1 00:00:01,769 --> 00:00:03,171 Previously on... 2 00:00:03,237 --> 00:00:04,572 Great news, Alan. 3 00:00:04,638 --> 00:00:06,240 Berta has agreed to be 4 00:00:06,307 --> 00:00:07,508 my live-in housekeeper. 5 00:00:07,575 --> 00:00:09,377 Yeah, he talked me into it. 6 00:00:09,443 --> 00:00:12,446 I wonder what his sweat tastes like. 7 00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:13,614 Time for me to go. 8 00:00:14,648 --> 00:00:16,417 Wait. Come here. 9 00:00:16,484 --> 00:00:17,685 Give us a hug good-bye. 10 00:00:17,751 --> 00:00:19,053 (chuckles) 11 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:21,689 I'm taking your room, Zippy. 12 00:00:21,755 --> 00:00:23,657 You saved my butt back there. 13 00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:25,025 I owe you big-time. 14 00:00:25,093 --> 00:00:25,993 If there's anything that you need, 15 00:00:26,060 --> 00:00:27,428 any way I can help you... 16 00:00:27,495 --> 00:00:30,498 Well, really uncomfortable living at my mom's. 17 00:00:30,564 --> 00:00:33,000 Um, do you think I could stay here for a few days 18 00:00:33,067 --> 00:00:34,168 while I find my own place? 19 00:00:34,235 --> 00:00:35,469 Yeah, no problem. 20 00:00:39,507 --> 00:00:42,009 I'm back. 21 00:00:42,076 --> 00:00:44,445 ♪ Men. 22 00:00:44,512 --> 00:00:48,015 ♪ When Alan comes marching home again, hurrah, hurrah ♪ 23 00:00:48,082 --> 00:00:51,152 ♪ We'll give him a hearty welcome then, hurrah, hurrah. ♪ 24 00:00:51,219 --> 00:00:54,122 Hello, room. 25 00:00:54,188 --> 00:00:55,456 Do you miss me? 26 00:00:58,025 --> 00:01:00,228 Whoa! Whoa! 27 00:01:00,294 --> 00:01:02,363 What the hell are you doing here? 28 00:01:02,430 --> 00:01:03,531 I live here. 29 00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:05,166 What the hell are you doing here? 30 00:01:05,233 --> 00:01:06,634 Walden said I could stay for a couple of days. 31 00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:10,104 You don't stay anywhere for a couple of days. 32 00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:11,505 Besides, this is my room now. 33 00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:12,573 It was my room first. 34 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:14,642 Walden! 35 00:01:14,708 --> 00:01:16,477 Why don't you just take Jake's room? 36 00:01:16,544 --> 00:01:19,147 Why don't I just rip your arm off and slap you silly with it? 37 00:01:19,213 --> 00:01:20,281 Oh, hey. 38 00:01:20,348 --> 00:01:21,549 What's going on? 39 00:01:21,615 --> 00:01:23,384 Did you tell him he could stay here? 40 00:01:23,451 --> 00:01:24,985 Yeah, just for a couple days. 41 00:01:25,052 --> 00:01:27,421 Okay, I've got to explain something to you. 42 00:01:28,556 --> 00:01:30,991 This guy is like genital herpes. 43 00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:32,693 Once you got 'em, 44 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:34,027 you got 'em for life. 45 00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:36,497 Now, th-that's not very fair. 46 00:01:36,564 --> 00:01:38,732 How long did you tell your brother you'd be here? 47 00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:41,302 You know what, I'll just move over to Jake's room. 48 00:01:41,369 --> 00:01:43,704 Good idea, go to Jake's room. 49 00:01:45,573 --> 00:01:48,142 Wait, why are we calling it Jake's room? 50 00:01:48,209 --> 00:01:50,144 Herpes has a kid. 51 00:01:53,381 --> 00:01:55,649 Herpes Junior? 52 00:01:55,716 --> 00:01:59,520 ♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men ♪ 53 00:01:59,587 --> 00:02:02,790 ♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * * Ooh 54 00:02:02,856 --> 00:02:05,759 ♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men * * Ooh * Ooh 55 00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:08,028 ♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh... ♪ 56 00:02:08,095 --> 00:02:10,298 ♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men ♪ 57 00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:14,101 ♪ Ooh * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men ♪ 58 00:02:14,168 --> 00:02:17,171 ♪ Ah. * Men. * Men. 59 00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:27,281 ♪ Men. 60 00:02:27,348 --> 00:02:29,917 Hey. What you doing? 61 00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:31,919 I'm building a neural metric backend 62 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,887 for a social media aggregator. 63 00:02:33,954 --> 00:02:35,423 If I nail it, I can revolutionize 64 00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:37,090 the entire online entertainment sector. 65 00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:38,359 Ooh. Neural metrics. 66 00:02:38,426 --> 00:02:40,428 Cool. 67 00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:43,130 You know, I buy all my underwear online. 68 00:02:44,332 --> 00:02:47,268 Add to cart. 69 00:02:47,335 --> 00:02:49,102 (doorbell rings) 70 00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:51,439 Oh, no, no, no. Let me get that, boss. 71 00:02:53,474 --> 00:02:55,042 "Add to cart." 72 00:02:55,108 --> 00:02:57,077 That's adorable. 73 00:02:59,112 --> 00:03:00,514 What are you guys doing here? 74 00:03:00,581 --> 00:03:04,151 It's your weekend to have custody of this. 75 00:03:04,218 --> 00:03:05,553 Hello. 76 00:03:05,619 --> 00:03:08,021 Uh, Judith, I told you I'm a guest here. 77 00:03:08,088 --> 00:03:10,291 I can't just bring my kid over without asking. 78 00:03:10,358 --> 00:03:12,393 So ask. Bye. 79 00:03:12,460 --> 00:03:13,494 Uh, Judith, Judith. 80 00:03:13,561 --> 00:03:14,562 Wait, Judith! 81 00:03:14,628 --> 00:03:16,597 She left the car running, Dad. 82 00:03:16,664 --> 00:03:18,366 All right, all right. 83 00:03:18,432 --> 00:03:19,600 Uh, all right, don't move. 84 00:03:19,667 --> 00:03:20,968 Don't-Don't come in the house. 85 00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:22,270 Just stand right here. 86 00:03:22,336 --> 00:03:24,204 But I really have to... 87 00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:28,642 Okay, how am I gonna play this? 88 00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:30,644 Dishonestly. 89 00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,613 Hey, Walden... 90 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:34,582 Good news. I just got an e-mail from Bridget, 91 00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:35,916 we're going out to dinner tonight. 92 00:03:35,983 --> 00:03:37,651 Oh, dating the ex. 93 00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:39,920 Always good news. 94 00:03:39,987 --> 00:03:43,991 Uh, hey, speaking of broken families and good news, uh, 95 00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:46,126 do you remember my son Jake? 96 00:03:46,193 --> 00:03:47,261 Uh, yeah. 97 00:03:47,328 --> 00:03:48,629 Nice kid with the big head? 98 00:03:48,696 --> 00:03:50,498 Mm. 99 00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:51,632 Yeah, I like him. 100 00:03:51,699 --> 00:03:53,434 Uh, and he liked you, too. 101 00:03:53,501 --> 00:03:56,504 Uh, so much so that he decided to drop by and say hi. 102 00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,672 Where is he? 103 00:03:58,739 --> 00:03:59,673 Oh, he's waiting outside. 104 00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,174 I told him you can't just 105 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:02,209 come over to someone's house unannounced. 106 00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:04,345 Why not? I do it all the time. 107 00:04:04,412 --> 00:04:06,046 Yeah, but you're a handsome billionaire. 108 00:04:06,113 --> 00:04:07,648 People are always happy to see you. 109 00:04:07,715 --> 00:04:10,518 I also told him there was no way he could sleep over. 110 00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:12,019 Why not? 111 00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:13,053 You wouldn't mind? 112 00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:14,254 Why would I mind? 113 00:04:14,322 --> 00:04:18,025 (urine sloshing) 114 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:19,727 (zipper closing) Hey. 115 00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:21,128 No reason. 116 00:04:21,194 --> 00:04:23,497 He's a great kid. 117 00:04:23,564 --> 00:04:25,265 ♪ Men. 118 00:04:25,333 --> 00:04:27,368 Okay, you need to keep in mind that it's not like the old days. 119 00:04:27,435 --> 00:04:29,136 I am a guest here. 120 00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:31,605 You mean like the old days when you were a guest here? 121 00:04:31,672 --> 00:04:33,040 I was not a guest. 122 00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:36,243 Right, 'cause guests eventually leave. 123 00:04:36,310 --> 00:04:38,346 Charlie was my brother; he loved having me here. 124 00:04:38,412 --> 00:04:41,582 Wow. Denial isn't just a river in South America. 125 00:04:41,649 --> 00:04:44,151 Africa. 126 00:04:44,217 --> 00:04:45,118 What about it? 127 00:04:45,185 --> 00:04:46,720 Never mind. 128 00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:48,589 Just-Just behave yourself while you're here. 129 00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:50,524 Fine. Can I have some privacy now? 130 00:04:50,591 --> 00:04:52,560 Oh, well, that actually leads me to another thing. 131 00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:54,495 Um, see, Berta's got my room now, so... 132 00:04:54,562 --> 00:04:55,228 No! 133 00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:56,196 Yes. No! 134 00:04:56,263 --> 00:04:57,230 It's just temporary. 135 00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:58,599 I'm not sleeping with my dad! 136 00:04:58,666 --> 00:05:00,534 When you go to college, you'll have a roommate. 137 00:05:00,601 --> 00:05:02,302 Yeah, but it won't be you. 138 00:05:02,370 --> 00:05:04,338 Come on, it'll be just like that time we went camping. 139 00:05:04,405 --> 00:05:06,707 I was ten and it was the worst weekend of my life. 140 00:05:06,774 --> 00:05:08,376 Hey, I didn't enjoy it either, 141 00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:10,744 but it's a father-son memory we'll share forever! 142 00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:13,046 What are we gonna do, sleep on the same bed? 143 00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:14,748 No, I'll get the air mattress out of the garage. 144 00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:15,649 That you'll sleep on. 145 00:05:15,716 --> 00:05:17,618 No! No! Yes! Yes! 146 00:05:17,685 --> 00:05:19,186 All right, all right! Forget about it. 147 00:05:19,252 --> 00:05:20,688 Look, okay, I will pack up our stuff 148 00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:22,356 and we will go back to Grandma's. 149 00:05:22,423 --> 00:05:23,457 Fine. 150 00:05:30,230 --> 00:05:31,298 (scoffs) 151 00:05:31,365 --> 00:05:32,433 Fine. 152 00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:47,781 Okay. 153 00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:50,818 Don't come crying to me when she starts driving you crazy. 154 00:05:50,884 --> 00:05:52,820 I won't. 155 00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:54,422 And remember, at Grandma's, 156 00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:56,356 you got to pee sitting down so there's no splatter. 157 00:05:56,424 --> 00:05:59,226 I'll manage, and that's how you pee anyway. 158 00:06:06,534 --> 00:06:08,201 I'm not bluffing, Jake. 159 00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:09,403 I believe you. 160 00:06:11,439 --> 00:06:13,807 All right, I'll sleep on the stupid air mattress! 161 00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:16,109 Good. 162 00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:19,680 Three more seconds and I would've folded. 163 00:06:19,747 --> 00:06:22,983 Damn! 164 00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:25,285 ♪ Men. 165 00:06:25,352 --> 00:06:28,922 So, where do you want to go to dinner tonight? 166 00:06:31,425 --> 00:06:32,493 What do you mean? 167 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,762 You always pick the restaurant. 168 00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:37,898 Well, who says the man's supposed to pick the restaurant? 169 00:06:37,965 --> 00:06:41,301 Well, that's a stupid rule. 170 00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:47,074 Okay, yeah, I'll-I'll pick a restaurant. 171 00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:48,809 Okay, bye. 172 00:06:48,876 --> 00:06:51,612 Hey, Jake, do you know a romantic restaurant 173 00:06:51,679 --> 00:06:53,413 I can take a girl to dinner? 174 00:06:56,049 --> 00:06:57,651 How about Souplantation? 175 00:07:00,153 --> 00:07:01,922 Is it good? 176 00:07:01,989 --> 00:07:03,090 Are you kidding? 177 00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:04,925 All-you-can-eat salad, soup, pasta. 178 00:07:04,992 --> 00:07:06,460 I am in. 179 00:07:09,396 --> 00:07:10,030 Dude. 180 00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:11,064 What? 181 00:07:11,131 --> 00:07:12,065 That's my sandwich. 182 00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:15,068 It's delicious. 183 00:07:15,135 --> 00:07:17,337 (sighs) 184 00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:21,408 So what's your deal? 185 00:07:21,475 --> 00:07:23,744 Huh? 186 00:07:23,811 --> 00:07:25,713 What's your deal? 187 00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:28,982 I'm 17. I don't think I have a deal yet. 188 00:07:29,049 --> 00:07:30,117 Ah, come on. 189 00:07:30,183 --> 00:07:31,552 Everybody's got a deal. 190 00:07:31,619 --> 00:07:33,654 Your deal is you got no deal. 191 00:07:33,721 --> 00:07:35,756 Cool. 192 00:07:35,823 --> 00:07:38,125 I'm a man without a deal. 193 00:07:38,191 --> 00:07:41,595 What are you, like, a high school senior or something? 194 00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:43,831 Well, I should be, but they got this dumb rule 195 00:07:43,897 --> 00:07:45,833 that you have to pass every single course. 196 00:07:47,535 --> 00:07:49,903 I think five out of seven is plenty, don't you? 197 00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:51,471 Heck yeah. 198 00:07:51,539 --> 00:07:53,874 In eighth grade, I flunked all my courses. 199 00:07:53,941 --> 00:07:54,842 Really? 200 00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:55,909 Yeah. 201 00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:57,410 My mom had me evaluated. 202 00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:58,679 Turns out, I was just bored 203 00:07:58,746 --> 00:08:00,714 'cause I was too smart for all the classes. 204 00:08:02,616 --> 00:08:04,618 Huh. Maybe that's my problem. 205 00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:09,422 I'm too freakin' smart. 206 00:08:10,724 --> 00:08:11,659 Ow! 207 00:08:11,725 --> 00:08:13,160 I'm sorry. 208 00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:15,495 I just think we need to establish some boundaries. 209 00:08:15,563 --> 00:08:18,632 Hey, don't make hitting your deal. 210 00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:22,402 ♪ Men. 211 00:08:22,469 --> 00:08:23,904 (wheezing) 212 00:08:23,971 --> 00:08:27,541 (blowing) 213 00:08:29,577 --> 00:08:30,711 Hey, Dad? 214 00:08:30,778 --> 00:08:31,979 Hang on. 215 00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:34,014 (panting) 216 00:08:34,081 --> 00:08:35,415 (groans) 217 00:08:35,482 --> 00:08:38,018 Didn't you used to have a bicycle pump? 218 00:08:38,085 --> 00:08:41,822 Yeah, and I also used to have my own room. 219 00:08:41,889 --> 00:08:43,557 What do you want, Jake? 220 00:08:43,624 --> 00:08:45,659 Okay, so you know how you're worried that 'cause I get 221 00:08:45,726 --> 00:08:47,761 bad grades in high school that I'm not gonna be able 222 00:08:47,828 --> 00:08:50,063 to get into college and then find a job to support myself? 223 00:08:50,130 --> 00:08:53,533 That pretty much sums it up, yeah. 224 00:08:53,601 --> 00:08:57,537 Well, it turns out, I get bad grades 'cause I'm too smart. 225 00:09:02,610 --> 00:09:03,944 Too smart? 226 00:09:04,011 --> 00:09:05,045 Yeah. 227 00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:06,680 So I'm gonna forget college, 228 00:09:06,747 --> 00:09:08,649 drop out of high school and start my own business. 229 00:09:08,716 --> 00:09:11,752 Hold on, hold on. 230 00:09:11,819 --> 00:09:13,787 You're too smart? 231 00:09:13,854 --> 00:09:16,023 Yep. Walden and me have that in common. 232 00:09:16,089 --> 00:09:19,526 Walden and I have that in common. 233 00:09:19,593 --> 00:09:23,496 No offense, Dad, but I don't think you're that smart. 234 00:09:25,532 --> 00:09:28,869 So, you're saying you want to drop out of high school? 235 00:09:28,936 --> 00:09:29,870 Why not? 236 00:09:29,937 --> 00:09:31,204 Did you know that Walden made 237 00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:32,906 his first million before he was 19? 238 00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:35,242 How many zeros in a million, Jake? 239 00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:38,078 M-I-L-L-I-O-N. 240 00:09:40,013 --> 00:09:41,248 One. 241 00:09:44,284 --> 00:09:47,187 Okay, okay, Jake, listen carefully. 242 00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:49,222 You are not dropping out of high school. 243 00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:50,157 But... 244 00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:51,191 No, you're not a genius, 245 00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:53,060 you're not a prodigy. 246 00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:54,261 Nice. 247 00:09:54,327 --> 00:09:56,964 My own father doesn't think I'm special. 248 00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:58,231 Oh. 249 00:09:58,298 --> 00:09:59,700 (chuckles) 250 00:09:59,767 --> 00:10:01,001 On the contrary. 251 00:10:01,068 --> 00:10:04,537 Your father thinks you're very special. 252 00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:09,109 Of course, I'm the dummy sleeping on the floor. 253 00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:12,646 (mattress farting, hissing) 254 00:10:14,648 --> 00:10:16,650 ♪ Men. 255 00:10:20,821 --> 00:10:22,589 ♪ Men. 256 00:10:22,656 --> 00:10:24,057 (knocking) 257 00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:25,325 Come in. 258 00:10:25,392 --> 00:10:26,359 Got a minute? 259 00:10:26,426 --> 00:10:28,028 Sure. 260 00:10:28,095 --> 00:10:31,064 Hey, I'm getting dressed for my dinner with Bridget. 261 00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:32,332 How do I look? 262 00:10:32,399 --> 00:10:34,601 Your face should be on gay money. 263 00:10:34,668 --> 00:10:36,436 Listen, um... 264 00:10:38,438 --> 00:10:41,341 You say something to my son about quitting high school 265 00:10:41,408 --> 00:10:42,642 and starting a business? 266 00:10:42,710 --> 00:10:44,978 Oh, yeah, I told him that's what I did. 267 00:10:45,045 --> 00:10:47,981 Hey, what do you think about a hat? 268 00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:49,482 The only reason to wear a hat on date 269 00:10:49,549 --> 00:10:50,650 is if you're hiding a bald spot. 270 00:10:50,718 --> 00:10:52,119 Oh. 271 00:10:54,121 --> 00:10:55,455 For your next date. 272 00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:00,260 Thank you. 273 00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:02,362 So you really quit high school? 274 00:11:02,429 --> 00:11:03,496 Mmm, no. 275 00:11:03,563 --> 00:11:05,132 I skipped high school. 276 00:11:05,198 --> 00:11:06,533 I quit MIT. 277 00:11:06,599 --> 00:11:08,468 Oh, okay. See, there's the misunderstanding. 278 00:11:08,535 --> 00:11:11,638 Jake has a hard time spelling MIT. 279 00:11:11,705 --> 00:11:14,341 Oh. Well, then, he really shouldn't quit school. 280 00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:16,576 Hey, check it out. 281 00:11:16,643 --> 00:11:18,245 My socks match my sneakers. 282 00:11:18,311 --> 00:11:20,680 But your sneakers don't match each other. 283 00:11:20,748 --> 00:11:23,616 Oh... 284 00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:27,087 Bridget used to pick out all my outfits. 285 00:11:27,154 --> 00:11:28,621 I can see why you miss her. 286 00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:31,291 Well, uh, thank you for clearing the Jake stuff up. 287 00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:32,359 Yeah, no problem. 288 00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:34,161 Uh, and, uh, going forward, 289 00:11:34,227 --> 00:11:36,496 keep in mind that kids like him are looking for role models, 290 00:11:36,563 --> 00:11:38,198 so you have to be careful around them. 291 00:11:38,265 --> 00:11:40,167 Yeah, sure. Although, truth to tell, 292 00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:42,669 unless he sees you passed out in a pool of vomit 293 00:11:42,736 --> 00:11:45,038 with a tattooed prostitute, you're going to be 294 00:11:45,105 --> 00:11:47,107 an improvement in the role model department. 295 00:11:47,174 --> 00:11:50,010 Hey, Alan? Yeah? 296 00:11:50,077 --> 00:11:52,345 You got a lot of experience with women, right? 297 00:11:58,051 --> 00:12:00,487 A lot? (chuckles) I don't know. 298 00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:04,291 You know, I've, uh, been around the block a few times. 299 00:12:04,357 --> 00:12:07,394 Did a little dance, made a little love, 300 00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:09,997 got down tonight on several occasions. 301 00:12:11,631 --> 00:12:14,134 Um, why do you ask? 302 00:12:14,201 --> 00:12:17,170 What can I do to convince Bridget to take me back? 303 00:12:18,205 --> 00:12:19,339 Oh. 304 00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:21,174 (sighs) 305 00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:24,311 Walden, Walden, Walden, Walden. 306 00:12:24,377 --> 00:12:25,745 Come sit. 307 00:12:25,813 --> 00:12:28,148 Really? I got to sit? 308 00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:42,195 A woman's heart is a deep and mysterious place, 309 00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,231 almost impossible to reach. 310 00:12:44,297 --> 00:12:47,634 Much like the G-spot. 311 00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:51,438 Although at least we know the heart, in fact, exists. 312 00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:53,073 Okay, is that it? Can I stand up now? 313 00:12:53,140 --> 00:12:54,407 Oh, no. H-hang on. Hang on. 314 00:12:54,474 --> 00:12:57,210 When that heart closes itself to a man-- 315 00:12:57,277 --> 00:13:00,013 and in my experience, it inevitably does-- 316 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:04,117 the only way to reopen it is to allow time to pass. 317 00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:06,453 That way, the woman can reflect 318 00:13:06,519 --> 00:13:08,455 on how much she misses her man. 319 00:13:09,489 --> 00:13:10,590 And that's worked for you? 320 00:13:10,657 --> 00:13:13,026 Oh, yeah. 321 00:13:13,093 --> 00:13:15,628 There are quite a few ladies out there 322 00:13:15,695 --> 00:13:19,099 currently reflecting on how much they miss Alan Harper. 323 00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:20,767 Good luck. 324 00:13:23,436 --> 00:13:26,473 Should've asked the kid. 325 00:13:26,539 --> 00:13:28,308 ♪ Men. 326 00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:29,609 Unbelievable. 327 00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:30,777 You don't like it. 328 00:13:30,844 --> 00:13:32,645 No, no, I blame myself. 329 00:13:32,712 --> 00:13:35,282 I trusted you to make a simple dinner reservation. 330 00:13:35,348 --> 00:13:37,484 Uh, don't blame me; blame Jake. 331 00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:38,751 Who's Jake? 332 00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:41,388 He's some kid without a deal. 333 00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,391 Besides, does it matter where we eat 334 00:13:44,457 --> 00:13:46,226 as long as we're with each other? 335 00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:48,295 (loud clinking) 336 00:13:49,396 --> 00:13:50,630 I got to pee! 337 00:13:50,697 --> 00:13:53,733 Okay, bon appétit. 338 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:57,104 I got to pee! 339 00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:59,439 Don't you move. 340 00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:04,544 Hello! 341 00:14:04,611 --> 00:14:05,845 (laughs) 342 00:14:07,414 --> 00:14:08,648 She's cute. 343 00:14:08,715 --> 00:14:10,450 You know, it's not too late. 344 00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:11,751 We could still have a kid. 345 00:14:11,818 --> 00:14:13,086 We already do. 346 00:14:13,153 --> 00:14:14,387 I'm looking at him. 347 00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:16,589 Oh, come on. That's not fair. 348 00:14:16,656 --> 00:14:17,790 Ah, hot soup! 349 00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:20,360 Hot soup. (groans) 350 00:14:21,929 --> 00:14:23,830 Thank you. Look, Walden, 351 00:14:23,897 --> 00:14:25,432 I agreed to have dinner with you 352 00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:27,267 because I care about you, but I just... 353 00:14:27,334 --> 00:14:29,136 Are we going to have sex later? 354 00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:30,403 (sighs) Let me finish. 355 00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:31,704 But no. 356 00:14:31,771 --> 00:14:33,673 Aw. 357 00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:35,842 The thing is, even though I care about you, 358 00:14:35,909 --> 00:14:37,777 this marriage is over. 359 00:14:37,844 --> 00:14:39,379 I don't want to get a divorce. 360 00:14:39,446 --> 00:14:41,414 Why do we got to get a divorce? 361 00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:42,715 Because I have grown up 362 00:14:42,782 --> 00:14:44,784 and you are still the same guy you were at 19. 363 00:14:44,851 --> 00:14:45,818 No, that is not true. 364 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,120 I got a lot more money now. 365 00:14:47,187 --> 00:14:48,355 Money isn't the point. 366 00:14:48,421 --> 00:14:49,856 I got lawyers, I got accountants, 367 00:14:49,923 --> 00:14:51,658 I got my own charitable foundation. 368 00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:54,194 It's not about what you have; it's about who you are. 369 00:14:54,261 --> 00:14:55,462 Oh. 370 00:14:55,528 --> 00:14:57,530 Well, I'm pretty much the same guy. 371 00:14:57,597 --> 00:15:00,400 What I want, what I need, is a partner in life. 372 00:15:00,467 --> 00:15:03,870 A grown-up, mature, responsible adult. 373 00:15:03,937 --> 00:15:05,305 What, and you don't think that's me? 374 00:15:05,372 --> 00:15:06,539 No, I don't. 375 00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:10,710 And you don't think I can change? 376 00:15:10,777 --> 00:15:12,145 No, I don't. But what if I can? 377 00:15:12,212 --> 00:15:13,146 But you can't. Can, too. 378 00:15:13,213 --> 00:15:14,481 Just eat your dinner. 379 00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:18,485 Ugh. 380 00:15:18,551 --> 00:15:19,686 This blows. 381 00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:21,388 I know, but it's something 382 00:15:21,454 --> 00:15:23,456 we're both just going to have to accept. 383 00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,260 How's your beach house? 384 00:15:27,327 --> 00:15:29,329 It's okay. 385 00:15:30,497 --> 00:15:31,731 But I miss you. 386 00:15:31,798 --> 00:15:33,700 I miss you, too, sometimes. 387 00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,202 Really? 388 00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:36,803 Walden, we were together for 15 years. 389 00:15:36,869 --> 00:15:38,871 Those feelings don't just go away. 390 00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:42,442 (laughing) 391 00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:46,679 Hey, be cool. 392 00:15:46,746 --> 00:15:49,849 So, uh, you really still have feelings for me? 393 00:15:49,916 --> 00:15:52,352 Of course I do. Oh. 394 00:15:52,419 --> 00:15:53,553 (laughing) 395 00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:54,921 Hey. 396 00:15:54,988 --> 00:15:57,490 Big girls don't throw food. 397 00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:01,528 Trust me, I can change. 398 00:16:01,594 --> 00:16:02,862 I really can. 399 00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:05,332 (laughs) 400 00:16:05,398 --> 00:16:06,499 All right, that's it. Eat lettuce! 401 00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:08,901 Walden! What? She started it. 402 00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,203 Whoa! No pasta. 403 00:16:10,270 --> 00:16:11,538 I call no pasta. 404 00:16:11,604 --> 00:16:14,274 (laughing) 405 00:16:14,341 --> 00:16:15,475 Oh, it is on! 406 00:16:16,543 --> 00:16:17,710 Oh, yeah. 407 00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:19,512 And she got some... 408 00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:20,747 Here it comes. Here it comes. 409 00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:21,848 (whooping) 410 00:16:21,914 --> 00:16:23,783 ♪ Men. 411 00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:25,618 (doorbell rings) 412 00:16:25,685 --> 00:16:27,320 Berta, can you get the door? 413 00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:29,756 I'm off the clock, Zippy. 414 00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:31,558 What clock? You're a live-in. 415 00:16:31,624 --> 00:16:33,726 And I'm livin'. 416 00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:42,369 You know you took the wrong brother, right? 417 00:16:44,304 --> 00:16:45,538 Judith, what are you doing here? 418 00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:47,307 Why did you tell Jake he could quit school? 419 00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:49,476 I didn't. Well, then, where did he get the idea? 420 00:16:49,542 --> 00:16:51,444 Walden. He told him about how when he quit 421 00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:52,812 he made hundreds of millions of dollars, 422 00:16:52,879 --> 00:16:54,714 and now Jake thinks he can do it, too. 423 00:16:54,781 --> 00:16:56,349 Terrific. And I thought your brother 424 00:16:56,416 --> 00:16:57,750 was a horrible influence. 425 00:16:57,817 --> 00:16:59,586 Don't speak ill of the dead. 426 00:16:59,652 --> 00:17:02,255 But you're right-- he was a terrible human being. 427 00:17:02,322 --> 00:17:04,857 Hey, who's at the... Whoops! 428 00:17:04,924 --> 00:17:07,494 You come back here, young man! 429 00:17:08,728 --> 00:17:10,263 He's not coming back, is he? 430 00:17:10,330 --> 00:17:11,831 I wouldn't. 431 00:17:12,965 --> 00:17:14,434 Hey. 432 00:17:14,501 --> 00:17:16,703 Walden, I want a word with you. 433 00:17:16,769 --> 00:17:18,571 Walden, you remember Judith. Bye. 434 00:17:21,108 --> 00:17:22,509 You're Alan's ex, right? 435 00:17:22,575 --> 00:17:24,444 Yes, and Jake's mother. 436 00:17:24,511 --> 00:17:25,945 And you and I need to discuss how... 437 00:17:26,012 --> 00:17:27,480 I just had dinner with my ex. 438 00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:28,781 Well, that's very nice. Anyway... 439 00:17:28,848 --> 00:17:30,350 She's not my ex yet, but she's going to be. 440 00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:31,718 I'm sorry. 441 00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:34,487 She hates me, but I'm still in love with her. 442 00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:37,023 Well, I'm sure you'll find somebody else. 443 00:17:38,691 --> 00:17:42,329 Since we were teenagers, she's been the only one. 444 00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:43,963 You were high school sweethearts? 445 00:17:44,030 --> 00:17:46,032 Yeah. 446 00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:51,070 That is so romantic. 447 00:17:55,942 --> 00:17:58,978 And I blew it again tonight. 448 00:17:59,045 --> 00:18:00,513 Oh. Hey, come on now. 449 00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:01,914 It... it'll be okay. 450 00:18:01,981 --> 00:18:04,617 No, it'll never be okay. 451 00:18:06,018 --> 00:18:08,054 She's my soul mate. 452 00:18:08,121 --> 00:18:12,859 Oh, you poor, sweet man. 453 00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:17,330 Who smells like ranch dressing and fettuccine alfredo. 454 00:18:17,397 --> 00:18:19,065 Have you ever loved anyone like that? 455 00:18:20,667 --> 00:18:22,502 No. 456 00:18:22,569 --> 00:18:24,937 Don't, 'cause it hurts too much. 457 00:18:25,004 --> 00:18:27,340 Oh, I wish there was something I could do. 458 00:18:27,407 --> 00:18:28,975 Like what? 459 00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:43,690 Oh, yeah, I'm so quitting high school. 460 00:18:43,756 --> 00:18:45,758 ♪ Men. 461 00:18:49,429 --> 00:18:50,363 ♪ Men. 462 00:18:50,430 --> 00:18:51,864 For the last time, Jake, 463 00:18:51,931 --> 00:18:53,866 you're not dropping out of high school. 464 00:18:53,933 --> 00:18:56,369 What if I can convince Mom to let me? 465 00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:57,904 (laughs) Sure. 466 00:18:57,970 --> 00:19:01,274 If your mother says it's okay, you can have my blessing. 467 00:19:02,309 --> 00:19:04,477 Cool. 468 00:19:04,544 --> 00:19:07,314 And while I'm at it, I'll buy you a car. 469 00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:11,251 Oh, no, no, a space ship. 470 00:19:11,318 --> 00:19:13,353 Car's fine. 471 00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:14,454 Good night, Jake. 472 00:19:14,521 --> 00:19:15,588 Good night, Dad. 473 00:19:16,956 --> 00:19:18,758 (passing gas) 474 00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:20,860 That... that was the air mattress. 475 00:19:20,927 --> 00:19:22,562 Okay. 476 00:19:23,963 --> 00:19:26,233 (passing gas) 477 00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:29,202 That was me. 478 00:19:30,237 --> 00:19:32,839 (panting) 479 00:19:32,905 --> 00:19:34,874 Holy moly. 480 00:19:34,941 --> 00:19:37,210 What got into you tonight? 481 00:19:37,277 --> 00:19:39,846 You know, besides moi. 482 00:19:41,381 --> 00:19:42,682 Shh. Don't talk. 483 00:19:42,749 --> 00:19:44,417 Okay. 484 00:19:44,484 --> 00:19:47,954 (sighs) 485 00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:51,358 How would you feel about growing a beard? 486 00:19:51,424 --> 00:19:52,625 Wouldn't that scratch your face? 487 00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:54,494 Yeah. 488 00:19:54,561 --> 00:19:58,164 Captioning sponsored by CBS and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION 489 00:19:58,231 --> 00:20:02,869 The all-new VOLKSWAGEN Jetta. It's great, for the price of good. That's das auto.