1 00:00:05,106 --> 00:00:06,440 My dad doesn't. His stuff's in the garage. 2 00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:08,142 You know how to play Vampire Hunter? 3 00:00:08,209 --> 00:00:09,510 'Cause I just got it. 4 00:00:09,577 --> 00:00:10,978 No, sorry. 5 00:00:11,045 --> 00:00:12,280 You got to chop off their heads. 6 00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:13,581 Otherwise, they'll keep coming at you. 7 00:00:15,116 --> 00:00:17,185 Do you know where your uncle keeps the paper towels? 8 00:00:17,251 --> 00:00:18,719 I think there's some up there. 9 00:00:21,989 --> 00:00:24,692 Whoa. 10 00:00:27,828 --> 00:00:28,862 Whoa. 11 00:00:28,929 --> 00:00:30,030 Hi. 12 00:00:30,098 --> 00:00:31,132 You must be Alan. 13 00:00:31,199 --> 00:00:32,533 I'm Cindy. 14 00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:33,734 Hi. 15 00:00:33,801 --> 00:00:35,603 Uh, hey, uh, Jake, it's, uh, 16 00:00:35,669 --> 00:00:36,904 it's time to get dressed. 17 00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:38,372 Wait a minute. 18 00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:41,875 Can you get me a bowl from that top shelf? 19 00:00:41,942 --> 00:00:44,044 Come on. Let's go. Let's go. 20 00:00:44,978 --> 00:00:46,280 What happened to 21 00:00:46,347 --> 00:00:48,048 "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day"? 22 00:00:48,116 --> 00:00:49,317 Just go get dressed. 23 00:00:50,451 --> 00:00:52,120 Charlie, there is a half-naked woman 24 00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:53,487 in our kitchen. 25 00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:55,089 Which half? 26 00:00:57,024 --> 00:00:58,126 Hey, Cindy. 27 00:00:58,192 --> 00:00:59,493 Hey, Charlie. 28 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:00,394 How you doing? 29 00:01:00,461 --> 00:01:01,962 Not bad. How about yourself? 30 00:01:02,029 --> 00:01:02,996 Pretty good. 31 00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:04,132 Thanks again. 32 00:01:04,198 --> 00:01:05,733 I'll, uh, I'll see you soon. 33 00:01:05,799 --> 00:01:06,934 Any time. 34 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:08,302 Bye. 35 00:01:10,871 --> 00:01:12,906 "How you doing?" 36 00:01:12,973 --> 00:01:14,242 "Thanks again?" 37 00:01:14,308 --> 00:01:15,976 Charlie, casual sex is one thing, 38 00:01:16,043 --> 00:01:17,945 but this is just lazy. 39 00:01:18,011 --> 00:01:19,313 What are you talking about? 40 00:01:19,380 --> 00:01:20,714 I didn't have sex with her. 41 00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:22,316 She just surfs out on the point 42 00:01:22,383 --> 00:01:23,951 and uses my shower and goes to work. 43 00:01:24,017 --> 00:01:25,586 So, you're not sleeping with her? 44 00:01:25,653 --> 00:01:28,222 Geez, Alan, I don't sleep with every buff surfer chick 45 00:01:28,289 --> 00:01:30,258 that uses my shower. 46 00:01:30,324 --> 00:01:31,625 What kind of a guy do you think I am? 47 00:01:31,692 --> 00:01:33,627 I think you're the luckiest bastard 48 00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:35,929 to walk the face of the earth, but... 49 00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:36,997 that's not my point. 50 00:01:37,064 --> 00:01:38,299 I-I don't want women 51 00:01:38,366 --> 00:01:40,301 flashing their butt tattoos at my son. 52 00:01:40,368 --> 00:01:41,702 Cindy has a tattoo? 53 00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:42,870 Yes, a-a butterfly. 54 00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:44,238 Huh. Right cheek or left? 55 00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:45,973 No, wait. Don't tell me. 56 00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:48,176 I want to be surprised. 57 00:01:48,242 --> 00:01:50,478 So, you're not sleeping with her, but you want to. 58 00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:52,546 Well, yeah. 59 00:01:53,581 --> 00:01:55,883 What kind of guy do you think I am? 60 00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:58,051 Charlie, when I moved in here, 61 00:01:58,118 --> 00:01:59,487 I said that it was vital 62 00:01:59,553 --> 00:02:01,655 that we create a wholesome atmosphere for Jake, 63 00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:03,291 and you said, "I understand." 64 00:02:03,357 --> 00:02:05,526 Alan, there's something you should know about me. 65 00:02:05,593 --> 00:02:08,162 When I say, "I understand," it doesn't mean I agree. 66 00:02:08,229 --> 00:02:09,997 It doesn't mean I understand. 67 00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:12,032 It doesn't even mean I'm listening. 68 00:02:12,099 --> 00:02:13,734 Then why do you say it? 69 00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:17,271 It seems to make people happy, and that's what I'm all about. 70 00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:18,138 Well, that's very altruistic, 71 00:02:18,206 --> 00:02:19,473 but I-I would prefer 72 00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:20,641 if you'd just be straight with me. 73 00:02:20,708 --> 00:02:21,742 Fine. 74 00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:23,577 All I'm asking is that you keep in mind 75 00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:26,046 that we have an impressionable, ten-year-old boy living here. 76 00:02:26,113 --> 00:02:26,847 I understand. 77 00:02:26,914 --> 00:02:27,915 Thank you. 78 00:02:31,252 --> 00:02:34,355 * Men... * 79 00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:41,529 ( playing jazz on piano ) 80 00:02:45,733 --> 00:02:47,167 That sounds nice. 81 00:02:47,235 --> 00:02:48,336 Thanks. 82 00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:51,004 So, where are Jake and Alan today? 83 00:02:51,071 --> 00:02:53,274 Uh, Jake's at school, and Alan's at work. 84 00:02:53,341 --> 00:02:55,376 It's just you and me. 85 00:02:55,443 --> 00:02:57,010 Well, tell them I said hi. 86 00:02:57,077 --> 00:02:58,379 Thanks again for the shower. 87 00:02:58,446 --> 00:02:59,880 You bet. You look really nice. 88 00:02:59,947 --> 00:03:01,615 Thank you. Bye. 89 00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:05,319 Yeah, I got work to do. 90 00:03:07,054 --> 00:03:07,788 Oh, 91 00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:09,390 Charlie. 92 00:03:09,457 --> 00:03:12,192 Seeing you strike out like that just makes me love you more. 93 00:03:13,927 --> 00:03:16,163 Rose, you've got to get a hobby. 94 00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:18,466 Oh, I've got a hobby. 95 00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:22,503 I thought we agreed we were just friends. 96 00:03:22,570 --> 00:03:23,537 We are. 97 00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:25,239 We're friends who slept together once, 98 00:03:25,306 --> 00:03:27,408 and then one friend never called the other friend, 99 00:03:27,475 --> 00:03:29,810 but luckily, the other friend forgave him. 100 00:03:31,412 --> 00:03:32,746 Where are you going? 101 00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:35,549 To make my friend a grilled cheese sandwich. 102 00:03:35,616 --> 00:03:36,750 Rose, Rose, 103 00:03:36,817 --> 00:03:38,586 I don't want a grilled cheese sandwich. 104 00:03:38,652 --> 00:03:40,888 Would you prefer a quesadilla? 105 00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:42,022 That sounds nice. 106 00:03:42,089 --> 00:03:43,391 ( doorbell rings ) 107 00:03:43,457 --> 00:03:45,859 But then you have to leave. 108 00:03:49,363 --> 00:03:51,031 Hey, Judith. 109 00:03:51,098 --> 00:03:52,300 Alan's at work. 110 00:03:52,366 --> 00:03:53,367 I know where Alan is. 111 00:03:53,434 --> 00:03:54,502 I came to talk to you. 112 00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,604 Me? But you don't like me. 113 00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:58,606 I don't. 114 00:04:00,408 --> 00:04:02,510 I like you. 115 00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:05,546 Jake's fourth grade class was given a simple assignment-- 116 00:04:05,613 --> 00:04:07,047 "Draw something interesting 117 00:04:07,114 --> 00:04:08,616 you see around the house." 118 00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:10,050 One child drew a record player. 119 00:04:10,117 --> 00:04:12,052 Another drew a parrot. 120 00:04:12,119 --> 00:04:13,987 My son drew this. 121 00:04:17,124 --> 00:04:19,860 A woman's behind with a butterfly tattoo. 122 00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,895 On the right cheek. 123 00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:26,734 I'll have to just act surprised. 124 00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:29,570 I asked him where he saw this. 125 00:04:29,637 --> 00:04:31,972 He said, "In Uncle Charlie's kitchen." 126 00:04:32,039 --> 00:04:33,273 Well, you got to admit, 127 00:04:33,341 --> 00:04:35,443 it beats the hell out of a parrot. 128 00:04:35,509 --> 00:04:37,378 Charlie, I am not in the mood. 129 00:04:37,445 --> 00:04:39,279 ( phone ringing ) Hold that thought. 130 00:04:39,347 --> 00:04:40,080 I got it. 131 00:04:40,147 --> 00:04:41,649 Hello. 132 00:04:41,715 --> 00:04:44,318 Are you in for your mother? 133 00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:48,822 Uh... 134 00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:50,924 Charlie's in a meeting right now, 135 00:04:50,991 --> 00:04:52,426 but you can talk to me. 136 00:04:52,493 --> 00:04:54,995 Heck, I feel like we're practically related. 137 00:04:56,697 --> 00:04:58,265 Is that the girl in the picture? 138 00:04:58,332 --> 00:04:59,633 Rose? No. 139 00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:01,502 She doesn't have a tattoo on her butt. 140 00:05:02,570 --> 00:05:04,938 I'm guessing. 141 00:05:05,005 --> 00:05:07,975 Look, I don't care what you do in your private time, 142 00:05:08,041 --> 00:05:09,076 but when my son is here, 143 00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:10,511 I expect you to clean up your act. 144 00:05:10,578 --> 00:05:11,979 I understand. 145 00:05:12,045 --> 00:05:15,048 I don't like coming over here and being the bad guy, 146 00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:16,884 but I have to protect my son. 147 00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:18,686 I understand. 148 00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:20,888 It's hard enough going through this transition 149 00:05:20,954 --> 00:05:22,155 all by myself. 150 00:05:22,222 --> 00:05:23,757 Alan at least has you. 151 00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:24,958 I have no one. 152 00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:27,327 Except my parents, and they're completely toxic. 153 00:05:27,395 --> 00:05:29,963 I understand. 154 00:05:30,030 --> 00:05:31,865 Do you? 155 00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:34,334 I think I do. 156 00:05:34,402 --> 00:05:35,469 Thank you. 157 00:05:35,536 --> 00:05:36,770 That means a lot to me. 158 00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:39,339 I mean, I've always been the good daughter 159 00:05:39,407 --> 00:05:40,273 or the good wife. 160 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:41,775 And you know what? 161 00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:44,978 Outside of those relationships, I don't know who I am. 162 00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:46,814 Am I gay? Am I straight? 163 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:47,981 Who the hell knows? 164 00:05:48,048 --> 00:05:50,851 I'm scared about this, Charlie, and I'm... 165 00:05:50,918 --> 00:05:52,219 totally alone. 166 00:05:52,285 --> 00:05:54,221 Well... 167 00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:55,989 you know what? 168 00:05:57,224 --> 00:05:59,393 I understand. 169 00:06:05,733 --> 00:06:07,901 Thank you for listening. 170 00:06:07,968 --> 00:06:10,438 Hey. 171 00:06:10,504 --> 00:06:13,006 I'm so sorry to take up your time 172 00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:14,074 with all of this. 173 00:06:14,141 --> 00:06:15,409 Hey... 174 00:06:16,243 --> 00:06:18,946 I understand. 175 00:06:19,012 --> 00:06:20,047 Oh. 176 00:06:22,249 --> 00:06:23,951 Thank you, Charlie. 177 00:06:24,017 --> 00:06:25,486 You're welcome. 178 00:06:28,155 --> 00:06:31,659 There's five minutes of my life I'll never get back. 179 00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:34,394 Don't fill up. 180 00:06:34,462 --> 00:06:36,129 Your mom's taking us out for lunch. 181 00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:45,973 Hey, where have you been? 182 00:06:46,039 --> 00:06:49,610 I just had lunch with my mother and my stalker. 183 00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:54,081 They spent the afternoon eating off each other's plates 184 00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:57,585 and discussing my fear of intimacy. 185 00:06:57,651 --> 00:06:59,987 You do have that, you know. 186 00:07:00,788 --> 00:07:02,456 Anyway, look, can we talk 187 00:07:02,523 --> 00:07:04,024 about this picture Jake drew? 188 00:07:04,091 --> 00:07:05,926 What's to talk about? 189 00:07:05,993 --> 00:07:06,694 He's a boy. 190 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,095 He saw a woman's ass. 191 00:07:08,161 --> 00:07:09,429 He liked it. 192 00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:13,501 Thank your lucky stars it wasn't the cable guy's ass 193 00:07:13,567 --> 00:07:14,935 and move on. 194 00:07:16,804 --> 00:07:18,906 Hey, Dad, where's Can-kun? 195 00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:24,144 Cancun? 196 00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:26,980 No, it's spelled Can-kun. 197 00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:29,249 It's in Mexico. Why? 198 00:07:29,316 --> 00:07:31,084 We should go there for Christmas 199 00:07:31,151 --> 00:07:32,486 instead of Aunt Betty's. 200 00:07:32,553 --> 00:07:33,554 What are you reading? 201 00:07:33,621 --> 00:07:34,922 Sports Illustrated. 202 00:07:34,988 --> 00:07:37,825 But there's mostly ladies in bathing suits. 203 00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:38,526 Jake? 204 00:07:38,592 --> 00:07:40,027 Jake? Come back here. 205 00:07:40,093 --> 00:07:41,461 Are you happy? 206 00:07:41,529 --> 00:07:42,663 I have my moments, 207 00:07:42,730 --> 00:07:44,932 but they're becoming further apart. 208 00:07:45,833 --> 00:07:47,134 Jake, sit down, sit down. 209 00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:48,736 Am I in trouble? 210 00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:51,371 No, no. It's, uh, it's, uh, it's perfectly natural 211 00:07:51,438 --> 00:07:53,473 for you to be interested in women's bodies. 212 00:07:53,541 --> 00:07:54,474 Great. I'll be in my room. 213 00:07:54,542 --> 00:07:56,009 Wait. 214 00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:57,945 Let's-let's-let's talk a minute here. 215 00:07:58,011 --> 00:08:00,280 I-I don't mind you looking at these pictures, 216 00:08:00,347 --> 00:08:02,916 but it-it's important that you know what they mean. 217 00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:05,118 Ooh. 218 00:08:06,419 --> 00:08:08,689 I'd like to know that, too, Alan. 219 00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:11,592 Okay, first of all, 220 00:08:11,659 --> 00:08:13,426 real women don't look like this. 221 00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:14,728 These pictures have been retouched 222 00:08:14,795 --> 00:08:16,530 and airbrushed so that the women look 223 00:08:16,597 --> 00:08:17,497 like they're perfect, 224 00:08:17,565 --> 00:08:18,766 but they're really not. 225 00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,333 Uh, excuse me, but I meant that one, 226 00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:21,702 and she was perfect. 227 00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:24,738 What I'm trying to explain to Jake is 228 00:08:24,805 --> 00:08:27,007 that this is not what regular women look like. 229 00:08:27,074 --> 00:08:29,042 Then why don't they use regular women? 230 00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:30,143 Because the only way 231 00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:32,412 regular women can sell magazines 232 00:08:32,479 --> 00:08:35,182 is door-to-door. 233 00:08:38,385 --> 00:08:40,754 My point is, 234 00:08:40,821 --> 00:08:43,724 it that these women are-are three-dimensional human beings. 235 00:08:43,791 --> 00:08:45,492 They're-they're not just sex objects. 236 00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:48,028 Which explains why this one's on all fours in the surf. 237 00:08:50,130 --> 00:08:51,565 Are you quite done? 238 00:08:51,632 --> 00:08:53,634 No. I think you're being very unfair. 239 00:08:53,701 --> 00:08:56,737 These women worked very hard, ate very little, 240 00:08:56,804 --> 00:08:59,873 and spent a lot of money to become sex objects. 241 00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:04,077 Those breasts alone cost ten grand. 242 00:09:05,813 --> 00:09:07,615 You can buy these? 243 00:09:09,482 --> 00:09:11,752 Thank you, Charlie. 244 00:09:11,819 --> 00:09:14,221 Some women choose to, uh... 245 00:09:14,287 --> 00:09:16,724 uh, to make their breasts larger, 246 00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:18,859 uh, with, uh, with what's called, 247 00:09:18,926 --> 00:09:20,493 uh, surgical implants. 248 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:21,662 Why? 249 00:09:21,729 --> 00:09:23,463 Oh, well, they think bigger is better. 250 00:09:23,530 --> 00:09:25,032 I can see that. 251 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:30,804 But what really matters, Jake, is-is what's inside a person. 252 00:09:30,871 --> 00:09:32,606 See, that's the lesson here. 253 00:09:32,673 --> 00:09:34,141 Do you get what I'm saying? 254 00:09:34,207 --> 00:09:35,208 I think so. 255 00:09:35,275 --> 00:09:36,476 You sure? 256 00:09:36,543 --> 00:09:38,478 There's nothing to be embarrassed about. 257 00:09:38,545 --> 00:09:39,647 I mean, do you, uh... 258 00:09:39,713 --> 00:09:41,014 Do you have any questions? 259 00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:42,549 Just one. 260 00:09:42,616 --> 00:09:43,851 Fire away. 261 00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:46,086 Can I have my magazine back? 262 00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:52,459 Congratulations, Alan. 263 00:09:52,525 --> 00:09:56,129 You've managed to take the fun out of boobs. 264 00:09:58,565 --> 00:10:00,901 ( phone ringing ) 265 00:10:02,970 --> 00:10:04,304 Hello? 266 00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:05,673 Oh, hi. Hi, Judith. 267 00:10:05,739 --> 00:10:07,540 Yeah, I'm-I'm so glad you called. 268 00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:09,242 I-I just... What? 269 00:10:10,778 --> 00:10:12,946 She wants to talk to you. 270 00:10:14,181 --> 00:10:15,816 Why does my wife want to talk to you? 271 00:10:15,883 --> 00:10:17,384 I don't know. 272 00:10:18,852 --> 00:10:21,321 Hey, Judith, what's up? 273 00:10:21,388 --> 00:10:23,023 Uh-huh. 274 00:10:23,090 --> 00:10:25,926 I understand. 275 00:10:25,993 --> 00:10:27,527 What do you understand? 276 00:10:27,594 --> 00:10:30,630 Not a thing. 277 00:10:32,499 --> 00:10:34,434 I understand. 278 00:10:34,501 --> 00:10:36,469 What's she saying? 279 00:10:36,536 --> 00:10:38,205 Hang on, Judith. 280 00:10:38,271 --> 00:10:40,440 That's my other line. 281 00:10:40,507 --> 00:10:42,209 She's upset because her parents want 282 00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:43,310 to take Jake to Sea World, 283 00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:45,846 and she feels like this is crossing a boundary, 284 00:10:45,913 --> 00:10:47,815 since they've been so unsupportive recently, 285 00:10:47,881 --> 00:10:50,050 and she's not sure if her anger is misplaced. 286 00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:52,285 Since when are you her new best friend? 287 00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:53,453 I don't know. 288 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:55,923 Something's gone horribly wrong. 289 00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:00,627 Sorry. Uh, you were saying? 290 00:11:00,694 --> 00:11:02,930 I understand. 291 00:11:05,532 --> 00:11:07,835 "You're the coolest."? 292 00:11:07,901 --> 00:11:09,837 "Love, Cindy."? 293 00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:12,372 Are you sure your nephew's going to like this? 294 00:11:14,274 --> 00:11:16,676 Who says it's for my nephew? 295 00:11:17,577 --> 00:11:19,246 You're really cute. 296 00:11:19,312 --> 00:11:21,048 Good. 297 00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:24,151 I'm sorry there's no waves. 298 00:11:24,217 --> 00:11:27,020 Yeah. I don't know how I'm going to get my exercise today. 299 00:11:29,656 --> 00:11:31,591 Oh, that's a puzzler. 300 00:11:31,658 --> 00:11:34,027 ( doorbell ringing ) 301 00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:37,664 Why don't you open up another bottle of wine, 302 00:11:37,731 --> 00:11:39,166 and we'll figure something out? 303 00:11:39,232 --> 00:11:40,901 Okay. 304 00:11:44,237 --> 00:11:46,774 I'm sorry to just drop by, but I had to talk to somebody. 305 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:48,776 I just left Jake with my parents 306 00:11:48,842 --> 00:11:50,643 so they could take him to San Diego, 307 00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:53,146 and I got in this terrible argument with my father. 308 00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:54,214 He thinks it's my fault 309 00:11:54,281 --> 00:11:55,816 that Alan and I are breaking up. 310 00:11:55,883 --> 00:11:57,484 And he knows exactly how to push my buttons. 311 00:11:57,550 --> 00:12:00,153 The question is, why do I need his approval? 312 00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:03,056 Why do I need approval from any man? 313 00:12:03,123 --> 00:12:04,825 Uh... 314 00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:07,928 I understand. 315 00:12:09,162 --> 00:12:11,531 Charlie, how could you possibly understand? 316 00:12:11,598 --> 00:12:12,699 Oh, I'm sorry. 317 00:12:12,766 --> 00:12:13,901 I didn't realize you had company. 318 00:12:13,967 --> 00:12:15,435 No. We were just hanging up. 319 00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:16,636 I'm-I'm Cindy. 320 00:12:16,703 --> 00:12:18,071 Oh, hi. Judith. Hi. 321 00:12:18,138 --> 00:12:20,073 You know, I've spent the better part of my life 322 00:12:20,140 --> 00:12:21,708 trying to win my father's approval. 323 00:12:21,775 --> 00:12:22,843 Oh, you, too, huh? 324 00:12:22,910 --> 00:12:24,111 Yeah. I almost married a guy 325 00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:25,745 just 'cause my father liked him. 326 00:12:25,813 --> 00:12:27,414 I married a guy just like my father. 327 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:28,882 Oh, disaster, right? 328 00:12:28,949 --> 00:12:30,617 Mm. It's his brother. 329 00:12:30,683 --> 00:12:31,819 Oh. I met him. 330 00:12:31,885 --> 00:12:33,086 He's pretty tightly wound. 331 00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:34,721 JUDITH: He is. 332 00:12:34,788 --> 00:12:35,889 Yeah. Do you want some wine? 333 00:12:35,956 --> 00:12:36,656 I want a lot of wine. 334 00:12:36,723 --> 00:12:38,091 Yeah. 335 00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:40,327 You know it's so funny about relationships 336 00:12:40,393 --> 00:12:42,863 and men-- you just wonder all the time. 337 00:12:42,930 --> 00:12:45,132 Always, always. 338 00:12:46,867 --> 00:12:50,070 I do not understand. 339 00:12:50,137 --> 00:12:52,472 * Men. 340 00:13:03,483 --> 00:13:05,352 ( sighs ) 341 00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:16,830 Morning, neighbor. 342 00:13:16,897 --> 00:13:18,398 Oh, he's not up yet, Rose. 343 00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:23,070 Oh, Alan, don't you think I know that? 344 00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:25,205 I brought a Frisbee for your son. 345 00:13:25,272 --> 00:13:26,874 It's a glow-in- the-dark pro model. 346 00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:28,842 There are teeth marks in it. 347 00:13:28,909 --> 00:13:30,510 They're not mine. 348 00:13:33,413 --> 00:13:35,949 Um, actually, Jake's in San Diego 349 00:13:36,016 --> 00:13:37,517 with his mom's parents. 350 00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:40,020 Boy, that hardly seems fair. 351 00:13:40,087 --> 00:13:42,389 Evelyn never gets any quality time with him. 352 00:13:42,455 --> 00:13:44,324 Evelyn? 353 00:13:44,391 --> 00:13:45,758 Your mom? 354 00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:48,395 I know her name. 355 00:13:48,461 --> 00:13:50,230 But do you know how much she loves you 356 00:13:50,297 --> 00:13:53,366 and would appreciate a call once in a while? 357 00:13:54,767 --> 00:13:56,236 Hi, Alan. 358 00:13:56,303 --> 00:13:57,070 Shower open? 359 00:13:57,137 --> 00:13:58,638 Uh, yeah, help yourself. 360 00:13:58,705 --> 00:13:59,973 Hi, Alan. 361 00:14:02,109 --> 00:14:04,177 Judith, what are you doing here? 362 00:14:04,244 --> 00:14:07,447 Cindy's teaching me to surf. She says I'm a natural. 363 00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:09,682 She's got the upper body strength for it. 364 00:14:09,749 --> 00:14:10,918 Nothing like yours... 365 00:14:10,984 --> 00:14:12,452 Well, you will, 366 00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:15,522 you just you got to build up your lats. 367 00:14:15,588 --> 00:14:17,624 Wow, they're so firm. 368 00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:18,691 Come on. 369 00:14:18,758 --> 00:14:19,692 I'll show you some exercises 370 00:14:19,759 --> 00:14:20,928 before we hit the shower. 371 00:14:23,763 --> 00:14:26,766 So when's Charlie getting up? 372 00:14:26,833 --> 00:14:29,736 In about nine seconds. 373 00:14:29,802 --> 00:14:31,371 Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! 374 00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:36,543 What? I was having a great dream. 375 00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:37,978 Your girlfriend and my wife. 376 00:14:38,045 --> 00:14:40,613 Surfing, showering, rubber suits. 377 00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:42,882 Okay, this might be better. 378 00:14:45,318 --> 00:14:47,054 Charlie, Charlie, you've got to do something. 379 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,956 You're right. 380 00:14:54,061 --> 00:14:55,963 Charlie, what are you going to do? 381 00:14:56,029 --> 00:14:57,897 What do you think? I just woke up. 382 00:14:58,966 --> 00:15:00,233 Come on. Come on. 383 00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:02,502 They could be lathering each other up right now! 384 00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:05,838 Alan, you're not helping this go any faster. 385 00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:08,141 I can't believe this is going on under my own roof. 386 00:15:08,208 --> 00:15:09,542 Well, under your roof. 387 00:15:09,609 --> 00:15:12,712 God knows what's going on under my roof. 388 00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:15,015 ( toilet flushes ) 389 00:15:15,082 --> 00:15:17,117 You know, there is good news here. 390 00:15:17,184 --> 00:15:18,451 Oh, really? What's that? 391 00:15:18,518 --> 00:15:21,288 Now we know why I never got anywhere with Cindy. 392 00:15:22,822 --> 00:15:24,691 Hello?! Me! 393 00:15:25,725 --> 00:15:27,160 Okay, listen... 394 00:15:27,227 --> 00:15:29,429 What do we really know here? 395 00:15:29,496 --> 00:15:31,764 Your wife is taking up surfing. 396 00:15:31,831 --> 00:15:32,932 We're good so far, right? 397 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,034 Uh-huh. 398 00:15:34,101 --> 00:15:36,703 She made a new friend. Still good? 399 00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:38,205 Yeah, I guess. 400 00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:41,408 Do we know for a fact that they're showering together? 401 00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:44,544 No... 402 00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:48,481 Okay, so what do we know for sure about Cindy and Judith? 403 00:15:50,317 --> 00:15:54,988 Cindy's not interested in you, and Judith thinks she's gay. 404 00:15:56,823 --> 00:15:59,426 Oh. 405 00:15:59,492 --> 00:16:01,228 Well, there you go. 406 00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:08,268 ...and I got to see penguins, and a manta ray, 407 00:16:08,335 --> 00:16:09,602 and I got to pet a shark, 408 00:16:09,669 --> 00:16:11,071 and the coolest thing was the whales. 409 00:16:11,138 --> 00:16:12,639 They splash everybody. 410 00:16:12,705 --> 00:16:15,408 You could see right through this one lady's shirt. 411 00:16:17,010 --> 00:16:19,979 And I think maybe she had plants. 412 00:16:21,514 --> 00:16:23,716 Implants. 413 00:16:27,154 --> 00:16:28,688 Yeah, implants. 414 00:16:28,755 --> 00:16:31,758 I asked Grandma if she had them, and Grandpa said, "I wish." 415 00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:35,262 And then she got mad at him, 416 00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:36,629 and then they bought me ice cream. 417 00:16:36,696 --> 00:16:37,897 So, you, uh, 418 00:16:37,964 --> 00:16:39,432 you had a good trip? 419 00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:42,135 Yeah, when I got home I went to the moves with Mom and Cindy. 420 00:16:47,074 --> 00:16:50,043 Oh, wait, wait, wait, uh, uh, you, Mom, and, and Cindy? 421 00:16:50,110 --> 00:16:52,379 There you go. 422 00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:55,115 She's going to teach me to surf. 423 00:16:55,182 --> 00:16:56,349 Of course she is. 424 00:16:56,416 --> 00:16:57,584 She's not going to be happy 425 00:16:57,650 --> 00:16:59,419 until the whole damn family surfs. 426 00:17:01,154 --> 00:17:03,223 Why don't we give her Aunt Betty's number? 427 00:17:03,290 --> 00:17:05,292 Squeeze that fat ass into a wet suit. 428 00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,197 Uh, here, Jake, take your pizza 429 00:17:10,263 --> 00:17:11,831 and go watch TV in your room. 430 00:17:11,898 --> 00:17:13,300 Dad said "Fat ass." 431 00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,001 You've seen Aunt Betty. 432 00:17:15,068 --> 00:17:16,469 It's not swearing if it's true. 433 00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,171 Now, go. 434 00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:19,472 She gets all bent out of shape 435 00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:21,208 when Cindy's prancing around here 436 00:17:21,274 --> 00:17:22,942 with her butterfly butt sticking out. 437 00:17:23,009 --> 00:17:24,411 But all of a sudden, it's okay. 438 00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:26,579 'Cause the butt is on the other foot. 439 00:17:27,314 --> 00:17:28,581 Alan, chill out, buddy. 440 00:17:28,648 --> 00:17:30,350 No, no, this is the worst kind of hypocrisy, 441 00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:31,784 and it will not stand. 442 00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:35,488 Forgive me, Alan, but that self-righteous attitude 443 00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:38,491 is a big part of what drove Judith away in the first place. 444 00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:42,495 What, what, where did you get? Did she tell you that? 445 00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:45,632 Girlfriends tell each other everything. 446 00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:50,103 Don't look at me like that. 447 00:17:50,170 --> 00:17:51,037 Listen... 448 00:17:51,104 --> 00:17:52,472 if she really is gay, 449 00:17:52,539 --> 00:17:54,207 then there's nothing you can do about it, 450 00:17:54,274 --> 00:17:59,712 except maybe try and figure out 451 00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:03,015 But, but if she's just experimenting, 452 00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:05,252 and you act all loving and supportive, 453 00:18:05,318 --> 00:18:08,688 then maybe, maybe she comes back to the home team. 454 00:18:10,657 --> 00:18:11,658 Huh. 455 00:18:11,724 --> 00:18:13,460 Or maybe I could find it in my heart 456 00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:15,728 to actually be loving and supportive. 457 00:18:15,795 --> 00:18:20,233 Well, sure, if you want to reinvent the wheel. 458 00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:25,338 Uh, you know, I would have been 459 00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:26,706 more than happy to drive Jake to your house. 460 00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,675 Oh, no problem. This worked out great. 461 00:18:28,741 --> 00:18:30,177 I've been surfing all day with Cindy, 462 00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:31,644 and we just had a bite to eat. 463 00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:32,745 Isn't that nice? 464 00:18:32,812 --> 00:18:35,382 Uh, listen, are you in a hurry? 465 00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:37,284 Because there's something I wanted to talk to you about. 466 00:18:37,350 --> 00:18:39,286 No, I guess not. What's up? 467 00:18:39,352 --> 00:18:41,754 Um... I just wanted to... 468 00:18:41,821 --> 00:18:45,758 to, to let you know that... 469 00:18:45,825 --> 00:18:47,760 I'm okay with this. 470 00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:49,529 Uh, more than okay. 471 00:18:49,596 --> 00:18:54,201 Uh, I, I understand uh, love and respect you 472 00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:57,270 for your courage, uh, uh, to explore things. 473 00:18:57,337 --> 00:19:00,640 Thank you, I'm really starting to enjoy it. 474 00:19:02,275 --> 00:19:04,877 And I support that, um... 475 00:19:04,944 --> 00:19:06,946 Yeah, I've only done it on my knees so far, 476 00:19:07,013 --> 00:19:10,283 but Cindy says I'm almost ready to try it standing up. 477 00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:11,618 You know what? 478 00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:13,453 I don't need to hear the details. 479 00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:16,155 The more important thing is 480 00:19:16,223 --> 00:19:19,626 that, that I accept you and Cindy as lovers, 481 00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:21,794 and, and, and more power to you, 482 00:19:21,861 --> 00:19:24,297 sister. 483 00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:29,202 You pompous assuming bastard. 484 00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:32,305 Uh-oh. 485 00:19:32,372 --> 00:19:34,807 You think I'm sleeping with her? 486 00:19:34,874 --> 00:19:37,477 No... no. 487 00:19:37,544 --> 00:19:39,412 I just got out of a 12-year marriage, 488 00:19:39,479 --> 00:19:40,813 and you think I would jump into bed 489 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:42,148 with someone I just met? 490 00:19:42,215 --> 00:19:43,149 Man or woman? 491 00:19:43,216 --> 00:19:44,251 No, no... 492 00:19:44,317 --> 00:19:46,085 You should be ashamed of yourself. 493 00:19:46,152 --> 00:19:47,387 I am. I am. 494 00:19:47,454 --> 00:19:48,821 Two women become friends, 495 00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:51,524 and you jump to the conclusion they're having sex? 496 00:19:51,591 --> 00:19:54,227 Where do you get that kind of sleazy thinking? 497 00:20:00,767 --> 00:20:03,470 The jogger. The one on the left. 498 00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:04,337 Real? 499 00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:06,205 Good eye. 500 00:20:07,574 --> 00:20:10,076 With the sports bra, it could have gone either way. 501 00:20:10,142 --> 00:20:13,380 Of course, if they do go either way, they're usually fake. 502 00:20:14,814 --> 00:20:17,684 Jake, honey, get your stuff. We're going home. 503 00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:18,885 Okay, see you, Uncle Charlie. 504 00:20:18,951 --> 00:20:19,886 See you, buddy. 505 00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:21,521 Hey, girlfriend. 506 00:20:21,588 --> 00:20:24,791 Don't "girlfriend" me, you shallow piece of crap. 507 00:20:24,857 --> 00:20:27,360 Uh-oh. 508 00:20:37,270 --> 00:20:38,738 Fake. 509 00:20:43,610 --> 00:20:45,778 Real. 510 00:20:45,845 --> 00:20:47,714 Jake. 511 00:20:47,780 --> 00:20:51,684 Who does she think she's kidding with those things? 512 00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:53,453 Jake, I swear, if you don't stop, 513 00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:54,721 I'm taking you home. 514 00:20:54,787 --> 00:20:55,855 I understand.