1 00:00:00,868 --> 00:00:03,003 * Men. 2 00:00:08,076 --> 00:00:11,379 CHELSEA: First box goes in my car, the other in the truck. 3 00:00:13,914 --> 00:00:15,516 Guess that's it. 4 00:00:15,583 --> 00:00:17,085 You got everything? 5 00:00:17,151 --> 00:00:18,352 I think so. 6 00:00:18,419 --> 00:00:19,987 I, uh, left the house keys 7 00:00:20,054 --> 00:00:22,256 and the garage clicker by the nightstand. 8 00:00:22,323 --> 00:00:24,058 Thanks. 9 00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:27,128 So you still planning to move in with your dad? 10 00:00:27,195 --> 00:00:28,362 Just for a while. 11 00:00:28,429 --> 00:00:29,530 You gonna be okay? 12 00:00:29,597 --> 00:00:31,465 Me? Oh, yeah, yeah. 13 00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:33,667 I mean, I am gonna miss the cat. 14 00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:35,236 You hate Sir Lancelot. 15 00:00:35,303 --> 00:00:37,805 I did at first, but over time I came to find... 16 00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:38,806 Yeah, you're right. 17 00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:41,142 I hate that thing. 18 00:00:41,209 --> 00:00:43,277 I put in a change of address at the post office, 19 00:00:43,344 --> 00:00:45,279 but here's my dad's address just in case. 20 00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:47,848 I might be open to a trade. 21 00:00:47,915 --> 00:00:49,650 I'll keep the cat, you take Alan. 22 00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:52,453 Still got his carrier. 23 00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:54,222 Take care of yourself, Charlie. 24 00:00:54,288 --> 00:00:55,756 You do the same. 25 00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:01,762 I'm sorry it didn't work out. 26 00:01:01,829 --> 00:01:04,232 Me, too. 27 00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:07,835 (door closes) 28 00:01:14,142 --> 00:01:16,510 Well, she's gone. 29 00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:18,212 You handled that very maturely. 30 00:01:18,279 --> 00:01:20,481 What are you gonna do? 31 00:01:20,548 --> 00:01:21,515 We tried. 32 00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:22,583 Didn't work. 33 00:01:22,650 --> 00:01:23,651 Life goes on. Mmm. 34 00:01:23,717 --> 00:01:25,153 You want a drink? 35 00:01:25,219 --> 00:01:27,588 Nah. Drinking isn't gonna solve anything. 36 00:01:29,257 --> 00:01:31,625 What-what are you doing? 37 00:01:31,692 --> 00:01:32,860 Nothing. 38 00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:33,861 Really? 39 00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:36,430 Doesn't look like nothing. 40 00:01:36,497 --> 00:01:37,631 Where you going? 41 00:01:38,732 --> 00:01:40,033 Out for a swim. 42 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:42,370 You never go in the water. 43 00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:44,338 That's 'cause I'm not a good swimmer. 44 00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:47,608 You don't think he's gonna... 45 00:01:47,675 --> 00:01:49,009 I don't know. 46 00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:53,113 Charlie? Charlie, stop this! 47 00:01:53,181 --> 00:01:54,047 Charlie, come back! 48 00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:55,349 It's not that bad! 49 00:01:55,416 --> 00:01:57,985 Come on, Charlie, you still got your family! 50 00:01:58,051 --> 00:02:01,522 Very smart; now he's sprinting. 51 00:02:01,589 --> 00:02:05,092 Damn it, Charlie, get out of that water! 52 00:02:05,159 --> 00:02:06,460 We need to go after him. 53 00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:07,495 Well, don't look at me. 54 00:02:07,561 --> 00:02:09,797 I just ate; I got to wait a half an hour. 55 00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:11,332 Well, I just took a shower and washed my hair. 56 00:02:11,399 --> 00:02:13,167 And this is leave-in conditioner. 57 00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:15,203 Well, what about Jake? Jake's at his mother's. 58 00:02:15,269 --> 00:02:17,705 Maybe we should give him a call. There's no time! 59 00:02:17,771 --> 00:02:21,242 Water's really cold. 60 00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,777 Just so you know, 61 00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:26,146 we were about to come get you! 62 00:02:26,214 --> 00:02:28,916 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 63 00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:32,520 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * * Ooh 64 00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:35,456 * Men, men, men, men, manly men * * Ooh * Ooh 65 00:02:35,523 --> 00:02:37,558 * Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh... * 66 00:02:37,625 --> 00:02:39,993 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 67 00:02:40,060 --> 00:02:52,406 * Ooh * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men... * 68 00:02:53,241 --> 00:02:54,174 * Men. 69 00:02:54,242 --> 00:02:55,175 (knocking) 70 00:02:55,243 --> 00:02:57,411 ALAN: Charlie? 71 00:02:58,546 --> 00:02:59,880 You awake? 72 00:02:59,947 --> 00:03:02,716 Come on, man. 73 00:03:02,783 --> 00:03:04,818 It's time to get up. 74 00:03:09,257 --> 00:03:12,426 Charlie? 75 00:03:12,493 --> 00:03:13,594 What? 76 00:03:13,661 --> 00:03:16,430 (shrieks) 77 00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:22,135 I-I didn't see you there. 78 00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:25,539 She was the best thing that ever happened to me, Alan. 79 00:03:25,606 --> 00:03:26,840 I understand. 80 00:03:26,907 --> 00:03:29,410 But you've been up here for two days. 81 00:03:29,477 --> 00:03:31,645 It's time to move on with your life. 82 00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,614 There's no life to move on with. 83 00:03:33,681 --> 00:03:35,349 Oh, sure there is. 84 00:03:35,416 --> 00:03:39,587 You've got money, a beautiful home, good looks, all your hair. 85 00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:40,721 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 86 00:03:40,788 --> 00:03:43,090 I have all the things you don't. 87 00:03:43,156 --> 00:03:46,694 That wasn't really the point I was trying to make, but, uh... 88 00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:51,265 Come on. Come on. 89 00:03:51,332 --> 00:03:52,533 Where are we going? 90 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,435 We are going to get you cleaned up. 91 00:03:54,502 --> 00:03:55,503 No. 92 00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:57,505 No, I can't go in there. 93 00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:59,039 Reminds me too much of Chelsea. 94 00:03:59,106 --> 00:04:00,774 The bathroom? 95 00:04:00,841 --> 00:04:04,712 That's where she used to brush her hair and floss her teeth 96 00:04:04,778 --> 00:04:07,180 and tinkle like a princess. 97 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,716 Okay. 98 00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:11,184 Well, where have you been tinkling? 99 00:04:12,553 --> 00:04:15,188 I may need a new ficus. 100 00:04:17,991 --> 00:04:19,693 * Men. 101 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:22,296 I'm glad you came with me. 102 00:04:22,363 --> 00:04:24,231 You needed to get out of the house. 103 00:04:24,298 --> 00:04:27,635 No, what I need is to be loved again. 104 00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:29,370 Uh, well, I think a good first step 105 00:04:29,437 --> 00:04:33,040 is to stop urinating in the potted plants. 106 00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:36,444 Jake, your dad's here! 107 00:04:36,510 --> 00:04:41,114 Charlie, I was so sorry to hear about you and Chelsea. 108 00:04:41,181 --> 00:04:42,416 Thank you. 109 00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:44,485 I know that breakups can be 110 00:04:44,552 --> 00:04:46,086 very difficult. 111 00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:48,756 Unless you're kicking out your husband of 12 years. 112 00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:50,123 That seemed remarkably easy. 113 00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:52,259 It was. 114 00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:57,164 You know the part that I don't understand, Judith, 115 00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:59,867 is how somebody can tell you that they love you one day, 116 00:04:59,933 --> 00:05:03,404 then turn around and break your heart the next. 117 00:05:03,471 --> 00:05:05,706 Well, relationships are complicated. 118 00:05:05,773 --> 00:05:07,508 People drift apart. 119 00:05:07,575 --> 00:05:08,842 Nobody's to blame. 120 00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:10,411 You blamed me. 121 00:05:10,478 --> 00:05:12,112 It was your fault. 122 00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:15,182 I tried to change, 123 00:05:15,248 --> 00:05:17,651 tried to become the man she wanted me to be, 124 00:05:17,718 --> 00:05:19,787 but it wasn't enough. 125 00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:21,822 Oh, I'm sure there's a part of her 126 00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:23,924 that still loves you very much. 127 00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:26,494 Is there a part of you that still loves me very much? 128 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:27,961 No. 129 00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:31,465 What's wrong with him? 130 00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:34,435 Your uncle's very upset about his breakup. 131 00:05:34,502 --> 00:05:36,003 Oh, yeah, that sucks. 132 00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:38,005 Can I drive? 133 00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:39,740 Sure. Cool. 134 00:05:39,807 --> 00:05:41,942 Let's go, crybaby. 135 00:05:43,811 --> 00:05:46,046 * Men. 136 00:05:46,113 --> 00:05:48,248 (Jake and girl talking quietly) 137 00:05:51,051 --> 00:05:51,652 (chuckles) 138 00:05:51,719 --> 00:05:53,020 Hey. 139 00:05:53,086 --> 00:05:55,389 Yeah, hey, kind of busy here. 140 00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:57,858 I can see that. 141 00:05:57,925 --> 00:05:59,159 Hi, I'm Jake's Uncle Charlie. 142 00:05:59,226 --> 00:06:00,227 Nicole. 143 00:06:00,293 --> 00:06:01,429 So what's the deal, Nicole? 144 00:06:01,495 --> 00:06:03,797 Are you tutoring our little genius here? 145 00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:05,599 No, we're dating. 146 00:06:05,666 --> 00:06:07,234 Oh. Dating? 147 00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:08,135 Uncle Charlie? 148 00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:10,704 Hang on. 149 00:06:10,771 --> 00:06:12,339 Listen, Nicole, I love this kid, 150 00:06:12,406 --> 00:06:14,341 and I don't want to see him get hurt. 151 00:06:14,408 --> 00:06:16,009 I'm not gonna hurt him. 152 00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:18,579 Oh, really? So you like him just the way he is? 153 00:06:18,646 --> 00:06:20,414 You don't want to change him at all? 154 00:06:20,481 --> 00:06:21,549 Uncle Charlie... 155 00:06:21,615 --> 00:06:23,784 I got your back here, buddy. 156 00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:26,554 'Cause let me tell you something. 157 00:06:26,620 --> 00:06:28,121 This here is a lump of clay. 158 00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:32,826 And you know what it's gonna be five, ten, 20 years from now? 159 00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:35,696 A larger, more bitter lump of clay. 160 00:06:35,763 --> 00:06:36,564 Come on, let's go. 161 00:06:36,630 --> 00:06:37,330 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 162 00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:38,766 I'm not done. 163 00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:40,734 So if you're gonna dump him, dump him now. 164 00:06:40,801 --> 00:06:42,235 Don't wait till he falls in love with you 165 00:06:42,302 --> 00:06:44,337 and asks you to marry him and have his children! 166 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:49,009 Okay, enjoy yourselves! 167 00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:54,682 Are you out of your mind? 168 00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:56,617 I mean well. 169 00:06:56,684 --> 00:07:00,120 You think maybe it's time to go back to your shrink? 170 00:07:00,187 --> 00:07:02,890 Why? She's just another woman that wants to change me. 171 00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:04,458 Well, you have to do something. 172 00:07:04,525 --> 00:07:05,759 No, no. 173 00:07:05,826 --> 00:07:07,861 If I can't have Chelsea, 174 00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:08,962 I don't want to live. 175 00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:10,197 W-Where you going? 176 00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:11,364 Strip club. 177 00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:15,002 Ah, yes. 178 00:07:15,068 --> 00:07:17,004 Death by lap dance. 179 00:07:18,906 --> 00:07:20,908 * Men. 180 00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:46,934 Hey, Lord. 181 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,769 It's Charlie. 182 00:07:48,836 --> 00:07:52,973 I know it seems like I only call on you when my ass is on fire, 183 00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:55,075 but, well, let's face it, 184 00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:57,545 that's how you made me. 185 00:07:57,611 --> 00:08:02,115 Anyway, I'm just hurting real bad since Chelsea left, 186 00:08:02,182 --> 00:08:04,585 and I was kind of hoping that maybe you could 187 00:08:04,652 --> 00:08:06,486 take away some of that pain. 188 00:08:06,554 --> 00:08:08,689 Even with the help of your blessed wine, 189 00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:10,457 I can't get through the day. 190 00:08:10,524 --> 00:08:14,528 Even your blessed vodka's stopped working. 191 00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:19,533 So, anything you can do would be much appreciated. 192 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:20,801 WOMAN: Hey. 193 00:08:20,868 --> 00:08:23,036 You got a light? 194 00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:24,905 I like a little buzz before I pray. 195 00:08:24,972 --> 00:08:26,607 Gets me closer to God. 196 00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:29,109 (whispers): Thanks. 197 00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:31,144 * Men. 198 00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,583 * Men. 199 00:08:35,649 --> 00:08:37,985 Come on, Charlie, answer the phone. 200 00:08:38,051 --> 00:08:38,986 Ugh, damn it. 201 00:08:39,052 --> 00:08:40,120 Voice mail. 202 00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:41,154 Uh, Charlie, it's me again. 203 00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:42,623 It has been three days. 204 00:08:42,690 --> 00:08:46,326 Please call and let us know you're okay. 205 00:08:46,393 --> 00:08:47,828 I think we should call the police. 206 00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:48,829 Nah, he'll turn up. 207 00:08:48,896 --> 00:08:50,998 May be broke and riddled with gonorrhea, 208 00:08:51,064 --> 00:08:52,499 but he'll find his way home. 209 00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:56,103 No, I-I don't think this is a typical bender. 210 00:08:56,169 --> 00:08:57,537 He really cared for Chelsea. 211 00:08:57,605 --> 00:08:59,673 You know, he put her in his will. 212 00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:02,009 Anything happens to him, she gets everything. 213 00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:03,644 Really? 214 00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:06,980 So, like if he swam out in the ocean and drowned, for instance, 215 00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:08,081 she gets the house? 216 00:09:08,148 --> 00:09:09,850 The house, the Mercedes, 217 00:09:09,917 --> 00:09:11,719 the bank accounts, music royalties. 218 00:09:11,785 --> 00:09:13,821 Man, I just can't catch a break. 219 00:09:15,956 --> 00:09:19,026 Hey, look what someone threw away. 220 00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:21,228 Uh, put that back outside. 221 00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:22,696 And wash your hands. 222 00:09:24,497 --> 00:09:26,967 Welcome to your new home, baby. 223 00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:30,771 Hey, everybody. 224 00:09:30,838 --> 00:09:32,906 I want you to meet the love of my life, 225 00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:34,441 Mrs. Charlie Harper. 226 00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:37,577 Better put me down. 227 00:09:37,645 --> 00:09:39,747 I'm not wearing panties. 228 00:09:39,813 --> 00:09:43,416 I told you he'd come home with gonorrhea. 229 00:09:43,483 --> 00:09:46,286 All right, who's who? 230 00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:47,988 Well, this is my brother Alan. 231 00:09:48,055 --> 00:09:48,989 Alan, Betsy. 232 00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:50,958 Hello, brother. 233 00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:52,760 C-Call me Alan. 234 00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:53,894 Okay. 235 00:09:53,961 --> 00:09:57,164 He doesn't look like such a mooch. 236 00:09:57,230 --> 00:09:58,899 Okay, well, this is my mom Evelyn, 237 00:09:58,966 --> 00:10:00,868 and she doesn't look like such an Antichrist. 238 00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:03,503 Hi, Mom. 239 00:10:03,570 --> 00:10:04,504 (both chuckle) 240 00:10:04,571 --> 00:10:06,907 Call me Mrs. Harper. 241 00:10:07,808 --> 00:10:09,509 This is my housekeeper Berta. 242 00:10:09,576 --> 00:10:10,944 Don't call me at all. 243 00:10:11,011 --> 00:10:14,181 And lastly, this is Jake. 244 00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:14,982 (gasps) 245 00:10:15,048 --> 00:10:17,217 Oh, are you my son?! 246 00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:21,021 I'll be whatever you want me to be. 247 00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:24,124 Um, actually, he's my son. 248 00:10:24,191 --> 00:10:26,193 Butt out, Dad. 249 00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:29,362 Well, you've met everybody. 250 00:10:29,429 --> 00:10:31,298 Why don't we go upstairs and continue the honeymoon. 251 00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:33,701 (gasps) We have an upstairs? 252 00:10:33,767 --> 00:10:34,835 CHARLIE: Yep. 253 00:10:34,902 --> 00:10:37,037 Are there people up here, too? 254 00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:43,510 I like her. 255 00:10:45,578 --> 00:10:47,915 * Men. 256 00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:49,582 Hey, Dad. Mm-hmm? 257 00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:52,953 Do I call Uncle Charlie's new wife Betsy or Aunt Betsy? 258 00:10:53,020 --> 00:10:54,788 I guess either one's okay. 259 00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:56,523 I'm gonna go with Aunt Betsy. 260 00:10:56,589 --> 00:10:58,158 Fine. 261 00:10:58,225 --> 00:11:01,394 Aunt Betsy made a lot of noise last night. 262 00:11:01,461 --> 00:11:03,496 Uh, yeah, yeah, she did. 263 00:11:03,563 --> 00:11:05,632 Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. 264 00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:09,369 Good morning, family. 265 00:11:09,436 --> 00:11:10,137 Morning. Morning. 266 00:11:10,203 --> 00:11:11,304 How we doing today? 267 00:11:11,371 --> 00:11:12,873 Good. Good. 268 00:11:12,940 --> 00:11:14,141 Will Aunt Betsy be joining us 269 00:11:14,207 --> 00:11:16,844 or is she taking a hot, soapy shower? 270 00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:19,179 She'll be right down. 271 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,283 So, based on this latest turn of events, 272 00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:26,386 would it be fair to say you're over Chelsea? 273 00:11:26,453 --> 00:11:28,956 Oh, absolutely. 274 00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,258 Betsy and I are soul mates. 275 00:11:31,324 --> 00:11:33,026 Soul mates. Uh-huh. 276 00:11:33,093 --> 00:11:35,095 So, where'd you meet your soul mate? 277 00:11:35,162 --> 00:11:36,263 Guess. 278 00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:37,530 Strip club? 279 00:11:37,597 --> 00:11:39,466 Wrong. 280 00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,368 Massage parlor? 281 00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:43,303 Wrong. 282 00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:46,006 Okay, I give up. 283 00:11:46,073 --> 00:11:48,708 Betsy and I met in church. 284 00:11:48,776 --> 00:11:50,143 So what, she's a nun? 285 00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:53,413 No, she's a stripper and part-time masseuse. 286 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:57,250 See, I drove to the strip club, but the parking lot was full 287 00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:59,386 so I circled the block looking for a spot 288 00:11:59,452 --> 00:12:02,890 and found one right in front of this little church. 289 00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:04,691 And for some reason-- I don't know why-- 290 00:12:04,758 --> 00:12:06,059 I got out of my car, 291 00:12:06,126 --> 00:12:07,895 walked into the church and started praying. 292 00:12:07,961 --> 00:12:09,930 Are you saying God sent you Betsy? 293 00:12:09,997 --> 00:12:11,899 I think he did. Oh, Dad, 294 00:12:11,965 --> 00:12:13,600 we gotta get our asses to church. 295 00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:17,570 Then when I'm done, I get up to leave 296 00:12:17,637 --> 00:12:19,172 and she appears in front of me 297 00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:22,075 like some kind of vanilla-scented angel. 298 00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:23,977 Mmm, vanilla. 299 00:12:24,044 --> 00:12:25,678 So, we got to talking. 300 00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,948 Turns out she's going through a difficult time as well. 301 00:12:28,015 --> 00:12:29,549 Next thing I know, 302 00:12:29,616 --> 00:12:31,184 we're cleaning out her locker at the strip club 303 00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:32,519 and driving to Vegas. 304 00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:34,287 Where you got married. 305 00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:36,389 I understand your skepticism, 306 00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:38,859 but I'm telling you this girl is special. 307 00:12:38,926 --> 00:12:41,461 She's really sweet and spiritual. 308 00:12:41,528 --> 00:12:42,429 BETSY: Charlie? 309 00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:44,231 In here, baby. 310 00:12:44,297 --> 00:12:45,999 Good news, bad news. 311 00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:47,968 I got my period. 312 00:12:48,035 --> 00:12:49,069 Oh, that's okay. 313 00:12:49,136 --> 00:12:49,903 We can take a break. 314 00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:51,304 We don't have to. 315 00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:53,974 There's more than one way to skin a cat. 316 00:12:54,041 --> 00:12:57,644 Oh, you are so wonderful. 317 00:12:57,710 --> 00:12:58,846 What are the other ways? 318 00:12:58,912 --> 00:13:00,713 Shh! Uh... 319 00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:02,515 Charlie, uh, can I talk to you in private for a minute? 320 00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:03,483 Sure. 321 00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:05,518 Bets, coffee's right there. 322 00:13:05,585 --> 00:13:07,420 You just make yourself at home. 323 00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:08,588 Okay. 324 00:13:08,655 --> 00:13:09,522 Morning, son. 325 00:13:09,589 --> 00:13:11,424 Morning, Mom. 326 00:13:11,491 --> 00:13:14,127 So, I was gonna do a little topless sunbathing later. 327 00:13:14,194 --> 00:13:17,197 You're welcome to join me. 328 00:13:17,264 --> 00:13:20,367 Okay, not to put too fine a point on it, 329 00:13:20,433 --> 00:13:21,902 but you're out of your mind. 330 00:13:22,970 --> 00:13:24,271 You need to call a lawyer 331 00:13:24,337 --> 00:13:26,039 and get this marriage annulled immediately. 332 00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:27,975 I knew you wouldn't understand. 333 00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:29,943 Oh, I understand, I understand. 334 00:13:30,010 --> 00:13:31,578 You're still reeling from losing Chelsea 335 00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:32,846 and you're trying to fill the void 336 00:13:32,913 --> 00:13:34,547 with a menstruating pole dancer. 337 00:13:34,614 --> 00:13:37,450 Hey, hey, hey, that's my wife you're talking about. 338 00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:39,252 Oh, damn it, Charlie, you don't know anything about her. 339 00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:42,990 I know I love her and she loves me for exactly who I am. 340 00:13:43,056 --> 00:13:44,324 She doesn't want to change me. 341 00:13:44,391 --> 00:13:46,793 Oh, stop it. 342 00:13:48,395 --> 00:13:50,830 Okay, you get one of those. 343 00:13:50,898 --> 00:13:53,766 Next time, that hand comes back a bloody stump. 344 00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:56,103 Charlie, please, I'm begging you. 345 00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:58,338 No, I'm doing the right thing. 346 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:01,975 You're lucky you're not a girl. 347 00:14:02,042 --> 00:14:05,212 Having a hoochie is like owning a vintage car. 348 00:14:05,278 --> 00:14:07,014 A lot of maintenance and once a month 349 00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:09,649 you gotta put down an oil pan. 350 00:14:12,619 --> 00:14:14,854 Okay, I may have made a mistake. 351 00:14:17,290 --> 00:14:20,027 * Men. 352 00:14:22,429 --> 00:14:24,564 Chelsea? 353 00:14:25,432 --> 00:14:26,533 Hey, Charlie. 354 00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:27,700 What are you doing here? 355 00:14:27,767 --> 00:14:29,336 I need to see your daughter. 356 00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:30,670 I'm sorry, she's not here. 357 00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:34,541 Hi, Charlie, what's going on? Ed. 358 00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:35,442 You know when she'll be back? 359 00:14:35,508 --> 00:14:36,543 I'm not sure. 360 00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:38,745 She just took Skipper for a walk. 361 00:14:38,811 --> 00:14:40,113 You're welcome to come in and wait. 362 00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:42,015 Thank you. 363 00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:45,318 What are you doing? 364 00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,220 I'm just trying to be polite. 365 00:14:47,287 --> 00:14:50,290 Did you ever consider that maybe she doesn't want to see him? 366 00:14:50,357 --> 00:14:52,892 Watch your tone, mister. 367 00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:55,295 Sit, please. 368 00:14:56,930 --> 00:14:59,832 Sorry the place is a mess, we're still decorating. 369 00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:02,469 I'm decorating, he's critiquing. 370 00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:05,238 What, I can have opinions. 371 00:15:05,305 --> 00:15:09,242 He wants me to just shut up and be pretty. 372 00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:11,478 So, listen, 373 00:15:11,544 --> 00:15:14,247 I'm sorry things didn't pan out with you and Chels. 374 00:15:14,314 --> 00:15:15,748 Me, too. 375 00:15:15,815 --> 00:15:17,985 Relationships can be a lot of work. 376 00:15:18,051 --> 00:15:20,720 Even if you've known someone for 40 years. 377 00:15:20,787 --> 00:15:21,955 That's right. 378 00:15:22,022 --> 00:15:24,857 People get set in their pigheaded ways. 379 00:15:26,159 --> 00:15:27,961 You want to get something off your chest, hmm, 380 00:15:28,028 --> 00:15:29,562 I'm right here. 381 00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:32,899 You really want to open this kettle of fish now? 382 00:15:32,966 --> 00:15:35,135 Oh, yeah, let's open it up, open it up. 383 00:15:35,202 --> 00:15:36,970 Okay. 384 00:15:37,037 --> 00:15:40,107 I'm just saying that two grown men should be able to pick out 385 00:15:40,173 --> 00:15:43,643 a club chair without it turning into Iwo freakin' Jima! 386 00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:46,246 Well, I'm not the one that thinks that everything 387 00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:49,749 he sits his ass on has to be made out of leather. 388 00:15:50,717 --> 00:15:52,052 Lucky for you! 389 00:15:53,253 --> 00:15:55,255 CHELSEA: Come on, Skipper. 390 00:15:56,656 --> 00:15:59,559 Charlie? I'm sorry to drop in like this. 391 00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,228 I just really needed to see you. 392 00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:03,363 Okay, what's going on? 393 00:16:03,430 --> 00:16:04,931 Uh, well... 394 00:16:04,998 --> 00:16:06,333 Uh, why don't we go in the other room 395 00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:08,768 and leave these two alone? Fine, fine. 396 00:16:08,835 --> 00:16:11,704 There's no law that says we can't order the area rug later 397 00:16:11,771 --> 00:16:13,540 and get two club chairs. 398 00:16:13,606 --> 00:16:14,707 You see, right there. 399 00:16:14,774 --> 00:16:16,843 That's why I love you. 400 00:16:18,878 --> 00:16:20,447 What are you doing here? 401 00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:23,016 Okay, well, 402 00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:25,518 I don't know how to say this 403 00:16:25,585 --> 00:16:27,987 except just to say it. 404 00:16:28,055 --> 00:16:31,058 I still love you very much, and I miss you like crazy. 405 00:16:31,124 --> 00:16:32,425 I miss you too, Charlie. 406 00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:33,760 Then what are we doing? 407 00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:35,228 Taking some time to figure out 408 00:16:35,295 --> 00:16:36,629 if we're meant to be together. 409 00:16:36,696 --> 00:16:38,731 And how the hell are we supposed to do that? 410 00:16:38,798 --> 00:16:40,067 I don't know. 411 00:16:40,133 --> 00:16:42,001 I guess we should start dating other people. 412 00:16:42,069 --> 00:16:44,304 What?! 413 00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:49,909 I'm not ready to see other people. 414 00:16:49,976 --> 00:16:52,812 I don't know that I am either, but I think we have to try. 415 00:16:52,879 --> 00:16:56,783 Chelsea, I can't even think about dating right now. 416 00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:58,418 Can I tell you something 417 00:16:58,485 --> 00:17:00,120 I've learned about myself since we split up? 418 00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:02,955 Sure, but first, marry me. No. 419 00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:04,324 Okay, just checking. 420 00:17:04,391 --> 00:17:06,893 Probably some legal complications, anyway. 421 00:17:06,959 --> 00:17:08,528 What? Nothing, nothing. 422 00:17:08,595 --> 00:17:09,662 Go ahead. 423 00:17:09,729 --> 00:17:10,863 I've learned that 424 00:17:10,930 --> 00:17:12,332 I shouldn't have tried to change you. 425 00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:14,301 What you need is someone who loves you for you. 426 00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:17,470 No, no, no, no, no, no. I need to be changed. 427 00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:20,407 There's something seriously wrong with me. 428 00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:23,343 Please, Chelsea, take me back and turn me into someone else. 429 00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:26,979 That wasn't a very good argument, was it? 430 00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,014 Nope. 431 00:17:28,081 --> 00:17:32,452 Well, that's the best I got. 432 00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:38,225 Okay, I guess I should get going. 433 00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:40,760 I'm really sorry. 434 00:17:40,827 --> 00:17:42,195 That's all right. 435 00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:44,797 Say good-bye to your dad and Ed for me. 436 00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:46,566 I will. 437 00:17:46,633 --> 00:17:48,568 They're a really cute couple. 438 00:17:48,635 --> 00:17:50,237 I guess. 439 00:17:50,303 --> 00:17:51,704 It's a little weird for me. 440 00:17:51,771 --> 00:17:54,707 Well sure, you're probably used to seeing your dad 441 00:17:54,774 --> 00:17:58,145 with your mom and not a big, handsome black guy. 442 00:17:58,211 --> 00:18:00,547 He is handsome. 443 00:18:06,553 --> 00:18:08,020 Hey, Chels... 444 00:18:09,656 --> 00:18:13,393 I just want you to know that if by chance you should 445 00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:15,428 do something crazy and stupid 446 00:18:15,495 --> 00:18:19,166 like running off and marrying some stranger, 447 00:18:19,232 --> 00:18:23,035 I would forgive you and take you back with open arms. 448 00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:24,604 Good to know. 449 00:18:24,671 --> 00:18:27,874 Seriously, I wouldn't hold it against you at all. 450 00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:29,876 Thank you. 451 00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:34,314 All right then. 452 00:18:34,381 --> 00:18:35,682 Good-bye. 453 00:18:35,748 --> 00:18:37,184 Bye. 454 00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:45,458 TOM (giggling): Stop it, Ed! 455 00:18:45,525 --> 00:18:48,228 Your beard tickles! 456 00:18:48,295 --> 00:18:52,098 Come on, Skipper, time for another walk. 457 00:18:52,165 --> 00:18:54,534 * Men. 458 00:18:56,403 --> 00:18:58,538 * Men. 459 00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:04,211 Uh, Charlie, we've got a little problem. 460 00:19:04,277 --> 00:19:05,212 What's up? 461 00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:07,314 This is Betsy's husband. 462 00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:08,715 Hello. 463 00:19:08,781 --> 00:19:10,550 Want to catch me up? 464 00:19:10,617 --> 00:19:12,051 Really? 465 00:19:12,118 --> 00:19:14,687 Calling him Betsy's husband didn't do the trick? 466 00:19:14,754 --> 00:19:16,122 I don't understand. 467 00:19:16,189 --> 00:19:18,124 She never said anything about being married. 468 00:19:18,191 --> 00:19:19,792 She never does. 469 00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:21,027 This has happened before? 470 00:19:21,093 --> 00:19:22,829 Oh, yes. Any time I find her wedding ring 471 00:19:22,895 --> 00:19:24,297 inside her empty diaphragm case, 472 00:19:24,364 --> 00:19:27,367 I know she's off on one of her little adventures. 473 00:19:27,434 --> 00:19:29,569 I don't believe this. 474 00:19:29,636 --> 00:19:30,770 Why do you put up with it? 475 00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:32,138 Hey, look at me. 476 00:19:32,205 --> 00:19:33,773 I'd rather share a girl like Betsy 477 00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:35,007 than have an exclusive relationship 478 00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:37,310 with a box of old porn magazines. 479 00:19:37,377 --> 00:19:38,811 I hear you. 480 00:19:38,878 --> 00:19:40,547 That would be sad. 481 00:19:40,613 --> 00:19:42,282 BETSY: Hey, baby. 482 00:19:42,349 --> 00:19:44,050 Hey. Hey. 483 00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:47,153 Charlie, I'm really sorry. 484 00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:49,822 I was less than honest with you. 485 00:19:49,889 --> 00:19:54,394 Sure, let's call it less than honest. 486 00:19:54,461 --> 00:19:57,464 I did enjoy our honeymoon. 487 00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:58,998 Me, too. 488 00:19:59,065 --> 00:20:01,334 We stayed at Bellagio. 489 00:20:01,401 --> 00:20:02,869 Nice! 490 00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:06,439 We should go. 491 00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:11,378 Bye. Bye. 492 00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:16,783 I'll make it up to you in the car. 493 00:20:16,849 --> 00:20:21,954 Oh, Betsy, I'm the luckiest guy in the world. 494 00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:25,958 How about that. 495 00:20:26,025 --> 00:20:29,962 I guess I'm not married. 496 00:20:30,029 --> 00:20:32,031 I guess not. 497 00:20:32,098 --> 00:20:33,533 You know what that means. 498 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:36,403 Going back to church? 499 00:20:39,939 --> 00:20:42,909 That means I just got three days of unbelievable sex 500 00:20:42,975 --> 00:20:45,612 with no obligations and no commitment. 501 00:20:45,678 --> 00:20:49,015 Please don't make me slap you again. 502 00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:51,718 Nah, go ahead. 503 00:20:51,784 --> 00:20:53,286 I think I got one more coming. 504 00:20:53,353 --> 00:20:54,754 That's all right. 505 00:20:54,821 --> 00:20:57,089 I'm happy that things worked out for you. 506 00:20:57,156 --> 00:20:58,257 Again. 507 00:20:58,325 --> 00:20:59,426 Thanks. 508 00:20:59,492 --> 00:21:03,262 Oh, hey, did I tell you I won 18 grand in Vegas? 509 00:21:04,297 --> 00:21:06,433 (loud smacking) CHARLIE: Ouch! 510 00:21:06,499 --> 00:21:08,468 * Men.