1 00:00:04,732 --> 00:00:06,311 - Hey, look who's here. - Hey, Dad. 2 00:00:06,485 --> 00:00:08,064 Aren't you gonna kiss me goodbye? 3 00:00:08,238 --> 00:00:10,280 Apparently not. 4 00:00:12,830 --> 00:00:14,491 Do you see how rude he is to me? 5 00:00:14,708 --> 00:00:16,370 It's terrible. I'll talk to him. 6 00:00:16,545 --> 00:00:20,462 - I wish you would because... Wait, Alan! - Oh, oh, sorry. 7 00:00:20,678 --> 00:00:23,253 Alan, have you been badmouthing me? 8 00:00:23,933 --> 00:00:27,637 - Badmouthing you? To whom? - To Jake. 9 00:00:27,857 --> 00:00:29,519 Oh, to Jake. No. 10 00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:35,488 - Why? - His attitude towards me is disrespectful. 11 00:00:35,663 --> 00:00:37,906 I have to wonder where he's getting it from. 12 00:00:38,084 --> 00:00:41,837 I assure you, I make it a point to speak well of you in front of our son. 13 00:00:42,217 --> 00:00:43,629 What about your brother? 14 00:00:43,845 --> 00:00:46,053 Oh, with Charlie, I'm completely honest. 15 00:00:47,017 --> 00:00:48,393 That is not what I meant. 16 00:00:48,854 --> 00:00:50,729 I know. 17 00:00:51,442 --> 00:00:52,985 Hey, Judith. 18 00:00:53,153 --> 00:00:55,729 Have you said derogatory things about me to Jake? 19 00:00:55,950 --> 00:00:58,525 No, why? Did you want me to? 20 00:01:01,251 --> 00:01:02,830 I don't understand his behavior. 21 00:01:03,005 --> 00:01:06,173 Ignoring me, avoiding me, acting like I'm the enemy. 22 00:01:06,386 --> 00:01:08,879 But you get why I'm doing it, right? 23 00:01:11,186 --> 00:01:12,516 I got it! 24 00:01:12,689 --> 00:01:15,360 I don't know what to say. He's not getting it from us. 25 00:01:15,527 --> 00:01:17,855 - Absolutely not. - It's your mother! 26 00:01:18,033 --> 00:01:20,157 - You talk to her. - No, I talked last time. 27 00:01:20,369 --> 00:01:21,830 - Choose you for it. - Odds. 28 00:01:22,039 --> 00:01:23,119 One, two, three, shoot. 29 00:01:23,291 --> 00:01:24,787 - Odds. You talk to her. - No. 30 00:01:25,002 --> 00:01:27,127 - Hey, but you said you were gonna... - I lied. 31 00:01:29,302 --> 00:01:32,472 Leave a message at the beep. Beep! 32 00:01:39,153 --> 00:01:41,444 I wish there were a better way to deal with Mom. 33 00:01:41,658 --> 00:01:44,827 There is, but we're both too pretty for jail. 34 00:01:51,634 --> 00:01:53,427 - What? - What? 35 00:02:21,814 --> 00:02:23,607 Mom's here. 36 00:02:23,776 --> 00:02:25,188 Charlie, did you hear me? 37 00:02:25,362 --> 00:02:28,651 Yeah, I just prefer to live in denial. 38 00:02:29,244 --> 00:02:30,704 Come on. 39 00:02:30,873 --> 00:02:33,330 We talked about this. We need to set an example. 40 00:02:33,837 --> 00:02:38,217 Fine, tell Mom I love her and... I don't wanna give her my cold. 41 00:02:38,678 --> 00:02:40,138 That is not going to help. 42 00:02:40,348 --> 00:02:42,805 Well, you gotta say it in front of Jake. 43 00:02:43,688 --> 00:02:45,646 No. Here is the plan. 44 00:02:45,816 --> 00:02:48,225 We'll stop acting like we hate being with her... 45 00:02:48,404 --> 00:02:52,487 ...stop taking shots at her, and start acting like we love and respect her. 46 00:02:53,204 --> 00:02:56,207 - All at once? - Come on. 47 00:02:56,836 --> 00:02:58,961 Your Uncle Charlie thinks I don't see him... 48 00:02:59,675 --> 00:03:02,679 ...but Grandmommy sees everything. 49 00:03:02,889 --> 00:03:04,966 Mom, we didn't expect to see you today. 50 00:03:05,184 --> 00:03:07,809 I have to come unannounced because when I call first... 51 00:03:07,981 --> 00:03:10,688 ...there's no one home when I get here. 52 00:03:11,696 --> 00:03:15,828 I imagine that's only because my cowardly sons are trying to avoid me. 53 00:03:16,037 --> 00:03:18,198 She's ruining the plan. 54 00:03:18,375 --> 00:03:21,961 Well, the important thing is we're all here, and we're happy to see you. 55 00:03:22,131 --> 00:03:25,919 - Right, Charlie? - Oh, happy isn't the word. 56 00:03:26,097 --> 00:03:29,517 - So, what's new, Mom? - Well, if you really care... 57 00:03:29,687 --> 00:03:32,691 - We do, we do. - We do. 58 00:03:32,902 --> 00:03:36,239 Next Sunday, I am receiving my gold blazer... 59 00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:38,527 ...from the Westside Realtor's Association. 60 00:03:38,746 --> 00:03:40,621 - I am so proud of you. - That's great. 61 00:03:40,791 --> 00:03:42,583 Me too, Mom. 62 00:03:42,794 --> 00:03:45,668 It's the highest honor the real-estate community can bestow. 63 00:03:46,510 --> 00:03:48,338 - I am so proud of you. - That's great. 64 00:03:48,513 --> 00:03:50,258 Me too, Mom. 65 00:03:51,561 --> 00:03:54,848 So I wanted to talk to you about the presentation ceremony. 66 00:03:55,067 --> 00:03:57,027 We'll be there. Tell us where and when. 67 00:03:57,238 --> 00:04:00,655 Well, next Sunday, 5:00. And I was hoping we could have it here. 68 00:04:01,579 --> 00:04:02,909 - Here? - Why here? 69 00:04:03,082 --> 00:04:06,501 - I mean, we love and respect you... - But why here? 70 00:04:08,717 --> 00:04:10,925 This isn't really a good house for parties. 71 00:04:11,096 --> 00:04:14,053 - Yeah, it's so big and close to the ocean. - Yeah. 72 00:04:15,353 --> 00:04:17,930 Come on. I can't very well throw a party for myself. 73 00:04:18,109 --> 00:04:21,777 This way everyone will get to see how much my sons love and respect me. 74 00:04:23,703 --> 00:04:27,038 Anyway, here is the guest list, and also a suggested menu. 75 00:04:27,250 --> 00:04:30,123 Nothing fancy. Cocktails, buffet. 76 00:04:30,298 --> 00:04:32,090 Any questions? 77 00:04:35,181 --> 00:04:37,140 - No. - Good. 78 00:04:38,228 --> 00:04:40,306 Okay. 79 00:04:40,734 --> 00:04:43,737 Big kiss. Love you all. 80 00:04:44,783 --> 00:04:47,073 - Love you too, Mom. - Bye, Grandma. 81 00:04:47,495 --> 00:04:48,825 Relatives, huh? 82 00:04:48,998 --> 00:04:52,371 Can't live with them, can't turn them in for the reward. 83 00:04:52,588 --> 00:04:56,339 Excuse me, Berta, but we happen to love our mother very much. 84 00:04:56,512 --> 00:04:58,340 - Right, Charlie? - Right. 85 00:04:58,516 --> 00:05:00,510 Jake, look. There's a pelican on the deck. 86 00:05:00,727 --> 00:05:01,892 Oh, cool. 87 00:05:07,323 --> 00:05:10,243 Are you happy? 88 00:05:10,829 --> 00:05:13,702 Now we have to throw a party for your crazy-ass mother. 89 00:05:13,919 --> 00:05:15,829 - She's your mother too. - How do you know? 90 00:05:16,005 --> 00:05:17,667 - I could've been adopted. - You wish. 91 00:05:17,884 --> 00:05:21,885 I do. Now, what about this stupid party? 92 00:05:22,099 --> 00:05:24,427 Here. Maybe this'll help. 93 00:05:27,860 --> 00:05:30,234 "Daisy's Fishing Tackle and Live Bait"? 94 00:05:30,866 --> 00:05:32,860 Turn it over. 95 00:05:33,037 --> 00:05:35,446 "Daisy's Classy Catering." 96 00:05:36,292 --> 00:05:39,830 She's my sister. Her husband left. I'm trying to get her back on her feet. 97 00:05:40,050 --> 00:05:42,756 She runs a catering business and a bait shop? 98 00:05:42,970 --> 00:05:44,799 Not at the same time. 99 00:05:47,688 --> 00:05:50,311 There's no pelican. 100 00:05:56,036 --> 00:05:58,660 Hey, you Charlie? 101 00:06:02,924 --> 00:06:04,717 Maybe. 102 00:06:06,639 --> 00:06:10,093 - Who's asking? - I'm Daisy, the caterer. 103 00:06:11,732 --> 00:06:13,108 Your Berta's sister? 104 00:06:13,318 --> 00:06:15,526 Same mom. Dad's a little iffy. 105 00:06:17,074 --> 00:06:20,363 Berta said if I wanted a shot of your bourbon, I had to ask you. 106 00:06:21,333 --> 00:06:24,336 - Yeah, sure. Knock yourself out. - Thanks. 107 00:06:27,093 --> 00:06:31,307 I don't usually drink before noon, but I'm going through a rough patch. 108 00:06:31,518 --> 00:06:34,771 Well, that's why they make bourbon. 109 00:06:34,982 --> 00:06:37,985 My husband left me for another woman. You know how I found out? 110 00:06:38,197 --> 00:06:41,402 - To tell you the truth... - Relax. It's rhetorical. 111 00:06:41,577 --> 00:06:44,914 They waved to me as they drove my house out of the trailer park. 112 00:06:47,129 --> 00:06:48,922 - That's sad. - Yeah. 113 00:06:49,090 --> 00:06:52,011 I had that doublewide 11 years. 114 00:06:53,098 --> 00:06:54,558 Larry was with me for four. 115 00:06:54,726 --> 00:06:58,394 Six months of those were house arrest, so you can't give him credit for that. 116 00:06:59,861 --> 00:07:03,114 You know, I haven't gotten up to pee yet. 117 00:07:03,326 --> 00:07:05,450 Let me tell you something. 118 00:07:07,541 --> 00:07:10,415 Larry was nothing when I met him. 119 00:07:11,173 --> 00:07:14,177 He was working at some kosher slaughterhouse out in Fontana... 120 00:07:14,346 --> 00:07:18,181 ...before they fired him for being mean to the cattle. 121 00:07:19,146 --> 00:07:20,558 What? 122 00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:24,444 The Jewish laws dictate that the animals have to be treated kindly... 123 00:07:24,614 --> 00:07:26,027 ...before they get whacked. 124 00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:27,744 Larry would taunt them. 125 00:07:27,912 --> 00:07:30,998 "Hey, hamburger, guess what's gonna happen to you." 126 00:07:37,471 --> 00:07:40,308 Anyway, I picked him up off his sorry, unemployed ass. 127 00:07:40,476 --> 00:07:43,349 I gave him hair plugs, contact lenses, teeth. 128 00:07:44,818 --> 00:07:47,939 The bastard dumped me for this tiny, little Korean manicurist... 129 00:07:48,114 --> 00:07:51,118 ...who huffs nail-polish remover between appointments. 130 00:07:51,872 --> 00:07:56,122 Well, you give a guy hair and teeth, he's bound to hook up with trash. 131 00:07:56,797 --> 00:07:58,673 No, she was pretty hot. 132 00:07:58,842 --> 00:08:01,966 She had a spray-on tan, Botox up the yin-yang. 133 00:08:02,140 --> 00:08:04,384 Couldn't tell if she was 20 or 60. 134 00:08:05,313 --> 00:08:09,315 - Daisy! - In here! 135 00:08:12,784 --> 00:08:14,411 What the hell are you doing? 136 00:08:14,621 --> 00:08:17,459 Relax. It's not what you think. We're just having a drink. 137 00:08:17,627 --> 00:08:19,420 Good idea. 138 00:08:20,717 --> 00:08:23,339 You listen to me. Just because I got us this job... 139 00:08:23,513 --> 00:08:25,471 ...doesn't mean I'm cooking by myself. 140 00:08:25,641 --> 00:08:26,971 I'm coming down there. 141 00:08:27,144 --> 00:08:29,518 And don't act like you're doing me some big favor. 142 00:08:29,690 --> 00:08:33,062 Oh, excuse me for trying to help my broke, homeless, baby sister. 143 00:08:33,238 --> 00:08:37,025 I'm not homeless. I have a home. I just don't know where it's parked. 144 00:08:37,204 --> 00:08:40,456 I wouldn't be broke if you'd have paid me my share of Mama's estate. 145 00:08:40,669 --> 00:08:42,877 What estate? It was a shoebox... 146 00:08:43,047 --> 00:08:45,968 ...full of corn pads, used lottery tickets and insulin. 147 00:08:46,179 --> 00:08:48,801 It's the first I'm hearing about the insulin. 148 00:08:49,644 --> 00:08:51,685 Excuse me, but shouldn't we be, you know... 149 00:08:51,855 --> 00:08:53,849 ...cooking something for my mother's party? 150 00:08:54,526 --> 00:08:55,856 Hang on, Charlie. 151 00:08:56,030 --> 00:09:00,328 You know, I am sick of you insinuating that I stole all that crap Mama left me. 152 00:09:00,538 --> 00:09:04,871 She didn't leave it to you. You were just the first one back after she flatlined. 153 00:09:05,047 --> 00:09:07,670 Oh, and where were you? At some ashram in Oregon? 154 00:09:07,843 --> 00:09:11,891 I was learning from my guru how to channel my spirit guide. 155 00:09:12,101 --> 00:09:15,639 Oh, please. You were humping a defrocked priest in the woods. 156 00:09:19,281 --> 00:09:23,069 How about stuffed mushrooms? Everybody loves those. 157 00:09:23,288 --> 00:09:25,579 You know, that's your problem your whole life. 158 00:09:25,793 --> 00:09:28,665 You chase after losers, take care of them, fix them up... 159 00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:31,677 ...and then they hop on the first manicurist out of town. 160 00:09:31,845 --> 00:09:34,254 You're jealous because I've had love in my life. 161 00:09:34,433 --> 00:09:37,520 Yeah? You know what you got in your life now? Squat. 162 00:09:37,689 --> 00:09:41,357 No husband, no one to do your nails, and blocks where your house used to be. 163 00:09:41,529 --> 00:09:44,901 I swear to God. One more word and I'm gonna knock you on your keister! 164 00:09:45,077 --> 00:09:47,321 - Okay, okay, there's no reason... - Squat! 165 00:09:47,498 --> 00:09:49,327 - That's it! - Whoa, whoa, no! 166 00:09:49,501 --> 00:09:53,337 No, whoa! Stop! Berta! 167 00:09:55,054 --> 00:09:56,881 Berta! 168 00:10:05,948 --> 00:10:07,195 Give me the rolling pin. 169 00:10:08,078 --> 00:10:10,750 Is there a special place you'd like me to put it? 170 00:10:12,378 --> 00:10:15,131 I don't know what else you want from me. I took you in. 171 00:10:15,340 --> 00:10:17,798 Gunther's in the garage, so you can have the couch. 172 00:10:18,011 --> 00:10:22,310 You spoil that dog. Anyway, I'm staying at a motel tonight. 173 00:10:22,729 --> 00:10:26,777 Good idea. Maybe you'll meet your next husband on the walk there. 174 00:10:26,987 --> 00:10:28,566 - Can I have one of these? - No. 175 00:10:28,740 --> 00:10:31,447 I am just trying to be a good sister. 176 00:10:31,621 --> 00:10:33,911 No, you're trying to make me feel like crap. 177 00:10:34,083 --> 00:10:35,662 It's what you always do. 178 00:10:36,212 --> 00:10:37,922 - So I can eat this? - No. 179 00:10:38,550 --> 00:10:40,627 - Let him have one. - You don't know this kid. 180 00:10:40,804 --> 00:10:44,341 He never stops at one. He eats like a refugee. 181 00:10:46,481 --> 00:10:48,475 - Eat it. - Drop it. 182 00:10:50,948 --> 00:10:53,274 Hey, how's it going? 183 00:11:00,589 --> 00:11:02,334 Not good. 184 00:11:05,306 --> 00:11:07,015 Nice move, Tinkerbell. 185 00:11:07,226 --> 00:11:10,147 - Shut your hole and help me pick this up. - You pick it up. 186 00:11:10,357 --> 00:11:12,018 I'm going outside to meditate. 187 00:11:12,194 --> 00:11:15,198 - What's going on? - I'll tell you what's going on. 188 00:11:15,366 --> 00:11:17,575 You wanted that clown to be nice to his mother. 189 00:11:17,745 --> 00:11:20,869 But did you think to say to him, "Clown, be nice to your mother"? 190 00:11:21,043 --> 00:11:23,370 No, we had to throw a big party for our mother... 191 00:11:23,548 --> 00:11:26,552 ...catered by the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling. 192 00:11:27,639 --> 00:11:30,132 That's it. I can't work like this. 193 00:11:30,352 --> 00:11:31,728 Well, you have to, Berta. 194 00:11:31,896 --> 00:11:34,187 We've got 50 people coming in a couple of hours. 195 00:11:34,401 --> 00:11:37,357 - Don't tell me. Tell her. - Fine. 196 00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:38,563 Watch this. 197 00:11:41,790 --> 00:11:44,746 Hey! I'm meditating here! 198 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:48,466 Jake, let's go pick up Grandma. 199 00:11:48,634 --> 00:11:51,211 - Charlie, you're in charge. - The hell I am. 200 00:11:51,432 --> 00:11:53,426 - Why pick her up? - Grandma likes to drink. 201 00:11:53,602 --> 00:11:57,555 - When grownups drink, they don't drive. - Good thing Uncle Charlie lives here. 202 00:11:59,696 --> 00:12:02,190 So, good luck. I'll see you tomorrow. 203 00:12:02,411 --> 00:12:04,820 No, wait. Berta, you can't leave. 204 00:12:04,998 --> 00:12:09,710 Don't worry. Your deposit's fully refundable in fishing tackle or live bait. 205 00:12:09,924 --> 00:12:11,253 I don't want a refund. 206 00:12:11,426 --> 00:12:13,087 I want you to make up with Daisy... 207 00:12:13,263 --> 00:12:17,133 ...so when my mother gets here, she'll have something to eat besides my soul. 208 00:12:17,312 --> 00:12:20,850 Make up with her? For what? Trying to help her? 209 00:12:21,027 --> 00:12:23,947 Trying to keep her from making the same stupid mistake again? 210 00:12:24,157 --> 00:12:26,448 Yeah, sure, fine, whatever. Just do it! 211 00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:29,117 No, I'm done with her. I quit. 212 00:12:29,542 --> 00:12:32,415 Berta... Berta, you can't quit being related to somebody. 213 00:12:32,590 --> 00:12:33,789 Believe me, I've tried. 214 00:12:35,679 --> 00:12:37,507 She is a spoiled, little princess... 215 00:12:37,683 --> 00:12:40,092 ...who doesn't know when somebody's trying to help. 216 00:12:40,271 --> 00:12:42,265 - And you know what else? - Hold on, hold on. 217 00:12:42,442 --> 00:12:46,028 I'm still trying to wrap my brain around "little princess." 218 00:12:46,657 --> 00:12:49,660 Ever since Mom spit her out, she got everything she wanted. 219 00:12:49,872 --> 00:12:53,325 "We don't need to fix Berta's teeth, Daisy needs singing lessons." 220 00:12:53,503 --> 00:12:55,628 "Why spend money on a prom dress for Berta... 221 00:12:55,799 --> 00:12:58,292 ...when Daisy needs tap shoes?" - That's rough, but... 222 00:12:58,470 --> 00:13:00,844 "Who cares if Berta needs her spine straightened?" 223 00:13:01,016 --> 00:13:02,512 "Daisy wants a nose job!" 224 00:13:03,688 --> 00:13:07,855 What if you went ahead and made a couple dozen of those little egg rolls? 225 00:13:08,070 --> 00:13:10,565 "So what if Berta's got an extra big toe?" 226 00:13:18,257 --> 00:13:20,796 - Mom? - Oh, hello, boys. 227 00:13:21,511 --> 00:13:24,006 Why aren't you dressed? We came to pick you up. 228 00:13:24,225 --> 00:13:26,019 So you can drink. 229 00:13:26,730 --> 00:13:30,517 Oh, yes, well, I've decided to pass on the party. 230 00:13:30,737 --> 00:13:32,067 What? You can't pass. 231 00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:34,994 We've got people coming, decorations, caterers. 232 00:13:35,204 --> 00:13:37,910 And that's how you're dressed? 233 00:13:38,335 --> 00:13:40,162 Beats the hell out of a bathrobe. 234 00:13:41,965 --> 00:13:45,801 - Why don't you wanna go to your party? - Please, it isn't a party. 235 00:13:45,973 --> 00:13:49,309 It's a sham. None of those people are my friends. 236 00:13:49,813 --> 00:13:52,140 Why would you think that? 237 00:13:53,570 --> 00:13:57,108 Believe it or not, Alan, your mother is a very sensitive woman... 238 00:13:57,285 --> 00:14:01,368 ...and I can feel when people around me know that I hate them. 239 00:14:03,547 --> 00:14:06,005 Why did you want us to throw the party? 240 00:14:06,219 --> 00:14:07,963 Oh, why does anyone want a party? 241 00:14:08,138 --> 00:14:10,179 To feel superior while feigning humility. 242 00:14:10,392 --> 00:14:12,303 Don't touch that, Jake. 243 00:14:13,523 --> 00:14:14,935 Let me tell you something. 244 00:14:15,110 --> 00:14:18,647 The way you treat people is the way they treat you back. 245 00:14:20,619 --> 00:14:23,029 Miserable bastards. 246 00:14:24,250 --> 00:14:28,418 But putting that aside, you're getting a gold jacket today... 247 00:14:28,634 --> 00:14:30,676 ...and we wanted to share that with you. 248 00:14:30,846 --> 00:14:35,975 Is that what it takes? I have to win an award for my sons to notice I'm alive? 249 00:14:37,108 --> 00:14:41,357 Okay, you know what? Go, don't go. I don't care. 250 00:14:41,575 --> 00:14:45,492 If you wanna sit here and stew in the venom and bile... 251 00:14:45,665 --> 00:14:49,203 ...that is the soup of your being, then fine. I hope you drown in it. 252 00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:52,294 Don't you ever talk to your mother this way. 253 00:14:52,929 --> 00:14:55,717 Forget the party. I'll go back and tell those people... 254 00:14:55,892 --> 00:14:59,596 ...that the guest of honor could not be bothered to show up. 255 00:14:59,815 --> 00:15:02,523 - Come on, Jake. - Oh, dear Lord. 256 00:15:02,696 --> 00:15:05,236 Alan, wait. 257 00:15:05,701 --> 00:15:11,044 If this silly, little party means that much to you, I'll go. 258 00:15:11,211 --> 00:15:13,086 Just let me get dressed. 259 00:15:13,465 --> 00:15:15,257 Oh, gee. Thanks, Mom. 260 00:15:18,642 --> 00:15:23,022 God, I hate being guilted into doing things. 261 00:15:24,527 --> 00:15:27,945 And after all that, the loans, the bail, the kidney I gave her... 262 00:15:28,117 --> 00:15:31,904 ...which even though it wasn't mine, was still money out of pocket... 263 00:15:32,124 --> 00:15:34,119 ...did she appreciate my sacrifices? 264 00:15:34,755 --> 00:15:36,249 I'm guessing no. 265 00:15:36,465 --> 00:15:39,884 She threw them away on chasing after men with drinking problems... 266 00:15:40,054 --> 00:15:43,261 ...men with gambling problems, men with wooden legs and glass eyes. 267 00:15:43,436 --> 00:15:44,682 You wanna know why? 268 00:15:46,692 --> 00:15:48,770 Spare parts? 269 00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:51,575 Low self-esteem. 270 00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:54,198 I remember when we were little girls... 271 00:15:54,373 --> 00:15:56,617 ...she had this crush on our cousin Jimmy... 272 00:15:56,793 --> 00:16:00,747 - He wasn't really our cousin. He was... - Stop, please! Enough. 273 00:16:01,803 --> 00:16:04,177 If you won't talk to her, I will. 274 00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:08,562 Finally. I was running out of stories. 275 00:16:10,319 --> 00:16:11,897 Daisy? 276 00:16:15,286 --> 00:16:16,865 Can I talk to you for a minute? 277 00:16:19,293 --> 00:16:22,463 Daisy is no longer inhabiting this earthly vessel. 278 00:16:25,262 --> 00:16:26,592 Excuse me? 279 00:16:27,182 --> 00:16:30,886 I am Oxyquatzal, warrior priestess of the Aztec people. 280 00:16:32,567 --> 00:16:33,897 Okay. 281 00:16:35,238 --> 00:16:36,865 Let me ask you something. 282 00:16:37,033 --> 00:16:40,619 Do you know how to make those little hot dogs wrapped in pastry? 283 00:16:41,375 --> 00:16:43,950 Listen carefully. I have a message for Daisy. 284 00:16:44,129 --> 00:16:46,801 - Really? - She's wandered off the path of destiny. 285 00:16:46,969 --> 00:16:48,463 She must return. 286 00:16:49,097 --> 00:16:52,017 Alrighty, is there a number where she can reach you? 287 00:16:52,479 --> 00:16:54,223 Tell her to follow her bliss... 288 00:16:54,399 --> 00:16:56,974 ...to stop squandering the gifts of the Great Spirit. 289 00:16:57,571 --> 00:17:00,777 - Got it. - Do you need to write that down? 290 00:17:01,996 --> 00:17:04,952 No, I got it. Path, bliss, spirit. 291 00:17:05,168 --> 00:17:08,706 - Great Spirit. - Sorry. "Great Spirit." 292 00:17:08,883 --> 00:17:12,136 - Anything else? - No, that's it. 293 00:17:18,650 --> 00:17:22,403 - What do you want? - You're screwing with me, right? 294 00:17:22,616 --> 00:17:26,665 Get out of here. I'm trying to channel my spirit guide. 295 00:17:26,875 --> 00:17:28,333 OxyContin? 296 00:17:30,130 --> 00:17:31,923 Oxyquatzal. How do you know about her? 297 00:17:32,301 --> 00:17:33,582 Oh, boy. 298 00:17:33,804 --> 00:17:35,596 Berta! 299 00:17:37,059 --> 00:17:39,850 Was Oxyquatzal here? What did she say? 300 00:17:42,069 --> 00:17:44,442 She said that the guests are gonna be here soon... 301 00:17:44,615 --> 00:17:48,319 ...so you should make up with your sister and finish cooking. 302 00:17:48,538 --> 00:17:50,164 No, she didn't. 303 00:17:50,375 --> 00:17:52,120 How do you know? 304 00:17:52,337 --> 00:17:56,468 Oxyquatzal is a 500-year-old Aztec warrior. 305 00:17:56,637 --> 00:17:59,676 Do you think she really cares about your dumb-ass party? 306 00:17:59,850 --> 00:18:02,344 Everybody likes a party. 307 00:18:02,898 --> 00:18:04,607 What did she really say, Chachi? 308 00:18:05,986 --> 00:18:10,652 She said that you have strayed from your path and to follow your bliss... 309 00:18:10,829 --> 00:18:13,583 ...which is catering, right? - No, I never liked catering. 310 00:18:13,751 --> 00:18:17,336 I only got into it because the bait business was so damn competitive. 311 00:18:18,050 --> 00:18:19,249 What else? 312 00:18:21,181 --> 00:18:24,849 Something about squandering the gifts of the Great Spirit. 313 00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:28,351 Oh, man, that is heavy. 314 00:18:28,528 --> 00:18:32,196 For an ancient chick, she is so spot on. 315 00:18:32,870 --> 00:18:35,825 Well, no sense crying over squandered gifts. 316 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:37,709 What do you say we go to the kitchen? 317 00:18:37,878 --> 00:18:42,508 What's the point? My life is hopeless. My dreams are dead. 318 00:18:42,679 --> 00:18:44,839 Yeah, but what if they weren't? 319 00:18:46,686 --> 00:18:48,597 - What do you mean? - Oh, I don't know. 320 00:18:48,773 --> 00:18:51,348 What if there was some way I could help you? 321 00:18:52,029 --> 00:18:55,068 You think you could whip up some rumaki then? 322 00:18:55,576 --> 00:18:57,702 You don't even know what my dreams are. 323 00:18:57,915 --> 00:19:01,202 Oh, come on. Work with me, baby. I don't even know what rumaki is! 324 00:19:03,967 --> 00:19:07,174 Oh, gosh, Alan, I don't know about this. 325 00:19:07,391 --> 00:19:10,144 - Is my hair all right? - Mom, your hair looks perfect. 326 00:19:10,312 --> 00:19:13,019 You're impeccably dressed, you're fashionably late... 327 00:19:13,193 --> 00:19:15,021 ...and everybody is waiting for you. 328 00:19:15,196 --> 00:19:18,734 So, now, come on, let's walk in there and rub their noses in your success. 329 00:19:18,953 --> 00:19:20,781 Well, all right. 330 00:19:21,415 --> 00:19:22,745 - Alan. - What? 331 00:19:23,211 --> 00:19:25,085 You're blocking me. 332 00:19:56,355 --> 00:19:58,230 Rumaki? 333 00:20:00,779 --> 00:20:04,862 I will never, ever forgive you for this. 334 00:20:11,924 --> 00:20:16,055 One thing. One lousy thing I ask from my sons, and this is what I get. 335 00:20:17,518 --> 00:20:19,180 - Sorry. - Sorry. 336 00:20:19,688 --> 00:20:23,440 Not only was I roundly ignored at my own party... 337 00:20:23,612 --> 00:20:26,104 ...but I listened to a disturbed caterer belt out... 338 00:20:26,283 --> 00:20:28,407 ...the entire score of La Cage aux Folles. 339 00:20:29,915 --> 00:20:31,196 - Sorry. - Sorry. 340 00:20:31,418 --> 00:20:33,079 You should be sorry. 341 00:20:33,504 --> 00:20:34,834 We are. 342 00:20:35,049 --> 00:20:36,426 Then say it. 343 00:20:37,053 --> 00:20:39,177 - Sorry. - Sorry. 344 00:20:39,390 --> 00:20:40,554 Hello? 345 00:20:41,185 --> 00:20:43,061 Jake, honey, ready to go home? 346 00:20:43,481 --> 00:20:47,648 Mom, you're here. I love you. 347 00:20:49,576 --> 00:20:53,162 Wonderful. Teach him sarcasm. Thank you very much. 348 00:20:55,962 --> 00:20:57,756 - Sorry. - Sorry.