1 00:00:01,569 --> 00:00:03,704 * Men. * 2 00:00:03,771 --> 00:00:06,307 I know you hate it when I review the game tapes, 3 00:00:06,374 --> 00:00:10,544 but that was one for the highlight reel. 4 00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:12,146 "The highlight reel"? 5 00:00:12,213 --> 00:00:14,748 Yeah, you know, "best of" moments 6 00:00:14,815 --> 00:00:17,785 for deathbed reflections. 7 00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:19,787 Only in your memory, right? 8 00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:21,089 Oh, yeah. Yeah. 9 00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:23,791 I got rid of the camcorder like I promised. 10 00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:25,559 Good. 11 00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:26,927 It's a shame. 12 00:00:26,994 --> 00:00:28,929 The camera really loves you. 13 00:00:28,996 --> 00:00:30,898 Shut up, Charlie. 14 00:00:30,964 --> 00:00:32,866 I'm not just saying that. 15 00:00:32,933 --> 00:00:35,035 Even from unflattering angles, 16 00:00:35,103 --> 00:00:37,105 you light up the screen. 17 00:00:37,171 --> 00:00:39,039 Oh, I hate you. 18 00:00:39,107 --> 00:00:42,243 That's too bad, 'cause I love you. 19 00:00:47,715 --> 00:00:49,283 Really? 20 00:00:54,922 --> 00:00:57,991 Um... actually, 21 00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:00,694 yes. 22 00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:02,296 Yes, I do. 23 00:01:02,363 --> 00:01:04,365 I love you, Chelsea. 24 00:01:05,799 --> 00:01:08,202 Oh, that's so sweet. 25 00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:10,104 Thank you. 26 00:01:13,974 --> 00:01:16,144 (door closes) 27 00:01:18,179 --> 00:01:20,681 No, no, thank you. 28 00:01:20,748 --> 00:01:23,651 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 29 00:01:23,717 --> 00:01:27,020 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * * Ooh 30 00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:30,124 * Men, men, men, men, manly men * * Ooh * Ooh 31 00:01:30,191 --> 00:01:32,226 * Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ohh, ooh-ooh... * 32 00:01:32,293 --> 00:01:34,628 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 33 00:01:34,695 --> 00:01:37,931 * Ooh * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 34 00:01:37,998 --> 00:01:42,836 * Ah. * Men. * Men. 35 00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:51,545 Morning. 36 00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:54,382 Always got to make a comment, don't you? 37 00:01:56,184 --> 00:01:57,518 Oh, my. 38 00:01:57,585 --> 00:02:00,754 Fitful night's sleep on Alcohol Island? 39 00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:03,357 Keep it up, funny man. 40 00:02:03,424 --> 00:02:05,559 You're going to be homeless, wearing a tube top 41 00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:08,061 and turning tricks on Santa Monica Boulevard. 42 00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:09,630 Wow. 43 00:02:09,697 --> 00:02:12,065 What crawled in your keister and built a nest? 44 00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:13,867 You want to know? You really want to know? 45 00:02:15,236 --> 00:02:17,338 I've fallen in love with Chelsea. 46 00:02:17,405 --> 00:02:19,907 Oh. Well, why are you so upset? 47 00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:21,875 Love is a beautiful thing. 48 00:02:21,942 --> 00:02:24,111 Beautiful thing, my ass. 49 00:02:24,178 --> 00:02:26,547 And we're back in your keister. 50 00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:31,118 Last night, in bed, 51 00:02:31,185 --> 00:02:32,152 I told her I loved her. 52 00:02:32,220 --> 00:02:33,721 And you know what she said? 53 00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:37,225 Uh... "I'm still not going to let you do that"? 54 00:02:43,897 --> 00:02:45,999 She said, "Thank you." 55 00:02:46,066 --> 00:02:49,470 Ooh, that's an ice cube to the man sack. 56 00:02:52,206 --> 00:02:53,774 I don't get it. 57 00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:57,211 I've gone the whole nine yards for this relationship. 58 00:02:57,278 --> 00:02:59,680 I gave her her own drawer in my bedroom. 59 00:02:59,747 --> 00:03:01,882 I stopped smoking cigars after sex. 60 00:03:01,949 --> 00:03:03,917 I even started seeing a shrink so I can be more sensitive, 61 00:03:03,984 --> 00:03:06,153 and I still can't get a freaking "I love you." 62 00:03:06,220 --> 00:03:09,290 But you've obviously become more sensitive. 63 00:03:10,224 --> 00:03:11,692 For what I've spent on therapy, 64 00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:13,594 I could get a couple of very expensive hookers 65 00:03:13,661 --> 00:03:16,129 who will say anything I want. 66 00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:19,333 There's that sensitivity again. 67 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:20,868 Look at the bright side. 68 00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:22,370 What's the bright side? 69 00:03:22,436 --> 00:03:24,372 Well, when women do tell you they love you, 70 00:03:24,438 --> 00:03:26,340 it usually ends with them tossing a lit road flare 71 00:03:26,407 --> 00:03:27,875 through your bedroom window. 72 00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:31,845 That happened one time. 73 00:03:31,912 --> 00:03:33,614 Why can't you just be grateful for what you've got? 74 00:03:33,681 --> 00:03:34,848 What do I got? 75 00:03:34,915 --> 00:03:37,285 Oh, a woman who may not proclaim her love for you, 76 00:03:37,351 --> 00:03:38,986 but who doesn't try to set you on fire 77 00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:40,087 while you're sleeping. 78 00:03:40,153 --> 00:03:42,490 One time. 79 00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:43,924 Okay. 80 00:03:43,991 --> 00:03:46,226 A woman who may not proclaim her love for you, 81 00:03:46,294 --> 00:03:47,495 but who doesn't steal your Mercedes 82 00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:49,029 while you're passed out in the backseat 83 00:03:49,096 --> 00:03:51,265 and drive it into the Pacific Ocean. 84 00:03:51,332 --> 00:03:54,468 Another isolated incident. 85 00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:57,204 I believe I've made my point. 86 00:03:57,271 --> 00:03:59,340 I'm sorry, Alan. 87 00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:02,376 But not being drowned or burned by the woman I love 88 00:04:02,443 --> 00:04:03,744 is not enough for me. 89 00:04:03,811 --> 00:04:06,447 I want more. 90 00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:08,349 Oh, sure. 91 00:04:08,416 --> 00:04:10,418 Reach for the stars. 92 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,855 * Men. * 93 00:04:16,557 --> 00:04:18,692 Hey, Charlie, how's it going? 94 00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:21,362 Boy, you really blew it this time. 95 00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:24,998 Did I now? How so? 96 00:04:26,233 --> 00:04:28,702 I've fallen in love with Chelsea. 97 00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:30,704 Ooh, my bad. 98 00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:33,407 Damn right, your bad. 99 00:04:33,474 --> 00:04:35,576 There were plenty of medications that would've turned me 100 00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:36,910 into a happy little potato, 101 00:04:36,977 --> 00:04:38,879 but would you prescribe them? No! 102 00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:42,383 You said I had to get in touch with my feelings 103 00:04:42,450 --> 00:04:45,252 and express them to the people I care about. 104 00:04:45,319 --> 00:04:48,356 Sorry, I must've been drunk. 105 00:04:48,422 --> 00:04:51,124 No. No, it's too late for excuses. 106 00:04:51,191 --> 00:04:54,428 I'm sensing something happened with Chelsea. 107 00:04:54,495 --> 00:04:56,430 Oh, you're good. 108 00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:58,265 There's no sliding anything past you. 109 00:04:58,332 --> 00:04:59,633 Hey, 110 00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:02,035 last night I dreamt I was a giant hot dog 111 00:05:02,102 --> 00:05:04,472 jumping through a doughnut that looked like my mother. 112 00:05:04,538 --> 00:05:06,407 What do you suppose that means? 113 00:05:06,474 --> 00:05:09,076 All right, Charlie, you've made your point. 114 00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:10,444 Now, tell me what happened. 115 00:05:10,511 --> 00:05:12,413 We can go back to the doughnut dream later. 116 00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:13,614 It wasn't a real dream. 117 00:05:13,681 --> 00:05:14,882 I was being sarcastic. 118 00:05:14,948 --> 00:05:16,484 Oh, I know, but the fact that you chose 119 00:05:16,550 --> 00:05:18,786 that particular imagery is a little troubling. 120 00:05:19,887 --> 00:05:21,555 Now, what happened with Chelsea? 121 00:05:21,622 --> 00:05:24,625 I told her I loved her, and you know what she said? 122 00:05:24,692 --> 00:05:27,828 This process isn't really about me guessing, Charlie. 123 00:05:29,463 --> 00:05:31,732 She said, "Thank you." 124 00:05:31,799 --> 00:05:33,367 Interesting. 125 00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:34,668 How did that make you feel? 126 00:05:34,735 --> 00:05:37,137 No, no, no, no, no! No more feelings. 127 00:05:37,204 --> 00:05:38,606 We tried it your way. 128 00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,173 Now, just take out your little prescription pad 129 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:41,542 and start scribbling. 130 00:05:41,609 --> 00:05:43,644 You don't need medication, Charlie. 131 00:05:43,711 --> 00:05:45,679 You're actually making tremendous progress. 132 00:05:45,746 --> 00:05:47,581 Are you not listening to a thing I say?! 133 00:05:47,648 --> 00:05:49,983 I drift in and out. 134 00:05:51,652 --> 00:05:53,521 Look, the fact that you're upset about this 135 00:05:53,587 --> 00:05:55,389 tells me you've come a long way from the guy 136 00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:56,724 who first walked into this office. 137 00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:59,627 The guy who first walked into this office 138 00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:02,095 was a happy-go-lucky, fully-functioning man whore 139 00:06:02,162 --> 00:06:03,731 and I want him back. 140 00:06:03,797 --> 00:06:06,033 I'm guessing you don't mean that. 141 00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:07,635 Oh, now you're guessing? 142 00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:10,270 A minute ago it was, "That's not how the process works." 143 00:06:10,337 --> 00:06:11,772 A minute ago, it didn't. 144 00:06:14,341 --> 00:06:16,677 So are you still seeing Chelsea? 145 00:06:16,744 --> 00:06:19,713 Well, of course I'm still seeing her, 146 00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:22,883 but now the relationship's totally screwed. 147 00:06:22,950 --> 00:06:23,717 Why is that? 148 00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:25,385 She knows I love her. 149 00:06:25,453 --> 00:06:28,656 The whole balance of power is completely out of whack. 150 00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:30,157 Huh. 151 00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:34,061 Okay, I really don't like it when you give me the "huh." 152 00:06:34,127 --> 00:06:35,929 Huh. 153 00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:37,931 Now, you're just screwing with me, right? 154 00:06:37,998 --> 00:06:40,501 There's no sliding anything past you. 155 00:06:42,369 --> 00:06:45,906 So let's talk about this whole balance of power 156 00:06:45,973 --> 00:06:47,775 issue of yours. What about it? 157 00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:50,711 Why do you look at relationships as a power struggle? 158 00:06:50,778 --> 00:06:52,813 'Cause that's what they are. 159 00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:54,648 Is that how you saw your parents' relationship, 160 00:06:54,715 --> 00:06:55,716 as a power struggle? 161 00:06:55,783 --> 00:06:57,284 Oh, there was no struggle. 162 00:06:57,350 --> 00:06:58,886 My father sat very quietly 163 00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:01,021 while my mother sucked the life out of him. 164 00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:04,858 I see, and you're terrified of that happening to you. 165 00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:07,495 No, I'm looking forward to it. 166 00:07:08,596 --> 00:07:09,797 In fact, I'm thinking about having 167 00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:11,031 a nozzle attached to my heart 168 00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:13,501 to make the sucking more convenient. 169 00:07:13,567 --> 00:07:15,703 Let me ask you something. 170 00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:17,070 What would it take for you feel 171 00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:19,573 that things were back in balance with Chelsea? 172 00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:22,175 Simple. She has to tell me she loves me. 173 00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:23,511 Even if she doesn't feel it? 174 00:07:23,577 --> 00:07:26,213 It's even better if she doesn't feel it. 175 00:07:27,715 --> 00:07:29,182 'Cause that means she's only saying it 176 00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:32,185 'cause she's afraid to lose me. 177 00:07:32,252 --> 00:07:33,887 Wow. 178 00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,255 "Wow"? 179 00:07:35,322 --> 00:07:36,757 What's "wow"? 180 00:07:36,824 --> 00:07:40,027 Kind of like "huh," but with a "wuh" and an "ow." 181 00:07:42,730 --> 00:07:44,932 Charlie, I would suggest that you forget about 182 00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:47,000 getting the "I love you" back and focus more 183 00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:49,069 on what it feels like to give love, 184 00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:51,572 maybe for the first time in your life. 185 00:07:53,607 --> 00:07:56,577 You know, I can get the drugs without you. 186 00:07:58,111 --> 00:08:00,180 I've got a nephew in junior high. 187 00:08:01,782 --> 00:08:04,552 Do what you got to do. 188 00:08:04,618 --> 00:08:08,088 Now, let's get back to that mom-shaped doughnut of yours. 189 00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:13,060 * Men. * 190 00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:15,362 So you really told her you loved her? 191 00:08:15,428 --> 00:08:17,164 Yeah. 192 00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:18,632 Were you loaded? 193 00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:21,001 No. 194 00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:23,136 Were you trying to get her to do something kinky? 195 00:08:24,237 --> 00:08:25,639 No. 196 00:08:25,706 --> 00:08:27,340 Did she catch you doing something kinky 197 00:08:27,407 --> 00:08:29,042 to somebody else? 198 00:08:30,143 --> 00:08:31,645 No. 199 00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:33,346 By yourself? 200 00:08:33,413 --> 00:08:34,748 No. 201 00:08:34,815 --> 00:08:36,383 Then I don't get it. 202 00:08:36,449 --> 00:08:37,384 What was your angle? 203 00:08:37,450 --> 00:08:40,187 My angle was I love her. 204 00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:42,222 Huh. 205 00:08:42,289 --> 00:08:43,490 Why does everybody go "huh"? 206 00:08:43,557 --> 00:08:45,192 What's with the "huh"? 207 00:08:45,258 --> 00:08:47,260 We always knew this day would come. 208 00:08:47,327 --> 00:08:48,729 What day? 209 00:08:48,796 --> 00:08:51,865 The day you stopped manipulating and conning women. 210 00:08:51,932 --> 00:08:53,601 The day you dropped your guard 211 00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,703 and let an honest emotion into your heart. 212 00:08:55,769 --> 00:08:57,404 Well, that's a good day, right? 213 00:08:57,470 --> 00:09:00,674 If you don't mind being some broad's prison bitch. 214 00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:08,682 What are you going to do now? 215 00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:11,218 I don't know. 216 00:09:11,284 --> 00:09:12,886 I can't keep seeing her, 'cause the relationship's 217 00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:14,454 completely out of balance, 218 00:09:14,521 --> 00:09:16,957 and I can't stop seeing her because I love her. 219 00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:18,959 I feel for you. 220 00:09:19,026 --> 00:09:21,361 I once loved a guy, didn't love me back. 221 00:09:21,428 --> 00:09:24,264 What did you do? 90 days in County. 222 00:09:25,599 --> 00:09:28,035 Plus anger management classes, 223 00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:31,772 which by the way, are a total freaking waste of time. 224 00:09:34,274 --> 00:09:36,209 (music playing on TV) 225 00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:42,315 Hey. Hey. 226 00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:47,821 Have you ever been in love? 227 00:09:53,727 --> 00:09:56,196 * Men. * 228 00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:57,364 Hey, Alan. 229 00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:59,700 ALAN Ocupado! 230 00:10:00,734 --> 00:10:02,102 I got it! I got it! 231 00:10:02,169 --> 00:10:03,837 I got it! I got it! 232 00:10:03,904 --> 00:10:05,172 I know how to restore 233 00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:06,373 the balance of power with Chelsea. 234 00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:07,841 Excuse me! 235 00:10:07,908 --> 00:10:10,143 What part of "ocupado" don't you understand? 236 00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:13,246 The "ocu" or the "pado"? 237 00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:14,314 I understood it all. 238 00:10:14,381 --> 00:10:16,316 I was just hoping you were shaving. 239 00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:17,818 Well, I'm not! 240 00:10:17,885 --> 00:10:19,720 And as you well know, this is an uphill battle for me, 241 00:10:19,787 --> 00:10:20,921 even in the best of circumstances. 242 00:10:20,988 --> 00:10:23,757 Yeah, yeah, yeah, but this is important. 243 00:10:23,824 --> 00:10:25,926 I'm going to get an "I love you" from Chelsea. 244 00:10:25,993 --> 00:10:27,427 If you let me finish, 245 00:10:27,494 --> 00:10:29,663 you'll get one from me. 246 00:10:32,532 --> 00:10:33,934 Check this out. 247 00:10:35,936 --> 00:10:38,872 Oh, Charlie, this is so sudden. 248 00:10:42,910 --> 00:10:44,544 If you wait a few minutes, 249 00:10:44,611 --> 00:10:46,113 I'll have a gift for you. 250 00:10:53,921 --> 00:10:56,289 I'm going to marry Chelsea. 251 00:10:56,356 --> 00:10:57,524 Are you serious? 252 00:10:57,590 --> 00:10:58,992 Serious enough to ignore 253 00:10:59,059 --> 00:11:01,128 what's going on right in front of me. 254 00:11:03,931 --> 00:11:06,700 Well, congratulations... I guess. 255 00:11:06,767 --> 00:11:08,135 Thank you. 256 00:11:08,201 --> 00:11:11,104 Let's see her not say "I love you" now. 257 00:11:15,075 --> 00:11:18,311 Let's see what marriage does to his bowels. 258 00:11:19,212 --> 00:11:21,982 * Men. * 259 00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:25,919 * Men. * 260 00:11:25,986 --> 00:11:28,121 How's your salmon? 261 00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:29,322 Delicious. 262 00:11:29,389 --> 00:11:31,591 And this is such a romantic restaurant. 263 00:11:31,658 --> 00:11:33,060 I'm glad you like it. 264 00:11:33,927 --> 00:11:35,195 Have you been here before? 265 00:11:35,262 --> 00:11:37,097 No. 266 00:11:38,431 --> 00:11:40,200 Yes. 267 00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:43,837 Well, a couple times. 268 00:11:44,772 --> 00:11:46,139 A lot. 269 00:11:49,977 --> 00:11:51,945 I know you've dated other women. 270 00:11:52,012 --> 00:11:53,213 Why would you lie? 271 00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:55,348 Survival instinct. 272 00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:58,185 Same reason I don't drink in the bathtub anymore. 273 00:11:58,251 --> 00:12:00,387 What else have you lied to me about? 274 00:12:00,453 --> 00:12:01,588 I don't know. 275 00:12:01,654 --> 00:12:03,690 What else haven't you believed? 276 00:12:03,757 --> 00:12:05,292 You're awful. 277 00:12:05,358 --> 00:12:06,193 Awful good, right? 278 00:12:06,259 --> 00:12:08,028 Yeah. 279 00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:10,597 Excuse me, I have to powder my nose. 280 00:12:10,663 --> 00:12:13,166 Okay, who's lying now? 281 00:12:15,803 --> 00:12:17,337 (quietly): Bobby. 282 00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,308 Is everything all right, Mr. Harper? 283 00:12:21,374 --> 00:12:23,643 Yeah, terrific. Listen, my date's in the ladies' room 284 00:12:23,710 --> 00:12:24,611 and I need you to do something for me. 285 00:12:24,677 --> 00:12:26,279 Not a problem. 286 00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:28,548 I'll have the valet bring your car around to the alley. 287 00:12:28,615 --> 00:12:31,484 I'll open the men's restroom window so you can shimmy out. 288 00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:33,887 And I'll have a cab standing by to take the lady home 289 00:12:33,954 --> 00:12:36,356 along with the customary chocolate soufflé to go. 290 00:12:37,858 --> 00:12:40,093 No, no, no, I'm not breaking up with her. 291 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:41,394 I'm going to ask her to marry me. 292 00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:44,464 I think we need to get some coffee in you. 293 00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:47,634 I'm not drunk. 294 00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:48,902 I know exactly what I'm doing. 295 00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:50,670 As always. 296 00:12:50,737 --> 00:12:53,206 All I need you to do is bring a bottle of champagne, 297 00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:55,075 pour a glass for her and a glass for me, 298 00:12:55,142 --> 00:12:58,111 then distract her so I can slip the ring into her glass. 299 00:12:58,178 --> 00:13:00,480 Oh, how charmingly original. 300 00:13:00,547 --> 00:13:02,515 You've seen that before? 301 00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:04,952 Never. 302 00:13:05,018 --> 00:13:05,986 Here she comes. 303 00:13:06,053 --> 00:13:07,587 Go get the champagne. 304 00:13:07,654 --> 00:13:10,090 I'll keep the bathroom window open just in case. 305 00:13:12,325 --> 00:13:14,761 Charlie, there's something I want to talk to you about. 306 00:13:14,828 --> 00:13:17,364 Okay. 307 00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:19,632 The other day when you said you loved me, 308 00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:21,601 I didn't really respond. 309 00:13:21,668 --> 00:13:22,970 Yes, you did. 310 00:13:23,036 --> 00:13:24,337 You said, "Thank you." 311 00:13:24,404 --> 00:13:25,538 You were very courteous. 312 00:13:25,605 --> 00:13:27,274 It's not that I don't have 313 00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:29,276 strong feelings for you, it's just that 314 00:13:29,342 --> 00:13:31,611 taking that extra step is really hard for me. 315 00:13:31,678 --> 00:13:33,480 Well, don't worry about it. 316 00:13:33,546 --> 00:13:35,582 I'm sure you'll take that step when it's appropriate. 317 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:37,284 Oh, look, champagne. 318 00:13:38,618 --> 00:13:40,253 Ooh, is it a special occasion? 319 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,155 Every night with you is a special occasion. 320 00:13:42,222 --> 00:13:44,491 I'm going to miss you, sir. 321 00:13:46,894 --> 00:13:48,828 (mouthing words) 322 00:13:50,864 --> 00:13:52,132 Oh, dear. 323 00:13:52,199 --> 00:13:55,302 I hope I'm not having a massive coronary. 324 00:13:57,370 --> 00:13:59,272 Oh, my God, are you all right? 325 00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:00,941 I'm not sure. 326 00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:02,509 Yes, I'm fine. 327 00:14:04,744 --> 00:14:06,779 (sotto voce): The one waiter in L.A. who's not an actor. 328 00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:07,814 What? 329 00:14:07,881 --> 00:14:09,682 Nothing. Nothing. 330 00:14:09,749 --> 00:14:11,051 A toast. 331 00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:13,853 To saying what we feel. 332 00:14:21,494 --> 00:14:23,730 What the hell did I just swallow? 333 00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:26,599 A one-bedroom condo. What? 334 00:14:26,666 --> 00:14:30,270 I put a diamond ring in your champagne glass. 335 00:14:30,337 --> 00:14:31,571 Why? 336 00:14:31,638 --> 00:14:33,240 What do you mean "why?" 337 00:14:33,306 --> 00:14:35,575 I was going to propose and I had no idea you'd chug it 338 00:14:35,642 --> 00:14:37,077 like a Jell-O shot. 339 00:14:37,144 --> 00:14:38,912 That was a ring I just swallowed? 340 00:14:38,979 --> 00:14:41,048 Who drinks champagne like that? 341 00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:42,482 I was thirsty. 342 00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:44,117 Stop yelling at me! 343 00:14:44,184 --> 00:14:46,719 How in God's name could you swallow it so easily? 344 00:14:46,786 --> 00:14:49,389 Hey, that's one of the things you love about me! 345 00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:52,092 Problem? 346 00:14:52,159 --> 00:14:53,726 No problem. Go away. 347 00:14:53,793 --> 00:14:55,395 Car's outside, window's open. 348 00:14:55,462 --> 00:14:57,364 Let's go. 349 00:14:57,430 --> 00:14:58,365 Where? 350 00:14:58,431 --> 00:15:00,433 The emergency room. Why? 351 00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:03,070 Because I have a ring in my stomach! 352 00:15:03,136 --> 00:15:05,939 Oh, don't worry about that. You'll be fine. 353 00:15:06,006 --> 00:15:07,440 How do you know? When Jake was little, 354 00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:08,942 he swallowed a handful of nickels. 355 00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:10,077 Nothing bad happened. 356 00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:11,311 Are you sure? 357 00:15:11,378 --> 00:15:12,512 Absolutely. 358 00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:15,182 He still shoots one out every now and then. 359 00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:16,950 Bets me heads or tails. 360 00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:19,719 Just between you and me, 361 00:15:19,786 --> 00:15:21,989 I'm not even sure they're the same nickels. 362 00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:24,624 Trust me. 363 00:15:25,892 --> 00:15:27,427 A couple cups of coffee in the morning, 364 00:15:27,494 --> 00:15:28,661 problem solved. 365 00:15:29,963 --> 00:15:31,431 I suppose you're right. 366 00:15:33,166 --> 00:15:34,834 So, what do you say? 367 00:15:34,901 --> 00:15:36,569 What do I say about what? 368 00:15:36,636 --> 00:15:37,804 I asked you to marry me. 369 00:15:37,870 --> 00:15:39,306 No, you didn't. 370 00:15:39,372 --> 00:15:41,908 Well, I was about to until you ruined the moment. 371 00:15:41,975 --> 00:15:43,610 I ruined the moment? 372 00:15:43,676 --> 00:15:46,346 Okay. Okay, there's no sense in assigning blame. 373 00:15:48,148 --> 00:15:50,250 The point is, I'm proposing. 374 00:15:50,317 --> 00:15:53,720 You want to marry me. 375 00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:55,522 Yes. I love you. 376 00:15:56,756 --> 00:15:58,458 Oh... I don't know what to say. 377 00:15:58,525 --> 00:16:00,860 Say you love me and you'll marry me. 378 00:16:00,927 --> 00:16:04,631 Gee, Charlie, you're kind of putting me on the spot here. 379 00:16:04,697 --> 00:16:07,600 Yeah, well, that's kind of built into the whole proposal concept. 380 00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:10,903 Oh, come on, just say it so we can be even. 381 00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:12,905 "Even"? 382 00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,241 Is that what this is about? 383 00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:15,142 Some kind of power thing? 384 00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:16,709 N-no, no, no. 385 00:16:16,776 --> 00:16:20,380 I meant so that we could be even... closer. 386 00:16:20,447 --> 00:16:21,948 Right. 387 00:16:22,015 --> 00:16:24,351 Okay, that was lame. 388 00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:25,985 But don't blame me, blame my shrink. 389 00:16:26,053 --> 00:16:28,288 What? If I was properly medicated, 390 00:16:28,355 --> 00:16:30,223 we wouldn't be having this conversation. 391 00:16:31,424 --> 00:16:34,027 Boy, this keeps getting more and more romantic. 392 00:16:34,094 --> 00:16:36,829 Look, do you love me or not? 393 00:16:36,896 --> 00:16:38,665 I guess so. 394 00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:39,966 No guessing. 395 00:16:40,033 --> 00:16:41,534 That's not how the process works. 396 00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:44,304 All right, I love you. 397 00:16:44,371 --> 00:16:46,673 Oh, great! Great, good. 398 00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:47,840 That's all I wanted. 399 00:16:47,907 --> 00:16:49,276 But I won't marry you. 400 00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:51,578 What? Oh, yeah, right. 401 00:16:51,644 --> 00:16:53,480 That's okay, no biggie. 402 00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:58,251 I just got out of a marriage. 403 00:16:58,318 --> 00:16:59,519 I'm not ready to do it again. 404 00:16:59,586 --> 00:17:01,088 That's fine. I understand. 405 00:17:01,154 --> 00:17:02,655 I'm not saying "no," 406 00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:04,124 I'm just saying "not now." 407 00:17:04,191 --> 00:17:06,759 Hey, "not now" is my favorite time for a wedding. 408 00:17:08,328 --> 00:17:11,298 The important thing is that we love each other. 409 00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:13,133 Right. Equally. 410 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:15,135 Yes. Fifty-fifty. 411 00:17:15,202 --> 00:17:17,204 If it means that much to you. 412 00:17:17,270 --> 00:17:19,906 Come on, say it again. 413 00:17:19,972 --> 00:17:22,409 "I love you." 414 00:17:22,475 --> 00:17:23,910 No. 415 00:17:23,976 --> 00:17:25,011 Why not? 416 00:17:25,078 --> 00:17:27,714 I want to see the ring first. 417 00:17:30,217 --> 00:17:32,352 * Men. * 418 00:17:34,121 --> 00:17:35,588 Hey, Berta? 419 00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:38,325 Where do we keep the spaghetti strainer thingie? 420 00:17:39,792 --> 00:17:41,194 It's called a "colander." 421 00:17:41,261 --> 00:17:42,562 What do you need it for? 422 00:17:42,629 --> 00:17:44,764 It's not for me. It's for Chelsea. 423 00:17:46,533 --> 00:17:49,702 Okay, what kind of Martha Stewart freak show 424 00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:51,304 you got going up there? 425 00:17:51,371 --> 00:17:53,473 Trust me, you don't need the details. 426 00:17:53,540 --> 00:17:56,509 I don't want the details. 427 00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:58,478 I just need to know whether to wash it 428 00:17:58,545 --> 00:18:00,547 or throw it away when you're done. 429 00:18:00,613 --> 00:18:04,117 Oh, I think you'll want to throw it away. 430 00:18:05,318 --> 00:18:07,086 Morning. Hey, Alan. 431 00:18:07,154 --> 00:18:08,355 Congratulate me. 432 00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:09,722 I'm kind of engaged. 433 00:18:09,789 --> 00:18:11,624 So she said "yes"? 434 00:18:11,691 --> 00:18:13,160 Not exactly. 435 00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:14,361 You gave her the ring, right? 436 00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:15,962 Yep. Well, what did she say? 437 00:18:16,028 --> 00:18:18,531 (gagging) 438 00:18:20,167 --> 00:18:21,734 You had to be there. 439 00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:23,403 Okay. 440 00:18:23,470 --> 00:18:24,804 So, have you set a date? 441 00:18:24,871 --> 00:18:26,105 For what? 442 00:18:26,173 --> 00:18:27,073 The wedding. 443 00:18:27,140 --> 00:18:28,641 What wedding? 444 00:18:28,708 --> 00:18:30,577 Nobody's getting married. I'm just engaged. 445 00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,780 When do we get to see this rock? 446 00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:37,317 Well, Chelsea just finished her second cup of coffee, 447 00:18:37,384 --> 00:18:40,153 so I'd guess... 15, 20 minutes. 448 00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:45,124 Anybody understand what that was all about? 449 00:18:45,192 --> 00:18:48,195 I think Chelsea swallowed some nickels. 450 00:18:49,929 --> 00:18:51,664 * Men. * 451 00:18:54,834 --> 00:18:56,303 Chelsea? 452 00:18:56,369 --> 00:18:57,604 CHELSEA: Yeah? 453 00:18:57,670 --> 00:18:59,839 You've been in there for awhile. 454 00:18:59,906 --> 00:19:00,807 How's it going? 455 00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:02,242 Just fine. 456 00:19:02,309 --> 00:19:03,576 You need any help? 457 00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:06,313 I brought Alan's little poop stool. 458 00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:10,983 Go away! 459 00:19:11,050 --> 00:19:12,084 All right, all right. 460 00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:13,386 But just remember, 461 00:19:13,453 --> 00:19:15,755 when you hear a metallic clink, stop. 462 00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:17,957 I think I can handle it. 463 00:19:18,024 --> 00:19:20,260 I'm just saying, it's not on my homeowner's policy yet, 464 00:19:20,327 --> 00:19:23,062 so if you flush it by mistake, I'm screwed. 465 00:19:23,129 --> 00:19:24,431 Charlie, I swear 466 00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:26,266 if you don't walk away from that door, 467 00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:27,567 I will eat a block of cheese 468 00:19:27,634 --> 00:19:29,569 and you will never see that ring again! 469 00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:33,540 Okay, I'm walking. Good. 470 00:19:33,606 --> 00:19:34,941 Love you. 471 00:19:35,007 --> 00:19:36,743 Don't push it, Charlie! 472 00:19:36,809 --> 00:19:38,745 Right back at you. 473 00:19:41,714 --> 00:19:42,582 (clinking) 474 00:19:42,649 --> 00:19:45,618 Oh, Charlie, it's beautiful.