1 00:00:01,361 --> 00:00:04,613 Hey, Jake, why don't you tell Grandma about your spring break. 2 00:00:04,825 --> 00:00:06,734 - Bad idea. - What? 3 00:00:06,911 --> 00:00:10,411 Nothing. I just saw that they're moving the L.A. Gardening Exposition... 4 00:00:10,582 --> 00:00:15,710 ...to the Convention Center, which I think is a very bad idea. 5 00:00:15,924 --> 00:00:18,959 Thanks for the update. Go ahead, Jake, tell Grandma. 6 00:00:19,177 --> 00:00:21,550 - It was really cool, l... - Hang on a second, Jake. 7 00:00:21,723 --> 00:00:25,259 I'm not sure you understand how serious this gardening thing is. 8 00:00:25,437 --> 00:00:27,976 It's a really bad idea. 9 00:00:28,191 --> 00:00:30,066 I get it. Bad idea. 10 00:00:30,278 --> 00:00:31,937 Go ahead, Jake. 11 00:00:32,946 --> 00:00:34,988 I went camping with Grandma and Grandpa. 12 00:00:35,159 --> 00:00:37,449 We slept in a tent, we cooked on an open fire. 13 00:00:37,619 --> 00:00:39,328 And we went hiking and saw a bear. 14 00:00:39,539 --> 00:00:42,744 You let him spend an entire vacation with his other grandparents... 15 00:00:42,919 --> 00:00:44,711 ...and I haven't had him for a night? 16 00:00:44,922 --> 00:00:47,248 Oh, bad idea. 17 00:01:14,380 --> 00:01:16,707 This is unfair and unacceptable. 18 00:01:16,883 --> 00:01:18,924 From the moment that boy was born... 19 00:01:19,095 --> 00:01:21,801 ...Judith's parents squeezed me out. And you let them. 20 00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:23,641 Interesting point. 21 00:01:23,852 --> 00:01:25,763 Excuse me, Mom, but when Jake was born... 22 00:01:25,938 --> 00:01:28,774 ...Judith's mother stayed with us, cooking and cleaning... 23 00:01:28,942 --> 00:01:31,861 ...and taking care of him. - Valid counterpoint. 24 00:01:32,072 --> 00:01:35,323 Exactly. She's a pushy, pushy woman. 25 00:01:35,535 --> 00:01:37,575 Personal opinion. 26 00:01:37,788 --> 00:01:39,663 No, no. You went on a cruise. 27 00:01:39,874 --> 00:01:42,034 But Judith was two days late. 28 00:01:42,211 --> 00:01:44,335 And I had nonrefundable reservations. 29 00:01:44,506 --> 00:01:47,294 Like it would have killed her to get a C-section. 30 00:01:49,805 --> 00:01:52,511 Self-obsessed psychotic rant. 31 00:01:52,726 --> 00:01:56,012 - Mom, are you listening to yourself? - Stupid question. 32 00:01:58,693 --> 00:02:00,685 Awkward silence. 33 00:02:01,530 --> 00:02:04,782 You wanna spend more time with your grandson, he's right here. 34 00:02:04,951 --> 00:02:07,787 No. He goes to visit his other grandparents. 35 00:02:07,956 --> 00:02:09,366 He should come to visit me. 36 00:02:09,583 --> 00:02:12,917 - So you wanna spend a week with him? - A week? 37 00:02:13,964 --> 00:02:16,040 Alan, I do have a life. 38 00:02:17,093 --> 00:02:19,384 I'm confused. What exactly do you want? 39 00:02:19,596 --> 00:02:23,810 The same quality time Jake spends with his other grandparents. 40 00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:25,390 But, you know, less. 41 00:02:26,899 --> 00:02:30,233 I'll tell you what. Bring him to my place around 6-ish tonight. 42 00:02:30,404 --> 00:02:32,729 I'll make him dinner, we'll have a fun sleepover. 43 00:02:32,948 --> 00:02:35,523 - Gee, Mom, I don't know. - Well, why not? 44 00:02:35,703 --> 00:02:39,916 Are you afraid one night with me will irreparably damage him? 45 00:02:45,759 --> 00:02:47,086 - Yeah. - A little. 46 00:02:47,678 --> 00:02:51,593 Excuse me. I didn't hear any complaints when I was raising you two. 47 00:02:51,808 --> 00:02:56,104 The teenage drinking and constant running away wasn't a slight tip-off? 48 00:02:56,315 --> 00:03:00,183 Oh, you were just a little drama queen, Charlie. 49 00:03:00,362 --> 00:03:02,604 And let's not forget, you always came back. 50 00:03:02,823 --> 00:03:05,991 Kind of hard to find steady work when you're 9. 51 00:03:06,203 --> 00:03:08,874 Whatever. My place, 6-ish. 52 00:03:16,885 --> 00:03:21,348 Judith! I can't just leave him with you without discussing it with his mother. 53 00:03:21,558 --> 00:03:24,894 Are you telling me you need to get your ex-wife's approval... 54 00:03:25,064 --> 00:03:27,983 ...to let your own son spend time with your own mother? 55 00:03:28,192 --> 00:03:29,819 He had a really bad lawyer. 56 00:03:33,367 --> 00:03:36,952 You know what your problem is, Alan. You let women walk all over you. 57 00:03:37,122 --> 00:03:39,282 You get that from your father. 58 00:03:40,961 --> 00:03:43,915 Well, nevertheless, I still have to clear it with Judith. 59 00:03:44,131 --> 00:03:46,422 - Well, fine, call her. - Right now? 60 00:03:47,220 --> 00:03:50,221 Well, why not? Unless you'd rather I make the call. 61 00:04:01,781 --> 00:04:06,909 Probably not home. I'll just... I'll leave a message. 62 00:04:09,375 --> 00:04:11,499 Yeah. Hi, Judith. 63 00:04:11,671 --> 00:04:14,244 Listen, it's Alan. Call me back when you get a chance. 64 00:04:21,017 --> 00:04:26,892 Hello? Oh, hi, Judith, you old call-screener, you. 65 00:04:27,442 --> 00:04:29,816 Listen, I just wanted to run something past you. 66 00:04:30,029 --> 00:04:33,898 Jake was telling my mom about the fun time he had with your parents... 67 00:04:34,077 --> 00:04:36,283 ...and she thought that... 68 00:04:36,831 --> 00:04:39,667 What do you mean, "no"? I haven't even asked yet. 69 00:04:40,585 --> 00:04:42,828 Oh, really? Well, I've got news for you, lady. 70 00:04:43,006 --> 00:04:45,248 You can't say no, she's his grandmother. 71 00:04:46,594 --> 00:04:48,921 Well, she may be that too... 72 00:04:49,098 --> 00:04:52,682 ...but she's still his grandmother and this is my weekend with him. 73 00:04:53,438 --> 00:04:55,347 Charlie and I turned out fine. 74 00:04:55,565 --> 00:04:57,725 We did too. 75 00:04:58,152 --> 00:05:00,561 Look, he's going, and that's that. 76 00:05:00,740 --> 00:05:02,115 All right then, goodbye. 77 00:05:03,076 --> 00:05:05,283 - It's settled. He'll be there at 6. - Thank you. 78 00:05:06,873 --> 00:05:09,032 Of course, it is rather short notice. 79 00:05:09,251 --> 00:05:13,250 - Mom! - Okay. Fine. 80 00:05:13,423 --> 00:05:15,832 But don't get used to this. 81 00:05:16,135 --> 00:05:18,462 I'm not your full-time babysitter. 82 00:05:23,438 --> 00:05:25,312 I played that wrong, didn't I? 83 00:05:25,482 --> 00:05:28,735 No, no. You called mom's bluff and you stood up to your ex-wife. 84 00:05:28,904 --> 00:05:31,313 You maintained your self-respect, I'm proud of you. 85 00:05:31,908 --> 00:05:34,446 - Yeah, but what about Jake? - Oh, Jake. 86 00:05:34,620 --> 00:05:36,530 Jake's screwed. 87 00:05:40,170 --> 00:05:44,466 This has been the greatest day of my life. Movies, laser tag, video arcade. 88 00:05:44,634 --> 00:05:47,637 Well, that's good. I wanted today to be special. 89 00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:52,511 - How come? - Just because I love you. 90 00:05:52,729 --> 00:05:54,390 I love you too, Dad. 91 00:05:54,565 --> 00:05:57,188 You know how people say you can't buy love? 92 00:05:57,361 --> 00:05:59,021 I think they're wrong. 93 00:06:00,573 --> 00:06:02,281 You hold on to that sentiment. 94 00:06:02,492 --> 00:06:05,364 What's the plan for tonight? Is it gonna be special too? 95 00:06:05,580 --> 00:06:07,704 Oh, God, I can't watch this. 96 00:06:09,335 --> 00:06:11,874 - What? - Nothing. 97 00:06:12,047 --> 00:06:14,041 Oh, hey, here's $20. 98 00:06:15,677 --> 00:06:17,221 Wow, thanks. 99 00:06:17,431 --> 00:06:21,975 - You're spending tonight at Grandma's. - Great. Wait, what? 100 00:06:22,812 --> 00:06:24,355 You're gonna have lots of fun. 101 00:06:24,524 --> 00:06:27,229 - Right, Charlie? - This is the first I'm hearing of it. 102 00:06:29,071 --> 00:06:31,741 I don't want to go to Grandma's. Here, take your money. 103 00:06:32,951 --> 00:06:34,945 Come on, buddy. She loves you very much. 104 00:06:35,121 --> 00:06:36,665 And it's just for one night. 105 00:06:37,125 --> 00:06:40,126 But we were having so much fun. 106 00:06:40,337 --> 00:06:43,589 Think it through, Jake. Why were you having so much fun? 107 00:06:45,261 --> 00:06:48,133 - You tricked me. - Attaboy. 108 00:06:48,808 --> 00:06:50,932 What did I ever do to you? 109 00:06:52,353 --> 00:06:54,146 It's not a punishment. 110 00:06:54,357 --> 00:06:56,184 It's not a prize. 111 00:06:56,860 --> 00:06:59,482 - I'm calling Mom. - No. No, no calling Mom. 112 00:06:59,697 --> 00:07:02,155 I know my rights. I get one phone call. 113 00:07:03,202 --> 00:07:06,787 - I've already told your mother. - She agreed? 114 00:07:07,501 --> 00:07:09,625 She knows about it. 115 00:07:09,796 --> 00:07:12,170 Uncle Charlie, can you get me out of this? 116 00:07:12,340 --> 00:07:15,877 It depends. Are you willing to live in Mexico for a few years? 117 00:07:17,932 --> 00:07:21,302 Jake, please. Do it as a favor to your grandmother, who loves you. 118 00:07:21,854 --> 00:07:23,349 For me. For Uncle Charlie. 119 00:07:23,565 --> 00:07:26,981 But most of all, for me. 120 00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:29,940 What do I get? 121 00:07:30,491 --> 00:07:33,362 What do you mean? I spent a fortune on you today. 122 00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:36,664 That was because you love me. Now you need me. 123 00:07:38,043 --> 00:07:41,046 Oh, God, this is a great kid. 124 00:07:43,049 --> 00:07:44,509 Okay. What do you want? 125 00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:47,390 A motorized Razor scooter, the new Dragon Ball Z game... 126 00:07:47,556 --> 00:07:51,010 ...an iPod mini and not to go to Grandma's. 127 00:07:51,938 --> 00:07:54,097 - I'll give you three out of four. - Okay. 128 00:07:54,274 --> 00:07:56,434 Forget the iPod. 129 00:07:57,821 --> 00:08:02,532 - This is the worst day of my life. - Come on. 130 00:08:02,744 --> 00:08:05,949 You're gonna eat your dinner, watch some videos, play some games... 131 00:08:06,123 --> 00:08:09,791 ...and you're gonna go to bed and we'll pick you up tomorrow. Promise. 132 00:08:10,005 --> 00:08:13,042 Your word means nothing to me. 133 00:08:13,259 --> 00:08:15,336 Hey, give your dad a break. So he lied. 134 00:08:15,554 --> 00:08:20,383 You don't get the virgin to the volcano by telling her you're gonna push her in. 135 00:08:21,104 --> 00:08:23,857 - Can't we just go home? - No. Now, enough of this. 136 00:08:24,024 --> 00:08:27,726 - I am the adult and you are the child. - And this is the volcano. 137 00:08:27,946 --> 00:08:31,282 Now, you're gonna go in there and you're gonna have a nice evening. 138 00:08:31,452 --> 00:08:33,860 - Do we understand each other? - Yes. 139 00:08:34,539 --> 00:08:37,245 Thank you. Now, ring the bell. 140 00:08:44,470 --> 00:08:47,924 So exactly what time are you...? Hey! 141 00:08:56,194 --> 00:08:58,901 We've done a terrible thing. 142 00:08:59,782 --> 00:09:05,408 Yeah. If only there was a magical liquid that could erase bad memories. 143 00:09:08,755 --> 00:09:10,830 I am absolutely racked with guilt. 144 00:09:11,008 --> 00:09:12,632 Alan, don't beat yourself up. 145 00:09:12,801 --> 00:09:18,142 You're a good dad who, in a moment of weakness, betrayed his only son. 146 00:09:18,810 --> 00:09:20,638 Come on, he's not in any real danger. 147 00:09:20,854 --> 00:09:22,931 Not physically, but you know as well I do... 148 00:09:23,108 --> 00:09:27,653 ...that Mom has the ability to say things that stick with you. 149 00:09:28,115 --> 00:09:31,200 Yeah, forever and ever. 150 00:09:31,369 --> 00:09:34,657 My favorite was, " They must have mixed you up with another baby... 151 00:09:34,831 --> 00:09:38,167 ...because I could never have given birth to such a hateful child." 152 00:09:38,754 --> 00:09:41,461 Who writes that on a fifth-grader's birthday card? 153 00:09:42,259 --> 00:09:45,297 How about, " It's no wonder your father stays at work. 154 00:09:45,472 --> 00:09:48,094 If I could get out of here, I would too." 155 00:09:49,269 --> 00:09:52,474 Did I ever tell you about the time I wrote my first jingle? 156 00:09:53,108 --> 00:09:56,976 Pepsi. I invited Mom over to watch the prime-time network debut. 157 00:09:57,614 --> 00:10:01,447 For 30 seconds, 20 million people were listening to my music. 158 00:10:01,620 --> 00:10:03,660 And at the end, Mom turned to me and said: 159 00:10:03,831 --> 00:10:06,038 "You couldn't get Coke to hire you?" 160 00:10:06,961 --> 00:10:08,870 - Nice. But I can top it. - Go. 161 00:10:09,046 --> 00:10:11,670 It's the day of my wedding. She's sitting there crying. 162 00:10:11,843 --> 00:10:13,800 And I think it's because she's happy. 163 00:10:13,970 --> 00:10:16,925 Turns out it was because she was, and I quote: 164 00:10:17,100 --> 00:10:21,478 "So relieved you finally found someone who could love you." 165 00:10:24,067 --> 00:10:27,235 - We gotta go get Jake. - You're right. Come on. 166 00:10:27,407 --> 00:10:29,233 Great game, ladies. 167 00:10:34,876 --> 00:10:36,203 - He'll be fine. - Who? 168 00:10:36,377 --> 00:10:38,501 - Jake. - Oh, yeah. He'll be fine. 169 00:10:38,714 --> 00:10:40,124 - Who? - Jake. 170 00:10:40,299 --> 00:10:42,044 He'll be fine. 171 00:10:52,816 --> 00:10:54,477 I thought we'd eat Japanese-style. 172 00:10:55,194 --> 00:10:58,031 Good Lord, are you picking your nose? 173 00:10:58,241 --> 00:10:59,819 I had to. There was stuff in it. 174 00:11:00,035 --> 00:11:02,324 And where were you planning to put it? 175 00:11:02,538 --> 00:11:05,328 I really didn't have a plan. 176 00:11:05,959 --> 00:11:08,534 Don't you dare wipe that on my furniture. 177 00:11:08,756 --> 00:11:12,126 And not on your clothes either. 178 00:11:13,887 --> 00:11:17,224 - What are you doing now? - Putting it back. 179 00:11:18,687 --> 00:11:21,890 Here, just wipe your hands. 180 00:11:22,067 --> 00:11:25,021 - Why? - Because we're going to eat dinner. 181 00:11:25,195 --> 00:11:27,817 And you've been rooting around in your nostril. 182 00:11:28,032 --> 00:11:30,739 It's okay. I don't eat with my hands. I use a fork. 183 00:11:31,162 --> 00:11:34,200 - Wipe your hands. - Okay. 184 00:11:34,708 --> 00:11:36,582 Thank you. 185 00:11:37,087 --> 00:11:39,792 Has your mother or father ever taken you out for sushi? 186 00:11:39,966 --> 00:11:41,794 No. I don't like raw fish. 187 00:11:41,968 --> 00:11:44,887 - Well, have you ever had it? - No. 188 00:11:45,056 --> 00:11:46,717 How do you know you don't like it? 189 00:11:47,185 --> 00:11:49,511 It's an educated guess. 190 00:11:49,730 --> 00:11:52,566 Well, why don't you just try it. 191 00:11:52,734 --> 00:11:55,771 Let's start with the tuna, shall we? There you go. 192 00:11:55,946 --> 00:11:57,406 That's not tuna. 193 00:11:58,032 --> 00:11:59,232 Oh, yes, it is. 194 00:11:59,452 --> 00:12:01,659 I've had tuna. 195 00:12:02,873 --> 00:12:05,032 Jake, it's tuna. 196 00:12:05,210 --> 00:12:07,535 Now, why don't you just take a little bite. Here. 197 00:12:08,088 --> 00:12:09,797 Dip it in the soy sauce first. 198 00:12:10,008 --> 00:12:12,500 There you go. Have a bite. 199 00:12:13,012 --> 00:12:15,683 You know, there's a girl at school, Elizabeth Kurzner... 200 00:12:15,849 --> 00:12:18,519 ...and her mom ate a bunch of sushi, and it had worms. 201 00:12:18,687 --> 00:12:21,261 And they grew in her and crawled out of her eyes. 202 00:12:22,483 --> 00:12:25,486 - Oh, no, they didn't. - How do you know? 203 00:12:27,700 --> 00:12:31,913 - Just take a little bite. - Okay. 204 00:12:35,001 --> 00:12:39,167 - Jake! - It's gross. It tastes like worms. 205 00:12:39,340 --> 00:12:41,749 Jake, stop spitting on my rug. 206 00:12:41,927 --> 00:12:44,764 - Where do you want me to spit? - Don't spit at all. 207 00:12:44,932 --> 00:12:47,139 - I gotta get the taste out. - Have some ginger. 208 00:12:49,021 --> 00:12:51,228 - No, Jake, that's wasabi. - What? 209 00:12:51,399 --> 00:12:53,856 Are you trying to kill me? 210 00:12:54,070 --> 00:12:56,147 No, Jake, don't. That's an expensive pillow. 211 00:12:56,322 --> 00:12:58,530 Let... Give me that! 212 00:13:04,752 --> 00:13:06,626 Okay, here. 213 00:13:08,215 --> 00:13:09,543 I've just gotta ask. 214 00:13:09,716 --> 00:13:14,345 Playing volleyball on the beach every day, don't you worry about melanoma? 215 00:13:14,974 --> 00:13:17,346 Alan, walk with me. 216 00:13:17,936 --> 00:13:19,847 Be right back. 217 00:13:20,398 --> 00:13:22,855 - What? - Listen closely: 218 00:13:23,027 --> 00:13:28,024 No man has ever gotten into a woman's pants chitchatting about skin cancer. 219 00:13:28,241 --> 00:13:30,533 You can't possibly know that. 220 00:13:32,415 --> 00:13:34,207 Nevertheless. 221 00:13:37,922 --> 00:13:41,625 Let's steer the conversation away from tumors, okay? 222 00:13:41,846 --> 00:13:47,304 - Okay. So which one do you like? - One? 223 00:13:49,814 --> 00:13:53,766 God, in his infinite wisdom, has given us a big box of assorted chocolates... 224 00:13:53,946 --> 00:13:56,235 ...and you're just gonna try one? 225 00:13:56,407 --> 00:14:00,537 So are you thinking, like, two? 226 00:14:00,747 --> 00:14:03,285 I was thinking, like, nine. 227 00:14:03,709 --> 00:14:06,166 - But we'll see what happens. - You're not serious. 228 00:14:07,256 --> 00:14:08,631 His will be done. 229 00:14:11,721 --> 00:14:13,263 What else do we have to eat? 230 00:14:13,473 --> 00:14:16,724 You mean other than the $50 worth of sushi in my carpet? 231 00:14:17,104 --> 00:14:18,764 Yeah. 232 00:14:21,734 --> 00:14:24,902 - I don't suppose you'd eat squab. - No. 233 00:14:25,907 --> 00:14:27,948 - Do you even know what it is? - No. 234 00:14:28,119 --> 00:14:32,248 But it sounds pretty creepy. "Squab." 235 00:14:32,458 --> 00:14:34,866 Well, what would you eat? 236 00:14:35,045 --> 00:14:38,295 Pretty much anything, except sushi and squab. 237 00:14:38,466 --> 00:14:40,010 Squab, squab. 238 00:14:40,178 --> 00:14:42,336 Squab, squab, squab, squab, squab, squab... 239 00:14:42,515 --> 00:14:45,088 - Stop it. - Sorry. 240 00:14:46,018 --> 00:14:47,727 Squab. 241 00:14:51,443 --> 00:14:53,151 Would you eat spaghetti? 242 00:14:53,363 --> 00:14:55,236 - I love spaghetti. - Great. 243 00:14:55,407 --> 00:14:58,076 Would you prefer vermicelli or linguine? 244 00:14:58,829 --> 00:15:00,656 Spaghetti. 245 00:15:01,832 --> 00:15:05,451 All right. What would you like on it? 246 00:15:05,630 --> 00:15:10,460 Puttanesca, Bolognese, Milanese, olive oil with truffles? 247 00:15:11,053 --> 00:15:12,964 How about squab? 248 00:15:14,850 --> 00:15:16,844 I'm just kidding. Ketchup. 249 00:15:17,562 --> 00:15:19,935 - Of course. - And sliced-up hot dogs. 250 00:15:20,650 --> 00:15:23,938 Unbelievable. My grandson is a hillbilly. 251 00:15:29,455 --> 00:15:33,406 You know, I'm thinking we should move this party over to my place. 252 00:15:33,627 --> 00:15:35,667 But we've been playing volleyball all day. 253 00:15:35,839 --> 00:15:37,382 We're all sweaty and sticky. 254 00:15:37,924 --> 00:15:40,880 No problem. Mi shower es su shower. 255 00:15:41,554 --> 00:15:45,221 - What? - I have a shower. 256 00:15:46,687 --> 00:15:49,891 - Good. You live alone? - Pretty much. 257 00:15:50,067 --> 00:15:53,768 My brother stays with me and he's got a kid, but he's at his grandmother's. 258 00:15:53,988 --> 00:15:56,112 Oh, that is so sweet. 259 00:15:56,325 --> 00:15:58,069 Yeah, well, we're sweet people. 260 00:15:59,372 --> 00:16:02,907 I was raised by my grandma. I called her Nana. 261 00:16:03,627 --> 00:16:05,419 - Is that so? - Yeah. 262 00:16:05,589 --> 00:16:08,841 I was raised by my grandma. I called her Nana. 263 00:16:11,805 --> 00:16:15,010 Oh, yeah. She was a big influence on me. 264 00:16:15,186 --> 00:16:18,187 She raised me. I called her Nana. 265 00:16:22,905 --> 00:16:26,191 Oh, Jake, what have we done to you? 266 00:16:27,328 --> 00:16:30,662 Dinner, such as it is, is served. 267 00:16:30,832 --> 00:16:34,334 Jake? Where are you? Come into the dining room! 268 00:16:35,046 --> 00:16:37,206 Squab! 269 00:16:50,902 --> 00:16:54,153 Alan. Alan, I'm worried about the kid. 270 00:16:54,699 --> 00:16:56,573 What kid? 271 00:16:57,787 --> 00:17:00,908 Your kid. Our kid. I think we should go to Mom's and get him. 272 00:17:01,083 --> 00:17:04,418 Oh, come on, he's fine. And it's just for one night. 273 00:17:04,588 --> 00:17:08,208 Which, by the way, is rapidly becoming one of the best nights of my life. 274 00:17:09,971 --> 00:17:13,340 And grind, and grind. And step and step and turn. 275 00:17:13,517 --> 00:17:15,760 Alan. Alan, please. 276 00:17:15,979 --> 00:17:17,972 Hey, if you're worried, why don't you call. 277 00:17:18,149 --> 00:17:21,933 And grind, and grind. And grind and grind and grind. 278 00:17:22,154 --> 00:17:24,990 - What's her number? - You don't have her on speed dial? 279 00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:28,867 Hey, if I can't eat it, bang it or bet on it, it's not in my phone. 280 00:17:31,333 --> 00:17:33,126 It's ringing. 281 00:17:33,337 --> 00:17:37,751 And grind, and grind. And I'm a lucky boy. 282 00:17:39,470 --> 00:17:40,881 Hello? Mom? 283 00:17:41,098 --> 00:17:43,304 I can't talk to you now, Charlie. 284 00:17:43,476 --> 00:17:46,763 Get that out of your mouth. Are you an animal? 285 00:17:47,522 --> 00:17:50,311 Mom? Hello? Hello? 286 00:17:50,527 --> 00:17:55,025 And grind, and grind. And step and step and... 287 00:17:57,787 --> 00:17:59,247 You don't understand, Charlie. 288 00:17:59,456 --> 00:18:03,586 It was a women's volleyball team and I could've been the volleyball. 289 00:18:03,795 --> 00:18:07,463 - Get your priorities straight, will you? - I've got my priorities straight. 290 00:18:07,677 --> 00:18:10,880 I've had a kid for 11 years, but I've never had group sex. 291 00:18:11,598 --> 00:18:14,601 Alan, you didn't miss anything. It's an overrated male fantasy. 292 00:18:14,812 --> 00:18:17,897 - Really? - No, are you kidding? 293 00:18:24,033 --> 00:18:26,027 He'd better be scarred for life. 294 00:18:31,043 --> 00:18:34,293 - Mom? - Oh, hello, boys. 295 00:18:35,090 --> 00:18:37,083 What happened? Where's Jake? 296 00:18:37,301 --> 00:18:38,677 I sent him up to take a bath. 297 00:18:38,844 --> 00:18:41,088 He had hot dogs and spaghetti in his hair. 298 00:18:42,475 --> 00:18:45,478 Why would he have hot dogs and spaghetti in his hair? 299 00:18:45,688 --> 00:18:48,015 Because he wouldn't eat squab. 300 00:18:49,944 --> 00:18:51,819 Squab. 301 00:18:52,657 --> 00:18:56,026 - What are you guys doing here? - We wanted to see how things were. 302 00:18:56,620 --> 00:18:59,326 - They're okay. - See, he's fine. 303 00:18:59,499 --> 00:19:01,908 - Let's go back to the bar. - And take me with you. 304 00:19:08,261 --> 00:19:10,587 - Jake? - Yeah? 305 00:19:14,353 --> 00:19:16,846 Did you turn the water off in the bathtub? 306 00:19:31,503 --> 00:19:33,745 - Say goodbye to Grandma. - Goodbye, Grandma. 307 00:19:33,965 --> 00:19:35,507 Night, Mom. 308 00:19:41,099 --> 00:19:45,846 You realize that in one night, he did what we couldn't do in a lifetime. 309 00:19:46,607 --> 00:19:48,566 He broke her. 310 00:19:49,110 --> 00:19:52,279 He chewed her up and spit her out. 311 00:19:52,491 --> 00:19:54,697 It was a beautiful thing. 312 00:19:55,453 --> 00:19:57,197 I'm gonna be truthful here, Alan. 313 00:19:57,372 --> 00:20:00,208 I always thought your kid was a little bit of a simpleton. 314 00:20:01,669 --> 00:20:03,046 Me too. 315 00:20:03,255 --> 00:20:07,041 But clearly, he is the chosen one. 316 00:20:08,012 --> 00:20:09,342 Hey, guys, check it out. 317 00:20:09,514 --> 00:20:10,629 Pull my finger. 318 00:20:10,807 --> 00:20:12,385 Okay. 319 00:20:15,731 --> 00:20:18,567 And they shall call him Jake.