1 00:00:05,639 --> 00:00:06,907 Jake? 2 00:00:06,974 --> 00:00:08,076 Yeah? 3 00:00:08,142 --> 00:00:09,677 Are you praying? 4 00:00:09,743 --> 00:00:12,680 It's okay, I'm not in school. 5 00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:14,615 No, no, it's fine. 6 00:00:14,682 --> 00:00:15,683 What are you praying for? 7 00:00:15,749 --> 00:00:17,285 I have a math test on Monday. 8 00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:20,721 Oh, so you're praying for a good grade? 9 00:00:20,788 --> 00:00:22,190 No, that never works. 10 00:00:22,256 --> 00:00:25,459 I'm praying for the teacher to get sick. 11 00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:29,029 Have you considered just studying for the test? 12 00:00:29,097 --> 00:00:31,832 How would that help? 13 00:00:31,899 --> 00:00:33,667 Okay, listen to me. 14 00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:35,069 Even if we were to assume 15 00:00:35,136 --> 00:00:36,837 a God who would be willing 16 00:00:36,904 --> 00:00:38,639 to give your teacher a cold... 17 00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:40,574 Anthrax. 18 00:00:40,641 --> 00:00:43,144 All right, that's it, no more praying. 19 00:00:43,211 --> 00:00:45,313 What are you, the Supreme Court? 20 00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:48,516 How do you know about the Supreme Court and prayer? 21 00:00:48,582 --> 00:00:51,685 This guy on TV, Reverend Don, he talks to God. 22 00:00:51,752 --> 00:00:55,823 And he said you should pray to strike down your teacher? 23 00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:58,226 No, activist judges. 24 00:00:59,460 --> 00:01:02,863 But I figured why can't it work on Miss Stanley? 25 00:01:02,930 --> 00:01:04,298 And you know what else? 26 00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:08,836 If I send Reverend Don money, God will make me rich. 27 00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:10,871 And did you send him money? 28 00:01:10,938 --> 00:01:12,340 Wouldn't you? 29 00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:15,209 No... God doesn't make people rich. 30 00:01:15,276 --> 00:01:17,778 And even if He did, it wouldn't make you happy. 31 00:01:17,845 --> 00:01:19,780 Well, I disagree. 32 00:01:19,847 --> 00:01:21,349 Jake. 33 00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:24,685 Reward without effort is meaningless. 34 00:01:24,752 --> 00:01:27,788 Money alone will not give you fulfillment. 35 00:01:27,855 --> 00:01:28,889 What about Uncle Charlie? 36 00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:31,759 He seems pretty fulfilled and he doesn't do anything. 37 00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:33,927 Hey, let me tell you about your Uncle Charlie. 38 00:01:33,994 --> 00:01:35,396 He puts on a happy face, 39 00:01:35,463 --> 00:01:38,999 but on the inside he is a sad, lonely man. 40 00:01:39,066 --> 00:01:41,502 ( woman giggling ) 41 00:01:50,878 --> 00:01:53,481 You see? 42 00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:56,450 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 43 00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:59,620 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * * Ooh 44 00:01:59,687 --> 00:02:02,556 * Men, men, men, men, manly men * * Ooh * Ooh 45 00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:04,725 * Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ohh, ooh-ooh... * 46 00:02:04,792 --> 00:02:07,561 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 47 00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:10,664 * Ooh * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 48 00:02:10,731 --> 00:02:15,636 * Ah. * Men. * Men. 49 00:02:21,209 --> 00:02:23,477 I'm about to do a load of laundry. 50 00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:26,847 Last chance to change your underwear. 51 00:02:26,914 --> 00:02:28,449 I'm good. 52 00:02:28,516 --> 00:02:29,983 Oh, uh, but you might want to hold off 53 00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:30,884 on the washing machine. 54 00:02:30,951 --> 00:02:34,021 I think Charlie and his friend are still in the shower. 55 00:02:34,087 --> 00:02:36,924 I'll check. 56 00:02:42,129 --> 00:02:44,232 ( toilet flushing ) 57 00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:47,935 ( Charlie and woman screaming ) 58 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:49,437 You were right. 59 00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:52,172 ( doorbell rings ) 60 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:54,775 I wouldn't wait for me to get that. 61 00:03:01,114 --> 00:03:01,949 Hello. 62 00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:04,585 Hello. 63 00:03:06,254 --> 00:03:08,356 Uh, we haven't met. 64 00:03:08,422 --> 00:03:10,358 I'm Norma Seabury from next door. 65 00:03:10,424 --> 00:03:12,025 Oh, it's nice to finally meet you. 66 00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:13,427 I'm Alan Harper. 67 00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:14,362 Harper? 68 00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:17,097 Are you related to that dreadful Charlie? 69 00:03:17,164 --> 00:03:19,433 My mother says I am, but frankly, 70 00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:21,502 I have my doubts I'm related to her. 71 00:03:21,569 --> 00:03:22,770 I see. 72 00:03:22,836 --> 00:03:27,675 Well, Alan, there's a little red sports car blocking my driveway. 73 00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:32,646 I assume it belongs to one of your brother's hooers. 74 00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:35,616 One of his what? 75 00:03:35,683 --> 00:03:37,251 Hooers. 76 00:03:39,019 --> 00:03:41,455 Ever since he moved in here, 77 00:03:41,522 --> 00:03:44,592 it's been one endless parade of hooers. 78 00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:47,295 Oh, whores. 79 00:03:47,361 --> 00:03:48,729 Well, in all fairness, 80 00:03:48,796 --> 00:03:52,933 most of them don't have the math skills to be whores. 81 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,703 Be that as it may, I'm late for my hair appointment, 82 00:03:55,769 --> 00:03:57,838 and I want that car moved immediately. 83 00:03:57,905 --> 00:03:59,106 Oh, absolutely. 84 00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:00,308 I am so sorry. 85 00:04:00,374 --> 00:04:05,045 Let me track down the... hooer in question 86 00:04:05,112 --> 00:04:07,214 and ask her to move it. 87 00:04:07,281 --> 00:04:10,484 Thank you. 88 00:04:11,385 --> 00:04:12,886 ( sneezes ) 89 00:04:12,953 --> 00:04:14,221 God bless you. 90 00:04:14,288 --> 00:04:16,990 He'd better, I sent in five bucks. 91 00:04:19,159 --> 00:04:21,662 Charlie, we have a situation. 92 00:04:21,729 --> 00:04:22,763 ( Charlie and woman giggling ) 93 00:04:22,830 --> 00:04:25,866 CHARLIE: Okay, that looks pretty clean. 94 00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:26,934 Now do me. 95 00:04:28,836 --> 00:04:31,339 This is so unfair. 96 00:04:31,405 --> 00:04:34,375 ( water running ) 97 00:04:34,442 --> 00:04:35,676 Excuse me? 98 00:04:35,743 --> 00:04:38,546 CHARLIE: Not now, Alan, I'm making bubbles. 99 00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:41,815 I don't care what her name is, 100 00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:44,918 her car is blocking our neighbor's driveway. 101 00:04:44,985 --> 00:04:46,820 Oh, sorry, I'll move it. 102 00:04:46,887 --> 00:04:48,856 CHARLIE: You can't go now. You're busy. 103 00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:50,991 Oh, yeah. I'm busy. 104 00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:54,027 All right, just-just tell me where the keys are, 105 00:04:54,094 --> 00:04:55,796 and I'll move it. 106 00:04:55,863 --> 00:04:56,697 Oh, gosh, no. 107 00:04:56,764 --> 00:04:58,932 I don't let strange men touch my car. 108 00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:03,003 Oh, good. At least you have respect for your car. 109 00:05:03,070 --> 00:05:08,008 Alan, do we need to have another boundaries talk? 110 00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:10,210 No, I'm leaving. 111 00:05:10,277 --> 00:05:14,515 CHARLIE: Uh-oh, look what's dirty again. 112 00:05:14,582 --> 00:05:16,049 WOMAN: Uh-oh! 113 00:05:16,116 --> 00:05:18,552 ( mimics giggling ) 114 00:05:18,619 --> 00:05:20,488 ( toilet flushing ) 115 00:05:20,554 --> 00:05:22,356 ( screaming ) 116 00:05:22,423 --> 00:05:27,060 Okay, I have located the owner of the sports car. 117 00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:29,530 Is she going to pull it out? 118 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:35,869 Not for a while. 119 00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:38,839 Well, how am I supposed to get to my hair appointment? 120 00:05:38,906 --> 00:05:40,974 Gee, I'd say you really don't need one. 121 00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:43,944 I think your hair looks lovely as it is. 122 00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:45,779 Well, aren't you sweet. 123 00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:49,116 Are you homosexual? 124 00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:50,684 No, just sweet. 125 00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:53,120 Listen, you don't have to miss your appointment. 126 00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:54,287 I'll drive you. 127 00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:56,123 You would do that for me? 128 00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:57,625 It would be my pleasure. 129 00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:01,028 Sure you're not homosexual? 130 00:06:01,094 --> 00:06:02,229 Positive. 131 00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:06,534 You would've made a good one. 132 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:10,303 * Men... 133 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:12,172 CHARLIE: You going home already? 134 00:06:12,239 --> 00:06:14,174 Nah, I'm going to the opera. 135 00:06:14,241 --> 00:06:16,343 They can't end it until I sing. 136 00:06:16,410 --> 00:06:19,046 There's no call for sarcasm. 137 00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:24,818 ( laughter ) 138 00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:28,789 Oh, no. 139 00:06:33,293 --> 00:06:34,462 What's up? 140 00:06:34,528 --> 00:06:36,964 What is that old witch doing here? 141 00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:37,498 Old witch? 142 00:06:37,565 --> 00:06:38,966 She's a charming woman. 143 00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:40,834 Of course she's charming. They're all charming. 144 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,736 That's how they lure you into their houses 145 00:06:42,803 --> 00:06:44,104 made out of candy and gingerbread. 146 00:06:44,171 --> 00:06:46,339 What exactly is the deal between you two? 147 00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:47,908 Why do you hate her so much? 148 00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:49,643 Why don't you ask her why she hates me? 149 00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:51,679 I did. She told me you're a horrible neighbor 150 00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:53,981 who doesn't care about anyone but himself. 151 00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:55,015 Well, there you go. 152 00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:57,918 How can I like somebody who talks about me like that? 153 00:07:00,454 --> 00:07:02,456 Hello, Mr. Harper. 154 00:07:02,523 --> 00:07:04,625 Hey, Norma. 155 00:07:04,692 --> 00:07:07,461 Eat any little kids lately? 156 00:07:07,528 --> 00:07:09,797 I could ask you the same thing. 157 00:07:10,498 --> 00:07:12,132 And by the way, 158 00:07:12,199 --> 00:07:15,969 will she be moving her car out of my driveway any time soon? 159 00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:18,271 Well, maybe people wouldn't park in front of your driveway 160 00:07:18,338 --> 00:07:21,141 if you didn't put your trash cans in my guest parking spot. 161 00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:23,076 You don't have a guest parking spot. 162 00:07:23,143 --> 00:07:25,178 There's no such thing as a guest parking spot. 163 00:07:25,245 --> 00:07:30,684 It's called a curb and it belongs to the City of Malibu. 164 00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:34,087 Hey, if I can pass out on it, I figure it's mine. 165 00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:39,192 Well, with that logic, I... I guess you own my doghouse too. 166 00:07:39,259 --> 00:07:42,896 That only happened once and Bruno was fine with it. 167 00:07:43,597 --> 00:07:45,833 Alan, 168 00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:48,736 thank you so much for a wonderful day. 169 00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:52,072 I'm looking forward to next Saturday. 170 00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:52,873 Oh, me, too. 171 00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:56,610 And as for you, Mr. Harper, 172 00:07:56,677 --> 00:08:00,948 Bruno never had fleas before that night. 173 00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:07,721 You passed out in her doghouse? 174 00:08:07,788 --> 00:08:09,690 Hey, I've passed out in wheelbarrows, 175 00:08:09,757 --> 00:08:10,858 but this isn't about me. 176 00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:13,093 Oh, really? Who is it about? 177 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:13,694 You. 178 00:08:13,761 --> 00:08:15,362 Why are you dating a woman 179 00:08:15,428 --> 00:08:18,732 who most likely lost her virginity during World War II? 180 00:08:18,799 --> 00:08:21,735 And knowing her, probably not to one of our guys. 181 00:08:21,802 --> 00:08:23,771 Okay, first of all, we aren't dating. 182 00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:26,006 I am escorting her to a charity event. 183 00:08:26,073 --> 00:08:28,175 And second of all, her age is irrelevant. 184 00:08:28,241 --> 00:08:30,711 The only thing that matters is what's inside a person. 185 00:08:30,778 --> 00:08:32,746 Yeah, well, the only thing inside her 186 00:08:32,813 --> 00:08:35,182 is dust and undigested mastodon meat. 187 00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:36,817 She isn't that old, Charlie. 188 00:08:36,884 --> 00:08:38,886 Oh, come on, I'll bet she was an eyewitness 189 00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:40,287 to the birth of agriculture. 190 00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:41,321 Stop it. 191 00:08:41,388 --> 00:08:43,356 Her high school graduation picture's 192 00:08:43,423 --> 00:08:45,492 probably on a cave wall in France. 193 00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:47,127 Are you done? 194 00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:48,762 Mm... 195 00:08:48,829 --> 00:08:51,164 Her prom theme was "Fire." 196 00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:56,670 Charlie, I can't figure out how to turn off the shower. 197 00:08:56,737 --> 00:08:59,640 There's so many knobs. 198 00:08:59,707 --> 00:09:01,008 That's okay, honey. 199 00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:03,877 You just dry off, and I'll take care of it. 200 00:09:03,944 --> 00:09:05,012 Thanks. 201 00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:06,880 How does it feel to be dating a woman 202 00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:08,749 whose IQ is the same as her age? 203 00:09:08,816 --> 00:09:11,685 I can ask you the same thing. 204 00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:15,789 Oh, here's something else we have in common. 205 00:09:15,856 --> 00:09:17,691 Both our girls are pruney, 206 00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:20,994 but mine's gonna plump back up in a little while. 207 00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:24,732 * Men... 208 00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:29,670 Well, thank you for a lovely evening. 209 00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:31,839 Oh, no, thank you for taking me. 210 00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:35,542 I so loathe going to these things by myself. 211 00:09:35,609 --> 00:09:36,910 And dancing. 212 00:09:36,977 --> 00:09:39,179 I can't remember the last time I danced. 213 00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:40,981 That was fun. 214 00:09:41,048 --> 00:09:42,049 One more spin? 215 00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:44,384 Okay, sure. 216 00:09:44,451 --> 00:09:50,724 ( Norma humming ) 217 00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:52,125 ( laughing ) 218 00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:53,927 Oh, thank you 219 00:09:53,994 --> 00:09:56,864 for being so kind to a lonely old gal. 220 00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:58,131 Stop saying that. You are not old. 221 00:09:58,198 --> 00:09:59,900 You're a vibrant, fascinating woman, 222 00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:02,169 and I had a great time with you tonight. 223 00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:03,403 Oh, likewise. 224 00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:08,175 Alan, I want you to give some serious thought to my offer. 225 00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:09,476 I will. I will. 226 00:10:09,542 --> 00:10:12,579 Okay, so, uh, so good night. 227 00:10:12,646 --> 00:10:15,182 Good night. 228 00:10:22,355 --> 00:10:24,725 Oh, all right. 229 00:10:34,802 --> 00:10:36,269 Morning. 230 00:10:36,336 --> 00:10:37,504 Morning. 231 00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:39,206 Who sent the flowers? 232 00:10:39,272 --> 00:10:41,875 I'll give you a hint. 233 00:10:58,091 --> 00:10:59,392 Wait 'til you see the card. 234 00:10:59,459 --> 00:11:00,560 You read the card? 235 00:11:00,627 --> 00:11:03,596 I couldn't. It's in Aramaic. 236 00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:06,299 Okay, I get it. She's old. 237 00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:09,336 It was delivered by a Roman centurion. 238 00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,375 Oh, geez. I've got a problem. 239 00:11:15,442 --> 00:11:16,609 Hey, if you got her pregnant, 240 00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:18,645 we can get a full page in Ripley's. 241 00:11:18,712 --> 00:11:21,481 Give it a rest, Charlie. 242 00:11:21,548 --> 00:11:25,118 Oh, come on, I've been working on these all morning. 243 00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:26,486 Listen to this. 244 00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:30,223 Her first car was a chariot. 245 00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:36,029 She called her first husband "hun" 'cause he was one. 246 00:11:38,766 --> 00:11:40,667 Her first Christmas 247 00:11:40,734 --> 00:11:43,003 was the first Christmas. 248 00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:48,508 Likes to take long walks on the beach 249 00:11:48,575 --> 00:11:52,279 after crawling out of the ocean and growing legs. 250 00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:55,015 Her birthstone is lava. 251 00:11:56,817 --> 00:11:59,052 And finally, the Big Bang. 252 00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:01,955 I don't have a joke for that yet, 253 00:12:02,022 --> 00:12:03,523 but I know there's something there. 254 00:12:03,590 --> 00:12:05,592 I'm leaving. 255 00:12:05,658 --> 00:12:07,394 Oh, come on, I'm your brother. 256 00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:08,595 You can talk to me. 257 00:12:08,661 --> 00:12:11,698 Okay, I promise, no more jokes. 258 00:12:11,765 --> 00:12:13,633 Tell me what the problem is. 259 00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:14,868 Okay. 260 00:12:14,935 --> 00:12:17,270 You know she's rich, right? 261 00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:18,772 Richer than God. 262 00:12:18,839 --> 00:12:20,473 Who she's known 263 00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:23,410 since he was yay high. 264 00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:24,845 You promised. 265 00:12:24,912 --> 00:12:26,313 Sorry. Yeah, yeah. 266 00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:30,483 Well, last night, Norma made me a business proposition. 267 00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:32,419 A business proposition? I bet it involved... 268 00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:33,286 No! No! No! 269 00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:34,822 No telegraphs, no flying machines, 270 00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:37,724 no Nina, no Pinta, no Santa Maria! 271 00:12:37,791 --> 00:12:39,960 You don't have to bite my head off. 272 00:12:40,027 --> 00:12:43,130 I was talking about what I do for a living, 273 00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:47,767 and she said she wanted to invest... in me. 274 00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:49,736 Invest in you? How? 275 00:12:49,803 --> 00:12:51,104 She wants to buy a building 276 00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:53,673 and create the Alan Harper Healing Center. 277 00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:55,342 Uh, chiropractic, acupuncture, 278 00:12:55,408 --> 00:12:58,511 uh, holistic pharmacy, aroma therapy... 279 00:12:58,578 --> 00:13:02,549 Why don't you just call it the Alan Harper House o' Crap? 280 00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:07,720 Norma chose the name. 281 00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,256 I see. 282 00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:14,027 And in exchange for all this, she expects you to... 283 00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:19,366 Well, nothing has been said explicitly, but... yeah. 284 00:13:22,002 --> 00:13:24,004 And you're considering it? 285 00:13:24,071 --> 00:13:26,439 No. No, of course not. 286 00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:27,640 Not really. 287 00:13:27,707 --> 00:13:28,508 Not really? 288 00:13:28,575 --> 00:13:30,377 Well, the building would be in Beverly Hills 289 00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:34,181 and it would have my name on the top. 290 00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:36,917 Big letters, but, you know, with a real classy font. 291 00:13:36,984 --> 00:13:38,151 I'm thinking Helvetica. 292 00:13:38,218 --> 00:13:41,021 Okay, I see your dilemma. 293 00:13:41,088 --> 00:13:42,923 We gotta think this through. 294 00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:44,925 Thanks, thanks. I really need to. 295 00:13:44,992 --> 00:13:46,793 You'd do her for free 296 00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:48,828 if she was young and beautiful, right? 297 00:13:48,896 --> 00:13:51,331 Well, sure, I suppose. 298 00:13:51,398 --> 00:13:54,467 And you'd stick your dingus in a beehive for, say, 299 00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:57,437 a hundred million, wouldn't you? 300 00:14:03,076 --> 00:14:05,212 A hundred million dollars? 301 00:14:05,278 --> 00:14:07,147 Probably. 302 00:14:08,248 --> 00:14:09,983 But where are we going with this? 303 00:14:10,050 --> 00:14:12,385 Well, we've established that you're a man whore, 304 00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:15,155 and now we're just trying to zero in on your price. 305 00:14:15,222 --> 00:14:18,125 Charlie, you're not helping at all. 306 00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:22,329 Alan, did you really think I would? 307 00:14:25,432 --> 00:14:27,434 * Men. 308 00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:31,004 Good to see you again, Ms. Seabury. 309 00:14:31,071 --> 00:14:32,039 Thank you, Bobby. 310 00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:33,306 My pleasure. 311 00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:34,407 Thank you. 312 00:14:34,474 --> 00:14:36,276 Good luck. 313 00:14:36,343 --> 00:14:39,412 Go away, Bobby. 314 00:14:39,479 --> 00:14:42,049 So, Alan... 315 00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:44,117 have you given any more thought 316 00:14:44,184 --> 00:14:45,385 to my little business proposal? 317 00:14:45,452 --> 00:14:49,923 Well, actually, I have and, uh... 318 00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:51,224 Oh, wait, I forgot. 319 00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:54,161 I brought you a little gifty. 320 00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:57,097 Oh, no, Norma, please, you've been too kind already. 321 00:14:57,164 --> 00:14:59,099 Oh, my God, a Rolex. 322 00:14:59,166 --> 00:15:01,001 It's a platinum Rolex. 323 00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:02,202 A platinum Rolex. 324 00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:04,137 I have always wanted a platinum Rolex. 325 00:15:04,204 --> 00:15:06,206 I almost bought one for myself, but silly me, 326 00:15:06,273 --> 00:15:09,176 I got health insurance for my family instead. 327 00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:10,810 Let me put it on you. 328 00:15:10,877 --> 00:15:12,045 Okay. Ooh. 329 00:15:12,112 --> 00:15:16,049 It's a lot heavier than my calculator Swatch. 330 00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:18,451 I'm glad you like it. 331 00:15:18,518 --> 00:15:24,457 Champagne for madame and her... special friend. 332 00:15:24,524 --> 00:15:27,527 Hey, Bobby, look. 333 00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:29,429 Very nice, sir. 334 00:15:29,496 --> 00:15:31,999 Oh... 335 00:15:32,065 --> 00:15:33,266 This is too much. 336 00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:35,035 I-I-I-I can't accept this. 337 00:15:35,102 --> 00:15:38,271 Oh, I think you can. 338 00:15:38,338 --> 00:15:41,574 Yeah, I probably can. 339 00:15:41,641 --> 00:15:42,775 A toast. 340 00:15:42,842 --> 00:15:45,945 To the Alan Harper Healing Center. 341 00:15:46,013 --> 00:15:47,580 Okay. 342 00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:49,616 And to us. 343 00:15:49,682 --> 00:15:51,284 Uh... 344 00:15:51,351 --> 00:15:55,255 to us as business partners and friends, right? 345 00:15:55,322 --> 00:15:57,257 Wrong. 346 00:15:57,324 --> 00:16:01,594 Oh. 347 00:16:01,661 --> 00:16:03,496 Alan? 348 00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:04,764 What? 349 00:16:04,831 --> 00:16:06,866 I've proposed a toast. 350 00:16:06,933 --> 00:16:08,168 Oh, yes. I'm sorry. 351 00:16:08,235 --> 00:16:10,537 It's just, this is all happening so fast. 352 00:16:10,603 --> 00:16:17,744 Yes, well, the heart wants what the heart wants. 353 00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:19,746 The question is, Alan... 354 00:16:21,248 --> 00:16:24,017 what do you want? 355 00:16:26,786 --> 00:16:30,057 ( loud ticking ) 356 00:16:39,899 --> 00:16:40,867 Hurry up, sugar-buns. 357 00:16:40,933 --> 00:16:43,170 I'm not getting any younger. 358 00:16:45,705 --> 00:16:47,274 * Men. 359 00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:01,488 Charlie... wake up. 360 00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:02,755 What? 361 00:17:02,822 --> 00:17:04,824 What's wrong? 362 00:17:04,891 --> 00:17:08,261 I had sex with Norma. 363 00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:12,031 What? 364 00:17:12,099 --> 00:17:14,867 I gave in. I folded. 365 00:17:14,934 --> 00:17:17,704 I let her have her way with me. 366 00:17:17,770 --> 00:17:19,806 How was it? 367 00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:23,276 Actually, it was great. 368 00:17:26,846 --> 00:17:30,717 She... knew stuff. 369 00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:34,621 Is that a Rolex? 370 00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:37,857 Yeah. Platinum. 371 00:17:37,924 --> 00:17:39,359 Nice. 372 00:17:39,426 --> 00:17:42,229 And you're gonna get a building in Beverly Hills. 373 00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:44,097 Not bad for a night's work. 374 00:17:44,164 --> 00:17:47,234 Well, actually, I don't think 375 00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:49,769 I'm gonna be getting the building. 376 00:17:49,836 --> 00:17:52,004 She reneged? 377 00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:54,374 She... died. 378 00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:01,748 You're kidding. 379 00:18:01,814 --> 00:18:07,086 After we were done, she looked at me, 380 00:18:07,154 --> 00:18:09,021 mumbled a couple of words, 381 00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:11,691 closed her eyes and then... poof. 382 00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:13,993 Dead. 383 00:18:14,060 --> 00:18:15,995 That's it. 384 00:18:16,062 --> 00:18:18,298 I knew there was a Big Bang joke. 385 00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:24,137 I mean, I'm sorry. 386 00:18:24,204 --> 00:18:26,873 I just can't believe it. 387 00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:28,508 Me neither. 388 00:18:28,575 --> 00:18:31,110 After all those years of making me miserable, 389 00:18:31,178 --> 00:18:33,380 she's actually gone. 390 00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:36,149 It's weird, I feel a little sad. 391 00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:37,950 Imagine how I feel. 392 00:18:38,017 --> 00:18:39,686 Yeah, you killed her. 393 00:18:43,756 --> 00:18:48,295 So what did she mumble before she, you know...? 394 00:18:48,361 --> 00:18:49,362 Well, I'm not sure, 395 00:18:49,429 --> 00:18:52,265 but I think she said... 396 00:18:52,332 --> 00:18:54,567 "I want my watch back." 397 00:18:56,369 --> 00:19:00,273 Hey, I tried my best to keep up with her. 398 00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:03,476 Anyway, I've been up half the night 399 00:19:03,543 --> 00:19:04,911 with the police and the coroners. 400 00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:08,681 You have no idea how judgmental those people are. 401 00:19:08,748 --> 00:19:12,319 You can't worry about what anyone else thinks, Alan. 402 00:19:12,385 --> 00:19:13,920 The thing you got to remember 403 00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:16,055 and keep close to your heart is... 404 00:19:16,122 --> 00:19:21,060 I get an extra parking space and you get to keep the watch. 405 00:19:21,127 --> 00:19:24,063 Enjoy it, buddy. 406 00:19:24,130 --> 00:19:25,798 How can I enjoy it? 407 00:19:25,865 --> 00:19:29,702 Same way I enjoy that grand piano downstairs. 408 00:19:29,769 --> 00:19:32,071 What does the piano have any...? 409 00:19:32,138 --> 00:19:33,240 Wait a minute. 410 00:19:33,306 --> 00:19:36,443 Are you saying that you slept with Norma? 411 00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:40,280 Hey, I needed a piano. 412 00:19:45,618 --> 00:19:47,587 So... so if you slept with Norma, 413 00:19:47,654 --> 00:19:49,556 why did she hate you so much? 414 00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:54,361 Probably because I only needed one piano. 415 00:19:56,763 --> 00:19:59,131 You're right, though. 416 00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:01,601 She did know stuff. 417 00:20:04,637 --> 00:20:06,939 * Men. 418 00:20:09,476 --> 00:20:10,943 Hey, can you put on channel 84? 419 00:20:11,010 --> 00:20:12,479 I want to watch Reverend Don. 420 00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:14,447 Well, I want to watch football. 421 00:20:14,514 --> 00:20:16,883 It's the Lord's day. 422 00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:20,653 Yeah, but it's my TV. 423 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:21,688 Who'd you bet on? 424 00:20:21,754 --> 00:20:23,089 Packers, minus one and a half. 425 00:20:23,155 --> 00:20:24,424 If the Vikings don't score 426 00:20:24,491 --> 00:20:26,793 in the next two minutes, I'm up a grand. 427 00:20:26,859 --> 00:20:28,328 Okay. 428 00:20:30,430 --> 00:20:31,531 What are you doing? 429 00:20:31,598 --> 00:20:33,232 Praying for the Vikings to score. 430 00:20:33,300 --> 00:20:36,102 Don't do that. Are you crazy? 431 00:20:36,168 --> 00:20:38,170 Change the channel to Reverend Don. 432 00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:39,071 No! 433 00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:41,207 Then you leave me no choice. 434 00:20:41,274 --> 00:20:44,477 Okay, you want to play that way? Fine. 435 00:20:45,845 --> 00:20:46,946 It won't work. 436 00:20:47,013 --> 00:20:49,816 God answers kids' prayers first. 437 00:20:49,882 --> 00:20:50,950 Who told you that? 438 00:20:51,017 --> 00:20:52,785 Nobody. It just makes sense. 439 00:20:52,852 --> 00:20:56,088 ANNOUNCER: That last drive put the Vikings in field goal range. 440 00:20:56,155 --> 00:20:57,524 Oh, God, oh, God... 441 00:20:57,590 --> 00:21:00,493 Too little, too late. 442 00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:02,829 Here comes the Vikings kicking unit out onto the field. 443 00:21:02,895 --> 00:21:04,297 Okay, tell you what. 444 00:21:04,364 --> 00:21:07,534 Pray for my side, I'll give you a piece of my winnings. 445 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:08,568 How much? Five percent. 446 00:21:08,635 --> 00:21:09,502 No deal. 447 00:21:09,569 --> 00:21:12,539 Edinger has yet to miss from this distance. 448 00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:13,873 Okay, ten. Twenty. 449 00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:15,207 Twenty? 450 00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:17,610 And there's the snap... Deal. 451 00:21:17,677 --> 00:21:19,912 The kick is up. It's good! 452 00:21:19,979 --> 00:21:22,482 Oh, no! 453 00:21:24,751 --> 00:21:26,553 Don't blame me. You're a sinner.