1 00:00:01,669 --> 00:00:03,937 * Men. * 2 00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:05,739 Aw, damn. 3 00:00:05,806 --> 00:00:07,608 Which password did I use for this? 4 00:00:07,675 --> 00:00:10,044 Um... 5 00:00:10,111 --> 00:00:11,845 Uh, Jake. 6 00:00:11,912 --> 00:00:14,648 (sighs) Nope. Um... 7 00:00:14,715 --> 00:00:16,450 Jake-1. 8 00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:20,521 Jake-2. 9 00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:25,293 Alan. 10 00:00:27,161 --> 00:00:28,862 Alan-1. 11 00:00:28,929 --> 00:00:30,030 WALDEN: Berta! 12 00:00:30,098 --> 00:00:31,999 Ooh, maybe that's it! 13 00:00:33,167 --> 00:00:34,868 Big Scary Lady. 14 00:00:35,936 --> 00:00:37,538 Where is Berta? 15 00:00:37,605 --> 00:00:39,473 She went home early. Said she wasn't feeling well. 16 00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:40,174 Anything I can do for you? 17 00:00:40,241 --> 00:00:41,742 Out of dental floss. 18 00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:43,511 Ooh. Uh, waxed? 19 00:00:43,577 --> 00:00:45,646 Unwaxed? Cinnamon? 20 00:00:45,713 --> 00:00:48,182 You carry a selection of dental floss? 21 00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:50,851 I am a soldier in the war against gingivitis. 22 00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:53,621 Got the gums of a 20-year-old. 23 00:00:53,687 --> 00:00:54,855 I'll take the cinnamon. 24 00:00:54,922 --> 00:00:55,889 Ooh, good choice. 25 00:00:55,956 --> 00:00:57,191 Clean teeth and fresh breath. 26 00:00:57,258 --> 00:00:58,126 Mm-hmm. 27 00:00:58,192 --> 00:00:59,260 What are you doing? 28 00:00:59,327 --> 00:01:00,661 I was trying to do some on-line banking, 29 00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:01,795 but I forgot my password. 30 00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:03,464 I can help you with that. Move over. 31 00:01:03,531 --> 00:01:06,267 Oh, I forgot I had a computer genius in the house. 32 00:01:06,334 --> 00:01:08,068 Mm-hmm. 33 00:01:08,136 --> 00:01:12,540 Okay, let's put in your e-mail address. 34 00:01:12,606 --> 00:01:16,210 And click on "forgot password." 35 00:01:18,546 --> 00:01:19,747 Hey, there's a password hint. 36 00:01:19,813 --> 00:01:22,082 "What is my favorite state?" 37 00:01:22,150 --> 00:01:25,085 Uh, California? 38 00:01:25,153 --> 00:01:27,721 You are a hacker's nightmare. 39 00:01:28,856 --> 00:01:30,591 Not California. 40 00:01:30,658 --> 00:01:31,559 Huh. 41 00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:34,027 Gosh, um, try Hawaii. 42 00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:36,864 Nope. 43 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,700 The good news is we only have 48 states to go. 44 00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:41,435 Favorite state, favorite state. 45 00:01:41,502 --> 00:01:43,437 What's my favorite state? 46 00:01:43,504 --> 00:01:44,738 (Skype ringtone plays) 47 00:01:44,805 --> 00:01:46,574 I'm getting a Skype call. 48 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:49,177 (groans) It's my ex-wife. 49 00:01:49,243 --> 00:01:50,378 Hi, Walden. 50 00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:51,712 Hi, Bridget. 51 00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:52,913 Engorged! 52 00:01:52,980 --> 00:01:54,782 My favorite state is fully engorged! 53 00:01:57,251 --> 00:01:58,686 Hello, Alan. 54 00:01:58,752 --> 00:01:59,753 Hi, Bridget. 55 00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:02,055 Um, that was just my-my password. 56 00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:04,958 You know what? I'll just let you guys talk. 57 00:02:05,025 --> 00:02:07,127 How do you explain him to people? 58 00:02:07,195 --> 00:02:10,931 I usually tell people that my wife drove me to homosexuality. 59 00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:13,467 What's up? 60 00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:14,735 Billy called. 61 00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:16,637 Billy Stanhope? 62 00:02:16,704 --> 00:02:19,173 Yeah, he said he's has a business proposition for you. 63 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:21,008 Really? 64 00:02:21,074 --> 00:02:23,377 Why on Earth would I do business with him 65 00:02:23,444 --> 00:02:24,878 after what he did to me? 66 00:02:24,945 --> 00:02:27,481 Hey, don't get upset with me. I'm just the messenger. 67 00:02:27,548 --> 00:02:30,484 I'm not upset. I've moved on. 68 00:02:30,551 --> 00:02:31,919 It, uh, it's behind me. 69 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:35,022 Yeah, I recognize your "I'm not upset" eye twitch. 70 00:02:35,088 --> 00:02:37,225 My eye is not twitching. 71 00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:41,028 You know, tell him thank you, but no, thank you. 72 00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:41,829 Got it. 73 00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:44,064 I wish him well, but I pass. 74 00:02:44,131 --> 00:02:44,898 Fine. 75 00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:47,167 I'm flattered, but no can do. 76 00:02:47,235 --> 00:02:47,968 Understood. 77 00:02:48,035 --> 00:02:49,637 And if my eye is twitching, 78 00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:51,305 it's only because I have conjunctivitis. 79 00:02:51,372 --> 00:02:54,708 You don't have conjunctivitis, Walden. 80 00:02:54,775 --> 00:02:56,143 We're not married anymore, Bridget. 81 00:02:56,210 --> 00:02:58,279 You have no idea what kind of diseases I have. 82 00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:01,715 Good-bye. 83 00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:06,820 How about that. 84 00:03:06,887 --> 00:03:07,855 Billy Stanhope. 85 00:03:07,921 --> 00:03:09,122 (chuckles) 86 00:03:13,561 --> 00:03:14,662 (screams) 87 00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:16,230 (gasps) 88 00:03:16,297 --> 00:03:18,299 Whoa! 89 00:03:22,636 --> 00:03:23,871 Everything okay? 90 00:03:23,937 --> 00:03:26,206 Yeah. Why? 91 00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:30,911 Uh... the blood-curdling scream? 92 00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:32,746 Oh, yeah. Sorry. 93 00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:36,950 No, no, I often react that way after chatting with my ex-wife. 94 00:03:37,017 --> 00:03:39,787 (chuckles) This isn't about my ex-wife. 95 00:03:39,853 --> 00:03:42,222 It's about my ex-friend Billy Stanhope. 96 00:03:42,290 --> 00:03:44,692 Oh, I've never heard you mention him before. 97 00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:47,160 Have you ever heard me mention rectal cancer? 98 00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:48,496 No. 99 00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:50,564 Same principle. 100 00:03:50,631 --> 00:03:52,533 What went down between you two? 101 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:53,534 (chuckles) 102 00:03:53,601 --> 00:03:54,868 Well, we built 103 00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:56,370 a software company in Bridget's garage, 104 00:03:56,437 --> 00:03:58,506 and then sold it for a couple billion dollars. 105 00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,974 That son of a bitch. 106 00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:03,577 No wonder you hate him. 107 00:04:03,644 --> 00:04:05,012 I don't think you understand. 108 00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:08,316 He didn't want to sell, so when we did, he went crazy. 109 00:04:08,382 --> 00:04:09,317 Really? 110 00:04:09,383 --> 00:04:10,117 Yeah, oh, yeah. 111 00:04:10,183 --> 00:04:11,118 Here, look, he put it on YouTube 112 00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:12,386 for the whole world to see. 113 00:04:13,887 --> 00:04:15,456 BILLY: Hello, world. 114 00:04:15,523 --> 00:04:16,924 It's me, Billy Stanhope, 115 00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:23,063 and I'm here to drop another smart bomb of truth! 116 00:04:24,432 --> 00:04:26,867 This is my ex-partner Walden Schmidt. 117 00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:28,669 Oh, isn't he pretty? 118 00:04:28,736 --> 00:04:33,741 Hey, Walden, tell everyone how pretty you are. 119 00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:35,476 I'm pretty! 120 00:04:35,543 --> 00:04:37,010 (makes kissing sounds) 121 00:04:37,077 --> 00:04:40,280 Yes, you are. You are pretty. 122 00:04:40,348 --> 00:04:41,815 But that's just on the outside. 123 00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:45,753 On the inside, you are a soul-sucking, 124 00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:48,155 money-grubbing sellout! 125 00:04:48,221 --> 00:04:50,624 Oh, don't forget giant douche. 126 00:04:50,691 --> 00:04:53,026 I'm also a giant douche! 127 00:04:53,694 --> 00:04:55,095 Thanks, buddy. 128 00:04:55,162 --> 00:04:57,498 I'm always forgetting about your extreme doucheyness! 129 00:04:57,565 --> 00:04:59,767 You know what I'm gonna do, Walden? 130 00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:03,170 I... I'm gonna eat you, yeah. 131 00:05:03,236 --> 00:05:05,906 I'm gonna eat you and chew you up, 132 00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:09,209 and digest you and then go in the bathroom 133 00:05:09,276 --> 00:05:13,447 and take a big steaming Schmidt! 134 00:05:13,514 --> 00:05:14,882 Whoa. 135 00:05:14,948 --> 00:05:16,650 You think that's bad. 136 00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:18,118 Watch this one. 137 00:05:18,185 --> 00:05:22,423 Hey, folks! Walden Schmidt here. 138 00:05:22,490 --> 00:05:27,160 I just wanted you to see me as I really am. 139 00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:29,930 So he's actually talking out of his ass? 140 00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:33,233 He calls it "buttriloquism" 141 00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:34,602 That's-That's very disturbing. 142 00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:35,603 Yeah. 143 00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:36,704 That's the least disturbing 144 00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:39,139 of the ass-talking videos. 145 00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:41,308 (stammering): It-It's crazy. 146 00:05:41,375 --> 00:05:43,611 I made this guy, like, a billion dollars, 147 00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,045 and then he turns on me. 148 00:05:45,112 --> 00:05:47,881 And then he accuses me of being a sellout. 149 00:05:47,948 --> 00:05:49,517 Talk about ingratitude. 150 00:05:49,583 --> 00:05:50,918 If you made me rich, 151 00:05:50,984 --> 00:05:53,053 the only thing I'd accuse you of 152 00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:56,924 is being the best... guy ever. 153 00:05:56,990 --> 00:05:58,158 Thanks. 154 00:05:58,225 --> 00:05:59,693 Seriously. If you don't believe it, 155 00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:01,762 throw me a couple of mil and get ready for a tongue bath. 156 00:06:01,829 --> 00:06:03,096 I doubt that will be necessary. 157 00:06:03,163 --> 00:06:04,965 I am not talking just metaphorically. 158 00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:07,067 I will lick you from head to toe. 159 00:06:09,136 --> 00:06:11,505 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 160 00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:14,975 * Ah. * Men. * Men. 161 00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:20,147 * Men. * 162 00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:22,382 (doorbell rings) 163 00:06:27,655 --> 00:06:29,890 Surprise. 164 00:06:29,957 --> 00:06:31,425 You gotta be kidding me. 165 00:06:31,492 --> 00:06:32,993 Walden... 166 00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:34,061 Walden, come on! 167 00:06:34,127 --> 00:06:35,463 Hey, who's at the door? 168 00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:37,598 Rectal cancer! 169 00:06:37,665 --> 00:06:39,266 (knocking) 170 00:06:42,803 --> 00:06:44,404 (knocking continues) 171 00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:57,851 Hi. 172 00:06:57,918 --> 00:06:59,186 Hi. 173 00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:00,721 I'm Billy Stanhope. 174 00:07:00,788 --> 00:07:03,256 Oh, yeah, yeah. I recognize you from the video. 175 00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:05,793 You look good. 176 00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:09,530 Well, you know, I cut out sugar and took up yoga, 177 00:07:09,597 --> 00:07:12,800 stopped smoking crack. 178 00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:15,969 Well, whatever it is you're doing, it's working. 179 00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:17,838 Who are you? 180 00:07:17,905 --> 00:07:19,272 Oh, yeah, I'm Walden's friend... 181 00:07:19,339 --> 00:07:22,876 confidante, mentor, gatekeeper. 182 00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:25,579 Oh, yeah, Bridget told me about you. 183 00:07:25,646 --> 00:07:26,580 Yeah, the leech. 184 00:07:26,647 --> 00:07:29,416 Alan Harper. Pleased to meet you. 185 00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:32,185 Hey. Listen, gatekeeper, any way I could talk 186 00:07:32,252 --> 00:07:34,021 to Walden for just five minutes? 187 00:07:34,087 --> 00:07:36,156 Oh, I don't think so. He's pretty peeved. 188 00:07:36,223 --> 00:07:37,457 I got this billion-dollar idea 189 00:07:37,525 --> 00:07:39,126 that can't move forward without him. 190 00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:41,895 But, look, if he won't see me, he won't see me, so... 191 00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:43,463 Hold up, Billy. 192 00:07:44,231 --> 00:07:45,566 Come on in. Come on in. 193 00:07:45,633 --> 00:07:46,500 Uh, talk to me. 194 00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:49,036 So, uh, a billion dollars, you say? 195 00:07:49,102 --> 00:07:51,438 At least. Wow. 196 00:07:51,505 --> 00:07:54,041 What could possibly be worth a billion dollars? 197 00:07:54,107 --> 00:07:55,075 It's simple, really. 198 00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:56,610 I mean, are you familiar with 199 00:07:56,677 --> 00:07:58,646 Web-based aggregate upstream power grid manipulation? 200 00:08:01,248 --> 00:08:04,117 Uh... I-I have Netflix. 201 00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:05,318 Okay, look, it's not important. 202 00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:06,720 If you could just... 203 00:08:06,787 --> 00:08:08,589 I just need to talk to him for five minutes. 204 00:08:08,656 --> 00:08:10,023 I don't think that's gonna happen. 205 00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:11,058 All right. Here's $50.00. 206 00:08:11,124 --> 00:08:12,125 Wait right here. Okay. 207 00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:19,166 (knocking on door) Yeah? 208 00:08:19,232 --> 00:08:20,400 ALAN: Got a second? 209 00:08:20,467 --> 00:08:21,602 Yeah, come in. 210 00:08:22,603 --> 00:08:23,937 Whatcha doin'? 211 00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:25,072 Playing a racing game. 212 00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:26,840 Ah, that's fun. 213 00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:30,343 Uh, after my divorce, I played "World of Warcraft" for a while, 214 00:08:30,410 --> 00:08:32,179 hoping to meet girls. 215 00:08:32,245 --> 00:08:34,081 Did you meet any? 216 00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:35,616 Well, let's just say, if you're 217 00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:39,219 lonely enough and drunk enough, everybody's a girl. 218 00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:43,456 So, listen, um, I was having 219 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:47,561 a very interesting conversation with your former compadre. 220 00:08:49,396 --> 00:08:51,632 You let that son of a bitch in my house? 221 00:08:51,699 --> 00:08:53,366 Uh, well, yeah, I-I was just... 222 00:08:53,433 --> 00:08:55,569 You let him in my house?! 223 00:08:55,636 --> 00:08:56,870 Well, I didn't see any harm. 224 00:08:56,937 --> 00:08:58,105 I kinda felt sorry for the guy. 225 00:08:58,171 --> 00:08:59,472 I thought I could trust you, Alan! 226 00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,241 You can! I just got sucked in by the words 227 00:09:01,308 --> 00:09:02,810 "billion dollar idea." 228 00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:10,250 What idea? 229 00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:11,885 Uh, something about, uh, 230 00:09:11,952 --> 00:09:17,057 upstream grid perambulation? 231 00:09:17,124 --> 00:09:18,458 What? 232 00:09:18,525 --> 00:09:22,930 Uh, in-in-incubation... ma... ma-masturbation... 233 00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:23,997 I don't know! 234 00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:26,199 Was it Web-based aggregated 235 00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:27,601 upstream power grid manipulation? 236 00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:28,602 Yes, that's it. 237 00:09:28,669 --> 00:09:31,171 Oh, my God... 238 00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:33,140 He figured out The Electric Suitcase. 239 00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:34,708 Is it really worth a billion dollars? 240 00:09:34,775 --> 00:09:36,276 Oh, yeah. 241 00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:41,615 Probably should've held out for more than 50. 242 00:09:42,449 --> 00:09:44,284 All right, let's hear it. 243 00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:46,486 Oh, you look good without the beard. 244 00:09:46,553 --> 00:09:48,121 And you look good without the crack pipe. 245 00:09:48,188 --> 00:09:50,157 Okay, just... 246 00:09:51,358 --> 00:09:52,592 You really think 247 00:09:52,660 --> 00:09:53,994 we can finally build The Electric Suitcase? 248 00:09:54,061 --> 00:09:55,495 Yes. We have the technology now. 249 00:09:55,562 --> 00:09:58,031 I-I just need you to help me write the code. 250 00:09:58,098 --> 00:09:59,700 (exaggerated scoffing) 251 00:10:00,701 --> 00:10:02,369 Really? 252 00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:03,704 You need my help? 253 00:10:03,771 --> 00:10:05,438 'Cause I-I thought I was just a pretty face, 254 00:10:05,505 --> 00:10:06,807 and you were the brains behind the operation. 255 00:10:06,874 --> 00:10:09,409 Okay, we both know that was Class-A narcotics 256 00:10:09,476 --> 00:10:13,413 and psychotic jealousy joining forces to... 257 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,883 to tell the truth. 258 00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:18,318 Okay. 259 00:10:18,385 --> 00:10:20,988 Say you're sorry and... we'll get to work. 260 00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:22,189 I'm here, isn't that enough? 261 00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:23,657 Nope. Get out. Okay. 262 00:10:23,724 --> 00:10:24,758 Wait, what-whatever. 263 00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:26,760 Fine. 264 00:10:27,594 --> 00:10:29,029 I'm... 265 00:10:29,096 --> 00:10:30,030 Oh, wait. 266 00:10:30,097 --> 00:10:31,899 Wald, come on, man. 267 00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:33,400 Okay. Go. 268 00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:35,903 I'm sorry. 269 00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,170 I'm sorry to who? 270 00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:40,674 I'm sorry to Walden Schmidt. 271 00:10:40,741 --> 00:10:41,608 For? 272 00:10:41,675 --> 00:10:42,409 (sighs) 273 00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:43,944 For calling him names. 274 00:10:44,011 --> 00:10:45,545 And? 275 00:10:46,947 --> 00:10:50,684 Frivolously suing him for $100 million. 276 00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:52,452 Okay. 277 00:10:52,519 --> 00:10:53,821 Now cross your eyes, stick out your tongue, 278 00:10:53,887 --> 00:10:54,822 and dance like a monkey. 279 00:10:54,888 --> 00:10:56,623 (laughs) 280 00:10:56,690 --> 00:10:58,058 I will rip your throat out! 281 00:10:58,125 --> 00:10:59,292 Bring it on, Poppin' Fresh! 282 00:10:59,359 --> 00:11:00,360 I will do it! Fellas! Fellas! 283 00:11:00,427 --> 00:11:02,562 I will do it! 284 00:11:02,629 --> 00:11:03,563 Oh, wait! 285 00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:04,364 Hey, hey, hey! 286 00:11:04,431 --> 00:11:06,266 (Billy shrieking) 287 00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:08,501 (all shouting) 288 00:11:08,568 --> 00:11:12,339 I'm getting too old for this crap. 289 00:11:18,979 --> 00:11:20,447 * Men. * 290 00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,816 Now, come on, shake hands. 291 00:11:22,883 --> 00:11:26,053 I don't wanna. 292 00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:27,020 Okay. 293 00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:29,222 Walden, you want to be the bigger man? 294 00:11:29,289 --> 00:11:30,323 I am the bigger man. 295 00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:32,592 Oh, that's-- yeah, with the short jokes, okay. 296 00:11:32,659 --> 00:11:34,261 No, you are a short joke. 297 00:11:34,327 --> 00:11:35,462 (mocking): "You are a short joke." 298 00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:36,629 Walden, that's not helping. 299 00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:37,865 Now, come on, guys, this is silly! 300 00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:38,866 Now, you've got a billion-dollar idea 301 00:11:38,932 --> 00:11:40,567 waiting for us. 302 00:11:40,633 --> 00:11:42,602 Us? Us? 303 00:11:42,669 --> 00:11:43,703 Okay, you. 304 00:11:43,771 --> 00:11:45,038 Bring it in. 305 00:11:49,943 --> 00:11:51,611 See, see? Was that so hard? 306 00:11:51,678 --> 00:11:53,213 Guess not. 307 00:11:54,481 --> 00:11:56,049 Remember the fight we had 308 00:11:56,116 --> 00:11:58,986 over what to name our first piece of software? 309 00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:00,353 (chuckles): Yeah. 310 00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:02,890 You wanted to call it MusicAlgorithm.com. 311 00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:04,858 Yeah, because that's what it was. 312 00:12:04,925 --> 00:12:06,226 What it was was boring. 313 00:12:06,293 --> 00:12:08,495 Yeah, it was a lot better than SongSnatch. 314 00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:09,496 Whoa, hey! 315 00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:11,464 SongSnatch is catchy. 316 00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:12,766 Oh, yeah, so is herpes! 317 00:12:12,833 --> 00:12:14,902 Why didn't we call it Herpes.com?! 318 00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:16,236 Because it was taken! 319 00:12:16,303 --> 00:12:18,571 Guys, guys, let's-let's bring it back, okay? 320 00:12:18,638 --> 00:12:21,141 Easy does it, guys. 321 00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:22,142 (sighs) 322 00:12:22,209 --> 00:12:23,210 Right. 323 00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:24,177 Sorry. 324 00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:25,779 So what did you end up calling it? 325 00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:27,614 Blungogo. 326 00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:28,916 How'd you come up with that? 327 00:12:28,982 --> 00:12:30,183 It was the sound that Billy was making 328 00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:31,718 when I was trying to choke him to death. 329 00:12:31,785 --> 00:12:35,322 (strained): Blungogo! 330 00:12:35,388 --> 00:12:38,625 I heard that, I knew that was the name. 331 00:12:38,691 --> 00:12:40,060 Yeah. Way to go, partner. 332 00:12:40,127 --> 00:12:41,929 Hey, if you hadn't been trying to kill me, 333 00:12:41,995 --> 00:12:43,831 it never would've come out of my mouth. 334 00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:47,134 You really think we can build this thing? 335 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,602 If anybody can do it, it's us. 336 00:12:49,669 --> 00:12:51,204 All right, where would we start? 337 00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:52,940 Well, first thing, we'd go over 338 00:12:53,006 --> 00:12:54,474 the original design for the code, 339 00:12:54,541 --> 00:12:56,944 split it up into little chunks that can be handled 340 00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:58,645 by multiple parallel processors. 341 00:12:58,711 --> 00:12:59,913 Sounds good. 342 00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:01,148 Yeah, that's what I would do, yeah. 343 00:13:01,214 --> 00:13:02,916 Mm-hmm. 344 00:13:02,983 --> 00:13:04,517 Then we can start compiling the modules, 345 00:13:04,584 --> 00:13:06,686 testing them, see if we can get them to talk to each other. 346 00:13:06,753 --> 00:13:07,687 Yeah, exactly. 347 00:13:07,754 --> 00:13:09,256 No brainer. 348 00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:11,959 Maybe the way to start is I'll set up the testing sandbox, 349 00:13:12,025 --> 00:13:13,426 and you set up the I/O module, 350 00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:15,228 and then we'll just go from there. 351 00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:16,029 Good. 352 00:13:16,096 --> 00:13:17,297 What do I do? 353 00:13:17,364 --> 00:13:18,565 What can you do? 354 00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:20,433 Uh... 355 00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:21,534 I-I can make cookies. 356 00:13:21,601 --> 00:13:22,936 You like cookies? 357 00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:26,874 Anyway, it's a multi- billion-dollar idea 358 00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:28,275 that doesn't have a prayer 359 00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:29,910 unless I get these two guys together. 360 00:13:29,977 --> 00:13:31,244 And how do they thank me? 361 00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,280 They eat my cookies and send me to 7-Eleven 362 00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:34,781 for Red Bull and Hot Pockets. 363 00:13:34,848 --> 00:13:36,116 Aw. I got to tell you, 364 00:13:36,183 --> 00:13:37,584 my feelings are a little bit hurt. 365 00:13:38,785 --> 00:13:40,287 I mean, I thought Walden and I 366 00:13:40,353 --> 00:13:42,789 were, like, best friends, but it turns out, 367 00:13:42,856 --> 00:13:44,992 this Billy guy is really his best friend. 368 00:13:45,058 --> 00:13:47,327 Well, old friends are hard to compete with. 369 00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:50,263 Yeah. 370 00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:53,633 The sad thing is I don't really have any old friends. 371 00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:56,136 What about the people you went to school with? 372 00:13:56,203 --> 00:13:59,439 My social life at school was mostly running and hiding. 373 00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:00,941 Summer camp? 374 00:14:01,008 --> 00:14:02,209 Oh, I still get Christmas cards 375 00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:03,810 from this one counselor who's in prison. 376 00:14:03,877 --> 00:14:04,711 Prison? 377 00:14:04,777 --> 00:14:05,879 Pedophile. 378 00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:07,547 Ew. 379 00:14:07,614 --> 00:14:09,849 So, what happened to your girlfriend? 380 00:14:09,917 --> 00:14:10,750 Oh, she's on vacation. 381 00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:11,885 Oh, where'd she go? 382 00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:13,720 Wouldn't say. 383 00:14:13,786 --> 00:14:15,889 It's kind of a vacation from me. 384 00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:19,960 So what you're saying is there's absolutely no one in your life 385 00:14:20,027 --> 00:14:21,895 who you consider a close friend? 386 00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:24,231 I don't count. 387 00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:28,468 Well, there is one person I have a lot of history with. 388 00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:30,537 Hey, pal, what's up? 389 00:14:33,073 --> 00:14:35,242 * Men. * 390 00:14:37,277 --> 00:14:39,246 Hey, don't forget to declare the routine global. 391 00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:43,116 Yeah, do I look like my e-mail address is at AOL.com? 392 00:14:43,183 --> 00:14:45,185 Man, I've had to pee for, like, an hour. 393 00:14:45,252 --> 00:14:47,020 I've had to pee for two hours. 394 00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:48,288 If you really have to go, 395 00:14:48,355 --> 00:14:49,189 there's a bathroom down the hallway. 396 00:14:49,256 --> 00:14:50,557 Oh, hey, I can hold it. 397 00:14:50,623 --> 00:14:51,624 If you have to use it though, go right ahead. 398 00:14:51,691 --> 00:14:53,526 Oh, no, I can hold it. 399 00:14:53,593 --> 00:14:54,461 All right, fine. 400 00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:59,432 You really are a competitive son of a bitch, aren't you? 401 00:14:59,499 --> 00:15:01,935 Hey, don't rag on me just 'cause you have a girlie bladder. 402 00:15:02,002 --> 00:15:04,204 We'll see who's got the girlie bladder. 403 00:15:04,271 --> 00:15:06,406 Oh, okay. Well, all right. 404 00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:15,682 (coughs) 405 00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:17,217 (sighs) 406 00:15:20,020 --> 00:15:24,024 (singsongy): I don't have to cross my legs. 407 00:15:25,158 --> 00:15:27,494 I don't have to cross my legs, either. 408 00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:57,957 You know what, I think I'm going to 409 00:15:58,025 --> 00:16:03,030 print this routine as a backup. 410 00:16:03,096 --> 00:16:06,033 Control... P. 411 00:16:06,099 --> 00:16:08,368 That's a good idea. 412 00:16:08,435 --> 00:16:13,340 I think I'm gonna print up all of my routines. 413 00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:15,708 P-P-P... 414 00:16:15,775 --> 00:16:17,444 P-P... P... 415 00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:18,545 P-P! P... 416 00:16:18,611 --> 00:16:19,779 * Men. * 417 00:16:19,846 --> 00:16:20,780 Soup? 418 00:16:20,847 --> 00:16:22,015 Why'd you bring me soup? 419 00:16:22,082 --> 00:16:22,882 'Cause you're sick. 420 00:16:22,949 --> 00:16:23,883 Oh, right. 421 00:16:23,950 --> 00:16:24,884 (coughs) 422 00:16:24,951 --> 00:16:26,119 Thank you. 423 00:16:28,221 --> 00:16:29,422 And let's face it, 424 00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:31,158 friends should take care of each other. 425 00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:32,592 We're friends? 426 00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:33,660 Oh, come on, Berta. 427 00:16:33,726 --> 00:16:35,295 How many years have we known each other? 428 00:16:35,362 --> 00:16:36,829 That-That's got to count for something. 429 00:16:36,896 --> 00:16:39,999 You have been in my life longer than both my husbands 430 00:16:40,067 --> 00:16:41,768 and most of my underwear. 431 00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:44,771 Come here, friend. 432 00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:47,707 Now we're hugging friends. 433 00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:50,777 Those hands start to wander, this friendship is over. 434 00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:51,778 (doorbell rings) 435 00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:53,746 Excuse me. 436 00:16:53,813 --> 00:16:56,216 You know, that's-that's what I love about you. 437 00:16:56,283 --> 00:16:58,185 You know, the salty sense of humor, 438 00:16:58,251 --> 00:16:59,386 poking fun at me. 439 00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:01,288 That's the glue that binds us together. 440 00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:03,356 Right. 441 00:17:06,226 --> 00:17:07,794 Gracias. 442 00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:10,630 Adios. 443 00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:11,831 What was that? 444 00:17:11,898 --> 00:17:14,101 It's Mexican Halloween. 445 00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:22,309 So, listen, friend, I wonder if you'd do me a little favor. 446 00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:23,943 Uh, sure, name it. 447 00:17:24,010 --> 00:17:27,114 I need you to go to this address, 448 00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:30,717 ask for Shermie and give him this envelope. 449 00:17:30,783 --> 00:17:31,818 Oh, happy to. 450 00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:33,953 No one else, only Shermie. 451 00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:35,222 Okay. 452 00:17:35,288 --> 00:17:36,323 Who's Shermie? 453 00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:38,358 Just a guy I owe some money to. 454 00:17:38,425 --> 00:17:39,526 So this is the money. 455 00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:41,328 Most of it. 456 00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:49,902 (both grunting) 457 00:17:49,969 --> 00:17:51,704 (gasping): Ow! Oh! Okay... 458 00:17:51,771 --> 00:17:52,972 (sighs) 459 00:17:53,039 --> 00:17:54,574 Okay. 460 00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:56,643 (both sighing) 461 00:17:58,311 --> 00:17:59,979 Sometimes peeing's better than sex. 462 00:18:00,046 --> 00:18:01,414 Absolutely. 463 00:18:01,481 --> 00:18:02,915 Although, when I was smoking crack, 464 00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:06,386 a lot of times peeing and sex were the same thing. 465 00:18:08,655 --> 00:18:10,623 Hey, uh, while we're on the subject... 466 00:18:10,690 --> 00:18:11,658 What, peeing? 467 00:18:11,724 --> 00:18:12,959 No, sex. 468 00:18:13,025 --> 00:18:14,261 Something you should know. 469 00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:15,395 About sex? 470 00:18:15,462 --> 00:18:16,463 I think I'm okay. 471 00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:18,731 Yeah, we've all seen the python. 472 00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:23,670 What can I tell you, it's factory equipment. 473 00:18:23,736 --> 00:18:25,004 Right, great, no. 474 00:18:25,071 --> 00:18:26,173 It's about your ex-wife. 475 00:18:26,239 --> 00:18:27,507 What, Bridget? 476 00:18:27,574 --> 00:18:30,743 Yeah, I'm, uh... kinda sleeping with her. 477 00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:31,811 What?! 478 00:18:31,878 --> 00:18:34,914 Hey, watch where you're pointing that thing! 479 00:18:34,981 --> 00:18:36,649 When did this start? 480 00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:38,418 Well, you know I always had a thing for her. 481 00:18:38,485 --> 00:18:41,221 And when you guys broke up, I took her out, you know, 482 00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:42,689 gave her a shoulder to cry on, 483 00:18:42,755 --> 00:18:45,592 and she just kind of worked her way down. 484 00:18:45,658 --> 00:18:48,761 So when she called me about you...? 485 00:18:48,828 --> 00:18:50,163 I was there. 486 00:18:50,230 --> 00:18:51,931 Oh, man. 487 00:18:51,998 --> 00:18:53,933 Hey, I wasn't listening. 488 00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:56,303 Her thighs were covering my ears. 489 00:18:56,369 --> 00:18:57,904 Oh, you son of a bitch! 490 00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,038 Hey! Okay, okay! 491 00:18:59,105 --> 00:19:00,139 Hey, hey, hey! 492 00:19:00,207 --> 00:19:01,374 Hey! Don't! Don't! 493 00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:03,042 I swear to God, Shermie! 494 00:19:03,109 --> 00:19:04,677 That's all she gave me! 495 00:19:06,679 --> 00:19:09,182 Oh, crap, oh, crap, oh, crap, oh, crap. 496 00:19:09,249 --> 00:19:10,317 Ah. 497 00:19:10,383 --> 00:19:11,451 (tires screeching) 498 00:19:11,518 --> 00:19:12,852 Oh, crap, oh, crap. 499 00:19:12,919 --> 00:19:14,921 (screams) 500 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:21,561 * Men. * 501 00:19:21,628 --> 00:19:23,663 You still mad about me and Bridget? 502 00:19:23,730 --> 00:19:25,365 I hate your guts. 503 00:19:25,432 --> 00:19:28,601 Good, that's what I was going for. 504 00:19:34,874 --> 00:19:36,008 Hey. 505 00:19:36,075 --> 00:19:38,110 What... what happened to your pants? 506 00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:39,979 Uh, I had a little accident. 507 00:19:40,046 --> 00:19:41,214 Um... 508 00:19:41,281 --> 00:19:43,082 Why are you wearing robes? 509 00:19:43,149 --> 00:19:46,085 Uh, we had a little accident, too. 510 00:19:46,152 --> 00:19:47,354 (laughs) 511 00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:49,789 H-H-How are you guys doing? 512 00:19:49,856 --> 00:19:51,358 Oh, hey, we're good, man. 513 00:19:51,424 --> 00:19:53,926 We're about to, uh, about to test the first module. 514 00:19:53,993 --> 00:19:55,262 Walden, would you do the honors? 515 00:19:55,328 --> 00:19:56,663 Oh, no, please. 516 00:19:56,729 --> 00:19:57,830 No, it was your vision. 517 00:19:57,897 --> 00:19:59,399 Yeah, but it was your expertise. 518 00:19:59,466 --> 00:20:01,734 Yeah, but I'm banging your ex-wife. 519 00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:06,105 All the while wondering if she misses the python. 520 00:20:06,172 --> 00:20:07,674 Press the damn button. 521 00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:08,741 Fine. 522 00:20:10,310 --> 00:20:13,246 Behold the birth 523 00:20:13,313 --> 00:20:17,750 of The Stanhope-Schmidt Electric Suitcase. 524 00:20:19,419 --> 00:20:21,220 (gasps) Yes! Yes! 525 00:20:21,288 --> 00:20:23,856 (both laugh) 526 00:20:23,923 --> 00:20:25,258 That's it? 527 00:20:25,325 --> 00:20:27,159 I mean, I have an iPhone app 528 00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,396 that'll turn out the house lights. 529 00:20:29,462 --> 00:20:31,598 No, no, no, no. It's much more than that. 530 00:20:31,664 --> 00:20:32,599 Name a state. 531 00:20:32,665 --> 00:20:34,667 Engorged. 532 00:20:36,769 --> 00:20:37,704 Oh, okay. 533 00:20:37,770 --> 00:20:38,871 Uh, Florida. 534 00:20:38,938 --> 00:20:40,206 (tapping keys) 535 00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:42,108 (Walden chuckles) 536 00:20:42,174 --> 00:20:43,376 ALAN: Okay, I'm-I'm sorry, guys, 537 00:20:43,443 --> 00:20:44,377 I just don't get it. 538 00:20:44,444 --> 00:20:45,978 I'm going to bed. 539 00:20:46,045 --> 00:20:47,213 BILLY: Oh, try Canada. 540 00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:48,915 WALDEN: Lights "oot." 541 00:20:48,981 --> 00:20:50,149 (taps a key) 542 00:20:50,216 --> 00:20:52,485 (Billy and Walden laugh) 543 00:20:52,552 --> 00:20:55,755 BILLY: Okay, now... the master switch. 544 00:20:55,822 --> 00:20:56,723 (taps a key) 545 00:20:56,789 --> 00:20:58,591 BILLY and WALDEN: Awesome! 546 00:20:58,658 --> 00:21:00,393 Captioning sponsored by CBS and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION 547 00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:02,562 and TOYOTA. 548 00:21:02,629 --> 00:21:04,897 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org