1 00:00:03,214 --> 00:00:05,422 Two white wines and a Jack and ginger. 2 00:00:06,219 --> 00:00:08,627 Please tell me the Jack and ginger isn't for you. 3 00:00:08,806 --> 00:00:10,882 No, it's for my girlfriend. Why? 4 00:00:11,643 --> 00:00:13,969 You look like a woman of discriminating taste... 5 00:00:14,146 --> 00:00:16,520 ...and mixing a quality bourbon with ginger ale... 6 00:00:16,692 --> 00:00:20,394 ...is like putting Cheez Whiz on lobster Newburgh. 7 00:00:21,782 --> 00:00:24,357 Well, what if I said the Jack and ginger was for me? 8 00:00:24,953 --> 00:00:27,576 Well, then, I'd learn to live with it. 9 00:00:29,460 --> 00:00:32,082 - Charlie. - Gail. 10 00:00:32,798 --> 00:00:36,584 Sorry I'm late. I stopped off at Radio Barn, and wait till you see what I got. 11 00:00:36,762 --> 00:00:38,802 Alan, I'm kind of in the middle of... 12 00:00:41,728 --> 00:00:43,436 Damn you to hell. 13 00:00:43,605 --> 00:00:45,764 - What? What did I do? - Forget it. 14 00:00:45,942 --> 00:00:48,065 It's who you are, you can't help yourself. 15 00:00:48,905 --> 00:00:51,658 Okay. Anyway, check this out. Know what that is? 16 00:00:52,368 --> 00:00:56,533 - A two megapixel, full-color webcam. - Right. 17 00:00:56,707 --> 00:00:59,080 How do I do it? 18 00:00:59,295 --> 00:01:02,499 I got one for me and for Jake. We can hook them to our computers... 19 00:01:02,674 --> 00:01:05,380 ...so when he's at his mother's, we can have video chats. 20 00:01:05,553 --> 00:01:06,799 - That's cool. - Isn't it? 21 00:01:06,972 --> 00:01:10,639 Yeah, with a couple of these, phone sex becomes less phone and more sex. 22 00:01:11,353 --> 00:01:13,643 These are to maintain my relationship with Jake. 23 00:01:13,815 --> 00:01:15,476 It's the worst part of the divorce: 24 00:01:15,651 --> 00:01:18,322 - Only seeing him on weekends. - I get that. I sympathize. 25 00:01:18,488 --> 00:01:21,360 But you can see the validity of my vision too, right? 26 00:01:22,370 --> 00:01:26,914 Oh, look. Built-in microphone. Totally hands-free. Perfect. 27 00:01:28,085 --> 00:01:30,922 - Excuse me. - Oh, hey, Gail. Good to see you again. 28 00:01:31,090 --> 00:01:32,882 Don't move, don't talk. 29 00:01:33,885 --> 00:01:36,639 - Are you Charlie Harper? - Yeah. Why? 30 00:01:36,806 --> 00:01:39,974 You were right. It's him. 31 00:01:42,857 --> 00:01:44,649 What...? What...? What's funny? 32 00:01:44,818 --> 00:01:46,610 Nothing. 33 00:01:48,448 --> 00:01:50,276 So listen, can I buy you a drink? 34 00:01:52,704 --> 00:01:54,745 He wants to buy me a drink. 35 00:01:56,460 --> 00:01:58,749 Then what? We go back to your beach house... 36 00:01:58,921 --> 00:02:03,051 ...sit on the deck, look at the stars, talk about how you love being an uncle... 37 00:02:03,220 --> 00:02:05,426 ...and how you'd like kids of your own... 38 00:02:05,598 --> 00:02:08,932 ...and by the way, I have the most beautiful eyes in the world. 39 00:02:09,144 --> 00:02:11,767 I'm sorry. Have we met before? 40 00:02:12,483 --> 00:02:15,021 No. And we're not gonna meet now. 41 00:02:17,615 --> 00:02:21,449 Okay. I have a bad feeling. 42 00:02:30,132 --> 00:02:32,210 Is the camera on? 43 00:02:32,512 --> 00:02:34,635 Good. Now, hit "connect." 44 00:02:34,848 --> 00:02:37,601 I can see you. Can you see me? 45 00:02:38,645 --> 00:02:41,564 Yeah, yeah. I can hear you too. You can hang up the phone. 46 00:02:41,733 --> 00:02:43,394 This is awesome. 47 00:02:43,568 --> 00:02:46,654 - Yeah, we can see each other every day. - Cool. 48 00:02:51,205 --> 00:02:52,830 So... 49 00:02:53,583 --> 00:02:54,959 What's new? 50 00:02:55,127 --> 00:02:56,705 Nothing. 51 00:02:59,717 --> 00:03:01,841 What's new with you? 52 00:03:04,014 --> 00:03:05,676 Not much. 53 00:03:14,947 --> 00:03:18,234 - Hey, Charlie. - Rose, stop. 54 00:03:18,786 --> 00:03:21,159 - What? - We're friends now, right? 55 00:03:21,665 --> 00:03:22,745 Right. 56 00:03:22,917 --> 00:03:26,750 Our one-night stand is ancient history. You're not stalking me anymore, right? 57 00:03:26,923 --> 00:03:30,459 - Right. - Then use the damn stairs. 58 00:03:30,678 --> 00:03:32,968 - Really? - Yes. 59 00:03:33,140 --> 00:03:34,718 Okay. 60 00:03:39,190 --> 00:03:43,236 - I'm opening up the gate. - I'm proud of you. 61 00:03:43,405 --> 00:03:47,106 - I'm starting up the stairs. - You can do it. 62 00:03:48,954 --> 00:03:50,699 Oh, boy. 63 00:03:50,873 --> 00:03:53,413 I don't know about this. 64 00:03:54,129 --> 00:03:56,252 - You'll get used to it. - Yeah, we'll see. 65 00:03:59,219 --> 00:04:01,212 I'm surprised to see you home. 66 00:04:01,388 --> 00:04:03,928 - It's ladies' night at Pavlov's. - I know. 67 00:04:04,100 --> 00:04:07,768 Well, isn't that kind of like rabbit season for Elmer Fudd? 68 00:04:08,232 --> 00:04:09,691 Used to be. 69 00:04:09,859 --> 00:04:11,485 Let me ask you question. 70 00:04:11,820 --> 00:04:14,527 How much do chicks talk about men they've been with? 71 00:04:14,992 --> 00:04:16,451 Not as much as you'd think. 72 00:04:16,660 --> 00:04:19,069 - Really? - Way more. 73 00:04:20,207 --> 00:04:22,913 - Why? - Well, I ran into some women last night. 74 00:04:23,087 --> 00:04:24,415 Never met them before. 75 00:04:24,589 --> 00:04:27,377 But they seem to have already formed a poor opinion of me. 76 00:04:27,926 --> 00:04:30,845 So you think somebody's out there spreading nasty rumors? 77 00:04:31,014 --> 00:04:34,883 Worse. I think somebody's out there spreading the truth. 78 00:04:35,104 --> 00:04:37,810 Well, you have burned a few bridges in this town. 79 00:04:37,982 --> 00:04:42,196 Hey, I don't burn bridges. I have casual sex with relative strangers. 80 00:04:42,364 --> 00:04:44,239 There's a difference. 81 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:46,571 And I'm always honest. 82 00:04:46,745 --> 00:04:51,456 I never lead a woman on. Unless I'm, you know, totally bombed. 83 00:04:52,796 --> 00:04:57,044 Last night was probably the result of one woman with an ax to grind. 84 00:04:57,218 --> 00:04:58,761 Probably. 85 00:04:58,930 --> 00:05:00,389 Yeah, that's it. 86 00:05:00,557 --> 00:05:03,761 - I'm making myself crazy over nothing. - Oh, I do that all the time. 87 00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:06,310 It's a great way to fill up a slow weekend. 88 00:05:07,942 --> 00:05:10,268 Rose, that night we spent together... 89 00:05:10,446 --> 00:05:12,356 ...did I tell you you had beautiful eyes? 90 00:05:13,283 --> 00:05:17,330 Well, let's see. We had a couple of drinks, you invited me back here. 91 00:05:17,498 --> 00:05:21,165 We were sitting out on the deck, looking at the stars. 92 00:05:21,336 --> 00:05:23,164 And, yeah, you said: 93 00:05:23,339 --> 00:05:27,006 "By the way, you have the most beautiful eyes in the world." 94 00:05:28,805 --> 00:05:30,799 I guess I do use that a lot. 95 00:05:31,768 --> 00:05:34,604 But, damn it, it's good. 96 00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:38,146 Are you sure it's not red? Look again. 97 00:05:41,156 --> 00:05:45,619 It looks fine. You have to go to school tomorrow. 98 00:05:45,830 --> 00:05:48,404 - Good night, Rose. - Night, Charlie. 99 00:05:48,584 --> 00:05:50,827 And don't forget to use the... 100 00:05:52,131 --> 00:05:53,791 Never mind. 101 00:05:53,967 --> 00:05:55,462 Oh, Charlie, Charlie. Come here. 102 00:05:55,636 --> 00:05:58,507 - Say hello to your Uncle Charlie. - Hey, Uncle Charlie. 103 00:05:58,682 --> 00:06:01,090 - Hi, Jake. - I can see you. 104 00:06:01,269 --> 00:06:03,013 I can see you too. 105 00:06:03,814 --> 00:06:05,357 So... 106 00:06:05,859 --> 00:06:07,519 What's new? 107 00:06:07,694 --> 00:06:10,234 Not much. What's new with you? 108 00:06:10,406 --> 00:06:12,151 Nothing. Oh, wait. I Googled you... 109 00:06:12,326 --> 00:06:14,154 ... and you'll never guess what I found. 110 00:06:14,329 --> 00:06:16,370 Jake, are you in the bathtub? 111 00:06:16,540 --> 00:06:18,035 Yeah. Gotta go. 112 00:06:18,210 --> 00:06:20,618 No, no, no. Wait, Jake, what are you talking about? 113 00:06:20,796 --> 00:06:22,624 - What's he talking about? - I don't know. 114 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:25,422 But if you Google me, you'll find pages that mention... 115 00:06:25,595 --> 00:06:28,716 ...my San Fernando Valley Chiropractor of the Year award. 116 00:06:28,975 --> 00:06:30,684 That's nice. Get out of the way. 117 00:06:33,273 --> 00:06:36,276 Oh, careful. There's another Alan J. Harper. 118 00:06:36,444 --> 00:06:40,491 He's a school bus driver, and he also makes these decorative pigs... 119 00:06:40,659 --> 00:06:43,329 ...out of bleach bottles and pipe cleaners. 120 00:06:43,496 --> 00:06:45,905 I'm not Googling you. I'm Googling me. 121 00:06:50,464 --> 00:06:52,873 "CharlieHarperSucks. com." 122 00:06:54,178 --> 00:06:56,468 That's gotta be a different Charlie Harper. 123 00:07:02,815 --> 00:07:04,144 Okay. 124 00:07:04,317 --> 00:07:06,109 I have a bad feeling. 125 00:07:12,329 --> 00:07:13,871 Oh, boy. 126 00:07:14,416 --> 00:07:16,622 Oh, man. 127 00:07:16,835 --> 00:07:19,162 Oh, crap. 128 00:07:20,174 --> 00:07:22,962 - Are you still reading that thing? - How can I not? 129 00:07:23,136 --> 00:07:26,008 It's an entire website devoted to trashing me. 130 00:07:26,182 --> 00:07:27,511 Listen to this: 131 00:07:27,684 --> 00:07:31,600 "Has anybody had sex with Charlie where he actually took his socks off?" 132 00:07:33,067 --> 00:07:35,690 That's just mean. I have bad circulation in my feet. 133 00:07:35,862 --> 00:07:37,987 They get cold. 134 00:07:38,408 --> 00:07:42,621 Check this out. Some girl posted audio off her answering machine. 135 00:07:44,708 --> 00:07:48,044 Hey, it's me. I just wanted to tell you I had a great time last night. 136 00:07:48,213 --> 00:07:51,086 - And I'm looking forward... - Hello, Charlie? 137 00:07:51,259 --> 00:07:53,169 Yeah, hi. 138 00:07:53,346 --> 00:07:55,719 We weren 't together last night. 139 00:07:57,268 --> 00:07:58,763 Allison? 140 00:07:58,937 --> 00:08:01,097 No, Beth. 141 00:08:01,274 --> 00:08:02,389 Thursday. 142 00:08:03,027 --> 00:08:06,812 I had a great time with you Thursday, and I thought that may... 143 00:08:07,408 --> 00:08:09,900 Oh, Alan, what am I gonna do? 144 00:08:10,078 --> 00:08:12,404 Every woman in the city can see this stuff. 145 00:08:12,582 --> 00:08:14,290 Every woman in the world. 146 00:08:14,502 --> 00:08:16,245 Oh, God. 147 00:08:16,421 --> 00:08:18,829 Well, you know what they say. 148 00:08:19,007 --> 00:08:21,334 Any publicity is... 149 00:08:21,511 --> 00:08:23,588 Good publicity. 150 00:08:23,806 --> 00:08:26,263 No, no, no. What I do requires secrecy. 151 00:08:26,435 --> 00:08:29,805 I need shadows and darkness. I'm like a magician. 152 00:08:29,982 --> 00:08:34,195 If everybody knows how I do it, it ceases to be entertaining. 153 00:08:36,033 --> 00:08:37,824 "Frequently Asked Questions." 154 00:08:37,994 --> 00:08:39,536 - Don't read that. - Yeah, right. 155 00:08:39,704 --> 00:08:41,947 Okay. Question: 156 00:08:42,165 --> 00:08:45,868 "How long can you expect to date Charlie after you have sex with him?" 157 00:08:46,047 --> 00:08:49,048 Answer: " It depends how late you sleep the next morning." 158 00:08:50,594 --> 00:08:54,262 Oh, come on. This is funny. You're just too close to it. 159 00:08:55,601 --> 00:08:57,891 This could be interesting. Question: 160 00:08:58,064 --> 00:09:00,982 "How does Charlie manage to fake my orgasm?" 161 00:09:01,152 --> 00:09:03,441 All right, stop it. Move over. 162 00:09:03,613 --> 00:09:05,821 - What are you doing? - I've gotta fight back. 163 00:09:05,991 --> 00:09:08,364 Anybody can post on the message board. Why not me? 164 00:09:08,537 --> 00:09:11,029 - You're gonna post as yourself? - Don't be ridiculous. 165 00:09:11,208 --> 00:09:12,999 Everybody uses a screen name. 166 00:09:13,210 --> 00:09:16,331 "CharlieFreak219." 167 00:09:16,507 --> 00:09:18,251 Too many? 168 00:09:18,510 --> 00:09:20,218 Okay. 169 00:09:20,763 --> 00:09:22,757 CharlieFreak180. 170 00:09:26,479 --> 00:09:28,769 "In my experience... 171 00:09:29,483 --> 00:09:33,186 ...Charlie has always been... 172 00:09:33,364 --> 00:09:35,987 ...a generous lover... 173 00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:40,242 ...compassionate, fun-Ioving and sensitive." 174 00:09:40,416 --> 00:09:44,036 There. That ought to bring a little balance to the conversation. 175 00:09:44,214 --> 00:09:47,002 You really don't get the Internet, do you? 176 00:09:48,845 --> 00:09:51,847 Oh, look. I've got a response already. 177 00:09:52,016 --> 00:09:55,600 "Dear Freak: Are you just stupid... 178 00:09:55,772 --> 00:09:59,641 ...or did your skull bounce off his headboard too many times?" 179 00:09:59,819 --> 00:10:02,026 Okay, I've had enough of this. 180 00:10:02,197 --> 00:10:05,733 - How do I delete this whole thing? - You can't delete a website. 181 00:10:05,911 --> 00:10:07,904 Only the person who created it can. 182 00:10:08,081 --> 00:10:11,582 - Well, how do I find out who created it? - Now, let's see. Come on. 183 00:10:11,753 --> 00:10:13,877 Okay. 184 00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:18,881 Okay, the domain is the property of a company in the Cayman Islands called: 185 00:10:20,181 --> 00:10:23,137 "Charlie Harper Sucks Limited." 186 00:10:23,979 --> 00:10:25,307 Well, that's no help. 187 00:10:25,815 --> 00:10:28,141 Hey, you can buy T-shirts and coffee mugs. 188 00:10:29,361 --> 00:10:31,853 "Add to cart." 189 00:10:38,959 --> 00:10:41,664 No, Mom, it is not that simple. 190 00:10:41,837 --> 00:10:45,173 I am a single mother now. Dating is very complicated. 191 00:10:46,427 --> 00:10:48,220 I understand. 192 00:10:48,388 --> 00:10:50,714 No, I can 't go back to Alan. 193 00:10:50,892 --> 00:10:52,553 Of course I still love him. 194 00:10:53,896 --> 00:10:55,522 Hey, Alan? 195 00:10:55,690 --> 00:10:58,147 How long you think this Internet fad is gonna last? 196 00:10:58,653 --> 00:11:00,029 - Okay. - What? 197 00:11:00,531 --> 00:11:03,486 Jake must've turned on his webcam before he went to school. 198 00:11:03,660 --> 00:11:07,706 I can see and hear Judith talking to her mother on the phone. 199 00:11:07,875 --> 00:11:10,165 - Why can't she hear us? - Our side's turned off. 200 00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:13,339 Are you kidding? Alan would never take me back. How do I know? 201 00:11:13,507 --> 00:11:15,217 I just know. 202 00:11:15,385 --> 00:11:17,094 Okay, fine. I'll ask him. 203 00:11:18,223 --> 00:11:20,347 - She wants me back. - Yes, I will ask him. 204 00:11:20,518 --> 00:11:22,096 That's nice. It's all about you. 205 00:11:22,270 --> 00:11:23,682 Okay. 206 00:11:23,856 --> 00:11:25,980 Listen, Mom, I gotta get in the shower. 207 00:11:26,652 --> 00:11:28,444 I got it. Yes. 208 00:11:30,533 --> 00:11:33,321 All right. I'll call you later. 209 00:11:35,915 --> 00:11:37,992 Oh, man. 210 00:11:39,211 --> 00:11:43,045 - Charlie, I need to talk about this. - Me too. 211 00:11:43,217 --> 00:11:45,341 If I don't do something about that website... 212 00:11:45,511 --> 00:11:47,553 ...I'm gonna have to chase Amish broads. 213 00:11:47,891 --> 00:11:50,382 Judith wants to reconcile. I've dreamed about this... 214 00:11:50,561 --> 00:11:53,267 ...but now that it's here, I wonder if it's what I want. 215 00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:57,190 Whoever put up that site has to be somebody I went out with at least once. 216 00:11:57,362 --> 00:12:00,281 It would be great for Jake to have both parents in one house. 217 00:12:00,450 --> 00:12:04,283 And without alimony, I could stop getting my hair cut at the barber college. 218 00:12:04,456 --> 00:12:07,660 I can eliminate married chicks, ones that don't speak English... 219 00:12:07,835 --> 00:12:10,375 ...and those to whom I was never properly introduced. 220 00:12:10,547 --> 00:12:13,336 I'll make a list of the pros and cons of going back to her. 221 00:12:13,510 --> 00:12:16,085 You know what? I'm gonna need to make a list. 222 00:12:16,515 --> 00:12:18,758 - I'm glad we talked. - I'm always here for you. 223 00:12:18,935 --> 00:12:20,430 Me too. 224 00:12:35,083 --> 00:12:37,409 Hi, Tina. Long time, huh? 225 00:12:37,587 --> 00:12:40,755 Charlie Harper. What do you want? 226 00:12:42,177 --> 00:12:44,751 I know things didn't end well between us, and... 227 00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:46,924 Really? I thought they ended perfectly. 228 00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:50,637 We spent a week in Cancún, having great sex every day. 229 00:12:50,814 --> 00:12:54,184 Flew back to L.A. You told me you'd call me tomorrow, and it's been... 230 00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:56,687 What do you know? A year and a half. 231 00:12:57,616 --> 00:12:59,656 - That long? - Oh, yeah. 232 00:12:59,826 --> 00:13:02,912 I guess time flies when you're the scum of the earth. 233 00:13:03,540 --> 00:13:05,000 Okay, I had that coming. 234 00:13:06,294 --> 00:13:10,757 I was thoughtless and insensitive, and I know I can never really make up for it... 235 00:13:10,926 --> 00:13:17,512 ...but I want you to know that I was wrong, and I'm really, truly sorry. 236 00:13:18,479 --> 00:13:21,149 - And...? - No "and." 237 00:13:21,316 --> 00:13:24,983 I just wanted to apologize for being a jerk. I wanna make amends. 238 00:13:25,698 --> 00:13:28,534 - You really mean that, don't you? - I do. Absolutely. 239 00:13:30,454 --> 00:13:34,667 - You wanna come in for a cup of coffee? - Sure, I guess. 240 00:13:35,544 --> 00:13:38,250 So, seeing anybody? 241 00:13:44,390 --> 00:13:49,101 "Pro: No alimony. Con: No sex." 242 00:13:50,608 --> 00:13:54,654 "Pro: See Jake all the time. Con: See Judith all the time." 243 00:13:54,822 --> 00:13:56,400 What are you doing? Give me that. 244 00:13:56,575 --> 00:13:59,113 - I'm sorry. It was just laying there. - That's private. 245 00:13:59,287 --> 00:14:00,830 Okay. 246 00:14:06,088 --> 00:14:08,758 I got another "pro" for you. 247 00:14:09,343 --> 00:14:12,096 - Yeah? What's that? - lf you hook back up with Olive Oyl... 248 00:14:12,264 --> 00:14:14,970 ...I won't have to scrub your toilet anymore. 249 00:14:16,102 --> 00:14:20,850 Pro: No more Berta. 250 00:14:21,485 --> 00:14:23,978 You're not really thinking about going back, are you? 251 00:14:24,156 --> 00:14:26,445 I don't know. She wants to, but I'm torn. 252 00:14:26,618 --> 00:14:28,695 You're not torn. You're gutless. 253 00:14:30,749 --> 00:14:32,658 - Do you still love her? - Of course I do. 254 00:14:32,835 --> 00:14:36,419 I mean, you know, we've been though a lot of things together. 255 00:14:36,591 --> 00:14:40,886 - She's the mother of my son. - Okay, listen to me, Zippy. 256 00:14:41,264 --> 00:14:43,257 If that's all it took to make a marriage... 257 00:14:43,433 --> 00:14:45,557 ...I'd have a husband for each of my tattoos. 258 00:14:46,896 --> 00:14:49,389 - You have tattoos? - Yeah. You wanna see them? 259 00:14:51,403 --> 00:14:52,733 No. 260 00:14:53,156 --> 00:14:56,692 You're overthinking this. When your dog dies, you don't make a list. 261 00:14:56,869 --> 00:14:58,662 You bury him, plant a shrub on top... 262 00:14:58,830 --> 00:15:02,165 ...tell the kids he's running around a farm, and move on. 263 00:15:03,922 --> 00:15:06,080 That's actually a very apt metaphor. 264 00:15:06,258 --> 00:15:09,628 My failed marriage is like a dead dog. 265 00:15:09,805 --> 00:15:13,970 But it serves as fertilizer for the shrub, which represents my new life. 266 00:15:14,186 --> 00:15:18,138 So if I try to revitalize the marriage... You know, digging up the dog. 267 00:15:18,317 --> 00:15:21,070 - then I'm killing the shrub, which is me. 268 00:15:22,197 --> 00:15:23,858 Like you said, it's apt. 269 00:15:26,161 --> 00:15:28,654 Thank you, Berta. You're a very insightful woman. 270 00:15:28,832 --> 00:15:32,037 I know. In a just world, you'd be washing my shorts. 271 00:15:33,129 --> 00:15:35,835 Well, thanks, nevertheless. 272 00:15:36,009 --> 00:15:39,095 Last chance to see those tattoos. 273 00:15:39,806 --> 00:15:41,217 No thanks. 274 00:15:41,392 --> 00:15:44,809 I can make the Road Runner do jumping jacks. 275 00:15:48,485 --> 00:15:50,977 That was a fun apology. 276 00:15:51,740 --> 00:15:55,276 Yeah, I really thought I was the one who deserved a spanking. 277 00:15:56,204 --> 00:15:58,744 - So you'll call me? - Count on it. 278 00:15:59,835 --> 00:16:03,086 Hey, not that I really care, but, do you happen to know... 279 00:16:03,298 --> 00:16:05,090 ...who started that silly website? 280 00:16:05,259 --> 00:16:07,253 No. I just found it by Googling your name. 281 00:16:07,429 --> 00:16:10,099 Most women Google the guys they go out with, you know. 282 00:16:10,266 --> 00:16:12,176 Yeah, I've heard. 283 00:16:13,103 --> 00:16:16,724 - Well, I'll see you soon. - You better. 284 00:16:18,903 --> 00:16:21,656 Okay. That went well. 285 00:16:24,829 --> 00:16:28,282 Let's see. Who's next? 286 00:17:17,863 --> 00:17:20,985 Jake, why don't you go watch some TV. I need to talk to your dad. 287 00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:24,660 Is this about the firecrackers? What firecrackers? 288 00:17:24,831 --> 00:17:27,918 I'll go watch TV. 289 00:17:29,672 --> 00:17:31,131 Come in, sit down. 290 00:17:31,299 --> 00:17:33,708 Thanks. Listen... 291 00:17:34,471 --> 00:17:37,223 - Boy, this is tough. - Okay, okay, maybe... 292 00:17:37,391 --> 00:17:39,847 ...I can make it easier for you. 293 00:17:40,020 --> 00:17:41,563 Judith... 294 00:17:42,147 --> 00:17:44,307 ...I will always love you... 295 00:17:46,071 --> 00:17:48,111 ...but there's no going back for me. 296 00:17:48,281 --> 00:17:51,699 I've learned a lot about myself in the last year, and I'm growing. 297 00:17:51,870 --> 00:17:54,493 And... And I wanna keep on growing. 298 00:17:55,876 --> 00:17:59,460 I will always cherish what we had... 299 00:18:00,299 --> 00:18:02,376 ...but I have to fertilize my shrub. 300 00:18:04,805 --> 00:18:07,642 - What are you talking about? - It's Berta's metaphor. 301 00:18:07,810 --> 00:18:11,394 The... The bottom line is: I don't want to reconcile. 302 00:18:11,565 --> 00:18:13,309 Our marriage is over. 303 00:18:13,485 --> 00:18:15,858 Well, what makes you think I wanna reconcile? 304 00:18:16,697 --> 00:18:18,737 What did you wanna talk to me about? 305 00:18:19,409 --> 00:18:22,447 My mom wanted me to ask if Jake could spend a couple of weeks... 306 00:18:22,623 --> 00:18:24,450 ...with them this summer. - Oh, really? 307 00:18:24,626 --> 00:18:27,296 - That's what she wanted you to ask me? - Yes. 308 00:18:27,504 --> 00:18:29,997 You didn't tell her you loved me, you missed me? 309 00:18:30,175 --> 00:18:32,714 Well, I always tell her that to shut her up. 310 00:18:34,097 --> 00:18:37,135 And how the hell do you know what I talk to my mother about? 311 00:18:40,064 --> 00:18:43,067 Hey, look, Charlie's here. 312 00:18:49,870 --> 00:18:52,955 - Answer my question, Alan. - Hold on a second, Judith. 313 00:18:53,125 --> 00:18:57,076 - Charlie, what's wrong? - I've been making amends. 314 00:18:57,715 --> 00:18:59,874 Five amends in one afternoon. 315 00:19:00,051 --> 00:19:04,430 Well, technically, four. I had to fake the last one. 316 00:19:06,393 --> 00:19:08,968 - Charlie, Alan and I are talking. - Don't worry. 317 00:19:09,147 --> 00:19:11,900 I'll be out of your way as soon as I check on something. 318 00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:13,861 They all denied running the website... 319 00:19:14,030 --> 00:19:17,281 ...but at least I should have some good reviews now. 320 00:19:18,410 --> 00:19:19,740 Listen to this: 321 00:19:19,913 --> 00:19:23,498 "Charlie came over and apologized today, and, oh, what an apology it was. 322 00:19:23,668 --> 00:19:26,161 I take back everything nasty I ever said about him." 323 00:19:26,339 --> 00:19:28,167 Not bad, huh? 324 00:19:29,134 --> 00:19:30,333 Here's another one: 325 00:19:34,183 --> 00:19:35,643 "He apologized to you today? 326 00:19:35,811 --> 00:19:38,729 He apologized to me too." 327 00:19:38,899 --> 00:19:42,269 Okay, I have a bad feeling again. 328 00:19:42,445 --> 00:19:44,653 Alan, how do you know what I said to my mother? 329 00:19:46,994 --> 00:19:50,530 I didn't actually know. I surmised. 330 00:19:50,707 --> 00:19:52,368 I should go talk to Charlie. 331 00:19:52,543 --> 00:19:55,794 Hey, Dad, check it out. I can see my room on your computer. 332 00:19:58,426 --> 00:20:02,212 Okay, now I've got a bad feeling. 333 00:20:06,230 --> 00:20:08,520 My heart was in the right place, Rose. 334 00:20:08,691 --> 00:20:11,397 - I know. - All I wanted to do was apologize. 335 00:20:11,570 --> 00:20:14,240 - I had no ulterior motives. - I believe you. 336 00:20:14,408 --> 00:20:16,068 Thank you. 337 00:20:18,079 --> 00:20:19,409 Did I ever apologize to you? 338 00:20:20,416 --> 00:20:24,665 You mean, for our one-night stand that kind of, sort of broke my heart? 339 00:20:26,342 --> 00:20:27,670 Yeah, for that. 340 00:20:29,054 --> 00:20:30,549 No, not really. 341 00:20:31,766 --> 00:20:35,101 Okay, well, I am truly sorry. 342 00:20:35,271 --> 00:20:37,810 You're a wonderful person, and you deserved better. 343 00:20:38,525 --> 00:20:40,400 Thank you, Charlie. 344 00:20:40,570 --> 00:20:43,359 - That's sweet. - I mean it. 345 00:20:50,126 --> 00:20:52,000 - What's that? - Oh, this? 346 00:20:52,170 --> 00:20:56,252 It's one of those new web browser, e-mail gadgets. 347 00:20:56,468 --> 00:20:58,461 Cool.