1 00:00:01,069 --> 00:00:04,038 * Men. (doorbell rings) 2 00:00:04,105 --> 00:00:05,173 JUDITH: I said, "No!" 3 00:00:05,239 --> 00:00:06,107 JAKE: And I said, "Why not?" 4 00:00:06,174 --> 00:00:08,109 No! Why not? 5 00:00:08,176 --> 00:00:10,578 I don't have to give you a reason. Dad, I got my learner's permit 6 00:00:10,644 --> 00:00:12,313 but Mom won't let me drive her car. 7 00:00:12,380 --> 00:00:14,348 Just because they give 15-year-olds learner's permits, 8 00:00:14,415 --> 00:00:15,983 doesn't mean they're ready to drive. 9 00:00:16,050 --> 00:00:17,485 Oh, please, I've been driving for years. 10 00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:21,422 Grand Theft Auto One, Grand Theft Auto Two. 11 00:00:21,489 --> 00:00:24,458 And I never ran over anybody but pimps and crack whores. 12 00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:25,293 Jake. 13 00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:28,762 Sorry. Crack prostitutes. 14 00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:30,264 Go get started on your homework. 15 00:00:30,331 --> 00:00:31,732 Afterward, will you take me driving? 16 00:00:31,799 --> 00:00:32,866 We'll talk about it later. 17 00:00:32,933 --> 00:00:34,435 When? Just go to your room. 18 00:00:34,502 --> 00:00:35,269 I'm available now. 19 00:00:35,336 --> 00:00:36,470 Go! 20 00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:39,006 Man, if I knew how to hot-wire a real car, 21 00:00:39,073 --> 00:00:41,008 I'd so be outta here. 22 00:00:41,075 --> 00:00:43,877 Well, thanks for bringing him by, I guess. 23 00:00:43,944 --> 00:00:45,546 Yeah. Uh, if you need to reach me, 24 00:00:45,613 --> 00:00:48,048 Herb and I are going to Laguna Beach for a weekend getaway. 25 00:00:48,116 --> 00:00:49,350 Oh, how nice. Taking the baby? 26 00:00:49,417 --> 00:00:51,252 Are you insane? I said "getaway." 27 00:00:51,319 --> 00:00:52,586 Herb's lucky I'm taking him. 28 00:00:52,653 --> 00:00:54,088 I see. 29 00:00:54,155 --> 00:00:56,090 So, uh, so, who's watching little Millie? 30 00:00:56,157 --> 00:00:57,158 My mother. 31 00:00:57,225 --> 00:00:59,193 Ooh. Are we sure that's a good idea? 32 00:00:59,260 --> 00:01:01,529 Okay, first of all, there is no "we" here. 33 00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:03,297 And what are you implying? 34 00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:05,999 I'm implying that there might be better choices for a babysitter 35 00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:08,469 than a woman who has a sandwich named after her 36 00:01:08,536 --> 00:01:10,271 at the Betty Ford Clinic. 37 00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,641 She's three years clean and sober, 38 00:01:13,707 --> 00:01:16,410 all the charges were dropped and she's great with Millie. 39 00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:17,678 All right. All right. 40 00:01:17,745 --> 00:01:18,746 I hope you don't mind, but I gave her your number 41 00:01:18,812 --> 00:01:19,813 in case there's an emergency. 42 00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:20,848 I don't mind. 43 00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:22,716 So, uh, how is the baby, anyway? 44 00:01:22,783 --> 00:01:24,385 Fine. 45 00:01:24,452 --> 00:01:25,786 Good, good. 46 00:01:25,853 --> 00:01:27,821 Jake showed me some pictures. 47 00:01:27,888 --> 00:01:29,823 I gotta say, she doesn't look much like you, 48 00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:32,059 and she certainly doesn't look like Herb. 49 00:01:32,126 --> 00:01:34,061 Don't go there, Alan. 50 00:01:34,128 --> 00:01:35,696 Go where? I'm not implying 51 00:01:35,763 --> 00:01:37,931 that someone other than Herb could be the father. 52 00:01:37,998 --> 00:01:40,968 Even though that someone did have unprotected sex with you 53 00:01:41,034 --> 00:01:43,103 approximately nine months before the birth of a child 54 00:01:43,171 --> 00:01:45,773 that looks suspiciously like that someone. 55 00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:49,310 You get that I'm talking about me, right? 56 00:01:49,377 --> 00:01:50,944 Honey, if we want to beat the traffic, 57 00:01:51,011 --> 00:01:52,380 we really should get going. Oh, hey, Alan. 58 00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:53,947 Hey, Herb. Did you hear? 59 00:01:54,014 --> 00:01:56,817 Judith and I are spending a romantic weekend in Laguna. 60 00:01:56,884 --> 00:01:58,819 I said "weekend," Herb. That's all. 61 00:01:58,886 --> 00:02:01,021 Okay, fine, no romance. 62 00:02:02,022 --> 00:02:04,258 But sex is still on the table, right? 63 00:02:04,325 --> 00:02:05,659 Just get in the car. 64 00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:07,127 Oh, can I drive? No. 65 00:02:07,195 --> 00:02:08,696 Why not?! 66 00:02:09,597 --> 00:02:11,332 Is she gone? 67 00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:15,703 (cat screeching) Damn it! 68 00:02:17,838 --> 00:02:20,474 Chelsea, your cat's trying to kill me! 69 00:02:20,541 --> 00:02:21,709 CHELSEA: Is he okay? 70 00:02:21,775 --> 00:02:23,177 The cat's fine! 71 00:02:23,244 --> 00:02:25,779 Probably off plotting his next move... Whoa! 72 00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:27,315 (thudding) Whoa! 73 00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:28,382 Are you okay? 74 00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:29,350 No. 75 00:02:29,417 --> 00:02:30,551 What happened? 76 00:02:30,618 --> 00:02:31,919 Uncle Charlie fell. 77 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,187 Oh. 78 00:02:33,254 --> 00:02:34,822 Can I drive you to the hospital? 79 00:02:36,457 --> 00:02:39,360 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 80 00:02:39,427 --> 00:02:42,730 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * * Ooh 81 00:02:42,796 --> 00:02:45,899 * Men, men, men, men, manly men * * Ooh * Ooh 82 00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:48,001 * Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ohh, ooh-ooh... * 83 00:02:48,068 --> 00:02:50,404 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 84 00:02:50,471 --> 00:02:53,741 * Ooh * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 85 00:02:53,807 --> 00:02:58,946 * Ah. * Men. * Men. 86 00:03:03,384 --> 00:03:05,886 * Men. CHELSEA: Sir Lancelot! 87 00:03:08,789 --> 00:03:11,058 Here, kitty, kitty! 88 00:03:12,993 --> 00:03:14,262 He's probably hiding 89 00:03:14,328 --> 00:03:15,829 because he thinks you're mad at him. 90 00:03:15,896 --> 00:03:18,332 For God's sake, Chelsea, 91 00:03:18,399 --> 00:03:20,568 the cat doesn't think anything except maybe, 92 00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:22,903 "Mmm, fish, I'll eat it." 93 00:03:24,104 --> 00:03:27,441 Or "Ooh, sand, I'll crap in it." 94 00:03:27,508 --> 00:03:28,609 You're wrong. 95 00:03:28,676 --> 00:03:30,811 He's very intelligent and very intuitive. 96 00:03:30,878 --> 00:03:32,646 He knows you resent him living here. 97 00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:35,349 Thank you, Chelsea, but I can defend myself. 98 00:03:37,084 --> 00:03:38,986 I was talking about my cat. 99 00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:40,521 Oh, oh, I'm sorry. 100 00:03:40,588 --> 00:03:42,656 Mmm, fish. Yum. 101 00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:45,926 Okay, I'm going to work. 102 00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:47,528 Feel better. 103 00:03:47,595 --> 00:03:49,196 Thanks. 104 00:03:49,263 --> 00:03:50,764 How's the shoulder? 105 00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:53,567 The shoulder's fine. 106 00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:56,203 I'm just hopin' to get a little "Oh, poor Charlie" tonight. 107 00:03:56,270 --> 00:03:58,105 "Oh, poor Charlie"? 108 00:03:58,171 --> 00:03:59,873 Yeah. You know, 109 00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:02,676 "Oh, poor Charlie. 110 00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:05,846 "I feel bad about your shoulder, so you just lie still 111 00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:09,417 while I provide you with a series of intense orgasms." 112 00:04:09,483 --> 00:04:11,218 Wow. 113 00:04:11,285 --> 00:04:14,422 I don't know what to say, other than "oink." 114 00:04:14,488 --> 00:04:15,556 (engine starting) 115 00:04:15,623 --> 00:04:16,890 Is that a car? Can I drive? 116 00:04:16,957 --> 00:04:19,092 Can I drive? Relax, it's just Chelsea going to work. 117 00:04:19,159 --> 00:04:20,093 Oh. 118 00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:21,595 Uncle Charlie, you need to go anywhere? 119 00:04:21,662 --> 00:04:23,697 Yeah, away from you. 120 00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:24,998 All right. I'll drive you. 121 00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:29,337 You want to drive my $80,000 Mercedes? 122 00:04:29,403 --> 00:04:30,804 Yes, please. 123 00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:32,573 It's good that he's polite. 124 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:35,576 It's a necessary quality in a doorman. 125 00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:38,579 Was that a "yes" or a "no"? 126 00:04:38,646 --> 00:04:39,547 That was a "no." 127 00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:41,649 So the doorman thing was an insult? 128 00:04:41,715 --> 00:04:42,916 Yes. 129 00:04:42,983 --> 00:04:45,118 Oh. 130 00:04:46,186 --> 00:04:48,121 And a prophecy. 131 00:04:48,188 --> 00:04:50,358 (phone rings) 132 00:04:52,225 --> 00:04:54,194 (alarm blaring) Hello? 133 00:04:54,261 --> 00:04:55,763 No, it's Charlie. 134 00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:57,898 Who's this? 135 00:04:57,965 --> 00:04:59,900 I can't hear you. What? 136 00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:02,403 Alan, it's for you. 137 00:05:02,470 --> 00:05:04,071 Oh. 138 00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:05,406 Hello? 139 00:05:05,473 --> 00:05:07,408 Oh, oh, hi, Lenore. 140 00:05:07,475 --> 00:05:08,942 It's, uh, Judith's mother. 141 00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:11,979 Uh, is that the house alarm? 142 00:05:12,045 --> 00:05:14,782 Uh, is-is the baby okay? 143 00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:17,785 All right, open the little panel by the front door 144 00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:21,021 and enter pound, star and the code. 145 00:05:22,890 --> 00:05:26,259 Pound is the little tic-tac-toe board. 146 00:05:27,461 --> 00:05:30,864 Yeah, like on Hollywood Squares. 147 00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:32,733 She still poppin' the pain pills? 148 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:33,901 No. 149 00:05:33,967 --> 00:05:36,570 Good. See if she's got any leftovers. 150 00:05:37,771 --> 00:05:40,641 Okay, the code is Jake's birthday. 151 00:05:41,509 --> 00:05:44,445 Your grandson. 152 00:05:44,512 --> 00:05:46,814 Anyway, it's oh-three-one-four-- 153 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:49,182 Oh, no, no, Le-Lenore, don't punch it into the phone. 154 00:05:49,249 --> 00:05:50,551 No, Lenore! Lenore! Lenore! 155 00:05:50,618 --> 00:05:52,553 Okay, okay, okay, calm down, calm down. 156 00:05:52,620 --> 00:05:54,121 I-I'll be right there. 157 00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,589 I-I will turn it off for you. 158 00:05:55,656 --> 00:05:57,290 Oh, okay, okay. Bye. 159 00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:58,792 (grunting): I gotta go. 160 00:05:58,859 --> 00:05:59,827 You couldn't be more of a sucker 161 00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:01,529 if you were on the end of a stick. 162 00:06:01,595 --> 00:06:02,796 Why? 163 00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,131 Because I'll take any excuse 164 00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:05,766 to spend some time with my baby daughter? 165 00:06:05,833 --> 00:06:07,801 You don't know you're the father, Alan. 166 00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,302 Oh, come on. 167 00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,539 She's got my jawline, my eyes, my ears. 168 00:06:11,605 --> 00:06:16,076 You left out thinning hair and poopy pants. 169 00:06:16,143 --> 00:06:17,878 That was one time 170 00:06:17,945 --> 00:06:20,848 and I begged you to stop at a gas station. 171 00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:24,618 (alarm blaring) * Men. 172 00:06:24,685 --> 00:06:25,786 (baby crying) 173 00:06:25,853 --> 00:06:28,121 Oh, Alan, thank God you're here. 174 00:06:28,188 --> 00:06:32,059 I pushed all the buttons, but I can't get it to stop. 175 00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:33,427 Well, that might be 176 00:06:33,494 --> 00:06:36,664 because you were adjusting the thermostat. 177 00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:41,835 (alarm stops) Ah, there we go. 178 00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:43,704 Oh, thank God. 179 00:06:43,771 --> 00:06:44,838 (crying continues) Oh, here, let me see 180 00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:46,740 if I can turn this alarm off. 181 00:06:46,807 --> 00:06:48,141 Come here, Millie. 182 00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:50,143 Come to Papa... 183 00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:56,049 * ...was a rolling stone 184 00:06:56,116 --> 00:07:00,153 * Wherever he laid his hat was his home... * 185 00:07:00,220 --> 00:07:02,122 Always sang this to Jake. 186 00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:03,624 Worked like a charm. 187 00:07:03,691 --> 00:07:04,992 (crying continues) 188 00:07:05,058 --> 00:07:07,995 (high-pitched): * And when he died 189 00:07:08,061 --> 00:07:11,331 * All he left us was alone. * 190 00:07:11,398 --> 00:07:12,666 (crying stops) 191 00:07:12,733 --> 00:07:14,001 Huh, look at that. 192 00:07:14,067 --> 00:07:16,436 Well, you're a miracle worker, Alan. 193 00:07:16,504 --> 00:07:17,638 Oh, no. 194 00:07:17,705 --> 00:07:18,939 I just have a knack for babies. 195 00:07:19,006 --> 00:07:20,874 And, uh, and animals. 196 00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:23,911 It's only English-speaking adults that don't like me. 197 00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:26,480 Well, I think you're a wonderful fella. 198 00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:27,815 And if you don't mind my saying, 199 00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:30,684 I think Judith was a fool to let you go. 200 00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:32,352 Well, she didn't so much let me go 201 00:07:32,419 --> 00:07:35,556 as drop me from an airplane with an anvil necklace. 202 00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:39,827 Okay, honey, time to get your beauty rest. 203 00:07:39,893 --> 00:07:43,831 I'm afraid that's gonna have to be a long nap. 204 00:07:43,897 --> 00:07:46,333 I mean, I hate to say it about my own granddaughter, 205 00:07:46,399 --> 00:07:48,736 but let's face it-- with those big ears 206 00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:51,805 she looks a little like a fruit bat. 207 00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:55,976 I think her ears are the perfect size. 208 00:07:56,043 --> 00:07:57,878 You would. 209 00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:00,781 How about some wine? 210 00:08:00,848 --> 00:08:03,551 Uh, uh, well, thank you, but I-I really should get going. 211 00:08:03,617 --> 00:08:05,218 Oh, no, come on, join me. 212 00:08:05,285 --> 00:08:06,820 Just one. We'll catch up. 213 00:08:06,887 --> 00:08:09,022 Uh... Lenore, it's really none of my business, 214 00:08:09,089 --> 00:08:11,091 but do you think you should really be drinking? 215 00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:14,061 What? You mean, because I've been to Betty Ford? 216 00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:15,195 Oh, no, no, uh, 217 00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:18,165 because you got kicked out of Betty Ford. 218 00:08:18,231 --> 00:08:20,100 Hey, Britney bit me first. 219 00:08:21,602 --> 00:08:24,938 Anyway, I was there for pills. 220 00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:27,140 I've never had a problem with alcohol. 221 00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:29,176 Oh. 222 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:33,647 See? 223 00:08:33,714 --> 00:08:36,149 No problem. 224 00:08:36,216 --> 00:08:37,985 Okay, now, 225 00:08:38,051 --> 00:08:41,488 where did I hide those muscle relaxers 226 00:08:41,555 --> 00:08:43,691 I picked up in Mexico? 227 00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:48,461 That's right. 228 00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:50,631 Between my buttcheeks. 229 00:08:52,165 --> 00:08:55,102 Turn around. 230 00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:01,308 * Men. 231 00:09:09,249 --> 00:09:10,550 Uncle Charlie? 232 00:09:10,618 --> 00:09:12,185 What? 233 00:09:12,252 --> 00:09:13,186 You hungry? 234 00:09:14,688 --> 00:09:17,958 'Cause if you are, we could go get something to eat. 235 00:09:18,025 --> 00:09:20,027 And I'll even drive. 236 00:09:20,093 --> 00:09:22,429 Jake, I'm sleeping. 237 00:09:22,495 --> 00:09:24,297 Okay. 238 00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:29,770 You know, you could nap in the car. 239 00:09:29,837 --> 00:09:30,638 I just gotta have an adult with me. 240 00:09:30,704 --> 00:09:32,873 They don't have to be conscious. 241 00:09:32,940 --> 00:09:34,742 I'm not hungry. 242 00:09:34,808 --> 00:09:36,777 Okay, fine. 243 00:09:39,212 --> 00:09:41,715 Hey, want to go see a movie? 'Cause if you do... 244 00:09:42,816 --> 00:09:45,018 (grunting) 245 00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:47,020 Maybe after your nap. 246 00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:54,962 Oh, crap, now I'm awake. 247 00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:55,796 Great. 248 00:09:55,863 --> 00:09:58,298 You hungry? 249 00:09:58,365 --> 00:09:59,967 * Men. 250 00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:02,836 You're lucky you're single, Alan. 251 00:10:02,903 --> 00:10:04,004 Oh, I don't know. 252 00:10:04,071 --> 00:10:05,372 Oh, no, trust me. 253 00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:10,043 I've been married for 39 years! 254 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,712 Really? 255 00:10:11,779 --> 00:10:13,613 But Judith's 40. 256 00:10:13,681 --> 00:10:15,582 Shh. 257 00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:20,721 Do you know what it's like to wake up every morning, 258 00:10:20,788 --> 00:10:22,489 year after year, 259 00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:26,994 and see the same stupid face lying next to you? 260 00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:31,498 Uh, well, all I can tell you is what I told your daughter. 261 00:10:31,564 --> 00:10:34,702 If you don't like it, roll over. 262 00:10:37,905 --> 00:10:41,541 Fred hasn't touched me in 14 years. 263 00:10:41,608 --> 00:10:43,777 Uh, well, uh, in his defense, 264 00:10:43,844 --> 00:10:46,747 he did have that stroke. 265 00:10:46,814 --> 00:10:50,250 Do you know what happens to a woman's body 266 00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:52,419 when it goes unloved for that long? 267 00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:53,887 Oh, gee, Lenore, I don't really 268 00:10:53,954 --> 00:10:55,588 feel comfortable talking about this... 269 00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:58,258 Oh, now, Alan, come on, we're both grown-ups. 270 00:10:58,325 --> 00:11:01,661 Think about what I'm saying. 271 00:11:04,564 --> 00:11:08,068 All right, well... 272 00:11:08,135 --> 00:11:10,771 I'm getting an image of a... 273 00:11:10,838 --> 00:11:13,974 a cave from an Indiana Jones movie. 274 00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:15,575 What?! 275 00:11:15,642 --> 00:11:19,980 Well, you know-- cobwebs, 276 00:11:20,047 --> 00:11:24,718 dust, human skulls. 277 00:11:24,785 --> 00:11:28,822 This is my vagina we're talking about. 278 00:11:28,889 --> 00:11:32,225 Oh, I am well aware of what we're talking about. 279 00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:36,897 (voice breaking): I've been so lonely. 280 00:11:36,964 --> 00:11:40,167 Oh, oh, I'm... 281 00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:42,502 I'm sorry, Lenore. 282 00:11:42,569 --> 00:11:44,237 Mmm. 283 00:11:56,116 --> 00:11:58,986 A stroke's starting to look pretty good. 284 00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:03,356 * Men. 285 00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:06,960 Can't I at least back it out? 286 00:12:07,027 --> 00:12:07,928 No. 287 00:12:07,995 --> 00:12:10,430 Come on, nothing's gonna happen. 288 00:12:10,497 --> 00:12:11,932 Look, you wanna eat or not? 289 00:12:11,999 --> 00:12:12,933 Fine. 290 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:14,667 What if we went to an empty parking lot? 291 00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,003 Could I drive it then? 292 00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:17,537 Dammit, Jake, how many times I gotta tell... 293 00:12:17,604 --> 00:12:19,773 (cat screeching) 294 00:12:22,642 --> 00:12:23,743 What the hell was that? 295 00:12:23,811 --> 00:12:25,578 I don't know. 296 00:12:25,645 --> 00:12:27,981 Sounds like you ran over a cat. 297 00:12:29,783 --> 00:12:31,484 * Men. 298 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,288 * Men. 299 00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:37,858 Told you you should've let me drive. 300 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:42,495 You know, Chelsea's gonna completely freak out. 301 00:12:42,562 --> 00:12:47,367 No, she will not be happy. 302 00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:50,037 Doesn't even look like a cat anymore. 303 00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,004 Nope. 304 00:12:51,071 --> 00:12:53,173 More like a cat pancake. 305 00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:54,875 Catcake. 306 00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:58,078 Sorry. 307 00:12:58,145 --> 00:12:59,112 What am I gonna tell her? 308 00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:00,447 She doesn't have to know. 309 00:13:00,513 --> 00:13:02,883 You're right. 310 00:13:02,950 --> 00:13:06,186 She thinks Sir Lancelot's missing, so he stays missing. 311 00:13:06,253 --> 00:13:08,788 Sir Squished-a-lot. 312 00:13:08,856 --> 00:13:10,723 Okay, okay, let's just think what we gotta do. 313 00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,492 We have to get rid of the body, 314 00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:14,995 clean up the mess then act like nothing's happened. 315 00:13:15,062 --> 00:13:16,696 Good plan, except... 316 00:13:16,763 --> 00:13:18,365 Except what? Say, "cheese!" 317 00:13:18,431 --> 00:13:19,967 What are you doing? 318 00:13:20,033 --> 00:13:23,436 Making sure I get to drive your car whenever I want to. 319 00:13:23,503 --> 00:13:24,905 What?! Give me that! 320 00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:27,474 Too late, I already emailed it to myself. 321 00:13:27,540 --> 00:13:28,508 You're bluffing. 322 00:13:28,575 --> 00:13:29,943 Perhaps. 323 00:13:30,010 --> 00:13:33,646 But can you really afford to take that chance? 324 00:13:35,282 --> 00:13:36,917 * Men. 325 00:13:36,984 --> 00:13:40,020 * Hush, little baby, don't say a word * 326 00:13:40,087 --> 00:13:44,591 * Daddy's gonna buy you a mockingbird * 327 00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:47,194 * If that mockingbird don't sing * 328 00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:49,162 Forget it, I'm not sleepy. 329 00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:52,900 Let's go in the hot tub! 330 00:13:52,966 --> 00:13:56,269 Uh, but I don't have a bathing suit. 331 00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:59,139 Me neither. 332 00:14:01,408 --> 00:14:03,410 Come on, stroke. 333 00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:06,546 (phone ringing) 334 00:14:06,613 --> 00:14:08,048 Judith, ugh. 335 00:14:08,115 --> 00:14:11,051 Oh, this just keeps getting better and better. 336 00:14:11,118 --> 00:14:13,786 (baby crying) Oh, hey, look who's up. 337 00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,522 Hi, sweetie. 338 00:14:15,588 --> 00:14:17,224 You need a little change? 339 00:14:17,290 --> 00:14:18,691 (sniffs) Oh, yeah. 340 00:14:18,758 --> 00:14:21,328 I'll let you in on a little secret. 341 00:14:21,394 --> 00:14:22,996 Before this day is over, 342 00:14:23,063 --> 00:14:26,433 I might need to change my undies, too. 343 00:14:26,499 --> 00:14:31,804 (cell phone ringtone) 344 00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:35,308 Uh-oh, it's your mommy again. 345 00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:37,644 Shh. 346 00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:38,946 Hello? 347 00:14:39,012 --> 00:14:41,481 Oh, hey, Judith, what's up? 348 00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:42,682 So, how's Laguna? 349 00:14:42,749 --> 00:14:44,117 Laguna's fine. 350 00:14:44,184 --> 00:14:45,818 Um, listen, my mother's not answering the phone 351 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,687 so I need you to go check on her and the baby. 352 00:14:47,754 --> 00:14:49,322 Me? 353 00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:52,325 You, uh, you want me to drive all the way to Sherman Oaks 354 00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:56,396 to check on your mother who you assured me was clean and sober? 355 00:14:56,463 --> 00:14:58,031 (baby crying) 356 00:14:58,098 --> 00:14:59,566 What's that? 357 00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:03,470 Uh, uh, that is the... is the TV that I am watching. 358 00:15:03,536 --> 00:15:06,173 The... Baby Channel. 359 00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:09,776 A... uh, uh... documentary about obese babies. 360 00:15:09,842 --> 00:15:12,079 Tragic. 361 00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:15,148 Okay, listen, I-I will check up on your mother for you 362 00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:16,683 but, uh, you owe me one. 363 00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:19,086 (sing-song): Oh, Alan... 364 00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:22,022 Ta-da! 365 00:15:25,058 --> 00:15:26,393 Not bad. 366 00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:28,728 What's not bad? 367 00:15:28,795 --> 00:15:32,832 Uh, I mean, it's not a bad idea for me to check up on her. 368 00:15:32,899 --> 00:15:36,169 Thank you. Call me when you get there. 369 00:15:36,236 --> 00:15:39,839 (sing-song) Oh, Judith... 370 00:15:39,906 --> 00:15:42,075 Look who mowed the front lawn. 371 00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:47,247 * Men. 372 00:15:47,314 --> 00:15:48,948 So, we're agreed. 373 00:15:49,016 --> 00:15:50,817 We will never speak of this again. 374 00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:53,987 Well, that kind of depends on you, doesn't it? 375 00:15:54,054 --> 00:15:56,423 I've already got the shovel, Jake. 376 00:15:56,489 --> 00:15:58,591 I can dig another hole. 377 00:15:58,658 --> 00:16:01,161 CHELSEA: Charlie, I'm home! 378 00:16:04,097 --> 00:16:06,633 Hi, sweetie, how was work? Okay. 379 00:16:06,699 --> 00:16:08,201 I was a little worried about Sir Lancelot. 380 00:16:08,268 --> 00:16:09,302 Have you seen him? 381 00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:11,738 No, haven't seen him, not a trace. 382 00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:13,440 What about you, Jake? 383 00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:16,009 No, but if I was a cat I'd probably be on the beach. 384 00:16:16,076 --> 00:16:17,910 'Cause, you know, the beach is one big litter box 385 00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,479 and the ocean is a giant fish bowl. 386 00:16:19,546 --> 00:16:22,115 Kind of like having a sushi bar in your bathroom. 387 00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:26,186 Wow, how great would that be? 388 00:16:26,253 --> 00:16:27,787 I guess. 389 00:16:27,854 --> 00:16:30,090 I'll still feel better when he comes back. 390 00:16:30,157 --> 00:16:31,791 We all will. 391 00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:35,062 You're quite the little liar, aren't you? 392 00:16:35,128 --> 00:16:38,165 I'm 15. My life depends on it. 393 00:16:38,231 --> 00:16:40,167 Chelsea, Uncle Charlie's gonna take me driving. 394 00:16:40,233 --> 00:16:42,102 Can we bring you back anything? 395 00:16:48,108 --> 00:16:50,043 * Men. 396 00:16:50,110 --> 00:16:52,512 That woman just cut you off! 397 00:16:52,579 --> 00:16:55,748 Learn how to drive, you whore! 398 00:16:55,815 --> 00:16:58,951 Yeah, I'm talking to you! 399 00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:01,521 Lenore, ooh, Lenore... Lenore, Lenore, we should probably keep it down. 400 00:17:01,588 --> 00:17:03,423 We don't want to wake the baby. 401 00:17:03,490 --> 00:17:04,591 What baby? 402 00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:06,926 Oh, right. 403 00:17:06,993 --> 00:17:09,062 Woof. 404 00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:13,633 (cell phone ringtone) 405 00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:14,301 Ugh. 406 00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,603 Hello, Judith. 407 00:17:16,669 --> 00:17:18,471 Yeah, I was just about to call you. 408 00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:19,939 Uh, the baby's fine, nothing to worry about. 409 00:17:20,006 --> 00:17:22,375 Hey, Judy, Judy, Judy! 410 00:17:22,442 --> 00:17:25,278 Uh... yeah, yeah, that's her. 411 00:17:25,345 --> 00:17:27,780 Uh-huh, blotto. 412 00:17:27,847 --> 00:17:29,249 Uh, no, no. 413 00:17:29,316 --> 00:17:31,518 No, no need to rush home, everything's under control. 414 00:17:31,584 --> 00:17:34,587 We're in the car, Millie's sleeping in the back seat 415 00:17:34,654 --> 00:17:36,456 and we're heading for Malibu. 416 00:17:36,523 --> 00:17:39,659 Ehab-ray. 417 00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:42,929 Ehab-ray? 418 00:17:42,995 --> 00:17:47,334 You said you were taking me for crabcakes at Gladstone's. 419 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:50,503 Well, I'm sorry, but you just don't have a choice here. 420 00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:53,005 The hell I don't. 421 00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:55,142 Lenore? Lenore? Lenore! 422 00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:56,409 Red light. 423 00:17:56,476 --> 00:17:58,345 Slow down, slow down, stop! 424 00:17:58,411 --> 00:18:00,380 (brakes screeching) 425 00:18:00,447 --> 00:18:03,049 You're making me really nervous, you know that? 426 00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:07,787 * Men. 427 00:18:09,322 --> 00:18:10,390 (TV playing) 428 00:18:10,457 --> 00:18:14,261 Hey, you mind getting me another grape soda? 429 00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:17,764 Yeah, I mind. Get it yourself. 430 00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:21,434 Fine. I just have to send this jpeg to Chelsea real fast. 431 00:18:21,501 --> 00:18:22,535 (sighing) 432 00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,537 Okay, okay. 433 00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:26,806 Look who finally came home! 434 00:18:26,873 --> 00:18:27,840 Who? 435 00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:30,243 Sir Lancelot. 436 00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:32,745 You've been a bad kitty cat. 437 00:18:32,812 --> 00:18:35,515 I've been so worried about you. 438 00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:41,488 Okay, I'm confused. 439 00:18:41,554 --> 00:18:45,124 If that's Sir Lancelot, then what did we squash? 440 00:18:45,192 --> 00:18:48,561 Your hope of ever getting behind the wheel of my car again. 441 00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:51,598 Oh, man. 442 00:18:54,334 --> 00:18:57,404 Leverage is a fickle bitch, my friend. 443 00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:59,539 (doorbell ringing) 444 00:18:59,606 --> 00:19:01,040 CHELSEA: I got it! 445 00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,247 Can I help you? 446 00:19:07,314 --> 00:19:09,115 Sorry to bother you. I live down the beach 447 00:19:09,182 --> 00:19:10,583 and I'm looking for my cat. 448 00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,785 Oh, I'm sorry. I haven't seen it. 449 00:19:12,852 --> 00:19:14,954 In fact, I just found my little guy. 450 00:19:15,021 --> 00:19:18,191 I'm really worried. 451 00:19:18,258 --> 00:19:20,960 He's black and white, about yay big. 452 00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:22,495 Answers to Puss-Puss. 453 00:19:22,562 --> 00:19:25,198 CHELSEA: I'll keep an eye out for him. 454 00:19:25,265 --> 00:19:27,734 Looks like the fickle bitch is back.