1
00:00:19,224 --> 00:00:20,967
- Hey, Alan?
- Yeah?

2
00:00:22,060 --> 00:00:24,598
You had the "just say no" talk
with Jake, right?

3
00:00:26,188 --> 00:00:30,268
Of course. Why?
What talk did you have with him?

4
00:00:31,192 --> 00:00:33,268
No talk, it's just that he's...

5
00:00:33,444 --> 00:00:36,065
It'll be more fun if you see it.

6
00:00:37,448 --> 00:00:39,487
I'm guessing you don't mean
fun for me.

7
00:00:45,913 --> 00:00:49,447
Tell the truth.
How proud do you feel at this moment?

8
00:00:51,627 --> 00:00:52,906
What the hell is he doing?

9
00:00:54,629 --> 00:00:59,041
I don't know. Ten bucks says he hits the
ceiling if we turn on the garbage disposal.

10
00:01:01,593 --> 00:01:04,843
- Jake, what are you doing?
- Breathing.

11
00:01:05,012 --> 00:01:08,178
Breathing. Any particular reason
you're doing that in the sink?

12
00:01:08,348 --> 00:01:10,008
I have to practice.

13
00:01:10,684 --> 00:01:13,768
Man, the girls are gonna love him
when he grows up.

14
00:01:16,731 --> 00:01:18,105
- Jake?
- Yes?

15
00:01:19,525 --> 00:01:22,098
- I'll bring him up.
- Yeah.

16
00:01:26,197 --> 00:01:28,734
Hey, that's not funny.
I could have drowned.

17
00:01:28,908 --> 00:01:32,690
And then we'd have found your body
days later, washed up on the dish rack.

18
00:01:34,287 --> 00:01:37,489
- Where did you get all this snorkel stuff?
- Greg bought it for me.

19
00:01:37,665 --> 00:01:39,537
- Greg?
- Yeah, you know, Dr. Melnick...

20
00:01:39,707 --> 00:01:41,949
...Mom's boyfriend.
He's a real cool guy.

21
00:01:42,126 --> 00:01:45,245
He's gonna teach me how to scuba-dive
after I learn to snorkel.

22
00:01:45,421 --> 00:01:47,746
We're gonna need a bigger sink.

23
00:01:49,174 --> 00:01:53,254
He's got a gigantic boat with bedrooms
on it, and scuba tanks and wet suits.

24
00:01:53,428 --> 00:01:57,923
We're gonna go diving off Catalina. Wait
till you see the flippers he bought me.

25
00:01:59,058 --> 00:02:01,429
Well, Judith's boyfriend
sounds like quite a guy.

26
00:02:01,601 --> 00:02:04,720
- Yeah.
- You okay with that?

27
00:02:04,896 --> 00:02:06,354
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.

28
00:02:06,522 --> 00:02:08,894
This can be a sensitive area
for divorced guys.

29
00:02:09,065 --> 00:02:11,852
- I know.
- Ex-wife sleeping with another man.

30
00:02:12,026 --> 00:02:15,062
- Son starting to bond with him.
- Yeah. Yeah.

31
00:02:15,237 --> 00:02:18,571
- Big boat.
- Charlie, what's your freaking point here?

32
00:02:19,574 --> 00:02:22,361
No point. Just drilling for the nerve.

33
00:02:53,685 --> 00:02:57,221
So, what do you think? You wanna go
bowling today? Maybe catch a movie?

34
00:02:57,398 --> 00:02:59,935
No, I'm gonna take another bath.

35
00:03:08,448 --> 00:03:10,655
He does know there's an ocean
out there, right?

36
00:03:11,242 --> 00:03:14,242
Well, Greg doesn't want him
in the ocean.

37
00:03:14,411 --> 00:03:16,570
He wants him to spend time
training in a pool.

38
00:03:16,747 --> 00:03:19,285
In fact, my son's a little unhappy
about being here...

39
00:03:19,458 --> 00:03:22,826
...because he wanted to go snorkeling
in Greg's pool.

40
00:03:23,419 --> 00:03:25,412
He's got a boat and a pool?

41
00:03:26,838 --> 00:03:28,546
I guess you can afford
cool stuff...

42
00:03:28,715 --> 00:03:32,759
...when you don't have to sell your blood
and sperm to make alimony payments.

43
00:03:32,927 --> 00:03:36,627
Hey, hey, my relationship with my son
is not based on having cool stuff.

44
00:03:36,806 --> 00:03:38,347
And lucky for you.

45
00:03:39,474 --> 00:03:42,428
- Come on, look at the bright side.
- What bright side, Charlie?

46
00:03:42,602 --> 00:03:43,930
Delineate the bright side.

47
00:03:44,103 --> 00:03:48,230
Maybe one weekend Greg will let us
take a couple of chicks out on the boat.

48
00:03:49,316 --> 00:03:51,355
Why on earth
would he lend us his boat?

49
00:03:52,069 --> 00:03:55,483
He's tight with Jake,
we're tight with Jake. We've got an in.

50
00:03:55,654 --> 00:03:59,403
Are you not hearing my pain? My son
likes Judith's boyfriend better than me.

51
00:03:59,575 --> 00:04:02,823
Hey, I don't even know him
and I like him better than you.

52
00:04:03,827 --> 00:04:05,286
You'd think I'd learn.

53
00:04:05,454 --> 00:04:10,495
Alan. Alan, your son loves you.
You're a big influence on him.

54
00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:14,166
- You are the most important role model.
- Oh, I guess.

55
00:04:14,337 --> 00:04:17,124
I mean, so what if you can't teach him
to scuba-dive.

56
00:04:17,298 --> 00:04:19,455
For that matter,
you can't teach him to ski...

57
00:04:19,634 --> 00:04:22,882
...or hit a curve ball
or anything cool, really.

58
00:04:23,886 --> 00:04:26,342
But you bring plenty of other things
to the table.

59
00:04:31,351 --> 00:04:32,679
Thank you, God.

60
00:04:37,272 --> 00:04:40,475
- Hello, Charlie.
- Always a price, isn't there?

61
00:04:41,818 --> 00:04:44,688
- Hello, Alan.
- Jake's taking a bath.

62
00:04:44,862 --> 00:04:48,361
As much as I'd love to spend time
with my grandson, I'm in a hurry.

63
00:04:48,532 --> 00:04:49,942
Need to borrow your Mercedes.

64
00:04:50,116 --> 00:04:53,984
Well, since you're in a hurry,
I'll give you a quick answer. No.

65
00:04:54,162 --> 00:04:56,700
Charlie, please.
I'm showing a house in half an hour.

66
00:04:56,872 --> 00:04:59,541
What's wrong with that
little electric car you bought?

67
00:04:59,708 --> 00:05:03,787
Nothing, it's fine. It's what anybody
who cares about this planet is driving.

68
00:05:03,962 --> 00:05:06,878
If you're trying to sell real estate
to a Saudi oil prince...

69
00:05:07,047 --> 00:05:11,174
...you can't be driving up in some little
toy car with a plug in the bumper.

70
00:05:12,593 --> 00:05:14,252
You could use my car, Mom.

71
00:05:15,096 --> 00:05:18,547
You see? Now, that is how a loving son
treats his mother.

72
00:05:18,724 --> 00:05:21,724
Thank you, sweetheart,
but I need to look successful.

73
00:05:25,104 --> 00:05:27,939
- Charlie, your Mercedes.
- No, forget it.

74
00:05:28,148 --> 00:05:30,983
- Charlie, I am not leaving until you give...
- Happy motoring.

75
00:05:31,151 --> 00:05:32,858
Thank you.

76
00:05:34,195 --> 00:05:36,566
My car is in your driveway.

77
00:05:39,115 --> 00:05:44,191
And if you lose power,
there's a kite and a key in the trunk.

78
00:05:51,291 --> 00:05:54,791
For the record, there are other ways
of measuring success besides cars.

79
00:05:54,962 --> 00:05:57,999
You're right. There's boats and pools.

80
00:05:59,090 --> 00:06:03,040
You know what? I hope Mom puts a dent
in your big, shiny, new Mercedes.

81
00:06:03,219 --> 00:06:04,713
Hey, don't say that.

82
00:06:04,887 --> 00:06:08,634
If you're gonna hope for something,
hope she drives it off a cliff.

83
00:06:13,353 --> 00:06:17,432
So this is pretty cool, huh, Jake?
An electric car.

84
00:06:17,606 --> 00:06:20,097
I guess. What happens
when the batteries run out?

85
00:06:20,275 --> 00:06:22,848
You plug it in and recharge it.

86
00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:25,104
But what if there's a blackout?

87
00:06:25,779 --> 00:06:27,736
You sit in the back seat
with a pistol...

88
00:06:27,906 --> 00:06:30,479
...and wait for the looters,
just like any other car.

89
00:06:31,868 --> 00:06:35,734
- Charlie.
- It's a cool car, Jake.

90
00:06:35,912 --> 00:06:38,997
Greg has a really cool car.
He has a Hummer.

91
00:06:39,165 --> 00:06:42,202
You know, your Uncle Charlie's
no stranger to Hummers.

92
00:06:42,377 --> 00:06:44,037
Charlie.

93
00:06:44,921 --> 00:06:47,376
That's a cool car too, Jake.

94
00:06:48,673 --> 00:06:51,508
So, Jake, this is pretty cool, huh?

95
00:06:51,676 --> 00:06:54,760
Driving in a futuristic car,
going to see a movie.

96
00:06:57,931 --> 00:07:01,097
Hey, maybe afterwards
we can go get some pizza.

97
00:07:01,267 --> 00:07:02,809
Sure.

98
00:07:06,355 --> 00:07:10,185
And then, who knows, maybe...
Maybe your old dad will buy you...

99
00:07:10,358 --> 00:07:13,691
...an excessively violent and bloody
video game. How's that sound?

100
00:07:13,861 --> 00:07:15,485
Okay.

101
00:07:15,654 --> 00:07:17,315
You know,
when we go scuba diving...

102
00:07:17,490 --> 00:07:20,359
...Greg's gonna teach me
how to steer his boat.

103
00:07:20,533 --> 00:07:23,653
Well, I am sorry, Jake,
but, you know, I don't have a boat.

104
00:07:23,828 --> 00:07:27,777
I don't have a Hummer, and
I don't know how to scuba-dive.

105
00:07:27,956 --> 00:07:30,743
It's okay, Dad. Greg does.

106
00:07:33,836 --> 00:07:37,205
Hey, Jake, how'd you like your dad
to teach you how to drive a car?

107
00:07:37,380 --> 00:07:38,840
- What?
- Really?

108
00:07:39,008 --> 00:07:40,335
Charlie, he's 11.

109
00:07:40,508 --> 00:07:42,335
So? We'll find an empty parking lot.

110
00:07:42,510 --> 00:07:46,721
- What if he hits something?
- Alan, it's Mom's car.

111
00:07:48,182 --> 00:07:50,718
Guess what? Daddy's gonna teach you
how to drive.

112
00:07:50,892 --> 00:07:52,551
Cool.

113
00:07:56,605 --> 00:07:57,933
Can you reach the pedals?

114
00:07:58,106 --> 00:08:00,893
- Yeah. Can we turn on the radio?
- Forget the radio.

115
00:08:01,610 --> 00:08:03,152
Which one's the window squirter?

116
00:08:03,319 --> 00:08:05,560
Okay, forget the squirter.
Now, come on, focus.

117
00:08:05,737 --> 00:08:09,687
This is your rear-view mirror. It's very
important to check it before you back up.

118
00:08:09,866 --> 00:08:12,535
- Okay.
- Now... Well, what do you see?

119
00:08:12,702 --> 00:08:15,868
The top of Uncle Charlie's head.

120
00:08:16,038 --> 00:08:20,450
A shopping cart, a tree, soda can.

121
00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:23,080
- Looks like Mountain Dew.
- Okay.

122
00:08:23,252 --> 00:08:26,586
Forget the rear-view mirror. We're just...
We're just gonna go forward.

123
00:08:26,755 --> 00:08:29,708
Now, you know, this is the brake
and this is the gas.

124
00:08:29,882 --> 00:08:31,839
Thought it was electric.

125
00:08:34,053 --> 00:08:35,251
He's got you there, Alan.

126
00:08:36,805 --> 00:08:42,640
Okay, this is the brake
and this is the electric.

127
00:08:42,810 --> 00:08:45,894
They're very, very sensitive.
You don't have to press hard.

128
00:08:46,064 --> 00:08:47,142
Okay.

129
00:08:47,314 --> 00:08:48,725
Now, give it a little tap.

130
00:08:48,898 --> 00:08:51,021
- It is on?
- No.

131
00:08:51,984 --> 00:08:54,309
- Brake! Brake! Brake!
- Brake! Brake! Brake!

132
00:08:57,197 --> 00:09:00,862
Okay. Apparently it is on.

133
00:09:01,367 --> 00:09:04,653
- This is awesome.
- You see how careful you have to be?

134
00:09:04,829 --> 00:09:07,783
And how much closer we are
to the Dumpsters?

135
00:09:07,957 --> 00:09:09,664
- Can I squirt the windows now?
- No.

136
00:09:09,832 --> 00:09:13,082
Now... Okay, why don't you turn
the wheel slightly to the left...

137
00:09:13,252 --> 00:09:16,418
...and very gently press down on...

138
00:09:19,465 --> 00:09:21,541
Brake! Brake! Brake!

139
00:09:23,220 --> 00:09:25,674
Remember, if you wanna drive
Grandma's car again...

140
00:09:25,846 --> 00:09:28,052
...you can't be telling her about it.
- I know.

141
00:09:28,223 --> 00:09:31,805
Or Mom, or anybody else.
Daddy doesn't need the grief.

142
00:09:31,977 --> 00:09:33,933
That was really cool, Dad. Thanks.

143
00:09:35,188 --> 00:09:38,556
- Yeah. Yeah, it was.
- Hey, it just occurred to me.

144
00:09:38,732 --> 00:09:42,397
If Greg's here, we can ask him
about going out on the boat.

145
00:09:42,569 --> 00:09:45,142
No, I'm not going to ask Greg
about going...

146
00:09:45,321 --> 00:09:47,479
Hi, Judith.
Here he is, safe and sound.

147
00:09:48,239 --> 00:09:50,447
- Hey, honey.
- Hey, Mom. Guess what we just did.

148
00:09:50,617 --> 00:09:52,194
- What?
- Nothing in particular.

149
00:09:55,288 --> 00:09:58,738
That's a kids' joke.
"Nothing in particular."

150
00:09:58,915 --> 00:10:01,203
He's been doing it to us all weekend.

151
00:10:01,375 --> 00:10:05,752
- So, well, okay. Bye.
- Alan.

152
00:10:09,049 --> 00:10:10,708
Alan.

153
00:10:13,177 --> 00:10:14,457
Ask about the boat.

154
00:10:18,557 --> 00:10:20,595
- Listen, next weekend...
- Yeah, yeah.

155
00:10:20,766 --> 00:10:23,257
I know. You and Greg
are taking Jake scuba diving.

156
00:10:23,435 --> 00:10:25,262
No, that's the thing.

157
00:10:25,437 --> 00:10:27,595
Greg and I have decided
not to see each other.

158
00:10:27,773 --> 00:10:31,141
So if you haven't made any plans,
you can have Jake.

159
00:10:31,317 --> 00:10:33,891
Oh, yeah, yeah. I'd love to have him.

160
00:10:34,070 --> 00:10:37,485
And I'm sorry to hear
about you and Greg.

161
00:10:38,990 --> 00:10:42,406
- Thank you.
- Is there anything I can do?

162
00:10:43,035 --> 00:10:45,573
Yeah, you can wipe that smirk
off your face.

163
00:10:46,288 --> 00:10:50,036
- Okay. Well... Well, bye.
- Bye.

164
00:10:52,044 --> 00:10:54,498
<i>She broke up with Greg
She broke up with Greg</i>

165
00:10:54,671 --> 00:10:56,544
<i>She broke up with Greg</i>

166
00:10:56,714 --> 00:10:58,124
- Alan?
- Yeah?

167
00:10:58,298 --> 00:10:59,673
Peephole.

168
00:11:12,184 --> 00:11:14,177
- Hey.
- Where have you been?

169
00:11:15,812 --> 00:11:20,141
Car wash. They found something
real interesting in the back seat.

170
00:11:20,358 --> 00:11:22,600
Oh, yeah, what?

171
00:11:25,696 --> 00:11:27,355
Okay, now you're just showing off.

172
00:11:28,574 --> 00:11:29,901
No, Alan, I'm not.

173
00:11:30,116 --> 00:11:33,401
Although I have to admit,
that is a sexy little item.

174
00:11:33,578 --> 00:11:35,866
- It is, isn't it?
- Yeah, yeah.

175
00:11:36,038 --> 00:11:38,161
I'd like to meet the lady who fills this.

176
00:11:38,874 --> 00:11:40,748
Actually, you know her.

177
00:11:40,918 --> 00:11:44,202
- Oh, really? Lisa?
- No.

178
00:11:44,378 --> 00:11:47,332
- Jennifer?
- Who's Jennifer?

179
00:11:47,506 --> 00:11:49,747
Oh, right. No.

180
00:11:49,925 --> 00:11:51,335
Well, then who?

181
00:11:51,509 --> 00:11:56,218
I can tell you, but once I do,
I can't untell you.

182
00:11:56,388 --> 00:11:59,970
- What are you talking about?
- Who borrowed my car last weekend?

183
00:12:02,102 --> 00:12:04,426
Holy mother of God.

184
00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:10,691
No. No. Unholy mother of us.

185
00:12:11,359 --> 00:12:12,687
Mom in a car?

186
00:12:12,860 --> 00:12:15,481
Mom in my car.

187
00:12:15,655 --> 00:12:19,733
If I'd known this was gonna happen,
I'd have gotten the vinyl seats.

188
00:12:19,907 --> 00:12:23,491
Wait. You're not just gonna leave it
in the middle of the floor, are you?

189
00:12:23,661 --> 00:12:25,452
Really creeps you out, doesn't it?

190
00:12:26,664 --> 00:12:29,284
- No.
- Then pick it up.

191
00:12:45,762 --> 00:12:49,712
Hello? Oh, oh, hi, Jake. What's up?

192
00:12:50,766 --> 00:12:52,391
Slow down there.

193
00:12:52,560 --> 00:12:56,177
Yeah. No, I know your mom
broke up with Greg.

194
00:12:56,354 --> 00:12:59,723
Yes. I understand
that you're very upset, but...

195
00:13:00,359 --> 00:13:02,101
Well, no, no.

196
00:13:02,276 --> 00:13:06,142
I can't come over there and pick you up
just because you're mad at your mother.

197
00:13:10,033 --> 00:13:12,655
Well... I'm sorry, that's just the way it is.

198
00:13:12,828 --> 00:13:15,614
Now, why don't you let me
speak to her.

199
00:13:15,788 --> 00:13:19,322
Yeah, Judith, hi.
Look, I am trying to back you up here.

200
00:13:19,499 --> 00:13:22,784
No, I told him he had to work it out
with you.

201
00:13:25,879 --> 00:13:27,919
No, no... Really?

202
00:13:28,090 --> 00:13:31,043
You think it would be better
if he came over here to cool off?

203
00:13:31,217 --> 00:13:32,794
Okay, but...

204
00:13:34,012 --> 00:13:36,169
Well, bring him over, then.

205
00:13:37,181 --> 00:13:39,718
Well... No, I'll see you in a bit.

206
00:13:39,892 --> 00:13:41,634
- Jake's coming over?
- Yeah, yeah.

207
00:13:41,809 --> 00:13:44,810
Apparently he's furious with his mother
about this Greg thing.

208
00:13:44,978 --> 00:13:48,643
Well, that's understandable. He was just
getting to know this amazing guy...

209
00:13:48,815 --> 00:13:51,519
...who had a boat and a pool
and a Hummer.

210
00:13:52,319 --> 00:13:55,484
A guy who could teach him
all sorts of cool stuff.

211
00:13:55,654 --> 00:14:00,066
And then his mother just rips
this wonderful man out of his life.

212
00:14:02,743 --> 00:14:04,024
Too soon?

213
00:14:04,870 --> 00:14:06,946
Hello. Everybody decent?

214
00:14:07,498 --> 00:14:09,620
Oh, hi, Mom. What a surprise.

215
00:14:11,376 --> 00:14:14,377
Well, I was in the neighborhood
and I thought I'd drop by...

216
00:14:14,546 --> 00:14:17,001
...and see how my sons
are getting along.

217
00:14:17,172 --> 00:14:21,039
- Well, we're doing fine.
- Yep, just fine.

218
00:14:21,217 --> 00:14:26,009
- Good. Jake?
- He's... He's fine.

219
00:14:26,180 --> 00:14:28,717
Just dandy.

220
00:14:32,351 --> 00:14:34,758
Oh, the hell with it.

221
00:14:36,439 --> 00:14:41,563
I left a $300 bra in the back seat
of your Mercedes, and I want it back.

222
00:14:41,734 --> 00:14:47,320
Oh, my. How in heaven's name
did that happen, Mother?

223
00:14:48,782 --> 00:14:51,403
- Well, if you must know...
- I don't need to know.

224
00:14:52,451 --> 00:14:54,491
Oh, Alan, grow up.

225
00:14:54,662 --> 00:14:58,873
I sold a 12-million-dollar house
and I wanted to celebrate.

226
00:14:59,039 --> 00:15:00,950
With the Saudi prince?

227
00:15:01,792 --> 00:15:06,619
Don't be ridiculous. He's got nine wives
and they're all like 11 years old.

228
00:15:06,797 --> 00:15:09,122
No, I was with the seller's realtor.

229
00:15:09,299 --> 00:15:11,837
Splitting that juicy commission
made us both so hot...

230
00:15:12,010 --> 00:15:14,713
...we barely made it
off the front lawn.

231
00:15:18,224 --> 00:15:20,014
Now, go get Mommy's bra.

232
00:15:31,734 --> 00:15:35,185
Oh, darling, that is just sick.

233
00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:41,363
Seek help.

234
00:15:49,416 --> 00:15:50,696
Hey.

235
00:15:50,874 --> 00:15:53,792
- Hey, what's going on?
- My mom broke up with Greg.

236
00:15:53,961 --> 00:15:55,290
I heard.

237
00:15:55,463 --> 00:15:57,870
I'm gonna live here with you and Dad
from now on.

238
00:15:58,049 --> 00:15:59,707
Wanna bet?

239
00:16:00,425 --> 00:16:02,464
- Why not?
- Two reasons:

240
00:16:02,635 --> 00:16:04,960
Your mother loves you,
and life is cruel.

241
00:16:05,971 --> 00:16:08,757
Wait, that may just be one reason.

242
00:16:09,223 --> 00:16:12,675
Well, maybe my dad can talk my mom
into getting back together with Greg.

243
00:16:13,853 --> 00:16:17,103
Enjoy fifth grade, kid. You're obviously
gonna be there for a while.

244
00:16:19,358 --> 00:16:21,065
What am I supposed to do, Alan?

245
00:16:21,275 --> 00:16:23,018
I know how much he liked Greg...

246
00:16:23,194 --> 00:16:25,945
...but that can't be the reason
for me to keep seeing him.

247
00:16:26,113 --> 00:16:27,939
I understand. You're not wrong here.

248
00:16:28,114 --> 00:16:30,439
I'm not? Because I certainly feel wrong.

249
00:16:30,616 --> 00:16:33,570
I failed as a wife.
I'm failing as a mother.

250
00:16:33,744 --> 00:16:36,413
I even blew it as a lesbian.

251
00:16:36,580 --> 00:16:38,489
That might have been the problem.

252
00:16:40,709 --> 00:16:45,203
You're not a failure. We're both at fault
for the marriage not working.

253
00:16:45,378 --> 00:16:49,210
You're a great mother. And I'm sure you
would have made a heck of a lesbian...

254
00:16:49,382 --> 00:16:51,505
...if you just hung in there
a little longer.

255
00:16:53,344 --> 00:16:55,585
I'm gonna take Jake out
so you guys can talk.

256
00:16:55,762 --> 00:16:57,091
- Thank you.
- Thanks, Charlie.

257
00:16:57,264 --> 00:17:00,881
- Where we going?
- I gotta trade in my car.

258
00:17:06,355 --> 00:17:09,106
Why are you trading this car in?
Didn't you just get it?

259
00:17:09,274 --> 00:17:12,689
Yeah, but there's a banging noise
that's driving me crazy.

260
00:17:14,654 --> 00:17:15,981
I don't hear anything.

261
00:17:16,155 --> 00:17:18,562
You're not in my head.

262
00:17:20,784 --> 00:17:24,780
Hey, as long as you're getting rid of it,
mind if I take it for a little spin?

263
00:17:26,455 --> 00:17:27,783
Get real.

264
00:17:28,498 --> 00:17:30,491
I promise I'll go really slow.

265
00:17:30,667 --> 00:17:33,039
Forget it. It's not gonna happen.

266
00:17:35,796 --> 00:17:37,206
Is that a footprint up there?

267
00:17:41,509 --> 00:17:44,960
I never should have brought Jake
into the relationship. It was too soon.

268
00:17:45,137 --> 00:17:46,596
Don't be too hard on yourself.

269
00:17:46,764 --> 00:17:50,214
So Greg didn't turn out to be the great
guy you thought he was gonna be.

270
00:17:50,391 --> 00:17:54,435
Oh, he was a great guy.
My God, Alan, he took my breath away.

271
00:17:55,437 --> 00:17:59,813
Our first night together he picked me up
and carried me to bed in his arms.

272
00:18:01,610 --> 00:18:05,273
Well, the point is you brought Jake
into the relationship too soon.

273
00:18:06,071 --> 00:18:08,609
Greg said I was too demanding.
I am, aren't I?

274
00:18:08,782 --> 00:18:11,189
- I am a demanding, angry shrew.
- Hey, hey.

275
00:18:11,368 --> 00:18:13,609
Don't say that. That...
That is not who you are.

276
00:18:13,786 --> 00:18:17,154
That's just who you've become.

277
00:18:20,750 --> 00:18:22,410
But, you know, underneath it all...

278
00:18:22,585 --> 00:18:25,040
...I can still see the frightened,
neurotic girl...

279
00:18:25,212 --> 00:18:29,209
...with the minor eating disorder
that I fell in love with.

280
00:18:31,801 --> 00:18:33,461
Oh, Alan.

281
00:18:40,475 --> 00:18:43,476
I don't get it.
This is exactly like your other car.

282
00:18:43,644 --> 00:18:47,476
No, it's not. Listen. No banging.

283
00:18:51,317 --> 00:18:54,436
Well, I think you should have gotten
a cool car like Greg.

284
00:18:54,611 --> 00:18:57,280
Hey, do yourself a favor
and stop worshiping this dude.

285
00:18:57,447 --> 00:19:00,152
There's a guy in your life
who's worth looking up to...

286
00:19:00,325 --> 00:19:01,867
...and modeling yourself after.

287
00:19:02,035 --> 00:19:05,534
- Dad?
- Okay, two guys.

288
00:19:06,663 --> 00:19:09,913
Well, I still don't understand
why my mom had to break up with Greg.

289
00:19:10,083 --> 00:19:13,866
It could have been worse. She could
have married him and then broken up.

290
00:19:14,045 --> 00:19:16,796
When I was your age,
I was already on my third stepfather.

291
00:19:16,964 --> 00:19:18,872
And I kind of liked the second one.

292
00:19:19,549 --> 00:19:20,877
Well, how did you feel?

293
00:19:21,050 --> 00:19:23,541
How do you think I felt?
I was pissed off.

294
00:19:24,178 --> 00:19:27,214
- Yeah, well, so am I.
- And I'm not saying you shouldn't be...

295
00:19:27,389 --> 00:19:30,839
...but you can't blame your mother.
She's gotta do what's right for her.

296
00:19:31,016 --> 00:19:32,761
- You understand?
- I guess.

297
00:19:32,935 --> 00:19:34,595
Good.

298
00:19:34,770 --> 00:19:37,225
The next time you see her,
give her a big hug...

299
00:19:37,397 --> 00:19:41,144
...and let her know that there's still
one guy who's willing to live with her.

300
00:19:41,318 --> 00:19:43,143
Okay.

301
00:19:43,986 --> 00:19:46,441
Wait, you blame your mom
for everything.

302
00:19:47,406 --> 00:19:50,406
That's different. My mom's Satan.

303
00:20:12,468 --> 00:20:15,671
Come on, let's go boat shopping.

304
00:20:23,310 --> 00:20:24,686
If I'm old enough to drive...

305
00:20:24,853 --> 00:20:27,344
...I'm old enough to know
what's going on with you and Mom.

306
00:20:27,522 --> 00:20:29,893
You're not old enough to drive.

307
00:20:30,692 --> 00:20:34,191
I don't believe that you were carrying
her because she twisted her ankle.

308
00:20:35,570 --> 00:20:38,904
Believe what you want.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

309
00:20:39,699 --> 00:20:40,979
Tell him, Charlie.

310
00:20:42,785 --> 00:20:45,322
Your parents were about to have sex
when we walked in.

311
00:20:53,127 --> 00:20:54,669
Yeah, right.