1 00:00:03,204 --> 00:00:04,872 You got your homework done? Mm-hmm. 2 00:00:04,938 --> 00:00:06,006 All of it? 3 00:00:06,074 --> 00:00:07,608 Yep. 4 00:00:07,675 --> 00:00:09,043 Hmm, attaboy! 5 00:00:09,110 --> 00:00:10,911 Now you just get to kick back this weekend. 6 00:00:10,978 --> 00:00:12,913 That's my plan. 7 00:00:12,980 --> 00:00:14,048 Except... 8 00:00:14,115 --> 00:00:15,749 Except nothing. 9 00:00:15,816 --> 00:00:17,751 Oh, well, excuse me. 10 00:00:19,887 --> 00:00:21,789 Oh, yeah. 11 00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:22,756 There it is. 12 00:00:24,292 --> 00:00:26,860 I might have to write a book report for Monday. 13 00:00:26,927 --> 00:00:29,163 What do you mean you might have to write a book report? 14 00:00:29,230 --> 00:00:31,265 I mean if there's no earthquake by Monday morning, 15 00:00:31,332 --> 00:00:33,033 I have to write a book report. 16 00:00:33,101 --> 00:00:35,536 Oh, God... so what's the book? 17 00:00:35,603 --> 00:00:38,239 William Shakespeare's The Taming of the Shrew. 18 00:00:38,306 --> 00:00:40,974 By William Shakespeare. 19 00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:43,777 Hey, that'll come in handy when he's mopping out the toilets 20 00:00:43,844 --> 00:00:44,778 at the House of Pancakes. 21 00:00:46,347 --> 00:00:48,982 You know, I could go for some pancakes. 22 00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:51,085 Jake, please tell me you read the book. 23 00:00:51,152 --> 00:00:53,121 I really wish I could, Dad. 24 00:00:53,187 --> 00:00:55,189 Oh, jeez. 25 00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:57,525 I was going to read it, but I can't find it. 26 00:00:57,591 --> 00:00:58,692 You lost the book? 27 00:00:58,759 --> 00:01:00,928 So what do you intend to do about the report? 28 00:01:00,994 --> 00:01:03,063 You mean aside from the earthquake? 29 00:01:03,131 --> 00:01:05,133 Yeah. 30 00:01:05,199 --> 00:01:09,069 Well, I kind of put all my eggs in the earthquake basket. 31 00:01:09,137 --> 00:01:11,239 Go get dressed. We're going to go to the store. 32 00:01:11,305 --> 00:01:12,606 Well, can we stop for pancakes? 33 00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:14,342 Go! 34 00:01:15,143 --> 00:01:16,444 I bet you're sorry 35 00:01:16,510 --> 00:01:19,713 you took all that LSD before you had him. 36 00:01:21,749 --> 00:01:23,050 I never took any LSD. 37 00:01:23,117 --> 00:01:26,120 You might want to start telling people you did. 38 00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:30,391 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 39 00:01:30,458 --> 00:01:33,327 * Ah. * Men. * Men. 40 00:01:35,062 --> 00:01:36,930 Unbelievable. You had four weeks 41 00:01:36,997 --> 00:01:37,965 to write this book report. 42 00:01:38,031 --> 00:01:39,900 Get over it, Dad. 43 00:01:39,967 --> 00:01:41,702 Yeah, Alan, relax. 44 00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:43,671 He'll have eight weeks of summer school to do it. 45 00:01:45,139 --> 00:01:46,840 Unless there's an earthquake. 46 00:01:48,509 --> 00:01:50,278 Oh, excuse me. Could you tell me 47 00:01:50,344 --> 00:01:51,745 where the classic literature section is? 48 00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:53,547 Third floor near the restroom. Thank you. 49 00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:54,482 You guys go ahead. 50 00:01:54,548 --> 00:01:56,384 I'm gonna look at some magazines. 51 00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:59,253 They don't sell those kinds of magazines here. I checked. 52 00:02:00,888 --> 00:02:02,089 Come on, you little perv. 53 00:02:02,156 --> 00:02:03,391 Meet me back here. 54 00:02:04,292 --> 00:02:06,460 Wait. Was that an earthquake? 55 00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:12,099 Can I help you find anything? 56 00:02:12,166 --> 00:02:14,001 Yeah, uh, I'm looking for a book. 57 00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:15,803 Ah. 58 00:02:17,070 --> 00:02:18,906 You probably need more than that. 59 00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:21,975 I want a book about, you know, relationship stuff. 60 00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:25,045 Ooh, relationship stuff. 61 00:02:25,112 --> 00:02:27,781 No, not "Ooh, relationship stuff," 62 00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:29,283 just relationship stuff. 63 00:02:29,350 --> 00:02:31,118 It's in the self-help section. 64 00:02:31,185 --> 00:02:32,720 Thanks. 65 00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:35,155 Best of luck. 66 00:02:37,725 --> 00:02:40,561 This is worse than buying condoms. 67 00:02:42,062 --> 00:02:43,897 Okay, let's see. 68 00:02:43,964 --> 00:02:45,899 Why Relationships Fail. 69 00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:48,936 Smart Women, Foolish Choices. 70 00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:50,938 Thank God for those gals. 71 00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,607 Excuse me. Sorry. 72 00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,909 Oh, Embracing Your Soul Mate? 73 00:02:55,976 --> 00:02:58,612 Oh. "Soul mate." 74 00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:00,281 I thought it was "cell mate." 75 00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:03,251 You know, a prison love story? 76 00:03:03,317 --> 00:03:05,253 Mm, I see. 77 00:03:05,319 --> 00:03:08,021 Not that I'm into prison love stories. 78 00:03:08,088 --> 00:03:09,623 I like the girls in prison stuff. 79 00:03:11,124 --> 00:03:12,893 Oh, who am I kidding? 80 00:03:14,262 --> 00:03:15,996 I'm looking for some help, okay? 81 00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:17,565 Well, you're not alone. 82 00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:19,633 There are millions of people out there looking for help. 83 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:22,503 Gee, thanks for making me feel special. 84 00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:24,972 Let me ask you something. 85 00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:27,441 What would you change about yourself if you could? 86 00:03:27,508 --> 00:03:30,077 I don't know, little things, I guess. 87 00:03:30,143 --> 00:03:31,111 Like what? 88 00:03:31,178 --> 00:03:32,179 Oh, well, I guess 89 00:03:32,246 --> 00:03:33,681 I'd like to be a little happier. 90 00:03:33,747 --> 00:03:36,650 Maybe find a way to sustain a healthy relationship 91 00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,319 with a woman so I don't, you know, 92 00:03:38,386 --> 00:03:40,220 grow old and die alone, 93 00:03:40,288 --> 00:03:41,889 incontinent and unloved. 94 00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:45,559 Ah, yes, the little things. 95 00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:48,195 Can I recommend a book for you? 96 00:03:48,262 --> 00:03:49,963 Well, as long as I'm here. 97 00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:57,271 Breaking Barriers: 98 00:03:57,338 --> 00:03:59,973 Finding the Intimacy You Deserve. 99 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,876 I don't know, I was hoping to do better than I deserve. 100 00:04:02,943 --> 00:04:04,445 Give it a chance. 101 00:04:04,512 --> 00:04:06,213 I hear it's helped a lot of people. 102 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:08,749 For 25 bucks, it better wash my car. 103 00:04:12,052 --> 00:04:13,053 Wait a minute. 104 00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:14,254 Is this you? 105 00:04:14,322 --> 00:04:16,390 Armor All is extra. 106 00:04:16,457 --> 00:04:17,791 Oh, cool. 107 00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:19,092 Will you sign it for me? 108 00:04:19,159 --> 00:04:20,461 Oh, I'd be happy to. What's your name? 109 00:04:20,528 --> 00:04:22,663 Charlie. Okay. 110 00:04:24,332 --> 00:04:26,400 Now, that it's autographed, I'm not a loser; 111 00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:28,636 I'm a collector. 112 00:04:29,737 --> 00:04:32,306 Here you go. 113 00:04:32,373 --> 00:04:35,175 "To Charlie, reading a self-help book 114 00:04:35,242 --> 00:04:37,411 doesn't make you less of a man." 115 00:04:37,478 --> 00:04:40,180 Okay, back to loser. 116 00:04:40,247 --> 00:04:42,149 You're not a loser, Charlie. 117 00:04:42,215 --> 00:04:44,518 Like most men, you're just afraid to be vulnerable. 118 00:04:44,585 --> 00:04:47,888 Excuse me, but what sane person wants to be vulnerable? 119 00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:51,024 If you're not vulnerable, you can't feel anything. 120 00:04:51,091 --> 00:04:52,860 Yeah, and? 121 00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:54,762 Read the book. 122 00:04:55,863 --> 00:04:58,098 Wait. 123 00:04:58,165 --> 00:04:59,833 Can I buy you a cup of coffee? 124 00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:00,768 Why? 125 00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:02,570 I'd like to talk to you some more. 126 00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:04,338 Are you still gonna buy the book? 127 00:05:04,405 --> 00:05:06,173 I have to. 128 00:05:06,239 --> 00:05:07,841 You wrote all over it. 129 00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:09,877 Then sure, why not? 130 00:05:09,943 --> 00:05:11,512 Great. 131 00:05:11,579 --> 00:05:13,547 Listen, if I give you the money, will you pay for it? 132 00:05:13,614 --> 00:05:15,749 I don't need any more sympathy from the help. 133 00:05:17,351 --> 00:05:18,519 What's a shrew anyway? 134 00:05:18,586 --> 00:05:20,253 Oh, it's a small rodent. 135 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,289 Oh, so this is like Stuart Little? 136 00:05:22,356 --> 00:05:24,658 No, no, it's about a man 137 00:05:24,725 --> 00:05:26,927 trying to control a willful, angry woman. 138 00:05:26,994 --> 00:05:29,630 Is he trying to control her with rodents? 139 00:05:31,198 --> 00:05:32,800 I don't want to spoil it for you. 140 00:05:32,866 --> 00:05:34,835 Let's just find your Uncle Charlie 141 00:05:34,902 --> 00:05:36,336 and get out of here. 142 00:05:36,404 --> 00:05:37,638 Excuse me, uh... 143 00:05:37,705 --> 00:05:39,907 have you seen a guy, um, dark hair, 144 00:05:39,973 --> 00:05:41,241 bowling shirt, shorts? 145 00:05:41,308 --> 00:05:43,243 Oh, yeah, the self-help guy. 146 00:05:43,310 --> 00:05:44,878 No, that doesn't sound like him. 147 00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:47,448 Well, a guy like that just left with a pretty blonde woman. 148 00:05:47,515 --> 00:05:49,417 That sounds like him. 149 00:05:50,384 --> 00:05:51,685 Dad, this is the wrong book. 150 00:05:51,752 --> 00:05:53,086 What are you talking about? 151 00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:55,423 It's in some sort of foreign language. 152 00:05:55,489 --> 00:05:57,391 It's Elizabethan. 153 00:05:57,458 --> 00:05:59,393 Well, can we get one in English? 154 00:05:59,460 --> 00:06:01,361 Walk. 155 00:06:04,398 --> 00:06:06,600 * Men. * 156 00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:08,936 ALAN: How could you have already lost the book?! 157 00:06:09,002 --> 00:06:10,337 JAKE: I didn't do it on purpose! 158 00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:11,939 What are you yelling at me for?! 159 00:06:12,005 --> 00:06:13,441 ALAN: 'Cause it's one of the few pleasures 160 00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:15,443 of being your father! 161 00:06:17,277 --> 00:06:19,279 Oh, look who's here! Thanks a lot. 162 00:06:19,346 --> 00:06:20,814 What did I do? 163 00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:22,249 You stranded us at the mall. 164 00:06:22,315 --> 00:06:23,383 We had to take the bus home. 165 00:06:23,451 --> 00:06:24,552 The bus! 166 00:06:24,618 --> 00:06:26,286 I left the book on the bus. 167 00:06:26,353 --> 00:06:28,388 There. Mystery solved. 168 00:06:29,322 --> 00:06:30,123 Go get in the car. 169 00:06:30,190 --> 00:06:31,191 Where are we going? 170 00:06:31,258 --> 00:06:32,460 Where do you think we're going? 171 00:06:33,561 --> 00:06:36,497 Well, we never did get those pancakes. 172 00:06:37,531 --> 00:06:38,499 We're going back to the bookstore 173 00:06:38,566 --> 00:06:39,967 to buy another damn book. 174 00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:41,201 And this one's coming out of your allowance. 175 00:06:41,268 --> 00:06:42,836 What allowance? 176 00:06:45,038 --> 00:06:47,307 Wait. I'm supposed to be getting an allowance? 177 00:06:47,374 --> 00:06:49,176 Go get your shoes. 178 00:06:53,213 --> 00:06:55,449 Whoa. Did you guys feel that? 179 00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:57,718 Move it! 180 00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:02,422 So guess what? 181 00:07:02,490 --> 00:07:03,824 I'm going to transform my life 182 00:07:03,891 --> 00:07:05,559 and get the intimacy I deserve. 183 00:07:05,626 --> 00:07:07,160 Fantastic. 184 00:07:07,227 --> 00:07:09,530 You work on that while I go back to the mall with taterhead. 185 00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:13,867 Not only that, I met the author, 186 00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,102 and she's amazing. 187 00:07:15,168 --> 00:07:16,537 Is this the woman you dumped us for? 188 00:07:16,604 --> 00:07:18,105 Yeah, and you know what she told me? 189 00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:19,139 No idea. 190 00:07:19,206 --> 00:07:20,974 She told me that my fear 191 00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:23,343 of being hurt keeps me from feeling anything at all. 192 00:07:23,410 --> 00:07:25,445 It's like I'm like living in an emotional prison 193 00:07:25,513 --> 00:07:26,547 that I built myself. 194 00:07:26,614 --> 00:07:27,615 How about that? 195 00:07:27,681 --> 00:07:29,249 You abandoned us. 196 00:07:29,316 --> 00:07:31,084 I know, but get this: 197 00:07:31,151 --> 00:07:34,121 I'm not just a prisoner. I'm the warden. 198 00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:38,559 We had to take two buses and walk a mile 199 00:07:38,626 --> 00:07:41,194 on the Pacific Coast Highway during rush hour. 200 00:07:41,261 --> 00:07:42,162 I get it. 201 00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:43,597 I understand. 202 00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:44,832 But the good news is, 203 00:07:44,898 --> 00:07:47,568 I hold the keys to my own freedom. 204 00:07:47,635 --> 00:07:49,637 There's no sidewalk 205 00:07:49,703 --> 00:07:51,872 on the Pacific Coast Highway. 206 00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:54,107 Okay, okay. 207 00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:55,175 I hear ya. 208 00:07:55,242 --> 00:07:56,810 You're angry and resentful. 209 00:07:56,877 --> 00:07:58,779 But what you need to understand 210 00:07:58,846 --> 00:08:00,814 is that resentment is the mortar 211 00:08:00,881 --> 00:08:02,850 that holds the bricks of loneliness together 212 00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:04,985 in a wall of alienation and despair. 213 00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:10,090 Chapter 3: "Knocking Down the Wall." 214 00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:11,992 Bite me. 215 00:08:13,661 --> 00:08:16,163 That's chapter one in my forthcoming book 216 00:08:16,229 --> 00:08:17,798 entitled, Bite Me. 217 00:08:19,099 --> 00:08:22,736 Chapter two is called, "Kiss My Pale White Ass." 218 00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:25,939 We can't go back to the mall. 219 00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:26,840 Why not? 220 00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:28,609 My shoes are missing. 221 00:08:31,745 --> 00:08:34,114 Huh, another mystery solved. 222 00:08:36,283 --> 00:08:37,818 Wrong foot, buddy. 223 00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:40,721 Oh, yeah, thanks. 224 00:08:42,089 --> 00:08:44,658 Guess I should be reading Taming of the Shoe. 225 00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:47,995 Get it? 226 00:08:50,664 --> 00:08:52,265 You might want to start thinking about 227 00:08:52,332 --> 00:08:53,901 having him neutered. 228 00:08:56,236 --> 00:08:58,471 * Men. * 229 00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:01,041 Mmm, this is delicious. 230 00:09:01,108 --> 00:09:03,210 I've never had Ethiopian food before. 231 00:09:03,276 --> 00:09:06,479 Mmm, I've loved it ever since I lived in Ethiopia. 232 00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:09,349 Wow. When did you live there? 233 00:09:09,416 --> 00:09:11,184 Let's see... 234 00:09:11,251 --> 00:09:13,220 It would have to be 1972. 235 00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:15,623 "1972"? 236 00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:17,124 Were you born there? 237 00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:19,292 Don't be silly. 238 00:09:19,359 --> 00:09:20,493 This was right after college. 239 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,129 I was in the Peace Corps. 240 00:09:22,195 --> 00:09:24,131 Huh. 241 00:09:24,197 --> 00:09:27,067 College. 1972. 242 00:09:27,134 --> 00:09:28,836 Need a pencil? 243 00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:31,605 N-n-no, no, no, no. 244 00:09:31,672 --> 00:09:36,009 I was just thinking what I was doing in 1972. 245 00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:37,144 Oh, tell me. 246 00:09:37,210 --> 00:09:39,980 Well, I don't have a vivid memory of it, 247 00:09:40,047 --> 00:09:42,415 but I'm pretty sure that's the year I graduated 248 00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:43,583 to the big boy potty. 249 00:09:43,651 --> 00:09:45,786 Wow. 250 00:09:45,853 --> 00:09:47,420 So it's quite a year for both of us. 251 00:09:47,487 --> 00:09:49,823 Uh-huh. 252 00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:52,726 So are you still using that college degree? 253 00:09:52,793 --> 00:09:55,128 'Cause I'm still using the big boy potty. 254 00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:58,932 You're used to going out with younger women, aren't you? 255 00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:02,169 Well, I don't really think about age 256 00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:04,705 as much as I think about personality 257 00:10:04,772 --> 00:10:06,774 and, you know, chemistry. 258 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:10,077 And, uh, education, family values... 259 00:10:11,779 --> 00:10:14,114 All right, young and dumb, you got me. 260 00:10:16,684 --> 00:10:18,251 I'm not judging you, Charlie. 261 00:10:18,318 --> 00:10:20,420 You're a man and you know what you want. 262 00:10:20,487 --> 00:10:21,621 What's wrong with that? 263 00:10:22,522 --> 00:10:24,658 Nothing? 264 00:10:24,725 --> 00:10:26,093 Nothing. 265 00:10:26,159 --> 00:10:28,996 You are fine just the way you are. 266 00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:30,463 I am? 267 00:10:30,530 --> 00:10:32,766 Of course you are. 268 00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:37,504 If I called my mother now, would you tell her that? 269 00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:39,606 You don't think she knows? 270 00:10:39,673 --> 00:10:41,742 As far as she's concerned, 271 00:10:41,809 --> 00:10:44,111 the last thing I did right was evacuate her uterus. 272 00:10:45,012 --> 00:10:47,080 Oh, you poor thing. 273 00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:48,115 That's awful. 274 00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:49,382 It is, isn't it? 275 00:10:49,449 --> 00:10:52,953 Every little boy needs to feel loved and nurtured. 276 00:10:53,020 --> 00:10:56,189 Otherwise, he grows up with a hole inside him 277 00:10:56,256 --> 00:10:57,457 that he can never fill. 278 00:10:57,524 --> 00:11:00,728 Oh, I have got such a big hole. 279 00:11:00,794 --> 00:11:02,896 If my hole could talk. 280 00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:07,234 You got a little something right here. 281 00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:09,402 Oh. 282 00:11:09,469 --> 00:11:10,938 I'll get it. 283 00:11:14,775 --> 00:11:16,076 There we go. 284 00:11:16,143 --> 00:11:17,244 Thanks. 285 00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:19,179 You know what? 286 00:11:19,246 --> 00:11:21,148 I like you. 287 00:11:22,049 --> 00:11:24,684 I like you too, Charlie. 288 00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:30,323 Try the yemiser kik wat. 289 00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:33,526 Looks kind of yucky. 290 00:11:33,593 --> 00:11:35,095 Well, don't look at it. 291 00:11:35,162 --> 00:11:36,329 Just taste it. 292 00:11:37,597 --> 00:11:39,032 Oh, come on. Just one bite. 293 00:11:39,099 --> 00:11:40,233 For me? 294 00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:45,305 Okay. 295 00:11:50,778 --> 00:11:53,380 Hey, it's good. 296 00:11:53,446 --> 00:11:54,647 I told you. 297 00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:56,616 Oh, excuse me. 298 00:11:56,683 --> 00:11:58,351 Could I get another napkin? 299 00:12:02,322 --> 00:12:04,457 So, what do they have for dessert? 300 00:12:06,359 --> 00:12:08,128 * Men. 301 00:12:08,195 --> 00:12:11,364 Well, Charlie, thank you for a lovely evening. 302 00:12:11,431 --> 00:12:13,366 You're welcome. 303 00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:18,371 Can I, uh... kiss you good night? 304 00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:21,308 Do you usually ask permission? 305 00:12:21,374 --> 00:12:23,110 Well, no. 306 00:12:23,176 --> 00:12:25,946 Then why are you asking now? 307 00:12:26,013 --> 00:12:27,214 I don't know. 308 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,850 I don't... want to get in trouble. 309 00:12:37,557 --> 00:12:39,292 Okay, I'm in trouble. 310 00:12:39,359 --> 00:12:41,294 (laughs) 311 00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:42,495 (door opening) 312 00:12:42,562 --> 00:12:43,931 Oh, I'm sorry. 313 00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:45,698 I thought I heard something. 314 00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:46,867 It's okay. 315 00:12:46,934 --> 00:12:47,935 Jeremy, this is Charlie. 316 00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:49,169 Charlie, this is my son Jeremy. 317 00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:51,704 Hi. How are you? Good. How's it going? 318 00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:53,006 Good. I didn't mean to interrupt. 319 00:12:53,073 --> 00:12:54,842 I just, uh, dropped in to fix your computer. 320 00:12:54,908 --> 00:12:56,109 I'll leave you two alone. 321 00:12:56,176 --> 00:12:58,311 Charlie, good meeting you. Same here. 322 00:13:00,948 --> 00:13:02,715 So, that's your son? 323 00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:03,750 Mm-hmm. 324 00:13:03,817 --> 00:13:06,086 How old is he? 32. 325 00:13:06,987 --> 00:13:09,356 They're cute at that age. 326 00:13:09,422 --> 00:13:11,992 * Men. 327 00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:30,477 Hey! 328 00:13:30,543 --> 00:13:31,979 What? 329 00:13:32,045 --> 00:13:34,247 You're supposed to be finishing your report. 330 00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:37,050 I know, but I can't find the book. 331 00:13:38,785 --> 00:13:40,120 You're kidding. 332 00:13:40,187 --> 00:13:41,922 We-We just bought it. 333 00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:43,190 What can I say, Dad? 334 00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:45,792 It's a big house and a little book. 335 00:13:45,859 --> 00:13:49,596 Find the book. 336 00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:51,031 I'm really tired. 337 00:13:51,098 --> 00:13:53,766 Find the book! 338 00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:57,404 Just saying it won't make it happen. 339 00:13:59,306 --> 00:14:03,076 ALAN (shouting): Find... the... book! 340 00:14:03,977 --> 00:14:05,879 Heads up. He's losing it. 341 00:14:06,746 --> 00:14:07,647 I should have put frosting 342 00:14:07,714 --> 00:14:09,049 on the damn book. 343 00:14:09,116 --> 00:14:11,218 He's never lost anything with frosting on it. 344 00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:12,886 I don't know why you continue 345 00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:14,554 to bang your head against the wall. 346 00:14:14,621 --> 00:14:15,855 The kid's obviously destined 347 00:14:15,923 --> 00:14:18,992 to sell tube socks out of the trunk of his car. 348 00:14:19,893 --> 00:14:22,495 A business of his own. 349 00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:24,464 Gee, that'd be swell. 350 00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:29,736 So, how was your date? 351 00:14:29,802 --> 00:14:31,238 Terrific. 352 00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:32,705 Then why are you home so early? 353 00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:35,475 Well, turns out she has a kid. 354 00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:36,743 Hmm. Single mom, huh? 355 00:14:36,809 --> 00:14:38,979 Yeah. 356 00:14:39,947 --> 00:14:42,615 That's what she is: single mom. 357 00:14:42,682 --> 00:14:43,616 How old? 358 00:14:43,683 --> 00:14:44,651 32. 359 00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:47,454 I meant the kid. So did I. 360 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:48,488 You're kidding. 361 00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:49,822 If-If she's got a 32-year-old kid, 362 00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,158 that would make her at least... 363 00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:52,892 Don't do the math, please. 364 00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:55,295 It all goes south when you do the math. 365 00:14:55,362 --> 00:14:56,997 Oh, come on. So-So you're dating an older woman. 366 00:14:57,064 --> 00:14:58,798 It's no big deal. 367 00:14:58,865 --> 00:15:01,401 That's it? You're not gonna give me a hard time about it? 368 00:15:01,468 --> 00:15:03,703 Don't be silly. I'm more evolved than that. 369 00:15:03,770 --> 00:15:05,105 Well, good. 370 00:15:06,773 --> 00:15:09,076 * Just a gigolo 371 00:15:09,142 --> 00:15:10,377 * Everywhere I go 372 00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:13,546 * People know the part I'm playing... * 373 00:15:13,613 --> 00:15:14,948 Huh. 374 00:15:15,015 --> 00:15:16,883 I guess I'm not. 375 00:15:16,950 --> 00:15:18,551 Look, this is a spectacular woman, 376 00:15:18,618 --> 00:15:22,222 and it doesn't matter to me in the least how old she is. 377 00:15:22,289 --> 00:15:25,358 Oh, please. You can't even tolerate age spots on a banana. 378 00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,328 Okay, first of all, 379 00:15:28,395 --> 00:15:30,097 on a banana, those spots 380 00:15:30,163 --> 00:15:32,532 are an indication of mushiness. 381 00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:33,900 And second, 382 00:15:33,967 --> 00:15:37,504 I haven't peeled this woman yet. 383 00:15:43,043 --> 00:15:46,546 In the freezer? 384 00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,248 Jake! 385 00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:50,117 JAKE: I found it! I'm reading! 386 00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:52,352 It's really cool. 387 00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:57,524 * Men. 388 00:16:05,098 --> 00:16:07,167 For God's sake. 389 00:16:07,234 --> 00:16:09,236 Hey, I was reading that! 390 00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:11,538 You're writing a report on The Taming of the Shrew, 391 00:16:11,604 --> 00:16:13,506 not The Voyages of Cap'n Crunch. 392 00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:16,676 Too bad. I could write the crap out of that. 393 00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:21,748 Okay. 394 00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:23,516 I'm not fooling around here. 395 00:16:23,583 --> 00:16:26,119 You are going to finish this damn book 396 00:16:26,186 --> 00:16:27,620 and write the damn report, 397 00:16:27,687 --> 00:16:30,423 and you are going to hand it in on Monday, 398 00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:33,726 spell-checked, formatted and on freakin' time. 399 00:16:33,793 --> 00:16:36,629 I have my doubts, Dad. 400 00:16:38,031 --> 00:16:39,532 Read! 401 00:16:39,599 --> 00:16:42,535 Fine. 402 00:16:42,602 --> 00:16:45,738 Listen to this. 403 00:16:45,805 --> 00:16:46,806 "A sleeve? 404 00:16:46,873 --> 00:16:48,208 "'Tis like a demi-cannon: 405 00:16:48,275 --> 00:16:50,577 What, up and down, carved like an apple tart?" 406 00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:54,047 All I get from this is, blah, blah, blah, apple tart. 407 00:16:55,748 --> 00:16:57,684 Have we got any apple tarts? 408 00:16:59,319 --> 00:17:00,687 (doorbell ringing) 409 00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:02,322 Hi. 410 00:17:02,389 --> 00:17:03,623 Hi. 411 00:17:06,793 --> 00:17:08,061 Oh, good. I was afraid 412 00:17:08,128 --> 00:17:09,996 that first kiss might have been a fluke. 413 00:17:10,063 --> 00:17:13,966 Well, I don't know about you, but that was not my first kiss. 414 00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:15,568 Come on in. 415 00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:16,769 Oh, wow! 416 00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:18,571 What a beautiful home. 417 00:17:18,638 --> 00:17:20,540 Thank you. 418 00:17:22,442 --> 00:17:25,145 How much of it do you want to see? 419 00:17:27,447 --> 00:17:30,517 Oh, this will be enough for today. 420 00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:31,518 Understood. 421 00:17:31,584 --> 00:17:32,519 Let's hit the road. 422 00:17:32,585 --> 00:17:34,354 Aren't you gonna take a jacket? 423 00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:35,688 Nah, I'm okay. I don't need one. 424 00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:38,158 Oh, it gets cool in Santa Barbara, Charlie. 425 00:17:38,225 --> 00:17:39,359 I'll be fine. 426 00:17:39,426 --> 00:17:40,427 Please. If you don't need it, 427 00:17:40,493 --> 00:17:42,129 you can leave it in the car. 428 00:17:42,195 --> 00:17:44,497 All right. 429 00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:47,634 Take a look around. 430 00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:49,636 Mm, thanks, I will. 431 00:17:50,970 --> 00:17:52,139 Oh, hi. 432 00:17:52,205 --> 00:17:53,440 You, uh.... you must be Angie. 433 00:17:53,506 --> 00:17:55,442 I'm Alan, Charlie's brother. 434 00:17:55,508 --> 00:17:57,677 Oh, of course. Hi. Oh, what a firm handshake. 435 00:17:57,744 --> 00:18:00,980 Oh. Well, uh, no one trusts a chiropractor with limp hands. 436 00:18:01,047 --> 00:18:02,149 Oh, you're a chiropractor? 437 00:18:02,215 --> 00:18:03,383 Hey, hang on a second. 438 00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:05,084 I could have gotten into medical school. 439 00:18:05,152 --> 00:18:07,987 I-I just didn't want to spend four years in South America. 440 00:18:08,054 --> 00:18:10,223 No, no. I'm a big fan of chiropractics. 441 00:18:10,290 --> 00:18:11,458 You're kidding. 442 00:18:11,524 --> 00:18:14,026 No. I think you people are miracle workers. 443 00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:15,495 CHARLIE: Okay. 444 00:18:15,562 --> 00:18:16,396 I'm ready to go. 445 00:18:16,463 --> 00:18:18,165 Did you put on sunblock? 446 00:18:18,231 --> 00:18:20,433 I don't need sunblock. 447 00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:21,968 Oh, honey, I think you do. 448 00:18:22,034 --> 00:18:23,203 You have beautiful skin, 449 00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:25,205 and I don't want to see it get burned. 450 00:18:25,272 --> 00:18:26,573 You're right. Thanks. 451 00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:29,609 Uh, so, anyway, uh, 452 00:18:29,676 --> 00:18:33,713 you were saying something about me being a miracle worker? 453 00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:37,150 Oh, God, yes. You know, I threw my back out last year skiing. 454 00:18:37,217 --> 00:18:38,918 My chiropractor just about saved my life. 455 00:18:38,985 --> 00:18:40,153 But that's what we do. 456 00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:41,621 You know, we-we're not flashy. 457 00:18:41,688 --> 00:18:43,823 We don't get, you know, special license plates 458 00:18:43,890 --> 00:18:46,426 so we can park wherever the hell we want. 459 00:18:46,493 --> 00:18:48,328 You know, nobody makes TV shows about us. 460 00:18:48,395 --> 00:18:50,263 Or calls us McDreamy 461 00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:53,766 or McSteamy or McMuffin. 462 00:18:55,435 --> 00:18:57,904 We just quietly go about the business of healing. 463 00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:58,905 I know. I know. 464 00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:00,207 Thank you. Thank you. 465 00:19:00,273 --> 00:19:01,708 I only wish more people appreciated us. 466 00:19:01,774 --> 00:19:04,311 Well, Alan, you can't worry about what other people think. 467 00:19:04,377 --> 00:19:06,979 I know, but the lack of respect really hurts. 468 00:19:07,046 --> 00:19:08,415 You know, "back-cracker." 469 00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:10,517 "Spine-cruncher." "Quack." 470 00:19:10,583 --> 00:19:12,952 Uh, "charlatan." "Witch doctor..." Alan? 471 00:19:13,019 --> 00:19:14,921 "Voodoo priest." Fraud. Failure. 472 00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:16,423 Hey, hey. 473 00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:19,626 You know what we call people who say those kinds of things? 474 00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:20,993 My family? 475 00:19:21,060 --> 00:19:22,262 We call them damaged. 476 00:19:22,329 --> 00:19:23,730 They need to hurt others 477 00:19:23,796 --> 00:19:25,665 in order to feel better about themselves. 478 00:19:25,732 --> 00:19:28,501 Exactly. And-And the only reason I don't feel good about myself 479 00:19:28,568 --> 00:19:31,238 is that I'm not good enough at hurting them back. 480 00:19:31,304 --> 00:19:33,306 Oh, no, you don't want to do that. 481 00:19:33,373 --> 00:19:35,575 Yeah, I kind of do. 482 00:19:35,642 --> 00:19:39,346 Alan, you need to ignore the negativity 483 00:19:39,412 --> 00:19:41,748 and open yourself up to the nurturing love 484 00:19:41,814 --> 00:19:43,115 that's all around you. 485 00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:44,617 Love is all around me? 486 00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:45,818 Yes. 487 00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:49,155 Is it hiding behind the loathing and rejection? 488 00:19:49,222 --> 00:19:53,025 Honey, I am loving you right now. 489 00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:54,527 Really? 490 00:19:54,594 --> 00:19:56,463 Yes, really. 491 00:19:57,564 --> 00:19:59,399 Thank you. 492 00:20:02,369 --> 00:20:06,273 You are a wonderful, valuable human being. 493 00:20:06,339 --> 00:20:08,408 (sobbing): I am? 494 00:20:08,475 --> 00:20:10,743 Yes, you are. 495 00:20:10,810 --> 00:20:13,313 Yeah. 496 00:20:13,380 --> 00:20:15,482 (sobbing) 497 00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:20,253 I see you're getting to know my brother. 498 00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:21,788 (sobbing) 499 00:20:21,854 --> 00:20:23,823 * Men. 500 00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:28,928 Isn't this beautiful country? 501 00:20:28,995 --> 00:20:30,029 Yeah. 502 00:20:30,096 --> 00:20:31,964 It's swell. 503 00:20:32,031 --> 00:20:33,466 Angie, if you like antiquing, 504 00:20:33,533 --> 00:20:35,435 I know some great little shops. 505 00:20:35,502 --> 00:20:37,637 I'm not going antiquing. 506 00:20:37,704 --> 00:20:38,671 Oh, that's okay. 507 00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:39,906 Angie and I will peel off, 508 00:20:39,972 --> 00:20:42,809 and you can sit in the park and drink. 509 00:20:42,875 --> 00:20:45,211 Are there any game arcades in Santa Barbara? 510 00:20:45,278 --> 00:20:46,546 You won't have time. 511 00:20:46,613 --> 00:20:48,180 You have a book to read. 512 00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:50,049 Oh, yeah. 513 00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:52,118 I forgot it. 514 00:20:52,184 --> 00:20:53,119 That's okay. 515 00:20:53,185 --> 00:20:54,554 We can stop at a bookstore. 516 00:20:54,621 --> 00:20:57,223 Aw, gee, we don't want to ruin your afternoon. 517 00:20:57,290 --> 00:20:58,458 Hey, we invited you. 518 00:20:58,525 --> 00:21:00,527 We want you with us, right, Charlie? 519 00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:01,494 No. 520 00:21:01,561 --> 00:21:03,963 Oh, don't be that way. 521 00:21:04,030 --> 00:21:06,333 I'll tell you what-- after we get Jake's book, 522 00:21:06,399 --> 00:21:08,435 we'll stop and get ice cream. 523 00:21:08,501 --> 00:21:11,003 Ooh. Yes! Ah!