1 00:00:04,605 --> 00:00:06,840 That's a cool snake tattoo on your back. 2 00:00:06,907 --> 00:00:08,142 Thanks. 3 00:00:08,209 --> 00:00:12,146 It's Anacoth, the demon who eats human souls. 4 00:00:12,213 --> 00:00:15,449 My friend Jeffrey has a dog that eats his own poop. 5 00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:18,352 He tries to lick our face, but we don't let him. 6 00:00:18,419 --> 00:00:20,454 Okay. 7 00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:21,455 Who's that one? 8 00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:24,425 That's the Goddess of the Damned-- 9 00:00:24,492 --> 00:00:26,327 she whose name cannot be spoken. 10 00:00:26,394 --> 00:00:28,496 Why, is it hard to pronounce? 11 00:00:28,562 --> 00:00:29,497 What? 12 00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:32,100 We have a friend at school like that. 13 00:00:32,166 --> 00:00:33,101 He's from India. 14 00:00:33,167 --> 00:00:35,436 We just call him Rusty. 15 00:00:35,503 --> 00:00:36,237 No kidding. 16 00:00:36,304 --> 00:00:37,938 Does it hurt to get tattoos? 17 00:00:38,005 --> 00:00:39,673 Yeah, but it's worth it, you know? 18 00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:40,841 Sure. 19 00:00:40,908 --> 00:00:44,345 Once I bit my tongue really hard eating a frozen Milky Way, 20 00:00:44,412 --> 00:00:47,548 but it was totally worth it. 21 00:00:49,650 --> 00:00:50,684 Good morning. 22 00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:51,885 Hey, Dad. 23 00:00:51,952 --> 00:00:53,287 Hey. 24 00:00:53,354 --> 00:00:54,755 Hi, I'm Alan, Jake's dad. 25 00:00:54,822 --> 00:00:56,124 Isabella. 26 00:00:56,190 --> 00:00:58,492 She's a friend of Uncle Charlie's. 27 00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:01,129 I would hope so. 28 00:01:01,195 --> 00:01:03,397 Yeah, and she was showing me her tattoos. 29 00:01:03,464 --> 00:01:04,365 Oh, lucky you. 30 00:01:04,432 --> 00:01:06,834 There was a time when you had to pay a quarter 31 00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:08,469 and go into a tent to see that. 32 00:01:08,536 --> 00:01:11,639 Now, it's right at your breakfast table. 33 00:01:11,705 --> 00:01:14,074 Uh, go get dressed. 34 00:01:14,142 --> 00:01:15,709 I want to see the rest of her tattoos. 35 00:01:15,776 --> 00:01:16,744 Go. 36 00:01:16,810 --> 00:01:17,645 I have a quarter. 37 00:01:17,711 --> 00:01:19,380 Jake. 38 00:01:19,447 --> 00:01:21,682 ( sighs ) All right. 39 00:01:21,749 --> 00:01:22,983 Um... 40 00:01:23,050 --> 00:01:24,718 Isabella, I hate to be a fuddy-duddy, 41 00:01:24,785 --> 00:01:27,087 but we try to keep the house smoke-free. 42 00:01:27,155 --> 00:01:28,422 I'm sorry. 43 00:01:30,991 --> 00:01:34,061 Charlie didn't say anything when I was smoking in bed last night. 44 00:01:34,128 --> 00:01:37,030 Yeah, well, Charlie's lungs aren't always 45 00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:39,600 on the same page as his penis. 46 00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:41,735 Morning, baby. 47 00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:43,237 Hey. 48 00:01:50,478 --> 00:01:51,545 ( clears throat ) 49 00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:53,647 If you don't like it, don't watch. 50 00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:57,718 ( moans ) 51 00:01:57,785 --> 00:01:59,853 I'm gonna go upstairs and take a shower. 52 00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:00,954 You want to join me? 53 00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:03,056 Sure. Just let me get some fluids in me, 54 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,426 so I got something to work with. 55 00:02:05,493 --> 00:02:06,827 Hurry. 56 00:02:06,894 --> 00:02:08,762 Anacoth is hungry. 57 00:02:11,165 --> 00:02:13,066 "Anacoth is hungry"? 58 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:15,536 She's referring to her snake tattoo. 59 00:02:15,603 --> 00:02:16,604 Oh. 60 00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:20,441 Her vagina's called Linda. 61 00:02:20,508 --> 00:02:22,676 Pretty name. 62 00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:25,246 Uh, listen, I don't want to overstep my bounds. 63 00:02:25,313 --> 00:02:27,315 This is your house and you're free to bring into it 64 00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:30,251 whoever or... whatever you choose. 65 00:02:30,318 --> 00:02:32,720 But I-I do think that I have the right to protect Jake 66 00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:35,022 from being exposed to certain people. 67 00:02:35,088 --> 00:02:37,525 Then you better take him to a hotel for a couple days, 68 00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:40,093 'cause that girl ain't leaving till one of us is dead. 69 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,094 Come on, Charlie. 70 00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:42,396 No, no, no, you come on. 71 00:02:42,463 --> 00:02:44,465 You see a little body ink and a cigarette 72 00:02:44,532 --> 00:02:46,600 and you immediately condemn her, but let me tell you something. 73 00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:49,370 She's smart, she's got a great sense of humor, and in bed, 74 00:02:49,437 --> 00:02:51,239 she moves like one of those paint shakers 75 00:02:51,305 --> 00:02:53,374 at Sherwin Williams. 76 00:02:56,677 --> 00:03:01,048 Nevertheless... I would rather she didn't hang around Jake. 77 00:03:01,114 --> 00:03:02,850 Fine. I'll talk to her. 78 00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:03,651 Thank you. 79 00:03:03,717 --> 00:03:04,585 You're welcome. 80 00:03:04,652 --> 00:03:06,887 Now, unless you want to lather up my fanny, 81 00:03:06,954 --> 00:03:10,424 I'm gonna go hop in the shower with Anacoth and Linda. 82 00:03:10,491 --> 00:03:13,794 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men... * 83 00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:17,130 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men... * 84 00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:19,800 * Men, men, men, men, manly men * 85 00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:21,935 * Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ohh, ooh-ooh * 86 00:03:22,002 --> 00:03:25,406 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 87 00:03:25,473 --> 00:03:29,610 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men. * 88 00:03:29,677 --> 00:03:32,846 * Men. 89 00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:47,728 ( screams ) 90 00:03:47,795 --> 00:03:52,065 Isabella, I, uh... I didn't hear you come in. 91 00:03:52,132 --> 00:03:53,634 You weren't meant to. 92 00:03:53,701 --> 00:03:56,937 So... 93 00:03:57,004 --> 00:03:59,640 You think I'm a bad influence on your kid? 94 00:03:59,707 --> 00:04:04,211 Uh, well, gee, I-I wouldn't put it that way. 95 00:04:04,278 --> 00:04:06,347 But, you know, kids are, uh, impressionable 96 00:04:06,414 --> 00:04:09,317 and the violent, psychosexual imagery of your... 97 00:04:09,383 --> 00:04:13,321 body art... um, not-not to mention the smoking 98 00:04:13,387 --> 00:04:15,222 aren't necessarily something a young boy needs to... 99 00:04:15,289 --> 00:04:17,358 Why are you taking my hair? 100 00:04:17,425 --> 00:04:20,361 Just a little quirk of mine. 101 00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:24,231 Uh-huh. 102 00:04:24,298 --> 00:04:27,034 I used to collect stamps. 103 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:30,237 You know, people like you have been persecuting 104 00:04:30,304 --> 00:04:33,741 people like me for thousands of years. 105 00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:35,343 Hmm. 106 00:04:35,409 --> 00:04:38,111 Well, that's a bit hard to believe, seeing as 107 00:04:38,178 --> 00:04:42,383 people like me have historically been victims and food. 108 00:04:42,450 --> 00:04:46,219 But, uh, just for clarity, 109 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:48,689 who exactly are the people like you? 110 00:04:48,756 --> 00:04:51,392 Those whose eyes are open to a greater reality 111 00:04:51,459 --> 00:04:53,327 than you could ever imagine. 112 00:04:53,394 --> 00:04:55,429 I see. 113 00:04:55,496 --> 00:04:58,432 And do they all collect hair? 114 00:04:58,499 --> 00:05:01,869 Don't mock what you don't understand. 115 00:05:01,935 --> 00:05:03,170 I'm sorry. 116 00:05:03,236 --> 00:05:08,376 I tend to resort to mocking when I'm... totally creeped out. 117 00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:10,344 I don't like you. 118 00:05:10,411 --> 00:05:16,417 Yeah, well... I'm rubber, you're glue... 119 00:05:16,484 --> 00:05:20,688 something, something, something you. 120 00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:24,558 So be it. 121 00:05:27,528 --> 00:05:30,831 So be it. 122 00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:34,134 ( wry chuckle ) 123 00:05:34,201 --> 00:05:37,405 So be it. 124 00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:39,339 ( scoffs ) 125 00:05:42,309 --> 00:05:43,243 Ow! 126 00:05:43,310 --> 00:05:45,546 Ah, damn it. 127 00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:50,551 Ow! 128 00:05:50,618 --> 00:05:52,920 What the hell? 129 00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:57,425 ( Isabella chuckling maliciously ) 130 00:05:57,491 --> 00:05:58,559 * Men. 131 00:05:58,626 --> 00:06:00,293 ALAN: I don't think so, Mom. 132 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:05,699 First of all, I'm just not a big fan of costume parties. 133 00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:09,470 Well... yeah, Jake likes "The Wizard of Oz," 134 00:06:09,537 --> 00:06:11,539 but I just don't think he'd enjoy hanging out 135 00:06:11,605 --> 00:06:13,373 with a bunch of drunken real estate agents 136 00:06:13,441 --> 00:06:14,542 dressed like Judy Garland. 137 00:06:14,608 --> 00:06:17,678 Okay, I'll get him. 138 00:06:17,745 --> 00:06:20,414 Mom wants to ask you something. 139 00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,417 Hi, Mom. No. 140 00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:28,589 What happened to your face? 141 00:06:28,656 --> 00:06:30,924 Nothing, I just thought I'd put 142 00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:33,427 little blood-soaked pieces of toilet paper on it. 143 00:06:34,695 --> 00:06:36,597 What do you think? 144 00:06:36,664 --> 00:06:37,765 It suits you. 145 00:06:37,831 --> 00:06:39,099 Hmm. 146 00:06:39,166 --> 00:06:40,601 What's the deal with your eye? 147 00:06:40,668 --> 00:06:42,235 I don't know. I think I'm getting a sty. 148 00:06:42,302 --> 00:06:43,203 Huh. 149 00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:46,607 Might be a bit much with the toilet paper. 150 00:06:46,674 --> 00:06:48,676 I'd go with one or the other. 151 00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:49,910 Thank you for your input. 152 00:06:49,977 --> 00:06:51,879 No problem. 153 00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:52,580 Where are you going? 154 00:06:52,646 --> 00:06:54,482 Isabella's taking me to a party. 155 00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:56,216 She said it's going to be out of control. 156 00:06:56,283 --> 00:06:59,487 Can you imagine what this girl considers to be out of control? 157 00:06:59,553 --> 00:07:00,788 Well, let's see. 158 00:07:00,854 --> 00:07:04,658 Uh, biting the head off a live chicken? 159 00:07:04,725 --> 00:07:07,294 Vivisecting homeless people and playing hacky-sack 160 00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:09,763 with their still-beating hearts? 161 00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:11,331 What the hell are you talking about? 162 00:07:11,398 --> 00:07:14,568 Do you have any idea what Isabella's really into? 163 00:07:14,635 --> 00:07:15,903 So she's a little kinky. 164 00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:19,973 No, no, no, kinky is a feather duster up your butt. 165 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,910 I think this woman tried to put a curse on me. 166 00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:23,711 Oh, please. 167 00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:26,313 Who of us hasn't done that? 168 00:07:26,379 --> 00:07:28,448 To know you is to curse you. 169 00:07:28,516 --> 00:07:30,083 She took my hair. 170 00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:31,919 She took your hair? 171 00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:32,720 Yeah. 172 00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,688 Yeah, and then she laughed like 173 00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:39,192 ( laughs maliciously ) 174 00:07:39,259 --> 00:07:41,028 Oh, well, that's different. 175 00:07:41,094 --> 00:07:42,362 So you see my concern? 176 00:07:42,429 --> 00:07:43,597 Yes, I do. 177 00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:44,264 Good night. 178 00:07:44,331 --> 00:07:45,766 Where are you going? 179 00:07:45,833 --> 00:07:48,636 To pick up a bottle of wine and a feather duster. 180 00:07:50,571 --> 00:07:54,808 ( electronica music playing ) 181 00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:57,811 You sure my Mercedes is okay parked on the street? 182 00:07:57,878 --> 00:08:00,147 I mean, I gave that crack whore $10 to watch it, 183 00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:03,383 but now I'm thinking, who's watching the crack whore? 184 00:08:03,450 --> 00:08:07,220 Don't worry about your car. 185 00:08:09,122 --> 00:08:12,059 Okay. 186 00:08:16,129 --> 00:08:17,865 So where are all the guys? 187 00:08:17,931 --> 00:08:21,434 How come I'm the only weenie in this pot of beans? 188 00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:24,004 Because this party is in your honor. 189 00:08:24,071 --> 00:08:25,238 Really? What'd I do? 190 00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:27,808 You're a vessel of the masculine life force. 191 00:08:27,875 --> 00:08:29,476 You picked up on that? 192 00:08:29,543 --> 00:08:33,180 I tell people that all the time and they just get snotty. 193 00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:35,315 These women are all my sisters. 194 00:08:35,382 --> 00:08:38,151 They all want to please you. 195 00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:44,958 Well, gosh, that's swell. 196 00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,694 Then you're okay with this? 197 00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:47,761 It was my idea. 198 00:08:47,828 --> 00:08:49,296 Let me tell you something, Isabella, 199 00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:53,400 you are just tops in my book. 200 00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:55,202 Hey, this is very tasty. 201 00:08:55,268 --> 00:08:56,236 What'd you say this was? 202 00:08:56,303 --> 00:08:57,237 Secret elixir. 203 00:08:57,304 --> 00:08:58,872 Secret elixir, huh? 204 00:08:58,939 --> 00:09:00,307 Well, I'm usually more of a bourbon guy, 205 00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:01,809 but, push comes to shove, 206 00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:04,578 I don't know what the hell's in that, either. 207 00:09:06,279 --> 00:09:07,815 Oh, boy. 208 00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:10,250 Getting a little fuzzy around the edges. 209 00:09:11,585 --> 00:09:13,320 You got any crackers? 210 00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:14,221 ( snaps fingers twice ) 211 00:09:14,287 --> 00:09:15,255 He's ready. 212 00:09:15,322 --> 00:09:18,258 You bet your gothic ass I am. 213 00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:22,262 Whee! 214 00:09:23,363 --> 00:09:25,132 Where are we going? 215 00:09:25,198 --> 00:09:26,266 To the altar room. 216 00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:27,500 Oh, boy! 217 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:29,202 What's the altar room? 218 00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:30,838 It's where we anoint you. 219 00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:32,205 Oh, boy! 220 00:09:32,272 --> 00:09:34,374 I'm getting anointed! 221 00:09:34,441 --> 00:09:35,275 Sounds nasty! 222 00:09:35,342 --> 00:09:36,309 Anoint him. 223 00:09:36,376 --> 00:09:38,078 ALL WOMEN: Anoint him. 224 00:09:38,145 --> 00:09:41,014 ALL WOMEN ( chanting ): Anoint him. Anoint him. Anoint him. 225 00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:44,417 Anoint him. Anoint him. * I can't stop this feeling 226 00:09:44,484 --> 00:09:49,322 Anoint him. Anoint him. * Deep inside of me 227 00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:54,094 Anoint him. Anoint him. * Girl, you just don't realize 228 00:09:54,161 --> 00:09:57,330 Anoint him. Anoint him. * What you do to me... 229 00:10:04,204 --> 00:10:05,873 Morning. 230 00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:06,674 Morning. 231 00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:09,409 Great googly-mooglies! 232 00:10:09,476 --> 00:10:11,278 What the hell happened to you? 233 00:10:11,344 --> 00:10:14,481 I'm not sure. Looks like you got bit on the face 234 00:10:14,547 --> 00:10:16,416 by one of them ebola monkeys. 235 00:10:16,483 --> 00:10:17,851 I don't think so, Berta. 236 00:10:17,918 --> 00:10:21,254 I mean, you weren't exactly eye candy going in, but... 237 00:10:22,355 --> 00:10:23,891 ...now, woof! 238 00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:26,760 you could scare the flies off a manure truck. 239 00:10:26,827 --> 00:10:28,628 Thank you. Until you said that, 240 00:10:28,696 --> 00:10:30,263 I was feeling a little self-conscious. 241 00:10:30,330 --> 00:10:33,600 Aw, you know I'm razzing you, don't you? 242 00:10:33,667 --> 00:10:35,803 Yeah. I mean, it's really not that... 243 00:10:35,869 --> 00:10:38,906 Oh, sweet Lord, I'm gonna lose my Eggos! 244 00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:42,309 Okay, if open mike night in the burn ward is over, 245 00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:44,912 I am just gonna make myself some breakfast 246 00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:48,081 and get out of here before Charlie's new girlfriend gets up. 247 00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:50,583 Why, is she not as compassionate as me? 248 00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:53,053 No. She's just a very creepy woman. 249 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:55,455 Well, putting aside the whole pot-kettle thing, 250 00:10:55,522 --> 00:10:56,890 creepy how? 251 00:10:56,957 --> 00:11:01,194 Well, she's got tattoos all over her. 252 00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:02,896 I've got tattoos. 253 00:11:02,963 --> 00:11:07,968 And she's got this very dark, hostile attitude. 254 00:11:08,035 --> 00:11:09,502 Okay, you might actually like her. 255 00:11:09,569 --> 00:11:12,806 But I-I just don't want to have anything to do with her. 256 00:11:12,873 --> 00:11:14,307 ISABELLA: Good morning. 257 00:11:15,776 --> 00:11:17,978 Isabella. Hello. 258 00:11:18,045 --> 00:11:21,381 That's a nasty looking eye you've got there. 259 00:11:21,448 --> 00:11:23,717 It's... just a stye. 260 00:11:25,152 --> 00:11:27,387 Right? 261 00:11:28,488 --> 00:11:30,290 What else would it be? 262 00:11:32,592 --> 00:11:35,362 Hey, Vampira... 263 00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:37,564 tell Count Humpula to get out of bed 264 00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:40,367 so I can change his sheets. 265 00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:43,971 Charlie and I are spending the entire day in bed. 266 00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:46,539 We do not want to be disturbed. 267 00:11:46,606 --> 00:11:47,975 Do you understand? 268 00:11:49,676 --> 00:11:52,746 Is it getting cold in here? 269 00:11:52,813 --> 00:11:56,249 Do you understand? 270 00:11:56,316 --> 00:11:57,450 Yep, you betcha. 271 00:11:58,618 --> 00:12:00,220 Thank you. 272 00:12:00,287 --> 00:12:01,955 Bye, Alan. 273 00:12:02,022 --> 00:12:03,556 Take care of that eye. 274 00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:05,625 I will. Thank you. 275 00:12:05,692 --> 00:12:08,929 See what I mean about... 276 00:12:08,996 --> 00:12:10,663 What are you doing? 277 00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,532 Leaving. Why? 278 00:12:12,599 --> 00:12:15,335 Did you see that bitch? 279 00:12:17,137 --> 00:12:18,939 You got to put a whole lot of gone 280 00:12:19,006 --> 00:12:20,808 between you and a broad like that. 281 00:12:20,874 --> 00:12:22,642 But-but wait a sec... 282 00:12:22,709 --> 00:12:24,377 Good-bye and good luck. 283 00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:28,982 * Men... 284 00:12:29,049 --> 00:12:31,785 ( gasps softly ) 285 00:12:34,822 --> 00:12:37,124 ( sighs ): Hmm... 286 00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:41,394 Ho! 287 00:12:44,832 --> 00:12:46,433 Ho! 288 00:12:47,667 --> 00:12:49,837 That is some stye. 289 00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:51,004 Oh, this is no stye. 290 00:12:51,071 --> 00:12:53,040 This is something else. Something evil. 291 00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:55,042 Something ugly. 292 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,110 And you know what, I'm starting to think 293 00:12:57,177 --> 00:12:58,611 your girlfriend did this. 294 00:12:58,678 --> 00:12:59,779 Oh, come on. 295 00:12:59,847 --> 00:13:02,049 Charlie, this isn't just about me. 296 00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:04,251 Have you taken a look at yourself recently? 297 00:13:05,152 --> 00:13:07,354 Oh, man. 298 00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:11,458 It's gonna take more than a little spray-on tan to fix that. 299 00:13:11,524 --> 00:13:14,061 Do you realize how long you've been upstairs with her? 300 00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:15,963 That depends. On what? 301 00:13:16,029 --> 00:13:17,764 On what day it is. 302 00:13:17,831 --> 00:13:19,299 It's Sunday evening. I haven't seen you 303 00:13:19,366 --> 00:13:21,902 since last night when you went to that party. 304 00:13:21,969 --> 00:13:23,370 Oh, yeah, the party. 305 00:13:23,436 --> 00:13:25,638 That was some great party. 306 00:13:25,705 --> 00:13:26,606 What happened? 307 00:13:26,673 --> 00:13:28,208 I have no idea. 308 00:13:28,275 --> 00:13:31,244 Although I did wake up with this. 309 00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:35,215 Oh, my God! 310 00:13:35,282 --> 00:13:38,285 Am I Jewish now? 311 00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:43,690 Charlie, that's not a Star of David, it's a pentagram. 312 00:13:43,756 --> 00:13:47,560 It's a Satanic symbol used to call forth demons from Hell. 313 00:13:48,461 --> 00:13:51,264 Oh, that's not good. 314 00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:53,066 You need to cut Isabella loose. 315 00:13:53,133 --> 00:13:55,068 I can't do that. Why not? 316 00:13:55,135 --> 00:13:58,005 Because together we shall spawn a child named Giglamesh 317 00:13:58,071 --> 00:14:02,175 and he shall bring forth a new age of darkness. 318 00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:04,211 You know what, maybe it is time 319 00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:06,379 to slow this relationship down a little bit. 320 00:14:06,446 --> 00:14:07,514 Slow it down? 321 00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:10,017 You need to drive a stake through its heart! 322 00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:11,584 Is she still here? 323 00:14:11,651 --> 00:14:13,020 Yeah. 324 00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:14,587 Okay, here's the plan. 325 00:14:14,654 --> 00:14:16,723 ( loudly ): Um, so, uh, we'll submit to her will 326 00:14:16,789 --> 00:14:19,459 and, uh, serve the Lord Beelzebub with all our hearts. 327 00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:21,794 I'll grab Jake; you start the car. 328 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:25,065 We'll drive somewhere safe, I'm thinking the Vatican. 329 00:14:26,799 --> 00:14:28,068 Don't be ridiculous. 330 00:14:28,135 --> 00:14:29,269 What are you gonna do? 331 00:14:29,336 --> 00:14:31,204 Well, you said it: we have to cut her loose. 332 00:14:31,271 --> 00:14:33,974 "We?" No, I didn't say "we." I never said "we." 333 00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:39,079 Hear us, O Horned One. 334 00:14:39,146 --> 00:14:42,815 Wrap your dark wings around this young soul 335 00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:47,120 and grant him all the rewards he desires. 336 00:14:48,821 --> 00:14:52,892 Okay, um, hi, Mr. Horned One. 337 00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:59,099 Here's the deal: I'll trade you my soul for... 338 00:14:59,166 --> 00:15:01,334 What do I get, like, three wishes? 339 00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:04,804 He's the Lord of the Underworld, not a genie. 340 00:15:04,871 --> 00:15:06,073 Oh, okay. 341 00:15:06,139 --> 00:15:08,075 Can I talk to a genie? 342 00:15:08,141 --> 00:15:11,278 ALAN: Jake, get over here! 343 00:15:11,344 --> 00:15:14,414 Sorry, Dad, but you're no longer my master. 344 00:15:14,481 --> 00:15:16,349 The hell I'm not! Go to your room! 345 00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:19,186 You know, I'm old enough to choose my own religion. 346 00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:20,020 Go! 347 00:15:23,556 --> 00:15:25,993 How dare you interfere? 348 00:15:26,059 --> 00:15:27,227 Good question. 349 00:15:27,294 --> 00:15:31,031 Alan, tell her... how we dare. 350 00:15:31,098 --> 00:15:34,267 Hey, you brought her here, you get her out. 351 00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:36,303 Are you trying to get rid of me? 352 00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:39,272 Okay, well, no, not-not-not you personally. 353 00:15:39,339 --> 00:15:40,840 This is more of a legal issue. 354 00:15:40,907 --> 00:15:45,645 Uh, it turns out Malibu is not zoned for Satanic rituals. 355 00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:48,748 Or any of the black arts, really. 356 00:15:48,815 --> 00:15:51,584 Right, Alan? Uh, that's-that's true. Uh... 357 00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:52,919 You're fine in Hollywood. 358 00:15:52,986 --> 00:15:54,454 Um... 359 00:15:54,521 --> 00:15:58,591 Pretty much anywhere east of the 405 freeway, actually. 360 00:15:58,658 --> 00:15:59,726 Shut up, Alan. 361 00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:01,528 Just trying to help. 362 00:16:01,594 --> 00:16:04,231 Did you really think that you could just end this? 363 00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:05,865 Uh, I was kinda hopin'. 364 00:16:05,932 --> 00:16:09,169 Don't you realize that our souls are now bound together, 365 00:16:09,236 --> 00:16:13,440 destined to writhe ecstatically in blessed hellfire for all eternity? 366 00:16:17,344 --> 00:16:21,348 Boy, I know how to pick 'em, don't I? 367 00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:25,018 Charlie, do you remember the vows you took last night? 368 00:16:25,085 --> 00:16:28,088 Vows? You took vows? What kind of vows? 369 00:16:28,155 --> 00:16:31,524 If you'll shut up, maybe we'll find out. 370 00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:34,961 You vowed unending fealty to the sisterhood of the coven. 371 00:16:35,028 --> 00:16:37,664 You did that? Why would you do that? 372 00:16:37,730 --> 00:16:39,132 Will you please shut up. 373 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:42,602 I did that? Why would I do that? 374 00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:45,972 Did you think that all those beautiful women were pleasuring you 375 00:16:46,039 --> 00:16:47,474 because of your boyish charm? 376 00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:49,709 Well, no, not-not- not-not all of them. 377 00:16:49,776 --> 00:16:54,781 I-I... I just figured after the first three or four, 378 00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:57,184 word-of-mouth started to spread. 379 00:16:59,552 --> 00:17:00,320 Wait, wait, uh, 380 00:17:00,387 --> 00:17:02,755 how many women are we talking about here? 381 00:17:02,822 --> 00:17:04,624 I don't know, nine, ten... 382 00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:08,061 13, the sacred number. 383 00:17:08,128 --> 00:17:11,131 And a personal best for me. 384 00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:15,235 How do you have sex with 13 women at one time? 385 00:17:15,302 --> 00:17:18,805 Well, apparently, you have to take some vows. 386 00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:20,640 Okay... 387 00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:23,143 okay, listen, uh, thank the girls for me, 388 00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:25,678 tell 'em I had a wonderful time, but... 389 00:17:25,745 --> 00:17:27,780 I'm gonna have to pass on the fealty stuff. 390 00:17:27,847 --> 00:17:31,584 I have a previous commitment to, you know, God. 391 00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:34,587 It doesn't work that way, Charlie. 392 00:17:34,654 --> 00:17:37,524 If you break your vows, you bring down upon yourself 393 00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:39,426 the ancient curse of betrayal. 394 00:17:39,492 --> 00:17:41,694 Well, that's just the chance I'll have to take. 395 00:17:41,761 --> 00:17:42,895 So be it. 396 00:17:42,962 --> 00:17:45,532 ( mocking ): So be it. 397 00:17:48,835 --> 00:17:50,770 Just kidding. 398 00:17:50,837 --> 00:17:53,806 Um, simply out of curiosity, 399 00:17:53,873 --> 00:17:55,442 what-what exactly is this curse? 400 00:17:55,508 --> 00:17:58,211 What-what should I be on the lookout for? 401 00:17:58,278 --> 00:18:00,913 Your crops will wither in the field. 402 00:18:00,980 --> 00:18:02,449 Yeah, okay. 403 00:18:03,716 --> 00:18:05,818 Your cattle will sicken and die. 404 00:18:05,885 --> 00:18:07,387 Uh-huh. 405 00:18:09,522 --> 00:18:14,327 Your manhood will shrivel and become a useless husk. 406 00:18:16,896 --> 00:18:19,166 I gotta fold here, Alan. 407 00:18:19,999 --> 00:18:21,401 Okay, you got me. 408 00:18:21,468 --> 00:18:24,036 What do you say we call the girls over 409 00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:25,672 and start spawning baby Giglamesh? 410 00:18:25,738 --> 00:18:27,140 Charlie, don't do this! 411 00:18:27,207 --> 00:18:31,978 Hey, when she's shriveling your husk, then you get a vote. 412 00:18:32,044 --> 00:18:34,847 Go ahead, call the coven. 413 00:18:34,914 --> 00:18:37,350 ( knocking on door ) 414 00:18:37,417 --> 00:18:38,818 ( chuckles ): Wow... 415 00:18:38,885 --> 00:18:42,655 you gals could make a fortune delivering pizzas. 416 00:18:46,025 --> 00:18:47,627 Mom? 417 00:18:48,728 --> 00:18:50,897 Boo, everybody. 418 00:18:54,033 --> 00:18:55,835 Now, not a word, Charlie. 419 00:18:55,902 --> 00:18:58,705 You are all coming with me to my costume party, 420 00:18:58,771 --> 00:19:01,674 and I'm not taking no for an answer. 421 00:19:01,741 --> 00:19:02,809 Evelyn? 422 00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:06,346 Isabella. 423 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:10,217 You know each other? 424 00:19:10,283 --> 00:19:14,454 In a manner of speaking. 425 00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:17,957 What are you doing here? 426 00:19:18,024 --> 00:19:19,859 Nothing. 427 00:19:19,926 --> 00:19:22,429 These are my sons. 428 00:19:24,931 --> 00:19:26,199 It was an accident. 429 00:19:26,266 --> 00:19:29,101 I-I had... I had no idea. 430 00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:30,970 Please believe me. 431 00:19:31,037 --> 00:19:32,239 Good-bye, Isabella. 432 00:19:32,305 --> 00:19:34,607 Yes. Good-bye. 433 00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:37,844 Bye, Charlie. 434 00:19:37,910 --> 00:19:40,913 Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on, hold on. 435 00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:44,217 What about the-the vows, the curse and the shriveling? 436 00:19:44,284 --> 00:19:47,387 I have no idea what he's talking about. 437 00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:56,663 What? She's in my Pilates class. 438 00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:01,133 Okay. I'll buy that. 439 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,303 Now, are you coming to my party, 440 00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:05,572 or are you gonna give me a hard time? 441 00:20:08,475 --> 00:20:10,310 I'm coming to the party. 442 00:20:10,377 --> 00:20:11,411 ALAN: Me, too. 443 00:20:11,478 --> 00:20:13,212 Jake! Come get your costume! 444 00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,515 What's Mom gonna wear? Shut up. 445 00:20:16,316 --> 00:20:18,985 * Men... 446 00:20:21,754 --> 00:20:25,392 Grandmommy doesn't want to be late to her costume party. 447 00:20:57,324 --> 00:21:01,761 Oh, come on, boys, sell it. 448 00:21:13,706 --> 00:21:15,842 Very nice! 449 00:21:15,908 --> 00:21:19,812 Now fly, my pets, fly! 450 00:21:22,349 --> 00:21:23,950 I call shotgun. 451 00:21:24,016 --> 00:21:26,586 ( screaming laughter )