1
00:00:00,468 --> 00:00:02,936
* Men. *

2
00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:04,538
Can I ask you
a personal question?

3
00:00:04,605 --> 00:00:07,675
No, Jake, I've never
measured my penis.

4
00:00:07,741 --> 00:00:09,477
No, it's not about that.

5
00:00:09,543 --> 00:00:11,112
I heard my dad say you're
worth like a billion dollars.

6
00:00:11,179 --> 00:00:13,214
You know, I'm not
really comfortable

7
00:00:13,281 --> 00:00:15,083
talking about my
financial situation.

8
00:00:15,149 --> 00:00:17,151
Oh, okay.

9
00:00:17,218 --> 00:00:19,220
Let's just say I'd have
more money than God,

10
00:00:19,287 --> 00:00:22,690
if God only had $900 million.

11
00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:25,226
Wow. You don't have
any kids, do you?

12
00:00:25,293 --> 00:00:29,097
Nope.
Here, let me
push the cart.

13
00:00:29,163 --> 00:00:31,299
Thanks.
So if you have
so much money,

14
00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:32,800
why do you do your
own grocery shopping?

15
00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:34,368
I mean, you could
just write a list

16
00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:36,070
and hire someone
to do it for you.

17
00:00:36,137 --> 00:00:37,338
You know, like a
17-year-old go-getter

18
00:00:37,405 --> 00:00:38,506
with a valid driver's license

19
00:00:38,572 --> 00:00:40,208
and no chance at
getting into college?

20
00:00:40,274 --> 00:00:44,345
Well, I could, but you know,
since I've been single

21
00:00:44,412 --> 00:00:46,647
I find I really like
shopping for myself.

22
00:00:46,714 --> 00:00:48,382
You're kidding. Why?

23
00:00:48,449 --> 00:00:50,784
Well, take this, for example.

24
00:00:50,851 --> 00:00:53,487
"Baco-berries." How could
I put this on a list?

25
00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:55,689
I didn't even
know it existed.

26
00:00:55,756 --> 00:00:57,258
I don't even know
what it is.

27
00:00:57,325 --> 00:00:58,792
What is it, anyway?

28
00:00:58,859 --> 00:01:03,397
"Delicious dried cranberries
infused with real bacon flavor."

29
00:01:03,464 --> 00:01:05,466
Ugh, that's disgusting.

30
00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:13,274
So... do you have a bunch of
houses and yachts and stuff?

31
00:01:13,341 --> 00:01:15,643
Two houses, no yachts.

32
00:01:15,709 --> 00:01:17,445
You should totally get a yacht,

33
00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:19,347
and then hire someone
to drive it for you.

34
00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:21,081
You know, like
a 17-year-old go-getter

35
00:01:21,149 --> 00:01:22,750
with a valid yacht
driver's license.

36
00:01:22,816 --> 00:01:24,752
Ah, yachts are pretentious.

37
00:01:24,818 --> 00:01:27,355
I don't believe in ostentatious
displays of wealth.

38
00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:28,722
Besides, if I need
to get anywhere,

39
00:01:28,789 --> 00:01:30,824
I'll just take my private jet.

40
00:01:30,891 --> 00:01:32,660
You have a jet?

41
00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:34,228
Yeah, and I already got
a go-getter pilot.

42
00:01:34,295 --> 00:01:35,496
With a college degree.

43
00:01:36,897 --> 00:01:39,667
Excuse me, do you know
the difference

44
00:01:39,733 --> 00:01:41,802
between "organic beef"
and "grass-fed beef"?

45
00:01:41,869 --> 00:01:45,606
Yeah, "organic" is, uh, no
antibiotics or growth hormones,

46
00:01:45,673 --> 00:01:47,508
but it can still be
force-fed grain, which produces

47
00:01:47,575 --> 00:01:49,410
a less nutritious product
than cows that are allowed

48
00:01:49,477 --> 00:01:50,778
to naturally graze on grass.

49
00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:52,513
Speaking of which,
you're very pretty,

50
00:01:52,580 --> 00:01:54,448
and your accent makes me
feel tingly inside.

51
00:01:54,515 --> 00:01:57,185
Speaking of which...?

52
00:01:57,251 --> 00:01:58,786
Cows, meat, cuts of steak,

53
00:01:58,852 --> 00:02:00,854
London Broil, England,
your accent,

54
00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:02,122
(Cockney accent):
'ello!

55
00:02:03,257 --> 00:02:05,326
Hello. I'm Zoey.
Walden.

56
00:02:05,393 --> 00:02:07,361
Nice to meet you, Walden.

57
00:02:07,428 --> 00:02:09,797
Your accent's rather
charming, as well.

58
00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:10,731
Thanks.

59
00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:14,702
Good luck with your meat.

60
00:02:14,768 --> 00:02:17,271
Thanks.

61
00:02:19,407 --> 00:02:21,575
And they call me Forrest Gump.

62
00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:23,344
What?

63
00:02:23,411 --> 00:02:25,346
She was totally hitting on you.

64
00:02:25,413 --> 00:02:26,580
Really?

65
00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:27,815
You should ask her out.

66
00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:30,284
Okay.

67
00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:32,486
Hey, Zoey, you want to
go on a date with me?

68
00:02:32,553 --> 00:02:34,555
ZOEY:
Sure!

69
00:02:34,622 --> 00:02:35,723
See, there's something else

70
00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:37,391
I wouldn't know to
put on the list.

71
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,438
* Men. *

72
00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:52,306
Okay...

73
00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:56,977
I can pay the Mastercard
with the Visa,

74
00:02:57,044 --> 00:03:01,949
and the Visa
with the Discover card,

75
00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:07,288
and the Discover with
the American Express...

76
00:03:07,355 --> 00:03:11,359
Now what can I use to complete
my little Ponzi scheme?

77
00:03:13,761 --> 00:03:15,696
Chevron? No.

78
00:03:15,763 --> 00:03:18,966
Blockbuster? They're in
worse shape than I am.

79
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:20,834
Starbucks gift card.

80
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:22,836
Ooh, hello latte!

81
00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:24,738
Hey.
Hey.

82
00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:26,707
Oh, I know that game--

83
00:03:26,774 --> 00:03:29,343
"Seven Card Screwed."

84
00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:31,879
If I could just get
a little ahead, I'd be fine.

85
00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:34,348
And if I could just
lose a little weight,

86
00:03:34,415 --> 00:03:35,716
I'd be a swimsuit model.

87
00:03:35,783 --> 00:03:38,852
Go ahead, say something,
I dare you.

88
00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:41,855
Oh, no, no.
It's an apt comparison.

89
00:03:41,922 --> 00:03:43,791
They both involve
losing your ass.

90
00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:49,363
Well, I hate to do it,

91
00:03:49,430 --> 00:03:51,699
but I-I could ask Walden
for a short-term loan.

92
00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:54,635
For God's sakes, Zippy,
the man is already

93
00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:57,004
letting you and your kid
live here rent-free.

94
00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:58,772
Don't you have
any pride at all?

95
00:03:59,807 --> 00:04:03,777
Let me say that another way.

96
00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:06,380
Why do you think he's
letting you stay here?

97
00:04:06,447 --> 00:04:07,948
Because he likes me.

98
00:04:08,015 --> 00:04:10,318
Because he likes having at
least one person in his life

99
00:04:10,384 --> 00:04:12,753
that doesn't want
anything from him.

100
00:04:12,820 --> 00:04:15,055
Somebody he thinks
cares about him as a person.

101
00:04:15,122 --> 00:04:16,790
That's a good point.

102
00:04:16,857 --> 00:04:18,626
What you don't
want him to find out

103
00:04:18,692 --> 00:04:20,661
is that you're just one of
those nasty little birds

104
00:04:20,728 --> 00:04:23,864
that picks the food
out of a hippo's teeth.

105
00:04:25,733 --> 00:04:27,735
No, we don't want that.

106
00:04:29,437 --> 00:04:31,439
So, listen, uh...

107
00:04:31,505 --> 00:04:32,940
I suppose, over the years,

108
00:04:33,006 --> 00:04:35,075
you've salted away
a pretty good nest egg.

109
00:04:35,142 --> 00:04:37,645
You're not going to
ask me for money.

110
00:04:37,711 --> 00:04:39,480
No, no! Just making
conversation.

111
00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:42,850
Thanks for bringing in
my groceries, man.

112
00:04:42,916 --> 00:04:43,951
I live to serve.

113
00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:46,420
Boy, I gotta
tell you, Alan,

114
00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:48,789
your son made one heck of
a wingman today.

115
00:04:48,856 --> 00:04:50,424
You make it easy, boss.

116
00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:54,995
Baby bird doesn't fly far
from the teeth.

117
00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:58,065
So you, uh, you met somebody?

118
00:04:58,131 --> 00:04:59,833
Indeed I did.

119
00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:01,635
Beautiful woman. British.

120
00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:04,572
Actually drove her shopping cart
on the wrong side of the aisle.

121
00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:06,707
That's a lot of credit cards.

122
00:05:06,774 --> 00:05:07,841
Uh, yeah.

123
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:09,710
I've only got this
one black one.

124
00:05:09,777 --> 00:05:11,445
I actually bought
my plane with it.

125
00:05:11,512 --> 00:05:13,113
Oh, oh, oh!
Which reminds me.

126
00:05:13,180 --> 00:05:15,048
Hey Jake, you want
a quarter of a million

127
00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:17,451
frequent flyer miles? I can't
use 'em, I got a plane.

128
00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:19,420
I want a quarter of
a million anything.

129
00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:21,989
All yours, my man.

130
00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:25,459
Hmm, where could I go that's a
quarter of a million miles away?

131
00:05:25,526 --> 00:05:26,927
How about the moon?

132
00:05:26,994 --> 00:05:28,696
That's ridiculous, Dad.

133
00:05:28,762 --> 00:05:30,097
I know, I was kidding.

134
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:32,099
No one's ever been to the moon.

135
00:05:34,802 --> 00:05:36,804
* Men. *

136
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:39,473
Here you go.

137
00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:41,875
State of the art.

138
00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:43,977
And semi-portable.

139
00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:45,879
Gateway computer.

140
00:05:45,946 --> 00:05:47,748
I haven't seen one
of these in a while.

141
00:05:47,815 --> 00:05:50,484
Still works great. And it
is loaded with software.

142
00:05:50,551 --> 00:05:56,490
Quicken 95, Lotus 1-2-3...
um... WordPerfect, Tetris.

143
00:05:56,557 --> 00:05:58,158
I don't know, pal.

144
00:05:58,225 --> 00:05:59,760
I don't think I can move this.

145
00:05:59,827 --> 00:06:01,595
Oh, come on, help me out,
I'm desperate.

146
00:06:01,662 --> 00:06:04,798
As opposed to most of
the people who come in here.

147
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:08,035
In my storeroom, I've got
a couple of wheelchairs,

148
00:06:08,101 --> 00:06:10,170
a fishbowl full of glass eyes,

149
00:06:10,237 --> 00:06:11,905
and a "boy in the bubble" bag.

150
00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:15,643
To be clear, they took
the boy out of the bubble

151
00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:17,511
and sold me the bag.

152
00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:19,447
Um...

153
00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:22,650
Uh, what would you give me for
a pair of diamond cufflinks?

154
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:25,519
Oh...

155
00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:27,755
Where'd you get these?

156
00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:30,190
My mother gave them to me
when I graduated college.

157
00:06:30,257 --> 00:06:32,526
Is she your real mother?
Yeah. Why?

158
00:06:32,593 --> 00:06:34,828
'Cause these aren't
real diamonds.

159
00:06:35,863 --> 00:06:37,097
What?!

160
00:06:37,164 --> 00:06:39,900
I'm sure she was a good
mother in other ways.

161
00:06:39,967 --> 00:06:42,470
No, this is the nicest thing
she ever did for me.

162
00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:44,071
I'm very sorry.

163
00:06:44,137 --> 00:06:47,641
All right. All right. I didn't
want to have to sell this,

164
00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:50,177
but, uh, I suppose
I'm out of options.

165
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:51,945
Ooh.

166
00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:55,483
Oh, nice.

167
00:06:55,549 --> 00:06:57,217
Steuben crystal, huh?

168
00:06:57,284 --> 00:06:58,519
It is.

169
00:06:58,586 --> 00:07:01,822
Your mother didn't
give you this.

170
00:07:01,889 --> 00:07:03,924
No. It was a wedding gift
from my wife's parents.

171
00:07:03,991 --> 00:07:06,226
I managed to sneak it out of
the house after the divorce.

172
00:07:06,293 --> 00:07:08,629
Uh-huh. Well, gimme a sec.

173
00:07:10,631 --> 00:07:13,233
I'll give you $1,200.

174
00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:15,235
Yes!

175
00:07:15,302 --> 00:07:17,505
No!

176
00:07:22,309 --> 00:07:25,245
I'll give you $2.00
to clean it up.

177
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:29,249
Where's your broom?

178
00:07:29,316 --> 00:07:31,519
* Men. *

179
00:07:33,053 --> 00:07:34,588
Jake, I'm ready to go!

180
00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:37,124
JAKE:
Coming!

181
00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:39,026
Here you go, sir.
The car is charged, washed,

182
00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:40,928
and I put an air freshener
under your seat

183
00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:43,063
just in case you
let one slip out.

184
00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:45,232
Good job.

185
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:47,535
Hundred bucks! Thanks, boss.

186
00:07:51,004 --> 00:07:52,973
You gave him $100?

187
00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:55,242
Oh, hey, Alan.
Yeah, he washed my car.

188
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:57,611
A hundred bucks
to wash a car?

189
00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:59,146
Not enough?

190
00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:02,149
For $100,
I'd lick your car clean.

191
00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:04,017
Maybe next time.

192
00:08:05,953 --> 00:08:07,555
Hey, I'm going on
a date with that girl

193
00:08:07,621 --> 00:08:09,156
I met in at supermarket.
Do I look okay?

194
00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:10,758
No, I look okay.

195
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:12,225
You look like the guy
women fantasize about

196
00:08:12,292 --> 00:08:14,027
when I'm on top of them.

197
00:08:16,096 --> 00:08:19,700
Listen, I-I know you're still
pretty new to the dating world,

198
00:08:19,767 --> 00:08:21,234
but can I give you
a little advice?

199
00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:22,736
Is this about condoms?

200
00:08:22,803 --> 00:08:24,037
'Cause Jake already
gave me his lucky one.

201
00:08:26,073 --> 00:08:28,108
No. Uh...

202
00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:30,744
If you hope to have any
kind of shot with this woman,

203
00:08:30,811 --> 00:08:32,646
you, uh, might want to
lose the wedding ring.

204
00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:34,247
Really?

205
00:08:34,314 --> 00:08:35,248
Oh yeah.

206
00:08:35,315 --> 00:08:37,150
When it comes to dating,

207
00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:39,152
wedding rings are
like kryptonite.

208
00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:43,724
If, you know,
Superman was a... vagina.

209
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,295
You know, I haven't
taken this off in years.

210
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:51,999
When Bridget and I first got
together, we were pretty broke,

211
00:08:52,065 --> 00:08:54,602
so we just exchanged
these cheap bands,

212
00:08:54,668 --> 00:08:57,037
but then, after I made my first
million, I got matching ones

213
00:08:57,104 --> 00:08:59,740
made out of rhodium
and platinum.

214
00:08:59,807 --> 00:09:03,176
In retrospect, I should've had
them made out of poop and tears.

215
00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:06,179
Wait, uh... what's rhodium?

216
00:09:06,246 --> 00:09:07,981
It's the most expensive
metal in the world.

217
00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:09,917
To symbolize how precious
our love was.

218
00:09:09,983 --> 00:09:11,985
Well, that's... very romantic.

219
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:14,755
But again, it's Lex Luthor
for lady parts.

220
00:09:15,756 --> 00:09:17,858
Boy...

221
00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:19,159
This is gonna be tough.

222
00:09:21,028 --> 00:09:23,263
Wearing it makes me feel...

223
00:09:23,330 --> 00:09:25,699
secure.

224
00:09:25,766 --> 00:09:29,002
Be that as it may,
you have a choice to make.

225
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:31,872
Either the past,
or the future.

226
00:09:31,939 --> 00:09:35,008
The memory of Bridget,
or the promise of...

227
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,945
supermarket strange.

228
00:09:41,348 --> 00:09:43,784
Here.
Why are you giving it to me?

229
00:09:43,851 --> 00:09:45,018
Because you're right.

230
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:46,754
I've got to
move on with my life.

231
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:48,989
And this ring is just an anchor
chaining me to the past.

232
00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:50,257
Thanks, Al.

233
00:09:50,323 --> 00:09:52,826
Well, you are very welcome.
Enjoy your date!

234
00:09:52,893 --> 00:09:54,828
Will do. See you.

235
00:09:54,895 --> 00:09:56,764
(Alan chuckles)

236
00:09:56,830 --> 00:09:58,766
My precious!

237
00:09:58,832 --> 00:10:00,100
* Men. *

238
00:10:06,674 --> 00:10:08,642
So the young man you were
with at the supermarket

239
00:10:08,709 --> 00:10:09,677
is no relation to you?

240
00:10:09,743 --> 00:10:11,578
Oh, no, Jake...
Mm.

241
00:10:11,645 --> 00:10:13,613
is Alan's son.

242
00:10:13,681 --> 00:10:15,849
And Alan is...?

243
00:10:15,916 --> 00:10:18,551
Uh, it's complicated.

244
00:10:19,552 --> 00:10:21,689
I'm fairly bright, try me.

245
00:10:21,755 --> 00:10:24,057
Okay.

246
00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:27,060
Um, when I tried to kill
myself in the ocean,

247
00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:29,697
Alan's house was
the closest one with a phone.

248
00:10:31,699 --> 00:10:32,900
I see.

249
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:35,635
You don't, do you?
Not at all.

250
00:10:35,703 --> 00:10:38,471
Okay, let me back up.
Please do.

251
00:10:38,538 --> 00:10:41,775
Okay, when I was in high school,
I met this girl named Bridget.

252
00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:44,511
Is it really necessary to
back up quite that far?

253
00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:47,547
You're right, I'll skip ahead.

254
00:10:47,614 --> 00:10:50,550
Let's see... I got married
right after high school,

255
00:10:50,617 --> 00:10:51,852
happy, happy, happy.

256
00:10:51,919 --> 00:10:53,821
Made like a billion dollars,
rich, rich, rich.

257
00:10:53,887 --> 00:10:55,789
She decided she didn't
want to be married anymore,

258
00:10:55,856 --> 00:10:56,857
sad, sad, sad.

259
00:10:56,924 --> 00:10:58,525
In the ocean,
out of the ocean,

260
00:10:58,591 --> 00:11:01,661
bought Alan's house, got rid
of the furniture, kept Alan,

261
00:11:01,729 --> 00:11:05,065
got hungry, went to the
supermarket, met you. The end.

262
00:11:06,734 --> 00:11:08,201
Wow.

263
00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:09,937
Enough about me.
Let's talk about you.

264
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:12,272
No, no, I have a few
follow-up questions.

265
00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:13,540
The furniture?

266
00:11:13,606 --> 00:11:14,942
The suicide.

267
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:18,078
Oh, it was just a cry
for attention.

268
00:11:18,145 --> 00:11:19,947
I wanted Bridget
to feel sorry for me.

269
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:22,282
Well, that's rather pathetic.

270
00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:24,551
In hindsight, yeah.

271
00:11:25,285 --> 00:11:26,887
And the billion dollars?

272
00:11:26,954 --> 00:11:29,656
I sold a couple companies
to Microsoft.

273
00:11:29,723 --> 00:11:30,791
Big mistake.

274
00:11:30,858 --> 00:11:32,092
Oh, you regret it?

275
00:11:32,159 --> 00:11:34,261
No, they do.

276
00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:38,065
How long's it been
since your wife left?

277
00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:42,035
Four months, three weeks,
four days, six hours and change.

278
00:11:43,236 --> 00:11:45,705
Let's just call it six hours.

279
00:11:45,773 --> 00:11:48,275
You're still in love
with her, aren't you?

280
00:11:51,178 --> 00:11:52,645
You really are bright.

281
00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:55,582
I thought it was
just your accent.

282
00:11:55,648 --> 00:11:56,984
It kind of raises
the question,

283
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:58,952
"Why on Earth did
you ask me out?"

284
00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:00,253
Jake told me to.

285
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,555
Alan's son.

286
00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:06,860
Yeah, and also wanted to because
I'm moving on with my life.

287
00:12:06,927 --> 00:12:08,128
See? Look, no wedding ring.

288
00:12:08,195 --> 00:12:10,230
Mmm, I noticed the
bright white tan line.

289
00:12:10,297 --> 00:12:12,732
Yeah, it's almost like
I still got it on.

290
00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:14,267
It is.

291
00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:16,269
No worries. I gave it to Alan.

292
00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:19,206
The man you kept
instead of furniture.

293
00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:21,674
Well, it wasn't an either/or.

294
00:12:23,310 --> 00:12:24,711
What about you?
What's your deal?

295
00:12:24,778 --> 00:12:26,980
My deal.

296
00:12:27,047 --> 00:12:28,681
All right, I'm a lawyer.

297
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,150
Ugh! Ech!

298
00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:33,620
What else?

299
00:12:33,686 --> 00:12:36,156
Well, I'm divorced and I have

300
00:12:36,223 --> 00:12:38,225
a five-year-old daughter, Ava.

301
00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:39,759
I always wanted to have kids,

302
00:12:39,827 --> 00:12:41,895
but Bridget insisted
that we already had one.

303
00:12:41,962 --> 00:12:43,263
I don't follow.

304
00:12:43,330 --> 00:12:44,731
Me.

305
00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:46,967
Oh, sure, I can see that.
(chuckles)

306
00:12:50,037 --> 00:12:51,704
What do you think?

307
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:53,874
Are we gonna fall in love
and stuff?

308
00:12:55,843 --> 00:12:57,177
What?

309
00:12:57,244 --> 00:12:59,813
'Cause that would really teach
Bridget a lesson.

310
00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:04,751
Hi, again.

311
00:13:04,818 --> 00:13:07,787
Oy gevalt.

312
00:13:07,855 --> 00:13:10,323
I, uh, brought something
else for you.

313
00:13:10,390 --> 00:13:13,994
My sphincter's tight
with anticipation.

314
00:13:14,061 --> 00:13:16,729
Platinum and rhodium.

315
00:13:17,330 --> 00:13:18,966
Whoa.

316
00:13:20,868 --> 00:13:23,803
Oh...

317
00:13:23,871 --> 00:13:25,672
very valuable.

318
00:13:25,738 --> 00:13:27,174
Did you steal it?

319
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:28,909
What?

320
00:13:28,976 --> 00:13:33,346
I'm only asking because it
affects my marketing strategy.

321
00:13:33,413 --> 00:13:35,182
No, it was a gift.

322
00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:36,316
A gift.

323
00:13:36,383 --> 00:13:37,250
Mmm-hmm.

324
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:40,187
Heh. Good enough for me.

325
00:13:40,253 --> 00:13:42,755
What are you
looking to get for it?

326
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,157
Let's not play this game.

327
00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:46,359
Just... just tell me
what it's worth to you.

328
00:13:52,765 --> 00:13:55,368
What is this,
your phone number?

329
00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:56,904
That's my offer.

330
00:13:56,970 --> 00:13:59,172
(gasping)

331
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:03,376
Hang on a sec.

332
00:14:08,481 --> 00:14:10,250
You know that's helium?

333
00:14:10,317 --> 00:14:11,418
Hmm?

334
00:14:11,484 --> 00:14:14,221
A down-on-his-luck
birthday clown.

335
00:14:14,287 --> 00:14:17,891
(high voice):
Son of a bitch!

336
00:14:17,958 --> 00:14:20,260
* Men. *

337
00:14:20,327 --> 00:14:21,794
This was a lovely
evening, Walden.

338
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:22,729
Thank you.

339
00:14:22,795 --> 00:14:23,730
You're welcome.

340
00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:26,299
Hmm. Well, better

341
00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:28,268
get in, let Ava's
babysitter go home.

342
00:14:28,335 --> 00:14:29,903
Oh, is she still up?
Can I meet her?

343
00:14:29,970 --> 00:14:32,139
I'm sure she's still up,
but no.

344
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:34,841
Oh, I get it.

345
00:14:34,908 --> 00:14:37,244
You want to know make
sure a guy's gonna be

346
00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:39,279
around a while before
you introduce him-- me.

347
00:14:39,346 --> 00:14:41,748
Exactly.

348
00:14:41,814 --> 00:14:43,416
So, maybe after the third
or fourth date?

349
00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:44,851
I don't think so.

350
00:14:44,918 --> 00:14:46,186
Well, the fifth or sixth?

351
00:14:46,253 --> 00:14:47,720
No.

352
00:14:47,787 --> 00:14:49,222
Seventh or eighth?

353
00:14:51,491 --> 00:14:54,027
I'm starting
to get a bad feeling.

354
00:14:54,094 --> 00:14:57,297
Oh, I'm sorry.

355
00:14:57,364 --> 00:14:59,266
You seem
like a really sweet guy,

356
00:14:59,332 --> 00:15:02,169
but I think you're still kind
of married to your Bridget.

357
00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:04,071
No, no, I'm not.

358
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:06,073
I haven't been wearing
my ring for, like,

359
00:15:06,139 --> 00:15:07,975
like, almost three hours now.

360
00:15:08,041 --> 00:15:12,145
It may be off your finger,
but it's still in your head.

361
00:15:12,212 --> 00:15:16,049
Face it, you're not
ready to be dating yet.

362
00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:18,218
Thanks again for dinner.

363
00:15:21,955 --> 00:15:25,025
(quietly):
Still married.

364
00:15:25,092 --> 00:15:27,127
That is so untrue.

365
00:15:29,496 --> 00:15:32,432
Bridget, you're not gonna
believe what just happened.

366
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,268
* Men. *

367
00:15:40,007 --> 00:15:41,174
Walden?

368
00:15:53,020 --> 00:15:53,853
Walden?!

369
00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:55,555
Down here!

370
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:05,065
Hey.

371
00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:06,899
Hey.

372
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:07,834
How's your date?

373
00:16:07,900 --> 00:16:09,436
Not so good.

374
00:16:09,502 --> 00:16:12,972
Oh. So much for Jake's
lucky condom, huh?

375
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:15,308
Yeah, we never got
to condoms.

376
00:16:17,077 --> 00:16:19,846
She thinks I'm still too
hung up on Bridget.

377
00:16:19,912 --> 00:16:21,414
No kidding.

378
00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:23,883
And the worst part is
Bridget agrees with her.

379
00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:29,922
Well, I might as well put
my ring back on.

380
00:16:32,625 --> 00:16:35,995
You, uh, you, uh, want-want
your ring back?

381
00:16:36,063 --> 00:16:37,197
Yeah.

382
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:41,301
Here.

383
00:16:41,368 --> 00:16:43,470
Thanks.

384
00:16:45,072 --> 00:16:48,075
I had a feeling sooner
or later you'd want it.

385
00:16:50,477 --> 00:16:53,980
No. You know what?
I was right the first time.

386
00:16:54,047 --> 00:16:55,382
I don't need this anymore.

387
00:16:55,448 --> 00:16:57,417
Are you sure?

388
00:16:57,484 --> 00:16:58,418
I'm positive.

389
00:17:01,388 --> 00:17:04,291
(sighs)

390
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:06,426
I feel better already.

391
00:17:06,493 --> 00:17:08,861
(weakly):
Oh, good.

392
00:17:10,463 --> 00:17:12,165
All right, I'm gonna
go inside.

393
00:17:12,232 --> 00:17:14,567
Okay, I'm just, I'm just
gonna hang here for a while.

394
00:17:14,634 --> 00:17:16,035
Okay. Good night.

395
00:17:16,103 --> 00:17:17,637
Yeah. Night.

396
00:17:21,241 --> 00:17:24,377
My precious! My precious!
My precious!

397
00:17:27,347 --> 00:17:29,982
My precious! My precious!

398
00:17:33,086 --> 00:17:34,254
My precious!

399
00:17:45,232 --> 00:17:47,200
You saw that?

400
00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:48,668
Yeah.

401
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:51,904
Probably wondering what it was
all about.

402
00:17:51,971 --> 00:17:53,873
Kinda.

403
00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:57,510
Well... I often enjoy

404
00:17:57,577 --> 00:18:00,046
a, uh, brisk moonlight swim.

405
00:18:00,113 --> 00:18:01,748
Fully clothed?

406
00:18:01,814 --> 00:18:04,517
You leave your clothes on
the beach,

407
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:07,954
a drifter... steals 'em.

408
00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:09,589
Alan...

409
00:18:09,656 --> 00:18:12,525
I was trying to get
your ring back.

410
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:13,893
But I don't want it back.

411
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:15,762
No, not-not for you.

412
00:18:15,828 --> 00:18:16,863
Um, for me.

413
00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:20,533
I was gonna pawn it.

414
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:21,734
Why?

415
00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:24,537
What do you mean, why?
I need money.

416
00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:26,539
I can't possibly produce enough
sperm and blood

417
00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:28,708
to get out of the hole I'm in.

418
00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:32,179
In fact, I went to the pawn shop

419
00:18:32,245 --> 00:18:33,546
while you were on your date.

420
00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:34,814
But you didn't pawn it.

421
00:18:34,881 --> 00:18:37,150
I couldn't.

422
00:18:39,018 --> 00:18:40,587
Wow, you must have been
freaking out

423
00:18:40,653 --> 00:18:42,088
when I threw it
in the ocean, huh?

424
00:18:42,155 --> 00:18:45,992
The truth of that stands
dripping before you.

425
00:18:46,058 --> 00:18:47,827
Listen, if you
needed money,

426
00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:49,128
why didn't you just ask?

427
00:18:49,196 --> 00:18:51,831
You'd lend me money
if I just asked?

428
00:18:51,898 --> 00:18:53,566
No. I don't believe in
lending money.

429
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:54,801
I just give it away.

430
00:18:54,867 --> 00:18:57,270
(voice cracks):
Give it away?

431
00:18:57,337 --> 00:18:59,772
Yeah, I think it's a bad idea
to lend people money.

432
00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:01,040
They never pay you back,

433
00:19:01,107 --> 00:19:02,642
and then you just end up
resenting them.

434
00:19:02,709 --> 00:19:03,810
So how much do you need?

435
00:19:03,876 --> 00:19:07,580
Uh...

436
00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:09,115
No, no, I can't, I can't
take your money.

437
00:19:09,182 --> 00:19:11,584
What, you're too proud?

438
00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:13,720
Oh, God, no, I-I-I
haven't had any pride

439
00:19:13,786 --> 00:19:16,856
since the gym showers
in seventh grade.

440
00:19:16,923 --> 00:19:19,259
No, no, if I took your money,

441
00:19:19,326 --> 00:19:20,860
that would change
our relationship,

442
00:19:20,927 --> 00:19:22,629
and I don't want that.

443
00:19:22,695 --> 00:19:25,131
I want you to think of me as
a friend and not a freeloader.

444
00:19:25,198 --> 00:19:28,201
You don't think that ship's
already sailed?

445
00:19:29,869 --> 00:19:32,572
Allow me at least
the illusion of self-respect.

446
00:19:32,639 --> 00:19:35,608
Would it help your self-respect
if I started charging you rent?

447
00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:38,044
Actually, it would.

448
00:19:38,110 --> 00:19:39,779
Consider it done.

449
00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:42,114
Great.

450
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:44,717
Oh, I'm gonna be late
this month.

451
00:19:44,784 --> 00:19:46,185
No problem.

452
00:19:46,253 --> 00:19:47,987
Probably next month, too.

453
00:19:48,054 --> 00:19:49,289
Thanks for the heads up.

454
00:19:49,356 --> 00:19:52,292
Okay. I guess I better
go dry off.

455
00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:55,194
Hey, Alan.
Yeah?

456
00:19:58,698 --> 00:19:59,666
You're a quality guy.

457
00:19:59,732 --> 00:20:01,334
Really?

458
00:20:01,401 --> 00:20:04,036
I have a lot of people that
say they're my friend,

459
00:20:04,103 --> 00:20:05,872
but you really are one.

460
00:20:05,938 --> 00:20:07,974
Well, thanks.

461
00:20:10,142 --> 00:20:16,015
Just-just out of curiosity,
if I had asked for, say,

462
00:20:16,082 --> 00:20:18,184
a hundred thousand dollars,

463
00:20:18,251 --> 00:20:21,654
would you have given it to me?

464
00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:23,590
Absolutely.

465
00:20:27,026 --> 00:20:28,127
(chuckles)

466
00:20:30,029 --> 00:20:31,698
Where you going?

467
00:20:31,764 --> 00:20:33,733
Back in the ocean.

468
00:20:36,669 --> 00:20:38,271
(phone rings)

469
00:20:44,377 --> 00:20:46,178
Hello?

470
00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:49,316
Oh, hey, Jake.

471
00:20:49,382 --> 00:20:52,885
No, your dad's kind of busy
right now.

472
00:20:54,387 --> 00:20:55,822
What's up?

473
00:20:55,888 --> 00:20:58,325
Oh, you used the
frequent flier miles?

474
00:20:58,391 --> 00:21:00,192
That's great.
Where are you?

475
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:02,329
I have no idea.

476
00:21:02,395 --> 00:21:04,697
Captioning sponsored by
CBS and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION

477
00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:06,699
and TOYOTA.

478
00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:09,235
* Men. *

479
00:21:11,738 --> 00:21:34,894
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org