1 00:00:00,968 --> 00:00:02,803 * Men... 2 00:00:02,870 --> 00:00:06,174 * Mmm... mmm 3 00:00:10,111 --> 00:00:11,679 Morning. 4 00:00:11,745 --> 00:00:15,083 Mmm. Morning. 5 00:00:15,149 --> 00:00:17,918 Charlie, please don't start anything. 6 00:00:17,985 --> 00:00:21,922 Too late. I woke up started. 7 00:00:21,989 --> 00:00:25,259 I have to get to work. 8 00:00:25,326 --> 00:00:27,928 Okay, I've got a job for you. 9 00:00:27,995 --> 00:00:30,964 We'll finish this tonight. 10 00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:34,268 I may have to finish this myself. 11 00:00:34,335 --> 00:00:35,636 Knock yourself out. 12 00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:39,073 It's no fun if you have permission. 13 00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:41,075 So, Charlie, I was thinking maybe tonight 14 00:00:41,142 --> 00:00:42,443 we could stay at my place. 15 00:00:42,510 --> 00:00:46,380 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 16 00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:47,448 Charlie? 17 00:00:47,515 --> 00:00:49,650 I'm sorry, did you say something? 18 00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:52,052 I said maybe tonight we could stay at my place. 19 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:55,089 You want to play on my face? 20 00:00:56,757 --> 00:00:59,493 Stay at my place. 21 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:01,028 Oh. 22 00:01:01,095 --> 00:01:02,563 What about it? 23 00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:04,865 I've been coming here for the past three weeks, 24 00:01:04,932 --> 00:01:07,601 and it's like an hour drive for me to get to work. 25 00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:10,471 Well, I'd be happy to spring for a cab. 26 00:01:10,538 --> 00:01:12,173 It's not the drive, you idiot. 27 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:13,641 You just said it was the drive. 28 00:01:13,707 --> 00:01:15,976 What I mean is if we're gonna see each other 29 00:01:16,043 --> 00:01:19,347 on a regular basis, there should be some give and take. 30 00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:22,116 Based on last night, we're pretty even Steven 31 00:01:22,183 --> 00:01:23,784 in the give-and-take department. 32 00:01:25,386 --> 00:01:28,656 And if I recall correctly, you're up one "take." 33 00:01:28,722 --> 00:01:32,226 Hey, of the two of us, I'm the one with tennis elbow. 34 00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:37,198 So what about tonight? 35 00:01:37,265 --> 00:01:40,033 I'd love to, but it might be a little tricky. 36 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,469 Why? 37 00:01:41,535 --> 00:01:43,804 (softly): Oh, I knew she'd ask me that. 38 00:01:43,871 --> 00:01:45,573 I'm starting to get the feeling 39 00:01:45,639 --> 00:01:48,075 that you only want to see at your place 40 00:01:48,142 --> 00:01:50,010 and at your convenience. 41 00:01:50,077 --> 00:01:53,447 No, of course not. 42 00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:56,550 Well, then fine, you'll stay at my place tonight. 43 00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:57,985 Sounds great. 44 00:01:58,051 --> 00:01:59,420 Lookin' forward to it. 45 00:02:03,557 --> 00:02:06,227 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 46 00:02:06,294 --> 00:02:09,830 * Ah. * Men. * Men. 47 00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:14,802 Doesn't matter, just as long as you and I are together. 48 00:02:19,207 --> 00:02:21,242 What did you do? 49 00:02:21,309 --> 00:02:22,976 I didn't do anything. 50 00:02:23,043 --> 00:02:24,312 Why would you even ask me that? 51 00:02:24,378 --> 00:02:27,348 I'm guessing he either robbed a liquor store 52 00:02:27,415 --> 00:02:28,716 or killed a drifter. 53 00:02:30,418 --> 00:02:32,453 Do I need to call your mother and ask her? 54 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:35,155 If you want to, but you know how she pushes your buttons. 55 00:02:35,223 --> 00:02:37,291 I'll take that chance. 56 00:02:37,358 --> 00:02:39,293 Fine, I don't care. 57 00:02:40,794 --> 00:02:43,664 All right, all right! I got thrown off the school bus. 58 00:02:43,731 --> 00:02:45,899 You got the spine of a gummy bear. 59 00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:50,170 Why were you thrown off the bus? 60 00:02:50,238 --> 00:02:52,906 Well, actually, it's a funny story. 61 00:02:52,973 --> 00:02:54,475 Amuse me. 62 00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:56,944 Have you ever heard of this thing called mooning? 63 00:02:58,145 --> 00:03:00,248 Yeah. Yeah, it rings a bell. 64 00:03:00,314 --> 00:03:02,049 The bus was going past the girls' track team 65 00:03:02,115 --> 00:03:04,618 and a bunch of us thought it'd be funny to moon them. 66 00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:06,086 (chuckling) 67 00:03:06,153 --> 00:03:08,589 See, she gets it. 68 00:03:08,656 --> 00:03:09,657 Berta. 69 00:03:09,723 --> 00:03:13,026 Sorry. I'm just remembering my prom. 70 00:03:13,093 --> 00:03:14,795 (sighs) So what happened? 71 00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:17,365 Well, I was working near the high school that night, 72 00:03:17,431 --> 00:03:19,633 and I thought it would be fun to drive the backhoe... 73 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:22,035 No. Not you. 74 00:03:22,102 --> 00:03:23,571 Him. 75 00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:26,907 Well. Excuse me for sharing. 76 00:03:26,974 --> 00:03:28,709 What happened? 77 00:03:28,776 --> 00:03:31,245 Well, it sounds like Berta had quite a prom. 78 00:03:31,312 --> 00:03:34,014 You're skating on thin ice, Jake. 79 00:03:34,081 --> 00:03:36,784 Boy, that's something we haven't done in a long time-- skating. 80 00:03:36,850 --> 00:03:38,252 Jake! 81 00:03:38,319 --> 00:03:40,388 Mom grounded me for two weeks. 82 00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:42,256 Why didn't your mother tell me about this? 83 00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:44,325 I promised I'd tell you. 84 00:03:44,392 --> 00:03:46,427 What can I say? She believed me. 85 00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:50,130 So how about a movie? A little father-son bonding. 86 00:03:50,197 --> 00:03:51,499 No, no. No movies. 87 00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,000 Skating? No skating. 88 00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:54,335 Fine. 89 00:03:54,402 --> 00:03:56,304 Also no TV, no video games, 90 00:03:56,370 --> 00:03:59,673 no cell phones, and no iPods-- 91 00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:02,242 Couldn't you just smack me with a belt and get it over with? 92 00:04:02,310 --> 00:04:04,312 Get out of here. 93 00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:10,884 I'm bored. 94 00:04:10,951 --> 00:04:13,253 * Men... 95 00:04:13,321 --> 00:04:15,188 Oh, man. 96 00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:16,557 What's the matter? 97 00:04:16,624 --> 00:04:18,492 Did you know that Culver City 98 00:04:18,559 --> 00:04:20,260 is all the way down near the airport? 99 00:04:20,328 --> 00:04:22,229 Yes. 100 00:04:22,296 --> 00:04:25,866 That's gotta be like 45 minutes from here. 101 00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:27,535 If there's no traffic. 102 00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:28,869 Traffic? 103 00:04:30,304 --> 00:04:33,040 Is this Culver City place popular? 104 00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:36,844 Not particularly, but there are other people with cars 105 00:04:36,910 --> 00:04:39,913 living lives completely separate from your own. 106 00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:41,849 Oh, right. 107 00:04:41,915 --> 00:04:43,283 I hate those people. 108 00:04:43,351 --> 00:04:46,119 "So what's in Culver City?," he asked, 109 00:04:46,186 --> 00:04:47,788 knowing the only possible answer. 110 00:04:47,855 --> 00:04:50,057 Can you believe she wants me to schlep all the way 111 00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:52,593 over to her place just so we can spend the night together? 112 00:04:53,527 --> 00:04:55,228 Aw, you poor guy. 113 00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:58,366 You have to drive 45 minutes to get laid. 114 00:05:00,768 --> 00:05:03,003 And 45 minutes to get back. 115 00:05:05,272 --> 00:05:07,240 That's 90 minutes behind the wheel 116 00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:09,810 for 20, 30 minutes behind... 117 00:05:09,877 --> 00:05:12,179 Well, I don't need to draw you a map. 118 00:05:12,245 --> 00:05:14,214 You're breaking my heart. 119 00:05:14,281 --> 00:05:16,183 And it's not just that. 120 00:05:16,249 --> 00:05:18,318 She said there's only street parking. 121 00:05:18,386 --> 00:05:20,654 Which means trees. 122 00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:23,023 And trees have that, you know, toxic syrup 123 00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:25,726 that drips out of them and gets all over your car. 124 00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:27,361 Sap. 125 00:05:27,428 --> 00:05:28,862 If I make that drive, I am. 126 00:05:31,365 --> 00:05:32,500 Wait a minute, wait a minute. 127 00:05:32,566 --> 00:05:34,134 You always said that it was better to go 128 00:05:34,201 --> 00:05:36,504 to the woman's house so that you could make a quick getaway. 129 00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:39,106 Yeah, for one-nighters that's fine. 130 00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:40,974 But this girl, I care about. 131 00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:43,411 We've been seeing each other for almost a month. 132 00:05:43,477 --> 00:05:46,179 And yet you just found out where she lives. 133 00:05:46,246 --> 00:05:50,418 There's a difference between caring and stalking, Alan. 134 00:05:50,484 --> 00:05:52,786 Hey, Dad, I need my laptop. 135 00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,422 What for? Homework. 136 00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:55,389 What homework? 137 00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:57,958 Um... Damn, you're good. 138 00:06:00,494 --> 00:06:02,863 * Men... 139 00:06:02,930 --> 00:06:05,533 Thanks for driving all the way over here, Charlie. 140 00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:07,300 Are you kidding? 141 00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,102 I would've walked here if I had to. 142 00:06:09,169 --> 00:06:12,272 Probably would've been faster with the traffic. 143 00:06:12,339 --> 00:06:14,241 Good night. 144 00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:15,543 Good night. 145 00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:24,017 (car door slams) 146 00:06:30,257 --> 00:06:31,425 What are you doing? 147 00:06:31,492 --> 00:06:33,226 I heard a car door. 148 00:06:33,293 --> 00:06:35,295 Your Mercedes is fine, Charlie. 149 00:06:35,362 --> 00:06:37,431 I know, I know. 150 00:06:37,498 --> 00:06:38,932 Just double-checking. 151 00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:42,035 (alarm chirps) 152 00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:45,238 Probably gonna get sap all over the car cover. 153 00:06:45,305 --> 00:06:47,307 Isn't that what it's for? 154 00:06:47,374 --> 00:06:50,077 You don't get it. That's fine. 155 00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:55,248 No TV in the bedroom, huh? 156 00:06:55,315 --> 00:06:56,584 It's in the living room. 157 00:06:56,650 --> 00:06:57,651 You just got the one? 158 00:06:57,718 --> 00:06:59,286 How many do I need? 159 00:06:59,352 --> 00:07:05,593 Well, you've got three rooms and a bath, so... four. 160 00:07:05,659 --> 00:07:08,328 If you want to go watch television instead of cuddling, 161 00:07:08,395 --> 00:07:10,297 that's up to you. 162 00:07:10,363 --> 00:07:14,968 No, no, I'd much rather cuddle. 163 00:07:16,504 --> 00:07:18,438 At my house, we could do both. 164 00:07:18,506 --> 00:07:22,275 You know, cuddling and Sportscenter. 165 00:07:22,342 --> 00:07:24,244 Good night, Charlie. 166 00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:26,580 Sweet dreams. 167 00:07:43,897 --> 00:07:45,566 (sighs) 168 00:07:45,633 --> 00:07:47,601 What now? 169 00:07:47,668 --> 00:07:49,503 Nothing. I'm just used to sleeping 170 00:07:49,570 --> 00:07:51,438 on the other side of the bed. 171 00:07:51,505 --> 00:07:53,373 Yeah, so? 172 00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:55,242 So I usually sleep on my left side, 173 00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:58,879 which faces me towards the edge of the mattress. 174 00:07:58,946 --> 00:08:02,683 But here, I'm facing the back of your head--which is fine; 175 00:08:02,750 --> 00:08:05,619 there are certainly times when I enjoy seeing it 176 00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:07,688 from that angle-- 177 00:08:07,755 --> 00:08:10,457 but, you know, when I'm trying to sleep, 178 00:08:10,524 --> 00:08:12,860 it's a little disconcerting. 179 00:08:12,926 --> 00:08:16,496 Well, I'm sorry, but this is my side. 180 00:08:16,564 --> 00:08:19,499 But you sleep on the other side at my house. 181 00:08:19,567 --> 00:08:22,169 Because it's your house; this is my house. 182 00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:23,503 But I'm a guest. 183 00:08:23,571 --> 00:08:24,538 And I'm the guest at your house. 184 00:08:24,605 --> 00:08:26,607 That's different. How? 185 00:08:26,674 --> 00:08:28,241 Give me a minute. 186 00:08:28,308 --> 00:08:30,510 Good night, Charlie. 187 00:08:30,578 --> 00:08:35,382 Boy, you're being pretty inflexible. 188 00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:37,718 Oh, you think I'm inflexible. 189 00:08:37,785 --> 00:08:39,953 Well, not physically, 190 00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:42,690 but you got to admit in this regard, 191 00:08:42,756 --> 00:08:44,224 you're a little stubborn. 192 00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:49,162 Good night, Charlie. 193 00:08:52,232 --> 00:08:55,603 Okay. Good night. 194 00:08:58,238 --> 00:09:00,674 How about this? 195 00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:03,611 If we switch sides and an armed intruder came in, 196 00:09:03,677 --> 00:09:04,945 I could leap up and protect you. 197 00:09:05,012 --> 00:09:07,380 But this way, you're pretty much guaranteed 198 00:09:07,447 --> 00:09:09,617 to catch the first bullet. 199 00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:12,019 What if he comes through the window? 200 00:09:15,122 --> 00:09:16,957 Oh, great. 201 00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:19,159 Now I'm never gonna get to sleep. 202 00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:34,241 ALAN: Jake? 203 00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:36,076 (TV turns off) 204 00:09:38,779 --> 00:09:41,181 You'd better not be watching TV. 205 00:09:56,063 --> 00:09:58,365 (sighs) 206 00:10:00,701 --> 00:10:02,736 Ah. 207 00:10:02,803 --> 00:10:04,604 Maybe he's upstairs. 208 00:10:08,676 --> 00:10:10,978 (doorknob rattling) 209 00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:12,379 Uh-oh. 210 00:10:17,818 --> 00:10:19,987 (subtle clattering outside) 211 00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:28,628 (clattering continues) 212 00:10:28,696 --> 00:10:31,164 (dog barks) 213 00:10:35,803 --> 00:10:38,038 (car approaching) 214 00:10:48,849 --> 00:10:52,319 (sighs deeply) 215 00:10:54,888 --> 00:10:58,291 It's like trying to sleep in the freaking jungle. 216 00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:11,571 (cat snarls) 217 00:11:11,638 --> 00:11:13,707 (screams) 218 00:11:16,844 --> 00:11:17,711 What's going on? 219 00:11:17,778 --> 00:11:19,179 Nothing, nothing. 220 00:11:19,246 --> 00:11:23,516 I was going to the bathroom, and I stepped on a cat. 221 00:11:23,583 --> 00:11:24,752 You don't have to sneak out. 222 00:11:24,818 --> 00:11:26,519 If you want to leave, leave. 223 00:11:26,586 --> 00:11:30,057 Whoa, I'd say someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed. 224 00:11:31,224 --> 00:11:33,693 But I don't want to revisit that topic. 225 00:11:33,761 --> 00:11:35,695 Good-bye, Charlie. 226 00:11:35,763 --> 00:11:39,867 Gee, you sound kind of angry. 227 00:11:39,933 --> 00:11:41,601 Why would I be angry? 228 00:11:41,668 --> 00:11:42,903 Just because I drive 229 00:11:42,970 --> 00:11:44,872 to Malibu every night for a month, 230 00:11:44,938 --> 00:11:46,606 and you won't stay even one night with me? 231 00:11:46,673 --> 00:11:51,578 Well, that and, you know, possibly crippling your cat. 232 00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:53,747 Go home, Charlie. 233 00:11:53,814 --> 00:11:54,882 Are you sure? 234 00:11:54,948 --> 00:11:56,549 I'm begging you. 235 00:11:56,616 --> 00:11:59,219 Okay, if that's what you want. 236 00:12:03,857 --> 00:12:06,226 So tomorrow at my place? 237 00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:15,803 You make love like a woman, but you throw like a man. 238 00:12:15,869 --> 00:12:17,170 * Men... 239 00:12:37,390 --> 00:12:40,093 Jake? 240 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:42,095 (yells) 241 00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:44,865 Why are you sleeping out here? 242 00:12:44,932 --> 00:12:48,368 I was, um... camping? 243 00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:53,206 Okay, well, as long as you're not watching TV. 244 00:12:58,745 --> 00:13:00,247 Oh! 245 00:13:01,982 --> 00:13:04,751 Stupid birds. 246 00:13:04,818 --> 00:13:06,353 Hey, how'd it go last night? 247 00:13:06,419 --> 00:13:10,958 I couldn't do it, Alan. I tried, but I couldn't. 248 00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:13,793 Oh, well, that happens to all men occasionally. 249 00:13:13,861 --> 00:13:15,662 Especially when you get to be our age. 250 00:13:15,728 --> 00:13:17,898 What are you talking about? 251 00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:20,533 What are you talking about? 252 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:22,936 I'm talking about how I'm so set in my ways, 253 00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:25,505 I couldn't spend one night in a strange house. 254 00:13:25,572 --> 00:13:27,507 Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. 255 00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:31,344 I mean, there was a time when I could sleep anywhere: 256 00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:36,416 couches, floors, witness boxes, police cars, jail cells. 257 00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:38,952 That's not sleeping. That's passing out. 258 00:13:39,019 --> 00:13:42,789 I'm not gonna argue semantics with you. 259 00:13:42,856 --> 00:13:46,259 The point is I was really uncomfortable over there. 260 00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:48,095 Even if I could have gotten to sleep, 261 00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:50,297 the morning would have been a disaster. 262 00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:51,298 How so? 263 00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:53,000 Think about it. 264 00:13:53,066 --> 00:13:54,301 After I had my morning coffee, 265 00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:56,736 where would I go to do my business? 266 00:13:56,803 --> 00:13:59,139 Oh, right, you always want 267 00:13:59,206 --> 00:14:01,008 to have home-field advantage for that. 268 00:14:01,074 --> 00:14:04,144 She's got one of those wooden toilet seats. 269 00:14:04,211 --> 00:14:08,315 It would've been like sitting on Pinocchio's mouth. 270 00:14:10,717 --> 00:14:14,154 You ever wonder about people who can poop in a gas station? 271 00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:16,823 What is wrong with them? 272 00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:18,825 What about Porta-Potties? 273 00:14:18,892 --> 00:14:21,895 Those aren't people. Those are animals. 274 00:14:21,962 --> 00:14:24,497 I'd rather go in the trunk of my car. 275 00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:26,299 I have. 276 00:14:29,069 --> 00:14:31,238 You've gone in the trunk of your car? 277 00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:33,106 No, yours. 278 00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:40,347 That was you?! 279 00:14:43,350 --> 00:14:46,286 I convinced myself a coyote had gotten in there. 280 00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:56,296 (playing "Smoke On the Water" amateurishly) 281 00:15:05,705 --> 00:15:07,107 What the hell are you doing?! 282 00:15:07,174 --> 00:15:10,077 Playing "Smoke On the Water." 283 00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:11,844 With your tongue? 284 00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,246 Pretty cool, huh? 285 00:15:13,313 --> 00:15:16,116 No, that is not cool. It's disgusting. 286 00:15:16,183 --> 00:15:17,350 Alan, get in here! 287 00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:18,818 What now? 288 00:15:18,885 --> 00:15:20,920 Your kid's licking my piano. 289 00:15:20,988 --> 00:15:24,992 Jake, don't lick your uncle's piano. 290 00:15:25,058 --> 00:15:26,659 I'm bored. 291 00:15:26,726 --> 00:15:27,860 Go read a book. 292 00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:29,029 I don't want to read a book. 293 00:15:29,096 --> 00:15:30,297 Then go lick a book. 294 00:15:34,234 --> 00:15:36,703 How long is this whole grounding thing gonna go on for? 295 00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:37,570 Two weeks. 296 00:15:37,637 --> 00:15:38,972 Two weeks? 297 00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:40,573 Charlie, he stuck his ass out a bus window 298 00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:42,042 at the girls' track team. 299 00:15:42,109 --> 00:15:44,677 That's what you're punishing him for? 300 00:15:44,744 --> 00:15:47,247 When you were his age, you mooned the girls' choir. 301 00:15:47,314 --> 00:15:51,218 No, when I was his age, you pantsed me 302 00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:53,453 in front of the girls' choir. 303 00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:55,022 Oh, right. 304 00:15:55,088 --> 00:15:57,424 Well, either way, you made the yearbook. 305 00:15:59,892 --> 00:16:00,793 Berta, I'm leaving. 306 00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:01,594 Hang on! 307 00:16:01,661 --> 00:16:02,762 Where you going? 308 00:16:02,829 --> 00:16:04,931 I talked Chelsea into giving me another chance 309 00:16:04,998 --> 00:16:06,333 to spend the night at her place. 310 00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:09,536 Here's your overnight bag. 311 00:16:10,103 --> 00:16:11,071 Thank you. 312 00:16:11,138 --> 00:16:12,705 All that's for one night? 313 00:16:12,772 --> 00:16:17,310 One night and one morning business meeting with Pinocchio. 314 00:16:19,512 --> 00:16:21,314 I got your flip-flops for the shower, 315 00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:23,983 your personal bath towel, hand towel and washcloth, 316 00:16:24,051 --> 00:16:25,418 your hand soap, face soap and shampoo. 317 00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:26,486 Great. 318 00:16:26,553 --> 00:16:29,322 One handheld TV, your goose-down pillow, 319 00:16:29,389 --> 00:16:31,358 Egyptian cotton pillowcase and sheets 320 00:16:31,424 --> 00:16:33,793 and a ziplock baggie of your special blend French roast coffee. 321 00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:35,328 Terrific. 322 00:16:35,395 --> 00:16:38,298 One jar of seedless raspberry jam, a mild laxative 323 00:16:38,365 --> 00:16:41,368 and one roll of quilted toilet paper with lanolin. 324 00:16:43,636 --> 00:16:46,606 Okay. 325 00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:49,576 Culver City, here I come. 326 00:16:53,780 --> 00:16:55,048 He ain't gonna make it. 327 00:16:55,115 --> 00:16:56,549 Not a chance. 328 00:16:58,418 --> 00:17:01,721 You know, I have never once seen him eat seedless raspberry jam. 329 00:17:01,788 --> 00:17:04,291 That's because you've never applied a thin layer 330 00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:06,459 to your hindquarters. 331 00:17:10,997 --> 00:17:13,166 * Men... 332 00:17:13,233 --> 00:17:14,267 I'm so glad you decided 333 00:17:14,334 --> 00:17:16,002 this was important to you, Charlie. 334 00:17:16,069 --> 00:17:18,838 Well, you're important to me. 335 00:17:18,905 --> 00:17:21,208 What are you doing? 336 00:17:21,274 --> 00:17:23,610 I brought my sheets. 337 00:17:24,577 --> 00:17:26,045 You wanna grab the other side? 338 00:17:27,514 --> 00:17:29,116 What's wrong with my sheets? 339 00:17:29,182 --> 00:17:31,451 Nothing, nothing. But mine are better. 340 00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:33,353 Egyptian cotton. 341 00:17:33,420 --> 00:17:36,556 Like, eight-million thread count. 342 00:17:36,623 --> 00:17:38,158 And good news. 343 00:17:38,225 --> 00:17:41,528 I solved the wrong-side- of-the-bed situation. 344 00:17:41,594 --> 00:17:42,629 Okay... 345 00:17:42,695 --> 00:17:46,299 I'll just sleep with my head down there. 346 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:50,303 That way, I'm facing the right way. 347 00:17:50,370 --> 00:17:52,805 But then your feet will be in my face. 348 00:17:52,872 --> 00:17:54,141 Way ahead of you. 349 00:17:54,207 --> 00:17:55,742 Peppermint foot lotion. 350 00:17:57,410 --> 00:18:00,079 You'll think you're sleepin' in Candyland. 351 00:18:00,147 --> 00:18:03,650 Oh, before I forget. 352 00:18:03,716 --> 00:18:05,252 Toilet paper? 353 00:18:05,318 --> 00:18:08,788 Don't get your hopes up, but I'm gonna make the effort. 354 00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:13,426 * Men... 355 00:18:14,561 --> 00:18:15,495 Hey, Jake? 356 00:18:17,797 --> 00:18:19,566 You out here? 357 00:18:22,202 --> 00:18:23,170 Seen my kid? 358 00:18:32,879 --> 00:18:36,516 (TV blasting) 359 00:18:39,386 --> 00:18:41,288 What the hell? 360 00:18:41,354 --> 00:18:43,590 Can I have some privacy, please? 361 00:18:45,858 --> 00:18:48,027 Get out of the tub. Out of the tub. 362 00:18:48,094 --> 00:18:49,896 Fine. 363 00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:52,499 You're unbelievable. Is TV that important to you? 364 00:18:52,565 --> 00:18:54,634 Do you really have to ask? 365 00:18:54,701 --> 00:18:56,403 Go to your room. 366 00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:58,871 Fine, but check out Uncle Charlie's toilet seat. 367 00:18:58,938 --> 00:19:00,473 It heats up. 368 00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:02,309 Just go! 369 00:19:04,411 --> 00:19:05,712 Can I have this raspberry jam? 370 00:19:05,778 --> 00:19:08,315 Don't touch the jam! 371 00:19:17,924 --> 00:19:21,494 Oh... 372 00:19:21,561 --> 00:19:24,664 Toasty. 373 00:19:27,099 --> 00:19:29,469 If only I could poop at night. 374 00:19:31,137 --> 00:19:33,172 Maybe I'll just pee girly style. 375 00:19:35,742 --> 00:19:37,277 * Men... 376 00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:48,488 Charlie... 377 00:19:48,555 --> 00:19:49,756 (gasps) 378 00:19:51,858 --> 00:19:53,260 What? 379 00:19:53,326 --> 00:19:54,694 This isn't working for me. 380 00:19:54,761 --> 00:19:56,963 My feet too minty? 381 00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:58,598 It's not your feet. 382 00:19:58,665 --> 00:20:01,668 Well, it is your feet, but it's also the sheets, 383 00:20:01,734 --> 00:20:04,537 the pillows, the towels, the TV, the electric toothbrush. 384 00:20:04,604 --> 00:20:06,373 It's not a toothbrush. 385 00:20:06,439 --> 00:20:08,475 It's an ultrasonic dental appliance. 386 00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:10,009 It's probably got more vibrations per minute 387 00:20:10,076 --> 00:20:12,779 than that plastic egg you keep in your nightstand. 388 00:20:14,747 --> 00:20:15,815 That's right. 389 00:20:15,882 --> 00:20:17,784 I do have one of those. 390 00:20:17,850 --> 00:20:19,151 Go home. 391 00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:21,421 But I want to spend the night here. 392 00:20:21,488 --> 00:20:22,789 No, no, I made a mistake. 393 00:20:22,855 --> 00:20:25,024 From now on, we'll stay at your place. 394 00:20:25,091 --> 00:20:26,893 Oh, okay. 395 00:20:26,959 --> 00:20:27,894 Your call. 396 00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:31,764 I'm nothing if not flexible. 397 00:20:33,165 --> 00:20:34,467 (cat yowls) 398 00:20:35,702 --> 00:20:39,406 You really should put a bell on that thing. 399 00:20:39,472 --> 00:20:41,541 * Men... 400 00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:49,582 Hello, Mr. Bed. 401 00:20:49,649 --> 00:20:51,551 I'll be with you in a minute 402 00:20:51,618 --> 00:20:55,522 after I pay my respects to Professor Toilet. 403 00:21:13,906 --> 00:21:23,015 Hello.