1 00:00:02,684 --> 00:00:04,641 - So, dear... - What? 2 00:00:04,853 --> 00:00:06,644 Do you see anything you like? 3 00:00:06,940 --> 00:00:09,181 I don't know. What's venison? 4 00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:11,309 - Deer. - What? 5 00:00:11,820 --> 00:00:13,694 - Deer. - What? 6 00:00:14,614 --> 00:00:16,821 Deer. D-E-E-R. 7 00:00:17,034 --> 00:00:18,826 What? W-H-A-T. 8 00:00:21,456 --> 00:00:22,784 What's wrong with him? 9 00:00:24,043 --> 00:00:27,460 Jake, it's... It's the deer in the forest, like... Like Bambi. 10 00:00:27,672 --> 00:00:30,044 Oh, cool, let's eat Bambi. 11 00:00:30,801 --> 00:00:33,589 Coming soon to pay-per-view. 12 00:00:38,769 --> 00:00:40,596 Mom, wha...? What are you doing? 13 00:00:41,272 --> 00:00:43,431 - Nothing. - Oh, that's stealing. 14 00:00:44,150 --> 00:00:47,485 Hardly. I'm paying $ 12 for a martini. 15 00:00:47,655 --> 00:00:50,146 They're lucky I don't take a chair. 16 00:00:50,783 --> 00:00:54,034 - You're paying? - Figure of speech, Charles. 17 00:00:54,788 --> 00:00:56,068 Can I take this? 18 00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:57,784 - No. - Oh, come on. 19 00:00:58,250 --> 00:01:00,623 My precious. 20 00:01:00,838 --> 00:01:03,673 Put it down. We do not take things that don't belong to us. 21 00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:07,257 Listen who's taking the moral high ground, Mr. Five-Finger Discount. 22 00:01:07,471 --> 00:01:09,961 - What does that mean? - It doesn't mean anything. 23 00:01:10,140 --> 00:01:14,008 - How do you want your venison? - Does it come with antlers? 24 00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:18,305 Alan, there's no reason your son can't learn from your mistakes. 25 00:01:18,524 --> 00:01:20,435 I didn't make a mistake, Mom. 26 00:01:20,653 --> 00:01:22,776 Unbelievable. Twenty-five years later... 27 00:01:22,947 --> 00:01:24,856 ...and he still denies shoplifting. 28 00:01:25,951 --> 00:01:28,952 Oh, I get it. Five-finger discount. Cool. 29 00:01:29,788 --> 00:01:32,280 I did not shoplift, Jake. It was a misunderstanding. 30 00:01:32,625 --> 00:01:33,953 Alan, please. 31 00:01:34,169 --> 00:01:36,459 Walking around a toy store with your brother... 32 00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:39,002 ...and the Silly Putty just jumped in your pocket? 33 00:01:39,174 --> 00:01:40,967 Yes. 34 00:01:42,094 --> 00:01:44,467 Not much of a lie, Dad. 35 00:01:45,391 --> 00:01:47,550 Okay, everybody ready to order? 36 00:01:47,768 --> 00:01:49,927 Is that why you won't let me have Silly Putty? 37 00:01:50,146 --> 00:01:52,139 It's a stupid, pointless toy. 38 00:01:52,357 --> 00:01:53,817 But why'd you steal it? 39 00:01:54,026 --> 00:01:57,728 I didn't. The security guard must have planted it on me to make a bust. 40 00:01:57,906 --> 00:02:00,195 Oh, Alan. 41 00:02:00,366 --> 00:02:04,282 Who in their right mind would plant Silly Putty on a 9-year-old boy? 42 00:02:04,580 --> 00:02:06,573 Who, indeed? 43 00:02:07,917 --> 00:02:11,252 - Hey, Jake, you ever eaten snails? - Yeah, sure. 44 00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:13,171 I mean, in a restaurant. 45 00:02:14,092 --> 00:02:15,550 Oh, no. 46 00:02:28,525 --> 00:02:31,480 - You okay? - No. That deer didn't have antlers... 47 00:02:31,655 --> 00:02:34,146 ...when I ate it, but it's sure coming out that way. 48 00:02:36,077 --> 00:02:38,484 Well, you'll feel better tomorrow. 49 00:02:38,705 --> 00:02:40,862 We should sue that restaurant. 50 00:02:41,417 --> 00:02:44,702 Well, I'll get right on it. Come on. 51 00:02:45,462 --> 00:02:46,838 - Dad? - Yeah. 52 00:02:47,007 --> 00:02:49,249 Did you ever steal a car? 53 00:02:49,426 --> 00:02:51,086 I never stole anything. 54 00:02:51,470 --> 00:02:52,845 It's okay. You could tell me. 55 00:02:53,013 --> 00:02:55,339 I already know you got a rap sheet. 56 00:02:56,017 --> 00:02:58,686 For the last time, I did not take that Silly Putty. 57 00:02:58,853 --> 00:03:01,690 But the experience did teach me a very important lesson. 58 00:03:01,857 --> 00:03:03,137 And you know what that was? 59 00:03:03,359 --> 00:03:06,693 If you get caught, stick to your story, no matter how lame it is? 60 00:03:07,239 --> 00:03:10,739 - No, the lesson was... - Hang on, Dad. 61 00:03:10,909 --> 00:03:12,488 Okay, go ahead. 62 00:03:13,037 --> 00:03:14,947 The lesson was... 63 00:03:15,123 --> 00:03:18,457 Oh, God, Jake. That's... That's awful. 64 00:03:18,668 --> 00:03:22,750 Yeah, I wish I could have saved that one for school. 65 00:03:35,856 --> 00:03:37,600 - You too? - Yeah. 66 00:03:37,817 --> 00:03:41,898 Apparently Mom wasn't the only parasite at dinner tonight. 67 00:03:43,741 --> 00:03:45,235 Hey... 68 00:03:45,409 --> 00:03:48,530 ...how much do you remember about the whole Silly Putty incident? 69 00:03:48,747 --> 00:03:51,748 Oh, gee, not too much. 70 00:03:52,668 --> 00:03:56,880 I recall you crying when they dragged you into the store manager's office. 71 00:03:57,716 --> 00:04:00,422 Then I went and got a corn dog and an Orange Julius. 72 00:04:02,805 --> 00:04:05,131 Boy, those were good. 73 00:04:05,309 --> 00:04:07,217 - Remember those? - No, I mean... 74 00:04:07,394 --> 00:04:09,268 ...did you see me take the Silly Putty? 75 00:04:09,689 --> 00:04:13,308 Oh, no, no, I was nowhere near the Silly Putty. 76 00:04:13,526 --> 00:04:17,359 I think I was in the doll section, taking a peek under Barbie's dress. 77 00:04:17,948 --> 00:04:20,155 What a gyp that was. 78 00:04:20,368 --> 00:04:23,701 If Jake had been caught shoplifting and told me the story I told... 79 00:04:23,872 --> 00:04:25,533 ...there's no way I'd believe him. 80 00:04:26,250 --> 00:04:28,327 Well, let's just hope he doesn't get caught. 81 00:04:29,587 --> 00:04:33,918 - Can I tell you a little secret? - Okay. 82 00:04:34,093 --> 00:04:37,712 I always knew it wasn't the security guard. 83 00:04:39,265 --> 00:04:40,891 Really? 84 00:04:42,686 --> 00:04:47,148 There's only one rational explanation for how the Silly Putty got in my pants. 85 00:04:50,737 --> 00:04:52,730 And what would that be? 86 00:04:56,494 --> 00:05:03,210 That I actually stole it, but my mind couldn't deal with it. 87 00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:06,922 So somehow, I blocked it out. 88 00:05:08,300 --> 00:05:10,970 The human brain, huh? You gotta love it. 89 00:05:11,179 --> 00:05:13,505 That happens, right? You do something horrible... 90 00:05:13,682 --> 00:05:16,850 ...and wake up with no recollection? - Oh, yeah. 91 00:05:17,936 --> 00:05:21,472 And yet there she is, lying right next to you. 92 00:05:22,401 --> 00:05:24,690 You know, that day changed my life. 93 00:05:24,862 --> 00:05:27,733 I mean, ever since, I've had to be on guard against Bad Alan. 94 00:05:28,449 --> 00:05:30,074 I'm sorry, "Bad Alan"? 95 00:05:31,203 --> 00:05:35,036 Yeah, it's... It's what I call my potential for evildoing. 96 00:05:36,001 --> 00:05:38,373 - Oh, God. - It's why I've always worked so hard... 97 00:05:38,544 --> 00:05:42,378 ...to be a good son, a good student, a good person. 98 00:05:42,591 --> 00:05:46,506 And you've succeeded. You are good, good, good. 99 00:05:47,096 --> 00:05:51,344 Well, sure, I turned out great, but at what cost? 100 00:05:51,519 --> 00:05:54,888 I mean, do you have any clue how tightly wrapped I've had to be... 101 00:05:55,065 --> 00:05:57,770 ...to keep Bad Alan in check? 102 00:06:01,280 --> 00:06:03,320 I get glimpses. 103 00:06:04,493 --> 00:06:07,067 Well, I suppose I should count my blessings... 104 00:06:07,246 --> 00:06:09,998 ...that I was stopped. Who knows what kind of monster... 105 00:06:10,167 --> 00:06:13,084 ...I would've become if I hadn't been caught with the putty. 106 00:06:13,670 --> 00:06:17,336 But what if the security guard did plant it on you? 107 00:06:17,509 --> 00:06:19,999 That would mean there's no Bad Alan. 108 00:06:20,929 --> 00:06:22,673 That's true. 109 00:06:22,848 --> 00:06:25,256 But I can't afford to take that chance. 110 00:06:29,398 --> 00:06:31,723 None of us can. 111 00:06:40,869 --> 00:06:42,661 He's fine. 112 00:06:47,585 --> 00:06:49,329 Hey, Charlie. 113 00:06:49,964 --> 00:06:51,079 Hey, Rose. 114 00:06:52,467 --> 00:06:55,553 Looks like somebody needs a shoulder to cry on. 115 00:06:55,763 --> 00:06:57,221 No, thank you. 116 00:06:57,598 --> 00:06:59,638 Wanna just make out then? 117 00:07:00,977 --> 00:07:04,643 - Rose... - You're right. That was out of line. 118 00:07:04,816 --> 00:07:06,938 I deserve a spanking. 119 00:07:09,321 --> 00:07:10,863 Okay, what's up? 120 00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:14,358 - Can I trust you with something? - You trust me... 121 00:07:14,535 --> 00:07:16,611 ...with your bank account number. 122 00:07:17,622 --> 00:07:19,496 I never gave you my bank account number. 123 00:07:19,708 --> 00:07:22,163 Right, right. Go on. 124 00:07:23,421 --> 00:07:26,671 Have you ever done anything so wrong, so horrible...? 125 00:07:26,883 --> 00:07:29,042 Oh, yeah. 126 00:07:29,721 --> 00:07:32,046 - Let me finish. - I'm sorry. 127 00:07:32,223 --> 00:07:34,465 Something that seemed harmless at the time... 128 00:07:34,642 --> 00:07:37,763 ...yet somehow managed to mess up someone's entire life? 129 00:07:38,439 --> 00:07:40,266 Good question. 130 00:07:40,442 --> 00:07:44,439 I think it's too early to say. Go on. 131 00:07:45,197 --> 00:07:46,608 Well, I have. 132 00:07:46,782 --> 00:07:50,199 Twenty-five years ago, I put Silly Putty in my brother's pants. 133 00:07:50,411 --> 00:07:54,112 Well, if you left it in the egg, it should still be good. 134 00:07:55,626 --> 00:07:58,379 My point is, everybody thought he stole it... 135 00:07:58,588 --> 00:08:00,545 ...and I never told him the truth. 136 00:08:00,757 --> 00:08:02,335 Now you're wracked with guilt... 137 00:08:02,509 --> 00:08:05,961 ...and not sure whether a confession will make things better or worse. 138 00:08:06,139 --> 00:08:07,965 Yes, exactly. 139 00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:11,221 That's a sexy feeling, isn't it? 140 00:08:11,980 --> 00:08:13,639 Come on, Rose. 141 00:08:13,814 --> 00:08:15,273 You want my advice, Charlie? 142 00:08:15,483 --> 00:08:17,227 God help me, yes. 143 00:08:17,444 --> 00:08:19,567 Take your secret to the grave... 144 00:08:19,739 --> 00:08:22,692 ...but leave a manuscript explaining every questionable act... 145 00:08:22,867 --> 00:08:25,156 ...you've committed in a safety-deposit box... 146 00:08:25,370 --> 00:08:28,158 ...with instructions for it to be opened at your death... 147 00:08:28,332 --> 00:08:32,331 ...and read in front of all your friends, relatives and former lovers. 148 00:08:34,297 --> 00:08:36,374 I like it. 149 00:08:36,885 --> 00:08:38,259 Good. 150 00:08:39,136 --> 00:08:42,553 Now we can relax and enjoy the evening. 151 00:08:53,070 --> 00:08:55,360 Sing it with me, Charlie. 152 00:09:06,252 --> 00:09:08,874 Three, four, five, six, seven. 153 00:09:09,047 --> 00:09:10,459 - Are you decent? - Yeah. 154 00:09:10,632 --> 00:09:12,921 Three, four, five, six, seven. 155 00:09:14,470 --> 00:09:15,964 What's up? 156 00:09:16,682 --> 00:09:20,976 - Nothing. Just came in to say good night. - Three, four, five, six, seven. 157 00:09:23,023 --> 00:09:24,101 Why? 158 00:09:24,274 --> 00:09:26,812 Three, four, five, six, seven. 159 00:09:27,862 --> 00:09:31,028 Nothing. You just seemed stressed out before, and I was concerned. 160 00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:33,992 Oh, thanks. You're a... You're a good brother. 161 00:09:34,161 --> 00:09:36,699 Three, four, five, six, seven. 162 00:09:38,792 --> 00:09:40,121 You do that every night? 163 00:09:40,293 --> 00:09:42,085 Are you kidding? After every meal. 164 00:09:42,254 --> 00:09:44,662 Three, four, five, six, seven. 165 00:09:45,091 --> 00:09:47,629 You are tightly wrapped, aren't you? 166 00:09:47,843 --> 00:09:51,048 The price of healthy gums is eternal vigilance. 167 00:09:54,436 --> 00:09:57,389 Oh, God, I can't do this anymore. 168 00:09:58,607 --> 00:10:01,692 - Do what? - I have to tell you something. 169 00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:04,811 - Okay. - Come on out in the bedroom. 170 00:10:04,989 --> 00:10:06,650 All right. 171 00:10:10,496 --> 00:10:12,785 - What you doing? - You'll understand in a minute. 172 00:10:12,956 --> 00:10:16,042 - I thought you had to tell me something. - I do. 173 00:10:17,587 --> 00:10:20,423 There is no Bad Alan. 174 00:10:20,592 --> 00:10:21,837 I stole the Silly Putty... 175 00:10:22,010 --> 00:10:24,549 ...and put it in your pocket when you weren't looking. 176 00:10:24,721 --> 00:10:28,933 - Three, four, five, six, seven. - Damn you to hell! 177 00:10:29,436 --> 00:10:31,891 Come out here and die like a man! 178 00:10:32,439 --> 00:10:36,104 What do you know, there is a Bad Alan. 179 00:10:39,406 --> 00:10:42,989 Hey, Dad, when you got arrested for shoplifting, did they take you to jail? 180 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:47,655 I did not get arrested, and there was no jail. 181 00:10:47,874 --> 00:10:51,458 So I guess you never had to shank a guy to get your props in the yard. 182 00:10:53,422 --> 00:10:56,174 You cracked the parental code on the cable box again. 183 00:10:56,676 --> 00:11:00,544 It's 1-2-3-4. A monkey could crack that. 184 00:11:06,771 --> 00:11:08,396 - Good morning. - Morning. 185 00:11:08,566 --> 00:11:10,060 Why are you walking like that? 186 00:11:10,276 --> 00:11:13,147 I spent the night in the bathroom. 187 00:11:13,572 --> 00:11:15,730 You too, huh? 188 00:11:18,995 --> 00:11:21,118 Tell Jake what you told me last night. 189 00:11:22,416 --> 00:11:24,408 Oh, okay. Sure. 190 00:11:24,585 --> 00:11:27,290 Jake, your father didn't steal the Silly Putty. 191 00:11:27,464 --> 00:11:29,504 - I did. - Really? 192 00:11:29,715 --> 00:11:32,586 Yeah, I stuck it in his pocket, so if anything happened... 193 00:11:32,761 --> 00:11:35,134 ...he'd be the one to get in trouble. 194 00:11:36,223 --> 00:11:38,051 What do you think now, Jake? 195 00:11:38,226 --> 00:11:40,433 I think Uncle Charlie's a genius. 196 00:11:41,188 --> 00:11:43,644 What? No, no. No genius. No, no. 197 00:11:44,025 --> 00:11:46,979 I mean, it's the perfect crime. How did you think of that? 198 00:11:47,695 --> 00:11:49,025 I don't know. 199 00:11:49,198 --> 00:11:53,112 I saw the putty. Your dad was wearing those dorky chinos with the big pockets. 200 00:11:53,286 --> 00:11:56,287 - And a light just went off in my head... - Charlie. 201 00:11:57,123 --> 00:12:01,204 A bad light. A bad, evil light. Because stealing is wrong... 202 00:12:01,379 --> 00:12:04,297 ...and letting somebody else take the blame for it is worse. 203 00:12:04,507 --> 00:12:07,295 Yeah, so Dad was like a decoy. 204 00:12:09,346 --> 00:12:11,506 Well, technically, the term is "mule." 205 00:12:11,724 --> 00:12:15,308 - Mule? Why? - Because he carries stuff. 206 00:12:16,146 --> 00:12:19,350 - Oh, of course... - Okay, okay. 207 00:12:19,525 --> 00:12:22,563 The important thing is, your father never stole in his life. 208 00:12:22,738 --> 00:12:25,063 And your Uncle Charlie is a thief and a coward. 209 00:12:25,282 --> 00:12:27,572 Yeah, but you're a mule. 210 00:12:29,746 --> 00:12:32,154 Are you happy? Go get dressed and washed. 211 00:12:32,374 --> 00:12:35,827 - Can we go to the mall? - Why do you wa...? No. 212 00:12:36,922 --> 00:12:39,413 I need to get a different mule. 213 00:12:40,968 --> 00:12:43,257 Okay, can we please get past this? 214 00:12:43,471 --> 00:12:44,966 No. No, we can't. 215 00:12:45,139 --> 00:12:50,218 I feel betrayed and hurt in ways that I can't even express. 216 00:12:50,396 --> 00:12:52,555 And you think we can just dance past that? 217 00:12:52,774 --> 00:12:54,731 I was hoping. 218 00:12:54,943 --> 00:12:57,066 Well, I am sorry, but it is not that easy. 219 00:12:57,237 --> 00:13:01,651 I mean, thanks to you, my... My life has been twisted beyond recognition. 220 00:13:01,826 --> 00:13:04,033 I mean, look at me, Charlie. 221 00:13:04,204 --> 00:13:07,205 I'm a... I'm a broke, hopelessly neurotic, middle-aged man... 222 00:13:07,374 --> 00:13:09,747 ...who doesn't know who he is or where he belongs. 223 00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:11,378 I have nothing, Charlie. 224 00:13:11,546 --> 00:13:15,545 - No... No wife, no home, nothing. - Okay. 225 00:13:18,053 --> 00:13:20,296 So should I check back with you after lunch? 226 00:13:24,812 --> 00:13:26,058 What do you want me to do? 227 00:13:26,231 --> 00:13:28,804 I said I was sorry. l... I confessed to Jake. 228 00:13:28,984 --> 00:13:32,817 And I doubt I got more than six, seven hours sleep last night. 229 00:13:32,989 --> 00:13:35,196 Nothing you can do. The damage has been done. 230 00:13:35,367 --> 00:13:38,238 - It can't be undone. - Come on, I'm your brother. 231 00:13:38,453 --> 00:13:41,574 - You're gonna forgive. You always do. - No, no, this is different. 232 00:13:41,749 --> 00:13:45,368 - This is the worst thing you've ever done. - No, it's not. 233 00:13:47,214 --> 00:13:48,590 What do you mean? 234 00:13:50,551 --> 00:13:54,052 Just making conversation. 235 00:13:57,476 --> 00:14:00,431 - Hey, Mom. - Charlie, what are you doing here? 236 00:14:00,647 --> 00:14:04,727 - In the neighborhood. Thought I'd visit. - Why? 237 00:14:06,696 --> 00:14:10,112 - I don't know. I'm your son. - And...? 238 00:14:10,909 --> 00:14:14,279 - And I was hoping we could talk. - About? 239 00:14:16,624 --> 00:14:18,451 May I please just come in? 240 00:14:18,669 --> 00:14:21,159 Are you fleeing from the law? 241 00:14:22,131 --> 00:14:25,167 - I'm not fleeing from anyone, Mom. - Well, keep it in mind. 242 00:14:25,343 --> 00:14:28,759 No one would ever think to look for you at your mother's house. 243 00:14:30,433 --> 00:14:33,932 - I get your point. I don't visit enough. - You don't visit at all. 244 00:14:34,687 --> 00:14:36,266 And I'm riddled with guilt. 245 00:14:36,689 --> 00:14:39,098 Oh, you're just saying that to make me feel better. 246 00:14:41,028 --> 00:14:42,986 So, what's up? 247 00:14:43,156 --> 00:14:45,114 You know how the other night at dinner... 248 00:14:45,283 --> 00:14:47,442 ...we were talking about the Silly Putty deal? 249 00:14:48,329 --> 00:14:51,034 Did that venison disagree with you? 250 00:14:51,750 --> 00:14:53,827 Yeah, that's not what I came to talk about. 251 00:14:54,336 --> 00:14:57,540 I've got a good mind to sue that restaurant. 252 00:14:58,842 --> 00:15:02,425 - Yeah, anyway, about the Silly Putty... - What about it? 253 00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:06,177 Alan didn't steal it. I did. 254 00:15:07,602 --> 00:15:09,844 I put it in his pocket. 255 00:15:10,064 --> 00:15:13,516 You framed your baby brother? 256 00:15:15,404 --> 00:15:17,064 How could you? 257 00:15:17,281 --> 00:15:19,403 I know, I know. It was a rotten thing to do. 258 00:15:19,617 --> 00:15:23,235 Rotten? It's unspeakable. 259 00:15:23,830 --> 00:15:27,034 Do you have any idea what you put me through? 260 00:15:29,045 --> 00:15:31,500 - You? - First the embarrassment... 261 00:15:31,673 --> 00:15:34,958 ...of people thinking that I'd spawned a petty thief. 262 00:15:35,177 --> 00:15:39,424 Then all the trouble I went to trying to figure out clever ways... 263 00:15:39,599 --> 00:15:42,600 ...to hide my jewelry from his sticky little fingers. 264 00:15:42,811 --> 00:15:46,061 - That's really not what l... - Not to mention the hundreds of hours... 265 00:15:46,231 --> 00:15:49,602 ...spent driving him to therapy with that creepy Dr. Demerest... 266 00:15:49,778 --> 00:15:55,651 ...while I could have been... I don't know, doing something fun. 267 00:15:56,828 --> 00:15:59,118 Okay, yeah, it was a real imposition on you... 268 00:15:59,289 --> 00:16:03,204 ...and as it turns out, it had kind of a negative impact on Alan too. 269 00:16:03,419 --> 00:16:06,089 Alan? Oh, yes, of course. 270 00:16:07,966 --> 00:16:12,131 You know, there was no insurance for kleptomania therapy in those days. 271 00:16:12,304 --> 00:16:14,974 It was all out of pocket. 272 00:16:16,393 --> 00:16:19,679 Yeah, but about Alan... 273 00:16:19,856 --> 00:16:23,640 ...I was hoping you might have insight as to how I could get him to forgive me. 274 00:16:24,068 --> 00:16:25,444 Why ask me? 275 00:16:26,363 --> 00:16:29,697 You know, I'm starting to wonder that myself. 276 00:16:30,409 --> 00:16:32,403 I guess it's because he still loves you... 277 00:16:32,578 --> 00:16:35,367 ...despite all the lousy stuff you did to him. 278 00:16:35,832 --> 00:16:39,202 I beg your pardon? I was a wonderful mother. 279 00:16:39,379 --> 00:16:40,956 And if Alan thinks otherwise... 280 00:16:41,130 --> 00:16:46,339 ...it's only because that walleyed Dr. Demerest put ideas into his head. 281 00:16:46,721 --> 00:16:49,639 Well, that was money well spent. 282 00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:52,971 Okay, then. 283 00:16:53,145 --> 00:16:57,013 I didn't need a reason to drink tonight, but it's nice to know I've got one. 284 00:16:58,026 --> 00:16:59,936 Hey, Charlie, wait. 285 00:17:00,321 --> 00:17:02,527 - What? - Have you forgotten why you came here? 286 00:17:02,948 --> 00:17:04,444 You want forgiveness, right? 287 00:17:05,409 --> 00:17:08,578 - Yes. - Well... 288 00:17:08,747 --> 00:17:10,705 ...I forgive you. 289 00:17:17,550 --> 00:17:19,839 But next time, call first. 290 00:17:31,775 --> 00:17:33,103 Would you pass the salt? 291 00:17:37,031 --> 00:17:38,360 Could you get me the salt? 292 00:17:39,659 --> 00:17:42,365 - Dad, salt. - Sure. 293 00:17:43,289 --> 00:17:46,373 - Here. - Thanks. 294 00:17:47,209 --> 00:17:49,666 Oh, would you give me the ketchup, please? 295 00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:52,335 Here. Here's the ketchup. 296 00:17:53,426 --> 00:17:54,885 Thank you. 297 00:18:00,435 --> 00:18:01,763 - Dad? - Yeah. 298 00:18:02,312 --> 00:18:04,601 If Uncle Charlie let you kick him in the nuts... 299 00:18:04,773 --> 00:18:06,398 ...would that make you guys even? 300 00:18:06,983 --> 00:18:08,312 No. 301 00:18:09,195 --> 00:18:11,354 Boy, he's really mad at you. 302 00:18:12,114 --> 00:18:15,070 Relax, Jake. We're just having a little communication problem. 303 00:18:15,619 --> 00:18:18,110 That's what Dad said right before Mom threw him out. 304 00:18:18,289 --> 00:18:19,404 Nobody threw me out. 305 00:18:19,582 --> 00:18:22,584 Your mother and I mutually decided that we weren't compatible. 306 00:18:22,794 --> 00:18:25,464 You don't seem compatible with Uncle Charlie right now. 307 00:18:25,672 --> 00:18:28,592 - Well, it's not my fault. - Was it your fault with Mom? 308 00:18:29,427 --> 00:18:31,005 No. 309 00:18:33,182 --> 00:18:36,801 You know, Dad, maybe you're the one who's not compatible. 310 00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:40,603 If you're done with dinner, do your homework. 311 00:18:41,066 --> 00:18:44,602 Fine, kill the messenger. 312 00:18:47,073 --> 00:18:49,363 - Oh, come on, Alan. Talk to me. - No. 313 00:18:49,785 --> 00:18:53,486 Look, I wanna make this right, but you gotta help me. 314 00:18:53,665 --> 00:18:56,750 Please, tell me what I can do. I'm begging for your forgiveness. 315 00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:58,668 I am sorry, but you did something... 316 00:18:58,837 --> 00:19:03,050 ...which affected my life in a deeply destructive way and... 317 00:19:03,218 --> 00:19:05,544 l... I don't think I have it in me to forgive you. 318 00:19:06,180 --> 00:19:09,715 - Hello? Anybody home? - In here, Mom. 319 00:19:11,353 --> 00:19:14,437 Well, how are my boys doing this evening? 320 00:19:19,695 --> 00:19:23,991 Well, I think Mommy has the answer. Alan... 321 00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:26,995 ...if you find it intolerable living under the same roof... 322 00:19:27,163 --> 00:19:29,037 ...with the brother who betrayed you... 323 00:19:31,752 --> 00:19:35,121 ...then you and Jake can come and live with me. 324 00:19:39,970 --> 00:19:41,761 We're good. 325 00:19:47,646 --> 00:19:50,054 Hey, Charlie, a couple of days ago... 326 00:19:50,232 --> 00:19:53,601 ...you said the Silly Putty wasn't the worst thing you ever did to me. 327 00:19:55,239 --> 00:19:56,947 It's ancient history. Let it go. 328 00:19:57,157 --> 00:19:59,910 I know, I know. It's just... I'm curious. 329 00:20:00,077 --> 00:20:02,747 What else have you done to me that I didn't know about? 330 00:20:02,914 --> 00:20:04,706 - It's not important. - Yes, it is. 331 00:20:04,875 --> 00:20:06,951 The truth about the shoplifting incident... 332 00:20:07,128 --> 00:20:09,204 ...it's allowed me to reevaluate who I am... 333 00:20:09,381 --> 00:20:11,373 ...and... And feel better about myself. 334 00:20:11,841 --> 00:20:13,420 - Well, that's great. - Yeah. 335 00:20:13,594 --> 00:20:15,754 I feel a lot better since I confessed. 336 00:20:15,929 --> 00:20:17,923 Good, good. So let's keep going with this. 337 00:20:18,975 --> 00:20:22,641 Okay, but you gotta promise that no matter what I tell you, all is forgiven. 338 00:20:22,854 --> 00:20:25,098 Oh, absolutely, absolutely. 339 00:20:25,942 --> 00:20:27,981 You're probably gonna laugh. 340 00:20:28,195 --> 00:20:31,646 - I'm sure I will. Tell me. - Well... 341 00:20:31,991 --> 00:20:34,529 ...remember how you were a bed wetter till you were 8? 342 00:20:34,952 --> 00:20:36,412 Yeah. 343 00:20:38,623 --> 00:20:41,495 You actually stopped at 6. 344 00:20:44,297 --> 00:20:48,213 Wha...? What...? What did you do? Did you sneak into my room and...? 345 00:20:48,386 --> 00:20:50,876 And...? And pour warm water on me while I was asleep? 346 00:20:52,057 --> 00:20:56,351 Yeah, okay, let's say it was water, and let's say I poured it. 347 00:21:00,108 --> 00:21:02,647 Well, I feel better. How about you?