1 00:00:04,638 --> 00:00:08,076 Hey, what are you doing home in the middle of the afternoon? 2 00:00:08,142 --> 00:00:11,112 Look outside. 3 00:00:13,081 --> 00:00:14,248 Huh. 4 00:00:14,315 --> 00:00:17,218 I guess the day got away from me. 5 00:00:19,087 --> 00:00:20,154 So, you still depressed? 6 00:00:20,221 --> 00:00:21,722 What do you think? 7 00:00:21,789 --> 00:00:25,426 Well, by the looks of things, I'd say you're one sad song away 8 00:00:25,493 --> 00:00:27,661 from deep-throating a shotgun. 9 00:00:27,728 --> 00:00:31,299 Be a pal and put down a tarp first. 10 00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:35,203 How did my life get to this point, Charlie? 11 00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:37,305 How does a man sink this low? 12 00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:41,342 Well, in all fairness, you had a running start. 13 00:00:43,177 --> 00:00:44,445 Sorry, sorry. 14 00:00:44,512 --> 00:00:45,246 Go on. 15 00:00:45,313 --> 00:00:47,148 Things were going so well. 16 00:00:47,215 --> 00:00:49,350 I had a young, hot girlfriend 17 00:00:49,417 --> 00:00:51,519 who fulfilled all my sexual desires. 18 00:00:51,585 --> 00:00:53,754 How many desires are we talking about? 19 00:00:53,821 --> 00:00:57,891 Just the one, you know. 20 00:00:57,958 --> 00:01:00,261 For sex. 21 00:01:00,328 --> 00:01:03,197 But now she's gone. 22 00:01:03,264 --> 00:01:04,865 Aw, buddy. 23 00:01:04,932 --> 00:01:06,667 She's not really gone. 24 00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:08,569 You know where she is. 25 00:01:08,636 --> 00:01:11,205 Yeah. 26 00:01:11,272 --> 00:01:12,640 And where is that, Alan? 27 00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:16,110 Why are you doing this? 28 00:01:16,177 --> 00:01:17,611 Say it, Alan. 29 00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:20,448 The healing begins when you can say it out loud. 30 00:01:22,150 --> 00:01:26,320 My girlfriend is living with my ex-wife. 31 00:01:26,387 --> 00:01:29,290 You know, I was wrong. 32 00:01:29,357 --> 00:01:30,591 It's not the healing 33 00:01:30,658 --> 00:01:32,660 that begins when you say it out loud, 34 00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:35,696 it's the laughter. 35 00:01:35,763 --> 00:01:37,998 Nice talking to you. 36 00:01:38,065 --> 00:01:39,400 Wait, wait, wait, hold on. 37 00:01:39,467 --> 00:01:42,270 Don't you want to hear how I can help you with all this? 38 00:01:42,336 --> 00:01:44,538 I am not going back to Tijuana for another 39 00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:47,508 X-rated live performance of The Bride and the Burro. 40 00:01:53,046 --> 00:01:54,315 Okay, okay, first of all, 41 00:01:54,382 --> 00:01:55,716 that's not what I was gonna suggest. 42 00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:58,519 But if you recall, that trip got you through 43 00:01:58,586 --> 00:02:01,289 a particularly dark, depressing part of your divorce. 44 00:02:01,355 --> 00:02:03,123 The first time you smiled in months 45 00:02:03,191 --> 00:02:04,758 was when you caught the bouquet. 46 00:02:04,825 --> 00:02:06,160 All right, all right. 47 00:02:06,227 --> 00:02:08,596 Against my better judgment, I'm gonna go ahead and ask. 48 00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:10,130 How do you propose to help me? 49 00:02:10,198 --> 00:02:14,101 Well, first, let's make sure that we agree on the problem. 50 00:02:14,168 --> 00:02:17,238 Your ex-wife has befriended your girlfriend. Yes. 51 00:02:17,305 --> 00:02:20,808 And your girlfriend has moved in with your ex-wife. 52 00:02:20,874 --> 00:02:22,042 Yes. 53 00:02:22,109 --> 00:02:24,778 And now your ex-wife is turning your girlfriend against you. 54 00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:26,847 How many times do we have to go through this? 55 00:02:26,914 --> 00:02:31,652 Just until it stops being funny. 56 00:02:31,719 --> 00:02:35,289 Anyway, anyway, it would seem to me the simple solution 57 00:02:35,356 --> 00:02:37,758 is to find someone to speak to Kandi on your behalf, 58 00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:38,892 someone she trusts. 59 00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:40,861 Yes, that would be great. 60 00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:41,895 Now what's your point? 61 00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:44,398 WOMAN: Charlie? 62 00:02:44,465 --> 00:02:45,866 If you're not coming back to bed, 63 00:02:45,933 --> 00:02:49,837 at least tell me where you keep the fresh batteries. 64 00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:51,505 I'll be right up. 65 00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:54,775 And it's rechargeable. 66 00:02:56,277 --> 00:02:58,846 My point is, 67 00:02:58,912 --> 00:03:00,848 I'm banging Kandi's mom. 68 00:03:00,914 --> 00:03:03,217 Wh-what? 69 00:03:04,117 --> 00:03:07,355 You're welcome. 70 00:03:08,622 --> 00:03:11,559 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 71 00:03:11,625 --> 00:03:14,728 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * * Ooh 72 00:03:14,795 --> 00:03:17,665 * Men, men, men, men, manly men * * Ooh * Ooh 73 00:03:17,731 --> 00:03:19,767 * Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh... * 74 00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:22,603 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 75 00:03:22,670 --> 00:03:25,673 * Ooh * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 76 00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:30,678 * Ah. * Men. * Men. 77 00:03:41,489 --> 00:03:43,291 CHARLIE ( singsong ): Who is it? 78 00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:45,326 You know damn well who it is. 79 00:03:45,393 --> 00:03:47,628 ( singsong ): I'm entertaining. 80 00:03:47,695 --> 00:03:51,832 ( singsong ): Not as much as you seem to think. 81 00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:53,401 Hang on. 82 00:03:53,467 --> 00:03:57,004 Not you. You let go. 83 00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:58,372 Come on in, Alan. 84 00:03:58,439 --> 00:04:00,240 Are you decent? 85 00:04:00,308 --> 00:04:03,344 WOMAN: He's above average. 86 00:04:03,411 --> 00:04:06,414 CHARLIE: Just come in. 87 00:04:10,017 --> 00:04:11,652 Come on. 88 00:04:11,719 --> 00:04:13,554 Oh, he's cute. 89 00:04:13,621 --> 00:04:15,756 I can see why Kandi likes him. 90 00:04:15,823 --> 00:04:17,124 Used to like him. 91 00:04:17,190 --> 00:04:19,760 Oh, yeah, I'm so sorry about that. 92 00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:20,861 Come, sit. 93 00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:22,162 Let's talk about it. 94 00:04:22,229 --> 00:04:24,465 Are you sure I'm not interrupting? 95 00:04:24,532 --> 00:04:25,799 Don't worry about it. 96 00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:28,436 We're kind of at the seventh inning stretch anyway. 97 00:04:28,502 --> 00:04:30,871 Wow, you can go two more innings? 98 00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:35,208 Even if I have to start throwing knuckleballs. 99 00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:36,544 Sit down. 100 00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:37,545 Okay. 101 00:04:40,748 --> 00:04:43,517 So, uh, you're Kandi's mom, huh? 102 00:04:43,584 --> 00:04:44,652 Mandi. 103 00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:45,386 Alan. 104 00:04:45,453 --> 00:04:46,887 Some grip, huh? 105 00:04:50,524 --> 00:04:52,726 Well, Mandi, I can see 106 00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:55,295 where your daughter gets her good looks from. 107 00:04:55,363 --> 00:04:56,630 Thank you. 108 00:04:56,697 --> 00:04:58,632 You know, a lot of people think we're sisters. 109 00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:00,368 Ooh, there's a mental picture 110 00:05:00,434 --> 00:05:02,503 that'll get me through the last two innings. 111 00:05:02,570 --> 00:05:03,637 Don't be naughty. 112 00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:05,439 Why, are you gonna spank me? 113 00:05:05,506 --> 00:05:06,106 I just might. 114 00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:07,641 I just might let you. 115 00:05:07,708 --> 00:05:11,011 I just might go hang myself. 116 00:05:11,078 --> 00:05:13,313 Oh, relax. 117 00:05:13,381 --> 00:05:15,215 Kandi said he was a little shy. 118 00:05:15,282 --> 00:05:16,884 You know, the first time they had sex, 119 00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:18,952 he didn't even take his shirt off. 120 00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:20,287 Excuse me, that wasn't shyness. 121 00:05:20,354 --> 00:05:22,155 The first time I had sex with your daughter, 122 00:05:22,222 --> 00:05:24,091 I barely got my pants off. 123 00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:26,026 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 124 00:05:26,093 --> 00:05:27,227 Boundaries. 125 00:05:27,294 --> 00:05:29,196 This is Kandi's mom. 126 00:05:29,262 --> 00:05:30,564 Oh, I'm sorry. 127 00:05:30,631 --> 00:05:33,967 I didn't mean to create an awkward moment. 128 00:05:35,403 --> 00:05:39,239 But enough about me. 129 00:05:39,306 --> 00:05:42,209 How is it that you two are... 130 00:05:42,275 --> 00:05:44,077 I mean, you know, uh, uh, 131 00:05:44,144 --> 00:05:47,448 how did you exactly... 132 00:05:47,515 --> 00:05:49,450 What the hell is going on here? 133 00:05:49,517 --> 00:05:52,520 Good question, and a great story. 134 00:05:52,586 --> 00:05:55,355 Mandi showed up here looking for Kandi. 135 00:05:55,423 --> 00:05:59,092 That's not a great story. 136 00:05:59,159 --> 00:06:00,327 Sure it is. 137 00:06:00,394 --> 00:06:03,531 It's already had like half a dozen happy endings. 138 00:06:03,597 --> 00:06:06,600 You are definitely going over my knee. 139 00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:08,536 Alan, we got to wrap it up here. 140 00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:10,971 But you said you'd help me with Kandi. 141 00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:12,339 I didn't say now. 142 00:06:12,406 --> 00:06:14,207 Do you want me to talk to her, Alan? 143 00:06:14,274 --> 00:06:15,609 I would really appreciate it. 144 00:06:15,676 --> 00:06:18,412 Excuse me, but the pitcher's all warmed up 145 00:06:18,479 --> 00:06:19,647 and ready to take the mound. 146 00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:23,283 Of course, I'm kind of busy at the moment. 147 00:06:23,350 --> 00:06:25,052 Got it. 148 00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:30,190 ( Mandi and Charlie humming"Charge" ) 149 00:06:30,257 --> 00:06:33,661 MANDI: Charge! 150 00:06:35,362 --> 00:06:37,631 * Men... * 151 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,334 Hey, Dad. Hey, buddy... 152 00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:42,436 Mom, Dad's here! 153 00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:43,336 Shh, shh, shh. 154 00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,272 No, don't bother your mom. 155 00:06:45,338 --> 00:06:46,306 Is Kandi around? 156 00:06:46,373 --> 00:06:47,541 Yeah, she lives here now. 157 00:06:47,608 --> 00:06:48,642 Yeah, I know. 158 00:06:48,709 --> 00:06:51,545 Does this mean she and Mom are gay? 159 00:06:51,612 --> 00:06:55,015 No, it does not. 160 00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:56,183 Too bad. 161 00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:58,452 Why? 162 00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:00,854 It'd be a lot easier to explain. 163 00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:03,724 Could you just tell Kandi I'm here? 164 00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:04,658 Okay. 165 00:07:04,725 --> 00:07:06,093 Kandi, my dad's here! 166 00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:07,628 Shh, shh. 167 00:07:07,695 --> 00:07:09,429 What do you want, Alan? 168 00:07:09,497 --> 00:07:10,798 I want to talk to Kandi. 169 00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:13,000 I don't think that's a good idea. Why not? 170 00:07:13,066 --> 00:07:14,602 Because she's a sweet, innocent girl, 171 00:07:14,668 --> 00:07:17,037 and I don't want you to ruin her life, too. 172 00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:17,705 Too? 173 00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:19,272 How did I ruin your life? 174 00:07:19,339 --> 00:07:20,407 You stole my youth. 175 00:07:20,474 --> 00:07:22,075 You took my house! 176 00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:25,879 That seems like a fair trade. 177 00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:27,280 Face it, Alan. 178 00:07:27,347 --> 00:07:29,583 This whole escapade with Kandi is just a pathetic attempt 179 00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:31,451 to find a younger version of me. 180 00:07:31,519 --> 00:07:33,921 Are you kidding? 181 00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:35,756 Judith, I had a younger version of you, 182 00:07:35,823 --> 00:07:38,526 and let me tell you, it was no great shakes. 183 00:07:39,727 --> 00:07:40,494 It's okay, Judith. 184 00:07:40,561 --> 00:07:41,895 I'll talk to him. 185 00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:43,797 Oh, sweetie, he doesn't really want to talk to you. 186 00:07:43,864 --> 00:07:46,333 There's only one thing a man like this is interested in. 187 00:07:46,399 --> 00:07:48,869 What? 188 00:07:48,936 --> 00:07:49,737 Forget it. 189 00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:51,038 I'm here if you need me. 190 00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:54,041 ( clears throat ) 191 00:07:55,643 --> 00:07:57,945 Listen, Kandi, I'm really sorry about our fight. 192 00:07:59,046 --> 00:08:02,482 I know I can be a bit of a control freak, 193 00:08:02,550 --> 00:08:04,184 but I honestly care for you, 194 00:08:04,251 --> 00:08:08,155 and I hope you'll give me another chance. 195 00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:09,590 I see. 196 00:08:09,657 --> 00:08:10,791 Excuse me. 197 00:08:16,296 --> 00:08:19,600 I can't let you steal my youth. 198 00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:23,571 You're not fooling anybody, Judith. 199 00:08:23,637 --> 00:08:26,173 Come on, Kandi, tell me what you think. 200 00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:27,307 Okay. 201 00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:31,111 I think we've reached an implants in our relationship. 202 00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:32,880 JUDITH: Impasse! 203 00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:37,284 I think we've reached an impasse in our relationship. 204 00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:38,686 Good-bye. 205 00:08:45,626 --> 00:08:47,661 Excuse me, is this Judith Harper's house? 206 00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:50,631 Yeah. She traded it for her youth. 207 00:08:53,567 --> 00:08:55,936 ( doorbell rings ) 208 00:08:56,436 --> 00:08:57,938 Hi, Daddy! 209 00:08:58,005 --> 00:08:59,239 Hi, sweetheart! 210 00:09:01,008 --> 00:09:01,642 Come on in. 211 00:09:01,709 --> 00:09:03,276 Judith can't wait to meet you. 212 00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:04,244 I can't wait to meet her. 213 00:09:04,311 --> 00:09:07,314 KANDI: I know you two are gonna love each other. 214 00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:09,683 ( door closes ) 215 00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:11,251 I watch one donkey sex show, 216 00:09:11,318 --> 00:09:14,554 and you make me pay for it the rest of my life! 217 00:09:14,622 --> 00:09:16,657 * Men... * 218 00:09:20,828 --> 00:09:22,596 CHARLIE ( singsong ): Who is it? 219 00:09:22,663 --> 00:09:24,598 Don't screw with me, Charlie. 220 00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:26,366 We need to talk. 221 00:09:26,433 --> 00:09:27,968 Give me a sec. 222 00:09:28,035 --> 00:09:31,705 MANDI: Charlie, you're just making it tighter. 223 00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:34,307 CHARLIE: Come on in, Alan. 224 00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:38,478 Hey there. 225 00:09:38,545 --> 00:09:40,580 Hi ya. 226 00:09:40,648 --> 00:09:43,350 You know, I can come back. 227 00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:44,584 It's okay, Alan. 228 00:09:44,652 --> 00:09:46,419 Come, sit. 229 00:09:46,486 --> 00:09:49,289 All right. 230 00:09:51,959 --> 00:09:54,494 So, how'd it go with Kandi? 231 00:09:54,561 --> 00:09:57,097 If it had gone well, do you think I'd be sitting here 232 00:09:57,164 --> 00:09:59,299 talking to two half-naked people? 233 00:09:59,366 --> 00:10:00,567 Alan. 234 00:10:00,634 --> 00:10:01,702 What? 235 00:10:01,769 --> 00:10:03,871 I'm completely naked. 236 00:10:05,538 --> 00:10:07,440 What happened, Alan? 237 00:10:07,507 --> 00:10:09,810 Well, as I suspected, 238 00:10:09,877 --> 00:10:11,745 Judith has turned your daughter against me. 239 00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:13,113 Well, I'm not surprised. 240 00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:15,615 Kandi's always been very suggestible. 241 00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:16,984 You know, until she was eight, 242 00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:19,419 she thought this was her nose. 243 00:10:19,486 --> 00:10:19,820 Aw, that's kind of cute. 244 00:10:19,887 --> 00:10:21,154 When Alan was eight, 245 00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:23,824 I convinced him he only had two weeks to live. 246 00:10:25,258 --> 00:10:28,561 But I suppose that tells you more about me than him. 247 00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:31,031 Yeah, good times. 248 00:10:33,901 --> 00:10:36,069 But back to recent events... 249 00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,638 Ooh, ooh. Remember when I told you the cat litter box 250 00:10:38,706 --> 00:10:40,841 was filled with Almond Roca? 251 00:10:40,908 --> 00:10:42,810 He ate four of them. ( laughs ) 252 00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:45,245 Are we done visiting 253 00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:48,115 Charlie Harper's Museum of Sibling Cruelty? 254 00:10:49,282 --> 00:10:51,018 Because I actually have something to talk about. 255 00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:52,285 Oh, I'm sorry. 256 00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:56,556 I didn't realize I was interrupting you. 257 00:10:56,623 --> 00:10:57,524 Go ahead, Alan. 258 00:10:57,590 --> 00:10:58,726 Thank you. 259 00:10:58,792 --> 00:11:01,028 So as I was leaving my ex-wife's house, 260 00:11:01,094 --> 00:11:02,996 I ran into your ex-husband. 261 00:11:03,063 --> 00:11:03,897 Andy? 262 00:11:03,964 --> 00:11:04,898 I guess. CHARLIE: Wait a second. 263 00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:08,401 It's Mandi, Andy and Kandi? 264 00:11:08,468 --> 00:11:11,071 What's your point? 265 00:11:11,138 --> 00:11:13,907 No point. 266 00:11:13,974 --> 00:11:16,977 Mandi, Andy, Kandi. 267 00:11:17,044 --> 00:11:18,145 Dandy. 268 00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:22,249 Anyway, it appears as if Kandi 269 00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:25,285 has set my ex-wife up on a blind date with him. 270 00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:26,920 How nice. 271 00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:28,255 Nice? How is that nice? 272 00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:31,258 Well, he's been kind of depressed since we broke up. 273 00:11:31,324 --> 00:11:33,660 It's good to see he's getting back on the horse. 274 00:11:33,727 --> 00:11:36,496 But that horse is my ex-wife! 275 00:11:36,563 --> 00:11:38,098 Speaking of which, 276 00:11:38,165 --> 00:11:40,801 did you ever see The Bride and the Burro in Tijuana? 277 00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:42,302 See it? 278 00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:43,570 I caught the bouquet. 279 00:11:43,636 --> 00:11:45,072 ( chuckles ) So did Alan. 280 00:11:45,138 --> 00:11:47,507 Oh. 281 00:11:47,574 --> 00:11:52,079 ( sighs ) Always a bridesmaid, never a burro. 282 00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:55,415 Charlie, I'm starting to lose feeling in my arm. 283 00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:56,750 Oh, I'm-I'm sorry. 284 00:11:56,817 --> 00:11:58,385 Hey, you went pretty far in the Scouts. 285 00:11:58,451 --> 00:11:59,753 Can you undo this knot? 286 00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:02,655 Gee, actually, I specialized in Indian lore-- 287 00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,591 beaded belts, arrowheads, 288 00:12:04,657 --> 00:12:05,993 but good luck, though. 289 00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:08,528 Maybe you should go get a pair of scissors. 290 00:12:08,595 --> 00:12:10,463 Hang on, let me untie my feet. 291 00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:13,433 ( clears throat ) 292 00:12:15,102 --> 00:12:19,472 We really didn't think this through, did we? 293 00:12:19,539 --> 00:12:21,241 * Men... * 294 00:12:21,308 --> 00:12:26,579 So, has your mom been seeing a lot of Kandi's dad? 295 00:12:26,646 --> 00:12:27,647 That-that's right. 296 00:12:27,714 --> 00:12:32,185 If she married him, Kandi would be your stepsister. 297 00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:36,123 Hey, hey, do you happen to know if they're going out tonight? 298 00:12:36,189 --> 00:12:40,193 Yep, if I married Kandi, she would be your stepmother. 299 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:45,598 But, but tonight, is your mom going out tonight? 300 00:12:45,665 --> 00:12:46,867 Yeah, yeah, I get it. 301 00:12:46,934 --> 00:12:50,938 If Kandi took a poop, it'd be your step stool. 302 00:13:00,948 --> 00:13:06,820 All right, well... it's always good to talk to you. 303 00:13:06,887 --> 00:13:09,857 Love you, buddy. 304 00:13:09,923 --> 00:13:11,358 Did you get all that, Berta? 305 00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:14,962 I think so, but let's do a quick recap. 306 00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:16,496 Your girlfriend's living with your ex-wife, 307 00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:19,599 your ex-wife is dating your girlfriend's father, 308 00:13:19,666 --> 00:13:23,103 and to top it off, you're trying to get useful intelligence 309 00:13:23,170 --> 00:13:26,039 from a kid who's got precious little to spare. 310 00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:28,108 Okay, just checking. 311 00:13:28,175 --> 00:13:29,910 CHARLIE: Hey, Berta, 312 00:13:29,977 --> 00:13:31,744 I want you to meet Mandi. 313 00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,546 Mandi, Berta. Hi. 314 00:13:33,613 --> 00:13:34,848 Enchante. 315 00:13:34,915 --> 00:13:38,018 Listen, uh... 316 00:13:38,085 --> 00:13:39,319 we got a pair of scissors handy? 317 00:13:39,386 --> 00:13:41,989 Oh, Charlie, that's a silk tie. 318 00:13:42,055 --> 00:13:44,892 Why didn't you use one of the poly blends? 319 00:13:44,958 --> 00:13:45,959 Hey, hey, wait a minute. 320 00:13:46,026 --> 00:13:47,294 That's my tie. 321 00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:48,661 You ruined my tie. 322 00:13:48,728 --> 00:13:49,897 Oh, yeah. 323 00:13:49,963 --> 00:13:51,231 You're not gonna be happy 324 00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:53,333 about your electric toothbrush, either. 325 00:13:56,236 --> 00:13:58,972 Kandi's told me so many nice things about you. 326 00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:00,340 How do you know Kandi? 327 00:14:00,407 --> 00:14:01,341 She's my daughter. 328 00:14:01,408 --> 00:14:02,910 Your daughter? 329 00:14:02,976 --> 00:14:04,277 Sweet whistling Geronimo! 330 00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:06,279 You people are like a box of hamsters, 331 00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:08,281 just crawling all over each other. 332 00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:11,351 Yes, yes. 333 00:14:11,418 --> 00:14:14,087 We all get how this looks, Berta. 334 00:14:14,154 --> 00:14:15,422 Hey, I'm not knocking it. 335 00:14:15,488 --> 00:14:17,557 I'm just wondering when some of that gravy's 336 00:14:17,624 --> 00:14:19,859 gonna spill over on my 'taters. 337 00:14:21,828 --> 00:14:24,364 * Men... * 338 00:14:26,266 --> 00:14:28,468 ( doorbell rings ) 339 00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:30,470 Hey, what's up? 340 00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:32,973 "What's up?" 341 00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:34,341 What are you doing here? 342 00:14:34,407 --> 00:14:36,977 Well, Mandi came over to put in a good word for you, 343 00:14:37,044 --> 00:14:40,513 and I figured I'd tag along for grins. 344 00:14:40,580 --> 00:14:44,251 Oh, here comes one now. 345 00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:47,454 Come on in. 346 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:49,556 I'm in a nightmare, 347 00:14:49,622 --> 00:14:52,292 and I can't wake up. 348 00:14:52,359 --> 00:14:55,128 Sit down, make yourself at home. 349 00:14:58,531 --> 00:15:01,468 Thanks, I will. 350 00:15:01,534 --> 00:15:03,003 Where's Jake? 351 00:15:03,070 --> 00:15:05,538 He's at a sleepover. 352 00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:06,673 Hi, Alan. 353 00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:08,575 How are you? 354 00:15:08,641 --> 00:15:11,979 About two heartbeats from a brain aneurysm. 355 00:15:12,045 --> 00:15:14,347 Where's Kandi? 356 00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:15,415 She's in her room, 357 00:15:15,482 --> 00:15:17,184 but I thought we should talk first. 358 00:15:18,818 --> 00:15:21,754 We just have a few questions. 359 00:15:21,821 --> 00:15:23,523 About what? 360 00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:25,725 Charlie? 361 00:15:25,792 --> 00:15:27,660 Well, Kandi's mom and I 362 00:15:27,727 --> 00:15:30,297 are a little concerned about your intentions. 363 00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:37,604 You should be, 'cause I intend to kill you. 364 00:15:39,706 --> 00:15:41,174 ( sighs ) 365 00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:43,410 Now, that's the kind of attitude that isn't gonna 366 00:15:43,476 --> 00:15:46,279 win you a lot of friends around here, mister. 367 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,849 Alan, you're a very sweet man. 368 00:15:49,916 --> 00:15:50,950 But let's face facts. 369 00:15:51,018 --> 00:15:52,852 Kandi has her whole life ahead of her, 370 00:15:52,919 --> 00:15:56,990 while you... not so much. 371 00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:00,560 Kandi! Alan? 372 00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:01,928 I am so sorry. 373 00:16:01,995 --> 00:16:03,363 No, I'm sorry. 374 00:16:04,998 --> 00:16:06,933 Oh, isn't that sweet? 375 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:09,069 I missed you so much. 376 00:16:09,136 --> 00:16:10,970 I missed you, too, Huggy Bear. 377 00:16:11,038 --> 00:16:14,541 Mom, I'm gonna go have sex with Alan, okay? 378 00:16:14,607 --> 00:16:17,277 You kids have fun. 379 00:16:17,344 --> 00:16:19,912 Hold on there, young man. 380 00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:21,148 What? 381 00:16:21,214 --> 00:16:22,982 Don't be a selfish lover. 382 00:16:23,050 --> 00:16:24,951 Consider her needs. 383 00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:28,321 This isn't over. 384 00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:36,996 You're right, he is easy to screw with. 385 00:16:37,064 --> 00:16:38,398 Hey, four pieces of Almond Roca. 386 00:16:38,465 --> 00:16:42,035 Even the cat was laughing at him. 387 00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:45,105 So, should we head back to my place? 388 00:16:45,172 --> 00:16:46,973 I suppose. 389 00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:48,375 What's wrong? 390 00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:53,080 Nothing, it's just... we already had sex there. 391 00:16:53,146 --> 00:16:57,150 Oh, baby, I really, really like you. 392 00:16:57,217 --> 00:16:59,018 Well, thank you, Judith. 393 00:16:59,086 --> 00:17:00,720 I had a wonderful evening, and I hope 394 00:17:00,787 --> 00:17:02,555 we can do it again some... 395 00:17:05,925 --> 00:17:09,028 ( both moaning ) 396 00:17:09,096 --> 00:17:12,265 ...maybe catch a movie. 397 00:17:12,332 --> 00:17:15,435 ...or go for a hike. Uh-huh. 398 00:17:17,337 --> 00:17:19,172 I'm guessing that's your ex-husband. 399 00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:21,241 Uh-huh. Good-looking man. 400 00:17:21,308 --> 00:17:22,442 Oh, he's gorgeous. 401 00:17:22,509 --> 00:17:24,344 Dumb as wood. 402 00:17:24,411 --> 00:17:25,612 JUDITH: Oh, my Lord! 403 00:17:25,678 --> 00:17:28,548 But it's good wood. 404 00:17:28,615 --> 00:17:32,219 I'll go find Alan so we can get out of here. 405 00:17:32,285 --> 00:17:33,553 You want to leave? 406 00:17:33,620 --> 00:17:34,587 This is so hot. 407 00:17:34,654 --> 00:17:38,358 Oh, Mandi, you just keep getting better and better. 408 00:17:38,425 --> 00:17:40,460 Hang on while I give Alan a heads up. 409 00:17:40,527 --> 00:17:44,464 Hurry back. 410 00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:53,706 Alan? 411 00:17:53,773 --> 00:17:56,343 ( knocks ) 412 00:17:59,479 --> 00:18:00,980 Alan? 413 00:18:01,047 --> 00:18:04,484 JUDITH: You are the most beautiful man I have ever seen. 414 00:18:04,551 --> 00:18:07,887 Not Alan. 415 00:18:07,954 --> 00:18:11,491 I couldn't find him... 416 00:18:11,558 --> 00:18:13,626 Mandi? 417 00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:14,627 Mandi? 418 00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:16,062 ANDY: You know what else I like? 419 00:18:16,129 --> 00:18:18,531 Swap meets. JUDITH: Swell. 420 00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:21,668 Your ex-husband must be a real little guy, huh? 421 00:18:21,734 --> 00:18:22,569 Forget about him. 422 00:18:22,635 --> 00:18:25,772 Let's get some wine in you. Okay. 423 00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,246 Mandi. 424 00:18:33,313 --> 00:18:36,115 Glasses are in there. Mm. 425 00:18:38,017 --> 00:18:39,919 No, no, top shelf. 426 00:18:39,986 --> 00:18:42,222 Okay. 427 00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:47,827 That's what I'm talking about. 428 00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:49,396 JUDITH: Come on. 429 00:18:52,031 --> 00:18:53,700 Do you ever go rock climbing? 430 00:18:53,766 --> 00:18:55,768 It's a great workout. 431 00:18:59,038 --> 00:19:03,042 Mandi? 432 00:19:03,109 --> 00:19:05,978 Mandi? 433 00:19:06,045 --> 00:19:08,881 Mandi? 434 00:19:08,948 --> 00:19:11,050 Alan? 435 00:19:11,117 --> 00:19:12,018 Anybody? 436 00:19:12,084 --> 00:19:13,686 Over here. 437 00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:19,892 Oh, damn it! 438 00:19:23,095 --> 00:19:24,597 What are you doing? 439 00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:26,266 I was thirsty. 440 00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:28,034 Have you seen Alan? 441 00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:30,970 I've been in the closet. 442 00:19:31,037 --> 00:19:32,605 So where the hell is he? 443 00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:34,807 I'm sorry I'm so nervous. 444 00:19:34,874 --> 00:19:37,210 I haven't been with another woman in a long time. 445 00:19:37,277 --> 00:19:39,846 Yeah, yeah. Take off your robe. 446 00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:42,081 Okay. 447 00:19:42,148 --> 00:19:45,218 JUDITH: Hot damn. 448 00:19:45,285 --> 00:19:49,522 Yeah, it is hot. 449 00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:58,231 Hi, Daddy! 450 00:19:58,298 --> 00:19:59,766 Hey, Judith. 451 00:20:01,601 --> 00:20:04,237 Daddy, I want you to meet my boyfriend Alan. 452 00:20:04,304 --> 00:20:06,072 Nice to see you again. 453 00:20:06,138 --> 00:20:08,275 Small world. 454 00:20:10,443 --> 00:20:13,212 * Men... 455 00:20:15,448 --> 00:20:18,385 JUDITH: Just get out! 456 00:20:18,451 --> 00:20:19,886 I'll give you a call, Judith. 457 00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:21,921 Maybe we'll hit some garage sales. 458 00:20:21,988 --> 00:20:23,923 Yeah, terrific. 459 00:20:27,527 --> 00:20:30,363 I like your daughter. 460 00:20:30,430 --> 00:20:33,165 I like your ex-wife. 461 00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:35,502 Want to get a drink? 462 00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:39,472 I'm not doing anything. 463 00:20:39,539 --> 00:20:43,410 Do you like garage sales? 464 00:20:43,476 --> 00:20:46,379 KANDI: Where am I supposed to go? 465 00:20:46,446 --> 00:20:49,449 JUDITH: I don't care, just leave. 466 00:20:49,516 --> 00:20:51,451 But I thought we were friends. 467 00:20:51,518 --> 00:20:54,387 Friends don't have sex with their friends' ex-husbands 468 00:20:54,454 --> 00:20:56,055 in the first friend's hot tub. 469 00:20:56,122 --> 00:20:58,358 Yeah-huh! 470 00:20:59,926 --> 00:21:02,929 Divorced three years, and he's still ruining my life. 471 00:21:02,995 --> 00:21:06,966 I should have drowned his stupid ass. 472 00:21:09,636 --> 00:21:10,803 Did you hear something? 473 00:21:10,870 --> 00:21:12,772 Nope. 474 00:21:12,839 --> 00:21:13,740 How's the head? 475 00:21:13,806 --> 00:21:16,409 Let's find out.