1 00:00:05,206 --> 00:00:08,376 * Larry was just a single dad 2 00:00:08,442 --> 00:00:12,146 * Till a toxic spill in the science lab * 3 00:00:12,213 --> 00:00:17,085 * Gave him super strength and X-ray eyes * 4 00:00:17,151 --> 00:00:21,789 * He cooks, he cleans, and now he flies * 5 00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:24,658 * Superdad 6 00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:28,762 * He's a Superdad 7 00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:31,132 * He's a whiz in the kitchen * 8 00:00:31,199 --> 00:00:34,168 * Makes potatoes au gratin... 9 00:00:37,071 --> 00:00:41,909 * While helping the government find Osama bin Laden. * 10 00:00:45,146 --> 00:00:45,913 Oh, hey. 11 00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:47,081 What's that? 12 00:00:47,148 --> 00:00:48,316 I'm writing a theme song 13 00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:49,950 for a new sitcom on Nickelodeon. 14 00:00:50,017 --> 00:00:53,087 Does the show suck as much as the song? 15 00:00:56,157 --> 00:00:57,291 Who the hell are you? 16 00:00:57,358 --> 00:00:58,726 Oh, this is my friend, Eldridge. 17 00:00:58,792 --> 00:00:59,760 He plays drums. 18 00:00:59,827 --> 00:01:00,894 Okay. 19 00:01:00,961 --> 00:01:02,630 That explains the bad attitude. 20 00:01:02,696 --> 00:01:04,064 What, you're ragging on my name? 21 00:01:04,132 --> 00:01:05,966 No, I'm ragging on your instrument. 22 00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:08,669 Now, beat it. I'm busy. 23 00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:09,970 (chuckles) He said "beat it." 24 00:01:10,037 --> 00:01:12,840 And "instrument." 25 00:01:16,977 --> 00:01:20,080 * Fighting crime, packing lunches * 26 00:01:20,148 --> 00:01:24,618 * Changing diapers and throwing punches... * 27 00:01:26,053 --> 00:01:27,621 Little turd was right. 28 00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:29,657 This does suck. 29 00:01:29,723 --> 00:01:31,659 Hey. 30 00:01:31,725 --> 00:01:32,726 Hey. 31 00:01:32,793 --> 00:01:34,027 Jake's friend show up? 32 00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:35,596 Yeah, he's here. 33 00:01:35,663 --> 00:01:37,030 When's he leaving? 34 00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,432 I said he could spend the night. 35 00:01:38,499 --> 00:01:40,801 Really? Did you consider clearing it with me? 36 00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:43,371 You would have said no to Jake having a friend over? 37 00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:47,175 If you recall, seven years ago, I said no to having Jake over. 38 00:01:47,241 --> 00:01:50,644 And yet, here he is, so what's the point in asking? 39 00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:52,513 Fine. 40 00:01:52,580 --> 00:01:54,682 What do we know about the little drummer boy? 41 00:01:54,748 --> 00:01:58,018 Not much. Jakes says he's one of the cool kids at school. 42 00:01:58,085 --> 00:02:00,020 Then, why is he hanging out with Jake? 43 00:02:00,087 --> 00:02:02,190 Are you saying my son's not cool? 44 00:02:02,256 --> 00:02:03,957 I'm saying your son got his tongue stuck 45 00:02:04,024 --> 00:02:05,359 to the freezer last weekend. 46 00:02:05,426 --> 00:02:07,195 That could have happened to anybody. 47 00:02:07,261 --> 00:02:10,464 Anybody who tried to pick up an Eskimo Pie with their tongue. 48 00:02:10,531 --> 00:02:12,500 His hands were full. 49 00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:14,902 With a HoneyBaked Ham. 50 00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:17,004 Okay, so he's not cool. 51 00:02:17,070 --> 00:02:18,672 And he eats a lot of crap. 52 00:02:18,739 --> 00:02:20,140 And his grades aren't the best. 53 00:02:20,208 --> 00:02:22,943 And his personal hygiene is a little sketchy. 54 00:02:23,010 --> 00:02:25,579 Is there a "but" coming? 55 00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:28,649 But he's my son, 56 00:02:28,716 --> 00:02:31,719 and I love him. 57 00:02:31,785 --> 00:02:33,554 (chuckles) 58 00:02:33,621 --> 00:02:34,788 What's so funny? 59 00:02:34,855 --> 00:02:37,991 Mom says the same thing about you. 60 00:02:38,058 --> 00:02:40,994 Really? Mom says she loves me? 61 00:02:43,130 --> 00:02:45,833 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 62 00:02:45,899 --> 00:02:49,403 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * * Ooh 63 00:02:49,470 --> 00:02:52,306 * Men, men, men, men, manly men * * Ooh * Ooh 64 00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:54,408 * Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ohh, ooh-ooh... * 65 00:02:54,475 --> 00:02:56,810 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 66 00:02:56,877 --> 00:03:00,113 * Ooh * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 67 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:04,952 * Ah. * Men. * Men. 68 00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:13,727 * Men. 69 00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:17,398 * He's a member of the PTA 70 00:03:17,465 --> 00:03:21,869 * He wears leotards, but he's not gay * 71 00:03:21,935 --> 00:03:24,738 * Superdad 72 00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:26,474 * He's a Supe... 73 00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:29,443 (electronic drums playing) 74 00:03:29,510 --> 00:03:32,045 Stupid drummers. 75 00:03:37,184 --> 00:03:39,320 (playing rock power chords) 76 00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:43,557 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, 77 00:03:43,624 --> 00:03:44,658 hey, hey! 78 00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:46,159 Hey. 79 00:03:47,127 --> 00:03:49,129 I'm trying to work out there. 80 00:03:49,196 --> 00:03:52,032 Well, what do you think we're doing in here, man? 81 00:03:52,099 --> 00:03:54,802 Don't feed me straight lines, Alfalfa. 82 00:03:55,869 --> 00:03:57,705 Just keep it down. 83 00:04:01,309 --> 00:04:02,576 Alfalfa? 84 00:04:02,643 --> 00:04:03,844 He gives everyone nicknames. 85 00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:04,878 I'm Pumpkin Head. 86 00:04:04,945 --> 00:04:06,747 My dad's the Sponge. 87 00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:09,650 Don't even ask what he calls my grandma. 88 00:04:09,717 --> 00:04:12,386 It rhymes with "bitch." 89 00:04:12,453 --> 00:04:14,322 Oh, wait, it is Bitch. 90 00:04:16,324 --> 00:04:18,258 Rhymes with, uh... 91 00:04:18,326 --> 00:04:19,427 Ditch? 92 00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:20,728 No. 93 00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:21,762 Snitch? 94 00:04:21,829 --> 00:04:23,431 No. 95 00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:26,900 Itch? No. 96 00:04:27,801 --> 00:04:29,703 Man, this is boring. 97 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:31,572 Hold on. I'll think of it. 98 00:04:31,639 --> 00:04:33,807 No, I mean, what are we going to do tonight? 99 00:04:33,874 --> 00:04:35,743 I don't know. What do you want to do? 100 00:04:35,809 --> 00:04:37,110 I don't know. 101 00:04:37,177 --> 00:04:38,512 Well, I don't know, either. 102 00:04:39,647 --> 00:04:41,114 Hey. 103 00:04:41,181 --> 00:04:43,016 Why don't we steal some beer from your fridge, 104 00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:44,918 go down to the beach and get wasted. 105 00:04:44,985 --> 00:04:47,020 Okay, but I got to warn you, 106 00:04:47,087 --> 00:04:49,390 I get kind of stupid when I drink. 107 00:04:49,457 --> 00:04:52,059 Don't worry. You can leave the thinking to me. 108 00:04:54,462 --> 00:04:55,596 Hey, you know what? 109 00:04:55,663 --> 00:04:58,632 It does rhyme with "ditch." 110 00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:01,001 What does? 111 00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:04,905 * Men. 112 00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:07,341 BOY (over TV): Daddy, is Mr. Boots dead? 113 00:05:07,408 --> 00:05:10,010 MAN: Well, Jay Bob, you did throw him out of a moving car. 114 00:05:10,077 --> 00:05:11,679 That's never good for a housecat. 115 00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:13,381 (audience laughing) 116 00:05:13,447 --> 00:05:16,049 JAY BOB: I thought they were supposed to land on their feet. 117 00:05:16,116 --> 00:05:17,918 MAN: And that's what he was trying to do 118 00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:19,587 when he bounced off the FedEx truck. 119 00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,321 But let me see what I can do. 120 00:05:21,389 --> 00:05:23,957 Cover your eyes. JAY BOB: Okay. 121 00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:27,561 (high-pitched whirring) 122 00:05:27,628 --> 00:05:29,963 (cat meows) 123 00:05:30,030 --> 00:05:33,033 JAY BOB: Mr. Boots, you're okay! 124 00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:35,803 MAN: Just remember, he's only got five lives left. 125 00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:38,005 (laughter) 126 00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:42,209 Maybe my song doesn't suck enough. 127 00:05:42,275 --> 00:05:43,176 Hey. 128 00:05:43,243 --> 00:05:44,778 So, where's Jake and Eldridge? 129 00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:45,979 Beats me. 130 00:05:46,046 --> 00:05:47,581 Last I saw them, they were stealing beer 131 00:05:47,648 --> 00:05:49,883 out of the fridge and sneaking out the back. 132 00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:51,852 They stole beer? 133 00:05:51,919 --> 00:05:54,354 They had to. I locked up the hard stuff. 134 00:05:54,422 --> 00:05:56,156 Charlie! 135 00:05:56,223 --> 00:05:58,626 Relax. How drunk can they get off a 12-pack? 136 00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,093 (sighs) 137 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:01,161 Damn it. 138 00:06:01,228 --> 00:06:02,530 This had to be Eldridge's idea. 139 00:06:02,596 --> 00:06:04,632 Jake would never think of it on his own. 140 00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:05,733 That's true. 141 00:06:05,799 --> 00:06:07,067 Last bright idea he had 142 00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:10,070 was to pick up an Eskimo Pie with his tongue. 143 00:06:10,137 --> 00:06:11,939 I better go look for them. 144 00:06:12,005 --> 00:06:13,907 Good idea. 145 00:06:13,974 --> 00:06:15,809 Embarrass him in front of his only guy friend. 146 00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:17,778 Eldridge isn't his only guy friend. 147 00:06:17,845 --> 00:06:19,547 Who else does he hang out with? 148 00:06:19,613 --> 00:06:23,216 And you can't count you, me, or military recruiters. 149 00:06:23,283 --> 00:06:24,785 So, what, I'm supposed to do nothing? 150 00:06:24,852 --> 00:06:26,219 They have to be punished. 151 00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:29,356 Don't worry. The alcohol will punish them plenty. 152 00:06:29,423 --> 00:06:31,058 Yeah, that's really worked for you. 153 00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:35,295 Trust me, Alan: inside, I'm suffering. 154 00:06:38,932 --> 00:06:41,134 Oh, the agony. 155 00:06:44,572 --> 00:06:46,540 * Men. 156 00:06:46,607 --> 00:06:49,943 (retching) 157 00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:52,780 Beer's not so cool now, is it? 158 00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:54,515 Leave me alone. 159 00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:56,584 And you-- 160 00:06:56,650 --> 00:06:58,351 what is your mother going to say? 161 00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:00,654 (retching) 162 00:07:00,721 --> 00:07:03,423 For God's sake, that's wicker! 163 00:07:03,491 --> 00:07:05,092 (chuckling): Hey. 164 00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:06,860 How are we all doing in here? 165 00:07:08,529 --> 00:07:10,731 (Jake and Eldridge retching) 166 00:07:10,798 --> 00:07:14,001 You should have stopped them when you had the chance. 167 00:07:14,067 --> 00:07:15,503 And miss out on this? 168 00:07:15,569 --> 00:07:17,337 How's it hanging, Alfalfa? 169 00:07:17,404 --> 00:07:20,040 (retching) 170 00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:22,543 And you call yourself a drummer. 171 00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:26,313 Keith Moon is vomiting in his grave. 172 00:07:27,414 --> 00:07:29,483 * Men. 173 00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:31,685 (playing romantic melody) 174 00:07:42,563 --> 00:07:44,331 That's really beautiful, Charlie. 175 00:07:44,397 --> 00:07:45,899 Thanks. 176 00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:48,335 I wrote it before I got kicked out of Juilliard. 177 00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:50,704 I got to ask: 178 00:07:50,771 --> 00:07:52,640 how'd you go from writing something like that 179 00:07:52,706 --> 00:07:54,474 to jingles and kid music? 180 00:07:54,542 --> 00:07:56,810 Well, after I left school, 181 00:07:56,877 --> 00:07:59,680 I came back to L.A. hoping to write film scores. 182 00:07:59,747 --> 00:08:01,549 But I met this advertising guy 183 00:08:01,615 --> 00:08:03,651 who needed a song about toothpaste. 184 00:08:03,717 --> 00:08:05,786 Before I knew it, I was rhyming 185 00:08:05,853 --> 00:08:08,856 "exhilaration" with "constipation." 186 00:08:08,922 --> 00:08:11,625 "Open doors" with "cold sores." 187 00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:14,494 And one I am particularly proud of, 188 00:08:14,562 --> 00:08:17,364 "make a switch" with "feminine itch." 189 00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:18,932 I hear you. 190 00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:21,602 When I came out here, I was hoping to be a dancer. 191 00:08:21,669 --> 00:08:24,437 (stops playing) Really? 192 00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:25,573 Yeah. 193 00:08:25,639 --> 00:08:27,240 Then I met pot and doughnuts. 194 00:08:27,307 --> 00:08:29,810 Before I knew it, I was scrubbing toilets 195 00:08:29,877 --> 00:08:32,913 and hosing teenage barf out of wicker baskets. 196 00:08:33,814 --> 00:08:36,116 Rhyme that, Beethoven. 197 00:08:39,953 --> 00:08:42,389 * A tisket, a tasket 198 00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:44,892 * I'm barfing in a basket. 199 00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:48,596 That's what pays your salary, baby. 200 00:08:48,662 --> 00:08:49,763 (doorbell ringing) 201 00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:51,198 All right, this is Eldridge's mom. 202 00:08:51,264 --> 00:08:52,800 I'm going to give her a piece of my mind. 203 00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:54,668 Oh, just let it go. 204 00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:56,704 No, no. This is poor parenting on her part, 205 00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:58,505 and she needs to know about it. 206 00:08:58,572 --> 00:09:00,473 Hi. I'm here to pick up Eldridge. 207 00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,009 I hope he wasn't too much trouble. 208 00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:03,376 Trouble? 209 00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:05,245 He was an angel. Come on in. 210 00:09:07,781 --> 00:09:09,149 * Superdad. 211 00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:10,951 * Men. 212 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:16,624 * Men. 213 00:09:16,690 --> 00:09:18,726 Thank you so much, Alan. 214 00:09:18,792 --> 00:09:20,661 Well, hey, Eldridge is welcome anytime. 215 00:09:20,728 --> 00:09:22,095 We single parents have to stick together. 216 00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:23,430 Yeah. See you, buddy. 217 00:09:23,496 --> 00:09:24,998 Yeah, bite me. 218 00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:26,266 I heard that, young man. 219 00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:27,868 Good for you. Get in the car. 220 00:09:27,935 --> 00:09:30,771 Can I drive? Not with a suspended license, you can't. 221 00:09:30,838 --> 00:09:34,041 You suck! And you're ruining my life! 222 00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:35,943 Okay, bye-bye. 223 00:09:42,650 --> 00:09:43,951 Yes? 224 00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:46,820 What happened to giving her a piece of your mind? 225 00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:49,389 Oh, come on. We both know what happened. 226 00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:51,124 Right. 227 00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:54,795 Piece of tail always trumps piece of mind, doesn't it? 228 00:09:54,862 --> 00:09:56,129 What do you want from me? 229 00:09:56,196 --> 00:09:57,397 She's a beautiful woman. 230 00:09:57,464 --> 00:09:58,832 She's been through a tough divorce. 231 00:09:58,899 --> 00:10:00,533 She raising a teenage son by herself. 232 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:01,769 Last thing she needs 233 00:10:01,835 --> 00:10:03,671 is me dumping more problems in her lap. 234 00:10:04,738 --> 00:10:06,840 So, what are your plans for her lap? 235 00:10:06,907 --> 00:10:08,475 I don't know. I... I might call her. 236 00:10:08,541 --> 00:10:09,509 We'll see. 237 00:10:09,576 --> 00:10:10,510 You're unbelievable. 238 00:10:10,577 --> 00:10:11,912 Your son finally gets a friend, 239 00:10:11,979 --> 00:10:13,580 and you're going to try to nail his mother? 240 00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:15,148 All right, okay, first of all, 241 00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:17,184 with a classy woman like Lyndsey, there's no nailing. 242 00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:18,952 There's, uh... there's dating and bonding 243 00:10:19,019 --> 00:10:20,821 and-and getting to know one another. 244 00:10:20,888 --> 00:10:23,423 And then, you know, eventually consummating the relationship 245 00:10:23,490 --> 00:10:25,325 with mutual respect and caring. 246 00:10:25,392 --> 00:10:26,794 Oh, grow up. 247 00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:30,731 This is a hot divorced mom from the Valley. 248 00:10:30,798 --> 00:10:32,632 You're going to need three penises 249 00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:35,468 and a set of jumper cables just to get her attention. 250 00:10:35,535 --> 00:10:38,105 Oh, you're disgusting. 251 00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:39,673 Hey, I'm not the one trying 252 00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:41,975 to bang the drummer's mom slowly. 253 00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:43,376 Don't you judge me. 254 00:10:43,443 --> 00:10:45,813 Why not? 255 00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:49,783 You've slept with one of Jake's teachers, 256 00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:51,985 his den mother, his karate instructor, 257 00:10:52,052 --> 00:10:54,888 his ballet teacher, and his aunt. 258 00:10:54,955 --> 00:10:57,791 Great. So five wrongs make a right. 259 00:10:57,858 --> 00:10:59,192 What? 260 00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:02,495 If I jump off a bridge and land on top of some broad Jake knows, 261 00:11:02,562 --> 00:11:04,464 that makes it okay for you to do it, too? 262 00:11:04,531 --> 00:11:06,266 What? 263 00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:07,935 I think I've made my point. 264 00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,540 What? 265 00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:17,244 * Men. 266 00:11:19,947 --> 00:11:22,082 I'm never gonna drink again. 267 00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:24,517 Quitter. 268 00:11:24,584 --> 00:11:25,585 Charlie? 269 00:11:25,652 --> 00:11:27,020 Oh, right. 270 00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:27,988 Atta boy. 271 00:11:29,757 --> 00:11:31,458 Here's your wastebasket. 272 00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:32,826 I rinsed it out, 273 00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:35,929 but there are still some tiny chunks in the weave. 274 00:11:35,996 --> 00:11:38,932 Maybe you could use your dad's Waterpik. 275 00:11:38,999 --> 00:11:41,034 Give the kid a break, Berta. 276 00:11:41,101 --> 00:11:42,102 He's hung over. 277 00:11:42,169 --> 00:11:45,205 Oh, the poor dear. 278 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:50,110 Next time, tell your friends to puke out the window. 279 00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:55,048 Want to know a surefire hangover cure? 280 00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:57,818 Never stop drinking. 281 00:11:59,119 --> 00:11:59,686 Charlie? 282 00:11:59,753 --> 00:12:00,921 Let me finish. 283 00:12:00,988 --> 00:12:03,523 Or never start in the first place. 284 00:12:04,691 --> 00:12:06,426 See how I turned that around? 285 00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:08,095 Bring it home, Dr. Cosby. 286 00:12:09,897 --> 00:12:11,464 All right, for starters, 287 00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:14,001 you and Eldridge stole beer that did not belong to you. 288 00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,036 That is not how I raised you. 289 00:12:17,204 --> 00:12:19,840 Now to the issue of underage drinking. 290 00:12:19,907 --> 00:12:24,044 Not only is it against the law, alcohol destroys brain cells. 291 00:12:24,111 --> 00:12:25,145 Alan, Alan, 292 00:12:25,212 --> 00:12:26,814 you gotta tailor the pitch to the audience. 293 00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:27,680 What do you mean? 294 00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:29,116 Forget brain cells. 295 00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:31,952 Jake, listen to me. This is very important. 296 00:12:32,019 --> 00:12:35,055 Alcohol can make it tough to get a boner. 297 00:12:35,122 --> 00:12:37,624 You're kidding. 298 00:12:37,690 --> 00:12:41,428 I can't tell you how many times I've said, 299 00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:44,064 "This has never happened before." 300 00:12:45,398 --> 00:12:46,967 Huh. 301 00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:49,636 Where are you going? 302 00:12:49,702 --> 00:12:51,738 To check out your theory. 303 00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:57,911 Remember: he's your son, and you love him. 304 00:12:57,978 --> 00:13:02,916 * Up, up, and away in my... 305 00:13:02,983 --> 00:13:05,485 Dr. Alan Harper. May I help you?... 306 00:13:05,552 --> 00:13:07,888 Oh, oh, hi, Lyndsey. 307 00:13:07,955 --> 00:13:11,191 No, no, you're not interrupting. 308 00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:13,026 Just doin' some stomach crunches. 309 00:13:13,093 --> 00:13:13,760 Hang on. 310 00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:15,228 And... a thousand. 311 00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:17,564 So what's up? 312 00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:19,666 Uh, tonight? 313 00:13:19,732 --> 00:13:22,035 Sure, sure, I'd love to. 314 00:13:22,102 --> 00:13:24,171 Yeah, yeah, I know that place. 315 00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:26,106 8:00? Perfect. 316 00:13:26,173 --> 00:13:26,940 See you then. 317 00:13:27,007 --> 00:13:28,608 (chuckles) How about that? 318 00:13:28,675 --> 00:13:30,643 She called me. Wants to have drinks. 319 00:13:30,710 --> 00:13:32,579 Nice. What are you gonna tell Jake? 320 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,547 Who? 321 00:13:34,614 --> 00:13:36,616 I mean, what do you mean? 322 00:13:36,683 --> 00:13:38,151 I mean, are you gonna tell him 323 00:13:38,218 --> 00:13:39,920 you're hookin' up with his buddy's mom? 324 00:13:39,987 --> 00:13:42,189 Okay, first of all, nobody said anything about hooking up. 325 00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:43,623 It's just drinks. 326 00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:46,559 And-and second of all, Jake went out and had drinks last night 327 00:13:46,626 --> 00:13:47,794 and didn't tell me. 328 00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:53,500 Man, that's the most lame-ass rationalization 329 00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:56,069 for questionable behavior I've ever heard from you. 330 00:13:56,136 --> 00:13:57,370 Yeah, so? 331 00:13:57,437 --> 00:13:59,139 Kudos. 332 00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:03,776 Hey, Uncle Charlie? You were wrong. 333 00:14:09,649 --> 00:14:11,018 * Men. 334 00:14:12,019 --> 00:14:14,621 It is so nice to get out of the house 335 00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:16,123 and spend time with another grownup. 336 00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:17,024 I know. 337 00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:19,192 It's hard to be a single parent. 338 00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:20,327 Thankless, really. 339 00:14:20,393 --> 00:14:21,828 Oh, tell me about it. 340 00:14:21,895 --> 00:14:22,795 Dealing with the ex. 341 00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:23,630 Setting boundaries. 342 00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:24,364 The loneliness. 343 00:14:24,431 --> 00:14:25,398 The frustration. 344 00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:26,333 It's all worth it though. 345 00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:27,567 Oh, yeah. 346 00:14:27,634 --> 00:14:30,537 My son is the greatest gift of my life. 347 00:14:30,603 --> 00:14:32,105 Mine, too. 348 00:14:32,172 --> 00:14:34,807 I can't imagine loving anything more than I love Jake. 349 00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:36,309 To our children. 350 00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:38,078 Our children. 351 00:14:38,145 --> 00:14:40,547 (gasping) Tell me I'm a good mom! 352 00:14:40,613 --> 00:14:41,881 Oh, you're a good mom! 353 00:14:41,949 --> 00:14:43,917 I'm a dirty mom! 354 00:14:43,984 --> 00:14:46,119 Oh, you're so dirty! 355 00:14:46,186 --> 00:14:47,054 (toilet flushes) 356 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,388 Uh, whoopsie! 357 00:14:48,455 --> 00:14:49,889 Automatic flusher. 358 00:14:49,957 --> 00:14:51,959 (gasping): Do, do that again! 359 00:14:52,025 --> 00:14:54,361 Okay. 360 00:14:54,427 --> 00:14:55,395 (toilet flushes) 361 00:14:55,462 --> 00:14:56,997 Not the toilet! 362 00:14:57,064 --> 00:14:58,331 Sorry! Sorry! 363 00:14:59,299 --> 00:15:01,168 * Men. 364 00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:04,304 (plays short arpeggio) 365 00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:13,780 Hey! 366 00:15:13,846 --> 00:15:16,616 Hey-hey-hey-hey- hey-hey! 367 00:15:16,683 --> 00:15:18,051 Aren't you grounded? 368 00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:21,221 Um, I think that's just when my dad's here. 369 00:15:21,288 --> 00:15:23,490 Get in the house... 370 00:15:23,556 --> 00:15:25,625 all of you. 371 00:15:25,692 --> 00:15:27,460 I thought you were cool. 372 00:15:27,527 --> 00:15:29,929 No, you didn't. 373 00:15:31,965 --> 00:15:32,499 How old are you? 374 00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:33,200 Sixteen. 375 00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:34,201 What about you? Same. 376 00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:35,635 That's what I thought. 377 00:15:35,702 --> 00:15:37,437 We were just goin' down to the beach. 378 00:15:37,504 --> 00:15:38,738 Nobody asked you. 379 00:15:38,805 --> 00:15:41,608 I want you to listen to this 380 00:15:41,674 --> 00:15:45,478 and tell me if it makes you wanna watch the TV show. 381 00:15:48,215 --> 00:15:50,650 (plays rollicking melody) 382 00:15:50,717 --> 00:15:53,987 * Larry was just a single dad 383 00:15:54,054 --> 00:15:57,991 * Till a toxic spill in the science lab * 384 00:15:58,058 --> 00:16:01,861 * Gave him super strength and X-ray eyes * 385 00:16:01,928 --> 00:16:05,332 * He cooks, he cleans, and now he flies * 386 00:16:05,398 --> 00:16:08,701 * Superdad! 387 00:16:08,768 --> 00:16:10,237 * He's a super-bad, fightin' mad * 388 00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:13,773 * College grad, wearin' plaid Superdad! * 389 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:15,842 (plays glissando flourish) 390 00:16:15,908 --> 00:16:18,411 BOTH: Oh, my God, that's great! 391 00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:20,647 Absolutely fantastic. Yeah, I would so watch that. 392 00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:21,348 You wrote that? 393 00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:22,515 You think? 394 00:16:22,582 --> 00:16:23,950 BOTH: Yeah, definitely. Yeah. 395 00:16:24,017 --> 00:16:26,686 Oh, yeah, really makes you wanna see the show. 396 00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:29,489 Thanks. Thank you. 397 00:16:29,556 --> 00:16:32,725 All right, well, I guess you guys all wanna get going. 398 00:16:32,792 --> 00:16:36,729 Yeah. Yeah, let's go. Yeah. 399 00:16:36,796 --> 00:16:37,364 Psst, Jake. 400 00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:38,731 Yeah? 401 00:16:38,798 --> 00:16:41,000 If you've got a choice, take the tall one. 402 00:16:41,068 --> 00:16:41,701 Why? 403 00:16:41,768 --> 00:16:42,735 Trust me. 404 00:16:42,802 --> 00:16:44,271 It's my superpower. 405 00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:45,805 Thanks. 406 00:16:45,872 --> 00:16:48,808 (plays chord) 407 00:16:48,875 --> 00:16:50,477 Super uncle! 408 00:16:50,543 --> 00:16:51,978 * Men. 409 00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:55,782 * Men. 410 00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:58,218 (audience cheering over TV) 411 00:16:58,285 --> 00:17:00,087 I'm back. 412 00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:03,022 Oh, good. I was starting to worry. 413 00:17:03,090 --> 00:17:04,824 How'd it go with Jake? 414 00:17:05,725 --> 00:17:08,395 Hardly knew he was here. 415 00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:11,030 Can you keep a secret? 416 00:17:11,098 --> 00:17:16,236 The real question is "Can I remember a secret?" 417 00:17:16,303 --> 00:17:17,737 You were right. 418 00:17:17,804 --> 00:17:19,406 That's no secret. 419 00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:21,474 I-I mean about Lyndsey. 420 00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:22,809 Who's Lyndsey? 421 00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:24,411 Eldridge's mom. 422 00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:27,214 Who's Eldridge? 423 00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:28,381 Jake's friend. 424 00:17:28,448 --> 00:17:29,682 The drummer? 425 00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:32,285 Anyway, we did wind up having sex. 426 00:17:32,352 --> 00:17:34,821 You and me? 427 00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:37,724 You really need to get into a program. 428 00:17:39,526 --> 00:17:41,561 It's not funny anymore. 429 00:17:41,628 --> 00:17:43,930 Humor is very subjective. 430 00:17:43,996 --> 00:17:45,365 Come on. Be serious. 431 00:17:45,432 --> 00:17:46,833 I'm just telling you about Lyndsey 432 00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:49,369 because I may need you to cover for me with Jake. 433 00:17:49,436 --> 00:17:51,304 Don't worry. I got your back. 434 00:17:51,371 --> 00:17:52,172 Thanks, Charlie. 435 00:17:52,239 --> 00:17:53,206 Good night. 436 00:17:53,273 --> 00:17:55,041 Good night. 437 00:17:59,946 --> 00:18:00,813 Is he gone? 438 00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:03,150 Who? 439 00:18:03,216 --> 00:18:04,884 Dad. 440 00:18:04,951 --> 00:18:06,886 Oh. Yeah. 441 00:18:06,953 --> 00:18:08,321 Thanks. 442 00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:10,290 Don't worry. I got your back. 443 00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:11,724 Good night. 444 00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:14,627 Good night. 445 00:18:18,965 --> 00:18:20,633 What just happened?