1
00:00:02,480 --> 00:00:03,525
♪ Men.♪

2
00:00:03,612 --> 00:00:04,743
Morning.

3
00:00:04,830 --> 00:00:07,268
Oh, morning, Lyndsey.

4
00:00:07,355 --> 00:00:08,747
Have you two officially met?

5
00:00:09,792 --> 00:00:11,141
We have, actually.

6
00:00:11,228 --> 00:00:12,751
Remember
when you were stalking Alan

7
00:00:12,838 --> 00:00:14,318
and you followed him
to a restaurant

8
00:00:14,405 --> 00:00:15,798
to catch him with his whore?

9
00:00:15,885 --> 00:00:17,843
I was that whore!

10
00:00:17,930 --> 00:00:18,931
[laughing]
Oh, my God.

11
00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:20,759
That was you?

12
00:00:20,846 --> 00:00:22,587
Yes.
You know,
I remember thinking,

13
00:00:22,674 --> 00:00:24,807
"What is such a beautiful
woman doing with Alan?"

14
00:00:24,894 --> 00:00:26,461
I thought the same thing
about you.

15
00:00:26,548 --> 00:00:28,854
"What are we doing with Alan?"

16
00:00:28,941 --> 00:00:32,554
And here I was worried you two
would have nothing in common.

17
00:00:32,641 --> 00:00:34,338
Care for a mimosa?Oh, no,

18
00:00:34,425 --> 00:00:36,210
thanks, I'’m recently sober.
I'’m cutting down

19
00:00:36,297 --> 00:00:38,168
on the self-destructive choices
in my life.

20
00:00:38,255 --> 00:00:39,822
Morning.

21
00:00:39,909 --> 00:00:41,563
And she'’s down to one.

22
00:00:42,607 --> 00:00:44,044
ALAN:
Oh!

23
00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:46,698
Oh, this is so uncomfortable.What?

24
00:00:46,785 --> 00:00:48,831
Well, I'’m about to have
breakfast with my current lover,

25
00:00:48,918 --> 00:00:51,138
my former lover, and my husband.

26
00:00:53,009 --> 00:00:55,403
Oh, my God,
I'’m turning into my mother.

27
00:00:56,926 --> 00:00:58,319
Well, to be fair,

28
00:00:58,406 --> 00:01:00,451
your mother slept
with a lot more women.

29
00:01:07,676 --> 00:01:09,243
Oh, hey, our, uh,
three-month anniversary

30
00:01:09,330 --> 00:01:11,375
is on Valentine'’s Day.
What should we do?

31
00:01:11,462 --> 00:01:13,856
I don'’t know. I was thinking
we could get dressed up

32
00:01:13,943 --> 00:01:16,511
and put on some cologne
and get some flowers

33
00:01:16,598 --> 00:01:17,990
and go to
a romantic dinner...

34
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:19,383
Ooh, I like it.

35
00:01:19,470 --> 00:01:21,559
...with our girlfriends.

36
00:01:21,646 --> 00:01:24,084
Our girlfriends?
But it'’s Valentine'’s Day.

37
00:01:26,173 --> 00:01:29,089
I can'’t believe I'’m in a
relationship with a married man.

38
00:01:29,176 --> 00:01:31,482
Eh. By the third time,
you get used to it.

39
00:01:31,569 --> 00:01:33,005
WALDEN:
You know what,

40
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:34,877
that'’s actually
a really good point.

41
00:01:34,964 --> 00:01:37,575
Since Louis'’ adoption'’s final,
why are we still married?

42
00:01:37,662 --> 00:01:39,664
Uh, because we love each other.

43
00:01:39,751 --> 00:01:42,493
See? They always promise they'’re
gonna get out of their marriage,

44
00:01:42,580 --> 00:01:44,408
but they never do.

45
00:01:44,495 --> 00:01:46,758
Alan, I want a divorce.

46
00:01:46,845 --> 00:01:48,760
Wow. Just get right to it.

47
00:01:48,847 --> 00:01:50,893
Happy Valentine'’s Day to Alan.

48
00:01:50,980 --> 00:01:53,025
Oh, come on.
This was never a real marriage.

49
00:01:54,505 --> 00:01:56,072
And these aren'’t
real tears, either.

50
00:01:57,595 --> 00:01:58,901
I'’m a stone-hearted
bastard, too!

51
00:02:00,555 --> 00:02:02,339
You know what, Walden,
you can keep him.

52
00:02:02,426 --> 00:02:04,124
[sighs] All right.

53
00:02:04,211 --> 00:02:05,864
I'’ll go get him
before I find him masturbating

54
00:02:05,951 --> 00:02:07,649
in a pool of his own tears.

55
00:02:10,391 --> 00:02:12,958
Been there.
Been there.

56
00:02:13,045 --> 00:02:15,961
♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men ♪

57
00:02:16,048 --> 00:02:18,573
♪ Ah.
♪ Men.
♪ Men.

58
00:02:22,664 --> 00:02:23,926
♪ Men.♪

59
00:02:24,013 --> 00:02:26,102
Can we make pancakes?

60
00:02:26,189 --> 00:02:28,626
Oh. You know, I'’m sorry, buddy.
I can'’t right now.

61
00:02:28,713 --> 00:02:30,106
I'’m k... I'’m kind of busy.

62
00:02:30,193 --> 00:02:32,064
Y-You remember how I told you

63
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:34,241
that Alan and I aren'’t gonna
be married anymore?

64
00:02:34,328 --> 00:02:35,459
[sadly]:
Yeah.

65
00:02:35,546 --> 00:02:37,766
Are you sad about the divorce?

66
00:02:37,853 --> 00:02:40,116
No. I'’m sad about the pancakes.

67
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:45,904
Hey.Oh, hey.
Great.

68
00:02:45,991 --> 00:02:48,211
Uh, you know what, I'’m working
on our divorce papers.

69
00:02:48,298 --> 00:02:51,475
I need you to sign
right here.

70
00:02:51,562 --> 00:02:53,129
What about dividing our assets?

71
00:02:55,218 --> 00:02:56,611
Well, we both get what we had

72
00:02:56,698 --> 00:02:57,960
when we came into the marriage.

73
00:02:58,047 --> 00:02:59,831
So you get the house and the car

74
00:02:59,918 --> 00:03:01,790
and the billion dollars
and the private jet?

75
00:03:01,877 --> 00:03:02,704
Yep.

76
00:03:04,140 --> 00:03:06,186
And you'’ll get that shirt.

77
00:03:06,273 --> 00:03:09,754
You know what?
I'’ll go first.

78
00:03:09,841 --> 00:03:12,801
You know, this isn'’t easy
for me either.

79
00:03:12,888 --> 00:03:15,456
Does the beach house
and the private jet

80
00:03:15,543 --> 00:03:17,675
and the billion dollars
make it easier?

81
00:03:17,762 --> 00:03:19,721
Duh.

82
00:03:19,808 --> 00:03:23,333
But this is still the best
relationship I'’ve ever been in.

83
00:03:23,420 --> 00:03:25,030
Hmm. It'’s funny.

84
00:03:25,117 --> 00:03:27,032
When Judith and I got
divorced, she said,

85
00:03:27,119 --> 00:03:29,121
"If you don'’t leave,
I will kill you."

86
00:03:30,601 --> 00:03:32,299
I believed her.

87
00:03:32,386 --> 00:03:34,562
Here. Your turn.

88
00:03:38,957 --> 00:03:41,177
I can'’t. My hand
knows it'’s wrong.

89
00:03:41,264 --> 00:03:45,399
Your hand does a lot of things
it knows is wrong.

90
00:03:47,270 --> 00:03:48,532
Just sign it.

91
00:03:48,619 --> 00:03:50,447
[sighs]

92
00:03:50,534 --> 00:03:52,580
[sighs]
Good-bye...

93
00:03:52,667 --> 00:03:55,887
Dr. Alan Harper-Schmidt.

94
00:03:55,974 --> 00:04:00,240
I hardly knew ye.

95
00:04:00,327 --> 00:04:02,590
Thank you. I really appreciate
you doing this whole thing.

96
00:04:02,677 --> 00:04:05,984
You know, in fact, I'’d like to
get you a gift to say thank you.

97
00:04:06,071 --> 00:04:08,639
Well, that'’s very nice, but
I didn'’t do it for a gift.

98
00:04:08,726 --> 00:04:10,772
You'’re my best friend, and
I would walk through fire...

99
00:04:10,859 --> 00:04:12,426
What kind of a gift
are we talking about?

100
00:04:12,513 --> 00:04:14,471
Whatever you want.

101
00:04:14,558 --> 00:04:17,039
Don'’t worry about the cost.
You deserve it.

102
00:04:17,126 --> 00:04:18,823
Oh, wow.

103
00:04:18,910 --> 00:04:20,825
This is exciting.

104
00:04:20,912 --> 00:04:22,697
You'’re like a genie.

105
00:04:24,525 --> 00:04:26,266
What do I rub to make
my wish come true?

106
00:04:27,832 --> 00:04:29,443
I heard it.

107
00:04:29,530 --> 00:04:31,401
Oh. I-I already know
what my wish will be.

108
00:04:31,488 --> 00:04:32,707
You can'’t wish for more wishes.

109
00:04:32,794 --> 00:04:34,535
Damn it.

110
00:04:34,622 --> 00:04:36,058
So-so what are the limits?

111
00:04:36,145 --> 00:04:37,538
Are we talking
a trip to Disneyland?

112
00:04:37,625 --> 00:04:39,061
More than that.

113
00:04:39,148 --> 00:04:40,062
Owning Disneyland?

114
00:04:40,149 --> 00:04:41,237
Less than that.

115
00:04:41,324 --> 00:04:43,283
I really want to own Disneyland.

116
00:04:43,370 --> 00:04:45,241
Then the Little Mermaid
can'’t tell me,

117
00:04:45,328 --> 00:04:49,289
"Pictures with children only."

118
00:04:49,376 --> 00:04:52,117
Okay, I-I know my parameters,
I just have to think about it.

119
00:04:52,204 --> 00:04:53,815
Can I have a wish?

120
00:04:53,902 --> 00:04:56,905
I'’ll give you a hint:
it'’s pancakes.

121
00:04:58,733 --> 00:05:01,170
You know what, fine,
I'’ll get you pancakes.

122
00:05:03,738 --> 00:05:05,740
That'’s how it'’s done.

123
00:05:09,831 --> 00:05:11,833
♪ Men.♪

124
00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:14,792
I'’m sorry, so, after living
in his guesthouse for free

125
00:05:14,879 --> 00:05:17,317
for four years,
your billionaire friend

126
00:05:17,404 --> 00:05:19,493
is granting you a wish?
[scoffs]

127
00:05:19,580 --> 00:05:21,146
Just one.
[scoffs]

128
00:05:21,233 --> 00:05:22,844
This is so hard.

129
00:05:22,931 --> 00:05:26,761
Yeah. What do you get
for a guy who has... nothing?

130
00:05:26,848 --> 00:05:28,458
No, I'’m serious.

131
00:05:28,545 --> 00:05:30,504
This is a very
tricky negotiation.

132
00:05:30,591 --> 00:05:32,288
He'’ll-he'’ll hate me
if I ask for too much,

133
00:05:32,375 --> 00:05:34,421
but I'’ll hate myself
if I ask for too little.

134
00:05:34,508 --> 00:05:36,423
I mean...

135
00:05:36,510 --> 00:05:39,034
I'’ll hate myself either way,
but I could be hating myself

136
00:05:39,121 --> 00:05:41,732
while Michael Caine
is my butler for a day.

137
00:05:41,819 --> 00:05:44,605
[imitating Michael Caine]:
Shall I bring the Volvo
round then, sir?

138
00:05:46,476 --> 00:05:49,392
Okay. What do you have so far,
besides Michael Caine?

139
00:05:49,479 --> 00:05:51,394
Well, right now there'’s
a range of things.

140
00:05:51,481 --> 00:05:54,049
A new computer,
a real bed,

141
00:05:54,136 --> 00:05:56,617
um, $10,000 to my
favorite charity...

142
00:05:56,704 --> 00:05:58,358
Wow, that'’s very generous.

143
00:05:58,445 --> 00:06:00,708
That was just in case
somebody else saw my list.

144
00:06:00,795 --> 00:06:03,014
Don'’t you think it should be
something that lasts

145
00:06:03,101 --> 00:06:05,800
for a while, something
that sets you up for the future?

146
00:06:05,887 --> 00:06:08,498
Uh, number five,
penis enlargement.

147
00:06:08,585 --> 00:06:11,371
Just promise me
you'’ll pick something practical.

148
00:06:11,458 --> 00:06:13,982
Right. Right. Practical.
Got to think practical.

149
00:06:14,069 --> 00:06:18,247
Hey, um, if you had
the right kind of saddle,

150
00:06:18,334 --> 00:06:22,294
could you ride
a giant panda?

151
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:25,559
♪ Men.♪

152
00:06:25,646 --> 00:06:27,996
Don'’t peek.
I want it to be a surprise.

153
00:06:28,083 --> 00:06:29,519
Please don'’t be
a panda.

154
00:06:29,606 --> 00:06:31,303
Please don'’t be a panda.

155
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:34,176
It'’s not a panda.
But that would be awesome.

156
00:06:34,263 --> 00:06:35,873
Can you ride a panda?[scoffs]

157
00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:38,833
I wish. Apparently
it'’s animal cruelty.

158
00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:41,009
PETA ruins everything.

159
00:06:41,096 --> 00:06:42,706
Can I uncover my eyes?

160
00:06:42,793 --> 00:06:44,142
Uh, ooh, one second.

161
00:06:44,229 --> 00:06:45,622
Is he getting naked?

162
00:06:45,709 --> 00:06:48,495
If he was,
I'’d be covering myeyes.

163
00:06:50,322 --> 00:06:51,585
ALAN:
Okay, open your eyes.

164
00:06:54,065 --> 00:06:55,327
Wow.

165
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,286
What do you think?

166
00:06:57,373 --> 00:06:59,157
I think he should'’ve gotten
the penis enlargement.

167
00:06:59,244 --> 00:07:01,856
This thing must
have cost a fortune.

168
00:07:01,943 --> 00:07:03,292
Oh, it'’s not as expensive
as you think.

169
00:07:03,379 --> 00:07:04,946
Plus, I traded in my Volvo.

170
00:07:05,033 --> 00:07:07,470
Yeah, it paid for
his first tank of gas.

171
00:07:07,557 --> 00:07:10,865
You had one wish
and this is what you asked for?

172
00:07:10,952 --> 00:07:13,345
Yeah. Five people flipped me off
on the way home.

173
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:14,738
It was awesome.

174
00:07:14,825 --> 00:07:16,566
WALDEN:
Oh, plus,

175
00:07:16,653 --> 00:07:18,089
you won'’t have to
explain your relationship

176
00:07:18,176 --> 00:07:19,787
to your friends anymore.
They all ask,Mmm.

177
00:07:19,874 --> 00:07:21,484
"What are you doing with
Alan?" But nobody asks,

178
00:07:21,571 --> 00:07:23,443
"What are you doing with
the guy in the Ferrari?"

179
00:07:23,530 --> 00:07:25,096
BERTA:
Oh, wow.

180
00:07:25,183 --> 00:07:27,490
Sweet ride, Walden.

181
00:07:27,577 --> 00:07:29,971
Finally a car
as pretty as you are.

182
00:07:30,058 --> 00:07:31,407
It'’s actually mine.

183
00:07:31,494 --> 00:07:33,496
There is no God.

184
00:07:34,845 --> 00:07:36,368
Alan, we talked
about this.

185
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:37,718
I thought you were gonna get
something practical.

186
00:07:37,805 --> 00:07:39,546
I thought so, too.

187
00:07:39,633 --> 00:07:41,156
But Michael Caine is out
of the country shooting a movie,

188
00:07:41,243 --> 00:07:42,984
so here we are.

189
00:07:43,071 --> 00:07:44,464
Couldn'’t you have talked
some sense into him?

190
00:07:44,551 --> 00:07:46,117
I told him to get
whatever he wants.

191
00:07:46,204 --> 00:07:48,816
Don'’t hate the genie,
hate the wish.

192
00:07:48,903 --> 00:07:52,123
Right now I hate the idiot
who wasted it on a Ferrari.

193
00:07:52,210 --> 00:07:54,822
Lyndsey, w-wait, wait.
We can take it for a spin.

194
00:07:54,909 --> 00:07:56,650
I'’ll let you drive!

195
00:07:56,737 --> 00:07:58,608
Not a chance.

196
00:07:58,695 --> 00:08:00,480
What the hell? I really thought
she was gonna like it.

197
00:08:00,567 --> 00:08:02,307
I know. Me, too.

198
00:08:02,394 --> 00:08:04,440
Hey, Berta, uh, if you had
one wish, what would you get?

199
00:08:04,527 --> 00:08:06,137
Have you signed the
divorce papers yet?

200
00:08:06,224 --> 00:08:08,096
I did.
Then I'’m good.

201
00:08:10,054 --> 00:08:11,926
♪ Men.♪

202
00:08:12,013 --> 00:08:13,667
Oh.

203
00:08:13,754 --> 00:08:15,756
Hey. Have you, uh,
heard from Lyndsey?

204
00:08:15,843 --> 00:08:16,931
No.

205
00:08:17,018 --> 00:08:18,889
I even pulled out the big guns.

206
00:08:18,976 --> 00:08:21,936
I texted her a picture of
my penis with a sad face on it.

207
00:08:22,023 --> 00:08:24,939
Why would that work on her

208
00:08:25,026 --> 00:08:28,116
when it never worked on me?

209
00:08:28,203 --> 00:08:29,944
[door opens]

210
00:08:30,031 --> 00:08:31,598
Hey, Walden.

211
00:08:31,685 --> 00:08:34,992
Alan, why did you send me
your sad penis pic?

212
00:08:35,079 --> 00:08:36,820
I-I'’m sorry.
That was for Lyndsey.

213
00:08:36,907 --> 00:08:39,867
Come on, man!

214
00:08:39,954 --> 00:08:41,608
Grow up.
She'’s seen it in person.

215
00:08:41,695 --> 00:08:43,348
Yeah, and it was sad then, too.

216
00:08:43,435 --> 00:08:45,350
Yeah, well, that sad penis

217
00:08:45,437 --> 00:08:47,352
is driving around
in a brand-new Ferrari.

218
00:08:47,439 --> 00:08:50,660
Why can'’t you talk
like a person?

219
00:08:50,747 --> 00:08:53,315
Wait, so you used your wish
on a Ferrari?

220
00:08:54,708 --> 00:08:56,492
And how did Lyndsey feel
about that?

221
00:08:56,579 --> 00:08:58,494
Well, she hated it,
and I just don'’t know why.

222
00:08:58,581 --> 00:09:01,236
I-It was like our anniversary
lunch at Hooters all over again.

223
00:09:01,323 --> 00:09:04,326
Don'’t you know anything
about women?

224
00:09:04,413 --> 00:09:07,024
Uh, you and I dated-- I think
you know the answer to that.

225
00:09:07,111 --> 00:09:10,550
You had the chance to do
something for you andLyndsey,

226
00:09:10,637 --> 00:09:12,987
and instead you did something
just for yourself.

227
00:09:13,074 --> 00:09:14,031
WALDEN:
You know what?

228
00:09:14,118 --> 00:09:15,337
This is my fault.

229
00:09:15,424 --> 00:09:17,382
I gave you
too much power.

230
00:09:17,469 --> 00:09:20,037
You don'’t give
a monkey a gun.

231
00:09:20,124 --> 00:09:24,346
Did we learn nothing
from Planet of the Apes?

232
00:09:24,433 --> 00:09:26,740
So how do I make this right
for Lyndsey?

233
00:09:26,827 --> 00:09:30,831
Oh. Maybe you could paint
a smiley face on her vagina.

234
00:09:32,702 --> 00:09:35,313
If she had one wish,
what would it be?

235
00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:36,750
To be married to him.

236
00:09:36,837 --> 00:09:38,447
Okay, that'’s probably true,

237
00:09:38,534 --> 00:09:40,971
but she can'’t have Walden.
[chuckles]

238
00:09:41,058 --> 00:09:43,234
And make sure she knows that.

239
00:09:43,321 --> 00:09:45,410
But I think you might
be on the right track

240
00:09:45,497 --> 00:09:47,238
that she would
like a commitment.

241
00:09:47,325 --> 00:09:48,588
Wow... a commitment.

242
00:09:48,675 --> 00:09:50,241
[chuckles]

243
00:09:50,328 --> 00:09:53,244
For years, I-I felt
I should marry Lyndsey,

244
00:09:53,331 --> 00:09:55,725
but, uh, it'’s never
the right time.

245
00:09:55,812 --> 00:09:58,206
Maybe now is the right time.

246
00:09:59,642 --> 00:10:01,252
I just...

247
00:10:01,339 --> 00:10:04,734
wish I had the money
for an engagement ring.

248
00:10:04,821 --> 00:10:08,738
I'’m not getting you an
engagement ring and a Ferrari.

249
00:10:08,825 --> 00:10:10,522
How '’bout a promise ring
and a Beemer?

250
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,699
♪ Men.♪

251
00:10:16,746 --> 00:10:18,052
♪ Men.♪

252
00:10:18,139 --> 00:10:19,575
Wow. I'’ve never been

253
00:10:19,662 --> 00:10:21,882
to a high-end jewelry
store like this.

254
00:10:21,969 --> 00:10:24,362
Really? Where'’d you get
your engagement ring
for your ex-wife?

255
00:10:24,449 --> 00:10:26,538
Well, when I met Judith,
I was working at a funeral home.

256
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:27,670
I'’ll let you
figure out the rest.

257
00:10:27,757 --> 00:10:28,802
[clears throat]

258
00:10:28,889 --> 00:10:31,892
[lock buzzes]

259
00:10:33,502 --> 00:10:35,765
I don'’t think
I belong here.

260
00:10:35,852 --> 00:10:37,506
You know, I-I feel
out of place.

261
00:10:37,593 --> 00:10:39,464
Just follow my lead,
and keep it classy.

262
00:10:39,551 --> 00:10:41,728
Hi. Welcome to BJ'’s.

263
00:10:41,815 --> 00:10:42,990
[muffled laughter]

264
00:10:43,077 --> 00:10:45,906
I'’m sorry.[both laugh]

265
00:10:45,993 --> 00:10:48,604
[laughing]:
Um, what does "BJ" stand for?

266
00:10:48,691 --> 00:10:49,997
Bountiful Jewels.

267
00:10:50,084 --> 00:10:52,695
Oh. You know, I...
I love your ads.

268
00:10:52,782 --> 00:10:56,003
Uh, uh, "Want a
diamond, give a BJ."

269
00:10:56,090 --> 00:10:57,657
Uh, uh, how about this one?

270
00:10:57,744 --> 00:10:59,484
If you'’re gonna
get down on your knees,

271
00:10:59,571 --> 00:11:01,225
you better be giving a BJ.

272
00:11:01,312 --> 00:11:02,662
[both laughing]

273
00:11:02,749 --> 00:11:04,315
We'’ve heard them all, sir.

274
00:11:06,100 --> 00:11:07,841
So, what can we do for you guys?

275
00:11:07,928 --> 00:11:09,843
Uh, well,
to celebrate our divorce,

276
00:11:09,930 --> 00:11:12,019
I'’d like to get my ex-husband
an engagement ring

277
00:11:12,106 --> 00:11:13,934
for his on-again,
off-again girlfriend.

278
00:11:14,021 --> 00:11:16,545
Oh, and I might need your card,
in case I propose

279
00:11:16,632 --> 00:11:18,503
to my girlfriend,
his ex-girlfriend,

280
00:11:18,590 --> 00:11:20,592
our social worker.

281
00:11:22,290 --> 00:11:24,379
Also, do you validate?

282
00:11:24,466 --> 00:11:26,381
We do.
So, what kind of cut

283
00:11:26,468 --> 00:11:28,513
were you thinking?

284
00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:32,126
Oh, well, a-a cushion cut
is trèsin vogue right now.

285
00:11:32,213 --> 00:11:34,215
Oh, on the other hand,
ever since I was a little boy,

286
00:11:34,302 --> 00:11:35,912
I had my heart set
on a princess cut.

287
00:11:35,999 --> 00:11:38,088
I think that she'’s asking
what Lyndsey would like.

288
00:11:38,175 --> 00:11:41,439
Oh, uh, right, um,
uh, the bride, uh, Lyndsey.

289
00:11:41,526 --> 00:11:44,225
Um, uh, well, you know,
she has very common taste,

290
00:11:44,312 --> 00:11:46,009
so, you know, probably round.

291
00:11:49,012 --> 00:11:51,058
Well, what do you think
of these?

292
00:11:51,145 --> 00:11:53,408
They are both a minimum
of four carats each.

293
00:11:53,495 --> 00:11:55,497
Oh, and, uh,
how much are they?

294
00:11:55,584 --> 00:11:57,368
Oh, dear Lord!

295
00:11:57,455 --> 00:12:00,676
I think I just dropped
four carats in my pants.

296
00:12:00,763 --> 00:12:02,417
Don'’t worry about the price.

297
00:12:02,504 --> 00:12:03,635
Just get what you want.

298
00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:05,507
Wow. Lyndsey is very lucky

299
00:12:05,594 --> 00:12:07,639
to have a man like you
in my life.

300
00:12:09,163 --> 00:12:11,252
So, do you
see anything you like?

301
00:12:11,339 --> 00:12:13,254
They all look good under
these showroom lights.

302
00:12:13,341 --> 00:12:14,951
I need something
that looks good

303
00:12:15,038 --> 00:12:16,431
in a rent-controlled
apartment in Van Nuys.

304
00:12:16,518 --> 00:12:18,041
Then I suggest this one.

305
00:12:18,128 --> 00:12:19,390
It'’s flawless.

306
00:12:19,477 --> 00:12:22,263
Oh. Well,
I'’ll take it.

307
00:12:22,350 --> 00:12:24,047
It'’ll remind her of me.

308
00:12:24,134 --> 00:12:26,223
Why? Does the diamond
fart a lot?

309
00:12:28,008 --> 00:12:29,574
I'’ll just go wrap this up.

310
00:12:31,315 --> 00:12:33,578
Wow. Wow!
[laughs]

311
00:12:33,665 --> 00:12:35,624
It'’s really
happening.
Yeah.

312
00:12:35,711 --> 00:12:36,799
You'’re getting married.

313
00:12:36,886 --> 00:12:39,280
I know. I know.

314
00:12:39,367 --> 00:12:41,456
Pretty soon, I'’ll be
moving out of the house.

315
00:12:41,543 --> 00:12:42,936
[laughs]
I mean,

316
00:12:43,023 --> 00:12:44,676
I certainly wouldn'’t expect you

317
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:46,766
to let Lyndsey and I live
in your guest room.

318
00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:48,115
I mean,
that'’-that'’d be ridiculous.

319
00:12:48,202 --> 00:12:49,769
[laughing]:
Wouldn'’t it?

320
00:12:49,856 --> 00:12:51,031
[laughs]

321
00:12:51,118 --> 00:12:52,641
Wouldn'’t it?

322
00:12:52,728 --> 00:12:56,340
Hm... I have the house
all to myself.

323
00:12:56,427 --> 00:12:58,429
I hadn'’t thought about that.

324
00:12:59,604 --> 00:13:01,519
ALL:
Yay!

325
00:13:01,606 --> 00:13:03,608
Thank you.

326
00:13:03,695 --> 00:13:05,959
Well, we should
do this more often.

327
00:13:06,046 --> 00:13:07,525
We never get
together anymore.

328
00:13:07,612 --> 00:13:09,571
Oh, we wouldn'’t miss
your 50th birthday,

329
00:13:09,658 --> 00:13:11,703
here in the year 2030.

330
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,488
Why are you telling
us what year it is?

331
00:13:13,575 --> 00:13:15,490
I don'’t know. I was just
providing some context,

332
00:13:15,577 --> 00:13:18,362
in case people
missed the subtitle.

333
00:13:18,449 --> 00:13:20,451
Well, I really appreciate
you all being here.

334
00:13:20,538 --> 00:13:23,498
And, Louis, I'’m glad you could
take time away from college.

335
00:13:23,585 --> 00:13:24,934
I wouldn'’t miss it, Dad.

336
00:13:25,021 --> 00:13:26,631
Although, today is the big game

337
00:13:26,718 --> 00:13:28,329
between Jupiter State
and Moon University.

338
00:13:28,416 --> 00:13:30,113
Go... Craters!

339
00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:34,335
Wow. Things sure are different
in the year 2030.

340
00:13:34,422 --> 00:13:36,511
Yeah. Lots of things
are different.

341
00:13:38,165 --> 00:13:40,471
[sputters]

342
00:13:40,558 --> 00:13:41,733
BERTA:
All right.

343
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,518
I'’m out of here.What?!

344
00:13:43,605 --> 00:13:44,824
No. You'’re leaving?

345
00:13:44,911 --> 00:13:46,869
Yeah. I want to get home

346
00:13:46,956 --> 00:13:50,220
and watch the series finale
of The Big Bang Theory.

347
00:13:50,307 --> 00:13:54,137
Matthew McConaughey
is guest starring.

348
00:13:54,224 --> 00:13:57,532
I didn'’t know President
McConaughey could act.

349
00:13:57,619 --> 00:13:59,186
We should really
get going, too.Yeah.

350
00:13:59,273 --> 00:14:02,580
Oh, no! No. Come on,
stay, guys. The-the...

351
00:14:02,667 --> 00:14:04,887
Wait, wait. Why don'’t you...
why don'’t you stay the weekend?

352
00:14:04,974 --> 00:14:06,628
I'’ve have all
these extra rooms.

353
00:14:06,715 --> 00:14:08,935
God, Walden, I am a
successful businessman.

354
00:14:09,022 --> 00:14:12,025
I don'’t need to live in
your house for free anymore.

355
00:14:12,112 --> 00:14:14,810
I live in Lyndsey'’s
house for free now.

356
00:14:14,897 --> 00:14:16,551
Bye, guys.
Happy birthday.

357
00:14:16,638 --> 00:14:20,337
Well, I guess it'’s
just you and me.

358
00:14:20,424 --> 00:14:21,861
And Louis.

359
00:14:21,948 --> 00:14:23,123
WALDEN:
Oh, yeah, but

360
00:14:23,210 --> 00:14:24,211
he'’s just a hologram.

361
00:14:24,298 --> 00:14:25,995
I'’ve got to go.

362
00:14:26,082 --> 00:14:27,736
[echoing]: It'’s pancake day
in the cafeteria.

363
00:14:29,999 --> 00:14:32,828
Now it'’s really just
you and me. Hmm.

364
00:14:32,915 --> 00:14:34,612
You want some cake?

365
00:14:34,699 --> 00:14:38,529
Hey, babe. Ready to go?

366
00:14:38,616 --> 00:14:40,183
I sure am.

367
00:14:40,270 --> 00:14:41,663
Rain check on the cake?

368
00:14:41,750 --> 00:14:43,970
How the hell
did you not age?

369
00:14:44,057 --> 00:14:45,536
I'’m Michael Freakin'’ Bolton.

370
00:14:45,623 --> 00:14:47,625
[laughs]

371
00:14:47,712 --> 00:14:49,236
And thanks
for introducing us.
Mm.

372
00:14:49,323 --> 00:14:50,715
Get out of my house, Bolton.

373
00:14:50,802 --> 00:14:52,587
Bye, Walden.

374
00:14:52,674 --> 00:14:55,242
Yeah, bye, Walden.

375
00:14:55,329 --> 00:14:59,550
♪ When a man steals a woman.

376
00:14:59,637 --> 00:15:01,074
Wait, no!
No, no, no, don'’t leave!

377
00:15:01,161 --> 00:15:02,292
I don'’t want to be alone!

378
00:15:03,641 --> 00:15:05,165
I don'’t want to be alone.

379
00:15:05,252 --> 00:15:06,731
Oh, Walden,
what-what are you talking about?

380
00:15:06,818 --> 00:15:09,778
No. You can'’t leave me.

381
00:15:09,865 --> 00:15:11,171
I'’ll give you
anything you want.

382
00:15:11,258 --> 00:15:12,476
You can sleep in
the master bedroom,

383
00:15:12,563 --> 00:15:14,087
and I'’ll sleep on the futon.

384
00:15:14,174 --> 00:15:15,566
Just, you can'’t marry Lyndsey!

385
00:15:15,653 --> 00:15:17,351
Wait...
you can'’t ask that of me.

386
00:15:17,438 --> 00:15:18,787
I'’ll give you the house!

387
00:15:18,874 --> 00:15:20,745
What'’s your return policy?

388
00:15:20,832 --> 00:15:22,269
You can'’t give back a BJ.

389
00:15:22,356 --> 00:15:25,663
Oh, God...
I'’m gonna die alone!

390
00:15:25,750 --> 00:15:26,926
Well, Walden, relax.

391
00:15:27,013 --> 00:15:28,231
No, I can'’t relax.

392
00:15:28,318 --> 00:15:30,190
I have seen the future!

393
00:15:30,277 --> 00:15:32,192
Ms. McMartin has
beautiful new boobs,

394
00:15:32,279 --> 00:15:33,976
but I don'’t get the boobs.

395
00:15:34,063 --> 00:15:35,891
Bolton gets the boobs.

396
00:15:35,978 --> 00:15:39,199
And Louis-- he won'’t come
home from Moon College!

397
00:15:39,286 --> 00:15:40,765
Oh, calm down.
Calm down, Walden.

398
00:15:40,852 --> 00:15:42,942
Now, I want you
to take a deep breath

399
00:15:43,029 --> 00:15:45,466
and tell me every detail
about Ms. McMartin'’s boobs.

400
00:15:45,553 --> 00:15:47,468
I can'’t breathe.

401
00:15:47,555 --> 00:15:48,773
I need air.

402
00:15:48,860 --> 00:15:50,079
[high-pitched gasping]

403
00:15:50,166 --> 00:15:51,428
Everything is spinning!

404
00:15:51,515 --> 00:15:54,736
My whole world is coming apart!

405
00:15:54,823 --> 00:15:56,346
Could you please buzz me out?

406
00:15:57,347 --> 00:15:59,219
[lock buzzing]

407
00:15:59,306 --> 00:16:01,786
♪ Men.♪

408
00:16:01,873 --> 00:16:04,441
Hey, hey, don'’t
beat yourself up about this.

409
00:16:04,528 --> 00:16:07,531
I mean, everybody freaks out
a little bit every now and then.

410
00:16:07,618 --> 00:16:10,143
I mean, it'’s like...
it'’s like when I, uh, lost Louis

411
00:16:10,230 --> 00:16:11,579
for two hours at the mall.

412
00:16:11,666 --> 00:16:13,363
What?

413
00:16:13,450 --> 00:16:15,626
Uh, he found a Wetzel'’s Pretzel
in the trash.

414
00:16:15,713 --> 00:16:17,324
It was fine.

415
00:16:17,411 --> 00:16:19,761
I'’m sorry
I caused a scene back there.

416
00:16:19,848 --> 00:16:21,981
Everything hit me all at once,

417
00:16:22,068 --> 00:16:24,548
and I had this terrifying vision
of the future,

418
00:16:24,635 --> 00:16:27,073
where I-I ended up all alone
in this house.

419
00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:29,553
Terrifying?
Next to my mother dying,

420
00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:33,296
being alone in this house
is my favorite dream.

421
00:16:33,383 --> 00:16:37,561
Oh, it'’s just, when I think
about the rest of my life,

422
00:16:37,648 --> 00:16:39,563
you'’re the one constant.

423
00:16:39,650 --> 00:16:41,478
And I know

424
00:16:41,565 --> 00:16:43,741
I joke a lot
about you moving out,

425
00:16:43,828 --> 00:16:46,396
but the only thing...
worse than...

426
00:16:46,483 --> 00:16:48,703
you staying is you leaving.

427
00:16:52,272 --> 00:16:53,534
Don'’t you think I'’m scared, too?

428
00:16:53,621 --> 00:16:55,318
I mean,

429
00:16:55,405 --> 00:16:57,059
I'’m trading you
for someone ten years older

430
00:16:57,146 --> 00:16:59,279
and a billion dollars poorer.

431
00:16:59,366 --> 00:17:02,282
Don'’t put it that way
in the proposal.

432
00:17:02,369 --> 00:17:04,371
Good call. See?

433
00:17:04,458 --> 00:17:06,242
I'’m always gonna need you.

434
00:17:06,329 --> 00:17:08,375
And look, it'’s not like
I'’m leaving tomorrow.

435
00:17:08,462 --> 00:17:10,899
Plus, even after Lyndsey
and I are married,

436
00:17:10,986 --> 00:17:12,335
we'’re still gonna
see each other.

437
00:17:12,422 --> 00:17:13,380
You mean it?

438
00:17:13,467 --> 00:17:15,121
Of course.

439
00:17:15,208 --> 00:17:16,905
I gotta do something
while Lyndsey'’s at work.

440
00:17:16,992 --> 00:17:18,515
♪ Men.♪

441
00:17:18,602 --> 00:17:20,735
Thank you both
for inviting me to dinner.

442
00:17:20,822 --> 00:17:22,693
Well, we just wanted
to cheer you up.

443
00:17:22,780 --> 00:17:25,392
I'’m really fine. I'’m pretty used
to Alan disappointing me.

444
00:17:25,479 --> 00:17:27,437
That'’s Alan.
He disappoints us,

445
00:17:27,524 --> 00:17:29,570
then he redeems himself,
only to disappoint us again.

446
00:17:29,657 --> 00:17:30,962
Yeah.

447
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,877
It'’s the great circle of Alan.

448
00:17:32,964 --> 00:17:35,532
Hello, Lyndsey.

449
00:17:35,619 --> 00:17:37,578
Alan!

450
00:17:37,665 --> 00:17:39,493
Why are you dressed
like the waiters?

451
00:17:41,147 --> 00:17:42,931
That'’s an unfortunate
coincidence.

452
00:17:44,846 --> 00:17:47,153
I didn'’t know the restaurant
was gonna be this nice.

453
00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:48,676
What'’s going on?

454
00:17:48,763 --> 00:17:51,157
Hold that thought
until you hear this.

455
00:17:51,244 --> 00:17:54,725
Um, everybody,
this is Scott.

456
00:17:54,812 --> 00:17:56,684
Uh, he is available
for lessons

457
00:17:56,771 --> 00:17:59,469
at the Valley West
Community College.

458
00:17:59,556 --> 00:18:02,037
Uh, please inquire
after the performance.

459
00:18:02,124 --> 00:18:04,039
There you go, paid in full.
Now play.

460
00:18:04,126 --> 00:18:06,781
[playing romantic melody]

461
00:18:06,868 --> 00:18:09,784
Lyndsey Ruth Anne McElroy...

462
00:18:09,871 --> 00:18:10,785
What are you doing?

463
00:18:10,872 --> 00:18:12,787
The right thing for once.

464
00:18:12,874 --> 00:18:14,267
I'’ve been in a lot
of relationships...

465
00:18:14,354 --> 00:18:17,139
Oh, three of whom
are at this table.

466
00:18:17,226 --> 00:18:20,882
But none of them even
come close to what we have.

467
00:18:20,969 --> 00:18:24,625
From the moment I met you,
I knew you were too good for me.

468
00:18:24,712 --> 00:18:26,627
Oh, that'’s so sweet.

469
00:18:26,714 --> 00:18:28,498
And so true.

470
00:18:28,585 --> 00:18:33,460
Walden asked me to pick anything
in the world that I wanted,

471
00:18:33,547 --> 00:18:35,418
and I pick you.

472
00:18:35,505 --> 00:18:36,550
Ah.

473
00:18:36,637 --> 00:18:38,639
Will you marry me?

474
00:18:38,726 --> 00:18:42,251
That is the nicest thing
anyone'’s ever said to me,

475
00:18:42,338 --> 00:18:45,124
but I hope you didn'’t do
anything as silly as waste

476
00:18:45,211 --> 00:18:47,082
your wish on ring...
[gasps]

477
00:18:47,169 --> 00:18:49,563
I'’m a princess!
I'’m a pretty, pretty princess!

478
00:18:49,650 --> 00:18:50,955
[yells]
Is that a yes?

479
00:18:51,042 --> 00:18:52,392
Yes!Ah! [laughs]

480
00:18:54,176 --> 00:18:56,700
That is so sweet.

481
00:18:56,787 --> 00:18:59,050
It'’s so beautiful.
So moving.

482
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:01,140
So... romantic.

483
00:19:01,227 --> 00:19:03,316
In fact... Ms. McMartin,

484
00:19:03,403 --> 00:19:05,144
will you...?
No.

485
00:19:05,231 --> 00:19:06,319
Right, it'’s too soon.

486
00:19:06,406 --> 00:19:07,885
Don'’t leave me.

487
00:19:07,972 --> 00:19:09,148
I'’m so happy.

488
00:19:09,235 --> 00:19:10,975
This is really
a new beginning.

489
00:19:11,062 --> 00:19:13,848
It is. We get our own place,
our own things, new jobs...

490
00:19:13,935 --> 00:19:15,328
Oh, perfect.

491
00:19:15,415 --> 00:19:16,807
Started the day
with a Ferrari,

492
00:19:16,894 --> 00:19:19,941
ended it with a
wife and a job.

493
00:19:20,028 --> 00:19:21,812
♪ Men.♪

494
00:19:25,903 --> 00:19:27,427
♪ Men.♪

495
00:19:27,514 --> 00:19:29,037
Thanks again
for the engagement ring.

496
00:19:29,124 --> 00:19:30,821
Thanks for being
such a great friend.

497
00:19:30,908 --> 00:19:32,432
Oh, please.

498
00:19:32,519 --> 00:19:34,521
You gave me
a new lease on life.

499
00:19:34,608 --> 00:19:38,612
I mean, after we lost Charlie,
I thought we were done.
We?

500
00:19:38,699 --> 00:19:42,355
Well, you know, me,
uh, Berta, Jake,

501
00:19:42,442 --> 00:19:44,400
my mom, Lyndsey,

502
00:19:44,487 --> 00:19:47,969
all the crazy characters who'’ve
walked into this amazing house.

503
00:19:48,056 --> 00:19:51,320
Yeah, it'’s been a pretty
wacky last four years, huh?

504
00:19:51,407 --> 00:19:52,669
Yeah. [laughs]

505
00:19:52,756 --> 00:19:54,410
Had a lot of laughs.

506
00:19:54,497 --> 00:19:57,239
Imagine how weird
it would be without the laughs.

507
00:20:17,477 --> 00:20:20,001
♪ Men.♪