1 00:00:05,956 --> 00:00:09,538 - Hey, how do I look? - Incredible. 2 00:00:10,377 --> 00:00:13,877 All men want to be you, all women want to be with you. 3 00:00:14,799 --> 00:00:17,090 Could you at least look at me before you answer? 4 00:00:18,929 --> 00:00:20,803 I stand corrected. 5 00:00:22,350 --> 00:00:24,009 All men want to be with you... 6 00:00:24,186 --> 00:00:27,437 Charlie, come on. I'm really nervous here. 7 00:00:27,606 --> 00:00:30,442 This is my first real date since college. 8 00:00:32,653 --> 00:00:35,192 - What the hell is this? - Bourbon. 9 00:00:35,950 --> 00:00:40,410 - You drink bourbon while you work out? - Gin makes me sweat. 10 00:00:41,955 --> 00:00:44,874 Look, don't turn this into a bigger deal than it needs to be. 11 00:00:45,043 --> 00:00:48,377 - You met a woman, you asked her out... - Technically, she asked me out. 12 00:00:48,548 --> 00:00:51,798 See, I was in the market, and she needed advice on picking out corn. 13 00:00:51,969 --> 00:00:54,256 There were no employees around. There never are. 14 00:00:54,429 --> 00:00:57,384 Even if they are, they're not knowledgeable about produce. 15 00:00:57,558 --> 00:01:01,638 - Thank God you were there. - Tell me about it. 16 00:01:01,814 --> 00:01:04,139 I explained that you have to husk a few ears... 17 00:01:04,315 --> 00:01:06,557 ...to check the firmness of the kernels. 18 00:01:06,735 --> 00:01:08,562 Next thing you know, she asked me out. 19 00:01:08,738 --> 00:01:13,031 Well, I guess that's why they say no one gets more action than a greengrocer. 20 00:01:13,202 --> 00:01:15,527 - They say that? - No. 21 00:01:17,164 --> 00:01:19,073 The point is, it's just dinner. 22 00:01:19,250 --> 00:01:22,454 You'll go, you'll bore her to death, you'll come home. 23 00:01:22,629 --> 00:01:25,381 Yeah, I know, but I wanna look good while I'm doing it. 24 00:01:25,548 --> 00:01:27,708 You look fine. Just relax. Be yourself. 25 00:01:28,219 --> 00:01:29,843 Yeah. Yeah. Okay. 26 00:01:30,013 --> 00:01:34,011 - You think I should bring some condoms? - Why? 27 00:01:34,184 --> 00:01:36,853 Well, I see the public service commercials... 28 00:01:37,021 --> 00:01:38,849 Yeah, you're right. See you later. 29 00:01:43,695 --> 00:01:45,653 Feel the burn. 30 00:02:14,273 --> 00:02:15,601 I think it's going well. 31 00:02:27,872 --> 00:02:32,702 My God, Alan. You're like a machine. 32 00:02:32,877 --> 00:02:38,300 I'm a love shark, baby. If I stop making love, I drown. 33 00:02:39,677 --> 00:02:42,216 Okay, okay, okay. Wait a sec, wait a sec: 34 00:02:44,641 --> 00:02:46,765 Sharks don't growl. 35 00:02:46,936 --> 00:02:51,230 All right, I'm a love bear. 36 00:02:51,399 --> 00:02:55,065 If I stop making love, I prevent forest fires. 37 00:02:56,072 --> 00:02:57,482 Jeez. 38 00:02:57,657 --> 00:03:00,231 - Alan. - Put that out. 39 00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:10,535 - Morning. - Morning. 40 00:03:12,674 --> 00:03:15,083 I see you've been working out again. 41 00:03:16,639 --> 00:03:19,010 Yeah, well, it's good for my heart. 42 00:03:19,182 --> 00:03:22,184 I figure the liver damage makes it kind of a push. 43 00:03:22,352 --> 00:03:23,930 Morning, all. 44 00:03:24,106 --> 00:03:26,182 - Morning. - Morning. 45 00:03:45,587 --> 00:03:47,461 Thirsty. 46 00:03:48,926 --> 00:03:50,752 Alan. 47 00:03:53,347 --> 00:03:58,175 Well, gadzooks, Zippy's getting his freak on. 48 00:04:00,398 --> 00:04:03,398 Yeah, it seems we're living in an age of miracles. 49 00:04:03,567 --> 00:04:05,691 I guess if they can put a man on the moon... 50 00:04:05,862 --> 00:04:07,735 ...they can put a woman on your brother. 51 00:04:09,909 --> 00:04:12,115 - Who's the girl? - I don't know. 52 00:04:12,285 --> 00:04:15,738 He met her at the supermarket. Helped her pick out corn. 53 00:04:15,915 --> 00:04:18,324 Corn? 54 00:04:19,003 --> 00:04:23,131 Well, I'm not in any position to judge. I once did a guy for a tank of gas. 55 00:04:46,743 --> 00:04:50,445 - Hey, Alan? Alan? - Yeah? 56 00:04:50,623 --> 00:04:52,533 - What you got there? - Basting brush... 57 00:04:52,708 --> 00:04:57,952 ...chocolate sauce, rubber gloves. You know what we're gonna use them for? 58 00:04:58,464 --> 00:05:01,834 - No. - Neither do I. 59 00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:06,683 Charlie, I have never had sex like this before in my life. 60 00:05:06,850 --> 00:05:11,477 In fact, I don't think anything I've had prior to this can even be called sex. 61 00:05:11,647 --> 00:05:15,431 Because if you call that sex, we need a new name for this. 62 00:05:15,610 --> 00:05:20,273 My suggestion would be "hootenanny yum-yum." 63 00:05:21,199 --> 00:05:23,488 I'm happy for you. 64 00:05:23,662 --> 00:05:27,326 Me too. Oh, do we have a step stool? 65 00:05:27,499 --> 00:05:30,371 - Hallway closet. - Thank you. 66 00:05:31,170 --> 00:05:34,540 - You might wanna pace yourself. - Yeah, right. 67 00:05:42,349 --> 00:05:44,011 Oh, boy. 68 00:05:44,185 --> 00:05:48,266 - What? - Oh, boy. 69 00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:49,768 Can I watch TV? 70 00:05:49,942 --> 00:05:52,693 I don't see why not. You got eyes and a butt. 71 00:05:54,740 --> 00:05:56,400 Where's Alan? 72 00:05:57,075 --> 00:06:00,030 - He's here. - Well, may I speak with him? 73 00:06:04,793 --> 00:06:06,204 Sure, why not. 74 00:06:09,799 --> 00:06:11,625 Okay, okay. Wait a sec. 75 00:06:12,052 --> 00:06:15,551 - Ta-da! - Yes! 76 00:06:21,686 --> 00:06:23,645 Not a good time, Charlie. 77 00:06:23,815 --> 00:06:27,517 Well, I thought you might like to know that your ex-wife and son are here. 78 00:06:27,695 --> 00:06:29,734 She's supposed to bring him on Friday. 79 00:06:29,906 --> 00:06:31,733 It is Friday. 80 00:06:32,826 --> 00:06:34,450 But not until 5. 81 00:06:34,619 --> 00:06:36,778 It is 5. 82 00:06:36,955 --> 00:06:38,947 Okay, cover for me. I'll be right out. 83 00:06:39,125 --> 00:06:40,535 - Alan. - Yeah? 84 00:06:40,710 --> 00:06:43,332 You might wanna take off the rubber glove first. 85 00:06:43,505 --> 00:06:45,296 Good thinking. 86 00:06:49,679 --> 00:06:52,348 - He'll be right out. - Thank you. 87 00:06:52,514 --> 00:06:54,342 So... 88 00:06:58,605 --> 00:06:59,934 ...how are you? 89 00:07:00,107 --> 00:07:02,018 What's going on in there? 90 00:07:02,192 --> 00:07:08,148 Alan's moving furniture around, because he's constantly redecorating. 91 00:07:08,326 --> 00:07:11,114 Sorry, I was taking a nap. 92 00:07:13,581 --> 00:07:14,862 So... So, what's up? 93 00:07:15,042 --> 00:07:18,957 I wanted to remind you that Jake has his karate tournament tomorrow morning. 94 00:07:19,129 --> 00:07:22,463 - Okay. - What's that on your face? 95 00:07:23,468 --> 00:07:28,130 - Just a little chocolate sauce. - Thank you. 96 00:07:28,308 --> 00:07:30,798 Got it, karate tournament, tomorrow morning. 97 00:07:31,477 --> 00:07:32,806 Alan, what's going on? 98 00:07:33,814 --> 00:07:38,810 What's... What's going on is I was lying in bed... 99 00:07:38,986 --> 00:07:40,860 ...eating a sundae. 100 00:07:43,032 --> 00:07:45,441 - After moving furniture. - After moving furniture. 101 00:07:45,618 --> 00:07:49,663 And I fell asleep in some chocolate sauce. 102 00:07:51,751 --> 00:07:53,993 Goodbye, Alan. 103 00:07:57,424 --> 00:07:59,833 - I think she bought it. - You think? 104 00:08:00,011 --> 00:08:01,554 No. 105 00:08:03,264 --> 00:08:05,258 Why didn't you tell her you've got a woman? 106 00:08:05,433 --> 00:08:07,724 I don't know. It just seems wrong. 107 00:08:07,895 --> 00:08:10,682 You're divorced. You have nothing to feel guilty about. 108 00:08:10,857 --> 00:08:13,977 It's not guilt. It's more shame. 109 00:08:14,153 --> 00:08:17,686 - What are you ashamed of? - Charlie, I spent 12 years with Judith. 110 00:08:17,865 --> 00:08:20,903 We went through a lot together. You can't just erase all that... 111 00:08:21,077 --> 00:08:24,032 ...by lapping chocolate sauce out of another woman's navel. 112 00:08:25,332 --> 00:08:28,997 Okay, my fault for asking. Now, what do you wanna do about Jake? 113 00:08:29,171 --> 00:08:33,086 Oh, my God, Jake's here. I don't want him to know I'm dating. 114 00:08:33,257 --> 00:08:37,422 This is not dating, Alan. This is rubber gloves and step stools. 115 00:08:38,556 --> 00:08:40,099 All right, all right. 116 00:08:40,267 --> 00:08:43,221 You distract him, and I'll sneak Nancy out and drive her home. 117 00:08:43,395 --> 00:08:45,602 - Fine. - Okay. 118 00:08:46,732 --> 00:08:51,609 Wrong. This is just wrong, so wrong. 119 00:08:51,780 --> 00:08:54,271 Hey, Jake, wanna go shoot some hoops? 120 00:08:54,449 --> 00:08:56,241 In a minute. 121 00:09:07,424 --> 00:09:08,918 He's oblivious. Just go. 122 00:09:10,552 --> 00:09:12,210 In a minute. 123 00:09:23,358 --> 00:09:27,143 No, he's still watching TV. Hold on, I'll check. 124 00:09:28,739 --> 00:09:31,147 - You hungry? - What are we having? 125 00:09:31,326 --> 00:09:35,371 - I don't know. Tell me if you're hungry. - That depends on what we're having. 126 00:09:35,539 --> 00:09:37,782 - Okay, what do you want? - What do you got? 127 00:09:39,460 --> 00:09:41,453 He's not hungry. 128 00:09:43,256 --> 00:09:46,875 So I thought you were taking her home and coming right back. 129 00:09:47,054 --> 00:09:49,626 You checked into a hotel? 130 00:09:50,348 --> 00:09:53,516 No, you're right, driving that way is dangerous. 131 00:09:55,020 --> 00:09:57,642 One pothole can change your life forever. 132 00:10:00,317 --> 00:10:05,562 When's the last time you ate something? Quit giggling, you know what I mean. 133 00:10:08,577 --> 00:10:13,738 Okay. Okay, look in the honor bar for some Gatorade or something. 134 00:10:13,918 --> 00:10:17,169 Dehydration is the enemy. 135 00:10:17,339 --> 00:10:20,292 All right, have fun. See you later. 136 00:10:20,468 --> 00:10:22,508 I am hungry. What's for dinner? 137 00:10:23,679 --> 00:10:26,052 - What do you want? - What do you got? 138 00:10:27,725 --> 00:10:30,097 I think there's a couple of steaks in the freezer. 139 00:10:30,270 --> 00:10:31,598 I want chicken. 140 00:10:33,357 --> 00:10:34,685 It's just wrong. 141 00:10:36,861 --> 00:10:39,648 So very, very wrong. 142 00:10:44,745 --> 00:10:46,904 - You full? - Yeah. 143 00:10:47,081 --> 00:10:51,375 - Good. - Why, what else we got? 144 00:10:51,961 --> 00:10:53,836 - You said you were full. - I am. 145 00:10:54,006 --> 00:10:55,417 Good. 146 00:10:57,344 --> 00:10:59,419 But what else we got? 147 00:11:01,557 --> 00:11:05,601 Sorry, I'm late. I had to go to the office... 148 00:11:05,770 --> 00:11:09,554 ...for an emergency, and I got a flat tire. 149 00:11:09,733 --> 00:11:13,315 And so I had to wait for the auto club to come and change it. 150 00:11:13,487 --> 00:11:14,815 And I didn't have my card. 151 00:11:14,989 --> 00:11:17,230 And the guy had to check me on the computer... 152 00:11:17,409 --> 00:11:20,030 ...even though I've been a member since 1989. 153 00:11:20,203 --> 00:11:25,578 And that's why it took until now for me to get back. 154 00:11:28,296 --> 00:11:30,123 Thought you were here. 155 00:11:31,675 --> 00:11:33,254 I missed you, Alan. 156 00:11:33,427 --> 00:11:37,011 Thank you. Can I speak with you for a minute? 157 00:11:37,181 --> 00:11:40,883 - Hey, Uncle Charlie, what's for dessert? - You said were full. 158 00:11:41,395 --> 00:11:43,103 Not for dessert. 159 00:11:43,730 --> 00:11:46,602 - Okay, what do you want? - What do you got? 160 00:11:47,317 --> 00:11:49,276 How do you not kill him? 161 00:11:52,033 --> 00:11:54,275 Charlie, I feel horrible about what I'm doing. 162 00:11:54,910 --> 00:11:57,199 Then you're doing it wrong. 163 00:11:57,373 --> 00:12:00,457 No, I feel like I'm abandoning my child. 164 00:12:00,626 --> 00:12:03,460 Weren't you listening? He didn't even notice you were gone. 165 00:12:03,629 --> 00:12:04,957 That's not the point. 166 00:12:05,131 --> 00:12:09,046 What kind of man chooses sex with an insatiably hot stranger... 167 00:12:09,219 --> 00:12:11,508 ...over quality time with his little boy? 168 00:12:11,679 --> 00:12:16,971 I don't know, a man who was married for 12 years and had sex 12 times. 169 00:12:18,313 --> 00:12:20,603 You're right, I deserve this. 170 00:12:20,774 --> 00:12:23,693 Exactly, so go enjoy yourself. 171 00:12:23,862 --> 00:12:25,770 Well, I do have the room the whole night. 172 00:12:25,948 --> 00:12:28,782 Yeah, most of your better hotels prefer you do it that way. 173 00:12:28,950 --> 00:12:32,320 Just make sure Jake goes to bed early. He's got karate in the morning. 174 00:12:32,496 --> 00:12:35,414 - Which, of course, you'll be back for. - Charlie, trust me. 175 00:12:35,583 --> 00:12:39,498 You, I trust. It's him I'm worried about. 176 00:12:49,974 --> 00:12:51,802 What? 177 00:12:52,812 --> 00:12:58,317 Oh, you've gotta be kidding me. I have to take him to karate? 178 00:12:58,485 --> 00:13:01,191 Alan, it's 6:30 in the morning. 179 00:13:01,363 --> 00:13:04,069 What kind of maniac broad did you hook up with? 180 00:13:04,242 --> 00:13:07,991 She's incredible, Charlie. I've never met anyone like her. 181 00:13:12,586 --> 00:13:14,458 Gotta go. 182 00:13:20,887 --> 00:13:22,713 Jake, wake up. 183 00:13:25,350 --> 00:13:26,678 Well, I tried. 184 00:13:37,447 --> 00:13:40,817 - Anybody home? - Right here. 185 00:13:42,202 --> 00:13:43,994 Where's Jake? 186 00:13:44,164 --> 00:13:46,951 I don't know. Didn't he have a karate tournament? 187 00:13:48,585 --> 00:13:51,622 Yes. You were supposed to take him three hours ago. 188 00:13:51,797 --> 00:13:55,500 - Why didn't you take him? - He wouldn't get up. 189 00:13:55,676 --> 00:13:58,168 I tried everything. 190 00:13:59,014 --> 00:14:00,342 What time did he go to bed? 191 00:14:00,516 --> 00:14:04,016 I don't know. I crashed around 2 and he was still going strong. 192 00:14:05,355 --> 00:14:07,396 He was up past 2? 193 00:14:07,565 --> 00:14:11,316 He said he's had coffee before, but that was a lie, right? 194 00:14:12,321 --> 00:14:16,533 Okay, okay, all right, it's not important. The karate was his mother's idea. Listen. 195 00:14:16,702 --> 00:14:19,192 I need to ask you for another favor. 196 00:14:19,372 --> 00:14:23,833 Oh, come on, put it in the holster, Wild Bill. 197 00:14:25,629 --> 00:14:29,081 No, no, no. This isn't about sex. 198 00:14:29,258 --> 00:14:31,880 I need you to watch Jake for the rest of the weekend... 199 00:14:32,054 --> 00:14:35,553 ...so that Nancy and I can go to Vegas and get married. 200 00:14:36,724 --> 00:14:40,937 Oh, God, Alan. There's no need to marry the woman. 201 00:14:41,105 --> 00:14:44,022 If you don't wanna have sex anymore, just tell her. 202 00:14:44,192 --> 00:14:47,194 No, no, you don't understand. 203 00:14:47,362 --> 00:14:49,023 This is beyond sex. 204 00:14:49,198 --> 00:14:50,694 We're in love. 205 00:14:53,494 --> 00:14:54,871 Alan, come here. 206 00:15:00,087 --> 00:15:02,707 You are not in love, you're besotted. 207 00:15:02,881 --> 00:15:06,630 No, no, no, I have never felt like this about a woman before. 208 00:15:06,803 --> 00:15:09,292 We have a bond that transcends the physical. 209 00:15:09,473 --> 00:15:10,800 - Really? - Yeah. 210 00:15:10,974 --> 00:15:13,215 - Kind of a spiritual thing? - Yes. 211 00:15:13,392 --> 00:15:16,512 Okay. I can understand that. So where's she from? 212 00:15:16,688 --> 00:15:18,764 She's from around here. 213 00:15:19,483 --> 00:15:22,900 - Where? - Supermarket. 214 00:15:26,074 --> 00:15:27,449 Charlie, stop that. 215 00:15:27,618 --> 00:15:33,205 I have thought this through and I am really and truly in love with... 216 00:15:33,374 --> 00:15:36,080 - Nancy. - I knew that. I knew that. 217 00:15:36,252 --> 00:15:39,207 I was looking for the proper adjective to describe her. 218 00:15:39,381 --> 00:15:42,882 Nuts? Easy? Limber? 219 00:15:43,053 --> 00:15:47,384 Charlie. Charlie, you started off on the wrong foot with my first wife. 220 00:15:47,558 --> 00:15:49,966 Do not make the same mistake with... 221 00:15:50,686 --> 00:15:52,312 ...wonderful Nancy. 222 00:15:53,566 --> 00:15:56,686 Okay, you're right. This is not about her. Come here. Sit down. 223 00:15:56,860 --> 00:16:00,395 - You gonna hit me? - Well, let's see how it goes. 224 00:16:04,327 --> 00:16:07,531 Okay, look, I've never been much of a big brother to you. 225 00:16:07,706 --> 00:16:10,742 I didn't protect you. I wasn't around when you started dating... 226 00:16:10,919 --> 00:16:13,327 ...when you got married and had Jake. You know why? 227 00:16:14,088 --> 00:16:16,758 - Why? - I was busy getting laid. 228 00:16:18,426 --> 00:16:21,595 Which makes me the perfect big brother to help you now. 229 00:16:21,765 --> 00:16:25,134 I've been through this. I know what it means to confuse sex with love. 230 00:16:25,310 --> 00:16:27,351 That's not what I'm doing, Charlie. 231 00:16:27,521 --> 00:16:31,141 We're talking about me, and I've been down this road many times. 232 00:16:32,069 --> 00:16:33,646 I remember this one girl. 233 00:16:33,821 --> 00:16:36,146 We had this unbelievably hot weekend together. 234 00:16:36,324 --> 00:16:39,574 It was like nothing I'd ever experienced before, and I proposed. 235 00:16:39,744 --> 00:16:43,196 - I begged her to marry me. - Wow, where did you meet? 236 00:16:43,372 --> 00:16:45,165 Detention. 237 00:16:46,377 --> 00:16:49,213 - This was in high school? - Eighth grade. 238 00:16:49,381 --> 00:16:52,915 And then years later, it happened again with a different woman. 239 00:16:53,093 --> 00:16:55,216 Instant chemistry. The sex was unbelievable. 240 00:16:55,388 --> 00:16:58,306 I was convinced we were soul mates, so I threw myself at her. 241 00:16:58,474 --> 00:17:00,385 I did everything to get her to marry me. 242 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:02,599 And you know what? If she'd said yes... 243 00:17:02,771 --> 00:17:06,851 ...I'd now have a 67-year-old ex-wife on a belly dancer's pension. 244 00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:10,737 So, what I'm trying to say... 245 00:17:10,905 --> 00:17:14,110 ...is you're not the first guy to mistake passion for true love... 246 00:17:14,284 --> 00:17:15,695 ...and you won't be the last. 247 00:17:15,869 --> 00:17:18,278 If someone had told me what I'm telling you... 248 00:17:18,455 --> 00:17:21,327 ...I could have saved myself a lot of heartache. 249 00:17:22,502 --> 00:17:25,918 Okay. I hear you. Thank you. 250 00:17:26,091 --> 00:17:27,714 You're welcome. 251 00:17:27,884 --> 00:17:32,214 So make sure Jake doesn't fill up on junk food, and I'll call you from Circus Circus. 252 00:17:35,142 --> 00:17:36,470 Circus Circus? 253 00:17:36,644 --> 00:17:40,856 You're right, money should be no object. What's the hotel with the pirate show? 254 00:17:41,775 --> 00:17:44,312 I'm sorry, Alan, but I'm gonna have to knock you out. 255 00:17:44,487 --> 00:17:47,240 - Hello? - Mom, thank God you're here. 256 00:17:47,406 --> 00:17:49,898 Oh, I don't need your sarcasm, Charlie. 257 00:17:50,076 --> 00:17:52,484 No, I mean it. I need you. Alan needs you. 258 00:17:52,662 --> 00:17:53,990 What's going on? 259 00:17:54,163 --> 00:17:56,406 Alan, tell Mom your plans for the weekend. 260 00:17:57,208 --> 00:17:59,249 - No. - Why? Embarrassed? 261 00:17:59,421 --> 00:18:01,080 - No. No. - Ashamed? 262 00:18:01,257 --> 00:18:03,248 - Scared? - Yes. 263 00:18:03,968 --> 00:18:06,885 Sweetheart, I'm your mother. You can tell me anything. 264 00:18:07,888 --> 00:18:13,264 Okay. I met a wonderful woman in the supermarket a few days ago... 265 00:18:13,437 --> 00:18:16,224 ...and we're getting married. 266 00:18:16,857 --> 00:18:18,768 I see. 267 00:18:21,112 --> 00:18:27,068 For God's sake, if you're that horny, find a nice call girl, put her on retainer. 268 00:18:28,787 --> 00:18:30,579 This is not about sex. 269 00:18:30,749 --> 00:18:32,541 Oh, please. What else could it be? 270 00:18:32,709 --> 00:18:36,376 - Well, it could be love. - Yeah. Sure. 271 00:18:36,547 --> 00:18:39,467 Who is this woman? What does she do? 272 00:18:40,469 --> 00:18:42,508 She does Alan. 273 00:18:45,265 --> 00:18:47,591 Okay, okay, that... That is how it started... 274 00:18:47,770 --> 00:18:51,303 ...but in the last day and a half it has blossomed into so much more. 275 00:18:51,481 --> 00:18:55,860 Oh, my randy little nincompoop. 276 00:18:56,029 --> 00:18:58,106 Listen, if I had gotten married... 277 00:18:58,281 --> 00:19:02,362 ...after every weekend of hot, sweaty debauchery with a virtual stranger... 278 00:19:02,536 --> 00:19:07,698 ...you'd have, well, many more stepfathers than you already have. 279 00:19:07,875 --> 00:19:10,628 She knows what she's talking about, Alan. 280 00:19:10,795 --> 00:19:15,008 Mom's been on more hotel pillows than a chocolate mint. 281 00:19:21,015 --> 00:19:22,843 Don't help me, Charlie. 282 00:19:23,018 --> 00:19:27,265 Now... Now, listen, sweetheart. Sweetheart, no offense... 283 00:19:27,441 --> 00:19:30,478 ...but since you're dirt-poor and living with your brother... 284 00:19:30,652 --> 00:19:35,114 ...one must ask, what kind of woman would agree to marry you? 285 00:19:35,282 --> 00:19:39,281 Unless she's a little slow, or looking for a green card. 286 00:19:41,374 --> 00:19:43,449 Listen to your mommy, Alan. 287 00:19:43,625 --> 00:19:46,544 No. No, I am gonna listen to my heart. 288 00:19:46,712 --> 00:19:49,204 For your information, she hasn't agreed to marry me. 289 00:19:49,383 --> 00:19:52,170 - I haven't even asked her yet. - But you're planning to? 290 00:19:52,345 --> 00:19:55,512 - Yes. - I'm not going to hit you, darling. 291 00:19:55,682 --> 00:19:57,140 Charlie. 292 00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:04,139 Okay, look, I will thank you both to let me live my own life. 293 00:20:04,317 --> 00:20:05,942 I love Nancy, and Nancy loves me. 294 00:20:06,111 --> 00:20:08,863 And if this is a mistake, then it will be my mistake. 295 00:20:09,323 --> 00:20:13,819 Hello? Nancy. You miss me? I miss you. 296 00:20:13,994 --> 00:20:17,448 Listen, there's something I wanna ask you, but I wanna do it in person. 297 00:20:18,417 --> 00:20:20,160 Oh, oh, okay, okay. I understand. 298 00:20:20,335 --> 00:20:23,336 Yeah, sure. Sure. Bye. 299 00:20:24,256 --> 00:20:26,380 Her husband came back a day early. 300 00:20:29,430 --> 00:20:30,888 Okay, my mistake. 301 00:20:41,068 --> 00:20:44,519 - You hungry? - What do we got? 302 00:20:45,699 --> 00:20:47,857 What do you want? 303 00:20:49,535 --> 00:20:52,407 I don't know. What are my choices? 304 00:20:53,249 --> 00:20:56,784 You can cook something, or go live on the street. 305 00:20:58,631 --> 00:21:00,540 I'm not hungry.