1 00:00:03,471 --> 00:00:06,674 Lyndsey and I have decided to live together. 2 00:00:07,741 --> 00:00:09,243 End of an era, huh, Charlie? 3 00:00:09,310 --> 00:00:12,046 From now on, no brother, no nephew... 4 00:00:12,113 --> 00:00:15,749 just the sounds of the ocean punctuated by the soft voices 5 00:00:15,816 --> 00:00:19,520 of prostitutes lying about the enormity of my sexual organ. 6 00:00:19,587 --> 00:00:21,755 Alan, dinner's on the table! 7 00:00:21,822 --> 00:00:23,557 Hey, I noticed this old pipe on the mantle. 8 00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:24,425 It's a beauty. 9 00:00:24,492 --> 00:00:26,194 Oh, it was my grandfather's. 10 00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:27,961 Oh, wow, they don't make 'em like this anymore. 11 00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:29,363 So now that he's gone, 12 00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:31,232 what are you gonna do with that empty room? 13 00:00:31,299 --> 00:00:33,367 Uh... why do you ask? 14 00:00:33,434 --> 00:00:35,669 I was just thinking, it might be nice 15 00:00:35,736 --> 00:00:39,607 to spend the occasional weekend here on the beach. 16 00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:41,709 Well, from now on, this house is your home. 17 00:00:50,951 --> 00:00:53,254 Do you smell something burning? 18 00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:02,630 * Men. 19 00:01:02,696 --> 00:01:06,534 Whoo, what a day. 20 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:07,501 Mmm-hmm. 21 00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:10,638 Who could've seen this one coming? 22 00:01:15,376 --> 00:01:17,945 Oh, please-- after seven years, you know, 23 00:01:18,011 --> 00:01:19,480 I finally move out of your house, 24 00:01:19,547 --> 00:01:22,816 and within two days, I burn my new home down. 25 00:01:22,883 --> 00:01:25,819 You can't write this stuff. 26 00:01:25,886 --> 00:01:31,559 I could if I used your skin for paper and your blood for ink. 27 00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:34,094 I just want you to know that as soon as we get 28 00:01:34,162 --> 00:01:35,729 the insurance money and repair the fire damage, 29 00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:38,399 Lyndsey and the boys and I will be out of your hair for good. 30 00:01:38,466 --> 00:01:40,801 Unless, of course, you burn her house down again. 31 00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:42,836 (laughs) Funny. 32 00:01:42,903 --> 00:01:46,607 See? That's what we need at times like this-- laughter. 33 00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:50,043 (snide laugh) 34 00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:53,314 I'm gonna take that as laughter! 35 00:01:53,381 --> 00:01:56,184 Trust me, Eldridge is a great kid, 36 00:01:56,250 --> 00:01:57,951 and you're gonna love Lyndsey. 37 00:01:58,018 --> 00:02:00,421 If you can open up your mind just a little, 38 00:02:00,488 --> 00:02:02,790 you will really enjoy having them here. 39 00:02:02,856 --> 00:02:05,193 LYNDSEY: Damn it, Eldridge! Why the hell did you try 40 00:02:05,259 --> 00:02:06,994 to flush a washcloth down the toilet?! 41 00:02:07,060 --> 00:02:09,630 I'm not enjoying it yet, Alan. 42 00:02:09,697 --> 00:02:11,732 Charlie, you got a mop? 43 00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:12,833 Laundry room. Thank you. 44 00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:14,235 Need any help, sweetie? 45 00:02:14,302 --> 00:02:16,304 No, but if I need my house burned down again, 46 00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:17,805 I'll let you know. 47 00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:19,072 See? She is keeping 48 00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:22,243 a sense of humor about it. (chuckles) 49 00:02:22,310 --> 00:02:24,778 You've ruined my entire life, you know that? 50 00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:27,014 You're right, I like her. 51 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:28,782 We've got a lot in common. 52 00:02:31,219 --> 00:02:33,521 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 53 00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:36,757 * Ah. * Men. * Men. 54 00:02:38,692 --> 00:02:39,793 * Men. 55 00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:41,895 What do you want me to tell you, Chris? 56 00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:43,331 If you want to see your son, 57 00:02:43,397 --> 00:02:44,565 you're gonna have to come to Malibu. 58 00:02:44,632 --> 00:02:45,699 Oh, grow up! 59 00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:48,068 You think I planned to have the house burn down? 60 00:02:48,135 --> 00:02:49,102 It was an accident! 61 00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:52,273 It was, you know. 62 00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:53,241 LYNDSEY: Drop dead! 63 00:02:53,307 --> 00:02:54,875 (phone clatters) 64 00:02:54,942 --> 00:02:58,446 Whoo, I'd say she's a little miffed with your dad. 65 00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:00,414 I'd say she wants to tear him a new one. 66 00:03:00,481 --> 00:03:02,316 Hey! watch your language. 67 00:03:02,383 --> 00:03:03,717 What'd I say? 68 00:03:03,784 --> 00:03:05,353 New one. 69 00:03:05,419 --> 00:03:07,521 Mmm, honey, honey, 70 00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:09,623 uh, just a little heads up, 71 00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:11,492 um, the boys could hear you out there. 72 00:03:11,559 --> 00:03:13,794 I don't give a rat's ass what they can hear! 73 00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:18,599 His father's a jerk and you burned down my freakin' house! 74 00:03:18,666 --> 00:03:20,200 Our house. 75 00:03:20,268 --> 00:03:22,570 Dear God, stop talking. 76 00:03:28,309 --> 00:03:29,577 Aw, damn! 77 00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:31,412 Hey, Berta. 78 00:03:31,479 --> 00:03:32,846 Bet you're surprised to see me back. 79 00:03:32,913 --> 00:03:36,317 It's my own fault. I let myself believe. 80 00:03:36,384 --> 00:03:38,319 Well, I want you to meet my girlfriend Lyndsey. 81 00:03:38,386 --> 00:03:40,120 And this is her son Eldridge. 82 00:03:40,187 --> 00:03:42,456 And they're gonna be staying with us for a little while. 83 00:03:42,523 --> 00:03:45,459 What'd he do, burn down your house? (laughs) 84 00:03:47,795 --> 00:03:49,663 It was an accident! 85 00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:55,002 Hello, everyone. 86 00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:57,438 I hope you all slept well. 87 00:03:57,505 --> 00:03:58,839 If there's anything I can do 88 00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:00,308 to make your stay here more comfortable, 89 00:04:00,374 --> 00:04:01,642 please be sure to tell me. 90 00:04:01,709 --> 00:04:03,544 Thank you, Charlie. That is so... 91 00:04:03,611 --> 00:04:05,379 Uh! He doesn't mean it. 92 00:04:07,114 --> 00:04:07,915 Hey, Uncle Charlie? 93 00:04:07,981 --> 00:04:08,782 Yeah? 94 00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:09,883 You miss me? 95 00:04:14,488 --> 00:04:16,690 He missed me. 96 00:04:18,992 --> 00:04:20,728 * Men. 97 00:04:22,296 --> 00:04:25,433 Honestly, I don't see why you can't live here. 98 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,302 You're kidding, right? 99 00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:29,403 There's no roof. 100 00:04:29,470 --> 00:04:30,838 So wear a hat. 101 00:04:32,172 --> 00:04:35,476 My great grandmother's candlesticks. 102 00:04:35,543 --> 00:04:37,511 Oh, Lyndsey, I'm sorry. 103 00:04:37,578 --> 00:04:39,279 She smuggled these out of Denmark 104 00:04:39,347 --> 00:04:40,448 when the Nazis invaded. 105 00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:42,215 Really? Where'd she hide 'em? 106 00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:43,617 Charlie, don't go there. 107 00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:45,353 Oh, like I'm the only one? 108 00:04:45,419 --> 00:04:47,588 Look at the bright side. 109 00:04:47,655 --> 00:04:49,523 Even though we've lost some material items, 110 00:04:49,590 --> 00:04:51,759 the important thing is we're all safe 111 00:04:51,825 --> 00:04:53,327 and we've still got each other, right. 112 00:04:53,394 --> 00:04:56,229 You're making my skin crawl. 113 00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,866 Hey, guys... smile. 114 00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:01,535 It's for your Christmas card. 115 00:05:01,602 --> 00:05:04,137 All my stuff is wrecked. 116 00:05:04,204 --> 00:05:05,272 Oh, I'm sorry, buddy. 117 00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:06,407 Sorry isn't gonna bring back 118 00:05:06,474 --> 00:05:07,808 my guitar or my X-Box 119 00:05:07,875 --> 00:05:10,110 or the history paper that's due tomorrow 120 00:05:10,177 --> 00:05:11,945 that I totally had finished. 121 00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:13,246 Where's Eldridge? 122 00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:15,349 He's drying out his weed in the backyard. 123 00:05:15,416 --> 00:05:16,850 Weed?! 124 00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:18,819 Wii. 125 00:05:18,886 --> 00:05:19,887 Nintendo Wii. 126 00:05:19,953 --> 00:05:20,921 I better go help him. 127 00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:25,092 I could use a little Wii right now. 128 00:05:27,528 --> 00:05:30,063 Is this my Armani jacket? 129 00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:31,565 Oh! Oh, yeah. You know, 130 00:05:31,632 --> 00:05:33,367 I don't know how that got in with my things. 131 00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:34,468 I was gonna bring it back. 132 00:05:34,535 --> 00:05:35,803 But now that you're here, 133 00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:37,838 why don't you just take it with you? 134 00:05:37,905 --> 00:05:38,706 Saves me the trip. 135 00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:41,008 You know what? Happy birthday. 136 00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:44,578 Not much of a birthday present. 137 00:05:44,645 --> 00:05:46,747 HERB: Ding-dong. 138 00:05:46,814 --> 00:05:48,315 Hi, neighbor. 139 00:05:48,382 --> 00:05:49,917 We saw your cars out front. 140 00:05:49,983 --> 00:05:51,051 Hey, Judith. 141 00:05:51,118 --> 00:05:52,252 Incredible, huh? 142 00:05:52,319 --> 00:05:55,389 Wow, this place is a wreck. 143 00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:58,091 But still livable. 144 00:06:00,628 --> 00:06:02,029 What are you gonna do? 145 00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:03,731 Well, till the place gets fixed up, 146 00:06:03,797 --> 00:06:05,799 we're all staying in Malibu with Charlie. 147 00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:07,067 Really? 148 00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:08,469 All of you... 149 00:06:08,536 --> 00:06:10,804 at Charlie's? What are you smiling about? 150 00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:13,841 You know what I'm smiling about. 151 00:06:13,907 --> 00:06:16,143 Well, I hope the repairs go quickly 152 00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:18,011 so we get you back here real soon. 153 00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:19,279 Thanks. I'm gonna miss 154 00:06:19,346 --> 00:06:20,781 your friendly face every morning 155 00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:22,215 when I'm getting the paper. 156 00:06:22,282 --> 00:06:23,383 Every morning?! 157 00:06:23,451 --> 00:06:24,685 Our schedules synch up 158 00:06:24,752 --> 00:06:26,554 when I'm doing my power walk. 159 00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:31,559 Power walk? 160 00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:33,126 What are you smiling about? 161 00:06:33,193 --> 00:06:34,495 You know what I'm smiling about. 162 00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:39,132 Hey! My pipe survived! 163 00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:40,601 It's like a miracle. 164 00:06:43,203 --> 00:06:45,606 Filthy habit. 165 00:06:47,475 --> 00:06:50,277 * Men. 166 00:06:50,343 --> 00:06:54,648 Oh, look, look, look-- The Towering Inferno ison. 167 00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:01,689 No? 168 00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:07,661 Oh! Stephen King's Firestarter. 169 00:07:09,229 --> 00:07:10,998 No? 170 00:07:11,064 --> 00:07:13,100 All right. 171 00:07:15,703 --> 00:07:19,172 (chuckles) How about Blazing Saddles? 172 00:07:23,376 --> 00:07:25,012 Too soon? 173 00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:27,247 You guys are no fun. 174 00:07:27,314 --> 00:07:29,116 I'm gonna call a hooker. 175 00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:32,520 Charlie, there's two young boys in the house. 176 00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:34,254 Let 'em get their own hookers. 177 00:07:34,321 --> 00:07:35,923 Charlie, for God's sake. 178 00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:37,691 Don't worry. I'm a responsible uncle. 179 00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:39,092 That's nice to know. 180 00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:41,328 I promise I'll get a quiet prostitute. 181 00:07:41,394 --> 00:07:42,630 Believe it or not, 182 00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:44,331 that's a real concession on his part. 183 00:07:44,397 --> 00:07:47,801 Now where is my phone? 184 00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:49,537 Oh, right, I must've left it in 185 00:07:49,603 --> 00:07:55,576 the charred-but-still-very- livable remains of your house, 186 00:07:55,643 --> 00:07:57,244 which he burned down. 187 00:07:58,579 --> 00:08:00,180 You're gonna go over there now? 188 00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:02,583 All my hooker numbers are in that phone. 189 00:08:02,650 --> 00:08:04,184 So unless you wanna have sex with me 190 00:08:04,251 --> 00:08:06,554 for $1,000 an hour, I need the phone. 191 00:08:12,526 --> 00:08:15,295 You don't really think he'd give me $1,000 an hour? 192 00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:18,265 If I were you, I'd get the money up front. 193 00:08:21,468 --> 00:08:23,604 * Men. 194 00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:35,616 Ah... there we are. 195 00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:37,718 (to the tune of "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star"): 196 00:08:37,785 --> 00:08:40,854 * A-B-C-D-E-F-G-... 197 00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:42,089 * H... 198 00:08:42,155 --> 00:08:44,324 Hookers. 199 00:08:44,391 --> 00:08:48,662 Hookers, hookers, hookers... 200 00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:52,900 Lookin' for a quiet hooker. 201 00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:56,136 Ah, there we go: "Silent Betty." 202 00:08:57,905 --> 00:09:00,207 Not a lot of coverage in here. 203 00:09:01,408 --> 00:09:02,275 Who the hell are you? 204 00:09:02,342 --> 00:09:04,044 Who the hell are you? 205 00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:07,247 You're right, let's just stay mysterious strangers. 206 00:09:07,314 --> 00:09:09,249 This used to be my house, you know. 207 00:09:11,484 --> 00:09:13,153 You the ex-husband? 208 00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:14,354 Chris MacElroy. 209 00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:15,355 Charlie Harper. 210 00:09:15,422 --> 00:09:17,858 Alan's brother. 211 00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:20,527 I don't usually admit it, but yeah. 212 00:09:20,594 --> 00:09:22,930 What are you doing here, Chris? 213 00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:25,866 I wanted to see what the damage was 214 00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:27,234 and just, you know, sit here. 215 00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:30,604 Try and figure out where it all went wrong. 216 00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:32,172 What'd you come up with? 217 00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:36,509 I probably shouldn't have banged the babysitter. 218 00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,846 Yeah, that can do it. 219 00:09:40,447 --> 00:09:42,182 I did a babysitter once. 220 00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:44,618 My mom was furious. 221 00:09:46,186 --> 00:09:48,689 Wouldn't drive her home and absolutely refused to pay her. 222 00:09:48,756 --> 00:09:51,158 Want a drink? 223 00:09:51,224 --> 00:09:53,293 Sure, why not? 224 00:09:55,295 --> 00:09:56,563 To babysitters. 225 00:09:56,630 --> 00:09:58,198 (chuckles) 226 00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:02,469 Is this a private party or can anyone join? 227 00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:04,938 Hey, Herb! Come on in. 228 00:10:05,005 --> 00:10:07,307 Hey, Chris, long time no see. 229 00:10:07,374 --> 00:10:09,743 Likewise. Grab a seat, have a drink. 230 00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:11,378 Oh, gee, I don't know. 231 00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,847 I told Judith I was taking out the garbage. 232 00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:18,051 What the heck. I didn't say where I was taking it. 233 00:10:21,922 --> 00:10:23,290 So you two guys know each other? 234 00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:24,524 Oh, you kidding? 235 00:10:24,591 --> 00:10:26,660 Chris is a legend in this neighborhood. 236 00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:28,228 What was she, like, 19? 237 00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:29,596 Twenty-two. 238 00:10:29,663 --> 00:10:31,699 Nevertheless, quite an accomplishment. 239 00:10:34,201 --> 00:10:35,769 Hey, is she still babysitting? 240 00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,305 'Cause we're looking for somebody, 241 00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:40,507 and everybody Judith interviews is fat and ugly. 242 00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:43,677 Take it from me, Herb, you're better off with fat and ugly. 243 00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:46,714 Oh, I hardly think so. 244 00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:48,782 You'd really be willing 245 00:10:48,849 --> 00:10:50,918 to risk your marriage over a cute young babysitter? 246 00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:54,755 I certainly wouldn't risk it over a fat ugly one. 247 00:10:54,822 --> 00:10:57,958 Can't argue with that. 248 00:10:58,025 --> 00:10:59,359 * Men. 249 00:11:02,095 --> 00:11:03,663 * Men. 250 00:11:03,731 --> 00:11:04,932 I made us a snacky snack. 251 00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,700 (flatly): Swell. 252 00:11:06,767 --> 00:11:09,369 We have onion dip and cool ranch. 253 00:11:09,436 --> 00:11:11,238 Always good to have a choice of dips. 254 00:11:11,304 --> 00:11:13,073 And I chose you. 255 00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:17,310 Zing! (chuckles) 256 00:11:19,947 --> 00:11:21,348 What are you doing? 257 00:11:21,414 --> 00:11:23,583 Just gettin' comfy. 258 00:11:23,650 --> 00:11:25,853 Snugglin' up on the world's best pillow. 259 00:11:25,919 --> 00:11:29,222 (chuckles) Mmm! 260 00:11:29,289 --> 00:11:30,724 (farts) 261 00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:38,398 Whoa. That was an accident, right? 262 00:11:38,465 --> 00:11:41,835 Sure... 263 00:11:41,902 --> 00:11:43,904 let's call it an accident. 264 00:11:45,105 --> 00:11:47,040 Hey, can you take me back to Mom's? Why? 265 00:11:47,107 --> 00:11:48,608 Eldridge is being a tool. 266 00:11:48,675 --> 00:11:51,244 Whoa! 267 00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:52,245 Dad! 268 00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:53,413 It wasn't me, it was... 269 00:11:54,882 --> 00:11:57,584 Yeah, I'll take you back to your mom's. 270 00:11:57,650 --> 00:11:58,585 Hey, Alan? 271 00:11:58,651 --> 00:11:59,586 What? 272 00:11:59,652 --> 00:12:01,521 Try not to burn down her house. 273 00:12:01,588 --> 00:12:03,056 Yeah, ha-ha. 274 00:12:03,123 --> 00:12:06,326 You might want to light some matches while I'm gone. 275 00:12:09,362 --> 00:12:11,198 * Men. 276 00:12:11,264 --> 00:12:13,000 So, Chris, what're you up to these days? 277 00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:15,202 Not a lot. After Lyndsey threw me out, 278 00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:17,204 I lost my job, started drinking heavily 279 00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:19,907 and I just found out I have a lump on my groin. 280 00:12:19,973 --> 00:12:22,776 Bad place for a lump. 281 00:12:22,843 --> 00:12:23,911 Tell me a good place. 282 00:12:23,977 --> 00:12:26,746 Somebody else's groin. 283 00:12:30,483 --> 00:12:32,219 Touché. 284 00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:34,922 Boy, you make one mistake 285 00:12:34,988 --> 00:12:36,957 and you pay for it for the rest of your life. 286 00:12:37,024 --> 00:12:38,992 You only did the babysitter once? 287 00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:41,962 Oh, no, that was two years, morning, noon and night, 288 00:12:42,029 --> 00:12:43,931 but I count it as one mistake. 289 00:12:45,065 --> 00:12:48,869 Maybe that's where he got the lump. 290 00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:50,103 (knocking) 291 00:12:50,170 --> 00:12:52,005 Did somebody order a pizza? 292 00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:55,242 Hey, it's my favorite pizza boy! 293 00:12:55,308 --> 00:12:57,077 I'm 38 years old, Mr. Harper. 294 00:12:57,144 --> 00:12:59,146 I have high blood pressure and alimony payments. 295 00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:00,580 You got a lump on your groin? No. 296 00:13:00,647 --> 00:13:02,115 Then don't complain. 297 00:13:03,851 --> 00:13:05,185 So what are you people doing here? 298 00:13:05,252 --> 00:13:08,055 Having a lonely drink in memory of our hopes and dreams 299 00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:10,090 that are now dead and buried. 300 00:13:10,157 --> 00:13:12,625 Oh. 301 00:13:12,692 --> 00:13:13,961 I'm in. 302 00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,831 * Men. 303 00:13:17,898 --> 00:13:19,632 If it's all the same to you, 304 00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:21,701 I'm gonna stay with Mom for a little while. 305 00:13:21,768 --> 00:13:23,003 (sighs) Come on, Jake, 306 00:13:23,070 --> 00:13:24,704 I know it's been a little rocky lately, 307 00:13:24,771 --> 00:13:25,906 but things'll work out. 308 00:13:25,973 --> 00:13:29,076 Yeah, well, when they do, call me. 309 00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:31,078 Hey, Mom. What are you doing here? 310 00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:32,846 What is he he doing here? 311 00:13:32,913 --> 00:13:34,681 He wasn't getting along with Lyndsey's son. 312 00:13:34,747 --> 00:13:35,916 Maybe that's because 313 00:13:35,983 --> 00:13:38,218 Lyndsey's son is a degenerate pothead. 314 00:13:38,285 --> 00:13:39,252 He's not so bad. 315 00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:40,787 He just made some bad choices. 316 00:13:40,854 --> 00:13:43,156 So did his mom. 317 00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:48,461 Yeah, well, you made the same bad choice she did! 318 00:13:48,528 --> 00:13:50,663 Ha-ha! 319 00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:54,101 (men laughing in distance) 320 00:13:57,270 --> 00:13:59,272 So Alan's, like, I don't know, five, six years old, 321 00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:02,976 and I walk in his bedroom and he's in there with the dog, 322 00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:04,945 and I start yelling, "Whoa, whoa, whoa! No, no! 323 00:14:05,012 --> 00:14:06,179 Are you crazy?! Stop that!" 324 00:14:06,246 --> 00:14:07,915 Looks up at me and says "What?" 325 00:14:07,981 --> 00:14:10,017 I say, "Alan, the dog is supposed 326 00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:11,684 to lick the peanut butter off you." 327 00:14:11,751 --> 00:14:14,321 (all laugh) 328 00:14:15,555 --> 00:14:19,159 To this day, I can't eat peanut butter. 329 00:14:19,226 --> 00:14:20,227 Hello? 330 00:14:20,293 --> 00:14:23,496 Hey, we were just talking about you. 331 00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:25,465 All good, I hope. 332 00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:26,833 Oh, yeah, it was good. 333 00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:28,635 (all laugh) 334 00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:29,536 So, what's going on? 335 00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:30,670 Just having a drink 336 00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:32,039 with a few friends. 337 00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:33,706 Chris, I believe you know my brother. 338 00:14:33,773 --> 00:14:36,376 The man who's banging your wife and burned down your house. 339 00:14:37,477 --> 00:14:38,411 Hi. 340 00:14:39,947 --> 00:14:42,215 Pull up a chair. Have a drink 341 00:14:42,282 --> 00:14:44,651 with your girlfriend's ex and your wife's new husband. 342 00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:47,921 I just brought the pizza. 343 00:14:47,988 --> 00:14:50,223 I don't think I've slept with anyone you know. 344 00:14:51,925 --> 00:14:53,493 Okay. 345 00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:56,596 Hey, you know what I just realized? 346 00:14:56,663 --> 00:15:00,100 You three guys have all slept with each other. 347 00:15:00,167 --> 00:15:02,202 What? What? With all due respect, Charlie, 348 00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:03,670 I think I'd remember that. 349 00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:06,206 No, no, think about it. 350 00:15:06,273 --> 00:15:09,076 They say that when you have sex with someone, 351 00:15:09,142 --> 00:15:10,577 you're basically having sex with everyone 352 00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:12,079 they've ever had sex with. 353 00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:15,682 Oh. I guess you and I have done the dirty deed. 354 00:15:17,384 --> 00:15:20,287 Because of Judith, not the peanut butter dog. 355 00:15:24,191 --> 00:15:25,658 You told them?! 356 00:15:25,725 --> 00:15:27,294 I tell everybody. 357 00:15:29,662 --> 00:15:30,597 Wait. 358 00:15:30,663 --> 00:15:32,799 So Herb has slept with Alan, 359 00:15:32,865 --> 00:15:35,602 and Alan has slept with Chris, which means that... 360 00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:37,370 I've slept with Lyndsey! 361 00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:39,672 (chuckles) Yes! 362 00:15:41,641 --> 00:15:43,643 * Men. 363 00:15:46,379 --> 00:15:49,549 (farts) 364 00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:52,452 (phone rings) 365 00:15:52,519 --> 00:15:54,121 Hello? 366 00:15:54,187 --> 00:15:56,956 How could you sleep with Herb? 367 00:15:57,024 --> 00:15:58,358 Alan, is that you? 368 00:15:58,425 --> 00:16:00,127 Who's Herb? Where are you? 369 00:16:00,193 --> 00:16:01,894 I'm in our house. 370 00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,096 What are you doing there? 371 00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:04,664 Because there's nowhere else 372 00:16:04,731 --> 00:16:07,000 for me to go 'cause you won't forgive me. 373 00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:08,968 Why won't you forgive me? 374 00:16:09,036 --> 00:16:10,703 You're drunk. 375 00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:13,673 Yeah, well, you farted at me. 376 00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:15,242 Good-bye, Alan. 377 00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:17,510 Where's Jake? 378 00:16:17,577 --> 00:16:20,780 He left hours ago, to get away from you. 379 00:16:20,847 --> 00:16:21,914 Where's Alan? 380 00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:24,017 He left to get away from me. 381 00:16:24,084 --> 00:16:26,919 Where's what's-his-name? 382 00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:28,588 The guy who owns the house? 383 00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:32,359 He left to get away from all of us. 384 00:16:34,027 --> 00:16:37,897 Hey, this is working out pretty good, huh? 385 00:16:37,964 --> 00:16:41,568 You know, I envy you guys. 386 00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:44,437 You've all been married, have kids. 387 00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:46,573 Yeah, it didn't end well, 388 00:16:46,639 --> 00:16:50,043 but for a moment in time, each and every one of you experienced 389 00:16:50,110 --> 00:16:52,245 what it is to have a family, 390 00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:55,948 to give and receive unconditional love. 391 00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:57,517 My marriage isn't over. 392 00:16:57,584 --> 00:17:00,387 Dude, you've been taking out the garbage 393 00:17:00,453 --> 00:17:02,722 for two-and-a-half hours. 394 00:17:04,724 --> 00:17:08,195 I said it wasn't over, I didn't say it was good. 395 00:17:09,929 --> 00:17:11,998 Really, Charlie, you envy us? 396 00:17:12,065 --> 00:17:13,766 Oh, come on, look at me. 397 00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:15,034 What do I have? 398 00:17:15,102 --> 00:17:17,104 A big house on the beach, 399 00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:20,407 more money than I know what to do with... 400 00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:24,644 and a cell phone full of candid video of me 401 00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:26,813 having uninhibited sex with beautiful women 402 00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:29,682 whose names I don't remember. 403 00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:31,284 (chuckles) 404 00:17:33,353 --> 00:17:36,923 (quietly): I don't think he envies us at all. 405 00:17:36,989 --> 00:17:40,093 Good catch, Herb. 406 00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:41,728 I gotta go pee. 407 00:17:41,794 --> 00:17:43,696 Oh, uh, bathroom's right back there. 408 00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:46,699 I know where it is! I used to live here. 409 00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:48,635 Right, right. 410 00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:50,337 That's a classy guy. 411 00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:53,940 Using the toilet in a house with no plumbing. 412 00:17:54,006 --> 00:17:55,942 Where have you been going? 413 00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:57,377 Refrigerator. 414 00:17:59,045 --> 00:18:00,680 I filled the vegetable crisper. 415 00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:04,217 See? That's what I love about you, Charlie. 416 00:18:04,284 --> 00:18:05,785 You're a maverick. 417 00:18:05,852 --> 00:18:09,589 I gotta start being more mavericky-ky. 418 00:18:09,656 --> 00:18:12,559 JUDITH: Herb, where the hell are you?! 419 00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:14,227 Maybe tomorrow. 420 00:18:15,962 --> 00:18:19,065 Hey, Lyndsey, you'll never guess 421 00:18:19,132 --> 00:18:21,734 what we figured out about you and me. 422 00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:24,204 JUDITH: Herb! See ya soon. 423 00:18:25,272 --> 00:18:27,307 Alan, let's go home. 424 00:18:27,374 --> 00:18:29,842 You came to get me? 425 00:18:29,909 --> 00:18:30,710 Yeah. 426 00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:31,844 You forgive me? 427 00:18:31,911 --> 00:18:34,781 Well, I thought about it and... 428 00:18:34,847 --> 00:18:35,882 Hey, Lyndsey. 429 00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:36,949 Chris. 430 00:18:37,016 --> 00:18:38,151 What are you doing here? 431 00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:40,787 Well, I came to see the damage 432 00:18:40,853 --> 00:18:43,290 and I just started thinking about us; 433 00:18:43,356 --> 00:18:44,991 what an idiot I was. 434 00:18:45,057 --> 00:18:46,959 You were, you know? 435 00:18:47,026 --> 00:18:49,196 I'd give anything to start over. 436 00:18:49,262 --> 00:18:50,797 Really? 437 00:18:50,863 --> 00:18:54,967 Uh, excuse me, but weren't you about to forgive me? 438 00:18:55,034 --> 00:18:56,303 Can we go out someplace 439 00:18:56,369 --> 00:18:58,671 and have a cup of coffee and maybe, 440 00:18:58,738 --> 00:19:00,072 I don't know, just talk? 441 00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:03,176 (coughs): Babysitter. 442 00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,214 Well, I guess 443 00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:08,181 there's nothing wrong with talking. 444 00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:09,782 That's great. 445 00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:12,552 I can't tell you how much I've missed you and Eldridge. 446 00:19:12,619 --> 00:19:14,854 He really needs a father, Chris. 447 00:19:14,921 --> 00:19:17,657 Uh, so I'll see you back at the house, right? 448 00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:23,463 She left her kid there; she's gotta come back. 449 00:19:23,530 --> 00:19:25,698 Would you come back for that kid? 450 00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:30,169 She's never coming back. 451 00:19:30,237 --> 00:19:32,972 (muttering) 452 00:19:33,039 --> 00:19:35,242 * Men. 453 00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:38,711 * Men. 454 00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:41,214 You know who you remind me of, Alan? 455 00:19:41,281 --> 00:19:42,782 Job. 456 00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:44,050 Job from the Bible? 457 00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:46,553 How many Jobs you know? 458 00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:49,456 Job-- the guy God punishes just for laughs. 459 00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:52,325 Mm! God punishes Job to test his faith. 460 00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:54,126 Still funny. 461 00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:55,995 (grunts) 462 00:19:56,062 --> 00:19:57,364 What time is it? 463 00:19:57,430 --> 00:19:58,865 A little after midnight. 464 00:19:58,931 --> 00:20:00,533 (groans) 465 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:02,502 So much for that 30-minute guarantee. 466 00:20:02,569 --> 00:20:04,837 Good night, fellas. 467 00:20:04,904 --> 00:20:06,072 Good night, Gordon. 468 00:20:06,138 --> 00:20:07,340 Night, Gordon. 469 00:20:09,108 --> 00:20:12,479 So... 470 00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:14,447 Guess it's just you and me, huh? 471 00:20:14,514 --> 00:20:17,750 Two guys sitting alone in a burned-out house. 472 00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:19,386 (knocking) 473 00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:22,855 Hey! 474 00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:24,757 Silent Betty! You made it! 475 00:20:24,824 --> 00:20:27,226 See ya, Alan. 476 00:20:30,029 --> 00:20:34,267 Well, sure, half and half sounds good. 477 00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:42,909 Huh. 478 00:20:42,975 --> 00:20:44,444 Maybe I am like Job. 479 00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:51,150 But I am not gonna lose my faith! 480 00:20:51,217 --> 00:20:53,586 (thunder crashes) 481 00:21:00,893 --> 00:21:02,862 Aw, crap.