1 00:00:04,638 --> 00:00:08,442 So, do either of you guys urinate with abnormal frequency? 2 00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:12,380 No. 3 00:00:14,582 --> 00:00:17,718 I mean, you gotta define abnormal. 4 00:00:17,785 --> 00:00:18,852 And keep in mind the body 5 00:00:18,919 --> 00:00:22,156 doesn't process alcohol efficiently. 6 00:00:22,223 --> 00:00:23,957 Which is why your Uncle Charlie 7 00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:25,959 is a perpetual urine machine. 8 00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:27,995 Also keep in mind that your father 9 00:00:28,062 --> 00:00:29,063 has the bladder control 10 00:00:29,130 --> 00:00:31,732 of a frightened nine-year-old girl. 11 00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:34,202 Which is why he needs to wear 12 00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:37,105 two pairs of undies and a panty liner. 13 00:00:37,171 --> 00:00:39,307 Only on long drives. 14 00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:40,574 Oh, really? 15 00:00:40,641 --> 00:00:42,910 How many times a night do you get up to pee? 16 00:00:42,976 --> 00:00:43,844 Just once. 17 00:00:43,911 --> 00:00:45,279 I can hear your toilet flush, Alan. 18 00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:46,847 Okay, four times. 19 00:00:46,914 --> 00:00:49,350 But at least I get out of bed to pee. 20 00:00:49,417 --> 00:00:50,384 Hey, hey. 21 00:00:50,451 --> 00:00:52,086 That was an isolated incident. 22 00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:54,955 I was dreaming my shoes were on fire. 23 00:00:55,022 --> 00:00:56,890 Does that answer your question, buddy? 24 00:00:56,957 --> 00:00:57,891 Yeah. 25 00:00:57,958 --> 00:01:00,894 And remind me to never ask another one. 26 00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:04,165 Charlie? Yeah? 27 00:01:04,232 --> 00:01:05,999 Why aren't you ready? 28 00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:07,201 Ready for...? 29 00:01:07,268 --> 00:01:08,769 You've got to be kidding me. 30 00:01:08,836 --> 00:01:10,738 I've told you at least three times 31 00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:13,073 we're having dinner with my girlfriend Gail tonight. 32 00:01:13,141 --> 00:01:14,575 Excuse me, gotta pee. 33 00:01:15,743 --> 00:01:17,111 I swear to God, you never listen 34 00:01:17,178 --> 00:01:18,179 when I'm talking to you. 35 00:01:18,246 --> 00:01:19,947 It's like you just tune me out. 36 00:01:20,013 --> 00:01:21,282 You look like you're paying attention, 37 00:01:21,349 --> 00:01:23,083 but your mind is a million miles away. 38 00:01:23,151 --> 00:01:24,652 CHARLIE: Do I need to pee? 39 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,021 Nah. 40 00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:29,056 I mean, I could. 41 00:01:29,123 --> 00:01:30,224 Might be traffic. 42 00:01:30,291 --> 00:01:31,125 Probably should pee. 43 00:01:31,192 --> 00:01:32,626 Yeah, better pee. 44 00:01:32,693 --> 00:01:34,428 Now we're going to be late, and I'm going 45 00:01:34,495 --> 00:01:36,063 to be embarrassed all because you don't listen. 46 00:01:36,130 --> 00:01:38,899 Boy, she's got great boobies. 47 00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:43,103 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 48 00:01:43,171 --> 00:01:46,674 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * * Ooh 49 00:01:46,740 --> 00:01:49,577 * Men, men, men, men, manly men * * Ooh * Ooh 50 00:01:49,643 --> 00:01:51,679 * Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh... * 51 00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:53,981 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 52 00:01:54,047 --> 00:01:57,285 * Ooh * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 53 00:01:57,351 --> 00:01:59,620 * Ah. * Men. * Men. 54 00:02:08,028 --> 00:02:10,631 * Men. * 55 00:02:10,698 --> 00:02:14,368 So, Charlie, I've heard so many nice things about you. 56 00:02:14,435 --> 00:02:16,437 Really? From who? 57 00:02:17,538 --> 00:02:18,706 Hello. 58 00:02:20,441 --> 00:02:21,709 Oh, right. 59 00:02:21,775 --> 00:02:23,043 Thanks. 60 00:02:23,110 --> 00:02:25,813 I guess I only hear the complaints. 61 00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:27,381 You don't hear anything. 62 00:02:27,448 --> 00:02:28,582 That's not true. 63 00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,318 You're right. It's not. 64 00:02:30,384 --> 00:02:31,819 He hears what he wants to hear. 65 00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,822 So I'm right. 66 00:02:36,123 --> 00:02:38,959 Well, you still make a great couple. Thank you. 67 00:02:39,026 --> 00:02:41,929 And I'm really looking forward to your wedding. 68 00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:44,698 (choking up): I'm sure it's going to be beautiful. 69 00:02:45,933 --> 00:02:47,868 (whispering): What'd I do? 70 00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:50,538 Nothing. I told you she's going through a bad breakup. 71 00:02:50,604 --> 00:02:51,939 When did you tell me that? 72 00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:54,174 In the car, on the way here. 73 00:02:54,242 --> 00:02:55,276 God. 74 00:02:57,245 --> 00:02:59,146 It's going to be okay. 75 00:02:59,213 --> 00:03:00,548 I know. It's just hard. 76 00:03:01,449 --> 00:03:02,750 I thought I knew him. 77 00:03:02,816 --> 00:03:04,385 I thought we were going to be together forever, 78 00:03:04,452 --> 00:03:06,320 like you and Charlie. (sobs) 79 00:03:06,387 --> 00:03:10,157 CHARLIE: Hard to believe somebody got tired of doing her. 80 00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:15,128 Ooh, French fries look good. 81 00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:16,997 Why did I order the baked potato? 82 00:03:18,232 --> 00:03:22,002 Isn't that right, Charlie? Absolutely. 83 00:03:22,069 --> 00:03:24,772 Now, is this the one who's the old college roommate? 84 00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:26,974 I should really listen more. 85 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,243 I mean, I knew he was insensitive... 86 00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:31,078 Boy, I bet, if they were roommates, 87 00:03:31,144 --> 00:03:34,114 they did some experimenting. 88 00:03:34,181 --> 00:03:36,450 Why is it that girls can experiment with other girls 89 00:03:36,517 --> 00:03:38,386 and not be gay, but if a guy 90 00:03:38,452 --> 00:03:40,988 so as much kisses another guy-- woop, bad memory. 91 00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:43,123 Drink... drink, drink, drink. 92 00:03:43,190 --> 00:03:46,260 So you're just all alone in that big apartment? 93 00:03:46,327 --> 00:03:48,329 He even took the dog. 94 00:03:48,396 --> 00:03:49,630 Bastard. 95 00:03:49,697 --> 00:03:51,765 What? It's my first drink. 96 00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:53,066 Not you. 97 00:03:53,133 --> 00:03:54,167 Brian took Rufus. 98 00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,403 Oh. 99 00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:57,137 Who's Rufus? 100 00:03:57,204 --> 00:03:59,807 For that matter, who's Brian? 101 00:03:59,873 --> 00:04:02,543 Life of Brian-- that was pretty funny. 102 00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:04,978 Brian's Song, not so much. 103 00:04:05,045 --> 00:04:07,781 James Caan was great in it, though. 104 00:04:07,848 --> 00:04:09,817 That's 'cause he's a great actor. 105 00:04:09,883 --> 00:04:11,952 The Godfather, Rollerball... 106 00:04:12,019 --> 00:04:16,990 Yeah, I can so see these two kissing in a dorm room. 107 00:04:17,057 --> 00:04:19,126 That's really sweet, but I couldn't impose. 108 00:04:19,192 --> 00:04:20,060 We insist. 109 00:04:20,127 --> 00:04:21,429 Right, Charlie? Absolutely. 110 00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:23,597 CHELSEA: There. 111 00:04:23,664 --> 00:04:26,133 You'll come stay with us for a few days and heal. 112 00:04:26,199 --> 00:04:27,701 I don't know what to say. 113 00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:28,702 Say yes. 114 00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:30,771 Um... yes. 115 00:04:30,838 --> 00:04:32,306 Good. 116 00:04:32,373 --> 00:04:33,607 After dinner, we can go back to her apartment 117 00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:35,543 so she can pack a bag. Absolutely. 118 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,845 You'll love Charlie's place. 119 00:04:37,911 --> 00:04:38,846 It's right on the sand. 120 00:04:38,912 --> 00:04:40,848 Very quiet, restful. 121 00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:43,617 Dear Penthouse Forum... 122 00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:46,320 I always thought your letters were made up, 123 00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:47,655 until my fiancée's college roommate 124 00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:49,790 came to stay with us for a few days. 125 00:04:49,857 --> 00:04:50,658 Right, Charlie? 126 00:04:50,724 --> 00:04:52,693 Absolutely. 127 00:04:53,827 --> 00:04:55,929 * Men. * 128 00:04:55,996 --> 00:04:57,565 (electric razor buzzing) 129 00:04:57,631 --> 00:04:59,266 Hey, Alan? 130 00:05:01,902 --> 00:05:03,337 Alan? 131 00:05:03,404 --> 00:05:04,438 (razor turns off) 132 00:05:04,505 --> 00:05:06,707 ALAN: Be right there. 133 00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:10,844 What's up? (clears throat) 134 00:05:15,683 --> 00:05:17,017 What were you doing? 135 00:05:17,084 --> 00:05:18,886 Um, shaving. 136 00:05:18,952 --> 00:05:20,521 At night? 137 00:05:20,588 --> 00:05:23,624 Well, not so much shaving as... trimming. 138 00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:26,660 So, uh, how was dinner? 139 00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:29,296 Forget dinner. 140 00:05:29,363 --> 00:05:31,565 Please tell me you weren't using my razor. 141 00:05:31,632 --> 00:05:33,333 Mine doesn't have the floating heads. 142 00:05:35,235 --> 00:05:36,404 I don't believe you. 143 00:05:36,470 --> 00:05:38,406 I put that thing on my face. 144 00:05:38,472 --> 00:05:41,108 I was going to clean it before I gave it back. 145 00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:43,744 I-I don't want it back! 146 00:05:43,811 --> 00:05:44,812 Really? 147 00:05:44,878 --> 00:05:46,013 Yeah. Yeah, it's yours. 148 00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:47,347 Merry Christmas. 149 00:05:47,415 --> 00:05:48,382 Thank you. 150 00:05:48,449 --> 00:05:50,751 But this is just a stocking stuffer, right? 151 00:05:50,818 --> 00:05:53,220 I mean, you are going to get me a real present, too. 152 00:05:53,286 --> 00:05:55,255 A real present? 153 00:05:55,322 --> 00:05:58,325 Well, you obviously didn't put much thought into this one. 154 00:05:59,927 --> 00:06:01,529 Good night, Alan. 155 00:06:01,595 --> 00:06:03,263 Good night. 156 00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:07,067 Oh, I almost forgot. 157 00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:08,368 Pack up your stuff and get out. 158 00:06:09,737 --> 00:06:12,606 Okay, okay, the razor can be my Christmas present. 159 00:06:12,673 --> 00:06:15,976 No, no, no, Chelsea's girlfriend is staying here for a few days, 160 00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:17,578 so you're going to sleep on the couch. 161 00:06:17,645 --> 00:06:18,846 Why don't you put her in Jake's room 162 00:06:18,912 --> 00:06:20,313 and have Jake sleep on the couch? 163 00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:21,715 Fair question. Why don't you trim 164 00:06:21,782 --> 00:06:23,551 your ball hair with a steak knife? 165 00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:29,690 * Men. * 166 00:06:29,757 --> 00:06:32,626 I feel bad kicking your brother out of his room. 167 00:06:32,693 --> 00:06:35,563 Well, that's only because you don't know him. 168 00:06:37,364 --> 00:06:39,967 A little chamomile tea, help you sleep. 169 00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:42,603 Chelsea, I can't thank you enough. 170 00:06:42,670 --> 00:06:43,837 Don't be silly. 171 00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:46,474 I know what it feels like to have my heart broken. 172 00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:49,142 Me, too. 173 00:06:49,209 --> 00:06:51,278 You know, theoretically. 174 00:06:52,212 --> 00:06:53,947 Well, I'm grateful to you both. 175 00:06:54,014 --> 00:06:55,716 And we're grateful to you. 176 00:06:57,217 --> 00:07:00,287 You know, theoretically. 177 00:07:01,455 --> 00:07:03,390 Anyway, tomorrow, you can sleep in, 178 00:07:03,457 --> 00:07:05,358 take a nice, long walk on the beach... 179 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,828 CHARLIE: I've been a really good boyfriend tonight. 180 00:07:07,895 --> 00:07:10,698 Chelsea should do something nice for me. 181 00:07:12,165 --> 00:07:14,401 Like make out with Gail. 182 00:07:15,469 --> 00:07:18,238 Okay, I put fresh sheets on the bed. 183 00:07:18,305 --> 00:07:19,206 Alan, this is my friend Gail. 184 00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:20,474 Gail, this is Alan. 185 00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:23,076 I'm so sorry to put you out like this, 186 00:07:23,143 --> 00:07:24,144 (fading out): but your brother said... 187 00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:27,147 ALAN: Gorp.Fnark. Schmegle. 188 00:07:28,682 --> 00:07:31,719 Oh, God, I've been waiting for you all my life. 189 00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:33,220 (no audio) 190 00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:34,888 Marry me. Have my children. 191 00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:36,389 (no audio) 192 00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,892 ...It's really very generous of you. 193 00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:40,327 Gorp. 194 00:07:40,393 --> 00:07:41,595 Fnark. 195 00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:44,164 Schmegle. 196 00:07:44,231 --> 00:07:46,567 Come on, I'll show you the room. 197 00:07:52,272 --> 00:07:55,408 (humming "Here Comes the Bride" in head) 198 00:07:58,245 --> 00:08:00,981 (humming funky guitar line in head) 199 00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:17,330 Chelsea? 200 00:08:29,409 --> 00:08:31,444 Chelsea? 201 00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:35,448 (woman crying) 202 00:08:40,554 --> 00:08:42,455 (crying continues) 203 00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:48,729 Chels, you in there? 204 00:08:48,796 --> 00:08:49,963 CHELSEA: It's okay, Charlie. 205 00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:51,431 Come on in. 206 00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:54,467 (crying) 207 00:08:58,906 --> 00:09:00,407 Everything all right? 208 00:09:00,473 --> 00:09:01,775 She's pretty upset. 209 00:09:01,842 --> 00:09:04,878 I'm sorry I'm such a basket case. 210 00:09:04,945 --> 00:09:05,913 Oh, please. 211 00:09:05,979 --> 00:09:08,548 We're here for you, baby. 212 00:09:08,616 --> 00:09:10,017 Right, Charlie? 213 00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:12,152 Absolutely. 214 00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:17,591 I guess I'll... leave you two alone. 215 00:09:17,658 --> 00:09:19,793 You don't have to go. 216 00:09:23,731 --> 00:09:24,765 I don't? 217 00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:27,935 Not unless you want to. 218 00:09:29,036 --> 00:09:30,237 CHARLIE: Gorp. 219 00:09:30,303 --> 00:09:31,972 Fnark. Schmegle. 220 00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:34,241 Come on, Charlie. 221 00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:36,409 We all know what you really want to do. 222 00:09:36,476 --> 00:09:38,612 We do? 223 00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:40,648 We do. 224 00:09:41,949 --> 00:09:43,617 Come here. Join us. 225 00:09:47,788 --> 00:09:50,457 Uh, okay. 226 00:09:58,165 --> 00:10:01,534 So... what now? 227 00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:03,937 Do I really need to tell you? 228 00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:07,675 We'd probably be better off if you did. 229 00:10:08,575 --> 00:10:10,577 Okay. 230 00:10:10,644 --> 00:10:13,681 I want you to make Gail happy. 231 00:10:17,818 --> 00:10:19,319 And you're on board? 232 00:10:19,386 --> 00:10:21,354 It was my idea. 233 00:10:21,421 --> 00:10:24,557 Don't worry-- she and I have done this before. 234 00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:25,926 In college. 235 00:10:25,993 --> 00:10:28,128 I knew it. 236 00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:36,469 Okay, let's turn that frown upside down. 237 00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:40,974 That's a good boy. 238 00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:43,110 Hey, Chels? Yeah, babe? 239 00:10:43,176 --> 00:10:45,112 This is a dream, right? 240 00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:46,880 Of course it's a dream. 241 00:10:46,947 --> 00:10:49,482 You think I'm really gonna let you sleep with my best friend? 242 00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:53,286 Well, in that case, hang on. 243 00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:57,157 'Cause I'm gonna do some real freaky stuff here. 244 00:11:04,564 --> 00:11:05,498 * Men. * 245 00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:16,409 Yowza. 246 00:11:16,476 --> 00:11:18,712 Excuse me. 247 00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:20,748 I brought you some fresh towels, Gail. 248 00:11:20,814 --> 00:11:23,083 Oh, aren't you sweet. 249 00:11:23,150 --> 00:11:24,885 Sure, sweet. 250 00:11:24,952 --> 00:11:27,187 Go smell his room. 251 00:11:29,256 --> 00:11:30,257 Morning. 252 00:11:30,323 --> 00:11:31,925 Good, you're up. 253 00:11:31,992 --> 00:11:33,393 I made you some toast. 254 00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:34,594 Here's your orange juice. 255 00:11:34,661 --> 00:11:35,562 Oh, thank you, honey. 256 00:11:35,628 --> 00:11:36,997 I'll see you later. 257 00:11:37,064 --> 00:11:39,632 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, you're leaving? 258 00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,334 I told you I have to go in to work today. 259 00:11:41,401 --> 00:11:43,370 But what about Gail? 260 00:11:43,436 --> 00:11:44,805 She can take care of herself. 261 00:11:44,872 --> 00:11:47,007 I think she's already made a new friend. 262 00:11:47,074 --> 00:11:48,608 Yeah, I saw. 263 00:11:48,675 --> 00:11:50,811 You don't think he's got a shot, do you? 264 00:11:50,878 --> 00:11:52,412 Charlie, you're horrible. 265 00:11:52,479 --> 00:11:53,713 I was joking. 266 00:11:53,781 --> 00:11:55,082 So how long are you going to be gone? 267 00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:56,549 I'll be home for dinner-- I thought maybe 268 00:11:56,616 --> 00:11:57,985 I'd pick up some Chinese food, 269 00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,987 and we could stay in and... Is she nuts? 270 00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,589 I can't be trusted alone with that chick. 271 00:12:02,655 --> 00:12:05,793 Wait, maybe this is a test. 272 00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:06,760 A trap. 273 00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:07,961 The two of them are in cahoots 274 00:12:08,028 --> 00:12:10,363 to find out if I'll make a move. 275 00:12:10,430 --> 00:12:13,400 Cahoots, that's a funny word. 276 00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:16,203 Sounds like an owl sneezing. 277 00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:19,039 Ca-ca-ca-cahoots! 278 00:12:19,106 --> 00:12:20,673 So, I'll call you later. 279 00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,242 Absolutely. 280 00:12:23,310 --> 00:12:25,212 Morning, Alan. 281 00:12:25,278 --> 00:12:27,147 Oh, uh, morning. 282 00:12:27,214 --> 00:12:28,982 Thank you again for letting Gail have your room. 283 00:12:29,049 --> 00:12:30,450 Oh, don't be silly. Happy to do it. 284 00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:31,952 Uh, mi casa, her casa. 285 00:12:32,019 --> 00:12:33,586 It's actually his casa, 286 00:12:33,653 --> 00:12:36,824 but the dehumidifier and the night-light belong to me. 287 00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:38,125 Still very nice of you. 288 00:12:38,191 --> 00:12:39,126 See ya later. 289 00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:43,030 What you got going on today? 290 00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:45,732 Going to play a little tennis in 1958? 291 00:12:45,799 --> 00:12:47,734 This old thing? 292 00:12:47,801 --> 00:12:49,937 This is just my knock-around clothes. 293 00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:52,105 So, what's the story on Gail? 294 00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:53,173 Bad breakup? 295 00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:54,174 Something like that. 296 00:12:54,241 --> 00:12:55,308 So, she's on the rebound. 297 00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:56,776 Where you going with this, Alan? 298 00:12:56,844 --> 00:12:58,745 Oh, nowhere, I'm just curious about her. 299 00:12:58,812 --> 00:13:00,613 And, you know, when we met last night, 300 00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:02,182 I-I sensed a little spark between us. 301 00:13:02,249 --> 00:13:03,716 If there was a spark, 302 00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:06,719 it's only 'cause she was warming up her Taser. 303 00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,989 Ha-ha, very funny. 304 00:13:09,056 --> 00:13:10,991 Alan, trust me, the only way you're gonna 305 00:13:11,058 --> 00:13:13,360 hook up with someone like Gail is in your dreams. 306 00:13:13,426 --> 00:13:14,627 Already did. 307 00:13:15,595 --> 00:13:16,864 Really? Was Chelsea there? 308 00:13:16,930 --> 00:13:19,432 No! Good Lord! How creepy would that be? 309 00:13:22,669 --> 00:13:24,404 Well, regardless, forget about Gail. 310 00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:28,075 Potato head out there has a better shot than you do. 311 00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:29,910 You know, I've got a nephew about your age. 312 00:13:29,977 --> 00:13:31,644 You should meet him. He plays guitar, too. 313 00:13:31,711 --> 00:13:32,812 Maybe you guys could jam sometime. 314 00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:35,748 Oh... boobies. 315 00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:37,985 (no audio) 316 00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:41,621 Hey, for your information, 317 00:13:41,688 --> 00:13:43,891 there is a very good chance that a woman like that 318 00:13:43,957 --> 00:13:45,492 is tired of rich, handsome, successful guys 319 00:13:45,558 --> 00:13:47,527 who have their own homes and recently built cars. 320 00:13:47,594 --> 00:13:48,962 You really believe that? 321 00:13:49,029 --> 00:13:51,664 I have to. 322 00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:52,765 Woof! 323 00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:54,201 Who's that? 324 00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:55,568 Chelsea's friend. 325 00:13:55,635 --> 00:13:57,070 She's going through a bad breakup 326 00:13:57,137 --> 00:13:58,705 so she's going to stay here for a few days... 327 00:13:58,771 --> 00:14:01,674 Hmph! Too bad I prefer the fellas. 328 00:14:03,743 --> 00:14:06,679 Then again, I can always draw a moustache on her. 329 00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:11,718 * Men. * 330 00:14:14,321 --> 00:14:16,456 (crying) 331 00:14:20,660 --> 00:14:23,596 Alan? 332 00:14:23,663 --> 00:14:25,598 Jake? 333 00:14:25,665 --> 00:14:27,834 Berta? 334 00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:29,869 (crying continues) 335 00:14:29,937 --> 00:14:31,838 Oh, boy. 336 00:14:31,905 --> 00:14:35,375 Although, maybe this is another dream. 337 00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:41,514 (sniffling) 338 00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:46,186 Gail, you okay? 339 00:14:46,253 --> 00:14:47,654 (crying): I'm fine. 340 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,256 Good. Good. 341 00:14:49,322 --> 00:14:50,323 I'm going to run some errands. 342 00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:52,159 Can I get you anything while I'm out? 343 00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:54,394 A reason to live. 344 00:14:56,997 --> 00:14:58,932 All righty. 345 00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:01,101 (crying continues) 346 00:15:04,972 --> 00:15:06,940 Coming in. 347 00:15:07,007 --> 00:15:09,376 (crying continues) 348 00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:11,178 Sorry. 349 00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,180 I just got some bad news. 350 00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:14,847 What happened? 351 00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,416 My boyfriend... 352 00:15:16,483 --> 00:15:17,750 Rufus? 353 00:15:17,817 --> 00:15:19,919 That's my dog. 354 00:15:19,987 --> 00:15:21,488 Oh, yeah. 355 00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:22,522 He's okay, right? 356 00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:24,357 He's fine. 357 00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:27,560 I just found out Brian is already seeing someone else. 358 00:15:27,627 --> 00:15:29,296 No. 359 00:15:29,362 --> 00:15:30,863 I mean, we just broke up 360 00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:33,333 and he's already sleeping with another woman? 361 00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:35,368 The pig! 362 00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:38,171 I thought we had something. 363 00:15:38,238 --> 00:15:39,239 (sniffling) 364 00:15:39,306 --> 00:15:41,108 He always said I was his soul mate 365 00:15:41,174 --> 00:15:42,809 and that he wanted to spend the rest 366 00:15:42,875 --> 00:15:43,643 of his life with me... 367 00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:45,445 This can't be a dream. 368 00:15:45,512 --> 00:15:48,248 She's still got her clothes on. 369 00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:51,384 And she's talking. 370 00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:54,087 Why can't I find a nice guy like you? 371 00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:57,024 Absolutely. 372 00:15:57,090 --> 00:16:00,427 Maybe Chelsea would let me borrow you. 373 00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:03,096 (wry chuckle) 374 00:16:05,832 --> 00:16:07,934 Excuse me, gotta pee. 375 00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:12,939 Oh, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap. 376 00:16:13,006 --> 00:16:14,674 Here you go. Thanks. 377 00:16:14,741 --> 00:16:16,876 I don't know how much longer I can hold out. 378 00:16:16,943 --> 00:16:20,013 I hear you. 379 00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:21,781 What? 380 00:16:21,848 --> 00:16:23,483 Nothing. 381 00:16:23,550 --> 00:16:24,851 I gotta get Gail out of here 382 00:16:24,917 --> 00:16:27,354 before I do something I'm going to regret. 383 00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:29,556 You know, after I thoroughly enjoy it. 384 00:16:30,790 --> 00:16:32,992 Just tell her to leave. 385 00:16:33,060 --> 00:16:34,127 I can't do that. 386 00:16:34,194 --> 00:16:35,928 She's Chelsea's best friend. 387 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:37,430 They were college roommates. 388 00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:38,465 Really? 389 00:16:40,033 --> 00:16:41,734 You think they experimented? 390 00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:43,270 Oh, yeah. 391 00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:46,273 (both chuckle) 392 00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:53,080 I gotta figure out a way to get Gail to leave on her own. 393 00:16:53,146 --> 00:16:55,148 You got the perfect tool for the job. 394 00:16:55,215 --> 00:16:56,883 What are you talking about? 395 00:16:56,949 --> 00:16:58,885 The one tool that's guaranteed 396 00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:00,620 to drive any woman out of your house. 397 00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:02,822 Hello. 398 00:17:04,091 --> 00:17:07,094 Oh, look, it's an Allen wrench. 399 00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:12,332 What was that about? 400 00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:13,733 Nothing. Nothing. 401 00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:15,902 I was just telling Berta that maybe I was wrong 402 00:17:15,968 --> 00:17:17,770 about you not having a shot with Gail. 403 00:17:17,837 --> 00:17:18,805 Why? Did she say something? 404 00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:20,207 Did she ask about me? 405 00:17:20,273 --> 00:17:21,841 How would you feel about a double wedding? 406 00:17:21,908 --> 00:17:23,710 I mean, as long as you're paying for one. 407 00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:25,712 Slow down, slow down. 408 00:17:25,778 --> 00:17:27,714 Nobody said anything. 409 00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:30,183 I just realized I might've been jealous 410 00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:32,619 'cause she's so beautiful and if I can't have her, 411 00:17:32,685 --> 00:17:34,254 I didn't want you to have her either. 412 00:17:34,321 --> 00:17:37,124 Yeah, I was thinking it might be that. 413 00:17:38,091 --> 00:17:40,026 Anyway, it's not fair for me 414 00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:41,561 to stand in the way of your happiness. 415 00:17:41,628 --> 00:17:43,062 Really? 416 00:17:43,130 --> 00:17:44,597 I always thought that was one of your favorite things. 417 00:17:44,664 --> 00:17:45,998 Do you want to pick nits 418 00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,167 or do you want to go talk to a beautiful woman 419 00:17:47,234 --> 00:17:48,535 who's extremely vulnerable 420 00:17:48,601 --> 00:17:50,237 and may very well be looking for revenge sex? 421 00:17:50,303 --> 00:17:51,838 I don't want revenge sex, 422 00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:54,607 I want a loving relationship that has depth and meaning 423 00:17:54,674 --> 00:17:56,909 and that will withstand the test of time. 424 00:17:56,976 --> 00:17:57,944 Oh, that's good. 425 00:17:58,010 --> 00:17:59,279 I'd lead with that. 426 00:17:59,346 --> 00:18:00,347 You think? 427 00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:02,282 Oh, yeah, go get her. 428 00:18:02,349 --> 00:18:03,550 All right. 429 00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:04,517 All right. Wish me luck. 430 00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:06,253 You don't need luck. 431 00:18:06,319 --> 00:18:08,488 You've got the exact skills needed to get this job done. 432 00:18:08,555 --> 00:18:09,489 Thanks, Charlie. 433 00:18:09,556 --> 00:18:13,059 You're a good brother. 434 00:18:13,126 --> 00:18:17,096 If he actually gets laid, I'm going to hang myself. 435 00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:21,534 (knocking on door) Come in. 436 00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:22,369 Hey, there. 437 00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:23,603 Hi, Alan. 438 00:18:23,670 --> 00:18:26,072 You, uh, up for a little company? 439 00:18:26,139 --> 00:18:27,874 I guess. 440 00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:32,579 You know, it does get easier. 441 00:18:32,645 --> 00:18:34,614 The wound does heal. 442 00:18:34,681 --> 00:18:36,583 I know. Thank you. 443 00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:38,318 I mean, it may not feel like it now, 444 00:18:38,385 --> 00:18:41,388 but before too long, you'll forget all about that fella 445 00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:44,624 who hurt you, because another fella will be in your heart. 446 00:18:44,691 --> 00:18:47,894 A fella who'll never hurt you. 447 00:18:49,429 --> 00:18:51,998 Who'll never leave your side. 448 00:18:52,064 --> 00:18:54,801 A fella who wants nothing more 449 00:18:54,867 --> 00:18:56,869 than to love you... 450 00:18:56,936 --> 00:19:00,039 GAIL: Oh, dear God, no. 451 00:19:01,908 --> 00:19:03,643 Thanks for your hospitality, Charlie, 452 00:19:03,710 --> 00:19:04,977 but I should get back home. 453 00:19:05,044 --> 00:19:06,846 Anytime. So where'd we leave it? 454 00:19:06,913 --> 00:19:08,248 Uh, I'll call you, you'll call me? 455 00:19:08,315 --> 00:19:09,916 I'll call you. 456 00:19:12,219 --> 00:19:14,187 So... 457 00:19:14,254 --> 00:19:17,357 how'd it go? 458 00:19:17,424 --> 00:19:19,158 You heard her. 459 00:19:19,226 --> 00:19:21,027 She's gonna call me. 460 00:19:24,931 --> 00:19:27,634 * Men. * 461 00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:32,405 You knew very well that Gail was going through a difficult time. 462 00:19:32,472 --> 00:19:33,306 So what do you do? 463 00:19:33,373 --> 00:19:34,474 You try to take advantage, 464 00:19:34,541 --> 00:19:36,276 to-to exploit her vulnerability... 465 00:19:36,343 --> 00:19:39,879 What is it about an angry woman that I find so hot? 466 00:19:39,946 --> 00:19:41,414 (no audio) 467 00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:43,216 Even when that fat cashier at the supermarket 468 00:19:43,283 --> 00:19:45,818 was yelling at me, I got a little engorged. 469 00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:47,387 (no audio) 470 00:19:47,454 --> 00:19:50,623 Boy, if I could just find somebody like Chelsea. 471 00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:53,660 I mean, look at her go. 472 00:19:53,726 --> 00:19:56,796 She's a real fireball. 473 00:19:56,863 --> 00:19:58,565 Speaking of fireballs, 474 00:19:58,631 --> 00:20:01,301 next time I manscape I should probably skip the aftershave.