1
00:00:01,235 --> 00:00:03,971
Previously on...

2
00:00:04,038 --> 00:00:06,307
Hey, Alan,
meet my mother, Robin.

3
00:00:06,374 --> 00:00:08,642
Nice to meet you, Alan.
Likewise.

4
00:00:08,709 --> 00:00:09,577
(giggling)

5
00:00:09,643 --> 00:00:12,180
I know what I want for
Christmas.

6
00:00:12,246 --> 00:00:14,482
Bridget?
I can't sign the
divorce papers.

7
00:00:14,548 --> 00:00:17,851
I love you, and
I want you back.

8
00:00:18,952 --> 00:00:21,889
I want you so badly.

9
00:00:21,955 --> 00:00:24,292
I... want you, too.

10
00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:26,260
I don't think it's a good
idea to sleep with you,

11
00:00:26,327 --> 00:00:28,862
since I started seeing
someone new, and I think
she might be the real deal.

12
00:00:28,929 --> 00:00:31,332
Not that you weren't the
real deal; you're just

13
00:00:31,399 --> 00:00:35,403
the ex-real deal, and
she's the next real deal.

14
00:00:35,469 --> 00:00:37,571
I can't believe you waited till
I was half-naked in your bed

15
00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:39,173
to tell me you were seeing
someone else.

16
00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:41,975
Kinda hard to bring up while
you're taking off my pants.

17
00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:44,078
Go to hell, you son of a bitch!

18
00:00:44,145 --> 00:00:45,946
That didn't go
as well as I'd hoped.

19
00:00:46,013 --> 00:00:48,816
I wouldn't worry about it.
She doesn't look like the
type to carry a grudge.

20
00:00:56,624 --> 00:00:58,726
* Men...

21
00:00:58,792 --> 00:01:00,361
Oops.

22
00:01:00,428 --> 00:01:01,762
What?

23
00:01:01,829 --> 00:01:03,231
Nothing.

24
00:01:03,297 --> 00:01:06,367
A social media company I
invested in just went belly-up.

25
00:01:06,434 --> 00:01:09,403
Oh, no. How much
did you invest?

26
00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:12,740
I don't know.
About $80 million.

27
00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:15,509
(choking):
$80 million...?!

28
00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:18,078
Eh, give or take.
Mostly took.

29
00:01:18,146 --> 00:01:21,949
And-And you consider losing that
kind of money an "oops"?

30
00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:23,151
Yeah.

31
00:01:23,217 --> 00:01:25,219
No, no, no. "Oops" is when you
clip your toenails

32
00:01:25,286 --> 00:01:26,920
too close and they bleed.

33
00:01:27,755 --> 00:01:28,922
"Oops" is when you mistake

34
00:01:28,989 --> 00:01:31,992
toothpaste for lubricant.

35
00:01:32,059 --> 00:01:34,328
"Oops" is when you thought a
fart in the elevator

36
00:01:34,395 --> 00:01:36,530
was going to be silent.

37
00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:39,667
You've mistaken toothpaste for
lubricant?

38
00:01:39,733 --> 00:01:41,101
Just once.

39
00:01:41,169 --> 00:01:45,038
Stung like hell, but my penis
was minty fresh.

40
00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:47,941
Wait, how do you know
it was minty fresh?

41
00:01:49,410 --> 00:01:52,846
Years of yoga and loneliness.

42
00:01:55,349 --> 00:01:57,117
(phone rings)

43
00:01:58,386 --> 00:01:59,953
Uh-oh.
What?

44
00:02:00,020 --> 00:02:01,088
Ex-wife.

45
00:02:01,155 --> 00:02:04,091
Uh, see, that's
the correct use of the "uh-oh."

46
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:08,729
Hello, Bridget.

47
00:02:08,796 --> 00:02:10,964
Yeah, I just saw.

48
00:02:11,031 --> 00:02:13,367
Yes, I know
half the money is yours.

49
00:02:13,434 --> 00:02:14,602
Was yours.

50
00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:17,271
Well, I'm sorry
you feel that way,

51
00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:19,173
but I'm still the president of
the company

52
00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:22,176
and I can invest the money any
way I want.

53
00:02:22,243 --> 00:02:25,379
What do you mean,
"We'll see about that"?

54
00:02:25,446 --> 00:02:27,481
Well, I can't do that, Bridget.

55
00:02:27,548 --> 00:02:29,217
But apparently, Alan can.

56
00:02:35,889 --> 00:02:38,826
H-Hello? Bridget...

57
00:02:42,062 --> 00:02:42,963
"Uh-oh"?

58
00:02:44,198 --> 00:02:46,133
"Oh, crap."

59
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:49,337
Oh... crap.

60
00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:51,839
Yeah, that's better.

61
00:02:51,905 --> 00:02:55,343
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *

62
00:02:55,409 --> 00:02:58,612
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men, men, men *
* Ooh

63
00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:01,615
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men *
* Ooh
* Ooh

64
00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:03,784
* Ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ohh, ooh-ooh... *

65
00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:06,487
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *

66
00:03:06,554 --> 00:03:10,057
* Ooh
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *

67
00:03:10,123 --> 00:03:13,827
* Ah.
* Men.
* Men.

68
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,938
you've got your board meeting,
but I don't see the point.

69
00:03:25,005 --> 00:03:26,940
The stock of the company is
divided between the three of us,

70
00:03:27,007 --> 00:03:28,809
and obviously my mother is going
to vote with me.

71
00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:30,344
Are you sure about that?

72
00:03:30,411 --> 00:03:32,045
Of course I am. Right, Mom?

73
00:03:32,112 --> 00:03:33,981
Well darling,
you know I love you.

74
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:36,284
Oh, crap.

75
00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:37,818
The fact is, you have been

76
00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:39,253
burning through a lot
of money recently.

77
00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,322
It's my money to burn through!

78
00:03:41,389 --> 00:03:44,124
I can't believe you turned my
own mother against me.

79
00:03:44,191 --> 00:03:46,494
We're just looking out for
everyone's best interest.

80
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:47,995
Sweetie, no one is against you.

81
00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:50,163
With all due respect, Robin,
I'm against him.

82
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:53,133
Now, I'd like to propose that
Walden Schmidt be removed

83
00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:56,136
as president of Walden
Loves Bridget Enterprises,

84
00:03:56,203 --> 00:03:57,671
and going forward all
financial decisions

85
00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:59,607
will be made by a
majority vote of the board.

86
00:03:59,673 --> 00:04:01,509
You're kicking me
out of my own company?!

87
00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:03,110
You'll still have
a vote on the board.

88
00:04:03,176 --> 00:04:04,244
All in favor.
Aye.

89
00:04:04,312 --> 00:04:05,679
Aye.
Naaaay!

90
00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:07,180
Motion is passed.

91
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,316
Come on, Mom!

92
00:04:08,382 --> 00:04:10,851
I'm sorry, sweetie,
it's for your own good.

93
00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:13,153
Next, I'd like to propose
doubling the budget

94
00:04:13,220 --> 00:04:14,955
of the Robin Schmidt Primate
Research Center.

95
00:04:15,022 --> 00:04:16,724
Why would we double the bud...?
Aye.

96
00:04:16,790 --> 00:04:18,859
Aye.
Motion carried.

97
00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:21,295
Oh...

98
00:04:23,230 --> 00:04:24,598
I move that the
meeting be adjourned.

99
00:04:24,665 --> 00:04:25,699
Second it.

100
00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:27,100
All in favor. Aye.
Aye.

101
00:04:27,167 --> 00:04:28,101
Meeting adjourned.

102
00:04:28,168 --> 00:04:29,803
Okay, okay, okay, okay.

103
00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:31,339
This is... this is not over!

104
00:04:31,405 --> 00:04:33,874
I'm gonna get an attorney,
and I'm going to fight this!

105
00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:35,776
I thought I was your attorney.

106
00:04:35,843 --> 00:04:38,446
I'm sorry, Uncle Martin,
you're out.

107
00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:40,748
(groans)

108
00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:44,318
* Men...

109
00:04:44,385 --> 00:04:47,187
What do you think, Counselor?
Can I fight 'em?

110
00:04:47,254 --> 00:04:49,957
I have a few questions first.
Shoot.

111
00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:52,860
Walden Loves Bridget
Enterprises?

112
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:54,862
What do you want from me?

113
00:04:54,928 --> 00:04:57,465
I had a billion dollars
and a constant erection.

114
00:04:57,531 --> 00:05:01,469
Fortunately, all you
lost in the divorce is
the half a billion dollars.

115
00:05:01,535 --> 00:05:05,238
Okay, the first thing I
do when I get the company
back is change the name.

116
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:08,141
Yeah, well, be that as it may,
the fact remains that as long

117
00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:10,644
as it's just the three of you on
the board, they can outvote you.

118
00:05:10,711 --> 00:05:12,212
Aw...
But the good news is...

119
00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:13,414
Yay.
Let me finish.

120
00:05:13,481 --> 00:05:14,882
According to these bylaws,

121
00:05:14,948 --> 00:05:17,585
you as founder have
the unilateral right

122
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,753
to name a fourth
person to the board.

123
00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:23,223
And in the case of a tie
vote, you also have the
right to break that tie.

124
00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:27,227
So, if I put someone
on the board and the
vote's two-two, I win.

125
00:05:27,294 --> 00:05:28,228
Right.

126
00:05:28,295 --> 00:05:30,030
You are very smart.

127
00:05:30,097 --> 00:05:31,932
(giggles) It's not
just a hat rack.

128
00:05:34,267 --> 00:05:37,004
Great. Hey, do you want to be on
the board of my company?

129
00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:39,540
I'll change the name
to Walden Loves Zoey, Inc.

130
00:05:39,607 --> 00:05:41,909
Thanks, but I don't think
it's a good idea

131
00:05:41,975 --> 00:05:44,978
to mix business and,
you know, genitalia.

132
00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:48,181
Okay. Well, will you at
least be my lawyer?

133
00:05:48,248 --> 00:05:49,417
Of course.

134
00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:51,752
I'm already screwing you.

135
00:05:53,721 --> 00:05:56,256
* Men.

136
00:05:56,323 --> 00:05:59,927
So basically you have to
find a fourth board member
who you can totally control.

137
00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:02,329
Like a puppet.
A patsy.

138
00:06:02,396 --> 00:06:03,797
A tool.
And it would help

139
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:06,066
if they're not terribly bright
when it comes to finance.

140
00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:08,135
Where am I going to find
somebody like that?

141
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:11,805
* You're the one that I want,
you're the one that I want *

142
00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:13,474
* Ooh, ooh, ooh

143
00:06:13,541 --> 00:06:16,410
* The one that I want,
you're the one that I want *

144
00:06:16,477 --> 00:06:17,611
* Ooh, ooh, ooh...

145
00:06:17,678 --> 00:06:20,113
So, I've narrowed my
choices down to two.

146
00:06:25,352 --> 00:06:28,656
* You better shape up
Alan?

147
00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:30,090
* 'Cause I need a man

148
00:06:30,157 --> 00:06:33,393
* And my heart is set on you

149
00:06:33,461 --> 00:06:36,296
* Better shape up

150
00:06:36,363 --> 00:06:39,433
* You better understand
that my heart...*
Alan?

151
00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:42,302
Alan?
Oh, golly.

152
00:06:42,369 --> 00:06:43,904
Whatcha doing?

153
00:06:43,971 --> 00:06:48,075
Uh, well, there is a theory that
uh... wind resistance

154
00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:51,645
can be reduced by the removal
of body hair.

155
00:06:51,712 --> 00:06:53,046
What, are you running a
marathon?

156
00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:56,083
Yeah, why else would I be
shaving my legs?

157
00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:59,219
Because I like the way it feels?
(chuckles) What's up?

158
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:05,358
How would you like to be on
the board of my company?

159
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:08,028
Oh... Are you kidding?
I would like nothing more

160
00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:10,130
than to be on the board
of your company.

161
00:07:10,197 --> 00:07:10,998
Good.

162
00:07:11,064 --> 00:07:12,633
Just one question.
Yeah?

163
00:07:12,700 --> 00:07:14,735
What exactly does it mean to be
on the board of your company?

164
00:07:14,802 --> 00:07:17,337
Basically, all you got to do is
vote with me

165
00:07:17,404 --> 00:07:20,641
so I can take back control from
my ex-wife and my mother.

166
00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:22,543
Oh, hey, anything I can do

167
00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:24,812
to stick it to ex-wives and
mothers, I'm there.

168
00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:27,715
Thanks.
Uh, uh...
Just out of curiosity,

169
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:30,851
um, is there an honorarium
or a stipend

170
00:07:30,918 --> 00:07:32,653
for members of the board?

171
00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:34,321
Nothing to speak of.
Oh.

172
00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:35,489
$50,000 a year.

173
00:07:35,556 --> 00:07:37,525
(gasps)
(loud bubbling)

174
00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:40,027
Sorry.

175
00:07:40,093 --> 00:07:42,963
I'm celebrating out of both ends
of my body.

176
00:07:43,030 --> 00:07:44,297
I shudder to think what would
have happened

177
00:07:44,364 --> 00:07:45,999
if I'd have said
a hundred thousand.

178
00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:48,869
We would've had
to drain the tub.

179
00:07:48,936 --> 00:07:51,138
Well, anyway, it's great to know
you're on my team.

180
00:07:51,204 --> 00:07:53,774
Oh, absolutely.
You can count on me.

181
00:07:55,408 --> 00:07:58,145
Got a lot of wind
resistance down there?

182
00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:01,348
Not anymore.

183
00:08:01,414 --> 00:08:03,316
* Men.

184
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:10,190
* Men.

185
00:08:10,257 --> 00:08:11,625
(sighs) What's the
point of this, Walden?

186
00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:14,194
You know we're just gonna
outvote you again.

187
00:08:14,261 --> 00:08:15,963
For your own good, sweetie.

188
00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:18,498
Thanks, Mom.
But before we get to voting,

189
00:08:18,566 --> 00:08:22,169
I'd like to introduce you to
Zoey Hyde-Tottingham-Pierce,

190
00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:25,072
my new attorney
and sex partner.

191
00:08:28,075 --> 00:08:30,544
My card just says "attorney."

192
00:08:30,611 --> 00:08:32,980
What's he doing here?

193
00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:34,882
Wanna tell 'em, Alan?

194
00:08:34,948 --> 00:08:36,884
Mmm. Hold on.

195
00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:38,351
Lox.

196
00:08:39,987 --> 00:08:42,089
Walden put me on the board.

197
00:08:42,155 --> 00:08:43,757
You can't do that!

198
00:08:43,824 --> 00:08:45,759
Oh, but I can.

199
00:08:46,794 --> 00:08:48,962
Sock it to 'em, babe.

200
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:51,231
These are the corporate bylaws

201
00:08:51,298 --> 00:08:54,467
of... Walden Loves Bridget
Enterprises.

202
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,970
I told you I'm
gonna change the name.

203
00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:59,006
I call your attention
to page five,

204
00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:00,908
paragraph four, subparagraph B.

205
00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:02,643
It states that Walden,
as founder,

206
00:09:02,710 --> 00:09:03,644
has the unrestricted right

207
00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:05,679
to name one additional
board member.

208
00:09:05,746 --> 00:09:07,715
Really looking forward
to working with you.

209
00:09:07,781 --> 00:09:09,917
Aye.

210
00:09:09,983 --> 00:09:11,218
Alan, wait till there's a vote.

211
00:09:11,284 --> 00:09:13,120
Oh, okay.
Um, you know, there's no way

212
00:09:13,186 --> 00:09:14,688
we're gonna finish
all this food.

213
00:09:14,755 --> 00:09:17,390
We should really get some Ziploc
baggies and take it home.

214
00:09:17,457 --> 00:09:19,092
Not now, Alan.

215
00:09:19,159 --> 00:09:22,630
Oh, let me just get it out of
the sun.

216
00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:26,600
Okay, I would like to move that
I be reinstated as president.

217
00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:29,169
All in favor? Aye.

218
00:09:30,871 --> 00:09:32,606
Alan?

219
00:09:32,673 --> 00:09:33,907
Now?
Now.

220
00:09:33,974 --> 00:09:36,877
Uh, aye.

221
00:09:36,944 --> 00:09:38,746
Walden, why are
you doing this?

222
00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:41,548
Bridget and I are just
going to vote no and then
you're going to have a tie.

223
00:09:41,615 --> 00:09:45,118
Au contraire, mon frère.

224
00:09:45,185 --> 00:09:46,586
Counselor?

225
00:09:46,654 --> 00:09:49,222
In the event of a tie vote,
Walden Thoreau Schmidt,

226
00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:51,692
as company founder, has the
unlimited right to cast

227
00:09:51,759 --> 00:09:54,561
an additional vote
to break said tie.

228
00:09:54,628 --> 00:09:57,430
Boo-yah!

229
00:09:57,497 --> 00:10:00,868
Hold on. I am not voting until
my lawyer looks at this.

230
00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:01,869
Me neither.

231
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,603
Suit yourself.

232
00:10:03,671 --> 00:10:05,105
This isn't over, Walden.

233
00:10:05,172 --> 00:10:06,239
Love you, sweetie.

234
00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:08,508
Love you too, Mom.

235
00:10:08,575 --> 00:10:11,444
Hey, Walden,
what's the company policy

236
00:10:11,511 --> 00:10:13,280
on board members
dating each other?

237
00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:14,948
You want to date
my ex-wife?

238
00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:16,650
No, no, that would be weird.

239
00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:17,985
My mother?

240
00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:21,154
No, no.

241
00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:22,656
Then what are
you talking about?

242
00:10:22,723 --> 00:10:25,358
I just wanna be clear
on the policy.

243
00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:27,961
Last thing we need
is a sexual harassment lawsuit.

244
00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:30,798
Am I right, sweet cheeks?

245
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:35,435
* Men.

246
00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:41,641
Hi. Can I get
you something?

247
00:10:41,709 --> 00:10:43,510
Uh, yes, I am
celebrating a new job.

248
00:10:43,576 --> 00:10:45,045
What's your most
expensive drink?

249
00:10:45,112 --> 00:10:48,215
We have a Pierre Benoit cognac
for a thousand dollars a shot.

250
00:10:48,281 --> 00:10:51,284
Good to know.
I'll have a light beer.

251
00:10:52,820 --> 00:10:53,754
Hello, Alan.

252
00:10:53,821 --> 00:10:54,755
Oh, hi.

253
00:10:54,822 --> 00:10:56,056
Hi, Alan.

254
00:10:56,123 --> 00:10:58,491
Oh, Bridget. Hi.

255
00:10:58,558 --> 00:11:00,060
Isn't this a happy
coincidence,

256
00:11:00,127 --> 00:11:02,595
the three of us running
into each other?

257
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:05,265
Listen, ladies,
with all due respect,

258
00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:06,700
I've been instructed
not to discuss

259
00:11:06,767 --> 00:11:08,368
any company business outside
of the boardroom.

260
00:11:08,435 --> 00:11:10,637
What makes you think
we want to talk
about business?

261
00:11:10,704 --> 00:11:11,805
Aw, come on.

262
00:11:11,872 --> 00:11:13,006
I may have been born yesterday,

263
00:11:13,073 --> 00:11:14,875
but I was up late last night.

264
00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:18,746
What does that
even mean?

265
00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:20,480
It means...

266
00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:24,184
I don't know.
I heard it in a movie.

267
00:11:24,251 --> 00:11:25,352
May I help you ladies?

268
00:11:25,418 --> 00:11:26,887
I'll have
a Pierre Benoit cognac.

269
00:11:26,954 --> 00:11:28,155
Oh, make that two.

270
00:11:28,221 --> 00:11:30,223
Separate checks.

271
00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:34,962
Alan, isn't there
any way we can work

272
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:36,129
together on this
board vote?

273
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:37,731
I'm sorry, but I'm loyal
to your son.

274
00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:39,266
Well, so am I.

275
00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:41,334
I'm trying to protect
him from himself.

276
00:11:41,401 --> 00:11:43,370
And I would think an
intelligent, successful,

277
00:11:43,436 --> 00:11:46,206
good-looking man like
you would see that.

278
00:11:46,273 --> 00:11:47,707
Well, that's very flattering,

279
00:11:47,775 --> 00:11:50,844
but I'm afraid
you've overplayed your hand.

280
00:11:50,911 --> 00:11:53,246
No one would call me successful.

281
00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:57,517
Forget it, Robin.

282
00:11:57,584 --> 00:11:59,052
I knew he wouldn't go for it.

283
00:11:59,119 --> 00:12:00,087
I'll call you later.

284
00:12:00,153 --> 00:12:01,922
Okay.

285
00:12:01,989 --> 00:12:03,656
Eh, we had to try.

286
00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:06,794
I understand-- there's
a lot of money at stake.

287
00:12:08,695 --> 00:12:12,132
Mmm! That's what
I always imagined

288
00:12:12,199 --> 00:12:14,534
Gisele Bundchen
would taste like.

289
00:12:15,769 --> 00:12:18,038
What do you say we
forget about business

290
00:12:18,105 --> 00:12:19,506
and just enjoy the evening?

291
00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:22,275
Well, I'm all for
enjoying the evening,

292
00:12:22,342 --> 00:12:24,644
but your hand is on
my business.

293
00:12:24,711 --> 00:12:27,714
Would you like me
to move it?

294
00:12:27,781 --> 00:12:30,150
Yes.

295
00:12:30,217 --> 00:12:33,720
Slowly and in
a circular fashion.

296
00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:39,392
* Men. *

297
00:12:41,962 --> 00:12:42,930
Hey.

298
00:12:42,996 --> 00:12:45,398
Hey. Where you been?

299
00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:47,300
Just going out clothes shopping.

300
00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:50,270
Can't be a corporate board
member wearing khakis

301
00:12:50,337 --> 00:12:52,672
and polo shirt
I got at a swap meet

302
00:12:52,739 --> 00:12:55,675
from some
dead guy's wife, right?

303
00:12:55,742 --> 00:12:57,310
Nice!

304
00:12:57,377 --> 00:12:58,846
Is that Barney's?

305
00:12:58,912 --> 00:13:01,314
Sears.

306
00:13:02,850 --> 00:13:04,051
What are you doing?

307
00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:05,785
I'm just looking over
this mobile gaming startup

308
00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:08,155
I want to invest in
when I get my company back.

309
00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:10,257
Right, right.

310
00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:14,061
Oh, did you see the look
on my mom's face

311
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:15,528
when I sprung you on her?

312
00:13:15,595 --> 00:13:17,998
Actually, I wasn't looking
at her face when I...

313
00:13:18,065 --> 00:13:19,732
sprung.

314
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:22,469
And-And why do you even want
to invest in more companies?

315
00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:25,072
You've got more money than
you're ever gonna use.

316
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:26,106
So?

317
00:13:26,173 --> 00:13:28,408
So maybe it's time
to move on.

318
00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:30,343
You know, do something else.

319
00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:32,279
Learn to dance.

320
00:13:34,747 --> 00:13:36,950
Since when do you care
about how I spend my money?

321
00:13:37,017 --> 00:13:39,452
Well, technically,
it's the company's money,

322
00:13:39,519 --> 00:13:41,388
and now that I'm on
the board,

323
00:13:41,454 --> 00:13:43,256
I have a fiduciary duty
to the stockholders.

324
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:44,757
Fiduciary duty.

325
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,059
You're adorable.

326
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:48,628
I'm serious--
you need to slow down

327
00:13:48,695 --> 00:13:51,264
on the spending
for your own good.

328
00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:52,900
Wait a minute.

329
00:13:52,966 --> 00:13:55,969
You haven't by chance been
talking to my mother

330
00:13:56,036 --> 00:13:57,337
and my ex-wife, have you?

331
00:13:57,404 --> 00:13:59,806
What?! Me?!

332
00:13:59,873 --> 00:14:02,642
Talk?! Them?!

333
00:14:02,709 --> 00:14:04,644
What?!

334
00:14:04,711 --> 00:14:06,146
Because if you're
not gonna support me,

335
00:14:06,213 --> 00:14:08,448
there are plenty of other people
who would be happy

336
00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:10,383
to take your place
and your $50,000 stipend.

337
00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:12,285
Now, hold on--
I think I bring

338
00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:13,820
a unique skill set
to the table.

339
00:14:13,887 --> 00:14:16,189
Jake, do you want to be on
the board of my company?!

340
00:14:16,256 --> 00:14:17,457
JAKE:
Hell, yeah!

341
00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:20,260
Oh, come on.
I'm smarter than him!

342
00:14:20,327 --> 00:14:22,295
Listen, Alan, I put you on

343
00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:23,796
the board of my company
for a reason,

344
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:25,966
and I need to know
you have my back.

345
00:14:26,033 --> 00:14:27,968
Of course I have your back.

346
00:14:28,035 --> 00:14:32,472
What could possibly make me
even consider betraying you?

347
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,608
(gurgling):
What...?

348
00:14:37,177 --> 00:14:38,678
Great.

349
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:42,415
(snorts, scoffs)

350
00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:45,352
(chuckling)

351
00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:46,886
Certainly not some
expensive cognac

352
00:14:46,954 --> 00:14:49,622
and a happy ending in
the men's room.

353
00:14:50,357 --> 00:14:52,225
* Men. *

354
00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:55,328
So, Alan, are we all set
for tomorrow's board meeting?

355
00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:57,998
Boy, I want to say yes...

356
00:14:58,065 --> 00:14:59,299
What do you mean?

357
00:14:59,366 --> 00:15:00,700
I thought we had
an understanding.

358
00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:04,704
Gee, I wish I
could say we do...

359
00:15:04,771 --> 00:15:07,374
Alan, sweetie,
are you saying

360
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:08,675
that we can't count on you?

361
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:12,179
Gosh, I would love
to say you can...

362
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:13,947
I knew it!
Walden got to him.

363
00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:16,416
Hang on, Bridget.
He's a reasonable man.

364
00:15:16,483 --> 00:15:18,185
Right, Alan?

365
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:19,586
That's not gonna work.

366
00:15:19,652 --> 00:15:22,922
I masturbated three times
before I got here.

367
00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:26,093
All right, let's cut
to the chase.

368
00:15:26,159 --> 00:15:28,728
What would it take to make you
change your mind?

369
00:15:28,795 --> 00:15:30,998
Oh, really?
You want to play that game?

370
00:15:31,064 --> 00:15:32,032
Okay... (chuckles)

371
00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:34,867
How about
a brand-new red Porsche?

372
00:15:46,679 --> 00:15:49,416
I just love being inside you.

373
00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:53,020
Hi.
(startled shout)

374
00:15:53,086 --> 00:15:54,287
Hey, hi.

375
00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:55,922
That's a nice car.

376
00:15:55,989 --> 00:15:57,190
Oh, well, uh,

377
00:15:57,257 --> 00:16:01,661
that's what you get when
you save your nickels.

378
00:16:01,728 --> 00:16:04,397
That's three million
nickels, Alan.

379
00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:07,300
It's a lease?

380
00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:09,402
Is there something
you want to tell me

381
00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:10,737
about the board meeting
tomorrow?

382
00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:16,043
I'm weak.

383
00:16:16,109 --> 00:16:18,478
(voice breaking):
I'm so very weak.

384
00:16:20,180 --> 00:16:22,282
It's okay.

385
00:16:22,349 --> 00:16:24,884
That's why I chose you.

386
00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:28,588
* Men. *

387
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:30,490
All right, there's
a motion on the table.

388
00:16:30,557 --> 00:16:31,891
Shall Walden Schmidt
be restored to president

389
00:16:31,958 --> 00:16:34,461
of Walden Loves Bridget
Enterprises?

390
00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:37,797
Right after the meeting,
I'm changing the name.

391
00:16:37,864 --> 00:16:38,598
Thank you.

392
00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:39,899
I vote nay.

393
00:16:39,966 --> 00:16:40,900
Nay.

394
00:16:40,967 --> 00:16:42,135
Aye.

395
00:16:48,475 --> 00:16:49,476
Aye.

396
00:16:49,542 --> 00:16:51,878
What?
Are you kidding me?!

397
00:16:51,944 --> 00:16:54,681
Okay, okay, if it
makes you feel any better,

398
00:16:54,747 --> 00:16:56,916
you're not the first women
I've disappointed.

399
00:16:57,817 --> 00:17:00,620
Here, you can have the car back.

400
00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:02,089
It's out of gas.

401
00:17:03,423 --> 00:17:05,092
And unfortunately, Robin,

402
00:17:05,158 --> 00:17:10,097
I can't return what you gave me,
but I really enjoyed it.

403
00:17:10,163 --> 00:17:13,032
I should have known
you had a hand in this.

404
00:17:16,736 --> 00:17:19,472
All right, I use my founder's
vote to break the tie,

405
00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:21,741
I am reinstated
as president,

406
00:17:21,808 --> 00:17:23,276
and as my first
official act,

407
00:17:23,343 --> 00:17:26,246
I would like to change
the name of the company

408
00:17:26,313 --> 00:17:29,449
to Walden Loves Alan
Enterprises.

409
00:17:29,516 --> 00:17:30,983
Oh!

410
00:17:32,752 --> 00:17:34,687
This meeting's adjourned.
Shall we?

411
00:17:34,754 --> 00:17:36,856
With pleasure.

412
00:17:36,923 --> 00:17:39,192
Oh, it was lovely
to see you again.

413
00:17:40,493 --> 00:17:44,597
Walden Loves Alan, really?

414
00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:46,733
Hey, hey, hey!

415
00:17:46,799 --> 00:17:48,535
* Men. *

416
00:17:57,544 --> 00:17:59,579
You know, as long
as we're in the business

417
00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:01,281
of investing in
high-tech ideas--

418
00:18:01,348 --> 00:18:05,318
a while back, I invented
a little chiropractic device

419
00:18:05,385 --> 00:18:07,787
that allows people
to adjust their own backs.

420
00:18:07,854 --> 00:18:08,855
No kidding?

421
00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:11,324
Yeah. I call it
"Accu-Crack."

422
00:18:11,391 --> 00:18:12,559
Catchy.

423
00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:13,760
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

424
00:18:13,826 --> 00:18:15,128
Only problem is
there's a caulking gun,

425
00:18:15,195 --> 00:18:17,797
a reggae band and a porn site
with the same name.

426
00:18:17,864 --> 00:18:19,566
Why don't you just change
the name?

427
00:18:19,632 --> 00:18:21,100
Mm-- I would,

428
00:18:21,168 --> 00:18:23,770
but I already printed out
30,000 brochures.

429
00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:25,838
Well, tell me about the product.

430
00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:26,839
How does it work?

431
00:18:26,906 --> 00:18:28,141
Oh, really, really simple.

432
00:18:28,208 --> 00:18:30,210
It's two hard rubber balls
attached to a stick

433
00:18:30,277 --> 00:18:33,112
that you lay on and move
up and down your spine.

434
00:18:34,514 --> 00:18:35,515
How is that high-tech?

435
00:18:35,582 --> 00:18:40,253
Uh... we'd sell it
over the Internet?

436
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:42,855
Well, I'll certainly
consider it.

437
00:18:42,922 --> 00:18:43,890
Really?

438
00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:45,225
Please don't push this, Alan.

439
00:18:45,292 --> 00:18:47,460
Oh, oh!

440
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:49,996
As agreed upon.

441
00:18:50,062 --> 00:18:52,098
Oh, oh, is this what
I think it is?

442
00:18:52,165 --> 00:18:53,400
Yeah, a deal's a deal.

443
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:55,268
I get your vote on the board
of my company,

444
00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:57,470
you get your name on the deed
to the house.

445
00:18:57,537 --> 00:18:58,938
Oh, my God.

446
00:18:59,005 --> 00:19:00,173
Congratulations.

447
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:01,541
Does this mean
I can borrow against it?

448
00:19:01,608 --> 00:19:02,909
No.
Sell it?

449
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:04,411
No.
Have the big bedroom
upstairs?

450
00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:05,212
No.

451
00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:06,546
Can I tell women it's my house?

452
00:19:06,613 --> 00:19:09,148
Why would you stop now?

453
00:19:12,084 --> 00:19:14,153
Life is good.

454
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:20,092
Ooh! Oops! (chuckles)

455
00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:22,262
Uh-oh...

456
00:19:22,329 --> 00:19:23,763
Oh, crap! Oh, crap!
Oh, crap! Oh, crap!

457
00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:25,632
Oh, crap! Oh, crap!
Oh, crap! Oh, crap! Oh, crap!

458
00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:27,800
Captioning sponsored by
CBS and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION

459
00:19:27,867 --> 00:19:29,602
and TOYOTA.

460
00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:32,572
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
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