1 00:00:05,306 --> 00:00:08,742 Oh! Brain freeze! Brain freeze! 2 00:00:08,776 --> 00:00:11,312 Hang in there. It'll pass. 3 00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:13,447 Going... going... 4 00:00:13,481 --> 00:00:14,682 going... 5 00:00:14,715 --> 00:00:16,650 Okay, okay, I'm good. 6 00:00:18,652 --> 00:00:22,090 Oh! Brain freeze! Brain freeze! 7 00:00:22,123 --> 00:00:24,092 I don't think "brain freeze" 8 00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:26,127 is an accurate description here. 9 00:00:27,261 --> 00:00:28,629 ALAN: Oh, geez. 10 00:00:28,662 --> 00:00:30,231 It's Mom. 11 00:00:30,264 --> 00:00:32,233 Aw, great. 12 00:00:32,266 --> 00:00:34,135 Who's that she's with? 13 00:00:34,168 --> 00:00:35,636 CHARLIE: I don't know, 14 00:00:35,669 --> 00:00:37,138 but they haven't been dating long. 15 00:00:37,171 --> 00:00:38,072 How can you tell? 16 00:00:38,106 --> 00:00:39,640 He's still smiling. 17 00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:42,510 All right, let's get out of here before she sees us. 18 00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:44,278 How? They're standing in front of the door. 19 00:00:44,312 --> 00:00:45,446 We'll go out the back. 20 00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:47,281 JAKE: Hey, look. 21 00:00:47,315 --> 00:00:49,683 I'm a rabid dog. (growling) 22 00:00:52,220 --> 00:00:53,821 Aw, damn it! 23 00:00:53,854 --> 00:00:55,289 Plan B? 24 00:00:55,323 --> 00:00:57,125 Bathroom. 25 00:00:57,158 --> 00:00:58,659 But I don't have to pee! Go, go! 26 00:01:03,264 --> 00:01:05,299 Now what, we just wait here until they leave? 27 00:01:05,333 --> 00:01:06,634 Would you rather go out there 28 00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:08,336 and chat with Mom and her new boyfriend? 29 00:01:11,505 --> 00:01:14,675 Hey, Evelyn, get me a muffin, too. 30 00:01:14,708 --> 00:01:17,811 Whew! Somebody's drinking more than coffee. 31 00:01:23,251 --> 00:01:25,119 Gonna be long? 32 00:01:25,153 --> 00:01:27,121 JAKE: I don't know. 33 00:01:28,722 --> 00:01:30,558 (whistling "Bingo") 34 00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:33,827 (continues whistling "Bingo") 35 00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:37,231 (joins in whistling) 36 00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:42,270 (Charlie and Alan continue whistling) 37 00:01:42,303 --> 00:01:45,373 JAKE: * And Bingo was his name-o! 38 00:01:49,277 --> 00:01:51,111 All yours. Thanks. 39 00:01:54,182 --> 00:01:56,484 (whistling "Swanee") 40 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:01,722 (continues whistling) 41 00:02:10,564 --> 00:02:12,166 Uh, thanks. 42 00:02:18,239 --> 00:02:21,209 So, listen, when you guys are done screwing around in here, 43 00:02:21,242 --> 00:02:23,311 your mother would like to talk to you. 44 00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:31,785 JAKE: Can I come out now? 45 00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:34,755 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 46 00:02:34,788 --> 00:02:38,326 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * * Ooh 47 00:02:38,359 --> 00:02:41,262 * Men, men, men, men, manly men * * Ooh * Ooh 48 00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:42,963 * Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ohh, ooh-ooh... * 49 00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:45,733 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 50 00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:48,836 * Ooh * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 51 00:02:48,869 --> 00:02:53,374 * Ah. * Men. * Men. 52 00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:01,715 (chuckles): Hey! 53 00:03:01,749 --> 00:03:03,317 Look who's here! 54 00:03:03,351 --> 00:03:04,385 It's Mom. Hey, Mom. 55 00:03:04,418 --> 00:03:05,786 Oh, stop it, both of you. 56 00:03:05,819 --> 00:03:07,521 I can't believe I'm such a horrible person, 57 00:03:07,555 --> 00:03:09,357 you have to hide from me in public. 58 00:03:09,390 --> 00:03:10,591 We weren't hiding. 59 00:03:10,624 --> 00:03:12,760 Which does not invalidate your premise. 60 00:03:14,395 --> 00:03:16,597 Uh, Jake had, uh, had stomach problems. 61 00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:18,832 Don't put this on me. 62 00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:21,735 I apologize for my children. 63 00:03:21,769 --> 00:03:22,970 Oh, no problem. 64 00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:24,438 Teddy Leopold. 65 00:03:24,472 --> 00:03:25,639 Oh, hi. Uh, Alan. 66 00:03:25,673 --> 00:03:26,807 This is my brother, my son Jake. 67 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:28,642 How you doing? 68 00:03:28,676 --> 00:03:31,779 Evelyn's told me a lot of wonderful things about you boys. 69 00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:35,483 Not buying it, huh? 70 00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:39,520 I tried. 71 00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:42,823 Teddy lives in Denver, but he does a lot of business in L.A. 72 00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:45,393 So I helped him find a little pied-à-terre in Century City. 73 00:03:45,426 --> 00:03:47,027 What's a pied-à-terre? 74 00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:51,665 It's French for "a place to play hanky-panky with Grandma." 75 00:03:51,699 --> 00:03:53,267 Mom! Mom! 76 00:03:53,301 --> 00:03:56,270 Oh, relax. It's not gonna scar him. 77 00:03:56,304 --> 00:03:58,038 Yeah, but what about us? 78 00:03:58,071 --> 00:03:59,807 Well, anyway, it was nice meeting you. 79 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:02,576 We got to bring the kid back to his mother's. 80 00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:04,612 Again, you're putting it on me? 81 00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:07,281 Nice to meet you, too. 82 00:04:07,315 --> 00:04:08,582 Yeah. Bye-bye. See you, Mom. 83 00:04:08,616 --> 00:04:09,583 Bye, Mom. 84 00:04:09,617 --> 00:04:10,418 Bye. 85 00:04:11,519 --> 00:04:12,720 Wait, I have to pee. 86 00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:14,688 You've peed enough. 87 00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:17,891 * Men... 88 00:04:19,026 --> 00:04:21,329 (phone ringing) 89 00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:26,500 "Teddy Leopold." 90 00:04:26,534 --> 00:04:28,068 Do we know a Teddy Leopold? 91 00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:29,603 That's Mom's new boyfriend. 92 00:04:29,637 --> 00:04:31,572 Oh, right, of course. 93 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,542 (ringing continues) 94 00:04:34,575 --> 00:04:36,577 Aren't you curious why he's calling? 95 00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:38,679 (ringing continues) Not particularly. 96 00:04:38,712 --> 00:04:40,614 What if something happened to Mom? 97 00:04:40,648 --> 00:04:44,652 Then we'll just wait for Dorothy to bring us the broom. 98 00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:46,620 Give me the phone. 99 00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:50,924 Hello? 100 00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:52,593 Uh, no, no, this is Alan. 101 00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:54,528 Hi, Teddy. What's up? 102 00:04:54,562 --> 00:04:56,530 Uh-huh. 103 00:04:56,564 --> 00:04:58,399 Oh... 104 00:04:58,432 --> 00:05:01,502 (laughs): Wow. That is, uh, that is quite an offer 105 00:05:01,535 --> 00:05:03,437 Uh, I-I'd love to. 106 00:05:03,471 --> 00:05:05,406 Hang on, I'll ask him. 107 00:05:05,439 --> 00:05:06,640 Uh, Teddy has invited us... 108 00:05:06,674 --> 00:05:08,576 I'm busy. 109 00:05:08,609 --> 00:05:11,011 Do you at least want to hear what it is? Nope. 110 00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:15,749 Charlie can't make it, but can you still take me? 111 00:05:15,783 --> 00:05:17,985 (laughs): Really? Gee, thanks. 112 00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:20,488 I'll, uh, guess I'll see you then. 113 00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:22,656 (chuckling quietly) 114 00:05:27,461 --> 00:05:30,664 (singsongy): You're gonna be sorry. 115 00:05:30,698 --> 00:05:34,668 (singsongy): You're gonna be homeless. 116 00:05:34,702 --> 00:05:37,137 Why do you always have to play that card? 117 00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,872 Look, Alan, I have no interest 118 00:05:38,906 --> 00:05:41,375 in hanging out with Mom's boyfriend du jour. 119 00:05:41,409 --> 00:05:42,676 Why not? He seems like a great guy. 120 00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:44,978 He might be the greatest guy in the world, 121 00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:48,048 but he'll end up like every other husband or boyfriend she's ever had. 122 00:05:48,081 --> 00:05:53,687 Either she'll dump him, he'll dump her, or he'll die under suspicious circumstances. 123 00:05:53,721 --> 00:05:56,156 No matter what, you're left standing on the curb 124 00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:59,126 with your fishing pole on the first day of summer vacation, 125 00:05:59,159 --> 00:06:02,596 waiting for a Chrysler LeBaron that never comes! 126 00:06:04,832 --> 00:06:07,501 Okay, this isn't about Teddy, is it? 127 00:06:07,535 --> 00:06:11,505 Hey, hey, you want to be buddies with this guy, go right ahead. 128 00:06:11,539 --> 00:06:13,006 I got better things to do. 129 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:14,475 Better than ringside seats 130 00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:15,776 to the heavyweight championship fight 131 00:06:15,809 --> 00:06:17,645 at Caesar's Palace tomorrow night? 132 00:06:17,678 --> 00:06:19,447 What? 133 00:06:20,914 --> 00:06:22,750 Ringside. 134 00:06:22,783 --> 00:06:24,485 Ringside? 135 00:06:24,518 --> 00:06:27,655 Any closer, and we'd be sitting in the spit bucket. 136 00:06:28,789 --> 00:06:30,123 Should I call him back 137 00:06:30,157 --> 00:06:31,892 and tell him you've changed your mind? 138 00:06:31,925 --> 00:06:33,761 No, no. No. 139 00:06:33,794 --> 00:06:36,196 He's just using us to get closer to Mom. 140 00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:38,932 When we were kids, it was Disneyland and cotton candy. 141 00:06:38,966 --> 00:06:41,435 Now it's ringside seats. And a private plane. 142 00:06:41,469 --> 00:06:42,636 He's got a private plane? 143 00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:45,473 And a limo 144 00:06:45,506 --> 00:06:47,508 and a penthouse suite. 145 00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:50,678 Still not interested? 146 00:06:50,711 --> 00:06:51,945 Nope. 147 00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:54,482 Still have better things to do? Yep. 148 00:06:54,515 --> 00:06:57,485 (laughs): Do you realize what a stubborn child you sound like? 149 00:06:57,518 --> 00:07:00,187 I do. You're not gonna give it up, are ya? 150 00:07:00,220 --> 00:07:01,722 Not a chance. 151 00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:03,591 (sighs): Okay, then... 152 00:07:03,624 --> 00:07:05,192 good night. 153 00:07:05,225 --> 00:07:06,660 Good night. 154 00:07:11,632 --> 00:07:13,567 (grunting) 155 00:07:19,707 --> 00:07:21,975 * Men... 156 00:07:22,009 --> 00:07:24,077 (doorbell rings) ALAN: Oh, boy! 157 00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:25,546 Teddy's here! 158 00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:26,814 Charlie, Teddy's here! 159 00:07:26,847 --> 00:07:29,016 Oh, boy. 160 00:07:30,918 --> 00:07:33,120 Hi, Al. You all packed? (laughing) 161 00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:35,055 Are you kidding? I packed last night. 162 00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:36,757 I was too excited to sleep. 163 00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,559 Terrific. 164 00:07:38,592 --> 00:07:39,727 Where's Charlie? 165 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:41,595 Uh, out on the deck. 166 00:07:41,629 --> 00:07:43,631 Give me a minute. I want to say hi. 167 00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:44,998 Can I go sit in the limo? 168 00:07:45,032 --> 00:07:46,266 Knock yourself out. 169 00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:47,901 There's sushi. 170 00:07:47,935 --> 00:07:50,037 Sushi in a car! Oh, boy! 171 00:07:56,544 --> 00:07:57,811 This is your other plans? 172 00:07:57,845 --> 00:07:59,580 Not all of 'em. 173 00:07:59,613 --> 00:08:02,883 Later I'm gonna go inside and watch some girl-on-girl porn. 174 00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:04,785 Beautiful. 175 00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:08,589 Look, I still have an extra ticket to the fight, 176 00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:10,290 and there's plenty of room on the plane. 177 00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:12,526 No, thanks. 178 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:14,795 Did I do something to tick you off? 179 00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:17,965 You know, aside from slipping it to your mother. 180 00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:22,803 No, no. It's just I prefer not to get involved in her personal life. 181 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:25,038 I'm not asking you to get involved in her personal life. 182 00:08:25,072 --> 00:08:27,641 I'm asking you to come to Vegas with me and see a fight. 183 00:08:27,675 --> 00:08:29,643 Yeah, but why? 184 00:08:29,677 --> 00:08:32,145 I don't know, you seem like a nice guy. 185 00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:33,881 Don't you have your own friends? 186 00:08:33,914 --> 00:08:36,149 Charlie, when you get to be my age, 187 00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:38,719 most of your friends are either married or dead. 188 00:08:38,752 --> 00:08:40,754 What's the difference? 189 00:08:40,788 --> 00:08:43,523 The dead ones smell up my plane. 190 00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:48,662 Come on, throw some clothes on, and let's go have some fun. 191 00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,701 Eh, what the hell. 192 00:08:53,734 --> 00:08:55,769 Just do me a favor. 193 00:08:55,803 --> 00:08:57,638 Let's keep this between us. 194 00:08:57,671 --> 00:09:00,708 I want your mother to think that I went on a business trip. 195 00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:01,909 No problem. 196 00:09:01,942 --> 00:09:04,578 My mother still thinks I went to college. 197 00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:07,748 Beautiful. 198 00:09:09,717 --> 00:09:11,719 * Men... 199 00:09:11,752 --> 00:09:13,954 (crowd chatter, whistles) 200 00:09:15,188 --> 00:09:17,658 Hey, Charlie, you need anything? 201 00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:20,994 Teddy, if I was any happier, my pants would be wet. 202 00:09:21,028 --> 00:09:25,165 Hey, Teddy, uh, can we get some gelato after the fight? 203 00:09:25,198 --> 00:09:26,667 Anything you want, kid. 204 00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:28,669 (chuckles): Gee, thanks. 205 00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:35,108 Hiya. 206 00:09:35,142 --> 00:09:36,844 What's up? 207 00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:40,180 You know, I've, uh, I've never really been 208 00:09:40,213 --> 00:09:42,716 a big fan of the pugilistic arts, but... 209 00:09:42,750 --> 00:09:46,987 I have to admit, I'm getting kind of swept away in the pageantry of the event. 210 00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:49,589 Uh-huh. 211 00:09:51,859 --> 00:09:54,928 I like your bling very much. 212 00:09:54,962 --> 00:09:57,164 I, uh, I tried to pierce the ear once, 213 00:09:57,197 --> 00:09:59,366 but it got horribly infected. 214 00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:05,205 Hey, uh, uh, you know where we could score some good gelato? 215 00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:06,974 Nah. 216 00:10:08,776 --> 00:10:10,644 (sighs) 217 00:10:10,678 --> 00:10:12,680 Word. 218 00:10:13,981 --> 00:10:16,316 I think that might be that Snoopy fellow. 219 00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:19,787 Terrific. 220 00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:20,754 (phone rings) 221 00:10:23,390 --> 00:10:25,225 Hello. 222 00:10:25,258 --> 00:10:26,393 Oh, hi, Evelyn. 223 00:10:26,426 --> 00:10:30,163 Yeah. How are you, sweetheart? 224 00:10:30,197 --> 00:10:32,065 Good, good. 225 00:10:32,099 --> 00:10:34,301 Where am I? 226 00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:35,703 (bell rings) 227 00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:38,438 San Francisco. 228 00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:42,876 I'm going into a meeting. Uh, can I call you back? 229 00:10:42,910 --> 00:10:44,077 REFEREE: No shots below the waist. 230 00:10:44,111 --> 00:10:45,412 Love you, too, sweetheart. 231 00:10:45,445 --> 00:10:48,248 Bye. 232 00:10:48,281 --> 00:10:49,449 You're very good. 233 00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:52,119 Yeah. 234 00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:54,888 I've got five grand on the big Russian. 235 00:10:54,922 --> 00:10:57,457 Either of you fellows like to have a piece of my action? 236 00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:59,326 I'll take half. 237 00:10:59,359 --> 00:11:00,828 Attaboy. 238 00:11:00,861 --> 00:11:02,195 How about you, Alan? 239 00:11:02,229 --> 00:11:04,464 Oh, what the heck. I'm in Vegas. 240 00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:08,769 Put me down for $20, no, $25. 241 00:11:08,802 --> 00:11:11,271 (bell rings) 242 00:11:11,304 --> 00:11:13,440 Make it $20. 243 00:11:17,878 --> 00:11:19,713 (crowd cheering) 244 00:11:19,747 --> 00:11:23,450 REFEREE: One, two, three, 245 00:11:23,483 --> 00:11:26,386 four, five... 246 00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:29,422 How do you say "Get up" in Russian? 247 00:11:29,456 --> 00:11:31,258 seven, eight... 248 00:11:31,291 --> 00:11:33,026 * Men. 249 00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:34,094 nine, ten. 250 00:11:38,098 --> 00:11:41,902 Unbelievable, an eighteen second fight. 251 00:11:41,935 --> 00:11:45,405 Takes me longer to start peeing. 252 00:11:45,438 --> 00:11:46,974 Yeah, thanks so much 253 00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:49,076 for giving me half your action on the guy. 254 00:11:49,109 --> 00:11:51,378 No problem. You want the other half? 255 00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:52,780 No, I'm good. 256 00:11:52,813 --> 00:11:53,847 (video game trills) 257 00:11:53,881 --> 00:11:54,948 Oh, yeah, baby! 258 00:11:54,982 --> 00:11:56,950 20 dead presidents. 259 00:11:56,984 --> 00:11:58,285 I'm even! 260 00:11:58,318 --> 00:12:01,388 Was he a preemie? 261 00:12:01,421 --> 00:12:03,490 Actually, we both were. 262 00:12:03,523 --> 00:12:05,125 Our mom waits nine months for nothing. 263 00:12:07,027 --> 00:12:10,530 Hey, fellas, I want to show you something. 264 00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:11,899 What do you think? 265 00:12:11,932 --> 00:12:13,466 Nice. 266 00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:14,467 Yeah. Who's it for? 267 00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:15,969 Your mother. 268 00:12:16,003 --> 00:12:17,905 No, seriously. 269 00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:20,140 I know it's kind of old-fashioned, but, uh, 270 00:12:20,173 --> 00:12:22,475 I wanted to run it by you guys before I asked her. 271 00:12:22,509 --> 00:12:24,878 Ask her what? 272 00:12:24,912 --> 00:12:27,114 Charlie, I love your mom. 273 00:12:27,147 --> 00:12:28,481 I want to marry her. 274 00:12:28,515 --> 00:12:33,286 But... but... you could do so much better. 275 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,355 That's no way to talk about your mother. 276 00:12:35,388 --> 00:12:37,858 That's precisely the way to talk about my mother. 277 00:12:37,891 --> 00:12:39,359 Charlie, be supportive. 278 00:12:39,392 --> 00:12:41,294 I thought I was being supportive. 279 00:12:41,328 --> 00:12:43,330 Regardless of what you guys think about her, 280 00:12:43,363 --> 00:12:45,532 Evelyn is a great broad. 281 00:12:45,565 --> 00:12:48,335 I want to marry her and I would like your blessing. 282 00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:49,803 You got my blessing, Teddy. 283 00:12:49,837 --> 00:12:52,472 Shut up and eat your gelato. 284 00:12:52,505 --> 00:12:54,975 Come on, Charlie. Wouldn't it be great to have a dad again? 285 00:12:55,008 --> 00:12:58,511 I'm a grown man, Alan. I don't need a father anymore. 286 00:12:58,545 --> 00:13:01,348 Would any of you gentleman like a date? 287 00:13:01,381 --> 00:13:04,117 Sorry, doll, I'm taken, but I wouldn't mind 288 00:13:04,151 --> 00:13:06,186 footing the bill for my two boys here. 289 00:13:06,219 --> 00:13:08,121 Hi, I'm Amber. 290 00:13:08,155 --> 00:13:09,322 I'm Tiffany. 291 00:13:12,092 --> 00:13:13,793 Thanks, Daddy! Thanks, Daddy! 292 00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:17,530 * Men... 293 00:13:21,902 --> 00:13:23,236 Hey. 294 00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:25,072 Hey. 295 00:13:25,105 --> 00:13:26,139 What are you doing? 296 00:13:26,173 --> 00:13:28,108 Nothing, nothing. 297 00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:29,309 How was work? 298 00:13:29,342 --> 00:13:31,611 You don't care about my work. 299 00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:33,046 What's under the pillow? 300 00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:35,048 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! 301 00:13:35,082 --> 00:13:37,918 Modern Bride? 302 00:13:37,951 --> 00:13:41,488 I just read it for the articles. 303 00:13:41,521 --> 00:13:43,056 Really? 304 00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:45,993 Okay, I was looking for ideas 305 00:13:46,026 --> 00:13:48,996 because I thought it would be nice if we had the wedding 306 00:13:49,029 --> 00:13:51,398 for Teddy and Mom here in the house. 307 00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:54,301 Oh, my God! 308 00:13:56,269 --> 00:13:59,106 You're a mind reader! 309 00:13:59,139 --> 00:14:00,507 I didn't want to bring it up 310 00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:02,910 'cause I was afraid you might say no. 311 00:14:02,943 --> 00:14:05,345 But I was up all night doing research. 312 00:14:05,378 --> 00:14:07,447 Now, I'm thinking a sunset ceremony 313 00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:10,050 with the guests gathered on the beach below 314 00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:12,185 as the bride and groom cross onto the deck 315 00:14:12,219 --> 00:14:13,520 wearing traditional Polynesian wedding garb, 316 00:14:13,553 --> 00:14:16,289 surrounded by tropical flowers and tiki torches. 317 00:14:17,624 --> 00:14:19,159 Okay, what about it don't you like? 318 00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:23,330 'Cause I was a little iffy on the tiki torches. 319 00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:27,100 You're a little iffy in so many ways. 320 00:14:27,134 --> 00:14:29,102 Okay, we can hammer out the details later. 321 00:14:29,136 --> 00:14:32,139 The thing to remember is that we're doing this for someone we love. 322 00:14:32,172 --> 00:14:33,140 Right. 323 00:14:33,173 --> 00:14:34,274 Teddy. Teddy. 324 00:14:34,307 --> 00:14:36,509 Okay, I'm out of here. 325 00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:38,278 Her, Berta, did you hear the news about Mom? 326 00:14:38,311 --> 00:14:40,447 Yeah, she joined the Mormon church so she can get 327 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:42,315 a rent-controlled apartment in Salt Lake City. 328 00:14:43,683 --> 00:14:45,385 Oh, you mean your mom. No. 329 00:14:47,354 --> 00:14:49,322 We're getting a new dad. 330 00:14:49,356 --> 00:14:50,557 He's great. His name is Teddy. 331 00:14:50,590 --> 00:14:52,225 He took us to a boxing match. 332 00:14:52,259 --> 00:14:54,494 He bought us prostitutes and gelato. 333 00:14:54,527 --> 00:14:58,098 Well, congratulations. I'm real happy for you boys. 334 00:14:58,131 --> 00:14:59,466 Thanks. Thanks. 335 00:14:59,499 --> 00:15:02,035 I think my news was far more interesting. 336 00:15:03,603 --> 00:15:05,438 I'm going to call Teddy and tell him our plan. 337 00:15:05,472 --> 00:15:08,175 Oh, great. Ask him how he feels about tiki torches. 338 00:15:10,343 --> 00:15:12,512 Hey, Teddy, it's Charlie. 339 00:15:12,545 --> 00:15:14,281 And Alan! Hi, Teddy! 340 00:15:14,314 --> 00:15:16,483 Yeah, Alan says hi. 341 00:15:16,516 --> 00:15:18,418 Listen, we've been thinking about the wedding... 342 00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:21,488 (whispers): Tiki torches. 343 00:15:21,521 --> 00:15:24,324 What? You're kidding. 344 00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:25,558 What? 345 00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:31,498 Uh-huh, uh-huh. 346 00:15:31,531 --> 00:15:34,001 Wow, I don't believe it. 347 00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:34,701 What?! 348 00:15:34,734 --> 00:15:36,436 Mom turned him down. 349 00:15:36,469 --> 00:15:38,638 That bitch! 350 00:15:38,671 --> 00:15:41,508 Gee, Teddy, I don't know what to say. 351 00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:44,411 I feel terrible. 352 00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:47,347 Well, this doesn't mean we couldn't still hang out, right? 353 00:15:47,380 --> 00:15:49,516 So you'll call us? Great, great. 354 00:15:49,549 --> 00:15:52,019 Look forward to it. All right, bye-bye. 355 00:15:52,052 --> 00:15:56,523 I know that tone of voice. We'll never hear from him. 356 00:15:56,556 --> 00:15:58,591 No tiki torches? 357 00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:01,261 I don't understand. How could Mom say no to him? 358 00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:02,495 He was perfect for her. 359 00:16:02,529 --> 00:16:04,998 Forget her. He was perfect for us. 360 00:16:05,032 --> 00:16:09,102 I'm closing the door to my heart, Charlie. 361 00:16:09,136 --> 00:16:11,571 It just hurts too much. 362 00:16:11,604 --> 00:16:15,575 Screw it. This isn't over. Come on. 363 00:16:15,608 --> 00:16:17,377 Where are we going? 364 00:16:17,410 --> 00:16:19,179 We are going to talk some sense into our mother. 365 00:16:19,212 --> 00:16:20,513 Really? 366 00:16:20,547 --> 00:16:23,383 It's hard to imagine that turning out well. 367 00:16:24,584 --> 00:16:26,686 * Men... 368 00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:28,255 Mom?! Mom, where the hell are you? 369 00:16:28,288 --> 00:16:30,357 Maybe she's not home. 370 00:16:30,390 --> 00:16:32,425 She's home. Her car's in the driveway, the alarm's not on. 371 00:16:32,459 --> 00:16:33,726 Mom! 372 00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:37,230 Boys, I gave you that key for emergencies, 373 00:16:37,264 --> 00:16:39,166 not to barge in on me like the Gestapo. 374 00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:42,769 We want to talk to you about Teddy. 375 00:16:42,802 --> 00:16:46,439 Teddy? Why in the world would you want to talk about Teddy? 376 00:16:46,473 --> 00:16:47,574 Because we love Teddy. 377 00:16:47,607 --> 00:16:49,242 And you broke his heart. 378 00:16:49,276 --> 00:16:51,278 Hang on a second. 379 00:16:51,311 --> 00:16:53,680 You met the man for five minutes in a coffee shop. 380 00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:02,555 Well, it was a good five minutes. 381 00:17:02,589 --> 00:17:05,625 Evelyn, what the hell's going on? 382 00:17:05,658 --> 00:17:07,394 I'll be right with you, sweetie. 383 00:17:07,427 --> 00:17:09,629 Look, this is not the best time. 384 00:17:09,662 --> 00:17:11,298 Oh, come on, Evy, 385 00:17:11,331 --> 00:17:13,700 the Viagra's starting to make my ears burn. 386 00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:17,437 Who are these clowns? 387 00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:20,473 Ah, Hugo, darling, these are my sons, 388 00:17:20,507 --> 00:17:21,708 Charlie and Alan. 389 00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:23,276 Whoa. Wait a minute. 390 00:17:23,310 --> 00:17:24,611 You didn't tell me you had any kids. 391 00:17:24,644 --> 00:17:26,479 I sure didn't sign on for any kids. 392 00:17:26,513 --> 00:17:27,580 Just give me a minute, darling. 393 00:17:27,614 --> 00:17:29,316 I'll be right with you. 394 00:17:29,349 --> 00:17:32,819 If I wanted to see any kids, I'd go visit my own. 395 00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:35,855 How old are these nuts? 396 00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:38,525 From over here, they look about a hundred. 397 00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:42,429 Mom, what about Teddy? 398 00:17:43,363 --> 00:17:44,664 Can we please 399 00:17:44,697 --> 00:17:47,500 have this conversation another time? 400 00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:49,402 No, no, no, no. We are having it right now. 401 00:17:49,436 --> 00:17:50,770 What do you want me to say? 402 00:17:50,803 --> 00:17:53,406 Teddy's fine. I like Teddy, 403 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:56,309 but he's ready to settle down and I'm not. 404 00:17:56,343 --> 00:17:57,610 I want my freedom. 405 00:17:57,644 --> 00:17:59,646 Okay, I get freedom, but come on. 406 00:17:59,679 --> 00:18:01,714 Teddy's way better than this guy. 407 00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:06,753 As I said, Teddy's fine, but there are some areas 408 00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:11,558 in which he just doesn't measure up to Hugo. 409 00:18:15,162 --> 00:18:16,529 Oh, Mom! Oh, Mom! 410 00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:20,800 It's the biggest I've ever seen. 411 00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:25,505 Makes it worth eating dinner at 3:30. 412 00:18:25,538 --> 00:18:28,541 But, but, but Teddy... 413 00:18:28,575 --> 00:18:29,742 I don't want to hear it. 414 00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:31,444 You have no say in this. 415 00:18:31,478 --> 00:18:32,812 This is my life. 416 00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:34,814 And right now I don't want to be tied down. 417 00:18:34,847 --> 00:18:36,516 I want options. 418 00:18:36,549 --> 00:18:38,218 (bowl hits floor) 419 00:18:39,519 --> 00:18:40,753 Hugo? 420 00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:45,892 Hugo? 421 00:18:49,596 --> 00:18:50,730 Oh, God, no! 422 00:18:50,763 --> 00:18:52,399 Quick, somebody, give me the phone! 423 00:18:52,432 --> 00:18:53,866 Come on! Come on! 424 00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:55,802 Here, here. 425 00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:58,305 Oh, God. 426 00:18:58,338 --> 00:19:00,273 Come on. Come on. Come on. 427 00:19:00,307 --> 00:19:03,543 Hello, Teddy? 428 00:19:05,945 --> 00:19:10,450 Oh, I'm so glad I caught you in. 429 00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:11,884 * Men... 430 00:19:14,587 --> 00:19:16,155 I hope you can forgive me, Teddy. 431 00:19:16,523 --> 00:19:18,725 I just needed time to think about it. 432 00:19:18,758 --> 00:19:20,393 It's like they say, 433 00:19:20,427 --> 00:19:23,630 "You don't know what you got till it's gone." 434 00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:24,697 Yes, 435 00:19:24,731 --> 00:19:29,436 yes, my darling, I love you, too. 436 00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:31,271 Well, I'll be right over. 437 00:19:31,304 --> 00:19:33,606 (loud kiss) 438 00:19:35,242 --> 00:19:35,942 (sighs) 439 00:19:37,577 --> 00:19:41,314 Could someone please put a sheet over him? 440 00:19:41,348 --> 00:19:43,783 Mom, shouldn't we call 911? 441 00:19:43,816 --> 00:19:47,654 Well, call whoever you want. The man is dead. 442 00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:50,957 You're really going to leave and go to Teddy's? 443 00:19:50,990 --> 00:19:54,694 Well, I can't very well invite him over here. 444 00:19:56,463 --> 00:19:59,666 All right! She's going back to Teddy! 445 00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:02,502 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, a little respect. 446 00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:04,437 Oh. Oh, yeah. 447 00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,508 Okay, who's our daddy? 448 00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:11,711 Teddy! * Men.