1 00:00:04,405 --> 00:00:06,807 Oh, thank you, Dr. Harper. 2 00:00:06,874 --> 00:00:08,576 And remember, no more rough sex. 3 00:00:08,642 --> 00:00:09,677 (chuckles) 4 00:00:09,743 --> 00:00:12,413 Oh, Dr. Harper, you're terrible. 5 00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:13,414 (laughing) 6 00:00:15,416 --> 00:00:16,350 Okay. 7 00:00:16,417 --> 00:00:17,418 Bye-bye. 8 00:00:17,485 --> 00:00:19,320 (chuckles) 9 00:00:19,387 --> 00:00:21,589 I wish I was kidding; the woman's a freak. 10 00:00:23,457 --> 00:00:26,260 You are so good with the patients, Dr. Harper. 11 00:00:26,327 --> 00:00:28,062 Oh, thank you. Just you're- you're warm 12 00:00:28,129 --> 00:00:29,897 and personable and funny. 13 00:00:29,963 --> 00:00:31,065 Oh, I'm all right. 14 00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:32,066 (chuckles) 15 00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:33,534 But you, the patients love you. 16 00:00:33,601 --> 00:00:34,602 No. 17 00:00:34,668 --> 00:00:35,636 Uh, don't give me "no." 18 00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:36,670 I'm giving you "no." 19 00:00:36,737 --> 00:00:37,771 Well, I'm not taking "no." 20 00:00:37,838 --> 00:00:39,240 (laughs) 21 00:00:39,307 --> 00:00:40,274 Don't make me blush. 22 00:00:40,341 --> 00:00:41,275 I'm making you blush. 23 00:00:41,342 --> 00:00:42,643 Well, I'm blushing. 24 00:00:42,710 --> 00:00:44,745 (laughs) 25 00:00:46,314 --> 00:00:47,681 So we all done for the day? 26 00:00:47,748 --> 00:00:48,782 Yeppers. 27 00:00:48,849 --> 00:00:50,551 Mrs. Freemantle was our last patient. 28 00:00:50,618 --> 00:00:52,453 Okay, then, uh, I will see your smiling face tomorrow. 29 00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:53,954 (chuckles) 30 00:00:54,021 --> 00:00:57,491 Well, it's only smiling 'cause it's looking at you. 31 00:00:57,558 --> 00:00:59,093 (laughs) 32 00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:00,161 Don't make me blush. 33 00:01:00,228 --> 00:01:01,662 Well, I'm making you blush. 34 00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:02,763 Well, I'm blushing. 35 00:01:02,830 --> 00:01:04,398 (both laughing) 36 00:01:20,948 --> 00:01:21,882 I'm so sorry. 37 00:01:21,949 --> 00:01:23,717 I should apologize. 38 00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:25,253 No, I'm the one who stepped over the line. 39 00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:26,454 No, no, I stepped, too. 40 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:27,955 No, no, I stepped first. No, no, no. 41 00:01:28,021 --> 00:01:29,323 Don't give me "no, no." 42 00:01:29,390 --> 00:01:31,725 I'm giving you "no, no." 43 00:01:44,004 --> 00:01:45,139 We can't do this. 44 00:01:45,206 --> 00:01:47,675 I'm sorry, I can't help it. 45 00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:48,876 I ache for you. 46 00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:51,545 Yeah, well, I'm not all that 47 00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:54,515 comfortable right now either. 48 00:01:56,384 --> 00:01:58,886 It-it-it's just that I feel like... 49 00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:01,755 You don't have to explain. 50 00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:04,124 I understand. 51 00:02:04,192 --> 00:02:07,127 Okay. Okay. 52 00:02:07,195 --> 00:02:10,264 Well, then, uh, I guess I will see you tomorrow. 53 00:02:13,167 --> 00:02:16,470 I'll be here at, uh, 7:30. 54 00:02:16,537 --> 00:02:18,772 In case you want to get in early. 55 00:02:22,610 --> 00:02:23,577 Oh, okay. 56 00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:26,847 Uh, I-I might actually want to... 57 00:02:26,914 --> 00:02:28,015 get in early. 58 00:02:28,081 --> 00:02:30,684 You're the boss. 59 00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:34,655 You can get in anytime you want. 60 00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:39,860 Oh, God. 61 00:02:42,430 --> 00:02:45,333 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 62 00:02:45,399 --> 00:02:48,669 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * * Ooh 63 00:02:48,736 --> 00:02:51,605 * Men, men, men, men, manly men * * Ooh * Ooh 64 00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,741 * Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh... * 65 00:02:53,807 --> 00:02:56,143 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 66 00:02:56,210 --> 00:02:59,447 * Ooh * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 67 00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:02,916 * Ah. * Men. * Men. 68 00:03:09,056 --> 00:03:10,891 * Men. 69 00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:12,726 Hey. 70 00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,127 Hey. 71 00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:15,596 Mind if I watch the game? 72 00:03:15,663 --> 00:03:17,931 Uh, actually, I came in here for a little quiet time. 73 00:03:17,998 --> 00:03:19,867 Huh. 74 00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:22,436 (TV clicks on, sports playing) 75 00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:28,909 Still quieter than sleeping under the Santa Monica Pier. 76 00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:35,015 I'm conflicted, Charlie. 77 00:03:35,082 --> 00:03:37,718 Shh, quiet time. 78 00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:41,522 ANNOUNCER (over TV): Nice throw, nice catch. 79 00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:42,756 Reggie Williams, he scores... 80 00:03:42,823 --> 00:03:45,959 Do you think you can choose who you love? 81 00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:47,094 Oh, boy. 82 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:47,928 (TV clicks off) 83 00:03:49,997 --> 00:03:51,932 What's his name? 84 00:03:54,034 --> 00:03:56,103 What? No! 85 00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:57,471 Oh, all right. 86 00:03:57,538 --> 00:03:58,972 Come out when you're ready. 87 00:03:59,039 --> 00:04:01,108 (TV clicks on, sports playing) 88 00:04:01,174 --> 00:04:02,376 Williams will come far right... 89 00:04:02,443 --> 00:04:03,377 (TV clicks off) 90 00:04:03,444 --> 00:04:04,878 Do you remember my receptionist? 91 00:04:04,945 --> 00:04:08,916 The itsy bitsy spider who climbed up my water spout? 92 00:04:10,651 --> 00:04:12,586 Yeah. Whatever happened to her? 93 00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:15,656 You dumped her after one depraved weekend, 94 00:04:15,723 --> 00:04:17,758 and I had to give her a raise, health insurance 95 00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:19,827 and a paid vacation to keep her from quitting. 96 00:04:19,893 --> 00:04:21,161 Oh, good. 97 00:04:21,228 --> 00:04:23,030 Thanks for smoothing that over for me. 98 00:04:24,498 --> 00:04:26,400 Hey, you think she has plans for this weekend? 99 00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:28,469 What is wrong with you?! 100 00:04:28,536 --> 00:04:29,903 Uh, I am trying to tell you 101 00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:31,739 that I'm starting to have feelings for her. 102 00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:33,106 For who? 103 00:04:33,173 --> 00:04:35,776 For Melissa. 104 00:04:35,843 --> 00:04:37,678 Who's Melissa? 105 00:04:37,745 --> 00:04:39,880 My receptionist! 106 00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:42,683 Oh. 107 00:04:42,750 --> 00:04:44,318 So I should forget about this weekend? 108 00:04:44,385 --> 00:04:47,321 Yes, you should forget about this weekend! 109 00:04:47,388 --> 00:04:48,989 I was just asking. 110 00:04:49,056 --> 00:04:50,524 You don't have to bite my head off. 111 00:04:50,591 --> 00:04:53,293 So you and her are, uh... 112 00:04:53,361 --> 00:04:55,863 Oh, no, no, no, nothing's happened yet. 113 00:04:55,929 --> 00:05:00,167 Just a little kissing, and she could feel my... enthusiasm. 114 00:05:00,233 --> 00:05:02,736 What, are you Noel Coward? 115 00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:04,872 Just say "boner." 116 00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:14,482 Why do I bother talking to you? 117 00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:17,851 Beats the hell out of me. 118 00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:21,154 The thing is, Melissa and I have-have this chemistry, 119 00:05:21,221 --> 00:05:23,357 and it's really hard not to act on it. 120 00:05:23,424 --> 00:05:25,125 Yeah, it's tough when you work together. 121 00:05:25,192 --> 00:05:26,427 Right. 122 00:05:26,494 --> 00:05:27,861 You don't crap where you eat. 123 00:05:27,928 --> 00:05:29,430 I know. 124 00:05:29,497 --> 00:05:31,465 You don't dip your pen in company ink. 125 00:05:33,133 --> 00:05:36,770 And you never bang a woman who owns a snake or a bird. 126 00:05:37,871 --> 00:05:39,540 What? 127 00:05:39,607 --> 00:05:41,542 They're usually nuts. 128 00:05:43,444 --> 00:05:47,014 So what you're faced with here is a moral dilemma. 129 00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:48,348 Oh, I'll say. 130 00:05:48,416 --> 00:05:49,783 Whether or not to have an intimate relationship 131 00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,619 with a woman who is also your employee. 132 00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:53,120 Exactly. 133 00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:56,490 I got it, I got it. 134 00:05:56,557 --> 00:05:57,558 Oh, you do? 135 00:05:59,460 --> 00:06:01,595 Fire her, then boink her. 136 00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:05,132 I don't got it? 137 00:06:07,234 --> 00:06:08,502 You don't got it. 138 00:06:09,837 --> 00:06:11,071 (TV clicks on, sports playing) 139 00:06:11,138 --> 00:06:12,806 Open in the corner is Mike Williams. 140 00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:14,475 ANNOUNCER #2: Well, this is what you were... 141 00:06:14,542 --> 00:06:16,677 I'm right about the snakes and birds though. 142 00:06:19,947 --> 00:06:21,248 * Men. 143 00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:23,050 Really? 144 00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:24,384 The one who works for him? 145 00:06:24,452 --> 00:06:25,385 Yep. 146 00:06:25,453 --> 00:06:28,522 Tinkerbell with the knockers? 147 00:06:29,423 --> 00:06:30,858 The same. 148 00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:34,795 Well, everybody makes that mistake once. 149 00:06:34,862 --> 00:06:36,764 I crossed that line in the '70s 150 00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:39,933 when I was cleaning house for Mr. Telly Savalas. 151 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,102 No kidding. 152 00:06:42,169 --> 00:06:43,437 TV's Kojak? 153 00:06:43,504 --> 00:06:44,505 One and the same. 154 00:06:44,572 --> 00:06:45,506 What happened? 155 00:06:45,573 --> 00:06:47,340 What do you think happened? 156 00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:49,376 He's Greek, a man of passion. 157 00:06:49,443 --> 00:06:52,145 You can't tie your shoes around those guys. 158 00:06:55,182 --> 00:06:57,585 That's rough. 159 00:06:57,651 --> 00:07:00,120 Bet your ass it's rough. 160 00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:04,057 Morning. 161 00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:04,825 Morning. 162 00:07:04,892 --> 00:07:05,993 So, Zippy, 163 00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:08,195 I hear you've been sinking your putts 164 00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:09,630 on the company golf course. 165 00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:15,536 Thanks for telling her. 166 00:07:15,603 --> 00:07:18,371 Thanks for telling me. 167 00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,173 Word of advice: 168 00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:22,776 it may seem like fun and games at the beginning, 169 00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:26,013 but mark my words, sooner or later, you're gonna wake up 170 00:07:26,079 --> 00:07:29,783 with a broken heart and a lollipop stuck to your keister. 171 00:07:35,623 --> 00:07:38,692 You want to explain that to me? 172 00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:40,861 I'd rather forget I ever heard it. 173 00:07:42,596 --> 00:07:44,632 So, decide what you're gonna do about Melissa? 174 00:07:44,698 --> 00:07:46,099 There's nothing to do. 175 00:07:46,166 --> 00:07:48,769 I have to take the physical feelings I have for her 176 00:07:48,836 --> 00:07:51,438 and channel them into something creative, productive, 177 00:07:51,505 --> 00:07:53,040 something, something that'll last. 178 00:07:53,106 --> 00:07:55,543 You're gonna have sex with the vacuum cleaner again, 179 00:07:55,609 --> 00:07:56,910 aren't you? 180 00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,814 That wasn't sex, that was an accident. 181 00:08:02,650 --> 00:08:04,718 Once is an accident. 182 00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:08,722 * Men. 183 00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:17,831 Morning, Melissa. 184 00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:19,767 Good morning, Dr. Harper. 185 00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,669 How's my schedule look today? 186 00:08:21,735 --> 00:08:24,371 It's packed pretty tight. 187 00:08:24,437 --> 00:08:25,438 Oh, okay. 188 00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:26,574 Uh, tight's good. 189 00:08:27,775 --> 00:08:29,109 You know, better-better tight than, 190 00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:31,579 uh, you know... 191 00:08:31,645 --> 00:08:32,980 Thank God for scoliosis. 192 00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:35,583 (chuckles) 193 00:08:35,649 --> 00:08:38,586 Um, listen, Melissa, 194 00:08:38,652 --> 00:08:40,888 um, about what happened yesterday... 195 00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:43,557 Please, Dr. Harper, you don't have to say anything. 196 00:08:43,624 --> 00:08:45,793 Yes, yes, I do. 197 00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,995 We obviously have feelings for each other, and... 198 00:08:49,462 --> 00:08:51,164 ...there's nothing wrong with that. 199 00:08:51,231 --> 00:08:52,866 It's-it's a beautiful thing. It's-it's natural. 200 00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:57,605 But for us to maintain a-a working relationship, 201 00:08:57,671 --> 00:08:59,006 and I hope friendship, 202 00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:00,240 I-I think 203 00:09:00,307 --> 00:09:04,878 it would be unwise to succumb to those feelings. 204 00:09:04,945 --> 00:09:06,413 I agree. 205 00:09:06,479 --> 00:09:07,547 Oh, good, good. 206 00:09:07,615 --> 00:09:08,949 I'm glad. (chuckles) 207 00:09:09,016 --> 00:09:10,684 Oh, well, now we got that out of the way... 208 00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:12,119 (both chuckle) 209 00:09:12,185 --> 00:09:14,487 Uh, what time does my packed schedule begin? 210 00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:16,957 Uh, not for a half hour. 211 00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:19,326 Half hour? 212 00:09:20,427 --> 00:09:22,429 Yeppers. 213 00:09:22,495 --> 00:09:25,232 Nothing for a half hour? 214 00:09:25,298 --> 00:09:28,068 Wide open. 215 00:09:30,704 --> 00:09:32,840 * Men. 216 00:09:34,808 --> 00:09:36,944 Everything work out at the office? 217 00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:38,946 Uh-huh. 218 00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:42,582 Manage to keep your hands off Really Little Annie Fanny? 219 00:09:44,284 --> 00:09:47,888 Well, not exactly, but, uh, we did keep it above the waist. 220 00:09:47,955 --> 00:09:51,491 Her waist or yours? 221 00:09:51,558 --> 00:09:53,861 Both. 222 00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:55,696 And it wasn't easy. 223 00:09:55,763 --> 00:09:57,230 I haven't checked, but I'm pretty sure 224 00:09:57,297 --> 00:10:00,634 my balls look like two-thirds of the Blue Man Group. 225 00:10:05,839 --> 00:10:09,009 Berta, hide the vacuum cleaner! 226 00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:16,216 For the last time, I use it to get lint off my trousers. 227 00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:20,921 Then why do you call it Brenda? 228 00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:24,825 * Men. 229 00:10:26,393 --> 00:10:29,730 ANNOUNCER: So when the mood strikes and she's ready, 230 00:10:29,797 --> 00:10:32,032 you'll be ready, too. 231 00:10:32,099 --> 00:10:36,269 Ready today, ready tonight, ready tomorrow. 232 00:10:36,336 --> 00:10:38,972 I'm ready now. 233 00:10:42,542 --> 00:10:45,045 What's he ready for? 234 00:10:45,112 --> 00:10:47,014 If I were to guess, I'd say he's ready 235 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:50,183 to screw up his life a little more. 236 00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:53,286 Is that even possible? 237 00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:55,288 We'll see. 238 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:59,259 I'm hungry. 239 00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:00,493 So eat something. 240 00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:03,130 There's nothing here I like. 241 00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:05,933 Welcome to my world. 242 00:11:07,634 --> 00:11:09,436 * Men. 243 00:11:14,975 --> 00:11:16,543 Why are we eating here? 244 00:11:16,609 --> 00:11:18,779 If I have to watch you stuff your face, 245 00:11:18,846 --> 00:11:20,714 I'm gonna need a drink. 246 00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:25,152 Am I even allowed to be in a bar? 247 00:11:25,218 --> 00:11:26,386 Probably not. 248 00:11:26,453 --> 00:11:29,556 So if anybody asks, you're a homely lesbian. 249 00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:31,424 Why do I have to be homely? 250 00:11:31,491 --> 00:11:32,993 Just sit down. 251 00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:37,464 What's that smell? 252 00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:41,134 Stale beer, vomit, urine. 253 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:42,669 You hungry? 254 00:11:42,736 --> 00:11:43,937 Hey, Charlie. 255 00:11:44,004 --> 00:11:45,839 Hi, Janine. This is my nephew Jake. 256 00:11:45,906 --> 00:11:46,907 Hey, Jake. 257 00:11:46,974 --> 00:11:48,408 How old are you, sweetheart? 258 00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:51,678 Keep your hands off him, Janine, he's married. 259 00:11:51,745 --> 00:11:53,446 I thought I was a lesbian. 260 00:11:53,513 --> 00:11:55,348 We're just gonna have a couple of hamburgers 261 00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:57,417 and a basket of fries, he'll have a soda 262 00:11:57,484 --> 00:11:58,986 and I'll have a draft. 263 00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:02,189 That's not a very healthy dinner for a growing boy. 264 00:12:02,255 --> 00:12:04,491 Well, don't worry, he can process anything. 265 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,894 The other day, he ate a handful of packing peanuts. 266 00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,695 You bet me ten bucks I wouldn't. 267 00:12:08,762 --> 00:12:10,964 Oh, Charlie, shame on you. 268 00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:13,300 Yeah, shame on you. 269 00:12:13,366 --> 00:12:15,268 Tell you what, Jake, 270 00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:17,237 I get out of here in ten minutes. 271 00:12:17,304 --> 00:12:19,840 Why don't you get your uncle to bring you over to my place, 272 00:12:19,907 --> 00:12:21,508 and I'll cook you a nice, healthy dinner? 273 00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:24,377 Thanks, but I'm already healthy. I'll have a hamburger. 274 00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:25,678 All right. 275 00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:28,281 No, you won't. We'll be there. 276 00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:29,649 I don't get a vote? 277 00:12:29,716 --> 00:12:31,751 You're lucky you're getting dinner. 278 00:12:31,819 --> 00:12:32,752 Thanks, Janine. 279 00:12:32,820 --> 00:12:34,855 You're welcome. 280 00:12:36,023 --> 00:12:39,526 What is wrong with you, turning that down? 281 00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:43,663 Excuse me, but we have no idea what kind of cook she is. 282 00:12:43,730 --> 00:12:45,165 Oh, God... 283 00:12:45,232 --> 00:12:48,735 For all we know, she's a vegetarian. 284 00:12:48,802 --> 00:12:50,603 (groans) 285 00:12:50,670 --> 00:12:52,572 * Men. 286 00:12:52,639 --> 00:12:54,341 Dr. Harper, what are you doing here? 287 00:12:54,407 --> 00:12:55,909 What do you think I'm doing here? 288 00:12:55,976 --> 00:12:57,610 Please don't make me guess. 289 00:12:57,677 --> 00:12:59,112 I'm making you guess. 290 00:13:06,586 --> 00:13:09,222 Correct. 291 00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:11,825 WOMAN: Melissa, honey, who's here? 292 00:13:11,892 --> 00:13:16,029 Uh, Mom, this is my boss, Dr. Harper. 293 00:13:18,866 --> 00:13:21,468 Dr. Harper, this is my mother. 294 00:13:21,534 --> 00:13:23,203 Hello. 295 00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:25,438 Hello yourself. 296 00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:26,907 I understand there's been 297 00:13:26,974 --> 00:13:30,443 some inappropriate behavior in the workplace. 298 00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:32,245 Yeah, well, about that, 299 00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:35,048 I-I-I just want you to know that I have nothing but respect 300 00:13:35,115 --> 00:13:36,917 for your daughter, and I would never do anything... 301 00:13:36,984 --> 00:13:40,353 I'm just yankin' your chain! 302 00:13:40,420 --> 00:13:43,590 Ain't nothin' wrong with beddin' the boss. 303 00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:46,326 That's how I wound up with the little princess here 304 00:13:46,393 --> 00:13:48,395 and half a Black Angus franchise. 305 00:13:49,729 --> 00:13:52,265 Come on in. I'm watchin' Hellboy. 306 00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:57,470 Okay. Thanks. 307 00:13:57,537 --> 00:14:00,573 You smoke dope? 308 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:03,476 * Men. 309 00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:05,745 This is, like, the best dinner ever. 310 00:14:05,812 --> 00:14:06,914 I'm glad you liked it, Jake. 311 00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:08,081 You are a great cook. 312 00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:10,750 And you are a cutie pie. 313 00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:12,852 Oh! I could just eat you up. 314 00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:14,888 Want another root beer? 315 00:14:14,955 --> 00:14:15,688 Sure. 316 00:14:15,755 --> 00:14:18,225 Comin' right up. 317 00:14:22,629 --> 00:14:25,432 Listen, buddy, you're gonna have to make yourself scarce. 318 00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:26,934 Maybe take a cab home. 319 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:30,303 You take a cab home. I'm doin' great. 320 00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:32,439 How do you figure? 321 00:14:32,505 --> 00:14:34,942 You blind? First base on the top of my head, 322 00:14:35,008 --> 00:14:36,176 second base in my ear? 323 00:14:36,243 --> 00:14:39,112 Listen to me, knucklehead. 324 00:14:39,179 --> 00:14:40,981 That woman's got to be ten years older than you. 325 00:14:41,048 --> 00:14:43,550 So? You're, like, 15 years older than her. 326 00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:47,420 Step aside, grandpa. 327 00:14:50,023 --> 00:14:51,424 Okay, fun time's over. 328 00:14:51,491 --> 00:14:52,725 Go wait in the car. 329 00:14:52,792 --> 00:14:54,261 You go wait in the car. 330 00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:55,328 No, you go. 331 00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:57,164 No, you go. 332 00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:58,565 Jake, how about I put some ice cream 333 00:14:58,631 --> 00:15:00,567 in that root beer and make it a float? 334 00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:02,169 Thank you. That'd be great. 335 00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:06,473 It's like she can read my mind. 336 00:15:06,539 --> 00:15:09,909 Go get in the car. 337 00:15:09,977 --> 00:15:11,244 Fine, I'll just go tell Janine 338 00:15:11,311 --> 00:15:13,413 that you want me to wait in the car by myself 339 00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:15,515 so you can try and have sex with her. 340 00:15:18,185 --> 00:15:20,187 Sit down, you little bastard. 341 00:15:22,222 --> 00:15:26,026 Now, this picture here is toward the end of my labor. 342 00:15:26,093 --> 00:15:30,230 That's my vagina, 343 00:15:30,297 --> 00:15:33,800 and that's Melissa's little head 344 00:15:33,866 --> 00:15:36,603 pokin' out of me like a groundhog. 345 00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:38,538 Mmm. 346 00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:41,008 Hey, I guess if she'd seen her shadow, 347 00:15:41,074 --> 00:15:43,576 I would've had six more weeks of labor, huh? 348 00:15:43,643 --> 00:15:44,611 (laughs) 349 00:15:44,677 --> 00:15:46,546 It's funny. 350 00:15:47,847 --> 00:15:51,218 You know, of all my kids, she was the easiest. 351 00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:55,855 Just like popping out a ping-pong ball. Phht! 352 00:15:55,922 --> 00:15:57,324 That's quite an image. 353 00:15:57,390 --> 00:16:00,560 Yeah, oh, and it was a natural childbirth, too. 354 00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:03,263 No drugs, just a couple of peyote buttons 355 00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:05,432 and bitin' down on a rope. 356 00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:07,034 (clears throat) 357 00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:08,301 Mom, would you mind 358 00:16:08,368 --> 00:16:10,870 if Dr. Harper and I have a little time alone? 359 00:16:10,937 --> 00:16:12,839 I'm sorry, honey. 360 00:16:12,905 --> 00:16:17,077 You kids must be as horny as a couple of drunken rabbits. 361 00:16:18,111 --> 00:16:19,579 Enjoy. 362 00:16:21,048 --> 00:16:22,282 Oh, uh, 363 00:16:22,349 --> 00:16:24,384 Kama Sutra's on the bookshelf 364 00:16:24,451 --> 00:16:27,587 case you feel like pushin' the envelope. 365 00:16:29,022 --> 00:16:31,124 I'm sorry about that. 366 00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:33,793 Mom never really made it home from Woodstock. 367 00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:36,896 Don't be silly. She's delightful. 368 00:16:36,963 --> 00:16:39,399 I'm just gonna close this up now. 369 00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:48,108 Don't mind me. 370 00:16:49,542 --> 00:16:52,145 I'm just gonna a roll a fatty in the backyard 371 00:16:52,212 --> 00:16:54,181 and zone out in the hammock. 372 00:16:57,150 --> 00:16:59,586 (slurping) 373 00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:02,089 Ah, that hit the spot. 374 00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:03,556 I'm glad you liked it. 375 00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:05,692 The best part of a root beer float? 376 00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:06,759 Your burps taste good. 377 00:17:10,397 --> 00:17:12,232 Listen, Janine, thanks for everything, 378 00:17:12,299 --> 00:17:14,167 but I should probably get this little guy home 379 00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:15,268 and come back. 380 00:17:15,335 --> 00:17:16,903 It's way past his bedtime. 381 00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:20,440 What are you talking about? It's not past my bedtime. 382 00:17:20,507 --> 00:17:22,875 What do you wanna bet he falls asleep in the car 383 00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:24,477 and I have to carry him in? 384 00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:27,647 What do you wanna bet he has to go home and take a laxative 385 00:17:27,714 --> 00:17:29,549 because he's too old to poop normal? 386 00:17:32,819 --> 00:17:33,920 All right, that's it! 387 00:17:33,986 --> 00:17:35,788 Not in the face! Not in the face! 388 00:17:36,923 --> 00:17:37,490 What? 389 00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:38,458 Stop that! 390 00:17:38,525 --> 00:17:39,859 He's kidding. I never hit him. 391 00:17:39,926 --> 00:17:41,494 Jake, tell her you're kidding. 392 00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:44,797 I'm kidding about that, but he can be verbally abusive. 393 00:17:46,133 --> 00:17:47,700 Not funny, Jake. 394 00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:49,469 The liquor makes him mean. 395 00:17:49,536 --> 00:17:52,172 Okay, I didn't want to have to do this, 396 00:17:52,239 --> 00:17:55,108 but I am calling your father, let him deal with you. 397 00:17:55,175 --> 00:17:57,810 I'm gonna go straighten up in the kitchen. 398 00:17:59,812 --> 00:18:02,649 (quietly) You don't know who you're messing with. 399 00:18:02,715 --> 00:18:05,618 (loudly): Are you kidding? I think she's gorgeous! 400 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:10,657 Ow! Ow! 401 00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:16,463 You don't know who you're messin' with. 402 00:18:24,204 --> 00:18:27,974 (ring tone plays): * Up, up and away in my beautiful... * 403 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,610 I'm sorry about that. Hang on. 404 00:18:35,748 --> 00:18:38,351 Charlie, now is not a good time. 405 00:18:38,418 --> 00:18:39,952 All right, put him on. 406 00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:41,321 I can't talk now, Dad. 407 00:18:41,388 --> 00:18:43,623 I'm about to get lucky with an older woman. 408 00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:45,958 What?! 409 00:18:46,025 --> 00:18:47,093 Where are you? 410 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:49,128 Jake? Jake?! 411 00:18:54,567 --> 00:18:57,704 Alan, would you be totally weirded out 412 00:18:57,770 --> 00:19:00,707 by a little mother-daughter tag team? 413 00:19:02,942 --> 00:19:04,811 * Men. 414 00:19:06,679 --> 00:19:08,815 * Men. 415 00:19:12,285 --> 00:19:14,287 I hope you're happy. 416 00:19:14,354 --> 00:19:16,789 I hope you're happy. 417 00:19:16,856 --> 00:19:19,091 I could've been happy. 418 00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:21,494 Are you gonna tell me what happened tonight? 419 00:19:21,561 --> 00:19:23,430 You don't wanna know. 420 00:19:24,231 --> 00:19:25,732 Where are you going? 421 00:19:25,798 --> 00:19:28,635 I'm a 14-year-old boy who recently got ear-boob. 422 00:19:28,701 --> 00:19:30,203 Where do you think I'm going? 423 00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:33,740 Ear-boob? 424 00:19:33,806 --> 00:19:35,975 You don't wanna know. 425 00:19:36,042 --> 00:19:37,510 So how'd it go with Melissa? 426 00:19:37,577 --> 00:19:39,612 You don't wanna know. 427 00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:41,414 Oh, come on. 428 00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:46,018 All right. I met her mom, saw a photo of mom's vagina, 429 00:19:46,085 --> 00:19:49,456 and chose to leave before being introduced to the real thing. 430 00:19:51,758 --> 00:19:54,227 You're right, I didn't wanna know. 431 00:19:55,895 --> 00:19:57,330 Where are you going? 432 00:19:57,397 --> 00:19:59,766 I'm a 40-year-old guy who recently... 433 00:19:59,832 --> 00:20:03,403 Ah, screw it. I'm gonna go play with myself. 434 00:20:03,470 --> 00:20:06,306 Okay, that I didn't want to know. 435 00:20:08,441 --> 00:20:10,377 Still not a bad idea.