1 00:00:05,539 --> 00:00:06,006 Charlie? 2 00:00:06,074 --> 00:00:08,109 Yeah? 3 00:00:08,176 --> 00:00:10,611 I thought we said we were gonna take things slow. 4 00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:12,046 We did say that. 5 00:00:12,113 --> 00:00:14,315 I guess we can't be trusted. 6 00:00:14,382 --> 00:00:17,051 Charlie, talk to me. 7 00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:18,286 All right. 8 00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:21,755 You know what I'm gonna do to you, you dirty, filthy girl? 9 00:00:21,822 --> 00:00:23,557 No, not like that. 10 00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:24,725 Wrong way? 11 00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:26,960 Am I a dirty, filthy boy? 12 00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:29,530 No, I want to talk about us. 13 00:00:29,597 --> 00:00:32,466 We're a dirty, filthy couple. 14 00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:35,636 No, I want to talk about our relationship. 15 00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:39,273 Well, that redirects the old blood flow. 16 00:00:41,742 --> 00:00:43,611 Okay. 17 00:00:43,677 --> 00:00:45,146 So what about it? 18 00:00:45,213 --> 00:00:47,748 Well, you know that I really care about you? 19 00:00:47,815 --> 00:00:49,617 I care about you, too. 20 00:00:49,683 --> 00:00:51,219 All right, good talk. 21 00:00:51,285 --> 00:00:53,521 I just want to make sure that if we do this, 22 00:00:53,587 --> 00:00:55,356 we're doing it for the right reasons. 23 00:00:55,423 --> 00:00:56,990 Well, not to be contrary, 24 00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,426 but sometimes the wrong reasons 25 00:00:58,492 --> 00:01:00,594 kick everything up a notch. 26 00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:01,595 I just want to make sure 27 00:01:01,662 --> 00:01:04,665 we give our relationship a chance to grow. 28 00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:06,334 So you want to stop? 29 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:08,136 No, I really want you. 30 00:01:08,202 --> 00:01:11,705 Mia, all this starting and stopping 31 00:01:11,772 --> 00:01:15,876 is really not good for my transmission. 32 00:01:15,943 --> 00:01:16,844 I'm sorry. 33 00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:18,212 I'm just so confused. 34 00:01:18,279 --> 00:01:20,814 That's why you're gonna have to make this decision 35 00:01:20,881 --> 00:01:22,416 for the both of us. 36 00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:23,617 Me? 37 00:01:23,684 --> 00:01:25,386 I have to make this decision? 38 00:01:25,453 --> 00:01:28,889 That's like asking the fat kid to guard the pie. 39 00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:30,858 I trust you, Charlie. 40 00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:33,661 Well, that is really low. 41 00:01:33,727 --> 00:01:36,697 Okay, we'll wait. 42 00:01:36,764 --> 00:01:37,798 Thank you. 43 00:01:37,865 --> 00:01:39,400 So what do we do now? 44 00:01:39,467 --> 00:01:41,702 We could take a walk on the beach. 45 00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:43,371 No, seriously. 46 00:01:44,372 --> 00:01:47,641 Oh, yeah. Walk on the beach. 47 00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:48,509 Great. 48 00:01:48,576 --> 00:01:51,712 I've always been meaning to do that. 49 00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:55,015 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 50 00:01:55,082 --> 00:01:58,719 * Ooh... * Men. 51 00:02:00,388 --> 00:02:01,889 Good morning. Good morning. 52 00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:03,123 Looks to be a beautiful day. 53 00:02:03,191 --> 00:02:04,392 Slightly overcast, 54 00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:06,126 but that should burn off in a few hours, 55 00:02:06,194 --> 00:02:09,297 leaving us with another sun- dappled afternoon in paradise. 56 00:02:09,363 --> 00:02:11,131 You still drunk from last night 57 00:02:11,199 --> 00:02:13,434 or did you get a fresh buzz this morning? 58 00:02:13,501 --> 00:02:16,770 No, ma'am. I am quite simply high on life. 59 00:02:18,839 --> 00:02:20,841 Blotto. 60 00:02:20,908 --> 00:02:22,276 I'm not drunk. 61 00:02:22,343 --> 00:02:24,745 Alan, guess what I did last night. 62 00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:25,879 Jake. 63 00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:26,880 I'm leaving. 64 00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:27,981 No, Jake can hear this. 65 00:02:28,048 --> 00:02:30,984 Last night... Wait, wait, wait. Hang on, Charlie. 66 00:02:31,051 --> 00:02:32,320 You're about to tell us something 67 00:02:32,386 --> 00:02:34,755 that happened last night that made you happy? 68 00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:35,856 Yes. Jake. 69 00:02:35,923 --> 00:02:37,124 I'm leaving. 70 00:02:37,191 --> 00:02:38,492 Jake, stay. 71 00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:40,060 I want to share this with my entire family. 72 00:02:40,127 --> 00:02:41,395 Okay, I'm leaving. 73 00:02:41,462 --> 00:02:44,131 Berta, I consider you part of my family. 74 00:02:44,198 --> 00:02:45,533 Am I in your will? 75 00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:47,835 No, but neither are the rest of them. 76 00:02:49,136 --> 00:02:50,404 Now, listen. 77 00:02:50,471 --> 00:02:55,175 Last night, I, Charlie Harper, delayed gratification. 78 00:02:55,243 --> 00:02:59,179 What'd you do, wait till she fell asleep. 79 00:03:01,114 --> 00:03:02,816 Wait for what? 80 00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:04,017 Jake. 81 00:03:04,084 --> 00:03:05,486 I'm leaving. Sit down. 82 00:03:05,553 --> 00:03:07,421 What happened last night 83 00:03:07,488 --> 00:03:10,591 is I may have actually started a meaningful relationship. 84 00:03:10,658 --> 00:03:12,460 Charlie, seriously, go sleep it off. 85 00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:15,329 You're embarrassing yourself. 86 00:03:15,396 --> 00:03:17,465 Come on, listen to me. 87 00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:21,068 I think I might be in love with Mia. 88 00:03:21,134 --> 00:03:22,236 Big deal. 89 00:03:22,303 --> 00:03:24,538 You've always been in love with you-a. 90 00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:26,607 Very funny. 91 00:03:26,674 --> 00:03:28,175 I thought so. Did you think so? 92 00:03:28,242 --> 00:03:29,843 That was pretty good. 93 00:03:29,910 --> 00:03:30,911 He's eleven. 94 00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:33,180 He still thinks "milk, milk, lemonade" is funny. 95 00:03:33,247 --> 00:03:35,249 Oh, yeah. 96 00:03:35,316 --> 00:03:37,651 Hello! Grandmommy's here. 97 00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:40,588 Oh, great, tell Mom what you told us, Charlie. 98 00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:41,355 No. 99 00:03:41,422 --> 00:03:43,056 Tell me what. 100 00:03:43,123 --> 00:03:44,258 Nothing. 101 00:03:44,325 --> 00:03:46,294 Do you need a good lawyer? No. 102 00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:47,595 Discreet doctor? No. 103 00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:49,763 Knock-off Gucci handbag? What? 104 00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:52,766 There's only so many ways I can help you dear. 105 00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:55,603 It's no big deal. 106 00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:57,438 I've just been seeing this ballet dancer 107 00:03:57,505 --> 00:03:59,573 and I think she might be the one. 108 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:01,342 Drunk? 109 00:04:02,676 --> 00:04:03,911 He says no. 110 00:04:03,977 --> 00:04:06,947 I think it might be one of those designer drugs. 111 00:04:07,014 --> 00:04:10,718 Charlie, what did you take? 112 00:04:10,784 --> 00:04:12,686 I'm serious. 113 00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:15,188 We've been seeing each other for over a month 114 00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:16,757 and we're waiting to sleep together 115 00:04:16,824 --> 00:04:19,293 until our relationship has a solid foundation. 116 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:20,861 Well, we can rule out ecstasy. 117 00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:23,597 I mean, that's a powerful aphrodisiac. 118 00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:27,635 I've heard. 119 00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:32,205 Nowadays you're supposed to say African American-disiac. 120 00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,407 Jake. 121 00:04:33,474 --> 00:04:35,976 You sure this time? 122 00:04:36,043 --> 00:04:36,777 Yeah. 123 00:04:36,844 --> 00:04:38,312 I'm leaving. 124 00:04:38,379 --> 00:04:41,214 Has it occurred to any of you that maybe I've finally matured? 125 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:44,385 Maybe I'm finally ready to build something with a woman 126 00:04:44,452 --> 00:04:45,986 that isn't solely based on sex. 127 00:04:46,053 --> 00:04:48,288 Has that occurred to you, Alan? Nope. 128 00:04:48,356 --> 00:04:49,823 Berta? Uh-uh. 129 00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:50,758 So it's not just me. 130 00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:53,394 You know, I can understand your skepticism. 131 00:04:53,461 --> 00:04:54,462 I've earned it. 132 00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:56,530 But this girl is different. 133 00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:58,632 And I'm gonna make it work. 134 00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:01,869 I give him another week 135 00:05:01,935 --> 00:05:04,638 before he's out on the beach humping wet sand. 136 00:05:07,708 --> 00:05:09,810 * Getting to know you 137 00:05:09,877 --> 00:05:14,047 * Getting to know all about you * 138 00:05:14,114 --> 00:05:17,284 * Getting to like you 139 00:05:17,351 --> 00:05:21,889 * Getting to hope you like me * 140 00:05:21,955 --> 00:05:24,291 * Getting to know you 141 00:05:24,358 --> 00:05:28,896 * Putting it my way, but nicely * 142 00:05:28,962 --> 00:05:35,869 * You are precisely my cup of tea... * 143 00:05:42,810 --> 00:05:45,813 * 144 00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:57,425 * 145 00:05:59,927 --> 00:06:00,928 Hey. 146 00:06:00,994 --> 00:06:02,496 Hey. 147 00:06:02,563 --> 00:06:04,532 How was your date? 148 00:06:08,402 --> 00:06:10,404 Fun. 149 00:06:10,471 --> 00:06:14,207 We went bowling. 150 00:06:14,274 --> 00:06:16,510 Still playing it slow? 151 00:06:19,146 --> 00:06:20,814 Ketchup slow. 152 00:06:22,182 --> 00:06:24,718 Glacier slow. 153 00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:29,089 Continental drift slow. 154 00:06:29,156 --> 00:06:31,124 So, slow. 155 00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:32,159 I'm saying. 156 00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:36,597 Hey, listen, about this living without sex thing, 157 00:06:36,664 --> 00:06:38,732 I was hoping you can give me a little advice. 158 00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:42,035 Me? What would make you think of me? 159 00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:44,538 Well, I figured you get laid less often 160 00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:46,874 than a boil-covered dwarf, am I right? 161 00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:51,044 I don't have the actual statistics, but go on. 162 00:06:51,111 --> 00:06:54,147 Well, you must get really frustrated. 163 00:06:54,214 --> 00:06:56,650 I mean, how do you stop yourself from, you know, 164 00:06:56,717 --> 00:06:59,252 running a red light and then taunting the cop 165 00:06:59,319 --> 00:07:00,954 till he shoots you? 166 00:07:01,021 --> 00:07:02,055 Ah, good question. 167 00:07:02,122 --> 00:07:05,826 I found that the best thing to do is to focus on your career, 168 00:07:05,893 --> 00:07:09,029 uh, get a hobby, become involved in community activities 169 00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:12,399 and, at the end of the day, if you have any energy left, 170 00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:16,904 find a quiet space and yank it like a monkey in a mango tree. 171 00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:19,707 Interesting. 172 00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,041 Mm. 173 00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:23,010 What kind of hobbies are we talking about? 174 00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:25,546 Uh, well I tried collecting stamps, 175 00:07:25,613 --> 00:07:27,347 uh, building model trains, 176 00:07:27,414 --> 00:07:31,418 but, in the end, all roads led back up the mango tree. 177 00:07:31,485 --> 00:07:35,055 That's what I was afraid of. 178 00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:39,593 Hey, where're you going? 179 00:07:39,660 --> 00:07:41,529 I'm gonna go get in my car, 180 00:07:41,595 --> 00:07:46,867 run a red light and hope for a clean head shot. 181 00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:51,772 * Men... 182 00:07:51,839 --> 00:07:53,206 The great thing about this piece 183 00:07:53,273 --> 00:07:57,878 is that it fuses a classical score with jazz choreography. 184 00:07:57,945 --> 00:08:01,481 Wow. 185 00:08:01,549 --> 00:08:03,751 You know, on a counter programming note, 186 00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:05,385 the Lakers are playing Miami tonight. 187 00:08:05,452 --> 00:08:07,120 Would you rather watch that? 188 00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:09,256 No, no, this is fine. 189 00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:12,492 Of course, I don't have a $500 bet down on the ballet. 190 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:15,529 What channel? 191 00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:18,999 No, seriously, this is... Channel 2. 192 00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:22,570 You know Charlie, you don't have to give up 193 00:08:22,636 --> 00:08:25,873 things that you like just because of me. 194 00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:34,447 Okay, great. 195 00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:36,049 Good to know. 196 00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:40,020 Hey, as long as we're on that subject... 197 00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:47,294 ...there's something I want to run past you. 198 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:47,895 Go ahead. 199 00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:49,429 Well, let me just preface it 200 00:08:49,496 --> 00:08:52,365 by saying that I am all for holding off on the sex 201 00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:56,136 so our relationship can develop more, you know... deepness. 202 00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,971 I'm glad. I think it's working, too. 203 00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:00,173 We're getting so much closer than we would have 204 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:01,909 had we just jumped into bed together. 205 00:09:01,975 --> 00:09:04,745 Good. Sounds like we're on the same page. 206 00:09:04,812 --> 00:09:07,214 And just to make sure we don't jump the gun, 207 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:11,151 I was thinking maybe it'd be a good idea if I had an outlet 208 00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:14,955 that, you know, took the pressure off. 209 00:09:15,022 --> 00:09:16,389 An outlet? 210 00:09:16,456 --> 00:09:17,625 Yeah, an outlet. 211 00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:19,426 Something casual, meaningless. 212 00:09:19,492 --> 00:09:22,562 If I work it right, it could even be anonymous. 213 00:09:25,733 --> 00:09:27,668 You mean another woman? 214 00:09:27,735 --> 00:09:30,170 Well, that would be my first choice. 215 00:09:31,939 --> 00:09:33,641 But for the purposes of this discussion, 216 00:09:33,707 --> 00:09:35,776 let's stay with the more neutral term "outlet." 217 00:09:35,843 --> 00:09:37,577 I don't care what you call it. 218 00:09:37,645 --> 00:09:39,947 You're asking for permission to have sex with another woman. 219 00:09:40,013 --> 00:09:41,915 Only because I care about you too much 220 00:09:41,982 --> 00:09:45,418 to whore around without permission. 221 00:09:45,485 --> 00:09:47,454 Are you crazy? 222 00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:50,290 I can't go back to the mango tree, Mia. 223 00:09:50,357 --> 00:09:51,792 What? 224 00:09:51,859 --> 00:09:55,395 Look, I think this is a mature, thoughtful suggestion. 225 00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:57,865 In fact, there are many cultures 226 00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:00,333 that embrace the whole outlet concept 227 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,903 as a way of strengthening and nurturing 228 00:10:02,970 --> 00:10:05,906 the primary love relationship. 229 00:10:05,973 --> 00:10:07,274 Oh... ( blows raspberry ) 230 00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:10,343 You can't dismiss entire cultures with... 231 00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:11,712 ( blows raspberry ) 232 00:10:11,779 --> 00:10:12,846 I'm going home. 233 00:10:12,913 --> 00:10:15,749 Oh, come on, we're just talking here. 234 00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:17,885 I propose an idea, we bat it around a little bit 235 00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,452 and then we compromise. 236 00:10:19,519 --> 00:10:20,888 That's the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. 237 00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,222 How are we gonna compromise, Charlie? 238 00:10:22,289 --> 00:10:24,124 Are you gonna have sex with half a woman? 239 00:10:24,191 --> 00:10:26,259 Is that an option? 240 00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:33,166 What's going on? 241 00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:34,835 We had our first fight. 242 00:10:34,902 --> 00:10:36,303 Oh. What about? 243 00:10:36,369 --> 00:10:39,006 I simply suggested that as long as we weren't having sex, 244 00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:40,874 it would be good for our relationship 245 00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:42,943 if I had sex with somebody else. 246 00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,914 And she didn't buy that? 247 00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:49,182 Wouldn't even discuss it. 248 00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:53,020 Women, huh? 249 00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:55,022 They say they want to talk, 250 00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:57,424 but they don't want to talk. 251 00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:02,763 What's the matter with Uncle Charlie? 252 00:11:02,830 --> 00:11:04,698 Oh, he's just a little down 'cause he 253 00:11:04,765 --> 00:11:06,266 had a fight with his girlfriend. 254 00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:07,735 That's too bad. 255 00:11:07,801 --> 00:11:09,069 Why don't you go out and talk to him? 256 00:11:09,136 --> 00:11:10,303 Maybe you can cheer him up a little. 257 00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:12,139 How? I don't know. 258 00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:15,142 Tell him a joke or something. Okay. 259 00:11:17,077 --> 00:11:19,980 Might as well just give him a bowl of Milky Ways. 260 00:11:20,047 --> 00:11:23,116 Hey, Uncle Charlie, what's green, has four legs 261 00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:26,987 and would kill you if it fell out of a tree and landed on you? 262 00:11:27,054 --> 00:11:28,889 What? 263 00:11:28,956 --> 00:11:30,690 A pool table. 264 00:11:31,624 --> 00:11:32,960 That's funny 'cause you wouldn't 265 00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:35,829 expect it to be in a tree. 266 00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:41,101 Nothin'. 267 00:11:43,436 --> 00:11:45,138 Okay, I'll talk to him. 268 00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:48,942 Hey, if you can work up a fart, ask him to pull your finger. 269 00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:55,015 Hey. Hey. 270 00:11:57,517 --> 00:11:59,552 Still haven't heard from Mia? 271 00:11:59,619 --> 00:12:01,889 She won't return my calls. 272 00:12:03,290 --> 00:12:05,292 You do realize that suggesting it would be good 273 00:12:05,358 --> 00:12:07,294 for you to have sex with other women 274 00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:10,230 was a monumentally stupid thing to do. 275 00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:13,934 Yes, Alan, I realize it. 276 00:12:16,503 --> 00:12:20,273 The question now is how do I apologize? 277 00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:22,242 You mean grovel. 278 00:12:22,309 --> 00:12:27,047 No, I mean apologize with my dignity and pride intact. 279 00:12:27,114 --> 00:12:31,919 Oh, you sad, naive fool. 280 00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:35,255 If 12 years of marriage taught me anything, 281 00:12:35,322 --> 00:12:38,458 it's that there is no apologizing without groveling. 282 00:12:38,525 --> 00:12:40,527 Mia and I aren't married. 283 00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:42,429 Are you having sex? 284 00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:44,331 Continue. 285 00:12:44,397 --> 00:12:46,499 First of all, the phone's no good. 286 00:12:46,566 --> 00:12:48,368 You must grovel in person. 287 00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:50,237 Humiliation is a visual medium. 288 00:12:50,303 --> 00:12:51,104 Okay. 289 00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:52,472 Next, uh, don't go empty-handed. 290 00:12:52,539 --> 00:12:55,142 But, uh, keep in mind that any gifts you do offer 291 00:12:55,208 --> 00:12:57,210 may well end up being thrown at your head. 292 00:12:57,277 --> 00:13:00,513 Uh, flowers, lingerie, jewelry-- all good. 293 00:13:00,580 --> 00:13:04,952 Picture frames, waffle irons, steak knives-- not so much. 294 00:13:05,018 --> 00:13:07,888 You actually bought your wife a waffle iron? 295 00:13:07,955 --> 00:13:12,893 I was young. She liked waffles. 296 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:16,496 Anyway, the most important thing is sincerity. 297 00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:17,497 Sincerity? 298 00:13:17,564 --> 00:13:21,234 Yes, you absolutely must be able to fake sincerity. 299 00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,236 You know what? I've underestimated you. 300 00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:25,072 You are far more deceitful and manipulative 301 00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:26,639 than I've given you credit for. 302 00:13:26,706 --> 00:13:27,740 Thank you. 303 00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:30,643 No, I was faking sincerity. 304 00:13:30,710 --> 00:13:32,545 Oh, that's very good. 305 00:13:32,612 --> 00:13:35,849 But all kidding aside, I really appreciate your help. 306 00:13:35,916 --> 00:13:36,683 You're welcome. 307 00:13:36,749 --> 00:13:38,852 Ah! Got ya again. 308 00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:39,686 That's... that was good. 309 00:13:39,752 --> 00:13:42,455 Oh, hey, can you do me a favor? 310 00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:42,923 What's that? 311 00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:44,858 Uh, pull my finger. 312 00:13:44,925 --> 00:13:46,693 You're bluffing. 313 00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:47,827 Try me. 314 00:13:50,931 --> 00:13:52,199 Give me another chance. 315 00:13:53,733 --> 00:13:55,468 I thought I had one. 316 00:13:57,604 --> 00:13:59,940 * Men... * 317 00:14:05,879 --> 00:14:08,115 Hi. 318 00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:09,782 Hi. 319 00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:10,817 These are for you. 320 00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:12,819 Aw, you didn't have to do that. 321 00:14:12,886 --> 00:14:15,488 Really? My brother said I did. 322 00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:17,991 Well, thank him for me. 323 00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:19,426 Come on in. 324 00:14:19,492 --> 00:14:22,429 I just want you to know how sorry I am. 325 00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:24,932 Actually, I think I owe you an apology. 326 00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:25,933 You do?! 327 00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:28,068 Yeah, these are for you. 328 00:14:28,135 --> 00:14:31,038 Aw, you didn't have to do that. 329 00:14:31,104 --> 00:14:33,473 I shouldn't have gotten so angry with you. 330 00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:35,943 Not to say that your "outlet" idea wasn't incredibly 331 00:14:36,009 --> 00:14:37,644 juvenile, selfish, moronic-- 332 00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:40,247 Whoa, whoa, whoa. I accept your apology. 333 00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:44,717 The point is, is that I really don't have any right 334 00:14:44,784 --> 00:14:46,419 to object to you sleeping with other women. 335 00:14:46,486 --> 00:14:47,955 We don't have a commitment. 336 00:14:48,021 --> 00:14:49,789 You're free to do whatever you want. 337 00:14:49,856 --> 00:14:51,058 Well, thanks. 338 00:14:51,124 --> 00:14:53,626 That's great. Very mature. 339 00:14:53,693 --> 00:14:55,295 So everything's okay now? 340 00:14:55,362 --> 00:14:56,329 No, you ass! 341 00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:01,234 If we're gonna keep seeing each other, I want a commitment. 342 00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:02,635 A commitment? Yes, a commitment. 343 00:15:02,702 --> 00:15:04,704 Does that mean we can start having sex? 344 00:15:04,771 --> 00:15:07,540 Is that the only reason you'd be willing to make a commitment? 345 00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:10,443 It's in the top two. 346 00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:13,280 Well, I think sex should wait until 347 00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:14,781 we get our relationship on track. 348 00:15:14,847 --> 00:15:18,185 Okay, okay, let me make sure I understand this. 349 00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:19,686 You want me to make a commitment 350 00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:22,322 that I will not have sex with anyone else while, 351 00:15:22,389 --> 00:15:25,258 at the same time, I'm not having sex with you? 352 00:15:25,325 --> 00:15:25,993 Yes. 353 00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:30,163 All right, let's come at this from another angle. 354 00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:37,070 We're gonna be sexually exclusive, but without the sex? 355 00:15:37,137 --> 00:15:39,806 Well, I suppose you could look at it that way. 356 00:15:39,872 --> 00:15:42,309 ( sighs ) 357 00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,348 So bottom line... 358 00:15:51,251 --> 00:15:53,486 No sex for Charlie... 359 00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:58,391 ...with you or anyone else, for the foreseeable future. 360 00:15:58,458 --> 00:15:59,659 Correct. 361 00:16:02,595 --> 00:16:04,297 Are you insane?! 362 00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:05,498 Charlie, if you care about us, 363 00:16:05,565 --> 00:16:07,867 it should be something that you want to do. 364 00:16:07,934 --> 00:16:09,369 What about you? What are you giving up? 365 00:16:09,436 --> 00:16:11,038 I'm giving up the same thing you are. 366 00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:13,340 Do you want to sleep with other guys? Of course not. 367 00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:15,475 Then you're giving up nothing! 368 00:16:17,244 --> 00:16:20,213 Tell you what, I'll give up sex, you give up-- 369 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:21,614 I don't know-- a kidney. 370 00:16:21,681 --> 00:16:24,284 Oh, don't be stupid. 371 00:16:24,351 --> 00:16:26,319 Okay, okay-- dancing. 372 00:16:26,386 --> 00:16:27,554 Dancing's my life, Charlie. 373 00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:30,257 Aha! Now we have a level playing field. 374 00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:33,060 You know what, maybe you should just go. 375 00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:34,527 You're right-- why stay here, 376 00:16:34,594 --> 00:16:37,030 when I can just as easily not have sex with you 377 00:16:37,097 --> 00:16:38,731 in the comfort of my own home. 378 00:16:38,798 --> 00:16:40,567 Oh, go to hell! 379 00:16:42,635 --> 00:16:45,272 See? 380 00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:47,674 That's why you didn't get a waffle iron. 381 00:16:50,210 --> 00:16:52,212 * Men... * 382 00:16:52,279 --> 00:16:55,615 ( whirring stops ) 383 00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:56,749 Hey, how'd it go with Mia? 384 00:16:56,816 --> 00:16:58,218 Great. We broke up. 385 00:16:58,285 --> 00:16:59,552 How's that great? 386 00:16:59,619 --> 00:17:02,055 Because now I can go back to being who I really am. 387 00:17:02,122 --> 00:17:03,356 And who's that? 388 00:17:03,423 --> 00:17:06,459 Someone who doesn't care who he really is. 389 00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,128 Somebody who just has fun. 390 00:17:08,195 --> 00:17:09,362 Oh, I see. 391 00:17:09,429 --> 00:17:11,198 Someone who spends his life in a drunken haze 392 00:17:11,264 --> 00:17:12,965 having meaningless sex with strangers. 393 00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:15,702 If you knew who I am, why'd you ask? 394 00:17:17,737 --> 00:17:18,671 Hurry, Charlie. 395 00:17:18,738 --> 00:17:20,507 I'm starting to sober up. 396 00:17:21,908 --> 00:17:23,510 Well, we can't have that. 397 00:17:23,576 --> 00:17:28,748 No, you might find out who she is. 398 00:17:31,818 --> 00:17:33,586 Here you go. Good. 399 00:17:33,653 --> 00:17:38,825 Boy, I haven't been this drunk since I took my S.A.T.'s. 400 00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:41,828 Doesn't seem to have held you back much. 401 00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:43,696 No, just one year. 402 00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:45,798 Sixth grade. 403 00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:52,339 Charlie, you okay? 404 00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:54,841 Yeah, I just got a lot on my mind. 405 00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:56,209 ( sympathetically ): Aw.... 406 00:17:56,276 --> 00:17:59,446 Do you wanna look at my boobs? 407 00:18:01,013 --> 00:18:01,981 No, thanks. 408 00:18:02,048 --> 00:18:06,986 You sure? It always cheers me up. 409 00:18:07,053 --> 00:18:08,855 ( knocking ) 410 00:18:10,990 --> 00:18:13,025 Oh, Mia. Hi. 411 00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:14,494 Is Charlie here? 412 00:18:14,561 --> 00:18:15,128 Uh... 413 00:18:15,195 --> 00:18:16,463 WOMAN: Tickle, tickle. 414 00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:18,365 CHARLIE ( laughing ): Cut it out! 415 00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:27,340 That was great. Do it again. 416 00:18:30,377 --> 00:18:32,379 Alan, don't you think it's time you went out 417 00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:33,946 and kept your girlfriend company? 418 00:18:34,013 --> 00:18:34,914 My what?! 419 00:18:34,981 --> 00:18:37,049 Thanks for playing along. 420 00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:39,186 Oh, yes, uh, uh, uh... my girlfriend. 421 00:18:39,252 --> 00:18:40,953 Yes, uh, excuse me. 422 00:18:41,020 --> 00:18:43,556 Coming... Pookie. 423 00:18:46,593 --> 00:18:48,895 Well, this is an awkward moment. 424 00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:50,530 You are such a schmuck. 425 00:18:50,597 --> 00:18:54,000 Okay, the ice is broken. Good-bye, Charlie. 426 00:18:54,066 --> 00:18:56,469 Oh, come on, you said yourself we don't have a commitment. 427 00:18:56,536 --> 00:18:58,371 We don't even have a relationship anymore. 428 00:18:58,438 --> 00:19:00,507 You know what? You're right, Charlie. Go back to your bimbo. 429 00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:03,142 Hey, hey, hey, she's not a bimbo. 430 00:19:03,210 --> 00:19:04,477 WOMAN: Yay. 431 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:11,050 I'm not saying she's a brain surgeon. 432 00:19:11,117 --> 00:19:12,452 No, wait. Mia. 433 00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:14,086 At least tell me why you came. 434 00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,522 You wanna know why I came? 435 00:19:15,588 --> 00:19:17,390 I came because, after I cooled down, 436 00:19:17,457 --> 00:19:18,658 I started to miss you. 437 00:19:18,725 --> 00:19:20,327 And I wanted to make love to you. 438 00:19:20,393 --> 00:19:22,262 That's great, it's wonderful. 439 00:19:22,329 --> 00:19:23,996 And it's not gonna happen. 440 00:19:24,063 --> 00:19:25,632 Why, 'cause of that bimbo? 441 00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:29,236 Let me tell you something. 442 00:19:29,302 --> 00:19:30,903 The entire time I was out there drinking 443 00:19:30,970 --> 00:19:33,873 and fooling around with her, I was thinking of you. 444 00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:35,408 Oh, swell. 445 00:19:35,475 --> 00:19:36,909 You know what I mean. 446 00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:39,779 I would trade a hundred of her for one of you. 447 00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:42,081 Are you saying you're ready to make a commitment? 448 00:19:42,148 --> 00:19:43,182 Yes. 449 00:19:43,250 --> 00:19:47,086 Maybe you want some time to think about it. 450 00:19:47,153 --> 00:19:49,389 How could that help? 451 00:19:49,456 --> 00:19:51,658 Look, I don't want to be with anybody but you, so... 452 00:19:51,724 --> 00:19:53,793 I might as well be committed. 453 00:19:55,228 --> 00:19:56,896 You're so funny. 454 00:20:00,467 --> 00:20:02,101 You wanna go upstairs? 455 00:20:02,168 --> 00:20:03,803 Not right now. 456 00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:07,006 Oh, please don't tell me you've got somebody in your room. 457 00:20:07,073 --> 00:20:10,810 No, no, no. 458 00:20:10,877 --> 00:20:12,779 No. 459 00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:15,214 I just think if we're gonna do this commitment thing, 460 00:20:15,282 --> 00:20:17,317 that the first time should be really special. 461 00:20:17,384 --> 00:20:19,786 What have you got in mind? 462 00:20:19,852 --> 00:20:22,755 Well, you know, candles, music and... 463 00:20:22,822 --> 00:20:25,592 maybe not having the girl I was trying to rebound with 464 00:20:25,658 --> 00:20:28,661 dancing half-naked on the deck with my idiot brother. 465 00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:29,829 Are you sure? 466 00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:31,431 Oh, yeah, he's an idiot. 467 00:20:31,498 --> 00:20:33,800 Call me later. 468 00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:45,312 Well, back to the mango tree. 469 00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:51,818 * Men... * 470 00:20:53,820 --> 00:20:55,922 Ugh, what is this? 471 00:20:55,988 --> 00:20:58,124 It's a healthy cereal that won't rot your teeth. 472 00:20:58,190 --> 00:21:01,093 You got that right, 'cause I'm not eating it. 473 00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:03,630 Well, that's all you're getting. 474 00:21:03,696 --> 00:21:04,431 Morning. 475 00:21:04,497 --> 00:21:05,732 Morning. Morning. 476 00:21:05,798 --> 00:21:08,067 Is he in a better mood today? Yeah. 477 00:21:08,134 --> 00:21:11,738 Uncle Charlie, I got another joke for you. 478 00:21:16,376 --> 00:21:17,043 Okay. 479 00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:18,511 There's two muffins 480 00:21:18,578 --> 00:21:21,147 sitting side by side in a muffin tin in the oven. 481 00:21:21,213 --> 00:21:23,883 One muffin says to the other, "Boy, it's hot in here." 482 00:21:23,950 --> 00:21:27,654 And the other one says, "Holy crap, a talking muffin!" 483 00:21:30,557 --> 00:21:33,493 I just don't think he knows what's funny.