1 00:00:01,402 --> 00:00:03,771 ( Alan imitating a vacuum ) 2 00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:17,451 Alan? 3 00:00:21,089 --> 00:00:22,256 Alan, what are you doing? 4 00:00:22,323 --> 00:00:25,759 There are dust bunnies everywhere. 5 00:00:27,061 --> 00:00:28,296 Oh... 6 00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:30,598 so you're vacuuming dust bunnies? 7 00:00:30,664 --> 00:00:34,168 No, their poop. 8 00:00:34,235 --> 00:00:37,071 ( imitating vacuum ) 9 00:00:37,138 --> 00:00:38,906 Are you sleepwalking? 10 00:00:38,972 --> 00:00:40,941 You're stepping in it, you're stepping in it! 11 00:00:41,008 --> 00:00:42,210 Don't step in it! 12 00:00:42,276 --> 00:00:45,713 ( imitating vacuum ) 13 00:00:45,779 --> 00:00:47,215 Alan. 14 00:00:47,281 --> 00:00:50,318 Why don't we leave the dust bunny poop until morning? 15 00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:53,121 ( imitating vacuum ) 16 00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:57,725 Click. Hey. 17 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:01,562 Come on, come on. 18 00:01:01,629 --> 00:01:03,264 Let's get you tucked in, 19 00:01:03,331 --> 00:01:05,499 you crazy son of a bitch. 20 00:01:11,439 --> 00:01:14,575 Gort, klaatu barata nikto. 21 00:01:16,510 --> 00:01:18,479 What? 22 00:01:18,546 --> 00:01:21,081 You know. 23 00:01:23,317 --> 00:01:25,586 CHARLIE: Okay, that's it-- into bed. 24 00:01:25,653 --> 00:01:26,254 Nighty-night. 25 00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:27,921 And if you feel the need 26 00:01:27,988 --> 00:01:29,923 to get up and clean something again, 27 00:01:29,990 --> 00:01:31,559 maybe you can wax my car. 28 00:01:32,860 --> 00:01:36,730 Oh! For God's sake, Rose. 29 00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:39,767 Isn't there enough poop on the carpet tonight? 30 00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:40,868 What are you doing here? 31 00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:42,270 I'm sorry. 32 00:01:42,336 --> 00:01:44,372 I saw your lights come on, and I was worried. 33 00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:47,275 Why were you looking at my house at 3:00 in the morning? 34 00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:50,678 Haven't you heard of the Neighborhood Watch? 35 00:01:50,744 --> 00:01:53,447 We don't have a neighborhood watch. 36 00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:54,582 Well, not yet. 37 00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:56,850 If we did, I surely couldn't stroll in here 38 00:01:56,917 --> 00:01:58,252 like I just did. 39 00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:02,556 So, what's going on? 40 00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:05,393 Nothing. Alan was sleepwalking. 41 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:07,928 At least I hope that was sleepwalking. 42 00:02:07,995 --> 00:02:09,697 Oh. Sure. 43 00:02:09,763 --> 00:02:12,166 My parents used to put a football helmet on me 44 00:02:12,233 --> 00:02:13,367 and strap me in bed. 45 00:02:13,434 --> 00:02:14,968 You were a sleepwalker? 46 00:02:15,035 --> 00:02:16,204 No. 47 00:02:18,071 --> 00:02:19,573 Good night, Rose. 48 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:22,142 Good night, Charlie. 49 00:02:22,210 --> 00:02:25,546 Thank you; I had a wonderful time. 50 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,655 If crazy ever becomes an Olympic event, 51 00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:37,425 I got the first two legs of the relay. 52 00:02:40,528 --> 00:02:41,529 Ah! 53 00:02:43,631 --> 00:02:45,032 What? 54 00:02:45,098 --> 00:02:47,401 Nothing. 55 00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:51,539 Man, I'm living in a loony bin. 56 00:02:53,541 --> 00:02:56,344 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 57 00:02:56,410 --> 00:02:59,413 * Men... * 58 00:03:02,283 --> 00:03:03,717 Well, Judith, I don't care 59 00:03:03,784 --> 00:03:05,619 what all the other divorced parents are doing. 60 00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:07,988 I don't think Jake needs to keep seeing the psychologist. 61 00:03:08,055 --> 00:03:11,492 No, I am not in denial. 62 00:03:14,328 --> 00:03:17,998 Judith, denying you're in denial is not denial. 63 00:03:18,065 --> 00:03:20,968 Okay, okay... okay, look, this is how it's going to be. 64 00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:23,704 I will have Jake at the psychologist's office at 11:00. 65 00:03:23,771 --> 00:03:25,873 You're welcome. 66 00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:26,907 Damn it! 67 00:03:26,974 --> 00:03:28,676 What's wrong? 68 00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:29,410 Nothing. 69 00:03:29,477 --> 00:03:30,844 Were you talking to Mom? 70 00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:33,481 Yes, but I hung up before I said the bad stuff. 71 00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,883 Yeah, she does the same thing with you. 72 00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:39,119 Hey. 73 00:03:39,186 --> 00:03:41,655 Morning. Uh, why is the vacuum cleaner out? 74 00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:47,961 Because we were ankle deep in bunny poop. 75 00:03:51,432 --> 00:03:52,766 Were you drinking last night? 76 00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:54,968 Yes, but that's not the point. 77 00:03:56,103 --> 00:03:57,671 You were sleepwalking. 78 00:03:57,738 --> 00:04:00,007 Really? I have no memory of being up. 79 00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:01,442 Good for you, 80 00:04:01,509 --> 00:04:03,944 because I have no memory of being asleep. 81 00:04:04,011 --> 00:04:05,045 I'm sorry; I haven't done that 82 00:04:05,112 --> 00:04:06,447 since I was a kid. 83 00:04:06,514 --> 00:04:08,816 Yeah, well, if you're going to regress, 84 00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:11,952 let me know so I can stock up on rubber sheets. 85 00:04:12,019 --> 00:04:14,555 Okay, that was uncalled for. 86 00:04:14,622 --> 00:04:16,624 Hey, Jake, you want to go to the bowling alley 87 00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:18,258 and play some air hockey today? 88 00:04:18,326 --> 00:04:21,862 Sure, but you still owe me, like, $12,000 from last time. 89 00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:24,932 What are you going to do, break my thumbs? 90 00:04:24,998 --> 00:04:26,700 Wouldn't hurt your game. 91 00:04:27,368 --> 00:04:28,602 Just remember, 92 00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:30,404 we've got Jake's "session" first. 93 00:04:30,471 --> 00:04:32,172 Oh, man, I thought you didn't want him 94 00:04:32,239 --> 00:04:33,374 to go back to that quack. 95 00:04:33,441 --> 00:04:35,443 I didn't, but Judith and I talked, 96 00:04:35,509 --> 00:04:37,345 and we decided that what I want 97 00:04:37,411 --> 00:04:39,480 makes no difference whatsoever. 98 00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:43,083 Man, you are so whipped. 99 00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:44,352 I'm not whipped. 100 00:04:44,418 --> 00:04:46,253 I'm just trying to keep everybody happy. 101 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:48,856 Meow. Fit-choo! 102 00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:50,290 I am not meow-fitchooed. 103 00:04:50,358 --> 00:04:51,792 You're right. 104 00:04:51,859 --> 00:04:55,329 It's been a long time since you got any meow. 105 00:04:59,166 --> 00:05:01,301 Are we getting a cat? 106 00:05:04,171 --> 00:05:05,839 You know, this is a waste of time. 107 00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:06,907 Jake's a normal kid. 108 00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:08,542 I know, but it's not going to hurt 109 00:05:08,609 --> 00:05:10,711 to have someone outside the family he can talk to. 110 00:05:10,778 --> 00:05:11,845 Oh, please. 111 00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:13,847 He's just sitting in there making stuff up. 112 00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:16,350 What? 113 00:05:16,417 --> 00:05:18,519 Well, not really making it up. 114 00:05:18,586 --> 00:05:21,722 He and I work out his schtick beforehand. 115 00:05:23,624 --> 00:05:27,661 Today he's telling her he sees dead people. 116 00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:32,132 Charlie, I am paying this woman a lot of money. 117 00:05:32,199 --> 00:05:35,068 Bet you feel pretty stupid, huh? 118 00:05:35,135 --> 00:05:36,637 What do you want me to do? 119 00:05:36,704 --> 00:05:39,407 Judith is insisting he comes here once a week. 120 00:05:39,473 --> 00:05:41,542 Okay, look, nobody likes divorce, 121 00:05:41,609 --> 00:05:43,677 but there are certain advantages. 122 00:05:43,744 --> 00:05:45,479 One of the more popular ones 123 00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:49,082 is you get to tell your ex-wife to bite the big one. 124 00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:52,853 Or whatever you got left. 125 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:53,921 Oh, that'll help. 126 00:05:53,987 --> 00:05:56,690 Look, it's just an hour out of our day. 127 00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:57,958 Which could have been spent on air hockey 128 00:05:58,025 --> 00:05:59,660 and bowling alley martinis. 129 00:05:59,727 --> 00:06:03,063 It's a small price to pay to avoid aggravating Judith. 130 00:06:03,130 --> 00:06:05,198 Okay, I understand. 131 00:06:05,265 --> 00:06:06,133 Thank you. 132 00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,668 You're a big girl. 133 00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:12,973 Are there any out here? 134 00:06:17,645 --> 00:06:19,246 No. 135 00:06:19,312 --> 00:06:20,514 Good. 136 00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:22,483 We'll see you next Saturday. 137 00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:26,954 Doctor, you should know, 138 00:06:27,020 --> 00:06:28,589 he doesn't really see dead people. 139 00:06:28,656 --> 00:06:29,990 Oh, of course not. 140 00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:32,460 He's just trying to resolve emotional issues 141 00:06:32,526 --> 00:06:34,061 through visualized fantasy. 142 00:06:34,127 --> 00:06:35,395 Do you have my check? 143 00:06:36,697 --> 00:06:38,098 Hey, Dad, how come we never 144 00:06:38,165 --> 00:06:40,534 got spare ribs when we were at Mom's house? 145 00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:42,169 Because your mom thinks they're too fatty. 146 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:45,072 Fit-choo! 147 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,075 Is that really necessary? 148 00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:50,210 Hey, if the fit-choo fits... 149 00:06:50,277 --> 00:06:52,813 Fit-choo! 150 00:06:56,484 --> 00:06:57,718 Are you happy? 151 00:06:57,785 --> 00:07:00,120 Come on, he doesn't know what it means. 152 00:07:00,187 --> 00:07:01,755 Fine. 153 00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:03,290 Anybody see the pancakes 154 00:07:03,356 --> 00:07:04,324 for the moo-shu chicken? 155 00:07:04,391 --> 00:07:06,359 No, looks like they forgot them. 156 00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:07,928 Just eat it with a fork. 157 00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:09,830 You don't eat moo-shu with a fork. 158 00:07:09,897 --> 00:07:13,133 You eat moo-shu with a pancake like a little Chinese taco. 159 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:14,234 Okay, all right. 160 00:07:14,301 --> 00:07:15,469 You want a taco shell? 161 00:07:15,536 --> 00:07:17,137 No, I don't want a taco shell. 162 00:07:17,204 --> 00:07:19,139 I want a pancake for my moo-shu. 163 00:07:19,206 --> 00:07:20,674 I ordered pancakes. 164 00:07:20,741 --> 00:07:22,543 I paid for pancakes. 165 00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:24,845 Where the hell are my pancakes?! 166 00:07:24,912 --> 00:07:26,013 Alan, chill. 167 00:07:26,079 --> 00:07:27,180 I will not chill. 168 00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:28,281 I want what I ordered. 169 00:07:28,348 --> 00:07:29,650 For once in my life, 170 00:07:29,717 --> 00:07:31,284 I will get what was promised me. 171 00:07:31,351 --> 00:07:33,487 Fit-choo! 172 00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:39,727 See? Not a clue. 173 00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:42,630 I am going to call that restaurant 174 00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:43,964 and give them a piece of my mind. 175 00:07:44,031 --> 00:07:46,534 That's smart-- scream at the people 176 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:48,101 who handle your food. 177 00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:49,102 Is he okay? 178 00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:50,704 Oh, yeah; maybe a little tired. 179 00:07:50,771 --> 00:07:52,105 Just been working pretty hard. 180 00:07:52,172 --> 00:07:54,975 You know my second grade teacher, Miss Spulvaney? 181 00:07:55,042 --> 00:07:57,578 One time she got mad 'cause there was no chalk, 182 00:07:57,645 --> 00:07:59,547 and they found her in the cafeteria 183 00:07:59,613 --> 00:08:01,281 hiding under a lunch table. 184 00:08:01,348 --> 00:08:02,282 No kidding. 185 00:08:02,349 --> 00:08:03,917 Yup, she went berserk. 186 00:08:05,953 --> 00:08:08,922 That's how we got Miss McKinnon. 187 00:08:23,403 --> 00:08:25,072 Hi. 188 00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:29,810 Rose... how do you keep getting in the house? 189 00:08:29,877 --> 00:08:32,012 Oh, Charlie, aren't we past that? 190 00:08:32,079 --> 00:08:34,047 I just thought you'd like to know 191 00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:36,884 that your brother's sleepwalking again. 192 00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:39,953 And you had to get in bed with me to tell me that? 193 00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:41,555 No, silly. 194 00:08:41,622 --> 00:08:43,557 I was already in bed with you. 195 00:08:43,624 --> 00:08:45,358 I just heard him 196 00:08:45,425 --> 00:08:47,928 walking around downstairs. 197 00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:02,542 Alan? 198 00:09:04,311 --> 00:09:05,846 What are you doing? 199 00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:07,280 Making a birthday cake. 200 00:09:07,347 --> 00:09:08,882 You and Mom want some? 201 00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,285 You handle this, honey. 202 00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:13,987 I'm going back to bed. 203 00:09:24,031 --> 00:09:25,498 Jake, your grandmother's here. 204 00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:26,667 Oh, man. 205 00:09:26,734 --> 00:09:28,869 I mean right here in the room. 206 00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:32,673 Oh, man, grandma's here. 207 00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:35,175 I blame you. 208 00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:37,544 Take a number. 209 00:09:37,611 --> 00:09:40,848 Huh. How could we be out of eggs? 210 00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:42,950 Dr. Linda Freeman, child psychologist? 211 00:09:43,016 --> 00:09:45,385 Who here is seeing a child psychologist? 212 00:09:45,452 --> 00:09:48,221 Uh, Jake. 213 00:09:49,623 --> 00:09:51,324 His mom was concerned about, you know, 214 00:09:51,391 --> 00:09:53,894 the impact of the divorce and everything. 215 00:09:53,961 --> 00:09:54,561 On who? 216 00:09:54,628 --> 00:09:57,297 On Jake. 217 00:09:58,398 --> 00:09:59,667 I'll be right back. 218 00:09:59,733 --> 00:10:01,568 I'm gonna go get some eggs. 219 00:10:01,635 --> 00:10:03,236 Jake, honey, 220 00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:05,639 I-I just want you to know 221 00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:10,010 that seeing a therapist is no reflection on you. 222 00:10:10,077 --> 00:10:12,880 Okay. It's a reflection on your parents. 223 00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:15,382 Particularly your mother. 224 00:10:16,483 --> 00:10:18,752 I think I'm gonna get a cat. 225 00:10:20,688 --> 00:10:22,555 The Queen of Darkness is here. 226 00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:24,692 Thanks for the head's up. 227 00:10:24,758 --> 00:10:26,426 Where you going? 228 00:10:26,493 --> 00:10:27,728 Oh, we're out of eggs. 229 00:10:27,795 --> 00:10:30,397 And you have no idea why? 230 00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:34,367 Well, Charlie, I would assume somebody ate them. 231 00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:38,238 Okay, let's go with that. 232 00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:42,342 Then I tried Freudian analysis, 233 00:10:42,409 --> 00:10:45,946 but with them, you know, it's just sex, sex, sex. 234 00:10:46,013 --> 00:10:48,248 My doctor has a cow puppet. 235 00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:50,383 Really? 236 00:10:51,518 --> 00:10:52,619 MD or PhD? 237 00:10:52,686 --> 00:10:55,856 C-O-W. 238 00:10:57,725 --> 00:11:00,293 Hey, Mom, can I talk to you for a minute? 239 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:01,829 Oh, be right there. 240 00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:04,998 Now, honey, the cow puppet doesn't need to know 241 00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:07,134 about the time you saw grandmommy 242 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,436 dancing with the Cuban gentleman 243 00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:11,972 in the Neiman Marcus changing room. 244 00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:15,943 What is it, Charlie? 245 00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:17,778 I need to talk to you about Alan. 246 00:11:17,845 --> 00:11:19,747 He's been acting really strange lately. 247 00:11:19,813 --> 00:11:22,315 And I suppose it's my fault. 248 00:11:22,382 --> 00:11:23,616 No, no. 249 00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,886 Well, maybe. 250 00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:29,189 The thing is, he's been sleepwalking, 251 00:11:29,256 --> 00:11:31,524 and I remember him doing it when he was a kid. 252 00:11:31,591 --> 00:11:32,793 Oh, yes. 253 00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:34,694 It was shortly after your father passed away. 254 00:11:34,762 --> 00:11:36,229 What did you do about it? 255 00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:37,664 Well, nothing, really. 256 00:11:37,731 --> 00:11:40,801 It seemed to stop by itself when he was 13. 257 00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:42,970 Right around the time 258 00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:46,406 he started taking those long showers 259 00:11:46,473 --> 00:11:48,675 and, you know, 260 00:11:48,742 --> 00:11:52,679 relieving his anxiety in a more direct way. 261 00:11:52,746 --> 00:11:53,981 Got it. 262 00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:57,184 So, sexual release cured his sleepwalking. 263 00:11:57,250 --> 00:11:58,451 Seemed to. 264 00:11:58,518 --> 00:12:01,889 Of course there was a brief time when the two overlapped. 265 00:12:04,357 --> 00:12:08,829 I recall an incredibly awkward bridge game. 266 00:12:08,896 --> 00:12:11,064 Okay, great. Thank you. 267 00:12:11,131 --> 00:12:14,201 I had seven no trump, and he just walked in 268 00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:16,870 with this goofy smile on his face. 269 00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,206 This is nice. 270 00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:20,707 Great idea, Charlie. 271 00:12:20,774 --> 00:12:22,142 Well, I figure you work all week, 272 00:12:22,209 --> 00:12:23,743 you got your kid on the weekends. 273 00:12:23,811 --> 00:12:25,612 I bet you hardly even have the time 274 00:12:25,678 --> 00:12:27,314 to take a nice, long, soapy shower. 275 00:12:29,216 --> 00:12:31,985 Yeah, it has been a little hectic. 276 00:12:32,052 --> 00:12:33,686 Let me ask you something. 277 00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:36,756 When's the last time you had sex with a girl? 278 00:12:36,824 --> 00:12:38,859 Or a melon? 279 00:12:38,926 --> 00:12:40,961 Or anything? 280 00:12:41,028 --> 00:12:43,396 None of your business. 281 00:12:43,463 --> 00:12:45,198 That long, huh? 282 00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:47,734 Why do you care? 283 00:12:47,801 --> 00:12:48,869 I don't know. 284 00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:50,871 You just have that twitchy look 285 00:12:50,938 --> 00:12:53,506 of a guy who's got one stuck in the chamber. 286 00:12:53,573 --> 00:12:56,043 I am fine, Charlie. 287 00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:58,078 Yeah, sure, I'd like to meet somebody, 288 00:12:58,145 --> 00:13:00,647 but in the meantime I'm living a very full life. 289 00:13:00,713 --> 00:13:02,382 I have no complaints. 290 00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:04,517 Okay, this table is really starting to piss me off. 291 00:13:04,584 --> 00:13:05,685 Just let it wobble. 292 00:13:05,752 --> 00:13:07,020 You want beer in your lap, 293 00:13:07,087 --> 00:13:09,089 'cause I don't want beer in my lap. 294 00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:12,092 Hi, Charlie. 295 00:13:12,159 --> 00:13:13,793 Who's your cute friend? 296 00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:19,566 Just get up here, you jackass. 297 00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:23,136 Hi, Charlie. 298 00:13:23,203 --> 00:13:25,505 Who's your cute friend? 299 00:13:25,572 --> 00:13:26,739 Oh, hi, Darlene. 300 00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:28,541 This is my brother Alan. 301 00:13:28,608 --> 00:13:30,043 Come, please, join us. 302 00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:34,514 Hi, Alan. This is my friend Annette. Hi. 303 00:13:34,581 --> 00:13:35,916 Hello. 304 00:13:35,983 --> 00:13:37,817 Hey, he is cute. 305 00:13:37,885 --> 00:13:39,819 You are. 306 00:13:41,922 --> 00:13:44,691 You know, Alan, Annette is a seat filler 307 00:13:44,757 --> 00:13:46,459 for most of the major awards shows. 308 00:13:46,526 --> 00:13:47,794 Is that so? 309 00:13:47,861 --> 00:13:49,562 Oh yeah, it's a big responsibility. 310 00:13:49,629 --> 00:13:53,600 'Cause when a celebrity, like, gets up to go to the bathroom, 311 00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:56,469 they don't want to have an empty seat on TV. 312 00:13:56,536 --> 00:13:57,938 Understandable. 313 00:13:58,005 --> 00:13:59,806 You know who pees a lot? 314 00:13:59,873 --> 00:14:02,042 Jeff Bridges. 315 00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:05,612 Okay. Whataya say we get out of here 316 00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:06,880 and go back to our place? 317 00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:07,948 Okeydoke. 318 00:14:08,015 --> 00:14:09,816 Wait, wait, wait. Hold it. 319 00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:11,919 Everybody sit down. 320 00:14:11,985 --> 00:14:13,753 Wow, I feel like I'm at work. 321 00:14:13,820 --> 00:14:15,455 What is going on? 322 00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:16,589 Nothing. 323 00:14:16,656 --> 00:14:18,926 We met a couple of girls who took a shine to us. 324 00:14:18,992 --> 00:14:20,060 Just like that? 325 00:14:20,127 --> 00:14:22,662 Yes, Alan, just like that. 326 00:14:22,729 --> 00:14:26,033 Oh, God, please tell me you did not pay them. 327 00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:27,300 Hey, I resent that. 328 00:14:28,135 --> 00:14:31,171 Not all seat fillers hook. 329 00:14:32,805 --> 00:14:36,376 Well, it was very nice meeting you. I'm leaving. 330 00:14:37,477 --> 00:14:39,346 Be right back. 331 00:14:39,412 --> 00:14:40,914 Keep drinking. 332 00:14:40,981 --> 00:14:42,215 What is wrong with you? 333 00:14:42,282 --> 00:14:43,951 Me? There is nothing wrong with me. 334 00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:46,086 I'm just, I'm not interested in being set up 335 00:14:46,153 --> 00:14:47,921 with a woman whose idea of chitchat 336 00:14:47,988 --> 00:14:49,222 is celebrity pee-pee secrets. 337 00:14:49,289 --> 00:14:51,524 You want me to set you up with the other one? 338 00:14:51,591 --> 00:14:52,792 No! 339 00:14:52,859 --> 00:14:54,161 Are you sure, 'cause there's no way 340 00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:55,795 you're bagging her on your own. 341 00:14:55,862 --> 00:14:58,531 Why is this so important to you? 342 00:14:58,598 --> 00:14:59,832 Are you kidding me? 343 00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:01,368 You've been acting nuttier 344 00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:03,670 than rat crap in a pistachio factory. 345 00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:07,040 And I figured if I could coax your Johnson out of retirement, 346 00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:09,642 you'd stop making invisible birthday cakes. 347 00:15:09,709 --> 00:15:10,978 What? 348 00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:13,280 I can't say it more clearly than that, Alan. 349 00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,719 Are you happy? 350 00:15:19,786 --> 00:15:22,055 Are you? Are you happy? 351 00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:26,193 Anyway, I know you only deal with kids, 352 00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:29,096 but I didn't know where else to take him. 353 00:15:32,232 --> 00:15:33,233 This is ridiculous. 354 00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:34,834 I don't need to be here. 355 00:15:34,901 --> 00:15:36,736 I gave you a choice-- 356 00:15:36,803 --> 00:15:40,974 Take the long shower or talk to the doctor. 357 00:15:41,041 --> 00:15:42,842 Well, if I had to guess-- 358 00:15:42,909 --> 00:15:45,145 and that's pretty much all I do here-- 359 00:15:45,212 --> 00:15:48,548 I would have to say 360 00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:52,119 that based on his inappropriate outbursts and sleepwalking, 361 00:15:52,185 --> 00:15:55,522 Alan is struggling with a great deal of suppressed rage. 362 00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:59,426 Rage? No, I don't... I don't think so. 363 00:15:59,492 --> 00:16:00,660 Oh, come on. 364 00:16:00,727 --> 00:16:03,196 Your wife threw you out of your own house, 365 00:16:03,263 --> 00:16:05,398 she still runs your life, you're broke, 366 00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:08,035 and you only get to see your kid two days a week, 367 00:16:08,101 --> 00:16:09,902 one of which you have to bring him 368 00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,671 to this rug rat exorcist. 369 00:16:15,842 --> 00:16:17,844 No offense. 370 00:16:17,910 --> 00:16:22,215 Okay. 371 00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:26,186 Now, Alan, how do you feel about what Charlie just shared? 372 00:16:26,253 --> 00:16:28,088 Well, I-I think he's completely off base. 373 00:16:28,155 --> 00:16:30,257 I mean, yes, I get a little frustrated sometimes. 374 00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:33,260 You know, when Judith doesn't get her own way 375 00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:36,929 she just keeps coming at me, and... and coming at me, 376 00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:39,432 like a friggin' steamroller, 377 00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:41,934 crushing my... my spirit, and my self-respect. 378 00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:43,670 That's very good. 379 00:16:43,736 --> 00:16:47,574 But on the other hand, she's a very good mom to Jake. 380 00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:48,141 Tell you what. 381 00:16:48,208 --> 00:16:50,443 Let's pretend 382 00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:55,848 that Judith is sitting in this chair. 383 00:16:55,915 --> 00:16:57,650 What would you tell her right now? 384 00:16:57,717 --> 00:16:58,785 I-I don't know. 385 00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:02,089 I feel a little silly talking to an empty chair. 386 00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:03,956 Fair enough. Charlie, do you mind? 387 00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:05,024 Do I mind what? 388 00:17:05,092 --> 00:17:06,259 Thank you. 389 00:17:12,199 --> 00:17:17,437 Now, Alan, tell Judith how you really feel. 390 00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:21,974 Well, um... 391 00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:23,743 Judith... 392 00:17:25,478 --> 00:17:29,482 I, uh, I know you're working through some of your own issues, 393 00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:33,019 sexual and otherwise, and, uh, and I support that. 394 00:17:33,086 --> 00:17:34,787 That's telling her, Alan. 395 00:17:36,223 --> 00:17:37,990 Charlie, remember you're Judith. 396 00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,459 Sorry. 397 00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:43,663 ( falsetto ): That's telling me, Alan. 398 00:17:45,198 --> 00:17:48,201 Is this going to take much longer? 399 00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:51,238 'Cause I have to get to a massage, 400 00:17:51,304 --> 00:17:53,806 then a tennis lesson that he's paying for. 401 00:17:53,873 --> 00:17:54,974 Tennis? 402 00:17:55,041 --> 00:17:56,709 Since when do you play tennis? 403 00:17:56,776 --> 00:17:58,811 I told you, but you never listen. 404 00:17:59,846 --> 00:18:00,747 He never listens. 405 00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:03,049 Thank God his brother took him in. 406 00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:05,285 Hey, I am warning you. 407 00:18:05,352 --> 00:18:07,520 You're warning me? 408 00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:11,090 Okay, Alan, how are you feeling right now? 409 00:18:11,158 --> 00:18:13,493 Well... a little angry. 410 00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:15,528 Really, 'cause you don't sound angry. 411 00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:17,063 Well... I am. 412 00:18:17,130 --> 00:18:18,431 I just don't see any reason 413 00:18:18,498 --> 00:18:20,533 to make a-a big spectacle of myself. 414 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,869 Yeah, you'd rather blow off a sure thing 415 00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:25,705 who actually makes a living with her ass. 416 00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:30,710 Meaningless, loveless sex is not the answer, Charlie. 417 00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:33,180 Meow, fit-choo! 418 00:18:33,246 --> 00:18:37,016 Okay, I am really getting tired of that. 419 00:18:37,083 --> 00:18:38,318 Hey, you know what, Charlie, 420 00:18:38,385 --> 00:18:40,052 I don't much care for that either. 421 00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:42,722 If you like, we can schedule another session 422 00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:46,459 to deal with your fear of vaginas. 423 00:18:48,561 --> 00:18:50,430 Now, Alan, 424 00:18:50,497 --> 00:18:52,565 the reason I asked you if you were angry 425 00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:55,302 is because I have yet to see any genuine expression 426 00:18:55,368 --> 00:18:58,171 of what are undoubtedly some very powerful feelings. 427 00:18:58,238 --> 00:18:59,572 Well, I-I'm sorry, 428 00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:01,274 but that's just the best I can do. 429 00:19:01,341 --> 00:19:03,843 Okay, well, let's try something else. 430 00:19:03,910 --> 00:19:07,113 This is called a bataka. 431 00:19:07,180 --> 00:19:08,215 It's heavily padded. 432 00:19:08,281 --> 00:19:09,882 It can't hurt anybody. 433 00:19:09,949 --> 00:19:13,853 But you can use it to vent your deep, angry feelings. 434 00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:17,490 You're wasting your time, Doc. 435 00:19:17,557 --> 00:19:19,292 He's too much of a wimp to... 436 00:19:20,193 --> 00:19:22,094 There you go. 437 00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:24,130 Good. 438 00:19:24,197 --> 00:19:25,465 Good. 439 00:19:33,906 --> 00:19:35,775 Keep going, Alan! 440 00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:38,110 Stop! 441 00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:39,246 Should I stop? 442 00:19:39,312 --> 00:19:40,713 Well, it's up to you. 443 00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:42,315 You paid for the full hour. 444 00:19:45,452 --> 00:19:47,554 Attaboy. Attaboy. 445 00:19:52,158 --> 00:19:53,092 Thank you, Doctor. 446 00:19:53,159 --> 00:19:53,993 That was great. 447 00:19:54,060 --> 00:19:54,894 I feel much better. 448 00:19:54,961 --> 00:19:56,062 Oh, good. 449 00:19:56,128 --> 00:19:58,931 Yeah, we're all thrilled for you. 450 00:20:00,166 --> 00:20:04,637 And by the way, about the... you know. 451 00:20:05,972 --> 00:20:08,207 I'm not scared of 'em. 452 00:20:08,275 --> 00:20:11,444 I just have a healthy respect. 453 00:20:11,511 --> 00:20:13,145 Fine. 454 00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:14,647 I'll see you both next week. 455 00:20:19,519 --> 00:20:24,857 How long am I gonna have to keep coming here?