1 00:00:04,638 --> 00:00:06,940 I was forced to use my hands to defend a lady's honor. 2 00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,442 So I don't have to go back to jail? 3 00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:10,178 You won't even see the inside of a courtroom. 4 00:00:10,244 --> 00:00:11,979 You know, we're having a nature ride 5 00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:13,114 and barbecue for the kids 6 00:00:13,181 --> 00:00:14,415 this Saturday. You should come. 7 00:00:14,482 --> 00:00:16,217 That sounds wonderful, doesn't it, Charlie? 8 00:00:16,284 --> 00:00:17,418 You let her go without you? 9 00:00:17,485 --> 00:00:19,720 Why the hell would I want to go? 10 00:00:19,787 --> 00:00:20,988 Maybe you didn't notice the way 11 00:00:21,055 --> 00:00:22,723 my lawyer was looking at your fiancée. 12 00:00:22,790 --> 00:00:24,458 What are you talking about? 13 00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:26,927 Or the way she was looking back at him. 14 00:00:26,994 --> 00:00:29,930 Charlie, that guy is everything you're not. 15 00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:34,435 * Men. * 16 00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:38,472 Where the hell is she, Alan? 17 00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:40,308 Calm down; don't work yourself into a tizzy. 18 00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:41,909 A tizzy? 19 00:00:41,975 --> 00:00:43,477 I don't have tizzies. 20 00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:45,379 Women have tizzies. You have tizzies. 21 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:51,285 Me, I am outraged, I am furious, I am, I am... 22 00:00:51,352 --> 00:00:52,253 Miffed? 23 00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:54,122 Do not complete my sentences 24 00:00:54,188 --> 00:00:55,623 if you don't grasp the concept. 25 00:00:55,689 --> 00:00:57,391 Sorry. 26 00:00:57,458 --> 00:00:59,193 She should've been home hours ago. 27 00:00:59,260 --> 00:01:00,861 I'm sure there's a perfectly good explanation. 28 00:01:00,928 --> 00:01:02,463 Oh, really? And what would that be? 29 00:01:02,530 --> 00:01:04,965 Okay, well, after the barbecue ended, 30 00:01:05,032 --> 00:01:06,467 Chelsea stayed behind to help clean up. 31 00:01:06,534 --> 00:01:08,869 And then she and Brad got to talking 32 00:01:08,936 --> 00:01:10,404 about all the things they have in common. 33 00:01:10,471 --> 00:01:13,407 You know, their love of horses, children... 34 00:01:13,474 --> 00:01:15,443 Probably just lost track of time. 35 00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:17,178 Because, you know, he's so easy to talk to. 36 00:01:17,245 --> 00:01:18,712 Not to mention how... 37 00:01:18,779 --> 00:01:20,348 good-looking he is. 38 00:01:21,749 --> 00:01:23,951 Or she got diarrhea. 39 00:01:24,017 --> 00:01:26,154 Oh, maybe she called. 40 00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:28,589 Oh, look, there's two messages. 41 00:01:28,656 --> 00:01:31,091 WOMAN: Hi. I'm calling for Alan Harper. 42 00:01:31,159 --> 00:01:32,526 This is Jenny from Malibu Day Spa. 43 00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:34,462 I just wanted to confirm your Saturday appointment 44 00:01:34,528 --> 00:01:35,529 for a bikini wax. 45 00:01:37,765 --> 00:01:39,433 Bikini wax?! 46 00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:41,402 Uh, I wear a European-cut bathing suit. 47 00:01:41,469 --> 00:01:43,537 I like to keep it tidy down there. 48 00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:46,474 Anyway, I'm sure the next one is Chelsea. 49 00:01:46,540 --> 00:01:48,342 Hi, Mr. Harper. This is Jenny again. 50 00:01:48,409 --> 00:01:50,077 Just a reminder-- we can no longer accept 51 00:01:50,144 --> 00:01:51,845 a personal check from you... 52 00:01:51,912 --> 00:01:55,449 I should've just gone with her to that stupid charity thing. 53 00:01:55,516 --> 00:01:56,917 True. If you'd made a little effort, 54 00:01:56,984 --> 00:01:58,051 you wouldn't be in this situation. 55 00:01:58,118 --> 00:01:59,487 But I bet she knew I wouldn't go 56 00:01:59,553 --> 00:02:00,621 when she asked me. 57 00:02:00,688 --> 00:02:03,056 In fact, I bet she was counting on me not going, 58 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,725 so she could be alone with this Brad guy. 59 00:02:04,792 --> 00:02:06,660 Do you really think Chelsea would do something like that? 60 00:02:06,727 --> 00:02:08,095 Why not? That's what I'd do. 61 00:02:09,197 --> 00:02:11,465 I mean, hypothetically. 62 00:02:11,532 --> 00:02:13,534 If I were ever in that situation. 63 00:02:13,601 --> 00:02:14,635 Again. 64 00:02:14,702 --> 00:02:16,537 Right. 65 00:02:16,604 --> 00:02:19,507 The point is, I've been honest through this whole thing. 66 00:02:19,573 --> 00:02:21,442 She's the one who's been deceitful. 67 00:02:21,509 --> 00:02:22,976 She's nothing but a manipulative, 68 00:02:23,043 --> 00:02:24,445 calculating, two-faced... 69 00:02:24,512 --> 00:02:25,313 Hey, honey. 70 00:02:25,379 --> 00:02:27,748 (sweetly): Oh, hi, baby. 71 00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:28,749 How was the party? 72 00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:30,251 It was great. 73 00:02:30,318 --> 00:02:32,553 There was, like, 80 kids taking turns riding a horse 74 00:02:32,620 --> 00:02:34,555 for the first time in their lives. 75 00:02:34,622 --> 00:02:36,824 So, what, there was just one horse? 76 00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:38,025 No. 77 00:02:38,091 --> 00:02:38,926 Good, 'cause that would've been 78 00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:40,561 a tough day for the horse. 79 00:02:40,628 --> 00:02:43,497 Sorry I'm late, but after we got the kids back on the busses, 80 00:02:43,564 --> 00:02:46,200 a bunch of us hung out to chat and help clean up. 81 00:02:46,267 --> 00:02:48,001 Yeah, yeah, that's what I figured. 82 00:02:48,068 --> 00:02:49,470 Anyway, I'm beat. 83 00:02:49,537 --> 00:02:51,705 I just want to jump in the shower and go to bed. 84 00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:53,140 Okay, I'll be right up. 85 00:02:53,207 --> 00:02:55,643 Night, Alan. Night. 86 00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:57,144 Glad you had a good time. 87 00:02:57,211 --> 00:02:58,746 Well done. 88 00:02:58,812 --> 00:03:01,715 You sublimated your anger and came from a place of love. 89 00:03:01,782 --> 00:03:03,016 You took the high road. 90 00:03:03,083 --> 00:03:04,084 Really? 91 00:03:04,151 --> 00:03:05,486 Is that what you call it? 92 00:03:05,553 --> 00:03:07,821 'Cause I call it a complete and total betrayal 93 00:03:07,888 --> 00:03:09,423 of my testicles. 94 00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:12,360 If you'd done it as much as I had, 95 00:03:12,426 --> 00:03:14,462 you'd call it the high road. 96 00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:17,298 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 97 00:03:17,365 --> 00:03:20,501 * Ah. * Men. * Men. 98 00:03:22,570 --> 00:03:24,137 * Men. * 99 00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:25,706 Hey, Chels? 100 00:03:25,773 --> 00:03:29,477 So, when you say a bunch of you stayed to clean up, 101 00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:31,011 how many are you talking about? 102 00:03:31,078 --> 00:03:32,480 I don't know; a couple. 103 00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:34,715 Uh-huh. 104 00:03:34,782 --> 00:03:37,084 You know, technically, a couple is two. 105 00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:38,886 So are you saying there were two people 106 00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:42,189 in addition to you and Brad or just you and Brad? 107 00:03:42,256 --> 00:03:43,757 What are you getting at? 108 00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:46,560 Nothing. Just trying to get an accurate head count. 109 00:03:46,627 --> 00:03:48,362 You could've come with me, you know. 110 00:03:48,429 --> 00:03:49,397 I know. 111 00:03:49,463 --> 00:03:50,731 It'd be nice for us 112 00:03:50,798 --> 00:03:52,933 to do some things together once in a while. 113 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,035 We do plenty of things together. 114 00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:56,136 Besides sex. 115 00:03:56,203 --> 00:03:59,640 Oh... 116 00:03:59,707 --> 00:04:02,510 When Brad's wife was alive, they played tennis every day. 117 00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:04,612 Probably what killed her. 118 00:04:04,678 --> 00:04:07,915 She was hit by a car. 119 00:04:07,981 --> 00:04:10,618 Maybe she was chasing a tennis ball. 120 00:04:12,119 --> 00:04:14,422 You know, like a dog. 121 00:04:15,523 --> 00:04:17,791 You throw it, they run after it, 122 00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:19,226 even if there's traffic... 123 00:04:20,661 --> 00:04:22,663 Goofy dogs. 124 00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:28,336 * Men. * 125 00:04:28,402 --> 00:04:30,137 (crowd cheering) 126 00:04:31,739 --> 00:04:33,474 What the hell is that? 127 00:04:33,541 --> 00:04:37,311 Two guys in a cage beating the snot out of each other. 128 00:04:37,378 --> 00:04:41,449 I can't believe I wasted so many years watching cartoons. 129 00:04:41,515 --> 00:04:43,050 Turn it down. 130 00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:45,719 Aye, aye, Captain Douche. 131 00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:46,987 What did you say? 132 00:04:47,054 --> 00:04:49,423 Aye, aye, Captain. I'll do that. 133 00:04:50,891 --> 00:04:53,627 Why are you on the couch? You and Chelsea have a fight? 134 00:04:53,694 --> 00:04:55,128 No, we didn't have a fight. 135 00:04:55,195 --> 00:04:57,297 Were you farting in your sleep? 136 00:04:57,365 --> 00:04:58,566 No. 137 00:04:58,632 --> 00:04:59,900 Did you screw up the sex? 138 00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:02,703 What the hell are you talking about? 139 00:05:02,770 --> 00:05:05,539 You know, there's more than one way to satisfy a woman. 140 00:05:05,606 --> 00:05:07,508 Oh, really? Like what? 141 00:05:07,575 --> 00:05:08,876 I'm not sure. 142 00:05:08,942 --> 00:05:10,544 But I have some theories. 143 00:05:10,611 --> 00:05:12,245 Get out! 144 00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:13,246 Fine. 145 00:05:15,282 --> 00:05:17,985 We wouldn't have these problems if you just put a TV in my room. 146 00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:19,252 We wouldn't have these problems 147 00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:21,422 if I just put a python in your room. 148 00:05:21,489 --> 00:05:23,891 Touché, douché. 149 00:05:23,957 --> 00:05:25,526 What? 150 00:05:25,593 --> 00:05:27,327 I said touché, douché. 151 00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:35,769 BERTA: * I really can't stay 152 00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:38,439 (in deep voice): * Baby, it's cold outside 153 00:05:38,506 --> 00:05:40,608 (normal voice): * I've got to go away 154 00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:43,877 (deep voice): * Baby, it's cold outside... 155 00:05:43,944 --> 00:05:45,345 You mind? I'm trying to sleep. 156 00:05:45,413 --> 00:05:47,715 Hey, I didn't see you there. 157 00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:48,949 What'd you do? 158 00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:50,784 I don't want to talk about it. 159 00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:53,186 Fine. I'm not one to pry. 160 00:05:56,524 --> 00:05:57,958 Money? 161 00:05:58,025 --> 00:05:58,992 No. 162 00:05:59,059 --> 00:06:00,528 Old girlfriend? 163 00:06:00,594 --> 00:06:01,729 No. 164 00:06:01,795 --> 00:06:03,497 She find those Polaroids? 165 00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:04,898 No. 166 00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:07,968 How did you know about the Polaroids? 167 00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:11,038 You just told me, you dirtbag. 168 00:06:11,104 --> 00:06:13,306 So, what did you do, 169 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,142 try to sneak in at 2:00 a.m. 170 00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:16,810 smellin' of booze and pole dancer? 171 00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:20,347 For your information, Chelsea's the one who came home late. 172 00:06:20,414 --> 00:06:22,349 And she was smelling of horse. 173 00:06:22,416 --> 00:06:25,052 Oh, good Lord, Charlie, you can't compete with a horse. 174 00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:26,053 Yeah, yeah, yeah... 175 00:06:26,119 --> 00:06:27,988 Seriously. 176 00:06:28,055 --> 00:06:29,690 I've seen your tallywacker, 177 00:06:29,757 --> 00:06:32,159 and you're blessed, but you ain't no Seabiscuit. 178 00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:36,296 When have you seen my... tallywacker? 179 00:06:36,363 --> 00:06:40,434 I don't know, maybe the nine or ten times I found you passed out 180 00:06:40,501 --> 00:06:43,504 in your bathtub, holding onto it like it was a flotation device. 181 00:06:43,571 --> 00:06:46,073 Sorry about that. 182 00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:47,808 Don't be. 183 00:06:54,948 --> 00:06:56,216 Mmm, boy! 184 00:06:57,818 --> 00:06:59,186 Breakfast, 185 00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:02,422 the most important meal of the day. 186 00:07:02,490 --> 00:07:04,391 Three scrambled egg whites, 187 00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:08,095 two slices of "I can't believe it's not buttered" rye toast 188 00:07:08,161 --> 00:07:09,730 and to flush it through me, 189 00:07:09,797 --> 00:07:14,001 a piping hot cup of freshly ground coffee. 190 00:07:14,067 --> 00:07:15,202 (coffee grinder whirring) 191 00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:17,571 Shut that thing off! 192 00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:27,280 (whirring resumes) 193 00:07:40,861 --> 00:07:42,563 (crashing) 194 00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:48,268 So... decaf? 195 00:07:50,938 --> 00:07:52,172 Don't push me. 196 00:07:52,239 --> 00:07:54,074 I'm not in the mood. 197 00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:55,776 Did you sleep on the couch last night? 198 00:07:55,843 --> 00:07:57,044 What's it to ya? 199 00:07:57,110 --> 00:07:58,646 Oh, Charlie, what'd you do? 200 00:07:58,712 --> 00:08:00,681 Nothing. Nothing? 201 00:08:00,748 --> 00:08:05,052 I may have compared Brad's recently deceased wife 202 00:08:05,118 --> 00:08:07,020 to a ball-chasing dog. 203 00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:09,089 Whose balls? 204 00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:11,559 Tennis balls. 205 00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:13,761 Get your mind out of the gutter. 206 00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:17,230 All right, look-- while this is admittedly a bump in the road, 207 00:08:17,297 --> 00:08:18,866 you do have an opportunity here 208 00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:21,034 to really improve your relationship with Chelsea. 209 00:08:21,101 --> 00:08:22,035 How do you figure? 210 00:08:22,102 --> 00:08:23,503 Well, think about it-- 211 00:08:23,571 --> 00:08:25,172 the reason you're threatened by Brad 212 00:08:25,238 --> 00:08:27,641 is because he's a much better man than you. 213 00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:30,510 No, he's not. 214 00:08:30,578 --> 00:08:33,280 I would never come on to another guy's fiancée. 215 00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:34,615 Okay, first of all, we don't know 216 00:08:34,682 --> 00:08:35,949 that he's come on to Chelsea. 217 00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,751 And secondly, I've seen you hit on a bride 218 00:08:37,818 --> 00:08:39,553 while she was walking down the aisle. 219 00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:40,921 That was a joke. 220 00:08:40,988 --> 00:08:43,523 I asked her what she was doing later. Everybody laughed. 221 00:08:43,591 --> 00:08:47,227 My point is, if Chelsea is looking around for a better guy, 222 00:08:47,294 --> 00:08:48,996 why not make that guy you? 223 00:08:49,062 --> 00:08:52,700 Because I'm not a better guy than me. 224 00:08:52,766 --> 00:08:54,167 Not yet. 225 00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:56,837 But you do have something going for you that Brad doesn't. 226 00:08:56,904 --> 00:08:57,905 What's that? 227 00:08:57,971 --> 00:09:00,207 Room to improve. 228 00:09:01,609 --> 00:09:05,245 Lots and lots of room to improve. 229 00:09:05,312 --> 00:09:07,915 Thanks. You've filled me with optimism. 230 00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:10,117 And keep in mind, you're the underdog here, 231 00:09:10,183 --> 00:09:11,218 and everybody loves an underdog. 232 00:09:11,284 --> 00:09:14,755 Then how come nobody loves you? 233 00:09:16,156 --> 00:09:17,591 The principle is still sound. 234 00:09:17,658 --> 00:09:19,727 Just go up there and tell Chelsea you know 235 00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:21,528 that you're a flawed human being, 236 00:09:21,595 --> 00:09:25,498 but that you will spend the rest of your life trying to be better 237 00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:27,200 because she deserves the best. 238 00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:30,103 So, lie. 239 00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:31,571 You don't have to lie. 240 00:09:31,639 --> 00:09:33,140 Don't you think you're a flawed human being? 241 00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:35,408 Of course I do. But I know me. 242 00:09:35,475 --> 00:09:37,811 I'm not gonna spend the rest of my life doing anything, 243 00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:40,113 let alone try to be a better human being. 244 00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:41,682 Oh, come on, Charlie. 245 00:09:41,749 --> 00:09:44,618 Look at every New Year's resolution I've ever made. 246 00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:47,788 I've got the best of intentions, but by January third or fourth, 247 00:09:47,855 --> 00:09:51,725 there I am broke, hung over, and coughing up stripper glitter. 248 00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:53,727 Okay, lie. 249 00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:57,665 * Men. * 250 00:09:57,731 --> 00:10:01,669 Hey Chels... I brought you some orange juice. 251 00:10:01,735 --> 00:10:02,469 Thank you. 252 00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:03,904 Is there any coffee? 253 00:10:03,971 --> 00:10:08,241 No, no, my stupid brother broke the grinder. 254 00:10:10,010 --> 00:10:13,113 There's vodka in this orange juice. 255 00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:16,049 Whoopsie, that's mine. 256 00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:18,185 It's 8:00 in the morning. 257 00:10:18,251 --> 00:10:20,553 Hence the orange juice. 258 00:10:22,389 --> 00:10:26,493 So, listen, I wanted to apologize again 259 00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:28,996 about my unfortunate remarks last night. 260 00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:32,099 And tell you I love you and I'll spend the rest of my life 261 00:10:32,165 --> 00:10:35,102 trying to be a better man because you deserve the best. 262 00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:37,137 Well, I appreciate you saying that. 263 00:10:37,204 --> 00:10:40,974 So... we're good? 264 00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:43,243 Yeah. 265 00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:44,577 Great. 266 00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:46,446 So what do you want to do today? 267 00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:48,782 Your choice-- whatever makes you happy. Really? 268 00:10:48,849 --> 00:10:51,184 I'll go anywhere, I'll do anything. 269 00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:52,652 Of course, you'll have to drive. 270 00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:55,188 Well, I was thinking of going to Beverly Hills 271 00:10:55,255 --> 00:10:56,824 for this charity blood drive. 272 00:10:56,890 --> 00:10:57,691 Great. 273 00:10:57,758 --> 00:11:00,728 We'll give blood together. 274 00:11:00,794 --> 00:11:02,495 than tapping a vein for a good cause. 275 00:11:02,562 --> 00:11:05,032 Terrific. Brad will be happy to see us. 276 00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:07,067 Brad? 277 00:11:07,134 --> 00:11:08,501 It's his charity. 278 00:11:08,568 --> 00:11:10,637 He's got another charity? 279 00:11:10,704 --> 00:11:12,572 What the hell's this guy's problem? 280 00:11:12,639 --> 00:11:14,842 It's not a problem, Charlie. 281 00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:16,944 He's a very caring and compassionate man. 282 00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:18,979 Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's a freakin' saint. 283 00:11:19,046 --> 00:11:22,615 And you were already planning on seeing him again. 284 00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:23,851 Well, yeah. He told me 285 00:11:23,917 --> 00:11:25,585 about the blood drive last night. 286 00:11:25,652 --> 00:11:28,789 Right, right, while you were "cleaning up." 287 00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:30,190 What's "this"? 288 00:11:30,257 --> 00:11:33,026 Oh, I think you know what "this" is. 289 00:11:34,227 --> 00:11:35,262 Just go to hell! 290 00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:36,730 Hey, hey-hey, 291 00:11:36,797 --> 00:11:38,431 I'm not the one sneakin' around seeing somebody 292 00:11:38,498 --> 00:11:40,267 behind my fiancé's back! 293 00:11:40,333 --> 00:11:41,601 I am not sneaking around! 294 00:11:41,668 --> 00:11:43,203 I asked you to go with me! 295 00:11:43,270 --> 00:11:44,772 Figuring that I wouldn't. 296 00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:45,773 Very sneaky! 297 00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:47,340 Drop dead! 298 00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:50,744 (grinder whirrs, revving up) 299 00:11:50,811 --> 00:11:52,012 Fixed it. 300 00:11:56,249 --> 00:11:58,518 * Men. * 301 00:12:00,821 --> 00:12:04,291 * Men. * 302 00:12:04,357 --> 00:12:06,794 So... 303 00:12:06,860 --> 00:12:11,164 when are you gonna call Chelsea and tell her you're sorry? 304 00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:14,835 Okay, first of all, I have nothing to be sorry about. 305 00:12:14,902 --> 00:12:17,204 And second, I am not gonna discuss my personal life 306 00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:19,807 with someone whose current girlfriend is a gym sock. 307 00:12:19,873 --> 00:12:21,809 Wow, no wonder she left. 308 00:12:21,875 --> 00:12:24,277 You just lash out for no reason. 309 00:12:25,879 --> 00:12:26,814 EVELYN: Hello? 310 00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:28,215 Out here! 311 00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:29,749 That's my reason. 312 00:12:29,817 --> 00:12:31,218 Boo-hoo. When you gonna stop 313 00:12:31,284 --> 00:12:33,253 blaming your problems on your mommy? 314 00:12:35,155 --> 00:12:36,156 Hey, boys. 315 00:12:36,223 --> 00:12:37,724 Charlie, where's your bride-to-be? 316 00:12:37,791 --> 00:12:39,159 We were gonna finalize the guest list. 317 00:12:39,226 --> 00:12:40,627 She's not here. 318 00:12:40,693 --> 00:12:42,229 She told him to go to hell. 319 00:12:42,295 --> 00:12:44,031 Will you please shut up? 320 00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:46,633 Oh, Charles, what did you do? 321 00:12:46,699 --> 00:12:48,001 I didn't do anything! 322 00:12:48,068 --> 00:12:49,769 He slept on the couch last night. 323 00:12:49,837 --> 00:12:52,172 Nobody's talking to you! 324 00:12:52,239 --> 00:12:56,176 And this is what we've been living with. 325 00:12:56,243 --> 00:12:59,913 Stop heating your socks in the microwave, you little freak! 326 00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:03,016 Charlie, please don't let this girl get away. 327 00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:04,651 Don't worry, I won't. 328 00:13:04,717 --> 00:13:05,953 Good, 'cause she's one in a million 329 00:13:06,019 --> 00:13:07,654 and you're a dime a dozen. 330 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:12,125 Yeah, but I'm the underdog, and everybody loves the underdog. 331 00:13:12,192 --> 00:13:15,162 Oh, God, now you sound like your brother. 332 00:13:16,864 --> 00:13:18,765 How do you plan on getting her back? 333 00:13:18,832 --> 00:13:20,901 I'm gonna become a better man. 334 00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:24,938 Great, so no plan at all. 335 00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:27,440 * Men. * 336 00:13:27,507 --> 00:13:29,276 REPORTER: ...like Santee, California, 337 00:13:29,342 --> 00:13:32,579 maybe Long Beach, California, could actually top out around 90 338 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,848 before it's all said and done. 339 00:13:34,915 --> 00:13:36,183 What's the forecast? 340 00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:40,854 (slurring): High tonight, low tomorrow. 341 00:13:40,921 --> 00:13:44,324 A hundred-percent chance of hangover. 342 00:13:44,391 --> 00:13:45,893 Heard from Chelsea? 343 00:13:45,959 --> 00:13:50,130 She's staying with her father for a few days. 344 00:13:50,197 --> 00:13:52,966 At least that's what she e-mailed me. 345 00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:55,768 You don't think she could be with... 346 00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:57,704 Go ahead, say it. 347 00:13:57,770 --> 00:13:59,839 Braa-ad! 348 00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:04,544 You know what? 349 00:14:04,611 --> 00:14:05,412 If she is, fine. 350 00:14:05,478 --> 00:14:06,713 Good riddance. 351 00:14:06,779 --> 00:14:09,917 I was never meant to be tied down to one woman, anyway. 352 00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:11,818 Well, you are by nature a free spirit. 353 00:14:11,885 --> 00:14:13,720 (sobbing): I miss her, Alan! 354 00:14:13,786 --> 00:14:16,656 I can't live without her! 355 00:14:16,723 --> 00:14:17,790 And you don't have to. 356 00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:18,791 Remember our talk? 357 00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:19,426 Becoming a better man? 358 00:14:19,492 --> 00:14:20,560 Screw it! 359 00:14:20,627 --> 00:14:22,195 I'm as good as I'm ever gonna be! 360 00:14:22,262 --> 00:14:24,297 If she doesn't like it, the hell with her! 361 00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:26,266 That is true. In a healthy relationship, 362 00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:28,468 your partner needs to accept you for who you are. 363 00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:33,006 (sobbing): Oh, she deserves better than me, Alan! 364 00:14:33,073 --> 00:14:34,908 She's such a wonderful gal! 365 00:14:34,975 --> 00:14:36,143 I know, I know. 366 00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:40,613 She's-she's like an angel! 367 00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:42,049 She... She sure is. 368 00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:45,318 Then why is she running off with Braa-ad? 369 00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:48,388 We don't know that she's running off with anyone. 370 00:14:48,455 --> 00:14:51,091 This is not angel behavior, Alan. 371 00:14:51,158 --> 00:14:53,726 You know what kind of behavior this is? 372 00:14:53,793 --> 00:14:56,363 Charlie behavior. 373 00:14:58,065 --> 00:15:01,668 (wailing): I took an angel and I turned her into me! 374 00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:06,239 * Men. * 375 00:15:18,818 --> 00:15:21,288 Charlie...? 376 00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:23,156 I can't sleep in my bed. 377 00:15:23,223 --> 00:15:25,225 It smells like Chelsea. 378 00:15:27,127 --> 00:15:29,896 O-Okay. Well... 379 00:15:29,963 --> 00:15:31,331 why don't you stay here 380 00:15:31,398 --> 00:15:33,033 and I'll go sleep in your room. 381 00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:36,203 No, no, no, don't go. 382 00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:38,771 I don't wanna be alone. 383 00:15:38,838 --> 00:15:40,707 All right. 384 00:15:43,110 --> 00:15:47,014 You're wearing pajama bottoms, right? 385 00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:50,350 Shh... 386 00:15:50,417 --> 00:15:52,685 Exactly how drunk are you? 387 00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:57,190 Both questions... 388 00:15:57,257 --> 00:15:59,359 asked and answered. 389 00:16:01,261 --> 00:16:03,130 * Men. * 390 00:16:03,196 --> 00:16:05,665 (phone rings) 391 00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:14,841 (curtly): What? 392 00:16:14,907 --> 00:16:16,676 Oh, hi, Chelsea. 393 00:16:16,743 --> 00:16:19,779 No... no, he's up. 394 00:16:19,846 --> 00:16:21,814 Or not. 395 00:16:24,151 --> 00:16:26,586 Hang on. I'll find him. 396 00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:28,421 Charlie? 397 00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:30,423 Charlie? 398 00:16:34,927 --> 00:16:37,564 Found him. Hold on. 399 00:16:37,630 --> 00:16:39,032 Hey, Charlie? 400 00:16:39,099 --> 00:16:40,267 What? 401 00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:41,734 You got a phone call. 402 00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:43,103 I'll call back. 403 00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:44,404 It's your fiancée. 404 00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:49,209 (brightly): Oh, hey, baby. 405 00:16:49,276 --> 00:16:51,311 No, no, I've been up for a while. 406 00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:54,881 So how are ya? 407 00:16:54,947 --> 00:16:56,783 Uh-huh. 408 00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:57,750 What's going on? 409 00:16:57,817 --> 00:16:59,186 Man, you'll do anything 410 00:16:59,252 --> 00:17:01,588 not to kick in a little rent, won't ya? 411 00:17:03,156 --> 00:17:04,924 Are you coming home? 412 00:17:04,991 --> 00:17:06,893 I really miss you. 413 00:17:06,959 --> 00:17:10,763 Uh, sure, I can meet you for coffee, no problem. 414 00:17:10,830 --> 00:17:12,465 Half hour? 415 00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:15,135 No problem. See ya. 416 00:17:15,202 --> 00:17:17,104 (groans) 417 00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:18,338 Problem? 418 00:17:18,405 --> 00:17:22,442 What the hell are you doing here? 419 00:17:24,177 --> 00:17:25,812 * Men. * 420 00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:27,180 Hi, sweetie. 421 00:17:29,216 --> 00:17:30,150 Sorry I'm late. 422 00:17:30,217 --> 00:17:31,951 I got you some coffee. 423 00:17:32,018 --> 00:17:34,987 Thank you. 424 00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:36,356 (gulping) 425 00:17:40,193 --> 00:17:41,661 Isn't that awfully hot? 426 00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:43,963 Scalding! 427 00:17:45,198 --> 00:17:46,166 (raspy cough) 428 00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:48,301 Whew... 429 00:17:48,368 --> 00:17:50,337 So, what's new? 430 00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:52,004 We need to talk about Brad. 431 00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:53,740 No, no, we don't. 432 00:17:53,806 --> 00:17:55,142 I'm sorry. 433 00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:58,245 I trust you, and I was totally and completely wrong 434 00:17:58,311 --> 00:18:00,313 to think there might be something going on 435 00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:01,348 between you two. 436 00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:02,849 Thank you for that. 437 00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:03,950 You're welcome. 438 00:18:04,016 --> 00:18:05,685 Okay, let's go home. 439 00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:10,089 Hold on. I do have a confession to make. 440 00:18:10,157 --> 00:18:12,725 Oh, this is never good. 441 00:18:14,494 --> 00:18:16,229 The reason I got so upset 442 00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:18,165 by the things you said was because, 443 00:18:18,231 --> 00:18:20,233 well, you kind of touched a nerve. 444 00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:22,502 Yeah, I do that. I'm a nerve toucher. 445 00:18:22,569 --> 00:18:25,138 Runs in the family. 446 00:18:25,205 --> 00:18:26,506 Okay, well, confession's over. 447 00:18:26,573 --> 00:18:28,308 And you forgive me, I forgive you. 448 00:18:28,375 --> 00:18:29,376 Let's go home. 449 00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:30,810 I'm not done. 450 00:18:30,877 --> 00:18:33,413 Aw, crap. 451 00:18:35,415 --> 00:18:38,818 The thing is, I was kind of attracted to Brad. 452 00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:44,557 He's a great guy and we have a lot in common. 453 00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:47,026 He loves his family and he really cares 454 00:18:47,093 --> 00:18:49,296 about his friends and his community. 455 00:18:49,362 --> 00:18:53,800 I'm taking from your tone that stuff's important to you. 456 00:18:53,866 --> 00:18:56,436 Yes, Charlie, it's important to me. 457 00:18:56,503 --> 00:18:58,104 Okay. 458 00:18:58,171 --> 00:19:03,276 Did you and Brad do anything other than talk? 459 00:19:03,343 --> 00:19:04,577 Of course not. 460 00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:05,612 Nothing's happened. 461 00:19:05,678 --> 00:19:07,113 Oh, thank God. 462 00:19:07,180 --> 00:19:09,582 But while I do love you, 463 00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:12,252 I need to know you care as much as I do. 464 00:19:12,319 --> 00:19:13,186 I do. 465 00:19:13,253 --> 00:19:14,354 You say that, 466 00:19:14,421 --> 00:19:15,722 but are you willing 467 00:19:15,788 --> 00:19:17,123 to really work on our relationship? 468 00:19:17,190 --> 00:19:18,491 Of course I am. 469 00:19:18,558 --> 00:19:21,828 We can start doing things together; community things. 470 00:19:21,894 --> 00:19:24,797 You know, with the-the-the... the kids that are poor 471 00:19:24,864 --> 00:19:28,468 and the old people that fall and can't get up. 472 00:19:28,535 --> 00:19:30,503 What about your family? 473 00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:33,273 I'll get a new family. 474 00:19:33,340 --> 00:19:35,408 Look, I'm telling you, I can change. 475 00:19:35,475 --> 00:19:40,847 (gagging): I can be a better man; the man you want me to be. 476 00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:42,649 (gagging intensifies): And I promise you... 477 00:19:42,715 --> 00:19:43,883 Excuse me. 478 00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:47,320 (vomits) 479 00:19:47,387 --> 00:19:48,588 Oh, my God! 480 00:19:48,655 --> 00:19:50,323 I am so, so sorry. 481 00:19:50,390 --> 00:19:51,791 You threw up on my baby! 482 00:19:51,858 --> 00:19:53,393 (baby crying) 483 00:19:53,460 --> 00:19:56,663 Anyway, to be fair, I don't think the carrots were mine. 484 00:19:56,729 --> 00:19:58,598 Get away from him, you pig! 485 00:19:58,665 --> 00:20:02,001 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 486 00:20:02,068 --> 00:20:03,503 Cute kid. 487 00:20:03,570 --> 00:20:05,638 (baby crying) 488 00:20:08,007 --> 00:20:09,309 Chels? 489 00:20:14,514 --> 00:20:16,182 (sighs) 490 00:20:16,249 --> 00:20:19,386 Damn. 491 00:20:19,452 --> 00:20:21,354 * Men. * 492 00:20:29,161 --> 00:20:32,198 I just got a call from Chelsea. 493 00:20:32,265 --> 00:20:34,801 Oh, yeah? 494 00:20:34,867 --> 00:20:38,938 She said she wants to postpone the wedding. 495 00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:40,540 I know. 496 00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:44,544 I'm sorry. 497 00:20:44,611 --> 00:20:45,912 Thanks. 498 00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:50,617 Believe it or not, I do love you, 499 00:20:50,683 --> 00:20:52,285 and I hate to see you hurt. 500 00:20:52,352 --> 00:20:57,223 Yeah, well... I guess I kinda had it coming. 501 00:20:57,290 --> 00:20:59,258 But you tried. 502 00:20:59,326 --> 00:21:03,563 I did. 503 00:21:03,630 --> 00:21:05,765 I just have one question. 504 00:21:05,832 --> 00:21:07,834 What's that? 505 00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:10,069 Did you really vomit on a baby? 506 00:21:16,809 --> 00:21:18,878 Don't beat yourself up too much. 507 00:21:18,945 --> 00:21:22,515 We've all done that. 508 00:21:22,582 --> 00:21:26,753 You're kidding. 509 00:21:26,819 --> 00:22:02,254 Of course...most of us do it on our own babies.