1 00:00:01,669 --> 00:00:03,471 * Men. * 2 00:00:03,537 --> 00:00:04,505 Who wants more potatoes? 3 00:00:04,572 --> 00:00:06,307 Hit me. 4 00:00:06,374 --> 00:00:09,310 Uh, Chelsea, the way it's supposed to work here 5 00:00:09,377 --> 00:00:11,312 is that Berta serves us dinner. 6 00:00:11,379 --> 00:00:12,413 I don't mind. 7 00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:14,115 Hear that? She doesn't mind. 8 00:00:14,182 --> 00:00:15,349 Shut up. 9 00:00:15,416 --> 00:00:16,684 EVELYN: We're back! 10 00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:18,119 Hey, how'd it go? 11 00:00:18,186 --> 00:00:19,787 I don't know what you were worried about. 12 00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:21,422 Your son is a wonderful driver. 13 00:00:21,489 --> 00:00:22,790 Oh, well, thanks for taking him, Mom. 14 00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,024 He needs the practice. 15 00:00:24,092 --> 00:00:26,927 Mmm, pork chops. 16 00:00:28,396 --> 00:00:30,331 What are you wearing? 17 00:00:30,398 --> 00:00:31,332 Grandma bought it for me. 18 00:00:31,399 --> 00:00:32,733 Pretty cool, huh? 19 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:35,069 You made him dress up as a chauffeur? 20 00:00:35,136 --> 00:00:36,237 He loves it. 21 00:00:36,304 --> 00:00:38,572 Don't get grease on that jacket, dear. 22 00:00:38,639 --> 00:00:40,141 Yes, Miss Evelyn. 23 00:00:41,275 --> 00:00:42,876 Would you like to join us for dinner? 24 00:00:42,943 --> 00:00:44,878 Oh, no, thanks, I had a late lunch. 25 00:00:44,945 --> 00:00:46,347 And she sent a piece of pie out to the car, 26 00:00:46,414 --> 00:00:49,049 so I could eat, too. 27 00:00:49,117 --> 00:00:50,584 Anyway, I better get going. 28 00:00:50,651 --> 00:00:51,619 Well, thanks again, Mom. 29 00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:52,653 Say thanks to Grandma. 30 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:54,255 Thank you, Miss Evelyn. 31 00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:57,291 Good to see you. You, too. 32 00:00:57,358 --> 00:00:59,093 Oh, I almost forgot. 33 00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:01,262 Have you two set a wedding date yet? 34 00:01:01,329 --> 00:01:03,564 No. 35 00:01:04,498 --> 00:01:06,467 We haven't. 36 00:01:06,534 --> 00:01:08,669 But we're gonna. 37 00:01:10,138 --> 00:01:13,073 Well, it just so happens that a client of mine 38 00:01:13,141 --> 00:01:15,776 schedules the weddings for the Bel Air Hotel, 39 00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:17,778 and she told me that there was a cancellation 40 00:01:17,845 --> 00:01:19,613 for the weekend of June 26. 41 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:21,449 The Bel Air Hotel? In June. 42 00:01:21,515 --> 00:01:23,451 Charlie, the Bel Air Hotel. 43 00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:25,085 In June. 44 00:01:25,153 --> 00:01:26,220 Yeah, I heard. 45 00:01:26,287 --> 00:01:27,455 Wow. 46 00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:28,622 What do ya think? 47 00:01:28,689 --> 00:01:30,324 Gee, I don't know. 48 00:01:30,391 --> 00:01:31,792 We hadn't talked about a date. 49 00:01:31,859 --> 00:01:33,127 Boy, it's almost impossible 50 00:01:33,194 --> 00:01:35,363 to get a June date at the Bel Air Hotel. 51 00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:37,531 Thank you, Alan. 52 00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:39,367 Judith and I had to get married at the Sportsmen's Lodge 53 00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:42,136 in November on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. 54 00:01:42,203 --> 00:01:45,906 Yes, I remember the Indian corn centerpieces. 55 00:01:45,973 --> 00:01:48,909 Oh, Charlie, I've always dreamed of getting married 56 00:01:48,976 --> 00:01:51,712 at the Bel Air in the garden with the swans. 57 00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:55,549 Yeah, but keep in mind those birds are vicious. 58 00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:58,552 They look pretty, but they'll peck your eye right out. 59 00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:00,454 Besides, I thought if we had the wedding here, 60 00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:04,057 the money we save could pay for a nice long honeymoon. 61 00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:07,127 Yeah, I guess that's probably smarter. 62 00:02:07,195 --> 00:02:08,329 Shame on you, Charles. 63 00:02:08,396 --> 00:02:11,098 Depriving your fiancée of her dream wedding. 64 00:02:11,165 --> 00:02:13,167 Especially considering all the money you blew 65 00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:15,969 on hooch and whores over the years. 66 00:02:17,070 --> 00:02:19,473 Thank you, Berta. 67 00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:21,742 Tell you what-- 68 00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:25,179 the wedding at the Bel Air will be my gift to you. 69 00:02:25,246 --> 00:02:26,747 Are you serious? 70 00:02:26,814 --> 00:02:30,117 Gee, Mom, thanks, but that's a little too generous. 71 00:02:30,184 --> 00:02:31,385 A little?! All she gave Judith and me 72 00:02:31,452 --> 00:02:32,753 was a dinette set. 73 00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:35,022 Yes, and who's eating on that dinette set now? 74 00:02:35,088 --> 00:02:36,424 That's not the point. 75 00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:39,260 Charlie's marriage is just as likely to fail as mine was. 76 00:02:39,327 --> 00:02:40,828 Thanks again, bro. 77 00:02:40,894 --> 00:02:42,029 Anyway, 78 00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:43,964 I asked them to hold the date for 24 hours. 79 00:02:44,031 --> 00:02:45,999 So you can talk it over and decide. 80 00:02:46,066 --> 00:02:48,068 Thank you, Evelyn. That is so sweet. 81 00:02:48,135 --> 00:02:50,238 Well, I do have an ulterior motive. 82 00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:51,905 The sooner you two get married, 83 00:02:51,972 --> 00:02:53,173 the sooner I'll have more grandchildren. 84 00:02:53,241 --> 00:02:55,175 Why? Does Miss Evelyn need a cook 85 00:02:55,243 --> 00:02:56,744 and a butler, too? 86 00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:00,348 Let me know, dear. 87 00:03:00,414 --> 00:03:02,350 I will. 88 00:03:02,416 --> 00:03:04,385 The Bel Air Hotel. 89 00:03:04,452 --> 00:03:05,853 In June. 90 00:03:07,255 --> 00:03:09,757 Let's see ya get out of this one, Houdini. 91 00:03:11,058 --> 00:03:13,861 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 92 00:03:13,927 --> 00:03:16,997 * Ah. * Men. * Men. 93 00:03:18,766 --> 00:03:21,269 * Men. * 94 00:03:21,335 --> 00:03:23,471 So, have you thought about your mother's offer? 95 00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:25,673 Yeah, I have. 96 00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:28,542 I've got one question. 97 00:03:28,609 --> 00:03:30,177 Why June? 98 00:03:30,244 --> 00:03:32,179 What's wrong with getting married in July? 99 00:03:32,246 --> 00:03:33,914 Or the following October? 100 00:03:35,283 --> 00:03:37,785 October is a perfectly good month. 101 00:03:37,851 --> 00:03:39,253 Birds all fly south, 102 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:42,890 so you don't have to worry about swan attacks. 103 00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:45,192 Charlie, if you don't want to get married in June, 104 00:03:45,259 --> 00:03:46,394 we don't have to. 105 00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:47,495 What? No, no. 106 00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:49,697 No, that's not what I'm saying at all. 107 00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:52,232 Where do you get this stuff? 108 00:03:53,334 --> 00:03:54,835 So? 109 00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:56,003 So, what? 110 00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:59,273 Do you want to get married in June? 111 00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:02,242 Oh, we're back on that. 112 00:04:03,711 --> 00:04:07,848 Well, I can't think of any good reason why not. 113 00:04:07,915 --> 00:04:10,851 And believe me, I'm trying. 114 00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:12,486 So that's it? 115 00:04:12,553 --> 00:04:15,656 We're getting married June 26 at the Bel Air Hotel? 116 00:04:15,723 --> 00:04:17,891 I guess so. 117 00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:20,494 Oh, Charlie, I'm so happy. 118 00:04:20,561 --> 00:04:22,696 That's only because you don't have a swan beak 119 00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:25,165 in your eye socket yet. 120 00:04:25,232 --> 00:04:26,800 I'm going to go call your mom, 121 00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:28,902 and then my mom and then all my friends. 122 00:04:28,969 --> 00:04:30,304 Good, good. 123 00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:31,472 Alan, we're going to do it. 124 00:04:31,539 --> 00:04:33,273 June 26 at the Bel Air Hotel. 125 00:04:33,341 --> 00:04:35,242 (squealing): Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 126 00:04:35,309 --> 00:04:37,478 That's so wonderful! 127 00:04:37,545 --> 00:04:39,246 I know! I gotta go call everybody. 128 00:04:41,148 --> 00:04:44,084 Congratulations. 129 00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:45,753 Thanks. 130 00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:48,121 Wow, the end of an era. 131 00:04:48,188 --> 00:04:50,157 Guess so. 132 00:04:50,223 --> 00:04:52,360 Well, you had a good run. 133 00:04:53,461 --> 00:04:54,862 Yep. 134 00:04:54,928 --> 00:04:57,297 But now it's over. 135 00:04:57,365 --> 00:05:00,233 (whispering): Forever. 136 00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:03,537 Nothing's going to change, Alan. 137 00:05:03,604 --> 00:05:05,105 Sure, I'm going to be married, 138 00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:06,774 but I'm still going to be the same guy 139 00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:08,509 living in the same house with the same woman. 140 00:05:08,576 --> 00:05:10,511 Yes, yes, the same woman. 141 00:05:10,578 --> 00:05:12,713 (whispering): Forever. 142 00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:16,350 Hey, can I be the best man? 143 00:05:16,417 --> 00:05:18,552 You'll need a sex change. 144 00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:21,722 Where you going? 145 00:05:21,789 --> 00:05:22,856 Out for a drink. 146 00:05:22,923 --> 00:05:24,291 You can drink here. 147 00:05:24,358 --> 00:05:26,427 I could, but I don't want to vomit here. 148 00:05:26,494 --> 00:05:29,329 Wait, wait, wait, I'll go with you. 149 00:05:29,397 --> 00:05:31,565 Why? I'm not done poking at you. 150 00:05:31,632 --> 00:05:35,135 Hey, shouldn't you ask the ol' ball and chain first? 151 00:05:35,202 --> 00:05:36,737 I don't need her permission. 152 00:05:36,804 --> 00:05:39,239 Really? Yes, really. 153 00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:44,478 Although, it is considerate 154 00:05:44,545 --> 00:05:46,980 to let your partner know your plans, 155 00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:48,782 so she won't worry. 156 00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:51,151 Sweetie, I'm going out for a drink with Alan, okay? 157 00:05:51,218 --> 00:05:52,753 CHELSEA: Sure! Have fun! 158 00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:55,589 Thanks! Love you! 159 00:05:57,658 --> 00:05:59,693 Shut up. 160 00:06:01,795 --> 00:06:02,763 You're driving. 161 00:06:02,830 --> 00:06:05,332 Wow. 162 00:06:05,399 --> 00:06:08,536 Jake has one big-ass head. 163 00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:10,337 * Men. * 164 00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:12,506 All kidding aside, she's a great girl 165 00:06:12,573 --> 00:06:14,608 and I'm sure you're going to be very happy. 166 00:06:14,675 --> 00:06:15,443 Thanks. 167 00:06:15,509 --> 00:06:18,646 (whispering): Forever. 168 00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:20,714 Are you done poking? 169 00:06:20,781 --> 00:06:22,516 For the moment. 170 00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:24,752 Boy, who would've figured that of the two of us 171 00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:26,787 I'd end up being the carefree bachelor? 172 00:06:26,854 --> 00:06:30,257 If by carefree, you mean broke and lonely, 173 00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:32,460 everybody would've figured. 174 00:06:34,562 --> 00:06:35,496 Hi. 175 00:06:35,563 --> 00:06:36,830 Hi. 176 00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:39,066 Charlie. Betsy. 177 00:06:39,132 --> 00:06:41,602 I'm getting married on June 26. 178 00:06:41,669 --> 00:06:43,103 Good for you. 179 00:06:43,170 --> 00:06:44,738 At the Bel Air Hotel. 180 00:06:44,805 --> 00:06:47,441 Nice! 181 00:06:47,508 --> 00:06:49,910 That means no matter how easy you are, 182 00:06:49,977 --> 00:06:51,344 I can't sleep with you. 183 00:06:52,780 --> 00:06:54,715 I can. I'm Alan. 184 00:06:55,849 --> 00:06:57,785 Can he buy you a drink? 185 00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:01,755 * Men. * 186 00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:02,890 (music playing over TV) 187 00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:04,057 What you watching? 188 00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:06,860 Um! Golf! 189 00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:09,062 Don't sneak up on a guy, all right? 190 00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:11,064 Sorry. 191 00:07:11,131 --> 00:07:14,568 Your dad watches a lot of golf, too. 192 00:07:14,635 --> 00:07:16,369 So, listen, 193 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:17,871 how'd you like to be a groomsman in the wedding? 194 00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:19,339 What do I gotta do? 195 00:07:19,406 --> 00:07:21,575 You just walk down the aisle with one of the bridesmaids 196 00:07:21,642 --> 00:07:23,376 and stand with Charlie during the ceremony. 197 00:07:24,845 --> 00:07:27,414 (mutes audio) Tell me more about the bridesmaids. 198 00:07:27,481 --> 00:07:28,849 They're friends of mine. 199 00:07:28,916 --> 00:07:31,251 So, they're old. 200 00:07:31,318 --> 00:07:33,654 No, not all of them. 201 00:07:33,721 --> 00:07:34,888 I have a niece who's about your age. 202 00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:35,989 Is she pretty? 203 00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:37,257 I think she's cute. 204 00:07:37,324 --> 00:07:39,459 Okay, I know what that means. 205 00:07:41,394 --> 00:07:42,896 She's not a brainiac, is she? 206 00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:44,197 What does that mean? 207 00:07:44,264 --> 00:07:45,999 Well, I don't like 'em stupid, 208 00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:48,468 but I don't like 'em talkin' down to me either. 209 00:07:48,536 --> 00:07:49,570 Got it. 210 00:07:49,637 --> 00:07:51,972 And I like a little junk in the trunk. 211 00:07:52,039 --> 00:07:54,508 You won't be disappointed. 212 00:07:54,575 --> 00:07:55,709 All right, I'm in. 213 00:07:55,776 --> 00:07:57,244 (TV audio resumes) Great. 214 00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:58,912 ANNOUNCER: ...with about 200 yards... 215 00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:00,914 You know, of all the women my uncle's been with, 216 00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:01,915 you're my favorite. 217 00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:03,383 Oh, thank you. 218 00:08:03,450 --> 00:08:04,985 And there's been a lot. 219 00:08:05,052 --> 00:08:06,654 I know. 220 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:08,656 A whole lot. 221 00:08:08,722 --> 00:08:10,323 Right. 222 00:08:10,390 --> 00:08:12,926 Like, I'm betting around a thousand. 223 00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:14,828 Uh-huh. 224 00:08:14,895 --> 00:08:17,865 And that's just since I've been old enough to pay attention. 225 00:08:17,931 --> 00:08:19,166 No kidding. 226 00:08:19,232 --> 00:08:20,601 When I first got here, he told me 227 00:08:20,668 --> 00:08:23,170 that they were coming over to water the plants. 228 00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:26,139 And I believed him. 229 00:08:26,206 --> 00:08:28,175 What did I know? 230 00:08:28,241 --> 00:08:30,077 Sure. You were young. 231 00:08:30,143 --> 00:08:31,211 And naive, too. 232 00:08:31,278 --> 00:08:33,246 We didn't have any plants. 233 00:08:34,314 --> 00:08:35,749 And there were some crazy ones, too. 234 00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:37,918 I'll bet. 235 00:08:37,985 --> 00:08:39,052 Your niece doesn't have a license 236 00:08:39,119 --> 00:08:41,221 to carry a concealed weapon, does she? 237 00:08:41,288 --> 00:08:43,256 No. 238 00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:44,925 Good. 239 00:08:44,992 --> 00:08:47,360 You should've seen where this one girl hid hers. 240 00:08:49,429 --> 00:08:51,198 * Men. * 241 00:08:51,264 --> 00:08:52,733 (slurred): Come to find out 242 00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:56,303 that what I thought was a boil on my neck 243 00:08:56,369 --> 00:09:00,407 was actually a carbuncle. 244 00:09:00,473 --> 00:09:02,876 Lovely. 245 00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:04,344 Little known fact, uh, 246 00:09:04,411 --> 00:09:07,981 carbuncles are technically in the boil family, 247 00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:11,184 but they take way longer to drain. 248 00:09:16,256 --> 00:09:17,791 Charlie, help me here. I'm dying. 249 00:09:17,858 --> 00:09:19,259 No, you're doing fine. 250 00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:22,162 Tell her about your hemorrhoids. 251 00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:24,464 Please, I'm begging you. 252 00:09:24,531 --> 00:09:26,099 All right. 253 00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:29,102 No sense letting my superpowers go to waste. 254 00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:30,437 (clears throat) 255 00:09:30,503 --> 00:09:31,872 So, Dr. Harper, 256 00:09:31,939 --> 00:09:33,240 are we still going to Sun Valley 257 00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:35,275 in your Gulf Stream this weekend? 258 00:09:35,342 --> 00:09:38,178 You own your own trailer? 259 00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:40,180 No, no, no, that's an Airstream. 260 00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:42,415 Dr. Harper has a private jet. 261 00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:43,884 Really? 262 00:09:43,951 --> 00:09:44,918 Oh, yeah. 263 00:09:44,985 --> 00:09:46,854 He needs one for his work. 264 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,021 Hmm. 265 00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:49,156 What do you do? 266 00:09:49,222 --> 00:09:51,992 Uh, I am a chiropractor. 267 00:09:53,060 --> 00:09:56,296 A chiropractor without borders. 268 00:09:56,363 --> 00:09:57,731 He travels the world 269 00:09:57,798 --> 00:10:00,133 adjusting the backs of starving children. 270 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:01,835 ALAN: Yes, you... 271 00:10:01,902 --> 00:10:04,471 you have to be, uh, very careful, um, 272 00:10:04,537 --> 00:10:06,974 because their little bones are very brittle. 273 00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:08,976 Wow. 274 00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:10,110 You're amazing. 275 00:10:10,177 --> 00:10:11,945 Nah, it's just my job. 276 00:10:12,012 --> 00:10:13,246 (chuckles) 277 00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:14,948 (whispering): You're amazing. 278 00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:16,784 It wasn't tough. 279 00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:18,919 We had her at trailer. 280 00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:23,123 Uh, another round. On him. 281 00:10:23,190 --> 00:10:25,125 * Men. * 282 00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:33,767 (softly grunts) 283 00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:39,740 (chuckles) 284 00:10:54,054 --> 00:10:55,288 Uh-oh. 285 00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:57,190 * Men. * 286 00:11:00,393 --> 00:11:02,796 * Men. * 287 00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:03,997 (whispering): Charlie... 288 00:11:04,064 --> 00:11:05,032 Charlie?! 289 00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:06,633 Go away, Alan. 290 00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:09,903 (whispering): I really think you need to wake up now. 291 00:11:09,970 --> 00:11:11,571 Shh. 292 00:11:11,638 --> 00:11:12,973 Chelsea's sleeping. 293 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:18,779 Perhaps, but not here. 294 00:11:18,846 --> 00:11:23,016 Okay, what the hell is your prob...? 295 00:11:25,485 --> 00:11:27,154 Oh, dear. 296 00:11:27,220 --> 00:11:28,088 (whispers): What happened? 297 00:11:28,155 --> 00:11:29,689 I don't know. 298 00:11:29,757 --> 00:11:31,358 Who is she? 299 00:11:31,424 --> 00:11:34,027 I don't know. 300 00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:36,163 What the hell do you know, Alan? 301 00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:39,566 I know we're in a strange woman's bed, 302 00:11:39,632 --> 00:11:42,002 together, naked. 303 00:11:43,670 --> 00:11:45,605 (thudding) 304 00:11:51,278 --> 00:11:53,146 Let's get the hell out of here. 305 00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:54,381 Good idea. 306 00:11:57,250 --> 00:11:58,451 Do you remember anything? 307 00:11:58,518 --> 00:12:00,087 Well, I remember we were in Pavlov's. 308 00:12:00,153 --> 00:12:00,888 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 309 00:12:00,954 --> 00:12:02,455 You were hitting on some chick. 310 00:12:02,522 --> 00:12:04,357 Guess it worked. 311 00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:07,727 Do you happen to remember how I did it? 312 00:12:07,795 --> 00:12:08,395 Alan, focus. 313 00:12:08,461 --> 00:12:10,030 Okay, right, right. 314 00:12:10,097 --> 00:12:13,166 I-I think there was something about a-a trailer in Sun Valley. 315 00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:15,769 Are we in Idaho? 316 00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:19,206 No mountains, no snow. 317 00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:21,508 Thank God. 318 00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:24,277 Why are you wearing my underwear? 319 00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:26,780 Why are you wearing mine? 320 00:12:26,847 --> 00:12:29,049 Oh, boy. 321 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:31,118 Let's just go. 322 00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:32,853 Should we leave her a little note? 323 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:34,287 What?! 324 00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:36,056 You know, a thank you, maybe my phone number. 325 00:12:36,123 --> 00:12:37,657 Are you crazy?! Just keep moving! 326 00:12:37,724 --> 00:12:38,725 But she's cute, and I'm gonna need 327 00:12:38,792 --> 00:12:39,960 a plus one for your wedding. 328 00:12:40,027 --> 00:12:42,162 Oh, my God, my wedding. 329 00:12:42,229 --> 00:12:44,865 You're right, it could be awkward. 330 00:12:44,932 --> 00:12:46,967 * Men. * 331 00:12:47,034 --> 00:12:48,368 What have I done, Alan? 332 00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:51,404 Less than 24 hours after I set a date for my wedding, 333 00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:53,874 I wake up in bed with another woman. 334 00:12:53,941 --> 00:12:55,408 And me. 335 00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:58,278 You woke up in bed with me, too. 336 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,349 (singing "The Stripper") 337 00:13:07,654 --> 00:13:10,223 What the hell did we do last night? 338 00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:11,291 I wish I knew. 339 00:13:11,358 --> 00:13:12,860 What am I gonna tell Chelsea? 340 00:13:12,926 --> 00:13:14,327 Well, let-let's think. 341 00:13:14,394 --> 00:13:16,129 I mean, maybe there's an innocent explanation. 342 00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:17,865 Oh, really? And what might that be? 343 00:13:17,931 --> 00:13:20,934 Okay, clearly, we all had a bit much to drink. 344 00:13:21,001 --> 00:13:22,702 Yeah. And you and I, 345 00:13:22,769 --> 00:13:24,637 being gentlemen, escorted the lady home. 346 00:13:24,704 --> 00:13:25,638 Mm-hmm. 347 00:13:25,705 --> 00:13:26,473 She invited us in 348 00:13:26,539 --> 00:13:27,774 for a cup of coffee to sober up. 349 00:13:27,841 --> 00:13:30,911 Was that before or after we switched underwear? 350 00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:35,315 Let me finish. 351 00:13:35,382 --> 00:13:38,852 Uh, so, we went into her apartment and... 352 00:13:40,387 --> 00:13:42,890 I don't know what you're gonna tell Chelsea. 353 00:13:42,956 --> 00:13:44,424 Here is what you tell her. 354 00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:46,793 Tell her you were detained by the secret police, 355 00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:48,862 strip-searched and water-boarded. 356 00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:50,864 Just drive. 357 00:13:50,931 --> 00:13:52,900 Worked for me. 358 00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:57,304 All right. 359 00:13:57,370 --> 00:13:59,306 Here's what we're gonna do. 360 00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:02,009 We're gonna forget this night ever happened. 361 00:14:02,075 --> 00:14:04,011 Good idea. 362 00:14:04,077 --> 00:14:06,613 Giddy-up horsey, giddy-up. 363 00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:08,248 (neighing) 364 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,886 Of course, that may be easier said than done. 365 00:14:14,287 --> 00:14:17,690 * Men. * 366 00:14:23,931 --> 00:14:25,765 (whispers): Great. 367 00:14:25,832 --> 00:14:27,034 No one's up yet. 368 00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:28,368 All right, go to bed. 369 00:14:28,435 --> 00:14:30,570 I'll see you later. 370 00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:34,874 Charlie? 371 00:14:34,942 --> 00:14:35,875 What? 372 00:14:35,943 --> 00:14:37,544 You want your boxers back? 373 00:14:39,913 --> 00:14:40,880 You keep 'em. 374 00:14:40,948 --> 00:14:42,349 Really? Gee, thanks. 375 00:14:44,317 --> 00:14:45,785 Oh, oh, Charlie?! Charlie? 376 00:14:45,852 --> 00:14:46,853 Yeah? 377 00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:48,388 Uh, if I put 'em in the laundry, 378 00:14:48,455 --> 00:14:50,290 Berta will wash them and give them back to you. 379 00:14:50,357 --> 00:14:51,858 Then hand-wash 'em. 380 00:14:51,925 --> 00:14:54,361 Of course. 381 00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:57,830 Charlie?! Charlie?! 382 00:14:57,897 --> 00:14:58,865 What? 383 00:14:58,932 --> 00:15:01,368 Woolite or a mild detergent? 384 00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:02,702 I don't care. 385 00:15:02,769 --> 00:15:05,338 All right, no worries. I'll check the label. 386 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:08,475 Oh, Charlie? 387 00:15:08,541 --> 00:15:09,642 What? 388 00:15:09,709 --> 00:15:10,410 Thanks for taking me out with you tonight. 389 00:15:10,477 --> 00:15:11,611 I had a really good time. 390 00:15:36,469 --> 00:15:37,637 (sighs) 391 00:15:37,704 --> 00:15:39,839 (clattering) 392 00:15:42,109 --> 00:15:44,577 CHELSEA: Charlie? 393 00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:46,146 Yeah, babe? 394 00:15:46,213 --> 00:15:47,914 Are you just getting home? 395 00:15:47,981 --> 00:15:50,250 No, no... no, I was a little drunk, 396 00:15:50,317 --> 00:15:51,184 so I slept downstairs for a while. 397 00:15:51,251 --> 00:15:52,385 I didn't want to disturb you. 398 00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:54,621 Did you have a good time with Alan? 399 00:15:54,687 --> 00:15:55,989 Oh, come on, it was Alan. 400 00:15:56,056 --> 00:15:58,091 How much fun could I have had? 401 00:15:59,526 --> 00:16:01,995 * Happy birthday 402 00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:05,098 * Mr. President 403 00:16:05,165 --> 00:16:08,935 * Happy birthday 404 00:16:09,002 --> 00:16:11,371 * To you. 405 00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:14,741 Oh, you don't mean that. 406 00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:16,576 No, no. 407 00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:18,711 We had an okay time. 408 00:16:18,778 --> 00:16:20,647 Pretty forgettable. 409 00:16:21,881 --> 00:16:23,650 I talked to my parents last night. 410 00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:25,785 They are so excited. 411 00:16:25,852 --> 00:16:28,521 Not as excited as me. 412 00:16:32,225 --> 00:16:34,594 I'm gonna make you a great wife, Charlie Harper. 413 00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:36,596 I know. 414 00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:38,731 And I'm gonna... 415 00:16:38,798 --> 00:16:41,201 cut down on my drinking. 416 00:16:43,070 --> 00:16:45,205 * Men. * 417 00:16:45,272 --> 00:16:47,107 Boy, I don't know, Chels. 418 00:16:47,174 --> 00:16:50,043 I really like the white roses for the centerpieces. 419 00:16:50,110 --> 00:16:52,011 You don't think it's too much? 420 00:16:52,079 --> 00:16:53,680 No. No. 421 00:16:53,746 --> 00:16:57,317 The rose symbolizes love, and white symbolizes, you know, 422 00:16:57,384 --> 00:17:00,820 the cleanness of that love. 423 00:17:02,189 --> 00:17:03,556 Cleanness? 424 00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:05,958 Yeah, yeah, like purity or... 425 00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:08,961 untainted by filth. 426 00:17:11,264 --> 00:17:13,900 A white rose is a rose you can trust. 427 00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:15,502 And making it the centerpiece is appropriate 428 00:17:15,568 --> 00:17:17,437 because you're my centerpiece. 429 00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:22,875 You know, the piece that supercedes all other pieces. 430 00:17:23,976 --> 00:17:25,745 Are you still drunk? 431 00:17:25,812 --> 00:17:27,247 Only with love. 432 00:17:27,314 --> 00:17:29,949 (phone ringing) 433 00:17:30,016 --> 00:17:32,352 Oh, it's my grandmother. 434 00:17:32,419 --> 00:17:34,454 Hi, Grammy! 435 00:17:34,521 --> 00:17:36,989 Yeah, it's gonna be a June wedding. 436 00:17:38,158 --> 00:17:39,426 Excuse me. 437 00:17:39,492 --> 00:17:42,695 That's a terrible thing to say, Grammy. 438 00:17:42,762 --> 00:17:45,765 Besides, I said "June," not "Jew." 439 00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:57,110 Okay, what've you done? 440 00:17:57,177 --> 00:17:58,878 Beg your pardon? 441 00:17:58,945 --> 00:18:01,681 That sweet, naive hick you're marrying might buy 442 00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:04,751 this loving, cooperative attitude, but not your mommy. 443 00:18:04,817 --> 00:18:06,686 Hey, can't a fella just be excited 444 00:18:06,753 --> 00:18:07,354 about floral centerpieces? 445 00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:09,856 A gay fella. 446 00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:11,158 You're feeling guilty about something. 447 00:18:11,224 --> 00:18:12,559 What is it? 448 00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:15,562 Nothing. I've got nothing to feel guilty about. 449 00:18:18,231 --> 00:18:22,169 Okay, okay, okay, now you give him your underwear. 450 00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:25,505 Charlie...? 451 00:18:25,572 --> 00:18:27,607 I'm not really sure what I did. 452 00:18:27,674 --> 00:18:29,742 So, a drunken escapade? 453 00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:31,944 Is there another kind of escapade? 454 00:18:32,011 --> 00:18:35,848 Well, whatever you do, don't tell Chelsea about it. 455 00:18:35,915 --> 00:18:37,850 Confession may be good for the soul, 456 00:18:37,917 --> 00:18:41,354 but it's a hot lead enema to a marriage. 457 00:18:41,421 --> 00:18:43,089 I know, I know, 458 00:18:43,156 --> 00:18:45,592 but I've got these freaky memory flashes, 459 00:18:45,658 --> 00:18:47,260 and I feel so guilty. 460 00:18:47,327 --> 00:18:51,431 Trust me... those memories will fade with time. 461 00:18:51,498 --> 00:18:52,732 How do you know? 462 00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:54,767 Let me tell you a story. 463 00:18:54,834 --> 00:18:58,538 Many years ago, 464 00:18:58,605 --> 00:18:59,839 The carpet king? 465 00:18:59,906 --> 00:19:01,841 Well, I called him that. 466 00:19:01,908 --> 00:19:05,545 Wasn't his occupation. 467 00:19:05,612 --> 00:19:07,680 Anyway, he was away on business, 468 00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:11,684 and you and your brother were in summer camp or somewhere, 469 00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:13,886 and I... 470 00:19:13,953 --> 00:19:17,290 Well, I was lonely, bored 471 00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:19,492 and the circus was in town. 472 00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:24,397 And when I woke up in that Motel 6, 473 00:19:24,464 --> 00:19:27,900 clown makeup smeared all over my bosom, 474 00:19:27,967 --> 00:19:29,168 I was alone. 475 00:19:29,236 --> 00:19:30,770 The Chinese acrobats, the strong man 476 00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:33,873 and the little people had moved on to the next town. 477 00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:36,243 Oh, my God! 478 00:19:37,244 --> 00:19:38,378 What did you do then? 479 00:19:38,445 --> 00:19:39,846 Well, what could I do? 480 00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:42,982 I showered, plucked the sequins from my hoo-hoo... 481 00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:47,620 ...held my head up, got on with my life. 482 00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:50,022 And you never told the carpet king? 483 00:19:50,089 --> 00:19:52,325 No, of course not. 484 00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:54,327 I loved him too much. 485 00:19:54,394 --> 00:19:56,896 Your second stepfather was the third best thing 486 00:19:56,963 --> 00:19:58,865 that ever happened to me. 487 00:19:58,931 --> 00:20:00,600 Behind me and Alan? 488 00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:02,802 Sure. 489 00:20:05,338 --> 00:20:06,906 * Men. * 490 00:20:06,973 --> 00:20:08,708 I think some teenagers are fooling around 491 00:20:08,775 --> 00:20:09,609 under the deck again. 492 00:20:09,676 --> 00:20:11,244 Really? 493 00:20:11,311 --> 00:20:15,315 Yeah, I found a pair of men's briefs by the side of the house. 494 00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:17,550 Damn kids. 495 00:20:17,617 --> 00:20:19,919 No respect for anything. 496 00:20:22,389 --> 00:20:24,324 (sighs) 497 00:20:25,425 --> 00:20:27,894 Listen, Chels... 498 00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:29,562 we need to talk. 499 00:20:29,629 --> 00:20:31,364 Something wrong? 500 00:20:31,431 --> 00:20:34,200 Yeah. 501 00:20:34,267 --> 00:20:35,302 What is it? 502 00:20:35,368 --> 00:20:39,272 I got these... these pictures in my head, 503 00:20:39,339 --> 00:20:42,108 and I'm afraid if I don't tell you about them, 504 00:20:42,174 --> 00:20:44,176 they're gonna drive me crazy. 505 00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:46,513 Go ahead. 506 00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:49,181 (sighs) 507 00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:51,751 Well, what happened was... 508 00:20:53,420 --> 00:20:55,788 ...my second stepfather went on a business trip 509 00:20:55,855 --> 00:20:57,790 while the circus was in town. 510 00:20:57,857 --> 00:21:00,727 Alan and I were at camp-- 511 00:21:00,793 --> 00:21:02,829 or someplace-- 512 00:21:02,895 --> 00:21:05,264 and my mother was lonely.... 513 00:21:05,332 --> 00:21:07,534 * Men. * 514 00:21:12,939 --> 00:21:15,775 (calliope music playing) 515 00:21:30,457 --> 00:21:33,059 Shouldn't we leave her a note? Just keep walking.