1
00:00:00,968 --> 00:00:03,271
* Men. *

2
00:00:03,337 --> 00:00:06,407
And how are you
this morning, Danny?

3
00:00:06,474 --> 00:00:10,578
Well, I didn't sleep
very well last night, Alan.

4
00:00:10,644 --> 00:00:13,614
I had nightmares.

5
00:00:14,815 --> 00:00:19,887
Nightmares. Nightmares.

6
00:00:19,953 --> 00:00:24,825
I dreamed I ate
a five-pound marshmallow.

7
00:00:24,892 --> 00:00:26,994
A five-pound
marshmallow?

8
00:00:27,061 --> 00:00:32,233
Yeah, and when I woke up,
my pillow was gone.

9
00:00:33,967 --> 00:00:36,504
Pillow was gone.

10
00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:38,606
Pillow. T-Tillow.

11
00:00:38,672 --> 00:00:40,741
Pil... tillow. Pftil...

12
00:00:40,808 --> 00:00:41,742
Alan?

13
00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:43,244
Yeah?

14
00:00:43,311 --> 00:00:45,446
You're starting to scare
the crap out of me.

15
00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:47,415
Oh, oh, this?

16
00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:48,849
This is, uh,
just a new hobby.

17
00:00:48,916 --> 00:00:51,719
Charlie, say hello
to Danny O'Day.

18
00:00:51,785 --> 00:00:53,087
Howdy-do, Charlie.

19
00:00:54,522 --> 00:00:57,291
That's not a hobby.
That's a cry for help.

20
00:00:57,358 --> 00:00:59,260
Oh, come on, Charlie,
play along.

21
00:00:59,327 --> 00:01:02,630
So, Charlie, how did you
sleep last night?

22
00:01:02,696 --> 00:01:04,365
With a woman, Alan.

23
00:01:07,535 --> 00:01:10,538
Something you need to do
before this gets out of hand.

24
00:01:11,672 --> 00:01:13,141
Wow.

25
00:01:14,475 --> 00:01:16,677
He's got a stick
where I've got your hand.

26
00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:21,549
Did you ask him
if he wants to go
to the movies with us?

27
00:01:21,615 --> 00:01:23,451
No.
Why not?

28
00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:26,120
Because he's a ticking time bomb
and we don't want to be

29
00:01:26,187 --> 00:01:28,189
in the car with him
when he goes off.

30
00:01:29,557 --> 00:01:32,126
Come on,
he's breaking my heart.

31
00:01:32,193 --> 00:01:34,162
Staying home all alone
on a Friday night.

32
00:01:34,228 --> 00:01:35,396
Don't worry.

33
00:01:35,463 --> 00:01:37,465
You know how they say
you can be alone

34
00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:39,300
but not lonely?
Yeah.

35
00:01:39,367 --> 00:01:41,635
Well, Alan's kind
of the opposite.

36
00:01:41,702 --> 00:01:45,173
He's always lonely
but he's never alone.

37
00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:47,208
He's going through a tough time.

38
00:01:47,275 --> 00:01:48,409
Your brother should
be surrounded

39
00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:49,777
by friends and family.

40
00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:52,646
My brother should be surrounded
by a SWAT team.

41
00:01:54,982 --> 00:01:56,984
Please? For me?

42
00:01:57,050 --> 00:02:00,521
Chelsea, we agreed that you only
get one of those a month.

43
00:02:00,588 --> 00:02:03,491
Are you sure you want
to waste it on Alan?

44
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,429
Thanks for letting me
tag along with you.

45
00:02:09,397 --> 00:02:11,432
This is really sweet.

46
00:02:11,499 --> 00:02:13,100
We're thrilled
you could join us.

47
00:02:13,167 --> 00:02:14,268
Right, Charlie?

48
00:02:14,335 --> 00:02:17,104
Yippee skippy.

49
00:02:17,171 --> 00:02:18,939
So have we picked a movie yet?

50
00:02:19,006 --> 00:02:20,508
Nope. Would you
like to see

51
00:02:20,574 --> 00:02:22,610
La Poubelle et le Fromage
at the Nuart?

52
00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:24,612
Would I?

53
00:02:29,183 --> 00:02:31,619
Who you calling
"wood eye"?

54
00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:33,321
Big ears.

55
00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:37,090
Now, Danny,
watch your mouth.

56
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:39,893
Why? Yours is the one
that's moving.

57
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:41,895
(Chelsea and Alan laugh)

58
00:02:45,733 --> 00:02:47,835
Yippee skippy.

59
00:02:47,901 --> 00:02:50,804
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *

60
00:02:50,871 --> 00:02:54,174
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men, men, men *
* Ooh

61
00:02:54,242 --> 00:02:57,311
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men *
* Ooh
* Ooh

62
00:02:57,378 --> 00:02:59,447
* Ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ohh, ooh-ooh... *

63
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:01,915
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *

64
00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:05,219
* Ooh
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *

65
00:03:05,286 --> 00:03:09,757
* Ah.
* Men.
* Men.

66
00:03:14,895 --> 00:03:16,630
* Men. *

67
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:20,801
(woman and man speaking French
on movie screen)

68
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,938
If she goes back to him
after what he's done,

69
00:03:25,005 --> 00:03:27,741
I will never
forgive her.

70
00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:29,243
She loves him.

71
00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:30,711
What choice
does she have?

72
00:03:30,778 --> 00:03:33,614
Oh, she can return
to her husband,
the cheese maker.

73
00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:39,920
Listen, I'm going
to hit the head.

74
00:03:39,987 --> 00:03:42,856
Let me know if any
kind of a plot
ever kicks in.

75
00:03:48,028 --> 00:03:49,630
He's not coming
back, is he?

76
00:03:49,697 --> 00:03:51,932
They sell beer
in the lobby?
Yes.

77
00:03:51,999 --> 00:03:54,568
No.

78
00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:56,570
* Men. *

79
00:04:08,115 --> 00:04:10,584
(mimics rooster call)

80
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:16,324
You're up early
for a Saturday morning.

81
00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:19,026
Hence the cock-a-doodle-doo.

82
00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:23,631
(knocking)
ALAN:
Chelsea, it's 7:30.

83
00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:25,198
We got to get
a move on.

84
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,768
Oh, God, that's right.
I forgot.

85
00:04:27,835 --> 00:04:29,603
Give me a few minutes
to get dressed.

86
00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:31,171
No problem.
I'll wait for
you downstairs.

87
00:04:31,238 --> 00:04:32,673
What's going on?

88
00:04:32,740 --> 00:04:34,908
Your brother and I are going
to the farmers market.

89
00:04:41,915 --> 00:04:43,417
Since when?

90
00:04:43,484 --> 00:04:45,419
We made plans
last night.

91
00:04:45,486 --> 00:04:46,887
Last night when?

92
00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:48,322
In the movie theater,

93
00:04:48,389 --> 00:04:50,257
while you were sitting
in the lobby drinking.

94
00:04:50,324 --> 00:04:52,326
Well, I wasn't going to go
sit in the car

95
00:04:52,393 --> 00:04:54,528
with that scary dummy.

96
00:04:55,863 --> 00:04:58,966
I like mustard,

97
00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:01,134
and pickles,

98
00:05:01,201 --> 00:05:02,503
and ketchup,

99
00:05:02,570 --> 00:05:05,706
and mayonnaise.

100
00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:08,409
Mayonnaise.

101
00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:11,612
Mayonnaise.

102
00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:12,946
You and me need to talk.

103
00:05:14,047 --> 00:05:15,816
Howdy-do, Charlie.

104
00:05:15,883 --> 00:05:18,852
Get that ugly thing
out of my face.

105
00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:20,854
That's what she said.

106
00:05:26,193 --> 00:05:27,428
Oh, Danny.

107
00:05:27,495 --> 00:05:29,530
Danny, you're horrible.

108
00:05:29,597 --> 00:05:31,865
My hand to God, Alan,

109
00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:33,467
I will wrap
that dummy with meat

110
00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:35,202
and throw him in the ocean.

111
00:05:35,268 --> 00:05:38,406
Don't forget
the mayonnaise.

112
00:05:42,943 --> 00:05:44,011
Ow!

113
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,080
I'm okay.

114
00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:52,553
Why are you taking Chelsea
to that farmers thing?

115
00:05:52,620 --> 00:05:53,621
Is there a problem?

116
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:54,688
Yeah, there's a problem!

117
00:05:54,755 --> 00:05:56,089
You're ruining my Saturday.

118
00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:58,191
I'm sorry.
Did you have plans for the day?

119
00:05:58,258 --> 00:05:59,760
Damn right I had plans.

120
00:05:59,827 --> 00:06:01,929
First, I was going
to have sex with Chelsea.

121
00:06:01,995 --> 00:06:03,431
And then...

122
00:06:03,497 --> 00:06:05,799
Well, then I was going
to go back to sleep.

123
00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:07,968
Well, you can still
go back to sleep.

124
00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:10,604
Yeah, but without sex,
it's a restless sleep.

125
00:06:10,671 --> 00:06:12,773
Fine, fine,
I'll just go by myself.

126
00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:14,775
No, no,
if you go without her now,

127
00:06:14,842 --> 00:06:17,545
then I'm the bad guy.
So what do you want me to do?

128
00:06:17,611 --> 00:06:19,780
In the future,
I want you to try to be

129
00:06:19,847 --> 00:06:23,216
more sensitive and considerate
to other people's needs.

130
00:06:23,283 --> 00:06:24,485
Okay.

131
00:06:24,552 --> 00:06:26,153
Thank you.

132
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:28,221
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm going to join Chelsea

133
00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:30,123
in the shower and try
to knock out a quick one.

134
00:06:33,494 --> 00:06:35,629
Oh, Danny...

135
00:06:36,697 --> 00:06:40,934
Sometimes he can
be such a pig.

136
00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:43,971
Well, you know what
happens to pigs.

137
00:06:45,205 --> 00:06:46,940
They get slaught...

138
00:06:47,007 --> 00:06:49,076
Danny, don't say it.

139
00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:50,544
Don't even think it.

140
00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:55,015
...ered.

141
00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:01,121
* Men. *

142
00:07:01,188 --> 00:07:03,123
(sportscast playing on TV)

143
00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:23,143
What are you looking at?

144
00:07:23,210 --> 00:07:24,545
Nothin'.

145
00:07:31,351 --> 00:07:33,253
Oh, hey! Hey.

146
00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:34,655
What are you doing here?

147
00:07:34,722 --> 00:07:35,623
I thought you were
spending the weekend

148
00:07:35,689 --> 00:07:36,890
with your mom and Herb.

149
00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:38,726
Yeah, I was supposed to,
but Mom's got

150
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:40,460
all those pregnancy
hormones going.

151
00:07:40,528 --> 00:07:42,162
What did you do?

152
00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:45,332
One little fat joke.

153
00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:47,200
Took it badly, eh?

154
00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:49,202
Well, here I am.

155
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:51,872
Where's Dad?

156
00:07:51,939 --> 00:07:53,440
He went out
with Chelsea.

157
00:07:53,507 --> 00:07:55,208
You mean like a date?

158
00:07:55,275 --> 00:07:57,444
No, no, not a date.

159
00:07:57,511 --> 00:07:59,146
Good, 'cause
that'd be weird.

160
00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:01,682
Yeah.

161
00:08:01,749 --> 00:08:04,151
I saw something like that
on Jerry Springer once.

162
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:08,255
Two brothers, one girl--
it got ugly.

163
00:08:09,523 --> 00:08:11,124
I'm sure it did.

164
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:14,728
So what's Dad's dummy
doing here?

165
00:08:14,795 --> 00:08:17,264
He pissed off his mother.

166
00:08:20,534 --> 00:08:22,670
Oh.

167
00:08:23,671 --> 00:08:25,606
Hey, I did that, too.

168
00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:30,143
* Men. *

169
00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:35,749
Okay, please take this
kettle corn away from me.

170
00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:37,851
I can feel it going
right to my behind.

171
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:41,454
Oh, stop it.

172
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:43,323
I wish my tush
was as small as yours.

173
00:08:43,390 --> 00:08:46,259
Okay, first of all,
you have a perfect heinie.

174
00:08:46,326 --> 00:08:48,028
And secondly, if you're
worried about firmness,

175
00:08:48,095 --> 00:08:50,163
the secret is
isometric glute crunches.

176
00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:52,733
Really?
Yeah, you can do
them anywhere, anytime.

177
00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:54,167
I'm doing them
right now. See?

178
00:08:55,402 --> 00:08:58,205
Mailbox open, mailbox closed.

179
00:08:58,271 --> 00:08:59,640
Mailbox open,

180
00:08:59,707 --> 00:09:01,041
mailbox closed.

181
00:09:02,142 --> 00:09:03,711
Come on, try it with me.

182
00:09:04,845 --> 00:09:07,214
BOTH:
Mailbox open, mailbox closed.

183
00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:08,616
Mailbox open,

184
00:09:08,682 --> 00:09:10,718
mailbox closed.

185
00:09:10,784 --> 00:09:12,853
Mailbox open, mailbox...

186
00:09:14,287 --> 00:09:17,257
You know, just once
I'd like to walk in this room

187
00:09:17,324 --> 00:09:19,226
and not be freaked out.

188
00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:23,964
Alan was just showing
me his butt exercises.

189
00:09:24,031 --> 00:09:26,433
Have him show you the one where
he sticks his head up there.

190
00:09:26,499 --> 00:09:27,968
That's my favorite.

191
00:09:28,035 --> 00:09:29,169
Stop it.

192
00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:30,938
Now, go away,
we're making dinner.

193
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:35,843
It's kind of like a Kegel
exercise, isn't it?
Exactly.

194
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,577
Except with the tush,
not the hoo-ha.

195
00:09:50,157 --> 00:09:52,726
What up, homes?

196
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:55,428
What are you doing?

197
00:09:55,495 --> 00:09:57,798
Enjoying the sunset,
waiting on dinner.

198
00:09:57,865 --> 00:09:59,299
You're staying for dinner?

199
00:09:59,366 --> 00:10:01,068
I wasn't gonna,

200
00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:05,038
but your lovely fiancée
and her new gal pal insisted.

201
00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:09,309
Yeah, I've got to put
a stop to that.

202
00:10:10,343 --> 00:10:11,845
What are you, nuts?

203
00:10:11,912 --> 00:10:13,747
This is the perfect
setup for you.

204
00:10:13,814 --> 00:10:15,148
How do you figure?

205
00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:16,850
Do you like
to go shopping?

206
00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:18,952
No.
Zippy does.

207
00:10:20,187 --> 00:10:21,955
Do you like to watch
chick flicks?

208
00:10:22,022 --> 00:10:23,056
No.

209
00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:24,591
Zippy does.

210
00:10:24,658 --> 00:10:27,394
Do you like
to talk for hours
about your feelings?

211
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:28,395
No.

212
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:30,197
Zippy do.

213
00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:33,200
Oh, right.

214
00:10:33,266 --> 00:10:36,236
He digs the trench,
you lay the pipe.

215
00:10:37,537 --> 00:10:39,139
How could I not see this?

216
00:10:39,206 --> 00:10:42,710
Alan's not the competition.
He's her gay friend.

217
00:10:42,776 --> 00:10:44,745
There you go.
Your life is perfect.

218
00:10:44,812 --> 00:10:46,179
It is, isn't it?

219
00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:49,349
Yeah. Now, be an
angel and get me
another beer.

220
00:10:49,416 --> 00:10:51,284
Absolutely.

221
00:10:51,351 --> 00:10:53,286
(door opens)

222
00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:54,822
(door closes)

223
00:10:54,888 --> 00:10:57,024
Jiminy, I'm drunk.

224
00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:01,628
* Men. *

225
00:11:01,695 --> 00:11:03,230
(TV playing)

226
00:11:03,296 --> 00:11:05,365
Oh, I hate
to do this to you.

227
00:11:05,432 --> 00:11:08,435
Uh, but using the existing "S"
in the top row,

228
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:10,337
with R-E before it

229
00:11:10,403 --> 00:11:14,708
and I-Z-I-N-G after it,

230
00:11:14,775 --> 00:11:17,845
hitting two triple word scores,

231
00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:20,447
and it's a bingo.

232
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,115
"Resizing."

233
00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:23,550
120 points.

234
00:11:23,616 --> 00:11:25,085
Oh, my God.

235
00:11:25,152 --> 00:11:26,286
You play for
blood, don't you?

236
00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:27,654
Let me tell you something,
Chelsea.

237
00:11:27,721 --> 00:11:28,989
When it comes to Scrabble,

238
00:11:29,056 --> 00:11:31,992
nice guys finish
with a rack full of tiles.

239
00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:34,094
(turns off TV)

240
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,329
(yawns)

241
00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:38,832
CHELSEA:
What do you mean
it's not a word?

242
00:11:38,899 --> 00:11:41,401
ALAN:
I mean it's not a
word. Try again.

243
00:11:41,468 --> 00:11:42,602
Hmm.

244
00:11:42,669 --> 00:11:44,171
Charlie horny.

245
00:11:45,638 --> 00:11:47,274
Another glass of wine?

246
00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:48,708
I would love one.

247
00:11:53,613 --> 00:11:55,382
(giggles) Now?

248
00:11:55,448 --> 00:11:57,484
But Alan and I are
playing Scrabble.

249
00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:59,019
(chuckling):
Well, I'm playing Scrabble.

250
00:11:59,086 --> 00:12:01,421
I don't know whatshe'sdoing.

251
00:12:02,856 --> 00:12:05,325
I'm improving,
is what I'm doing.

252
00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:07,260
I want a rematch.

253
00:12:08,495 --> 00:12:10,197
Good night, Alan.

254
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,900
But I just poured wine.

255
00:12:12,966 --> 00:12:14,301
Oh, thanks.

256
00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:16,770
And thanks for being such
a good friend to Chelsea.

257
00:12:16,837 --> 00:12:18,171
You don't have
to thank me.

258
00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:20,173
I like her, and we've got
a lot in common.

259
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,541
Yeah, whatever--
just keep it up,

260
00:12:21,608 --> 00:12:22,976
and I'll try
to do the same.

261
00:12:28,681 --> 00:12:31,885
Kind of ruined the night.

262
00:12:36,556 --> 00:12:38,591
He's using you.

263
00:12:38,658 --> 00:12:39,827
(chuckling)

264
00:12:39,893 --> 00:12:42,595
I know, but what
am I going to do?

265
00:12:42,662 --> 00:12:45,999
You could... kill him.

266
00:12:48,701 --> 00:12:51,371
Now, Danny,
I-I could never do that.

267
00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:52,973
Don't worry, Alan.

268
00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:56,243
I can do it for you.

269
00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:00,848
* Men. *

270
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:05,185
* Men. *

271
00:13:06,553 --> 00:13:08,288
Morning.
Morning.

272
00:13:08,355 --> 00:13:10,123
Hope you're hungry--
I made pancakes.

273
00:13:10,190 --> 00:13:11,791
Oh, I'm starving.
Can I help?

274
00:13:11,859 --> 00:13:13,526
Uh, sure, slice
up some bananas

275
00:13:13,593 --> 00:13:14,627
and warm up the syrup.

276
00:13:14,694 --> 00:13:15,628
I'm on it.

277
00:13:15,695 --> 00:13:16,429
Sleep well?

278
00:13:16,496 --> 00:13:17,998
Yeah.

279
00:13:18,065 --> 00:13:20,433
I mean, when your brother
finally let me go to sleep.

280
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,836
(forced chuckling)

281
00:13:23,703 --> 00:13:25,472
Can I tell you a little secret?

282
00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:26,974
Sure.

283
00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:28,909
He's the best lover
I've ever had.

284
00:13:28,976 --> 00:13:30,577
Oh, isn't that nice.

285
00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:32,946
Yeah, it's great,

286
00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:34,681
but sometimes he doesn't know
when to quit.

287
00:13:34,747 --> 00:13:37,384
Have you tried pepper spray?

288
00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:38,485
No.

289
00:13:38,551 --> 00:13:40,353
But every once in a while,
I actually have

290
00:13:40,420 --> 00:13:43,023
to give him a little smack
on the top of his head.

291
00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:44,691
Yeah, I have the same problem
with Jake

292
00:13:44,757 --> 00:13:46,193
when he eats spaghetti.

293
00:13:46,259 --> 00:13:48,261
I mean, obviously not
the same problem.

294
00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:50,964
Jake's head is
usually over here.

295
00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:52,565
Don't get me wrong.

296
00:13:52,632 --> 00:13:54,935
I'm not complaining,
but it can be exhausting.

297
00:13:55,002 --> 00:13:56,269
I can imagine.

298
00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:57,637
Have you given Charlie
enough attaboys?

299
00:13:57,704 --> 00:13:59,006
Attaboys?

300
00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:00,307
You know,
like when you're training a dog.

301
00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:02,242
If you don't give them
a lot of hugs

302
00:14:02,309 --> 00:14:04,444
and a treat every now and then,
they're gonna chew up your rug.

303
00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:08,015
I mean, not your rug.

304
00:14:08,081 --> 00:14:10,417
Hey, how are those
bananas coming?

305
00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:12,419
Morning.

306
00:14:12,485 --> 00:14:14,721
Morning.
How'd you sleep?

307
00:14:14,787 --> 00:14:16,023
Good.

308
00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:18,458
When you finally let me.
Hush.

309
00:14:20,127 --> 00:14:21,161
Alan's making pancakes.

310
00:14:21,228 --> 00:14:22,495
Can I pour you
some coffee?

311
00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:23,696
I would love that.

312
00:14:23,763 --> 00:14:27,534
Good morning,
Mrs. Butterworth.

313
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:29,502
(forced chuckling)

314
00:14:29,569 --> 00:14:31,471
Ooh.

315
00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:33,040
Lakers-Spurs today.

316
00:14:33,106 --> 00:14:35,475
Charlie, you promised we'd go
to the Van Gogh exhibit.

317
00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:36,676
I did?

318
00:14:36,743 --> 00:14:37,744
Yes.

319
00:14:37,810 --> 00:14:39,212
Wow, I don't remember that.

320
00:14:39,279 --> 00:14:42,082
You got to quit hitting me
on the head so much.

321
00:14:42,149 --> 00:14:45,052
Yeah, I have heard that exhibit
is supposed to be terrific.

322
00:14:45,118 --> 00:14:46,619
I've been dying
to see it.

323
00:14:46,686 --> 00:14:47,687
Really?

324
00:14:47,754 --> 00:14:49,189
Then why don't we all go?

325
00:14:49,256 --> 00:14:51,691
I can't. I promised Jake
we'd do something.

326
00:14:51,758 --> 00:14:53,226
Bring him along.

327
00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:56,696
What 14-year-old boy
doesn't love a fine art museum?

328
00:14:56,763 --> 00:14:57,965
I think
that's a great idea, Alan.

329
00:14:58,031 --> 00:14:59,432
You and Jake come with us.

330
00:14:59,499 --> 00:15:01,101
Well, if you don't think
we'd be intruding.

331
00:15:01,168 --> 00:15:02,869
No. No, not at all.

332
00:15:02,936 --> 00:15:04,671
Okay, great.

333
00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:06,039
Well, save me some pancakes.

334
00:15:06,106 --> 00:15:08,341
I'm going to jump
in the shower and get ready.

335
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:11,311
Hurry! I want to get to the
museum before it's too crowded.

336
00:15:11,378 --> 00:15:13,213
All right,
here's the deal.

337
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:16,549
You're gonna have to go
to the museum without me.

338
00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:17,717
Why?

339
00:15:17,784 --> 00:15:19,052
I am about

340
00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:21,454
to get an acute case
of intestinal distress.

341
00:15:21,521 --> 00:15:22,922
What?
You know...

342
00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:24,424
the flapjack two-step.

343
00:15:24,491 --> 00:15:27,094
But there's nothing wrong
with my pancakes.

344
00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:28,461
No, they're delightful.

345
00:15:28,528 --> 00:15:30,297
But the Lakers are playing
the Spurs,

346
00:15:30,363 --> 00:15:32,265
and I'm not gonna miss it.

347
00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:35,068
So what? So you're just gonna
use me to entertain your fiancée

348
00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:37,170
while you stay home
and watch a basketball game?

349
00:15:37,237 --> 00:15:38,938
Good. We're on the same page.

350
00:15:39,006 --> 00:15:40,273
Hey, did you ever stop to think

351
00:15:40,340 --> 00:15:41,808
that maybe
I've got plans of my own?

352
00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:43,243
That I've got a life?

353
00:15:43,310 --> 00:15:45,345
That I'm not always
at your beck and call?

354
00:15:45,412 --> 00:15:47,614
No.

355
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:52,152
* Men. *

356
00:15:52,219 --> 00:15:55,422
(sportscast playing)

357
00:15:57,257 --> 00:15:59,492
You know, Berta, I thought

358
00:15:59,559 --> 00:16:02,062
when Alan moved in here
I was being punished.

359
00:16:02,129 --> 00:16:04,797
You and me both.

360
00:16:04,864 --> 00:16:08,235
But come to find out,
it was a blessing.

361
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:10,070
With him in my life,
I think

362
00:16:10,137 --> 00:16:12,372
I can actually make my
relationship with Chelsea work.

363
00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:15,308
So you're really gonna go
through with this marriage?

364
00:16:15,375 --> 00:16:18,411
Absolutely. I'm ready
for the whole shebang.

365
00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:19,846
Kids, too?

366
00:16:19,912 --> 00:16:22,482
Well, it's certainly
in the cards.

367
00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:24,584
Of course, I'd have
to talk it over

368
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:26,619
with Chelsea
and Alan first.

369
00:16:28,688 --> 00:16:30,257
Wow, marriage and kids.

370
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:31,858
I can't believe
what I'm hearing.

371
00:16:31,924 --> 00:16:33,693
What can I say, Berta?

372
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:36,596
He completes me.

373
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:39,599
(chuckles)

374
00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:42,001
* Men. *

375
00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:45,472
(cell phone chimes)

376
00:16:45,538 --> 00:16:47,707
One second.

377
00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:48,875
(laughs)

378
00:16:48,941 --> 00:16:50,343
He's hilarious.

379
00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:51,611
Who?

380
00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:52,945
Your brother.

381
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:54,447
L-O-L.

382
00:17:00,787 --> 00:17:02,222
(cell phone chimes)

383
00:17:02,289 --> 00:17:05,325
Let me just tell him
we'll talk tomorrow.

384
00:17:05,392 --> 00:17:06,526
(laughing)

385
00:17:06,593 --> 00:17:08,861
He is out of control.

386
00:17:08,928 --> 00:17:10,263
What now?

387
00:17:10,330 --> 00:17:11,664
Hang on.

388
00:17:13,333 --> 00:17:15,802
"Don't let him
chew up the rug."

389
00:17:17,604 --> 00:17:18,938
What does that mean?

390
00:17:19,005 --> 00:17:20,107
Nothing.

391
00:17:20,173 --> 00:17:23,443
Why would I
chew up a rug?

392
00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:26,779
Not a rug, my...
never mind.

393
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:31,751
Okay, where were we?

394
00:17:31,818 --> 00:17:34,154
We were just about...

395
00:17:34,221 --> 00:17:36,323
(cell phone chimes)

396
00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:38,558
I'm sure he just wants
to say "good night."

397
00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:41,528
(cell phone chimes)

398
00:17:43,330 --> 00:17:45,132
(cell phone chimes)

399
00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:48,201
(cell phone chimes)

400
00:17:49,469 --> 00:17:51,604
I'm sorry. Let me just
make sure he's okay.

401
00:17:54,774 --> 00:17:56,709
Is he okay?

402
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:00,447
Yeah.

403
00:18:00,513 --> 00:18:02,115
Good, good.

404
00:18:02,182 --> 00:18:04,117
Hey, I'm thirsty.
Are you thirsty?

405
00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:06,018
No.
Be right back.

406
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:07,120
Hurry.

407
00:18:07,187 --> 00:18:08,388
Don't worry.

408
00:18:08,455 --> 00:18:10,257
This won't take but a minute.

409
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:17,029
Oh, Charlie...

410
00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:19,399
Your penis is no match
for my technology.

411
00:18:20,967 --> 00:18:23,035
Okay.

412
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:24,704
I know what you're doing,
now quit it.

413
00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:25,638
What I'm doing?

414
00:18:25,705 --> 00:18:26,739
Whatever do you mean?

415
00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:28,808
You're text-blocking me.

416
00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:31,010
Hey, I can't help it

417
00:18:31,077 --> 00:18:32,779
if Chelsea finds me
witty and urbane.

418
00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:36,616
Keep it up and she's going
to find you bloody and homeless.

419
00:18:38,050 --> 00:18:39,386
You don't scare me, Charlie.

420
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:41,521
You need me to keep
Chelsea off your back.

421
00:18:41,588 --> 00:18:44,824
That may be true,
but I don't need

422
00:18:44,891 --> 00:18:46,759
him!

423
00:18:46,826 --> 00:18:47,794
Wait, just let
him go, Charlie.

424
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:50,697
This is just between you and me.

425
00:18:50,763 --> 00:18:51,864
Not anymore.

426
00:18:51,931 --> 00:18:53,366
Don't you dare hurt him!

427
00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:56,736
Well, now,
that's entirely up to you.

428
00:18:56,803 --> 00:19:00,373
His tiny, wooden head
is in your hands.

429
00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:05,845
Charlie?

430
00:19:05,912 --> 00:19:07,680
ALAN:
Danny!
(thudding)

431
00:19:10,049 --> 00:19:11,551
ALAN: Just let him go!
CHARLIE: No!

432
00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:12,785
Charlie?

433
00:19:12,852 --> 00:19:14,921
(both grunting)

434
00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:16,623
What the hell are you doing?

435
00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:20,660
Nothing.

436
00:19:20,727 --> 00:19:21,861
Nothing.

437
00:19:21,928 --> 00:19:24,897
Nothing.

438
00:19:24,964 --> 00:19:26,899
* Men. *

439
00:19:30,737 --> 00:19:32,472
That's no way for
a grown man to behave!

440
00:19:32,539 --> 00:19:33,773
CHARLIE:
He started it!

441
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:35,842
CHELSEA: I don't care
who started it!

442
00:19:35,908 --> 00:19:37,076
You're the older brother.

443
00:19:37,143 --> 00:19:39,078
You set the example.
Really?

444
00:19:39,145 --> 00:19:40,980
Then maybe I
should move out...

445
00:19:41,047 --> 00:19:43,283
Boy, they're really
going at it.

446
00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:46,986
Yeah. I'm glad
we never fight.

447
00:19:47,053 --> 00:19:48,755
Me, too, Danny.

448
00:19:50,223 --> 00:19:53,693
'Cause you don't ever
want to make me angry.

449
00:19:55,762 --> 00:19:57,964
I-I-I know, Danny.

450
00:19:58,030 --> 00:20:07,974
Seriously.

451
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,343
* Men. *