1 00:00:01,235 --> 00:00:03,304 Previously on... 2 00:00:03,371 --> 00:00:04,572 I-I think we can all agree 3 00:00:04,638 --> 00:00:06,807 that Charlie lived life to its fullest 4 00:00:06,874 --> 00:00:08,742 and-and gave it everything he had. 5 00:00:08,809 --> 00:00:10,344 Gave me herpes. 6 00:00:11,745 --> 00:00:13,381 I still don't see why we have to sell. 7 00:00:13,447 --> 00:00:14,582 I mean, he left it to me. 8 00:00:14,648 --> 00:00:15,783 Obviously, he wanted me to have it. 9 00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:17,618 Can you make the mortgage payments? 10 00:00:17,685 --> 00:00:19,253 Not per say. 11 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:20,254 Are you okay? 12 00:00:20,321 --> 00:00:21,622 Yeah, I'm fine. 13 00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:24,358 I was just trying to drown myself. 14 00:00:24,425 --> 00:00:25,493 You tried to commit suicide? 15 00:00:25,559 --> 00:00:26,960 Yeah. 16 00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:28,962 I had no idea that the water would be that cold. 17 00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:31,665 I have been where you are. 18 00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:34,635 Uh, rejected, friendless, broke. 19 00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:35,869 I'm not broke. 20 00:00:35,936 --> 00:00:37,438 I'm worth, like, a billion dollars. 21 00:00:37,505 --> 00:00:39,807 Beg pardon? 22 00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:41,375 I just went to one funeral, 23 00:00:41,442 --> 00:00:42,910 I don't want to be involved in another one. 24 00:00:42,976 --> 00:00:46,547 Why don't you and I go out and have a drink and talk? 25 00:00:46,614 --> 00:00:47,515 About what? 26 00:00:47,581 --> 00:00:49,317 Why somebody would want 27 00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:51,552 to kill themselves when they have a billion freakin' dollars. 28 00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:53,354 My... 29 00:00:54,788 --> 00:00:57,791 wife dumped me, and I want to die. 30 00:00:57,858 --> 00:00:59,960 I don't know 31 00:01:00,027 --> 00:01:04,732 if I can ever love anyone the way that I love her. 32 00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:07,235 Oh, it'll be okay. 33 00:01:13,274 --> 00:01:16,344 Oh, God, I miss my wife! 34 00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:17,611 Guess what. 35 00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:19,780 I had sex with two girls last night. 36 00:01:19,847 --> 00:01:23,484 Great. Um, I masturbated and cried myself to sleep. 37 00:01:23,551 --> 00:01:25,753 I like my night better. 38 00:01:25,819 --> 00:01:29,223 Hey, I dig your house, so I'm gonna buy it, okay? 39 00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:30,658 O-Okay. 40 00:01:30,724 --> 00:01:31,659 You're the best. 41 00:01:31,725 --> 00:01:33,161 Oh. Ugh. 42 00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:35,396 Whoa. 43 00:01:38,632 --> 00:01:40,734 Um, this is Walden. 44 00:01:42,303 --> 00:01:45,206 He's gonna buy the house. 45 00:01:45,273 --> 00:01:48,476 Welcome to my humble abode. 46 00:01:51,912 --> 00:01:53,814 * Men. 47 00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:55,816 So, what do think? 48 00:01:55,883 --> 00:01:57,485 Will you stay on? 49 00:01:57,551 --> 00:01:59,653 I'd consider it, if the price is right. 50 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:01,555 I'd also consider smothering you 51 00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:03,557 with my sweet, sweet loving. 52 00:02:03,624 --> 00:02:05,659 Well, money is not an issue. 53 00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:06,694 Good to know. 54 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:09,530 Ka-ching. 55 00:02:09,597 --> 00:02:10,631 What's down here? 56 00:02:10,698 --> 00:02:11,632 Ice. 57 00:02:11,699 --> 00:02:14,168 Mm. I like it better on top. 58 00:02:14,235 --> 00:02:17,438 Me, too, puppy. 59 00:02:17,505 --> 00:02:19,106 Anyway, what I really need is 60 00:02:19,173 --> 00:02:20,841 a housekeeper who's gonna be here all the time. 61 00:02:20,908 --> 00:02:25,213 'Cause, you know, I'm not very good at taking care of myself. 62 00:02:25,279 --> 00:02:27,315 Oh, I can take care of you. 63 00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:30,284 Oh, I can take care of you. 64 00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:31,852 Well, my car's all packed. 65 00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:33,454 I guess I'm ready to go. 66 00:02:33,521 --> 00:02:34,888 Great news, Alan. 67 00:02:34,955 --> 00:02:37,558 Berta has agreed to be my live-in housekeeper. 68 00:02:37,625 --> 00:02:38,559 Really? 69 00:02:38,626 --> 00:02:41,429 Yeah, he talked me into it. 70 00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:44,198 I wonder what his sweat tastes like. 71 00:02:44,265 --> 00:02:45,699 Well, that is good news. 72 00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:47,868 Uh, here are a couple of sets of keys, 73 00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:49,370 remotes for the garage, 74 00:02:49,437 --> 00:02:51,339 and remember, garbage pickup is on Tuesday. 75 00:02:51,405 --> 00:02:52,873 Oh, you take care of the garbage, right? 76 00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:55,376 Nope. 77 00:02:55,443 --> 00:02:58,546 Well, uh, guess it's time for me to go. 78 00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:01,349 Wait. Come here. 79 00:03:01,415 --> 00:03:02,650 Give us a hug good-bye. 80 00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:03,884 Seriously? 81 00:03:03,951 --> 00:03:05,486 Come on, Alan. 82 00:03:05,553 --> 00:03:07,588 Despite everything, you and me have been like family. 83 00:03:07,655 --> 00:03:09,623 Uh, I guess. 84 00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:10,791 (chuckles) 85 00:03:10,858 --> 00:03:13,627 I'm taking your room, Zippy. 86 00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:16,730 Of course you are. 87 00:03:16,797 --> 00:03:19,233 Well, see ya. 88 00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:22,270 I'll walk you out. 89 00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:27,375 I could bite that ass like an apple. 90 00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:29,877 Well, I hope you'll be very happy here, Walden. 91 00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:31,879 Thank you. I don't know if I can be 92 00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:33,514 happy anywhere without my wife. 93 00:03:33,581 --> 00:03:35,483 Oh, come on, you're young, you're rich, 94 00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:38,552 and you've got a face that gives women an erection. 95 00:03:40,988 --> 00:03:42,390 What about love? 96 00:03:42,456 --> 00:03:43,924 What about commitment? 97 00:03:43,991 --> 00:03:47,295 What about spending a lifetime with your spiritual soul mate? 98 00:03:47,361 --> 00:03:48,596 Hey, look, a peephole! 99 00:03:50,764 --> 00:03:53,267 Hello! 100 00:03:53,334 --> 00:03:56,236 Man, I love peepholes. 101 00:03:56,304 --> 00:03:58,739 Well, you know what they say. 102 00:03:58,806 --> 00:04:00,741 People who love peepholes... 103 00:04:02,042 --> 00:04:04,945 are the luckiest people in the world. 104 00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:08,716 Okay, good luck. 105 00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:14,254 Hey, thank you for all your help and advice. 106 00:04:14,322 --> 00:04:15,789 Oh, you're welcome. 107 00:04:15,856 --> 00:04:17,658 Uh, and if you ever need a friend to talk to man-to-man, 108 00:04:17,725 --> 00:04:18,726 you know where to find me. 109 00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:20,394 Your mommy's. 110 00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:22,296 Only temporarily. 111 00:04:25,333 --> 00:04:26,434 Okay. 112 00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:29,570 Well, uh, if I left anything here, 113 00:04:29,637 --> 00:04:32,573 feel free to, you know, keep it, throw it away, whatever. 114 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,475 Great. Bye. 115 00:04:34,542 --> 00:04:36,644 Bye. 116 00:04:40,648 --> 00:04:42,650 Bye! 117 00:04:45,653 --> 00:04:47,521 (sighs) 118 00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:49,790 Okay, Walden Schmidt. 119 00:04:49,857 --> 00:04:53,594 It is time to start your new life as a single man in Malibu. 120 00:04:59,867 --> 00:05:01,869 Hello? 121 00:05:01,935 --> 00:05:03,937 Dad? 122 00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:09,743 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 123 00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:12,513 * Ah. * Men. * Men. 124 00:05:14,615 --> 00:05:17,351 * Men. 125 00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:20,488 Why are you unpacking? 126 00:05:20,554 --> 00:05:22,155 Because you told me I could stay here. 127 00:05:22,222 --> 00:05:23,957 Temporarily. 128 00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:25,626 Yeah, a few days, a couple of weeks, 129 00:05:25,693 --> 00:05:27,461 a month, tops. 130 00:05:27,528 --> 00:05:29,229 Yeah, right. 131 00:05:29,296 --> 00:05:31,965 Why can't you just stay with your girlfriend? 132 00:05:32,032 --> 00:05:33,734 Oh, oh, this isn't a very good time for Lyndsey and I 133 00:05:33,801 --> 00:05:34,735 to be moving in together. 134 00:05:34,802 --> 00:05:35,936 Why not? 135 00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:37,237 Well, she's going through 136 00:05:37,304 --> 00:05:39,172 one of those phases where, uh, the very touch of me 137 00:05:39,239 --> 00:05:41,074 fills her with revulsion. 138 00:05:41,141 --> 00:05:42,376 Um... 139 00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:44,378 I-I'm thinking it's premenopause. 140 00:05:44,445 --> 00:05:47,180 Yes, I'm sure that's why. 141 00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:48,616 Well, just so you know, 142 00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:50,851 I'm not putting my life on hold while you're here. 143 00:05:50,918 --> 00:05:52,352 Oh, and I wouldn't expect you to. 144 00:05:52,420 --> 00:05:54,054 Just go on with your life. 145 00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:56,223 Do whatever it is you would do, as if I weren't here. 146 00:05:56,289 --> 00:05:57,491 Well, I have a date tonight. 147 00:05:57,558 --> 00:05:58,859 Oh, great. (chuckles) 148 00:05:58,926 --> 00:06:01,294 We'll probably wind up having sex. 149 00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:03,096 Sure. 150 00:06:03,163 --> 00:06:04,197 Rough sex. 151 00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:07,401 Right. 152 00:06:07,468 --> 00:06:09,403 So, stay away from my bedroom. 153 00:06:09,470 --> 00:06:10,538 No problem. 154 00:06:10,604 --> 00:06:12,440 Even if you hear me screaming. 155 00:06:12,506 --> 00:06:14,442 Especially if I hear you screaming. 156 00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:17,911 Unless I'm repeatedly screaming "umbrella." 157 00:06:17,978 --> 00:06:19,279 U-Umbrella? 158 00:06:19,346 --> 00:06:21,048 That's my safe word. 159 00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:24,418 Sometimes they can't hear it through the leather mask. 160 00:06:27,455 --> 00:06:30,491 Most moms would've stopped with "I have a date tonight." 161 00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:34,294 * Men. 162 00:06:34,361 --> 00:06:36,329 Hey, Bridge, it's me again. 163 00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:38,966 What is the name of that shampoo that I use 164 00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:41,301 that doesn't sting my eyes? 165 00:06:41,368 --> 00:06:43,236 Baby shampoo? 166 00:06:44,638 --> 00:06:46,239 Where do I get it? 167 00:06:47,641 --> 00:06:49,643 Any supermarket. 168 00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:52,880 That is remarkably convenient. 169 00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:55,616 Oh, uh, while I have you on the phone, 170 00:06:55,683 --> 00:06:57,384 will you take me back? 171 00:06:59,386 --> 00:07:02,956 Wow, it's like "no" is your favorite word now. 172 00:07:03,023 --> 00:07:04,758 Okay, whoa, don't hang up, don't hang up. 173 00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:07,595 Hey, uh, what is the toilet paper that we use? 174 00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:11,499 You know, the stuff that's soft on my tushy like a cloud. 175 00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:15,402 You grow up. 176 00:07:17,404 --> 00:07:18,806 H-Hello? 177 00:07:24,612 --> 00:07:26,980 Hey, Berta, will you run to the supermarket 178 00:07:27,047 --> 00:07:29,082 and get me baby shampoo? Sure. 179 00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:32,653 Then I'll sit in the tub with you and wash your hair. 180 00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:34,688 Oh, Berta. 181 00:07:36,089 --> 00:07:37,891 I miss her so much. 182 00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:39,392 Oh, hey. 183 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,929 Hey, everything's gonna be all right. 184 00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:43,764 Just wait and see. 185 00:07:43,831 --> 00:07:47,400 I've never felt so bad in my life. 186 00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:51,805 And I never felt so good. 187 00:07:55,576 --> 00:07:56,844 EVELYN: Don't! 188 00:07:58,111 --> 00:07:59,880 Stop! 189 00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:04,417 Don't! 190 00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,687 Stop! 191 00:08:06,754 --> 00:08:07,955 What are you doing? 192 00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:09,690 I said don't stop! 193 00:08:11,224 --> 00:08:13,727 I should be on the roof with a rifle. 194 00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:19,700 Oh. Hey, Walden. Hey. 195 00:08:19,767 --> 00:08:21,802 Uh, you left some books in your room. 196 00:08:21,869 --> 00:08:23,436 Oh, thank you. 197 00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,405 Um, you didn't have to drive all the way over here. 198 00:08:25,472 --> 00:08:27,040 Is it really possible to hypnotize a woman 199 00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:28,441 and make her your slave? 200 00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:30,143 Oh. 201 00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:32,479 That was a, that was a gag gift for my birthday. 202 00:08:32,546 --> 00:08:33,981 (chuckles) 203 00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:36,016 What about Ten Minutes a Day to Incredible Wealth? 204 00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:38,151 Oh, good, that's my poop book. 205 00:08:42,222 --> 00:08:44,091 Um, I'd invite you in, 206 00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:46,694 but my mom doesn't let me have friends over. 207 00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:47,861 That's cool. 208 00:08:47,928 --> 00:08:50,564 Mm. 209 00:08:50,631 --> 00:08:52,766 You want to go out and maybe do something? 210 00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:54,467 What do you have in mind? 211 00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:55,903 EVELYN: Umbrella! 212 00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:57,037 Doesn't matter, let's go. 213 00:08:57,104 --> 00:08:59,039 Umbrella! Umbrella! Umbr... 214 00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:04,511 ALAN: Nice car. 215 00:09:04,578 --> 00:09:05,646 What is it? 216 00:09:05,713 --> 00:09:07,480 It's an electric Fisker. 217 00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:09,449 State-of-the-art lithium ion technology 218 00:09:09,516 --> 00:09:11,484 supplemented with a turbo-charged engine. 219 00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:12,686 Solar panels on the roof. 220 00:09:12,753 --> 00:09:13,721 Oh, blue Volkswagen. 221 00:09:13,787 --> 00:09:14,788 Punchbug! 222 00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:19,026 So, how much does something like this cost? 223 00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:20,728 About a hundred grand. 224 00:09:20,794 --> 00:09:22,162 It's great for the environment. 225 00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:24,464 I don't know why anyone would drive anything else. 226 00:09:24,531 --> 00:09:27,467 Speaking for myself, bone-crushing poverty 227 00:09:27,534 --> 00:09:29,670 is something of a stumbling block. 228 00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:31,038 Maybe you could lease. 229 00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:35,142 I got a confession to make, Alan. 230 00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:36,677 Me, too. 231 00:09:36,744 --> 00:09:39,479 The hypnotism book wasn't really a gift. 232 00:09:39,546 --> 00:09:42,650 I really came over because... 233 00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:44,551 I was kind of lonely. 234 00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:45,853 Oh, sure, sure. 235 00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:46,954 I been there. 236 00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:48,221 A lot. 237 00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:50,023 In fact, I'm there now. 238 00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,925 I've never really spent much time alone. 239 00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:53,694 I've been with Bridget since high school. 240 00:09:53,761 --> 00:09:56,163 Mm. High school sweethearts. 241 00:09:56,229 --> 00:09:57,765 When I was in high school, 242 00:09:57,831 --> 00:10:00,000 I was dating a poster of Molly Ringwald. 243 00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:04,204 You know, back then, she was crazy in love with me. 244 00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:06,073 I didn't even have any money then. 245 00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:07,975 Oh, I'm sure she still loves you. 246 00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:10,043 No. 247 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:12,579 She's changed. 248 00:10:12,646 --> 00:10:14,815 Her heart has become cold and angry. 249 00:10:14,882 --> 00:10:17,918 Um, you're starting to go a little fast there, buddy. 250 00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:19,687 (chuckles) 251 00:10:19,753 --> 00:10:21,188 I mean, who just wakes up one day and all of a sudden 252 00:10:21,254 --> 00:10:22,723 decides they don't want to be married anymore? 253 00:10:22,790 --> 00:10:24,858 Uh, well, actually, it only seems that way. 254 00:10:24,925 --> 00:10:26,293 In my experience, 255 00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:28,595 they've been mulling it over for quite a while. 256 00:10:28,662 --> 00:10:31,732 Uh, you know, the speed limit is 35, and you're going, 257 00:10:31,799 --> 00:10:33,066 oh, oh, 80. 258 00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,802 (laughs nervously) 259 00:10:34,868 --> 00:10:36,569 I mean, what ever happened to till death do us part? 260 00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:37,738 Yeah, who died? 261 00:10:37,805 --> 00:10:38,872 Not you, not her. 262 00:10:38,939 --> 00:10:40,573 Oh, good golly, 95. 263 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:41,574 (tires screeching) 264 00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:42,776 Whoa! Whoa! 265 00:10:42,843 --> 00:10:44,311 This thing really takes the corners. 266 00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:46,246 I love her, Alan, and I want her back. 267 00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:47,247 Well, I know you do. 268 00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:48,816 Oh, 103, Walden, 103. 269 00:10:48,882 --> 00:10:51,318 Life is not worth living without Bridget! 270 00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:52,886 Truck, truck, truck! (truck horn blaring) 271 00:10:52,953 --> 00:10:54,955 It hurts so much, I can't take it anymore! 272 00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:56,323 Umbrella! 273 00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:57,590 * Men. 274 00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:04,932 WALDEN: I'm sorry I scared you by driving so fast. 275 00:11:05,933 --> 00:11:07,667 That's okay. 276 00:11:07,735 --> 00:11:10,938 I'm sorry I peed a little on your seat. 277 00:11:12,372 --> 00:11:14,775 Where are we? 278 00:11:14,842 --> 00:11:16,143 We're going to my house. 279 00:11:16,209 --> 00:11:18,211 I got to talk Bridget into taking me back. 280 00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:19,212 Oh, no. 281 00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:21,048 No, no, bad idea. 282 00:11:21,114 --> 00:11:23,150 When a woman says she doesn't want you, begging does not help. 283 00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:25,285 And I say this having spent more time on my knees 284 00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:26,820 than any straight man in America. 285 00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:29,757 What is this, a gated community? 286 00:11:29,823 --> 00:11:32,292 No, it's just my house. 287 00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:33,761 Wow. 288 00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:34,962 Instead of going to chiropractor school, 289 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:36,329 I should have married a billionaire. 290 00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:38,598 Next time, you'll know. 291 00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:42,803 BRIDGET: What are you doing here, Walden? 292 00:11:42,870 --> 00:11:44,772 I just want to talk to you. 293 00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:46,774 Go away or I'll call the police! 294 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:48,641 "Go away or I'll call the police." 295 00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,643 (chuckles) Man, that takes me back. 296 00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:53,180 Um, what do you say I drive us home? 297 00:11:53,246 --> 00:11:54,214 How about that? 298 00:11:54,281 --> 00:11:55,849 I'm not giving up that easy. 299 00:11:55,916 --> 00:11:57,150 Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 300 00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:58,752 W-Where...? 301 00:11:58,819 --> 00:12:00,320 You heard what she said about the police, right? 302 00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:02,655 I'm going to get my wife back. Come on. 303 00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,324 Come on? What's my part in this? 304 00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:06,126 I need you to help me over the gate. 305 00:12:06,193 --> 00:12:07,127 O-Okay. 306 00:12:07,194 --> 00:12:09,196 Again, voice of experience here. 307 00:12:09,262 --> 00:12:12,732 Criminal trespass usually ends with her dating the cop. 308 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:14,734 Will you just come on. 309 00:12:14,802 --> 00:12:17,670 (groans) 310 00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:18,972 Here, give me a hand. 311 00:12:19,039 --> 00:12:21,341 Here, let me go. I'm going this way. 312 00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:23,010 I got it. I got it. 313 00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:24,011 (grunts) 314 00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,145 Okay, okay. I got it. 315 00:12:25,212 --> 00:12:27,848 Good luck. 316 00:12:27,915 --> 00:12:29,082 Come on. 317 00:12:29,149 --> 00:12:31,751 Again, come on? 318 00:12:31,819 --> 00:12:33,720 I may need your help getting in a window. 319 00:12:33,787 --> 00:12:34,988 Oh, terrific. 320 00:12:35,055 --> 00:12:36,723 Now I'm Spider-Man. 321 00:12:38,725 --> 00:12:39,860 I got you. 322 00:12:43,296 --> 00:12:45,999 Walden, do not make me turn that gate on. 323 00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:48,068 W-What does that mean? 324 00:12:48,135 --> 00:12:49,269 Turn the gate on? 325 00:12:49,336 --> 00:12:51,104 Don't worry, she's bluffing. 326 00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:54,274 (both screaming) 327 00:12:57,710 --> 00:12:59,712 (loud thud) 328 00:13:06,219 --> 00:13:09,422 I still have a buzzing in my ears. 329 00:13:09,489 --> 00:13:12,993 I can't hear you, I have a buzzing in my ears. 330 00:13:13,060 --> 00:13:15,728 God, Walden, what is wrong with you? 331 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:19,699 Well, if loving you is wrong, then... 332 00:13:19,766 --> 00:13:21,869 I am wrong. 333 00:13:21,935 --> 00:13:23,403 It's true. 334 00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:25,372 He talks about you all the time. 335 00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:26,907 (warbling buzz) 336 00:13:26,974 --> 00:13:29,042 Okay, I expect this kind of thing from him; 337 00:13:29,109 --> 00:13:31,044 he has the emotional maturity of a 12-year-old. 338 00:13:31,111 --> 00:13:32,279 What's your excuse? 339 00:13:32,345 --> 00:13:34,347 Uh, I live at my mom's, and she's having 340 00:13:34,414 --> 00:13:37,684 rough sex with a stranger, and I had to get out of the house. 341 00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:43,323 Honey, I just don't understand why we can't work things out. 342 00:13:43,390 --> 00:13:45,425 Okay, I'll tell you again. 343 00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:47,460 Oh, this part is never good. 344 00:13:47,527 --> 00:13:50,330 I'm tired of living with a child. 345 00:13:50,397 --> 00:13:53,300 I'm tired of being more of a mother than a wife. 346 00:13:53,366 --> 00:13:54,868 Whoa, oh, whoa, whoa. 347 00:13:54,935 --> 00:13:57,104 You are not more of a mother than a wife. 348 00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:59,806 Really? Who picks out your clothes? You. 349 00:13:59,873 --> 00:14:02,175 Who tells you when to go to sleep? You. 350 00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:04,111 Who does all the cooking and cleaning around here? 351 00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:05,913 The cooking and the cleaning ladies. 352 00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:07,047 Before we were rich! 353 00:14:07,114 --> 00:14:09,216 You. 354 00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:12,719 Look, Walden, you're a sweet guy 355 00:14:12,785 --> 00:14:15,055 and I'll always love you, 356 00:14:15,122 --> 00:14:17,390 but I can't live with Peter Pan anymore. 357 00:14:17,457 --> 00:14:19,893 Uh, now, now, to be fair, 358 00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:22,129 uh, Peter Pan didn't want to grow up. 359 00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:25,398 Uh, from what I understand, Walden's just never had to. 360 00:14:26,799 --> 00:14:29,002 Sorry. 361 00:14:29,069 --> 00:14:33,140 Seemed important up here. 362 00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:36,509 Down here, not so much. 363 00:14:38,411 --> 00:14:41,214 Bridget, believe me, I can grow up. 364 00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:42,349 Oh, please. 365 00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:44,217 At least give me a chance to try. 366 00:14:44,284 --> 00:14:45,852 (warbling buzz) 367 00:14:45,919 --> 00:14:46,853 (warbling buzz) 368 00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:48,888 I gave you 15 years. 369 00:14:48,956 --> 00:14:50,757 It's over! 370 00:14:50,823 --> 00:14:52,825 Okay. 371 00:14:54,294 --> 00:14:55,828 Can I at least play 372 00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:57,530 a little Donkey Kong with Alan before I go? 373 00:14:57,597 --> 00:14:58,798 Are you insane?! 374 00:14:58,865 --> 00:14:59,866 Get out! 375 00:14:59,933 --> 00:15:01,501 Oh, yeah, fine, I'm insane! 376 00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:02,769 (wild grunting) 377 00:15:02,835 --> 00:15:04,904 Come on, Alan! 378 00:15:04,972 --> 00:15:07,440 Thank you for the water and the... (warbling buzz) 379 00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:11,811 Hold on. 380 00:15:11,878 --> 00:15:14,214 (door opens, closes) 381 00:15:14,281 --> 00:15:15,548 Let's go. 382 00:15:22,555 --> 00:15:25,825 Where does she get off calling me a child? 383 00:15:25,892 --> 00:15:28,828 Um, you seem a little upset; maybe I should drive us. Um... 384 00:15:28,895 --> 00:15:30,463 She is a stupid-head. 385 00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:32,199 Oh, oh, white Volkswagen. Huh? 386 00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:33,500 Huh? Come on. 387 00:15:35,535 --> 00:15:37,037 Oh, wait, wait, I've got an idea. 388 00:15:37,104 --> 00:15:39,006 Why don't we stop, have a drink and talk about it. 389 00:15:39,072 --> 00:15:40,940 Drinking is not the answer. 390 00:15:41,008 --> 00:15:44,211 No, stopping is the answer! 391 00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:49,216 Oh, dear God, where is that toilet paper?! 392 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,202 (chuckles softly) 393 00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:30,490 Oh, boy. 394 00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:33,993 (snorts) 395 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:38,065 Alan? 396 00:16:38,131 --> 00:16:41,101 Yeah? 397 00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:44,204 Why are you lying on top of me? 398 00:16:44,271 --> 00:16:47,274 'Cause I didn't want to be on the bottom? 399 00:16:51,211 --> 00:16:53,280 I think we're naked. 400 00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:56,283 Yeah. You can ignore what's going on down there. 401 00:16:58,285 --> 00:17:00,253 That was a morning reflex. 402 00:17:02,122 --> 00:17:04,191 Could you get it off of me, please? 403 00:17:04,257 --> 00:17:07,026 Absolutely. Absolutely. 404 00:17:07,094 --> 00:17:09,096 (groans) 405 00:17:11,398 --> 00:17:12,932 Do you remember anything? 406 00:17:12,999 --> 00:17:14,501 Uh... 407 00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:17,504 we went to a liquor store, and then we came back here. 408 00:17:17,570 --> 00:17:19,372 (sighs) 409 00:17:19,439 --> 00:17:21,374 Then we went skinny dipping. 410 00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:22,409 Right, right. 411 00:17:22,475 --> 00:17:24,411 Whose idea was that? 412 00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:26,045 Mine. 413 00:17:26,113 --> 00:17:28,415 Shh. 414 00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:33,520 * Men. 415 00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:37,924 Okay, your pants are clean. 416 00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:39,559 Thank you. 417 00:17:39,626 --> 00:17:42,929 Two words for you: adult diapers. 418 00:17:42,995 --> 00:17:45,632 Look, Walden was driving ridiculously fast, 419 00:17:45,698 --> 00:17:47,334 and-and I have a nervous bladder. 420 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:48,968 Save it, Zippy. 421 00:17:49,035 --> 00:17:51,404 This is not my first pee stain rodeo with you. 422 00:17:51,471 --> 00:17:52,472 (knocks) 423 00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:57,177 (Australian accent): Hi. Is Charlie here? 424 00:17:57,244 --> 00:17:59,011 Oh, God, another one. 425 00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:01,948 You deal with it. 426 00:18:02,014 --> 00:18:04,384 Um, hi. I'm-I'm Charlie's brother Alan. 427 00:18:04,451 --> 00:18:05,318 I'm Penelope. 428 00:18:05,385 --> 00:18:06,453 Is he here? 429 00:18:06,519 --> 00:18:09,456 Uh, maybe you better sit down. 430 00:18:09,522 --> 00:18:11,291 Is-Is everything okay? 431 00:18:11,358 --> 00:18:13,493 Um, no. 432 00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:17,164 Penelope, the-the thing is, uh, Charlie passed away. 433 00:18:17,230 --> 00:18:18,598 What? 434 00:18:18,665 --> 00:18:20,433 It was very sudden. 435 00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:22,302 Oh, my God. 436 00:18:22,369 --> 00:18:24,337 I'm sorry, he was just such a terrific guy. 437 00:18:24,404 --> 00:18:25,638 I can't believe he's gone. 438 00:18:25,705 --> 00:18:28,175 Hey, what's going on? 439 00:18:28,241 --> 00:18:31,211 Hello, I'm Penelope. 440 00:18:31,278 --> 00:18:33,480 Hi. I'm Walden. 441 00:18:33,546 --> 00:18:34,747 What are you crying about? 442 00:18:34,814 --> 00:18:36,749 I have no idea. 443 00:18:36,816 --> 00:18:39,286 Don't worry about me, I'll let myself out. 444 00:18:40,287 --> 00:18:41,388 You smell good. 445 00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:44,224 Oh, thank you. It's baby shampoo. 446 00:18:44,291 --> 00:18:46,092 "What are you crying about?" 447 00:18:46,159 --> 00:18:48,161 (Australian accent): "I have no idea." 448 00:18:50,397 --> 00:18:52,732 Oh, Bridget. Hi. 449 00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:54,066 Hi. 450 00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:55,468 I came to talk to Walden. 451 00:18:55,535 --> 00:18:56,369 Really? 452 00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:57,404 Yeah, I think maybe 453 00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:59,206 I've been a little hard on him. 454 00:18:59,272 --> 00:19:01,641 Well, um... 455 00:19:01,708 --> 00:19:02,642 Bridget? 456 00:19:02,709 --> 00:19:04,444 Hey. 457 00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:05,745 Walden? 458 00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:07,614 Look who came to talk to you, Walden. 459 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:08,615 Your wife. 460 00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:10,383 You're married? 461 00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:11,618 Oh, yeah, long time married. 462 00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:12,619 Uh, they just met. 463 00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:14,387 This is Penelope, my girlfriend. 464 00:19:14,454 --> 00:19:16,456 What? Shut up and walk. 465 00:19:19,259 --> 00:19:20,360 I'm-I'm glad you came. 466 00:19:20,427 --> 00:19:21,694 Come, sit-sit down. 467 00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:24,264 When I saw you with that girl, 468 00:19:24,331 --> 00:19:26,233 I thought that maybe she was with you. 469 00:19:26,299 --> 00:19:27,367 (chuckles) 470 00:19:27,434 --> 00:19:29,101 You're kidding, right? 471 00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:31,238 I mean, come on, Alan's the ladies' man. 472 00:19:31,304 --> 00:19:32,439 He's a total pickup artist. 473 00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:33,673 ALAN: Come on! 474 00:19:33,740 --> 00:19:35,775 Charlie's dead, Walden's married, 475 00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:38,545 what's wrong with me?! 476 00:19:39,579 --> 00:19:41,514 * Men. 477 00:19:43,483 --> 00:19:44,617 * Men. 478 00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:45,785 So, I was thinking 479 00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:47,420 we could go out to dinner sometime. 480 00:19:47,487 --> 00:19:49,456 Let me prove that I can change. 481 00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:50,690 I can be a grown-up. 482 00:19:50,757 --> 00:19:52,692 I guess I owe you that much. 483 00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:55,094 Sweet! 484 00:19:56,263 --> 00:19:58,298 Sorry to interrupt. 485 00:19:58,365 --> 00:20:00,700 I was just on a little jog with my lady. 486 00:20:00,767 --> 00:20:02,502 Uh, I'll, uh, 487 00:20:02,569 --> 00:20:03,770 get out of your way. 488 00:20:03,836 --> 00:20:05,538 Uh, hold on. 489 00:20:05,605 --> 00:20:08,541 I'm-I'm going to say good-bye to my guest, 490 00:20:08,608 --> 00:20:11,210 because that's the grown-up thing to do, right? 491 00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:19,352 Alan, thank you. 492 00:20:19,419 --> 00:20:21,087 You saved my butt back there. 493 00:20:21,153 --> 00:20:22,855 Oh, I'm glad things are working out. 494 00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:24,223 I owe you big-time. 495 00:20:24,291 --> 00:20:25,592 If there's anything that you need, 496 00:20:25,658 --> 00:20:28,160 any way I can help you, you just let me know. 497 00:20:30,196 --> 00:20:34,634 Well, since you mention it, you could do me a little favor. 498 00:20:34,701 --> 00:20:35,635 Name it. 499 00:20:35,702 --> 00:20:37,337 Well, really uncomfortable 500 00:20:37,404 --> 00:20:38,805 living at my mom's. 501 00:20:38,871 --> 00:20:40,807 Um, do you think I could stay here for a few days 502 00:20:40,873 --> 00:20:42,208 till I find my own place? 503 00:20:42,275 --> 00:20:43,410 No problem. 504 00:20:43,476 --> 00:20:45,345 Few days, couple weeks. 505 00:20:45,412 --> 00:20:46,379 Yeah, done. 506 00:20:46,446 --> 00:20:48,615 Month, tops. 507 00:20:48,681 --> 00:20:50,149 Whatever. 508 00:20:50,216 --> 00:20:51,484 Great, great. Thanks. 509 00:20:51,551 --> 00:20:52,852 And, uh, and don't worry, 510 00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:54,554 I'm not one to overstay my welcome. 511 00:20:54,621 --> 00:20:55,655 Cool. 512 00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:01,461 I'm back. 513 00:21:01,528 --> 00:21:04,230 Captioning sponsored by CBS and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION 514 00:21:04,297 --> 00:21:06,265 The all-new VOLKSWAGEN Jetta. It's great, for the price of good. That's das auto.