1 00:00:05,306 --> 00:00:07,341 (crowd cheering, whistle blowing over TV) 2 00:00:07,408 --> 00:00:09,110 It seems to me that it would be more fair 3 00:00:09,177 --> 00:00:10,744 if everybody on both basketball teams 4 00:00:10,811 --> 00:00:13,847 was the same height. 5 00:00:13,914 --> 00:00:15,449 That's how it seems to you, huh? 6 00:00:16,584 --> 00:00:17,818 Yeah, like in boxing. 7 00:00:17,885 --> 00:00:19,153 Heavyweights fight heavyweights. 8 00:00:19,220 --> 00:00:21,622 Lightweights fight lightweights. 9 00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:25,226 So, in your world, everybody on a basketball team 10 00:00:25,293 --> 00:00:26,494 would be, say, 6'5", 11 00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:28,129 and they'd only play other teams 12 00:00:28,196 --> 00:00:28,962 that were 6'5". 13 00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,298 Exactly. 14 00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:32,366 That way, no one would have an unfair advantage. 15 00:00:32,433 --> 00:00:33,601 Huh. 16 00:00:33,667 --> 00:00:34,702 That's very interesting. 17 00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:36,337 You really think so? 18 00:00:36,404 --> 00:00:38,706 No, but it's less likely to start a fight 19 00:00:38,772 --> 00:00:40,007 than "That's the dumbest thing 20 00:00:40,074 --> 00:00:41,242 I've ever heard." 21 00:00:41,309 --> 00:00:43,644 And yet, you said it anyway. 22 00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:46,647 Listen, I've got to talk to you about something. 23 00:00:46,714 --> 00:00:48,949 Okay, "dumb" was a poor choice of words. 24 00:00:49,016 --> 00:00:50,784 It's not about that. 25 00:00:50,851 --> 00:00:51,952 Can it wait till halftime? 26 00:00:52,019 --> 00:00:53,821 No. 27 00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:55,189 (mutes TV) 28 00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:57,024 I've got to go to a funeral this weekend. 29 00:00:57,091 --> 00:00:58,025 Oh, man, I'm sorry. 30 00:00:58,092 --> 00:00:59,059 Who died? 31 00:00:59,127 --> 00:01:00,594 My ex-mother-in-law. 32 00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:03,597 That couldn't wait till halftime? Charlie. 33 00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:06,734 I'm just saying she'll still be dead at halftime. 34 00:01:08,001 --> 00:01:09,937 I was very close to her 35 00:01:10,003 --> 00:01:11,739 and I want to pay my respects, 36 00:01:11,805 --> 00:01:13,674 so I'm going to Santa Barbara, 37 00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:16,410 and I'll be spending the weekend with my ex-husband. 38 00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:19,313 Oh, okay. 39 00:01:19,380 --> 00:01:21,449 (TV audio resumes) 40 00:01:21,515 --> 00:01:24,051 ANNOUNCER: They certainly are very... 41 00:01:24,118 --> 00:01:25,619 Define "with." 42 00:01:25,686 --> 00:01:28,522 Well, everyone's staying at his parents' house. 43 00:01:28,589 --> 00:01:30,791 All right... well, do you want me to come with you? 44 00:01:30,858 --> 00:01:32,793 No. Great. 45 00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:37,531 ANNOUNCER: But, once again, Barry, most of... 46 00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:38,732 Why not? 47 00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:39,900 Do you want to come? 48 00:01:39,967 --> 00:01:41,001 Hell, no. 49 00:01:41,068 --> 00:01:42,670 That's what I figured. 50 00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:46,507 Look, I just want to be up-front with you. 51 00:01:46,574 --> 00:01:48,176 I was married to Alex for eight years, 52 00:01:48,242 --> 00:01:50,444 and I just don't want you to get the wrong idea. 53 00:01:50,511 --> 00:01:52,246 I wouldn't have had any idea 54 00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:54,248 if you hadn't felt the need to tell me. 55 00:01:54,315 --> 00:01:56,617 Yeah, well, I don't want us 56 00:01:56,684 --> 00:01:58,419 to have any secrets from each other. 57 00:01:58,486 --> 00:01:59,587 Oh, I agree. 58 00:01:59,653 --> 00:02:01,955 We definitely should not have secrets. Right. 59 00:02:02,022 --> 00:02:04,892 You know, from this point forward. 60 00:02:08,028 --> 00:02:11,799 ANNOUNCER: ...had control of the ball and lost the... 61 00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:13,634 What kind of guy is this Alex? 62 00:02:13,701 --> 00:02:14,535 He's a good guy. 63 00:02:14,602 --> 00:02:15,969 We just got married too young 64 00:02:16,036 --> 00:02:17,505 and wanted different things. 65 00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:20,374 He wanted something different than your things? 66 00:02:20,441 --> 00:02:22,943 'Cause your things are terrific. 67 00:02:23,010 --> 00:02:24,612 Thank you. 68 00:02:26,046 --> 00:02:29,483 ANNOUNCER: Some golden opportunities to score. 69 00:02:29,550 --> 00:02:30,918 He didn't go gay on you, did he? 70 00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:32,586 No. 71 00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,222 Rats. 72 00:02:34,288 --> 00:02:36,023 Are you jealous? 73 00:02:36,089 --> 00:02:37,325 No, no. 74 00:02:37,391 --> 00:02:38,592 Of course not. 75 00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:40,961 I mean, maybe a little. 76 00:02:41,028 --> 00:02:43,631 You know, in the sense that his mother's dead. 77 00:02:50,404 --> 00:02:53,106 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 78 00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:56,677 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * * Ooh 79 00:02:56,744 --> 00:02:59,680 * Men, men, men, men, manly men * * Ooh * Ooh 80 00:02:59,747 --> 00:03:01,782 * Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ohh, ooh-ooh... * 81 00:03:01,849 --> 00:03:04,418 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 82 00:03:04,485 --> 00:03:07,521 * Ooh * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 83 00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:12,260 * Ah. * Men. * Men. 84 00:03:17,064 --> 00:03:19,166 * Men. 85 00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:21,134 I miss you, too, honey. 86 00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:23,070 How was the funeral? 87 00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:25,573 Yeah, I guess they're all pretty sad. 88 00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:28,208 Probably why they don't call them fun-erals. 89 00:03:28,276 --> 00:03:29,943 (chuckling) 90 00:03:30,010 --> 00:03:32,413 Yeah, that was lame. 91 00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:35,316 So, where are you now, at the house? 92 00:03:35,383 --> 00:03:37,251 And where is your ex-husband? 93 00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:41,955 And where is his room in relationship to yours? 94 00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:44,758 Hey, hey, it's got nothing to do with jealousy. 95 00:03:44,825 --> 00:03:47,194 I just know, based on a lifetime of experience, 96 00:03:47,261 --> 00:03:51,332 that penises do not observe a traditional mourning period. 97 00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:54,067 Forget it, you are not driving my car 98 00:03:54,134 --> 00:03:55,403 until you get a learner's permit. 99 00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:56,670 Not even in the driveway? 100 00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:57,705 Not anywhere. 101 00:03:57,771 --> 00:03:59,106 What if you have a heart attack? 102 00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:00,374 Can I drive you to the hospital? 103 00:04:00,441 --> 00:04:01,942 No, call an ambulance. 104 00:04:02,009 --> 00:04:03,444 Fine. 105 00:04:03,511 --> 00:04:05,112 If they don't get here in time, 106 00:04:05,178 --> 00:04:06,414 can I have your car? 107 00:04:09,317 --> 00:04:10,150 Hey. 108 00:04:10,217 --> 00:04:11,452 There's my posse. 109 00:04:11,519 --> 00:04:13,020 What are we doing tonight, boys? 110 00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:14,555 Think big. It's my treat. 111 00:04:15,656 --> 00:04:16,624 Drunk? 112 00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:18,058 Probably. 113 00:04:18,125 --> 00:04:19,560 Where is Chelsea? 114 00:04:19,627 --> 00:04:21,329 She had to go out of town. 115 00:04:21,395 --> 00:04:24,164 Oh, so your girlfriend's gone for a couple of days. 116 00:04:24,231 --> 00:04:26,300 Now, suddenly, you have time for us? 117 00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:27,501 Yeah. 118 00:04:29,069 --> 00:04:31,472 You ever think that maybe Jake and I already have plans? 119 00:04:31,539 --> 00:04:34,141 That our lives go on even when you're not around? 120 00:04:34,207 --> 00:04:35,543 That we don't just pop into existence 121 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:36,944 the moment you need us? 122 00:04:37,010 --> 00:04:38,379 I'm free. 123 00:04:39,380 --> 00:04:41,014 Me, too. I'm just making a point. 124 00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:44,151 So, what's it going to be? 125 00:04:44,217 --> 00:04:45,285 A movie, bowling? 126 00:04:45,353 --> 00:04:47,120 Putt-putt, Nevada cathouse? 127 00:04:47,187 --> 00:04:49,323 I vote for cathouse. 128 00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:50,991 Do you even know what a cathouse is? 129 00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:52,125 Not firsthand. 130 00:04:52,192 --> 00:04:55,363 That's why I voted for it. 131 00:04:59,199 --> 00:05:00,601 A movie would be fine. 132 00:05:00,668 --> 00:05:02,836 All right, a movie it is. 133 00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:03,937 What's out that's good? 134 00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:05,205 There's a new pirate movie. 135 00:05:05,272 --> 00:05:07,408 It's rated "Arr!" 136 00:05:11,111 --> 00:05:13,213 You guys have no sense of humor. 137 00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:15,416 * Men. 138 00:05:15,483 --> 00:05:16,984 Can we go to that new theater 139 00:05:17,050 --> 00:05:20,354 with the reserved seats and the jumbo kosher hot dogs? 140 00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:21,789 You just finished dinner. 141 00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:24,525 That doesn't mean I finished eating. 142 00:05:26,126 --> 00:05:27,495 Hey, Charlie. 143 00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:29,663 Wanda... what are you doing here? 144 00:05:29,730 --> 00:05:33,100 I was in the neighborhood, and I'm drunk and horny. 145 00:05:34,301 --> 00:05:35,836 New plan. 146 00:05:37,938 --> 00:05:40,774 * Men. 147 00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:47,681 Have I met this one before? 148 00:05:47,748 --> 00:05:49,282 I doubt it. 149 00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:50,718 She looks familiar. 150 00:05:50,784 --> 00:05:53,253 Blond, busty, and bombed? 151 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:54,822 Around here, that's familiar. 152 00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:58,325 I thought Uncle Charlie liked Chelsea. 153 00:05:58,392 --> 00:06:01,361 He does. Well, then, what's he doing with Wanda? 154 00:06:01,429 --> 00:06:03,397 Well, buddy, it's like this. 155 00:06:03,464 --> 00:06:05,933 Uh, despite his many admirable qualities, 156 00:06:05,999 --> 00:06:09,703 your Uncle Charlie is, at heart, a sleazeball. 157 00:06:09,770 --> 00:06:11,304 That's what I figured. 158 00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:13,340 I just wanted a second opinion. 159 00:06:13,407 --> 00:06:15,609 Hang on. I'll grab another bottle. 160 00:06:18,011 --> 00:06:19,880 Broad is part camel. 161 00:06:22,416 --> 00:06:24,885 Except the humps aren't on her back. 162 00:06:27,254 --> 00:06:28,388 Oh, come on. 163 00:06:28,456 --> 00:06:30,624 That was funnier than "Rated arr!" 164 00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:32,626 (sighs) 165 00:06:32,693 --> 00:06:35,095 Look, I know you're upset, but I'll take you 166 00:06:35,162 --> 00:06:36,464 to the movies some other time. 167 00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:38,131 This has nothing to do with the movie. 168 00:06:38,198 --> 00:06:39,433 Then what's the problem? 169 00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:41,769 The problem is you're a sleazeball. 170 00:06:42,870 --> 00:06:43,937 Really? How so? 171 00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:45,439 Oh, please. 172 00:06:45,506 --> 00:06:46,507 You're in a committed relationship 173 00:06:46,574 --> 00:06:47,741 with a wonderful woman, 174 00:06:47,808 --> 00:06:48,976 and the minute her back is turned, 175 00:06:49,042 --> 00:06:49,810 you're out gallivanting. 176 00:06:49,877 --> 00:06:51,712 Gallivanting? Screwing around. 177 00:06:51,779 --> 00:06:54,181 Then, why don't you just say, "Screwing around"? 178 00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:59,319 Hey, as we speak, Chelsea is doing the same thing I'm doing. 179 00:06:59,386 --> 00:07:00,521 Oh, really? 180 00:07:00,588 --> 00:07:01,689 She's pouring liquor down the throat 181 00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:03,223 of an inebriated party girl? 182 00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:04,625 Inebriated? Drunk. 183 00:07:04,692 --> 00:07:06,827 Geez, who are you showing off for? 184 00:07:09,396 --> 00:07:10,798 At this moment, 185 00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:13,233 Chelsea is in the same house as her ex-husband. 186 00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:15,102 Why? His mother died. 187 00:07:15,168 --> 00:07:16,570 Oh, my apologies. 188 00:07:16,637 --> 00:07:19,106 Clearly, anything you do at this point is justified. 189 00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:21,441 No, it's not. I was being disingenuous. 190 00:07:21,509 --> 00:07:23,243 What? Sarcastic. 191 00:07:23,310 --> 00:07:26,880 You know, this is why Mom gets pissed off at you so much. 192 00:07:28,348 --> 00:07:29,416 Look. 193 00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:30,918 Charlie, do what you want. 194 00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:32,886 If you can live with yourself, more power to you. 195 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,555 If I could live with myself, 196 00:07:34,622 --> 00:07:36,557 we'd be having this conversation by telephone. 197 00:07:37,357 --> 00:07:40,160 See, him I understand. 198 00:07:41,428 --> 00:07:43,564 Charlie, bed, now, come. 199 00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:46,667 Succinct, ain't she? 200 00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:51,639 Does "succinct" mean what I think it means? 201 00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:54,975 I highly doubt it. 202 00:08:00,447 --> 00:08:02,115 Hello? 203 00:08:03,751 --> 00:08:05,786 Right here, baby. 204 00:08:06,654 --> 00:08:07,688 (loud thudding) 205 00:08:07,755 --> 00:08:09,456 Are you okay? 206 00:08:09,523 --> 00:08:11,659 Yeah, why? 207 00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:14,762 Never mind. (clears throat) 208 00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:15,529 Come on. 209 00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:16,730 Come on. 210 00:08:16,797 --> 00:08:18,198 Let's get you into bed. 211 00:08:18,265 --> 00:08:19,600 (sighs) Thank you. 212 00:08:19,667 --> 00:08:21,602 Hey, you remember when we were in Vegas 213 00:08:21,669 --> 00:08:24,237 and I talked that cute waitress into joining us? 214 00:08:24,304 --> 00:08:25,573 Yeah, I do. 215 00:08:25,639 --> 00:08:27,941 I saw her last week at the Hard Rock. 216 00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:28,742 No kidding. 217 00:08:28,809 --> 00:08:31,044 She gained a lot of weight. 218 00:08:31,111 --> 00:08:32,079 Is that so? 219 00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:33,280 Yeah, we were lucky. 220 00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:37,084 We nailed her right before she quit smoking. 221 00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:39,386 Listen, Wanda, uh... 222 00:08:39,452 --> 00:08:41,589 She does smell better, though. 223 00:08:41,655 --> 00:08:43,123 I'm sure, but listen... 224 00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,191 Like Fritos. 225 00:08:46,694 --> 00:08:47,961 You know what? 226 00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:50,864 I got to... check on something. 227 00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:53,734 Well, is it okay if I start without you? 228 00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:57,070 Top drawer, nightstand-- take your pick. 229 00:08:58,338 --> 00:08:59,206 Ooh. 230 00:08:59,272 --> 00:09:00,373 Careful. 231 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:02,242 The big one's a flashlight. 232 00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:07,180 That was fast. 233 00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,651 I'm guessing. 234 00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:14,822 You're right. 235 00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:16,990 I'm a sleazeball. 236 00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:19,960 Don't tell me you actually had a moral epiphany. 237 00:09:20,027 --> 00:09:22,663 Uh, "epiphany" means... Don't bother. 238 00:09:25,733 --> 00:09:27,200 I don't know what you call it, 239 00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:30,704 but I've got a gorgeous, willing girl in my bed, 240 00:09:30,771 --> 00:09:32,405 and I'm just not interested. 241 00:09:32,472 --> 00:09:34,775 Maybe you're a gay sleazeball. 242 00:09:36,476 --> 00:09:37,845 I'll tell you what's going on. 243 00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,647 You care about Chelsea too much 244 00:09:39,713 --> 00:09:40,781 to cheapen your relationship 245 00:09:40,848 --> 00:09:42,349 with a meaningless one-night stand. 246 00:09:44,451 --> 00:09:45,753 You're right. 247 00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:46,820 I do care about Chelsea. 248 00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:49,056 I'm crazy about her. 249 00:09:49,122 --> 00:09:50,758 Boy, that sucks. 250 00:09:50,824 --> 00:09:52,960 (phone ringing) 251 00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:55,763 Hello. 252 00:09:55,829 --> 00:09:57,030 Oh, hey, Chelsea, we were just... 253 00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:58,531 Give me that. 254 00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,934 Hey, baby, what's going on? 255 00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:02,502 He did? 256 00:10:02,569 --> 00:10:04,672 At his own mother's funeral? 257 00:10:04,738 --> 00:10:07,507 Her ex-husband put the moves on her. 258 00:10:07,574 --> 00:10:09,009 What a sleazeball. 259 00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:13,246 No, no, no, don't blame yourself. 260 00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:16,383 You were right to go to the funeral. 261 00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,886 Tonight? 262 00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,722 (stammering): I'd love to see you tonight, 263 00:10:21,789 --> 00:10:23,791 but... isn't it a little late 264 00:10:23,857 --> 00:10:26,860 to drive all the way from Santa Barbara? 265 00:10:26,927 --> 00:10:29,262 Oh, you're already on the road. 266 00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:31,732 Oh, that close? 267 00:10:31,799 --> 00:10:34,567 Wonderful. 268 00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:35,769 Drive safe. 269 00:10:35,836 --> 00:10:37,671 Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, 270 00:10:37,738 --> 00:10:38,872 crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap. 271 00:10:38,939 --> 00:10:40,040 Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, 272 00:10:40,107 --> 00:10:41,675 crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap... 273 00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:44,211 Remember when I was little and every time someone said "crap", 274 00:10:44,277 --> 00:10:46,479 they had to put a dollar in the swear jar? 275 00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:47,781 I do. 276 00:10:47,848 --> 00:10:49,850 Whatever happened to all that money? 277 00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:53,687 Wanda, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, 278 00:10:53,754 --> 00:10:56,223 but you got to get the hell out of here. 279 00:10:56,289 --> 00:10:58,158 Come on. Chop-chop. 280 00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,528 Wanda? 281 00:11:01,594 --> 00:11:06,233 (smacks lips) 282 00:11:06,299 --> 00:11:08,235 Wanda...! 283 00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:10,670 (snores) 284 00:11:17,644 --> 00:11:20,280 Oh, darn. 285 00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:22,682 *Men.* 286 00:11:24,117 --> 00:11:26,619 * Men. 287 00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:29,389 So the car's a time machine? 288 00:11:29,456 --> 00:11:30,791 Yeah, it's called a DeLorean. 289 00:11:30,858 --> 00:11:31,859 They don't make 'em anymore. 290 00:11:31,925 --> 00:11:33,526 CHARLIE: Crap, crap, crap, crap, 291 00:11:33,593 --> 00:11:35,763 crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap. 292 00:11:35,829 --> 00:11:37,264 Help. I need help. 293 00:11:37,330 --> 00:11:38,966 Oh, my God, w-what happened? What's wrong? 294 00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:41,134 Wanda passed out and Chelsea's on her way over. 295 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:42,736 Interesting story about the DeLorean. 296 00:11:44,171 --> 00:11:46,473 It was built by a man named John DeLorean. 297 00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:47,574 Are you not listening to me? 298 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:49,076 I've got an emergency here. 299 00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:51,078 A dead girl in your bed is an emergency. 300 00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:53,280 A passed-out girl is a dinner date. 301 00:11:54,848 --> 00:11:57,885 I still don't understand why it's called Back to the Future. 302 00:11:57,951 --> 00:11:59,419 Because they're stuck in the past, 303 00:11:59,486 --> 00:12:01,088 and they have to get back... 304 00:12:01,154 --> 00:12:03,023 Home. 305 00:12:04,691 --> 00:12:06,026 Oh, for God's sake, come on! 306 00:12:06,093 --> 00:12:07,394 My girlfriend's on her way over, 307 00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:09,462 and I've got a half-naked broad upstairs! 308 00:12:09,529 --> 00:12:11,832 Half-naked. I'm your man. 309 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,168 Sit down. 310 00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:17,871 Have you tried waking her up? 311 00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:19,973 Well, of course I've tried waking her up. 312 00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:21,674 This is not my first drunk bimbo! 313 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:23,376 So, what do you expect us to do? 314 00:12:23,443 --> 00:12:25,813 I expect you to help me get her dressed and drive her home. 315 00:12:25,879 --> 00:12:28,281 Enough talk. Let's get to it. 316 00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:31,651 I said, sit down. 317 00:12:31,718 --> 00:12:32,585 Where does she live? 318 00:12:32,652 --> 00:12:33,987 I have no idea. 319 00:12:34,054 --> 00:12:35,088 So, how am I supposed to drive her home? 320 00:12:35,155 --> 00:12:37,090 Oh, come on. Do I have to think 321 00:12:37,157 --> 00:12:38,425 of everything?! Just help me! 322 00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:39,927 (sighs) All right. 323 00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:51,204 Wow. 324 00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:54,207 Oh, and I'm a sleazeball? 325 00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:56,176 You're-You're misreading my-my "wow." 326 00:12:56,243 --> 00:12:59,679 I meant "Wow, what a predicament." 327 00:12:59,746 --> 00:13:01,481 Yeah, right. 328 00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:03,450 You hold her up. 329 00:13:03,516 --> 00:13:04,617 I'll put her dress on. 330 00:13:04,684 --> 00:13:05,853 Okay. 331 00:13:05,919 --> 00:13:08,055 She's very fit. 332 00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,823 (grunts) Hold her arms up. 333 00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:11,291 Really soft skin. 334 00:13:11,358 --> 00:13:12,525 Uh-huh. 335 00:13:12,592 --> 00:13:14,294 Hmm. Smells nice, too. 336 00:13:14,361 --> 00:13:17,264 Okay, why don't you just put a chloroform-soaked handkerchief 337 00:13:17,330 --> 00:13:20,467 over her face and throw her in the back of your panel van? 338 00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:24,571 Sounds like a waste of chloroform, doesn't it? 339 00:13:27,274 --> 00:13:29,910 Okay, you get her head; I'll get her feet. 340 00:13:29,977 --> 00:13:31,011 Why do you get her feet? 341 00:13:31,078 --> 00:13:32,579 What difference does it make? 342 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,714 I like feet. 343 00:13:34,781 --> 00:13:35,715 Just get her head. 344 00:13:35,782 --> 00:13:39,319 Okay, on three. 345 00:13:39,386 --> 00:13:41,788 One, two, three. 346 00:13:41,855 --> 00:13:43,423 Three. Oh! Oh! Oh! 347 00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:45,292 Goodness. Aah. 348 00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:45,926 (panting) 349 00:13:45,993 --> 00:13:47,394 Slowly, slowly. 350 00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:49,362 Slowly, my ass. Come on. Let's get her out of here. 351 00:13:49,429 --> 00:13:51,398 Charlie. Charlie...! 352 00:13:51,464 --> 00:13:53,166 Oh! (thudding) 353 00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:56,536 Goodness gracious, these are real. 354 00:13:56,603 --> 00:13:59,472 * Men. 355 00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:05,512 Slowly. Slowly. 356 00:14:05,578 --> 00:14:07,280 (doorbell rings) 357 00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:10,483 Quickly. Quickly. 358 00:14:12,552 --> 00:14:13,921 Hi, baby. 359 00:14:13,987 --> 00:14:15,088 Come on in. 360 00:14:16,323 --> 00:14:20,360 Oh, Charlie, you were so right about Alex. 361 00:14:21,561 --> 00:14:23,296 Alex? 362 00:14:24,631 --> 00:14:25,532 Oh, yeah. Alex. 363 00:14:25,598 --> 00:14:26,799 What a sleazeball. 364 00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,535 Can I get you something to drink? 365 00:14:28,601 --> 00:14:30,904 No. I just want to get in bed and hold you. 366 00:14:30,971 --> 00:14:32,205 Oh, boy, does that sound good. 367 00:14:32,272 --> 00:14:33,840 Let me just say good night to Jake. 368 00:14:33,907 --> 00:14:34,707 Okay. I'll meet you upstairs. 369 00:14:34,774 --> 00:14:36,409 You know what? 370 00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:39,479 Why don't you come say good night, too? 371 00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:41,181 Why? 372 00:14:41,248 --> 00:14:43,683 Well, you're my girlfriend, and he's my nephew, 373 00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:45,885 and... isn't that enough? 374 00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:48,355 Hey, Jake... 375 00:14:48,421 --> 00:14:50,090 Might want to hang back a sec. 376 00:14:50,157 --> 00:14:52,592 I just ripped off an air biscuit. 377 00:14:52,659 --> 00:14:53,426 What? 378 00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:54,627 I farted. 379 00:14:54,694 --> 00:14:57,064 Sorry. I get the fancy words from my dad. 380 00:14:58,465 --> 00:15:00,934 Anyway, Chelsea and I just wanted to say good night. 381 00:15:01,001 --> 00:15:02,802 Okay. 382 00:15:02,869 --> 00:15:04,938 He keeps his feelings bottled up. 383 00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:06,839 Everything else he shoots into the atmosphere. 384 00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:07,975 Hi, Chelsea. 385 00:15:08,041 --> 00:15:09,309 Hi, Alan. 386 00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:11,111 Uh, sorry to hear about your ex-mother-in-law. 387 00:15:11,178 --> 00:15:12,445 Oh, thank you. Oh, hey, Jake. 388 00:15:12,512 --> 00:15:14,647 I could really use your help. With what? 389 00:15:14,714 --> 00:15:16,583 I'm taking out the... Whew! 390 00:15:18,718 --> 00:15:20,653 I'm taking out the trash. 391 00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:22,355 What are you talking about? 392 00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:24,357 The trash. 393 00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:25,592 I'm taking it out, 394 00:15:25,658 --> 00:15:28,261 and I could use your help carrying it. 395 00:15:28,328 --> 00:15:30,863 Oh. So now you want my help? 396 00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,465 Yes, now I want your help. 397 00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:35,002 What about the 20 bucks you owe me? 398 00:15:36,469 --> 00:15:38,105 Charlie? 399 00:15:40,573 --> 00:15:42,275 Here. 400 00:15:42,342 --> 00:15:45,312 Is the trash still out where you can see it? 401 00:15:46,746 --> 00:15:48,015 Never mind. 402 00:15:48,081 --> 00:15:49,983 Just go help your father. 403 00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:51,151 Fine. 404 00:15:51,218 --> 00:15:52,385 Nice seeing you, Chelsea. 405 00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:53,486 Good night. 406 00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:56,523 I could have said 50, couldn't I? 407 00:15:56,589 --> 00:15:59,292 Could have said a hundred. 408 00:15:59,359 --> 00:16:01,061 Can we please go to bed now? 409 00:16:01,128 --> 00:16:02,695 Beds are for amateurs. 410 00:16:02,762 --> 00:16:04,831 Oh, Charlie. 411 00:16:04,897 --> 00:16:06,699 (sniffing) 412 00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:12,905 What if Jake comes back? 413 00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:15,742 We'll breathe through our mouths. 414 00:16:21,214 --> 00:16:23,716 She really does look familiar. 415 00:16:23,783 --> 00:16:25,618 Terrific. Just don't drop her. 416 00:16:25,685 --> 00:16:27,787 I can't wait to tell my friends about this. 417 00:16:27,854 --> 00:16:29,589 You're not telling anybody about this. 418 00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:32,125 What's the point of doing it if I can't tell anybody? 419 00:16:32,192 --> 00:16:35,462 You've got 20 bucks and a memory. Now shut up. 420 00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:38,498 Okay, we've got to get her in the car. 421 00:16:38,565 --> 00:16:40,967 You want me to pull it around? No, I don't want you to pull it around! 422 00:16:41,034 --> 00:16:44,871 Okay, well, then, you pull it around, I'll stay here with her. 423 00:16:44,937 --> 00:16:46,606 But be very careful. 424 00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:49,909 CHELSEA: Come on, let's finish this upstairs. 425 00:16:49,976 --> 00:16:52,079 Move, move, move! 426 00:16:54,714 --> 00:16:56,083 Chelsea, wait. What? 427 00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:58,185 I'm so happy you're back. 428 00:17:00,787 --> 00:17:02,722 Hey. 429 00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:04,524 Oh, hey, Alan. 430 00:17:04,591 --> 00:17:05,892 Is the trash out? 431 00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:07,394 Uh, almost. 432 00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:09,696 Almost ain't gonna cut it. 433 00:17:11,331 --> 00:17:14,501 Did you at least clean out my room? 434 00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:16,103 Yes, I did. 435 00:17:16,169 --> 00:17:17,270 Good. Good. 436 00:17:17,337 --> 00:17:19,239 Okay, well, good night. 437 00:17:19,306 --> 00:17:21,541 Uh, Charlie, can I talk to you for a sec? 438 00:17:21,608 --> 00:17:22,775 About what? 439 00:17:22,842 --> 00:17:24,544 Um... uh, recycling. 440 00:17:24,611 --> 00:17:27,614 I'm not quite sure what to do with the... 441 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:29,682 big jugs. 442 00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:33,953 Oh. Honey, why don't you go up and get comfortable, 443 00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:35,855 and I'll be right there? Hurry. 444 00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:37,424 I will. 445 00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:40,227 Okay, first you need to separate the plastic from the glass. 446 00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:41,328 Then when you get to the newspaper... 447 00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:42,362 What the hell is your problem? 448 00:17:42,429 --> 00:17:43,763 She's in Jake's room. 449 00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:45,698 What am I supposed to do? 450 00:17:45,765 --> 00:17:47,600 I don't know. 451 00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:48,601 Here's my credit card. 452 00:17:48,668 --> 00:17:50,570 Take her to a hotel or something. 453 00:17:50,637 --> 00:17:52,905 Okay. Chain motel or someplace nicer? 454 00:17:52,972 --> 00:17:54,274 What? 455 00:17:54,341 --> 00:17:55,775 You know, uh, room service, ocean view. 456 00:17:55,842 --> 00:17:57,777 That way when she regains consciousness, 457 00:17:57,844 --> 00:17:58,911 she won't feel so cheap. 458 00:17:58,978 --> 00:18:00,747 Plus, in the nicer places, 459 00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:02,582 you have a free continental breakfast. 460 00:18:02,649 --> 00:18:05,685 Assorted pastries, coffee, freshly squeezed orange juice... 461 00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,954 I know what a continental breakfast is! 462 00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:09,589 Just get her the hell out of here! 463 00:18:09,656 --> 00:18:10,790 Okay, fine. 464 00:18:12,058 --> 00:18:13,393 Oh, Charlie? 465 00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:14,794 What?! 466 00:18:14,861 --> 00:18:15,862 I'm a little low on gas. 467 00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:16,963 Use the card! 468 00:18:17,029 --> 00:18:18,431 Right, right, right. 469 00:18:18,498 --> 00:18:19,932 Charlie?! 470 00:18:19,999 --> 00:18:21,734 What?! 471 00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:23,970 I'm really happy you're trying to make it work with Chelsea. 472 00:18:24,036 --> 00:18:25,338 Go! 473 00:18:34,013 --> 00:18:35,248 What the hell are you doing? 474 00:18:35,315 --> 00:18:37,116 You said I could have a memory. 475 00:18:37,184 --> 00:18:38,918 This is it. 476 00:18:38,985 --> 00:18:40,019 Give me the phone. 477 00:18:40,086 --> 00:18:41,321 Oh, good idea. 478 00:18:41,388 --> 00:18:42,589 I can't get us both in the frame. 479 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:47,059 Can you make it look like we're talking to each other? 480 00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:48,195 Forget the picture. 481 00:18:48,261 --> 00:18:49,596 We have to bring the car around. 482 00:18:49,662 --> 00:18:51,464 Shouldn't someone stay here with Wanda? 483 00:18:51,531 --> 00:18:53,200 Yeah, but it shouldn't be you. 484 00:18:57,337 --> 00:18:58,605 Give me the keys. 485 00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:00,340 You said I could pull it around. 486 00:19:00,407 --> 00:19:01,541 I changed my mind. 487 00:19:01,608 --> 00:19:04,277 Okay. I'll tell Mom about Wanda. 488 00:19:08,781 --> 00:19:11,184 One ding, one scratch, and you're dead. 489 00:19:11,251 --> 00:19:12,585 Dude, mellow out. 490 00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:14,687 You'll give yourself a heart attack. 491 00:19:21,794 --> 00:19:24,130 (sighs) 492 00:19:24,197 --> 00:19:25,498 Hey, look! 493 00:19:25,565 --> 00:19:27,267 It's me! 494 00:19:29,302 --> 00:19:31,671 I'm glad you came back. 495 00:19:31,738 --> 00:19:33,706 I don't like it when you're gone. 496 00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:36,443 I don't like it when I'm gone, either. 497 00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:39,879 Oh. Here they are. 498 00:19:45,718 --> 00:19:47,920 Funny story. 499 00:19:47,987 --> 00:19:50,623 * Men. 500 00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:58,431 Why do you get to take her feet? 501 00:19:58,498 --> 00:20:00,267 Because I'm in charge of this operation, 502 00:20:00,333 --> 00:20:01,601 and I like feet. 503 00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:04,604 Hey. 504 00:20:08,174 --> 00:20:10,777 I guess we don't have to take her to a hotel, huh? 505 00:20:10,843 --> 00:20:12,479 No, we don't. 506 00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:13,346 Quick, get in the car. 507 00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:15,014 Where are we going? 508 00:20:15,081 --> 00:20:22,455 Anywhere we want. We've got Uncle Charlie's credit card.