1 00:00:02,536 --> 00:00:03,437 Hey, Judith. 2 00:00:03,504 --> 00:00:04,738 Oh, there's the rock star. 3 00:00:04,805 --> 00:00:05,773 Ready for a fun weekend? 4 00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:07,241 Leave me alone. 5 00:00:08,642 --> 00:00:10,211 Musicians. 6 00:00:10,278 --> 00:00:13,147 Alan, that child is driving me insane. 7 00:00:13,214 --> 00:00:15,683 Like father, like son, huh? 8 00:00:16,784 --> 00:00:18,319 Really, that bad? 9 00:00:18,386 --> 00:00:21,155 He's been sullen and uncooperative for days. 10 00:00:21,222 --> 00:00:23,057 I think he needs to see someone. 11 00:00:23,124 --> 00:00:25,126 What-what, you mean like a, like a shrink? 12 00:00:25,193 --> 00:00:27,261 No, Alan, I mean like a blacksmith. 13 00:00:28,429 --> 00:00:30,598 This is clearly a reaction to our divorce. 14 00:00:30,664 --> 00:00:33,267 He's not processing his emotions in a healthy way 15 00:00:33,334 --> 00:00:36,237 and I think therapy could help unblock him. 16 00:00:36,304 --> 00:00:37,638 Where did you get that? 17 00:00:37,705 --> 00:00:39,173 From my therapist. 18 00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:42,876 Who's working wonders with you. 19 00:00:42,943 --> 00:00:44,178 Excuse me? 20 00:00:44,245 --> 00:00:46,647 Who's working wonders with you. 21 00:00:48,282 --> 00:00:50,818 ( "Smoke on the Water" guitar riff plays ) 22 00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:52,220 All he does is sit in his room 23 00:00:52,286 --> 00:00:53,187 and play that damn thing. 24 00:00:53,254 --> 00:00:54,455 He's isolating, Alan. 25 00:00:54,522 --> 00:00:56,357 That doesn't mean he needs a therapist. 26 00:00:56,424 --> 00:00:58,192 He's just a normal 11-year-old kid 27 00:00:58,259 --> 00:00:59,593 who happens to be a little grumpy. 28 00:00:59,660 --> 00:01:01,529 And I'm a normal 35-year-old mother 29 00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:03,897 who happens to be running out of patience. 30 00:01:03,964 --> 00:01:05,466 And by patience I mean Prozac. 31 00:01:05,533 --> 00:01:06,767 Wait a minute. 32 00:01:06,834 --> 00:01:09,069 You can't still be 35 because... 33 00:01:12,540 --> 00:01:14,575 Hey, he's getting pretty good at that. 34 00:01:14,642 --> 00:01:17,345 Yeah, well, get used to it. 35 00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:23,451 ( playing continues ) 36 00:01:27,321 --> 00:01:30,558 ( playing continues ) 37 00:01:33,227 --> 00:01:37,431 ( kissing in sync with guitar riffs ) 38 00:01:40,501 --> 00:01:42,203 Charlie... 39 00:01:42,270 --> 00:01:44,305 what are you doing? 40 00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:47,241 "Smoke on the Water." 41 00:01:50,211 --> 00:01:53,214 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men... * 42 00:01:53,281 --> 00:01:56,484 * Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh... * 43 00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:59,620 * Men, men, men, men, manly men * 44 00:01:59,687 --> 00:02:02,190 * Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ohh, ooh-ooh * 45 00:02:02,256 --> 00:02:05,226 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 46 00:02:05,293 --> 00:02:08,462 * Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men * 47 00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:10,431 * Men. * 48 00:02:17,371 --> 00:02:19,840 ( "Smoke on the Water" guitar riff continues ) 49 00:02:23,076 --> 00:02:25,279 Okay... 50 00:02:25,346 --> 00:02:27,215 it's not cute anymore. 51 00:02:29,283 --> 00:02:30,784 Make him stop. 52 00:02:30,851 --> 00:02:33,587 You're the one who bought him the guitar, Charlie. 53 00:02:34,688 --> 00:02:36,957 The bed is vibrating so much up there 54 00:02:37,024 --> 00:02:38,959 I'm no longer necessary. 55 00:02:39,026 --> 00:02:41,495 Well, I'm sorry my son's interrupting 56 00:02:41,562 --> 00:02:43,297 your afternoon debauchery, 57 00:02:43,364 --> 00:02:45,933 but I think he's upset about something. 58 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:46,800 What's he upset about? 59 00:02:46,867 --> 00:02:47,935 I don't know. 60 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:49,437 I was just giving him a little space 61 00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:50,571 before I talked to him. 62 00:02:50,638 --> 00:02:52,440 You want me to talk to him? 63 00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:56,577 Sure, and I'll finish for you upstairs. 64 00:02:58,078 --> 00:02:59,947 This is a father's job. 65 00:03:02,250 --> 00:03:07,087 Tell him I just need, like, 20 minutes. 66 00:03:07,154 --> 00:03:10,724 ( playing continues ) 67 00:03:22,803 --> 00:03:24,372 Can I come in? 68 00:03:28,776 --> 00:03:32,946 Hey, it really sounds like you've got your mojo working. 69 00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:41,054 But-But let's, let's try to turn it down now, okay? 70 00:03:41,121 --> 00:03:42,990 What'd you do that for? 71 00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:44,458 Uh, because I love you 72 00:03:44,525 --> 00:03:46,860 and I don't want that to change. 73 00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:53,701 So, um, how was your week? 74 00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:55,703 Okay. 75 00:03:55,769 --> 00:03:57,671 Anything, uh, I need to know? 76 00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:59,106 Anything bothering you? 77 00:03:59,172 --> 00:03:59,807 No. 78 00:03:59,873 --> 00:04:01,409 You sure? 79 00:04:01,475 --> 00:04:03,277 'Cause it seems like something's bothering you. 80 00:04:03,344 --> 00:04:04,645 Okay, you want to know what's bothering me? 81 00:04:04,712 --> 00:04:05,879 Yeah, yeah. 82 00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:10,017 People keep on asking me what's bothering me. 83 00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,253 Okay, I won't ask. 84 00:04:13,321 --> 00:04:14,855 Good. 85 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:18,058 You know, when I was your age... 86 00:04:18,125 --> 00:04:19,360 Aw, man. 87 00:04:21,128 --> 00:04:22,095 Okay, forget that. 88 00:04:22,162 --> 00:04:23,631 Um, problems at school? 89 00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:24,932 No. 90 00:04:24,998 --> 00:04:25,599 Problems with Mom? 91 00:04:25,666 --> 00:04:26,767 No. 92 00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:28,869 Because I understand that there's some things 93 00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:30,871 a guy doesn't want to talk with his mom about. 94 00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:32,039 Like what? 95 00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:34,808 Well, you know, uh, girl problems, or, uh, 96 00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:37,478 somebody's picking on you, or, uh, 97 00:04:37,545 --> 00:04:39,347 you're the only guy in gym class 98 00:04:39,413 --> 00:04:41,382 without hair on his testicles. 99 00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:54,061 She sobered up on you, huh? 100 00:04:58,732 --> 00:05:01,101 No, I'm just being a good host... 101 00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:02,536 Yeah, a little bit. 102 00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:04,805 Man. 103 00:05:04,872 --> 00:05:06,807 You figure out what his problem is? 104 00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:10,043 No, but we determined mine was late onset puberty. 105 00:05:11,545 --> 00:05:14,615 You were a Mexican Hairless, weren't you? 106 00:05:17,685 --> 00:05:20,053 Did you check to see if he's constipated? 107 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:22,556 Berta, his mother and I are going through a divorce 108 00:05:22,623 --> 00:05:24,858 and there's a lot of emotions he hasn't processed. 109 00:05:24,925 --> 00:05:26,394 Maybe so, but there's also a lot 110 00:05:26,460 --> 00:05:28,429 of string cheese he hasn't processed. 111 00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:33,233 You know, Judith thinks he needs 112 00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:34,602 to see a therapist. 113 00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:36,770 Why, 'cause it's working so good for her? 114 00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:39,507 Hey, Charlie, that's uncalled for. 115 00:05:39,573 --> 00:05:42,943 Come on, the kid's problem is he's 11. 116 00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:44,778 He can't drive, he can't drink, 117 00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:47,448 and his mother picks out all his clothes. 118 00:05:47,515 --> 00:05:49,216 Be thankful he's not in the garage 119 00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:50,984 biting the heads off of chickens. 120 00:05:51,051 --> 00:05:52,753 But this isn't like him. 121 00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:54,622 Trust your first instinct. 122 00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:57,290 Just give him a little space 123 00:05:57,357 --> 00:06:00,360 and probably by this time tomorrow... 124 00:06:00,428 --> 00:06:03,931 ( guitar riff plays ) 125 00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:06,667 ...I will have killed him. 126 00:06:16,343 --> 00:06:20,881 ( playing continues ) 127 00:06:24,051 --> 00:06:25,252 Not bad. 128 00:06:25,318 --> 00:06:26,820 But why don't you try fretting 129 00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:28,489 the E and the A string together? 130 00:06:28,556 --> 00:06:30,691 I like my way. 131 00:06:30,758 --> 00:06:31,992 Cool. 132 00:06:36,797 --> 00:06:38,599 Hey, what did you do that for? 133 00:06:38,666 --> 00:06:41,168 Look, I'm really happy you've taken up an instrument, 134 00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:43,637 and I'll be even happier when you learn an actual song. 135 00:06:45,272 --> 00:06:49,009 But right now, let's just take a little pause for the cause. 136 00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:51,411 What do you want? 137 00:06:51,479 --> 00:06:52,913 Nothing, I just thought 138 00:06:52,980 --> 00:06:53,981 we could hang out. 139 00:06:57,785 --> 00:07:00,654 Couple of musicians taking five. 140 00:07:03,691 --> 00:07:05,959 Just chillin'. 141 00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:08,095 Nothing's bothering me. 142 00:07:08,161 --> 00:07:09,429 That's cool. 143 00:07:09,497 --> 00:07:11,965 I'm not trying to harsh your mellow. 144 00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:16,203 It's just, I know that there are certain things 145 00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:18,506 a guy doesn't want to talk to his parents about. 146 00:07:18,572 --> 00:07:19,507 Like what? 147 00:07:19,573 --> 00:07:20,541 Oh, I don't know. 148 00:07:20,608 --> 00:07:23,110 Peer pressure. Bullies. 149 00:07:23,176 --> 00:07:26,413 Skipping class to drive to Tijuana 150 00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:28,816 with the school nurse. 151 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,021 I'm telling you, 152 00:07:34,087 --> 00:07:37,825 my youngest once ate a whole can of Play-Doh. 153 00:07:38,859 --> 00:07:40,594 Stopped her up for two weeks. 154 00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:42,329 Berta, please. 155 00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:44,097 Finally pooped out an ashtray. 156 00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:45,766 Berta. 157 00:07:45,833 --> 00:07:48,235 That's the day I quit smoking. 158 00:07:53,574 --> 00:07:54,942 Any luck? 159 00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:58,546 The little snothead kicked me out of his room. 160 00:07:58,612 --> 00:08:00,848 Welcome to the club. 161 00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:02,716 Yeah, but I'm the cool uncle. 162 00:08:02,783 --> 00:08:04,718 Oh, and I'm the uncool dad? 163 00:08:04,785 --> 00:08:05,886 Don't get defensive. 164 00:08:05,953 --> 00:08:07,354 You did the best you could. 165 00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:10,490 Hey, hey, that kid has nothing to complain about. 166 00:08:10,558 --> 00:08:11,759 He's never been spanked, 167 00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:13,226 he's never even been yelled at, 168 00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:15,062 and even while my marriage was collapsing 169 00:08:15,128 --> 00:08:17,097 he always came first. 170 00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:18,799 Well, I'm glad you're not defensive. 171 00:08:18,866 --> 00:08:20,868 He has a great life. 172 00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:21,735 He gets everything he wants. 173 00:08:21,802 --> 00:08:23,537 I deny him nothing. 174 00:08:23,604 --> 00:08:26,807 Oh, my God, what have I done to my son? 175 00:08:26,874 --> 00:08:28,275 Alan, I was kidding. 176 00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:29,677 You're a terrific father. 177 00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:30,377 You think so? 178 00:08:30,443 --> 00:08:31,478 Yes, I do. 179 00:08:31,545 --> 00:08:32,746 You know what? You're right. 180 00:08:32,813 --> 00:08:34,114 I'm always too quick to blame myself. 181 00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:35,148 Yes, you are. 182 00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:35,983 It's his mother's fault. 183 00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:37,050 That-a-boy. 184 00:08:40,788 --> 00:08:41,822 Would you like me 185 00:08:41,889 --> 00:08:43,523 to make you a snack, Jake? 186 00:08:43,591 --> 00:08:45,158 I'm not hungry. 187 00:08:45,225 --> 00:08:47,460 You sure? We've got some pizza left from dinner. 188 00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:48,495 Alan, ease up. 189 00:08:48,562 --> 00:08:49,830 He said he's not hungry. 190 00:08:49,897 --> 00:08:51,899 You'll eat when you want to, right? 191 00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:55,068 Would you please not talk? I'm trying to watch. 192 00:08:57,137 --> 00:09:00,107 Shh. 193 00:09:00,173 --> 00:09:02,009 This show is stupid. 194 00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:03,711 You're right. 195 00:09:03,777 --> 00:09:06,013 Here, you pick something. 196 00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:08,315 Thanks. 197 00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:11,118 Cool uncle. 198 00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:16,089 Stupid. Stupid. 199 00:09:16,156 --> 00:09:20,360 Boring. Stupid. 200 00:09:20,427 --> 00:09:22,462 Seen it. 201 00:09:22,529 --> 00:09:27,134 Stupid. Stupid. 202 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:29,069 Stupid. 203 00:09:29,136 --> 00:09:31,639 Really stupid. 204 00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:33,641 Stupid. 205 00:09:33,707 --> 00:09:36,376 Dumb. Stupid. 206 00:09:36,443 --> 00:09:39,747 All right. 207 00:09:41,815 --> 00:09:44,618 Pick a stupid show and live with it. 208 00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:46,954 Forget it. I'll just go to my room. 209 00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:47,821 Jake, wait. 210 00:09:47,888 --> 00:09:50,490 Nice going, cool uncle. 211 00:09:50,557 --> 00:09:51,692 Oh, now it's my fault? 212 00:09:51,759 --> 00:09:52,960 Let me tell you something. 213 00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:55,295 Between you and your wacko wife 214 00:09:55,362 --> 00:09:58,365 I'm an oasis of normality around here. 215 00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:00,901 Charlie? 216 00:10:02,302 --> 00:10:04,604 Are you ever going to come back upstairs? 217 00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:10,778 I'm still an oasis. 218 00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:15,949 ( plays guitar riff ) 219 00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:24,324 Morning. 220 00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:25,392 Morning. 221 00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:26,493 Did your guest leave? 222 00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:28,061 No, she's sleeping in. 223 00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:31,198 Please do not let me forget again. 224 00:10:31,264 --> 00:10:34,334 Perhaps you should put a Post-It note on your penis. 225 00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:39,139 But then I'd have to take down the sign for the yard sale. 226 00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:44,377 Hey, buddy, I made silver dollar pancakes. 227 00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:46,346 I'm not hungry. 228 00:10:46,413 --> 00:10:47,514 They're your favorite. 229 00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:48,849 I said no. 230 00:10:48,916 --> 00:10:50,183 You know what I was thinking? 231 00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:52,119 Maybe later we could have a jam session. 232 00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:53,954 You on guitar, me on piano. 233 00:10:54,021 --> 00:10:56,189 I'd rather watch cartoons. 234 00:10:56,256 --> 00:10:57,758 Hey, 235 00:10:57,825 --> 00:10:59,459 what is your problem? 236 00:10:59,526 --> 00:11:00,928 Charlie, calm down. 237 00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:02,930 No, I'm sorry, but when I was his age 238 00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:04,932 I had to walk five blocks in the rain 239 00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,133 to have a jam session. 240 00:11:06,199 --> 00:11:08,068 Well, yelling at him isn't going to help. 241 00:11:08,135 --> 00:11:10,003 I was thinking that maybe the three of us 242 00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:11,739 could go out and do something fun today. 243 00:11:11,805 --> 00:11:13,006 You want fun? 244 00:11:13,073 --> 00:11:15,108 Let's take him to the Rose Bowl swap meet 245 00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,744 and see what we can get for him. 246 00:11:16,810 --> 00:11:18,311 ( knocking ) 247 00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:20,147 Or we could be patient, 248 00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:22,015 and maybe he'll eventually tell us 249 00:11:22,082 --> 00:11:23,751 what's bothering him. 250 00:11:23,817 --> 00:11:26,086 Where's my grandson? 251 00:11:26,153 --> 00:11:29,823 Or we could scare it out of him. 252 00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:32,525 Granted, I don't know what it's like 253 00:11:32,592 --> 00:11:34,261 to be an 11-year-old boy, 254 00:11:34,327 --> 00:11:37,197 but I do know one thing, sweetheart. 255 00:11:37,264 --> 00:11:41,434 You have no idea what real unhappiness is. 256 00:11:43,904 --> 00:11:47,207 Real unhappiness is being totally ignored 257 00:11:47,274 --> 00:11:50,277 by the very people you gave birth to. 258 00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:54,014 Real unhappiness 259 00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:56,817 is when you're recovering from liposuction 260 00:11:56,884 --> 00:12:00,153 and your only grandson 261 00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:03,023 doesn't even send you a get-well card. 262 00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:05,192 And FYI, I only had that surgery 263 00:12:05,258 --> 00:12:07,694 so you wouldn't have a grandmommy 264 00:12:07,761 --> 00:12:09,763 with matronly upper arms. 265 00:12:12,099 --> 00:12:14,734 Well, if he didn't need a shrink before, 266 00:12:14,802 --> 00:12:16,436 he needs one now. 267 00:12:21,308 --> 00:12:23,811 I'm telling you, you're spoiling the kid. 268 00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:27,147 I didn't have a shrink when I was Jake's age, 269 00:12:27,214 --> 00:12:29,316 and my childhood was twice as screwed up as his. 270 00:12:30,818 --> 00:12:33,753 I mean, you're a little cuckoo, Judith... 271 00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:36,123 but compared to our mother, 272 00:12:36,189 --> 00:12:37,891 you're like a fart in a hurricane. 273 00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:47,100 Mom never took you to see Dr. Demerest? 274 00:12:50,938 --> 00:12:52,172 You got to see a shrink? 275 00:12:52,239 --> 00:12:54,207 Oh, just a couple of times. 276 00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:58,645 For the, uh, night terrors, agoraphobia and bed-wetting. 277 00:12:58,711 --> 00:13:00,347 Did it work? 278 00:13:00,413 --> 00:13:02,049 Hey, I can pee outside in the dark. 279 00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:03,783 You be the judge. 280 00:13:05,352 --> 00:13:07,620 You know, Charlie, if you think I'm cuckoo 281 00:13:07,687 --> 00:13:11,091 simply because I want to help my child express his feelings, 282 00:13:11,158 --> 00:13:13,927 well, then I think you have a big problem. 283 00:13:17,931 --> 00:13:20,167 ( whistling like a cuckoo ) 284 00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:26,106 So, Jake... 285 00:13:26,173 --> 00:13:29,476 how you liking that beanbag chair, huh? 286 00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:30,643 Are you comfy? 287 00:13:30,710 --> 00:13:32,045 It's okay. 288 00:13:32,112 --> 00:13:34,581 'Cause we could sit on the little chairs. 289 00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:38,518 You know, sometimes I like to sit in a little chairs. 290 00:13:38,585 --> 00:13:40,921 It makes me feel like a giant. 291 00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:45,792 ( imitating giant ): Hello, Jake. 292 00:13:45,859 --> 00:13:50,597 Well, I can barely see you from up here. 293 00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:54,267 ( chortling ) 294 00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:59,606 Do you sometimes feel like a small, insignificant person 295 00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:02,009 in a world full of giants? 296 00:14:02,075 --> 00:14:04,144 Not really. 297 00:14:04,211 --> 00:14:07,480 Well, maybe it's just me. 298 00:14:07,547 --> 00:14:09,049 So, anyhow, I was hoping 299 00:14:09,116 --> 00:14:11,351 we could talk for a little bit, 300 00:14:11,418 --> 00:14:12,485 draw some pictures, 301 00:14:12,552 --> 00:14:14,521 maybe play some games. 302 00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:18,325 Do you like puppets? 303 00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:20,193 Not really. 304 00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:28,001 Neither do I. 305 00:14:30,270 --> 00:14:36,376 But sometimes they help when I'm in a bad "mooood." 306 00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:42,049 I hope she gets him to talk about the divorce. 307 00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:43,350 It's a traumatic thing 308 00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:45,185 to see his father kicked out of his house. 309 00:14:45,252 --> 00:14:47,087 It wasn't exactly healthy for him 310 00:14:47,154 --> 00:14:49,856 to see the life being sucked out of his mother. 311 00:14:49,923 --> 00:14:51,992 Excuse me, but that was going on for years, 312 00:14:52,059 --> 00:14:54,061 and he was still a happy little boy. 313 00:14:56,163 --> 00:14:59,432 "He stuck in his thumb and pulled out a..." blank. 314 00:15:02,669 --> 00:15:04,071 Plum, right? 315 00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:05,973 You know, Charlie, it'd be nice 316 00:15:06,039 --> 00:15:07,941 if you took a little responsibility 317 00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:09,109 for Jake's problems. 318 00:15:09,176 --> 00:15:10,610 She's right, Charlie. 319 00:15:10,677 --> 00:15:11,744 Me? What did I do? 320 00:15:11,811 --> 00:15:13,113 You taught him how to gamble. 321 00:15:13,180 --> 00:15:15,115 You brought strange women into the house. 322 00:15:15,182 --> 00:15:16,950 You taught him how to curse in Italian. 323 00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:18,418 Your drinking sets a bad example. 324 00:15:18,485 --> 00:15:21,121 Hey, hey, let's get one thing straight. 325 00:15:21,188 --> 00:15:23,556 I taught him how to curse in Spanish. 326 00:15:25,158 --> 00:15:28,495 Okay, well, Jake and I had a wonderful talk, 327 00:15:28,561 --> 00:15:32,399 and now I'd like to speak with the grown-ups. 328 00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:37,070 Aren't you coming in, Charlie? 329 00:15:37,137 --> 00:15:39,739 No, I'm still trying to find the toothbrush 330 00:15:39,806 --> 00:15:40,974 in the tree here. 331 00:15:41,041 --> 00:15:43,943 Oh, is this Uncle Charlie? 332 00:15:44,011 --> 00:15:45,345 Well, I definitely want 333 00:15:45,412 --> 00:15:47,580 to talk with Uncle Charlie. 334 00:15:49,983 --> 00:15:51,951 ( sotto voce ): Thanks a lot! 335 00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:58,992 Well, please, make yourselves comfortable. 336 00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:16,176 Okay. Well, Jake and I had 337 00:16:16,243 --> 00:16:17,577 a very nice little talk. 338 00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:20,113 I invited him to share his feelings with me 339 00:16:20,180 --> 00:16:22,249 in a confidential, non-threatening context, 340 00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:26,086 and after hearing everything he had to say, 341 00:16:26,153 --> 00:16:29,189 I must tell you very frankly... 342 00:16:30,757 --> 00:16:31,924 Ah, who am I kidding? 343 00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:33,326 I got nothin'. 344 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:44,137 That's it? $150 an hour for "I got nothin'"? 345 00:16:44,204 --> 00:16:46,806 It's $175, but that's not really the point, 346 00:16:46,873 --> 00:16:48,108 now, is it? 347 00:16:48,175 --> 00:16:50,177 What did he tell you? 348 00:16:50,243 --> 00:16:52,145 Well, he claims nothing's bothering him, 349 00:16:52,212 --> 00:16:53,646 he claims there's nothing wrong, 350 00:16:53,713 --> 00:16:56,216 but when I probed just a little bit, 351 00:16:56,283 --> 00:16:58,351 he told me to "besa mi culo." 352 00:17:06,593 --> 00:17:09,062 See? Spanish. 353 00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:11,331 I hope you're proud of yourself, Charlie. 354 00:17:11,398 --> 00:17:13,466 Hey, he's not a sulky little jerkwad 355 00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:15,902 'cause he learned a second language. 356 00:17:15,968 --> 00:17:17,870 See what my son's been living with? 357 00:17:17,937 --> 00:17:19,106 Only because she threw me out. 358 00:17:19,172 --> 00:17:20,707 What? I have a right to be happy. 359 00:17:20,773 --> 00:17:23,710 Speaking of which, did I leave that girl at the house? 360 00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:25,145 Oh, shut up, Charlie. 361 00:17:25,212 --> 00:17:26,479 Don't tell me to shut up. 362 00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:28,381 I don't even know what he's doing here. 363 00:17:28,448 --> 00:17:29,982 I'm trying to keep your kid 364 00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:32,051 from turning into a neurotic basket case like my brother. 365 00:17:32,119 --> 00:17:33,120 Maybe then he won't marry 366 00:17:33,186 --> 00:17:34,421 the first woman he meets 367 00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:36,189 who's more screwed up than he is. 368 00:17:36,256 --> 00:17:38,958 You were a lousy brother who left me to fend for myself... 369 00:17:39,025 --> 00:17:40,327 Hold on, people. 370 00:17:43,263 --> 00:17:49,436 Even cows know words can hurt. 371 00:17:56,509 --> 00:17:58,145 Jake, you know that even though 372 00:17:58,211 --> 00:17:59,712 your mother and I bicker sometimes, 373 00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:02,081 we will always love you no matter what. 374 00:18:02,149 --> 00:18:03,216 I know. 375 00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:05,051 And honey, you also need to know 376 00:18:05,118 --> 00:18:06,219 that our splitting up 377 00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:07,620 had absolutely nothing to do with you. 378 00:18:07,687 --> 00:18:08,788 I know. 379 00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:11,824 It's just that Mommy has a right to be happy. 380 00:18:11,891 --> 00:18:13,126 Yeah, yeah, he knows. 381 00:18:13,193 --> 00:18:15,728 And, uh, whatever's bothering you, 382 00:18:15,795 --> 00:18:19,432 you know I had nothing to do with it, right? 383 00:18:19,499 --> 00:18:20,800 Yeah. 384 00:18:20,867 --> 00:18:23,236 See? 385 00:18:23,303 --> 00:18:25,104 Can I go to bed now? 386 00:18:25,172 --> 00:18:27,140 Now? Jake, it's only 7:00. 387 00:18:27,207 --> 00:18:28,575 I'm tired. 388 00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:29,609 All right, honey. 389 00:18:29,676 --> 00:18:31,411 I'll come tuck you in before I leave. 390 00:18:33,746 --> 00:18:35,047 Okay, that's a bad sign. 391 00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:36,949 Yeah, it's a symptom of clinical depression. 392 00:18:37,016 --> 00:18:39,286 You would know. 393 00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:43,055 Please. If my kids had gone to bed at 7:00, 394 00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:47,160 I'd have dipped myself in gravy and danced naked on the rooftop. 395 00:18:49,262 --> 00:18:52,332 She does make a hell of a gravy. 396 00:18:57,670 --> 00:19:00,807 ( playing bluesy, jazzy riff ) 397 00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:03,176 Morning, Uncle Charlie. 398 00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:04,744 Morning. 399 00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:06,746 ( playing stops ) 400 00:19:07,947 --> 00:19:09,882 Morning, Dad, morning, Berta. 401 00:19:09,949 --> 00:19:11,218 Morning. Morning? 402 00:19:11,284 --> 00:19:12,985 So, Dad, what are we going to do today? 403 00:19:13,052 --> 00:19:15,154 I, uh, I don't know. 404 00:19:15,222 --> 00:19:16,656 Uh, what would you like to do? 405 00:19:16,723 --> 00:19:17,724 I don't know. 406 00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:19,091 Something fun. 407 00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:20,660 Maybe we could jam, Uncle Charlie. 408 00:19:20,727 --> 00:19:23,230 Great. 409 00:19:23,296 --> 00:19:25,365 Hey, Dad, can I eat my cereal down by the TV? 410 00:19:25,432 --> 00:19:29,536 Sure. Thanks. 411 00:19:31,037 --> 00:19:32,171 What happened to him? 412 00:19:32,239 --> 00:19:34,173 If I didn't know better, 413 00:19:34,241 --> 00:19:36,876 I'd swear he got laid last night. 414 00:19:39,579 --> 00:19:42,181 Well, I hope you don't mind but I talked to him 415 00:19:42,249 --> 00:19:43,883 before he went to sleep last night. 416 00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:45,184 What did you say? 417 00:19:45,252 --> 00:19:49,188 I said, uh, "Drink this bottle of prune juice." 418 00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:54,994 You feed him nothing but pizza and pancakes. 419 00:19:55,061 --> 00:19:58,365 It's a wonder his eyeballs are still in their sockets. 420 00:20:07,774 --> 00:20:10,877 ( playing "Smoke on the Water" riff ) 421 00:20:24,424 --> 00:20:27,394 ( adds bluesy, jazzy riff ) 422 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,167 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 423 00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:37,304 Oh, man, not again. 424 00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:45,378 Jake Harper... unplugged.