1 00:00:02,870 --> 00:00:05,906 Darling, what's mine is yours. 2 00:00:05,973 --> 00:00:07,308 We do not need a prenup. 3 00:00:07,375 --> 00:00:08,876 And I just want you to know 4 00:00:08,942 --> 00:00:10,911 I'm not after your father's money. 5 00:00:10,978 --> 00:00:12,280 I'm sure you're not. 6 00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:14,748 Believe me, I got plenty of my own money. 7 00:00:14,815 --> 00:00:16,117 Everything okay? No, no, 8 00:00:16,184 --> 00:00:17,485 everything is not okay. 9 00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:19,287 TEDDY: Courtney, we've been through this. 10 00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:21,021 COURTNEY: What am I supposed to do, live on the streets? 11 00:00:21,089 --> 00:00:23,023 TEDDY: You're supposed to live within your means. 12 00:00:23,091 --> 00:00:24,925 I need $50,000. 13 00:00:24,992 --> 00:00:26,227 (sniffles) 14 00:00:26,294 --> 00:00:27,861 (sobbing): Charlie, what am I going to do? 15 00:00:27,928 --> 00:00:30,931 You're going to take the money from me. 16 00:00:30,998 --> 00:00:33,501 "So long as men can breathe 17 00:00:33,567 --> 00:00:34,835 "or eyes can see, 18 00:00:34,902 --> 00:00:35,903 "so long lives this 19 00:00:35,969 --> 00:00:37,905 and gives life"... (mouthing) 20 00:00:37,971 --> 00:00:39,207 ..."to thee." (mouthing) 21 00:00:40,941 --> 00:00:43,611 You may now kiss the bride. 22 00:00:51,852 --> 00:00:54,122 It's hard to believe after all these years 23 00:00:54,188 --> 00:00:55,656 we've got a new stepdad. 24 00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:58,192 I give it six months. 25 00:00:58,259 --> 00:00:59,627 Oh, come on, we like Teddy. 26 00:00:59,693 --> 00:01:01,795 That's why I'm only giving it six months. 27 00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:02,930 I'm rooting for him. 28 00:01:02,996 --> 00:01:04,932 Well, still, y-you have to admit 29 00:01:04,998 --> 00:01:06,300 it was a beautiful ceremony-- 30 00:01:06,367 --> 00:01:08,869 the, the bride and groom, the sun setting... 31 00:01:08,936 --> 00:01:10,404 The dead butterflies. 32 00:01:13,974 --> 00:01:15,776 Remind me to call the butterfly people 33 00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:17,611 first thing Monday. 34 00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:21,782 What are you doing? 35 00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:30,758 Nothing. 36 00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:34,662 We don't eat from the cake until we cut the cake. 37 00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:35,863 But I'm still hungry. 38 00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:37,265 Have some cheese. 39 00:01:37,331 --> 00:01:38,866 Have we cut the cheese? 40 00:01:40,201 --> 00:01:42,670 Get it? 41 00:01:42,736 --> 00:01:44,472 Hey, stepbrother. 42 00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:46,174 Change your mind about wanting to marry me? 43 00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:47,808 Not at all. 44 00:01:47,875 --> 00:01:51,111 Want to go upstairs and get a head start on our honeymoon? 45 00:01:51,179 --> 00:01:52,746 You keep rubbing up against me, 46 00:01:52,813 --> 00:01:55,449 I'll be able to catch my mom's garter without my hands. 47 00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:00,888 Charlie. 48 00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:01,922 What? 49 00:02:01,989 --> 00:02:03,524 At your mother's wedding? 50 00:02:03,591 --> 00:02:06,126 Yeah. 51 00:02:06,194 --> 00:02:08,896 I couldn't have. 52 00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:11,165 (Courtney moaning) 53 00:02:11,232 --> 00:02:13,434 Boy, this is pretty kinky. 54 00:02:13,501 --> 00:02:14,835 Kinky good or kinky bad? 55 00:02:14,902 --> 00:02:15,936 There's a kinky bad? 56 00:02:16,003 --> 00:02:16,937 Oh! 57 00:02:17,004 --> 00:02:19,573 Oh, watch your elbow. 58 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:20,874 That's not my elbow. 59 00:02:20,941 --> 00:02:23,277 Oh, Charlie. 60 00:02:23,344 --> 00:02:25,579 It's not that either. 61 00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:29,783 Daddy? 62 00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:31,785 Ooh, this is awkward. 63 00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:34,422 Daddy, are you okay? 64 00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:35,889 What's wrong with him? 65 00:02:35,956 --> 00:02:38,192 I don't know. 66 00:02:39,693 --> 00:02:40,928 Well? 67 00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:43,331 This might be a mood breaker. 68 00:02:44,365 --> 00:02:47,768 ("Who Are You?" by The Who playing) 69 00:02:47,835 --> 00:02:51,739 * Who... are you? 70 00:02:51,805 --> 00:02:54,208 * Men, men, men, men. * 71 00:03:00,314 --> 00:03:02,716 So are you a friend of the bride or the groom? 72 00:03:02,783 --> 00:03:07,488 Uh, well, the bride is my mother, so... the groom. 73 00:03:07,555 --> 00:03:09,056 Hey, how do you like my house? 74 00:03:09,122 --> 00:03:11,325 Oh, it's beautiful. 75 00:03:12,260 --> 00:03:14,061 Alan, I have to talk to you. 76 00:03:14,127 --> 00:03:15,596 Go away, I've got a shot here. 77 00:03:15,663 --> 00:03:18,065 No, you don't. 78 00:03:18,131 --> 00:03:19,032 Come upstairs with me. 79 00:03:19,099 --> 00:03:21,402 Why? Just come on. 80 00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:25,273 Friend of the bride or friend of the groom? 81 00:03:25,339 --> 00:03:27,541 Friend of mine. 82 00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:36,884 Oh, my God. 83 00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:38,185 Is he...? 84 00:03:38,252 --> 00:03:40,788 As a doorknob. 85 00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:42,256 Doorbell? 86 00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:43,291 Doornail. 87 00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:45,593 He's dead. 88 00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:46,527 (sobbing) 89 00:03:46,594 --> 00:03:48,228 I can't believe he's gone. 90 00:03:48,296 --> 00:03:49,997 Courtney, I-I'm so sorry. 91 00:03:51,098 --> 00:03:52,933 So he was just lying there 92 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,067 with his pants down? 93 00:03:54,134 --> 00:03:56,236 Apparently, somebody was giving him 94 00:03:56,304 --> 00:03:58,939 a very special wedding present. 95 00:03:59,006 --> 00:04:00,107 Mom? 96 00:04:00,173 --> 00:04:01,642 I don't think so. 97 00:04:01,709 --> 00:04:03,977 She's downstairs acting as if nothing happened, 98 00:04:04,044 --> 00:04:05,846 and more importantly, she already married the guy. 99 00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:07,180 Why would she bother? 100 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,516 (knocking) 101 00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:11,985 Your mother's looking for you guys. 102 00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:16,223 What's going on? 103 00:04:16,290 --> 00:04:17,925 Teddy's dead. 104 00:04:21,429 --> 00:04:23,831 Yeah, that's a stiffy. 105 00:04:24,998 --> 00:04:27,301 We've got a real problem here. 106 00:04:27,368 --> 00:04:29,370 What do you mean "we"? 107 00:04:32,239 --> 00:04:34,608 (door closes) 108 00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:39,046 * Someday he'll come along 109 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:41,515 * The man I love 110 00:04:41,582 --> 00:04:44,852 * And he'll be big and strong 111 00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:47,955 * The man I love 112 00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:51,024 * And when he comes my way 113 00:04:51,091 --> 00:04:53,093 * I'll do my best 114 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:56,830 * To make him 115 00:04:56,897 --> 00:04:58,999 * Stay 116 00:05:00,434 --> 00:05:03,136 Oh, this is just going to suck. 117 00:05:03,203 --> 00:05:05,406 * The man 118 00:05:05,473 --> 00:05:08,376 * I love. 119 00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:10,511 (applause) 120 00:05:10,578 --> 00:05:11,712 Thank you, thank you. 121 00:05:11,779 --> 00:05:15,015 Now, this next song you may remember 122 00:05:15,082 --> 00:05:17,885 from the hit movie Ghost. 123 00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:22,990 * Oh, my love 124 00:05:23,056 --> 00:05:23,957 * My darling 125 00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:25,158 (whispering): Mom. 126 00:05:25,225 --> 00:05:27,428 * I've hungered for your touch 127 00:05:27,495 --> 00:05:29,062 Mom, we got to talk to you. 128 00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:30,498 * A long... What? 129 00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:31,999 * Lonely time 130 00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:34,968 It's about Teddy. 131 00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:35,803 Where is he? 132 00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:38,138 This is supposed to be a duet. 133 00:05:38,205 --> 00:05:42,142 * Time goes by so slowly 134 00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:43,777 Yeah, well, from now on 135 00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:45,946 I'm afraid you're going to be working alone. 136 00:05:47,214 --> 00:05:51,619 You son of a bitch. 137 00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:54,788 So you weren't the one who was...? 138 00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:55,656 Of course not. 139 00:05:55,723 --> 00:05:58,526 I already married the man. 140 00:06:00,327 --> 00:06:02,863 I just can't believe 141 00:06:02,930 --> 00:06:06,500 he'd cheat on me on our wedding day. 142 00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:09,903 Excuse me. My father is lying here dead. 143 00:06:09,970 --> 00:06:12,039 With his pants around his ankles 144 00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:13,607 and lipstick on his hoo-hoo. 145 00:06:13,674 --> 00:06:17,678 Oh, my, what happened in here? 146 00:06:19,547 --> 00:06:22,850 Berta, my husband is dead. 147 00:06:22,916 --> 00:06:25,686 As a doornail. 148 00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,690 Has anybody called the cops? 149 00:06:29,757 --> 00:06:31,825 Well, you might want to consider it 150 00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:33,561 because you only got a limited window 151 00:06:33,627 --> 00:06:35,896 before he starts stinking up the joint. 152 00:06:37,297 --> 00:06:38,566 I'll make the calls. 153 00:06:38,632 --> 00:06:40,067 Oh, no, Mom, you don't have to. 154 00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:41,068 Yes, I do. 155 00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:42,436 I'm his wife. 156 00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:43,804 Now, please, 157 00:06:43,871 --> 00:06:47,508 would you all just give me a moment alone with him? 158 00:06:47,575 --> 00:06:49,843 Of course. Sure, Mom. 159 00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:53,180 So who do you suppose was smoking Teddy's sausage? 160 00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:54,181 Berta, 161 00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:55,716 that is my father in there. 162 00:06:55,783 --> 00:06:57,117 Okay. 163 00:06:57,184 --> 00:07:00,087 So who do you suppose was smoking your father's sausage? 164 00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:03,591 Oh, Teddy. 165 00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:06,460 My dear, dear Teddy. 166 00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:07,695 (sniffling) 167 00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:16,236 Hello. (sniffles) 168 00:07:16,303 --> 00:07:19,873 This is Evelyn Harper Leopold. 169 00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:23,243 I booked my honeymoon with you. 170 00:07:23,310 --> 00:07:25,078 Yes. 171 00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:29,750 Two business-class tickets to Paris. 172 00:07:29,817 --> 00:07:34,655 I need to exchange them for one first-class ticket to Fiji. 173 00:07:35,556 --> 00:07:38,992 Sure, I'll hold. 174 00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:40,594 Ladies and gentlemen, this is a crime scene, 175 00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:41,428 so you're just going 176 00:07:41,495 --> 00:07:42,663 to have to be patient. 177 00:07:42,730 --> 00:07:44,231 We'll need statements from each of you 178 00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:47,701 before you can leave. 179 00:07:47,768 --> 00:07:49,369 Anyway, I-I guess what I'm saying is 180 00:07:49,436 --> 00:07:51,572 that there's a lesson to be learned here. 181 00:07:51,639 --> 00:07:52,940 Life is precious 182 00:07:53,006 --> 00:07:55,242 and no one really knows how long we've got... 183 00:07:56,677 --> 00:07:59,513 ...so it's important to be grateful for each day. 184 00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:03,551 So if they're not going to cut the cake, can I have some now? 185 00:08:03,617 --> 00:08:05,218 Aren't you full? 186 00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:16,697 No. 187 00:08:16,764 --> 00:08:18,866 Take a look at his pants. 188 00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:24,572 The belt is buckled on an unworn hole. 189 00:08:24,638 --> 00:08:26,239 Someone re-dressed him. 190 00:08:26,306 --> 00:08:28,175 Any of you touch the body? 191 00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:32,913 Interesting. 192 00:08:32,980 --> 00:08:34,582 We've got some perimortem ecchymosis 193 00:08:34,648 --> 00:08:36,950 on the posterior occiput. 194 00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:41,088 That means a bruise on the back of the head. 195 00:08:41,154 --> 00:08:44,257 And yet you still couldn't get into medical school. 196 00:08:45,325 --> 00:08:47,394 So much for time of death. 197 00:08:47,460 --> 00:08:49,663 Looks like our boy here had some sexual activity 198 00:08:49,730 --> 00:08:51,198 before he bought it. 199 00:08:51,264 --> 00:08:52,532 Hit the light. 200 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:54,534 I'm going to check for semen. 201 00:08:56,503 --> 00:08:59,539 Uh-oh. 202 00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:03,711 My God. 203 00:09:03,777 --> 00:09:06,780 It's like a Jackson Pollock painting. 204 00:09:09,917 --> 00:09:13,320 The ceiling fan is actually a cute story. 205 00:09:18,726 --> 00:09:20,493 Coffee? Thanks. 206 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:21,995 So, Mr. Harper... 207 00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:23,330 Call me Charlie. 208 00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:24,665 And you are? 209 00:09:24,732 --> 00:09:26,734 Interested in how you found the body. 210 00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:30,103 Oh, right to it, huh? 211 00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:32,706 Okay, well... 212 00:09:32,773 --> 00:09:34,875 what have you heard? 213 00:09:35,809 --> 00:09:37,711 That's not how we do this. 214 00:09:37,778 --> 00:09:40,347 You tell me what happened. 215 00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,382 All right. 216 00:09:42,449 --> 00:09:46,119 I went upstairs to use the bathroom and there he was. 217 00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:51,224 (gasps) 218 00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:54,094 Oh, no. 219 00:09:54,161 --> 00:09:56,830 Teddy. 220 00:09:56,897 --> 00:10:00,033 So you're saying you were alone when you found him? 221 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:03,170 Well, technically aren't we all alone? 222 00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:08,375 You know, I'm finding that tank top awfully distracting. 223 00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:17,350 Is that police-issue? 224 00:10:22,723 --> 00:10:24,357 Mr. Harper, are you aware 225 00:10:24,424 --> 00:10:27,327 that making a false statement to the police is a crime? 226 00:10:27,394 --> 00:10:28,829 Huh. 227 00:10:28,896 --> 00:10:30,163 Slap-on-the-wrist crime 228 00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:33,633 or pack-my-bags- and-tape-my-butt-shut crime? 229 00:10:33,701 --> 00:10:36,536 (chuckling) 230 00:10:36,603 --> 00:10:40,240 Hey, I like it when it's gift-wrapped. 231 00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:42,409 (tearing) Ow. 232 00:10:43,543 --> 00:10:45,679 Okay, okay, I wasn't alone. 233 00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:46,780 I was with Courtney. 234 00:10:46,847 --> 00:10:48,749 Why'd you lie? Oh, come on. 235 00:10:48,816 --> 00:10:49,817 I was trying to nail my stepsister 236 00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:51,184 at my mother's wedding. 237 00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:55,689 Lying seemed the classy way to go. 238 00:10:55,756 --> 00:10:58,391 Did you touch the body? 239 00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:00,761 I was all over her body. 240 00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,798 Oh, you mean Teddy? 241 00:11:04,865 --> 00:11:07,667 No, no, no, not after I knew he was there. 242 00:11:07,735 --> 00:11:09,737 Who do you suppose pulled up his pants? 243 00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:12,072 Are you thinking 244 00:11:12,139 --> 00:11:14,474 whoever pulled 'em up is the one who killed him? 245 00:11:14,541 --> 00:11:15,809 It's crossed our minds. 246 00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:19,079 Oh, gee, I don't want to implicate anybody. 247 00:11:19,146 --> 00:11:21,448 Right now, the only one implicated is you. 248 00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,650 Talk to my mother. 249 00:11:23,717 --> 00:11:25,018 Ugh. 250 00:11:25,085 --> 00:11:26,519 What is that, non-dairy creamer? 251 00:11:26,586 --> 00:11:28,989 Just take me to the green mile and be done with it. 252 00:11:29,056 --> 00:11:32,225 That's all we've got. 253 00:11:32,292 --> 00:11:33,226 Oh, please. 254 00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:34,728 This place is crawling with cops. 255 00:11:34,795 --> 00:11:36,830 One of them can't make a Starbucks run? 256 00:11:37,731 --> 00:11:39,332 Mrs. Harper... 257 00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:41,201 Mrs. Leopold. 258 00:11:41,268 --> 00:11:42,870 Mrs. Leopold. 259 00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:45,773 Did you touch your husband's body before the police arrived? 260 00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:48,675 All right, yes, I pulled up his pants up. 261 00:11:48,742 --> 00:11:51,544 Why? Because it was embarrassing. 262 00:11:51,611 --> 00:11:54,414 There was lipstick on his hoo-hoo. 263 00:11:54,481 --> 00:11:55,648 Your lipstick? 264 00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:58,919 Oh, God, no, I'd rather drink your coffee. 265 00:12:00,788 --> 00:12:02,722 So he was with another woman? 266 00:12:02,790 --> 00:12:04,557 Not necessarily. 267 00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:07,694 Do you have another theory for where the lipstick came from? 268 00:12:07,761 --> 00:12:11,064 Have you ruled out clowns? 269 00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:17,938 You should check 270 00:12:18,005 --> 00:12:20,407 for really big footprints. 271 00:12:23,777 --> 00:12:26,279 Okay, he was with another woman. 272 00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:28,615 I imagine that made you pretty angry. 273 00:12:28,681 --> 00:12:30,884 I don't get angry. I get even. 274 00:12:33,921 --> 00:12:35,655 I mean, what are you insinuating? 275 00:12:35,722 --> 00:12:39,192 I'm insinuating that maybe you caught him in the act. 276 00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:45,565 Evie. 277 00:12:45,632 --> 00:12:47,700 You cheating bastard! 278 00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:49,136 Evie... 279 00:12:49,202 --> 00:12:50,270 I can explain. 280 00:12:52,372 --> 00:12:54,374 Evie, I can explain. 281 00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:56,776 I can explain... 282 00:13:05,052 --> 00:13:08,856 And Paris for two becomes Fiji for one. 283 00:13:09,756 --> 00:13:11,624 We checked your phone records. 284 00:13:11,691 --> 00:13:13,626 Listen, let me tell you something. 285 00:13:13,693 --> 00:13:15,728 I loved that man and he loved me. 286 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:18,932 In, fact, he loved me so much he didn't even ask for a prenup. 287 00:13:18,999 --> 00:13:20,300 And believe me, he's got money. 288 00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:21,468 Big money. 289 00:13:21,534 --> 00:13:24,804 Well, we don't have to look very hard 290 00:13:24,872 --> 00:13:26,473 to find a motive for you, do we? 291 00:13:27,574 --> 00:13:29,509 Eww. 292 00:13:32,779 --> 00:13:34,747 I'm warning you, 293 00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:37,784 coffee tends to shoot through me. 294 00:13:37,851 --> 00:13:39,786 So, if you've got a cavity search planned, 295 00:13:39,853 --> 00:13:41,989 you better do it pretty quick. 296 00:13:43,756 --> 00:13:46,093 We don't need to do a cavity search. 297 00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:48,295 Can I request one? 298 00:13:51,231 --> 00:13:53,533 What do you know about Teddy Leopold? 299 00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:56,136 I know he was hot for me. 300 00:13:56,203 --> 00:13:58,171 He was always flirting. 301 00:13:58,238 --> 00:13:59,839 This is my mom's boyfriend, Teddy. 302 00:13:59,907 --> 00:14:01,541 Teddy, my housekeeper, Berta. 303 00:14:01,608 --> 00:14:02,842 A pleasure. 304 00:14:02,910 --> 00:14:05,512 It could be if you play your cards right. 305 00:14:11,384 --> 00:14:12,719 Whoa. 306 00:14:12,785 --> 00:14:14,387 You can't blame him. 307 00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:16,223 You gotta figure that boinking Evelyn 308 00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:18,558 is like riding a bicycle over train tracks. 309 00:14:19,792 --> 00:14:21,728 You'll get where you're going 310 00:14:21,794 --> 00:14:23,931 but you're gonna feel every bump. 311 00:14:28,135 --> 00:14:28,902 How's the hot chocolate? 312 00:14:28,969 --> 00:14:29,869 It's good. 313 00:14:29,937 --> 00:14:31,538 I like the powdered stuff 314 00:14:31,604 --> 00:14:32,805 'cause there's always a little something to chew on 315 00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:34,007 when you get to the bottom. 316 00:14:40,813 --> 00:14:42,715 Got any donuts? Nope. 317 00:14:42,782 --> 00:14:44,151 Danish? Nope. 318 00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:45,452 Pie? 319 00:14:45,518 --> 00:14:47,020 Look, Jake, 320 00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:48,555 what I want to know is, 321 00:14:48,621 --> 00:14:50,958 were you in your uncle's room at any time today? 322 00:14:51,024 --> 00:14:51,858 No, I never go in my uncle's room. 323 00:14:51,925 --> 00:14:53,393 Why not? 324 00:14:53,460 --> 00:14:55,963 Because all the skin mags are in my dad's room. 325 00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:00,433 Okay, let me just start out by saying, 326 00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:02,936 I know about the illegal left turn ticket. 327 00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:05,305 And I-I've been meaning to take care of it, 328 00:15:05,372 --> 00:15:07,107 but, you know, business has been a little slow 329 00:15:07,174 --> 00:15:08,508 and those bills just keep coming. 330 00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:10,577 Of course I don't have to tell you that. 331 00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:12,212 Our law enforcement personnel are woefully underpaid. 332 00:15:12,279 --> 00:15:14,181 Thank you for the coffee, by the way. 333 00:15:15,448 --> 00:15:16,549 Mmm. 334 00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:18,085 Cops and truck drivers. You know your coffee. 335 00:15:18,151 --> 00:15:20,087 Am I going to jail? 336 00:15:22,322 --> 00:15:24,757 Tell me about you and Teddy Leopold. 337 00:15:24,824 --> 00:15:25,792 Oh, I loved Teddy. 338 00:15:25,858 --> 00:15:27,094 He was like a father to me. 339 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:27,894 Is that so? 340 00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:29,229 Yeah, yeah. 341 00:15:29,296 --> 00:15:31,764 He took me to Vegas, bought me a hooker. 342 00:15:31,831 --> 00:15:34,567 Would any of you gentlemen like a date? 343 00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:36,269 Sorry, doll, I'm taken. 344 00:15:36,336 --> 00:15:39,639 But I wouldn't mind footing the bill for my two boys here. 345 00:15:39,706 --> 00:15:41,108 Hi, I'm Amber. 346 00:15:41,174 --> 00:15:43,010 I'm Tiffany. 347 00:15:44,911 --> 00:15:47,780 Thanks, Daddy! Thanks, Daddy! 348 00:15:47,847 --> 00:15:50,350 A hooker? 349 00:15:50,417 --> 00:15:52,119 And gelato. 350 00:15:52,185 --> 00:15:53,820 You got my blessing, Teddy. 351 00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:55,588 Shut up and eat your gelato. 352 00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:58,891 So you were happy he married your mother? 353 00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,560 Are you kidding? I was thrilled. 354 00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:01,894 I-I planned the wedding. 355 00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,196 And it went great. 356 00:16:03,263 --> 00:16:05,932 The reception not so much. 357 00:16:05,999 --> 00:16:07,267 Why? What happened? 358 00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:10,703 The groom died. 359 00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:14,474 Remember? 360 00:16:16,876 --> 00:16:19,012 Do you need to write that down? 361 00:16:20,613 --> 00:16:23,416 Do you have any idea who might have wanted him dead? 362 00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:24,217 No, no. 363 00:16:24,284 --> 00:16:25,552 Everybody loved Teddy. 364 00:16:25,618 --> 00:16:27,387 And-and he was so good to my mom. 365 00:16:27,454 --> 00:16:29,589 It's a shame she has to bury another husband. 366 00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:31,024 Another husband? 367 00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:32,692 Yeah. 368 00:16:32,759 --> 00:16:35,195 Um, well, she's, you know, had a bit of bad luck 369 00:16:35,262 --> 00:16:37,397 in the dead spouse department. 370 00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,233 Not that you can have good luck 371 00:16:40,300 --> 00:16:42,269 in the dead spouse department. 372 00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:44,504 Can I have some more coffee? 373 00:16:44,571 --> 00:16:45,772 Who ratted me out? 374 00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:46,706 Was it Alan? 375 00:16:46,773 --> 00:16:48,108 Oh, it doesn't matter. 376 00:16:48,175 --> 00:16:50,177 Either one of them would throw me under a bus 377 00:16:50,243 --> 00:16:52,312 for an Eskimo Pie. 378 00:16:52,379 --> 00:16:55,415 We'd just like to know about your late husbands. 379 00:16:55,482 --> 00:16:56,949 All right. 380 00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:58,751 There's not much to tell. 381 00:16:58,818 --> 00:17:01,121 Charlie and Alan's father died of food poisoning. 382 00:17:01,188 --> 00:17:02,722 Where'd he get the food? 383 00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:06,626 I was a young bride. I was just learning to cook. 384 00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:10,463 Nobody told me you don't keep fish in a drawer. 385 00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:13,633 All right, what about the others? 386 00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,468 Well, the usual. 387 00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:17,737 Um, couple of heart attacks... 388 00:17:17,804 --> 00:17:19,739 a bathtub electrocution. 389 00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:23,476 Why are you grilling me? 390 00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:25,745 I'm not the one who was fighting with him over money. 391 00:17:25,812 --> 00:17:26,779 Who was? 392 00:17:28,348 --> 00:17:29,682 I just don't understand why you won't help me. 393 00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:31,318 Damn it, Courtney. We've been through this! 394 00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:32,952 I'm not going to keep bailing you out. 395 00:17:33,019 --> 00:17:35,188 But, Daddy, I... Don't "but Daddy" me! 396 00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:36,656 What am I supposed to do? Live on the streets? 397 00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:39,058 TEDDY: You're supposed to live within your means! 398 00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:42,095 I want a lawyer. 399 00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:47,667 Tall, soy latte, no foam. 400 00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:50,470 Grandmommy can't drink this cop swill anymore. 401 00:17:50,537 --> 00:17:52,505 Mom, they told us to wait here. 402 00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:54,274 Well, that's why I'm sending Jake. 403 00:17:54,341 --> 00:17:56,576 Think of it as job training, dear. 404 00:17:56,643 --> 00:17:58,578 Hi, Charlie. 405 00:17:58,645 --> 00:18:00,046 Hey, Charlie. 406 00:18:00,113 --> 00:18:01,914 Hi, Charlie. 407 00:18:01,981 --> 00:18:03,450 Hi, Alan. 408 00:18:07,187 --> 00:18:09,189 Hey, I'm not the one who's got a dead husband 409 00:18:09,256 --> 00:18:11,224 with someone else's lipstick on his dipstick. 410 00:18:12,325 --> 00:18:14,261 Has anybody seen Courtney? 411 00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:16,028 She's talking to her attorney. 412 00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:17,797 Why does she need an attorney? 413 00:18:17,864 --> 00:18:19,566 GC mass spec analysis revealed 414 00:18:19,632 --> 00:18:21,568 that the lipstick pigment on the body 415 00:18:21,634 --> 00:18:23,603 matches the lipstick she was wearing. 416 00:18:23,670 --> 00:18:24,471 Wait! 417 00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:25,905 Courtney with her own father? 418 00:18:25,972 --> 00:18:26,939 Not according to their DNA. 419 00:18:27,006 --> 00:18:27,574 They're not even related. 420 00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:28,708 What?! 421 00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:30,210 You're kidding! That's impossible! 422 00:18:30,277 --> 00:18:31,711 They're con artists. Grifters. 423 00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,280 Wanted in half a dozen states. 424 00:18:33,346 --> 00:18:36,149 His real name is Nathan Krunk 425 00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:37,750 and she is Sylvia Fishman. 426 00:18:37,817 --> 00:18:40,220 That can't be right. 427 00:18:40,287 --> 00:18:41,888 I was gonna marry her. 428 00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:43,156 What?! What?! 429 00:18:44,657 --> 00:18:48,528 We were gonna surprise you, but I guess that ship has sailed. 430 00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:51,398 Well, they've got a long record of marital fraud. 431 00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:53,700 They pick out marks with more money than brains 432 00:18:53,766 --> 00:18:55,602 and then take 'em down the aisle. 433 00:18:56,703 --> 00:18:57,770 You're just gonna turn your back on me? 434 00:18:57,837 --> 00:18:58,771 Your own daughter? 435 00:18:58,838 --> 00:19:00,139 Don't be such a drama queen! 436 00:19:00,207 --> 00:19:02,108 You know what? Forget it! I'm out of here. 437 00:19:02,175 --> 00:19:03,776 Courtney, don't be like that! 438 00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:05,445 But 439 00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:06,946 I don't understand. 440 00:19:07,013 --> 00:19:08,181 Teddy didn't need money. 441 00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:09,816 He was a very wealthy man. 442 00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:14,187 And I practically had to force Courtney to take my $50,000. 443 00:19:18,191 --> 00:19:20,327 Oh. 444 00:19:21,528 --> 00:19:23,663 But-but what about his lifestyle? 445 00:19:23,730 --> 00:19:26,199 The-the private jet, the trips to Vegas? 446 00:19:26,266 --> 00:19:27,667 Bad checks, stolen credit cards. 447 00:19:27,734 --> 00:19:29,536 The only reason he didn't want a prenup 448 00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:31,037 was so he could get a clear shot at your money. 449 00:19:31,103 --> 00:19:34,341 But then why would Courtney kill her own partner? 450 00:19:34,407 --> 00:19:35,742 She didn't. 451 00:19:35,808 --> 00:19:37,977 They were going at it hot and heavy 452 00:19:38,044 --> 00:19:41,147 and his heart gave out. 453 00:19:41,214 --> 00:19:43,916 (groans) 454 00:19:43,983 --> 00:19:46,786 Yeah, I can see that happening. 455 00:19:47,754 --> 00:19:49,689 What threw us off at first was 456 00:19:49,756 --> 00:19:51,291 the bruising on the back of his head. 457 00:19:51,358 --> 00:19:52,825 But then autopsy revealed 458 00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:56,062 that happened roughly 48 hours before time of death. 459 00:19:56,128 --> 00:19:57,297 Would still love to get together. 460 00:19:57,364 --> 00:19:58,498 So give me a call. 461 00:19:58,565 --> 00:19:59,666 I'm just sitting at home 462 00:19:59,732 --> 00:20:01,167 reading a book. (Courtney moaning) 463 00:20:01,234 --> 00:20:02,669 TEDDY: Ow, that hurts! 464 00:20:02,735 --> 00:20:04,604 COURTNEY: Want to switch? 465 00:20:04,671 --> 00:20:08,841 TEDDY: Yeah, let's try banging your head for a while. 466 00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:11,311 I don't believe it. 467 00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:14,881 She used me. She scammed me. She took my money. 468 00:20:15,982 --> 00:20:17,750 Courtney! 469 00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:18,985 What? 470 00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:21,321 I'll wait for you. 471 00:20:28,795 --> 00:20:30,530 * Men... 472 00:20:30,597 --> 00:20:32,432 Got a postcard from the black widow. 473 00:20:33,866 --> 00:20:35,268 No kidding. 474 00:20:35,335 --> 00:20:36,836 How's her honeymoon going? 475 00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:38,405 Pretty good, apparently. 476 00:20:38,471 --> 00:20:40,407 She's already met a wealthy real estate investor. 477 00:20:40,473 --> 00:20:43,576 I gotta admit: the woman's got spirit. 478 00:20:43,643 --> 00:20:45,612 No matter what life throws at her, 479 00:20:45,678 --> 00:20:48,415 she always lands on her back. 480 00:20:50,317 --> 00:20:51,884 Uh-oh. 481 00:20:51,951 --> 00:20:53,720 What's the matter? 482 00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:05,732 Oh, oh, Jake! Oh, God! 483 00:21:07,467 --> 00:21:09,769 That was a good one, wasn't it?