 235 00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:03,043 Demographic. 236 00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:04,578 No, Republican kids, too. 237 00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:06,479 Mm. 238 00:09:09,316 --> 00:09:11,952 All right, Consultants, 239 00:09:12,019 --> 00:09:14,187 tell me some of your app ideas. 240 00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:16,323 Okay, well, you know, uh, 241 00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:20,227 when you take a picture of your junk and send it to a girl? 242 00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:24,197 Um... no. 243 00:09:25,165 --> 00:09:26,667 But I understand the concept. 244 00:09:26,734 --> 00:09:30,971 Okay, okay, well, this app makes your junk look bigger. 245 00:09:31,038 --> 00:09:33,707 And you can customize it. 246 00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:37,010 You can customize your junk? 247 00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,112 Yeah, you know, like silly hats, 248 00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:41,148 glasses, little messages. 249 00:09:41,214 --> 00:09:44,217 "Wish you were here." 250 00:09:45,052 --> 00:09:47,020 Get it? Get it? 251 00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:48,689 Yeah, I get it. 252 00:09:48,756 --> 00:09:51,992 So, it's like Photoshop, but for your junk. 253 00:09:52,059 --> 00:09:55,395 We call it Junkshop. 254 00:09:56,229 --> 00:09:57,530 It's a good name. 255 00:09:57,597 --> 00:10:00,033 What do you do if you already got big junk? 256 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,502 Oh, way ahead of you. Tell him about Boobshop. 257 00:10:02,569 --> 00:10:05,305 All right, you know how girls always complain 258 00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:07,675 about one boob being bigger than the other? 259 00:10:12,579 --> 00:10:15,248 Oh, thank God, she's asleep. 260 00:10:15,315 --> 00:10:17,050 I don't think I can last four days. 261 00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:18,752 Every word out of her mouth pushes my buttons. 262 00:10:18,819 --> 00:10:20,821 Yeah, I saw. She's like a ninja mom. 263 00:10:20,888 --> 00:10:22,756 She sneaks in, destroys your will to live, 264 00:10:22,823 --> 00:10:24,491 and then, disappears without a trace. 265 00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:25,625 So I'm not crazy? 266 00:10:25,693 --> 00:10:27,094 Oh, no, not at all. Oh. 267 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:28,929 In fact, it kind of makes me grateful for my mom. 268 00:10:28,996 --> 00:10:29,897 What do you mean? 269 00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:31,031 Well, there's no sneaking 270 00:10:31,098 --> 00:10:32,365 and stabbing in the back. 271 00:10:32,432 --> 00:10:33,734 She just walks right up to you, 272 00:10:33,801 --> 00:10:35,102 and hits you in the face with a lead pipe. 273 00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:36,269 (laughs) 274 00:10:36,336 --> 00:10:37,304 I wonder what would happen 275 00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:39,639 if we put them in the same room together. 276 00:10:39,707 --> 00:10:41,108 Uh. Momageddon. 277 00:10:41,174 --> 00:10:42,475 (laughing) 278 00:10:42,542 --> 00:10:45,979 Although... it wouldn't be the worst idea in the world. 279 00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:46,680 What?! 280 00:10:46,747 --> 00:10:48,015 Well, think about it. 281 00:10:48,081 --> 00:10:49,549 They're around the same age, they're single, 282 00:10:49,616 --> 00:10:52,552 they're both deeply disappointed in their children 283 00:10:52,619 --> 00:10:55,488 and their children's children. 284 00:10:55,555 --> 00:10:56,857 They might hit it off. 285 00:10:56,924 --> 00:11:00,060 And if they did, it might give us a break. 286 00:11:00,127 --> 00:11:01,494 You know what? Tell you what-- 287 00:11:01,561 --> 00:11:03,764 I will call my mom and try to set up a dinner. 288 00:11:03,831 --> 00:11:04,865 Oh, Alan, 289 00:11:04,932 --> 00:11:06,633 that would be wonderful. Mm. 290 00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:08,201 I owe you one. 291 00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:10,804 You still owe me one from my birthday. 292 00:11:10,871 --> 00:11:12,906 (sighs) Well... 293 00:11:12,973 --> 00:11:15,075 if she wasn't here, I'd be steering this car 294 00:11:15,142 --> 00:11:17,444 with the back of my head right now. 295 00:11:20,748 --> 00:11:22,750 Looks like she's sleeping pretty good. 296 00:11:25,285 --> 00:11:27,254 Oh, what the hell? Scoot your seat back. 297 00:11:28,155 --> 00:11:30,958 ALAN: Yay! 298 00:11:38,999 --> 00:11:40,500 * Men. 299 00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:42,469 Hey, what you doing? 300 00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:43,670 Absolutely nothing. 301 00:11:43,737 --> 00:11:45,138 I'm bored out of my mind. 302 00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:47,174 Oh, well, Lyndsey and I are having dinner with our moms. 303 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:48,208 You're welcome to join us. 304 00:11:48,275 --> 00:11:50,143 A two-mom dinner? 305 00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:51,144 You can say no. 306 00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:52,913 No. God, no. 307 00:11:52,980 --> 00:11:54,181 I get you. 308 00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:55,582 I don't want to go, either. 309 00:11:55,648 --> 00:11:57,751 Why are you doing it? 310 00:11:57,818 --> 00:11:59,252 Are you thinking about getting married? 311 00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:01,654 Um, to answer your questions in reverse order: 312 00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:03,857 not at the moment and oral sex. 313 00:12:03,924 --> 00:12:04,925 Night. 314 00:12:07,828 --> 00:12:10,864 Oral sex. 315 00:12:10,931 --> 00:12:13,133 Time to warm up the old milk. 316 00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:15,535 Oh, great, Amy. 317 00:12:15,602 --> 00:12:17,771 We'll be there. 318 00:12:17,838 --> 00:12:18,872 What's going on? 319 00:12:18,939 --> 00:12:20,107 Just got invited 320 00:12:20,173 --> 00:12:21,875 to a slammin' party in the Valley. 321 00:12:21,942 --> 00:12:22,910 Cool. 322 00:12:22,976 --> 00:12:25,012 Can we borrow your car? 323 00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:29,983 Uh, all right, let me think. 324 00:12:30,050 --> 00:12:34,054 Two potheads want to borrow my $100,000 car 325 00:12:34,121 --> 00:12:36,689 to go to a slammin' party in the Valley. 326 00:12:37,724 --> 00:12:38,859 Sounds like a no. 327 00:12:38,926 --> 00:12:40,027 Wait, wait, wait. 328 00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:41,494 Let's hear him out. 329 00:12:41,561 --> 00:12:43,530 It's a no! 330 00:12:44,965 --> 00:12:46,766 I'll give you guys a ride. 331 00:12:46,834 --> 00:12:48,268 Oh, sweet. Thanks. 332 00:12:48,335 --> 00:12:49,870 What you got going on with the water? 333 00:12:49,937 --> 00:12:52,139 Oh, we had another idea for an app. 334 00:12:52,205 --> 00:12:54,875 Let me guess-- Sinkshop. 335 00:12:54,942 --> 00:12:56,143 Oh, no, no. 336 00:12:56,209 --> 00:12:58,345 Okay, imagine the app is on my phone. 337 00:12:58,411 --> 00:12:59,813 All right. Go ahead. 338 00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:00,881 (inhales deeply) 339 00:13:00,948 --> 00:13:02,682 JAKE: Now, all I do 340 00:13:02,749 --> 00:13:05,218 is press this button, and our app will tell you 341 00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:08,555 exactly how long you can hold your breath underwater. 342 00:13:13,961 --> 00:13:15,428 That's clever. 343 00:13:15,495 --> 00:13:16,396 Thanks. 344 00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:18,231 How is it different than the stopwatch 345 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:19,599 that's already on your phone? 346 00:13:19,666 --> 00:13:20,968 The what? 347 00:13:21,034 --> 00:13:23,536 See this little clock? 348 00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,573 Oh. 349 00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:28,976 Damn. 350 00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:31,311 How long? 351 00:13:35,082 --> 00:13:36,483 So this is nice, huh? 352 00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:37,384 Lovely. 353 00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:38,785 I can't remember how long it's been 354 00:13:38,852 --> 00:13:41,021 since the last time you called me to have dinner. 355 00:13:41,088 --> 00:13:42,522 Oh, come on. It hasn't been that long. 356 00:13:42,589 --> 00:13:45,392 Oh, please. Jake was still cute. 357 00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:47,861 Guess it has been awhile. 358 00:13:47,928 --> 00:13:49,396 So what's up with this dinner? 359 00:13:49,462 --> 00:13:51,531 Why are you finally allowing me to meet your girlfriend? 360 00:13:51,598 --> 00:13:53,133 First of all, I wasn't disallowing you 361 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:54,701 from meeting her; I was just, uh... 362 00:13:54,767 --> 00:13:57,070 avoiding it as long as possible. 363 00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:00,273 Uh, but things are more serious between us now, 364 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:01,641 and I thought it might be nice 365 00:14:01,708 --> 00:14:03,543 for you two to get to know each other. 366 00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:06,113 All right. And her mother might come along. 367 00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:07,347 Her mother? 368 00:14:07,414 --> 00:14:08,681 Yeah, she's, uh, in town visiting. 369 00:14:08,748 --> 00:14:11,018 I thought you two might hit it off. 370 00:14:11,084 --> 00:14:15,288 Alan, you know I don't like old people. 371 00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,225 I do know, but you'll like her. 372 00:14:18,291 --> 00:14:19,893 She's young at heart, like you. 373 00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:22,896 I'm young everywhere-- all the parts. 374 00:14:22,963 --> 00:14:23,997 Sure. 375 00:14:24,064 --> 00:14:25,332 What I haven't replaced, 376 00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:27,834 I've had tightened, bleached or trimmed. 377 00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:29,769 Got it. 378 00:14:29,836 --> 00:14:31,638 So where's the old biddy live? 379 00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:32,906 Palmdale. 380 00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:35,909 Palmdale, ech. 381 00:14:35,976 --> 00:14:37,177 Is she married? 382 00:14:37,244 --> 00:14:38,311 Uh, widow. 383 00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:39,512 How'd her husband die? 384 00:14:39,579 --> 00:14:40,647 Heart attack. 385 00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:41,748 Boring. 386 00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:45,652 She did actually try to kill him once. 387 00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:46,753 Oh. 388 00:14:46,819 --> 00:14:48,488 Well, at least we have something in common. 389 00:14:51,758 --> 00:14:53,826 Sure you gave me the right address? 390 00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,095 Yeah. 391 00:14:55,162 --> 00:14:57,764 1478 Amy Lane. 392 00:14:57,830 --> 00:14:59,599 Wait a sec. 393 00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:03,370 Isn't Amy Lane the name of the chick having the party? 394 00:15:05,805 --> 00:15:09,276 It may not be Amy Lane. 395 00:15:11,378 --> 00:15:15,215 But we're on Amy Lane. 396 00:15:15,282 --> 00:15:18,151 An amazing coincidence, huh? 397 00:15:19,352 --> 00:15:21,321 Is there somebody you guys can call? 398 00:15:21,388 --> 00:15:23,123 I mean, I can call Amy Lane. 399 00:15:23,190 --> 00:15:26,426 If that is, in fact, her real name. 400 00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:28,828 (thud) 401 00:15:31,398 --> 00:15:34,667 Evelyn, Alan tells me you do a lot of traveling. 402 00:15:34,734 --> 00:15:36,203 Yes. I love it. 403 00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:39,006 The classical architecture, the exotic cuisine, 404 00:15:39,072 --> 00:15:40,707 the uncircumcised men. 405 00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:42,342 (gags) 406 00:15:42,409 --> 00:15:44,377 Although one could make a case 407 00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:46,513 that falls under "exotic cuisine." 408 00:15:46,579 --> 00:15:50,783 (whispering): Just like you and Alan in the car. 409 00:15:55,922 --> 00:15:57,590 Do you guys travel much? 410 00:15:57,657 --> 00:15:58,825 Not anymore. 411 00:15:58,891 --> 00:16:02,095 But when my husband was alive, we went everywhere. 412 00:16:02,162 --> 00:16:05,798 Six Flags, Epcot, Dollywood. 413 00:16:05,865 --> 00:16:07,134 Charming. 414 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:08,901 Real globe-trotter. (chuckles) 415 00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:12,239 Speaking of which, I once slept with Meadowlark Lemon. 416 00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:15,042 Let me tell you, 417 00:16:15,108 --> 00:16:18,411 basketballs weren't the only thing he could spin. 418 00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:22,915 (whispering): I'm so sorry. 419 00:16:24,217 --> 00:16:25,385 I hope this is it. 420 00:16:25,452 --> 00:16:27,187 They have a balloon on the mailbox 421 00:16:27,254 --> 00:16:28,988 that says party. Mm. 422 00:16:29,056 --> 00:16:30,957 (doorbell rings) 423 00:16:32,225 --> 00:16:35,228 Yeah? 424 00:16:35,295 --> 00:16:37,430 Uh, is this where the party is? 425 00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:40,300 Oh, you saw the balloon, huh? 426 00:16:40,367 --> 00:16:42,035 Come on in. 427 00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:43,436 Okay. Oh, hang on. 428 00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:45,238 Hang on. Excuse us. 429 00:16:45,305 --> 00:16:47,840 Don't you pay attention in health class? 430 00:16:47,907 --> 00:16:49,109 What are you talking about? 431 00:16:49,176 --> 00:16:50,910 Stranger danger. 432 00:16:53,380 --> 00:16:55,382 No, he seems okay. 433 00:16:55,448 --> 00:16:57,884 You guys like to wrestle? 434 00:16:57,950 --> 00:16:59,586 Let's book it, dude. 435 00:16:59,652 --> 00:17:01,921 Yeah. Walden! Don't go! 436 00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:06,426 Always a bridesmaid. 437 00:17:14,934 --> 00:17:16,403 Really, Alan? 438 00:17:19,072 --> 00:17:20,540 Why don't I get this? 439 00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:23,943 Well, you got to admit my plan worked. 440 00:17:24,010 --> 00:17:26,479 They hit it off and left us pretty much unscathed. 441 00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:28,915 Plus, thanks to your mom, my mom can now go back 442 00:17:28,981 --> 00:17:31,351 to her retirement community and show all her girlfriends 443 00:17:31,418 --> 00:17:33,686 what happens when you Google "Santorum." 444 00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:35,588 (both laughing) 445 00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:38,825 Lyndsey, will you take me to get a tramp stamp? 446 00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:40,227 What? 447 00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:42,829 It's a cute little tattoo right here. 448 00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:44,097 Evelyn has one. 449 00:17:44,164 --> 00:17:45,265 You do? 450 00:17:45,332 --> 00:17:46,799 I got it in Singapore. 451 00:17:46,866 --> 00:17:49,936 The Chinese characters for: "Thank you. Come again." 452 00:17:51,504 --> 00:17:54,040 All right, well, we're done here. 453 00:17:54,107 --> 00:17:55,242 Why don't we head home? 454 00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:56,776 I don't want to go home. 455 00:17:56,843 --> 00:17:58,811 Evelyn says there's a place right down the street 456 00:17:58,878 --> 00:18:00,913 where they have music and dancing. 457 00:18:00,980 --> 00:18:02,649 Oh, I don't think so. It's getting kind of late. 458 00:18:02,715 --> 00:18:04,717 Yeah, we both have to work in the morning. 459 00:18:04,784 --> 00:18:05,718 I don't. 460 00:18:05,785 --> 00:18:06,919 Neither do I. 461 00:18:06,986 --> 00:18:08,755 Why don't you two fuddy-duddies run along 462 00:18:08,821 --> 00:18:11,124 and let Jean and I have some fun? 463 00:18:11,191 --> 00:18:12,692 How will you get home? 464 00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:15,061 Alan, I made it from Brunei to Morocco with nothing 465 00:18:15,128 --> 00:18:17,964 but the clothes on my back and a tube of lubricant. 466 00:18:18,030 --> 00:18:21,601 I think I can get us from Tarzana to Sherman Oaks. 467 00:18:21,668 --> 00:18:24,003 (giggling): Isn't she a hoot? 468 00:18:24,070 --> 00:18:26,773 All right, if you're sure. 469 00:18:26,839 --> 00:18:29,008 Let's go. 470 00:18:29,075 --> 00:18:31,544 You think we'll find some cute fellas to dance with? 471 00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:33,546 Oh, Jean, Jean, Jean. 472 00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:35,815 We're not going to dance. 473 00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:40,420 * Men. 474 00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:42,822 Should have written the address down, dude. 475 00:18:42,889 --> 00:18:43,723 I did write it down. 476 00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:45,425 She must have told it to me wrong. 477 00:18:45,492 --> 00:18:47,093 Or maybe you heard it wrong. 478 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:51,097 If only there was an app that could capture the spoken word. 479 00:18:51,164 --> 00:18:53,032 (button clicks) 480 00:18:53,099 --> 00:18:56,736 (on phone): If only there was an app that could capture the spoken word. 481 00:18:58,137 --> 00:18:59,772 Don't mock us, man. 482 00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:00,473 (button clicks) 483 00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:03,576 Don't mock us, man. 484 00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:06,946 Hi, Jake. 485 00:19:07,514 --> 00:19:08,448 Hi, Eldridge. 486 00:19:08,515 --> 00:19:10,883 Hey. Hi. 487 00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:12,719 I bet they were at the party. 488 00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:15,588 Yeah, maybe they can tell us where it is. 489 00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:16,789 Oh, good thinking. 490 00:19:16,856 --> 00:19:17,990 I'll text 'em. 491 00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:22,595 Wait, I don't have their numbers. 492 00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:26,399 Man, we're never going to find this party. 493 00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:29,636 Okay. 494 00:19:30,803 --> 00:19:32,939 Let me ask you a question. 495 00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:36,543 If you had made it to the party, what would you have done there? 496 00:19:36,609 --> 00:19:39,111 Try to hook up with some chicks. 497 00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:49,922 Why don't you hook up with them? 498 00:19:51,491 --> 00:19:54,661 Right there-- that's why you're rich. 499 00:19:56,463 --> 00:19:59,999 Would you mind very much if we, you know, blew you off? 500 00:20:00,066 --> 00:20:02,269 I would worry about you if you didn't. 501 00:20:02,335 --> 00:20:04,404 Bye. Later. 502 00:20:05,238 --> 00:20:06,739 ELDRIDGE: Hello, ladies. 503 00:20:06,806 --> 00:20:09,008 JAKE: Mind if we hook up with you? 504 00:20:13,846 --> 00:20:15,782 * Men. 505 00:20:15,848 --> 00:20:16,949 Morning. Morning. 506 00:20:17,016 --> 00:20:18,351 Oh, morning. 507 00:20:18,418 --> 00:20:19,586 You and Evelyn have a good time last night? 508 00:20:19,652 --> 00:20:21,187 Fantastic. Mm. 509 00:20:21,254 --> 00:20:22,755 I adore your mother. 510 00:20:22,822 --> 00:20:25,224 (chuckling): That's only because you just met her. 511 00:20:25,292 --> 00:20:28,695 I don't know, I think I got to know her pretty well. 512 00:20:28,761 --> 00:20:31,230 Good morning, darling. 513 00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:34,467 Hi, Peaches. 514 00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:42,675 Once again, I'm so, so sorry. 515 00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:44,844 Captioning sponsored by CBS and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION 516 00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:46,613 and TOYOTA. 517 00:20:46,679 --> 00:20:49,516 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 518 00:20:54,454 --> 00:20:57,590 * Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, ooh * * Men, men, men, men, manly, men, men, men * 519 00:20:57,657 --> 00:21:00,460 * Men, men, men, men, manly, men * 520 00:21:00,527 --> 00:21:02,729 * Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, ooh * 521 00:21:02,795 --> 00:21:05,231 * Men, men, men, men, manly, men, men, men * 522 00:21:05,298 --> 00:21:09,101 * Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, ooh * * Men, men, men, men, manly, men, men, men * 523 00:21:09,168 --> 00:21:16,309 * Ah... * * Men.