1
00:00:03,471 --> 00:00:05,573
MAN:
...now come to be joined.

2
00:00:05,639 --> 00:00:07,241
Rose and Manfred...

3
00:00:07,308 --> 00:00:09,243
She's really doing it.

4
00:00:09,310 --> 00:00:10,511
CHARLIE:
Rose is getting married.

5
00:00:10,578 --> 00:00:12,613
And we're clear.

6
00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:14,882
Yep. That ought to do it.

7
00:00:14,948 --> 00:00:16,217
Thanks, Freddie.

8
00:00:16,284 --> 00:00:18,919
Who moves you, Rose?
Him or me?

9
00:00:18,986 --> 00:00:19,720
I love Manny.

10
00:00:19,787 --> 00:00:20,954
Fine.

11
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,656
You just say the
word and I'll go.

12
00:00:24,458 --> 00:00:25,459
Time's up.

13
00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:28,862
* Men.

14
00:00:28,929 --> 00:00:31,399
MAN (on TV):
...most famous teams
here at Oregon...

15
00:00:31,465 --> 00:00:32,766
ALAN:
Charlie, you home?

16
00:00:34,602 --> 00:00:37,405
Charlie?

17
00:00:37,471 --> 00:00:38,572
Hello?

18
00:00:40,941 --> 00:00:42,143
Didn't you hear me?

19
00:00:42,210 --> 00:00:44,378
Didn't you see me
trying to hide?

20
00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:47,315
Cute.

21
00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:49,617
Okay, how would you
feel if I said

22
00:00:49,683 --> 00:00:51,785
I was moving out?

23
00:00:51,852 --> 00:00:53,421
The same way Charlie Brown feels

24
00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:55,323
when Lucy offers
to hold the football.

25
00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:57,225
Excited, but with a skepticism

26
00:00:57,291 --> 00:00:59,627
borne out of countless
disappointments.

27
00:00:59,693 --> 00:01:00,961
(chuckling)

28
00:01:01,028 --> 00:01:02,796
I deserve that.

29
00:01:02,863 --> 00:01:04,732
But it's different this time.

30
00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:05,799
Read this.

31
00:01:07,268 --> 00:01:09,437
"A larger penis can be yours

32
00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:11,339
with a noninvasive
surgical procedure."

33
00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:12,940
No, no, no, next to it.
There.

34
00:01:13,006 --> 00:01:15,709
"Dr. Dave Ciambotti.

35
00:01:15,776 --> 00:01:18,446
"Orange County's
number one chiropractor.

36
00:01:18,512 --> 00:01:20,114
"Mention this ad
for a 20% discount

37
00:01:20,181 --> 00:01:21,582
and a free spinebuster
key chain."

38
00:01:21,649 --> 00:01:24,118
What does this have to do
with you moving out?

39
00:01:24,185 --> 00:01:25,853
I went to school
with Dave Ciambotti.

40
00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:27,121
In fact, we were roommates.

41
00:01:27,188 --> 00:01:28,822
Say no more.

42
00:01:28,889 --> 00:01:32,660
You're finally out of the closet
and shacking up with Dr. Dave.

43
00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:35,463
Congratulations, and
God bless you both.

44
00:01:35,529 --> 00:01:37,131
No, no!

45
00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:38,832
It's okay, Alan.
I don't judge.

46
00:01:38,899 --> 00:01:41,769
Although I'm sure
old Dave could do better.

47
00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:42,970
Will you stop?

48
00:01:43,036 --> 00:01:44,505
Okay, Dave and I

49
00:01:44,572 --> 00:01:46,607
had the same education,
the same skills.

50
00:01:46,674 --> 00:01:48,609
We even started our practice
at the same time.

51
00:01:48,676 --> 00:01:50,844
But he does three times
the business that I do.

52
00:01:50,911 --> 00:01:51,945
You know why?

53
00:01:52,012 --> 00:01:53,314
He offers happy endings?

54
00:01:55,149 --> 00:01:57,518
Target market advertising.

55
00:01:57,585 --> 00:01:59,487
Is that another way
of saying happy ending?

56
00:01:59,553 --> 00:02:01,121
No, no, it means
newspaper ads,

57
00:02:01,189 --> 00:02:03,090
flyers, radio spots.

58
00:02:03,157 --> 00:02:04,325
Since Dave
started doing it,

59
00:02:04,392 --> 00:02:05,959
his business has been
through the roof.

60
00:02:06,026 --> 00:02:08,296
How much is this
going to cost me?

61
00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:09,463
No, no. The question is:

62
00:02:09,530 --> 00:02:11,265
how much is it
going to earn you?

63
00:02:11,332 --> 00:02:13,501
I'll stick with my question.

64
00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:17,004
Charlie, I am willing to let
you get in on the ground floor

65
00:02:17,070 --> 00:02:19,106
of an amazing
business opportunity.

66
00:02:19,173 --> 00:02:21,008
Still waiting for a number,
Alan.

67
00:02:21,074 --> 00:02:22,310
$5,000.

68
00:02:22,376 --> 00:02:23,711
Five grand?!

69
00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:26,013
For two, I can have you buried
in the desert

70
00:02:26,079 --> 00:02:28,649
and still have three
to get myself a larger penis.

71
00:02:29,450 --> 00:02:30,684
Although, to be honest,

72
00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:32,186
that would just be
gilding the lily.

73
00:02:32,253 --> 00:02:34,255
Come on, Charlie,
with targeted advertising

74
00:02:34,322 --> 00:02:36,056
I could double the size
of my practice.

75
00:02:36,123 --> 00:02:38,959
Wow, a second patient.

76
00:02:39,026 --> 00:02:40,494
You're not listening.

77
00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:42,863
Once the profits start
rolling in, I can move out.

78
00:02:42,930 --> 00:02:45,466
And once I grow boobs,
I can start dancing

79
00:02:45,533 --> 00:02:47,935
the lunch shift at
Les Girls, Girls, Girls.

80
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:49,303
I'm serious.
This is a chance

81
00:02:49,370 --> 00:02:51,539
that could completely turn
my life around.

82
00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:53,707
Did you ask Mom for the money?
Seriously?

83
00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:56,143
Nah,
I'm just grasping at straws.

84
00:02:56,210 --> 00:02:58,145
So what do you say?

85
00:02:58,212 --> 00:02:59,580
(sighs)

86
00:02:59,647 --> 00:03:02,283
Okay, fine, I'll give
you the five grand.

87
00:03:02,350 --> 00:03:04,184
Knowing full well that
I'll never see it again,

88
00:03:04,252 --> 00:03:05,753
and wishing that it was you.

89
00:03:05,819 --> 00:03:09,189
Thank you, Charlie.
Thank you so much.

90
00:03:09,257 --> 00:03:11,191
You're not going
to regret this.

91
00:03:12,393 --> 00:03:16,196
You have $5,000
in your sweatpants?

92
00:03:16,264 --> 00:03:17,598
I prefer to think of it

93
00:03:17,665 --> 00:03:20,768
as three hookers and
a Philly cheesesteak.

94
00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:22,102
(phone ringing)

95
00:03:22,169 --> 00:03:25,606
Hang on a sec.

96
00:03:25,673 --> 00:03:27,308
Hello.

97
00:03:27,375 --> 00:03:28,542
Oh, hey, Rose.

98
00:03:28,609 --> 00:03:31,312
Why don't I count it
while you talk?

99
00:03:32,346 --> 00:03:33,981
He's gone?

100
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:37,585
Well, great. I'll be over
in five minutes with bells on.

101
00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:39,620
No, no, no, it's just
a figure of speech.

102
00:03:39,687 --> 00:03:43,123
Sure, I suppose I could try
to find some bells.

103
00:03:43,190 --> 00:03:44,792
Okay, I'll see you soon.

104
00:03:44,858 --> 00:03:45,793
I got to run.

105
00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:47,395
Her husband's
at a meeting.

106
00:03:47,461 --> 00:03:48,562
Oh, Charlie, really?
The woman's trying to build

107
00:03:48,629 --> 00:03:49,697
a new life with her husband,

108
00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:51,532
and you're going
to go over there

109
00:03:51,599 --> 00:03:53,767
to have an affair with her?
You want this money or not?

110
00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:55,536
Give her my best.

111
00:03:58,472 --> 00:04:01,675
Huh. That was easy money.

112
00:04:03,176 --> 00:04:04,612
Hi, Mom.

113
00:04:04,678 --> 00:04:06,314
Do you have a minute
to hear about

114
00:04:06,380 --> 00:04:07,648
an amazing business opportunity?

115
00:04:10,284 --> 00:04:13,153
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *

116
00:04:13,220 --> 00:04:16,357
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men, men, men *
* Ooh

117
00:04:16,424 --> 00:04:19,493
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men *
* Ooh
* Ooh

118
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:21,595
* Ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ohh, ooh-ooh... *

119
00:04:21,662 --> 00:04:24,197
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *

120
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:27,335
* Ooh
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *

121
00:04:27,401 --> 00:04:32,306
* Ah.
* Men.
* Men.

122
00:04:36,677 --> 00:04:37,745
* Men.

123
00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:40,481
So it isn't really
a favor for me

124
00:04:40,548 --> 00:04:42,883
as much as it's an
opportunity for you.

125
00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:44,452
Right.

126
00:04:44,518 --> 00:04:47,455
Why don't you just ask
your brother for the money?

127
00:04:47,521 --> 00:04:50,624
Well, I thought of that, but
after all he's done for me,

128
00:04:50,691 --> 00:04:52,560
I'd feel horrible
asking for a loan.

129
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:55,329
And after all I've done for you?

130
00:04:55,396 --> 00:04:56,797
I still feel horrible,

131
00:04:56,864 --> 00:04:59,500
but you never threaten
to smother me in my sleep.

132
00:04:59,567 --> 00:05:02,002
Not since you learned
to talk anyway.

133
00:05:02,069 --> 00:05:03,837
How much?

134
00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:07,007
Well, I'm, uh, going to take out
some ads in the Pennysaver,

135
00:05:07,074 --> 00:05:08,308
uh, and on local radio.

136
00:05:08,376 --> 00:05:09,843
Probably some circulars.

137
00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:12,079
Uh, maybe one of those
giant compressed air guys

138
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,547
with the flailing arms.

139
00:05:13,614 --> 00:05:16,684
Um, I think I'll need...

140
00:05:17,785 --> 00:05:19,119
$10,000.

141
00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:20,521
All right.

142
00:05:20,588 --> 00:05:22,390
Although I could make due...
All right?!

143
00:05:22,456 --> 00:05:23,857
You're my son.

144
00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:26,026
I should at least pretend
to believe in you.

145
00:05:26,093 --> 00:05:28,862
Wow. Uh, thank you.

146
00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:31,532
I'm putting American Cancer
Society on the memo line.

147
00:05:31,599 --> 00:05:33,000
Just ignore that.

148
00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:34,134
No problem.

149
00:05:34,201 --> 00:05:35,636
You won't be sorry.

150
00:05:35,703 --> 00:05:37,938
You're going to get your
money back plus interest.

151
00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:39,873
Of course I am.

152
00:05:39,940 --> 00:05:41,409
Never doubted it.

153
00:05:41,475 --> 00:05:42,476
Is that for luck?

154
00:05:42,543 --> 00:05:44,978
No, just kissing it good-bye.

155
00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:49,149
* Men.

156
00:05:49,216 --> 00:05:52,185
(bird call):
Ba-caw! Ba-caw!

157
00:05:52,252 --> 00:05:54,187
What the hell was that?

158
00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:56,457
It was the all-clear
signal, silly.

159
00:05:56,524 --> 00:05:58,459
You couldn't
just say "all clear"?

160
00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:02,896
(bird call):
All clear! All clear!

161
00:06:02,963 --> 00:06:03,997
Much better.

162
00:06:04,064 --> 00:06:05,699
So when can I see you again?

163
00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:07,468
I don't know. I'll call you.
How about tonight?

164
00:06:07,535 --> 00:06:09,770
We'll see. Now, go.

165
00:06:09,837 --> 00:06:11,171
I love you.

166
00:06:11,238 --> 00:06:13,541
You only think you love me
because you can't have me.

167
00:06:13,607 --> 00:06:15,776
No, no, no, no. This is real.
How can I prove it to you?

168
00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:19,046
Vincent Van Gogh cut off his
ear for the woman he loved.

169
00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:21,715
Think about it.

170
00:06:22,916 --> 00:06:25,052
Would you settle
for my brother's ear?

171
00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:26,887
Bye.

172
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:30,491
(sighs)

173
00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:33,694
You forgot your bells.

174
00:06:33,761 --> 00:06:35,763
* Men.

175
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:38,932
I almost forgot--
I need 100 bucks.

176
00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:40,133
What for?

177
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,469
SAT prep class.

178
00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:42,836
Oh, oh, sure.

179
00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:44,905
Glad to see you're
taking the test seriously.

180
00:06:44,972 --> 00:06:46,540
Hey, if I don't do
well on the test,

181
00:06:46,607 --> 00:06:47,875
then I can't get into
a good college.

182
00:06:47,941 --> 00:06:49,477
And if I can't get
into a good college,

183
00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:50,811
then I'll never get
into grad school.

184
00:06:50,878 --> 00:06:52,446
And if I never get
into grad school,

185
00:06:52,513 --> 00:06:54,114
what kind of future
can I look forward to?

186
00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:57,818
What's the money really for?

187
00:06:57,885 --> 00:06:59,720
Video games
and online porn.

188
00:07:02,155 --> 00:07:04,257
You were actually going to give
me the money, weren't you?

189
00:07:04,324 --> 00:07:05,593
I had a good week.

190
00:07:05,659 --> 00:07:09,129
(doorbell ringing)

191
00:07:09,196 --> 00:07:10,664
Oh, hey, guys.

192
00:07:10,731 --> 00:07:12,099
Hey, Herb.
Hey.

193
00:07:12,165 --> 00:07:13,366
So how's it going?

194
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:14,635
You know,
living the dream.

195
00:07:14,702 --> 00:07:16,203
JUDITH:
Damn it, Herb!

196
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:19,473
How many times have I told you
not to use the guest towels?!

197
00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:21,575
Hey, if I'm going to sleep
in the guest room,

198
00:07:21,642 --> 00:07:24,211
I get to use
the guest towels!

199
00:07:25,646 --> 00:07:28,381
Yeah. I remember that dream.

200
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,050
So how are things with you?

201
00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:31,284
Could not be better.

202
00:07:31,351 --> 00:07:32,820
Is that like me
living the dream?

203
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:34,454
Oh, no, no, really.
I'm, uh...

204
00:07:34,522 --> 00:07:37,057
I'm working on a pretty
exciting business opportunity.

205
00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:38,926
Oh, no kidding.
Yeah, it's, uh...

206
00:07:38,992 --> 00:07:40,494
Well, actually, it's
something you might...

207
00:07:40,561 --> 00:07:42,462
Ah, no, never mind.

208
00:07:42,530 --> 00:07:44,231
So how's the pediatrician game?

209
00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:46,567
Like taking money
from babies.

210
00:07:46,634 --> 00:07:48,902
Come on, tell me--
what business opportunity?

211
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:50,738
Oh, well, it's an investment
thing, but, uh...

212
00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:52,740
but Judith would never
let you get into it.

213
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:53,874
And... and the fact
that my mother

214
00:07:53,941 --> 00:07:55,042
and Charlie are
already in

215
00:07:55,108 --> 00:07:56,844
would just freak
her out even more.

216
00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:58,746
You mother
and brother invested?

217
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,848
And you know they didn't
do that out of love.

218
00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:03,917
Yeah, they're not fond
of you at all.
Hmm.

219
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:06,253
Well, anyway, it's, uh...
it's good seeing you.

220
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:07,621
Alan, wait.

221
00:08:07,688 --> 00:08:09,322
How much are we
talking about?

222
00:08:09,389 --> 00:08:14,294
Well, uh, my mother and Charlie
are each in for...

223
00:08:14,361 --> 00:08:16,296
$15,000.

224
00:08:16,363 --> 00:08:18,231
I can do that.

225
00:08:18,298 --> 00:08:20,167
Hang on, I'll get
my checkbook.

226
00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:22,269
(whispers): Oh, and,
uh, don't tell Judith.

227
00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:38,351
The years I wasted
actually working for a living.

228
00:08:38,418 --> 00:08:40,187
Schmuck!

229
00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:42,089
* Men.

230
00:08:44,224 --> 00:08:45,292
* Men.

231
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:47,394
(doorbell ringing)

232
00:08:47,460 --> 00:08:48,395
Hey, Mr. Harper.

233
00:08:48,461 --> 00:08:49,997
Hi, Gordon. How you been?

234
00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:53,166
I'm almost 40 years old,
and I'm delivering you a pizza.

235
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,970
Kind of says it all,
doesn't it?

236
00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:57,971
Pretty much.

237
00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:00,207
That'll be $23.75.

238
00:09:00,273 --> 00:09:01,942
Oh, let me get my wallet.

239
00:09:02,009 --> 00:09:03,443
Come on in.

240
00:09:03,510 --> 00:09:05,145
(phone ringing)

241
00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:08,081
Hang on a sec.

242
00:09:08,148 --> 00:09:09,449
Hello.

243
00:09:09,516 --> 00:09:11,218
Oh, hey, baby.

244
00:09:11,284 --> 00:09:13,621
I thought you said
Manny was at work.

245
00:09:13,687 --> 00:09:15,623
I thought this was
our time together.

246
00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:20,060
All right, fine.
Just call me when you can.

247
00:09:20,127 --> 00:09:21,494
Damn.

248
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,263
Everything okay, Mr. Harper?

249
00:09:23,330 --> 00:09:25,032
My date just canceled.

250
00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:27,567
Can't the service send over
another girl?

251
00:09:30,303 --> 00:09:31,705
Not a girl like this one.

252
00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:33,807
This is the girl
I plan to spend

253
00:09:33,874 --> 00:09:35,175
the rest of
my life with.

254
00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:38,178
Probably regretting getting
the large, then, huh?

255
00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:42,115
You want to join me?
Do I have to give back the tip?

256
00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:43,150
Nah, come on in.

257
00:09:43,216 --> 00:09:45,552
So who's the woman?

258
00:09:45,619 --> 00:09:47,454
Remember Rose?
My Rose?

259
00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:48,656
Your Rose?

260
00:09:48,722 --> 00:09:50,523
Yeah, we dated for a while.

261
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,159
Uh, no offense,
Gordon, but...

262
00:09:52,225 --> 00:09:55,362
I think she was only going out
with you to make me jealous.

263
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:57,798
In fact, that's the only reason
she ever went out with anybody.

264
00:09:57,865 --> 00:09:59,299
I don't know, Mr. Harper.

265
00:09:59,366 --> 00:10:01,301
I really think there was
something special between us.

266
00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:03,203
She was always getting me
little love gifts.

267
00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:05,706
Cargo shorts, bowling shirts,
20-year-old scotch...

268
00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:10,443
Yeah, I remember Rose.

269
00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:13,013
So you guys are going out?

270
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:15,348
I wouldn't exactly
call it going out.

271
00:10:15,415 --> 00:10:16,516
She's kind of married.

272
00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:19,152
Wow. Rose got married.

273
00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:20,721
Yep.

274
00:10:20,788 --> 00:10:23,123
To some clown
named Manny Quinn.

275
00:10:24,892 --> 00:10:26,326
Is he really a clown?

276
00:10:27,661 --> 00:10:29,963
I have to ask,
'cause it's Rose.

277
00:10:30,030 --> 00:10:33,400
No, no. He's in the fashion
industry or something.

278
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,035
Wow. So Rose is married

279
00:10:35,102 --> 00:10:37,437
and cheating
on her husband with you?

280
00:10:37,504 --> 00:10:38,638
Yep.

281
00:10:38,706 --> 00:10:40,540
God, I love your life!

282
00:10:40,607 --> 00:10:43,243
Well, thanks, but it's...

283
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:45,578
it's really not as
fun as it looks.

284
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:47,580
Really?
I'm kidding.

285
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,382
Cheers.

286
00:10:49,449 --> 00:10:52,052
To me.

287
00:10:52,119 --> 00:10:54,487
* Men.

288
00:10:54,554 --> 00:10:56,556
Hey, Rose.
It's Charlie again.

289
00:10:56,623 --> 00:10:58,158
I don't know if you got my text.

290
00:10:58,225 --> 00:11:00,560
I just wanted to tell you
that I was thinking about you

291
00:11:00,627 --> 00:11:02,262
and I can't wait to see you.

292
00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:03,731
You know, when you can.

293
00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:05,465
Love you.

294
00:11:05,532 --> 00:11:07,267
Really, I do.

295
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:09,069
Hey, Charlie?

296
00:11:09,136 --> 00:11:09,937
Yeah?

297
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,872
When did you
become a bitch?

298
00:11:11,939 --> 00:11:13,073
What are you talking about?

299
00:11:13,140 --> 00:11:14,708
I was just leaving her
a message.

300
00:11:14,775 --> 00:11:16,309
The girl is married.

301
00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:17,677
Leave her alone.

302
00:11:17,745 --> 00:11:18,812
I can't.

303
00:11:18,879 --> 00:11:20,447
I love her. I need her.

304
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,382
Bitch.

305
00:11:23,784 --> 00:11:25,753
Oh, hey.

306
00:11:25,819 --> 00:11:27,320
You been shopping?

307
00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:29,156
Little bit.

308
00:11:29,222 --> 00:11:30,423
A little bit?

309
00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:34,227
Oh, you know, a few pairs
of socks, a new belt.

310
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:39,366
Couple of Dolce & Gabbana suits,
Gucci loafers and a Rolex.

311
00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:41,601
Wow.

312
00:11:41,668 --> 00:11:42,836
Business must be picking up.

313
00:11:42,903 --> 00:11:44,504
Uh, it is.

314
00:11:44,571 --> 00:11:47,340
But I take it not enough
to pay back your investor.

315
00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:48,876
Oh. Oh, no.

316
00:11:48,942 --> 00:11:52,412
I-I... I fully intend
to pay you back.

317
00:11:54,882 --> 00:11:57,484
In fact...

318
00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:59,519
here...

319
00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:01,955
is your initial investment.

320
00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:05,058
$5,000.

321
00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:06,693
And here

322
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:10,663
is an additional... $1,000

323
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,432
in interest.

324
00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:14,034
Berta, are you seeing this?

325
00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:16,469
Am I dreaming?

326
00:12:16,536 --> 00:12:20,073
You got the Kardashian sisters
under the table?

327
00:12:21,875 --> 00:12:23,310
Nope.

328
00:12:23,376 --> 00:12:25,045
Then, you're not dreaming.

329
00:12:25,112 --> 00:12:27,080
Thank you very much
for your confidence in me.

330
00:12:27,147 --> 00:12:30,550
Hey, it's still confidence
if I'm figuring you'll fail.

331
00:12:30,617 --> 00:12:32,886
I told you advertising
would drive in customers,

332
00:12:32,953 --> 00:12:34,221
and I was right.

333
00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:35,522
Hang on a sec.

334
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:37,324
What?

335
00:12:37,390 --> 00:12:41,094
Do you think more advertising
would drive in more customers?

336
00:12:41,995 --> 00:12:44,097
I don't see why not.

337
00:12:44,164 --> 00:12:47,935
Of course, the ads would have
to reach a larger audience,

338
00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:52,840
and that would cost,
you know, more money.

339
00:12:52,906 --> 00:12:54,407
Tell you what.

340
00:12:54,474 --> 00:12:55,675
Let it ride.

341
00:12:55,742 --> 00:12:59,179
Really?

342
00:12:59,246 --> 00:13:00,113
Come on.

343
00:13:00,180 --> 00:13:03,250
In fact, here is another four.

344
00:13:03,316 --> 00:13:04,184
Hold on.

345
00:13:04,251 --> 00:13:06,353
Think I have more upstairs.

346
00:13:06,419 --> 00:13:10,057
Oh, look in the back
of your underwear drawer.

347
00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:13,026
I needed underwear.

348
00:13:13,093 --> 00:13:15,295
You borrowed
your brother's skivvies?

349
00:13:15,362 --> 00:13:16,529
That's disgusting.

350
00:13:16,596 --> 00:13:18,398
I agree. That's why,
when I found the money,

351
00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:20,934
I took $100
to buy some new ones.

352
00:13:21,835 --> 00:13:23,136
So listen.

353
00:13:23,203 --> 00:13:26,339
Can anybody get in on
this deal of yours?

354
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,211
Excuse me?

355
00:13:31,278 --> 00:13:33,881
I'm always looking
for smart investments.

356
00:13:33,947 --> 00:13:36,984
And I've got some extra cash
that's a result

357
00:13:37,050 --> 00:13:41,154
of a little hydroponic
farming venture in Chino.

358
00:13:41,221 --> 00:13:42,655
What are you farming?

359
00:13:42,722 --> 00:13:44,791
Alfalfa. What's it to you?

360
00:13:44,858 --> 00:13:46,226
Gee, I-I don't know, Berta.

361
00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:49,262
I mean, you realize
there's no guarantees.

362
00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:51,764
You'd actually
be doing me a favor.

363
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:56,569
My bank asks a lot of questions
about my... alfalfa earnings.

364
00:13:56,636 --> 00:13:58,005
All right, fine.

365
00:13:58,071 --> 00:13:59,572
How much do you want to invest?

366
00:13:59,639 --> 00:14:00,607
Ten grand.

367
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:01,774
Great.

368
00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:03,210
Uh, when can you get it to me?

369
00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:05,946
As soon as I come back
from the bathroom.

370
00:14:09,249 --> 00:14:12,119
Boy, I hope she means
it's behind the toilet.

371
00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:15,422
* Men.

372
00:14:15,488 --> 00:14:17,157
(doorbell rings)

373
00:14:17,224 --> 00:14:18,625
ROSE:
Who is it?

374
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:19,927
Pizza.

375
00:14:19,993 --> 00:14:22,562
Door's open.
I'll be right down.

376
00:14:31,939 --> 00:14:34,207
Hello.

377
00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:39,346
Gordon?
Rose?

378
00:14:39,412 --> 00:14:42,282
Oh, my gosh.
It's been so long.

379
00:14:42,349 --> 00:14:43,416
Yeah.

380
00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:44,351
How are you doing?

381
00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:45,352
Just great.

382
00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:47,454
Got a new shirt
with my name on it.

383
00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:49,990
Lighted sign
for the roof of my car.

384
00:14:50,057 --> 00:14:51,158
How nice.
Yeah.

385
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:52,492
How about you?
I heard you got married.

386
00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:54,928
Yes. I am now
Mrs. Manfred Quinn.

387
00:14:54,995 --> 00:14:56,496
Wow. Congrats.

388
00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:57,897
Thank you.
Yeah.

389
00:14:57,965 --> 00:14:59,532
So...

390
00:14:59,599 --> 00:15:00,633
That'll be $23.75.

391
00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:02,235
Let me just get my purse.

392
00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:08,075
Mrs. Manfred Quinn.

393
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:11,344
Manny Quinn.

394
00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:15,382
Manny Quinn.

395
00:15:17,684 --> 00:15:19,619
Holy crap, this is great.

396
00:15:21,454 --> 00:15:23,656
* Men.

397
00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:25,292
ALAN:
It's real, Mom.

398
00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:27,794
You understand my skepticism.

399
00:15:27,860 --> 00:15:28,828
Sure.

400
00:15:28,895 --> 00:15:30,797
And this is $12,000?

401
00:15:30,863 --> 00:15:33,566
Yep. The $10,000 you gave me,
plus your profit.

402
00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:35,102
I don't know what to say.

403
00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:37,370
How about, "I'm proud
of you, Alan. Well done."

404
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:39,506
I'm proud of you, Alan.
Well done.

405
00:15:39,572 --> 00:15:41,741
"I knew you had it in you.
Attaboy."

406
00:15:41,808 --> 00:15:43,676
Let's not push it.

407
00:15:43,743 --> 00:15:45,412
Okay. Well, uh, again,

408
00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:47,714
thank you for helping me
get my business going.

409
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:49,649
I'll see you.

410
00:15:49,716 --> 00:15:51,651
Hold on.

411
00:15:54,487 --> 00:15:55,922
Yes?

412
00:15:55,989 --> 00:15:58,291
Since you seem
to be on a roll,

413
00:15:58,358 --> 00:16:01,995
what would happen if I didn't
take my investment out?

414
00:16:02,895 --> 00:16:04,964
And maybe threw in another eight

415
00:16:05,032 --> 00:16:07,400
to make it an even $20,000?

416
00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:08,768
(chuckles)

417
00:16:08,835 --> 00:16:11,171
$20,000 is a lot of money.

418
00:16:11,238 --> 00:16:14,174
And, as you're aware,
all investments carry risk.

419
00:16:14,241 --> 00:16:16,709
Darling, if you cut me out
of this, I'll kill you.

420
00:16:16,776 --> 00:16:18,511
What can I say? You're in.

421
00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:19,812
(chuckling)

422
00:16:19,879 --> 00:16:21,714
Uh, Alan has one "L."

423
00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,084
Oh.

424
00:16:25,852 --> 00:16:27,487
* Men.

425
00:16:27,554 --> 00:16:28,788
(doorbell rings)

426
00:16:28,855 --> 00:16:30,790
Hey, Mr. Harper.

427
00:16:30,857 --> 00:16:31,958
Hey, Gordon.

428
00:16:32,025 --> 00:16:34,027
$23.75?
You got it.

429
00:16:34,094 --> 00:16:36,829
Hey, I delivered a pizza
to Rose the other day.

430
00:16:36,896 --> 00:16:37,997
Oh, yeah?

431
00:16:38,065 --> 00:16:39,132
Did you meet her husband?

432
00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:41,368
You mean Manny?

433
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:42,935
Yeah.

434
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:44,804
I take it you haven't.

435
00:16:44,871 --> 00:16:47,874
Well, no, for obvious reasons.

436
00:16:47,940 --> 00:16:49,742
What kind of guy is he?

437
00:16:49,809 --> 00:16:51,744
He's quiet.

438
00:16:54,114 --> 00:16:56,649
A little stiff.

439
00:16:56,716 --> 00:16:59,119
What did you say he did
for a living?

440
00:16:59,186 --> 00:17:00,953
Uh, he's some kind
of important figure

441
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:01,954
in the fashion industry.

442
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,624
Right. Right.

443
00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:06,326
So Manny Quinn--

444
00:17:06,393 --> 00:17:09,028
an important figure
in the fashion industry.

445
00:17:09,096 --> 00:17:10,330
Right.

446
00:17:10,397 --> 00:17:12,065
Here's $30. Keep the change.

447
00:17:12,132 --> 00:17:13,666
Thanks.

448
00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:15,802
Manny Quinn, Mr. Harper.

449
00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:17,937
Fashion figure.

450
00:17:18,004 --> 00:17:19,239
That's what I said.

451
00:17:19,306 --> 00:17:23,543
Manny... Quinn... figure.

452
00:17:23,610 --> 00:17:24,711
Uh-huh.

453
00:17:24,777 --> 00:17:26,513
Manny Quinn!

454
00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:29,716
What the hell is
wrong with you?

455
00:17:29,782 --> 00:17:31,851
Nothing. Good night.

456
00:17:31,918 --> 00:17:33,520
Good night.

457
00:17:34,987 --> 00:17:37,056
He's got the beach house
and I'm delivering pizzas.

458
00:17:37,124 --> 00:17:38,991
Un-freaking-believable!

459
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:40,960
* Men.

460
00:17:41,027 --> 00:17:43,263
(doorbell rings)

461
00:17:43,330 --> 00:17:44,831
How dare you.

462
00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:46,233
Nice to see you, too.

463
00:17:46,299 --> 00:17:47,900
You go behind my back
and talk my husband

464
00:17:47,967 --> 00:17:50,002
into giving you some kind
of business loan?

465
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:51,838
Herb told you?
Of course, Herb told me.

466
00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:52,972
We love each other.

467
00:17:53,039 --> 00:17:54,107
We love each
other so much,

468
00:17:54,174 --> 00:17:56,309
she went
through my checkbook.

469
00:17:57,844 --> 00:17:59,179
Not to worry.

470
00:17:59,246 --> 00:18:01,047
I am very pleased
to announce

471
00:18:01,114 --> 00:18:03,483
that your investment
has paid off.

472
00:18:03,550 --> 00:18:05,285
(sighs)

473
00:18:05,352 --> 00:18:07,920
That's your
original $15,000,

474
00:18:07,987 --> 00:18:10,590
plus 20% interest.

475
00:18:10,657 --> 00:18:12,159
Wow.

476
00:18:12,225 --> 00:18:13,393
You're welcome.

477
00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:14,827
Oh, can...
can I see?

478
00:18:14,894 --> 00:18:16,796
Alan, wait.

479
00:18:19,065 --> 00:18:20,600
Yeah?

480
00:18:20,667 --> 00:18:22,802
What if we don't want
to cash out?

481
00:18:22,869 --> 00:18:25,104
Whatever do you mean?

482
00:18:25,172 --> 00:18:26,473
Reinvest this and add in

483
00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:28,275
the next six months
of your child support.

484
00:18:28,341 --> 00:18:30,343
Hold on, now. That money's
supposed to be for Jake.

485
00:18:30,410 --> 00:18:31,678
Oh, don't be so naive.

486
00:18:31,744 --> 00:18:33,146
You want it or not?

487
00:18:34,046 --> 00:18:36,249
Sure, if you insist.

488
00:18:36,316 --> 00:18:38,418
Well, see you.

489
00:18:38,485 --> 00:18:40,487
Bye.

490
00:18:43,190 --> 00:18:46,159
I'm thinking somebody
owes somebody an apology.

491
00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:49,696
I'm sorry.

492
00:18:49,762 --> 00:18:51,598
* Men.

493
00:18:53,933 --> 00:18:55,202
* Men.

494
00:18:55,268 --> 00:18:56,203
(laughing)

495
00:18:56,269 --> 00:18:57,670
Unbelievable!

496
00:18:57,737 --> 00:19:01,107
You ask for money,
and they just give it to you.

497
00:19:01,174 --> 00:19:02,842
And then you take the new money

498
00:19:02,909 --> 00:19:05,978
and use it to pay back
some of the old money.

499
00:19:06,045 --> 00:19:07,714
But they don't want it back.

500
00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:09,716
And they give you more.

501
00:19:09,782 --> 00:19:11,050
'Cause they're greedy.

502
00:19:11,117 --> 00:19:14,221
Greedy, greedy, greedy, greedy.

503
00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:17,757
Oh, God, what have I done?

504
00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:19,726
ALAN'S VOICE:
Oh, quit your whining.

505
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,529
Who said that?

506
00:19:22,595 --> 00:19:24,664
Over here.

507
00:19:28,034 --> 00:19:29,001
Hi.

508
00:19:29,068 --> 00:19:30,270
How you doing?

509
00:19:30,337 --> 00:19:32,305
Not so good.

510
00:19:37,076 --> 00:19:39,246
Feeling better?

511
00:19:40,247 --> 00:19:42,249
This isn't happening.

512
00:19:42,315 --> 00:19:43,850
I'm losing my mind.

513
00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:45,385
Your mind is fine.

514
00:19:45,452 --> 00:19:48,288
What you should be worried about
is losing your hair.

515
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:52,425
Now, do yourself a favor
and stop with the guilt.

516
00:19:52,492 --> 00:19:53,360
How?

517
00:19:53,426 --> 00:19:54,494
I'm betraying my friends.

518
00:19:54,561 --> 00:19:55,995
I'm betraying my family.

519
00:19:56,062 --> 00:19:58,097
Feels good, doesn't it?

520
00:19:58,164 --> 00:19:59,899
Yes. No!

521
00:19:59,966 --> 00:20:01,901
I'm... well, I'm not sure.

522
00:20:01,968 --> 00:20:04,737
Oh, come on. You've spent
your whole life being a doormat.

523
00:20:04,804 --> 00:20:07,374
This is your chance
to finally get what you deserve.

524
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:08,908
But what about the guilt?

525
00:20:08,975 --> 00:20:10,109
The hell with the guilt.

526
00:20:10,176 --> 00:20:12,211
Let's be bad guys.

527
00:20:12,279 --> 00:20:14,113
Bad guys?

528
00:20:14,180 --> 00:20:16,215
It's time for a change,
don't you think?

529
00:20:17,250 --> 00:20:20,152
Could we grow a mustache?

530
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:22,922
I've always wanted a mustache.

531
00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:25,325
We're going to grow balls.

532
00:20:25,392 --> 00:20:27,594
Oh, good.

533
00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:30,463
I've always wanted those, too.

534
00:20:31,998 --> 00:20:33,666
* Men.

535
00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:35,368
See you.

536
00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:37,169
Where you going?
Out.

537
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:38,505
Out?

538
00:20:39,406 --> 00:20:40,973
Yeah. Out.

539
00:20:46,279 --> 00:20:48,748
You got a problem with that?

540
00:20:50,283 --> 00:20:52,218
No. Not at all.

541
00:20:52,285 --> 00:20:54,421
All right, then.

542
00:21:06,366 --> 00:21:08,501
* Men.*