1 00:00:01,069 --> 00:00:04,138 Oh, come on, Chelsea. Is this about money? 2 00:00:04,205 --> 00:00:05,139 'Cause I'd be happy to pay the lease 3 00:00:05,206 --> 00:00:06,340 on your apartment. 4 00:00:06,407 --> 00:00:07,975 It's not about money, you ass. 5 00:00:08,042 --> 00:00:09,343 I just think it's ridiculous 6 00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:11,145 that we're engaged and not living together. 7 00:00:11,212 --> 00:00:13,481 Well, excuse me for being old-fashioned, 8 00:00:13,547 --> 00:00:16,016 I'm just not comfortable with us living in sin. 9 00:00:16,084 --> 00:00:18,452 So you think we should stop having sex? 10 00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:21,122 No, no, no, it's not the sin I object to, 11 00:00:21,189 --> 00:00:22,556 it's the living in it. 12 00:00:22,623 --> 00:00:24,092 CHELSEA: Charlie, there is no reason 13 00:00:24,158 --> 00:00:25,393 for me to renew the lease on my apartment 14 00:00:25,459 --> 00:00:26,827 when I'm here every night. 15 00:00:26,894 --> 00:00:28,729 CHARLIE: And I love having you here every night... 16 00:00:28,796 --> 00:00:30,298 You going to eat your pickle? 17 00:00:31,265 --> 00:00:33,767 Yes, I'm going to eat my pickle. 18 00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:35,603 But you're almost done with your sandwich, 19 00:00:35,669 --> 00:00:37,071 and your pickle's just sitting there. 20 00:00:37,138 --> 00:00:40,208 I like to eat it last. 21 00:00:40,274 --> 00:00:43,744 How very European of you. 22 00:00:45,179 --> 00:00:46,347 Here's another pickle. 23 00:00:46,414 --> 00:00:47,881 Shut up. 24 00:00:47,948 --> 00:00:49,850 Oh, you are just so full of it! 25 00:00:49,917 --> 00:00:52,586 Give me one good reason why I shouldn't be living here. 26 00:00:52,653 --> 00:00:53,987 I can give you several. 27 00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:55,123 This ought to be good. 28 00:00:55,189 --> 00:00:56,557 CHELSEA: Go ahead. 29 00:00:56,624 --> 00:00:57,991 CHARLIE: Oh, you mean right now? 30 00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:59,993 Dance, monkey, dance. 31 00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:01,129 Okay. 32 00:01:01,195 --> 00:01:02,496 Well, there's the safety issue. 33 00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:04,732 You should keep your apartment 34 00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:06,167 for the same reason 35 00:01:06,234 --> 00:01:08,169 that airplanes are equipped with oxygen masks, 36 00:01:08,236 --> 00:01:09,970 and cruise ships have life rafts. 37 00:01:10,037 --> 00:01:12,506 You know, if the Titanic had enough life rafts, 38 00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:15,143 Leonardo and Kate would've lived happily ever after. 39 00:01:15,209 --> 00:01:16,710 Oops. 40 00:01:18,779 --> 00:01:20,214 CHELSEA: You're comparing our relationship 41 00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:21,249 to the Titanic?! 42 00:01:21,315 --> 00:01:23,251 Rope-a-dope, rope-a-dope. 43 00:01:23,317 --> 00:01:26,086 CHARLIE: No, no, no, of course not. 44 00:01:26,154 --> 00:01:27,988 But P.S., that was a very romantic movie. 45 00:01:28,055 --> 00:01:29,423 Thanks for making me watch it again. 46 00:01:30,658 --> 00:01:31,592 He's still swinging. 47 00:01:31,659 --> 00:01:32,893 The kid's got heart. 48 00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:34,262 CHARLIE: Where are you going? 49 00:01:34,328 --> 00:01:36,264 CHELSEA: Home! See? 50 00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:37,465 You just proved my point. 51 00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:38,832 Where would you go right now 52 00:01:38,899 --> 00:01:40,768 if you didn't have your own apartment? 53 00:01:47,375 --> 00:01:49,310 I suppose you all enjoyed listening to that. 54 00:01:49,377 --> 00:01:51,011 Huh? Beg pardon? 55 00:01:51,078 --> 00:01:52,613 I enjoyed it. 56 00:01:54,282 --> 00:01:56,984 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 57 00:01:57,050 --> 00:02:00,188 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * * Ooh 58 00:02:00,254 --> 00:02:03,391 * Men, men, men, men, manly men * * Ooh * Ooh 59 00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,493 * Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ohh, ooh-ooh... * 60 00:02:05,559 --> 00:02:08,061 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 61 00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:11,399 * Ooh * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 62 00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:16,304 * Ah. * Men. * Men. 63 00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:22,176 * Men. 64 00:02:28,316 --> 00:02:30,451 Can't sleep, huh? 65 00:02:30,518 --> 00:02:31,752 No. 66 00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:34,822 This Chelsea-moving-in thing is really bugging me. 67 00:02:34,888 --> 00:02:36,357 Why are you up? 68 00:02:36,424 --> 00:02:38,692 Well, I realized you were out here drinking yourself 69 00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:41,895 into a miserable stupor over this whole situation and... 70 00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:44,532 I just want to be a part of that. 71 00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:46,334 Thanks. 72 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:48,202 I hate to say it, 73 00:02:48,269 --> 00:02:49,937 but I think Chelsea might be right. 74 00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:52,005 You don't hate to say it. 75 00:02:52,072 --> 00:02:53,874 Oh, did I say I hate to say it? 76 00:02:53,941 --> 00:02:56,710 I meant I can't wait to say it. 77 00:02:58,779 --> 00:02:59,880 But I did admire 78 00:02:59,947 --> 00:03:02,650 how you ferociously defended an unwinnable position 79 00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:05,853 by comparing your relationship to the Titanic. 80 00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:07,321 That was beautiful. 81 00:03:07,388 --> 00:03:09,323 Oh, come on, 82 00:03:09,390 --> 00:03:11,992 who remembers the names of boats that don't sink? 83 00:03:12,059 --> 00:03:13,261 Sure, sure. 84 00:03:13,327 --> 00:03:14,695 I couldn't give you a zeppelinother 85 00:03:14,762 --> 00:03:16,364 than the Hindenburg. 86 00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:18,065 Still, it was not your finest moment. 87 00:03:18,131 --> 00:03:20,601 There was a time it would've worked. 88 00:03:20,668 --> 00:03:21,535 Yeah, back 89 00:03:21,602 --> 00:03:23,804 when you were dating silicone simpletons. 90 00:03:25,239 --> 00:03:27,107 Unfortunately, Chelsea is too smart for your crap. 91 00:03:27,174 --> 00:03:28,742 Yeah. 92 00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:31,945 And there's not an ounce of silicone in those babies. 93 00:03:32,012 --> 00:03:33,781 Shoot. 94 00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:35,783 I owe Berta five bucks. 95 00:03:37,017 --> 00:03:38,786 Uh, b-but more to the point, 96 00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:40,954 why are you so afraid to have her move in? 97 00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:43,424 I'm not afraid of her moving in, that's easy. 98 00:03:43,491 --> 00:03:45,293 Moving her out's the bitch. 99 00:03:45,359 --> 00:03:47,695 So, you're already assuming you're going to break up? 100 00:03:47,761 --> 00:03:48,996 Oh, come on, 101 00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:50,431 what evidence is there to suggest 102 00:03:50,498 --> 00:03:52,466 that it'll end any other way? 103 00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:55,336 Well, I think she's capable of a long-term commitment. 104 00:03:55,403 --> 00:03:57,605 And you, you could... 105 00:03:57,671 --> 00:03:59,139 change. 106 00:03:59,206 --> 00:04:00,341 You don't believe that. 107 00:04:00,408 --> 00:04:02,175 No, I was just trying to be supportive. 108 00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:04,177 Well, you're not doing a very good job. 109 00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:06,380 I'm not trying very hard. 110 00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:10,117 Let me ask you a question. 111 00:04:10,183 --> 00:04:11,251 What did you think was gonna happen 112 00:04:11,319 --> 00:04:12,753 when you and Chelsea got married? 113 00:04:12,820 --> 00:04:16,490 Honestly, I never thought that far ahead. 114 00:04:16,557 --> 00:04:18,792 I figured we could stretch the engagement thing out 115 00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:21,329 for a couple of years, and by then, who knows. 116 00:04:21,395 --> 00:04:24,765 Maybe I'd die, maybe she'd get fat. 117 00:04:24,832 --> 00:04:27,435 Well, kudos to you 118 00:04:27,501 --> 00:04:29,770 for not bringing that up in the argument. 119 00:04:29,837 --> 00:04:31,772 It wasn't easy. 120 00:04:34,742 --> 00:04:36,677 You know what you have to do, don't you? 121 00:04:36,744 --> 00:04:39,413 I don't have to do anything, Alan. 122 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,715 If not living together is a deal breaker, 123 00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:44,217 then she's free to break off the engagement 124 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,886 and go on her merry way. 125 00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:48,556 She most certainly is. 126 00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:50,591 So you know what you have to do. 127 00:04:50,658 --> 00:04:53,527 (mockingly): Yes, I know what I have to do. 128 00:04:53,594 --> 00:04:55,763 Are you done torturing me? 129 00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:57,831 Yeah, almost. 130 00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:03,771 I'm the king of the world! 131 00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:09,076 Okay, now I'm done. 132 00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,446 * Men. 133 00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:26,026 Here. 134 00:05:26,093 --> 00:05:28,996 What's this? 135 00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:30,998 Alan's house key. 136 00:05:34,368 --> 00:05:36,336 Why? 137 00:05:36,404 --> 00:05:38,572 'Cause I want you to move in, 138 00:05:38,639 --> 00:05:40,841 and I didn't have time to make a new one. 139 00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:45,145 Plus, he kind of pissed me off last night. 140 00:05:45,212 --> 00:05:47,180 You want me to move in? 141 00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:48,516 Yes. 142 00:05:48,582 --> 00:05:50,751 I thought about it, and you were right. 143 00:05:50,818 --> 00:05:51,852 Uh-huh. 144 00:05:51,919 --> 00:05:55,055 Which is not to say I was wrong, 145 00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:57,491 but, uh... 146 00:05:57,558 --> 00:06:00,193 Okay, I was wrong. 147 00:06:00,260 --> 00:06:02,930 You're sure you want me to move in? 148 00:06:02,996 --> 00:06:05,499 Absolutely not. 149 00:06:08,636 --> 00:06:10,871 But I figure what the hell. 150 00:06:10,938 --> 00:06:13,373 I mean, it's gonna happen sooner or later, right? 151 00:06:13,441 --> 00:06:15,375 Oh, shut up. 152 00:06:15,443 --> 00:06:17,445 Come on in, I'll make some coffee. 153 00:06:24,452 --> 00:06:26,854 What's all this? 154 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:29,990 Let's just say I had faith in you. 155 00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:32,259 Oh. 156 00:06:32,325 --> 00:06:35,796 Oh...! 157 00:06:37,865 --> 00:06:40,133 Ew. 158 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:42,135 * Men. 159 00:06:43,704 --> 00:06:45,473 Those go upstairs in the master bedroom. 160 00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:47,508 Careful, they're fragile. 161 00:06:49,443 --> 00:06:53,213 Okay, you and me need to talk. 162 00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:54,715 I know. I know. 163 00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:56,183 You didn't sign up for this. 164 00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:57,918 You work for me, not for her, 165 00:06:57,985 --> 00:07:01,188 and it's bad enough you have to put up with Zippy and the chimp. 166 00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:03,190 No. 167 00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:06,426 I like her better than you, so from now on I'm working for her. 168 00:07:06,494 --> 00:07:08,496 What? 169 00:07:08,562 --> 00:07:10,330 You need something, you ask her, 170 00:07:10,397 --> 00:07:12,466 she talks to me, we decide. 171 00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:14,101 I don't get a vote? 172 00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:15,402 Yeah, you get a vote. 173 00:07:15,469 --> 00:07:16,804 One vote out of three. 174 00:07:17,638 --> 00:07:19,640 Good luck with that. 175 00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:38,626 Oh, boy. 176 00:07:38,692 --> 00:07:40,427 CHELSEA: You like it? 177 00:07:40,494 --> 00:07:42,663 Oh, boy! 178 00:07:42,730 --> 00:07:45,833 Don't the colors just liven the place up? 179 00:07:46,934 --> 00:07:49,202 Well... 180 00:07:49,269 --> 00:07:51,204 uh... 181 00:07:51,271 --> 00:07:53,073 Oh, boy! 182 00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:55,743 Come on, I want to show you what I did in the bathroom. 183 00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:58,646 Oh, boy. 184 00:08:05,753 --> 00:08:08,221 What do you think? 185 00:08:08,288 --> 00:08:10,157 I don't know. 186 00:08:10,223 --> 00:08:14,327 I have this sudden urge to pee sitting down. 187 00:08:14,394 --> 00:08:17,230 You like the new towels? 188 00:08:17,297 --> 00:08:18,932 I guess. 189 00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:20,968 What was wrong with the old ones? 190 00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:23,704 They didn't match my shower curtain. 191 00:08:23,771 --> 00:08:26,373 What was wrong with my shower curtain? 192 00:08:26,439 --> 00:08:28,108 Didn't match your towels. 193 00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:30,177 Maybe that's how I tell them apart. 194 00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:36,083 Oh, oh, please tell me 195 00:08:36,149 --> 00:08:39,152 that's one of those Zen sand gardens. 196 00:08:41,054 --> 00:08:44,224 You know very well that's Sir Lancelot's litter box. 197 00:08:44,291 --> 00:08:45,292 You brought the cat? 198 00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:46,660 Of course I brought the cat. 199 00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:48,295 What did you think I was gonna do with him? 200 00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,197 I don't know. 201 00:08:50,263 --> 00:08:52,733 Return him to the wild? 202 00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:54,935 You're being ridiculous. 203 00:08:55,002 --> 00:08:56,069 Is it ridiculous 204 00:08:56,136 --> 00:08:59,106 to want the turds in my bathroom to be human? 205 00:08:59,172 --> 00:09:03,243 Fine, we'll put it in the laundry room. 206 00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:04,411 Near my clean clothes? 207 00:09:04,477 --> 00:09:05,579 Forget it. 208 00:09:05,646 --> 00:09:07,180 So where am I supposed to put it? 209 00:09:07,247 --> 00:09:08,982 Oh, I don't think you really want me 210 00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:10,918 to tell you where to put it. 211 00:09:12,753 --> 00:09:14,955 CHARLIE: I'm just saying it's too much! 212 00:09:15,022 --> 00:09:18,125 Pillows, towels, shower curtains, cat crap! 213 00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:19,392 I don't like it, 214 00:09:19,459 --> 00:09:20,894 I don't need it, I don't want it! 215 00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:22,262 CHELSEA: What do you want me to do, Charlie?! 216 00:09:22,329 --> 00:09:23,163 You want me to leave?! 217 00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:24,331 CHARLIE: No, no, no! 218 00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:26,333 You just got here! I'll leave! 219 00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:27,835 It'll make more room for you 220 00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:31,238 and Sir Crapsalot! (door slams) 221 00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:34,374 Get a good earful? 222 00:09:34,441 --> 00:09:35,809 No. I did. 223 00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:39,079 And I don't appreciate being called Sir Crapsalot. 224 00:09:42,650 --> 00:09:43,884 Oh, good. 225 00:09:43,951 --> 00:09:45,753 For some reason, I can't find my house key. 226 00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:49,256 I hope you're happy with yourself. 227 00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:52,025 Why would I start now? 228 00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:53,126 * Men. 229 00:10:04,171 --> 00:10:06,173 Hey. 230 00:10:06,239 --> 00:10:08,341 How'd you find me? 231 00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:10,010 Wasn't hard. 232 00:10:10,077 --> 00:10:12,680 When you're not volunteering to read stories to the elderly 233 00:10:12,746 --> 00:10:14,848 or feed the homeless, you're usually here. 234 00:10:14,915 --> 00:10:17,885 Sea breeze, extra pineapple. 235 00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:24,391 I'm not cut out for this living together stuff, Alan. 236 00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:26,593 I mean, I tried, I really tried. 237 00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:27,795 That's true. 238 00:10:27,861 --> 00:10:29,797 You gave it a whole, uh... 239 00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:31,198 hour and 20 minutes. 240 00:10:31,264 --> 00:10:33,901 Hey, now Berta owes me five bucks. 241 00:10:35,669 --> 00:10:39,139 Charlie, it's not really that difficult to live with a woman. 242 00:10:39,206 --> 00:10:42,075 Says the man who's been thrown out twice. 243 00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:45,312 I didn't say it wasn't hard for them. 244 00:10:45,378 --> 00:10:47,981 Did you see the salt and pepper shakers 245 00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:49,582 Chelsea put in the kitchen? 246 00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:50,951 No. 247 00:10:51,018 --> 00:10:53,553 They're like these foot-high ceramic roosters 248 00:10:53,620 --> 00:10:55,956 with little S and P holes in their beaks. 249 00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:59,292 Cute. I think I saw those in the Williams-Sonoma catalog. 250 00:10:59,359 --> 00:11:01,261 What am I freaking out about? 251 00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:03,997 A woman's been living with me for six years. 252 00:11:06,133 --> 00:11:07,735 Cheap shot. 253 00:11:07,801 --> 00:11:09,169 Canned pineapple? 254 00:11:09,236 --> 00:11:10,337 (sighs) 255 00:11:10,403 --> 00:11:12,405 (clicks tongue) 256 00:11:12,472 --> 00:11:14,742 It's not just the salt shakers. 257 00:11:14,808 --> 00:11:16,944 It's the fancy pillows on the bed, 258 00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:18,846 the fruity towels in the bathroom, 259 00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:20,948 and then there's the clothes and the shoes. 260 00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:22,783 Oh, my God, the shoes. 261 00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:25,118 She's got almost as many as I do! 262 00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:27,220 And lest we forget, 263 00:11:27,287 --> 00:11:30,958 she brought her big, fat, pooping cat to live with us. 264 00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:33,560 As opposed to what, having it put to sleep? 265 00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:35,729 I suggested letting it go. 266 00:11:35,796 --> 00:11:37,765 I didn't even think of that. 267 00:11:37,831 --> 00:11:40,734 The cat aside, you do know it was wrong 268 00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:42,836 to storm out the way you did. 269 00:11:42,903 --> 00:11:43,904 Of course I know. 270 00:11:43,971 --> 00:11:45,638 I'm an ass, not an idiot. 271 00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,808 One does not preclude the other. 272 00:11:48,842 --> 00:11:50,978 You realize this has nothing to do 273 00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:54,314 with the cat or the towels or the pillows, don't you? 274 00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:56,950 Tell you what. 275 00:11:58,551 --> 00:11:59,920 Here's 20 bucks. 276 00:11:59,987 --> 00:12:01,554 Don't tell me what it's really about. 277 00:12:01,621 --> 00:12:04,057 Boy, 278 00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:06,894 you're putting me in a tough spot here, Charlie. 279 00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,128 40. 280 00:12:08,195 --> 00:12:09,930 Good night. 281 00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:13,700 Nah, I care too much about you two kids. 282 00:12:13,767 --> 00:12:15,035 Here. 283 00:12:15,102 --> 00:12:17,137 Now, the reason you panicked is that... 284 00:12:17,204 --> 00:12:18,338 This is just 20. 285 00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:19,873 Is it? 286 00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:23,110 Oh. My mistake. 287 00:12:27,047 --> 00:12:30,217 The reason you panicked and ran away 288 00:12:30,283 --> 00:12:33,086 is that you recognize that the old Charlie is dying. 289 00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:34,621 But what you have to understand is, 290 00:12:34,687 --> 00:12:38,291 he has to die in order for a new Charlie to be born. 291 00:12:38,358 --> 00:12:40,193 Well, that makes sense. Mm-hmm. 292 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:42,896 Let me ask you a question. Of course. 293 00:12:42,963 --> 00:12:45,866 Does the new Charlie still have the old brother? 294 00:12:45,933 --> 00:12:49,536 Absolutely, and he's here for you. 295 00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:51,104 Man, I can't catch a break. 296 00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:57,911 So, how pissed off was Chelsea when I left? 297 00:12:57,978 --> 00:12:59,312 It was pretty bad at first. 298 00:12:59,379 --> 00:13:00,480 Did you really suggest 299 00:13:00,547 --> 00:13:02,382 that she do something anatomically impossible 300 00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:03,683 with the kitty litter box? 301 00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:05,518 I didn't suggest anything. 302 00:13:05,585 --> 00:13:07,020 She may have inferred. 303 00:13:07,087 --> 00:13:09,322 Oh. Well, regardless, I think I may have been able 304 00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:11,691 to smooth it over for you a little bit. 305 00:13:11,758 --> 00:13:13,326 Really? What'd you say? Mm-hmm. 306 00:13:13,393 --> 00:13:15,195 Uh, I said you had the emotional maturity 307 00:13:15,262 --> 00:13:17,998 of a nine year-old, and that she had to make allowances. 308 00:13:18,065 --> 00:13:19,066 That's good. Mm-hmm. 309 00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:21,034 That's good. Make it her fault. 310 00:13:21,101 --> 00:13:24,504 So now all you have to do is go home, 311 00:13:24,571 --> 00:13:26,573 admit that you're a frightened little man 312 00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:29,209 who doesn't deserve her love, and beg for her forgiveness. 313 00:13:29,276 --> 00:13:32,712 Groveling comes easy for you, doesn't it? 314 00:13:32,779 --> 00:13:33,981 Not at first. I didn't really hit my stride 315 00:13:34,047 --> 00:13:35,348 till my second marriage. 316 00:13:37,217 --> 00:13:40,220 Oh, by the way, have you seen my house key anywhere? 317 00:13:40,287 --> 00:13:42,255 Nope. 318 00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:44,958 * Men. 319 00:13:45,025 --> 00:13:48,828 ALAN'S VOICE: Oh, Chelsea, I was such a fool. 320 00:13:51,064 --> 00:13:53,433 Thank God my brother talked some sense into me. 321 00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:58,038 (as Chelsea): Oh, Charlie, I love your brother. 322 00:13:58,105 --> 00:14:00,340 ALAN'S VOICE: He's so smart and masculine, 323 00:14:00,407 --> 00:14:02,876 and yet, his feminine side makes him sensitive 324 00:14:02,943 --> 00:14:05,412 and intuitive. 325 00:14:05,478 --> 00:14:06,779 You're right. 326 00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:08,548 I only tease him 'cause I'm jealous. 327 00:14:08,615 --> 00:14:12,319 And secretly gay. 328 00:14:12,385 --> 00:14:14,287 (Berta laughs) 329 00:14:16,489 --> 00:14:18,558 Oh, hello. 330 00:14:18,625 --> 00:14:19,960 Don't worry. 331 00:14:20,027 --> 00:14:22,029 This ain't the most embarrassing thing 332 00:14:22,095 --> 00:14:24,131 I ever walked in on you doing. 333 00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:28,668 Oh, yeah. Thanks for not making a big thing about that. 334 00:14:28,735 --> 00:14:30,904 Right back at ya. 335 00:14:33,773 --> 00:14:35,842 You know, I really should cut down 336 00:14:35,909 --> 00:14:37,777 on the talking to myself. 337 00:14:37,844 --> 00:14:39,146 (in funny voice): Yes, you should. 338 00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:41,314 It's getting a little weird. 339 00:14:47,354 --> 00:14:50,157 Son of a bitch! 340 00:14:51,591 --> 00:14:54,227 Can I say I'm sorry again, or are you sick of it? 341 00:14:54,294 --> 00:14:56,763 Mm. Say it again. Let's see. 342 00:14:56,829 --> 00:14:58,465 I'm sorry. 343 00:14:58,531 --> 00:15:01,101 Nope. Still fun. 344 00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:04,004 And? 345 00:15:04,071 --> 00:15:07,274 And... I'm a big, stupid jerk. 346 00:15:07,340 --> 00:15:08,508 And? 347 00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:11,144 And I'd really like to go upstairs 348 00:15:11,211 --> 00:15:14,514 and finish this apology with my mouth. 349 00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:16,649 (rattling on French doors) 350 00:15:18,485 --> 00:15:20,487 Charlie, a moment? 351 00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:23,123 Not now, Alan. 352 00:15:23,190 --> 00:15:25,525 Uh, yeah, well, there's a bit of a situation, 353 00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:27,860 and I'm afraid I'm gonna have to insist. 354 00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:29,662 I'd better talk to him. 355 00:15:29,729 --> 00:15:31,298 He's about to go full fruit fly. 356 00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:37,037 What is your problem? 357 00:15:37,104 --> 00:15:38,705 Well, I noticed you put a lot of stuff in my room, 358 00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:40,740 and I was wondering how long it was gonna stay there. 359 00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:43,710 I've been wondering the same thing about you. 360 00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:44,911 Come on, Charlie. 361 00:15:44,978 --> 00:15:46,413 How am I supposed to live in that room 362 00:15:46,479 --> 00:15:48,448 if you and Chelsea are gonna use it as a walk-in closet? 363 00:15:48,515 --> 00:15:50,017 Tell you what. 364 00:15:50,083 --> 00:15:51,351 I'll give you a break on the rent. 365 00:15:51,418 --> 00:15:55,022 I haven't been paying rent. There it is! 366 00:15:55,088 --> 00:15:57,924 Fine. I'll manage somehow. 367 00:15:57,991 --> 00:15:59,826 Alan, wait. What? 368 00:15:59,892 --> 00:16:03,263 I need you to pull your car out of the garage. Why? 369 00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:06,166 You don't expect Chelsea to park on the street, do you? 370 00:16:06,233 --> 00:16:07,934 So, I have to park on the street? 371 00:16:08,001 --> 00:16:09,136 You don't have to. 372 00:16:09,202 --> 00:16:10,437 You can park it at your place. 373 00:16:10,503 --> 00:16:13,706 I don't have a place. There it is! 374 00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:18,478 You can leave your clicker on the coffee table. 375 00:16:18,545 --> 00:16:20,413 Wait, wait, Charlie, if I don't have a clicker, 376 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:23,016 and I don't have a house key, how am I supposed to get in? 377 00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:25,218 There it is! 378 00:16:27,454 --> 00:16:29,656 * Men. 379 00:16:32,725 --> 00:16:35,062 I don't have to pee. 380 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:43,103 I don't have to pee. 381 00:16:45,138 --> 00:16:47,340 Damn it, I have to pee. 382 00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:53,513 (sighs) 383 00:16:57,150 --> 00:16:59,352 (thudding) 384 00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:02,522 (sighs) 385 00:17:05,058 --> 00:17:06,959 Ow. 386 00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:09,529 Son of a bitch. 387 00:17:09,596 --> 00:17:11,531 Oh, ski poles! Oh! 388 00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:14,567 (thudding) 389 00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:22,309 Ow. 390 00:17:34,087 --> 00:17:36,289 (cat yowling, Alan shouts) 391 00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:43,863 Oh, good. 392 00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:45,865 A litter box. 393 00:17:45,932 --> 00:17:47,800 * Men. 394 00:17:49,236 --> 00:17:51,704 This is delicious. 395 00:17:51,771 --> 00:17:53,039 Sure is. 396 00:17:53,106 --> 00:17:54,241 Glad you like it. 397 00:17:54,307 --> 00:17:56,243 There's plenty more. 398 00:17:59,246 --> 00:18:02,149 Jake, would you pass me the chicken? 399 00:18:03,650 --> 00:18:04,884 It's fish, Dad. 400 00:18:04,951 --> 00:18:07,520 Hope you're not allergic to Sir Lancelot. 401 00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:08,855 I'll be fine 402 00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:12,459 as long as he doesn't sleep on my face again. 403 00:18:12,525 --> 00:18:14,527 He is a snuggler, isn't he? 404 00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:15,728 Yeah. 405 00:18:15,795 --> 00:18:17,130 By the way, do you know 406 00:18:17,197 --> 00:18:18,665 if anybody rented your old apartment yet? 407 00:18:18,731 --> 00:18:20,867 Actually, somebody just scooped it up. 408 00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:23,370 Oh. Why? Are you thinking of moving out? 409 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:26,072 Well, obviously, there's not a lot of room for me here. 410 00:18:26,139 --> 00:18:27,707 What's a place like that go for? 411 00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:28,708 $1,800 a month. 412 00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:29,942 On the other hand, 413 00:18:30,009 --> 00:18:32,044 it's nice to be close to family. 414 00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:34,414 Well, you got no shame at all, do you? 415 00:18:34,481 --> 00:18:37,717 I assume that's a rhetorical question. 416 00:18:39,051 --> 00:18:40,420 Where's Uncle Charlie? 417 00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:42,155 Said he had some sort of meeting. 418 00:18:42,222 --> 00:18:44,224 That means poker or strip club. 419 00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,297 I'm sure it's poker. 420 00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:55,668 * Men. 421 00:19:01,241 --> 00:19:03,676 (doorbell rings) 422 00:19:03,743 --> 00:19:05,512 Ooh, pizza. 423 00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:15,021 Hey, Gordon, small world. 424 00:19:15,087 --> 00:19:16,923 Hey, Mr. Harper. What are you doing here? 425 00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:19,125 Oh, I just rented this place. 426 00:19:19,192 --> 00:19:21,461 Decided I needed a weekend getaway. 427 00:19:21,528 --> 00:19:23,463 From Malibu? 428 00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:26,833 You'd be surprised. 429 00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:28,335 It gets crowded sometimes. 430 00:19:28,401 --> 00:19:30,937 Okay. What happened to that beautiful woman 431 00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:31,971 that used to lived here? 432 00:19:32,038 --> 00:19:34,907 She lives with me in Malibu. 433 00:19:34,974 --> 00:19:36,175 We're engaged. 434 00:19:36,243 --> 00:19:38,044 And you're hanging out here all alone? 435 00:19:38,110 --> 00:19:39,379 Yup. 436 00:19:40,347 --> 00:19:42,882 You know what you are, Mr. Harper? 437 00:19:42,949 --> 00:19:43,650 What? 438 00:19:43,716 --> 00:19:46,353 A genius. 439 00:19:46,419 --> 00:19:47,954 Thanks, Gordon. 440 00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:52,091 Good night. Good night. 441 00:19:52,158 --> 00:19:58,531 It's nice when someone gets you. 442 00:19:58,598 --> 00:20:00,467 * Men.