1 00:00:03,371 --> 00:00:04,938 ( man and woman giggling ) 2 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,042 WOMAN: That tickles! 3 00:00:08,109 --> 00:00:09,077 Uncle Charlie. 4 00:00:09,143 --> 00:00:10,744 Not now, Jake. 5 00:00:10,811 --> 00:00:12,880 I just heard the Fudge Nuggets song you wrote on TV. 6 00:00:12,946 --> 00:00:14,215 Great. 7 00:00:14,282 --> 00:00:15,483 * From her magic chocolate mountain * 8 00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:17,351 * In the secret chocolate mine... * 9 00:00:17,418 --> 00:00:20,488 Jake... *Comes Granny's big Fudge Nuggets with a taste * 10 00:00:20,554 --> 00:00:22,890 * That's oh so fine! Jake, I'm not alone in here. 11 00:00:22,956 --> 00:00:24,858 No way. 12 00:00:24,925 --> 00:00:26,160 Way. 13 00:00:26,227 --> 00:00:27,161 Who's in there? 14 00:00:27,228 --> 00:00:28,362 A friend of mine. 15 00:00:28,429 --> 00:00:29,697 Is it a girl? 16 00:00:29,763 --> 00:00:30,898 Hold on. 17 00:00:32,666 --> 00:00:33,901 Oh, yeah. 18 00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:36,704 Is it Janet? 19 00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:41,409 No. 20 00:00:41,475 --> 00:00:43,411 It's my friend Wendy. 21 00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:45,779 S... Say hi to Jake, Wendy. 22 00:00:47,315 --> 00:00:48,916 Hi, Jake. 23 00:00:48,982 --> 00:00:50,084 You sing really well. 24 00:00:50,151 --> 00:00:51,552 I have to go. 25 00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:53,654 This is embarrassing. 26 00:00:54,855 --> 00:00:56,557 I like that you didn't lie to him. 27 00:00:56,624 --> 00:00:59,427 Well, I-I try to be honest. 28 00:01:03,030 --> 00:01:05,733 * Men... * 29 00:01:11,705 --> 00:01:14,175 Do you want a cup of coffee before you go? 30 00:01:14,242 --> 00:01:15,809 No, you've got work to do. 31 00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:17,878 I should probably get going. 32 00:01:17,945 --> 00:01:20,181 Charlie, there's, uh, there's French toast left. 33 00:01:20,248 --> 00:01:21,949 Oh, no thanks. You met Wendy, right? 34 00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:23,884 Uh, sure, um, French toast, Wendy? 35 00:01:23,951 --> 00:01:26,954 Oh, no, thank you, I-I should really get going. 36 00:01:27,020 --> 00:01:29,157 You know, I can sing all Uncle Charlie's jingles. 37 00:01:29,223 --> 00:01:30,424 No kidding? 38 00:01:30,491 --> 00:01:31,792 You're going to have to show me sometime. 39 00:01:31,859 --> 00:01:33,227 * It's got oats and corn and wheat * 40 00:01:33,294 --> 00:01:34,928 * It's the sweetest breakfast treat * 41 00:01:34,995 --> 00:01:38,232 * It's maple, maple, ma...plalicious! * 42 00:01:39,367 --> 00:01:40,468 That's wonderful. 43 00:01:40,534 --> 00:01:41,735 Wendy's got to go, Jake. 44 00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:43,871 * If your house is bug-infested * 45 00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,105 * Filled with spiders... 46 00:01:45,173 --> 00:01:47,175 Jake, Jake, Jake, take five buddy. 47 00:01:47,241 --> 00:01:48,309 Copacetic. 48 00:01:48,376 --> 00:01:49,710 That means okay. 49 00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:52,546 When he moved in here, he was saying "swell". 50 00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:53,914 Oh, yeah, 51 00:01:53,981 --> 00:01:56,016 I got to go to my office for a couple of hours. 52 00:01:56,083 --> 00:01:57,318 Uh, are you okay to watch Jake? 53 00:01:57,385 --> 00:01:58,386 No problem. 54 00:01:58,452 --> 00:01:59,153 Swell. 55 00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:03,724 Will you take me RollerBlading, Uncle Charlie? 56 00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:05,459 I can't, buddy, I got work to do. 57 00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:07,027 What am I going to do all day? 58 00:02:07,094 --> 00:02:08,796 Well, it's really nice outside. 59 00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:09,997 Why don't you wash my car? 60 00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:12,633 No, I want to go RollerBlading. 61 00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:13,967 You know, I could take him. 62 00:02:14,034 --> 00:02:15,269 I've got my blades right in the car. 63 00:02:15,336 --> 00:02:16,370 Really? 64 00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:17,805 If it's okay with your father. 65 00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:19,006 That sounds swell. 66 00:02:19,072 --> 00:02:21,175 JAKE: I'll go get my blades. 67 00:02:21,242 --> 00:02:22,943 Well, if you want, I can go pick up lunch 68 00:02:23,010 --> 00:02:25,112 and bring it back, and we can have a picnic. 69 00:02:25,179 --> 00:02:27,014 Yeah. 70 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:28,282 Swell. 71 00:02:31,051 --> 00:02:32,119 Nice girl. 72 00:02:32,186 --> 00:02:33,221 Is it serious? 73 00:02:33,287 --> 00:02:35,756 It is now, you dumbass. 74 00:02:42,896 --> 00:02:44,131 Hey. 75 00:02:44,198 --> 00:02:45,233 Finish your jingle? 76 00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:46,934 How can I work? 77 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,970 First, Wendy took Jake RollerBlading, 78 00:02:50,037 --> 00:02:51,639 then she took him to the movies. 79 00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:57,245 Now she's in the kitchen making us all... dinner. 80 00:02:57,311 --> 00:02:59,247 That bitch. 81 00:03:00,348 --> 00:03:01,749 Don't you get it? 82 00:03:01,815 --> 00:03:02,983 She's using your kid 83 00:03:03,050 --> 00:03:06,287 to turn a nice, casual relationship 84 00:03:06,354 --> 00:03:09,557 into a "relationship." 85 00:03:09,623 --> 00:03:12,059 Okay, okay, now I get where you're coming from. 86 00:03:12,125 --> 00:03:12,993 Thank you. 87 00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:14,762 You're paranoid and you're nuts. 88 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,298 Perfect timing. Dinner's ready. 89 00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:20,434 ( whispering ): Did you see that? 90 00:03:22,102 --> 00:03:23,671 She's wearing an apron... 91 00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:26,640 ...in my house. 92 00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:28,075 Do you know what that means? 93 00:03:28,141 --> 00:03:31,245 I'm going to stick with paranoid and nuts, Bob. 94 00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:37,084 Are you sure you don't want me to stay and do the dishes? 95 00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:38,319 Positive. 96 00:03:38,386 --> 00:03:41,355 Alan will just rewash them anyway. 97 00:03:42,256 --> 00:03:45,158 Uh... well, I guess, uh... 98 00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:46,527 I should probably get going. 99 00:03:46,594 --> 00:03:48,529 Yeah, I guess. 100 00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:51,299 Oh, good, you're still here. 101 00:03:51,365 --> 00:03:52,700 Uh, Jake wants to say good night. 102 00:03:52,766 --> 00:03:54,001 Oh, wow, he's such a sweetie. 103 00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,503 Don't you just want to eat him up? 104 00:03:56,404 --> 00:03:59,340 If that would stop him, yes. 105 00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:01,542 I-I-I got to tell you, Charlie, 106 00:04:01,609 --> 00:04:02,643 I think that girl's a keeper. 107 00:04:02,710 --> 00:04:03,744 You think so, huh? 108 00:04:03,811 --> 00:04:05,145 Yeah. She's smart, she's pretty, 109 00:04:05,212 --> 00:04:06,213 and I-I think she really likes you. 110 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:07,981 Be honest, Alan. 111 00:04:08,048 --> 00:04:11,218 You married the first girl who slipped you the tongue, didn't you? 112 00:04:12,553 --> 00:04:14,021 No. 113 00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,323 Trust me. 114 00:04:15,389 --> 00:04:16,790 This woman has a plan, 115 00:04:16,857 --> 00:04:20,894 and it's diabolical in its Machiavellian scope. 116 00:04:20,961 --> 00:04:24,832 I did not marry the first girl who slipped me the tongue. 117 00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:27,200 I'm telling you, she's got her foot in the door, 118 00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:28,669 and she will never leave. 119 00:04:28,736 --> 00:04:30,538 Okay, well, I'm out of here. 120 00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:33,073 Ooh, diabolical. 121 00:04:34,207 --> 00:04:36,510 Okay, so I'll, uh, give you a call. 122 00:04:36,577 --> 00:04:38,512 Yeah, yeah, that'd be great. 123 00:04:38,579 --> 00:04:39,547 Okay. Okay. 124 00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:50,958 It's pretty dark out. 125 00:04:51,024 --> 00:04:53,494 Maybe you should... go in the morning. 126 00:04:53,561 --> 00:04:55,162 Yeah, I suppose I could. 127 00:04:57,498 --> 00:04:59,400 Are you seeing this? 128 00:05:08,509 --> 00:05:11,579 Howdy, neighbor. 129 00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:13,447 Charlie's busy right now, Rose. 130 00:05:13,514 --> 00:05:16,283 I know. White Toyota hasn't budged an inch 131 00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:17,751 two nights in a row. 132 00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:20,654 I chalked her tires. 133 00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:26,126 You do know there's a-a stairway right over there. 134 00:05:26,193 --> 00:05:27,695 Of course. 135 00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:28,796 Did you know 136 00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:30,531 there's a crawl space under the house 137 00:05:30,598 --> 00:05:33,901 that comes right up into your bedroom? 138 00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:37,237 So, what are you doing? 139 00:05:37,304 --> 00:05:39,239 I'm playing computer Scrabble. 140 00:05:39,306 --> 00:05:40,774 All by yourself? 141 00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,109 That's so sad. 142 00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:43,444 Well, I, uh, I used to play 143 00:05:43,511 --> 00:05:45,513 with my wife every night, and I guess I miss it. 144 00:05:45,579 --> 00:05:48,549 You and I have a lot in common don't we? 145 00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:51,552 How so? 146 00:05:51,619 --> 00:05:54,054 We're both like two lonely socks 147 00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:57,057 that want desperately to keep someone's feet warm, 148 00:05:57,124 --> 00:05:58,992 but we don't match up with any other socks, 149 00:05:59,059 --> 00:06:02,463 so all we can hope for is to be a dust mitten... 150 00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:06,434 or a hand puppet. 151 00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:13,106 That's, uh... that's very... insightful... 152 00:06:13,173 --> 00:06:15,175 and disturbing. 153 00:06:15,242 --> 00:06:17,044 Um... 154 00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:19,447 you're not thinking... 155 00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:21,181 you and me, are you? 156 00:06:21,248 --> 00:06:24,952 Oh, Alan, that's very flattering, but... 157 00:06:25,018 --> 00:06:26,654 eww. 158 00:06:53,213 --> 00:06:54,782 Wendy? 159 00:07:05,325 --> 00:07:06,393 "Dear Charlie, 160 00:07:06,460 --> 00:07:08,395 "thanks for a wonderful night. 161 00:07:08,462 --> 00:07:11,765 Sweet. Special. See you soon." 162 00:07:18,305 --> 00:07:20,941 * Free... dom 163 00:07:21,008 --> 00:07:22,543 * I'm free 164 00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:24,344 * Lots of free 165 00:07:24,411 --> 00:07:25,846 * I'm free 166 00:07:25,913 --> 00:07:27,881 * Lots of free 167 00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:35,288 All right, you had sex last night. 168 00:07:35,355 --> 00:07:37,124 You don't have to turn into Mr. Bojangles. 169 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:39,727 Oh, it's better than that. 170 00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:41,862 I had sex, and I woke up alone. 171 00:07:41,929 --> 00:07:43,497 If there were pancakes on my night table, 172 00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:45,365 it'd be the perfect morning. 173 00:07:45,432 --> 00:07:49,870 What happened to Wendy's diabolical Machiavellian scheme to never leave? 174 00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:51,104 I don't know. 175 00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:53,574 I must have foiled it somehow. 176 00:07:53,641 --> 00:07:56,143 Guess what? Grandma's here. 177 00:07:58,512 --> 00:08:00,047 Let's see that little dance again. 178 00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:03,483 When I was pregnant with Charlie, 179 00:08:03,551 --> 00:08:05,085 we thought he was going to be a girl. 180 00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:07,988 The sonogram showed no discernible penis whatsoever. 181 00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:16,396 Now do you believe me? 182 00:08:16,463 --> 00:08:19,432 First she sucks in Jake, then you, now Mom. 183 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:22,202 She's like one of those pods from outer space... 184 00:08:23,637 --> 00:08:24,938 but, you know, with a cute ass. 185 00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:26,840 Charlie, she wouldn't even be here now 186 00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:28,709 if you hadn't taken her upstairs last night. 187 00:08:28,776 --> 00:08:30,410 That was not my fault. 188 00:08:30,477 --> 00:08:31,411 You saw how she kissed me. 189 00:08:31,478 --> 00:08:32,880 I had to take her upstairs. 190 00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:34,715 EVELYN: Remember what I said: 191 00:08:34,782 --> 00:08:38,285 hook him on the milk; he'll buy the cow. 192 00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:39,452 Charlie, 193 00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,288 where have you been hiding this girl? 194 00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:43,423 She's an absolute delight. 195 00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:45,458 Yeah, she's swell. 196 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:48,762 Good morning. I-I read somewhere you'd left. 197 00:08:48,829 --> 00:08:49,997 Yeah, I was on my way out the door, 198 00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:51,565 and then I ran into your mom, 199 00:08:51,632 --> 00:08:54,067 and then we started talking, and you know. 200 00:08:54,134 --> 00:08:57,270 Yeah. I know. 201 00:08:57,337 --> 00:08:58,639 So, uh, what brings you here, Mom? 202 00:08:58,706 --> 00:09:00,140 Do I need a reason? 203 00:09:00,207 --> 00:09:02,610 I'd like one. 204 00:09:02,676 --> 00:09:04,912 I'm showing a house in Malibu. 205 00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:08,148 I thought I'd swing by and take my grandson out for pancakes. 206 00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:11,418 Uh, Charlie wants his on his night table. 207 00:09:11,484 --> 00:09:13,020 I'm ready. You coming, Dad? 208 00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:15,623 Are you kidding? I-I-I want to hear more about that sonogram. 209 00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:19,159 Good. Are you and Wendy joining us, Charlie? 210 00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:22,730 Uh, gee, Mom, I think Wendy has stuff to do, right, Wendy? 211 00:09:22,796 --> 00:09:25,398 Uh... I can always make time for pancakes. 212 00:09:25,465 --> 00:09:27,868 Oh, wonderful, a family breakfast. 213 00:09:27,935 --> 00:09:29,536 Go put on some pants, Charlie. 214 00:09:29,603 --> 00:09:31,271 But Mom... Now. 215 00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:35,008 You have to be firm with him. 216 00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:38,511 By the way... your nose is adorable. 217 00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,413 Thank you. I'm guessing Dr. Shapiro? 218 00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:41,949 No, it's mine. 219 00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:42,816 Oh. 220 00:09:42,883 --> 00:09:43,951 Huh. 221 00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:46,787 Well, sometimes God does good work, too. 222 00:09:48,521 --> 00:09:50,057 Jake, get your stuff together. 223 00:09:50,123 --> 00:09:51,625 We got to get you back to your Mom's. 224 00:09:51,692 --> 00:09:53,727 Already? But we're playing. 225 00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:55,929 Yeah, I got to get going, too, Jake. 226 00:09:55,996 --> 00:09:57,030 Aw! 227 00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:58,666 Okay, 228 00:09:58,732 --> 00:10:00,768 I pulled your car around. 229 00:10:02,569 --> 00:10:05,538 If you leave now, I think you'll miss all the weekend traffic. 230 00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:08,541 Don't you worry, Charlie. I'm leaving. 231 00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:11,444 Oh, I'm not worried; I just moved your car so Alan can get out. 232 00:10:11,511 --> 00:10:12,946 I can get out. 233 00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:17,651 Yes, Alan, now you can. 234 00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:21,088 Thank you for a great weekend. 235 00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:22,923 No, thank you. 236 00:10:22,990 --> 00:10:24,157 Jake. 237 00:10:24,224 --> 00:10:25,558 Bye. Bye. 238 00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:26,526 Alan, I'll see you soon. 239 00:10:26,593 --> 00:10:27,728 Bye. Bye. 240 00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:31,865 I got to tell you, Charlie, I-I-I think she's really... 241 00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:33,600 Shh! 242 00:10:36,369 --> 00:10:39,272 ( car pulls away ) 243 00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:40,207 Okay. 244 00:10:40,273 --> 00:10:41,809 What? 245 00:10:41,875 --> 00:10:45,078 I'm just saying I-I-I think she's really great. 246 00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:46,880 Me, too. When's she coming back? 247 00:10:46,947 --> 00:10:50,117 Well, let's see, today's Sunday, so... 248 00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:51,418 never. 249 00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:53,286 Why not? 250 00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:55,255 Well, buddy, uh, she wants something different 251 00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:57,490 in a relationship than your Uncle Charlie does. 252 00:10:57,557 --> 00:10:58,391 What does she want? 253 00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:00,627 Uncle Charlie. 254 00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:03,596 What do you want? 255 00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,065 Uncle Charlie. 256 00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:08,235 And we both can't have me. 257 00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:09,703 I don't understand. 258 00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:10,771 It's very simple, buddy. 259 00:11:10,838 --> 00:11:13,506 Uncle Charlie... is nuts. 260 00:11:13,573 --> 00:11:16,977 Yeah, nuts like a fox. 261 00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:21,148 So then Wendy can't take me RollerBlading anymore? 262 00:11:21,214 --> 00:11:22,082 Nope. 263 00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:23,216 No more movies? 264 00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:24,384 Afraid not. 265 00:11:25,618 --> 00:11:28,121 Boy, you suck. 266 00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:31,324 Suck? 267 00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:33,560 How do I suck? 268 00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:36,696 Like a fox. 269 00:11:37,597 --> 00:11:39,266 * Men... * 270 00:11:41,769 --> 00:11:42,903 There he is. 271 00:11:42,970 --> 00:11:44,805 Let the party begin. 272 00:11:44,872 --> 00:11:46,173 Shakin' Jake. 273 00:11:46,239 --> 00:11:48,241 Notorious J-A-K-E. 274 00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:51,644 Jake, he won't stop until you say "Hello." 275 00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,847 Jakedy Jake Jake. 276 00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:55,482 Hello. 277 00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:57,017 So how was school this week? 278 00:11:57,084 --> 00:11:58,418 We missed you around here. 279 00:11:58,485 --> 00:11:59,887 It was just school. 280 00:11:59,953 --> 00:12:02,790 Yeah. I heard that, just school. 281 00:12:02,856 --> 00:12:05,458 Right on. 282 00:12:07,861 --> 00:12:09,162 I don't believe it, 283 00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:10,363 he's still mad about the Wendy thing. 284 00:12:10,430 --> 00:12:12,032 Charlie, it's only been a week, 285 00:12:12,099 --> 00:12:16,169 I'm still mad that you peed in my Boy Scout canteen in 1978. 286 00:12:17,204 --> 00:12:20,740 Not much of a jamboree for you was it? 287 00:12:22,309 --> 00:12:24,477 Okay, I'm sorry about the canteen. 288 00:12:25,913 --> 00:12:28,048 Now will you please make your son like me again? 289 00:12:28,115 --> 00:12:29,282 How would I do that, Charlie? 290 00:12:29,349 --> 00:12:32,519 And by the way, was that so hard? 291 00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:36,523 Explain to him that Wendy was working an angle, 292 00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,525 making friends with him to get to me. 293 00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,828 Do you really want me to tell a ten-year-old boy 294 00:12:40,894 --> 00:12:42,195 that somebody he really cares about 295 00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:43,396 was pretending to like him? 296 00:12:43,463 --> 00:12:44,832 What kind of lesson is that? 297 00:12:44,898 --> 00:12:47,700 He lives in L.A., he might as well learn now. 298 00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:50,871 Just give him some time, he'll get over it. 299 00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:55,142 ( knock on door ) 300 00:12:55,208 --> 00:12:56,776 Hey. Can I come in? 301 00:12:56,844 --> 00:12:58,178 It's your house. 302 00:12:58,245 --> 00:12:59,746 Well, it's your house, too. 303 00:12:59,813 --> 00:13:01,514 Then no. 304 00:13:05,685 --> 00:13:07,821 You know what, it is my house. 305 00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:13,560 Look, Jake, I'm sorry about the Wendy thing, 306 00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,195 but there's nothing I can do about it. 307 00:13:15,262 --> 00:13:16,696 I want us to be buddies again, 308 00:13:16,763 --> 00:13:18,231 I don't want you to hate me anymore. 309 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:19,232 I don't hate you. 310 00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:20,467 Good. 311 00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:22,702 I'm just very disappointed in you. 312 00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:25,272 Hey... 313 00:13:25,338 --> 00:13:27,707 I get enough of that crap from my mother. 314 00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,477 So what's it going to take? 315 00:13:30,543 --> 00:13:32,412 Cash, video games? 316 00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:33,947 I don't want stuff, 317 00:13:34,014 --> 00:13:36,616 I got plenty of stuff when my mom and dad broke up. 318 00:13:36,683 --> 00:13:38,818 Oh, dude, this isn't the same thing. 319 00:13:38,886 --> 00:13:39,987 What's the difference? 320 00:13:40,053 --> 00:13:42,722 You liked Wendy, then you didn't like her, 321 00:13:42,789 --> 00:13:44,524 and no one cares what I want. 322 00:13:45,625 --> 00:13:48,828 Jake, buddy, come here. 323 00:13:50,197 --> 00:13:51,798 Come here. 324 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,334 Sit down. 325 00:13:56,069 --> 00:14:00,307 It's not that I don't care what you want, 326 00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:02,809 it's just that you're a kid. 327 00:14:02,876 --> 00:14:04,711 What you want doesn't matter. 328 00:14:07,881 --> 00:14:09,849 Wow. 329 00:14:09,917 --> 00:14:12,385 I do suck. 330 00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:16,856 H... A... 331 00:14:16,924 --> 00:14:18,191 T. 332 00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:21,161 "Hat." 333 00:14:21,228 --> 00:14:23,263 That's it? 334 00:14:23,330 --> 00:14:24,797 All this time for "Hat?" 335 00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:27,867 Let me see your tiles. 336 00:14:27,935 --> 00:14:29,369 Oh, see... 337 00:14:29,436 --> 00:14:30,971 you had "Hateful." 338 00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:34,374 See, it would fit right here off the A in "Mychotidian." 339 00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:37,844 How did you see that? 340 00:14:37,911 --> 00:14:41,181 I have Scrabble eyes, it's a gift. 341 00:14:41,248 --> 00:14:43,283 And sometimes a curse. 342 00:14:43,350 --> 00:14:45,552 Alan? 343 00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:48,021 Jake won't play with me. 344 00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:52,993 Well, I can't play with you either Charlie, I am "Occupied." 345 00:14:53,060 --> 00:14:56,063 You play "Pie" at your own peril, my friend. 346 00:14:56,129 --> 00:14:57,230 Hi, Charlie. 347 00:14:57,297 --> 00:14:59,632 Hi, Rose. Alan? 348 00:14:59,699 --> 00:15:02,135 Come here. 349 00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:04,804 Your move. 350 00:15:06,106 --> 00:15:07,807 What? 351 00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:12,079 What are you doing with Rose? 352 00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:13,680 I'm teaching her to play Scrabble. 353 00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:16,349 Oh, Alan, you are so naive. 354 00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:19,052 "Naive," eight points. 355 00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:20,020 What? 356 00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:22,822 Uh, sorry, I'm in my game head. 357 00:15:22,889 --> 00:15:26,359 Alan, Rose is using you to get to me. 358 00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:29,629 Do you hear the rampant egotism? 359 00:15:29,696 --> 00:15:31,398 "Rampant," eleven points, "Egotism," ten, 360 00:15:31,464 --> 00:15:32,465 coming out of your mouth? 361 00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:34,101 I'm just saying... 362 00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:35,868 Not everybody is trying to get to you Charlie. 363 00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:37,337 The only thing that's going on here 364 00:15:37,404 --> 00:15:40,573 is two lonely people playing a game of Scrabble. 365 00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:42,909 Oh. Alan. 366 00:15:42,976 --> 00:15:45,245 Please tell me you're not thinking about you and Rose. 367 00:15:45,312 --> 00:15:48,615 Uh, me and Rose? 368 00:15:48,681 --> 00:15:50,183 Eww. 369 00:15:56,889 --> 00:15:58,458 Let's see. 370 00:15:58,525 --> 00:16:01,261 One Russian blonde. 371 00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:06,466 One Scottish brunette. 372 00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:11,371 And a full-bodied redhead from Napa Valley. 373 00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:16,476 Charlie's Angels. 374 00:16:18,711 --> 00:16:19,479 Oh. Whoa. 375 00:16:19,546 --> 00:16:20,747 Sorry. 376 00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:22,415 Oh, hi. 377 00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:23,783 Hi. 378 00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:25,485 What are you doing here? 379 00:16:25,552 --> 00:16:27,720 I'm grocery shopping. 380 00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:30,757 Here? In my super market? 381 00:16:32,059 --> 00:16:34,261 So this is just a coincidence? 382 00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:36,096 Well, it's not entirely, 383 00:16:36,163 --> 00:16:38,065 I eat food, and I live two blocks away. 384 00:16:38,131 --> 00:16:40,867 Oh, come on Wendy, we both know that... 385 00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:43,703 Everything okay? 386 00:16:43,770 --> 00:16:45,538 Oh, yeah, yeah, everything's fine. 387 00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:46,673 Uh, Dave, this is Charlie, 388 00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:48,075 Charlie, Dave. 389 00:16:48,141 --> 00:16:49,076 Hey. 390 00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:51,044 Hey. 391 00:16:53,580 --> 00:16:56,416 Dave, we need a Duraflame log. 392 00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:00,120 Okay. 393 00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:04,557 Who's that? Your brother? 394 00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:06,926 No, he's... 395 00:17:06,993 --> 00:17:08,428 Look, Charlie, uh... 396 00:17:08,495 --> 00:17:10,263 I know I probably should have given you a call, 397 00:17:10,330 --> 00:17:13,333 but I just thought that after last weekend it was pretty clear 398 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,368 it wasn't going to work out between you and me. 399 00:17:15,435 --> 00:17:17,437 What? 400 00:17:17,504 --> 00:17:18,705 Well, I mean, I was happy 401 00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:20,273 to entertain your nephew for a while. 402 00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:22,442 I mean he's a great kid, but who's got the energy? 403 00:17:22,509 --> 00:17:24,577 And your mother, she's been calling me all week. 404 00:17:24,644 --> 00:17:26,613 She wants to go to a spinning class with me-- 405 00:17:26,679 --> 00:17:28,014 what is up with that? 406 00:17:30,217 --> 00:17:32,585 I thought you two hit it off. 407 00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:35,522 I'm from the Midwest, I was being polite. 408 00:17:37,090 --> 00:17:38,791 What did you think was a going on? 409 00:17:40,593 --> 00:17:42,829 That. 410 00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:44,464 Listen, no offense. 411 00:17:44,531 --> 00:17:46,866 No, of course not. 412 00:17:46,933 --> 00:17:49,802 So, so you and Dave, how serious is that? 413 00:17:49,869 --> 00:17:52,805 Good-bye, Charlie. 414 00:17:55,508 --> 00:17:58,845 You know, you're breaking a little boy's heart. 415 00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:05,418 See, my relationships with women, they come and go. 416 00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:06,719 But you and me, we're family 417 00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:08,288 and that's solid, that's forever. 418 00:18:08,355 --> 00:18:09,689 Are you with me? 419 00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:11,424 I think so. 420 00:18:11,491 --> 00:18:12,992 I mean, maybe I shouldn't be laying this on you 421 00:18:13,059 --> 00:18:14,794 'cause you're ten, 422 00:18:14,861 --> 00:18:17,730 but I'm beginning to realize I might not be the guy 423 00:18:17,797 --> 00:18:19,899 I thought everybody thought I was. 424 00:18:19,966 --> 00:18:22,001 Hmm. 425 00:18:22,068 --> 00:18:23,303 Yeah. 426 00:18:23,370 --> 00:18:24,804 It's a mind blower isn't it? 427 00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:30,310 You see, the problem isn't with who I go out with, 428 00:18:30,377 --> 00:18:32,312 the problem is with me. 429 00:18:32,379 --> 00:18:36,816 Your Uncle Charlie has some major trust issues with women. 430 00:18:36,883 --> 00:18:38,117 It might have something to do 431 00:18:38,185 --> 00:18:41,288 with my relationship with my mom. 432 00:18:41,354 --> 00:18:43,756 I understand. 433 00:18:43,823 --> 00:18:45,392 Do you? 434 00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:49,028 No, I'm just tired; I don't care anymore. 435 00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:51,298 So we're cool? 436 00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:52,565 Yeah. 437 00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:55,335 Good. 438 00:18:55,402 --> 00:18:56,736 Good night. 439 00:19:00,307 --> 00:19:01,674 Uncle Charlie? 440 00:19:01,741 --> 00:19:02,642 Yeah? 441 00:19:02,709 --> 00:19:04,477 Does this mean you don't 442 00:19:04,544 --> 00:19:06,279 have nuts like a fox? 443 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:10,283 Yeah. 444 00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:12,385 That's what it means. 445 00:19:16,923 --> 00:19:20,593 ( microwave dings ) 446 00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:23,062 Don't look at my tiles, Alan. 447 00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:27,800 Scrabbleized, my sweet petootie. 448 00:19:27,867 --> 00:19:30,637 He's a tile peeker. 449 00:19:30,703 --> 00:19:33,373 Rose, listen, uh... 450 00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,007 I think I owe you an apology. 451 00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:37,444 You mean for seducing me with your roguish charms 452 00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:40,380 and then dumping me like a bag of old doorknobs? 453 00:19:42,315 --> 00:19:46,185 That, and, more recently, uh... 454 00:19:46,253 --> 00:19:48,755 I told Alan that you were being nice to him 455 00:19:48,821 --> 00:19:49,722 just to get close to me. 456 00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:51,123 And I've come 457 00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:53,926 to realize that's my own paranoia about women 458 00:19:53,993 --> 00:19:55,428 trying to manipulate me, 459 00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:58,030 and I'm sorry that I projected that on you. 460 00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:01,033 Oh, come here you big silly. 461 00:20:02,602 --> 00:20:03,803 I forgive you. 462 00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:04,771 Really? Mm-hmm. 463 00:20:04,837 --> 00:20:05,805 Thank you. 464 00:20:05,872 --> 00:20:08,408 ( loud knocking ) 465 00:20:08,475 --> 00:20:09,709 I got to go. 466 00:20:09,776 --> 00:20:12,345 Your brother is out of control with that egg timer. 467 00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:17,116 You think maybe I could play with you guys? 468 00:20:17,183 --> 00:20:21,220 It's fine with me, go ask Mr. That's-Not-A-Word. 469 00:20:21,288 --> 00:20:22,154 Thanks. 470 00:20:23,923 --> 00:20:26,959 And again, I'm sorry. 471 00:20:27,026 --> 00:20:28,995 I'll be right there. 472 00:20:34,334 --> 00:20:36,303 Phase One, complete.