1 00:00:01,735 --> 00:00:03,371 * Men. 2 00:00:03,437 --> 00:00:04,805 So what time is your flight? 3 00:00:04,872 --> 00:00:05,739 8:00 a.m. 4 00:00:05,806 --> 00:00:07,375 8:00 a.m.? 5 00:00:07,441 --> 00:00:08,442 Wow. 6 00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:09,610 Yep. 7 00:00:09,677 --> 00:00:13,281 You want me to drive you? That'd be nice. 8 00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:16,250 So what time you think we should leave, around 6:00? 9 00:00:16,317 --> 00:00:17,985 To be on the safe side. 10 00:00:18,052 --> 00:00:19,620 Sure, sure. 11 00:00:19,687 --> 00:00:22,190 You never know with traffic and airport security and all. 12 00:00:22,256 --> 00:00:24,325 Would you rather I call a cab? 13 00:00:24,392 --> 00:00:26,760 No, no. No, I won't hear of it. 14 00:00:26,827 --> 00:00:28,696 I'll call one for you. 15 00:00:30,264 --> 00:00:31,532 Golly, I'm gonna miss you. 16 00:00:31,599 --> 00:00:34,668 A couple days without sex won't kill you. 17 00:00:34,735 --> 00:00:36,237 It's not just sex. 18 00:00:36,304 --> 00:00:38,272 You're my friend, my companion. 19 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:42,476 And what makes you think I'm not going to have sex? 20 00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:44,145 Excuse me? 21 00:00:44,212 --> 00:00:47,014 Hey, when the cat's away, the mice masturbate. 22 00:00:48,849 --> 00:00:50,818 Tell you what, 23 00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:52,553 why don't you open a bottle of wine, 24 00:00:52,620 --> 00:00:55,923 come upstairs and I'll give the mice something to remember me by. 25 00:00:55,989 --> 00:00:58,025 Oh, yay, fresh memories. 26 00:00:59,327 --> 00:01:02,029 Much better than the video of you on my iPhone. 27 00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:05,666 You took video of me on your iPhone? 28 00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:07,168 Well, I... 29 00:01:07,235 --> 00:01:08,802 Just a little. 30 00:01:08,869 --> 00:01:13,541 I'd have asked permission, but you were kind of busy. 31 00:01:13,607 --> 00:01:15,276 Give me the phone. 32 00:01:15,343 --> 00:01:16,677 Aw... 33 00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:18,646 Give it. 34 00:01:18,712 --> 00:01:21,649 Thank you. 35 00:01:21,715 --> 00:01:24,618 Oh, Charlie! 36 00:01:24,685 --> 00:01:27,155 What? You can't even tell it's you. 37 00:01:27,221 --> 00:01:29,723 I can't turn my back on you, can I? 38 00:01:29,790 --> 00:01:32,860 Actually, I have photographic evidence that you can. 39 00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:34,828 Not anymore. 40 00:01:34,895 --> 00:01:36,930 Aw... 41 00:01:36,997 --> 00:01:38,232 Don't pout. 42 00:01:38,299 --> 00:01:40,668 Just get the wine and come upstairs. 43 00:01:40,734 --> 00:01:41,702 Okay. 44 00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:43,036 And leave the phone down here. 45 00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:45,005 Aw... 46 00:01:47,641 --> 00:01:52,313 Let's see, what's the proper wine for the occasion? 47 00:01:52,380 --> 00:01:55,316 Ah, who cares? Everything goes with ass biting. 48 00:01:56,984 --> 00:01:58,419 Hey. 49 00:01:58,486 --> 00:01:59,920 Thought you were on a date. 50 00:01:59,987 --> 00:02:01,489 I was. 51 00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:02,956 It didn't go well. 52 00:02:03,023 --> 00:02:06,627 Really? You're usually such a hit with the ladies. 53 00:02:06,694 --> 00:02:09,730 This might have been the worst date of my life. 54 00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:11,332 Did she dress you in a leather bustier 55 00:02:11,399 --> 00:02:12,833 and tie you to a bed? 56 00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:14,034 No. 57 00:02:14,101 --> 00:02:17,171 Did she Super Glue a model car to your balls? 58 00:02:17,238 --> 00:02:19,072 No. 59 00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:21,342 Did she talk you into putting on one of Mom's dresses 60 00:02:21,409 --> 00:02:22,176 while she stole your wallet? 61 00:02:22,243 --> 00:02:23,911 No. 62 00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:26,980 Well, then this wasn't even your worst date this month. 63 00:02:27,047 --> 00:02:28,782 I suppose. 64 00:02:28,849 --> 00:02:31,018 And thanks for the highlight reel, by the way. 65 00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:32,085 Happy to help. 66 00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:34,688 I feel like going down to the beach 67 00:02:34,755 --> 00:02:37,925 and diving into the ocean and swimming out 68 00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:41,395 until my arms are so tired that I sink below the waves 69 00:02:41,462 --> 00:02:42,730 into blessed oblivion. 70 00:02:42,796 --> 00:02:44,298 Hold on. Before you do anything crazy, 71 00:02:44,365 --> 00:02:46,267 can you help me get this bottle open? 72 00:02:46,334 --> 00:02:48,669 Sure. I mean... 73 00:02:48,736 --> 00:02:49,970 these women you meet online-- 74 00:02:50,037 --> 00:02:52,206 you think you have some kind of a connection, 75 00:02:52,273 --> 00:02:53,507 you know, a bond, 76 00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:54,642 and then you meet them face-to-face 77 00:02:54,708 --> 00:02:56,109 and there's nothing. 78 00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,679 Just two lonely strangers staring at each other 79 00:02:58,746 --> 00:03:00,881 across buffalo wings and soft-serve ice cream. 80 00:03:00,948 --> 00:03:05,286 Well, maybe your problem is taking them to a mall food court on a first date. 81 00:03:05,353 --> 00:03:08,188 Well, excuse me, but I don't want to make a big investment 82 00:03:08,256 --> 00:03:10,824 until I have a sense of where things are going. 83 00:03:10,891 --> 00:03:13,261 Plus, the parking is free. 84 00:03:13,327 --> 00:03:14,194 Here you go. 85 00:03:14,262 --> 00:03:16,364 Thank you. 86 00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:17,965 Okay, well, good catching up. 87 00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:19,367 If you're going for that swim, 88 00:03:19,433 --> 00:03:21,034 make sure you tuck your driver's license 89 00:03:21,101 --> 00:03:23,337 in your crack so I can identify your body. 90 00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:30,210 I mean, is it so much to ask to make a connection with another human being? 91 00:03:30,278 --> 00:03:32,079 No, it's not. 92 00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:34,415 I'm not even looking for sex. I just want a little companionship. 93 00:03:34,482 --> 00:03:35,849 That's rough. Buy a dog. 94 00:03:35,916 --> 00:03:37,818 You said I couldn't have a dog in the house. 95 00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:41,322 Fine. Buy a dog and move. 96 00:03:41,389 --> 00:03:42,756 You know what would be great? 97 00:03:42,823 --> 00:03:45,593 If you could find a dog with its own house. 98 00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:48,429 What's taking you so long? 99 00:03:48,496 --> 00:03:49,630 Oh, hi, Alan. 100 00:03:49,697 --> 00:03:51,632 How was your date? Awful. 101 00:03:51,699 --> 00:03:53,701 Oh, I'm sorry. You want to talk about it? 102 00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:55,569 No. He's going for a swim. 103 00:03:55,636 --> 00:03:58,472 Well, I-I could use a friendly ear. 104 00:03:58,539 --> 00:04:02,009 Of course. Now tell me, this is the girl you met online? 105 00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:04,745 Uh-huh. "Perky Dodger fan in Tarzana." 106 00:04:04,812 --> 00:04:08,081 So what happened? First of all, she wasn't so much perky as porky. 107 00:04:09,149 --> 00:04:11,184 More like a Dodger Dog fan. 108 00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:13,621 Don't you hate it when people misrepresent themselves? 109 00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:15,289 I do. When someone makes a date with 110 00:04:15,356 --> 00:04:17,257 "Buff Malibu doctor," that's just what they get. 111 00:04:17,325 --> 00:04:19,059 (indistinct conversation) 112 00:04:19,126 --> 00:04:21,061 Apparently, even when the cat's here, 113 00:04:21,128 --> 00:04:23,030 the mice have to masturbate. 114 00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,933 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 115 00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:29,002 * Ah. * Men. * Men. 116 00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:31,705 * Men. 117 00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,206 (TV playing) 118 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:34,975 Hey. 119 00:04:35,042 --> 00:04:36,577 Hey. 120 00:04:36,644 --> 00:04:38,211 (whistle blowing) 121 00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:39,747 Watching some football? 122 00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:41,382 No fooling you. 123 00:04:45,586 --> 00:04:47,287 Who are we rooting for? 124 00:04:47,355 --> 00:04:48,856 The spread. 125 00:04:50,924 --> 00:04:55,563 Ah, so we're making an illegal wager. 126 00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:57,197 Technically. 127 00:04:57,264 --> 00:05:00,033 Don't get me wrong, I'm not judging. 128 00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:02,970 It's really a victimless crime, don't you think? 129 00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:08,175 So far. 130 00:05:11,178 --> 00:05:12,713 Sorry. 131 00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:20,354 Heard any good jokes lately? 132 00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:23,824 Yeah. 133 00:05:23,891 --> 00:05:26,627 Two brothers are sitting on a couch. 134 00:05:26,694 --> 00:05:30,364 One of them says, "Heard any good jokes lately?" 135 00:05:30,431 --> 00:05:31,865 And then the other one-- 136 00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:36,103 get this-- the other one lights him on fire. 137 00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:46,847 Okay, we'll just watch the game. 138 00:05:46,914 --> 00:05:49,082 Thank you. 139 00:05:50,384 --> 00:05:52,052 All right, it's a commercial. 140 00:05:52,119 --> 00:05:53,587 Now you can talk. 141 00:05:53,654 --> 00:05:56,289 Well, I was thinking, with Chelsea out of town... 142 00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:59,827 Hold on, hold on, it's that baby that trades stocks. 143 00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:02,830 I love this kid. 144 00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:03,831 (chuckles) 145 00:06:03,897 --> 00:06:05,433 Look at this... 146 00:06:10,438 --> 00:06:11,905 Okay, go ahead. 147 00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:15,843 I was thinking, with Chelsea out of town, 148 00:06:15,909 --> 00:06:18,912 that maybe, you know, after the game... 149 00:06:18,979 --> 00:06:22,315 you and I could go out and grab a bite to eat. 150 00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:23,717 No, thanks. 151 00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:24,952 Not hungry? 152 00:06:25,018 --> 00:06:27,287 Don't like you. 153 00:06:27,354 --> 00:06:30,658 Oh, come on, I need some human contact. 154 00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:31,925 (doorbell ringing) 155 00:06:31,992 --> 00:06:33,393 That's probably a human. 156 00:06:33,461 --> 00:06:35,062 Go contact them. 157 00:06:38,131 --> 00:06:40,000 That was clever. 158 00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:42,002 I'm a clever guy. 159 00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:44,638 Well, hey, buddy. You're here early. 160 00:06:44,705 --> 00:06:46,640 Oh, I was thinking, that if you're hungry, 161 00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:48,776 you and I could grab a bite to eat and... (door closing) 162 00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:50,410 Maybe later. 163 00:06:50,478 --> 00:06:53,847 He's been a little crabby since his girlfriend dumped him. 164 00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:56,349 The kid's a stone-cold bummer, Alan. 165 00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:59,352 Okay, well, thanks for dropping him off. 166 00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:01,589 You're welcome. Oh, hey, Herb, 167 00:07:01,655 --> 00:07:05,392 by any chance, do you want to go out and maybe grab a bite? 168 00:07:05,459 --> 00:07:06,994 Really? You and me? 169 00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:08,195 Sure. Why not? 170 00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:09,930 That's kind of weird, isn't it? 171 00:07:09,997 --> 00:07:12,132 I mean, you're the ex-husband, I'm the current. 172 00:07:12,199 --> 00:07:13,934 So we've got something in common. 173 00:07:14,001 --> 00:07:15,235 We do, don't we? 174 00:07:15,302 --> 00:07:16,369 Right. 175 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:18,672 Neither one of us is having sex with Judith. 176 00:07:18,739 --> 00:07:20,073 (laughing) 177 00:07:23,343 --> 00:07:25,846 That's actually a little too close to home. 178 00:07:25,913 --> 00:07:26,947 Sorry. 179 00:07:27,014 --> 00:07:28,516 So what do you think? 180 00:07:28,582 --> 00:07:29,717 I could eat. 181 00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:30,984 Let's go. 182 00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:32,486 Uh, you ever been to Kabob Kingdom? 183 00:07:32,553 --> 00:07:35,589 At the food court? I love that place. 184 00:07:35,656 --> 00:07:36,857 (sportscast playing) 185 00:07:36,924 --> 00:07:38,992 Hey, Berta, would you grab me a beer? 186 00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:40,293 Sure. 187 00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:42,496 Jake, grab your uncle a beer. 188 00:07:42,563 --> 00:07:43,964 Let him get it himself. 189 00:07:44,031 --> 00:07:45,799 Sorry. I tried. 190 00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:48,035 Hey, numbnuts, just take a beer out of the fridge 191 00:07:48,101 --> 00:07:49,469 and bring it over here. 192 00:07:49,537 --> 00:07:51,171 Fine. 193 00:07:55,643 --> 00:07:57,444 Here. 194 00:07:57,511 --> 00:07:58,779 Thank you. 195 00:07:58,846 --> 00:08:00,380 What's with the attitude? 196 00:08:00,447 --> 00:08:02,315 You're the reason Celeste broke up with me. 197 00:08:02,382 --> 00:08:03,717 You still grinding on that? 198 00:08:03,784 --> 00:08:06,019 Yeah, I'm still grinding on it. I love her. 199 00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:09,189 Stop it. You love fart jokes and pie. 200 00:08:09,256 --> 00:08:11,759 Fart jokes, pie and Celeste. 201 00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:13,661 If you hadn't talked me into hanging out 202 00:08:13,727 --> 00:08:15,829 with that other girl, I'd still have all three. 203 00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:17,497 Oh, come on, pal. 204 00:08:17,565 --> 00:08:19,466 At your age, relationships aren't serious. 205 00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:21,334 They're just, you know, puppy love. 206 00:08:21,401 --> 00:08:23,604 No, no, this wasn't puppy love. 207 00:08:23,671 --> 00:08:25,673 This was... dog love. 208 00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:29,509 Trust me, you have not had dog love yet. 209 00:08:29,577 --> 00:08:32,179 I don't even think your father's had dog love yet. 210 00:08:32,245 --> 00:08:36,016 Not unless you count getting bitch slapped. 211 00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:38,819 I promise you'll get over this. 212 00:08:38,886 --> 00:08:40,588 You'll meet somebody else. 213 00:08:40,654 --> 00:08:42,189 You'll love her, she won't love you. 214 00:08:42,255 --> 00:08:43,857 She'll love you, you won't love her. 215 00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:46,026 You'll love each other, but she's married to a cop 216 00:08:46,093 --> 00:08:48,862 who catches you in a motel room and beats you near to death 217 00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:50,831 with his big police flashlight. 218 00:08:50,898 --> 00:08:53,400 The point is, 219 00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:55,869 you've got a lot of living to do, right, Berta? 220 00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:59,039 You don't want to piss off a cop. 221 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:01,642 Thanks, Uncle Charlie. 222 00:09:01,709 --> 00:09:04,111 You've really given me a lot to think about. 223 00:09:04,177 --> 00:09:07,214 Hey, hey, hey, nobody likes a smartass. 224 00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:17,090 Not so sexy when it happens to you, is it? 225 00:09:17,157 --> 00:09:20,093 * Men. 226 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:22,095 I give up, Herb. 227 00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:24,798 How do you tell a kabob to be quiet? 228 00:09:24,865 --> 00:09:27,034 Shh... kabob. 229 00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:30,237 Very clever. Very clever. 230 00:09:30,303 --> 00:09:31,639 Well, when you're a pediatrician, 231 00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:33,607 you need to have a lot of kid-friendly jokes. 232 00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:35,609 Sometimes when I use the little reflex hammer, 233 00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:37,645 I pretend I'm an Indian. 234 00:09:37,711 --> 00:09:39,680 (chanting) 235 00:09:39,747 --> 00:09:42,983 It's not politically correct, but the tykes love it. 236 00:09:43,050 --> 00:09:44,284 Oh, boy. 237 00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:46,286 I wish my doctor had a sense of humor. 238 00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:48,288 Every time I have a prostate exam, I say, 239 00:09:48,355 --> 00:09:50,624 "What, you're not going to buy me dinner first?" 240 00:09:50,691 --> 00:09:51,925 And nothin', 241 00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:53,260 not even a smile. 242 00:09:53,326 --> 00:09:55,328 Really? 'Cause that's a beaut. 243 00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:56,664 That's what I thought. 244 00:09:56,730 --> 00:09:58,966 But most people just don't get me. 245 00:09:59,032 --> 00:10:02,235 Well, that's their loss. 246 00:10:05,472 --> 00:10:07,875 (ringtone playing "I've Been Working on the Railroad") 247 00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:09,142 Excuse me. 248 00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:11,144 Uh-oh. 249 00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:13,513 Hi, Judith. 250 00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:15,482 I, uh, just stopped for a bite to eat. 251 00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:18,652 I know you have leftover meat loaf. 252 00:10:18,719 --> 00:10:20,721 Probably left over from when I was married to her. 253 00:10:20,788 --> 00:10:21,855 Shh, shh, shh. 254 00:10:23,156 --> 00:10:25,058 What? 255 00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:26,894 That was Alan. 256 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:27,961 Yes, that Alan. 257 00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:29,496 Hi, Judith. 258 00:10:29,562 --> 00:10:32,700 No, no, Jake's not here. It's just the two of us. 259 00:10:32,766 --> 00:10:35,502 No, I have not lost my mind. 260 00:10:35,568 --> 00:10:37,037 Whoa, whoa. 261 00:10:37,104 --> 00:10:38,105 Calm down. 262 00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:39,707 Judith, calm down. 263 00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:42,209 Can we talk about this when I get home? 264 00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:44,945 All right, bye. 265 00:10:45,012 --> 00:10:47,981 She says hi back. 266 00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:49,249 Sorry to get you in trouble. 267 00:10:49,316 --> 00:10:50,718 Oh, no trouble. I'm a grown man. 268 00:10:50,784 --> 00:10:53,520 And I think I can have lunch with whoever I want. 269 00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:55,022 Right. 270 00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:56,389 So, how's the chiropractor biz? 271 00:10:56,456 --> 00:10:57,691 Well, it's been a little slow, 272 00:10:57,758 --> 00:10:59,693 you know, with the economy and everything, 273 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:01,895 but I'm starting to see a little turnaround, and it's been... 274 00:11:01,962 --> 00:11:02,896 I'm sorry. I gotta go. 275 00:11:10,137 --> 00:11:12,039 * Men. 276 00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:13,841 (acoustic guitar playing soft chords) 277 00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:16,744 JAKE: * Oh, Celeste, you are the best * 278 00:11:16,810 --> 00:11:22,883 * With you I was blessed, but I failed the test * 279 00:11:22,950 --> 00:11:29,289 * And now I'm depressed, Celeste... * 280 00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:35,763 * You might as well take my heart * 281 00:11:35,829 --> 00:11:38,899 * Out of my chest 282 00:11:38,966 --> 00:11:40,901 * And mail it... 283 00:11:40,968 --> 00:11:43,771 * All the way to Budapest 284 00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,140 (knocking) 285 00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:48,175 Got a minute? 286 00:11:48,241 --> 00:11:49,242 I'm busy. 287 00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:50,610 Yeah, I heard. 288 00:11:50,677 --> 00:11:51,912 Budapest. 289 00:11:51,979 --> 00:11:53,713 Very catchy. 290 00:11:53,781 --> 00:11:54,982 What do you want? 291 00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:58,085 I want to apologize for sending you down a bad road 292 00:11:58,151 --> 00:11:59,519 with your girlfriend. 293 00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:01,221 Yeah, well, forget it. I'm gonna get her back. 294 00:12:01,288 --> 00:12:02,222 Well, good, good. 295 00:12:02,289 --> 00:12:03,290 So what's the plan? 296 00:12:03,356 --> 00:12:04,591 I'm gonna finish writing my song 297 00:12:04,657 --> 00:12:05,826 and then I'm gonna sing it to her. 298 00:12:05,893 --> 00:12:09,129 Okay, uh, is that the entire plan? 299 00:12:09,196 --> 00:12:10,463 No. 300 00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:13,066 I'm also gonna put on a clean shirt. 301 00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:15,735 Ooh, pulling out the big guns. 302 00:12:15,803 --> 00:12:18,038 Yep. 303 00:12:18,105 --> 00:12:19,773 Can I offer an alternative plan? 304 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:21,809 I don't want to hear any more plans from you. 305 00:12:21,875 --> 00:12:22,943 Understandable. 306 00:12:23,010 --> 00:12:24,544 I'd be a little skeptical in your shoes, 307 00:12:24,611 --> 00:12:25,979 but just hear me out. 308 00:12:26,046 --> 00:12:29,950 The song, good as it is, it smacks of desperation. 309 00:12:30,017 --> 00:12:32,886 Thank you. 310 00:12:32,953 --> 00:12:35,022 Uh, no, no. 311 00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:38,325 I mean, girls don't generally respond to desperation. 312 00:12:38,391 --> 00:12:39,793 How do you know? 313 00:12:39,860 --> 00:12:41,995 Are you kidding? I've been watching your father 314 00:12:42,062 --> 00:12:43,696 get shot down for 25 years. 315 00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:46,699 It's like living with an Air Force training film. 316 00:12:49,169 --> 00:12:52,940 Listen, if you really want to get Celeste back, you man up, 317 00:12:53,006 --> 00:12:54,374 go over to her house, 318 00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:56,343 admit you made a mistake with the other girl, 319 00:12:56,409 --> 00:12:58,645 you realize now that Celeste is one in a million, 320 00:12:58,711 --> 00:13:00,347 blah, blah, blah, and if she doesn't 321 00:13:00,413 --> 00:13:02,082 ever wanna see you again, you understand. 322 00:13:02,149 --> 00:13:04,051 And then sing her the song? 323 00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:07,087 Forget the song. 324 00:13:07,154 --> 00:13:08,822 Okay. 325 00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:11,591 Do I really say "blah, blah, blah"? 326 00:13:13,894 --> 00:13:16,029 * Men. 327 00:13:16,096 --> 00:13:18,031 Alan, wait! 328 00:13:18,098 --> 00:13:19,132 You forgot your kabob. 329 00:13:19,199 --> 00:13:20,300 Oh. Oh, thank you. 330 00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:21,334 You're welcome. 331 00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:22,903 And thanks again for driving. 332 00:13:22,970 --> 00:13:24,071 It was fun. 333 00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,672 Oh, yeah, I had a good time, too. 334 00:13:25,738 --> 00:13:26,773 I'm glad. 335 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:29,109 So... we should do it again sometime. 336 00:13:29,176 --> 00:13:30,743 I'd like that. 337 00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:32,779 Great, great. You know, I'm gonna go 338 00:13:32,846 --> 00:13:35,015 to the flea market tomorrow. You wanna join me? 339 00:13:35,082 --> 00:13:36,516 Tomorrow? 340 00:13:36,583 --> 00:13:38,351 Oh, gee, I don't know. 341 00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:40,620 Oh, I'm sorry. It's probably too soon. 342 00:13:40,687 --> 00:13:42,990 No, no. 343 00:13:43,056 --> 00:13:44,457 No, it's not, it's just... 344 00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:45,926 Judith. I know, I know. 345 00:13:45,993 --> 00:13:47,460 I'm just not sure what to tell her. 346 00:13:47,527 --> 00:13:49,429 Well, you can tell her the truth. 347 00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:52,299 What is the truth, Alan? 348 00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:54,734 That we're friends. 349 00:13:54,801 --> 00:13:56,937 We are friends, aren't we? 350 00:13:58,071 --> 00:13:59,039 Okay, friend. 351 00:13:59,106 --> 00:14:00,107 I'll see ya tomorrow. 352 00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:02,009 It's a date. 353 00:14:04,878 --> 00:14:06,446 (chuckles) 354 00:14:08,081 --> 00:14:10,117 (chuckles) 355 00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:13,921 (chuckles)Oh! Jake, Jake, hi, buddy. Um... 356 00:14:13,987 --> 00:14:17,424 I don't care. I got my own problems. 357 00:14:17,490 --> 00:14:19,826 * Men. 358 00:14:22,829 --> 00:14:28,568 * Oh, Celeste, I am congested 359 00:14:28,635 --> 00:14:35,008 * With love for my Celeste... ed * 360 00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:37,978 * Yeah 361 00:14:38,045 --> 00:14:39,679 (knocking) 362 00:14:39,746 --> 00:14:41,114 Did you talk to her? 363 00:14:41,181 --> 00:14:42,049 Yeah. 364 00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:42,782 How'd it go? 365 00:14:42,849 --> 00:14:44,384 Not so good. 366 00:14:44,451 --> 00:14:46,419 You sang that song, didn't you? 367 00:14:46,486 --> 00:14:47,988 No, I did exactly what you said. 368 00:14:48,055 --> 00:14:49,022 I told her I'm sorry, 369 00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:50,790 I made a mistake with that other girl 370 00:14:50,857 --> 00:14:52,692 and she's one in a million, blah, blah, blah. 371 00:14:52,759 --> 00:14:54,061 Okay, just to be clear, 372 00:14:54,127 --> 00:14:56,363 you didn't really say "blah, blah, blah"? 373 00:14:56,429 --> 00:14:58,398 I'm not an idiot, Uncle Charlie. 374 00:14:58,465 --> 00:15:00,934 No, no, of course not. Then what? 375 00:15:01,001 --> 00:15:04,037 Then I said if she never wants to see me again, I'd understand. 376 00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:05,072 And what'd she say? 377 00:15:05,138 --> 00:15:07,140 "I never want to see you again." 378 00:15:07,207 --> 00:15:08,408 Ouch. 379 00:15:08,475 --> 00:15:09,476 Ouch? That's it? 380 00:15:09,542 --> 00:15:10,743 That's all you've got? 381 00:15:10,810 --> 00:15:12,845 Well, you know, look at the bright side. 382 00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:14,614 You got a great song out of it. 383 00:15:14,681 --> 00:15:16,950 Ten more girls peein' on you, you got an album. 384 00:15:18,351 --> 00:15:20,120 Or a fetish. 385 00:15:21,521 --> 00:15:23,556 Okay, well... 386 00:15:23,623 --> 00:15:26,126 say no to drugs. 387 00:15:28,295 --> 00:15:29,696 * Men. 388 00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:31,898 (doorbell chimes) 389 00:15:35,568 --> 00:15:36,603 Oh, hey, Judith. 390 00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:38,371 Just came by to pick up Herb. 391 00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:39,906 We're going to the flea market. 392 00:15:39,973 --> 00:15:41,774 No, you're not. 393 00:15:41,841 --> 00:15:43,210 What do you mean? I just talked to him. 394 00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:45,645 Look, Alan, I discussed it with Herb and we decided 395 00:15:45,712 --> 00:15:47,914 that it's not in anyone's best interest for you two 396 00:15:47,981 --> 00:15:49,249 to be spending time together. 397 00:15:49,316 --> 00:15:51,784 You both decided that, huh? Yes. 398 00:15:51,851 --> 00:15:53,453 Well, if you don't mind, I'd like to hear it from Herb. 399 00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:54,988 I do mind. 400 00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:57,190 The two of you hanging out is wrong. It's unnatural. 401 00:15:57,257 --> 00:16:00,027 Excuse me, but I have done a few unnatural things 402 00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:02,329 in my day, and this is not unnatural. 403 00:16:02,395 --> 00:16:03,696 Good-bye, Alan. 404 00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:06,299 Our marriage, that was unnatural! 405 00:16:06,366 --> 00:16:09,236 You can't do this, Judith! 406 00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:11,204 You cannot keep us apart! 407 00:16:11,271 --> 00:16:14,074 Herb and I will find a way to be together! 408 00:16:16,543 --> 00:16:18,145 Hi. 409 00:16:18,211 --> 00:16:19,579 Hi. 410 00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:22,049 That must've sounded kinda strange. 411 00:16:22,115 --> 00:16:23,650 Not at all. 412 00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:25,218 Herb is a very handsome man. 413 00:16:28,855 --> 00:16:30,923 * Men. 414 00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:34,394 Hey, I brought you another soda. 415 00:16:34,461 --> 00:16:36,896 Thanks. 416 00:16:38,531 --> 00:16:40,067 (sighs) 417 00:16:40,133 --> 00:16:44,671 Believe me, Jake, you'll get over Celeste. 418 00:16:44,737 --> 00:16:47,006 I don't wanna get over her. I think she was the one. 419 00:16:47,074 --> 00:16:48,741 The one what? 420 00:16:48,808 --> 00:16:51,044 The one, you know, who was pretty and liked me 421 00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:53,680 and maybe was gonna let me do stuff to her someday. 422 00:16:53,746 --> 00:16:56,516 And you think there's only one of those out there? 423 00:16:56,583 --> 00:16:57,650 What do you think? 424 00:16:57,717 --> 00:17:01,688 It doesn't matter what I think. 425 00:17:01,754 --> 00:17:05,558 Jake, you gotta start looking at this differently. 426 00:17:05,625 --> 00:17:09,396 Women are kinda like the little boxes of cereal 427 00:17:09,462 --> 00:17:10,830 in one of those variety packs. 428 00:17:10,897 --> 00:17:12,199 I like the variety packs. 429 00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:13,433 I know you do. 430 00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:14,934 But they should put in more sugary cereals 431 00:17:15,001 --> 00:17:16,569 and less cereals that help you poop. 432 00:17:16,636 --> 00:17:18,238 No argument. 433 00:17:18,305 --> 00:17:22,709 But my point is, a variety pack approach gives you a choice. 434 00:17:22,775 --> 00:17:24,043 It's really not that great a choice. 435 00:17:24,111 --> 00:17:25,512 In a pack of eight, 436 00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:27,414 there's always at least three poopin' cereals. 437 00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,349 Okay, we're getting away from the point. 438 00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:30,283 What's your favorite cereal? 439 00:17:30,350 --> 00:17:31,918 It used to be Frankenberry, 440 00:17:31,984 --> 00:17:34,787 but I'm kind of on a Froot Loops kick now. Terrific. 441 00:17:34,854 --> 00:17:36,456 They don't get soggy as fast. Got it. 442 00:17:36,523 --> 00:17:37,824 Plus the milk tastes better afterward. 443 00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:39,759 Okay, okay, okay. 444 00:17:39,826 --> 00:17:42,429 So imagine Celeste is Froot Loops. 445 00:17:42,495 --> 00:17:44,131 You like her now, 446 00:17:44,197 --> 00:17:47,033 but who's to say she isn't tomorrow's Frankenberry? 447 00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:48,067 You're wrong. 448 00:17:48,135 --> 00:17:49,769 Celeste will always be my Froot Loops. 449 00:17:49,836 --> 00:17:51,538 You can't know that. 450 00:17:51,604 --> 00:17:52,705 Look at me. 451 00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:54,407 I've been with a lot of women, 452 00:17:54,474 --> 00:17:57,244 but I only just recently found the love of my life. 453 00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:59,279 Well, no disrespect, but I don't wanna wait 454 00:17:59,346 --> 00:18:00,680 until I'm as old and hard up 455 00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:02,782 as you are to find a good girlfriend. 456 00:18:04,351 --> 00:18:06,253 What? I said no disrespect. 457 00:18:06,319 --> 00:18:10,757 You know, you make it really difficult to love you sometimes. 458 00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:12,925 Yeah, that's what my mom says. 459 00:18:17,397 --> 00:18:20,267 Told ya I'm not an idiot. 460 00:18:22,702 --> 00:18:24,904 * Men. 461 00:18:28,741 --> 00:18:30,843 (hushed): Herb! 462 00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:33,112 Herb! 463 00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:39,051 (thud) 464 00:18:40,353 --> 00:18:41,721 Alan? 465 00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:42,855 Over here! 466 00:18:46,259 --> 00:18:47,760 Alan... 467 00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:49,796 I didn't want you to think that I stood you up. 468 00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:52,532 Oh, I know you'd never do that. 469 00:18:52,599 --> 00:18:54,201 Judith just doesn't understand. 470 00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:55,668 I know, and I'm sorry. 471 00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:57,637 But what are we gonna do? 472 00:18:57,704 --> 00:18:59,071 I don't know. 473 00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:03,410 Well, maybe I'll see you when I bring Jake back. 474 00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:05,412 That'd be nice. 475 00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:08,581 Bye. 476 00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:10,217 Bye. 477 00:19:10,283 --> 00:19:12,252 Alan, wait! 478 00:19:12,319 --> 00:19:13,920 I'm coming with you! 479 00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:15,222 But how? 480 00:19:17,123 --> 00:19:19,459 Be careful, you big galoot. 481 00:19:19,526 --> 00:19:21,027 I'm okay. I'm okay! 482 00:19:21,093 --> 00:19:22,595 (creaking) 483 00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:24,130 I'm not okay! 484 00:19:24,197 --> 00:19:24,931 (thud) 485 00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:27,600 Oh, God! Herb, talk to me! 486 00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:28,668 (groans) 487 00:19:28,735 --> 00:19:30,870 What's going on out here?! 488 00:19:33,906 --> 00:19:36,676 Alan, wait! Take me with you! 489 00:19:36,743 --> 00:19:38,345 * Men. 490 00:19:40,580 --> 00:19:42,582 (TV plays) I miss Celeste. 491 00:19:42,649 --> 00:19:44,183 I miss Chelsea. 492 00:19:44,251 --> 00:19:46,286 I miss Herb. 493 00:19:47,987 --> 00:19:50,823 Uh, I mean, I mean, Sex and the City. 494 00:19:50,890 --> 00:19:52,692 I miss Sex and the City. 495 00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:55,127 Yeah, Alan, that's much less gay. 496 00:19:56,996 --> 00:20:00,233 I guess that's just what our lives have come down to; 497 00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:02,101 three pathetic, lonely guys 498 00:20:02,168 --> 00:20:05,505 watching television on a Sunday night. 499 00:20:05,572 --> 00:20:07,740 Oh, crap, it's Sunday night! 500 00:20:07,807 --> 00:20:09,041 Chelsea's flying into LAX! 501 00:20:09,108 --> 00:20:10,543 You gonna pick her up? 502 00:20:10,610 --> 00:20:13,880 No, I'm gonna call her a cab and take a Viagra. 503 00:20:13,946 --> 00:20:17,350 Well, buddy, I guess it's you and me. 504 00:20:17,417 --> 00:20:21,421 No disrespect, Dad, but that just makes it worse. 505 00:20:22,789 --> 00:20:25,157 I said no disrespect. 506 00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:26,726 Why doesn't that ever work? 507 00:20:26,793 --> 00:20:30,129 (phone rings) 508 00:20:31,631 --> 00:20:32,899 Hello? 509 00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:34,867 Yeah, this is Jake. 510 00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:36,303 Oh, hi, Nicole. 511 00:20:37,270 --> 00:20:39,406 Yeah, I broke up with Celeste. 512 00:20:39,472 --> 00:20:40,573 Now? 513 00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:42,375 Sure. See ya in a few. 514 00:20:43,710 --> 00:20:45,512 I'm gonna go meet Nicole at the pier. 515 00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:46,413 Who's Nicole? 516 00:20:46,479 --> 00:20:48,481 I'm not really sure. 517 00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:54,120 (sighs) 518 00:20:56,022 --> 00:21:01,461 * I remember you... 519 00:21:03,363 --> 00:21:11,270 * You're the one who made my dreams come true. * 520 00:21:15,375 --> 00:21:17,209 (doorbell rings) (music stops) 521 00:21:20,813 --> 00:21:22,882 Herb. 522 00:21:22,949 --> 00:21:24,250 We haven't got much time. 523 00:21:24,317 --> 00:21:25,918 Judith thinks I'm in physical therapy. 524 00:21:25,985 --> 00:21:29,255 Well, then let's make the most of it.