1 00:00:03,137 --> 00:00:05,005 Right on. Good location. 2 00:00:06,074 --> 00:00:07,007 What else? 3 00:00:07,075 --> 00:00:08,309 That's the sink. 4 00:00:08,376 --> 00:00:10,010 Uh-huh. 5 00:00:10,078 --> 00:00:11,512 If you put your thumb over the hole, 6 00:00:11,579 --> 00:00:13,281 you can squirt water all the way 7 00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:15,015 over to the other side of the room. 8 00:00:15,083 --> 00:00:17,085 Cool. 9 00:00:17,151 --> 00:00:20,354 I'm not allowed to use the sink anymore. 10 00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:21,755 Got it. 11 00:00:23,191 --> 00:00:24,692 So, what's the deal with your teacher? 12 00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:25,759 Miss Tuttle? 13 00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:27,395 She's very strict. 14 00:00:29,830 --> 00:00:31,065 That could work. 15 00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:34,502 Did you see this drawing our son made? 16 00:00:34,568 --> 00:00:37,105 It's a cry for his parents to get back together. 17 00:00:37,171 --> 00:00:40,374 Alan, it's Davy Crockett at the Alamo. 18 00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:41,709 I know. 19 00:00:41,775 --> 00:00:43,077 Breaks your heart, doesn't it? 20 00:00:44,345 --> 00:00:46,314 I see you got your brother here. 21 00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:49,049 He wasn't thrilled about it, but he can't say no to Jake. 22 00:00:49,117 --> 00:00:50,484 And I kind of implied 23 00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:53,020 that Miss Tuttle was a bit of a freak. 24 00:00:53,087 --> 00:00:54,255 Excuse me? 25 00:00:54,322 --> 00:00:55,856 Hey, you wanted me to get him here. 26 00:00:55,923 --> 00:00:57,225 He's here. The rest is up to you. 27 00:00:58,926 --> 00:01:00,994 So, come on. You gonna introduce me? 28 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,163 What for? 29 00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:03,497 Well, she's your teacher, 30 00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:05,099 you're my nephew-- I feel like I... 31 00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:06,334 Oh, come on, just do it. 32 00:01:07,768 --> 00:01:10,738 Don't you want to see my model of a California mission? 33 00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:12,373 It's made of sugar cubes. 34 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:15,042 Okay, first your mission, then mine. 35 00:01:15,109 --> 00:01:17,578 JUDITH: May I have everyone's attention? 36 00:01:17,645 --> 00:01:19,513 Hello. 37 00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:22,350 I'm Judith Harper, the class mom. 38 00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:28,889 I just want to thank you all for coming. 39 00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:30,258 This is a great turnout. 40 00:01:30,324 --> 00:01:31,759 Give yourselves a hand. 41 00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:39,800 I understand you teachers are sadly underpaid. 42 00:01:39,867 --> 00:01:41,402 That's very true. 43 00:01:41,469 --> 00:01:43,671 Well, I'd like to do my part. 44 00:01:43,737 --> 00:01:44,705 Can I buy you dinner? 45 00:01:46,540 --> 00:01:49,343 So please feel free to put your name on the sign-up sheets 46 00:01:49,410 --> 00:01:52,112 if you're available for carpools, coaching, field trips. 47 00:01:52,180 --> 00:01:54,215 Charlie Harper. 48 00:01:54,282 --> 00:01:58,752 Jake's uncle, mentor, pal. 49 00:01:58,819 --> 00:02:00,521 Shh. 50 00:02:00,588 --> 00:02:02,856 JUDITH: ...help however we can. 51 00:02:04,858 --> 00:02:07,161 And finally, and this is a biggie, folks, 52 00:02:07,228 --> 00:02:08,662 it looks as if we're going to have to cancel 53 00:02:08,729 --> 00:02:10,798 our annual music show for our fourth graders. 54 00:02:10,864 --> 00:02:13,000 ( parents groan ) 55 00:02:13,066 --> 00:02:15,035 Unless someone with music experience 56 00:02:15,102 --> 00:02:17,104 volunteers to help us out. 57 00:02:17,171 --> 00:02:18,672 Anyone? 58 00:02:18,739 --> 00:02:20,941 Anyone at all? 59 00:02:21,008 --> 00:02:21,709 Charlie? 60 00:02:21,775 --> 00:02:23,110 Yeah? 61 00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:24,111 Thank you. 62 00:02:24,178 --> 00:02:25,746 Charlie Harper, everyone. 63 00:02:33,187 --> 00:02:34,888 What? 64 00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:38,526 * Men... * 65 00:02:50,037 --> 00:02:52,573 Go ahead, say it. 66 00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:55,776 You traitorous rat bastard. 67 00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:58,812 Good, good. Feel better? 68 00:02:58,879 --> 00:03:00,448 You set me up. 69 00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:02,683 You lured me into that classroom 70 00:03:02,750 --> 00:03:05,152 with promises of doughnuts and loose women. 71 00:03:05,219 --> 00:03:06,587 I'm sorry. 72 00:03:06,654 --> 00:03:09,590 I honestly thought there'd be doughnuts. 73 00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:12,293 And what about Miss Tuttle, "the freak"? 74 00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:16,297 She's a married, Christian missionary! 75 00:03:16,364 --> 00:03:20,501 Okay, that I just lied about. 76 00:03:20,568 --> 00:03:22,069 But it was for a good cause. 77 00:03:22,135 --> 00:03:23,504 The kids really need you. 78 00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:25,706 Yeah, but see, here's the problem. 79 00:03:25,773 --> 00:03:26,707 I don't like kids. 80 00:03:26,774 --> 00:03:27,708 You like Jake. 81 00:03:27,775 --> 00:03:28,776 Jake's different. 82 00:03:28,842 --> 00:03:30,177 He's cool, he's our kid. 83 00:03:30,244 --> 00:03:34,382 The rest of them... Yech. 84 00:03:34,448 --> 00:03:36,116 What other kids do you know? 85 00:03:36,183 --> 00:03:38,051 I see them. 86 00:03:38,118 --> 00:03:40,554 Having tantrums in supermarkets, 87 00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:45,393 screaming in movie theaters, making everything sticky. 88 00:03:46,694 --> 00:03:49,263 And the whole world gives them a free ride 89 00:03:49,330 --> 00:03:50,964 just because they're cute. 90 00:03:51,031 --> 00:03:52,533 Look, forget about the kids. 91 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,402 Do this for me and Judith. 92 00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:56,504 Not really a big Judith fan, either. 93 00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,939 Come on. You'll write the music and lyrics. 94 00:03:59,006 --> 00:04:02,943 Judith and I will produce and direct-- together. 95 00:04:03,010 --> 00:04:05,212 Hold on, hold on. 96 00:04:05,279 --> 00:04:06,547 So you roped me into this 97 00:04:06,614 --> 00:04:08,549 because you think that the three of us 98 00:04:08,616 --> 00:04:10,618 collaborating on a fourth grade tribute 99 00:04:10,684 --> 00:04:12,453 to the Industrial Revolution 100 00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:15,456 will somehow lead to you getting back together 101 00:04:15,523 --> 00:04:17,591 with your allegedly gay ex-wife? 102 00:04:17,658 --> 00:04:22,062 It's easy to make anything sound stupid, Charlie. 103 00:04:22,129 --> 00:04:23,764 Look, we're still legally married, 104 00:04:23,831 --> 00:04:26,534 and frankly I don't buy the whole gay thing. 105 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,437 A gay woman would not fake orgasms for 12 years 106 00:04:29,503 --> 00:04:31,372 just to protect my feelings. 107 00:04:33,741 --> 00:04:36,009 Okay. Take off your seat belt. 108 00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:37,378 Why? 109 00:04:37,445 --> 00:04:38,812 Because when I slam on the brakes, 110 00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:40,381 I want to watch you go through the windshield. 111 00:04:40,448 --> 00:04:41,749 Don't be silly. 112 00:04:41,815 --> 00:04:45,886 Do you know how fast you'd have to be going...? 113 00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:47,721 Hey, slow down. 114 00:04:50,524 --> 00:04:53,994 * Manpower, horsepower, coal and steam * 115 00:04:54,061 --> 00:04:57,398 * Moving forward the American dream * 116 00:04:57,465 --> 00:04:59,367 * Electric, atomic 117 00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:00,768 * Solar, too 118 00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:04,805 * All this energy for me and you. * 119 00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:08,576 Oh, gosh, I want to like it. 120 00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:09,943 Yeah, I want to like it. 121 00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:12,680 Um... 122 00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:13,914 But? 123 00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:16,249 But I just don't think it's your best work. 124 00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:17,951 It's not. Fire me, please. 125 00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:21,489 Remember that show that you and I did in college? 126 00:05:21,555 --> 00:05:24,091 "Dormy Weather"? Sure. 127 00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:25,626 Those songs had a point of view. 128 00:05:25,693 --> 00:05:28,662 Yeah, yeah, and you couldn't get them out of your head. 129 00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:30,431 * Coed bathrooms... 130 00:05:30,498 --> 00:05:32,566 BOTH: * Coed bathrooms 131 00:05:32,633 --> 00:05:35,569 * Wear your flip flops in the coed bathrooms * 132 00:05:35,636 --> 00:05:39,106 * Stuff grows on the floor there * 133 00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:44,912 * And whoops, there's another pubic hair there. * 134 00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:47,080 ALAN: See, you know, maybe the easiest way 135 00:05:47,147 --> 00:05:49,249 to do this is for us to write the actual songs. 136 00:05:49,316 --> 00:05:50,317 Yeah, and Charlie could just toss 137 00:05:50,384 --> 00:05:51,719 in the specific notes and stuff. 138 00:05:51,785 --> 00:05:53,787 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Charlie, what do you think? 139 00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:58,091 Okay, then, uh, then, I guess it's just 140 00:05:58,158 --> 00:05:59,727 the two of us. 141 00:05:59,793 --> 00:06:01,562 Like the old days. Yeah. 142 00:06:01,629 --> 00:06:03,597 Except this time, I'm not a virgin. 143 00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:08,569 How come you're not helping 144 00:06:08,636 --> 00:06:10,037 Mom and Dad with the show? 145 00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:12,773 Well, how can I put this? 146 00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:14,575 Your Uncle Charlie is a professional musician, 147 00:06:14,642 --> 00:06:16,009 and your mom and dad... 148 00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:18,812 Suck? 149 00:06:22,650 --> 00:06:24,552 Good a word as any. 150 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:28,422 Well, I think they're going to get back together. 151 00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:29,957 You do, huh? 152 00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:32,392 Yep. Except if my dad moves back to Mom's house, 153 00:06:32,460 --> 00:06:34,662 I probably wouldn't see you anymore. 154 00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,263 Of course, you'd see me. 155 00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:38,466 You'd still have your room here, and I'd come visit. 156 00:06:38,532 --> 00:06:40,333 You never visited before. 157 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,470 That's 'cause I didn't know you before. 158 00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:44,638 That's 'cause you never visited. 159 00:06:45,473 --> 00:06:46,674 Gin. 160 00:06:49,443 --> 00:06:50,778 To tell you the truth, Jake, 161 00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:52,780 I don't think this is going to be an issue. 162 00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:54,982 You don't think they're going to get back together? 163 00:06:55,048 --> 00:06:56,183 I didn't say that. 164 00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:57,217 Well, do you? 165 00:06:57,284 --> 00:06:58,552 Hey, what do I know? 166 00:06:58,619 --> 00:06:59,820 Well, I think they are. 167 00:06:59,887 --> 00:07:01,388 ALAN AND JUDITH: * Robert Fulton 168 00:07:01,455 --> 00:07:04,024 * Eli Whitney, Robert Fulton 169 00:07:04,091 --> 00:07:05,459 * Eli Whitney 170 00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:09,697 * All aboard for Henry Ford. 171 00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:14,568 * Henry Ford... 172 00:07:14,635 --> 00:07:17,805 Careful what you wish for, pal. 173 00:07:20,808 --> 00:07:21,909 Charlie? 174 00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:23,443 We're going to be late for rehearsal. 175 00:07:23,511 --> 00:07:24,678 ( blender whirring ) 176 00:07:27,648 --> 00:07:29,116 What are you doing? 177 00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:31,118 Making margaritas. 178 00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:33,521 But we've got a rehearsal at Jake's school. 179 00:07:33,587 --> 00:07:36,123 Don't worry, I have a plan. 180 00:07:37,825 --> 00:07:40,561 Oh, Charlie, you're taking liquor to Jake's school? 181 00:07:40,628 --> 00:07:41,995 You betcha. 182 00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:44,998 I'm not going to face all those pre-pubers 183 00:07:45,065 --> 00:07:46,600 without a snoot-ful. 184 00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:51,204 They'll have limes in the teachers' lounge, right? 185 00:07:51,271 --> 00:07:52,472 No, there's no limes, 186 00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:54,708 there's no swizzle sticks, there's... 187 00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:56,544 Oh, God. 188 00:07:56,610 --> 00:07:57,878 What? 189 00:07:57,945 --> 00:08:00,313 It's from Judith's lawyers. 190 00:08:00,380 --> 00:08:03,416 Really? Good news? 191 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:05,653 No, it's not good news. 192 00:08:05,719 --> 00:08:08,355 Judith filed for divorce. 193 00:08:08,421 --> 00:08:09,757 Whoa, man. 194 00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:12,192 I'm sorry. 195 00:08:12,259 --> 00:08:13,561 What am I going to do? 196 00:08:13,627 --> 00:08:15,563 Well, there's a lot of ways to respond 197 00:08:15,629 --> 00:08:16,564 to something like this-- 198 00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:20,233 anger, grief, denial. 199 00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:21,501 What would you do? 200 00:08:21,569 --> 00:08:23,070 I'd probably blow off rehearsal 201 00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:25,573 and start chugging from the blender. 202 00:08:28,709 --> 00:08:31,011 I wouldn't recommend that for an amateur. 203 00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:38,418 I can't believe she blind-sided me like this. 204 00:08:38,485 --> 00:08:41,188 Being so nice and friendly to my face, 205 00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:43,156 meanwhile, her lawyers were working 206 00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:44,124 behind my face. 207 00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:45,859 Let me tell you something, Charlie. 208 00:08:45,926 --> 00:08:47,895 A woman who would do such a thing cannot be trusted. 209 00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:51,031 Yeah, well, maybe you can use this divorce 210 00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:54,134 as a chance to take a little break from each other. 211 00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:58,071 Oh, no, that would be playing right into her hands. 212 00:08:58,138 --> 00:09:00,808 Alan, your kid's confused enough about you and his mother. 213 00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:02,175 Don't make it worse. 214 00:09:02,242 --> 00:09:04,778 How could I possibly make it any worse? 215 00:09:06,814 --> 00:09:08,115 Let's find out. 216 00:09:09,282 --> 00:09:11,018 Okay, everybody, what we're going to do 217 00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:13,253 is put the girls on one side, and the boys on the other. 218 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:15,288 Sure, start splitting them up early. 219 00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:17,490 That's your answer for everything, isn't it? 220 00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:19,359 Excuse me? 221 00:09:19,426 --> 00:09:21,028 Uh, would Mrs. Plaintiff 222 00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:24,632 please see Mr. Respondent in the hallway? 223 00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:27,635 Watch the kids. 224 00:09:27,701 --> 00:09:28,902 We'll be right back. 225 00:09:30,337 --> 00:09:31,304 Wait! 226 00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:38,345 Jake? 227 00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:39,713 Where's Jake? 228 00:09:53,526 --> 00:09:56,630 Okay, uh, everybody take five. 229 00:09:57,965 --> 00:09:59,299 That means sit down. 230 00:10:01,168 --> 00:10:02,636 Huh. 231 00:10:02,703 --> 00:10:04,071 Stand up. 232 00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:08,008 Hop up and down. 233 00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:12,680 Right on. 234 00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:15,315 But why file for divorce? 235 00:10:15,382 --> 00:10:16,984 We were getting along so well. 236 00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:19,720 We've been getting along because I don't feel trapped, 237 00:10:19,787 --> 00:10:21,254 suffocated and depressed anymore. 238 00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:22,956 Oh, sure. 239 00:10:23,023 --> 00:10:26,259 Kick me out and then work on improving yourself. 240 00:10:27,427 --> 00:10:28,896 Okay, 241 00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:31,198 everybody flap your arms like a chicken. 242 00:10:31,264 --> 00:10:33,366 ( all clucking ) 243 00:10:36,837 --> 00:10:38,405 Alan, check it out. 244 00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,340 I got this amazing power. 245 00:10:41,508 --> 00:10:42,710 Stop. 246 00:10:45,045 --> 00:10:45,979 Huh? 247 00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:49,282 It's like having my own robot army. 248 00:10:53,887 --> 00:10:55,422 No, wait, where are you going? 249 00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:56,857 ( door slams ) 250 00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:00,861 Are we going to do our songs? 251 00:11:00,928 --> 00:11:02,495 Hey, I'm just the piano player. 252 00:11:02,562 --> 00:11:05,032 Lerner and Lowe are out in the hallway working things out. 253 00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:05,833 Who? 254 00:11:05,899 --> 00:11:07,467 Lerner and Lowe? 255 00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:08,802 "My Fair Lady"? 256 00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:10,771 "Camelot"? 257 00:11:10,838 --> 00:11:14,074 ( quietly ): Aren't there any gay kids here? 258 00:11:17,277 --> 00:11:18,779 They're fighting again, aren't they? 259 00:11:18,846 --> 00:11:20,380 Yeah, what can I tell you, Jake? 260 00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:23,150 Your mom lawyered up, and your dad's freaking out. 261 00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:25,118 Stay cool. I'll try to get 'em back in here. 262 00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:29,723 Hey, everybody, Jake's in charge so... whatever he says. 263 00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:34,962 Okay. 264 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:37,798 It's been fun, but I'm officially resigning 265 00:11:37,865 --> 00:11:39,466 as the mayor of Booger Town. 266 00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:40,968 Not now, Charlie. 267 00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:42,435 You know, I have tried. ( kids screaming ) 268 00:11:42,502 --> 00:11:44,204 I have tried everything I can to make you happy. 269 00:11:44,271 --> 00:11:45,973 Uh, I don't want to rush you or anything, 270 00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:48,241 but have you ever read Lord of the Flies? 271 00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:49,209 But you know what? 272 00:11:49,276 --> 00:11:50,744 You know what? I'm through. 273 00:11:50,811 --> 00:11:52,746 Maybe your lawyers can make you happy! 274 00:11:52,813 --> 00:11:55,148 Your brother is a horse's ass. 275 00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:57,851 Hey, let's not lose sight 276 00:11:57,918 --> 00:12:01,121 of who the real victim of this divorce is-- 277 00:12:01,188 --> 00:12:03,957 me! 278 00:12:04,024 --> 00:12:06,459 ( yelling and laughing ) 279 00:12:12,966 --> 00:12:17,470 Okay, uh, I think we should all calm down just a little. 280 00:12:17,537 --> 00:12:18,972 You're not our teacher. 281 00:12:19,039 --> 00:12:20,808 Why should we listen to you? 282 00:12:20,874 --> 00:12:21,909 ( kids screaming ) 283 00:12:21,975 --> 00:12:23,276 Okay, let me put it another way. 284 00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:28,181 ( yelling ): Shut up and sit down! 285 00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:32,485 Thanks. 286 00:12:32,552 --> 00:12:34,654 Uh, listen, rehearsal's over. 287 00:12:34,721 --> 00:12:35,688 You can all go home. 288 00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,157 What about our play? 289 00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:40,794 Well, you know how they say the show must go on? 290 00:12:40,861 --> 00:12:43,163 Well, they weren't talking about this show. 291 00:12:44,397 --> 00:12:46,299 Your uncle's so lame. 292 00:12:46,366 --> 00:12:48,235 Is not. He's cool. 293 00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:49,069 Yeah, right. 294 00:12:49,136 --> 00:12:50,570 He is! He's almost famous. 295 00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:52,105 He wrote the Maple Loops song. 296 00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:52,940 Did not. 297 00:12:53,006 --> 00:12:55,608 JAKE: Did, too. Did, too. 298 00:12:55,675 --> 00:12:56,944 Prove it. 299 00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:58,846 You see that Jaguar in the parking lot? 300 00:13:00,347 --> 00:13:02,415 Maple Loops. 301 00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:04,784 That doesn't prove anything. 302 00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:08,021 Fine. 303 00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:11,925 ( plays opening chord ) 304 00:13:11,992 --> 00:13:13,760 * It's got... 305 00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:15,195 KIDS: * Oats and corn and wheat 306 00:13:15,262 --> 00:13:17,364 * It's the sweetest breakfast treat * 307 00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:19,799 * It's maple-maple- maple-licious. * 308 00:13:19,867 --> 00:13:21,168 ( final chord ) 309 00:13:21,234 --> 00:13:22,802 Whoa. 310 00:13:22,870 --> 00:13:24,404 Everybody knows that? 311 00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:25,605 Of course. 312 00:13:25,672 --> 00:13:26,907 It's the Maple Loops song. 313 00:13:26,974 --> 00:13:28,408 Uncle Charlie, do Fudge Nuggets. 314 00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:29,476 KIDS: Yeah! 315 00:13:30,978 --> 00:13:31,979 ( playing lively intro ) 316 00:13:32,045 --> 00:13:33,313 * From... 317 00:13:33,380 --> 00:13:35,983 * From the magic chocolate mountain * 318 00:13:36,049 --> 00:13:37,918 * In a secret chocolate mine 319 00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:40,187 * Come Grannie's big fudge nuggets * 320 00:13:40,253 --> 00:13:44,824 * With a taste that's oh, so fine. * 321 00:13:44,892 --> 00:13:46,226 ( applause and cheering ) 322 00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:47,895 Yay! 323 00:13:47,961 --> 00:13:53,000 What do you know-- maybe I don't hate kids. 324 00:13:54,701 --> 00:13:56,503 KIDS: * Smell like a man 325 00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:58,939 * Stick, pump or can... 326 00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:00,540 CHARLIE: Hold it. 327 00:14:00,607 --> 00:14:02,109 CHARLIE: * Can... 328 00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:03,410 KIDS: * Can... Hi. Hi. 329 00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:04,878 I'm sorry I didn't give you 330 00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:06,213 a heads up about the divorce papers. 331 00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:08,882 I'm sorry if I overreacted. 332 00:14:08,949 --> 00:14:10,083 CHARLIE: Just the girls. 333 00:14:10,150 --> 00:14:12,953 GIRLS: * Smell like a man... 334 00:14:13,020 --> 00:14:13,921 What's going on in there? 335 00:14:13,987 --> 00:14:15,455 I don't know. 336 00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:16,957 CHARLIE: * Man... 337 00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:18,959 ALL: * Smell like a man 338 00:14:19,026 --> 00:14:21,794 * Stick, pump or can 339 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:24,097 * With Dry Guy Deodorant 340 00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:28,268 * Only the girls get sweaty. 341 00:14:31,004 --> 00:14:32,739 We're getting there. We're getting there! 342 00:14:32,805 --> 00:14:34,774 Okay, uh, thank you, Charlie. 343 00:14:34,841 --> 00:14:36,043 Yeah, we'll take it from here, okay? 344 00:14:36,109 --> 00:14:37,978 Too late. You're out. 345 00:14:38,045 --> 00:14:40,613 What about the songs we wrote? 346 00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:42,015 Hey, kids, what do you think 347 00:14:42,082 --> 00:14:43,416 about the songs they wrote? 348 00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:44,985 Boo! Sucks! Stinks! 349 00:14:45,052 --> 00:14:46,286 ( shouting continues ) 350 00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:51,992 These are my people. 351 00:14:52,059 --> 00:14:54,027 Wh-What do your jingles have to do 352 00:14:54,094 --> 00:14:56,163 with the Industrial Revolution? 353 00:14:57,697 --> 00:15:00,700 Look, you wanted a show, I'm giving you a show. 354 00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:02,569 Now step back and let us work. 355 00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:05,038 "Plumber in a Jar." 356 00:15:05,105 --> 00:15:06,306 And let's really sell it this time. 357 00:15:06,373 --> 00:15:07,774 ( playing soft intro ) 358 00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:09,376 ALL: * When your 359 00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:10,777 ( tempo picks up ): * Sink backs up 360 00:15:10,843 --> 00:15:12,445 * There's just one star 361 00:15:12,512 --> 00:15:15,315 * It's the one you trust, it's Plumber In a Jar * 362 00:15:15,382 --> 00:15:17,985 * Plumber In a Jar, Plumber In a Jar * 363 00:15:18,051 --> 00:15:19,019 * Plumber In a Jar 364 00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:20,553 * Plumber In a Jar 365 00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:21,921 ( softly ): * Plumber In a Jar 366 00:15:21,989 --> 00:15:25,125 * Plumber In a Jar. 367 00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:30,964 Hey. Whatcha doing? 368 00:15:31,031 --> 00:15:32,132 Trying to find some 369 00:15:32,199 --> 00:15:35,402 plausible connection between my jingles 370 00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:37,704 and the Industrial Revolution. 371 00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:38,771 ( sighs ) 372 00:15:38,838 --> 00:15:39,639 What's up? 373 00:15:39,706 --> 00:15:41,374 I just talked to my dad. 374 00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:45,312 He said that he and Mom aren't getting back together again. 375 00:15:45,378 --> 00:15:47,780 Yeah. 376 00:15:47,847 --> 00:15:49,582 How are you doing with that? 377 00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:50,783 I'm not sure. 378 00:15:50,850 --> 00:15:53,786 I like that I get to stay here on weekends. 379 00:15:53,853 --> 00:15:55,855 That's cool. I like that, too. 380 00:15:55,922 --> 00:15:58,625 But you got to be sad about your folks, though, right? 381 00:15:58,691 --> 00:16:00,627 No, I'm okay. 382 00:16:00,693 --> 00:16:07,000 Jake, it's okay to feel sad... I've been told. 383 00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:09,002 And this is a sad thing. 384 00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:10,503 My dad's not sad. 385 00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:12,939 Of course he is. He's just trying to protect you. 386 00:16:13,006 --> 00:16:14,041 From what? 387 00:16:14,107 --> 00:16:16,143 From being sad. 388 00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:19,246 Yeah, I know, it's a vicious circle, 389 00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,948 but the liquor industry is built on it. 390 00:16:22,015 --> 00:16:23,116 What? 391 00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:24,684 Hey, it's not important. 392 00:16:24,751 --> 00:16:27,887 All you need to know is that we all feel sad sometimes, 393 00:16:27,954 --> 00:16:29,422 and it's okay. 394 00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:31,791 Understand? 395 00:16:31,858 --> 00:16:33,193 Yeah. 396 00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:41,601 Hey, buddy. 397 00:16:42,969 --> 00:16:45,105 It's okay, Dad. 398 00:16:54,114 --> 00:16:56,283 Before the Industrial Revolution, 399 00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:58,451 we lived in an agrarian society. 400 00:16:58,518 --> 00:16:59,752 Most people grew their own food 401 00:16:59,819 --> 00:17:00,853 and ate what they grew. 402 00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:01,988 Breakfast involved... 403 00:17:02,055 --> 00:17:03,990 Slaughtering animals. 404 00:17:04,057 --> 00:17:05,892 And milking cows. 405 00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:07,394 It would be hundreds of years 406 00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:09,296 before people could enjoy a pre-packaged 407 00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:10,797 and nutritious breakfast. 408 00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,099 And what's in that breakfast? 409 00:17:12,165 --> 00:17:13,933 ( playing opening chord ) 410 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:15,935 * It's got... 411 00:17:16,002 --> 00:17:17,404 * Oats and corn and wheat 412 00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:19,038 * It's the sweetest breakfast treat * 413 00:17:19,106 --> 00:17:21,208 * It's maple-maple- maple-licious. * 414 00:17:21,274 --> 00:17:22,642 ( final chord ) 415 00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:25,712 As urbanization led to stress and loneliness, 416 00:17:25,778 --> 00:17:28,548 industrial society looked to an ancient agrarian product 417 00:17:28,615 --> 00:17:31,384 for a delicious and refreshing solution. 418 00:17:31,451 --> 00:17:35,021 * The girls look prettier with Hammerstein Beer * 419 00:17:35,088 --> 00:17:38,191 * You like what you see, and you like what you hear * 420 00:17:38,258 --> 00:17:40,827 * Have a cold frosty mug and pull her near * 421 00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:43,730 * The girls look prettier, the girls look prettier * 422 00:17:43,796 --> 00:17:47,500 * The girls look prettier with Hammerstein Beer. * 423 00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,769 We're not letting him anywhere near 424 00:17:49,836 --> 00:17:50,803 the Christmas pageant. 425 00:17:50,870 --> 00:17:53,206 Agreed. 426 00:17:58,711 --> 00:18:00,547 Even with the advent of indoor plumbing, 427 00:18:00,613 --> 00:18:03,015 the Industrial Revolution still had some bugs in the system. 428 00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:05,552 What was man to do? 429 00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:07,019 Three, four... 430 00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:09,589 * If your home is bug infested 431 00:18:09,656 --> 00:18:12,525 * Filled with spiders, flies and gnats * 432 00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:15,628 * All our sprays are safely tested * 433 00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:18,665 * We kill vermin, not your cats. *