1
00:00:01,552 --> 00:00:04,383
Charlie? Where's Charlie?

2
00:00:04,592 --> 00:00:06,085
Check the living room.

3
00:00:06,259 --> 00:00:09,090
- Charlie, guess what?
- Somebody call me?

4
00:00:09,298 --> 00:00:11,124
Not me.

5
00:00:13,422 --> 00:00:14,749
He's not in the living room.

6
00:00:14,964 --> 00:00:16,621
- Try his bedroom.
- Thanks.

7
00:00:16,797 --> 00:00:18,418
Charlie, you gotta see this.

8
00:00:18,879 --> 00:00:20,454
Are you sure nobody's calling me?

9
00:00:21,211 --> 00:00:22,538
Wouldn't I tell you?

10
00:00:25,459 --> 00:00:27,534
Berta, he's not in his room.

11
00:00:27,709 --> 00:00:30,659
- What?
- I said, he's not in his room.

12
00:00:31,125 --> 00:00:32,700
What?

13
00:00:34,248 --> 00:00:36,652
- Did you find him?
- He's not up there.

14
00:00:37,163 --> 00:00:39,698
- Try Jake's room.
- What'd he be doing in Jake's room?

15
00:00:39,913 --> 00:00:41,702
Hey, I'm just trying to help.

16
00:00:42,161 --> 00:00:45,278
I'm sorry. Charlie!

17
00:00:46,077 --> 00:00:47,866
I'm sure I heard something.

18
00:00:48,409 --> 00:00:50,778
I don't know what to tell you.

19
00:00:52,991 --> 00:00:55,692
I could do this all day.

20
00:01:09,777 --> 00:01:11,103
Charlie.

21
00:01:11,276 --> 00:01:12,603
Hey, Alan.

22
00:01:12,775 --> 00:01:15,726
- Didn't you hear me calling you?
- Oh, that was you.

23
00:01:15,941 --> 00:01:18,096
Of course it was me.
Who else would it be?

24
00:01:18,315 --> 00:01:19,937
Don't snap at me.

25
00:01:20,106 --> 00:01:22,142
I've been running all over
looking for you.

26
00:01:22,314 --> 00:01:23,641
Well, I was right here.

27
00:01:23,813 --> 00:01:26,431
I know that now.

28
00:01:26,812 --> 00:01:28,932
Hey, that's no reason
to have a hissy fit.

29
00:01:29,103 --> 00:01:32,182
Hissy fit? This is not a hissy fit.

30
00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:36,257
Say it higher, Alan. A couple of dogs
in the neighborhood didn't hear you.

31
00:01:38,224 --> 00:01:39,882
I'm all done. I'm going home now.

32
00:01:40,057 --> 00:01:41,384
- Thank you.
- Good night.

33
00:01:41,973 --> 00:01:44,093
Good night, my pets.

34
00:01:45,056 --> 00:01:47,803
Now that you've managed to find me,
what do you want?

35
00:01:47,971 --> 00:01:51,336
There was something I was excited
to show you, but now I don't want to.

36
00:01:51,511 --> 00:01:54,046
- I'm okay with that.
- So am I.

37
00:01:54,219 --> 00:01:55,875
Oh, come on. You gotta see this.

38
00:01:57,092 --> 00:01:59,129
All right. Fine.

39
00:01:59,842 --> 00:02:01,464
Hey. Wait a minute.

40
00:02:01,632 --> 00:02:03,504
Did Berta know you were out here?

41
00:02:03,673 --> 00:02:06,587
Very mature, Alan. Blame the maid.

42
00:02:11,337 --> 00:02:12,912
Oh, you bought a Porsche.

43
00:02:13,503 --> 00:02:16,914
"Porsche." What do you think?

44
00:02:18,668 --> 00:02:20,076
It's cute.

45
00:02:20,375 --> 00:02:21,702
What do you mean, cute?

46
00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:24,492
I mean, it looks like my car's
hot little girlfriend.

47
00:02:26,373 --> 00:02:29,987
Are you saying this is a chick car?
Because it isn't. It's a Porsche.

48
00:02:30,330 --> 00:02:31,870
Yeah. The cute little one.

49
00:02:32,580 --> 00:02:34,569
No, no, no. It's the sporty one.

50
00:02:35,786 --> 00:02:37,693
If your sport is girls' basketball.

51
00:02:38,161 --> 00:02:41,820
No, no, it's got the fuel injection,
and the rack and the pinion...

52
00:02:41,992 --> 00:02:44,396
...and the leather thingy
to cover the hood.

53
00:02:44,908 --> 00:02:46,566
That's called a bra, Alan.

54
00:02:46,782 --> 00:02:49,483
Yeah, but it's made of leather.

55
00:02:50,530 --> 00:02:53,149
- All right. Whatever.
- It is not a chick car.

56
00:02:53,321 --> 00:02:56,484
The salesman showed me brochures
with pictures of guys driving it.

57
00:02:57,153 --> 00:02:59,439
Alan, if a monkey walked
into the dealership...

58
00:02:59,611 --> 00:03:02,359
...he'd have been shown
pictures of monkeys driving it.

59
00:03:03,234 --> 00:03:05,390
Monkeys can't drive a stick.

60
00:03:07,024 --> 00:03:10,637
Now, come on.
We'll go for a spin, pick up Jake.

61
00:03:10,981 --> 00:03:13,018
Where'd you get the money for this?

62
00:03:13,189 --> 00:03:14,218
Where'd you get it...

63
00:03:14,396 --> 00:03:17,513
...because they're not cheap.
- No, no, they are not.

64
00:03:21,019 --> 00:03:22,677
Where'd you get the money for this?

65
00:03:25,060 --> 00:03:26,884
The money. Where'd you get it?

66
00:03:27,059 --> 00:03:29,511
Oh, I got it from...

67
00:03:30,224 --> 00:03:33,505
- What?
- I got a loan from...

68
00:03:36,514 --> 00:03:38,634
Alan, where'd the money come from?

69
00:03:39,221 --> 00:03:41,424
I found it.

70
00:03:42,261 --> 00:03:44,630
- Alan?
- Mom.

71
00:03:44,802 --> 00:03:46,958
You traded your soul for a Porsche.

72
00:03:47,135 --> 00:03:51,340
I didn't trade my soul,
and it's "Porsche."

73
00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:54,374
Alan, why didn't you come to me?

74
00:03:54,548 --> 00:03:56,172
No, I already owe you so much.

75
00:03:56,340 --> 00:03:59,088
You won't let me pay rent
and you pay all the utilities.

76
00:03:59,297 --> 00:04:01,500
Keeping that in mind,
did you ever consider...

77
00:04:01,671 --> 00:04:04,372
...taking the money from Mom
and paying me back?

78
00:04:07,711 --> 00:04:09,534
No, not really.

79
00:04:10,127 --> 00:04:13,705
Come on. Let me show you
what this baby can do.

80
00:04:18,998 --> 00:04:22,694
Well, what do you know?
Monkeys can drive a stick.

81
00:04:26,078 --> 00:04:28,364
You know, the salesman was right.

82
00:04:28,536 --> 00:04:30,940
You really do feel special
in one of these things.

83
00:04:31,119 --> 00:04:34,199
Oh, yeah. Probably not a lot
of middle-aged, divorced guys...

84
00:04:34,367 --> 00:04:36,652
...driving around L.A. in a Porsche.

85
00:04:37,199 --> 00:04:39,355
"Porsche."

86
00:04:39,531 --> 00:04:41,818
Oh, wait, I forgot to show you
the best part.

87
00:04:46,862 --> 00:04:49,860
Alan, that's a NASCAR hat.

88
00:04:50,028 --> 00:04:52,147
Yeah, they were
out of the Porsche hats.

89
00:04:52,318 --> 00:04:55,565
I wanted something that said speed
and performance, so I got this.

90
00:04:55,735 --> 00:04:59,726
What you should be wearing
is a hat with a propeller on top.

91
00:05:00,358 --> 00:05:01,979
Come on, open her up.

92
00:05:02,148 --> 00:05:04,269
The first 1000 miles
is the break-in period.

93
00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:06,311
You're not supposed to go over 65.

94
00:05:06,481 --> 00:05:07,937
Well, then go 65.

95
00:05:08,104 --> 00:05:10,592
The speed limit is 60.
You want me to get a ticket?

96
00:05:10,770 --> 00:05:13,222
Alan, you're driving
an expensive red sports car.

97
00:05:13,394 --> 00:05:16,889
If you're not getting tickets and tail,
you might as well take the bus.

98
00:05:17,060 --> 00:05:19,594
Which, by the way, just passed us.

99
00:05:20,558 --> 00:05:23,840
I am going plenty fast,
thank you very much.

100
00:05:24,016 --> 00:05:25,673
Can we at least put the top down?

101
00:05:25,847 --> 00:05:29,343
No, I wanna trap the new-car smell in
as long as I can.

102
00:05:29,513 --> 00:05:32,048
Man, are you anal-retentive.

103
00:05:32,221 --> 00:05:36,261
You need a bumper sticker that reads,
"My other car is a puckered rectum."

104
00:05:37,343 --> 00:05:41,667
Oh, yeah. Like I'd desecrate this car
with a bumper sticker.

105
00:05:47,757 --> 00:05:50,079
God, I love that sound.

106
00:05:54,754 --> 00:05:57,123
Will you stop it?

107
00:06:10,665 --> 00:06:14,077
Jake, your dad's here.
Where's your car?

108
00:06:14,247 --> 00:06:16,734
Oh, my car? My car is...

109
00:06:18,995 --> 00:06:20,322
...right there.

110
00:06:20,494 --> 00:06:23,278
- You got a Porsche?
- "Porsche."

111
00:06:24,617 --> 00:06:28,030
I have to struggle to make ends meet,
and you can buy a Porsche?

112
00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:33,738
What are you talking about?
Your ends have not only met...

113
00:06:33,906 --> 00:06:36,607
...they've been to Hawaii
and remodeled the kitchen.

114
00:06:36,780 --> 00:06:39,481
Don't change the subject.
How can you afford a fancy car?

115
00:06:40,071 --> 00:06:42,392
Well, I can't afford it, really.

116
00:06:42,611 --> 00:06:44,269
Maybe I have to call my attorney.

117
00:06:44,444 --> 00:06:47,310
And re-examine our whole
alimony/child-support agreement.

118
00:06:47,485 --> 00:06:49,356
No, no, you don't.

119
00:06:50,608 --> 00:06:53,274
It wasn't very expensive.

120
00:06:54,523 --> 00:06:56,846
This is the girl version. Right, Charlie?

121
00:06:57,023 --> 00:07:01,346
Oh, yeah, yeah. You've gotta kiss it
before you can even stick the key in.

122
00:07:01,521 --> 00:07:05,099
Judith, you have nothing to worry about.
You've successfully sucked me dry.

123
00:07:05,270 --> 00:07:07,935
Absolutely. This guy's farting dust.

124
00:07:08,102 --> 00:07:10,554
Then where'd he get
the money for the car?

125
00:07:11,476 --> 00:07:12,967
He borrowed it from our mother.

126
00:07:13,141 --> 00:07:15,464
Give me a break.
Even Alan's not that stupid.

127
00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:17,215
Oh, but he is.

128
00:07:17,389 --> 00:07:19,842
I am. I swear to God.

129
00:07:21,971 --> 00:07:25,419
- Hey, cool car. Is it yours?
- Yeah.

130
00:07:27,094 --> 00:07:29,582
We're gonna have to talk
about my allowance.

131
00:07:32,426 --> 00:07:34,333
Okay, well, have a nice weekend.

132
00:07:34,924 --> 00:07:37,757
Wait a minute. That's a two-seater.
Where's he gonna sit?

133
00:07:42,839 --> 00:07:45,587
And you didn't believe
he was that stupid.

134
00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:55,708
We're going way over
the speed limit.

135
00:07:55,875 --> 00:07:59,914
Let me worry about that.
You just keep looking for cops.

136
00:08:07,205 --> 00:08:10,238
I don't usually take a cab.

137
00:08:10,662 --> 00:08:15,365
I drive a red Boxster.
You know, Porsche.

138
00:08:15,910 --> 00:08:18,361
- Those are very nice.
- Thank you.

139
00:08:18,533 --> 00:08:20,689
My sister has one.

140
00:08:26,323 --> 00:08:29,071
- Hey, Berta. You seen my brother?
- Did you check his room?

141
00:08:29,447 --> 00:08:31,022
Thanks.

142
00:08:31,904 --> 00:08:35,943
Sweetie, it is a beautiful car.
Congratulations.

143
00:08:36,111 --> 00:08:40,021
- Thanks, Mom. I'm really enjoying it.
- Well, your Aunt Sylvia loves hers.

144
00:08:40,693 --> 00:08:42,149
Berta, have you seen Charlie?

145
00:08:42,316 --> 00:08:43,725
Look out on the deck.

146
00:08:48,190 --> 00:08:50,345
- I was looking for you.
- I was in the garage.

147
00:08:50,522 --> 00:08:52,808
- I was looking for you.
- I was looking for Alan.

148
00:08:52,980 --> 00:08:54,601
I was in the garage.

149
00:08:56,478 --> 00:08:58,054
Okay. Bye.

150
00:09:01,976 --> 00:09:04,677
Oh, sure. Blame the maid.

151
00:09:06,141 --> 00:09:10,086
Oh, Alan, before I forget,
I need to ask you for a little favor.

152
00:09:10,473 --> 00:09:12,178
Your soul, please.

153
00:09:12,639 --> 00:09:14,593
Charlie, for God's sake...

154
00:09:14,763 --> 00:09:17,298
Careful. I don't think
you're allowed to say "God"...

155
00:09:17,470 --> 00:09:19,709
...without bursting into flames
or something.

156
00:09:20,220 --> 00:09:22,885
Shush with your antichrist humor.

157
00:09:23,051 --> 00:09:25,290
It's getting old.

158
00:09:25,467 --> 00:09:28,251
Alan, I'd like you to join me
for dinner tomorrow night.

159
00:09:28,425 --> 00:09:31,505
- Why?
- I'm dating a man I'd like you to meet.

160
00:09:32,173 --> 00:09:33,500
And?

161
00:09:33,714 --> 00:09:36,284
He has a lovely daughter about your age.

162
00:09:36,464 --> 00:09:38,619
Sayeth the serpent.

163
00:09:40,629 --> 00:09:44,207
No. Mom, please, please,
please, no blind dates.

164
00:09:44,377 --> 00:09:48,665
Why not? She's a sweet girl
and I think you might really hit it off.

165
00:09:48,876 --> 00:09:52,534
- Why can't Charlie go out with her?
- Hey, she didn't buy me a car.

166
00:09:53,457 --> 00:09:56,371
This has absolutely nothing
to do with the car.

167
00:09:56,581 --> 00:09:58,985
Besides, I want
to get closer to this man.

168
00:09:59,205 --> 00:10:01,610
Should the time come
when I want an ugly breakup...

169
00:10:01,788 --> 00:10:04,357
...I'll let you
take a crack at his daughter.

170
00:10:04,536 --> 00:10:06,325
I'm sorry, Mom. But I'd rather not.

171
00:10:06,494 --> 00:10:09,491
Alan, I bought you a car.

172
00:10:12,158 --> 00:10:14,823
I love the smell of brimstone
in the morning.

173
00:10:17,615 --> 00:10:19,569
Tomorrow night, 8:00, Le Pissoir.

174
00:10:20,780 --> 00:10:23,446
- I really appreciate this, darling.
- Sure.

175
00:10:23,612 --> 00:10:27,936
Oh, one more thing. She's been
through a rough patch lately...

176
00:10:28,110 --> 00:10:30,942
...so we won't be ordering alcohol.

177
00:10:31,109 --> 00:10:32,187
Bye-bye.

178
00:10:40,273 --> 00:10:41,848
No, really. She sounds great.

179
00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:55,135
Looks like my mom and your dad
are running a little late.

180
00:10:56,100 --> 00:10:57,842
Typical.

181
00:10:59,432 --> 00:11:02,714
Yeah. So you're in town
for the weekend. Where do you live?

182
00:11:03,306 --> 00:11:05,261
Palm Springs.

183
00:11:05,431 --> 00:11:07,634
That's nice.
How long have you lived there?

184
00:11:08,929 --> 00:11:11,167
Forty-two days, so far.

185
00:11:12,303 --> 00:11:13,676
Forty-two days?

186
00:11:14,344 --> 00:11:17,423
Yeah. This is my first weekend pass.

187
00:11:20,675 --> 00:11:24,832
I was supposed to get one at 30,
but I bit a guy.

188
00:11:26,172 --> 00:11:28,957
- Would you like a cocktail?
- No, no, no cocktails. No.

189
00:11:29,130 --> 00:11:31,748
- No, that's all right. You can have one.
- No, I'm fine.

190
00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:34,076
- Oh, please. Go ahead.
- No. I don't think...

191
00:11:34,253 --> 00:11:37,415
Order a drink, damn it.
I wanna smell it.

192
00:11:40,167 --> 00:11:43,413
We're fine. Maybe just a fizzy water.

193
00:11:44,915 --> 00:11:46,324
So, what do you do?

194
00:11:48,373 --> 00:11:49,746
I'm a chiropractor.

195
00:11:49,955 --> 00:11:53,118
Really? Can you prescribe stuff?

196
00:11:53,870 --> 00:11:55,411
No.

197
00:12:00,785 --> 00:12:02,193
Did you hear that?

198
00:12:02,616 --> 00:12:06,112
- It's my phone.
- Oh, thank God.

199
00:12:08,157 --> 00:12:11,604
Hello? Oh, hey, Mom. Where are you?

200
00:12:11,781 --> 00:12:13,853
Yes, she's here.

201
00:12:14,030 --> 00:12:18,934
Yes, very sweet. Where are you?

202
00:12:20,860 --> 00:12:22,685
Trudy, Trudy, there's no smoking.

203
00:12:23,567 --> 00:12:27,691
Oh, that's just great.
Just jim-freaking-dandy.

204
00:12:29,441 --> 00:12:33,480
You guys are coming, right?
Well, what am I supposed to do?

205
00:12:35,897 --> 00:12:37,934
Yes, I know you bought me a car.

206
00:12:39,021 --> 00:12:41,970
All right, all right. All right. Goodbye.

207
00:12:44,102 --> 00:12:47,301
Apparently, your father mixed up
his heart pills with his Viagra...

208
00:12:47,475 --> 00:12:49,797
...and they didn't wanna
waste the opportunity.

209
00:12:50,308 --> 00:12:51,884
So he's not coming?

210
00:12:52,307 --> 00:12:54,178
Well...

211
00:12:55,973 --> 00:12:59,088
Perfect. Just perfect.

212
00:12:59,263 --> 00:13:02,425
That son of a bitch
never cared about me.

213
00:13:02,595 --> 00:13:03,922
Trudy, Trudy...

214
00:13:04,886 --> 00:13:09,209
He'd rather spend the night
with some old hose bag.

215
00:13:11,717 --> 00:13:13,671
That old hose bag is my mother...

216
00:13:13,841 --> 00:13:16,507
...and there's still no smoking in here.
I'm sorry.

217
00:13:16,673 --> 00:13:19,872
Careful. I bit the last guy
who tried to touch me.

218
00:13:24,836 --> 00:13:28,959
Yeah, well, that doesn't mean
we can't have a nice meal.

219
00:13:29,418 --> 00:13:30,745
I'll call the waiter.

220
00:13:31,543 --> 00:13:35,487
Hello, hello.
Yeah, we're ready to order.

221
00:13:42,330 --> 00:13:45,611
Remind me to get some clean urine
from you before we go.

222
00:13:50,494 --> 00:13:53,277
<i>- Two hundred forty pounds...
- What are you doing?</i>

223
00:13:53,868 --> 00:13:55,525
Picking off the pepperonis.

224
00:13:56,117 --> 00:13:58,024
Then why'd you order it
with pepperonis?

225
00:13:58,407 --> 00:14:00,528
I like to stack them up
and eat them in bed.

226
00:14:04,489 --> 00:14:07,155
Hello? Hey, Mom.

227
00:14:07,321 --> 00:14:08,979
No, Dad's not here. He's on a date.

228
00:14:10,778 --> 00:14:13,395
Hang on. Uncle Charlie's talking to me.
Yeah?

229
00:14:13,568 --> 00:14:15,807
Don't tell your mom
your father's on a date.

230
00:14:15,984 --> 00:14:18,058
- It's none of her business.
- Okay.

231
00:14:18,234 --> 00:14:20,224
He's not on a date.

232
00:14:21,065 --> 00:14:23,434
Hang on. She wants to talk to you.

233
00:14:25,023 --> 00:14:27,143
Uncle Charlie's not here.

234
00:14:30,729 --> 00:14:32,351
Give me that.

235
00:14:32,603 --> 00:14:34,428
Hey, Judith. What's up?

236
00:14:34,644 --> 00:14:37,724
Well, he's not a bright kid.
What do you want from me?

237
00:14:39,933 --> 00:14:41,557
I don't know where Alan is.

238
00:14:41,725 --> 00:14:43,596
Would you like me
to give him a message?

239
00:14:43,766 --> 00:14:46,335
Because who knows?
Maybe this time I will.

240
00:14:48,597 --> 00:14:50,303
No message.

241
00:14:51,971 --> 00:14:53,877
How come it's a secret
Dad's on a date?

242
00:14:54,595 --> 00:14:58,669
It's not. It's just never a good idea to tell
women more than they need to know.

243
00:14:58,968 --> 00:15:00,377
How come?

244
00:15:00,551 --> 00:15:02,874
Because we love them
and want to protect them.

245
00:15:03,051 --> 00:15:04,921
A clueless woman is a happy woman.

246
00:15:11,506 --> 00:15:13,827
- Can I have your pepperonis?
- No.

247
00:15:18,627 --> 00:15:20,831
Batman!

248
00:15:22,209 --> 00:15:25,455
Come on. Come on, Trudy.
Come on. Come on.

249
00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:28,326
- Let's get you back to the Batcave...
- Oh, right.

250
00:15:28,499 --> 00:15:30,454
...or whatever cave
you crawled out of.

251
00:15:30,624 --> 00:15:35,575
Thank you, kind sir.
You are indeed a gentleman.

252
00:15:35,747 --> 00:15:39,277
Allow me to reward you.

253
00:15:44,452 --> 00:15:50,399
A salty! I shall now need a slice of lime
and a carafe of tequila.

254
00:15:51,074 --> 00:15:52,946
No, thank you. No, no, we're fine.

255
00:15:53,115 --> 00:15:55,863
Hey, come on, Trudy.
Let's take you home.

256
00:15:56,030 --> 00:15:59,974
Okay. But we'll have to be
really quiet...

257
00:16:00,153 --> 00:16:04,442
...because my roommate is detoxing,
so she's kind of a light sleeper.

258
00:16:05,569 --> 00:16:07,808
No, no, I meant home to your father.

259
00:16:07,985 --> 00:16:10,270
Oh, God.

260
00:16:10,443 --> 00:16:12,597
Daddy!

261
00:16:12,773 --> 00:16:18,520
Oh, I'm such a disappointment to you.

262
00:16:18,688 --> 00:16:23,143
Hey, your aftershave has alcohol in it.

263
00:16:32,558 --> 00:16:34,181
So why is Dad's car a chick car?

264
00:16:35,182 --> 00:16:37,931
It's not really. I was just saying that
to bust his chops.

265
00:16:40,014 --> 00:16:42,252
Chops are your nuts, right?

266
00:16:44,054 --> 00:16:45,547
Right.

267
00:16:45,929 --> 00:16:47,966
Mom said it's a midlife-crisis car.

268
00:16:48,802 --> 00:16:51,965
Well, she was bound to be right
about something eventually.

269
00:16:55,174 --> 00:16:56,798
What's a midlife crisis?

270
00:16:58,091 --> 00:17:01,705
Well, Jake, it's when a man
starts facing his own mortality...

271
00:17:01,882 --> 00:17:04,203
...and tries to recapture his youth.

272
00:17:05,130 --> 00:17:07,167
I've had one of those.

273
00:17:08,670 --> 00:17:10,328
Do tell.

274
00:17:11,669 --> 00:17:14,666
Life was so much simpler
when I was 6.

275
00:17:18,458 --> 00:17:20,330
Hello? Hey, Dad.

276
00:17:20,499 --> 00:17:22,987
Listen, don't worry
about your midlife crisis.

277
00:17:23,165 --> 00:17:26,161
They usually go away
over summer vacation.

278
00:17:27,997 --> 00:17:30,531
He wants to talk to you.
Are you here?

279
00:17:32,619 --> 00:17:36,114
Yeah. Whoa, slow down.

280
00:17:36,285 --> 00:17:38,275
Well, how drunk is she?

281
00:17:39,575 --> 00:17:42,655
Really? Batman drunk?

282
00:17:44,906 --> 00:17:47,310
Well, just dump her
with Mom and her father.

283
00:17:47,489 --> 00:17:48,898
Where are they?

284
00:17:50,238 --> 00:17:52,192
Viagra and a bad ticker.

285
00:17:52,362 --> 00:17:55,028
Mom loses more boyfriends that way.

286
00:17:55,445 --> 00:17:58,477
Alan, calm down, calm down.
Listen to me. Here's what you do:

287
00:17:58,651 --> 00:18:00,191
Take her to a club...

288
00:18:00,360 --> 00:18:03,558
...pin a warning note on her back
as a courtesy to the next guy...

289
00:18:03,733 --> 00:18:05,770
...and run like hell.

290
00:18:06,816 --> 00:18:10,261
Well, if you don't want my advice,
why'd you call me?

291
00:18:11,189 --> 00:18:12,597
Okay, how about this:

292
00:18:12,771 --> 00:18:15,555
Put the top down
and let the night air sober her up.

293
00:18:18,061 --> 00:18:20,549
What's plan B?

294
00:18:27,474 --> 00:18:29,464
How come you don't have
a date tonight?

295
00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:31,511
I decided I'd rather hang out with you.

296
00:18:31,681 --> 00:18:33,422
- Really?
- No.

297
00:18:34,930 --> 00:18:36,801
You're saying that to bust my chops.

298
00:18:37,512 --> 00:18:39,051
No.

299
00:18:41,344 --> 00:18:43,583
- Hey.
- Hey.

300
00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:45,833
- How was your date?
- Oh, lots of fun.

301
00:18:46,050 --> 00:18:48,668
- Think you'll marry her?
- Doubtful. Charlie?

302
00:18:51,382 --> 00:18:53,952
What happened?
You take her to a club and ditch her?

303
00:18:54,131 --> 00:18:55,707
- No, I couldn't do that.
- Why not?

304
00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:57,586
Well, it's cheesy and immoral...

305
00:18:57,754 --> 00:19:01,084
...and I'm really not comfortable
having some valet touch my car.

306
00:19:01,795 --> 00:19:03,749
- So where is she?
- In the garage.

307
00:19:03,918 --> 00:19:05,708
- Oh, Alan.
- Well, she passed out.

308
00:19:05,877 --> 00:19:08,873
- I figured I'd let her sleep it off.
- You left her in your car?

309
00:19:09,041 --> 00:19:10,618
Why not?

310
00:19:25,620 --> 00:19:27,739
Well, at least she left
the garage door open.

311
00:19:34,866 --> 00:19:37,981
It's a red Porsche Boxster
with dealer plates.

312
00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:43,066
"Porsche."
Yeah, about an hour ago.

313
00:19:43,238 --> 00:19:46,021
Hey, Dad, check it out.
Your car's on TV.

314
00:19:51,401 --> 00:19:53,474
I'll call you back.

315
00:19:53,734 --> 00:19:56,933
<i>- chase so far. The suspect was
first spotted in Malibu...</i>

316
00:19:57,108 --> 00:19:58,765
<i>... on the Pacific Coast Highway...</i>

317
00:19:58,939 --> 00:20:01,474
<i>... and is now southbound
on the 405 freeway.</i>

318
00:20:01,690 --> 00:20:03,146
Oh, God!

319
00:20:03,355 --> 00:20:06,933
Don't worry. I've watched
hundreds of these. They never make it.

320
00:20:07,104 --> 00:20:10,847
<i>- she just ran over the nail strips
that the Highway Patrol laid out.</i>

321
00:20:11,269 --> 00:20:13,508
Oh, man, look at the sparks.

322
00:20:13,976 --> 00:20:16,594
That's because
she's riding on rims, Jake.

323
00:20:16,767 --> 00:20:19,599
You gotta like
how your car handles without tires.

324
00:20:20,223 --> 00:20:21,966
Oh, God!

325
00:20:22,140 --> 00:20:23,846
<i>Whoa, that was a close call.</i>

326
00:20:24,014 --> 00:20:28,220
<i>She sideswiped that SUV
and kept right on going.</i>

327
00:20:28,387 --> 00:20:30,591
What's that dragging
alongside Dad's car?

328
00:20:30,762 --> 00:20:33,084
I think that's the door.

329
00:20:33,510 --> 00:20:36,673
- Cool.
- Oh, God!

330
00:20:36,843 --> 00:20:39,840
<i>Dale, this is Trish in the studio.
Can you see the suspect?</i>

331
00:20:40,009 --> 00:20:41,500
<i>How do you know it's a woman?</i>

332
00:20:41,673 --> 00:20:44,161
<i>Well, Trish, we actually
don 't know it's a woman...</i>

333
00:20:44,340 --> 00:20:48,332
<i>... but thought it was a safe bet
based on the type of car.</i>

334
00:20:48,547 --> 00:20:51,828
It's not a chick car.

335
00:20:52,337 --> 00:20:55,536
Relax, Dad.
He's just busting your chops.