1 00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:06,640 (keys jingling, phone rings) 2 00:00:09,777 --> 00:00:11,279 Hello. 3 00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:14,082 Oh, hey, Julia; I was just on my way over. 4 00:00:14,148 --> 00:00:15,616 Anything I need to bring? 5 00:00:15,683 --> 00:00:20,654 Thai food, wine, batteries? 6 00:00:20,721 --> 00:00:23,224 What do you mean, "Don't come"? 7 00:00:23,291 --> 00:00:24,525 (sighs) 8 00:00:24,592 --> 00:00:26,294 Gee, do you really think your psychiatrist 9 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:28,496 is the best judge of who you should sleep with? 10 00:00:30,064 --> 00:00:32,100 Well, sure you could do better. 11 00:00:32,166 --> 00:00:34,502 We could both do better. 12 00:00:34,568 --> 00:00:37,438 But in the meantime, I am on my way over. 13 00:00:37,505 --> 00:00:39,473 Okay, okay, need to stop you here. 14 00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:40,708 There is a big difference 15 00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:44,678 between "meaningless" and "degrading." 16 00:00:44,745 --> 00:00:46,647 You know what? 17 00:00:46,714 --> 00:00:49,417 I think we just have to agree to disagree. 18 00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:52,320 Okay, then, you have a nice life, too. 19 00:00:55,589 --> 00:00:58,992 Why do these women insist on getting well? 20 00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:01,429 Hey, Alan... Hang on, Charlie. 21 00:01:01,495 --> 00:01:03,364 This is an important moment, 22 00:01:03,431 --> 00:01:05,099 and I want to savor it. 23 00:01:06,367 --> 00:01:08,569 Alan... 24 00:01:08,636 --> 00:01:11,272 J. 25 00:01:11,339 --> 00:01:13,107 Harper. 26 00:01:15,309 --> 00:01:17,311 What's the big deal? It's just an alimony check. 27 00:01:17,378 --> 00:01:19,280 Not an alimony check. 28 00:01:19,347 --> 00:01:23,517 This is my final alimony check. 29 00:01:25,519 --> 00:01:27,155 Isn't it beautiful? 30 00:01:27,221 --> 00:01:28,422 Oh, wait. 31 00:01:28,489 --> 00:01:29,557 Judith is getting married this weekend. 32 00:01:29,623 --> 00:01:30,558 Exactly. 33 00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:32,693 And you know what that means. 34 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:35,062 You can finally kick in a few bucks around here? 35 00:01:36,964 --> 00:01:39,200 Good one. No. 36 00:01:39,267 --> 00:01:41,902 It means Alan gets new underwear. 37 00:01:43,904 --> 00:01:46,940 Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go pick up my son 38 00:01:47,007 --> 00:01:49,710 and deliver this last drop of blood money 39 00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:51,279 to the former Mrs. Alan Harper 40 00:01:51,345 --> 00:01:53,347 and soon-to-be Mrs. Herb Melnick. 41 00:01:53,414 --> 00:01:55,048 May God have mercy on his soul. 42 00:01:59,287 --> 00:02:00,221 Amen. 43 00:02:01,989 --> 00:02:03,891 So, you want some company? 44 00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:05,259 You want to come with me? 45 00:02:05,326 --> 00:02:07,228 Eh, why not? I don't have any plans. 46 00:02:07,295 --> 00:02:09,830 You got stood up again, didn't you? 47 00:02:09,897 --> 00:02:11,865 I'm starting to think all these girls 48 00:02:11,932 --> 00:02:14,001 have the same damn shrink. 49 00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:16,270 All right, well, if you're gonna come, grab your camera. 50 00:02:16,337 --> 00:02:18,239 You can take some snapshots of Pharaoh Judith 51 00:02:18,306 --> 00:02:19,940 letting her Alan go. 52 00:02:20,007 --> 00:02:22,109 Got the camera right here. 53 00:02:22,176 --> 00:02:24,144 You carry it with you? 54 00:02:24,212 --> 00:02:25,779 I thought I had a date. 55 00:02:27,515 --> 00:02:29,149 Takes video, too. 56 00:02:31,018 --> 00:02:33,387 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 57 00:02:33,454 --> 00:02:37,391 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * * Ooh 58 00:02:37,458 --> 00:02:40,361 * Men, men, men, men, manly men * * Ooh * Ooh 59 00:02:40,428 --> 00:02:42,463 * Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ohh, ooh-ooh... * 60 00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:45,233 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 61 00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:48,202 * Ooh * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 62 00:02:48,269 --> 00:02:52,005 * Ah. * Men. * Men. 63 00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:01,915 Stopping at the copy place was a great idea. 64 00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:05,519 And the picture will make a terrific Christmas card. 65 00:03:06,987 --> 00:03:08,556 JUDITH: Want to get the door, Herb?! 66 00:03:08,622 --> 00:03:09,957 HERB: Stop yelling at me! 67 00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:11,659 I'm not yelling! 68 00:03:11,725 --> 00:03:14,495 (louder): This is yelling! 69 00:03:14,562 --> 00:03:16,764 You know what? This really isn't that funny. 70 00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:19,567 Oh, hi, Alan, Charlie. 71 00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:20,601 Herb. Hey. 72 00:03:20,668 --> 00:03:21,802 This a bad time? 73 00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:24,238 The Spanish Inquisition was a bad time. 74 00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:26,139 This is hell. 75 00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:27,441 Come in. 76 00:03:27,508 --> 00:03:28,776 So what's going on? 77 00:03:28,842 --> 00:03:30,644 A little pre- wedding jitters? 78 00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,145 You could call it that, 79 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:34,147 but we'd just be sugar-coating hell. 80 00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:35,783 Oh, don't worry. 81 00:03:35,849 --> 00:03:37,651 As soon as Judith puts on that beautiful white gown 82 00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:39,119 and starts marching down that aisle... 83 00:03:39,186 --> 00:03:40,454 She doesn't want to wear white. 84 00:03:40,521 --> 00:03:42,155 Says it makes her look fat. 85 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:43,724 Oh, well, that's nice. 86 00:03:43,791 --> 00:03:45,192 She wants to look trim and fit 87 00:03:45,259 --> 00:03:46,427 for the honeymoon. 88 00:03:46,494 --> 00:03:49,363 You're sugar-coating hell again, Alan. 89 00:03:49,430 --> 00:03:50,731 If you really want to help the guy, 90 00:03:50,798 --> 00:03:52,500 stop talking and smother him with a pillow. 91 00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:54,802 Hey. 92 00:03:54,868 --> 00:03:57,371 Hey, there's the blushing bride. 93 00:03:57,438 --> 00:03:58,639 She doesn't look fat at all. 94 00:04:00,541 --> 00:04:01,675 Go ahead. Give her the check. 95 00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:03,344 What check? 96 00:04:03,411 --> 00:04:07,681 Oh, uh, well, I-I figured as long as I was here, 97 00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:13,153 that I would give you your last and final alimony check. 98 00:04:15,823 --> 00:04:17,525 Got it. 99 00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:19,226 What the hell are you doing? 100 00:04:19,293 --> 00:04:20,494 Just a little souvenir. 101 00:04:20,561 --> 00:04:21,895 I'll go find Jake. 102 00:04:21,962 --> 00:04:23,797 See? She's being a good sport. 103 00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:25,433 Let's get one with the big check. 104 00:04:25,499 --> 00:04:27,601 Forget the big check. 105 00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:31,505 So, um, you know, um, I-I read an interesting story the other day. 106 00:04:31,572 --> 00:04:33,907 Uh, married men live, on average, 107 00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:35,909 ten years longer than single men. 108 00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:37,811 What if they don't want to? 109 00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:40,748 Come on, you and Judith were made for each other. 110 00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:42,583 What could possibly come between you? 111 00:04:42,650 --> 00:04:43,451 My sister. 112 00:04:43,517 --> 00:04:44,885 You got a sister? 113 00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:46,720 Down, Charlie. 114 00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:49,323 She came out a few days early to help with the wedding, 115 00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:50,391 but it's not really helping. 116 00:04:50,458 --> 00:04:51,759 What does she look like? Charlie! 117 00:04:51,825 --> 00:04:53,527 She doesn't have a therapist, does she? 118 00:04:53,594 --> 00:04:54,595 Charlie, I swear to God! 119 00:04:54,662 --> 00:04:56,664 So what do you think? 120 00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:59,600 Should I wear it or have a vet check it for worms? 121 00:04:59,667 --> 00:05:03,203 No, no, it looks fine. 122 00:05:03,270 --> 00:05:05,339 Oh, Myra, this is Judith's first husband, Alan. 123 00:05:05,406 --> 00:05:07,341 Hi. So how does this work? 124 00:05:07,408 --> 00:05:09,209 Do you get your original testicles back 125 00:05:09,276 --> 00:05:10,978 or does my brother give you his? 126 00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:15,449 Myra, the castration jokes are getting a little old. 127 00:05:15,516 --> 00:05:16,917 Not in my house. 128 00:05:18,486 --> 00:05:20,421 Myra, this is Alan's brother, Charlie. 129 00:05:20,488 --> 00:05:22,289 Oh, yeah, the booze- riddled sleazebag. 130 00:05:23,491 --> 00:05:24,958 She did not hear that from me. 131 00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:27,595 It's not like it's a big secret. 132 00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:28,762 JUDITH: Myra, 133 00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:29,997 where the hell is Jake? 134 00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:31,965 How should I know? 135 00:05:32,032 --> 00:05:33,967 Because I asked you to get him ready to go to his father's. 136 00:05:34,034 --> 00:05:38,238 You also asked me to try on this satin stool sample. 137 00:05:38,305 --> 00:05:40,541 Herb, tell your sister it's a lovely dress. 138 00:05:40,608 --> 00:05:42,476 Herb, tell your fiancée the diet pills 139 00:05:42,543 --> 00:05:44,945 are affecting her judgment but not her ass. 140 00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:46,747 That's it, she's got to go. 141 00:05:46,814 --> 00:05:48,882 I can't throw out family! 142 00:05:48,949 --> 00:05:51,519 And that's the bitch of it, Herb. 143 00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:55,989 Hey, um, Charlie and I 144 00:05:56,056 --> 00:05:57,891 were thinking of taking Jake out to a movie. 145 00:05:57,958 --> 00:05:59,627 We were? We were. 146 00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,429 Myra, would you like to join us? 147 00:06:01,495 --> 00:06:02,996 You didn't say anything about a movie. 148 00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:05,666 I wanted to surprise you. 149 00:06:05,733 --> 00:06:07,668 Hey, you know what? That's a great idea. 150 00:06:07,735 --> 00:06:09,503 Go to a movie with Alan and Charlie. 151 00:06:09,570 --> 00:06:11,905 Can I wear my pretty new dress? 152 00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:14,508 Get her out, Herb. 153 00:06:14,575 --> 00:06:17,911 Hey, look what I found in the bushes. 154 00:06:22,950 --> 00:06:24,585 * Men... 155 00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:28,556 (sighs) 156 00:06:28,622 --> 00:06:31,892 God, I hate family movies. 157 00:06:31,959 --> 00:06:33,594 What, you don't buy the central premise 158 00:06:33,661 --> 00:06:35,529 that a dog can play hockey? 159 00:06:37,698 --> 00:06:40,601 Well, not as a power forward. 160 00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:46,807 Oh. We're flying the friendly skies, are we? 161 00:06:47,575 --> 00:06:49,076 After you. 162 00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:50,944 (smacks lips) Why, thank you. 163 00:06:53,514 --> 00:06:56,617 So, you're staying at Judith's. 164 00:06:56,684 --> 00:06:58,486 Yep. 165 00:06:58,552 --> 00:07:00,420 What does she say about me? 166 00:07:00,488 --> 00:07:01,955 Well, if she's telling the truth, 167 00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:04,992 we really shouldn't be drinking out of the same cup. 168 00:07:05,058 --> 00:07:06,860 That might be the nicest thing 169 00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:09,697 she's ever said about me. 170 00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:12,966 I just don't understand what my brother sees in her. 171 00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:18,071 You know, 15 years ago I asked the exact same question. 172 00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:19,607 A little tip? 173 00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:21,709 Don't do it during the wedding toast. 174 00:07:23,677 --> 00:07:26,013 Maybe you can clear something up for me. 175 00:07:26,079 --> 00:07:28,849 Herb says you're a successful jingle writer, 176 00:07:28,916 --> 00:07:30,884 but Judith says you are a drunken talentless hack 177 00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:32,986 who passed out and fell into a pit of money. 178 00:07:35,489 --> 00:07:36,657 So what do you need cleared up? 179 00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:42,496 (clears throat) Boy, you got me at a disadvantage. 180 00:07:42,563 --> 00:07:44,097 I don't know why Judith hates you. 181 00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:46,700 Hmm, it's hard to say. 182 00:07:46,767 --> 00:07:48,502 Maybe it's 'cause I'm smart. 183 00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:50,771 Maybe it's because I'm independent. 184 00:07:50,838 --> 00:07:53,140 Maybe it's because I offered my brother a thousand dollars 185 00:07:53,206 --> 00:07:54,875 to call off the wedding. 186 00:07:54,942 --> 00:07:57,845 I did the same thing with my brother. 187 00:07:57,911 --> 00:08:04,685 You did? 188 00:08:04,752 --> 00:08:07,454 ...but the thought was the same. 189 00:08:12,893 --> 00:08:16,597 So, Myra... what do you do? 190 00:08:16,664 --> 00:08:19,032 I teach high school economics. 191 00:08:19,099 --> 00:08:20,701 Huh. 192 00:08:20,768 --> 00:08:22,469 It may sound like a boring life, 193 00:08:22,536 --> 00:08:25,505 but at night, I dress up like a giant spider and fight crime. 194 00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:30,477 Interesting. Now, did you decide spider 195 00:08:30,544 --> 00:08:31,945 and have the costume made 196 00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:34,848 or did you find the costume and say, "Okay, spider"? 197 00:08:36,584 --> 00:08:38,586 Are you mocking the Scarlet Arachnid? 198 00:08:40,087 --> 00:08:41,989 Sorry, sorry. 199 00:08:42,055 --> 00:08:44,592 It's just hard to believe that you're Herb's sister. 200 00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:46,594 He's so... 201 00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,095 Hapless? 202 00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:52,933 I was going to say "tall," but hapless works. 203 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:56,003 To hapless Herb. 204 00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:58,005 To the Scarlet Arachnid. 205 00:08:58,071 --> 00:09:00,507 Shh. 206 00:09:00,574 --> 00:09:01,942 (whispering): My enemies are everywhere. 207 00:09:02,810 --> 00:09:04,745 * Men... 208 00:09:04,812 --> 00:09:09,449 * Let's all go to the lobby, let's all go the lobby * 209 00:09:09,516 --> 00:09:14,888 * Let's all go the lobby and have ourselves a treat. * 210 00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:17,658 We're here. 211 00:09:17,725 --> 00:09:21,061 Oh, yes, Judith's house of pain. 212 00:09:21,128 --> 00:09:23,463 Shh, shh, ixnay! 213 00:09:23,530 --> 00:09:24,531 That's her id-kay. 214 00:09:24,598 --> 00:09:27,901 We're... here. 215 00:09:27,968 --> 00:09:30,838 Well, thanks for the movie. 216 00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:32,472 Wait. Wait, wait. 217 00:09:32,539 --> 00:09:35,575 I'll walk you. Why, thank you. 218 00:09:35,643 --> 00:09:37,510 CHARLIE: Whoa! 219 00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:38,679 (thud) 220 00:09:38,746 --> 00:09:39,880 MYRA: You okay? 221 00:09:39,947 --> 00:09:43,583 CHARLIE: I never know till I sober up. 222 00:09:43,651 --> 00:09:46,086 I think they like each other. 223 00:09:46,153 --> 00:09:47,855 Well, sure they like each other. 224 00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:50,691 No, I mean, they like like each other. 225 00:09:50,758 --> 00:09:52,092 (chuckles) Oh, no, Jake. 226 00:09:52,159 --> 00:09:54,061 Your Uncle Charlie only like likes 227 00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:55,929 a certain type of woman. 228 00:09:55,996 --> 00:09:58,999 Mom calls 'em tramps. 229 00:09:59,066 --> 00:10:02,202 That's as good a word as any. 230 00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:05,605 (sighs) Thanks, that was fun. 231 00:10:05,673 --> 00:10:07,540 Yeah, it was. 232 00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:08,676 See ya around. 233 00:10:08,742 --> 00:10:09,943 Yeah. 234 00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:15,582 I'm sorry. I don't know why I did that. 235 00:10:15,649 --> 00:10:17,284 Who cares? 236 00:10:19,687 --> 00:10:21,955 Looks like Aunt Myra's a tramp, huh? 237 00:10:25,292 --> 00:10:27,294 * Men... 238 00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:35,502 It's no big deal. 239 00:10:35,568 --> 00:10:38,271 That's how Charlie says good-bye. 240 00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:40,974 Some people shake hands, some people wave, 241 00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:44,277 my brother darts his tongue in and out of your mouth. 242 00:10:44,344 --> 00:10:45,645 What'd I miss? 243 00:10:45,713 --> 00:10:47,514 You know Dr. Melnick? 244 00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:49,316 Guy your mom's marrying? 245 00:10:49,382 --> 00:10:52,920 He has a sister... Got it. 246 00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:55,622 I'm sure it has nothing to do with you, Judith. 247 00:10:55,689 --> 00:10:56,957 Wait, hang on a second. 248 00:10:57,024 --> 00:10:58,658 Jake, are you done with your breakfast? 249 00:10:58,726 --> 00:11:00,360 Yeah. Then get out. 250 00:11:00,427 --> 00:11:02,696 Fine, Berta will just tell me later, right? 251 00:11:02,763 --> 00:11:03,663 Right. 252 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:08,936 Okay, Judith, that's insane. 253 00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:11,038 Charlie would not do Myra just to piss you off. 254 00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:13,874 I don't think. 255 00:11:13,941 --> 00:11:15,743 How would I know what he sees in her? 256 00:11:15,809 --> 00:11:17,544 She got working girl parts? 257 00:11:19,612 --> 00:11:20,547 You know what? 258 00:11:20,613 --> 00:11:22,382 You leave. Send Jake back. 259 00:11:23,851 --> 00:11:25,352 Okay, okay. Fine, fine. 260 00:11:25,418 --> 00:11:26,887 I'll talk to him. 261 00:11:26,954 --> 00:11:28,789 (chuckles) I, I don't know. 262 00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:31,558 I'll, uh, I'll tell him to keep his hands off Myra. 263 00:11:31,624 --> 00:11:33,693 And then I'll tell the rain not to fall, 264 00:11:33,761 --> 00:11:36,529 the Earth not to spin and you to stop nagging me! 265 00:11:43,804 --> 00:11:46,306 Oh, boy, I'm going to pay for that. 266 00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:48,341 You know what your problem is? 267 00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:49,542 Phone cojones. 268 00:11:49,609 --> 00:11:50,844 Excuse me? 269 00:11:50,911 --> 00:11:52,479 When you're on the phone with her, 270 00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:54,347 you got boulders between your legs. 271 00:11:55,949 --> 00:11:59,486 The minute you hang up, you're as smooth as a Ken doll. 272 00:12:00,754 --> 00:12:02,990 Phone cojones. 273 00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:04,491 Good to have a name for it. 274 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,659 So, tell me about the sister. 275 00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:08,028 (sighs) I don't know. 276 00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:09,496 She doesn't seem like his type at all. 277 00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:12,632 What, no coin slot in her forehead? 278 00:12:12,699 --> 00:12:14,501 Morning. Morning. 279 00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:16,403 Charlie, we need to talk about Myra. 280 00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:18,738 Yeah, that was probably a mistake. 281 00:12:18,806 --> 00:12:19,739 It was? 282 00:12:19,807 --> 00:12:21,474 She's a nice kid, but... 283 00:12:21,541 --> 00:12:22,843 she's just not, you know... 284 00:12:22,910 --> 00:12:25,846 A red-hot simpleton with no self-respect? 285 00:12:28,048 --> 00:12:29,549 I just hope she didn't take 286 00:12:29,616 --> 00:12:30,951 that whole kiss thing too seriously. 287 00:12:31,018 --> 00:12:32,986 So, you're not planning on pursuing her? 288 00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:34,354 No, no, no. 289 00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:36,089 In fact, I got a date tonight 290 00:12:36,156 --> 00:12:39,359 with a lovely sex addict whose therapist is on vacation. 291 00:12:40,727 --> 00:12:42,029 It's what we eligible bachelors 292 00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:44,331 call "a window of opportunity." 293 00:12:45,899 --> 00:12:47,835 You know, Charlie, there's a special section in hell 294 00:12:47,901 --> 00:12:49,636 reserved for people like you. 295 00:12:49,702 --> 00:12:51,504 That's good, 296 00:12:51,571 --> 00:12:54,942 'cause I'd hate to have to stand on line. 297 00:12:55,008 --> 00:12:57,677 So I'm like, "Yeah, I can make a lot of money 298 00:12:57,744 --> 00:12:59,012 "as a lingerie model, but then who's 299 00:12:59,079 --> 00:13:01,982 gonna take me seriously as a director?" 300 00:13:02,049 --> 00:13:03,783 Good point. 301 00:13:03,851 --> 00:13:06,019 Sometimes I wish I wasn't beautiful. 302 00:13:06,086 --> 00:13:08,621 I mean, ugly people have it so easy, you know? 303 00:13:08,688 --> 00:13:10,557 I've heard. 304 00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:13,060 So, what about you? Still writing jingles? 305 00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:14,828 Just during the day. 306 00:13:14,895 --> 00:13:17,931 At night, I dress up as a big spider and fight crime. 307 00:13:17,998 --> 00:13:20,467 Huh. You know, I dated a cop once. 308 00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:21,835 Well, it wasn't so much a date 309 00:13:21,902 --> 00:13:24,571 as a way to get out of a ticket. 310 00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:25,973 Interesting. 311 00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:28,141 Okay. Here we are. 312 00:13:28,208 --> 00:13:30,878 Ah. I hope this place has fresh lobster. 313 00:13:30,944 --> 00:13:33,446 That frozen stuff is just disgusting. 314 00:13:45,058 --> 00:13:47,895 * Men... 315 00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:50,730 JUDITH: You know what, Herb? 316 00:13:50,797 --> 00:13:52,165 Forget it. I'll do it myself. 317 00:13:52,232 --> 00:13:54,467 HERB: I said I would do it-- I'll do it! 318 00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:56,169 MYRA: For God's sake, Judith, get off his back! 319 00:13:56,236 --> 00:13:57,971 JUDITH: No one's talking to you, Myra! 320 00:13:58,038 --> 00:13:59,839 HERB: Okay, everyone calm down. 321 00:13:59,907 --> 00:14:01,408 I'm doing it. 322 00:14:02,575 --> 00:14:03,710 Oh. Hi, Charlie. 323 00:14:03,776 --> 00:14:04,978 Hey, Herb. 324 00:14:05,045 --> 00:14:07,814 Just taking out the trash. 325 00:14:07,881 --> 00:14:10,750 Yeah, I'm coming from doing the same thing. 326 00:14:12,619 --> 00:14:14,521 Great. He leaves the door wide op... 327 00:14:14,587 --> 00:14:15,822 What the hell are you doing here? 328 00:14:15,889 --> 00:14:17,590 That's a good question. 329 00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:18,591 See, the thing is I... 330 00:14:18,658 --> 00:14:19,927 Oh, hey, Charlie. 331 00:14:19,993 --> 00:14:22,029 Hi, Myra. 332 00:14:22,095 --> 00:14:23,563 No. No. I forbid it. 333 00:14:23,630 --> 00:14:24,898 Not in my house. 334 00:14:24,965 --> 00:14:28,701 What brings you to the cul-de-sac of the damned? 335 00:14:28,768 --> 00:14:30,703 Just in the neighborhood. 336 00:14:30,770 --> 00:14:31,905 That's nice. 337 00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:32,906 Come on in. 338 00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:35,842 Thanks. 339 00:14:35,909 --> 00:14:38,845 I said no! Doesn't anybody listen to me?! 340 00:14:38,912 --> 00:14:40,180 I'm doing it! Look! 341 00:14:43,816 --> 00:14:47,154 You know, I really didn't expect to see you again. 342 00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:49,622 Well, I wasn't doing anything, so... 343 00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:50,890 MYRA: No, Alan, listen to me. 344 00:14:50,958 --> 00:14:53,060 He's here right now! 345 00:14:53,126 --> 00:14:55,162 Why would I kid about that? 346 00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,931 I don't know, maybe his other date didn't work out. 347 00:15:02,002 --> 00:15:05,005 Ah, the plot thickens. 348 00:15:05,072 --> 00:15:07,107 (sighs) Okay, okay, I can explain. 349 00:15:08,808 --> 00:15:10,843 No, I can't. 350 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,812 Give it a shot. 351 00:15:12,879 --> 00:15:15,248 Well, um... 352 00:15:15,315 --> 00:15:18,685 I was with this girl, and I suddenly realized 353 00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:21,021 that I'd rather be with someone who I, you know, 354 00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:23,056 actually enjoy being with. 355 00:15:23,123 --> 00:15:25,625 Oh just forget it, Alan; you're useless. 356 00:15:25,692 --> 00:15:27,894 (hangs up phone) Herb, do something! 357 00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:29,062 Hey. 358 00:15:31,331 --> 00:15:32,532 I'm thinking about going out for ice cream. 359 00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:34,267 Anyone want to join me? 360 00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:38,838 Charlie, when's the last time you had a cone with sprinkles? 361 00:15:38,905 --> 00:15:40,974 You know what, Herb? Judith can relax. 362 00:15:41,041 --> 00:15:42,809 I'm gonna check into a hotel. 363 00:15:42,875 --> 00:15:43,843 (sighs) Myra, no. 364 00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:45,512 You don't have to do that. 365 00:15:45,578 --> 00:15:47,147 Yes, she does. 366 00:15:47,214 --> 00:15:48,581 Hey, she's my sister! 367 00:15:48,648 --> 00:15:50,083 She can stay as long as she wants! 368 00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:52,052 I really appreciate this. 369 00:15:52,119 --> 00:15:54,187 I'll go get my stuff. 370 00:15:54,254 --> 00:15:55,555 Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 371 00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:56,956 You don't have to stay at a hotel. 372 00:15:57,024 --> 00:15:58,158 I got plenty of room at my place. 373 00:15:58,225 --> 00:15:59,726 Yeah, I'll bet you do. 374 00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:01,161 N-N-No, no, no, no. 375 00:16:01,228 --> 00:16:02,829 No strings attached. 376 00:16:02,895 --> 00:16:03,830 Really? 377 00:16:03,896 --> 00:16:05,798 Really. 378 00:16:05,865 --> 00:16:08,568 Still, I couldn't impose like that. 379 00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:09,302 It's no imposition. 380 00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:10,703 It's a big house. 381 00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:11,904 There's plenty of room for everybody. 382 00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:13,040 You sure? 383 00:16:13,106 --> 00:16:14,774 Absolutely. 384 00:16:14,841 --> 00:16:15,975 Okay, then. 385 00:16:16,043 --> 00:16:17,177 I'll be right back. 386 00:16:17,244 --> 00:16:18,711 JUDITH: Herb! 387 00:16:19,846 --> 00:16:22,149 You want to come, too? 388 00:16:25,218 --> 00:16:26,919 Are you nuts? 389 00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:29,656 With Myra out of the house, I might get lucky tonight. 390 00:16:29,722 --> 00:16:31,158 Really? 391 00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:32,859 She seems pretty angry. 392 00:16:32,925 --> 00:16:34,894 It's better when she's angry. 393 00:16:36,763 --> 00:16:38,865 Coming, pookie! 394 00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:42,001 * Men... 395 00:16:42,069 --> 00:16:44,971 (toilet flushes) 396 00:16:46,973 --> 00:16:48,708 This just sucks. 397 00:16:48,775 --> 00:16:51,778 It's just for a couple of days till the wedding. 398 00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:53,913 Yeah, but why does she have to stay in my room? 399 00:16:53,980 --> 00:16:55,882 Because... I don't know. 400 00:16:55,948 --> 00:16:57,650 You're the kid. 401 00:16:57,717 --> 00:16:59,586 Yeah, well, it's not fair. 402 00:16:59,652 --> 00:17:01,121 Yeah, well, get over it. 403 00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:06,893 Oh, my God! 404 00:17:06,959 --> 00:17:08,095 Jake, that's disgusting. 405 00:17:08,161 --> 00:17:09,996 Yeah, well, get over it. 406 00:17:12,899 --> 00:17:14,033 Go to sleep. 407 00:17:18,138 --> 00:17:19,906 Did you brush your teeth? 408 00:17:19,972 --> 00:17:22,375 Dad, I'm asleep. 409 00:17:22,442 --> 00:17:24,277 Go brush your teeth. 410 00:17:24,344 --> 00:17:26,213 I can't; I don't have my toothbrush. 411 00:17:26,279 --> 00:17:27,714 Well, go get it. 412 00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:29,015 Man! 413 00:17:29,082 --> 00:17:31,718 I have to do everything around here. 414 00:17:41,361 --> 00:17:42,829 Aunt Myra? 415 00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:45,031 I have to get my toothbrush. 416 00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:47,900 Aunt Myra? 417 00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:59,179 Aunt Myra? 418 00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:06,953 Huh. 419 00:18:07,019 --> 00:18:09,021 (humming) 420 00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:10,990 Oh. 421 00:18:11,057 --> 00:18:12,992 Huh. 422 00:18:14,227 --> 00:18:15,128 Hi. 423 00:18:15,195 --> 00:18:16,829 Hi. 424 00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:19,666 Is everything okay? 425 00:18:19,732 --> 00:18:20,833 Everything's fine. 426 00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:22,802 I just wanted to chat. 427 00:18:22,869 --> 00:18:25,272 Oh. Okay. 428 00:18:25,338 --> 00:18:27,674 I can go if you want. No, no. No. 429 00:18:27,740 --> 00:18:28,975 No, this is fine. 430 00:18:29,041 --> 00:18:30,177 So... 431 00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:32,011 What's up? 432 00:18:32,078 --> 00:18:34,981 Well, we never really talked about that kiss last night. 433 00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:36,916 Right, right. 434 00:18:36,983 --> 00:18:39,018 That was a little out of character for me. 435 00:18:39,085 --> 00:18:42,054 Really? That's not the word on the street. 436 00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:46,193 Okay, let me explain. Um... 437 00:18:46,259 --> 00:18:49,196 With me, kissing is usually just a prelude to sex, 438 00:18:49,262 --> 00:18:52,199 but last night, sex was the last thing on my mind. 439 00:18:52,265 --> 00:18:55,202 Oh, gee, what girl doesn't like to hear that? 440 00:18:55,268 --> 00:18:59,706 No, no. No, wait, let me finish. 441 00:18:59,772 --> 00:19:02,175 I kissed you because I really liked you, 442 00:19:02,242 --> 00:19:06,879 and I wanted to express my... liking of you. 443 00:19:06,946 --> 00:19:08,781 Be still, my beating heart. 444 00:19:08,848 --> 00:19:10,717 Oh, come on, Myra. 445 00:19:10,783 --> 00:19:12,852 I drove all the way to Judith's house to see you. 446 00:19:12,919 --> 00:19:14,421 And you know what's at Judith's house? 447 00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:16,723 Judith! 448 00:19:16,789 --> 00:19:18,458 That was very brave of you. 449 00:19:18,525 --> 00:19:20,193 Oh, no, it wasn't brave, it was... 450 00:19:22,262 --> 00:19:24,731 To tell you the truth, I don't know what it was, 451 00:19:24,797 --> 00:19:27,434 and I'm not really sure what to do here. 452 00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:29,402 What do you want to do here? 453 00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:32,272 Let's forget about me for a second. 454 00:19:32,339 --> 00:19:33,340 What about you? 455 00:19:33,406 --> 00:19:34,341 What about me? 456 00:19:34,407 --> 00:19:36,175 You kissed first. 457 00:19:36,243 --> 00:19:37,244 Why'd you do that? 458 00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:39,946 Oh, I was plowed. 459 00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:41,748 Really? 460 00:19:41,814 --> 00:19:43,182 Oh, come on, you moron. 461 00:19:43,250 --> 00:19:44,884 I'm sitting in the middle of your bed 462 00:19:44,951 --> 00:19:48,755 in my sexiest lingerie. 463 00:19:48,821 --> 00:19:50,257 All right. 464 00:19:50,323 --> 00:19:52,525 I'm pretty sure I know what to do now. 465 00:19:55,995 --> 00:19:57,163 Charlie? 466 00:19:57,230 --> 00:19:58,898 Yeah? 467 00:19:58,965 --> 00:20:01,901 I don't want to put any pressure on you, but... 468 00:20:01,968 --> 00:20:04,003 I'm a virgin. 469 00:20:06,606 --> 00:20:08,875 You are? 470 00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:12,479 Man, you got to stop sleeping with dumb girls. 471 00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:14,514 It's rubbing off on you. 472 00:20:15,448 --> 00:20:17,116 * Men... 473 00:20:21,921 --> 00:20:23,155 Aunt Myra's not there. 474 00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:24,991 I'm sure she will be. 475 00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:27,327 She's probably just getting something in the kitchen. 476 00:20:27,394 --> 00:20:31,864 (bedsprings squeaking rhythmically) 477 00:20:35,535 --> 00:20:37,169 That's not the kitchen.