1
00:00:01,635 --> 00:00:03,671
* Men... *

2
00:00:03,737 --> 00:00:06,440
I can't believe you've managed
to stay in this house.

3
00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:09,510
You're like
a human barnacle.

4
00:00:09,577 --> 00:00:11,145
Thanks, Mom.

5
00:00:11,212 --> 00:00:12,846
Oh, I wasn't putting
you down, sweetheart.

6
00:00:12,913 --> 00:00:15,516
It's good that you have a skill.

7
00:00:15,583 --> 00:00:17,518
Did you come over for a reason,
or just to insult me?

8
00:00:17,585 --> 00:00:20,354
The two aren't
mutually exclusive.

9
00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:21,522
Mom.

10
00:00:21,589 --> 00:00:23,524
Charlie's bank
contacted me.

11
00:00:23,591 --> 00:00:26,527
Seems he had a secret
safe deposit box.

12
00:00:26,594 --> 00:00:29,530
I knew it! I knew he had to
have something squirreled away.

13
00:00:29,597 --> 00:00:31,732
Naturally, I went right
down there to check it out.

14
00:00:31,799 --> 00:00:33,601
So what was in it? Cash?
Diamonds? Krugerrands?

15
00:00:33,667 --> 00:00:35,536
Want to wipe your mouth?
You're drooling a little.

16
00:00:35,603 --> 00:00:37,271
Sorry.

17
00:00:37,338 --> 00:00:39,507
Actually, I was quite surprised
about what was in there.

18
00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:41,875
Oh, tell me, tell me!
I'll do better than that.

19
00:00:41,942 --> 00:00:43,511
Here.

20
00:00:43,577 --> 00:00:45,779
I'm pretty sure he
wanted you to have this.

21
00:00:45,846 --> 00:00:47,348
(wheezing laugh)

22
00:00:47,415 --> 00:00:48,649
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy...

23
00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:50,484
I knew you'd look out
for me, big bro.

24
00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:51,819
What the hell is this?

25
00:00:53,421 --> 00:00:54,522
Charlie's journal.

26
00:00:54,588 --> 00:00:55,723
Charlie kept a journal?

27
00:00:55,789 --> 00:00:58,359
Your brother was
a very complex man.

28
00:00:58,426 --> 00:01:00,561
Perhaps he needed a safe place

29
00:01:00,628 --> 00:01:03,564
to express his deepest emotions
and innermost thoughts,

30
00:01:03,631 --> 00:01:04,798
or some such nonsense.

31
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,770
No. No cash, dear.
Already checked.

32
00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:12,340
Of course not.

33
00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:14,242
Why leave cash to your
impoverished brother

34
00:01:14,308 --> 00:01:17,445
when you can leave your
alcohol-muddled thoughts?

35
00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:19,213
Yay.

36
00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:22,216
"To whom it may concern,

37
00:01:22,283 --> 00:01:24,852
"if you are reading this it
means either my heart or lungs

38
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:26,454
"finally gave out.

39
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,456
"Or I rejected my new liver.

40
00:01:28,522 --> 00:01:32,593
"Or my brother wouldn't
give me a piece of his.

41
00:01:32,660 --> 00:01:34,595
"Or I choked on my own vomit,

42
00:01:34,662 --> 00:01:36,597
"or somebody else's.

43
00:01:36,664 --> 00:01:38,866
Or some crazy chick
pushed me in front of a bus..."

44
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:40,601
Ooh, so close.

45
00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:47,908
Well, I hope reading it brings
you some comfort and closure.

46
00:01:47,975 --> 00:01:50,578
Are you sure that's all that
was in the safe deposit box?

47
00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:53,147
Yes.
So my brother went
out to the bank

48
00:01:53,214 --> 00:01:55,416
and rented a safe deposit box
just for this journal?

49
00:01:55,483 --> 00:01:56,550
It would appear so.

50
00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:58,152
That makes no sense.

51
00:01:58,219 --> 00:01:59,887
He intimated on many occasions

52
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:02,290
that he had some cash
stashed away for emergencies...

53
00:02:02,356 --> 00:02:05,659
you know, like getting
a hooker after an earthquake.

54
00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:09,497
Sweetheart, you have to
stop living in the past.

55
00:02:09,563 --> 00:02:11,365
What's done is done.

56
00:02:11,432 --> 00:02:13,301
Start looking forward.

57
00:02:13,367 --> 00:02:15,102
Yeah, I guess you're right.

58
00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:16,270
Is that a new watch?

59
00:02:16,337 --> 00:02:18,239
No.

60
00:02:18,306 --> 00:02:20,974
You have your whole
life ahead of you,

61
00:02:21,041 --> 00:02:24,945
and the fact is, you and I are
all that's left of this family.

62
00:02:25,012 --> 00:02:26,914
Well...

63
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,516
you, me and Jake.

64
00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:30,518
Hey, Grandma.

65
00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:32,186
(belches loudly)

66
00:02:32,253 --> 00:02:35,022
Whoa. Thought that was
coming out the other end.

67
00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:40,528
You're right.
It's just you and me.

68
00:02:40,594 --> 00:02:42,162
That looks like a man's Cartier.

69
00:02:42,230 --> 00:02:43,331
It's a knock-off.

70
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:46,934
My point is,
with Charlie gone,

71
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,537
you and I have to learn
how to help and support

72
00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:51,539
one another no matter what.

73
00:02:53,073 --> 00:02:55,609
Gee, that would be great.

74
00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:58,246
You were always
the good son.

75
00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:01,649
Now you're my only son.

76
00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:05,286
Oh, Mommy.

77
00:03:05,353 --> 00:03:07,355
Oh, Walden!
How nice to see you!

78
00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:13,994
It's a miracle
I'm not a transsexual

79
00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:16,564
on Dancing With the Stars.

80
00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:19,533
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *

81
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:23,036
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men, men, men *
* Ooh

82
00:03:23,103 --> 00:03:25,973
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men *
* Ooh
* Ooh

83
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:28,041
* Ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ohh, ooh-ooh... *

84
00:03:28,108 --> 00:03:30,544
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *

85
00:03:30,611 --> 00:03:33,614
* Ooh
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *

86
00:03:33,681 --> 00:03:38,352
* Ah.
* Men.
* Men.

87
00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:47,995
I must tell you, Walden,
it's so nice to finally

88
00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:49,263
see someone in this house

89
00:03:49,330 --> 00:03:52,099
who surfs for something
other than porn.

90
00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:54,702
Yeah, I love the ocean.

91
00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:56,970
Just you alone with
your thoughts.

92
00:03:57,037 --> 00:04:00,641
Time standing still, at peace
with the entire universe.

93
00:04:00,708 --> 00:04:03,577
Plus, you can pee in it
and nobody knows.

94
00:04:03,644 --> 00:04:05,078
Charming.

95
00:04:05,145 --> 00:04:07,180
Actually, I'm glad
you stopped by.

96
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:10,083
Um... Do you know a good
interior designer?

97
00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:13,854
As a matter of fact,
I know a great one.

98
00:04:16,724 --> 00:04:19,259
Evelyn Harper Interior Design.

99
00:04:19,327 --> 00:04:21,028
I thought you were
a real estate agent.

100
00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:23,564
I am. I'm also
a building inspector,

101
00:04:23,631 --> 00:04:26,534
mortgage broker, notary
public and a bail bondsman.

102
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:29,002
A bail bondsman?

103
00:04:29,069 --> 00:04:31,905
Admittedly, that business has
slowed down since my son died.

104
00:04:31,972 --> 00:04:34,642
But getting back to your needs,

105
00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:37,545
what did you have in mind
in terms of redecorating?

106
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:38,946
I don't know.

107
00:04:39,012 --> 00:04:41,849
I just, I just want my home
to reflect who I am.

108
00:04:41,915 --> 00:04:44,217
And who are you?

109
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:48,221
I've got a buttload of money,
but I'm a pretty simple guy.

110
00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:52,059
I... like people, but
I don't entertain a lot.

111
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:55,763
Oh, I'm not a neat freak,
but I don't like clutter.

112
00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:58,098
Oh, you know, and the most
important thing is,

113
00:04:58,165 --> 00:05:00,233
I want the house to use
green renewable energy,

114
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,069
you know, like solar
power and wind power...

115
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,271
Unless Brookstone or
somebody comes out with

116
00:05:04,338 --> 00:05:06,173
a home nuclear reactor,
because, I mean, come on,

117
00:05:06,239 --> 00:05:07,641
who wouldn't want one of those?

118
00:05:07,708 --> 00:05:11,144
"A buttload of money."

119
00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:14,648
You're in good hands.

120
00:05:18,886 --> 00:05:21,088
This journal is unbelievable.

121
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:22,890
You aren't thinking of
publishing it, are you?

122
00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:25,125
What? Of course not, why?

123
00:05:25,192 --> 00:05:28,696
Well, I'm shoppin' around
my own Charlie memoir.

124
00:05:28,762 --> 00:05:31,865
It's called Man Whore.

125
00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:34,234
It's catchy.

126
00:05:34,301 --> 00:05:36,269
But there was more to
Charlie than we thought.

127
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:37,805
I mean, listen to this.

128
00:05:37,871 --> 00:05:41,008
"I just sent a girl home
who told me she loved me

129
00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:42,976
"and I can't even
remember her name.

130
00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:44,878
"What is wrong with me
that I just have

131
00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:46,847
"anonymous drunken encounters
night after night?

132
00:05:46,914 --> 00:05:48,616
"Do I drink to fill
the loneliness,

133
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:52,185
or to hide from the
horror I've become?"

134
00:05:52,252 --> 00:05:54,955
You know, I feel awful that
I lived with him for so long

135
00:05:55,022 --> 00:05:56,289
and I didn't recognize his pain.

136
00:05:58,058 --> 00:06:00,060
"I remember, her name is Rachel!

137
00:06:00,127 --> 00:06:02,129
"I feel better now.

138
00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:07,868
I'll reward myself with some
cocaine and an Asian hooker."

139
00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:13,707
So remember, the key to
balancing the equation

140
00:06:13,774 --> 00:06:15,743
is to place coefficients
in front of each reactant

141
00:06:15,809 --> 00:06:17,945
and product so that
all the atoms balance.

142
00:06:18,011 --> 00:06:19,346
(inhales)

143
00:06:19,413 --> 00:06:22,049
I bet you shower every day.

144
00:06:24,017 --> 00:06:25,318
Jake, we're supposed
to be studying

145
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:26,386
for the chemistry mid-term.

146
00:06:26,454 --> 00:06:28,756
I'd rather study our chemistry.

147
00:06:28,822 --> 00:06:30,758
Lame.

148
00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:33,427
Really? I thought it
was a "double intendo."

149
00:06:35,162 --> 00:06:36,697
WALDEN:
Hey, guys.

150
00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:38,298
Whatcha studying?

151
00:06:38,365 --> 00:06:40,000
Chemistry.

152
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:41,835
Cool.

153
00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:44,304
Looks like you two
have a little chemistry.

154
00:06:44,371 --> 00:06:45,706
(laughs)

155
00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:47,174
That's so clever.

156
00:06:48,175 --> 00:06:49,443
(mocking laugh)

157
00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:51,712
I'm Megan.

158
00:06:51,779 --> 00:06:54,014
Oh, hi, Megan. It's nice
to meet you. I'm Walden.

159
00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:56,283
Oh, are you the Walden
that bought the house?

160
00:06:56,349 --> 00:06:58,786
Yeah, how many Waldens
have you met lately?

161
00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:01,221
That's... that's so funny.

162
00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:04,057
And I'm lame.

163
00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:06,326
Well, it was nice to meet you.

164
00:07:06,393 --> 00:07:09,429
I'll let you guys get
back to your "chemistry."

165
00:07:09,497 --> 00:07:11,932
Bye, Walden!
It was nice meeting you too.

166
00:07:14,502 --> 00:07:18,405
You know, if he hooks up
with you, he goes to jail.

167
00:07:19,573 --> 00:07:21,475
I'd wait for him.

168
00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:31,184
ALAN:
"Peed blood again this morning.

169
00:07:31,251 --> 00:07:34,187
Should I be worried?"

170
00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:36,456
As it turns out, no.

171
00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:46,199
We have to get
rid of Walden.

172
00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:49,136
We do?
Oh yeah, he's gotta go.

173
00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:51,505
Does it occur to you
that this is his house

174
00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:53,774
and if anybody goes,
it's gonna be us?

175
00:07:53,841 --> 00:07:56,476
Actually, no.

176
00:07:56,544 --> 00:07:57,911
What's the problem?

177
00:07:57,978 --> 00:07:59,880
He's stealing my girlfriend.

178
00:07:59,947 --> 00:08:01,582
Wait, I thought
she was your tutor.

179
00:08:01,649 --> 00:08:03,817
Think about it, Dad.
Would I have asked for a tutor

180
00:08:03,884 --> 00:08:06,754
if I didn't have a... what do
you call it, interior motive?

181
00:08:12,726 --> 00:08:15,028
Go on.

182
00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:17,831
She's only interested in
glomming onto Walden.

183
00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:19,633
Well, if it makes
you feel any better,

184
00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:21,902
I think my own mother likes
him more than she likes me.

185
00:08:21,969 --> 00:08:23,971
Why would that
make me feel better?

186
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:28,542
I honestly don't know.

187
00:08:28,609 --> 00:08:30,578
(doorbell rings)

188
00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:32,780
Is this what I have to
look forward to in life?

189
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:34,682
Always losing girls to
smarter, better-looking men?

190
00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:36,116
Well, think of it this way:

191
00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:38,185
you're carrying on a
proud family tradition.

192
00:08:42,756 --> 00:08:43,957
Hello, dear.

193
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,225
What's all this?

194
00:08:45,292 --> 00:08:46,660
Oh, didn't you know?

195
00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:49,229
I'm helping young
Thor redecorate.

196
00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:51,699
I hope that's
all you're doing.

197
00:08:51,765 --> 00:08:53,233
Whatever do you mean?

198
00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:55,168
He's tall, he's handsome,
he's vulnerable,

199
00:08:55,235 --> 00:08:57,004
and you're old enough
to be his ancestor.

200
00:08:58,338 --> 00:09:00,240
Relax, Alan.
The only thing I want

201
00:09:00,307 --> 00:09:02,710
to pull out of that boy's
pants is his wallet.

202
00:09:02,776 --> 00:09:04,077
You sure?

203
00:09:04,144 --> 00:09:07,514
Believe me, I have
no ulterior motive.

204
00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:09,583
I believe that's
"interior," Grandma.

205
00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:15,889
You really should get that boy a
unicycle and some juggling pins.

206
00:09:15,956 --> 00:09:17,725
Evelyn, cool, you're here.
Uh, could you come on up?

207
00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:19,727
There's some things I want
you to do in my bedroom.

208
00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:23,997
Give the customer
what he wants.

209
00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:30,604
Okay, to start with,

210
00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:33,674
I want grey Carrara
marble counters,

211
00:09:33,741 --> 00:09:35,108
a steam shower...

212
00:09:35,175 --> 00:09:38,178
oh, and can we get one of
those fancy Japanese toilets

213
00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:40,247
that sprays water and
cleans your tushie?

214
00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:41,682
With your money you could afford

215
00:09:41,749 --> 00:09:44,017
an actual Japanese
person to do it.

216
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:46,854
See what you can find.

217
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:49,923
Okay, in here, I would like
to replace the bed frame,

218
00:09:49,990 --> 00:09:51,925
the curtains, the dresser,

219
00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:53,326
the end tables and the lamps.

220
00:09:53,393 --> 00:09:54,762
All right.

221
00:09:54,828 --> 00:09:56,764
What would you like
to replace them with?

222
00:09:56,830 --> 00:09:58,565
Um...

223
00:09:58,632 --> 00:10:00,133
A cooler bed frame,

224
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:02,235
cooler curtains, cooler dresser,

225
00:10:02,302 --> 00:10:05,072
cooler end tables
and cooler lamps.

226
00:10:05,138 --> 00:10:08,275
"Cooler." I'm on it.

227
00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:10,577
Uh, now, would you
like to repaint?

228
00:10:10,644 --> 00:10:12,245
Hey, can I have walls

229
00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:14,347
that change color
depending on my mood?

230
00:10:14,414 --> 00:10:16,583
No.

231
00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:18,085
But we could paint them white

232
00:10:18,151 --> 00:10:20,120
and get you an industrial
strength antidepressant.

233
00:10:20,187 --> 00:10:22,155
That will work too.

234
00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:23,891
Would you like to
keep the camera?

235
00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:25,759
What camera?

236
00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:30,630
Aw...

237
00:10:30,698 --> 00:10:32,132
Awesome!

238
00:10:32,199 --> 00:10:35,002
I'm on TV.

239
00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:36,236
Hello!

240
00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:39,139
I am so keeping that.

241
00:10:39,206 --> 00:10:41,008
All right. Anything else?

242
00:10:41,074 --> 00:10:44,778
Can I have a Jacuzzi
on the balcony?

243
00:10:44,845 --> 00:10:46,747
'Cause I'm single now,
so I'm going to be

244
00:10:46,814 --> 00:10:50,617
having sex with a lot of
women I haven't met yet.

245
00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:54,254
Oh... I just got an idea!

246
00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:59,059
Just out of curiosity, what kind
of woman are you attracted to?

247
00:10:59,126 --> 00:11:01,094
There's my wife.

248
00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:03,296
Oh, and there's women
who look like my wife.

249
00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:04,932
That's very romantic.

250
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,633
Oh, and Ellen DeGeneres.

251
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:08,101
I don't know
what it is.

252
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:09,336
Whether it's the slacks
or the way she dances--

253
00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:11,104
it's hot.

254
00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:13,173
* Men.

255
00:11:16,643 --> 00:11:19,012
* Men.

256
00:11:21,148 --> 00:11:22,716
You're up early.

257
00:11:22,783 --> 00:11:24,818
Charlie's journal-- I
can't stop reading it.

258
00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:26,053
Listen to this.

259
00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:27,988
"My brother's kid
showed up today.

260
00:11:28,055 --> 00:11:29,556
"He's kind of cute.

261
00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:31,591
"No way he's really Alan's kid.

262
00:11:33,593 --> 00:11:35,829
"And best of all,
he's smart as a whip.

263
00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:38,966
I think he's got
a very bright future."

264
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:41,802
Oh, that just
breaks my heart.

265
00:11:41,869 --> 00:11:43,003
Yeah.

266
00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:45,105
We were all so young
and naive then.

267
00:11:45,172 --> 00:11:46,239
Hey.

268
00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:49,042
Hey.

269
00:11:55,849 --> 00:11:57,851
What? I took a huge dump.

270
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:04,024
No way he's really my kid.

271
00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:11,031
You look very pretty today.

272
00:12:11,098 --> 00:12:13,166
Jake, I'm here
to study.

273
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:14,768
The test was yesterday.

274
00:12:14,835 --> 00:12:17,670
I already failed.

275
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:18,705
Hey, guys.

276
00:12:18,772 --> 00:12:20,808
Hey, Walden.

277
00:12:20,874 --> 00:12:22,142
Here we go.

278
00:12:22,209 --> 00:12:25,979
Whoa, Megan,
you look very pretty today.

279
00:12:26,046 --> 00:12:27,180
Thanks.

280
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:28,782
You look pretty, too.

281
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:31,919
Thank you.

282
00:12:31,985 --> 00:12:33,686
Where are you going?

283
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:36,689
Oh, I am going furniture
shopping with Jake's grandma.

284
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:38,758
Oh, I love furniture.

285
00:12:40,027 --> 00:12:42,930
And grandmas.

286
00:12:42,996 --> 00:12:44,097
Cool.

287
00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:46,967
See ya.

288
00:12:47,034 --> 00:12:49,669
See ya.

289
00:12:49,736 --> 00:12:50,938
Okay, Megan,

290
00:12:51,004 --> 00:12:52,105
I know what's going on here

291
00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:54,107
and I really don't appreciate...

292
00:12:56,376 --> 00:12:57,777
What's that about?

293
00:12:57,845 --> 00:12:59,779
I don't know. I'm
just in the mood.

294
00:12:59,847 --> 00:13:00,848
Okay.

295
00:13:03,016 --> 00:13:04,551
Come on.

296
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:05,986
Okay.

297
00:13:06,053 --> 00:13:06,987
Where are we going?

298
00:13:07,054 --> 00:13:08,255
To your room.

299
00:13:08,321 --> 00:13:10,323
Okay.

300
00:13:12,359 --> 00:13:15,795
Hello, gorgeous.

301
00:13:15,863 --> 00:13:17,898
Did you miss me?

302
00:13:17,965 --> 00:13:20,133
'Cause I sure missed you.

303
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:23,203
Let me pull this thing
out of you.

304
00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:27,240
(engine rattling)

305
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,681
(turns off car,
engine continues chugging)

306
00:13:34,747 --> 00:13:37,650
Are you gonna turn your car off?

307
00:13:37,717 --> 00:13:39,920
(engine continues chugging)

308
00:13:39,987 --> 00:13:42,622
I did.

309
00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:46,726
Might need service.

310
00:13:46,793 --> 00:13:49,162
Sadly, that's where
I just came from.

311
00:13:49,229 --> 00:13:50,730
(engine sputtering)

312
00:13:50,797 --> 00:13:53,333
(engine stops)

313
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:56,203
You know what's great
about my electric car?

314
00:13:56,269 --> 00:13:57,704
What?

315
00:13:57,770 --> 00:13:58,705
(button clicks)

316
00:13:58,771 --> 00:13:59,973
I just turned it on.

317
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:01,741
Sweet.

318
00:14:01,808 --> 00:14:03,376
So where you headed?

319
00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:05,045
Um, I'm going
to pick up your mom.

320
00:14:05,112 --> 00:14:06,379
We're going furniture shopping.

321
00:14:06,446 --> 00:14:08,315
Okay, well, just
a little heads up

322
00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:11,351
before you journey to
the caves of Mordor.

323
00:14:11,418 --> 00:14:13,120
My mother has what
you might call

324
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:15,688
a, uh, proclivity
for younger men.

325
00:14:15,755 --> 00:14:16,990
You mean she's like a cougar?

326
00:14:17,057 --> 00:14:18,926
No, she's not
"like a cougar,"

327
00:14:18,992 --> 00:14:20,227
she's the mother
of all cougars.

328
00:14:20,293 --> 00:14:23,196
So kind of an uber-cougar?

329
00:14:23,263 --> 00:14:25,332
A super duper
uber-cougar.

330
00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:27,134
You think a bit of better butter

331
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,202
would make
her bitter batter better?

332
00:14:29,269 --> 00:14:31,238
What?

333
00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:33,673
I just like saying that.

334
00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:34,942
Walden, I'm
serious here.

335
00:14:35,008 --> 00:14:36,409
(chuckles)
Don't worry.

336
00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:38,111
I'm not going to hook up
with your mom.

337
00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:40,647
Yeah, if I had a dime for
every time I heard that,

338
00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:43,951
I'd have $3.60.

339
00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:45,986
And I know that doesn't
sound like a lot,

340
00:14:46,053 --> 00:14:48,355
but it is 36 times.

341
00:14:48,421 --> 00:14:51,324
That's a very weird thing
to keep track of.

342
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:53,293
I got a lot
of free time.

343
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:56,829
Trust me,
nothing's going to happen.

344
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:59,699
Okay. But try not to
hurt her feelings.

345
00:14:59,766 --> 00:15:01,868
I mean, she may be a rapacious
sexual predator,

346
00:15:01,935 --> 00:15:04,137
but she breaks
just like a little girl.

347
00:15:04,204 --> 00:15:05,372
Understood.

348
00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:07,674
Oh, hey, check it out.

349
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,776
I got voice control.

350
00:15:09,842 --> 00:15:11,144
Lights on.

351
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:14,948
Radio on.

352
00:15:15,015 --> 00:15:17,450
(hip-hop music
playing over stereo)

353
00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:19,152
Back up.

354
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:23,756
Bye!

355
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:34,767
Well, you may not be
pretty or expensive,

356
00:15:34,834 --> 00:15:37,104
but you get me
where I want to go.

357
00:15:42,009 --> 00:15:43,810
Thank you for walking
me to my door.

358
00:15:43,876 --> 00:15:45,445
You don't meet many
gentlemen nowadays.

359
00:15:45,512 --> 00:15:46,713
You're welcome.

360
00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:47,847
Is that a camera?

361
00:15:47,914 --> 00:15:49,849
Hello!

362
00:15:49,916 --> 00:15:52,885
Would you like to come in
for a drink before you go?

363
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:55,455
I don't know,
I should probably get going.

364
00:15:55,522 --> 00:15:56,489
What's your hurry?

365
00:15:56,556 --> 00:15:58,225
I just think that

366
00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:00,227
we should keep
our relationship business

367
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:03,330
and not "biznass."

368
00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:08,035
Oh, my goodness,
do you think I'm hitting on you?

369
00:16:08,101 --> 00:16:11,504
W-Well, Alan did say
that you're an uber-cougar.

370
00:16:11,571 --> 00:16:13,906
An uber-cougar?

371
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:16,276
A super duper uber-cougar.

372
00:16:16,343 --> 00:16:18,945
(growls)

373
00:16:19,012 --> 00:16:20,847
Oh, my Lord.

374
00:16:20,913 --> 00:16:22,949
Now, you listen to me,
young man.

375
00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:25,952
My son has some serious issues.

376
00:16:26,019 --> 00:16:28,121
And he tends to imagine things.

377
00:16:28,188 --> 00:16:32,925
Believe me, I have no carnal
designs on you whatsoever.

378
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,527
Really?

379
00:16:34,594 --> 00:16:38,531
For God's sake, Walden, I'm old
enough to be your mother.

380
00:16:38,598 --> 00:16:41,901
Assuming a teenage pregnancy
of course.

381
00:16:41,968 --> 00:16:44,137
Okay, sure.

382
00:16:44,204 --> 00:16:46,206
I'll have a drink.

383
00:16:59,119 --> 00:17:01,121
Are you going to tell Alan?

384
00:17:03,590 --> 00:17:07,360
I'm going to tell everyone.

385
00:17:07,427 --> 00:17:09,429
* Men.

386
00:17:15,168 --> 00:17:17,837
"Alan moved in with
his girlfriend yesterday.

387
00:17:17,904 --> 00:17:21,408
"How stupid is she?

388
00:17:21,474 --> 00:17:23,176
"Oh, well, doesn't matter.

389
00:17:23,243 --> 00:17:25,178
"Like a nonspecific
urinary infection,

390
00:17:25,245 --> 00:17:29,048
"I'm sure he'll be back
before long.

391
00:17:29,116 --> 00:17:31,118
"Truth be told,
I actually kind of miss

392
00:17:31,184 --> 00:17:33,320
"the jug-eared freeloader.

393
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:35,388
How stupid am I?"

394
00:17:37,457 --> 00:17:40,160
I don't believe it.

395
00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:42,862
He loved me.

396
00:17:42,929 --> 00:17:44,931
My brother loved me.

397
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:49,702
"Speaking of stupid,

398
00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:51,738
"today I bought
a $100,000 Cartier watch.

399
00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:53,273
"But I'm afraid to wear it,

400
00:17:53,340 --> 00:17:55,275
so I'm gonna keep it
in my safe deposit box."

401
00:17:55,342 --> 00:17:58,010
Son of a bitch!

402
00:17:58,077 --> 00:18:00,347
That was, that was great.

403
00:18:02,949 --> 00:18:03,950
Just-Just great.

404
00:18:04,016 --> 00:18:06,052
Thank you so much.

405
00:18:11,158 --> 00:18:12,425
Hey.

406
00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:14,427
Hey. How'd it go
with my mom?

407
00:18:14,494 --> 00:18:17,063
Fine, fine.

408
00:18:17,130 --> 00:18:19,232
Just shopped for furniture.

409
00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:24,304
Rugs, chairs and tables.

410
00:18:24,371 --> 00:18:26,105
Nice.

411
00:18:26,173 --> 00:18:28,775
Armoires, ottomans,

412
00:18:28,841 --> 00:18:30,777
curtains, recliners,

413
00:18:30,843 --> 00:18:33,112
love seats, throw pillows.

414
00:18:33,180 --> 00:18:35,182
Okay, good night.

415
00:18:37,217 --> 00:18:39,919
Oh, yeah, she did him.

416
00:18:39,986 --> 00:18:41,988
Bye. Thanks again!

417
00:18:42,054 --> 00:18:43,423
Hey, dude, how you doing?

418
00:18:43,490 --> 00:18:44,257
Fantastic.

419
00:18:44,324 --> 00:18:46,326
I love you, man.

420
00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:51,731
Thanks.

421
00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:54,066
What an affectionate family.

422
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:57,204
Captioning sponsored by
CBS and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION

423
00:18:57,270 --> 00:18:59,972
The all-new VOLKSWAGEN Jetta.
It's great, for the price
of good. That's das auto.

424
00:19:02,275 --> 00:19:25,932
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org